Achieve Any GOAL With This Simple Mindset Shift | Ed Mylett

Summary

THE ED MYLETT SHOW

Episode: Achieve Any GOAL With This Simple Mindset Shift | Ed Mylett

Date: March 7, 2026
Host: Ed Mylett
Guests: Mel Robbins, David Nurse, Amy Porterfield, Constance Schwartz Marini

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Episode Overview

This episode is an exploration of the mindset shifts required to achieve any goal, featuring deep reflection, practical exercises, and inspiring real-life stories. Ed Mylett leads conversations with renowned guests—Mel Robbins, David Nurse, Amy Porterfield, and Constance Schwartz Marini—unpacking the power of “one more,” the importance of self-qualification, daily practices for reframing thought patterns, and actionable steps to pivot your life, career, or business. The tone is candid, emotional, and empowering, blending philosophy, psychology, and step-by-step routines for everyday listeners.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Power of “One More”—Ed Mylett & Mel Robbins (01:16–41:42)

• Ed’s Background and Transformation (01:18–04:23)

  • Ed shares his story growing up in a dysfunctional, chaotic household dominated by his father’s alcoholism, and how that shaped his emotional sensitivity and empathy.
  • The pivotal story of his father’s “one more try” at sobriety changed Ed’s trajectory, reinforcing the belief that transformation is always one decision away.
  • Quote:

    “My dad lived like crap the first 15 years of my life and then lived the best life of anyone I've ever known personally the next 35.” — Ed Mylett (05:56)

• Intentions Over Qualifications (06:45–10:30)

  • Ed reflects that life experiences we’re ashamed of are often what qualify us most to help others.
  • Revealing the ripple effect: someone helping his dad at rock bottom essentially changed millions of lives.
  • Quote:

    “Nothing could be further than the truth. Your life experience, your humanity, is actually what qualifies you.” — Ed Mylett (07:52)

• The Emotional Cost of “One More” (11:52–15:43)

  • Losing his father: the value of a singular, final experience (“one more round of golf” or “one more dance”).
  • Urges listeners to consider how they’d live if every moment could be "the last one," leading to more presence and intention.

• Program Your Reticular Activating System (22:03–25:06)

  • Explanation of the RAS (Reticular Activating System) as the mental filter that determines what we perceive and notice.
  • Daydream with clarity, repetition, and specificity to condition your mind to spot and seize opportunities (“the Teslas of your life”).
  • Quote:

    “If you can program your matrix, your RAS, that the Teslas of your life become these meetings, these decisions, these people, these relationships, these thoughts, these emotions—you got it.” — Ed Mylett (24:14)

• Memory vs. Imagination: Escaping Emotional Loops (25:11–32:16)

  • Most people operate from memory and history (remorse, rumination) rather than vision and imagination.
  • Mel Robbins vulnerably shares her own struggle selling her family home and how she was “caught” in a cyclone of reminiscing, which Ed helps reframe.
  • Ed teaches visualizations must be detailed and repetitive—using athlete analogies to drive the point home.
  • Quote:

    “99%...operate out of a frame...of history and memory. 1%...operate out of imagination and vision.” — Ed Mylett (25:49)

• Pattern Interrupts for Breaking Negative Thought Cycles (32:16–36:15)

  • Use physical (snap fingers, jump), auditory (trigger words), or behavioral cues to break negative loops.
  • Both Mel’s “five second rule” and simple gestures can function as powerful pattern interrupts.

• Vulnerability, Self-Esteem, and Love as Change Catalysts (36:15–40:54)

  • Ed admits he still struggles with self-esteem despite success and uses the tools in his book for himself.
  • Defines the most “insidious neglect” as parents not pursuing their own potential.
  • Quote:

    “The most insidious form...is a child being raised by a parent who's unwilling to pursue their potential...That's neglect. You're installing in that child that it's okay to settle.” — Ed Mylett (39:01)

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2. Pivot, Self-Belief & Micro-Steps — with David Nurse (41:43–71:18)

• Micro-Pivots and Small Steps (42:44–43:50)

  • Success is built on small, 1% pivots, not massive leaps. Even NBA coaches, like Nick Nurse, took decades of preparation before “overnight” success.
  • Quote:

    “It takes 10 years to become an overnight success. But in Nick’s terms, 27 years to become an overnight success.” — David Nurse (44:30)

• Preparation and Living In Advance (44:30–46:19)

  • Living and acting “as if”—prepare for opportunities by adopting the mindset of your future self now.
  • David’s uncle Nick puts a photo of himself as an NBA champion on the fridge, decades before it happened.

• Hands Technique & Triggers (47:32–50:59)

  • Daily ritual: Look at your hands to remember your resilience; use them to wipe self-doubt off the “foggy mirror” each morning.
  • Use your hands as a cue for service, encouragement, and confidence.
  • Quote:

    “You have the confidence, self-awareness hands. Now, at some point, you're going to walk past a mirror... Now this mirror is what I call the mirror of self doubt, a foggy mirror. We all wake up with self doubt...We wipe away this foggy mirror.” — David Nurse (47:50)

• Redefining Terminology (52:52–55:19)

  • The words we use (“slump,” “failure,” “rich”) can be redefined to serve us, not limit us.
  • Inject humor or choose neutral/positive language to break the emotional power of negative labels.

• Service and the “Big Three” Practice (56:30–58:13)

  • Encourage listeners to send three messages daily (texts or videos) of encouragement to others, and jot down their three most important focus areas nightly.
  • Quote:

    “When you get a text message or a video message that just says, 'I'm thinking of you, hey, checking in on you,'...that can change your whole day.” — David Nurse (57:13)

• Highlight Reel Visualization and Self-Talk (59:17–61:24)

  • Athletes (and anyone) should create and mentally replay their “highlight reel” moments several times daily, shifting self-talk from 80% negative to 80% positive.
  • Quote:

    “You can pivot these self talk thoughts into being 80% positive to 20% negative.” — David Nurse (61:24)

• Flow, Focus, and “Flocus” (63:36–64:55)

  • Flocus is the intersection of flow and focus—working at your highest capability by combining natural rhythm with intention.

• Self-Awareness and True Confidence (66:21–69:55)

  • True confidence is rooted in self-awareness and anchoring yourself to greater purposes/values than immediate success or failure.

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3. Taking the Entrepreneur Leap—Amy Porterfield (72:00–84:04)

• Freedom and the Path of Possibility (73:40–80:54)

  • Amy shares her pivotal moment: moving from a secure job with Tony Robbins to entrepreneurship after realizing she lacked freedom.
  • Quote:

    “I don't know what these guys are doing. Have no clue, but I want a piece of it.” — Amy Porterfield (76:08)

• Path of Possibility: Present > Pain > Possibility (80:10–80:56)

  • To reach your “possibility,” you must pass from comfort zone (present), through “pain” (uncertainty, difficulty), and only then find freedom.

• Capacity for Zero (80:56–83:28)

  • Success requires a “high capacity for zero”—willingness to start over, take risks, and not wait for conditions to be perfect.
  • Quote:

    “How much capacity for zero do you have? Are you willing to burn it all down?...My capacity for zero was very high.” — Amy Porterfield (81:22)

• The Power of a Declared Exit Date (82:07–84:04)

  • Committing to a specific departure date from a job and visualizing it daily is the first real step to freedom.

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4. Authentic Branding and Building Influence—Constance Schwartz Marini (85:44–97:09)

• Branding with Authenticity (92:23–97:09)

  • Constance explains that true brand growth comes from alignment with your real self—not a manufactured image.
  • Worked with Deion Sanders (“Coach Prime”) to rebuild his brand around authenticity and consistency.
  • Quote:

    “Really, in order for [your brand] to work, it has to be who you are, not who you think you are...That's the disconnect so many people have.” — Constance Schwartz Marini (96:10)

• Organic Growth Guided by Direction (89:33–92:12)

  • Both personal and business brands evolve by staying true to their essence but being open to new opportunities and pivots.

• Influence Flows from Substance (94:07–97:09)

  • Having millions of followers isn’t as important as real connection and contribution to your community.
  • “Shooting it straight” and telling the truth will always differentiate you in today’s noisy world.

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• Ed Mylett on compassion:

  “I feel things really deeply, you know, and I think that sometimes doesn't come with the package. Maybe when you look at me or something, I don't know...But I hear that often. But I just feel things deeply and I feel things deeply for other people.” (01:25)

• Mel Robbins on reframing memories:

  “As you're talking, I'm like, yes, yes, yes, yes. And it's so true...How many times have you disqualified yourself or talked yourself out of it because you didn't think your life experience...was enough?” (10:31)

• David Nurse’s “hands” trigger technique:

  “You look at your hands and see all that they've been through...All that you have been through, you have gotten through. So you're going to get through the next challenging time as well.” (47:32)

• Amy Porterfield on commitment:

  “Choose your exit date. No matter what, come hell or high water, you're leaving on this date. And so I looked at the calendar, and at that point, it was about six months out...Every single day, I looked at that date, and I said, I'm doing this no matter what.” (82:07)

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Practical Takeaways & Exercises

• Program your mind for possibility:

  • Practice “lucid daydreams” with repetitive, specific images of your goals (25:23–29:05).
  • Use pattern interrupts—physical (snap, jump), auditory (trigger words)—to break negative thoughts (32:16–36:15).

• Hands visualization routine:

  • Each morning, look at your hands for evidence of your resilience, wipe away “fog” of self-doubt in the mirror, and set an intention to serve as you start your day (47:32–50:59).

• “Big Three” habit:

  • Each morning: send three messages of encouragement to others; each night: write down your three priorities for the next day (56:30–58:13).

• Highlight reel technique:

  • Visualize your best moments with as much detail and repetition as possible, three times daily (59:17–62:40).

• Freedom through commitment:

  • Declare your “exit date” from any comfort zone (job, relationship, situation), and make that non-negotiable (82:07–84:04).

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Important Timestamps

• Ed on “One More” Mindset Origin: 05:56
• Ripple Effect of One Person’s Help: 07:52
• Explanation of RAS: 22:03–25:06
• Pattern Interrupts Demonstrated: 32:16–36:15
• Hands Technique (Nurse): 47:32–50:59
• Redefining Terminology: 52:52
• Amy on Capacity for Zero: 80:56
• Constance on Branding: 96:10

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Conclusion: Core Message

This episode encourages listeners that change is always within reach—through small decisions, reframing your story, and embracing vulnerability. Rather than waiting for conditions to be perfect or discounting your qualification to help others, take one more step, one more chance, one more risk—because that’s where transformation begins. Every moment can be the one that changes the rest of your life, your family’s future, or the broader world.

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For more depth, read Ed’s book “The Power of One More,” David Nurse’s “Pivot and Go,” Amy Porterfield’s “Two Weeks Notice,” or revisit the practical sections (as noted above) for easy-to-implement change.

Transcript

[Constance Schwartz Marini]

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[Amy Porterfield]

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[Ed Mylett]

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[Amy Porterfield]

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[Ed Mylett]

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[Mel Robbins]

So here's what I want to ask you.

[David Nurse]

Ed.

[Ed Mylett]

Yeah.

[Mel Robbins]

What is it like to be Ed Millette?

[Ed Mylett]

Bless. I mean, it's a blessing to be me. It's an ongoing journey to find more out about myself and more out about other people. More about my spirituality and my faith too. I think you and I really have in common is we're just very intentional about our lives and they matter to us. And so I feel things really deeply, you know, and I think that sometimes doesn't come with the package. Maybe when you look at me or something, I don't know, but I hear that often. But I just feel things deeply and I feel things deeply for other people. So I'm a really emotional guy, yet I think I operate pretty well even when I'm emotional. In other words, it doesn't really dictate my actions all the time. But what it's like to be me is a blessing. Like I can't believe my life is what it is based on where I come from.

[Mel Robbins]

And where do you come from? For people who don't know you, where do you come from?

[Ed Mylett]

Well, I come from a loving family, but really dysfunctional. So my dad was an alcoholic. I wrote the book for this reason. My dad was an alcoholic until I was 15 years old. Actually seven days before my 15th birthday. Only my dad would get sober on 4 20, but he did. So. 4 20, my dad's sobriety birthday. But I come from a lot of dysfunction and chaos. And when you're the oldest son with three little sisters of an alcoholic dad, you have no self esteem. You live in chaos. My friends wouldn't know I was thinking about this the other day. My friends would never. We never had friends over the house. Why? Because the whole street could hear my dad yelling all the time. They're afraid of him. And I used to get this anxiety even we would do something cool as a family. We never went on a vacation my entire life. Ever, once. But if we did, Never one time. But if we did, let's why I love to travel and dream because we just didn't do that stuff. But I remember times, like every day was anxiety. But man, especially if, like, we were going to go out to a restaurant, like a big night out for my family was like Sizzler, this little steak place where you go and wait in the line and order your steak. But to us, that was like, wow, we are. We're my. Let's are balling tonight, you know? But I remember. I remember going out and getting such anxiety hours before because I knew my dad was going to get in a fight at the restaurant.

[Mel Robbins]

Oh, my God.

[Ed Mylett]

It was gonna be. Gonna show up drunk. And it was either a server or some other person in the restaurant. And it just happens. The Sizzler had a private room for their staff, Mel. I swear to you. And we ate in there every week. I thought, wow, this is unbelievable. When we go out, they give us this private room every time they're hiding my dad from everybody else in the restaurant. And I didn't realize that until we got older. So that's what it's like to be me. So you come from that and you're like, wow. And now, you know, there's a few people that like to listen to me, and I've helped a few people. It's sort of mind blowing to me.

[Mel Robbins]

What was the pivot in your life? Because you were crazy successful in business and as an entrepreneur. But what was the pivot for you for when you were like, I want to. Like, you're still obviously crazy successful as an entrepreneur, but you made this change and you started teaching.

[Ed Mylett]

Yeah.

[Mel Robbins]

And you started sharing wisdom. Do you know kind of the moment when there was this, like, epiphany for you? Cause it feels to me almost like more spiritual than it was a business decision.

[Ed Mylett]

Way more spiritual. And it was right before Wayne Dyer passed away. I've been really blessed. I've had a couple really, you know, unbelievable mentors in my life. And I met Wayne Dyer when I was very young. Most of your audience would know who Wayne Dyer is, but if they don't, they should Google him. He's one of the great all time beautiful soul thought leaders ever. And so two guys kind of ganged up on me. One's funny, one's not. Wayne told me. He goes, hey, listen, you always watch you when you're one on one with people and you care so deeply and you're so present with people and you spend so much time with them. Ed, you need to take what you know out to the world about the mind and spirituality and how to change your life because you've done this. And I'm like, wayne, no one wants to listen to me. I'm just an entrepreneur. He goes, no, God gave you this deep voice and this ability, and Wayne had that voice, too. And it would deepen. Yeah, yeah, it would deepen when we would talk. And he goes, no, I'm telling you that. And I said, wayne, all my life I've wanted to help people like people helped my dad get sober, like my mentors, like you. And Wayne said, I believe you'll change the world. And, Ed, you won't change the world because you're brilliant or you're talented. You'll change the world because of your intentions. And he got me. And I went, because I don't believe I'm brilliant and I don't believe I'm talented. That's a lot of work for me to believe. But I do know my intentions. I do know my intentions. And my intent is to definitely serve and help people. I love people because people saved my family.

[Mel Robbins]

Tell us that story. Tell everybody that story about how people saved your family.

[Ed Mylett]

Well, I wrote this whole book because of the one mores in my life, but when I was Mel, I'm gonna give you. This is just for me and you. Everyone else can hear it, because I haven't talked about this ever before, but it just happened two weeks ago with Christiana. So the story is my dad was an alcoholic. And I'm driving. I'm almost 15, and I'm driving in my car and my dad's crying. My dad's driving his car and he's crying. I never saw my dad cry before that day or after it. And he finally pulls over and he's still crying, but he doesn't look at me. And he just says he's looking straight ahead at the wheel. He goes, I'm gonna try to go get sober, and I'll never forget this one more time. And he goes, eddie, I'm gonna give it one more try. And I have a chapter in the book called One More Try. I get emotional telling you this because it altered my life. And I said, daddy, what would be any different this time? He tried a lot of times and he said, eddie, I'm gonna lose my family. Your mom's taking you and your sisters, and the truth is, you deserve a dad you can be proud of. I vividly remember this. Now he's looking at me and he says, your mom deserves a husband she can respect. So I'm going to try it one more time. And then he came back and he was sober. And I said, dad, these themes of one more start coming up. I said, dad, are you never going to drink again? He goes, I don't know. Just not going to drink for one more day that lasted for 35 years. And my dad, you know, I watch. I believe humans can change. Mouth you ask the spiritual thing. I believe so deeply human beings can change because I watched my hero do it. My dad lived like crap the first 15 years of my life and then lived the best life of anyone I've ever known personally the next 35. So I watched it, right? And I watched what he did. But the most amazing thing, Mel, I got to tell you, this is not in the book. It happened three weeks ago. Most people think they're disqualified from helping other people. Like, yeah, Mel Robbins, she's brilliant. Legal mind, personal development mind, business mind. She's a powerhouse. She can change people's lives. Mylett, yeah, he lifts a lot of weights. He's got that deep voice. He seems to have a little swagger about him. Probably he could. He's made hundreds of millions. Whatever. Me? No way. Because you know what? You don't know what I'm ashamed of. You don't know my failures. I've had a divorce, a bankruptcy. I had a business that didn't work. You know, I've done things I'm just completely embarrassed by or, hey, you know, I've just never done anything great before. And they say this disqualifies me. Nothing could be further than the truth. Your life experience, your humanity, is actually what qualifies you. Check this out, Mel. I wake up, like, three weeks ago on a Wednesday, crying, and I don't cry enough. I said, babe, wake up, wake up. She goes, what? I said, I'm 51 years old. This just dawned on me. Someone helped Daddy. She went, what, honey? I said, someone helped Daddy in the lowest moment of his life, the darkest moment, on his knee, losing his family, losing his life, maybe physically losing his life. Literally, some precious soul intervened in a dark bar or alley or I don't know where it was a meeting, a coffee shop, and said, I'll help you. I'll help you. And they changed my life. I'm talking to you, Mel. Because of this person. They changed my children's lives who weren't even born. They've changed millions of people's lives that I reach in that one moment, this human being and their humanity stepped forward and saved my family. And that's incredible to think one person can have that ripple effect. But the more incredible effect is what qualified them to do it. The things they were the most ashamed of. They were also a drug addict and an alcoholic. Little did they know the world was preparing them when they were driving drunk and lying to their family and cheating on someone and stealing money for drugs was preparing them for this to qualify them to help my dad. So the very things in life we think disqualify us from making change in other people's lives are the very things that do qualify us. It's our humanity, it's our frailties, it's our vulnerability that allows us to connect. If this person wasn't a drunk or a drug addict, they could never have helped my father. So this is amazing how God, if you believe that of a universe, orchestrates these things. The only difference was this person, in this critical moment had the courage to step forward and say, I'll help you. And they probably felt unqualified. But the truth is, their whole life was preparing them to help my dad. And here we are today. And so this is what everyone needs to get out of this. There's a power to doing one more. This isn't even in the book. This is after the book was written. My gosh. This thing we think disqualifies us is the very thing that does qualify us. And so I wanted to share that with you. That's a long answer.

[Mel Robbins]

Like, I. There's a lot there to unpack. I remember I just naturally started rocking when I was a trial lawyer. You always knew a jury was going to convict when they started rocking. You know, they, like, agree with you. Like, so as you're talking, I'm like, yes, yes, yes, yes. And it's so true, because you're right. How many times have you disqualified yourself or stepped on the brake or held yourself back or talked yourself out of it. Because you didn't think that your life experience or just you being there was enough. And if that's the one thing that people get out of your book, that the power of one more that would change the world. But that's not the only thing that they're going to get out of this. And I think, Ed, you are going to start to see this idea of one more and the power of one more person or the power of one person showing up over and over and over and over and over again. Because you've taken a highlighter and highlighted something that is true about life, that it takes one to impact millions. Let's talk about this book. Why this book and why now?

[Ed Mylett]

Well, I was with my dad when he passed away. I was holding his hand. And there's all these lessons, Mel, in my life. But this is a heavy book, by the way. We're being really emotional right now, which there's a lot of that in the book. But the truth is you've read it, so you know, it's a very heavy content book on stuff you and I love the reticular.

[Mel Robbins]

Can I just say something? Because some people hear the word heavy and they're like, I'm out.

[Ed Mylett]

Right?

[Mel Robbins]

That's not what he's saying. He is saying that in every single chapter and every single page there is a takeaway, there is an insight. So it is thick with life changing tools and stories. That's what he means by heavy.

[Ed Mylett]

That's what I mean. Thank you. That's why you're here, to clear up my mistakes.

[Mel Robbins]

So that is not a fucking mistake. Will you shut up?

[Ed Mylett]

You know what I mean?

[Mel Robbins]

You don't think you're smart?

[Ed Mylett]

Well, I know I'm not really smart, but what I am is the thing. What I am is the things in the book. I would like to think that some of my. We just did it, Mel. There's four people in my house. You met Christiana and I've got two kids. Yeah, I think you met at least one of them when you were at the house. I think you met my daughter. But I'm fourth in the house in iq and that's okay with me because actually I think it gives people hope to know, hey, look, this is an average, ordinary man who's produced some pretty extraordinary stuff on his life. And I did it with the stuff that's in the book. But one of the things that's in the book that why, why the book was I was with my dad and he passed. And I think you realize the power of one more in its absence. Like when there isn't another one. And so.

[Mel Robbins]

Okay, stop. Yep, stop.

[Constance Schwartz Marini]

Okay, okay, stop.

[Mel Robbins]

You realize the power of one more when there isn't one.

[David Nurse]

Yeah.

[Ed Mylett]

It's a fact. This is hard for me to say. I haven't said this out loud ever, I don't think, but my favorite human being to be with was my dad. Obviously, that doesn't count my wife and kids, right? So my favorite thing to do is to golf with my dad. And it wasn't because we're any good, because neither one of us are great. But it was five hours with my best friend right next to me. My hero in a golf cart. And we would talk deep. My dad and I didn't have casual talks. We disagreed on politics and faith and all kinds of stuff. And we would have deep conversations. And do you know what I would give, Mel, Honestly, what I would give to watch my dad walk off the green one more time, go. Hey, dad, great putt. Just put his arm away. That was a good one, wasn't it, Eddie? You know, and they say, hey, let me tell you how your sister's doing, you know, do me a favor, call your sister, you know? And we would just talk about family. My dad was a simple guy, Mel. I've had five jets. You know that? I've been blessed to own some jets. My jet was parked within walking distance. My dad was a runner. My dad could run to my jet, see it, never been on it. My dad never went on one of my jets, never set foot on one of them. And I would say, dad, let's go to Maui. Let's play some golf. He'd go, why in the world would I go all the way to Maui to play golf with my favorite man? I could just play here in Chino. It's not the golf. It's with my son. I don't need to go do that. I just want to be with you. But when he died, I just have to tell you, Mel, do you know what I would give for one more round of golf with my dad? If you're. You need to begin to think about this. If you're listening to this. What if I said to you, you and your sweetheart, whoever they are, you got one more dance with them. It's the last one.

[Mel Robbins]

Well, I'd hang up with you, and I'd go down and dance with Chris right now.

[Ed Mylett]

That's amazing. I know you would. I know you would. Yeah.

[Mel Robbins]

And you know what I think about a lot is I think about the fact that my dad is 76 and his dad died when he was 82. And so if I'm lucky, I've got my dad for maybe 10 more years. He lives in Michigan. I'm here. I see him maybe four times a year. That means if I'm lucky, that's what I got.

[Ed Mylett]

Yep.

[Mel Robbins]

But that's probably not what I have.

[Ed Mylett]

That's probably less. Right. And the truth is, what if I said to you if you walked in and saw your children tonight, that you get to tell them you love them one more time? What if it was the last conversation? What if you started to approach your life as if there was only one more? Just to start to think about that for a second. And for me, it's altered me. I mean, it's really changed me. I'm more present with people. I would do anything to get that back and to have more time with them. The other thing that occurred was like, I'm next. Napoleon Hill says in Think and grow rich, begin with the end in mind. But why don't we do that with our lives? All right. I love when you guys send messages out on social media about the show and lately been getting a few of these messages about my wardrobe. I was wearing this sweater, this tan sweater, and I kept getting all these messages from guys going, where'd you get that sweater, bro? So I'm gonna tell you where I got it. I got it at Quint's. A well built wardrobe is about pieces that work together and they hold up over time. That's what Quince does best. Here's the most important part. It's affordable. Don't break the bank. Right. Quince has the everyday essentials I love with quality. That last. Organic cotton sweaters, polos for every occasion, Lighter jackets that can keep you warm and changing seasons. Everything for everybody. Okay, Go check them out. Quince works directly with top factories. Cuts the middleman. So you're not paying for brand markup. So refresh your wardrobe with quince. Go to quince.comed for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q U I n c e.com ed Free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com ed so you know what, everybody? I really appreciate the comments about, you know, I've gotten a lot leaner and built more muscle this year. And it was really intentional. And I was thinking, how can I get ahead, you know, on my fitness? Because I'm already pretty fit and worked out. And it was how I'm eating. And that's where Factor came in. Factor doesn't ask you to meal prep or follow recipes. It just removes the entire problem. Two minutes, real food. Bam. Done. And so once I started eating healthier and using Factor, not only did I get a lot leaner, but I built more muscle. And the truth is, guys, I had more energy. So one other thing I like is got to tell you, you can rotate the meals every single week. There's like a hundred different meals. High protein, calorie, smart, Mediterranean. It's awesome. You should be using factor just like I am. Head to FactorMeals.com MyLet50OFF and use code MyLet50OFF to get 50 off your first Factor box. Plus free breakfast for a year offer only valid for new customers with code and qualifying auto renewing subscription purchase. Make healthier eating easy with factor. You know, what do we want the end of our life to look like? I held my father's hand as he took his last breath. I know what the end of life was.

[Mel Robbins]

What was that experience like for you?

[Ed Mylett]

It was beautiful. And I'll tell you why. When my dad got cancer. My dad died of cancer, ultimately. But when he got cancer, my dad said to me, he goes, look, because my dad was a dude, you know, he's like, hey, I'm going to fight this shit one time, but I'm not having you guys carry me the next five, six years and be a burden to the family. And I'm going to get all shrunk up and lose my hair.

[Mel Robbins]

He sounds like my mother, who's like, you're not gonna wipe my ass.

[Ed Mylett]

That's my dad, actually. Exact terminology. But here's the truth. Other than the wiping the ass, that's exactly what he did. And he went, eight years, Chemo, radiation, surgery, proton. Chemo, surgery, surgery, proton, new chemo, radiation, eight years. And it was destroying him. And I would say to my dad, halfway through, I'd say, mel. I say, dad, I say, why are you doing this? And he goes, well, maybe I'll get to one more of my granddaughter's wedding. These one mores would come. He go, eddie, maybe I get to one more Christmas recital for a little Juliana. Maybe I'll watch my grandson, little Jacob, play one more football game. And he used to tell me, he goes, eddie, when you're threatened with these one mores never happening again, you fight your ass for one more. And then he would tell me, when I was a little boy, christiana, you've been to my house. I live on this beach. Well, my wife and I, we used to come on this beach, walk down this beach, smell, come down here all the time. And I'd say, babe, I'm going get us one of these beach houses someday. I'm going to live up there. I literally live on the exact beach now. And she's like, you are. I'm like, yeah, we're going to get one of these. Don't worry about it. I got it. And I'd go home, I'd say, dad, who are these people that live in these oceanfront houses? Right? And my dad go, I have no idea who these people. I've never met one of them. I have no clue who they are. They're probably from another planet. I got no idea. And I figured out, Mel, over time, that I know who they are. They're the One. The second chapter of the book's called the Matrix. And the reason it's the Matrix is about the RAs, but also in the Matrix, Neo, they call them the One. See, when you see a really happy family or a successful family or both, if you go all the way back in their lineage, at one point, they weren't.

[Mel Robbins]

It's true.

[Ed Mylett]

And then the One shows up, the One arises in that family and stands up and goes, the world's not treating my family like anymore. The mylets are rising up. We think different, we operate different in the world. And the One changes that family forever. And it's typically a lot closer than you think. My dad did say this to me. He'd go, eddie, and this is the whole premise of the book, he'd go, I don't know about that beach house stuff, how you get there, but here's what I do know. It's closer to you than you think it is. And he goes, eddie, please don't spend your life thinking that's 100 years away. Because if you think like that, you will act in accordance with that belief, and you will perpetually keep your dream that far away from you. And he said, I think it's one decision away, one relationship away, one meeting away, one thought, one emotion away. You can change your life. And he goes, look at me. That one decision to get sober completely changed my life. And I've always believed this, Melanie, because I believe that it's been true. I'm one decision away. I'm one meeting away. I'm one this away, I'm one relationship away. And I'm a stacking of those one mores in my life. The truth is, the difference between winning and losing in life is sometimes so small it's almost too scary to talk about. And it's one new thought, like, hey, I'm going to give myself a high five every morning. That one new thought can change your life. It's one decision. It's one dinner I walk into and I meet Mel Robbins at a dinner table with some other folks that I know that changed my life. My life got better in that instance. And so if you begin to believe this, then the question becomes, how do we find these one mores? What are the things we need to know in our mind to get them? What are the things we need?

[Mel Robbins]

Because I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, what are they?

[Ed Mylett]

Well, there's a lot, and they're in the book. But one of them, for example, is the ras, which is the filter that sort of reveals what's most important to you in your life. And so you know exactly how it works, but for the benefit of everybody else, it keeps you sane. It's why you don't feel the blood rushing through your right ear right now. It's why when you walk in a crowded room and there's all this noise, but someone says, mel, not even loud, you can hear auditorily over all the noise what's important to you, which is your own name. It's like, for me right now, I just bought a Tesla. I don't know if Musk is buying Twitter.

[Mel Robbins]

You bought a Tesla? I don't.

[Ed Mylett]

I did it because I like. This dude's just disturbing stuff. I have no idea whether he's a good guy or not.

[David Nurse]

I just.

[Ed Mylett]

This guy's just rocking out a little bit. I'm like, give me.

[Mel Robbins]

Which Tesla did you buy?

[Ed Mylett]

I bought the plaid. I bought the good one.

[Mel Robbins]

What's that? I don't even know what that is because my daughter was just. I was bitching about the fact that I now have to drive back and forth between Vermont and Boston.

[Ed Mylett]

Yeah, get a Tesla.

[Mel Robbins]

As if it's a problem. And she's like, why don't you get a Tesla and let the car drive you?

[Ed Mylett]

And I was like, I like it. And I'm going to tell you the other thing I like is this the

[Mel Robbins]

thing with the wings.

[Ed Mylett]

I don't know. Well, the doors open that way. But what it does do is that you can hit the mode and it'll drive for you, but I don't trust it. But what I do have that I like is I have this mode on the car that it'll not let you hit a car even when you're driving so, like, if you're stupid and you're not going to break, it breaks if you're drifted into the wrong lane, which I do all the time. It goes.

[Mel Robbins]

I'm not surprised by that, by the way.

[Ed Mylett]

I know, I know.

[Mel Robbins]

And I can't wait for the call that you're going to have where you call me and you're like, mel, you know that boat I bought in Miami? I just ran it up on some rocks in Maine.

[Ed Mylett]

It's at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean. That's actually way more likely than you might think. It's extremely possible. We see if you. Oh, my gosh, you saw me drive a boat. You see me driving. Well, I'm not gonna comment. It's probably possible. I need to test the thing on the boat is what I need. But I bought this Tesla, right? It's crazy. It's driving my wife nuts. I'm like, babe, red Tesla, white Tesla. There's another white Tesla three lanes over the other side of the freeway, going the other direction. I go, honey, there's a black Tesla. She's like, what is wrong with you?

[Mel Robbins]

It's the ras.

[Ed Mylett]

It's the ras. I said, these Teslas were always there.

[Mel Robbins]

But our daughter, dude, this just happened to us. I'll give you a different car that is not a Tesla. So a used Subaru CrossTech, a Toyota RAV4. Our daughter's shopping for her first car, and now she's like, everybody drives one of these things. I'm like, no, they don't.

[Ed Mylett]

They're just there. Yes, it looks like it, right? And that's because it's part of my RAs. Here's how life works. You already know this. If you can program your matrix, your ras, that the Teslas of your life become these meetings, these decisions, these people, these relationships, these thoughts, these emotions. You got it. And what I'm here to tell you is that these things have always been around you, but you're oblivious to them. Because what's in your RAs are your fears, your anxieties, your worries, your to do list, your problems, what's right in front of you, you see, and so you validate it and prove it to be true. How do I change that?

[Mel Robbins]

So the exercise that you recommend for people that are so mired.

[David Nurse]

Yes.

[Mel Robbins]

In the negative, like, it's not going to work out. This is going to be awful. It never worked. Like, what is an exercise that you would tell somebody to do so that they can start to reprogram that way of thinking?

[Ed Mylett]

Yeah, I'm a big Believer in daydreaming, lucid daydreams.

[Mel Robbins]

And so what lucid daydreams mean.

[Ed Mylett]

Lucid dreams means very clear, very specific and repetitive. The big one is repetitive. So here's what you already do. Your mind moves towards what it's most familiar with. We all know this, or maybe most people don't know this, but it moves towards what it's most familiar with. And here's. I have a chapter in the book where I say become an impossibility thinker and a possibility achiever. So I'm going to combine two things and I'll give you the technique.

[Mel Robbins]

Okay.

[Ed Mylett]

99% of the people in the world operate out of a frame of reference, a pattern of thinking that is history and memory. 1% of the people operate out of imagination and vision. This is a different frame of reference. That's why my friends. It's very difficult when I'm around most of my friends to go remember when you guys remember that. My friends almost never do that. If you surround yourself with people where you're reminiscing most of the time, not only do you operate of memory and history, but you're reinforcing it with the conversations you have with people. I very. When you and I are talking, we're flying back with Jamie Kern Lima. There was no reminiscing. We're talking about the future and we're operating in the present. This is a different pattern of thinking and it must be worked on. And so why are we happier when we're kids? I have two philosophies. One, I think you were just more recently with God. And two, you operate out of imagination because you have no history and memory. But by the time you're about 10 years old, you begin to slowly operate out of history and memory. Oftentimes the history and memory of the emotions of your parents. Did you guys lose me?

[Mel Robbins]

No, I'm thinking because this is super, super helpful to me right now. And it's super helpful to me right now because Chris and I just sold our family home where we raised our kids for 24 years and I've lived there almost half my life. My parents have never sold the house I grew up in. My grandfather was born on the family farm that my mother was. This has never been modeled for me. And so I was not prepared for the avalanche of grief and panic and uncertainty that happened when all of a sudden, in 24 hours, the house sold. And I have spent the last three weeks in an up and down emotional breakdown around like literally when you said reminiscing something snapped for me, Ed, because I was like, oh, shoot. I am wallowing in the memory, and that is now becoming this, like, cyclone of sadness and regret. And maybe we shouldn't have sold it, and maybe this was too soon and maybe we weren't ready. That has blocked my ability at times the last two weeks to even remember why we were all so excited. And now is the time. And so it's the reflecting back and then allowing myself to stay there that has made the kind of grief that's normal with a transition that big really weigh me down. And so you just broke something open.

[Ed Mylett]

Good.

[Mel Robbins]

And gave me, I think, the keys to really connect back into what you and I both do so well, which is staying inside the imagining of, where is this going and why are we doing this and what's possible. Because as we both know, the brain also can only imagine what you're losing. It can't actually imagine something beyond your wildest possibilities. And so I gotta get back the fuck into the imagination piece of this versus the memory and reminiscing and all that stuff.

[Ed Mylett]

Yes. And what. And I love that that helped you. And what we do when we're reminiscing or we're going down, that pattern is. We're flashing in our mind pictures and videos of other times we actually see them, and it creates this emotion in us. And so this is not complicated. The most successful people are the people in life that can get very clear in their vision and their imagination, repetitively. Like when I work with top athletes, Mel, one of the things that. And by the way, there's really simple visualizations in the book that you just do very simply, and you do it repetitively. And then I teach you, like, slow it down now. Speed it up. All it's doing is forcing you to focus on it, add color to it, make it black and white. It's very easy, and it'll change your life. But when I work with pro athletes, I'll give you an example. I work with a fighter who won last weekend in the ufc. And what he does when things get really fast, when he gets hit and fights, he speeds things up and awfully goes into brawl mode. And what happens is it's when he's lost a couple of fights, he had lost his last two fights. And I have a chapter in the book called Equanimity. One more level of equanimity. When you were visualizing in your RAs, things will begin to slow down, like in the Matrix and bullet time. And in this particular fight, Mel, what was Incredible is he was getting hit and he started to speed up. And you watch him consciously. I'm ringing in his ears. He steps back and he gets. Slows down and finds that equanimity. And he ended up knocking this guy out with a leg kick. Mel, that knocked the man out. I don't like this stuff. For four minutes out on the mat. It's one of the most devastating knockouts in the history of fighting. And afterwards he gets interviewed and he goes, I don't know what happened. I've never practiced that leg kick before in person, only in my visions and imagination. And he executed it to save his career, to win the fight. And so this is something you can do over and over again. One more thing on this visualization, we think we visualize well, but the more we practice it, it's a muscle. So when I work with like a B level baseball player, I'll say, hey, let's visualize the pitch coming in. They'll go, I got it. I saw it. I said, you hit it. They go up the middle. I go, okay, good. Where's the camera? They go, huh? I go, where's the camera? Is it over the center field camera shooting over the picture like you watched it on television? Or is it from the batter's box and you're watching the view out? Inevitably, average players will go, I'm not. I don't know. And I go, then you weren't really visualizing. Let's find the camera. They go, okay, it's from the batter's box. They go, great. Can you see the rotation on the ball? Is a pitcher left or right handed? Can you see the stitches on the ball as it comes in? And I make them start to see it more clearly. And then I'll say, can you see the ball hitting the bat? No. Well, let's work on that. Have the bat hit the ball. Do you see the stitches now rotating the other way back out? My point is that I'm getting them to visualize with specificity. But when I work with an all star player, they do this naturally. The difference in their athletic ability is their ability to repetitively, specifically visualize. And this is not complicated stuff. I even know when I say it, you already do it. Some of you with your fears and your worries, you're really good at this. You can visualize it with clarity and you can make it bigger and bolder. You can change it to black and white to make you really sad about it. You can slow it down. You can add sounds. So you already do this.

[Mel Robbins]

Well, how do you interrupt that? So if you are in that negative visibility loop, right, where I immediately my visualization was, oh, my God, we just sold the container that has held our family together for 24 years. Now that that's gone, I'm never going to see my kids.

[Ed Mylett]

Yep. Yeah. How do you.

[Mel Robbins]

How do you interrupt?

[Ed Mylett]

You interrupt. You know what it is? It's a pattern interrupt. There's a pattern interrupt. Okay. And so I have this on how to create habits. In the book, I teach you actually how to create a habit. It's a pattern interrupt. And so we'll just be real here. For me, it's usually a physical move. I'll move myself, I'll snap my fingers, I'll do a jumping. You may think this is nuts for me, a physical move will snap me out of a pattern. That's for me. For some people, it's an auditory thing. And this is so funny. I have someone that I coach right now and I sneezed on one of our first calls. And this person goes into negative thought loops. Mel. Like you can't believe. Most people say God bless you, right? Or excuse you, or whatever. This person was old school, except she's young. And she goes, gesundheit. And I go, what the fuck did you say? She goes, gesundheit. I go, I haven't heard that since my grandfather in like 1977. And so with her, we laughed about it. It was a belly laugh. That word then became a trigger for laughter. So you know how when you're doing something that's good for you and then you stop doing it, all of a sudden you feel, what the heck changed? So here's what happened to me. I've been feeling great for like a year and a half. It's because I've been on IM8. Then we moved to our place in Maine and I didn't bring my supplement with me. So if you've been looking for something easy to stick with that actually makes you feel better, this might be it for me. It absolutely is something I rely on. And I notice when I missed a few days. So give your body what it deserves with iM8, go to im8health.com ED and use code ED for a free welcome kit. Five free travel sachets plus 10% off your order. So seriously, this is one of those offers you're going to wish you jumped on sooner. That's IM8.com ED and use code ED for a free welcome kit. Five free travel sachets plus 10 off your order at imaidhealth.com ED code ED. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.

[Constance Schwartz Marini]

Your planet is now marked for death.

[Ed Mylett]

Marvel Studios the Fantastic Four First Steps is now streaming on Disney plus.

[David Nurse]

We will protect you as a family.

[Ed Mylett]

Light em up. Just. Marvel's first family is certified fresh on Rotten Tomatoes. That is fantastic. And critics say it's one of the best superhero movies of all time. Marvel Studios the Fantastic Four first steps now streaming on Disney. Rated PG 13. What time has it been? It's clover time. And so her way out of her negative thought patterns. This sounds so stupid. She goes kazoo tight. Kazoo tight. And she throws her arms back and we make a laugh out of it. And what happens is it doesn't put her into the good loop. It interrupts the negative one.

[Mel Robbins]

Right.

[Ed Mylett]

It's an auditory, funny one For a lot of people. It's a physical move. It's a snap of the fingers, it's a grab of the ear. And this is not complicated stuff. You ever watch an athlete, when they get into the batter's box, a baseball player, they'll tap the plate two times, adjust their batting gloves. Tom Brady gets over the center. Let's fucking go. Peyton Manning used to say, oh my ha. These were plays, but they were also triggers.

[Constance Schwartz Marini]

Cues.

[Ed Mylett]

They were cues. Yes. And so it could be a physical me, you and I both, by the way.

[Mel Robbins]

Boom. The five second rule is a pattern interrupter.

[Ed Mylett]

Yeah, you got it. So there's. That's the best one. But that's, that's what I use.

[Mel Robbins]

That crap that I, you know, teach.

[Ed Mylett]

Stop it.

[Mel Robbins]

No, I'm just kidding. When I am in a death spiral,

[Ed Mylett]

I'm wallowing, You know, sometimes though, sometimes it's a physical move for me.

[Mel Robbins]

Yeah, I think a physical move is a good one. A snap of the fingers. I like that a lot.

[Ed Mylett]

Okay, there you go.

[Mel Robbins]

I like that a lot.

[Ed Mylett]

That's good. Thank you.

[Mel Robbins]

What do people not know about you?

[Ed Mylett]

A weird thing about me is I danced in college. And

[Mel Robbins]

what does that mean, you danced?

[Ed Mylett]

I wasn't a Chippendale, but I danced in college. So I. I danced at a hip hop club in college to put myself through college in addition to my baseball scholarship. And then I toured for like two years with a bunch of different hip hop bands. So you would not know that with a 51 year old, middle aged. Yeah, so you don't know that one. No one knows that one.

[Mel Robbins]

I've never seen you dance and you're a big dude. Were you that big in college?

[Ed Mylett]

Yeah, I was way bigger in college. And my daughter will tell you you probably never should see me dance because I'm stuck in 1994. So when we go to weddings, she's like, dad, just so you know. The Running man. The running man, the Sprinkler, the Roger Rabbit, it's just not there anymore. And I'm like, well, I'm bringing this shit back, Bella, so enjoy the wedding.

[Mel Robbins]

Up the next time we are doing it. That's amazing.

[David Nurse]

Let's go.

[Ed Mylett]

I've seen you dance, so. But a serious thing that you probably would not know about me is that I still struggle with the things that are in my book. And I wrote it mainly for me, that I use these tools because self esteem doesn't come easy to me. I'm speaking today in Arizona. I kind of already know what will happen about six o' clock tonight. When I get back to my room, I'll go into Ed Mylett mode, which is. I should have said this. I can't believe I missed that. Oh my gosh. I still struggle with these things. And you know that about me too. But I'm a work in progress and I have bought into the theory. I said earlier that my things that aren't perfect about me that I might, I could easily conceal or be ashamed of or embarrassed by are the very things that qualify me to help you. And I also think that's probably my favorite thing about you. We are, we are both two of the most tool driven, really use the stuff to produce results. People on the freaking planet and our content, let's just. I'm just gonna say it's better in everybody's damn content. We got great content, right? Yet, because it's real. Yet we both had success outside of this space, which qualifies us differently as well. Yet we'll both tell you at any given time, I've had three weeks of a spiral that you can't even believe that you just shared. Or hey, tonight after my talk. And I hope that people look at you and I and that we're aspirational, not just inspirational. Meaning that I aspire to be more like this person with my vulnerability. They're not perfect. I think most things in life, I say this in the book about being a parent, are caught, not taught. And I hope people catch things from you and I. I'd say this last to you, Mel, that I had just something about life that I think is worth saying really good friend of mine called me I've known her 30 years. I love her. And she called me the other day, and she's like. She got a preview of my book. She's like, I'm crying because I knew you at that age, and it's so true, and I can't believe what's happened in your life. And she goes, you just came from such a neglected environment. And so did I. My mom and dad got divorced. And she said, well, and I'm so glad both of us aren't neglecting our children. This was the hardest thing I've ever said to a friend. And I said, I won't say her name. I said, sweetheart, she's a dear, dear friend of mine, like a sister. I said, you know I love you. She said, I do. I said, you might want to look into whether you're neglecting your kids. And she says, what in the world does that mean? And I said, well, there's lots of neglect in life. There is drug addiction or alcoholism. There's abuse, there's divorce. Maybe they didn't say they love you enough. I said, the most insidious form, though, is a child being raised by a parent who's unwilling to pursue their potential, who's unwilling to chase their dreams. That's neglect. You're installing in that child that it's okay to settle, that it's okay to be less than you're capable of. That's neglect. It's insidious, and it's dangerous, and it's terrible. And I think the last 10 or 15 years, you've slid into doing that, and you need to change it. She went, oh, my gosh. And she said, you're right. And she made a change. And I said, why am I telling you this? I said, because I think all great change in life comes from love. My dad got sober because he loved his family so much, not because he didn't want to drink alcohol anymore, didn't want drugs in his system. It came from love.

[Mel Robbins]

That's beautiful.

[Ed Mylett]

Yeah. And I know you love those children of yours and the grandchildren you're going to have, and it's time you start having them catch things from you. Not just things you teach. It's caught, not taught.

[Mel Robbins]

That is just beautiful. All change comes from love.

[Ed Mylett]

It does.

[Constance Schwartz Marini]

Wow.

[Ed Mylett]

Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Now on to our next guest. Hey, everybody. Welcome back to Max Out. Hey. My guest today is David Nurse. If you don't know who David is, you're going to be blown away by what we're going to talk about today. And it's going to improve your life, I can tell you that for sure. Always try to bring people on that do that for you, but in a very unique and special way. Today, this man is equipped to do that for you. He's a life optimization coach. He's the author of Pivot and Go, and he's just got these. He's an Iowa boy. So I already like him. You guys know how much I love actionable items that you can move with immediately. And he is loaded with them. So it's really a pleasure to have David Nurse with me today. David, welcome to the show.

[David Nurse]

Brother Ed, thank you very much. Been a big time fan and listener of yours so much. As encouraging as I am, I mean, you motivate me, man.

[Ed Mylett]

Thank you, brother. I feel like we're kind of kindred spirits because we both want to make a very similar difference in the world. And the more I dove into your work and your content, the more and more impressed I became. I almost consider myself maybe a little bit of an addict for the work you do now because some of it is phrased in a way that I've not heard before. And that's what I like. It's like a young version. I don't know if it's a young Tony Robbins version or what the heck I might call it, but I love it. So let's talk first off about pivoting. The book pivoting. Go to. But you know, right now we're catching a lot of people, millions of people that are sort of in this, you know, I gotta make a pivot type move. And one of the things I love in the book that you talk about is you got to get a perspective. You call it like a higher perspective almost in order to make those decisions. What do you mean by just kind of let you go on that tangent for a minute?

[David Nurse]

Absolutely. So making a pivot, it's a basketball term where the defense is all over you or life is just sucking you in and you can't see a clear path. But you make a small, slight turn, small pivot, and it opens up an entirely new perspective. And it's, you know, change is very daunting for people. When you say, hey, you have to make this big change, no one rarely can anyone do it. But if it's these small, these pivots, these 1% step pivots, that's what can open up an entire entirely different perspective. And right now, like, we're all going through a time that we feel stuck in some situation. We feel stuck. And that's one of the worst feelings that we can have. Me and you, we know that we had to make our life pivot through sports, and we poured everything we could into playing professional sports. Myself, the NBA, and I had to make that pivot. Like everything that I did to pour into playing in the NBA was actually for coaching in the NBA. So it's, it's about looking at something from a slightly different perspective that can change your entire perspective.

[Ed Mylett]

I think people are very hesitant to make, you know, 50% pivots, you know, in one move. And that's really not usually where most of the differences are made. They're small. David also referenced the NBA. I think you're the nephew of Nick Nurse, who's, you know, one of the great NBA coach. People think the NBA coach right now. And then you all know that, you know, David does this for all kinds of people, but his forte, particularly for a long time, has been with NBA players. And you said something. I say that everything in life happens for you, not to you. You say something close to that, but in a very nuanced and different way that involves preparation almost for the rest of your life. How do you word that? If you just share that with everybody?

[David Nurse]

Yeah. So I mean, it's about preparing for the opportunity. And I love that you brought up my uncle Nick because he's a great example of this. Now people see him as winning this NBA championship and they're like, oh, you know, first year head coach, lightning strikes in a bottle. No, he's been a head coach for 27 years. And one of my favorite quotes is it takes 10 years to become an overnight success. But in Nick's terms, 27 years to become an overnight success. And I've seen him coaching over in countries you don't even know, play basketball, taping players ankles, popping popcorn at halftime. But the thing is, he lived in that, hey, I am an NBA champion head coach. And when he was 22, when he started his coaching career, he put a picture of himself holding an NBA trophy on the fridge. And he saw that every day. He lived in that mindset and developed that subconscious awareness of, hey, I don't have to be what the world says I am. All this self doubt, this negative talk, I can be, I can live in this NBA champion coach that I know who I am going to be. And now it is about embracing the process of taking what I call 1% steps. And this makes it not as daunting. 1% steps, anybody can do that daily. It's not. You have to take the whole. You look at the big macros and then you take the little micros knowing that these steps. Then the most powerful thing there is is the compounding effect where you stack these 1% days on 1% days, understanding it's going to take 27 years to become an overnight success. But if you stay with it, you will get there. And like for your story, I love how you just like, literally, hey, I'm gonna work my butt off for these three years and then we'll get there. But you put in that work behind the scenes that nobody sees.

[Ed Mylett]

Yeah, well, you're also being very humble. So did you. So most of you probably wouldn't know this about him, but he was driven to become an NBA player. And he now says that all that work he was doing was preparing him for what he's doing now. And his philosophy is, you're all doing that. It may not seem like it, but what you're doing right now is preparing you for what you're destined to do. And just you're being humble, Dave. But I happen to know that you basically lived in your car for like ever. Like, basically this dude's homeless, he's traveling around the world, kind of really doing not for free, but for almost nothing. And free. Often I don't think enough people are willing to sacrifice short term financially to get the experience, to build the reputation, to build the brand. And then boom, the Brooklyn Nets call and kind of the world starts to take off. But what I'd like you to address, because during that time and during my time, I'm sure during Nick's time, Dwayne Johnson's time, when he was struggling and had all, you know, whatever he had in his wallet that he talks about, there's a lot of self doubt and I love techniques that help fix things. And you got this thing, man, with the mirror.

[David Nurse]

Oh, yes.

[Ed Mylett]

That is just awesome. Like, I'm waiting the whole week to do this part of the interview right now because I think this is so freaking brilliant. So would you share this strategy with people, please?

[David Nurse]

Absolutely, man. I'm really big on giving people tools, actionable steps, actually how to do things. Because it's one thing to talk about the purpose and the whys and that's all great, but there's a big disconnect between actually knowing and doing. So I'll take you through the whole hands example and you can put this into play in your life. And this is a tool that we all have, so we all have our hands with us. So first thing you do when you wake up in the morning is you look at your hands and you see all that they've been through. Do this right now. If you're listening, look at the calluses, the grooves. Everything that you have been through, you have gotten through. So you're going to get through the next challenging time as well. Now imagine the most confident person in your life. Maybe it's a teacher, a parent, a mentor. You see everything that they've been through. Now your hands are their hands, their hands are your hands. You can get through it as well. So you wake up in the morning, first thing you do, look at those hands. You have the confidence, self awareness hands. Now at some point you're going to walk past a mirror. Most often it's early on to brush your teeth or wash your face. Now this mirror is what I call the mirror of self doubt, a foggy mirror. We all wake up with self doubt. The imposter syndrome is in us when we wake up and we have that choice to live in that. And what the world is telling us that we have to be are the expectations. Or we can take our hands, those hands and make the motion of wiping away that foggy mirror. So literally there's the power in actually making this motion, triggering into our subconscious that hey, we don't have to live in this self doubt that we have. We wipe away this foggy mirror with our hands. So to keep it going with it now, so we have these hands, we've got our confident hands, we have our wiping away the self doubt hands. Now these hands are our service hands too. So every room that you enter, look at your hands and say the word serve. So you know when you step into that room, it's not about yourself or what others can do for you, what you can get out of it. It's about what you can give, what you can pour into others, how you can serve others. Because that, honestly, like that is the biggest thing. It takes so much pressure off ourselves knowing that it's not all on us, but it's how we can give and how we can serve. And so these hands try that like it's really powerful man. Try that. When you enter a room or when you type an email or write a text, you can look at your hands and say serve. And the last part of the hands, the tool that you always have with you are the encouragement hands. And there's a player in the NBA. Steve Nash used to play in the NBA. He's my favorite player. He would lead the league, lead the NBA in high fives given they take that stat high fives given he gave 239 high fives a game. Like literally like encouraging everybody. He's a two time NBA all star, he's six two unathletic like myself. But yet he was the best teammate that anybody ever had because he was always given high fives. And we can all do that. We can be that person who gives high fives. Yeah, sure, maybe it's zoom high fives right now, but we can always be that person that encourages and looking at your hands and, and maybe it's sending out. I do it every morning. I send out either three texts or three video messages to someone that maybe I haven't talked to for a while. Just an encouraging note to them. And man, you wouldn't believe that the amount of change or trajectory in their life that it's had just by that encouraging note. And we can all have that encouragement.

[Ed Mylett]

Hands, thank you for sharing that. And guys, there's a lot to unpack there. First off, if you follow any of my work, any of you guys, you know that I'm a big believer in triggers. Great athletes do it. But it's something that just now I've been teaching for years behind the scenes to business people, but just now it's becoming more mainstream. This is brilliance, what he just taught you. And it ought to be one of these where you go back a little bit and listen to it again. If you're listening to it, he gave you the physical description if you check out YouTube. But hands are an easy trigger and I love that there's multiple triggers that you've created there. And all people that I know that perform at a high level have these triggers at their disposal. They're not just thoughts, their triggers, their physics. You do enough of these looking at your hands and the wipe away and all of those different things that he's referencing. And these hands serve as well. And switching it with the confident person, those are, those are massive, massive tools for people. It just so happens also that Steve Nash is now the new head coach of the Brooklyn Nets. Which is like pretty ironic too, right? So it's. Or the New Jersey Nets, I don't know what they call themselves now. So that is awesome stuff right there, brother. Thank you for that. Encourage everybody to practice that technique. And one other thing, everybody, when you hear someone brilliant like David give you these techniques, these are things that are More effective, the more repetitious they become. They are not completely effective. The first wipe away, although you will feel it the first time you look at your hands, although you feel it. But I'm going to tell you the 300th time, it has massive power in your life. The other thing you teach that I love is this notion of terminology, the power that words have over us and the redefinition of them. And it's like to me right now this is like a master class on pivoting, changing self confidence and improving your life that the elite athletes only get access to guys that you're now getting access to. Would you kind of dive a little bit into redefinition of terminology?

[David Nurse]

Such a good question. Yes. And this is very powerful. So this is actually one of the steps. I have a seven steps to develop unshakeable confidence. And this is one of them. Very powerful. And being able to redefine vocabulary. And what I mean by that is we all grow up learning that certain words mean certain things and we attach them like with failure or success or rich. We all think they mean certain things that we're taught, but not necessarily. Like, let's take for example, the NBA as we've been talking about basketball. So every time I work with a player, I'll ask them, when was your last shooting slump? And then I'll see them already, their body language goes down and they're like, you know, a couple games ago, I couldn't make a shot. I missed every one of them. And then I'll ask them, hey, when was your last shooting hippopotamus? And they look at me like, what are you talking about? You're crazy.

[Constance Schwartz Marini]

What?

[David Nurse]

But what I'm doing there is showing them it's just the power in the word. They have already thought that this word slump means something bad. But it's only if you decide that you have the power to be able to change that. Just like failure. Like most people will say, hey, failure is bad. They're scared of failure. Some will even say, failure is a way to learn and grow. Yeah, I agree with that. I think failure is the only way to learn and grow. So if we can embrace this failure and look at it what I call being in the pit, like where you fall down in this pit, this is this failure. And if you can embrace this and understand this is what's sharpening you, this is what's making the fire that makes the diamond even shinier, like this pit that you embrace, this is how you're going to get out of this failure and come out so much better on the other end. And like you mentioned earlier, it's not about like these failure times, these difficult situation times that happen to us. Somebody else along the line is going to go through the same exact thing that we do now. We use this failure not only for our own growth, but also to help others grow as well. And that's, that's so powerful, just being able to redefine that word of failure and even like the word rich. I have a chapter in my book called the Rich Life, and it goes into depth of like, what really does rich mean? I mean, you can have a lot of money and you can end up being Steve Jobs and miserable on your deathbed, but are you rich in your relationships with your family, with your kids, with your spouse? Like, that's where you can really pour into this, living this rich life and redefining these words that the world says we have to think they're one way, we can have them in a different way.

[Ed Mylett]

Brother, so good. And guys, there's all these words that you use that have certain triggers and power over you as well. And sometimes infusing humorous words for the power word loses all of its influence over you. And so sometimes, whether it's the hippopotamus word or, you know, here comes, you know, this is the angry version of me, and you're like, nah, this is poopy pants or whatever, I sound silly. But it just, you. The ridiculousness of it, then it loses its power over you. Same with when you're in these things that we call slumps and whatnot. I wanted to go back for a second because it's interesting for me, for a guy that works with athletes, for the most part now you're working with everybody, but found his bearings with athletes. And I do a lot of work with athletes as well. And this is an interesting topic. You go to a lot, which is service. It's not something you think you talk to an athlete about, about how to improve their life. And I always say when you're feeling the most helpless, become helpful and instantly you're no longer helpless. But you said I moved over it too quickly. And I want to go back to it for a minute because I'd like to know, do you do it every day? How do you do it? Which was this three message thing in the morning.

[David Nurse]

Yeah. So every morning I will send out a message and it's either a text message or a video message. Just a small encouragement to somebody. And I'll have my. I have a list of all my relationships and everything, like, relationships are who we are. We are the people we surround ourselves with. We know that. But also one thing about cultivating relationships is how you maintain relationships and how you grow relationships. Like, that's a skill in itself. And having people know that you're always there for them. You're in their corner, like you're there to cheer them on, to be their encourager, like, that's really, really powerful, man. When you get a text message or a video message that just says, I'm thinking of you, hey, checking in on you, hope you're doing well, like, that can change your whole day. So I do that in the morning, what I call the big three. But I also have the big three in the evening as well. And I think this is a great way to be able to track your progress, to be able to see how things like in your goals and your dreams and your 1% steps that you're taking is. I'll have, I'll write down three things before I go to bed that I'm going to focus on the next morning. So I know that when I, after my morning routine, I'm able to just go right into my main three points and that those are going to be my three focuses. Because far too often we have so many things bombarding us left and right. Especially this time, during this virus time, we don't know what's coming. But to be able to keep that focus on three main things, keep it on the main important things. So it's, it's, it's a good way to remember, hey, three text messages or three, three video messages, three big things. And like you're compiling those days, that's, that's 1% win, 1% win, 1% win. And that compounding effect just, just kicks into play.

[Ed Mylett]

And I want, so, so I want you guys to get pivot and go. Cause I want you to hear the entire routine. But you know, one thing that I love is that it's simple. Complexity is the enemy of execution, especially at the highest level of things. It can't be complicated. Things that someone's thinking through in a routine, they've got to be able to do it quickly. It is interesting that you and I never met until today, but I mean, we've been familiar with each other's work for a while. But, you know, I wrote a book and I think the opening line of the book is, we have 86,400 thoughts a day. I start talking immediately about thinking. I also do a cold shower. We both use chili pads. Maybe we'll get into that in a minute. It's amazing how we're. We both learned to sleep a little bit differently. But you talk very eloquently about how many self talk thoughts you have a day, which is different than total thoughts. And then this notion, guys, if your mind isn't blown so far, you're welcome. Because when you hear about highlight reel, which he works with athletes, and then you hear about the self talk thoughts a day, this is groundbreaking stuff right here, guys. So would you address that for a sec? I know you know where I'm going, but they don't do it.

[David Nurse]

I love it, Ed. And first, big credit to you too, because we're able to give people tools and it's not like super overly complicated. You hear far too often all these doctors and everybody talking like it sounds great, but I don't know how to apply it. It's just way over my head. So, yeah, thank you. And big credit to you. So the highlight reel is really, really powerful. Let's start off with the highlight reel. That's the moment that, you know, you feel like you're just in the zone where you're killing it. You're having the best meeting, the best sales call. But for my basketball players, the best game that they've ever played, and I'll have them watch their clips or you can visualize yourself, your best moment that you've had going through it. And I'll have them do it every morning when they wake up. I'll have them do it before they step on the floor for practice and before they step on the floor for games. So constantly you're being put in this frame of mind that this your highlight reel, you are at your best, you can be this person because these self talk thoughts, we have 50,000 on average self talk thoughts, 50,000. 80% of those are negative. So think about that. 40,000 self talk thoughts negative, going through your head throughout the day. I mean, that's terrible. But we can pivot this by one tool. Being living in your highlight reel where you're constantly watching yourself at your best. And, and I mean, this isn't something that's just like, oh, this is airy fairy and up there. No, you have done this. Like you have literally done this. You can do this again. You will do this again. And we can pivot these self talk thoughts into being 80% positive to 20% negative. And just think about how much that can open up just not just for yourself, but how infectious living in that becomes to others.

[Ed Mylett]

Okay, so I'M a mom. I'm not a mom, but I'm listening. And I'm a mom. Or I'm a business person. I might be a young athlete. I could be an entrepreneur, whatever. I'm a dentist. You're saying to me that I ought to put together a highlight reel of the best moments or moment of my life, and I should be visualizing that video when and how often?

[David Nurse]

Yeah, absolutely. Like, even to the. The more detail you can get with things, the better. So you're watching, like, let's say you're a mom and you made this unbelievable meal or your kid got a great report card all in the same day. And it's like, this was your most. Your proudest day. Now you're going to do this in the morning when you wake up, you can do along with your hands, after you're done wiping the mirror clean, you can just visually sit there and see this going, see that day. Like, see what you wore, see what you ate, see who you interacted with. Recreate that day in your mind. And that subconscious is where it's actually going to live. So you're living in that highlight reel zone. So, yeah, you can definitely visualize seeing yourself going through that moment, that you are absolutely at your best. And I do it three times a day myself. I have my NBA players do it three times a day, but I do it three times a day. I do it when, after my morning routine, when I'll have my coffee, I'll be doing it during that time. I'll do it during lunch, I'll do it during dinner. So I'm scheduling it in. I think it's really important that we actually schedule things into where we're not just going to say we're going to do them, we put them on the calendar, but to the point of being very detailed about it, like, even for goal.

[Ed Mylett]

So what I want to do is second that everybody. Because, you know, one of the things I've done, you know, without really knowing I did it, is every time before I speak, when I walk out on a stage, I literally go through a highlight reel of the best talk and talks of my career. The feeling in my body, what it looked like. One other thing with all of you, with your visualizations too, that I want to tell you is it's like meditation. You'll get better at doing it over time. You'll build the muscle of it, be able to see it more clearly. You can slow it down into slow motion. You can change the colors. You learn to zoom in and to the extent that you great at doing it, it imprints it more deeply in your subconscious mind. So give yourself the gift of doing that regularly. The other thing you talk about, man, that I love is, you know, we've talked, We've had experts on our show about flow state. Here we talk a lot about focus. Thought it was interesting. I'd never heard somebody say this before, but you were saying you can have a little bit too much flow and a little too much focus. You talk about, is it flocus? Yeah. What is that?

[David Nurse]

It's one of my favorite terms because we all want to be in the flow state and we all want to be focused, but often it doesn't go hand in hand, but it's that rhythm that you can be in. Focus, flow, cuss. So with basketball players or anybody that is trying to do something at a high level, sometimes we overanalyze things and we really like, okay, I got to do this with my elbow on my shot. I got to get to this spot on the court, or I got to do this in the business meeting that I'm at. And it takes us out of that flow, that natural rhythm, and the talent that we have that we've developed over preparation over time. So the key is, in this locus state, you are in the flow, you're going off all the preparation, all those hours that you put in the 10,000 hours rule, that's a real thing. Like, that is real. As much as we want to think that there are shortcuts, there's not shortcut. It's the myelin in our brain is what develops the muscle memory, as we know for sports, for whatever we're doing, but also for our mindset, too. So we live in this flow that we've developed through the 10,000 hours. Now we can also be very focused, very streamlined, while letting our flow, being able to take care of the rest. So it's. You don't. I mean, both are great, but if you combine them, it's even more powerful.

[Ed Mylett]

I love it. You talk about, boom. Loving this. Just so you know, it's my favorite shows where it's just. It just. It's just naturally it goes. Two people trying to serve self confidence is a huge thing. My son just went off to college, and people have asked me, you know, I don't know if I'm a good dad or a bad dad, but I know that what I wanted my son to leave with was some sort of moral compass, which for us, that comes through faith, but I want him to be a good person. I wanted him to embody really, really good work ethic. Right. I wanted him to have self confidence. And the fourth thing is I want him to be able to communicate very well. I think if you have those four things in life, you've got a moral compass, faith, you got great work ethic, you have self confidence and you can communicate, you're going to do pretty well in the world. Those four things, the third one so many people just struggle with. Overall, it's at the core of your work. Whether it's. I think it surprises most people that some of the best athletes in the world also struggle with self confidence. They think they're alone in this. And you do have seven steps. I'm curious, you probably know, I was going to ask you this, but why do you think it's such a struggle? Naturally, for humans, it seems maybe it's not natural, maybe we learn it to not have confidence. And then could you give us one other thing that you think because you say I infuse people with confidence, the athletes you work with, that's a direct quote, another step to helping me build my self confidence. If I'm listening or watching.

[David Nurse]

Yes, absolutely. Great question. And first off, Ed, like that is we know where we get our joy is through the faith. That was so cool that you have your son. That's why I do everything I do with joy, because I know I have faith and know I have Jesus. And so first of all, that's amazing. But yes, confidence and having this unshakable confidence is something we all struggle with. Like 98% of us are thinking of the worst case scenario, even though 98% of the time the worst case scenario doesn't happen. It's just in us to think that worst case is going to happen. And so I'll give you an example. So I've preached the confidence gospel to my NBA players for years and years, and I've seen it take them literally from average players to future hall of Famers just on that self confidence alone. And I know we all can look around and we see that, the success, we see our results in certain situations, we see our resume and we can find some confidence in that. And that's great. But that's just the tip of the iceberg of what true confidence is. And understanding this is the foundation, literally, I think literally of everything. For confidence, for mindset is true self awareness. And what I mean by true self awareness is knowing what you stand for, why you do what you do, and having it be something bigger than yourself. So I'll Give you an example real quick. One of my best friends is Jeremy lin. And Jeremy went through this time with the New York Knicks. It was called Lynn sanity. He was like taking over the NBA. He was. He was going game winners, 30 point game. Like he was the number one trending thing in the world for weeks. But if Jeremy was being honest, he would tell you that he didn't really embrace that moment, that he was going through that because he was living in the what ifs. What if I don't keep this up? What will people think of me? What if I can't keep performing at this level? And it drove him nuts. So those results that everybody saw, man, he should be so confident. He was. He was very unconfident. So one of the biggest things that I've seen over my career that I'm the most proud of is seeing Jeremy come into his own and realize his own self awareness. And that the fact that he stands for so much more than just basketball production, that he stands for his Taiwanese people, for his faith in Jesus, and for being a great gourmet chef in the kitchen. Like he has self awareness and things other than what the world is saying, hey, this is where you have to be like, this is who you have to be.

[Ed Mylett]

So good. I dropped my son off at college and obviously that self confidence thing is the biggest piece. He's a college athlete too, and it's amazing that you just phrased it that way. I just want to second things because we've not talked about this stuff. It's just remarkable. And the last. My people that listen to my show regularly will know this. I left my son the last thing I said to him, as I said, remember who you are and what you stand for. And all of your confidence can come from those things. And I think there's something, by the way, self awareness is something I talk about an awful lot. I completely agree with you. The other thing is I don't think people give themselves enough credit for their intentions. So I think confidence can come from. I'm a good person. I intend to do well. There's a reciprocity in life, you know, whether you believe in. If you're a christian like you and I, the parable of the sower that, you know, there's reciprocity in life. What you reap is what you sow also. Which is not the parable of the sower, but it's a scripture, karma, whatever you think it is in your life that the power to intention that I don't think enough people will give Themselves, confidence just stemming from their awareness of their intention. Do you not agree with that?

[David Nurse]

I completely agree with that. I love that. I love that so much on so many levels. Because, I mean, what it is at the core is knowing that, hey, you are preparing for your opportunity daily. We don't know when that time is going to come. God has that time. And it's on a much better time than we can even imagine. But everything you do is a preparation for an opportunity to come. The person that you are today, how you act, no matter who's watching or no matter what your job title is, is going to determine what you're going to be. And I have a story in the book. One of my former teammates, when I was playing in Europe, he came over and he got a contract with the spurs. And now he was a great player over in Europe, and he's playing with the Spurs. And so he goes from this being this star to this bench guy. And he told me, he's like, david, I'm going to be the best towel waiver in the NBA. Like, literally, he was going to embrace being on the bench and just waving his towel and encouraging others. And from that alone, like, that became so infectious to teammates, where he finally got his opportunity. He made the most of it because he was ready, because he was pouring into teammates, where he's ended up making about $100 million with different teams throughout his NBA career, but would have never done that if he didn't embrace the moment he was in and do the absolute best with what he was given. Understanding that every day was a preparation for a greater opportunity to come.

[Ed Mylett]

That was a great conversation. And if you want to hear the full interview, be sure to follow the Ed Mylett show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Here's an excerpt I did with our next guest. Welcome back, everybody. Now, today is big time. I'm talking big, big time. So when I first got into the personal development space, I was doing a lot of speaking, and I'm in this green room with a bunch of other people. I won't say who they are. And I'm like, so who's who? Who's who, who? And then one of them goes, that one over there, she's big money. And it was my guest today, like, she is making big money. And then I learned her story. And I'm like, no way. What a remarkable story. And I remember thinking to myself that day, that would be a cool book.

[Constance Schwartz Marini]

Really?

[Ed Mylett]

That would be a cool book. Turns out it's kind of A book now. So my guest today is Amy Porterfield. She's got a new book out. You can pre order if you're listening to this before February of 2023. February 21st. If you listen to it after, go get it too. But two weeks notice, find the courage to quit your job, make more money, work where you want, and change the world. And you kind of have done this. So we're going to talk about how to do it today. So welcome to the show.

[Amy Porterfield]

Thanks so much for having me. This is so fun.

[Ed Mylett]

I'm fired up. And you do make big money. And let me give you an idea, guys. Statistically, I went through something here. What is it like? Was it. How many. How many total? 40 million downloads of your podcast?

[Amy Porterfield]

Yeah, the podcast. I've had it for a while, but yeah, it's a big one for me.

[Ed Mylett]

But there's another stat that was nuts that I was reading about. How many clients.

[Amy Porterfield]

So we have helped over 40,000 of my students. Yes. And generated about $70 million in the business since we started. So can I have some? I think you got enough.

[Ed Mylett]

So. But you didn't do this overnight. One first thing, just, like, advice you gave that I was surprised by. Then we'll go back to your story. But, like, you actually start out by saying, like, you can start a business and not know what it is or what you're going to do. How the heck does somebody do that?

[Amy Porterfield]

I know that kind of sounds crazy, but I really mean it. So here's the thing. I typically work with a lot of women, and women tend to think that they have to have it all figured out before they get going. Even a lot of men, of course, too. And I feel like that stops people in their tracks. So, of course, you've got to have an idea and you've got to start putting some feelers out there. But a whole business plan? Absolutely. Not all the details figured out. You'll never get started. So I encourage people to get started. Even when you feel like you're not ready.

[Ed Mylett]

What's get started look like? What does somebody do? So I'm at a job, like you say, I'm in a cubicle. Yeah, you've got. We're going to talk about some of the story, too, actually. Maybe it should be through your story that someone sees this. So you're working a job. You're successful at this job. Right. But, like, your lifestyle is not what you want it to be.

[Amy Porterfield]

Not at all.

[Ed Mylett]

So was there a. Was it from the very beginning, like, I want out of here? Or was there, like, a point where you're going, nope, I got to get out of here. So I'm with my family. I'm with my child. What was it for you?

[Amy Porterfield]

Okay, so here's what happened. I was working this really great job. I worked as the content development director for Tony Robbins. I got to travel the world with Tony, do amazing things. So he paid me well. He treated me well. It was awesome. However, there was this one meeting that changed my life. Here's what happened. I was in the San Diego offices, and I was asked to come to a meeting. And I walk in, and there's this big oak table, and a bunch of guys are sitting at this table waiting for Tony to come in. Now, this is humbling. I was called in to take notes, so I wasn't even invited to the main table. I was sitting at a side table, and I was called in to take notes. And Tony invited these Internet marketers to talk about their businesses because he was getting more into the online space with digital courses. So he said, come in. I want to hear about your businesses. So what happened was he went around and he asked each of these guys, tell me about your businesses. We're talking if you know Internet marketing. Frank Kern, Jeff Walker, Eben Pagan, Brendan Bouchard. Like, guys we know, right?

[Ed Mylett]

Really successful.

[Amy Porterfield]

And this is, like, 15 years ago. So I didn't know who these guys were.

[Ed Mylett]

You were in that meeting?

[Amy Porterfield]

I was in that meeting, and I had no idea who the guys were, but they went around and talked about their businesses, and all I heard was freedom. They talked about lifestyle freedom, financial freedom. They were calling the shots. They were making things happen.

[Ed Mylett]

And.

[Amy Porterfield]

And in that moment, I thought, I am not free. Like, these guys have absolute freedom to do what they want. And it was the first time I realized in my life, I'm not free. I started out with a really strict dad who was my boss. Like, my first boss was my dad his way or the highway, period, no questions asked. Then I got into the work world, and all I had was bosses, and I was really good at being an employee. I love to climb the ladder. I love to get the atta girls, the rewards, the promotions. Like, I never thought about being an entrepreneur ever. But then I realized, wait a second. I don't know what these guys are doing. Have no clue, but I want a piece of it.

[Ed Mylett]

You really had no clue?

[David Nurse]

No clue.

[Amy Porterfield]

I didn't know how to create digital courses. I didn't know. I didn't know how they were creating things, just, like, from their houses. Like, it was so bizarre. And back then, no one worked from home, but all these guys did. So in that moment, I thought, I don't know how they're doing it. I don't know what they're doing, but I want a piece of. And that was, like, my pivotal moment.

[Ed Mylett]

Wasn't there? Like, I think some people think, no, I'm pretty free at my job. Are you really? Like, you were at the story? Really broke my heart a little bit. You're at someone's wedding.

[Amy Porterfield]

Yes. Okay, let's talk about that. My best friend got married, and she got married in this little sleepy town in Northern California. And by sleepy, I mean no WI fi anywhere. And I was still in my corporate job. I go to the wedding and. And the entire weekend, I was sneaking around to cafes, trying to work on this project that I needed to get done. And anywhere that there was WI Fi in these cafes, I'm, like, pounding away on my computer secretly because I didn't want her to know. And so I show up at the wedding. I think I'm being, like, a great friend, and we do a champagne toast, and she looked at me, and she said, all you do is work. And I just. Even now I think about it, I'm like, you're right. And I thought no one really noticed that I was so obsessed with, like, grinding all the time. So that was. You would think that would be a pivotal moment, that I'd kind of change things. Oh, no. I went back to my corporate job and kept on grinding.

[Ed Mylett]

So what was the. Was there a turning point? Like, this is the day I'm gonna start something.

[Amy Porterfield]

Yeah. So what happened was, I think that the wedding thing happened, and then the meeting happened at the Robins organization. And that's when I thought, I'm gonna figure this out. So I immediately started to think. I started to think, what would I do in my own business? And I turned to a good friend of mine who worked for Robbins, and she was a writer. And I said, you're a writer. You could go out and be a freelancer. You could have a business. I know nothing to be an entrepreneur. I've only ever known getting a paycheck from a boss. And she's like, you're crazy. There's tons of stuff you could do with this. So I started to think, like, what could I do? And I did a lot of social media, and I thought I could teach this. I could create a digital course and teach social media. So that was my first. First plan. And what I did is I started a Side hustle. So I'm a big proponent of side hustles. I think they're a great way to kind of get your foot out the door. Just begin.

[Ed Mylett]

Agree.

[Amy Porterfield]

And I started to do social media for small businesses. And so that was like my little, like, I'm gonna see what this looks like. And I did that for about six months till I officially quit my job.

[Ed Mylett]

Okay, let me ask you about that because the purpose of this book to some extent is like, hey, chase your dream. You don't have to be ready. Don't discount yourself. But there's like you guys in the book, it's very tactical. Like there's this part of the book where she goes, the mindset, the strategies, the work.

[Amy Porterfield]

Absolutely.

[Ed Mylett]

And so we're gonna go there in a little bit. But I want to you this side hustle thing, everyone thinks, well, the way a side hustle works is because this is the theory, what I'll do is I'll work for six months to 18 months on a side hustle. My part time income will pass my full time income. And when that gets really cozy and comfortable when I'm making this transition, then I just go. Because there's really no risk at that point. But like 99.7% of the time that's not really how it ends up happening.

[Amy Porterfield]

Absolutely not.

[Ed Mylett]

So what do you do then and how. And that happened to you too. You probably weren't replacing your income.

[Amy Porterfield]

Absolutely not. And so I started this side hustle and had a few clients and was making enough money to barely scrape by. But what happens when you start a side hustle and you really want to leave your job? You are already gone mentally, like you want it bad. And I wanted it so bad, I figured this is my first time to work when I want, where I want, how I want to work. I don't want to be on someone else's dime or someone else's time like I wanted it. And that's the first thing with if you're going to leave your 9 to 5 job, start your side hustle, turn that side hustle into a full time thing, you got to want it bad because it's going to be painful. Like everyone starting a business is not easy in the beginning.

[Ed Mylett]

Do you think, Amy, I want to interrupt you on that. I'm going to ask you, do you think that's because the initial move, you have probably less freedom initially. Would you agree with that as an overall statement?

[Amy Porterfield]

Oh, absolutely. I'm glad you said that. Okay, so this is something I've been Thinking about a lot. If you want to leave your 9 to 5 job and go out on your own and we'll get back to the side hustle thing, I think that you have to be open to what I call the path of possibility. Okay. And the path of possibility is picture it as there's like these three circles. The first one is present where you are. You're comfy, you're cozy, you're in your job, you're getting a regular paycheck, you're getting benefits. That is a comfortable situation. Usually it might not be fun, you might not love it, but you're comfortable, you're safe. In order to get to possibility, you have to pass through the middle circle. If you're visualizing it, which is pain. And I believe there has to be pain in order to get to what you really want. Have you ever known anything that you wanted bad enough that it wasn't painful?

[Ed Mylett]

Yes. Survive the temporary pain.

[Amy Porterfield]

You have to. So when I started thinking about you have to be willing to feel the pain and pass through it, that's where I came up with this concept of capacity for zero. How much capacity for zero do you have? And what I mean by that is, are you willing to burn it all down? Are you willing to make less Money? Start with 0 people on social media. Start with a business that you're not even sure if it's gonna work. Maybe have a side hustle a little bit, but like you said, it's not filling up your full time income.

[Ed Mylett]

Yeah.

[Amy Porterfield]

And so this capacity for zero, how willing are you to start again? Start from scratch? And I look back and I think my capacity for zero was very high. I wanted it bad and that helped immensely. And it's helped me with tons of stuff that I've started since I started.

[Ed Mylett]

I love this capacity for zero because to our former point that I interrupted you on was because I just think what you just said is so compelling is that it's not. It very well might be zero, meaning you're. If you're making $9,000 a month and you've got a side hustle for six to 18 months, the likelihood that you're consistently making that same $9,000 is. And not being on some roller coaster of ups and downs or just no ups yet is pretty likely. Right. So what did you do? How did you navigate that?

[Amy Porterfield]

So what I did is I thought, okay, I am going to get just a few clients to pay the bills. Enough. And I had a husband who at the time, Hobie, my husband, was becoming a firefighter so he wasn't making a lot of money. So we were in a place that it was little dicey, and I said, I'm going to save a bunch of money before I leave my corporate separate job. I'm going to make a bunch of money with these clients, then I'll leave. But I think I realized I wanted freedom so bad. I realized that it was time for me to go out on my own, that I thought if I wait much longer, I'm going to lose the nerve and I'm never going to do it. So what I teach people is you got to choose your exit date. No matter what, come hell or high water, you're leaving on this date. And so I looked at the calendar, and at that point, it was about six months out. I chose the exit date, put it on a post it, put it on my mirror and exit. Every single day, I looked at that date, and I said, I'm doing this no matter what. Now, when you remind yourself every day that you're doing it and you visualize yourself going out on your own, being your own boss, you start to embody it. What decisions do I need to make today to make this happen? How do I need to show up to make this happen? Who do I need to reach out to or get support from? So every day I was looking at this date, and so as it got closer and closer, I realized I'm going for it. I don't have a savings. I didn't have it at all. And I was maybe making a fourth of what I was making at Robbins, so it wasn't a lot. But I said, screw it. I'm going to do this.

[Ed Mylett]

See, this book is so good, and you're so good, by the way, being in your presence now, like to be able to share this hour with you. I think success has an energy to it. And I'm overwhelmed. I mean, a lot of people have sat in that seat. I'm overwhelmed by your energy and your capacity to communicate these thoughts in a way no one's ever sat there, has before. And by the way, no one's ever said this kind of truth on the show either. On this topic. Yeah. Because that is the real of how you're going to leave something. The funny thing about it is that decision that you just stated about, look, in six months, this is the place I put it up on my mirror in the bathroom. That's the first decision towards freedom.

[Constance Schwartz Marini]

Yes.

[Ed Mylett]

The bondage part is negotiating it. When this, when this, when this, when this. Call the shot. If you're ready to do it. Call the shot. That's the first free. People think massive commitment is a lack of freedom. It's the reverse. Once you've completely committed that there are no other options that the beginning of freedom for you because you have no choice but to execute. So before we start the interview with my next guest, just want to remind you all that you can subscribe to the show on YouTube or follow the show on Apple or Spotify. We have all the links in our show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Now, on with the show. All right, welcome back to the show, everybody. So today you are going to hear from one of the most influential human beings on spinning earth right now. She would never admit to it it, but she is. She's influencing entertainment sports culture and she's behind the scenes type person for the most part. So she's probably the most influential person. Many of you don't know yet because she likes it that way. And so just think about people like Prime, Deion Sanders, think about Michael Strahan, think about Snoop Dogg, Wiz Khalifa. It's a kind of a collective group myself, by the way, this show doesn't exist without her either the way that it exists today. She is the CEO and founding partner of Smack Entertainment. It's a talent management agency. But it's way more than that. It's a business incubator. She's got an Emmy nominated production company and just about anybody who's got any heat on planet earth today, somehow behind the scenes, this lady is touching their lives and their brand and their businesses. So, Constance Schwartz, Marini, welcome to the show. Finally.

[Constance Schwartz Marini]

Thank you, Ed. And thank you for that great introduction. I'm sitting here like probably red as a beat because you know me very well. And so when I got the text from you about coming on, I literally like, if I could do a backflip, I would have done it. But I mentally did one and called Mike Marini right away, my husband. I was like, guess whose podcast I'm going on. So thank you. Seriously, thank you.

[Ed Mylett]

Well, I want to start out by saying that I'm going to get emotional. I don't do this on the show very often at all. But I just really want to thank you for being such a believer in me. And, you know, most people don't know this, but a lot of the good things you've seen happen in my life are because of this woman right here and especially my business life. And so I'm grateful for you in my life. So thank you so Much I'm grateful

[Constance Schwartz Marini]

for you and you're giving me way too much credit because you were a force when we met and we might have just maybe redirected you a little bit, but that's about it.

[Ed Mylett]

Yeah, that ain't true, but thank you. Okay, so you guys, I just want you to know she started at the NFL and then she's built this company. Her business partner is Michael Strahan in Smack. SM A C is the name of their agency and, or their company rather. And they've touched everything. Hundred thousand dollar Pyramid, Fox Sports, most of the people on there, you name it. But different apparel brands etc, so we're going to go all over the place today. Let me ask you a question. First con. When you guys founded Smack, did you know it would turn into all of these other things because you came out of the NFL, right? Right. Like I met you, I met the after you, where you were already Ballin. But you and Michael founded this together. What did you intend it to be and then what does it become?

[Constance Schwartz Marini]

I love when people act like this was exactly, you know, executed my vision. I had no idea. I just knew that there was nothing like this business. And it was almost I was forced into it because I got fired. And when I went to interview at other companies, they were putting me in a box. They said, okay, you're a talent manager, you're a sports person, you can do endorsements, you're, you know, non script to producer. I was like, you guys don't get it. Like, I just want to take the last 20 years of my career and I'm going to build this. And I started it from the kitchen table, had no idea what it would become. Started out more management and talent, sports and small. I mean it was Michael, Coach prime who is, you know, Deion Sanders, just, you know, recently, not almost retired, four years, three years at that point. My old boss from the NFL was at the NHL and brought us on to help him on some entertainment pieces of business as they were expanding. And that was it, you know, so here we are 14, 15 years later and wow, that's all I can say. But everything that you've seen from that point till now, it came from just knowing that there's a piece of business here that could be bigger and better and extended. Same thing that we do with the people, right? It's like you keep the main thing. The main thing is Coach prime says use your main platform to build around it. And that's what we're still doing. I feel like we're just Getting started.

[Ed Mylett]

Well, let's take Coach prime first. Let's just pick one. Okay, so first off, you guys right now is Coach Prime Season 3 on Amazon streaming. I watched the whole season in a day. It's that good? It was. I was sick one day. I watched all the episodes. It's outstanding. But something's happened with Coach prime the last four or five years. He was. He's the greatest cornerback of all time, one of the greatest football players of all time. But then, like, this brand went bananas, right? You're the behind the scenes on that. She's also on the show. She's in the COVID of Sports Illustrated with them. You guys, like, I. First thing, I got to get the COVID I'm like, there's. God, she's right on the COVID But what happened? Like, obviously, this is more if the world's become sort of brand oriented. Everything's brand now, right? So did you guys consciously take Coach prime and go, okay, we're gonna do this? You're gonna post on Social Order? Or is this all sort of organic what's taking place? Let's just start with, like, him.

[Constance Schwartz Marini]

It was organic, but with direction. Like you. He's one of the smartest people in my life. It's remarkable. And I knew when he did your pod last year, you guys were going to hit it off. And I'm so glad you did, because you got to see what I get to see every day. So when we first started working together, we reconnected because I helped Snoop Dogg start the Snoop Youth Football League. Deion had the Truth League, which was his youth league in Dallas. Every year at the super bowl, their teams would meet up and play in the Snooper Bowl. And so one year, I get a call from Deon, and he said, hey, who handles Snoops marketing? Who handles Snoop's this, this and this? And I said, well, I oversee the whole operation. Like, there's a team of us, but, you know, I'm in the middle of it. What's up? And he said, I need to pivot and I need a new team. On my marketing side, can you suggest someone? I was like, well, me. And he was like, okay. And that's literally how we started working together. So when we first started working together, he didn't have a lot of brand partnerships. Like, he was hot when he was playing, and then there was a dick. He was, I think, CBS Sunday Football. And then he pivoted to the NFL Network, and that was it. So when we started working together, I had to help sort of recraft and rebuild his brand, which nobody his brand better than himself. And that's one of the beautiful things about not just him, but the smack clients is they know that we're in it for the right reasons. Because I said, I don't care if you're not going to make a dollar on this first big commercial we do. If it's the right creative and the right brand, we're going for it. And that's what started our journey together. So at that point, like I said, he was on the network, NFL Network, Thursday Night Football. Many opportunities started coming his way, but they weren't going to be in Dallas. He would not leave Dallas because he was coaching all of his kids. That was the most important thing to him, was staying local. He could leave on Sundays or Thursdays, but had to be there for football, basketball, baseball, et cetera. So right when Chador was graduating high school and figuring out where he would be going to college, Coach called me and he said, this is one of his famous things. I'm baking an idea, but it hasn't been ready for me to take it out of the oven for you. I was like, all right, what do we got? And I popped in to see me up in vnla and he said, I reached out to my old ad, I mean, to the ad at my old school, and I want to go help them recruit. And I just didn't think twice about it. And I said, why would you go help somebody recruit? You should go for it and be a college head coach. And he looked at me and I said, I know it's not the norm. I get it. You don't go from youth to high school right into college, but you're far from the norm and if anybody can do it, it's you. And that was how that all started.

[Ed Mylett]

So wait a minute. You are actually the person that encouraged them to coach instead of just recruit. Are you being serious? Oh, my gosh, Khan, that's crazy.

[Constance Schwartz Marini]

I know.

[Ed Mylett]

Let's talk about branding for a sec. I want to stay on that topic, you guys. We could go. This could be with Constance, like a nine hour episode. But I want it to be relevant for all of you. When you hear like Erin Andrews, the Bellas, Snoop, Coach Prime, Michael Strahan, it would be easy for you to think, well, they're sort of already at this level. But then you could actually take me. And Khan did this with me as well. And so let's talk about branding, first of all, because I don't know if you remember this or not. But something really profound you said to me when we met, and it was many years ago, and I've. I've tried to stay true to this sense. So I don't care if you have eight followers right now. Everybody, just listen to this. I meet another person, a great friend of ours named Kristen Prouty introduced us, who was sort of believed in me. And I met Khan, and she was a little bit skeptical of me, I think, because she had seen my content, Ferraris and Jets and all this stuff. And so we're about halfway through our lunch, and you went, oh, I like you, and you're nothing like your brand. And you got to cut this crap out. Quit posting your jet in your car. And you're really a good guy. You really care about people. But the. The point that I'm making was my brand took off when my brand was really me. In other words, I didn't have to create anything when I. Now that I met Coach Prime, Coach prime is his brand, right? Michael is this just super kind guy who you think he's your best friend with everybody that he meets. So if you were to give someone advice on their brand, they're not Coach Prime. They're not some famous rapper right now. Would that be your advice? Like, start posting things that are just true, organic to you, or is there some flavor in there you got to mix in as well to get any traction?

[Constance Schwartz Marini]

I wasn't skeptical of you. I knew how great you are and how smart you are, but it just was like you said, the jets and the Ferraris, you just expect this, you know, different person than who you are and all the messaging and the help that you provide people. So where I'm always coming from is this place. Just because you do have 5 million followers, that doesn't mean you're connecting to your audience and to your people. I don't have a lot of followers, but I guess, what's the word? Like the insights or the clicks or just the interactions I have with the people that do follow go far, because I am who I am, and I don't apologize for it. And I think that's where a lot of young people today are so caught up in putting out there what they think they need to because they see the world of plastic surgery or they see, you know, people spending more money on their cars than their homes. Like, things that are really should be your basic necessities. Who really cares, right? Like, it's truly about the messaging. It's truly what you're. You're working on or giving back it's the same thing that I tell so many of my friends who are freaking out about what college their kid's going to. I went to SUNY Oswego, right? I did okay. Like, I have no issues what college someone goes to. And I even have no issues hiring somebody that doesn't go to college as long as they have great work ethic. If they're giving back to society or to their community, that's way more important to me. And that's what I mean by a brand. And like, you nailed it. Coach prime, though, is known for creating the primetime brand in college in his dorm room, but he's still two different brands almost, and he lives both of them. When he's not working, when that camera's not on or the whistle's not on, he's sitting at country prime in the flats of Texas somewhere on his boat, fishing. That's really who he is. But when he has to be on, he's on. So just going back to what you were saying about your brand, really, in order for it to work, it has to be who you are, not who you think you are. In a sense, that's the disconnect so many people I think have a problem with. And once you can find that, it just goes like it really goes. It's the same thing when people say, I'm so unhappy with myself. Well then how do you expect people to be happy with you? Or how do you expect someone to have confidence in you if you don't have the confidence in yourself? And yes, this is a lot of self work and help and things of that nature. But this is what's worked for me and for our clients and continues to go down that path. Just shoot it straight. No one knows what to do with you when you tell the truth these days. It's the craziest thing.

[David Nurse]

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[Ed Mylett]

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