← THE ED MYLETT SHOW
THE ED MYLETT SHOW
Design a Life You Love: Align Your Feelings, Experiences, and Relationships
01:37:30
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- [00:00]
Ed Mylett
So hey guys, listen.
- [00:01]
Brendan Burchard
We're all trying to get more productive and the question is, how do you find a way to get an edge? I'm a big believer that if you're getting mentoring or you're in an environment that causes growth, a growth based environment, that you're much more likely to grow and you're going to grow faster. And that's why I love Growth Day. Growth Day is an app that my friend Brendan Burchard has created that I'm.
- [00:20]
Ed Mylett
A big fan of. Write this down.
- [00:21]
Brendan Burchard
Growthday.com forward/ed. So if you want to be more productive, by the way, he's asked me, I post videos in there every single Monday that gets your day off to the right start. He's got about 5,000, $10,000 worth of courses that are in there that come with the app. Also, some of the top influencers in the world are all posting content in.
- [00:37]
Ed Mylett
There on a regular basis, like having.
- [00:38]
Brendan Burchard
The avengers of personal development and business in one app. And I'm honored that he asked me.
- [00:43]
Ed Mylett
To be a part of it as well and contribute on a weekly basis.
- [00:45]
Brendan Burchard
And I do. So go over there and get signed up. You're going to get a free tuition, free voucher to go to an event with Brendan and myself and a bunch of other influencers as well. So you get a free event out of it also. So go to growthday.com forward/ed. That's growthday.com forward slash ed. Advantage Gold is giving away a free copy of Rogoff's book to anyone who schedules a one on one precious metals appointment. You'll discover why gold is becoming the number one hedge against a global currency ship. And how to move your IRA or 401k into physical gold. Tax and penalty free. Get your free copy today while supplies last. Text WIN to 85545. That's WIN 85545 or go to advantagegold.com data and message rates. App performance may vary. You should always consult your financial and tax professional.
- [01:37]
Ed Mylett
This is the Ed Milet Show.
- [01:41]
Brendan Burchard
Hey everyone. Welcome to my weekend special.
- [01:43]
Ed Mylett
I hope you enjoy the show.
- [01:44]
Brendan Burchard
Be sure to follow the Ed Mylett show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes.
- [01:49]
Ed Mylett
You'll never miss an episode that way.
- [01:51]
Brendan Burchard
We're going to talk about today very briefly is reinventing your life. And I was looking it up. People ask me all the time, ed, can you talk, you know, give us some of the keys about how to reinvent my life. So I looked it up a little bit and I thought, what does invent mean what's the definition of invent? Right. And the definition of invent is to create or design something that has not existed before. And so what we're really talking about today is creating something, but more importantly, designing things in your life that have never existed before. And so, and then I looked up reinvent, like, is there a difference between invention and reinvention? And reinvent talks about changing something so much so that it appears to be entirely new. So today is really about two things. It's about inventing or designing something new in our life and taking control of the design of our life and changing something. Right? So it's about designing and changing. That's how we invent and reinvent things in our life. So when's the last time that you just gave yourself the gift of taking a look at your life and designing it? Now, as a person of faith, I believe that you're the co author of your life. You and God co author all of the chapters of your life. And in any given time, you can grab a pen, a new pen, and just decide you're going to design a new chapter of your life and a new difference in your life, a new direction in your life. But when's the last time you actually asked yourself, if I want to do that, what are the things I want to change about my experience? You know, recently I've had some very good friends pass away at very young ages. My friend Jesse Lee Ward passed away at 34 years old. And I just think sometimes we think we have forever to get around to designing our life to be the one that we want, or we have forever to change things. But what if you don't have forever? What if that needs to start right now, like this second, as you're listening to me or watching me today, to start to ask yourself the questions that matter? When's the last time you gave yourself the gift of what do I want my life to look like? And am I truly one of the designers of that life? Do I have any input, any control over it? And I'll tell you that I believe you do. I believe God gives you free choice and free will in your life. You do have free will. You do have choice. You do have input along with God's blessings in your life. And so ask yourself this question, just as we begin today, what do you want it to look like? So specifically, what do you want to feel in your life? What are the emotions you want to experience more of going forward? What would you like to experience in your life? What Memories do you want to build? What achievements and accomplishments do you want to have in your life? What relationships do you want? What do you want to look like? Where do you want to live? What do you want to drive? How do you want to feel? What do you want to have matter to you first thing when you wake up in the morning, what would you like to feel in the morning? Have you ever asked yourself that? Like right when I wake up, what do I want to feel? Do I want to feel excited and grateful and proud and looking forward to my life, or do I want to wake up and feel worried and angst or boredom or stress? What do you want to feel? When's the last time you took control over that? How would you like to spend the hours of your life? Where would you like to retire someday? What are the things you want to do for other people? Just begin to ask yourself and take an inventory of these questions. It's such a great gift, you know. Dreaming is free, doesn't cost you anything. Yet so few people give themselves the gift of just dreaming again, just designing again, just creating again. I mean, this idea that some of you would dispute whether or not you have any control over the design of your life. You have to look no further than your own body. Is it God's will that you're 50 pounds overweight or not strong? Is that God's will? Or do you have some choice over what your body looks like? Of course you do. You have choice over the food you put in your body. You have choice over the working out. You do or don't do the cardio. You do or don't do the disciplines that you have now. Are there things out of your control? Could you get a disease? Could there be a genetic issue in your life? Yes. So there's this balance between destiny and design. But all we can do in our life is pray in our lives that we have some insights into the direction and the destiny that we should be pursuing. But at the same time, we should take control over all of the things that we can design, that we can change. So how do you want to live? Who and what do you want around?
- [06:24]
Ed Mylett
You?
- [06:25]
Brendan Burchard
Begin to ask yourself this, and I'm going to recommend a few things to you. You know, there's this notion in personal development that I talk about a lot too, which is to be fully present. You hear that a lot, don't you? Be present. Be in the moment. Live in the moment. Find more presence. Don't worry so much about the past and don't look into the future. So much. And there's a lot of validity to that. But I'm going to say something that if you're going to reinvent your life, one of the things that you have to do is to have a compelling future. You ever have a, a morning where you wake up and you know that night you've got something cool you're going to do, like you're going to have a dinner with a great friend, or a romantic evening with a loved one, or you're going to go to a ball game or a concert or a comedy show, or see a movie you've wanted to see. Doesn't that expectation that looking forward help you get through the morning? Doesn't it? Of course it does. Or if you've ever been about to have a family and you're, if you're a woman, you're pregnant, or if you're a husband, your spouse is pregnant, that looking forward to something. I think human beings need to live in the present. But this notion that you should have no forward projecting of what you're looking to have in the future is someone who's going to have a formula for not being very happy. I think human beings need something to look forward to. Even in your faith life. Like if you, if you want to break that down, if we're going to get really honest, you know, part of whatever your faith is, whether you're a Christian or a Muslim or you're of Jewish descent, whatever your faith might be, isn't part of that faith the promise of the future in heaven or paradise, that you have something to look forward to beyond where you are? Of course it is. Of course that exists. And so a human being needs to live fully present.
- [08:03]
Ed Mylett
Yes.
- [08:04]
Brendan Burchard
But it also has something they look forward to that they're working towards. The other thing is that progress is power. That you find me a human being who may not be where they want to be, but they feel like they're making progress in getting there. I'll show you somebody pretty happy. So I think the first step is to ask yourself, what do I want to design and what do I need to change? But then the next thing is progress. To look forward to something and be making progress. There's all this data now that they studies the brain about dopamine, which is our pleasure chemical that essentially says this, that in the pursuit of your goal in the making the progress towards something that you want, that you have a greater hit of dopamine in the brain, much higher levels than when you actually achieve it in the present moment, that actually There's a crash of dopamine that happens at. After the achievement that falls off the.
- [08:48]
Ed Mylett
Plat, that falls off the earth, it just goes away.
- [08:51]
Brendan Burchard
And so this pursuit, this idea of progress, of growth in our life, is such a requirement to peace and happiness and bliss. So, yes, be in the present, but you better be making progress towards something, because that's when you're getting all the dopamine and you got to be growing and changing. And here's the thing about growth and change. I want to say something to you. Human beings underestimate their capacity to get good at something that they get fully intentional and immersed in. I mean, they begin to dedicate a full focus in something. Human beings have an amazing capacity over even a short window of time, like a year, and getting great at something they were no longer great when they get completely committed and dedicated towards it. So one of the things I want to recommend to reinvent your life is not only things in your career that you want. Benchmarks, achievements, give yourself the gift of all of that. But what's something new you could try? Take you all the way back to when you were a child. Why are children so happy? Well, I think one of the reasons is they were most recently closer to God, number one. Number two, they haven't learned all these patterns of limiting beliefs and had all these people project their small mind and their small thinking, their small way of life. Also, as a child, you've not had the accumulation of rejection and letdowns just yet. But there's a few other things too. So all of those, if those are things that make us happy, then the elimination or the reduction of those would make us happier now. So we can reinvent, we can reinvent that. But there's a few other things that children have. They ought to be present, don't they? At the same time, when you were a child, you weren't just fully present, you were looking forward to it, weren't you? Because everything's new. You're learning and changing and growing. You're making progress all the time, whether that be in school or a sport you picked up or something you were learning as a child. You were starting to make progress and grow and change and try new things because everything's in front of you. This is something, as an adult, we begin to rob ourselves from where there's nothing new. There's no progress, there's no growth, there's no change. There's no real difference. There's nothing to look forward to in our life. I mean, think back when you were A kid. I remember when I was a young boy, I remember thinking, man, I can't wait till I can learn how to ride a bike. And the dream of learning to ride a bike and do that.
- [11:08]
Ed Mylett
And I remember when I got to.
- [11:10]
Brendan Burchard
Like 12, 13 years old, that anticipation of, oh my gosh, someday going to have a car and be able to drive. Remember that? Or someday I'll be in school where I won't have my own schedule, I'll be in college, I'll have freedom of my time. Or when I was, you know, 18, 19 years old. I can be legal to drink at 21, right? And even in college there's a happiness level. Or in youth, because you're looking forward.
- [11:31]
Ed Mylett
To what your career is going to.
- [11:32]
Brendan Burchard
Be and what your life's going to look like. And then at some point we just get into our life, don't we? And now there's not as much progress, there's not as much growth, there's not as much change, there's not as much designing. Listen to me. Anything you want to get great at, that you become fully passionate about and fully committed to and dedicate a lot of time to, you will get great at. There's this study out that's out right now, that a human being who picks up a new hobby, who dedicates three hours a week to it for a year, regardless of what the hobby is, finds themselves in the top 5% in the world in that hobby within one year. Because most people dabble, most people don't do anything. Most people don't get creative at all. Most people don't change things at all. They don't design things at all. So this is how you reinvent your life. Try some new stuff, get a new design, get a new dream. Recal, check in with yourself, do an audit. Is my old dream still my dream? Is this thing I thought I wanted, what I want anymore as I get closer to it or further from it, or I have it, is it what I thought I wanted? Is this progress still juicing me? Or is it time for a new design, time for a new change? Time to reinvent or invent yourself. You should be. Listen to me. All of the structures of your body are being reborn all the time.
- [12:51]
Ed Mylett
You can Google it.
- [12:52]
Brendan Burchard
Your lung tissue is redesigning itself on a very regular basis. So are your bones, your skeletal tissue, your cellular structure is reborn on a very regular basis. So should your spirit, so should your mind. It's nature for it to be reborn. The lung tissue you currently breathe with will not be the Same tissue. It'll be literally totally different a few years from now. Same with your digestive tract. Same with your skeleton. It remakes itself. Same with your skin. Same with your cells. The body sheds the old and reinvents the new. It redesigns itself. It recalibrates itself. It changes itself. This is nature. But it's not nature to do it in our mind. It's not nature to do it in our spirit. So how about this? You get clear on those things. Really intentional. How do I want to feel when I get up in the morning? What are the emotions? Who are the people? What do I want to look like? What do I want to see? I haven't seen.
- [13:46]
Ed Mylett
Where do I want to go?
- [13:47]
Brendan Burchard
I haven't gone.
- [13:48]
Ed Mylett
Who do I want to connect with?
- [13:50]
Brendan Burchard
What's my body going to look like? What's my energy level going to look like? What do I want to be good at? How do I want to feel about myself? What memories do I want to create? This is how we begin to reinvent ourselves. Take an inventory, take an audit. What things that I used to want, I don't want anymore. I don't want them. What progress do I need? So I'm getting that dopamine hit, and then the more I achieve it, my vibrational frequency picks up. It's a muscle I build. And all of a sudden, you know the scary thing? Those of us that are listening to.
- [14:19]
Ed Mylett
This, they're watching this, that know that.
- [14:20]
Brendan Burchard
What I'm saying is 100% true. You can increase your vibrational frequency so high when you start drawing things into your life that you want, that you actually have to start to really be careful about what you think about, because you're going to draw that into your life as well. A lot of people right now, listening to us that have been achievers or.
- [14:37]
Ed Mylett
Have had good things happen, go, he's.
- [14:38]
Brendan Burchard
Right, because it is a muscle. I got to the point in my life many times where the things I thought about, that I reinvented, that I focused on, that I got intentional about, I drew them into my life. And I got so good at doing it that I had to start to be careful that I didn't start to focus on my problems and my worries and my fears.
- [14:56]
Ed Mylett
Because I got so good at drawing what I thought about into my life.
- [14:58]
Brendan Burchard
I started to draw right to me, my fears and worries. Because you increase your vibrational frequency. And so again, I can talk about energy and vibrational frequency and not understand that there's a blessing, not understand that there's a grand design for our life. Not understand that you can have all the best plans in the world and God still has his hand on your life. I get all that. But just like in your body, you have free will. You have free will, you have choice. Yeah, being present matters, but having something to look forward to in life is the juice of life. This be present thing is getting a little bit overcooked for me.
- [15:36]
Ed Mylett
And you know exactly what I'm talking about.
- [15:38]
Brendan Burchard
I don't want to just be present every single second of my life. I actually want to take some time in the present to think about the future. Any of you that are raising children, can you imagine telling your kids, just be fully present. Don't think about your future at all. Don't think about any of your choices. Don't have any dreams, don't have any future, don't have any vision for your life. Of course you should. Your whole faith, if you have faith, is predicated on doing things in the present, but understanding there's a promise for you in the future and you get to look forward to it. So this self help stuff that I'm a part of about being fully present, like everything, the pendulum has swung way too much to the other side and there's not enough people. Future dreaming, designing, creating a life. You're the designer and the architect of your life along with God. Now back to this. You underestimate the power of what you could be doing if you were fully focused on something just even in one year. Remember that someone who dedicates three hours to a new hobby or business or routine within one year is in the top five percentile in that in one year. So I'll give you an example of my own life. Like my business life's gone pretty well. You know, there's things in my life that I would want to change. But I have picked up a couple new hobbies this year because I want to grow. I want to have something to look forward to. So two of them. One is I'm learning Spanish, which I.
- [17:01]
Ed Mylett
Talk about on the show. And I'm excited about the fact that I'm getting better.
- [17:04]
Brendan Burchard
I've dedicated more and more time that I was just in Costa Rica and when I was down there, I was using my Spanish pretty well. The second thing, this is just totally random, but I decided I wanted to learn to ride horses this year. I'm 52 years old. I rode a horse for 15 minutes when I was 8 years old with.
- [17:25]
Ed Mylett
Someone holding onto the horse.
- [17:27]
Brendan Burchard
It's the only time I've ever ridden a horse in my life. Now I'm lucky. I mean, I bought this island that.
- [17:32]
Ed Mylett
I own, and what came with that.
- [17:34]
Brendan Burchard
Island was these horses.
- [17:35]
Ed Mylett
And I understand not everybody's blessed enough to own, but by the way, one.
- [17:38]
Brendan Burchard
Of the reasons I own the island that I own is because all of my life have been a dreamer. All of my life, I've been designing my life. All of my life. Been praying for guidance and comfort and strength and blessing and understanding. Most all of my life, I've been working my ass off and dedicating hundreds and thousands of hours towards my businesses.
- [17:57]
Ed Mylett
That would eventually provide that. I'm always asking myself, what do I.
- [18:01]
Brendan Burchard
Need to change and what do I need to create? So this stuff I'm teaching produced the fact that I eventually got to the point financially where I could own this island. And what came with that island was some horses. And the first few times I was down there with the horses, I'm like, oh, these guys give me peace. They're so beautiful. They don't judge you. They don't care that you're rich or that you're poor or that you've made mistakes in your life or that you're perfect. And so I started. I literally went on Google and bought three books.
- [18:32]
Ed Mylett
And then I started asking friends of.
- [18:34]
Brendan Burchard
Mine who owned horses. And then I took some horse riding lessons. Then I took riding lessons from someone else. And I've learned the difference between a bridle, right, and a halter. I learned how to saddle a horse. I've learned English and Western. I've learned the different pressure points on the horse when you're riding them. I've learned how to hold the reins correctly. I've learned double reins. I've learned single reins. I know the difference between a gallop and a trot, right?
- [18:55]
Ed Mylett
I've learned how they feed.
- [18:57]
Brendan Burchard
I understand their shoes. I unders. I didn't know what shoes were. I didn't know it. And I look back now, eight months. All the things I know about horses that I knew nothing about. It's like hundreds of different little things, right? Like tons of and really good friends of mine that are in the horse. Then I bought another horse. Then I bought another horse. Now I know the different types of horses. I know how to care for the horses. I'm still a really crappy rider of horses because I'm eight months in. But imagine what I know that I didn't know eight months ago. I've. I've learned a lot about horses in a year. Like, just the terminology. I am probably in the 5 percentile. Because 95% of people know nothing. Now I'm at the bottom of the 5 percentile. But can you imagine in another year with another hundred hours of riding, how much more I'm gonna know? And you know what's true? I think I'm enjoying horses more than some of the best riders in the world. Because it's not about that. It's about progress. I'm getting a dopamine hit. I've probably read 30 books on horses now. I've worked with three different trainers. Isn't. It's awesome. And I'm 52, and it gives me something to look forward to. It gives me this vibrational frequency that I'm growing. And so maybe that sounds crazy to share that with you, but it's been one of the most beautiful experiences of my life and humbling. See, the older we get, the more we don't want to look bad. The world will become a collection of patterns and behaviors and thoughts, and our life just sort of goes on repeat.
- [20:34]
Ed Mylett
We drive on the freeway, and we.
- [20:35]
Brendan Burchard
Don'T even need to think about the.
- [20:36]
Ed Mylett
Exit we get off of anymore.
- [20:38]
Brendan Burchard
It's so autopilot. We just do it, and we're at the house. And then you go, how'd you get home today? And you don't even remember.
- [20:45]
Ed Mylett
I don't want to get home to heaven someday and not have anything to.
- [20:48]
Brendan Burchard
Remember in my life. And metaphorically and literally, in many people's lives, they're just now going through the patterns and the emotions. They do the same five or six things at the same same five or six people and wonder why they're not happy because they haven't reinvented anything. So pick a new business, pick a new hobby, Pick a new interest. Start painting, start listening to different music, Start doing something to just reinvent you. Because guess what? As I said earlier, you're being reinvented all the time on the inside. Digestive tract, lung tissue, your organs, your bones, your cells.
- [21:27]
Ed Mylett
What about your spirit?
- [21:28]
Brendan Burchard
What about your mind? Now, how do I change this? Ed, here's one of the things I found out.
- [21:35]
Ed Mylett
Watch this.
- [21:36]
Brendan Burchard
Create in stillness, trigger and anchor in motion. So let me tell you what I mean by that. Get still. Get quiet. Listen to your spirit. Let your intuition begin to speak to you. In my case, let God begin to speak to you. Get very quiet. Get very still. Give yourself the gift of some meditation time or some quiet time or some alone time, and just allow it to be. And I think you'll begin to hear things and Feel things that were always there, but the world's too noisy around you and you're too caught up in your patterns to do anything about it. You know, there's this great saying that says the average person dies at 25. We just don't get around to burying them and putting them in the ground until they're 75 or 80. Don't be that person anymore. You can be reborn and become alive again today. So get quiet and ask yourself these questions. And then once you start to get some of those answers, you trigger and anchor them in motion. Because life is physical, you anchor and trigger things in your physiology. So what I've done is I've actually really loved to get quiet and ask myself, what would be something I'd be interested. What should I like to try? What would I like to experience? And then once I've got a vision for what that is, then when I'm moving, when I'm doing my cardio at the gym, when I'm walking somewhere, right, I do something physical to trigger and anchor the picture of it. And allow yourself to use all of your senses. What would it look like? What would it feel? What would you hear? What would other people be saying to you? The more senses you can involve in this vision, in the dream, the better. And then anchor it. So when I'm doing cardio and working out, I'm actually picturing my goals and my dreams and my vision. I'm anchoring it in my body physically. You notice I'm snapping my fingers a lot. One of the things when I visualize my goals, I snap my fingers. Visualize my goals. I snap my fingers. Visualize my goals. I snap my fingers. That's anchoring and triggering inside of me a physiology that produces it. And then the reverse can be true. When I'm not feeling like it, when I don't want to do it, I can go to that physical trigger and it reinstates the vision for me. It reverses itself out. Let me say it to you again. Create in stillness. Anchor and trigger in motion. This is something you're probably not ever going to hear anywhere else. And I saved it for the end of the show. So I like to create in the stillness and listen to the words of the universe and have God speak to me. And for me, it's just me and Jesus having a conversation. Sometimes it's the Holy Spirit giving me some discernment and just some sense of direction. And then once I've got that, I want to start moving. And when I move, I picture, I Hear, I feel that dream coming real and I anchor it and I trigger it so that when I'm not feeling it, I can then do that cardio and it comes back out. I can do that snapping of my fingers and it comes back out. I can do that walk and it comes back out. That's why when you work out, you go, oh my gosh, I'm getting clear on my vision and my goals. I'm getting clearer on my dream. Because when you begin to move your body in a particular way and it's anchored in there, it brings it back out in reverse. And so for me, I use my body as an anchor and a trigger for my goals and dreams. And that way, when I'm not feeling it in my mind, in my spirit, in my emotions, I can use my body to trigger that state, to trigger that dream, to trigger that vision for my life and shift me back into action and increase my vibrational frequency. As you increase that vibrational frequency, you begin to draw those things into your life. The truest and highest form of vibrational frequency in the world, the highest vibrational frequency in the world is truth and congruency, meaning that when something is true or it's congruent to what you want, it's vibrating at the highest frequency possible. And so once you're in that zone of this is what I want, this is my truth, this is what's congruent to me. This is what I'm going to do. You vibrate at a high frequency, you draw that into your life. Football, you'll watch Peyton Manning was the quarterback. He'd say, oh, Maha, that was a play. But it was also a trigger. Tom Brady, let's effing go right? It could be, yes, it could be, whatever, but it's a trigger word or a trigger move that triggers that state. And so create these triggers for yourself so that when you're not feeling it, you can override your emotions with physiology. You can override emotion with physiology. These are some of the things that I believe can help you reinvent your life. This is a never ending process. When I was young, I got taught this process called Kanai C A N I constant and never ending improvement. Constant and never ending improvement. C A N I Constant and never ending improvement. And what I'm here to tell you is that this is a constant and never ending process in your life. And the happiest people that I've meet in my life are constantly and never ending improving. So although they're fully present, they are also working hard on their future, reinventing their future, inventing and changing things, co authoring their life with their God. And I'd recommend you do these things today to reinvent your life. I'm gonna remind you of something.
- [26:45]
Ed Mylett
This is just part of the pie, by the way, part of the puzzle.
- [26:48]
Brendan Burchard
You were born to do something great with your life. Maybe you've heard me say that before, but maybe you never have and maybe no one's told you in a while. But I want to tell you, you were born, you were made to do something great with your life. And if you're having a hard time picturing what these things are that you want to do, it probably involves serving other people. It probably involves experiencing things with other people. And you were born to help those people in big ways and small ways. You're most qualified in life to help the person that you used to be. And there's a lot of people who need you to become the new you, because that's who you used to be. Once you change, the more you grow, the more you change, the more you leave previous versions of you behind. And that leaves a bunch of people you can help as you grow and change. The man who shaped U S Monetary policy just released a bombshell book called Our Dollar your Problem. In it, former IMF chief economist Kenneth Ragov warns the US Dollar's dominance is under attack and if the US Dollar falls, your savings could be at risk. That's why Advantage Gold is giving away a free copy of Rogoff's book to anyone who schedules a one on one precious metals appointment. Text WIN to 85545. You'll discover why gold is becoming the number one hedge against a global currency ship and how to move your IRA or 401k into physical gold, tax and penalty free and how to get up to $10,000 in free gold and silver with a qualifying account. Get your free copy today while supplies last. Text WIN to 85545 that's WIN 85545 or go to advantagegold.com that's advantagegold.com data and message rates apply. Performance may vary. You should always consult your financial and tax professional. Anything you've seen me do online Shopify has probably been involved in it. I was at a speaking engagement this weekend. There were three other very prominent influencers there and each of them were talking about how they use Shopify in their.
- [28:46]
Ed Mylett
Businesses right now, this day, just like I do.
- [28:49]
Brendan Burchard
Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e commerce in the US is Shopify. Household names like Mattel, Gymshark to brands that are just getting started with no clients yet. And so I can tell you Shopify is something you need to investigate to help you with your business online. Best yet, Shopify is your e commerce expert with world class expertise in everything from managing inventory to international shipping to processing returns and beyond. Turn your big business idea into with Shopify on your side. Sign up for your 1 month $1 per month trial period and start selling today at shopify.com mylett go to shopify.com/mylett shopify.com/mylett. Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Be sure to follow the Ed Mylett show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Here's an excerpt I did with our next guest. I've wanted this guy on a long time because his work is so unique and we have a bunch of mutual friends who keep telling me how incredible he is. I expect him to prove that to all of us.
- [29:56]
Ed Mylett
He's got a new book out called.
- [29:57]
Brendan Burchard
Discipline is the Power of Self Control, but he's written a bunch of different.
- [30:01]
Ed Mylett
New York Times bestsellers.
- [30:02]
Brendan Burchard
We're gonna have an amazing conversation today about you with him. Ryan Holiday, welcome to the show.
- [30:08]
Ryan Holiday
Yeah, thanks for having me.
- [30:09]
Brendan Burchard
In the book. You say perfectionism is actually a vice.
- [30:13]
Ed Mylett
Right.
- [30:13]
Brendan Burchard
That's a strong term to make right. And I think the reason most people.
- [30:17]
Ed Mylett
That struggle, struggle is they have a.
- [30:19]
Brendan Burchard
Higher threshold of how good or prepared.
- [30:23]
Ed Mylett
They think they have to be to.
- [30:24]
Brendan Burchard
Take an action in order to not take.
- [30:26]
Ed Mylett
In other words, most people I know that are pretty successful or happy have.
- [30:29]
Brendan Burchard
A lower threshold of how good they think they have to be at something before they'll begin it. They'll step into a space and say, I'll figure it out when I get there.
- [30:36]
Ed Mylett
And when I get there, I'll figure out the next space and I'll figure that doesn't mean they don't practice preparation.
- [30:40]
Brendan Burchard
Doesn'T mean I'm more, I'm more confident.
- [30:42]
Ed Mylett
In today's interview because I prepared my ass off for this, right?
- [30:46]
Brendan Burchard
But I also know something could happen.
- [30:47]
Ed Mylett
That I'm not prepared for and it doesn't cause me to not pursue this craft.
- [30:52]
Ryan Holiday
That's totally right. I think the more you've done, the more experience you have, the more confidence you have in yourself. And so you can remember how things were when you started, which is not anywhere close to where they were when you finish. There's a Hemingway quote, I have it on a poster on my wall. He says, the first draft of everything is or anything is, I forget. But I did a version of it where I marked it up, even that sentence that didn't come out perfectly formed. He shaped writing as a metaphor. You get comfortable with first drafts. You go, if I don't do it because I want it to be perfect, it will never be good. And then I can't polish it to perfection, right? And then perfection itself does not exist. It's the horizon. It's always a little bit further away. And so if you get comfortable, for me, it's like I'm just trying to make something that exists, then I can edit it and shape it and change it and improve it. But if I'm so first, I've high on my own supply, so convinced I'm a genius, whatever, I'm never gonna actually do it. And then it will be perfect in my head, but it won't ever be shippable.
- [32:02]
Ed Mylett
Oh, man, that's really true. Speaking of firsts, I love this. You say do hard things first.
- [32:09]
Ryan Holiday
Yeah.
- [32:09]
Brendan Burchard
Why?
- [32:10]
Ryan Holiday
Well, writing is the hard thing in my profession. So it's like I don't allow myself to make up a bunch of other stuff that I do first to get then distracted. I think breakfast meetings should be illegal, right? Breakfast coffees, morning staff meeting. No, go do the work. Then once we've made some headway, then we have the luxury of going, hey, what's the next thing we need to be thinking about? Like, if you're. Again, if you're putting it off, you're going to come up with reasons that you never have to get to it, brother.
- [32:41]
Brendan Burchard
I'm a disciplined person. I'd like to think. And here's how right he is.
- [32:45]
Ed Mylett
You actually write about someone that I.
- [32:47]
Brendan Burchard
Work with in your book.
- [32:47]
Ed Mylett
I won't say who it is, but she used to run a country and.
- [32:51]
Brendan Burchard
And I work out first in the morning.
- [32:54]
Ed Mylett
It's one of the first things I do. And the reason that it's one of the first things I do is because.
- [32:57]
Brendan Burchard
It'S hard for me. And after 30 some odd years of being in gyms, it's not my favorite place to go anymore. It just isn't.
- [33:04]
Ed Mylett
So I have to do it early in the day.
- [33:05]
Brendan Burchard
Well, some of my coaching has started.
- [33:07]
Ed Mylett
To happen overseas, which means they're up. I have to get up really early to do these coaching calls with some of these people. One of them is a woman in your book.
- [33:16]
Brendan Burchard
And on the days where I coach.
- [33:18]
Ed Mylett
Her, I Don't work out early in the day.
- [33:21]
Brendan Burchard
Right.
- [33:21]
Ed Mylett
And I have it kind of scheduled, like around 11 o' clock. I'm just being real with you. All of a sudden, around 11:30, I'm on Instagram again. 12:15, I'm doing emails. 1:00 clock. You know what?
- [33:30]
Brendan Burchard
I'll do it at 5:00 clock, after dinner.
- [33:31]
Ed Mylett
Now, this is me, and I've trained for 35 years. There have been several days I just.
- [33:35]
Brendan Burchard
Didn'T work out those days.
- [33:37]
Ed Mylett
And it's pathetic, but it's because you.
- [33:39]
Brendan Burchard
Should do hard things first in your day.
- [33:41]
Ed Mylett
You've proven it and I'm evidence of it with.
- [33:44]
Ryan Holiday
I got to change, you know, I got this other.
- [33:46]
Ed Mylett
Then I got to take a shower after. Exactly, yeah. I'll just do it.
- [33:48]
Ryan Holiday
Get out of the way. And that's how I think about, like, writing is the win every day for me. Because that's what I do. If my thing was training people, I would do the training. Whatever the win is, you gotta do that. Cross it off. And then if you get to the other stuff, that's extra. Yeah, right. It can't be. You do the extra and then maybe you get to the main thing. I spoke to the Rams a couple years ago and they said the main thing is to keep the main thing. The main thing, like, what is that for you? And then is your day built around it? Yes or no? Because if it's not, what does that say?
- [34:20]
Ed Mylett
It's very true. It's like, I just got a coaching call yesterday with some entrepreneurs. I'm like, are you actually moving the.
- [34:25]
Brendan Burchard
Needle with what you're doing? And you can look at your life and your day that way, early in your day, are you moving the needle on your day? Are you kicking the needle down the.
- [34:32]
Ed Mylett
Road, so to speak, Right? And it's just.
- [34:34]
Brendan Burchard
And also you get momentum.
- [34:36]
Ryan Holiday
Well, what's the thing? The way I think about it, too, is like, what are the things that only I can do? Right. Everything else you outsource. But it's like, what is the main driver here for me? It's like, am I right? And coming up with the ideas, the other stuff is important, but it's downstream from that.
- [34:52]
Ed Mylett
Really good point.
- [34:52]
Ryan Holiday
And you gotta know what that is like. The most powerful law in economics is the law of comparative advantage. Right? If I pick apples better than you and you pick oranges better than me, we can't both be picking each other's stuff. We gotta find our lane, stick to it. And then that makes the whole economy grows as a Result of that.
- [35:09]
Ed Mylett
So good. So good. So good.
- [35:14]
Brendan Burchard
We should have done the three hours.
- [35:15]
Ed Mylett
That I told you I want to keep going. I told him we're not going three hours like you did in Rogan, But I kind of want to go three hours. We won't go that far, but.
- [35:21]
Brendan Burchard
So the part of the work that affects me the most, maybe it's the.
- [35:24]
Ed Mylett
Crux of the work, and maybe it's.
- [35:26]
Brendan Burchard
Only the crux of the work for me.
- [35:27]
Ed Mylett
Right. I bet.
- [35:28]
Brendan Burchard
Different parts of what you're writing about.
- [35:31]
Ed Mylett
But you talk a lot about having the.
- [35:33]
Brendan Burchard
I'll use my terminology and you can correct me. The discipline to deny or pass on temptation in life. Right. So it's this idea that there's temptation.
- [35:47]
Ed Mylett
And someone who is, I guess, practicing more stoicism than someone who is not has developed the ability to not give.
- [35:54]
Brendan Burchard
In to those temptations, whatever they might be in life. The thing I have seen hurt most humans in my life has been their inability to deal with temptation. A they become successful, and now they get the temptation if they're a guy of women or the temptation of I've saved a bunch of money. The temptation to spend it.
- [36:11]
Ed Mylett
Drugs, drugs, whatever it might be.
- [36:13]
Brendan Burchard
Also the temptation to watch Netflix. The temptation to be gluttonous. The temptation. And this is for anybody in life. But there's these temptations that we sort of have this intuitive knowing pull us from who we best are that we give into every single day in different ways in most parts of our life. And the most happy and evolved people I know do it less.
- [36:33]
Ed Mylett
They don't do it never, but they do it less.
- [36:35]
Ryan Holiday
Yeah. Seneca, he says, show me a man who isn't a slave right? To his mistress. One to power, one to recognition. He says, even the slave master is a slave to the slaves. Right. The idea that, like, your big, enormous estate, like, do you own the company or does the company own you? Right. And so I think deciding, like we were talking about with the phone, like, who's in control, me or it. And the ability to go, like, I don't do that. I'm not going to. That's not for me. I don't care if everyone does it. I don't care if you think I'm weird for doing. Doesn't work for me. It's not part of my life. And the ability to have those lines, like, I always respect people, and we make fun of people who have weird dietary things. And I was like, no, they decided they don't eat this, and that's a rule they follow. I respect that when I see it. Right. And what I tend to find is that that's a transferable skill. So the ability to say like, I don't do X also allows you to say, I don't do Y. And so sometimes cultivating that is really important. The ability to say like, there's a famous story about Richard Feynman that I tell in the book. That is the physicist. He's walking to work one day and he just feels this pull, like in the middle of a morning to go have a drink. And he's not an alcoholic. He has no moral argument against drinking, but he doesn't like that feeling, that feeling of, like, go do this. Cause that wasn't him. That was some part in him. And he never drinks a day again in his life. And I think you want a cultivate, like, what are the things that you're sort of compulsively doing? The things that just sort of. You're powerless to do. Once the idea comes in your head, that's what you want to develop the muscle, the ability to be like, nah, not anymore.
- [38:18]
Brendan Burchard
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- [38:20]
Ed Mylett
That's really good.
- [38:21]
Brendan Burchard
So the thing that pops in your mind, that's that compulsive temptation is probably the thing that's the signal.
- [38:26]
Ryan Holiday
Yes.
- [38:27]
Brendan Burchard
Okay, Ryan.
- [38:27]
Ryan Holiday
And then developing the ability to be like, I can stop doing compulsive things is really important. Right. That's strength. Right. Lots of strong people can lift heavy things, but then they are powerless. That's what Seneca is saying. They're powerless over this thing. Think about some of their super powerful world leader, but they're obsessed with checking their mentions or something. Right. Or they're obsessed with dominating people where they can't stop this impulse, and then that ultimately or inevitably tends to lead to their destruction in some way.
- [39:02]
Brendan Burchard
So is it a little bit about. And I don't know that it is. So I want to ask you, is it a little bit about chipping away at one's excessive?
- [39:09]
Ryan Holiday
I think so, yeah.
- [39:10]
Brendan Burchard
Not getting perfect, but chipping away.
- [39:12]
Ed Mylett
It's not just doing the right things.
- [39:13]
Brendan Burchard
But chipping away at the things that make us less than we're capable of being.
- [39:17]
Ryan Holiday
I think that's right. I mean, temperance, the word is about what's the right amount? So some things, the right amount is zero. Right?
- [39:24]
Ed Mylett
Right.
- [39:25]
Ryan Holiday
But a lot of things, it's a appropriate, healthy amount. And beyond that point, it starts to get a problem again. It's almost easier to be like, I don't drink, than to be like, this is when I Stopped drinking. Right. Like, I've had enough. And this is also true for success. Like, think about how many boxers can't leave when it's enough.
- [39:45]
Brendan Burchard
You're right.
- [39:46]
Ryan Holiday
Right. And then they go too far and that's their downfall. And so again, cultivating the ability to be like, I decide when this stops.
- [39:54]
Brendan Burchard
You're right. And when you're listening to this, you might go, well, mine's not drinking or.
- [39:58]
Ed Mylett
Drugs or porn or sex or spending money.
- [39:59]
Brendan Burchard
Is it worrying? Is it worry? Is it anxiety? Is it fear? Is it anger?
- [40:04]
Ryan Holiday
Control?
- [40:05]
Brendan Burchard
Control. Good one. Control. Whoa, you just hit one of mine.
- [40:07]
Ryan Holiday
Yeah, like the micromanaging thing. Like you're like, why don't people like working for me? You're not fun to work for.
- [40:15]
Ed Mylett
Yeah, yeah, it's about.
- [40:17]
Brendan Burchard
I think overall, it's the knowledge of getting quiet and more self aware and understanding oneself. Is that the basis of the work, would you say?
- [40:24]
Ed Mylett
To some extent.
- [40:25]
Ryan Holiday
And I think that's what Marcus is doing in meditations. He's talking to himself and working it out on the page. Your thoughts can deceive you, but when you put them down and you have to have that discussion, you go, oh, yeah, right, Yeah. I mean, putting yourself up for review, the stoics, putting yourself up for review.
- [40:44]
Brendan Burchard
That'S a difficult thing to do.
- [40:46]
Ryan Holiday
Well, it's uncomfortable.
- [40:47]
Brendan Burchard
Yeah, it's uncomfortable and I'm doing it lately. It's interesting for my audience to be in real time.
- [40:53]
Ed Mylett
I think they're surprised often because the other part of me is like, okay.
- [40:56]
Brendan Burchard
Here'S how you do all these things. But I'm also a work in progress. In other words, even for the audience or even my friend. I don't want to be the same guy next year.
- [41:03]
Ed Mylett
I am this year.
- [41:04]
Brendan Burchard
Then I have not that same.
- [41:04]
Ed Mylett
I want to.
- [41:05]
Brendan Burchard
My values diminish to the world. If I'm the same person, I ought.
- [41:08]
Ed Mylett
To have new distinctions and new wisdom and new breakthrough.
- [41:11]
Brendan Burchard
And so should you that are listening to this.
- [41:14]
Ed Mylett
Okay.
- [41:15]
Brendan Burchard
Beware this madness. What is that?
- [41:18]
Ed Mylett
That's the part, that's part of the book.
- [41:19]
Brendan Burchard
I'm like, what is that?
- [41:21]
Ryan Holiday
I'm talking about when you lose. We're talking about losing control when you lose control over your emotions. That sort of temporary burst madness of insan. Anger, frustration, resentment, fear, lust. Right when you're losing control of yourself, you're defenseless in the face of that thing. I tell the story of Sam Cassell, the basketball player. He hits this great shot as he's running back to celebrate. He can't stop himself from taunting the opponents. And he does this. They call it the big balls dance. He acts like he's cradling his huge balls, but he fractures his hip in doing this. Right. Is out. Basically the rest of the series. They don't go all the way to. They don't win the finals. The idea of, like, anytime you're doing. It's not that the stoics were against emotion. I think they were out. They were against doing things when consumed by emotion. Right. Or letting emotions overwhelm you. Right. So it's like you get some rude email. That's not to say you should let someone talk to you that way. It's not to say you shouldn't respond, but like, responding with anger is not gonna. So the ability to be like, I'm going to step back. I'm going to do this calmly. Almost everything is done better calmly, a.
- [42:41]
Brendan Burchard
Hundred percent, by the way, I call it equanimity.
- [42:43]
Ed Mylett
In my book, Calmness under duress.
- [42:45]
Brendan Burchard
Right. Staying in that moment and staying in that silence is strength. Is something you say.
- [42:51]
Ed Mylett
I really want to spend a little bit of time on this.
- [42:54]
Brendan Burchard
I think that silence is.
- [42:56]
Ed Mylett
It's free and it's yet almost never taken advantage of by our culture anymore.
- [43:03]
Brendan Burchard
And even for me, I just interviewed Colin o' Brady. He's got a new book called the twelve Hour Walk. And the concept of it is at least put your phone down for 12 hours and take a walk and take your light. I think more and more, with all the noise in our lives in this day and age, people are becoming less and less familiar with silence.
- [43:21]
Ed Mylett
A lot of people have to have someone else around them or their phone.
- [43:24]
Brendan Burchard
On or the TV on or the radio on or something. And silence is this free space that is so beautiful and liberating that now as humans, we don't even take advantage of anymore.
- [43:35]
Ryan Holiday
I was a director of marketing at American Apparel for a long time, and I sort of watched the company go and all the way down. And the CEO would call me sometimes, like 2, 3 in the morning. I would be asleep. He'd wake me up and he would just talk to me until he fell asleep. And at first I was very young and I thought, am I this important? What is this, Is it that he really cares about? And then I realized, this man can't be alone in those two minutes that he's falling asleep. And what epiphanies, what changes, what reflections, what awareness might have come if he could have that space. It's possible now to fill every second with noise. That's what your phone is. And you have to cultivate that silence because it's in the reflection that you have ideas, you have breakthroughs. I was at a pool one time just getting in to go swimming, and someone recognized me and said, oh, I loved your books. And I said, I wrote those books in this pool. Like, I swim in this pool because I can't hear anything. My ears are underwater. It's like, essential. Like, I'm alone with my thoughts and the ideas come to me then. And you have to cultivate that silence. You're right. It's free, but it's also, like, the most valuable thing in the world.
- [44:51]
Ed Mylett
It is.
- [44:51]
Brendan Burchard
That's why so many people tell me my favorite moment of the day is when I'm in bed and I hit the bed and I'm like, well, if that's your favorite moment of the day, it's telling you that you're yearning for.
- [44:58]
Ed Mylett
A little silence, a little quiet. I find myself even, like when I.
- [45:01]
Brendan Burchard
Travel, when I shut the hotel room door and I'm in there alone, I'm like, oh, yeah, this is so good. Dudes who have kids, they got noisy lives. They spend an inordinate amount of time.
- [45:13]
Ed Mylett
In the bathroom doing what they need to do in there, and they just.
- [45:16]
Brendan Burchard
Sit in this little room do it because it's just a quiet time.
- [45:20]
Ed Mylett
That ought to tell us all.
- [45:21]
Brendan Burchard
We have this yearning for silence in our lives, that the noise is not allowing us to appreciate how much we need or we want it in our lives.
- [45:29]
Ryan Holiday
Yeah, look, that's why I like getting up early in the morning. It's quieter then, you know what I mean? Get up before the emails have really started. And then you don't have to have as much strength or willpower to ignore them.
- [45:38]
Ed Mylett
What's a practice? Like, what's your life look like?
- [45:41]
Brendan Burchard
All these philosophies, by the way, to.
- [45:43]
Ed Mylett
Me, it's just like, really great stuff.
- [45:45]
Brendan Burchard
It's stoicism, but it's just really great stuff.
- [45:47]
Ed Mylett
About to live a better life. But what's like, a practice that you do daily?
- [45:51]
Brendan Burchard
Is it your meditation time that allows.
- [45:53]
Ed Mylett
You to sort of of participate more in this quality of work or what.
- [45:57]
Brendan Burchard
Is it that you do?
- [45:58]
Ryan Holiday
My big morning practice, my meditation practice is journaling, sitting down and writing things down, creating some space between me and the thoughts, and like we said, putting yourself up for review. I don't wanna wake up 20 years from now and go like, man, how did I get here? I wanna be doing that reflection on it a regular daily basis and catch the things before, like, one of the things I'll notice in my journal is, like, if I'm saying the same thing over and over again, well, I need to make some changes, right? If I'm like, so tired today, so tired today, if I'm writing that three days in a row, something's wrong with the decisions I'm making in my life.
- [46:41]
Brendan Burchard
Really good.
- [46:42]
Ryan Holiday
And I can make those. Let's make those changes now before I end up somewhere unrecognizable.
- [46:49]
Brendan Burchard
I think most people, Bro, I love your work.
- [46:51]
Ed Mylett
Like, I really do.
- [46:52]
Brendan Burchard
It's for me. Me? Yeah, it's for me.
- [46:54]
Ed Mylett
I know I've said that three times, but I just want to express to you my gratitude for it.
- [47:00]
Brendan Burchard
A really good friend of mine who's made lots and lots of money, and he's actually helped a lot of people too. He contributes, he gives a lot of money away, he spends a lot of time and he's unhappy. And by the way, on the surface you'd go, wow, married to the same person, makes lots of money, gives lots of money away.
- [47:16]
Ed Mylett
This guy's living the life kind.
- [47:18]
Brendan Burchard
He doesn't give in to a lot of temptation, frankly.
- [47:20]
Ed Mylett
He's a good dude and he's unhappy.
- [47:22]
Brendan Burchard
And he said, I just can't figure out why I'm unhappy. And I said, I think I know.
- [47:26]
Ed Mylett
And I said, by and large, brother.
- [47:28]
Brendan Burchard
You'Ve lived a completely unexamined life. In other words, there's never been time for self examination. And so many of us even listening to this, this might be a breakthrough moment for so many of you. You may be doing good things, you may be growing, you may have all these things, but you're supposed to be examining your life to some extent.
- [47:45]
Ed Mylett
I love what you're saying.
- [47:45]
Brendan Burchard
Put yourself up for review. I use the terminology of an unexamined life. And.
- [47:50]
Ed Mylett
And we should check in with ourselves.
- [47:52]
Brendan Burchard
Regularly because we may be so far down a path and winning down a path that is no longer the path that we want to be on or need to be on. But we haven't even examined it for years and years and years, if ever. So that's sort of what you mean to the extent of putting yourself up for review is self examination, right?
- [48:09]
Ryan Holiday
Yeah. If you don't know who you are, what you want, what kind of life you want, you just end up defaulting to what everyone else is doing or what you used to want, what you've always done. Right. And so it takes an active practice of questioning and reviewing and talking not just with yourself, but also with other people. Maybe you have a therapist, a spouse. You want to be doing this now when you can steer the boat, not when you've ended up somewhere and you're stuck. Right. If you've been doing the same thing unquestioned for 20 years, changing course is now going to be really expensive, really difficult. But if you've been making these micro adjustments as you go, those things cumulatively shape the direction or the trajectory you're going.
- [49:00]
Brendan Burchard
And if you don't do that, you just end up living a pattern.
- [49:03]
Ed Mylett
It's just a pattern.
- [49:04]
Brendan Burchard
It's a pattern of thoughts, a patterns of emotions, a pattern of behaviors, a pattern of people. And it just becomes. And if we're not careful in our.
- [49:11]
Ed Mylett
Lives, I write about this in my.
- [49:12]
Brendan Burchard
Work, our minds move towards what it's most familiar with. So if you don't ever have unfamiliar thoughts, examinations, this journaling, or this thinking, you just have a life. That's a pattern.
- [49:24]
Ryan Holiday
Well, it's like, what's your North Star? Right? Like, what is the thing, not just your main thing, but what's the value, the purpose? What is the main thing you're trying to do that matters? Right. And then how are you tacking or tracking against that? Right. Is this promotion you were just offered or this attractive stranger that sent you a drink in a bar? How does that get you closer or further away from that thing?
- [49:49]
Brendan Burchard
Yes.
- [49:51]
Ryan Holiday
I. Sometimes when I look at, like, major decisions in my life, like, hey, do you want to move here and do this? Like, hey, do you want to take on this project? I go, when I look back and ask myself why I got divorced, is this that reason? Right. But my North Star is. I want to be a good spouse and father. That's really important. My work is also very important to me. And these things are in a tension or a balance with each other, but I don't want to. But the fact that a cool opportunity is there over and over and over, you just default to saying yes to that. You're simultaneously saying no, no, no to these other people and these other things. And then you're telling yourself you're doing it for them, but you're not. You're just doing it because it's easier to say yes than it is to say no.
- [50:37]
Ed Mylett
Yeah, yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- [50:40]
Brendan Burchard
Very good.
- [50:40]
Ed Mylett
So, yeah, I relate to that.
- [50:43]
Brendan Burchard
You end up just sort of chasing the next shiny thing and not having an examination of what this means to the other things that matter to you.
- [50:51]
Ed Mylett
Because you don't have a true North Star.
- [50:53]
Brendan Burchard
I have a true North Star in My life. But one of the things you say.
- [50:55]
Ed Mylett
In the book about this other people thing is listen to this guys, tolerant with others, strict with yourself. If you can get to that nuance, you're one heck of an evolved human being.
- [51:06]
Ryan Holiday
That's the highest level, right? It's easy to just, everyone should follow my rules. Right? But it's called self discipline for a reason. Right? You only control this, you only control the standards you set for yourself. And nothing will make you more unhappy than making up rules and then being upset that people who've never even heard these rules are not following them. Right? They didn't sign up for this. Right? You gotta be comfortable being like, this is important to me because it's important to me. And if you want to live your life your own way, I got to be okay with that. Cato the Younger, he's this famous stoic. He's the strictest guy of himself. He's fearless, he's incorruptible. You know, even though he's rich, he dresses in plain clothes, all this stuff. But his brother was the opposite. And he loved his brother. It's like Bruce Springsteen said, sometimes it's your brother, you gotta look the other way, you know, like, you gotta go. You're you, you're living your life. If it works for you, it works for you. I can tell you why I don't think it's working for you, if you want my advice. But I'm not going to criticize you, resent you. And most of all, I'm not going to try to punish you for doing your things your way.
- [52:23]
Ed Mylett
These are all principles. Just like when you hear them, you're like, yep, I'd live a better life if I did that.
- [52:27]
Brendan Burchard
Yep, that would be better for me.
- [52:28]
Ed Mylett
Yep, that would be better for me.
- [52:30]
Brendan Burchard
And it's a matter of, I think reading for me.
- [52:33]
Ed Mylett
And if you don't read, you listen to audiobooks or whatever is a form of self examination.
- [52:37]
Brendan Burchard
When I'm reading, I might read. I'm thinking, I'm listening to what's being written, but I'm really reflecting on me as I'm reading the words.
- [52:45]
Ed Mylett
I think that's the most powerful way.
- [52:46]
Brendan Burchard
To read on the soul part of the book. We can't cover it all because I.
- [52:50]
Ed Mylett
Want to get to the book. By the way, again, we've covered like 2.3% now. But you say the power of giving power away.
- [52:59]
Brendan Burchard
Probably you've hit on the.
- [53:00]
Ed Mylett
Area that would be most difficult for.
- [53:02]
Brendan Burchard
Me in terms of my evolution would be the power of giving power away. What does that mean? And what's like an application of.
- [53:08]
Ryan Holiday
But George Washington's greatest moment is when he resigns his commission in the Continental army and says, I don't want to be king. He could have become king of America and the king of England. When he hears this, he says, what's Mr. Washington going to do after he defeats the greatest empire in the world? And this painter says, I believe he's going to return to his farm. And he says, if he does that, he is the greatest man in the world.
- [53:36]
Ed Mylett
World.
- [53:37]
Ryan Holiday
To know when to step down, to know when to share, to know when someone is better than you at something. This is extremely hard and requires so much self discipline, as majestic as that is for Washington, when he repeats it again, when he voluntarily leaves after two terms. But Marcus Aurelius has chosen to be emperor. His father is an emperor. He's chosen. But there's this pesky thing that he has a stepbrother, right? And what does he do? I mean, historically, Machiavelli would be like, you gotta get rid of this guy. And the first thing Marcus does with absolute power is he anoints his brother co emperor and his brother also opposite of him in so many ways. But he writes in Meditations, he says, what I loved about his brother was how his character challenged me to improve my own. So he didn't try to make his brother a replica of himself, a mirror of himself. He. He used his brother where his brother could help him and where his brother had skills and he didn't. And he was willing to share and let him be him and Marcus be Marcus. And he wasn't so insecure that he needed everything for himself. And I think so often we see great athletes, great entrepreneurs, great leaders, great politicians not know when their moment is over and when it's not to say they can't continue to contribute, but they're no longer the top spot. And if you can't, if you're so egotistical, you can't plan for a legacy, you're gonna end up creating a legacy. It just won't be a positive one. Yeah.
- [55:06]
Ed Mylett
And by the way, you're so right. It affects us in every day when.
- [55:08]
Brendan Burchard
We run in our businesses too, thinking that we're the best at everything in our company, where if we would give some of the control away to someone who's actually better at these things and have the discernment to give some of that power away and let them go.
- [55:19]
Ed Mylett
Your company would grow, your life would.
- [55:20]
Brendan Burchard
Grow, maybe even in your family. Maybe your wife is just way better at some of these things than you, and you just ought to let her have them or reverse your husband is.
- [55:29]
Ed Mylett
And I think oftentimes in life, that.
- [55:30]
Brendan Burchard
Notion of giving the power is not easy for me.
- [55:32]
Ed Mylett
I'm a control person, and it's something that. That's part of my.
- [55:35]
Brendan Burchard
My evolution as a man has to be connected to that.
- [55:39]
Ryan Holiday
And once you give them the power, letting them do it their way, right? So it's like, hey, you're in charge of this. Here's how I would do it. But I just want you to do it. However it works, that's on you. Again, this is tolerant with others, strict with yourself. Like. Like, I'm going to allow you to be you. I don't want. I'm not so rigid or insecure that I think everyone needs to be exactly like me the way I do. It works for me. We all have different processes, different backgrounds, different needs, skills, strengths, and we gotta respect that.
- [56:09]
Brendan Burchard
You use the word insecure, but I can tell you, and it's correlated for me, I know when I'm afraid to.
- [56:14]
Ed Mylett
Give away control and power, it's when.
- [56:17]
Brendan Burchard
I'm afraid, which is pretty close to insecure. It's when I'm afraid. Like, I'm afraid if I let you do this, my son's gonna go.
- [56:23]
Ed Mylett
If you handle the discipline, my w. My son's going to turn out to be like my dad and be a drug addict. Or if I let you run this part of my company, I'm going to go broke.
- [56:30]
Brendan Burchard
I mean, these are ridiculous correlations we make.
- [56:33]
Ed Mylett
But you have to ask yourself, when.
- [56:34]
Brendan Burchard
You'Re not giving control away in your.
- [56:35]
Ed Mylett
Life to people around you, is that.
- [56:37]
Brendan Burchard
From coming from a place of fear or insecurity? Because I think most of the time.
- [56:41]
Ed Mylett
That'S what you're operating out of when you're trying to hold on to control all the time.
- [56:45]
Ryan Holiday
I think that's totally right.
- [56:46]
Ed Mylett
Speaking about that, we don't have too much more time, and I'm frustrated as heck about it, but I want to go to the book a little bit more. By the way, everybody should get the book. Listen, when you read the book, a couple things is you're going to manage your own life better, lead your own life better. There'll also be this part of you.
- [56:58]
Brendan Burchard
That you go, man, if you live in a particular country, I live in the US Man. I wish our leaders had more of these characteristics, man.
- [57:04]
Ed Mylett
I wish they had that one thing. You can even think of so many things.
- [57:07]
Brendan Burchard
If they just had that one difference, how much greater they would have been. Their demise was that thing. You'll see these little pieces in the book and that could be your demise.
- [57:15]
Ed Mylett
Also, when you're reading the book, ironically.
- [57:17]
Brendan Burchard
You talk about Queen Elizabeth in the book. I'm just fascinated by the. I've never spent any time thinking about.
- [57:23]
Ed Mylett
This woman until obviously lately. Right? Yeah, I've never spent any time thinking about her.
- [57:28]
Brendan Burchard
And I was sort of fascinated when passing.
- [57:30]
Ed Mylett
I'm like, people really made a big deal about this.
- [57:32]
Brendan Burchard
Maybe I was naive.
- [57:33]
Ed Mylett
But you really write about her in the book.
- [57:35]
Brendan Burchard
What is it that you loved about her so much or admired in her or characteristics you saw in her?
- [57:40]
Ryan Holiday
I mean, first off, just to think, she has the same job for 70 years and she shows up every day. There is no on or off the clock. She is the Queen. And unlike, say, Marcus or a president who has a lot of power, she has absolutely no power. Her job is her poise and her dignity, what she represents. And she has the same job for 70 years. She never gives an on the record interview to a reporter. Think about everything she's seen, everything she knows. Think about how wrong the press has been about her. Think about all the things she wants to say and talk about silence. She says nothing because her job is to be impartial and everything is being done in her name, literally. But she cannot say anything. But she manages to. Every week she meets with the Prime Minister. I think she was on her 14th prime minister. She's personally trained by Winston Churchill. She knows so much. She is the most qualified. And she can't be like, that's a bad idea. Don't do. Do that. But she can. Well, what about this? Have you thought about this? I once heard this, right? She has to develop how to be assertive without being aggressive. She has to keep. She has to be above the fray. She can't be distracted by the noise. And then also, I think what's particularly impressive about her, the monarchy 70 years ago, totally different than it is today, and yet exactly the same. Right. And so that's what tradition is. People think tradition is like keeping everything exactly the same. No, it's finding the North Star, the real things, and then everything else is negotiable. And they have this famous motto inside the royal household, which is, if things are going to stay the same, things are going to have to change. And so she's malleable and adjustable about the things that don't matter, and then very firm and rigid about the things that do matter. And that's if you want to last, if you want to endure, you look at someone who's been in the music business or someone who's been in professional sports, or someone who's been business after business, everything's changed. And yet the core things, Jeff Bezos says, you focus on the things that don't change. You gotta know what those are, lock into them everything else, what's new, what's best. That tension to me, requires so much self discipline. Now you wanna talk about physical discipline? I mean, just imagine she's millions of miles shaking millions of hands. She, in 70 years, fell asleep in public one time and she was like 85. And it was a lecture about magnets.
- [60:09]
Ed Mylett
Is that right?
- [60:10]
Ryan Holiday
Just the sheer toughness of this little old lady, it puts all of us to shame.
- [60:16]
Ed Mylett
Yeah, I love that, you, Honor. I also love your fascination with history.
- [60:19]
Brendan Burchard
It's becoming a lost art form.
- [60:22]
Ed Mylett
And the more I'm even reading your book, I'm a history buff too, but.
- [60:25]
Brendan Burchard
Even reading your book, there's things I learned in the book.
- [60:27]
Ed Mylett
And I'm like, yeah, that applies now. And I want to finish on it because I'm a baseball fan. So I opened up with this, but I want to finish with it.
- [60:33]
Brendan Burchard
So Babe Ruth is probably the most well known baseball player of all time. Maybe the most well known athlete of all time.
- [60:40]
Ed Mylett
Certainly pretty darn close. Close. And you kind of, in the book.
- [60:42]
Brendan Burchard
Do this comparison between Babe Ruth's gluttonous.
- [60:45]
Ed Mylett
Big ass and Lou Gehrig. And for everybody listening to this, this.
- [60:49]
Brendan Burchard
May sound obvious, but Lou Gehrig eventually passed from Lou Gehrig's disease, or als.
- [60:54]
Ed Mylett
Right? So.
- [60:55]
Brendan Burchard
But Lou Gehrig is known as the Iron Horse. And that's sort of what I knew.
- [60:58]
Ed Mylett
About him, is he just played in.
- [60:59]
Ryan Holiday
All these consecutive games, 2100 consecutive games.
- [61:03]
Brendan Burchard
It's insane.
- [61:04]
Ryan Holiday
Yeah.
- [61:04]
Brendan Burchard
I don't think I knew what a great player he was.
- [61:06]
Ed Mylett
And I want you to talk about. I'm going to give one thing away.
- [61:08]
Brendan Burchard
Because it just blew my mind. This dude's done.
- [61:11]
Ed Mylett
Correct me if I'm wrong.
- [61:12]
Brendan Burchard
They like X ray his hands.
- [61:14]
Ed Mylett
Or look at former X rays.
- [61:15]
Brendan Burchard
This dude had like 17 fractures in his hands.
- [61:18]
Ryan Holiday
He broke every one of his fingers and never missed a game.
- [61:22]
Brendan Burchard
That's insane.
- [61:23]
Ryan Holiday
The sheer toughness that that requires, just like someone like Queen Elizabeth to show up every day, not have an excuse, or even when you have an excuse is immense. I mean, he gets hit in the head in one game before the era of helmets, goes to the hospital, gets an X ray, he's knocked unconscious. They go, oh, he's going to miss months. Even the pitcher that hit him goes, streak's over. Next game, it's right in there. And he was like, look, I could have taken a day off. It was that if I took that day off, that pitch would change how I play, because now I'd be. You know what I mean? He hits three triples that next game because he knows he has to get back in there. He can't let the excuse win.
- [62:04]
Brendan Burchard
Oh, my gosh, bro. And it's his relationship with discomfort and pain that made him different. Also, his.
- [62:12]
Ed Mylett
He sort of embodies this, right?
- [62:15]
Brendan Burchard
His unwillingness to give in to temptation, which Ruth is doing all the time, drinking and eating.
- [62:20]
Ryan Holiday
He walks into the Yankees dugout and they put these fancy cushions on it. He rips them out. He's like, cushions the enemy, right? He wants it. He wants to be tough. And look, Babe Ruth, amazing. But when you read about. About how Babe Ruth treated his body, you can't. And his money, you can't think, what could a more disciplined Babe Ruth have done? So I talk about this. I wrote this book. Ego is the enemy. It's same with ego. Same with this stuff. It's not that people who aren't disciplined are never successful. It's not that people with big egos are never successful. Of course they are. Often because they're extremely talented. Often because they're lucky. Often because it's not like a death sentence, but it is a ceiling on your potential.
- [63:01]
Brendan Burchard
Yes.
- [63:01]
Ryan Holiday
And Babe Ruth's career is cut short because he doesn't take care of himself. Lou Gehrig's career is cut short because of a tragedy. But which one did more in that time that they had? Right?
- [63:14]
Brendan Burchard
Unarguably, it's actually Gehrig.
- [63:17]
Ryan Holiday
Yes.
- [63:17]
Ed Mylett
I didn't know this. You taught me it. Babe Ruth calls the shot, hits the home run. Turns out Lou Gehrig hit one that night, too, right?
- [63:23]
Ryan Holiday
Yeah. He's the workhorse of an athlete, which ultimately, I think, over the long term, does. Does more than this sort of.
- [63:31]
Brendan Burchard
You know, you guys, his work is so damn good. And I hope today was this unbelievable ride for you about your own life and different breakthroughs for you. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. So, you know, guys, men today face immense pressure, and they got to be able to perform, provide. They got to keep it all together. I know. I'm a guy, right? Stuff isn't easy. So it's no wonder that 6 million men in the US suffer from depression every year. Think about what I just I just said 6 million men admit to suffering.
- [63:59]
Ed Mylett
From depression every year.
- [64:00]
Brendan Burchard
My hunch, that number is more like twice that. And it's often not even diagnosed by most people. If you're a man and you're feeling a little bit of stress, the weight of the world on you, maybe you should look at therapy. And if you're going to look at therapy, take a look at better help. I can tell you I've had therapy in my life. It's made a big difference. With over 35,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. Talk it out out with BetterHelp, our listeners get 10 off their first month@betterhelp.com ed show that's Better H lp.com ed.
- [64:38]
Ed Mylett
Show.
- [64:42]
Brendan Burchard
This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Fiscally responsible financial geniuses, monetary magicians. These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to Progressive and save hundreds. Because Progressive offers discounts for paying in full, owning a home and more. Plus, you can count on their great customer service to help you when you need it. So your dollar goes a long way. Visit progressive.com to see if you could save on car insurance, Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states or situations. Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Be sure to follow the Ed Mylett show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes.
- [65:30]
Ed Mylett
You'll never miss an episode that way.
- [65:32]
Brendan Burchard
Here's a clip of Ed Mylett appearing on the podcast the School of Greatness with host Lewis Howes.
- [65:39]
Lewis Howes
What do you think's the biggest things that hold all of us back from achieving our dreams faster? Three biggest things, would you say?
- [65:46]
Ed Mylett
Well, one is the proximity to it. We really do believe it's further away. Like we honestly believe this thing is like a 20 year thing. And so because we believe that, we keep it there and we miss out on these, you know, possibilities in our life. The second one is I have a chapter in the book called On Equanimity. I say one more level of equanimity. Equanimity is our ability to be calm under duress. So I said earlier, slow things down. The greatest athletes that we admire can slow things down under pressure. They're calm. If you think of a Tom Brady, who's everybody's example in this age Is that when it's the noisy and the crowd's the craziest and it's the playoffs and it's the highest stakes for the average person, everything speeds up and they lose control. Good friend of both of ours, Michael Chandler, fought this last weekend. It's a great win, great win. And normally Michael, he's one of the greatest fighters in the world, but when he has been in duress in some of his fights, things speed up and he starts to do this brawl mode. And I watched him in this fight, things started to not go his way and he slowed things down and he started to show some equanimity under duress. And that's when things slow down and we can perform at our best. So the second thing I would say is equanimity. The third thing is I have a whole chapter in the book on the way you manage time. And this is just. There's so many heavy things in the book. But the idea that still people manage a day in 24 hours is hilarious to me. That this archaic concept that a day is 24 hours is bananas. Like the 24 hour day was just made up by somebody about the sun and the earth going around each other 100 million years ago or whatever it was. And this is before there was electricity, there were cars, there was the Internet, there was a smartphone. So you're going to tell me I should measure my day the same duration of time. I calibrate time when the same dude didn't have the Internet. I used to have to do a project in high school. We'd have to go to the encyclopedia, go down to the library and research for hours. My kids can Google something in 10 seconds. Seconds now and I can text message you instead of mailing you something that takes a month to get to you. So I've shrunk my days. My days now are from. My first day is from 6am to noon in that day. It's called a mini day. 6am to noon. I get into that day whatever I want. Some days are chill, some days are faith, some days are working out. But the amount we've all had that morning where you go, I got done more this morning than I have in three weeks. Right? So why can't that be every day? And it is, I can tell you. So my first day is 6am to noon. @ noon, a clock goes off. We're in day two and I reevaluate really quickly for five seconds. What just happened? What did I do? What do I need to do more of next day? Is noon to 6pm I'm going to get the same amount of business context, faith, fun, whatever it is in that ecstasy in that day. Third day is 6pm to midnight. It's a third day. This gives me three days. In one day I get 21 days a week. If I get 21 days a week, you get seven. Stacked it up over a month, a year, five, 10 years. I'm going to smoke you in life.
- [68:28]
Ryan Holiday
Life.
- [68:28]
Ed Mylett
Right. And I've bended and manipulated time so that my accountability is different. It's not the end of a day or end of a week or end of a month. It's at the end of a. Basically a six or eight hour window.
- [68:37]
Lewis Howes
That's interesting.
- [68:38]
Ed Mylett
And other people respond to you differently because what is scarce is valuable. People begin to respond to you differently when your time is more scarce, when it's more precious. And so it's completely changed my life the last 25 years. Running many days as opposed to 24 hour days.
- [68:53]
Lewis Howes
Huge.
- [68:54]
Ed Mylett
Yeah. So those three things.
- [68:56]
Lewis Howes
You're probably one of the best enrollers I've ever met. Enrollment, for me is the key to really accomplishing your dreams. Enrolling yourself that you're confident enough and have the skills and the tools to develop what you need to have what you want. The relationship, the career, the business, the life, the health. But also enrolling others in your vision, in your dreams. Where did you learn this skill of enrollment? Of saying, I've got this idea, it's in the future. Most people think it's 30 years away. I think it's three months away, which seems impossible. And I'm going to call these five people and convince them essentially, but enroll them in a vision that they didn't even know was a possibility in their mind. You're going to speak this vision into them, into their souls. And then they're going to say yes, vote for you, sign up for something, Listen, listen to something, interview with you, paid to speak or whatever it might be, give you lots of money, all these different things. How did you learn the art of enrollment?
- [69:55]
Ed Mylett
Okay, that's a great question. And in the book I have this whole chapter on leadership and vision. But like, you asked the best questions, bro, I love you. So two ways. One, couple very special coaches that I had in my life that were great visionaries. And for some reason I've always been fasting with great orators. So I did my dissertation in College on Dr. King. Oh, wow. Whatever your politics are, I think two of the great orators of all time are Ronald Reagan and John F. Kennedy, both of different parties. I just think they're tremendous orators, and they were great at painting these big visions. And then I read a book called Selling the Dream a long time ago, written by a guy named Guy Kawasaki. And he's the guy that basically helped, like, Apple with Macintosh.
- [70:34]
Lewis Howes
Selling the dream.
- [70:34]
Ed Mylett
Selling the dream. And he's a really unique dude.
- [70:38]
Lewis Howes
A few times.
- [70:38]
Ed Mylett
Yeah. And so what the book's premise was this, is that great leaders are evangelical about their cause. They're evangelists, and they do that through public preaching. But they sell a big enough dream so that the dreams of all the people within their stewardship can fit inside the one they're selling. So even for you, with this whole media empire you're building, one of your big roles, man, is to sell a big enough dream for everybody that gets around you. Guests, vendors, advertisers, the guys that work with you, the ladies that work with you, that it is so big and so compelling that all of their dreams and visions for their life can fit inside that one. And then the key thing is to repeat it over and over and over. Most leaders get tired of hearing themselves talk, by the way. This is true. As being a mother or a father. As a father, my job is to celebrate. We're going to do something awesome as a family. I know, dad.
- [71:24]
Brendan Burchard
No, we're going to do something awesome.
- [71:25]
Ed Mylett
You're amazing. You're a superstar. I know, dad.
- [71:28]
Brendan Burchard
Doesn't matter.
- [71:29]
Ed Mylett
I'm telling them over and over and over again. Most leaders think I got to say something new to these old people. But the truth is, you need to say something old to new people. Keep saying it over and over and over again. Sell it big. Look at all the people you admire in your life. They're visionaries who are evangelical about their mission and their cause. Not necessarily the money or the cause. What's the cause? Think about Oprah Winfrey. Think about Martha Stewart. Think about Dr. King. Think about Mother Teresa. Think about any leader. Think about Steve Jobs. You watch old videos of Steve Jobs. He wasn't selling megabytes. I've asked Wozniak several times.
- [72:06]
Brendan Burchard
Tell me about Steve.
- [72:07]
Ed Mylett
What was he like? I said, by the way, why did you name the thing Apple? Just curious. Man, what a weird name for a company back when companies were in. He goes, well, you know, Wozniak is almost like a savant. He goes, oh, well, really?
- [72:18]
Brendan Burchard
Two reasons.
- [72:19]
Ed Mylett
Ed A came early in the phone book, so we wanted people to find us early. And Steve said Apples made him happy and so great. Evangelists learned to link their cause and their mission to people's bliss. You go look at an old YouTube video of Steve Jobs and he's rolling out a Mac. He's not like, here's the speed. He's like, isn't she beautiful? Wouldn't you, like, look at her curves. Wouldn't she make you happy to take her home? He's selling happiness in an inanimate object. McDonald's number one seller of food in the history of planet Earth. Happy Meal number one older real estate. They don't sell food.
- [72:53]
Brendan Burchard
They sell happiness. Their number one meal is a Happy Meal.
- [72:56]
Ed Mylett
Their mascot's a clown. It has nothing to do with food, but they're in the evangelical dream selling happiness business. What's the number one thing they sell in there? Coca Cola. You get a Coke and a smile. Happiness. So great entrepreneurs, great parents, great people have this energy where they're selling you a dream that's big enough that you can fit inside it. And the dream at the end is happiness. Yes, that's the formula.
- [73:23]
Lewis Howes
Oh, man. So why do you think people are stuck on, I'll never be able to be good enough to accomplish what I want. The dreams are not possible for me. What keeps them stuck, though?
- [73:35]
Ed Mylett
What keeps them stuck is this false belief system that their past is their future. So they're operating out of an operating system of their memory and their past.
- [73:42]
Lewis Howes
So how do we let go of the past?
- [73:43]
Ed Mylett
Well, we have to create a compelling future. In other words, you're not going to let go of one thing until you've grabbed on to the next.
- [73:48]
Lewis Howes
You have to create a new future.
- [73:49]
Ed Mylett
You have to create a future. And by the way, it's okay that you don't believe all of it initially, as long as it becomes repetitive and we begin to take steps towards it. Right. So for me, I still have stuff from my past that's there, but this future is so big.
- [74:05]
Brendan Burchard
And by the way, some things are okay.
- [74:06]
Ed Mylett
People go, why do you still work so hard? Well, I want to create. There's still a little part of me that doesn't want to be broke. There's still a little bit of fear. You're not broke, but you've interviewed some of the most successful actors and entertainers. So have I. And you get them privately, and sometimes on your show, they go, you afraid.
- [74:20]
Brendan Burchard
It'S going to go away?
- [74:20]
Ed Mylett
They go, yeah, I am. That's why I work so hard. So there's an element of that that's okay. It's creating this vision for your life. That's compelling. But there's this other thing I love, Think and Grow Rich. It's one of my favorite books of all time. Next to my scripture is my favorite book. But you don't just think and get rid of rich. You have to do things. And by the way, rich can mean more bliss, more happiness, more peace. But you don't just get those things by thinking. There's some things you have to do. But the most powerful part of Think and Grow Rich man is he has this party, says, can you survive the temporary? And if you can survive the temporary, says on the other side of temporary pain, you get introduced to your other self. And that other self, he doesn't say this, but that other self produces that other life. And so here, here's what happens. For most of us, we think everything's permanent. And because we think it's permanent, we make permanent decisions based on temporary conditions. Even our bodies other than our souls are temporary. I was with my dad holding his hand when his body ceased to exist anymore. His soul exists still. But if your body isn't permanent, your problem isn't. Your pain isn't. You need to create a different relationship with pain in your life. The idea that you're going to avoid pain. I've got a chapter in the book called One More Inconvenience. Chase Difficult, inconvenient things.
- [75:34]
Lewis Howes
Like what? Like what is something you're chasing that's.
- [75:37]
Ed Mylett
Inconvenient in a given day? The phone call you don't want to make, the meeting you don't want to have driving out here. There's a friend of mine who I'd like to help me with the book. It's incredibly uncomfortable. Phone call for me. It's the thing I don't want to do today. I don't want to bother them. It's inconvenient. And for me, in my life, the inconvenient thing on the page is the one that now jumps off the screen at me that I must do. For most people, their relationship with the pain and the inconvenience is to avoid it.
- [76:01]
Ryan Holiday
Avoid.
- [76:01]
Ed Mylett
So if you could be. Yeah, but if you could say to yourself, on the other side of this is this other self. And so whatever your pain is right now, relationships just ended financially. Something that's difficult for you to do. Maybe you're trying to lose weight. Whatever it might be, on the other side of that temporary pain is the other self. I have a thing I got to say to you. Last man on this topic in the book. I have this part about pinata. And what most of us as humans don't do is we don't understand compound pounding. The relentless pursuit of something. You're making what I call invisible progress in your life. Like your show has gone boom. Everyone goes, wow. Lewis went from 400,000 to millions of subscribers. He's the number one guy. That didn't just happen this year.
- [76:42]
Lewis Howes
This is our 10th year.
- [76:42]
Brendan Burchard
You were compound pounding on this sucker.
- [76:45]
Ed Mylett
When no one was doing this.
- [76:46]
Lewis Howes
Exactly.
- [76:46]
Ed Mylett
But here's the pinata thing. I go, this party, it's five year olds. I didn't want to go to the party. It's five year old kids, like, what am I doing here? But as a good friend, they have a pinata. We've all been to him. First kid gets up, hits the heck out of the pinata, like a hundred times. No candy comes up. Next kid gets up, whack, whack, whack.
- [77:00]
Brendan Burchard
Nothing.
- [77:00]
Ed Mylett
Next kid, whack, whack, whack. These three now quit. They're gone. Another part of the party. There's three or four kids left. Everyone's losing interest. Everyone's pounding on this thing. What they didn't know is each of those blows was breaking down the pinata. Although there was no evidence it was true. The last boy gets up. I swear. Actually, it's a little girl. Last girl gets up, she goes, wham. Hits it one time.
- [77:19]
Ryan Holiday
Bam.
- [77:20]
Ed Mylett
All the candy comes out. And everyone celebrates in people's lives. So was it her blow that broke the pan? No, it was the cumulative shots. Most people don't wait around for the candy. They quit before the candy comes out of their relationship, of their body, of their business, of their bliss, of their meditation.
- [77:39]
Brendan Burchard
It takes time.
- [77:40]
Ed Mylett
But you're making invisible progress. If you ever start to get down or know what to do, give yourself credit for the compound pounding you're doing. You're not sticking around long enough for the candy to come out. And that's what you need to be.
- [77:50]
Brendan Burchard
Doing if you're going to change things.
- [77:52]
Lewis Howes
What's the most inconvenient thing you had to do in the last, I don't know, 10 years? That was like. That created the biggest breakthrough in your.
- [78:01]
Ed Mylett
Business or life, this being a public person.
- [78:05]
Brendan Burchard
Really?
- [78:05]
Ed Mylett
Yeah. Speaking about.
- [78:06]
Lewis Howes
Because you didn't do this for a long time.
- [78:08]
Ryan Holiday
Time.
- [78:08]
Ed Mylett
Never resisted it for.
- [78:09]
Brendan Burchard
Until like five years ago.
- [78:11]
Ed Mylett
Yeah, about five, six years ago. This. When you're so insecure and you're so shy, which I know is still weird for people to know, because I can be when I'm With a friend.
- [78:21]
Lewis Howes
Yes.
- [78:22]
Ed Mylett
You get this. But I'm really introverted and, like, I'm on the road. I get room service. You know, I stay in. If I was at a mall and we went to high school together, I would love to say hello to you. I'm probably gonna duck into a store and hide just because I don't know. It's not that I don't love it. I do. I remember I was just saying this to someone coming out here today. Oh, Rob. Dyrdek and I were talking. Rob driving out here, and he goes, man, it's a lot of work having a book. And I said, yeah. And I go, but you know what, bro? I remember when no one wanted to read what I had to write, so I'm really, really grateful for it. At the same time, that part of expressing myself and being open and being vulnerable and by the way, I do it in droves now. I fully embrace. Embrace. If you watch my social media or me, I'm like, hey, man, I'm having a bad day. You know, this is not one of these. This is a day I'm not doing crap that's in my book. You know, I didn't do anything that's in the book today. And so I've embraced it fully, and I love it. But the most difficult thing for sure was expressing myself publicly in public speaking. Anything public, public, public. And yet I'm, you know, you're incredible.
- [79:22]
Lewis Howes
Public speaker.
- [79:23]
Ed Mylett
One of the best. Thank you. I. I thank you. And it was usually on the most inconvenient thing. On the other side of it is not just your other self, but your greatest gift is revealed to you. And so for me, most of my greatest gifts have been revealed of me doing the really uncomfortable, inconvenient thing. On the other side of it, I meet this version of me. I'm like, the whole time, I could have been really good speaker. This thing I was the most afraid of, that I thought I sucked the most in. That might be one of my greatest gifts. Right? That's nuts.
- [79:54]
Brendan Burchard
Here's a clip of Ed Mylett appearing on the Heavy Checklist podcast.
- [79:58]
Jamie Kern Lima
This book is heavy in the sense that you say things like, winning is more fun than fun is fun.
- [80:04]
Brendan Burchard
Yeah.
- [80:05]
Jamie Kern Lima
So when I first heard you say that and I read, took me some time to process, because it seems like a simple statement, right? Like, it seems very, like, you know, yeah, winning.
- [80:17]
Ed Mylett
Great.
- [80:17]
Jamie Kern Lima
What does winning really mean? And what is fun? And I think in your book, you start to dive into.
- [80:22]
Brendan Burchard
You.
- [80:23]
Jamie Kern Lima
You've watched certain friends and Associates go this way in the pursuit of fun and happiness and success.
- [80:30]
Ed Mylett
Yeah.
- [80:30]
Jamie Kern Lima
And it didn't work out quite how they thought it would.
- [80:33]
Ed Mylett
Well. And so have you. So I say winning is more fun than fun. What is winning? Winning is just reaching your potential at whatever it is that you're doing.
- [80:39]
Brendan Burchard
Right.
- [80:40]
Ed Mylett
And I've had all kinds of friends in my life just go for short term stuff. You know, they want to go to the club, they want to go have fun, they want to chill out. And to me, that might sound good for like 15 or 20 minutes. But to me, winning, reaching my potential. By the way, winning and having fun, like maxing out my laughter like we were doing before we started here today, like every area of my life, I do. The reason I wrote the book is really simple. My dad died, and when it happened, I learned all these lessons from my dad. I know a lot about how the brain works. I know a lot about the spiritual stuff, physical stuff. And it occurred to me, man, like, I'm next. Yeah. I don't know when my life ends, but I know I'm the next my let man to go. Yeah. And so I wanted to write a book for my kids and my great grandkids that this is what I know about being happy and successful. And one of the things I know is that chasing short term, fleeting fun in every area, even our scriptures, all tell us this. The cheap stuff of life, the cheap things that are easy to get are hollow.
- [81:35]
Brendan Burchard
Yeah.
- [81:36]
Ed Mylett
And the hard things, the. I have a chapter in the book called One More Inconvenience Doing Inconvenient, difficult things that build character.
- [81:44]
Brendan Burchard
Yeah.
- [81:45]
Ed Mylett
Is where real fun is.
- [81:46]
Jamie Kern Lima
Absolutely.
- [81:46]
Ed Mylett
And to me, it fires me up to know that because we're in a culture now that doesn't celebrate that anymore. We're in a culture that celebrates cheap, short term fun, whatever you want to call it.
- [81:56]
Jamie Kern Lima
Well, I think fun and fulfillment are synonymous here. This is the type of fun that we're talking about. Feeling fulfilled is fun.
- [82:04]
Ed Mylett
Yeah.
- [82:04]
Jamie Kern Lima
Going out and partying on the weekend, that may be fun for a minute.
- [82:08]
Ed Mylett
Right.
- [82:08]
Jamie Kern Lima
And you might have a great weekend and then whatever else happens after that. But fulfillment, influence for good and accomplishing things that other people haven't accomplished before.
- [82:20]
Ed Mylett
Yeah.
- [82:20]
Jamie Kern Lima
That's real fun.
- [82:21]
Ed Mylett
It is real fun. And the other thing is this. You learn something about yourself. This may sound really serious for this, but Napoleon Hill says in Think and Grow Rich, by the way, I love Think and Grow Rich. Other than scriptures, it's my favorite book. But the truth is, you don't just Think and get rich, right? There's stuff you got to do. So I wanted to write a book about what do you think and what do you do congruently that produce a result? But one thing I love that he says is, he says if you can survive the temporary. The temporary pain, the temporary issue, you're going through that on the other side of that pain, you get interdependent to your other self.
- [82:51]
Jamie Kern Lima
Oh, yeah.
- [82:51]
Ed Mylett
And that other self produces another life, which is more fun. And so for me, it's. No matter who's listening to this right now or watching it, listen, you might be going through something temporary right now, okay? It's painful, it's difficult. You're having a setback, you're not on your A game right now. Everything in life is temporary being other than our souls. Being with my dad, I was literally holding my father's hand when he took his last breath. And it occurred to me, even in those moments, like, wow, even our bodies are temporary. Nothing you're going through is permanent. Yet most people start making permanent decisions in temporary conditions in their lives because they don't have the tools, the thoughts and the actions to take. And I'm like, I need to write a book. You know, humans need to know these things. Plot twist. We're turning the tables on me, and I'm being interviewed by my dear friend Jamie Kern Lima about my new book, the Power of One More. So enjoy. God bless you.
- [83:42]
Unknown
First is actually a famous Ed Mylett question, though. But this time asking you the question. If you had just five minutes at Starbucks to give someone advice on how to make their dreams come true, what would you tell them?
- [83:53]
Ed Mylett
I would say let's take an inventory of what your two or three gifts are. Let's what are they? And I don't know what they are? Well, then, what would people that you love say about you? So your giftedness with your kids. You ask some about their kids, they're like, oh, he's fast, she's strong, she's smart, she's a good dancer, or she's kind, she's. So we need your gifts. If we're gonna do something great, we need to know what your gifts are, your talents. So it could be your nurturing skills, your intellect, your humor, your beauty, your writing ability, your listening skills, your touch, your feelings, your intensity. Let's get your skills. And once we have those skills, let's figure out how we're going to use them in the service of other people. And if we could do that, we can find a way for you to serve other people by using what comes sort of easy to you, these talents of yours, we're going to find a way. And then the other part of it is get a mentor and get around some people, get associations around you who push you to have highest standards possible. You got a little recipe to change your life.
- [84:46]
Unknown
So good. What are you certain of?
- [84:51]
Ed Mylett
I'm certain there's a God in heaven. I'm certain that love is what makes the world better and that you will do more for love than you will for anything else in your life. And if you focus on love of what people love, of your faith, love of what you do, love is the most powerful emotion there is. And it's the one that's never talked about. It's only talked about in the nature of relationships. And so I'm certain that there's a God in heaven and I'm certain that love is the greatest driver in the world and always will be.
- [85:23]
Unknown
What are you uncertain certain of?
- [85:26]
Ed Mylett
I'm uncertain of. I'm uncertain of my own potential. I'm not certain exactly what it is. I'm not certain of what that's going to look like over the next 10 or 15 years. I'm less certain now than I have been at most stages of my life just because I'm really evaluating what means the most to me and where I want to spend my time, which is a really good thing. But I'm uncertain of what that'll look like. I don't know whether it'll be as a public person, I don't know whether it'll be in business, if it'll be as a speaker, as a coach, as a behind the scenes person. I don't know yet. I'm at that stage in my life that once this stuff is sort of the stage that I'm in right now. I've got some time. I'm going to get clear on the next 10 or 15 years. I need to do that again. I need to re up my vision and my imagination.
- [86:17]
Unknown
Because everything you do comes at the price of something you could have been doing with that time.
- [86:22]
Ed Mylett
Right, exactly. You know that.
- [86:24]
Unknown
All right. This comes from Loriawilliams, which by the way, I know who that is. This is Oprah's Pedicurus. She also owns a couple businesses, footnanny. She says, ed, is it okay to work on two dreams at once?
- [86:37]
Ed Mylett
It is, yes. The answer is yes, it is. But I will say this, there's this. It is absolutely okay to do that if they're both really dreams. Right. But one thing we need to be careful of is that there's this fallacy that let's talk about money. Let's just use money. So can I have two dreams? Absolutely. I'm working on more than one dream at one time. So yes, you can. Having said that, though, you have to be great at something. And there's this thing that's out there that millionaires have multiple streams of income. That's a fact. That's not true.
- [87:06]
Unknown
Yeah.
- [87:07]
Ed Mylett
And you, you know this as well as I do. Most millionaires got wealthy by building one dream first, and then when they got there, they diversified. It's going to be really hard for you to compete. Let's say you want to be a baseball player. Just for example, you're going to be a baseball player and a piano player. But I'm playing baseball all day long, 100% of the time, obsessed with it, getting better, growing. And you're also doing this other thing. I'm going to kick your tail every single time. So in business, if you're doing five businesses and I'm getting great, great at one, you're gonna have a hard time competing against me in that one because I'm obsessed. I'm all in. I'm after it. I'm crushing that one thing. And you're really spreading yourself very thin over here. So it's, you got to be really, really careful of not getting, of costing yourself greatness at one thing, because you're spread out to two or three or four different things. Can you do two things? Yes, but be really careful about that.
- [87:57]
Unknown
All right. @luckygirl71 says, Ed, how do I overcome overthinking and get out of my own head?
- [88:04]
Ed Mylett
I don't think you're overthinking. I think you're thinking incorrectly. So I don't think you can overthink. I think you think you're overthinking, but what you're doing is you're in a thought loop that doesn't serve you. And so I have a whole chapter in the book about what are the thought inventories that you need to take thinking. So there's a whole chapter on this thinking. What is it? Thinking is the process of asking and answering questions to yourself. So the fact that you're thinking, overthinking, that's not really what's happening. You're asking yourself the wrong questions. Because you're asking yourself the wrong questions. You're getting these thought looped answers that loop you into other thoughts and questions that cause you not to take Action. So you don't need to stop overthinking. You need to start asking yourself different questions which will produce different answers, which is now called a new thought. And so. So in the book, I go through what some of those questions need to be that can change the pattern of the loop you're in, of incorrect questions and incorrect thinking. And the book will help you with that.
- [89:04]
Unknown
All right, Sarah K. What is resilience and how do you build it?
- [89:09]
Ed Mylett
Resilience is something that's already within you. Resilience is your ability to overcome circumstances. You already have it. You wouldn't be here without it. You wouldn't have got where you are in your life without it. But it is a muscle. Doing hard things is something that we get better and better at doing the more we do it. I have a chapter in the book called One More Inconvenience. And what that means in the book is that sometimes in our lives we avoid inconvenient and difficult things. When you begin to chase inconvenience, when you begin to chase things that are difficult, when you look at your day, even most people avoid the inconvenience thing. When you become a person who does the inconvenience stuff, this is what you do really well. You do the inconvenient thing in your life, all of a sudden that monster gets minimized over time. And people will call you resilient. But what you've really become is somebody who is just willing to do the inconvenient thing your whole career. Most people would term you as a very resilient person because you overcame all those no's year after year. And some of them very painful no's in your life. But the truth is, as you were overcoming them, you would do one more inconvenient thing, take one more meeting, one more call, one more no. And those were all very painful and inconvenient. But the fact that you would always choose the inconvenient thing, Jamie, is why you're sitting here. So it looks like resilience, but what it really was was the muscle of being willing to do the inconvenient thing that almost no one else thought you should do. Especially after the pre previous inconvenient things didn't work out. But the truth is, resilience is doing inconvenient stuff over and over and over and over again.
- [90:45]
Unknown
Do you ever get nervous and hide from the attention?
- [90:48]
Ed Mylett
Yes. All the time. Yes. Yes, yes. You already know the answer to that. Yeah, like I get room service when I'm out. If I'M if I'm at a mall and like, I might have seen you from high school. Like, I'm so introverted, I'll go duck into a store and hide. My family will tell you. When we go to restaurants as a family, probably never have I been the one to walk up to the hostess or host and say, hey, where the mylettes. Like, just even that encounter is something I avoid doing. My wife does it every single time, my kids do it every. It's just trips people out of how much I avoid. And by the way, what's really weird about it is I love people. So I get into an Uber, first thing I always say is, tell me your story. And I want to hear their story. I want to know everything about my Uber driver the other day. Man, this guy was awesome. He's from Lebanon. You would judge this guy. His car wasn't really nice. Tell me your story. Lebanese man has a kid at Yale and Harvard and a son going to Stanford. And he drives the Uber to help supplement on top of their college loans. And he comes from Lebanon. This whole car ride, I didn't want it to end. He's telling me about what it's like in Lebanon and that it was a diverse area where he lived. It was actually a gated community. I'm like, I didn't picture Lebanon looking that way. He goes, well, where I lived, it was at one time and Jews lived here and Muslims here and Christians here. And we came to this country for a better life. Yale, Harvard and Stanford. Are you flipping kidding me? This is a remarkable man. So I just love learning about people. I love it.
- [92:10]
Unknown
I've seen that. I've been in an Uber with you.
- [92:13]
Ed Mylett
So I'm super introverted, but I want to know people too.
- [92:16]
Unknown
Yeah, yeah.
- [92:17]
Ryan Holiday
All right. Alright.
- [92:17]
Unknown
Final, final, final thing. By the way, this is so great.
- [92:20]
Ed Mylett
It's been a great interview. My favorite of all time.
- [92:23]
Unknown
Grateful, because I'm grateful for you.
- [92:25]
Ed Mylett
I love you and thank you for doing this today.
- [92:26]
Unknown
I love you and your community and everyone listening loves you. And I'm grateful for them also for being part of this. And I hope everything here blesses them, you know, and gives value to their life. I'm gonna call this last part the power of one more challenge. The power of one more challenge. Ed. Okay, here we go. This is rapid fire. One more piece of advice you give.
- [92:48]
Ed Mylett
To everyone listening that you're closer to your dream than you think and that you were born to do something great. You're one decision away. You're one meeting Away. You're one podcast away. You're one book away. You're much closer than you think you are. And if you begin to believe that you're going to find the things in your life, they're going to get you to that place much faster than you believe you can get there. It's just an absolute 100% fact.
- [93:10]
Unknown
One more thing you'd want to break free from that you haven't yet.
- [93:14]
Ed Mylett
I want to break free from my inability to tell people no. I want to break free from that. My lack of saying no to things. I need to begin to say no better and not feel so guilty when I tell somebody I can't do something for them. I have to get better at that. I have to, for my own peace and sanity.
- [93:31]
Unknown
Me, too. And I bet a lot of people listening, one, one more talent you'd want that you don't currently have.
- [93:37]
Ed Mylett
I would love to be able to sing, to create art, because I admire that talent so much, and I think it's such a beautiful gift that if I could have that talent, that would be super cool.
- [93:46]
Unknown
One more person you'd get to interview on your show.
- [93:50]
Ed Mylett
Who could I interview? One more person.
- [93:52]
Unknown
One more person you haven't interviewed yet that you'd want to interview on your show.
- [93:54]
Ed Mylett
Okay.
- [93:55]
Unknown
Anybody.
- [93:58]
Ed Mylett
Who. Oprah Winfrey, Tom Brady would be right there, too. And that's gonna happen. I'm gonna make that happen. I would like to interview Tom Brady. Yeah. Yeah.
- [94:11]
Unknown
All right. One more place you could travel to. Where would it be?
- [94:16]
Ed Mylett
I've never been to Italy. I would like to go to Italy and see Italy. We've had trips scheduled there. And then our kids were being born or, you know, stuff like that's happened. So I would love to go to Italy, for sure.
- [94:27]
Unknown
One more fear you could overcome. What would it be?
- [94:35]
Ed Mylett
You want to know something crazy? Being broke. I'm still afraid of it. I'm still afraid of being broke. The first thing that I thought of, I've got a lot of fears, but one of them, no matter how much wealth I've acquired or accumulated, I still have this little program running in there that I don't want to be broke. Isn't that crazy? So that stuff when I was little, when my dad might leave, I thought how my mom worked in the home. My mother was a homemaker. So my dad would leave. I would think, we're going to be broke. And then when my water got turned off and all that happened, I went, oh, my God, I'm going to be broke. The rest of my life. So I would love to lose that fear.
- [95:11]
Unknown
Okay, if you have one more day on this earth, God forbid, you're going to have many more years on this earth, like one more day on this earth, how would you spend it?
- [95:19]
Ed Mylett
I'd spend it with my family. I would spend it 100% with what my dad did. My dad's one more day was with his family. He had his wife and his children with him on his one more day. We were the ones surrounding him. It was the perfect one last day of a man's life. And so that would be mine for sure.
- [95:38]
Unknown
I would be with them one more meal. What would it be?
- [95:42]
Ed Mylett
My mom's spaghetti. Eddie spaghetti would have spaghetti. Isn't that crazy? Isn't that ironic? I would have my mom's spaghetti for sure, which just made me some recently, and I ate like 140 pounds of it in a day. So mom's spaghetti.
- [95:54]
Unknown
And one last thing that you want to share. For anyone wondering how your book the Power of One More is going to.
- [96:02]
Ed Mylett
Impact their life, it'll impact all of you differently. I wrote it for a diverse group, so whether you're a mother, it can help you be a better mother. There's chapters in there on parenting. Athlete, you're an athlete or a coach, It'll help you. If you're an entrepreneur, you work somewhere, you want to change your body, you want to change your emotions, you want to be happier. It will impact many of you differently, and different chapters will resonate with some of you more than they do the others. But when I was writing the book, I was thinking about all of you. And that's why the book is so deep and diverse. Maybe it's too deep and diverse and some ways, as I've told you, but I wrote it thinking of all of you. I wrote it. The creative process is this. I surround myself with great books, but I prayed a lot writing this book. I prayed a lot. I had my scriptures around me when I wrote. I had my powerful books because the books have energy. And I wrote it thinking about all of you. I can tell you that with the most sincerity I have is I wrote this book truly to try to serve as many of you as I can. And that's why it is so diverse and has such depth to it. This is the Ed Milan Show.