Dirty Dirty John

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Dirty Dirty John" Episode of The Dream

Episode Information:

• Title: Dirty Dirty John
• Podcast: The Dream
• Host/Author: Little Everywhere
• Release Date: March 13, 2025

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1. Introduction

The Dream, hosted by Jane Marie and Tara Newell, embarks on an in-depth exploration of the infamous "Dirty John" story in this episode titled "Dirty Dirty John." The episode delves into the complexities of storytelling, media ethics, and personal trauma, focusing on Tara Newell's harrowing experience with John Meehan and the subsequent portrayal of her story in the media.

2. Tara Newell's Background

Tara Newell introduces herself as the survivor of John Meehan, famously known as Dirty John. She recounts how she fought against him and ultimately took his life in self-defense. Post-trauma, Tara has been active in helping other survivors through podcasting and even ventured into a side baking business to cope with her experiences.

Tara Newell [01:20]: "I am best known for being the survivor of Dirty John Meehan. I fought against him and took his life in self-defense. I now have started my own podcast, worked with survivors, and I also started a little side baking business recently too because, you know, you just can never do enough things."

3. The Making of "Dirty John" Podcast

Jane Marie reveals that Little Everywhere was initially pitched to produce the "Dirty John" podcast six months before its launch. However, they believed the story should center around Tara and her mother, focusing on the generational trauma rather than John Meehan himself.

Jane Marie [04:15]: "Our company was pitched producing that podcast, the Dirty John podcast, six months or so before it became a thing."

Tara expresses her surprise upon discovering that the podcast was developed without her full knowledge and involvement.

Jane Marie [05:05]: "I just want to talk to you about how that show got made and how it became so popular and what your role is in that. Is that okay?"

4. Tara's Involvement and Issues with Production

Tara recounts her interactions with Christopher Goffard, a journalist from the LA Times, who approached her and her mother to record interviews for the podcast. Initially, Tara was unaware that her interviews would be used for a podcast series rather than standalone articles.

Tara Newell [12:18]: "So at the restaurant, he decides to pull out a recorder. And it's either a recorder, like his phone... he tells me he just wants to record this so that he just, like, has everything for, you know, keepsakes, basically."

As the project progressed, Tara felt sidelined as production moved forward without proper consent or individualized agreements for her, her mother, and her sister. She highlights the coercive nature of the negotiations and the eventual signing of contracts that did not fully respect her autonomy.

Tara Newell [36:52]: "I felt like I was pushed into a hard place. It was kind of coercive control a little bit."

Jane Marie expresses frustration over the unethical practices observed, emphasizing how Tara was left out of crucial decision-making processes despite being the central figure of the story.

Jane Marie [24:45]: "I don't think it was how things are supposed to work. It just doesn't... This isn't how things are supposed to work."

5. Impact and Reflections

Tara reflects on the emotional and psychological toll the unauthorized use of her story has taken. While acknowledging the positive impact the podcast and subsequent TV adaptations have had on others, she remains conflicted about how her personal narrative was exploited for commercial gain without her full participation.

Tara Newell [48:42]: "It was cathartic for a couple years talking about my story, but then now it comes to the point where it just continuously triggers me, and I live in it."

She also discusses her frustrations with the portrayal of her actions during her traumatic experience, feeling that essential emotional layers were either misrepresented or omitted for the sake of storytelling.

Jane Marie [55:26]: "Like, I just have never understood that."

6. Conclusion

In this episode of The Dream, Tara Newell provides a candid account of the behind-the-scenes challenges she faced during the production of the "Dirty John" podcast and its adaptations. The conversation sheds light on the broader issues of consent, representation, and the ethical responsibilities of storytellers when handling deeply personal and traumatic narratives.

Tara Newell [53:02]: "And that was really important to me to have that say. And because they did that, like, I was pleased to a certain extent."

Jane Marie and Tara Newell conclude by acknowledging the ongoing journey of healing and the importance of maintaining agency over one's own story amidst the pressures of media and public consumption.

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Notable Quotes:

• Tara Newell [05:07]: "I was part of the Dirty John podcast. I was, well. I was the survivor who took him down in self-defense."
• Jane Marie [24:27]: "I personally found that abhorrent."
• Tara Newell [37:05]: "I felt like I was pushed into a hard place. It was kind of coercive control a little bit."
• Jane Marie [54:11]: "People didn't know this part of the story, so I was shocked when you told me."
• Tara Newell [50:18]: "I just think of, like, how many adaptations of O.J. Simpson, this and that, Nicole Brown has come out..."
• Jane Marie [51:26]: "Right. Exactly. I know... You're the central character. Like, it's not him, you know."

---

This detailed summary encapsulates the critical discussions, insights, and emotional narratives presented in the "Dirty Dirty John" episode of The Dream, offering listeners a comprehensive overview of Tara Newell's experiences and the ethical dilemmas encountered during the podcast's production.

Transcript

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[Jane Marie]

I need verbal confirmation from you that you understand this is being recorded for potential use in the Dream podcast.

[Tara Newell]

I am aware that this is being recorded.

[Jane Marie]

I'm Jane Marie and this is the Dream, a podcast that used to come out on Mondays, but now we're releasing on Thursdays.

[Tara Newell]

My name is Tara Newell. I am best known for being the survivor of Dirty John Meehan. I fought against him and took his life in self defense. I now have started my own podcast, worked with survivors, and I also started a little side baking business recently too because, you know, you just can never do enough things.

[Jane Marie]

Well, you need money. I mean, everyone has five jobs. Wait, what's this baking business?

[Tara Newell]

So I started to do like cakes. And I'm not the greatest at it quite quite yet, but I'm working and my cake pops are cool. They look great, like they're sellable. But my cakes like the piping. I'm still working on the piping a little bit.

[Jane Marie]

I met Tara at a party about a year ago and we were chatting it up and just talking about how we're both into podcasting.

[Tara Newell]

Yeah. So I was part of the Dirty John podcast. I was, well, part. I was the survivor who took him down in self defense.

[Jane Marie]

For those who aren't super into true crime, Dirty John was a wildly successful podcast about Tara's stepdad and how he conned her mom and attacked her. So successful, it became a TV show starring Eric Bana and Connie Britton.

[Tara Newell]

And then Roberta, our friend, was like, I have a friend that worked on the podcast or didn't work on the podcast, but has a connection to the podcast. And I was like, wait, what? And then she said, you need to meet her. We'll discuss in person.

[Jane Marie]

So at that party in person, our mutual friend let me know who Tara was. And after I gave my condolences, I somehow awkwardly managed to congratulate Tara. And she was like, for what? And I said, for the success of the podcast and the TV show and the spinoff and the merch and probably what's going to be a movie or something someday. And the whole Legend of the Dirty John thing and just how you see it everywhere and the billboards and all that stuff. And that's when she told me I had nothing to do with that. I wasn't even aware there was going to be a podcast. And I wasn't part of the TV production, really. And that's when I basically started foaming at the mouth. So the story is that little. Everywhere. Our company was pitched producing that podcast, the Dirty John podcast, six months or so before it became a thing. Six months, I bet. Yeah.

[Tara Newell]

Oh, my goodness.

[Jane Marie]

And we read over the materials and came back with an analysis of the story and said that the story's actually about you and your mom and not about this guy. Like, that you were the more interesting characters to us and that the story of. Forgive me if I say anything that offends you in this.

[Tara Newell]

Okay, no worries.

[Jane Marie]

But I have read through all the materials and stuff and listened to the show, but we really thought it was a story about the women and kind of some generational trauma that happened in your family and those sorts of things. And eventually we ended up, like, walking away from the negotiations and someone else made it, which is fine. So I wanted to talk to you about how that show got made and how it became so popular and what your role is in that. Is that okay?

[Tara Newell]

Yeah, of course.

[Jane Marie]

So talk to me about how it started.

[Tara Newell]

So it started with I was attacked, and then little news outlets covered it, but they didn't mention my name at all. And we had lawyers on everything. And so, like, if anything came out with my name, like, we were notified, but nothing did. And so it was.

[Jane Marie]

So you were. You were remaining anonymous in this story?

[Tara Newell]

Yes, because the stories that were out there were like, knife welding, man stabs a girl, he dies. Or not even he dies, because I don't even think he was, like, officially dead yet. And just, like, these crazy stories and little. Little stories. But I just didn't like local Southern.

[Jane Marie]

California newspapers or blogs or whatever.

[Tara Newell]

Yeah, like the Orange County Register, like, another local news. And so it was Weird to see that. And I just didn't know if I wanted my story to be out there because it's a lot of trauma. It's family trauma, in a sense. And then we were approached by the LA Times. I believe it was Hannah Fry who wrote an article about it. But it got back to Christopher Gothard, and he is a news reporter for the LA Times. A not a news reporter. He's a journalist for the LA Times. And he reports on these bigger stories and then kind of turns them into series in a sense. And it's kind of crazy that you say six minutes, months, because I swear that we were approached probably like, six months.

[Jane Marie]

Huh.

[Tara Newell]

And so he had already.

[Jane Marie]

To me, it had already been decided or what? Yeah, go ahead.

[Tara Newell]

Yeah, it just was decided that, like, as soon as we said, yes, we'll share and talk, that it was already being pitched for a podcast and we were being told that it was a series of articles.

[Jane Marie]

Well, when you let me know that, I was like, oh, God, I. But, yeah, say more about that. So it was supposed to be written articles.

[Tara Newell]

Yeah. No. Christopher Goffard actually did a series of articles about this case where this, like, about the PTA or something. And this. I'm, like, butchering this story. But this was just, like, a given example of, like, what was to be done with ours. And I checked it out a little bit. I looked at, okay, like, this is what it is. It's a series of articles. This is what they're gonna do. We were also told by people, too, that the LA Times is going bankrupt, that the LA Times isn't doing good. There is even, like, weird talk about, would this article even come out? And stuff. And because print is dying and so.

[Jane Marie]

Really minimizing what impact it might have on your life.

[Tara Newell]

Yeah. And, I mean, Christopher Goffard, he told me that people would probably reach out to me like the Walking Dead. So that's what I was really hoping for, is the Walking Dead to reach out to me. But I wasn't expecting.

[Jane Marie]

What do you mean?

[Tara Newell]

This media. Like, he told me that people would probably reach out to me. Like, maybe the Walking Dead would even reach out to me and basically, like, thank me or, like, want to have me on the show or something.

[Jane Marie]

I need to provide a little more context here. Tara is an actress doing mostly background work or being an extra that gets a little camera time. She is from Southern California, after all.

[Tara Newell]

Okay. So when I defended myself against my stepdad, I killed him as if he were zombie. Like, I literally stabbed him in the eye. And that, like, because I watched so much Walking Dead. And so that was. He told me that, like, so people from the Walking Dead might reach out to me. And I mean, a few actors did, but they were. They weren't the main characters. It would have been really nice if Norman Reedus reached out to me, but that would have been great.

[Jane Marie]

But part of his selling point. I just snort left. Part of the selling point for, like, participating in the interview process was, hey, maybe you'll get.

[Tara Newell]

He didn't say this part. This was, like, a few days before the podcast even came out.

[Jane Marie]

Oh, my God. So that's the part that just shocked me that you didn't know that you were participating in a podcast.

[Tara Newell]

No.

[Jane Marie]

So let's back up a little and tell me the mechanics of that. Like, how did that. How did you get on tape?

[Tara Newell]

So I remember meeting him first at Houston's, the restaurant where John and my mom met for their first date. I don't know why, but I really just wanted to meet everyone at Houston's. I really like Houston's.

[Jane Marie]

I do, too. I'm a huge fan. If they want to sponsor this podcast, come on, Houston.

[Tara Newell]

I love that. Yeah, no, there's like, a Houston's right by me. And we went there, and that was where they had their first dates. And it was just like a aesthetic. I feel like I have all my important meetings there.

[Jane Marie]

I like this.

[Tara Newell]

Yes. And then it was funny, too, because Houston's. It's loud, it's a restaurant. There's stuff going on, and we sit down to record. I'm hyper vigilant because it's not too far along from my trauma. I also flew. Flew into California because I was living in Austin at the time, because I had to go to Austin just to get away and try to heal a little bit. And that was even when we were approached. He called my mom, asked my mom, and I believe it's funny to me because I swear they use the same exact, like, phone call that they do in the TV show, the scripted TV show at the end where it's like, Christopher Goffard. And it's funny because he gets a cameo, but I was really fighting for a cameo, and they gave me a background role, which I've done background many, many times. And so that, to me, was just like, wait, what? When the series came out, like, he gets. And I like him as a person, but I think now, talking out loud, this is really kind of shady. And.

[Jane Marie]

Well, that's what struck me when we talked about it a year ago. Is I thought, wait a minute. These aren't the rules of journalism.

[Tara Newell]

Yes.

[Jane Marie]

You know, so, okay, so he approaches you and your. Or the newspaper approaches you and your mother, and then you have meetings with Goffard and what happens next?

[Tara Newell]

So at the restaurant, he decides to pull out a recorder. And it's either a recorder, like his phone, because I. I want to just say it's a recorder because I want to say, like old school journalism. You always pull out that recorder. But it.

[Jane Marie]

The mini, Mini cassette thing.

[Tara Newell]

Yeah. Yes. It may have just been his phone. My memory is kind of blurry on that because I was also in such a hyper vigilant state. And especially being in the restaurant, hearing things go off at the restaurant, and then talking about the worst day of my life. So we're talking about it, and he tells me that he just wants to record this so that he just, like, has everything for, you know, keepsakes, basically. And for record.

[Jane Marie]

Right. Which is typical of a print journalist to record something in audio. Like, that's normal, right? Yeah.

[Tara Newell]

And, you know, I've seen it with many, many TV shows. That's like a common thing. So I'm not thinking anything wrong with this. And then as time goes on, there's many, many phone calls with Christopher. He even goes with me to Indio because I had a ticket, actually, because after the incident, I went out to Stagecoach and I had John's handicap pass. And I don't know why, but in my head, I thought, oh, I could use it because now I'm kind of considered handicapped.

[Jane Marie]

Good for you.

[Tara Newell]

And I try things, but I try to use it, and I get a ticket for using it. And so I have to go to Indio to take care of that. And Chris is in the car with me on the way to Indio, and he's just in the car with me talking and recording at the same time. So it's funny to me, too, because of how we even do podcasts now, of how that podcast was even made.

[Jane Marie]

Right.

[Tara Newell]

It was all recorded, like, on the phone or on handhelds, and it wasn't like a zoom recorder, I don't think.

[Jane Marie]

Right.

[Tara Newell]

And now, like, we have the road mics, or you have, like, the sure mic, and it's just different. And I even like going back to podcasting, starting out on Blue Yetis, too. Like, those are a thing of the past, too.

[Jane Marie]

Yeah, I know, but I mean, like, you would never assume. And it makes you wonder if it's like, oh, this was the whole setup, was we're just gonna pretend we're not recording for. Yes, but it's not noticeable that it's for a podcast.

[Tara Newell]

Not at all. Like, we found out maybe a week or two beforehand that it was going to be turned into a podcast. And he was telling my mom and I this. And I just remember thinking, oh, like a church sermon. Okay. Like how they put these sermons out onto Apple.

[Jane Marie]

Yep.

[Tara Newell]

Because that's what it was. I was just thinking, oh, it goes out onto Apple and then it goes out to, I guess some people. And I'm thinking maybe a thousand.

[Jane Marie]

Right. And you're like, it's a companion to the printed story that you've agreed to participate in.

[Tara Newell]

Yes. And I don't know if you read the printed version and then you listen to the audio, but it was basically the same exact thing too, including the.

[Jane Marie]

Flim flam artist, which is like, I'll never forget that phrase.

[Tara Newell]

Wait, what is that phrase?

[Jane Marie]

When Christopher said that John was a flim flam artist, like, I turned the radio off immediately. I was just like, this is so like, it felt like an old timey radio play from the 1930s, you know, like, and he was a flim flam artist. Like that kind of, I don't know, like the microphones dropped down from the ceiling. You know what I mean? I don't know. It just felt very, very old timey. But.

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[Jane Marie]

Okay, so you do this recording that seems surreptitious in a lot of ways. And then how did you when did the article get published? And then when did you find out that it was going to be a podcast? Can we just go through that timeline?

[Tara Newell]

Yeah. So I need to google when it came out.

[Jane Marie]

Sure. The story Dan's looking it up. October 1, 2017 Part 1 of the article came out. Okay.

[Tara Newell]

Oh my gosh. Okay. Yes, that was when the first part came out.

[Jane Marie]

How did you get alerted that there would be an audio version of this?

[Tara Newell]

So Christopher did tell us that, you know, podcasts would come out. And then he, I believe he sent it to us the day that it came out, or someone else sent it to us because everyone that we knew was also listening to it and then sending it to us. Oh, did you listen to your podcast yet? You know, and just kind of. It was weird too, because I just remember listening to it and getting ready and just processing everything. And then my mom didn't want to listen to it because she was very upset that her marriages were being mentioned so many times.

[Jane Marie]

Sure. I mean, did she have any awareness about it being put out that way?

[Tara Newell]

So she has said on multiple interviews that she didn't want that in there. That's the only thing she told Christopher Goffer that she didn't want in there was her marriages. And then that was the first thing that he kind of started with.

[Jane Marie]

Cool.

[Tara Newell]

Yeah. And then how he ended it too. I'm not a fan of that style too, because it literally has her looking at a photo of John being like, don't we look so happy? And instead of explaining, explaining that your body is still craving that attention, that oxytocin, that affection, you know, your body is still addicted to that love. And so when you're processing this and she hates him for what he did to me. But however, when you're looking at a picture of the two of you guys on a trip, there is gonna be emotions that come up. And I think that how that ended. And I know, I know my mom just didn't choose to go look at a photo of John. You know, it was probably like him being like. And this is assuming and, you know, making assumptions. But this is what I think happened. I'm sure, like how every producer journalist always does it. Hey, can you show me a photo of you guys? Oh, can you tell me about this ship? Can you tell me about this?

[Jane Marie]

Right?

[Tara Newell]

Oh, don't we look so happy together? Doesn't that make sense?

[Jane Marie]

It makes sense for an audio production where you hear Tara's voice and her mom's voice and they are aware that their raw feelings will be broadcast to the world. But it doesn't really make sense for a print piece for the newspaper. In other words, all throughout the process, my feeling me, Jane Marie, I feel like it was unfair to capture these moments on tape for broadcast without that being made very, very clear. Finding out there was a months long process of vetting podcast production companies, including mine. Months of producing a multi episode show using you and your family's voices and somehow you're the last to know. I personally found that abhorrent. Remember, we were approached to help create the podcast many months before it came out, and right around the time Tara began being interviewed. I just want you to know that your instincts are correct, that this is not how.

[Tara Newell]

Yeah, thank you.

[Jane Marie]

I don't even know how to say it. Like, I'm so mad.

[Tara Newell]

Yeah, well, like, as you're telling me, some of this stuff. Yeah, I knew, but I didn't know it was six months, you know, so I'm really processing this also in real time with you right now. Like, the math ain't mathing.

[Jane Marie]

Let me look at the email history. Dan, do you have Hernan? It was when Hernan was still there. Do you have access to those old emails? I just want to make sure. And it took a while to get produced and put out, so I'm like, june.

[Tara Newell]

We. What?

[Jane Marie]

Yeah, that.

[Tara Newell]

It was literally when I think we got approached, because. Wow. Because I literally don't think I even met up with Christopher Gawford in person yet.

[Jane Marie]

I. That's. It's.

[Tara Newell]

This is when my trauma was so freaking fresh, so horrible. That makes me pissed, too, because, like, I'm in the business of protecting survivors now and kind of, you know, helping them own their stories where they don't get bamboozled like this. And I'm like, was I just so naive?

[Jane Marie]

What were you doing in June of 2017? What were you. Were you in the middle trying to heal?

[Tara Newell]

I was living in Austin, Texas, doing EMDR therapy, and I was just trying to just move past my trauma. And then I was going to church, like, three days a week and getting just really spiritual. And so when he approached me to, too, I was also, like, deep in that healing journey, but also let me lean on God and a higher power for answers. And I just. Like, I was told my. In my brain or whatever. Like, I was just, like, told that I feel that this would help other.

[Jane Marie]

Women, and it has. So let's not let go of that. You know, that is a positive outcome. I'm sure that it has. I mean, we all know that it has. This is such a huge cultural moment that affected so many people. So you were right about that. Dan and I are mouthing at each other through the door. We're mouthing motherfuckers back and forth. We're both like, these last time, fucking motherfuckers. What? This would have ruined my career if I'd said yes. This would ru. I mean, in. In my own heart, this would have ruined my career. This is like so wrong. Yeah.

[Tara Newell]

And then later, like, Hernan sells Wondery to Amazon. For how much? Oh, my God. So we got a heads up, like a couple weeks before about the podcast. And then it was funny too, because I saw that they were planning a live show.

[Jane Marie]

What?

[Tara Newell]

They planned a live show after the podcast came out and to have you.

[Jane Marie]

On stage or something.

[Tara Newell]

No, not me. Oh, Christopher Gothard.

[Jane Marie]

Oh, my.

[Tara Newell]

And then, like, a few other people. But then I was like, oh, I want to be involved in this live show.

[Jane Marie]

Yeah.

[Tara Newell]

And then my mom wanted to be involved, and then Tanya wanted to be involved too. And then they had us be a part of it. And then they did donate a person of the proceeds to domestic violence to help women of domestic violence. But it was funny that I had to kind of ask.

[Jane Marie]

Sure. And that was a for profit project.

[Tara Newell]

Yes, yes, yes. It's funny because just doing the stuff that I do now.

[Jane Marie]

Yeah.

[Tara Newell]

That would be something you would 100% get paid for.

[Jane Marie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tara Newell]

Because they're making ticket profits, right?

[Jane Marie]

Yeah.

[Tara Newell]

Yes.

[Jane Marie]

Yeah. And concessions. And probably. Did they have. Did you guys have merchants?

[Tara Newell]

Not merch yet.

[Jane Marie]

Okay, wait. Yet? Wait, what do you mean? There. There's. There became merch.

[Tara Newell]

There became merch for Bravo.

[Jane Marie]

Oh, my God. Okay, so moving forward. So, okay, so we've got. I'm sorry, Tara, that I'm laughing so much about this, but it's like this is extremely out of the ordinary. It just doesn't. This doesn't. This isn't how things are supposed to work. So I just keep getting flabbergasted. So live show podcast comes out. Do you realize that there is this other company also helping the LA Times put this podcast out? Like the Wondery was involved or did you sign a release to allow them to. Did you give away your life rights for the story?

[Tara Newell]

No, I didn't sign anything.

[Jane Marie]

What?

[Tara Newell]

No, they didn't have us sign anything. Not even, like a verbal consent? I know you're recording this.

[Jane Marie]

Yeah.

[Tara Newell]

Nothing, Nothing. But how they got us later.

[Jane Marie]

Tell me.

[Tara Newell]

So at this premiere to this live show, I got to meet Richard Suckle and then someone else from Atlas Entertainment, and Christopher Goffard was talking to them. He's like, tara, can I introduce you? And then. So they worked on Suicide Squad and Wonder Woman, and I'm a huge DC fan, especially I love Harley Quinn. And so I was just like, fangirling a little bit because I'm like, oh, my gosh, you make, like, my favorite movies. And then we just chit chatted a little bit and they were Just, like, talking about Wonder Woman with me and, like, how Margot Robbie this and that, and I was just like, this is so rad. I love Margot Robbie.

[Jane Marie]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tara Newell]

You know, and so we were just talking, and then probably like a couple weeks after or a week after something like that, then the ball starts rolling about. Talk about doing a scripted series or something along that line. And then we start to do meetings with Richard Suckle, and then Christopher Gofford. We did a meeting at Hotcakes one day, and then. Is that a restaurant? Yes, it's a restaurant in Newport. Like, literally across the street from where I got stuff.

[Jane Marie]

So they didn't invite you to, like, the studio lot or anything?

[Tara Newell]

No, no. All mine have been done at nice restaurants.

[Jane Marie]

Okay.

[Tara Newell]

Like the Ivy. I. Yeah. I remember going out in Las Vegas with Richard to this one French restaurant at the Wynn, and it was like a Michelin star restaurant. And then it will. And then there was like, we went to this other Fig and Olive.

[Jane Marie]

Oh, I love that place.

[Tara Newell]

Right. So I was there, like, okay. I like. One thing about me is I like to go to restaurants. Like, that is a way to win my affection and love.

[Jane Marie]

Yeah. The way to win Tara's affection is through her stomach. But this isn't about that. Like, this should. This is. These are. I don't know. Anyways, okay. Just knowing what happened, I just feel very, like, protective of you. But Dan just texted me a merch, a wine glass that's branded Dirty John. Jesus Christ. Okay, so you're having these meetings, you still haven't signed anything. The podcast is out. It's becoming incredibly popular, obviously, and you're talking to Hollywood execs about optioning the podcast and your life story for a television show now. So your life story's already been taken for a podcast. Right. That's very, very, very popular. But you're not paid and you haven't signed away your life rights, and now you're in meetings with Hollywood execs.

[Tara Newell]

Yes, And I'm not really understanding the layout too, because in my experience working in production, you usually get, like, an agent. You do, like, put together your project or a sizzle reel or something.

[Jane Marie]

Can you talk about your experience? Can I pause you just real quick? What is your experience? Hollywood, up until that point?

[Tara Newell]

To that point, I worked in background, and then I had a lot of friends in the industry, and so I would go just, like, help them on projects. Some, like, indie projects here and there. And then my ex's stepmom worked in background casting, and so she would put Me out on background a lot and just be like, okay, I need a person. Tara, can you do it? Okay, great. And so I would be used a lot, and. But I would be one of the special people that knew everybody on set, essentially. Well, not everybody, but knew a good amount of people on set. And so I would get, like, the special treatment. They'd be like, tara, do you want to be used, or do you want to just sit here?

[Jane Marie]

You want to just sit at craft services?

[Tara Newell]

Yeah. And I'm like, I want to take a nap. Can you do this without me? Sarah, do you want to be a featured actress today? And so, like, when the show came around, too, and I'm like, a background on that, I was also promised, but they told me they couldn't put this in contracts. But I say put everything in contracts because it's just necessary. They told me that I could have. Because I asked for this, because I knew that if I got this, I would actually get paid more and I would also be a part of the union.

[Jane Marie]

Yes.

[Tara Newell]

So I asked them if I could have one line in the TV show.

[Jane Marie]

Yeah.

[Tara Newell]

They said, I don't think that wouldn't be a problem, but we just can't put that in the contract.

[Jane Marie]

I mean. Okay, let's back up again. So you're having these meetings with the execs. I mean, again, you haven't signed a damn thing yet.

[Tara Newell]

So they're. They're not at this point.

[Jane Marie]

Oh, they are talking about money. Okay.

[Tara Newell]

Yes. But they offered some, like, 20 grand for, like, me, my mom, and my sister. I basically gave. I told them that that is a you.

[Jane Marie]

Yeah, it is.

[Tara Newell]

That is. That is you. Many in scripted television. And I told. I basically went to some of my friends. I asked around. They said that they could get me an agent. And I told them. I told the execs that basically, what if I just got an agent and started shopping this around on my own?

[Jane Marie]

Sure.

[Tara Newell]

They said, well, it's already sold to Bravo for two seasons.

[Jane Marie]

What?

[Tara Newell]

Yes. It's already green lit. What? Yes.

[Jane Marie]

I'm sorry. Dan's yelling from the other room. What's that?

[Tara Newell]

It's already green lit. So basically, we could do this with or without you. And I go and I go and I talk to a few people, and it's kind of like a hard dilemma because, I mean, I could fight with them, but how can I fight with a project that's already greenlit?

[Jane Marie]

Yeah.

[Tara Newell]

I could sell my project, and there's a chance that my project sits on the shelf.

[Jane Marie]

Tell me about how you felt when you heard that it had already been sold in greenlit and you were kind of out of the game?

[Tara Newell]

I felt like I was pushed into a hard place. It was kind of coercive control a little bit.

[Jane Marie]

Yeah, yeah. And in what ways did they make you participate?

[Tara Newell]

So I ended up signing a contract, but I got. I probably negotiated three times. Like, negotiated differently. And I also. Because it was already done.

[Jane Marie]

Because it was already done.

[Tara Newell]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And me, my mom and my sister are three individual people, so all our deals should be individual. So that's what I told them. And so they. They listened to that. And it's actually kind of crazy because I talked to so many survivors and so many survivors were not even involved in their stories. So at the. Like, I hate to be this way, but I'm like, at least I get that.

[Jane Marie]

What was your involvement?

[Tara Newell]

So I was a. Basically a consult and I was paid for a. And okay, Richard did help me with my contract a little bit. He did.

[Jane Marie]

Is he the main producer or the director?

[Tara Newell]

He's the one of the executive producers.

[Jane Marie]

From Bravo or from.

[Tara Newell]

From. He worked for Atlas Entertainment, which was the people that, like, made it, and then it went out to Bravo for like a time period and then ended up on Netflix International first and then to Netflix US after the one year deal ended with Bravo.

[Jane Marie]

Okay. So he's the EP from the production company that. Oh, my. The amount of money that I'm imagining right now that ran around this with the three different giant companies, but is like, astronomical. I'm sure people got very wealthy off of this project.

[Tara Newell]

100%. People sent their kids to college.

[Jane Marie]

Sure.

[Tara Newell]

Yeah.

[Jane Marie]

How did. So you said. So he helped you do what?

[Tara Newell]

He helped me kind of. Kind of carve things out of my contract. He told me. He was like, I honestly don't like this. I don't like that. And, you know, like, I would ask for this and I would ask for that, and he helped me actually carve out that they own my story rights for a year.

[Jane Marie]

Okay.

[Tara Newell]

And so. So that was helpful. And I tell every survivor to do this if they get into agreement. Like, it's only up to a year, nothing else. I mean, six months is like what I prefer, but a year, I understand.

[Jane Marie]

You know, I don't know. I feel.

[Tara Newell]

You don't know?

[Jane Marie]

I just feel so, like, you got so ripped off over and over and over again. Like, I know that it should be shorter than that, but you had already been screwed.

[Tara Newell]

Yeah, yeah. But, like, I got to meet with the director. I kept on bugging them. When can I come into set? When can I come into set? Because I'm also used to being background on set and just kind of going wherever I want. Well, and then we get they cast Connie Britton as my mom and then so we got to meet her. And then it's funny because my sister Nicole, her best friend, is actually Connie Britton's makeup artist. Okay, so she got booked to work on this film as well. Picture this. You're halfway through a DIY car fix, tools scattered everywhere, and boom. You realize you're missing a part. It's okay because you know, whatever it is, it's on ebay. They've got everything. Brakes, headlights, cold air intakes, whatever you need. And it's guaranteed to fit. Which means no more crossing your fingers and hoping you ordered the right thing. All the parts you need at prices you'll love. Guaranteed to fit every time ebay Things.

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[Tara Newell]

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[Jane Marie]

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[Tara Newell]

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[Tara Newell]

So I ended up in this project, ended up getting a hundred grand total.

[Jane Marie]

For the podcast and the TV show and everything else.

[Tara Newell]

Yes. Even though I didn't really know the podcast was like lopped in there.

[Jane Marie]

Yeah.

[Tara Newell]

But because it was with. Because we ended up signing our contracts through the LA Times to produce this. So the LA Times, kind of like.

[Jane Marie]

They'Re the ones that paid you?

[Tara Newell]

Yes, technically.

[Jane Marie]

What? Okay, this is all. Sorry. Okay, so was that just for you or for you and your mom and your sister? The hundred grand or was.

[Tara Newell]

Was like through the production company. I think production paid us, but like it was like, oh, the LA Times production.

[Jane Marie]

I feel like at every turn they're being like, oh, you know, don't expect too much because this is really kind of like a budget, like a low budget project or a newspaper that's going out of print or whatever, like is paying. Like they're trying to talk down. Talk you down by using different excuses like, yeah, you can expect a failing newspaper to pay you, you know, like that kind of thing, but there was millions and millions and millions of dollars exchanged, you know.

[Tara Newell]

Yeah.

[Jane Marie]

So, okay, was that 100,000 split between the three of you or that was just you?

[Tara Newell]

That was just me. Good.

[Jane Marie]

Okay. I'm glad you got something.

[Tara Newell]

Yes, but you know, in California it doesn't last that long.

[Jane Marie]

No, no, that's like a. You have a nice one bedroom apartment for a year.

[Tara Newell]

Yes, well, I have a two bedroom, but like I have a friend that stays with me here and there. And then I got a deal in Covid. So I got. My apartment's probably like a thousand dollars cheaper than it would be online.

[Jane Marie]

We should not even be talking about that. You know what I mean? Like, you should be so wealthy that we're talking about your house in Malibu. You know what I'm like. So the show comes out. Both the podcast and the television show come out and they're huge hits. How did you feel about that?

[Tara Newell]

Well, it was crazy too, because I had a friend working on Will and Grace and he was even telling me that a part of the storyline was like Dirty John storyline and how like my story's so huge and stuff and it seemed like NBC Universal was also just like using that one. Then I even the other day had a friend tell me that they're working on set and that in the script it's. They're talking about Dirty John. And so it's just like it got made into a coin term. And it's funny because people Will argue with me sometimes and be like, that was a term before that, Tara. And I'm like, no, it technically wasn't, but okay, believe whatever you want to believe. But I mean, there's. There was called, like, Dirty. Dirty Harry.

[Jane Marie]

Yeah, yeah, there was.

[Tara Newell]

Dirty. Dirty John.

[Jane Marie]

No.

[Tara Newell]

Yeah, yeah. It wasn't like a coin term. And so it just is weird. And then because I am in the entertainment industry and on a different aspect, I am excited about all this at first because, yeah, you know, you make scripts to get made into movies, and that is really hard. That is so hard.

[Jane Marie]

Knowing that your story is getting huge, knowing that there's maybe some upshot to, like, this terrible thing that happened to you, but that might have felt like, you know, some sort of payback or, you know, currency at the time. I can totally understand that. Um, yeah, But I don't know.

[Tara Newell]

I did get access to view all the episodes before they came out, but it was like. But I was only allowed to watch Dirty John, not even, like, the rest of the other shows out there that other people are allowed to view early, Which, I mean, I guess. I guess you didn't get screeners.

[Jane Marie]

You were. You weren't, like, in the screener pool.

[Tara Newell]

I was, but just for my show.

[Jane Marie]

Oh, okay. Huh.

[Tara Newell]

It was like the NBC screeners, and then it only allowed me to see Dirty John.

[Jane Marie]

Oh, my God.

[Tara Newell]

I was like, oh, this looks cool. Oh, you can't see that. I'm happy that we're kind of talking about the story, about, like, the podcast side of things, and I'm working on something to put my story to a close, because I. I mean, it was cathartic for a couple years talking about my story, but then now it comes to the point where it just continuously triggers me, and I live in it. And, you know, I. It makes me sad that I had to take someone's life. It doesn't make me sad necessarily that they're dead.

[Jane Marie]

Yeah.

[Tara Newell]

Because so many people that were his victims have reached out to me and told me that they're not living in fear anymore. And that, like, I mean, I'm like, I don't want to ever have to kill someone.

[Jane Marie]

Sure.

[Tara Newell]

But if they're living not in fear anymore, then that makes me at least happy because I took away some of their pain for them, and I'll take that pain and I'll carry it. And it's just like, I just. You know, there's. There's still work to do. Like, I healed a good amount. I feel a lot. However, there's still Moments like, you know, you saw me fresh out of a breakup and, like, just, like, got reactive during that breakup. Like, I just, you know, I got reactive with him even. And, like, my trauma, it amplifies things. And, like, I'm more inclined to tell someone to go off, opposed to, like, go to my homeostasis.

[Jane Marie]

Right, right. I mean, yeah. I can't imagine something harder than what you went through. Not only did you have to do that, but it was someone your. Your mom loved. You know, like, it's just. It's so hard. And I'm really sorry.

[Tara Newell]

Thanks.

[Jane Marie]

So sorry.

[Tara Newell]

Thanks. Well, my time's coming.

[Jane Marie]

It is, it is, it is. Anyway, I'm. What do you make of it now? Like, that whole experience of being kind of cut out of your own story.

[Tara Newell]

So I'm. You know, I am.

[Jane Marie]

If.

[Tara Newell]

It just sucks to say this, because I am fortunate to have some involvement with. Was kind of like, either get in or get out kind of vibe, but they did listen to me about how I wanted Attack and that.

[Jane Marie]

How you wanted it represented, you mean?

[Tara Newell]

Yes. And how it went down. That was something that they actually wanted a lot of accuracy in.

[Jane Marie]

And did you feel like it wasn't correct in the way it was portrayed in the podcast?

[Tara Newell]

It will. To be honest, I don't really remember that part of the podcast. I blacked out. But in this show, it just. They wanted everything done how it went down, except for maybe, like, one or two parts because of filming.

[Jane Marie]

Sure.

[Tara Newell]

Like, it looked better for filming, but they made me very aware of that. But that was the director and the executive producer, and they kept in touch with me. I even talked to Damian Caro, who was the stunt coordinator for it, and we even talked about how the stunt coordinator would go. The stunt would go down and stuff.

[Jane Marie]

Yeah.

[Tara Newell]

And to be honest, that was so important to me to have that say. And because they did that, like, I was pleased to a certain extent. You know what I mean?

[Jane Marie]

Yeah. Yeah. That you had any hand in it at all.

[Tara Newell]

Yeah. So I just, like, was thankful that that's how they, like, actually. I actually consulted, and I remember getting on the floor in the deli of this deli and Burbank and just showing them how I actually defended myself. And they were like, no, no, we don't want you to retraumatize yourself. But I was like, no, it's so important to me that I actually show you everything. And then I talked to so many survivors.

[Jane Marie]

Like, being listened to felt good.

[Tara Newell]

Yes. And that was really, like, the first time I really felt Listened to with even everything. I mean, I'm telling my story. This is the one time where it was like there was. They wanted to. You could tell, they wanted to make me comfortable. I feel like I have to be positive. Otherwise, like, I turn into a victim.

[Jane Marie]

Right. No, I hear that.

[Tara Newell]

And, you know, it's just like, there's so many people that do have opinions about me, and even listening to this podcast, everyone's going to form an opinion one way or another. They're. They're going to be like, this is up. This is messed up. Or, huh, she sounds a little naive. I don't like the tone of her voice. It hurts my ears. Like, people are just always going to have opinions, you know, but, you know.

[Jane Marie]

People didn't know this part of the story, so I was shocked when you told me. And I don't think people understand that this is how it can work, you know, that this sort of thing is possible. I don't. I think that you also are, like, desensitized in a way, because this sort of thing has happened over and over and over again for the last seven years or whatever. Yeah, but I think that the general public doesn't understand that this. That you can just have your life stories put out there and a bunch of people make money off it, but not you, you know?

[Tara Newell]

Yeah. Well, I just think of, like, how many adaptations of O.J. simpson, this and that, Nicole Brown has come out, and even, like, Kim Goldman, the Goldman family, they've had to fight for justice in, like, different ways. And, you know, even though they won a case, they haven't seen that money.

[Jane Marie]

Right, Exactly. I know. You know, maybe it seems futile, but just to reiterate what I felt when we first got the pitch or the request, you're the central character. Like, it's not him, you know, and, like, I don't. That's what I don't understand. Like, I just have never understood that.

[Tara Newell]

Thank you. Well, like, there's so many things that get made, and the difference that I see in my story, opposed to other stories that are out there, is that I ended up killing the guy. And, like, I come out of it with, like, a few stab wounds, but completely unscathed. Like, that's a story that's kind of really just unheard of.

[Jane Marie]

Totally unheard of. And also, you just said that you had a couple stab wounds and you were completely unscathed. Take that one to your therapist. Okay. Let them know that you just described yourself as unscathed with stab wounds.

[Tara Newell]

Well, like, I have one in my forearm and then the one in my chest was like, barely anything. And then like I was in the hospital for like a day or two.

[Jane Marie]

And yeah, I'm just trying to.

[Tara Newell]

I'm probably trying to downplay it.

[Jane Marie]

When reached for comment, Christopher Gawford sent us to the LA Times spokesperson who said, quote, when Christopher Goffard met with Tara Newell to record an interview for the podcast, he was using professional equipment, specifically a handheld Tascam recorder and possibly a small boom micro. The podcast was produced as editorial content for the Los Angeles Times, which means an appearance release was not needed. The dream is a production of Little Everywhere produced.

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