Podcast Summary: The Dr. John DeLoney Show – "While We Were Separated, My Husband Fell for Someone Else"

Podcast Information:

• Title: The Dr. John DeLoney Show
• Host/Author: Ramsey Network
• Episode: While We Were Separated, My Husband Fell for Someone Else
• Release Date: July 23, 2025
• Description: A caller-driven show providing real talk on relationships and mental health challenges. Listeners are encouraged to send in questions via voicemail or email.

Introduction

In this emotionally charged episode of The Dr. John DeLoney Show, Dr. DeLoney addresses complex relationship issues brought forth by his callers. The focal point revolves around marital struggles, emotional infidelity, and the challenges of maintaining intimacy and trust. The episode not only delves into individual stories but also offers profound insights and practical advice for listeners navigating similar situations.

Main Call: Melissa's Journey Through Separation and Infidelity

Caller: Melissa from Atlanta, Georgia
Timestamp: [00:20] – [12:54]

Melissa’s Story: Melissa opens up about her tumultuous marriage, detailing a period of separation that lasted eight months approximately four years ago. Initially, the separation stemmed from her frustration over her husband's lack of a full-time job and his continued pursuit of a music career, which left her as the sole provider.

• Reason for Separation:

  • Melissa: "We were first married for seven years and during that time he didn't have a full-time job ever. I really supported us through that while he was chasing his dreams and his career... I needed your help. This is the amount of money we need you to bring in." ([03:06])

• Reconciliation and Infidelity:

  • During the separation, as they worked through the divorce papers, Melissa sought clarity, leading to a temporary reconciliation. However, within six weeks, her husband developed feelings for a coworker, prompting further tension.
  • Melissa: "He had developed feelings for someone else, a coworker... he's still following her on social media... I'm just feeling a little distrust..." ([00:34], [07:23])

Dr. DeLoney’s Response and Analysis: Dr. DeLoney empathizes with Melissa’s predicament, highlighting issues of emotional connection and respect within the marriage.

• Assessing the Root Cause:

  • Dr. DeLoney questions whether Melissa’s role has shifted more to that of a parent rather than a spouse, potentially undermining the romantic foundation of their relationship.
  • Dr. John DeLoney: "The word that keeps coming to mind is clarity... why do you not respect him, and it's hard to be romantically involved with somebody that you do not respect." ([06:11], [09:16])

• Emotional Infidelity:

  • He introduces the concept of emotional infidelity, emphasizing that ongoing emotional connections with someone outside the marriage can erode trust and intimacy.
  • Dr. John DeLoney: "That's emotional infidelity. And you're gonna have to deal with that." ([11:16])

• Communication Strategies:

  • Dr. DeLoney advises Melissa to use "I" statements to express her feelings without casting blame, digging deeper into the emotions behind her discomfort.
  • Dr. John DeLoney: "Have you sat down and said, I feel less loved and less safe when you're talking to this person?" ([10:52])

• Exploring Underlying Feelings:

  • He encourages Melissa to uncover the deeper emotions, such as feeling "not enough," which can be pivotal in addressing the crux of the marital issues.
  • Melissa: "Yeah, that I'm not enough." ([13:16])
  • Dr. John DeLoney: "That's what he needs to hear... I feel like I'm not enough." ([13:18])

• Potential Outcomes:

  • Depending on her husband’s willingness to engage and change, Melissa may need to consider the future of her marriage, whether through continued counseling or potentially ending the relationship if trust cannot be rebuilt.
  • Dr. John DeLoney: "Whether you leave that marriage, you make peace... that's going to be your call to make." ([11:06])

Supporting Call: Rachel’s Struggle with Sexual Communication

Caller: Rachel from Edmonton, Canada
Timestamp: [19:47] – [28:31]

Rachel’s Situation: Rachel discusses her nearly 20-year marriage, highlighting recent personal growth in overcoming shame related to church impurity culture. Despite her efforts to initiate conversations about sex, her husband remains uncomfortable and often shuts down discussions.

• Challenges in Communication:
  • Rachel: "He will engage, but says the topic still makes him uncomfortable and has said he would honestly prefer not to talk about it at all." ([19:47])
  • Situation Example: Rachel shared a fantasy, receiving a non-committal response from her husband.
    • Rachel: "I shared with him like one of my fantasies and he just listened and didn't really respond at all." ([20:23])

Dr. DeLoney’s Insights and Advice: Dr. DeLoney explores the emotional disconnect and offers strategies to foster better communication and intimacy.

• Potential Underlying Issues:

  • He suggests that Rachel’s husband might be outsourcing his feelings of shame or discomfort, reflecting unresolved personal issues rather than direct judgment of Rachel.
  • Dr. John DeLoney: "You have unhooked yourself from those judgments. But you outsource it to him." ([22:17])

• Encouraging Vulnerability:

  • Emphasizes the importance of creating a safe space for honest discussions without fear of judgment.
  • Dr. John DeLoney: "Is he judging you? Because if he is and he's a jerk... you need a safe place to express that." ([23:04])

• Actionable Steps:

  • Joint Therapy: Suggests proposing couples therapy as a mutual effort to enhance communication and understanding.
    • Dr. John DeLoney: "I'd love for him to talk to somebody with me, because I want to do a better job. It would mean a lot if you came with me." ([27:09])
  • Expressing Needs Clearly: Encourages Rachel to articulate her emotional needs firmly.
    • Dr. John DeLoney: "I need you. I want you." ([28:20])

• Emotional Safety:

  • Highlights the significance of feeling safe and loved within the marriage, urging Rachel to convey these feelings overtly.
    • Dr. John DeLoney: "I am feeling unsafe and unloved in this house." ([28:31])

Additional Caller: Morgan’s Concern for Introverted Husband’s Friendships

Caller: Morgan from Charlotte, North Carolina
Timestamp: [32:27] – [44:00]

Morgan’s Concern: Morgan expresses worry over her introverted husband’s lack of close male friendships. Despite her encouragement, he remains socially isolated, relying solely on her for emotional support.

• Current Social Dynamics:

  • Morgan: "He is the only person he talks to about politics, about religion, about work... I’m pretty much his everything." ([35:18])

• Dr. DeLoney’s Analysis:

  • Loneliness Epidemic: Acknowledges the growing loneliness among men and the detrimental effects of social isolation.
    • Dr. John DeLoney: "Men are lonelying themselves to death in record numbers." ([33:37])
  • Shared Purpose as a Solution: Suggests creating shared activities to foster natural friendships, leveraging common interests to build connections.
    • Dr. John DeLoney: "Shared experiences. Now we're talking. Hey, and we come back." ([44:00])

• Practical Advice:

  • Creating Shared Experiences: Recommends activities like grilling together or engaging in hobbies to facilitate bonding.
    • Dr. John DeLoney: "Hey, nor do you have to ask him to share his feelings. Spend a day doing something together, like welding." ([43:05])
  • Setting Social Rules: Advises establishing regular social gatherings to encourage friendships without making it a forced or pressured situation.
    • Dr. John DeLoney: "We have to put one on the calendar. We will have one couple. We'll have one group of people to our house once per week." ([43:44])

• Addressing Reluctance:

  • Understanding Resistance: Highlights the importance of not judging but exploring the underlying reasons for his social withdrawal.
    • Dr. John DeLoney: "Let's not judge him for the life that he's choosing... Are you being asked to carry a disproportionate load?" ([35:18])

Conclusion and Final Advice

Throughout the episode, Dr. DeLoney emphasizes the importance of deep, honest communication in relationships. He encourages listeners to:

• Address Underlying Emotions: Go beyond surface-level issues to understand the core feelings driving behaviors.
• Create Safe Spaces for Dialogue: Foster an environment where both partners feel secure to express vulnerabilities without fear of judgment.
• Seek Professional Help When Needed: Consider couples therapy or individual counseling to navigate complex emotional landscapes.
• Foster Shared Experiences: Engage in activities that build mutual interests and natural friendships, reducing reliance on a single partner for emotional support.

Notable Quotes

• Melissa on Separation:
  "I signed up for helping him get to where he wants to be, but I didn't sign up for seven years of being the sole provider." ([03:06])

• Dr. DeLoney on Clarity:
  "Clarity is key. Are you respecting him or not?" ([05:16])

• Melissa on Distrust:
  "Now that we've been married for almost 12 years, I just found out that he's still following her on social media." ([07:23])

• Dr. DeLoney on Emotional Infidelity:
  "That's emotional infidelity. And you're gonna have to deal with that." ([11:16])

• Rachel on Sexual Communication:
  "He just listens and doesn't really respond at all." ([20:23])

• Dr. DeLoney on Feeling Unsafe:
  "I am feeling unsafe and unloved in this house." ([28:31])

• Morgan on Social Isolation:
  "He has no really close male friendships... I'm lost." ([32:37])

• Dr. DeLoney on Shared Purpose:
  "Shared experiences. Now we're talking." ([44:00])

Closing Thoughts

This episode of The Dr. John DeLoney Show serves as a poignant exploration of the intricate dynamics within marriages, especially when external emotional connections threaten the marital bond. Dr. DeLoney’s empathetic approach and actionable advice provide listeners with valuable tools to address and potentially overcome their relationship challenges. Whether grappling with infidelity, communication barriers, or social isolation, the insights shared aim to foster deeper understanding and healthier relational patterns.

For those seeking further guidance, Dr. DeLoney encourages reaching out through voicemail or email to share personal stories and receive tailored advice.

Note: Advertisements and non-content segments were intentionally omitted to maintain focus on the core discussions and insights of the episode.