← THE ED MYLETT SHOW
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- [00:00]
Ed Mylett
So, hey guys, listen. We're all trying to get more productive.
- [00:02]
Brendan Burchard
And the question is, how do you find a way to get an edge? I'm a big believer that if you're.
- [00:07]
Ed Mylett
Getting mentoring or you're in an environment.
- [00:09]
Brendan Burchard
That causes growth, a growth based environment.
- [00:11]
Ed Mylett
That you're much more likely to grow.
- [00:13]
Brendan Burchard
And you're going to grow faster. And that's why I love Growth Day. Growth Day is an app that my friend Brendan Burchard has created that I'm.
- [00:20]
Ed Mylett
A big fan of.
- [00:20]
Brendan Burchard
Write this down growthday.com forward/ed.
- [00:23]
Ed Mylett
So if you want to be more.
- [00:24]
Brendan Burchard
Productive, by the way, he's asked me, I post videos in there every single Monday that gets your day off to the right start. He's got about 5,000, $10,000 worth of.
- [00:32]
Ed Mylett
Courses that are in there that come with the app. Also, some of the top influencers in the world are all posting content in there on a regular basis, like having.
- [00:38]
Brendan Burchard
The avengers of personal development and business in one app.
- [00:41]
Ed Mylett
And I'm honored that he asked me.
- [00:43]
Mike
To be a part of it as.
- [00:43]
Ed Mylett
Well and contribute on a weekly basis.
- [00:45]
Brendan Burchard
And I do.
- [00:46]
Ed Mylett
So go over there and get signed up. You're going to get a free tuition, free voucher to go to an event.
- [00:50]
Brendan Burchard
With Brendan and myself and a bunch.
- [00:51]
Ed Mylett
Of other influencers as well.
- [00:52]
Brendan Burchard
So you get a free event out of it also. So go to growthday.com forward/ed. That's growthday.comed. this episode is brought to you by Google Gemini. With the Gemini app, you can talk live and have a real time conversation with an AI assistant. It's great for all kinds of things, like if you want to practice for an upcoming interview, ask for advice on things to do in a new city or brainstorm creative ideas. And by the way, this script was actually read by Gemini. Download the Gemini app find for iOS and Android today must be 18 to use Gemini Live.
- [01:32]
Ed Mylett
This is the Ed Mylett Show. Hey everyone. Welcome to my weekend special. I hope you enjoy the show.
- [01:39]
Brendan Burchard
Be sure to follow the Ed Mylett.
- [01:41]
Ed Mylett
Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. And today's conversation will be fun. We're going to talk today about just being happier. I was in a conversation a little while ago on another interview show and there was a deb between me and this other person about whether money makes you fulfilled or whether you can be fulfilled without money. And my position was that absolutely you can become fulfilled without having money. And that money is not the key to fulfillment. This other person's contention was if you don't have money, you can't be happy. And I want you to know that I just don't believe that that's true. I know plenty of people who have money who are not happy and are not fulfilled. Having said that, I've been happy when I was poor and I've been happy rich. Happy rich is far better, I can promise you that. But it is not the gateway to happ. I'll give you an example. Show me a father or a mother with $100 million in the bank, but no purpose, no calling, no contribution in their life. They've got a child at home that's, God forbid, dying of leukemia. Do you think that that's a happy and fulfilled person just because they have money? You have another parent and they have no money. They make 60, $70,000 a year, but they're a schoolteacher, let's say, or a nurse, and they're fulfilling their purpose. They're making a difference in the world. They're making a contribution and they have healthy children. Who do you think is more happy and fulfilled? And so clearly there are elements of our life that are far more important to creating happiness and fulfillment than just money. And so now, having said that, people say all the time, material things won't make you happy. I can't disagree with that more. In fact, we have all the evidence in the world of knowing that. I'm living here ocean right now. Living by this ocean makes me happy. Right, ladies, if you've ever bought an outfit or a pair of shoes or a car or any material thing you've wanted in your life, you're happy when you buy them. Guys, you ever got that suit you want or that shirt or whatever it might be material wise, or that watch you wanted, of course it made you happy. The question is not whether it makes you happy, the question is whether it fulfills you. So you need to begin to make a distinction in your life between happiness and fulfillment. Happiness is fleeting. It's short term. I'm not happy every day. I live here, Oceanfront. I've had many unhappy days in this magnificent place. Happiness is conditional. Happiness is fleeting. It comes and goes. And by the way you want it to, if you are happy every single second of your life, the bliss of it wouldn't affect you like it does. We want the ebbs and flows of life. The downs in our life make the highs so much sweeter. I can promise you that you don't want to be happy every single second. What you do want to seek, though, is fulfillment. Material things. Living oceanfront, having jets, having Ferraris or Rolls Royces, they can make you happy short term, but they will not fulfill you. And so we're going to talk about today is both getting happiness and fulfillment. Let me be very clear with you. If your desire is to become wealthy, is to become rich, is to have all the material things in life, because it was one of mine, I could tell you I wanted to live here oceanfront. I wanted to have a lakefront home, I wanted to take care of my parents, I wanted to fly private. Then I wanted my own jet. I've had a Rolls Royce and I've had a Toyota, and I can tell you up front, I'd rather drive the Rolls Royce. So that doesn't make you shallow. That means that you have goals and you like the finer things in life. And for many of you listening to this, that's something you're going to chase. And I want you to have those things. For some of you, those things don't matter to you at all. You just want to make a difference. You want to make a contribution. And I can tell you the material things in your life don't matter, and that's perfectly fine. But for those of you that want to chase the material things, I want you to have them. But by no means am I going to let you through think because I've been there that somehow that's going to fulfill you. Because guess what? You have to bring you with you everywhere you go the rest of your life. You have to bring you on your jet, you have to bring you to your oceanfront house. And if you don't love you, if you don't like you, if you don't believe in you, if you're not experiencing the right emotions about you, you bring all those emotions with you to these places you go. So I think learning the strategies of being happy, fulfilled prior to having all these material things will serve you. Because I have so many friends and I know so many people that have accomplished all the material things in their life and those things made them happy short term, but they're living an unfulfilled destination here on earth. So let's talk about that for a minute. The caliber of your life is literally linked to the caliber of emotions you experience on a regular basis. So take an inventory of that for a second. Over the last day, week, month and year, what are the majority of the emotions you experience? Are you enjoying the emotions? Do you experience the emotions of joy, fulfillment, peace, contribution, ecstasy, passion, certainty, Faith, strength, or are you experiencing more regularly the emotions of fear, anxiety, depression, stress, pain? Take an inventory of those emotions and I can promise you if you have more of passion, more of strength, more of joy, more of contribution, more of peace compared to having anxiety and pain and stress, the caliber of your life is higher with the people that have those emotions. And so it's being conscious that our emotions dictate the caliber of our life. It's then being conscious of what emotions are we experiencing most regularly and then next, what emotions do we want to experience? What are the emotions you wish you were experiencing on a regular basis? And take an inventory of what those are, make a list of what those emotions are and begin to seek them, begin to pursue them, begin to be intentional about finding them, and you'll begin to see them more and experience them more just by taking control of the intention of having them. That's the first step, is taking an inventory, being aware that my emotions dictate the caliber of my life. The emotions I want are these three, these five, these seven on a regular basis and be intentional about pursuing them. You know, Emerson has this great quote where he says we are what we think about all day long. I would amend that to we are what we experience emotionally all day long. Now oftentimes what we think about dictate what our emotions are. And so I can tell you that I believe the pathway to fulfillment, not just happiness, because the ultimate destination in life is fulfillment. We're all chasing that, we're all pursuing fulfillment. That's the ultimate emotion, is fulfillment. In my opinion at least the one I want is fulfillment because it embodies all of the powerful emotions. So I get asked all the time how did I get so much attention.
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Brendan Burchard
On social media in my businesses, email list, et cetera.
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Ed Mylett
I can tell you straight up, it's been constant contact. If you don't know who constant contact is, you need to know about these guys. Constant contacts award winning marketing platform has helped millions of small businesses, mine being one of them, stand out. Stay on top of mind and seek big results fast. They've got an easy way to promote your business with powerful tools like email, SMS marketing, social media, posting and they even do events management what they've done for me in the past as well. You're going to reach new audiences, you're.
- [08:31]
Brendan Burchard
Going to grow your customer list big.
- [08:33]
Ed Mylett
Time and communicate more effectively to sell more, raise more and grow fast on social media. So get going and start growing your business today with a free trial@constant contact.com. just go to constant contact.com right now. Constant contact. Helping the small stand tall. Constant contact dot com. And so how do we become more fulfilled? I can tell you that I believe the pathway to fulfillment is by contributing to other people. Being in service to other people. Chasing your passion and your purpose in the service of other people leads to fulfillment. Let me tell you the pathway, I think, to contributing to other people and truly fulfilling your purpose. Because if you can match being happy with all the short term things you want to achieve in your life, achievement can be a destination. Achievement can be a level. Achievement can be a promotion. It could be a certain amount of money, it could be an accomplishment, it could be a home, it could be whatever it is. Achievements make us happy. Contribution matched with achievement is fulfillment. And so I want you to take an inventory. The most fulfilled people I know use the gifts they were given in their life towards the service and contributing to other people. I want you to hear me. People say, I just don't know what my passion is. I don't know what my purpose is. Your purpose is often found through identifying what your giftedness is and then how you can use those gifts to serve other people. And so it's hard for most people to give themselves any credit. But let me tell you something. You were born with natural gifts that were given to you, that are special to you. You see the gifts of other people. See, certain gifts put you on tv. Good looks, unbelievable athletic ability, right? A great singing voice. These are the gifts that can put you on television. So most of us think those are the most important gifts in life are only the ones we see on television. See, and then we think because we might not possess those specific gifts, we are not gifted. Let me say to you very explanation explicitly, you were born, and I know this, with unique, special gifts that are just yours. You were born for a reason. You were born to make a difference. When you were a little boy or a little girl, there was a time in your life where there was somebody who believed in you. They looked at you like you were special. They knew you were unique. Maybe it was a parent or a grandparent or a school teacher or a coach or an auntie or an uncle. But they looked at you a certain way and you just knew. They knew you were special. They saw what I call the Christ in you. They saw the gifts in you. And maybe as you got a little bit older, you've forgotten what that feels like. But I can tell you it was the greatest feeling in the world, isn't it? In fact, if you pictured that person's face right now that made you feel that way. You'd begin to almost get emotional because they made you see the gift in you. They may not have known what the gift was, but they made you feel special. Your uniqueness, your specialness is these gifts you were given. And by the way, be very aware of what they are. Your gifts could be your nurturing ability, your kindness, your intensity, your passion, your voice, your looks, your art skills, your ability to problem solve, your listening skills, your speaking skills, your peace, your faith, your concern, your physical strength, right? Your ability to write, your ability to think, your ability to care, your ability to be there for people, your work ethic. There are literally thousands of gifts. And I promise you, if you begin to ask yourself some deep questions, you begin to understand your desire to help people, your intentions, your sense of humor, your patience level. You have all kinds of gifts that you were given, but there are two or three or four that are yours. And if you'll identify what those two or three or four gifts are, and you begin to use those gifts in the service of other people, you will be ultimately fulfilled. In my case, you know, I feel like my gift is that I was born with the ability to articulate. I was born with the ability to learn. I was born with the ability to just deeply care and believe in people. God was good enough to give me the ability to kind of communicate those words in a way that's easy to understand. And so I've taken some of the gifts. My couple, my two or three. I don't have 50. I'm not better than you, but I've sort of identified some of the gifts I have is I love people, I care about people. I'm pretty good at speaking, right? I want to make a difference. I intend to serve. And so I've taken those skills and I've used them to serve other people in my life. And it fulfills me. It's not work to me. It makes me fulfilled. My house may make me happy short term. My jet might. But I can tell you what fulfills me is making a difference in the lives of other people. And it's what will fulfill you as well. It's dropping this notion. As I've said in other audios, you are not your possessions. You are not your accomplishments. You are not what other people say you are good, bad, or indifferent. You are not those things, and you are not what you look like. You are your gifts. You are these two or three or four things. This is the basis of who you are. Are these Gifts. This is the true you. And when you begin to do this, when you begin to utilize those gifts in service of other people, you become inspirational.
- [13:27]
Mike
Yes, you.
- [13:27]
Ed Mylett
You inspire people. See, the root of the word inspire is to be in spirit. When you are in spirit and serving people with the gifts you were given. Mike, who's filming this right now, one of his great gifts is his patience, is his artful eye, is his ability to see the right setting like we did today when we're shooting here. It's his concern to make me look good. It's the pride he takes in his work. These are some of his natural gifts. And now he's found them and we've partnered together. His gift and my gift and the gift of my team to serve you. This will begin to fulfill you in your life. All of you have those gifts. And so when you begin to identify what they are in the service of other people, you will begin to change your life. That is who you truly are. That is when you begin to experience those emotions that serve you, that begin to transform your life. If you want to be happier and if you want to be more fulfilled, go achieve. Go accomplish. Go chase those things, but do things every day that feed these emotions that you want, not the ones you don't want. Root out the emotions you don't want. Pursue and chase the ones you do and begin to use those gifts to serve other people and fulfill your purpose in being here in the world. I'm going to give you 10 things that I want you to be more of. I want you to embody more of in your life. I want you to take an inventory of the man or woman. If you could be more of these 10 things, they will deliver to you more of these emotions. Number one. I want you to be unique. I want you to be special. See, I believe the opposite of bravery is to conform. Conformity is the opposite of bravery.
- [14:58]
Mike
You don't need to be like anybody else.
- [15:00]
Ed Mylett
Stop trying to be a part of the group. Be unique. Be special. Be you. Celebrate the uniqueness that is you. Yeah, you may take some criticism. You've probably taken it in the past. Every time you've tried to be yourself, you've taken a little criticism. But I can promise you one of the gateways to more of these positive emotions is to be unique. Be special. Be you. Number two. Be love. Yes.
- [15:23]
Mike
Be love.
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Ed Mylett
I know that may sound corny, especially to some of you guys that are listening to this, but just be more loving. I think you'll find the more love you put out into the world. And I don't mean this in some fluffy way, I'm serious, the more you love people, the more you smile, the more you truly love in life, the more you get it back in your life. Number three, be truth. Just honor your truth more often and even in the difficult times, be honest and truthful with people. Number four, be kind. One of the rarest things in the world today is just a kind person. Just taking the time to be more kind to people. We need more kindness in the world. The more kind you are to other people, the more those emotions come flooding your way. Number five, Be beautiful. And I mean it. Be beautiful. Begin to celebrate your beauty. I know for some of us that's difficult because we're aware of all the things about us that aren't beautiful. The more you just be beautiful. I could tell you, the more you begin to accept you the way you are, that you're perfect as you are. It doesn't mean we don't want to look better, doesn't mean we want to improve our condition, Be healthier, be stronger, look better. But the bottom line is, if we can't begin to love how we look now, we're not going to love how we look at any point. We're never going to love it. Just be more beautiful now. Number six, be moving. You must always be moving your body. See, the great emotions come from us when we're moving our body. See, emotions are physical as well. They're physical thing. You know how you feel when you're working out or you're in that special moment with that special someone and privacy. You're moving your body at that time, aren't you? Right? Laughter is a movement, right? See, emotions are movements. It's a state of being. The more you're breathing deeper, the more you're moving your body more. Moving your body creates positive emotions. Stagnation. Laying down hunched over all these emotions, sitting at your desk too long every single day, laying in bed, laying on the couch, not moving, driving in the car is when all the negative emotions hit. You'll find that when you're moving, running, moving your body, exercising, just getting in a peak state, being conscious of your posture and your physiology and moving yourself, you'll find it's almost impossible to experience the negative emotions when you're moving and the positive ones come flooding in. Number seven, be growing. As we've talked about previously, either growing or dying in your life. A growing person is experiencing the positive emotions of life. A person who's not growing, they start to experience Depression and fatigue and fear and anxiety be growing all the time. It's a gateway to all the positive emotions in life. Number eight, be silly. Be playful. See, you were the happiest probably when you were a little, little child, when you were playful and you didn't care what everybody thought about, you start to have more childlike enthusiasm in your life. Be silly. Be willing to look bad and look goofy. The happiest people have more childlike emotions, more childlike enthusiasm. We all get older and we get buttoned up and we want to look a certain way and present our certain selves and think there's a way we're supposed to act all the time. And we lose the inner child, and from there we lose the emotions a child gets to experience. Number nine, Be forgiving. Forgive people. It will set you free and open you up to all the positive emotions in your life. If there are people you need to forgive, do it. It's your lack of forgiveness that's holding you back from getting these positive emotions. It's holding on to this thing you're holding over somebody even though you think they may deserve it if you don't forgive them. You've blocked yourself. You've cheated yourself from all the joy, all the peace, all the passion in your life as you're holding on and not forgiving somebody. That lack of forgiveness is giving you the anxiety and the stress, and it's blunting your access to the best emotions. Be forgiving. And then number 10, be courageous. Be bold. The most courageous people in life experience the greatest emotions.
- [18:58]
Mike
They take risks.
- [18:59]
Ed Mylett
They overcome adversity. They put themselves in uncomfortable situations. They show courage. They step in when needed. They're people's heroes in their life. They do things they're afraid of on a very regular basis. Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is taking action in the presence of fear. I promise you, the more courageous you are, the more you are opening yourself to the best emotions in life. These 10 things, these 10 steps, these 10 ways of being, are gateways to the positive emotions in our life. And when you combine that with identifying your gifts and using them in the service of other people and being conscious of wanting these emotions, your entire life is going to transform. So we've been discussing an awful lot lately finding more bliss in our lives, the pathway to more happiness. Because it's probably the question that I get asked the most. In our last program, I was discussing the prevailing thought in the world today, which is that lots of money will lead you to happiness and fulfillment. In fact, I was recently interviewed another person's program with. With another influencer who's a friend of mine, and we had an honest disagreement. It was his contention in that program that if you're broke, you can never be happy or fulfilled. And I just have an honest disagreement about that. I know an awful lot of people in my life who don't have a ton of money but are blissful and live very happy, very fulfilled existences. On the other hand, I know a lot of people who have a ton of money who are not happy, aren't fulfilled, are empty, are constantly searching, searching for what will make them happy, what will deliver bliss in their lives. And I want to be clear with you. I've been happy when I was poor and I've been happy rich. And it is clearly my contention, I want to be clear with you that happy rich is better because you can do more things for people when you have money, for the people you love, for the causes that you believe in. I don't want you to confuse the idea that if once I get money, then I'll be happy. I talk in one of my previous audios called Blissful Dissatisfaction about the concept of learning to live blissfully and yet simultaneously stay dissatisfied. Most people conflate those concepts. They think happiness and satisfaction are the same emotion. They're not. They're completely separate emotions. You can be happy and still dissatisfied. You can live in bliss and still be a dissatisfied person, wanting to chase your goals and dreams, wanting more in your life, wanting to contribute more, earn more, get more significance, make more money. And so I've been happy rich and I've been happy poor. And I can tell you for sure, in my life, being happy rich has been far better. But I'm not confused into thinking that that money, money, this wealth, living oceanfront, they necessarily make you happy because no matter where you go in your life, you have to bring you with you. And so if you can't learn to be happy when you don't have all these things you think you want, I can promise you you won't be happy when you do have all of them. And like I've said, I have many friends of mine who are not in careers where they make a lot of money, they're never going to be wealthy and they're completely happy, blissful people living very fulfilled lives because they're making a difference in other people's lives. I think it's a terrible contention to think that only money is the only way to happiness in the world. And I know that's the prevailing thing you see on tv, reality television, you see it on social media. I can tell you that it's just not true. I coach and mentor many, many very wealthy people. And the reason they work with me, in some cases they like to make more money, they'd like to grow their businesses, their brands or careers. But many of them work with me because they want to be happier. They want to be happier even though they've got great careers, even though they've got notoriety, even though they've got money and material things. And so today we're going to talk about that separation and what I think is the pathway to becoming happier. And that is finding your purpose, finding your mission, finding your calling. We've discussed this a little bit previously in other programs, but I think there's also some confusion about this as well. See, I really believe in order to really live a fulfilled life, I think material things can make you happy short term. I mean, we've all bought something in our life before and when we bought it, we were happy. We bought that outfit we wanted, the pair of shoes, the car, the house, and we were happy when we bought those things. And we've enjoyed them and they bring joy to other people. And so there's no doubt that material things and wealth can make you happy. But it's short lived. There's a big difference between happiness and fulfillment. If you want fulfillment in your life that's going to be long lasting and enduring, it's not going to be things, it's not going to be money. I understand that having money can help you do many things for other people and we're going to talk about that in the program. What I believe about fulfillment is that if you can find your calling, if you can find your purpose, your mission in your life, that's the pathway to not just happiness, but a level past that which is fulfillment. So let's talk today a little bit about finding our calling. And I get asked often, how do I do that? I don't know what my calling is. I don't know what my mission is. Here's what I can tell you that when you do find it, you will know there'll be a peace about you. There'll be an intuition you'll have that. It's just a knowing this is where I belong, this is what I was born to do. And I can tell you it's almost like a relationship you're in. It's not always going to be perfect, there's going to be bumps. But many you listen to this have found that right person, you're in a relationship, it's not always easy. It's, you know, people think, well, once I find my calling, it's just going to be a smooth path because that's what I was called to do. It's my mission. It's like everything's going to be divinely put in order. For me, that couldn't be further from the truth. It's just as messy as things that aren't your calling. It's just as difficult as things that aren't your calling. In fact, sometimes when you find your calling, your path and your mission, those things can sometimes be more difficult than the things you were already doing. And so it's like any relationship you're in, once you found the right person, it's not perfect all the time, but you have this sense of knowing, this sense of peace, the sense of purpose, the sense of right. Really, you have this sense of home, and you're at home with that person. When you find your calling in your life, you're going to feel home. And that's the feeling I can best describe to you, is you'll just feel at home. You'll feel like it's right where you belong. And so I want to dispel a couple myths. Number one myth that I hear is that your career has to be your calling, has to be your mission. You know that adage of once you find something you love, you'll never work another day again in your life. And that's completely true. But I'm just going to be very real with you. For many of you, you're going to find a career that is your calling and your mission and your purpose. And you're going to be blessed that what you do for a vocation is also your calling and your career. But that is not the case for everybody. Sometimes your calling, your mission, your crusade, your purpose is not your career. I think it's important to try to find a way with your work that can best suit your mission and purpose and calling. But for some of you listening to this, you've been trying all your life to find a career that is your calling. Well, what if your calling isn't a career? What if you're supposed to make a bunch of money at your job or your business and you're going to take that money and you're going to use that towards your calling and your mission and your purpose. In other words, your career, your business, is to generate income, revenue that's going to fund your calling and your purpose and your mission. I Could tell you that I have many friends whose job or their business they had wasn't their real calling. But they made a lot of money. And that's why making a lot of money is so wonderful. They made a lot of money in their initial career or business and they took that money and that money. What they did with it became their call in a career. So I just want you to consider, yes, you should be trying to find a job or a business with an alignment with your cause, but perhaps that's not the case. What if your cause, for example, is to help cure cancer, but you're a schoolteacher, or you own a financial services company, or you own a chain of dry cleaners? Are you telling me that you have to find a career in medicine in order to fulfill that calling? It's ridiculous. And so one of the reasons so many people are lost is they're only trying to find their calling and their mission and their purpose in a job, in a career. And that may not be the case. That job and that career may be where you're going to fund your calling and your career on the side. And that leads me to point number two. I hear all the time about side hustles. Well, what about a side mission? What about a side cause, a side crusade. See, maybe you're going to have a job. And in that job where you're planted right now, it's not what you were called to do as your ultimate contribution to the world, but it's where you're planted. So you should win there now. You should give it all you've got and start a side cause. Start a side mission, a side crusade, a side calling. In other words, don't always connect your career to your cause. Maybe you're going to work from nine to five every day somewhere, and when you leave there on the side, you're going to do something that you're calling. And maybe that calling doesn't even require capital. Maybe it's something you're to do in your side hours. So I don't want you to confuse, number one, always, that your calling has to be your career. It would be great if it was. If that aligns with your skills, terrific. But that's not going to happen for everybody. So number two, maybe you've got to make a lot of money in your business so that you could take that money and help fund and create that cause crusader mission you have. Maybe number three, that job you have is never going to fund you a ton of money, but you're going to create a side Cause a side crusade, a side mission, a side calling. And so be thinking about this. These are the pathways to fulfillment. And so it may be your career, it may be making a lot of money in your career. It may be that when you leave that career at the certain time of day, you get to change and put your Superwoman cape on, your Superman cape on. And that's when you decide to donate time. Perhaps that calling a crusade or mission, that side mission of yours involves money. So you've got to have a job that generates a lot of money so you can fund that. Maybe it's not that at all. I mean, there are millions of things that could be your calling or your mission. You could be donating time at a shelter, you could be in charitable work, you could be working with children. And I think that's the misnomer, is that I hear people all the time think their calling has to be something they monetize. You know that I know so many people whose calling is to work with children. And so they've got a job full time, but they coach Little League, they're involved, involved in different young women's groups, the Girl Scouts, you name it. And so that's their calling, is to work with children. I know other people where it's to work with the homeless. They've got a job, but they found fulfillment towards working with the homeless. There are any number of callings or causes or missions or crusades that will fill your heart. Maybe it's helping inspire people with your faith. Maybe it's helping people with their schoolwork. Maybe it's writing a book, right? Maybe it's learning an instrument and entertaining people with the music that you create. It could be any number of things. Could be your calling and your crusade and your side mission, not necessarily your job. That's why this notion that you can't be fulfilled if you're not making money is ridiculous. What if your calling is to be a mother and to raise your children? You're not going to make a lot of money doing that, but for you, it would fulfill you beyond any other thing you'd ever choose to do in your life. What if your calling was to work in a charity and donate your time? You're not going to get welcomed doing that. Are you telling me you can't be fulfilled? What if your calling is to be a pastor or a coach? See, there are all kinds of callings and crusades and missions in life that you're not going to make millions of dollars at. And you know what? For someone like you that would have never fulfilled you anyway. And so all of us are wired differently. In my case, most of the things that are my calling involve serving other people. I happen to be blessed that the initial business I've had and that I still run to this day serves people and contributes to people. I've been able to take the wealth I've made and it's afforded me the time to invest in all kinds of children's causes that I'm passionate about, family causes that I'm passionate about. And that money was important in giving me the time to do. It also allows me to write the checks towards those causes that I want to help and support as well. And so for me, the pathway was career and making a lot of money. It's what I'm doing with you right now. I make no money doing this. My content is completely free to you. My books are free, my audios and videos are free. So are you telling me I can't become fulfilled because I'm not making money helping you right now? That's ridiculous. And so the next point is always your calling will be somehow contributing to other people. Your mission, your purpose, your calling, your crusade will always involve helping other people somehow. Next point, it will involve natural giftedness. You have, I've talked about this in previous audios. You were wired when you were born with natural giftedness and some talents that you've developed over time as well. Most people don't give themselves credit, but every single human being, no human is more special than another one. I'm not better than you and you're not better than me. I'm not more special than you. You're not more special than me. You were born and you've developed incredible gifts in your life. It could be your gift for kindness, for compassion, for intensity, for learning, for teaching, for speaking, for listening, for humor, for a musical instrument. Your math skills, your engineering skills, your problem solving skills, your inspirational skills. There's all kinds of talents, all kinds of gifts people have. Maybe it's the gift of touch, maybe it's your vision as a leader and what you can see in the world. But you were given special gifts. Don't shortchange yourself. The pathway is almost always through your gifts. That may or may not be your career. This is where we begin to move towards our mission, our cause and our crusade. The next thing I would suggest you do is ask yourself a powerful question. Who do you admire? Who are some of your role models, some of your heroes? And begin to think about that. Why do you admire them? What are the things they've done or the attributes you have that you admire so much in them? I can tell you this is going to be one of the most powerful things you're ever going to hear. The things you admire and see in them. You have a sense, a deep sense, an intuition that some of those same qualities exist in you and that's why you're drawn to them, that's why you admire them. So ask yourself, who are some of my heroes? Who are some of the people I admire? And what were the traits in them that I admire so deeply? Maybe it's their passion, their loyalty, their vision, their speaking skills, their physical beauty, their entertainment ability, their kindness, their generosity. But I can tell you right now that the things, things that you admire in them, that hero of yours, the seeds of those same gifts, lie within you. Now you have to ask yourself, this is my giftedness. I admire this. How could I use those same attributes towards contributing to other people? It may be a completely different track, a completely different path, but it'll be utilizing some of the same gifts in your way. You may not have the exact same abilities they've had. I know you hold them up in high regard, but remember, those are all, all children of God too. Those are all just people as well. And all they did was magnify the three or four magical gifts that you just listed in them towards the benefit of other people. You're going to take those same gifts you have and you're going to contribute towards other people and magnify them in your way. But the pathway to that passion is often through our role models in our heroes. Ask yourself who those people are and what those attributes and gifts are. The next key is try some things, try a side hustle, try a side business, try a side crusade, try a side mission. I'd encourage you to try to find a business that can deliver on your cause and mission because it would be great that you could monetize it because that monetization, right, is a magnifier of the contribution you could make because that monetization will give you more money towards those causes in different ways. But in my case, for example, I just knew I wanted, wanted to serve people and I knew that I wanted to make a difference in the world. And once I started chasing that path and I thought, you know, some of my gifts are I love people, I'm a good listener, I'm pretty compassionate, I'm a pretty good communicator, I'm really intense, I'm a hard working person, I Don't have a ton of gifts, but those are some of mine. And once I started to point that towards my business life, it magnified outside of my business into different charities I was involved in and different business ventures I was involved with different social settings. And all of those things started to be part of my cause, mission and crusade that's led to me and you here today. If you'd have told me 20 years ago that I'd be one of the top peak performance life strategist, personal development people in the world, I'd have thought you were crazy. So this road has led somewhere I never envisioned, but it started by me starting to think about the things I admired in my role models. I noticed some of those same attributes I had and I just started trying different things through business, through social, through philanthropic deeds. And so I would challenge you this, you got to try, start to get moving, take action. Try one thing, it may not be for you, try another, but eventually you're going to try one and you go, this is home. This is where I belong. I've got this sense, it's almost like dating. It's not usually the first person, right? You've got to try different dates, different people, and then eventually those are some failures. Eventually you find the one, your home. And so eventually, when you try different businesses, different side hustles, different side missions, side crusades, it could end up being that. I mean, it could be anything. It could be that you start making coats for the homeless part time, you start feeding people at Thanksgiving, it could be anything. But once you start trying, take, what are my gifts? Who do I admire? How could I start to take this to other people and start trying different things? Start to live your life. You got to stop thinking and start acting right. Start taking action. This is the key. And eventually, like dating, you're going to find the one eventually that's home for you. And then for some of you mega achievers like me that I know, follow me. Because you want to be wealthy, you want to be successful financially. Let me say one thing on that topic. You should try to go get stone ass wealthy. For those of you that have that desire in your heart, you know you want to win, you know you want to get wealthy. Everything I've said prior, you needed to hear first. I will never lead with money. I will never lead with material things when I coach and mentor you. So I've tried to lay this foundation of all the contributions you could make. I'm not delusional enough not to know that many of you who Follow me. You want to be wealthy, you want to be a multi millionaire, you want to be able to travel and do the things you want to do in your life and the material things. And getting wealthy is important to you. I want to challenge you to go get stone ass wealth because let me say something to you about that. I know what it's like to do it. And if you have first laid the foundation that you know that's not going to make you happy, you've laid a foundation, which is why I've taken the entire beginning of the video in middle about the foundation. Once you've laid a foundation that my bliss, my fulfillment is going to come through my crusade, my mission, my calling, the difference I want to make in other people's lives, the contribution I want to make, once that's the foundation and you understand this first, for those of you in your heart, you got a burning desire to go get wealthy. Once you've laid that foundation, you need to go do it. Because those of us that have that foundation first, only through getting wealthy can you make that big difference. You want to know the greatest thing about being wealthy? About being, I mean really wealthy? You know what it is? Living at the ocean is amazing. Having a private jets, incredible. Driving whatever car I want is wonderful. Being able to take care of my family is wonderful, right? Anything anybody ever needs, I can be there for them. Having multiple homes, all of this is, it's awesome and I want you to have it. Especially after you've laid the foundation of knowing that'll only make you happy. But what you're chasing is fulfillment. The best part is I don't ever have to be anywhere I don't want to be. Think about that for a second. What if you could live a life where you don't ever have to go anywhere you don't want to go. You don't have to be around people you don't want to be around. You have to go to places you don't want to be and neither does anybody that you love and care about. That type of total freedom of time is why I'm so excited about being wealthy above everything else. Because now I'm totally free to choose what I do with my life. I decided once I got wealthy because I had laid this foundation. And that happened because my original career, many of you know my original job, it wasn't a career as I worked at a group home with orphaned boys, wards of the court, my boys were. And I made six dollars an hour working with young children, eight and ten year old Boys. And that laid the foundation. I fell in love with serving other people. I found in love with making a difference for these young men. They just wanted somebody to love them and believe in them. And my gosh, all of a sudden when my athletic career ended, I found this place was home for me. Home for me was actually called McKinley Home for Boys. And that's where I found my life home. My life home I found out there at a young man. I never knew it before. I never found that this was what I wanted. I had no idea. I thought my calling was baseball, right? I thought my calling was to be a professional athlete. And then I found home. My home was making a difference in these precious little boys lives. They needed someone to believe in them and love them and give them tools to live their lives better. And I found that there. And I invested my entire heart right there. I knew this is where I belong. And it was from that path. That was the first path. That's why I talk about chasing things. That was the first place I started serving people. And then it led to business and then it led to other places. And once I got free of my time, I found fulfillment. Because what I'm doing with you right now is my home. It's my calling. See, you are just an extension of my first eight boys at McKinley Home for Boys. I started with eight to ten year old boys, eight of them. And now I end up reaching millions of people multiple decades later. But it's the same path. My calling is to contribute. It's to use the life skills I've developed. It's to use the fact that I was an insecure and shy person and I needed to learn how to build self confidence. I know how to have the brain work, how to think better, how to perform. At my peak. I needed to learn how to really truly become happy. Because I wasn't. I needed to learn what's my pathway to fulfillment. I used some of the gifts I listed earlier with those boys and I'm using them with you now. That's my home. And so. But the best part of being wealthy is my time is mine. I get to spend about every minute of most every single day doing my calling. It's no longer a side hustle, it's a full time crusade. It's a full time mission in my life. And I think that's why I feel so fulfilled most of the time in my life. Doesn't mean I don't have bad days, doesn't mean I'm not down, but I'm most alive. When I'm doing this with you right here, it's the greatest honor of my life is contributing to other people, starting with my own family. But for me, that pathway had to come through wealth to free up the time. I didn't want to spend an hour or two a day. I don't want to reach just eight or 10 or 20 people. I want to reach millions of people and eventually billions of people through my message, through my trainings, through the tactics and strategies I teach, through the way of thinking that I teach people. And so now the platforms have allowed me to do it as well. But it started out with finding my home. It started out with thinking about the people I admired and what were their gifts and traits. Why did I admire that in them? Because I had some of those same gifts in my own unique way. Now, Dr. Martin Luther King was one of my great heroes. He had this amazing ability to speak and to inspire. He talked about dreams all the time. And I started to think, I'm a dreamer, I can speak, I can contribute, I can inspire. I love people, I believe in people, I'm non judgmental of people. And I found my way of taking those gifts I saw in him. Mine weren't anywhere near on the scale his were. And neither do yours need to be. About your hero. I'm not deluded into thinking I'm as good a speaker or as good a man as he was. But I saw things in him. I knew his intentions were good, I knew mine were. And I started to do that same stuff with 8 and 10 year old boys in the group home. And then it magnified and the pathway led. That's how it's going to happen for you. This is truly how we find our calling in our life and it's truly how we find fulfillment. And so for those of you that want to be wealthy, let's go get it. I want that. There's a whole segment of people that need to go get wealthy to fulfill their mission. Not everybody though. Some people, their mission is to teach school or to be a pastor or to be a nurse or to be a mother. And that's what's going to fulfill them. And I'm not confused to think that the mothers listening to this that are making a difference in the precious children's lives they touch, or the school teachers that I know or the people that work in special needs or for the Special Olympics or spend their time in charities, I'm not deluded to think I'm more fulfilled than them. That's not true at all. My fulfillment came through this path. Their fulfillment came through that path. But we all have in common is we're using our gifts that we were given towards the service and contribution of other people. That's the calling. And we've all found our version of home. And you can as well. So finally ask yourself this question. What would you do if you had all the time in the world to do whatever you wanted to do? What would be the things you'd be doing? I know you'd say, well, I'd be sitting on that beach out there, Ed, and you would for a while, trust me. And maybe you should try it once you get wealthy. But you can only play so many golf courses. You can only sit on so many beaches. And guess what? Sitting on that beach is going to make you very happy. Playing a great golf course is going to make you very happy. Going to an incredible restaurant is going to make you very happy. But there'll be a point where it's just not enough just being happy. You're going to want to be fulfilled. And so get a level past that. If your time was all yours, how would you spend it? Who would you be helping? What would the difference be that you're making? What are some of those gifts you've got that are unique to you? And stop beating yourself up for real. What are some of those gifts? Is it your intentions? Is it your heart? Is it your faith? Is it your voice? Is it your beauty? Is it your humor, your articulation, your critical thinking skills?
- [43:58]
Mike
What is your gift?
- [44:00]
Ed Mylett
There's two or three of them. And when you uncover them and you point them in a direction, that path eventually will lead to somewhere that is total fulfillment for you. And so today, I hope this helps you just start to think a little bit more deeply about what would make me fulfilled. Is it really money? Or is it finding my purpose? Is it finding my passion? Is it finding my cause, my crusade, my mission? For some of you, that doesn't require money at all. And for many of you, it does. And I want to help both of you get there. And I want you to both be acknowledged for the incredible difference you make in your life. My prayer for you is that you find happiness. But what I really wish for you, what I really pray for you, is that you find your version of fulfillment, your version of heaven while you're living here on Earth. And I can promise you, it's by finding your calling, using your gifts, and contributing to other people. And it's just a matter of starting to try different things. Think about who you admire. Ask yourself what some of those gifts are and eventually you're going to find your home.
- [44:57]
Brendan Burchard
What makes a leader?
- [44:58]
Ed Mylett
It's a tough question, but one thing's.
- [45:00]
Brendan Burchard
For sure, a true leader leads by example. And a true leader takes risks too. They plunge into life with determination. For those who lead by example and who approach life with a palpable passion.
- [45:11]
Ed Mylett
There'S the Range Rover Sport.
- [45:13]
Brendan Burchard
Each Range Rover Sport model offers a dynamic, sophisticated take on sporting luxury. The Range Rover Sport offers focused on road performance and world renowned off road capability with industry leading features like adaptive off road cruise control that monitors ground.
- [45:29]
Ed Mylett
Conditions and acclimates to the present terrain.
- [45:31]
Brendan Burchard
Agility, control and composure are achieved with dynamic air suspension and adaptive dynamics. Reduces unwanted body movements to deliver smooth and composed handling, true sophistication and excellent maneuverability all on a seriously stylish package. Sophisticated refinement meets visceral power in the Range Rover Sport. A new dimension of sporting luxury Build your Range Rover Sport atlandrover USA.com so if you're thinking about finding a unique gift this holiday, let me tell you something that could really help the people that you love grow and get better. Can't do any better than Masterclass. Masterclass allows you and your loved ones to learn from the best to become their best. Take an expert in an industry and they're on Masterclass. It's the only streaming platform where you can learn and grow with over 200 of the world's best at what they do. Learn from any Masterclass instructor anywhere on a smartphone, computer, smart TV or even in audio mode. I have to tell you I'm doing a cooking thing on there right now now because I really want to make better food for the fam and so I'm on there right now doing through a cooking thing and the classes make a difference. 80% of the members feel Masterclass made a positive impact in their life and there's no risk. Every new membership 30 day money back guarantee. Masterclass always has great offers during the holidays, sometimes as much as 50 off. Head over to masterclass.com mylet for the current offer. That's up to 50 off at masterclass.com/mylet masterclass.com mylet very short intermission here folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify.
- [47:04]
Ed Mylett
Links are in the show notes.
- [47:05]
Brendan Burchard
You'll never miss an episode that way.
- [47:07]
Mike
Today we're going to talk about patterns. Yes, every human being is almost runs like a software program in their mind. And they run these patterns of behavior, Patterns of thought patterns, patterns of words, patterns of performance. And most of these patterns run in our lives without us being conscious of them. And they steal from us our ability to be happier, to be more joyful, to produce at the highest levels, to engage with people the right way. And they create for us oftentimes in a life a disconnect between what our beliefs are and actually how we behave. We call that cognitive dissonance. Oftentimes where we believe one thing, but we often behave differently. That's because sometimes our patterns can even override our thoughts. And oftentimes in life, if we can just become conscious that we do have these patterns, we begin to evaluate them and be aware of them. We can identify them when they rear their head, and we can overcome them. We can create new patterns that serve us. And so the first thing I'm here to tell you today is that you do run a series of patterns in your life. You have a pattern of behavior, you have a pattern of producing results. There's certain stimulus that cause these patterns to happen for you. And unless you begin to evaluate them and be aware of them when they happen, these patterns begin to really take control of our lives. For some of you, even as I say this, you're nodding your head in awareness. You're sort of aware. I fall into these patterns of when something happens, I begin to think a certain way, which creates another thought and another behavior. And I find myself running this same story again. Or if I get into a disagreement with somebody, a pattern kicks in. Or if I have a failure, a pattern kicks in. If I have a success, a pattern kicks in. And so if we can become aware of these things, it's a breakthrough in our lives. I think today could be one of the more powerful programs I've ever brought to you. It's just becoming aware of what some of these patterns are. Now, before we get into those, I want to talk a little bit about what you really want. You know, often in life, just choosing the emotions we want. We've talked in a lot of my programs about the caliber of our life has everything to do with the caliber of the emotions we experience on a regular level. We are our emotions. And so the first thing I'd ask.
- [49:19]
Ed Mylett
You to do is to start to.
- [49:20]
Mike
Use the power of choice in your life. Yes, you get to choose your life. You get to choose how you feel, not other people. There's these illusions in life. We really can't control anything other than our own thoughts, our own Behavior, our own patterns. We can't control what other people do, say or think. And it's this illusion of control oftentimes that we can somehow manipulate other people or manipulate situations that cause us to fall into these patterns. But what we do have the power of in life is we have the power to choose. And I say this to you because I'm somebody just like you. I struggle with the different patterns I have. Some of them serve me, some of them don't. I sometimes engage in thoughts that don't create the right emotions for me that don't serve me. I know what it's like to be frustrated and angry and depressed and down and lost and fearful and worried. Worry is a big one for me. I love to fall into the pattern of worry. When certain circumstances begin to happen. It creates a trigger and a pattern in me. And man, do I love to worry. And so I give you these tools and resources because these are things I struggle with. I've been able to overcome them by just being aware and choosing. And so the first thing is the power of choice. Finish this sentence for me. I choose to be blissful rather than blank. I choose to be blissful rather than blank. What would your answer be? One of the emotions I challenge you to experience more of in life is bliss. You know, we are the calibration of maybe the five emotions we experience on a regular basis. And so if you're experiencing depression, frustration, worry, fear, anxiety, pain on a regular basis, you're gonna have one life. If you're experiencing bliss and fulfillment and ecstasy and joy in your life and contribution, recognition and significance. If you're experiencing love, experience those emotions, you have a totally different life. We have the power to choose which emotions we want to experience. And so I love the emotion of bliss. I love the word bliss. As you know, I have an audio that's out called Blissful Dissatisfaction. That's a critically acclaimed and highly downloaded audio and video on being both blissfully dissatisfied, dissatisfied and desiring for more. But in a current state of bliss. I love the word bliss because of its definition. Its definition in Webster's is perfect happiness or joy. I love that Webster's also says some of the synonyms for bliss are joy, pleasure, ecstasy, delight, happiness, euphoria, heaven, paradise, cloud nine, utopia, eden. These are all synonyms for the word bliss. I like how all of those sound. Those are the noun versions in the dictionary of bliss. The verb, the action of being blissful, according to the dictionary is to reach a state of perfect happiness, typically as to be oblivious to Everything else. Wouldn't that be amazing? To be in perfect happiness and be oblivious to everything else, that's the verb or the action of being blissful. And the antonym according to Webster's to bliss is misery. And the last thing we want to be is feeling misery. So it's the antithesis of misery. So I choose to be blissful rather than what? What if you could choose every day to be blissful. But oftentimes we don't choose to be blissful because we choose to be right. We choose to win. We choose to be significant. We choose to be in control. We make choices to try to experience other emotions. And by the way, all of these other emotions are typically outside of our control. Winning is outside of our control. Dominating is outside of our control. All of these things are something we can't control and we choose them over bliss. But what if you just made a conscious decision right now? I choose bliss. I choose to be blissful rather than blank. And it's being aware of the other things you choose so that you can be conscious. When you go to choose those things, you go for bliss instead. And by the way, not making a choice is a choice. A non decision is a decision if you don't choose consciously to begin to experience the emotions you want. Okay, for me, bliss is very important. Joy is very important. Peace is very important. Contribution is very important. Connection is very important. What are the five emotions that if you could choose them, you'd experience on a regular basis?
- [53:45]
Ed Mylett
Just take an inventory of that.
- [53:46]
Mike
You don't have to be perfect, they may change. There may be eight, but what are five ones right now? Say them out loud to yourself. What are the five ones you'd want?
- [53:54]
Ed Mylett
Is it love?
- [53:55]
Mike
Is it ecstasy? Is it joy? Is it passion? Is it intensity? Is it focused? It peace? Is it faith? What are the emotions you would choose if you could choose five emotions and begin to tell yourself, I choose to feel blank rather than this. And when you just begin to become conscious of that choice, you've already moved ahead of 99.9% of the world who just responds and reacts and goes into pattern mode all the time. So just choosing gives you an advantage. And by the way, once again, not choosing is a choice. You've decided to go into your pattern. You've decided to let other people dictate to you your emotions. You've decided you have no control over your life by not choosing.
- [54:41]
Ed Mylett
So choose.
- [54:42]
Mike
I'd rather be blissful than I'd rather be joyful than blank. I'd rather have Ecstasy than blank. What do you choose rather than. So now let's discuss these patterns for a second. Why do we have these patterns? You have patterns because they serve you. There's a payoff to every pattern. And by the way, you say, well, no, because, you know, one of my patterns is I slip into worry and then I'm completely unhappy. How's that a payoff for me? It's a payoff for you because it's predictable. It's become your home.
- [55:10]
Ed Mylett
And so you don't have any pattern.
- [55:12]
Mike
That doesn't give you a payoff? Well, no, because when things don't go my way, I become combative, I become argumentative. That's my pattern. Then I get in a disagreement in my relationship, and then I say things I don't mean. How's there a payoff there for me? There's a payoff because it gets you what you want even though you don't know it. It gets you out of the conversation. It gets you maybe to avoid your own responsibility. It gives you the disconnect that somehow you're more comfortable with than dealing with the problem. But I promise you, every pattern you have, both healthy and unhealthy, you have them because there's a payoff for you. So the key to a happier life, the key to a more successful life, is to evaluate our patterns and when we see them happening, begin to step outside of them and create new ones that serve us. And so what are some of the patterns you have, for example, that don't serve you? So, for example, when a difficult situation arises, what is your pattern? What pattern mode do you go into? Do you become more resourceful, more focused? Or do you become more fearful, worried, and you begin to make excuses? When you get into a disagreement with a loved one, what is your pattern typically? Do you become more combative? Do you listen less and talk more? Does the pattern begin? You understand what I'm saying? Do you begin to run this program that you run in such a way that it puts you in a state you don't want to be in? When adversity strikes, when someone puts you down, when there's a hater? What pattern mode do you typically kick into? Do you start to repeat other negative thoughts? Do you replay videos in your mind of other people who have also said negative things to you in the past or other thoughts you have about yourself that are loathsome, and you begin to stack these thoughts. Oftentimes one person says something to us negative, and it creates this pattern we run, doesn't it? We begin to think of another embarrassing moment, another person who sought something negative. We begin to create other negative thoughts about ourselves, to stack it. And you say, how's there a payoff for me in that? Because it's what you're used to. It pays you off by reassuring you, you're right, you're a loser, you're right, you're not going to win. There's a payoff because guess what? Now you don't have to do the real work because you were never won anyway because you're this terribly unprepared person. So that's your payoff. And so you have these patterns, don't you? Now, some people, their pattern kicks into winning. When someone puts them down, they start.
- [57:31]
Ed Mylett
To buck up, they start to get.
- [57:33]
Mike
Resourceful, they start to feed themselves positive thoughts. They're aware that that's there and they begin to go into a hyper productive, positive emotion mode. Yes, they do. Believe it or not, when adversity strikes for some people, they go into a fearful mode. They begin to think about all the things that could go worse and worse and worse and they depress themselves. And that pattern creates the very situations you fear. The same is true when we're successful. Sometimes some people may become successful, they go into a pattern when they begin to sabotage themselves and slow down and stop the behaviors that got them there. They begin to believe their own press clippings that they've arrived, they don't have.
- [58:11]
Ed Mylett
To do the work they used to do.
- [58:12]
Mike
Maybe they begin to fall into patterns where they get their relationships out of sorts and that's their pattern. Life starts to go well in business. My pattern is every time life goes well in business, I start having issues in my personal life and they sabotage the business success with their personal life. And that's a pattern they run. If it's happened more than once to you, it's not coincidental. It's a pattern in my fitness life, you may say every time I start to get super fit, it seems, then I get ill, then I don't go to the gym for a week, then I start eating poorly and I'm back to where I was. If it's happened more than once, it's a pattern, right? And so begin to evaluate these patterns you have that don't serve. You simply begin to choose to create new patterns, more empowering patterns, patterns that give you the emotions and the results you want to have in your life. You will be amazed at how many patterns you have. Your response to adversity, fear, success, mediocrity, Criticism, strife in a relationship, your nutrition, your faith, all of the different patterns you run. There is such power in beginning to separate and identify these patterns when they begin to repeat. Even as I'm saying it, I can feel you nodding your head. My gosh, I do have a pattern when I'm successful. Every time I climb up a little bit, I start this pattern where I sabotage or I start to believe too much or my relationships go sideways. Every time I start to get more fit, I somehow get ill, or I somehow miss a day at the gym or that's the day my car breaks down. Every time I have a pattern where I accumulate more money, I fall into this pattern where I save, save, save, and then I spend it all on something I shouldn't, or then I do something with money I shouldn't have, or it seems like every time then a repair comes up or something with my kids, you're falling into these patterns. There's massive power and beginning to understand that's not who you are. I've done enough training with you. If you haven't listened to my previous work, please go back and listen to it. You are not your possessions. You are not your accomplishments. You are not what other people say you are. You are not what you look like. And guess what else you're not. You are not your patterns. But your life becomes a combination and a result of your patterns. The great thing about us is that we can change these patterns if we identify them. The pattern has no power over you. Once you know it's a program and a pattern running, the minute you start, you go, I'm doing it again, aren't I? I'm doing this thing I do every time I accumulate money, I'm doing the same thing. Every time me and my spouse get in a disagreement, doing the same thing Every time I'm starting to feel loved by somebody and I push them away. Every time things start to go bad financially, I spiral. Every time there's adversity, I do the same pattern where I start worrying. Every time I get fit, I do the same pattern. When you begin to see these things, you begin to go, my gosh, this isn't who I am. That's not your identity. There's a difference between your identity and your pattern. And the more you begin to build your identity, as I've talked about my other audios and be aware of patterns, then simply ask yourself, when this comes up again in the future, what pattern would serve me? What pattern can I take control of? What would be the steps I need to Take that will create the bliss I want or the win I want, or the production I want. What would the pattern need to be? The pattern immediately, by the way, stops when you identify it. The pattern only hurts you when it runs. Unconsciously, the pattern loses all its power over you once you see it, it's gone. It can't continue to run once you're aware of it, because all of a sudden you're like, I know what I'm doing. Here I go. And you can begin to identify it and make a shift. So this is so critical. Start to ask yourself, am I running one of these patterns? What are some of the ones I typically do that serve me, and what are the ones that don't serve me? And what we do in our life is we compare too much. And so remember this, you're working on your identity, okay? Everybody wears what I would call like a mask, a public mask, or even a social mask. It's the person they present themselves to be.
- [62:16]
Ed Mylett
You do it too.
- [62:16]
Mike
I do it as well. It's the person everybody thinks we are, and so it's the person we reveal to the public. It's not whom we really are. It's not our real thoughts, our real behaviors, our real hope. Everybody wears this public mask, or this social mask, I call it, where they're. It's who they want everybody to think they are. It's the best put version of themselves. And if you're not careful, you begin to compare your own real identity with other people's public mask. And this begins to create a pattern for you. Don't compare yourself. Most of the people you see on social media or even in your personal life, or even when you go to lunch with them or see them at work, they're wearing what I would call a public mask. It's the best possible version that they can put out to themselves. And oftentimes what we do in life is we compare our real identity that we're working on, and we're growing to their mask.
- [63:03]
Ed Mylett
And that's not fair to ourselves at all.
- [63:05]
Mike
Any comparison doesn't serve us. And it's oftentimes this comparison. When you're in a disagreement with somebody, it's the mask they're wearing compared to the identity you have. And then you begin to run a pattern to respond to it. It happens in fitness, in relationships, in money, and in business. Remember, you're in charge of controlling your own identity, growing your own identity, and being aware of the patterns you have that do and do not serve you. Not comparing yourself to someone Else's public representative. It's just the representative they're putting out there. It's not who they really are. And it's not something that you need to be aware of, because it's not something you can control. The more you can begin to delineate in life between things I can control and I cannot control would be to the extent that you're more productive and you're happier, you can control your own thoughts, your own emotions, your own identity, and your own patterns, not other people's. So speaking of these payoffs we talked about earlier, how can you begin to get the payoff you want from the new empowering pattern? And so a couple questions I want you to ask yourself today, because we do want more bliss, since that's my word. I'm assuming you want more bliss after you've heard all the synonyms, and I know you want the antithesis to misery. So assuming you want more bliss in your life, decide to have it, take some actions towards getting it. So let me ask you a question. What are you doing currently to create more bliss in your life? What are the actions you're taking to give yourself more bliss? You are intentionally seeking more bliss because bliss is going to lead to more wealth, more abundance, more fitness, more faith, better relationships, more happiness, more peace, more wins, more success, more recognition, more significance. So what are you consciously doing now that you've chosen bliss? What is the consistent action you're taking to create more in your life? What are you doing to give yourself bliss? Is it acknowledging victories you have? Is it giving gifts to other people of your belief and your hope? Is it lifting other people up? Is it taking a bath? Getting a massage, taking a walk, going for a workout, Winning, achieving knocking goals off your list? What are the things you're doing to create bliss in your own life? Number one? Number two question I have for you. What are you doing to intentionally create bliss in the lives of the people that you care about? Because this is the pathway to getting more of it ourselves. The more we begin to give other people bliss, the more we begin to consciously make choices that give bliss to other people in their lives, the more we begin to experience in an abundance ourselves. So what are you doing to help other people win? Other people contribute. Other people get significance and recognition. Other people have more peace and ecstasy and joy and passion in their lives. Because once you begin to create it for other people, when you're intentional about it, you'll have more of it yourself. These are the patterns that I'd like to see kick in for you, that when they kick in, you begin to run a pattern in a program that leads you to bliss, leads you to a win, lead you to increase, and also leads to it with someone in your life that if you do have a conflict with somebody, that you run a pattern that eventually leads. Maybe it's understanding them, maybe it's confronting them, maybe it's talking about it. It's not always when you're in a disagreement that you lead to a win, that you must win this, that you must overcome the fact that they think this of you. What if you were consciously choosing every time you got into a disagreement with your spouse? This will eventually lead to more bliss. At least that was your outcome. Now the steps you take, it's probably going to be ugly in the beginning. You're probably going to have to some understanding. You may not even agree on everything. But if your intention is that it leads to bliss, rather than you winning, rather than you controlling them, rather than you making it go away, rather than you running a pattern. If when you're beginning to succeed in business, if your outcome is more bliss, more winning, you'll run a pattern that does more of that. If in your fitness you're getting fit past where you've ever been before and you're making a conscious decision, how can I get more bliss out of my fitness? Rather than running this other pattern of sabotage. See, the circumstances may be the same, there may be some ugly patches, but you're now consciously choosing to run a program and a pattern that leads you to bliss, to victory, to the win, to fulfillment. Whatever the emotion is you choose, just making that choice gets you there, gets you closer to it, makes it an outcome. We are not as human beings doing enough conscious choosing of what we want in our lives. So what are you doing to create bliss in your own life? What are you doing to create bliss in other people's lives? And how blissful are you to be around? Just ask yourself that too. How blissful am I to be around? How joyful am I to be around? How much are people winning when they're around me? Whatever the emotion is you choose, how much of that do people experience when they're around me? People are great now because there's all this stuff in personal development about choosing to win, choosing your outcome, choosing your schedule, choosing your habits. I'm the master of teaching this. Go back through my content. Nobody puts out more specific content in teaching people the tools of how to choose the right habits, the right rituals, the right thinking, programming your brain. I do that at a level far beyond anybody out there, I'm not one of these influencers or just repeats, you know, mindless memes all the time or I don't repeat the same sayings over and over again. I don't just tell you very basic things you could read in any book or go to any seminar. I go very deep, very tactical, very strategic. But having said all of that, no one's talking about choosing the intentional emotion we want, which is why we do all this stuff in the first place. So that when the stimulus happens, the win or the loss, the adversity or the success, the disagreement or the tragedy, consciously choosing in that moment to chase bliss anyway, that it may be a.
- [68:48]
Ed Mylett
While till I get to it, but.
- [68:50]
Mike
This pattern I'm going to run the choices I will make the decisions I choose, even though there may be some bumps between there, the end result is going to be more bliss. Choosing that emotion as your outcome. And remember, not choosing it is a choice you've chosen to let an unconscious pattern run. And you know where that's gotten you. It's gotten to where you are right now, listening to this. Whatever it is, good, bad or indifferent in your life, your current level of happiness, of joy, of success, of fulfillment is exactly what you think you deserve. It's exactly what you think you're worth. It's a hard thing to accept, but in our lives, we are getting out of our life right now exactly what we believe we're worthy of, exactly what we think we deserve. Our life is a direct reflection of our identity, which is the thoughts, concepts, beliefs, values and worth we hold true to be about ourselves. And so, as hard as it is to accept, we're getting out of life right now what we believe we're worth. And we believe we're worth it because of these patterns and our identity and our lack of choosing to have what we want. Not just the material things, not just the body fat, not just the body weight, not just the amount of money, not just having the relationship, but choosing the emotion we want the level above all. This stuff I discuss and the level way down here where the people just cover the basic stuff. Then there's what I've been covering. The highest level is to choose the emotions we want to experience and to begin to run patterns that serve us and eliminate the ones who move us further from them. The final thing I want you to ask yourself today is we're talking a lot about these choices. I want you to evaluate for a second what these patterns are you're running and when they begin to rear their head, just identify them and begin to make decisions and choices that create a new pattern. It's as simple as it is. It's not that complicated. You've fallen into these patterns because there's a payoff. And so as long as you begin to identify it when it's happening, and you begin to create a new pattern that leads you to the choice you've chosen, which is the emotion you want. See, because these patterns you run that don't get you there. The minute you choose the emotion you want, you're conscious about it and intentional. You can't run this pattern once you identify. And the power of choice is critical in our lives. I want you to think about something right now. What are five of the most important choices you've made in your life? Just think about that for a second. Begin to list them off in your head. Five of the most important choices you've made in your life. Maybe it was a decision to get involved in a particular business, to leave a particular business. Maybe it was a decision to get involved with a particular person or to become uninvolved with a particular person. Maybe it was a friend that you chose to walk across the room and meet and it changed your life. Maybe it was a friend that you had to walk away from in order to improve your life. What are the five most important choices of your life? Just think about them for a second. And if you altered those five choices, good, bad, or indifferent, how different would your life be today? Because I'm a believer that there's everyday choices we make, that when you stack them up, they make a massive difference in our life. But I'm also believer that there are between five and 10, a handful of moments in everybody's life that if we make the proper choices in those moments, the complete trajectory of our life changes. And I think as you just ask yourself that question, you may say there haven't been five, there's been two. What were they and how'd they alter the direction of your life? Good, bad, or indifferent? Lady that picked me up a few weeks ago, an Uber driver, wonderful woman, but she was an older lady, and it was late at night when she picked me up, and I asked her why she was doing what she was doing. It wasn't that she was driving for Uber, because that's a choice. And I have a lot of friends that do it, that love it. It's extra money. They've done it in retirement. But I just had a sense that maybe she hadn't chosen it. Because she was complaining about her back and that she had had back surgery. I thought that's an interesting choice to be driving at 11 o'clock at night and her back was sore. And she shared with me that she had chosen to leave a spouse earlier in her life that she wished she'd have stayed with and that it was a choice that altered the whole direction of her life. And I said, well, how did it alter the direction of your life? And she says, well, my ex, I moved away from my ex and my son wasn't around his father very much. And she said I had no idea how that choice would impact him. But she said, the reason that I'm driving here and I moved is I lost my home. And I lost my home because my 18 year old son one night chose to have a couple drinks and he had had three drinks at our house and I was at work and my son chose to take the car out of the driveway and he chose to drive. And two blocks from our house he hit a family and killed somebody while drinking and driving. My son was a good boy. He had always got good grades and he made the choice to do that that night. And he's in prison, he's serving eight years in prison. And I lost my home over the legal expenses and we've moved to Las Vegas and now I drive Uber because that's what I've got to do just to support my family. And it made me think. She said, the choice to leave my husband really affected my son. And I thought, yeah, the choice your son made really affected his life. Those were two life choices that both of them made that altered the direction of both of their lives. His choice, that good boy made one choice that altered the direction of his life. And I think if you evaluate, there may not be something that dramatic, but there's been probably five choices if you're my age, if you're in your 40s, there's probably been five major choices of your life. Maybe it's who you decided to marry or not marry, a relationship you got in or out of, a business you started or didn't start, something you left or began, a friend, a house you bought or didn't buy, an investment you did or didn't make, you know, a decision you made in your fitness one way or the other. Maybe it's stopping using alcohol or using too much alcohol the first time you tried a drug that you're now addicted to. I don't know what those choices are, but those handful of choices alter the direction of your life. And I want you to begin to become conscious of choosing the emotions you want, because they will alter the choices you make every single day. In the small choices. They will also alter the decisions you make on the five big ones in your life. If you're very clear about the emotions you want to experience, if you're very clear on the person you are as you build your identity, if you have those two things wired, I'm clear about the emotions I want to experience, and I'm clear about who I am and my identity and my worth and what I'm worthy of and what I deserve. They will guide you in making the right choices. In the small ones and the big ones. They will guide you towards the right patterns. The answer to changing these patterns, the answer to making the right choices, is perfect and specific clarity on the emotions we want to have in our life on a regular basis and on who we are in our identity so that we produce the lives we believe we deserve, that we're worthy of. They will be your compass in making the small and big choices. They will help guide the patterns. If you're somebody who's addicted to being blissful and happy and you begin to run a pattern and program that you know doesn't lead you there, it sort of blows it up. It's like a virus in the program. You'll be aware and you can't run it, you begin to choose to create new patterns. If you've got an identity of somebody who's worthy of great relationships and abundance and success and peace and fitness and health and all of the great things, if that's your identity, you won't be able to run patterns that lead you in this place on a regular basis. There is something called cognitive dissonance, which is when we begin to behave in a way that's not consistent with our thoughts. And the antidote to that is both of these things combined. It's the ability to begin to choose consciously the emotions we want combined with our identity. When you're conscious of choosing the emotions you want to experience and you're completely conscious of choosing who you are and what you're worthy of deserving, you have to act in congruence with both of those combined ones Missing from the other can cause us to make poor choices. Both of them missing is a choice not to choose and will lead us into pain and mediocrity, worry, fear, and all the emotions we don't want. Having one of them in place will guide you to a decent destination. But when you have both combined, the identity and the choosing the conscious intentions for the emotions you want. You begin to have great choices being made in your life on a very regular basis. Not every day, not every time, not every moment, but enough of the time where you make progress towards your dreams, progress towards the man or woman you're capable of becoming. And when you have the combination of these two things, these patterns begin to change. We begin to replace them. So I'd ask yourself today, what are the patterns you're running that don't serve you? Begin to be aware of those patterns. Know who your real identity is. Get conscious of choosing bliss over blank. See those patterns when they're happening. Interrupt them. Continue to work on your identity. These two things combined, I think, are the critical components to making the decisions and the choices in our life that when we look back, I don't want you to end up in your 80s or 90s and regret the choices you made. I want you to go back. I put it through what I call the rocking chair test, that someday, for all of you who I love so much, who I believe in so much, I want that rocking chair test for you, for you to pass it. And that is. I'm proud of the choices I made. My life wasn't perfect. I made some mistakes, but I chose the emotions I wanted. I worked on my identity. I created patterns that empowered me and the people around me. And you know what? By and large, I'm proud of the choices I made in my life. I'm proud of the man or woman I've become. That's how we know we've had a great life. I don't want you to be in that rocking chair someday. Regret the choices you made, regret the patterns you ran and that you just unconsciously went through your life without choosing the direction of it, choosing the decisions, choosing the emotions, choosing to be the man or woman you're worthy of. Choosing the life you deserve. The final piece of the puzzle today is what are the three to five choices you must make in order to create the life you want right now? What are the choices you must make? The big ones? The people that need to be in your life or out of your life? The patterns you will no longer run again? The choice, perhaps to work on your identity like you never have before. Evaluate what the three to five decisions are you've made so far in your life that have taken you a certain direction? Or what are the three to five you need to make in order to change your life and take it in the direction you want. These patterns will lose their power over you, your identity and your conscious choice will begin to take charge. And I know you're going to have more happiness and produce more results and have a much better life. And that's what I wish for you. So I have a funny feeling that today impacted you on a deep level because we all have these patterns we need to look at. We all need to consciously choose the emotions we want. And I have a feeling that it made a difference in your life if I'm right about it. Please share the program it's free.
- [79:57]
Brendan Burchard
This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Listen, it's the time of year where.
- [80:01]
Ed Mylett
You want to make the next year.
- [80:02]
Brendan Burchard
One of the great years of your life. One of the things you should probably consider is therapy. Most successful people and happy people that I know are either in therapy or have been in therapy because it helps them get clarity, helps them unwind some things that are holding them back and it gets them focused on the things that need to move forward. So whether you've got major trauma in your life you need to work through or just a lack of clarity and focus in your life that you would like to get more clear on things and a sense of direction in your life, therapy is a great way to do it. And that's where better help is so great for people to learn different things. And that's where better help comes in. So if you're thinking of starting therapy, give Better Help a try. It's entirely online, it's convenient, it's flexible, your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist. You can switch therapists for any time for no additional charge. Find comfort this December with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.comedshow today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp h lp.comed show. This message is sponsored by Greenlight. And I got to tell you, I wish Green Light existed when I was a kid, but I'm so grateful it's existed for my kids. So you look we all know the old saying, give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and he eats for life. This isn't just true with fishing, it's true for parents with their kids. And one of the most under taught skills in life is financial success and responsibility. And as we enter the gifting season, now's the perfect time to give your kids money skills that'll last well beyond the holidays. And that's where Green Light comes in. Green Light is a debit card and money app for families. Parents can send money to their kids and keep an eye on kids spending and saving while kids and teens learn to build money, confidence and lifelong financial literacy skills, one of the most important skills in life. Sign up for greenlight today@greenlight.com ed that's greenlight.com ed to try greenlight today greenlight.com.
- [81:53]
Ed Mylett
Ed very short intermission here, folks.
- [81:56]
Brendan Burchard
I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify.
- [82:01]
Ed Mylett
Links are in the show notes.
- [82:02]
Brendan Burchard
You'll never miss an episode that way.
- [82:04]
Ed Mylett
Here's a clip of Ed Mylett appearing on the Heavy Checklist podcast.
- [82:08]
Darren Waller
This book is heavy in the sense that you say things like, winning is more fun than fun is fun. So when I first heard you say that and I read it, it took me some time to process because it seems like a simple statement, right? Like it seems very like, you know, yeah, winning is great. What does winning really mean? And what is fun? And I think in your book you start to dive into you. You've watched certain friends and associates go this way in the pursuit of fun and happiness and success.
- [82:40]
Ed Mylett
Yeah.
- [82:41]
Darren Waller
And it didn't work out quite how they thought it would.
- [82:43]
Ed Mylett
Well, and so have you. So I say winning is more fun than fun is when what is winning? Winning is just reaching your potential and whatever it is that you're doing. Right. And I've had all kinds of friends in my life just go for short term stuff. You know, they want to go to the club, they want to go have fun, they want to chill out. And to me, that might sound good for like 15 or 20 minutes, but to me, winning, reaching my potential, by the way, winning and having fun, like maxing out my laughter like we were doing before we started here today, like every area of my life, I do. The reason I wrote the book is really simple. My dad died and when it happened, I learned all these lessons from my dad. I know a lot about how the brain works. I know a lot about the spiritual stuff, the physical stuff. And it occurred to me, man, like, I'm next.
- [83:21]
Unknown
Yeah.
- [83:21]
Ed Mylett
I don't know when my life ends, but I know I'm the next my let man to go. Yeah. And so I wanted to write a book from my kids and my great grandkids that this is what I know about being happy and successful. And one of the things I know is that chasing short term fleeting fun.
- [83:37]
Mike
In every area, even our scriptures all tell us this.
- [83:40]
Ed Mylett
The cheap stuff of life. The cheap things that are easy to get are hollow. Yeah. And the hard things. I have a chapter in the book called One More Inconvenience, Doing Inconvenient, difficult things that build character. Build. Yeah. Is where real fun is. Absolutely. And, and to me, it fires me up to know that because we're in a culture now that doesn't celebrate that anymore.
- [84:02]
Mike
We're in a culture that celebrates cheap.
- [84:04]
Ed Mylett
Short term fun, whatever you want to call it.
- [84:06]
Darren Waller
Well, I think fun and fulfillment were. Are synonymous here. This is the type of fun that we're talking about. Feeling fulfilled is fun.
- [84:14]
Ed Mylett
Yeah.
- [84:14]
Darren Waller
Going out and partying on the weekend, that may be fun for a minute.
- [84:18]
Ed Mylett
Right.
- [84:18]
Darren Waller
And you might have a great weekend and then whatever else happens after that. But fulfillment, influence for good and accomplishing things that other people haven't accomplished before, that's real fun.
- [84:31]
Ed Mylett
It is real fun. And the other thing is this. You learn something about yourself. This may sound really serious for this, but Napoleon Hill says in Think and Grow Rich, by the way, I love Think and Grow Rich. Other than Scriptures, it's my favorite book. But the truth is you don't just think and get rich.
- [84:44]
Darren Waller
Right.
- [84:44]
Ed Mylett
There's stuff you got to do. So I wanted to write a book about what do you think and what do you do congruently that produce a result? But one thing I love that he says is, he says if you can survive the temporary, the temporary pain, the temporary issue, you're going through that on the other side of that pain, you.
- [84:59]
Mike
Get introduced to your other self.
- [85:01]
Darren Waller
Oh, yeah.
- [85:02]
Ed Mylett
And that other self produces another life, which is more fun. Yeah. And so for me, it's. No matter who's listening to this right now or watching it, listen, you might be going through something temporary right now. Okay. It's painful, it's difficult. You're having a setback, You're. You're not on your A game right now. Everything in life is temporary. Being other than our souls. Being with my dad, I was literally holding my father's hand when he took his last breath.
- [85:22]
Mike
And it occurred to me, even in.
- [85:23]
Ed Mylett
Those moments like, wow, even our bodies are temporary. Nothing you're going through is permanent. Yet most people start making permanent decisions in temporary conditions in their lives because they don't have the tools, the thoughts and the actions to take.
- [85:37]
Mike
And I'm like, I need to write a book.
- [85:38]
Ed Mylett
You know, humans need to know these things. I'm a huge fan of this man. He's an NFL football player. He's one of the best tight ends in the NFL. And so New York Giants tight end Darren Waller, welcome to the show. It's great to have you.
- [85:51]
Unknown
Oh, man, it's a perfect time, man. Yeah, we've been working on this, but I'm so grateful to be here.
- [85:55]
Ed Mylett
Okay, so let's talk, let's unpack. He's got so many great quotes here. One thing along those lines about just grinding. There's a quote of yours, by the way. Maybe you took it from somebody else, but I want everybody to hear this because this is. How do you go from being a six round pick, you're basically a wide receiver to being one of the best tight ends in football. And I mean, like, this dude's a weapon, everybody. When he's healthy, we can keep this dude healthy. There's no record he's not capable of breaking. And it's because of that position change. But also this. Listen to this quote from you. No job is too little or too small or obscure that it can't be done as if it was God's work. Do you literally think about that? Is that something that's like a mindset of yours? Is that, is that what a all pro level person in their career thinks? Like whatever the job is, it's treated like it's God's work?
- [86:41]
Unknown
Yeah, I mean, I believe that gives me, I don't know, just a level of essence and being that I can bring into anything. It doesn't have to be one specific activity. It could be on the football field, it could be creating a song, it could be speaking. It could be doing something through my foundation. Like the work of God is just loving people, meeting them where they're at and trying to serve them in the ways that they need to be served. And I can serve my teammates with my effort, my execution, my preparation, my reliability. Like, you know that. And yeah, definitely taking that to the field and just that in that is a level of humility. Like our strength coach with the Raiders, A.J. nibel, he would have a quote on the first day he'd come in, in the off season and be like, no. Like that's where the part with a no job is too unimportant or to obscure. Like that's like the. Right away. It's like whatever is required of me. If it's sexy, if it's not, if it's fantasy points, if it's not, if it, whatever it is, like being willing to do that is the definition of success that's really worth subscribing to.
- [87:48]
Ed Mylett
When I was young, I thought if I could make it to the major leagues, I'd be happy. And then that dream didn't happen. And then I thought, you know what? If I could be wealthy, then I'll be happy. And then I thought, well, if I could get a mansion, then I'll be happy. If I could get a jet, then I'd be happy. If I could get a TV show, then I'd be happy. If I could have an amazing family, I'll be happy. And I kept attaching this notion of happiness to some future achievement. And every time I got there, I'd move the end zone, I'd move the goal line. Now it's this next thing. It's this next thing. Did you have that with football? Did you think, hey, if I could just get to the NFL, I'm gonna be a happy person?
- [88:31]
Unknown
Absolutely, man, I could have a laundry list just like you. If I. If it was like, if I get to college and play Division 1, I'll be happy. If I, you know, make it into the NFL and play one year, I'll be happy. If I, you know, oh, now that I'm in a starting role, if I get this big contract, I'll be happy. If I'm rated this in the top 100 players, I'll be happy. And it's like, you check those boxes off, and it's just like. It doesn't really move the needle. It's kind of like, this is it. This is all that it was. When really, it's like, I start to learn that when I have those goals, it's really like the process of who I'm becoming along the way, that is really the victory, that's really the reward. And the people that I get to do it with and the things that I learn, the people that I get to touch along the way, like, that's really the thing that's giving the happiness, the process of it. But that was not what I was thinking. I was like, oh, yeah, women. If women want me, if I got money, if I'm balling, that's the recipe to success. And you have all three. And I was probably the most miserable I'd ever been in my life having all three.
- [89:40]
Ed Mylett
You're the most miserable. You know, just said that on my show was Prime. Coach prime just said the same thing. He had all that stuff going, and he actually wanted to take his own life at one point when he had all the things that he ever wanted. So in your case, what did you find? I mean, you just described some of it, but is there. You have this quote. I'm just going to read some of your quotes back to you, because they've meant something to me. It's interesting. There's all these people in personal development that are really good friends of mine. You know, I'm best friends with about everybody that does this for a living, and they do help me. Yet there's this tight end that plays for the Giants that has these quotes that impact me, and I'm like, I'm going to get them on the show. I'm going to read them back to them. You said a quote. Now you tell me how you do it. Because I. I struggled with this up into my 40s.
- [90:25]
Brendan Burchard
Like, why am I not happier?
- [90:27]
Ed Mylett
In other words, my identity was tied to all these achievements and things. It's not that I was unhappy all the time, but it just, like you said, it just was. Wasn't what I thought it would be. And you have this quote about the obvious and awe. I'm trying to remember what the quote was. Oh, train yourself to see the awe behind the obvious. And I actually wrote that down, was on my desk for a long time. And what it meant to me was, like, appreciate the beauty in everyday things when I see them. That's what it meant for me. And I found, like, wow, I didn't have to make a hundred million bucks to be happy. I could be thrilled that, like, my little Pomeranian, Daisy and Rose, when I come downstairs, are smiling, waiting for me, and how grateful I am that they can't wait to see me. And in that moment, I'm flooded with joy. More joy than the mansion that the dogs were waiting for me I was in, if that makes any sense to me. How's it. How's that apply for you?
- [91:28]
Unknown
Yeah, 100%, man. It's like, you have, like, your dogs right there. Those are. Those are things that are readily available for you to step into. The joy and the love and the gratitude of whenever you choose to. But a lot of times we measure our happiness and success on things where the goalpost just keeps moving. That carrot that's dangling in front of our face, we can't reach it. Like, it's. You know, we get 1 million, we get 2 million, and we get 5 million, and we get 10 million and we get 20 million. But then it's like, all right, well, 25 is right there. And if I see somebody next to me with 25, I'm gonna feel a little type of way as opposed to being content and grateful for what I have. And it's really, like, countercultural these days because it's such hustle culture. Such grind culture. I feel like there's a lot of value in that and it creates a lot of good principles and work ethic in people. But I feel like sometimes it can be a bit extreme because it's like, well, when does it. When do I stop and, you know, be satisfied and enjoy some of what my life is going on? Because, you know, when I get to the. Get to the end of the road, get to the end of my life, like, will I have ever stopped to enjoy what's going on? Stop to smell the roses. And it's hard to do that. It's hard to be balanced in trying to be the best you can be and continue to push your limits while also being grateful. It's. It's a difficult thing to do.
- [92:45]
Ed Mylett
It is. Lately I've been uncovering something. I think you need to know which type you are also. Like, someone who struggles with work ethic or drive or focus or determination or confidence or all that, then these messages are very much applicable.
- [93:04]
Mike
Like, you got to get up, you got to go.
- [93:05]
Ed Mylett
You got to have your cold plunge in the morning. Like, and I know you and I both cold plunge, but you got to have these things and be driven and moving. And I think that applies to so many people. But then there are other people based on however they were raised or whatever. Like, I was raised by an alcoholic dad. You know that? So I automatically, as a little boy, wanted to achieve, to get attention and praise and love. So I've never struggled with desire or ambition. This is important for everybody. Listen, listening to this, to identify themselves. I have never struggled with the willingness to work. I don't struggle with desire or ambition or my wanting to grow and read and expand. I'm not deficient in that area. So grind culture is almost dangerous for me. Right? It's almost like giving a drug addict their Percocet. Right? I need the other message. Hey, right? And what we don't do in personal development or coaching is nuance. Which type are we? And I think a lot of people that consume this, like, they're already grinders. They're already after it. They're already achievers, right? They already have all that and no one's messaging to them. Self care, rest, recuperation, meditation, peace, giving yourself the gift of bliss and happiness. Now, are you more wired like me? And that's why you think you need that other stuff?
- [94:29]
Unknown
Yes, 1,000%. I mean, from when I was a kid, from being addicted to validation, long before I was ever addicted to drugs, it's like these people are telling me I'm not black enough. I gotta show them or please them. I gotta. When I'm in these classes and the only person that looks like me, I gotta prove myself there. I gotta make sure these people respect me when I'm on the football field. I remember when I was a kid, I was like. I didn't feel like I fit into these environments, But I knew being in Georgia, if I'm good at football, people will have no choice but to love me. And so that work ethic, that grind, that willingness to just do the uncomfortable things and to succeed and be consistent in my craft was something that I continued to do. I continued to get better all throughout from when I was a kid all the way through continuing to be a pro. I kept continuing to take leaps. So I'm with you. I don't need more of the go, go, go, grind, grind, grind message. Like, I got those things downloaded and I'm putting them into practice. But as far as the, you know, stopping, resting, seeing the value in myself outside of what I do, seeing the value in who I am just as a person, outright, those are things I need work in. I need work in the self love. Because I still think. Because some of the things that I've done and the guilt and shame that can still linger from those things, I feel like, yeah, I've done good with the second chance that I've gotten, But there's still something in me that still feels like there's something that. That is hard for me to fully, deeply love every single part of me. And so I need that message. I need that downloaded all day, every day, playing in my ears, playing in my headphones. Like, I need that one.
- [96:13]
Ed Mylett
Yeah. I think we need to, in this culture today, distinguish between which type we are. Maria Shriver's a friend. Know my tag has always been max out. And she's always telling me, she goes, ed, you don't need more max out. You need to chill out. And she's really right. This is the Ed Milan show.