Podcast Summary: "My Wife Suddenly Wants a Divorce After 23 Years"

Podcast: The Dr. John Delony Show
Host: Ramsey Network
Release Date: March 10, 2025

Introduction

In this emotionally charged episode of The Dr. John Delony Show, host John Deloney engages with listeners to discuss real-life challenges related to relationships and mental health. The focal point of this episode revolves around Dave, a caller grappling with the sudden announcement from his wife to divorce after 23 years of marriage. Deloney offers compassionate guidance, addressing not only Dave's immediate distress but also providing actionable advice for navigating the complexities of a long-term marital breakdown.

Dave's Story: A Sudden Fallout After 23 Years

The Announcement

[00:05] Dave initiates the conversation by revealing his distressing situation:

Dave: "I've been married for 23, almost 24 years. And my wife told me just a few weeks ago that she's leaving me and she wants a divorce."

[00:16] Deloney responds with empathy:

John Deloney: "I'm sorry."

Understanding the Underlying Issues

As the discussion unfolds, Dave explains that his wife has been struggling with perimenopause, leading to prolonged unhappiness despite attempts to address the issue:
[02:16]

Dave: "She has been struggling with perimenopause. And I've been trying to do whatever I can, and we got her one of those tests, you know, and just. She's tried a few things, and she's just wildly unhappy in general."

[02:38]

Dave: "A couple years at least."

Deloney probes deeper to understand whether the divorce request was abrupt or a culmination of ongoing struggles:
[02:22]

John Deloney: "Is this a grenade pin that she pulled out of nowhere, or have y'all been struggling? Has she been struggling personally? What's the challenge?"

The Emotional Turmoil and Family Impact

Emotional Strain

Dave shares the profound emotional impact of the impending divorce:
[05:31]

Dave: "She's my ride or die. This is... She's my best friend. We've been together my half my life. And so it does feel so out of the blue."

Deloney acknowledges Dave's pain and the internalization of blame:
[07:16]

John Deloney: "I'm sorry for the gaslighting that's been going on in your house for several years. You've been walking around thinking you're crazy."

Concern for the Children

Dave expresses concern for their four children and the potential fallout:
[12:05]

Dave: "Well, there's four of them, and there's two boys and there's two girls, and the youngest is at middle school. I feel like maybe we should talk to the big three first, because the little one's going to feed off of the other three. I don't know how to do that."

Host's Guidance: Navigating Divorce and Preserving Dignity

Transitioning to a Business Transaction

Deloney introduces a strategic perspective:
[07:35]

John Deloney: "One of my rules of thumb is when somebody declares I'm divorcing you, the marriage as we knew it is over and we have now entered into a business transaction."

Practical Steps to Take

Deloney advises Dave to seek legal counsel and prepare financially:
[08:25]

John Deloney: "So I would get a lawyer and I would begin going through... all the stuff down on a piece of paper that's going to give me something to do with all of this energy, all this angst."

He emphasizes the importance of preserving dignity and avoiding emotional decisions:
[09:18]

John Deloney: "And that's what that's going to allow you to do. And this is going to sound weird, it's going to give you the peace to grieve."

Communication with Children

Deloney provides guidance on how to communicate the divorce to their children truthfully without speaking ill of the ex-spouse:
[11:28]

John Deloney: "You never talk bad about the other spouse, but you don't lie to your kids either. It is fair to look at your wife and say you will tell the boys you have chosen to end this marriage and leave, because that is the truth."

He advises using "I" statements to express feelings without casting blame:
[29:23]

John Deloney: "If you sit down and say, 'I've been keeping secrets from you, I miss you...', then she's going..."

Additional Caller: Ryan's Struggle with Resentment

Ryan's Situation

Another caller, Ryan, reaches out with feelings of bitterness towards his wife's career choices and the strain it has placed on their marriage:
[22:05]

Ryan: "I feel like I'm looking for connections but I'm finding resentment towards my wife's career."

Deloney's Advice

Deloney helps Ryan navigate his emotions by encouraging honest communication and self-reflection:
[25:56]

John Deloney: "I miss my wife. I miss the life that we planned together. I miss her being present when I'm there."

He suggests writing down feelings and preparing for conversations to prevent emotional explosions:
[36:00]

John Deloney: "But I want you to mine your own feelings. Are you jealous of her success? Are you bored just stuck at home with a 13-year-old girl?"

Success Story: Kelly's Transformation

Kelly's Progress

The episode features a heartwarming follow-up from Kelly, a listener who applied the show's advice:
[56:22]

Kelly: "I got honest with two people close to me about my financial mess. My life today is very different."

She credits the tools provided by the show for her positive changes, including securing a new job with a significant raise:
[57:11]

Kelly: "A former employer noticed a big difference in me and in May offered me a job with a $35,000 raise."

Deloney's Encouragement

Deloney celebrates Kelly's achievements and encourages listeners facing similar struggles to take proactive steps:
[58:02]

John Deloney: "If you're sitting out there wondering, when is the something going to happen to me? You be the something. Make the phone call."

Closing Remarks

Deloney wraps up the episode with humor and light-hearted moments, reinforcing the importance of community and support systems in overcoming personal challenges.

Notable Quotes

• Dave: "[00:05] I've been married for 23, almost 24 years. And my wife told me just a few weeks ago that she's leaving me and she wants a divorce."

• John Deloney: "[07:35] When somebody declares I'm divorcing you, the marriage as we knew it is over and we have now entered into a business transaction."

• John Deloney: "[08:25] I would get a lawyer and I would begin going through... map them out with an attorney... to give you the peace to grieve."

• John Deloney: "[11:28] You never talk bad about the other spouse, but you don't lie to your kids either."

• John Deloney: "[29:23] If you sit down and say, 'I've been keeping secrets from you, I miss you...', then she's going..."

• Kelly: "[57:11] I have a morning routine. I regularly exercise. I'm living on a budget... offered me a job with a $35,000 raise."

Key Takeaways

1. Emotional Validation: Acknowledging and expressing feelings without self-blame is crucial during marital breakdowns.
2. Practical Preparation: Seeking legal advice and financial organization provides clarity and reduces chaos in divorces.
3. Honest Communication: Open and truthful conversations with children, using "I" statements, help maintain trust and mitigate emotional harm.
4. Self-Reflection: Understanding personal emotions, such as resentment or jealousy, aids in addressing underlying marital issues.
5. Community Support: Engaging with trusted individuals and seeking professional help fosters resilience and effective coping strategies.
6. Success is Possible: Leveraging support systems and actionable advice can lead to significant personal improvements and life changes.

This episode serves as a compassionate guide for individuals facing marital challenges, emphasizing the importance of emotional honesty, practical planning, and support networks in navigating through difficult life transitions.