THE ED MYLETT SHOW: "How to Build Unshakable Confidence When You’re Losing" Feat. Alan Stein Jr.

Release Date: February 17, 2026
Host: Ed Mylett
Guest: Alan Stein Jr.

Episode Overview

This episode of THE ED MYLETT SHOW dives deep into the principles of “next play” mentality, unshakable confidence, emotional regulation, and fulfillment—concepts Alan Stein Jr. has refined through years as a performance coach to top NBA players and business leaders. With the release of his new book, Next Play, Alan discusses both micro (in-the-moment setbacks) and macro (major life transitions) applications, mapping strategies to maintain confidence and keep moving forward, even when you’re losing.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The "Next Play" Mindset: Micro and Macro Applications

• Origin & Personal Growth
  • Alan credits Coach K from Duke for the “next play” concept—refocusing immediately after a mistake or setback. It’s about not letting the past dictate the present.
  • Quote (Alan Stein Jr., 02:29):
    “Don’t focus on what just happened, focus on what’s happening now.”
• Micro Level
  • For sales, sports, or daily setbacks: quickly erase the last play (“whiteboard memory”) and bring full focus on the next opportunity.
  • NBA example: Kobe Bryant wouldn’t let eight missed shots affect the intensity or confidence of his ninth attempt.
• Macro Level
  • Life transitions: divorce, aging parents, empty nesting. Proactively plan your next move instead of reacting when change happens.

2. Confidence Is a Process, Not an Outcome

• Pitfall of Outcome-Based Confidence
  • Most people tie self-worth to results—fragile, since outcomes are uncontrollable.
• Confidence Builders
  • Keeping self-promises: “If you tell yourself you’re going to get up at 6am and go for a jog, if you wake up and do that, your confidence starts to build.” (Alan Stein Jr., 07:21)
  • Demonstrated performance: “Kobe... put in more work during the unseen hours than arguably anybody else.”
  • Self-talk: The importance of an empowering inner dialogue.
• Quote (Ed Mylett, 06:15):
  "Most people's confidence or their identity is very fragile. It's predicated on results all the time."

3. Relentless Focus on Fundamentals (Kobe Bryant’s Story)

• Kobe’s Dedication
  • Alan recounts Kobe’s 3:30am workouts and obsession with basics.
  • Key Lesson: Greatness comes from "never getting bored with the basics.”
  • Quote (Kobe via Alan, 12:48):
    "'Why do you think I’m the best player in the world? It’s because I never get bored with the basics.'"
• Stacking the Margin
  • Kobe intentionally outworked the competition; if most did two-a-days, he did three-a-days, creating separation over years.

4. Upgrading Your Personal Operating System

• Continuous Improvement
  • Small, incremental tweaks to habits, beliefs, and environment lead to big growth over time.
  • Quote (Alan Stein Jr., 15:53):
    “Never spend extensive time with someone you don’t want to become.”
• Control Your Inputs
  • Be proactive about what and who you allow to influence your thoughts and emotions.

5. Intensity and Focus—The Winner’s Edge

• Defining Intensity
  • True intensity isn't always loud or dominant; it's “the ability to be in the present moment and block out all distractions.”
  • NBA players like Kobe or Curry win not just from skill, but laser focus on each possession, each play—not distant outcomes.
• Study and Mastery
  • Alan describes breaking down great speakers (and even hip hop artists, stand-up comedians) to learn delivery, emotion, and presence.
  • Quote (Alan Stein Jr., 23:06):
    “I study hip hop and I study standup comedy...there’s so much that you can learn...on how to tell story, on how to sway emotion.”

6. The Power of Nuances & Role Models

• Ed’s Kobe 'Dad Story'
  • Observing Kobe’s affectionate, present parenting inspired Ed’s own fatherhood journey.
  • Quote (Ed Mylett, 28:24):
    "I watched Kobe walk out of the gym...As they started to walk out...he put his arm around his daughter and they walked out...I don't hug Bella enough. I don't physically hug her enough. And I do a better job of that now."
• Lesson:
  • True greatness is in small, repeated actions that add up over time.

7. Handling Big Losses — Moving to Your "Next Play" in Crisis

• When Life Kicks You Down
  • Alan emphasizes: “It’s okay to not be okay.”
  • Don’t suppress or ignore painful emotions; accept and process them—but then ask, “What is the very next step I can take that’s in my control?” (Alan Stein Jr., 29:55)
• Perspective and Hindsight
  • Painful events (like his divorce) later proved to be springboards for greater growth.
  • Quote:
    "You can’t see the picture when you’re in the frame, so sometimes you got to be able to step outside of that." (Alan Stein Jr., 30:59)

8. Fulfillment Over Fleeting Happiness

• Happiness vs. Fulfillment
  • Ed and Alan challenge the pursuit of happiness as an end-goal, noting its fleeting, emotional nature.
  • Fulfillment is a state—found in meaning, growth, and resilience.
  • Quote (Alan Stein Jr., 34:45):
    “I’m much more in pursuit of fulfillment because to me, fulfillment is a joy and an enjoyment of who I’m with, what I’m doing. That is much more within my control.”
• Teaching Resilience Over Protecting from Pain
  • For kids, the goal isn’t constant happiness, but resilience and emotional regulation—skills that will serve them for life.

9. Blueprint for Helping Loved Ones through Their Own "Next Play"

• Parenting Example
  • Don’t shield loved ones from pain; model emotional regulation and insist on accountability.
  • Key steps:
    • Express love and belief in them
    • Don’t allow blame or excuses
    • Walk “through the mud” with them (compassion + accountability)
  • Quote (Alan Stein Jr., 41:53):
    “I’m going to make sure that they understand that I have nothing but compassion...but I’m going to hold them accountable.”

10. Self-Forgiveness and the Power of Intentions

• Wayne Dyer's Influence
  • Ed shares an encounter with Wayne Dyer, who cautioned him never to tie confidence to results, but to intention.
  • Quote (Wayne Dyer via Ed, 44:11):
    “If you’re gonna chase your confidence based on your results, you’ll be chasing that tail all of your life. It’ll be a roller coaster of life.”
• Connect with Your Intent
  • Confidence becomes unshakable when it’s sourced from your character and intent.
  • Quote (Alan Stein Jr., 46:32):
    “We have to make sure...that we remind ourselves of our intent, that we have big hearts and we’re here to be of service.”
• Optimism for the "Next Play"
  • Alan sees every new phase as his best yet; forgiveness for mistakes is essential fuel for future growth.
  • Quote (Alan Stein Jr., 47:43):
    “My next 50 will be my best 50...Watch out, world. This next 50 years is going to be off the charts.”

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the “Next Play” Mindset:
  • “Don’t focus on what just happened, focus on what’s happening now.” (Alan Stein Jr., 02:29)
• On Confidence:
  • “If you do that, your confidence starts to build. If you hit the snooze...your confidence starts to erode.” (Alan Stein Jr., 07:21)
• On Fundamentals:
  • “It’s because I never get bored with the basics.” (Kobe Bryant via Alan Stein Jr., 12:48)
• On Nuanced Study:
  • “Are you trying to be that great at what you do? Do you view what you do as a science and an art both?” (Ed Mylett, 25:52)
• On Parenting through Setbacks:
  • “I would say, ask yourself, how were you complicit and what role did you play? That’s the very first step. And then...how can you behave differently?” (Alan Stein Jr., 39:56)
• On Forgiveness:
  • “I’ve forgiven my previous self for all of those things because it doesn’t do me any good to hold onto them. So I’ve dropped that anchor and I’ve moved to the next play.” (Alan Stein Jr., 47:00)
• On Continuous Growth:
  • "The man I am today is not in spite of those mistakes. It's because of those mistakes." (Alan Stein Jr., 50:42)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:50] — Intro to Alan Stein & the "next play" concept
• [03:32] — Micro/macro applications of "next play"
• [04:43] — "Whiteboard memory," emotional discipline, Kobe’s routine
• [06:42] — Confidence: process vs. results
• [09:42] — Kobe & Jordan work ethic comparison
• [12:48] — “Never get bored with the basics” (Kobe)
• [15:53] — Upgrading your operating system
• [21:44] — Intensity, focus, and presence: the ultimate separator
• [23:06] — Studying world-class performance across domains
• [29:55] — Handling failure, grief, and crisis
• [34:45] — Fulfillment over happiness
• [38:31] — Blueprint for leading loved ones through adversity
• [44:11] — Wayne Dyer on confidence & intention
• [47:43] — Next 50 will be my best 50; optimism for the future

Final Thoughts

Alan Stein Jr. delivers a playbook for resilience, confidence, and meaningful growth, emphasizing process over outcome, the learning power of mistakes, and guiding others (and oneself) through adversity with compassion and accountability. The “next play” isn’t just for athletes—it’s a universal tool for life’s business, personal setbacks, and reinventions. Both Ed and Alan underscore the critical importance of intention and the belief that the best is always yet to come.

If you’re seeking practical steps to regain confidence and navigate defeat, this episode is a masterclass on mindset—and an inspiring reminder that every great comeback starts with your next play.

Recommended: Get Alan’s new book, Next Play, and consider Alan as a speaker for transformative insight.