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There's an outfit you keep reaching for, isn't there? The one that's soft enough to sleep in, but yet together enough that you could answer the door with and somehow right for everything in between. Cozy Earth jogger sets are made from viscose from bamboo. It's like a tapered fit, breathable, lightweight and soft so that it carries great throughout the day and it gets better over time when you wear it. Actually, it's intentional. You can have it. Morning coffee, afternoon errands, evening wind downs. It goes wherever your day goes. This, this isn't just for fashion or being fast around the house. It's something you'll keep reaching for from years from now. Trust me, it's what I do around the house. Try it for yourself. These are made to last 10 year. Warranty on your homeware isn't something you see often. It's just kind of the commitment and tells you everything about Cozy Earth and what they stand for. This spring, give yourself the kind of comfort that lives with you all day, not just the moment you get home. Head to cozyearth.com and use my code mylet for an exclusive 20 off. And if you see a post purchase survey mention you heard about Cozy Earth right right here on the Ed Mylett Show. Cozy Earth comfort lives here as the Crispy chicken sandwich from 7 11. People always call me loud and I'm like yeah, I know I'm crispy. Did you expect me to whisper? If you want quiet, go eat some soup and reflect. Like I know I'm a handful. I'm bold, I'm juicy. Throw some pickles and barbecue sauce on me and baby I'm a whole meal.
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And with 7 rewards I'm just $4
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quiet no crispy, saucy and $4 very only at 7 Eleven Valley 362326 participating stores only while supplies lastly app for full terms.
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This is the Ed Milet Show.
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Hey everyone. Welcome to my weekend special. I hope you enjoy the show. Be sure to follow the Ed Mylett show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Now on with the show. Welcome back to the show everybody. So today's topic is what advice would I give my younger self or to young people in general about winning in their life and being successful and prosperous. And so that might even be a 10 year old. It could be 15, 18, 25. You could be 30. It may even be that it's not even young in age, but it's young in the sense that you feel behind in your life and you want to turn it around and you need kind of a game plan to make things happen and just completely change your life. So. But I wrote this today and thought about it in terms of talking to a 10, 12, 15 year old person. But it'll apply to anybody. So here's. We're gonna start out with 15 keys that I think are required. That would be my advice that I've given to my own children who are now both in college. But I started giving them this advice when they were very, very young, 8, 9, 10 years old. So number one is this. If you're gonna win in life, very simple rule outwork everyone. And I know that there's all these substitutes about shortcuts. Work smart, not hard. Let me tell you the truth. At the top of everything in life, everybody's smart. And what separates them is hard work. Remember that. Again, at the top of every craft, there are brilliant people, there are very smart people. There's no secrets or shortcuts to success in life. And if you're listening to this and you're in your 30s, you want to go to the next level, whatever it might be, I want to remind you, or maybe for the first time tell you maybe it's a wake up call. You got to outwork everyone. And I've pushed this with my children over and over and over again. And quite frankly, I saw my own dad do that. My dad was a hard worker. My dad was up every single day before anybody else in the house was gone, before the sun was up. And he came home when the sun was down. And I watched hard work happen. Now, one of the things I would love to see happen for more of you is that you prove that hard work pays off. I watch my father work and work and work and really never get all the rewards that I thought he deserved. But if you find the right outcome, the right business, the right thing you're passionate about, outwork everyone. Number one rule to being successful in life. Number two, be willing to work for nothing or very little, to be right next to a mentor, too many people aren't willing to sacrifice short term. I've told my children, if you can get close to a mentor, even if you've got to work for free for a while and have a second job and get close to them and up close, see, listen, there's this great Chinese proverb that says, if you want to know the road ahead, ask those coming back if there is a hack to success. Tom it's finding somebody who's got there. They have the directions, they have the instruction manual, and get close to them and you can compress timeframes, things that maybe you would've won anyway, but it might taken you 10 or 20 or 30 years. Maybe you can compress that timeframe into five or eight or nine or 10. And so do everything you can to get a qualified mentor. If you can go to work for them and get up close to them and, you know, work for not a lot of money for a short term period of time, I would recommend you do that. If you can't do that, I would find a way to pay for mentorship. You got to pick the right one and you got to study them. What's their background, you know, have they done something you want to do? Somebody can be very, very successful in an area of life, but it's not the area you're going into. There's probably somebody more qualified. So number one is outwork everyone. Number two, compress timeframes by getting close to a mentor. Go to work for them if, even if it's not for a lot, and maybe hire them if you have to. Third thing, do something entrepreneurial while you're young. You know, when I was 13 years old, I started selling sodas and candy bars at the golf course. There was this little part at Diamond Bar golf Course. There was a street that backed up to one of the tee boxes and I would sit behind the chain link fence and I'd go to the store and buy, you know, 12 packs of different sodas and candy bars and chips and snacks because they did not have a lady or a guy in one of those golf carts going around that would provide, you know, beverages and, and food. I didn't sell beer, obviously, but I started a little business there when I was a very young man. And I'd, you know, I'd walk out of there on a weekend and put some money in my pocket. And I learned about profit and loss. I learned about supply and demand. I learned about marketing and selling and closing and how to get somebody to buy maybe more than one item if I gave them a deal. I made little packages, I created the signs. And it just got me thinking like an entrepreneur. And it really changed my life. I loved the excitement of it. I loved the, the thinking you had to do strategically to make it work. How could I improve it? What could I do more next week? Was I sitting in the right spot? Did I say the right thing when they walked up? You know, all these little things I learned as really a very, very Young man. And then that morphed into an auto detailing business that I had. It was called E and J Detailing. And that morphed into a baseball card business that I had that I made money at. I was a guy who bought and sold and traded baseball cards. And so I had these businesses when I was young. In fact, I'm very proud. I have two nephews that have auto detailing businesses now. And I have to think that that has something to do with the fact that I had one when I was a young man. My gosh, 40 years ago, I had an auto detailing business. And that taught me about all kinds of things. It taught me how to interact with people, how to persuade. It taught me about doing really good work. It taught me that not everybody's nice all the time and grateful for your work. And I developed a little bit of a thick skin. So I went from sodas at the golf course to auto detailing to baseball cards. And then I went off into the world and, you know, I had different jobs. And I was a bus boy and I was a busboy at the whole Enchilada restaurant. And then I was a. I was a grocer at bagged groceries at Safeway. And I did these things that I worked to do. And I watched how businesses run. You know, I watched how this man's name was Gil that owned the restaurant, how he ran it, how he thought, the standards that he set, the things he did well, the things he didn't do well. And I learned an awful lot about being an entrepreneur by working in someone else's business. And then very early in college, I. I started reading books, which we're going to talk about secondly today, and listening to entrepreneurship, because those discussions didn't happen in my family. And mindset and dreaming and vision and these were all things that were not discussed in my film. We were just a great family, but we just, just worked and just sort of, you know, existed day to day to pay bills. And so third is do something entrepreneurial. When you're young, if you have children, encourage them. My own son has, you know, saved a lot of money, started a little golf club trading business where he would buy clubs online and then sell them in person or vice versa. And he's made a significant little game. When he was a little boy, he'd go to school and he would buy and sell video games. And I loved a little entrepreneurship. The making the deal, the shaking a hand, the keeping your word, learning how to persuade and communicate correctly. These are all really important traits in life. So that would be the next one. Fourth thing I would tell you is constantly work on and study the art of communication. One of the great separators in life is somebody who's a powerful communicator. It's a lost art form with the digital age. So many people have their noses and faces in a phone. They don't really interact, they don't make eye contact, they don't know how to persuade, they don't how to transfer energy, articulate their words. Quite frankly, vocabulary is limited in a lot of people. And so I would study the art form of communication. I would study great communicators, I would read books on it, I'd watch them when they speak. I'd someone in your life that's a friend of your families, and they're just an outstanding communicator, what is it that they do? Well, you know, as a speaker, I studied standup comedians, I studied pastors and preachers, I watched people give speeches, political figures that I thought were really good at it, but also just one on one. My dad had a couple friends that were just great communicators. And I'd watch how they position their hands, how they walked, how they used a rich vocabulary, yet at the same time it was simple and it was easy to understand how good a listeners they were. You've noticed I've created a great deal of content on communication because I'm such a believer that it's a separator in life. I think that if you can become a great communicator in life, whether that be the written word or the spoken word, or both, you've separated yourself to a very small percentage of people, maybe 1%. Most people that I meet are not great communicators. Most people I meet aren't even very good at introducing themselves, making eye contact, shaking a hand. These things seem basic, but you should evaluate it. If you're a young person, listen to this. Certainly. But even if you're in your 30s or 40s, how good of a communicator are you? And is that something limiting you? And if you're a young person, you want to separate yourself, you become a great communicator. When I meet young people, the thing that impresses me is when I meet somebody who's an incredible communicator. Hello, Mr. Mylett, how are you? They shake my hand, they look me in the eye, they understand that a conversation is asking and answering questions. It's not oftentimes you meet a young person. How are you? Good. What grade are you in? Fourth Right. And I, when I meet a child who's like, I'm in fourth grade, Mr. Mylet, and by the way, my favorite subject is math. Always wanted to ask you, were you good in school? Where grades important. And then now I'm in a conversation, wow, this is amazing. And I feel connected to that person because clearly somebody's emphasized to them that they need to learn how to communicate in life. It's very difficult to become wealthy in this world if you can't communicate.
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Well.
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Now, there are exceptions to it and some of the tech businesses and a few. There are some exceptions, but not very many. And even in that world, if you had the ability to communicate, to get hired, to get in a position, to get advancement, I think it's a huge advantage. Number five, build a brand or a network, or both. Work on building your personal brand or your network. Your network will ultimately become your net worth in life. Oftentimes it is also. It's two things. It's who you know your network, who can you call, who you can get on the phone, who can refer, who can make a connection for you. Work on your network, go to networking events, build relationships, join groups where you can meet people like that, go to places where they are. And the other one is brand, which is who knows you. Both are important in life. Not only who do you know, but who knows you. And so build a brand and build a network and make that a priority in your life. Number six, live below your means for a long time. Don't be somebody who wants to impress people by buying fancy dinners or going to the club and buying or spending a bunch of money. Live below your means. Be somebody who builds the habit, young, very young, of whatever you make, you keep some of it that you save money, you pay yourself first. This is a habit. It's a personality trait of successful people. They save money, they live below their means. They resist the temptation to spend frivolously. And by the way, some people can do that for the short term. You know, they make $5,000 a month and they spend three. That's great. But then as they accumulate that pile of money, then eventually the temptation to blow that on a fancy car, right, or take a crazy expensive vacation blows all the work they did. And so build the habit of living below your means. It's something that. Man, have I emphasized that to my kids. I don't know whether they both have it yet or not, but it's something that I talk about all the time. Number seven, have an emergency fund. And I mean starting young you should have three months income. You're young and you don't even have an income. You should have a pile of money set aside in case of emergency in your life. Why? Number one, there will be one. Number two, it gives you confidence when you have some savings in life. Even if I say this to people all the time, when I was making minimum wage, I found a way to save $20 a month. And that may seem insignificant, but it wasn't because that 20 turned into 200. That 200 eventually over time turned into 600. And I had some money saved after three or four or five years. And it gave me confidence when I made decisions. It made me, it gave me some security and comfort in knowing I had in case of emergency, I was going to be okay. In case my car broke down, in case somebody needed something, in case something came up where I had an expense, I had to make that I had an emergency fund. These, these are, these are, these seem small, but these are significant things that breed success. So if you're 10, 12, 15, 18, 20 years old, these are important things. If you're 30, 40 or 50 and you're struggling in life, go back through my list. Do you have the emergency fund? Right. Are you doing the different things I'm referencing here? Are you entrepreneurial? Are you working on your communication ability? All of these things matter. So even if you're, if you're struggling in your 30 or 40 or 50, are you outworking everyone? Are you willing to work for nothing? Or getting close to a mentor and joining a group where you get a mentor or hiring a personal mentor, are you doing something entrepreneurial? Are you constantly working on the art of communication? Are you building your brand and your network? Are you living below your means and do you have an emergency fund? These are all really important things. Number eight, learn and study money and the stock market. Understand how money works, Learn how the markets trade. Understand how interest rates affect things. This is not that complicated. Learn a little bit about inflation. Understand how the markets work. This is an important leg up in life. You don't have to know everything. You don't have to be a guru. I'm not saying day trade or anything like that. What I'm saying is it's a huge deficiency in life to walk around life and not know anything about money. And I meet people all the time that make money but don't know anything about it. And it's very difficult to hold on and grow a pile of money if you don't have some basic understanding of how the stock Market works of how, you know, money is traded, how things go up, why they go down. In fact, I'm going to tell you that I think less than 5% of people that I meet have any understanding at whatsoever of money. Pick up a book on money, right? Go to a seminar on it, do some research. There's information all over the Internet. Watch some videos, pick up a financial periodical that you read on a regular basis, that you subscribe to, start to just by the way, there's just a part of life when you're thinking about money, when you're thinking about learning about something, it leads into different roads. And when you never think about it and you don't know anything about it, it's going to be a hard time to get any of it right. Just that's just logically speaking. So if I wanted to become, you know, accumulate, you know, become a great athlete, I'd have to know a little bit about the sport. And so learn and study. Money doesn't take a lot of time, doesn't it? Be full time. If you're young, you're 10, 12, 15 years old, you have, you will have such a massive leg up in life if you just start to study markets and money and the dollar and how it works and currency. And these things aren't that complicated. They're really fascinating things for most people. And you're going to be in a percentage somewhere between 1 and 5% of all human beings who have any real understanding of it. So you think about these things. I've listed you now eliminated like 95% of the competition in your life if you do these things. So you shrunk the billions of people, right? And then really in that case it's not because not everybody has the opportunities you have. Some people just weren't blessed like you were to be born into a place in the world where you have an opportunity to change your stage in life. So many precious souls don't even have running water, right? And you've been blessed to have an opportunity, if you're listening to this, more than likely to be somewhere in the world where you can change your stage in life. You've already, you've won the genetic lottery in that case, right? And so that's shrunk down life. Lucky you. Lucky me, right? And then these other things, man, you've now it's a very small percentage of people. I tell my kids this all the time. The more you understand success and winning, you're going to find out you're competing with a very small group of people very small. Now, here's the thing. That group, it's competitive. That group, you better have your act together. And that's why these things matter here that I'm describing. But I don't believe winning and success, whatever that means to you, whether it's. It's an abundance of money or you climb to the top of your profession, or you contribute ultimately to the way that you want. For a lot of people listening to that, it's not money oriented. I still think if money's not a priority to you, you should still understand how money works because you're going to retire someday. You have to have basic understanding of retirement and taxes and how money moves at any age, even if having a lot of it's not your priority. Okay? But you've got a real chance to move forward in life if you do these things. Okay? Number nine in life, try and pick something that takes advantage of some gift you have. It'll make your life much easier. I'm not saying that you have to be great at what you do. I wasn't great at anything that I've done at first. I've never really naturally been good at anything. I've tried. But I have finally landed on things that took advantage of some natural giftedness of mine, meaning my competitive nature, my resiliency, my willing to outwork somebody. I wanted things that would separate that. I. I was lucky in life that, you know, if you're listening to this, I was given a deep voice, right? So using my voice in life is an advantage now. By the way, there are some of the best speakers in the world who don't have a great voice, but they have great presence, right. Or unbelievable vocabulary or just such an amazing heart to serve that people feel and sense it, whatever that thing is. I'd like to think that I have that, but it's, you know, I have a deep voice. Why would I not want to use that? Right? And so it's taken advantage of something that I have. I'm not good at engineering. I. I would have been. I was an electrician's apprentice one summer. And I have such admiration for people that can do that work. I'm just not inclined. It was just so difficult for me to get to baseline competency because none of my natural talents or gifts seem to fit in that world. I wish it did, but it doesn't. I'm not really good at fixing things physically, you know, whether that's working on a car or, you know, stuff around that. I'm just not good at it. I and it, I probably could get okay at it, but I'd never be great because I have no natural proclivity for it. I would have never been an NBA basketball player. I probably could have been a pretty good. I could have got to eventually where if you went to a rec league I could shoot, but I was never going to get to the NBA. I'm not tall enough, I'm not fast enough, I'm not coordinated enough. And so that wouldn't be the career choice for me. Yet so many people will choose a career and I'll think, sometimes this just doesn't take advantage of any of your giftedness. So start to identify your gifts. When you're young, what are you good at? Not just what do you enjoy? I don't think what you have to, I don't think what you do for a living, you always have to enjoy. Okay, I've done a lot of things in work that I didn't enjoy, but those things allowed me to accumulate the resources that in my off work time I did things that I enjoyed. So I don't think everyone says you got to do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life. Well, that's true. And if you can do that, you've really won the lottery. Right, but not everybody has that luxury. And so I can't, you know, I love gall, but I can't make a living doing that. So there are, there are blessed people in life that have chose a profession not only are they good at, but that they love. In my case, some things I did I loved and some things I did because I have to, because that's what work is. And I want to challenge you to do the same thing. But if you can find something, you've got a proclivity for at least one element of the career. There's something you could take advantage of, a giftedness you have. In different businesses I've had took advantage at least one element of that business took advantage of one of my gifts, maybe not all of them. So I had to get really good at things I wasn't good at. But there was this one thing I was good at that made it something that I could get to the top of the and so I would recommend that you pick something that takes advantage of some gift you have if you know what that gift is and if you don't know what it is, try a lot of different things until you find the thing that feels like home, that feels natural to you, that you have a passion for. 10 Become an expert. As soon as you can be on real estate, it's just a basic thing, become an expert on it and as soon as you can in life, find a way to buy a deal, get your first deal done. Almost everybody I know that's become financially successful in some way, shape or form has done part of it, at least through owning real estate at some point in their life. And I'm talking about real estate that generates a cash flow. Real real estate that can be flipped. I'm not talking about a primary residence. And so read about it, learn about it. Very young, very young. While I was still in college, I started do it. I bought a course, Carlton Sheets how to buy Real Estate. Nothing down. And I'd listen to these cassette tapes over and over and read the books. And then I found some friends who had similar interests that had actually bought properties. And I learned a little bit from them. And then I spent money I didn't have on a credit card to go to Robert Allen's real estate seminar. And I sat for three or four days in a seminar really was money I didn't have to spend. And that was actually my entree into personal development. Because a lot of these people that are at these events were listening to Tony Robbins or Jim Rohn or Wayne Dyer, different people. And I thought, okay, so personal development's a part of it. Growing my identity. But I was learning about how real estate worked and I think it's just a great leg up in life. And the sooner you can buy a deal, you know, I love the idea of, you know, at some point, if you're a young person, if you can find a way and by the way, has to be the right deal, the right price. I'm not recommending any property, but you know, if you save enough money and you buy a duplex, you rent one unit out, you live in the other, you buy a four plex. You know, there's depending on where you live, there's great, you know, FHA financing. If you're a veteran, VA financing and you have to ride the right time, but it's. But at the right time when you can. I think one of the principles of success is to learn and eventually invest in real estate. These are just. Success leaves clues. These are some of the clues I've seen in my life. Number 11, acquire cash flow producing assets. And so that obviously includes real estate, but there are other things that pay cash flow. So become somebody. I guess what I'm saying here, who is. Owns assets and doesn't put their money into liabilities begin to understand the distinction between something that has a liability and an asset. And particularly if that asset can spit off cash flow. There's all kinds of different things that pay cash flow. Real estate being, you know, one of the more significant ones, but the higher barrier of entry capital wise. But there are things, I mean I consider, I consider a CD something that can spit off eventual cash flow, right? And so anything that pays a rate of return start to be someone who is really into finding assets and not liabilities. That's why I say don't spend money. For the most part, until I was very, very wealthy, I avoided things that were liabilities, like fancy dinners or cars that were going to depreciate in value, right? Things like that, clothes that after you buy them really aren't worth very much money, they depreciate. I liked buying cash flowing assets, whether that was real estate or putting my money into some type of a fund that paid me something. I learned about how money worked. I learned about how real estate worked. I learned on growing me and my identity through the mentors and personal development that I had. So 11 is acquire cash flow producing assets and not liabilities. Number 12, reduce all distractions. Become great at life of not being distracted. Most people in life end up not winning not because of their lack of talent or lack of opportunity, but because they get distracted too easily. They get distracted with social things, they get distracted with television, social media, drama, relationships. They just get distracted, whatever that might be a hobby, they're too into gaming, whatever it is. Be somebody who eliminates distractions and you are someone who's going to kick some tail in life, I can tell you that right now. Reduce all distractions. 13 Be a business athlete. Be somebody who decides that you're going to train like an athlete even though you're in business. That means your physical body, your weight training, cardiovascular training, your hydration. Begin to treat yourself like the. If I you owned a thoroughbred horse, how would you treat it? Right? It's sometimes we don't treat ourselves that way. When I was very young, I read a book called the Corporate Athlete. I'm like, wow, I'm going to be an athlete. In fact, I'm old enough that back in those days very few people lifted weights or even did any strength training that were also entrepreneurs, that were also business people. There was very few of them. Most of the gyms I went to were mainly kind of gym people, right? Who then went out and, you know, went to a corporate job every day or their, their blue collar job. There Were very few entrepreneurs training. And I wanted to be an athlete. And so I've always approached my. The business as a sport. And part of that is my energy level, my focus level, my training, my presence, my strength, my stamina. These things all matter. So be a business athlete. That mindset alone is a shift for most people and an advantage. When you walk in a room, how you look physically, I'm not talking whether you're handsome or pretty. I'm talking about that you make an appearance, that you make a presence. When I see somebody that's fit, I think this is a disciplined person. This is somebody I should take seriously. Now, I've taken a lot of people seriously in my life that don't have those things. I'm not saying you have to have that to be taken seriously. What I am saying is when you have that, you are taken seriously almost instantaneously, because you don't even have to say anything. There's obviously something about you that says, I'm disciplined. I keep promises to myself. And your strength, your energy, your ability to affect people is dramatically better when you're an athlete in business. So be a business athlete. 14 tithe and or be charitable. Now find a way on your very limited income to give something away, to give to others. I believe there's a lot of reciprocity in life. And I believe when you're somebody who starts out giving, even if it's small, even when it hurts, that eventually that you're blessed and that there's something to be said for feeling good about the fact that you're contributing to others and, and not waiting until it's easy to do. And so even if it's very small, I mean, it could be, you know, a very marginal amount of money, but just to take a part of it and to give it to your faith or to give it to a cause you believe in, or to give it to somebody in need, it'll come back to you tenfold, in my opinion. So tithe and be charitable now and then. 15. Be careful who you let get close to you. Be very careful of that. When my dad was getting older and I was still pretty young person, I thought, my dad doesn't have a lot of close friends. I almost felt bad for my dad. My dad would say, eddie, as the older you get, you'll realize that most people are in your life for a season. And it's not that most people aren't good, most people are good. But I would just caution you to be careful with who you let get too close to you. And I think it's some of the best advice I could give you. I can tell you. Most of the people that are past 30 years old right now are nodding their heads with me in massive agreement. So people have to earn your loyalty, they earn your trust. And giving that away too early to somebody I believe is a mistake in life. And so be careful who you get close to. Be very careful. And who you are around regularly will determine your future. Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Now, on to our next guest.
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D
There's something unique about you, Ed, that's no one else. And I'm not saying this because you're here. I don't think I've said this to anyone on the show. There's someone unique about you that I don't think I've ever experienced around anyone else. There's an essence, there's a presence, there's a power, a command, an authority, a humble confidence. There's like this essence about you.
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Thank you.
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D
And I'm really curious, what do you think made you you? What were the elements growing up that made you all the things you are now? Was it the, you know, pre 13, kind of everything that happened with your parents? Was it stuff more from school? Was it a relationship that really kind of flipped these things on for you? What were the elements early on that made you this commanding, kind presence today?
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Well, thank you for that. I thank you. That's nice to hear. I am, because, by the way, I love people that have that combo. Like, I love people a lot of self confidence, a lot of humility. Because people a lot of humility that have no self confidence, you're kind of dragging them through life as a friend. Some with all their self confidence, no humility, they're gonna burn out, they're gonna make a mistake. They're not curious. They don't grow. I think that. I think even the reason I'm in the personal development space. Why do I believe so much that people can change? I watched my dad do it. And then in my case, I had to learn these things, man, to be like a baseline functioning person. So my default personality is insecure.
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D
Even today.
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Even today.
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Come on.
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Very much. Really, Very much. How is that default?
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D
You wake up and you say I'm a nobody or what?
- [30:31]
A
What's the lack this? I'm fooling everybody, really. If they really knew, you know, pretty. Some imposter syndrome mixed with just like tremendous. I was bullied as a kid. My dad was an alcoholic. I wasn't a real big guy. The only thing I wasn't good in school, the only thing I was good at was sports. A lot like with you, you were a great athlete. So my default is tons of insecurity, so that's probably never going to go away. The humility part. So the part that I've worked on really hard is the self confidence part. And so I've got all the stuff in the book on those tips and what have I done to build it, because I had to get there just to get to baseline. And then I'm like, this stuff works. What if I refined it and made it my own and started to build these other strategies and stuff? So the confidence part is the thing I'm always going to have to work on.
- [31:18]
D
Even today, even with all the success and the, you know, the massive show and the big businesses and all the homes and everything that people see.
- [31:25]
A
Yeah. The truth is, what else do you
- [31:28]
D
need, though, to feel more comfortable?
- [31:29]
A
I don't need other things. It's an internal game. I don't need other stuff. In other words, the stuff is really fleeting and temporary, so I don't need another. You know, I bought an island lately. You know that, right? Like, when I bought this island, it didn't give me, they didn't make me more confident. It just was something that I've always wanted to be able to do. But I, I, it's not stuff. What needs to happen for me is that I'm most confident when I'm living in my intention, which is to serve, which is to, like, help other people when I'm not doing that. Wayne Dyer, when I met him really, really young, told me, you're going to change the world, Ed Mylett. And I'm like. And he then even. I'm sure he said this to a lot of people, but he complimented me. I met him on a beach. We watched the sun come up together in Maui. Yeah, I was running on the beach. That's where he lived. Yeah, I was running on the beach.
- [32:13]
D
What was he like? I never met him.
- [32:15]
A
Incredible. So we became a dear friend of mine. But I'm running, you know, you get up before the sun comes up. I'm running on this. I'd won this incentive trip and there's this bald dude running towards me with this hairy back. I'll never forget this sweaty, hairy back. And it was so long ago because I had a Sony Walkman on and he had one, and he ran by me. I go, that was Wayne Dyer. And I said, Dr. Dyer, you changed my life. And he had this deep voice like mine, and he pulls his head and he goes, well, I doubt that. Wow. And he goes, I bet you changed your life. But he goes, how did I help you? And then he walked towards me, and we get emotional, like, God's been so good to me. We sat on this beach together and watched the sun come up for about an hour and a half. And about an hour into it, he goes, you're going to change the world. And I'm sure he said this to a lot of people. And he's like. And it's, you're very talented. You're brilliant. You're good communicator, you know? And he goes, and that's not the reason why. And he was writing a book at that time called the Power of Intention. That's.
- [33:08]
D
Great book.
- [33:09]
A
Great book.
- [33:09]
D
Incredible book.
- [33:10]
A
And he goes, you really intend to help people. And he goes, all these things with your father and your upbringing and all that, Ed. He goes, that's all made you. And he goes, you have such a heart to want to help people. And he goes, would you do me a favor if we never meet again? And we ended up meeting many times. I said, yeah. He said, never link your confidence to your ability, because I know you struggle with your confidence. If it's predicated on your abilities or your achievements, you're always going to be chasing it. He goes, but if you link your confidence to your intentions, man, do you have beautiful intentions. And that is something I knew about me. I know I have a good heart, and I've never forgotten that. So when I do a podcast or a speech, I just connect to my intent, you know, and it's. It's been the one thing that's brought me confidence. Because if you said, hey, you gotta be confident because you're great or you got a house or you have a plane. And I go, yeah, but. Yeah, but. But if you go, you got to be confident because you have beautiful intentions to help you.
- [34:02]
E
But I go,
- [34:04]
D
I'm at the list.
- [34:05]
A
You might be right.
- [34:06]
B
Yeah.
- [34:06]
D
Yeah.
- [34:06]
A
And that's where my confidence comes from.
- [34:08]
D
So as an athlete, I gained confidence from results, from actually getting the result of becoming better.
- [34:15]
A
Yeah. That's one way to get it.
- [34:17]
D
I was not good. And then I put in the effort.
- [34:19]
A
Yep.
- [34:20]
D
And all the mistakes or the failures of the feedback, what I like to call it, gave me the lessons and taught me how to get better, to accomplish the result that I was looking for, achieve the goal, win the game, or just improve my abilities. So I'm hearing you say is link also link confidence to intention. Some people say link it to the effort.
- [34:40]
A
Right?
- [34:40]
D
Like the effort that you show up, that you just keep showing up. And others talk about the results. Should we be thinking about it?
- [34:46]
A
There's two. I have a whole. I have the. I call it the holy trilogy in the book of Self confidence.
- [34:50]
D
What is this?
- [34:51]
A
But the confidence trilogy is faith, have confidence. So if you're a person of faith, no matter what you believe in, it's amazing to me how people that believe in energy, quantum energy, or they believe in. They're a Christian like me and I believe in both, by the way. But whatever their faith is, that they have it on Sunday, they have it at Bible study, or they have it when they get together with their friends or when they meditate. But somehow when they walk into a business meeting, they're alone. So why are you alone then? But you're not alone these other times. So I'm never alone. So that's number one. Number two is my intention and third is my associations change my confidence. But here's the biggie. If you don't have self confidence, here's what you have. You have a really bad reputation with yourself. Yes, you have built a habit of not keeping the promises you make to yourself. We've all heard this before, but there's a level. I have a chapter in the book called One More Standard. Here's how I built what I would call almost superhuman confidence in spite of my insecurity. Think about that. Superhuman confidence in spite of my insecurity. And it's exactly what you just said. It's an effort play. If you don't have self confidence, you've never kept the promises you make to yourself. Check that box. If you have self confidence, you've started to keep the promises you make to yourself. If you want to have superhuman self confidence, you keep the promises you make to yourself. And one more. So if I'm going to get up and I'm going to work out, I'm going to do 10 reps in the gym, I do one more. If I'm going to do 45 minutes on the treadmill, I do one more. If I want to make 10 contacts in a day, I do that. And one more. I'm going to tell my daughter I love her every day, I'm going to do that. And one more. And so that higher standard, because in life we don't get Our goals, we get our standards long term. And so if your standard is one more starts, what starts to happen is you go, I'm willing to do things other people aren't willing to do. And I combine that, that I have great faith, great associations, and I intend to help people. This is a formula to build wonderful self confidence and never lack humility when you have it.
- [36:39]
D
So when did you learn this one more mindset? Was this from your dad early on, or was this.
- [36:43]
A
It's from my dad. So we talked about this, you know, a little bit earlier, but my dad had these couple theories. He would always say to me. And so one was when he got sober, he gave it one more try. He was going to stay sober one day at a time. And then my dad, there's no dreaming in my house. There's no, like my jet, you know, I've had, I've been blessed, like multiple airplanes right in my life. My jet was in almost walking distance of my dad's house. He's never been on any of them. Wow. And I would say to my dad, I would say, hey, let's go play golf in Maui. Let's go. There's these great golf courses in the ocean. And my dad would say, well, why would I go all the way to Maui to play golf with my favorite person, my son, when we can play here in Chino? It's not about there. I want to be with my son. So this, my family had none of that stuff. But my dad knew I was a dreamer. And my dad would always say, you know, I was one decision away from changing my life the whole time, one choice. And he'd say, eddie, you're not as far away from these dreams as you think you are. And I'd say, really, dad? And you go, no, you're actually a lot closer than you think. But because you think it's so far away, you behave in accordance with that belief system, and it always keeps it that far away from you.
- [37:48]
D
How do we bring our dreams closer to us?
- [37:50]
A
The first thing is. That's a great question. The first thing is you need to believe and know that you're one decision, one relationship, one meeting, one book, one thought, one. Something away from a completely different life. And when you know that, when you. Then you begin to look for them. And so in the second chapter of the book, I have a thing in the book called the Matrix. And your matrix is your reticular activating system in your brain. It's the filter for your entire life, okay? And this filter reveals to you the world that's in front of you. Again, example of it is I just. I like what Musk is doing. So I just bought a Tesla. I drove it here today.
- [38:22]
D
I got a Tesla, too. Model X or. What do you got?
- [38:24]
A
I got a plaid.
- [38:25]
D
Okay, wow, plaid.
- [38:26]
A
It's a good one.
- [38:26]
C
Nice.
- [38:26]
A
And so I bought this plaid, and all of a sudden, man, everywhere I go, there's Teslas. They're everywhere. Like three lanes over, other side of the road, freaking Tesla. This is crazy. They were always there. Why didn't I see them before? Because they weren't part of my RAs. So the key thing I teach you in the book, how to slow down time and create the matrix of your life. When you make the Teslas of your life, those relationships, those meetings, those thoughts, those encounters, you can very easily do this, but there's a process of repeated visualization you do. That's not complicated. It's chapter two of the book, and it will shift you. The other component, too. I have a chapter in the book called Become an Impossibility Thinker and a Possibility Achiever. Here's how most people's frameworks, they don't have an RAS program. They're not intentional. So they keep getting. If the things most important are your worries, fears, anxieties, problems, bills, you will continue to have people, places, and things revealed to you that confirm it. And if you operate out of your memory and your history, if this is your pattern, your framework, you will continue to find those things you need to learn to operate out of your imagination and your dreams. This is a different framework for life. Imagination is different than dreaming. Imagination causes you to create dreams and thoughts that never happen. When you imagine something, you create a space. Once you have a thought, this is powerful. When you have a thought, you create a space that did not exist in the world before you had that thought, and that space now exists. And the way your brain works and your life works and the universe works, is it tries to furnish that space. Whether it's a negative or a positive thought, it starts to hear things it wouldn't hear. That's why. Like when you're in a crowded room and they say, louis, you can hear Louis auditorily over all the noise. Why? It's in your RAs. It's why you see the Tesla. Okay? So the key thing is being able to operate on this imagination. Why is imagination so important? When you were a child, 3, 4, 5 years old, you were probably happier than you are right now. Why? Two reasons. A, you were closer to God. You had just Been with God more recently. And two, you operated out of your imagination. You didn't operate out of a history and a memory because you didn't have one. And slowly, over time, by the time you were 10, 11, 12 years old, loving people installed their limiting thoughts and beliefs, their software into you. Because most things in life are caught, not taught. You catch them. And so now you're starting to operate of history and memory, and you repeat it. And your RAs begins to see the things that reinforce that history and memory. And so you basically have the same life over and over again with a different cast of characters in a different environment, but the same emotions. You have the same emotional home. My dad used to say to me, every call, bro, till the day he died, and I'm 50 years old, blah, blah, blah, whatever we're talking about. Last thing he would always say to me, be careful, be careful. What the heck?
- [41:08]
D
And I go, careful with what?
- [41:09]
A
I don't know, I never knew. But what is that programming from the time you're eight years old, Be careful. Hey, go to school, watch out, be careful. So it operated out of this fear thing, right? I need to be careful. I need to be careful. Don't make this risk. Don't take that business decision. Don't start a podcast, don't get on that stage and speak. Don't do this, don't do that. You say that to an already unconfident, insecure person. He meant it lovingly. By the time I'm 50, worth hundreds of millions of dollars, be careful. He didn't even know he was saying it to me. But what was he doing? He was installing, God bless him, his limiting beliefs into me as a little boy. So a lot of these things that you believe, you were defenseless when you started to believe them. They were installed in you by loving people who were around you. And even though your life may look differently, your emotional home, the 4, 5, 6 emotions you experience pretty regularly might be really familiar from your parents, one or two of them, right? And so you need to look at your emotional home.
- [41:58]
D
What's your most powerful emotion and the emotion that you wish you could let go of?
- [42:03]
A
Love is the most powerful emotion in the world. We will all do everything for love if there were more love and the world, the way we treat one another, the way we express our thoughts, you know you'll do anything for love, right? So love is by far my most powerful emotion. It's like, like I love you then, like when I just saw you, we didn't just like people, we didn't just hug for, like, one second.
- [42:23]
D
Yeah.
- [42:24]
A
And you do this better than I do people.
- [42:26]
D
I make it uncomfortable because I just want to hug and love on people.
- [42:28]
A
But it's not uncomfortable, bro, because the reason you're so successful is you truly do love people and you come from that place. And I know we're bigger dudes. And, like, that's a beautiful expression of a man. A real man is capable of real love. That's the sign of real strength. So that's the most powerful one. And then for me, I know the emotion that I wish I didn't have. It's chaos. Really?
- [42:51]
D
How often do you experience chaos?
- [42:53]
A
Emotion less, because I'm aware of it. But I'm going to tell you all the time. Till about five years ago, even when we first met, why I. I used to even say this, man, I operate great under chaos. Man, you should see me operate under chaos. Most people can't handle chaos. I'm calm under pressure. Well, the reason for that was I grew up in an alcoholic home, so I'm very familiar with chaos. It became a very familiar emotion. And what we do is we gravitate towards the familiar emotions in our life, even if they're not ones that serve us. And I don't think there's negative or positive emotions. I say this in the book, there just are. Fear isn't negative. Fear and abundance is negative. But some fear. Being afraid to do this podcast to some extent causes us to prepare. So a dose of it, it was given to us in the caveman days. So T. Rex didn't eat us. Right. So some fear is good. Some anxiety is okay. Some frustration. Some anger is appropriate. It's to the dosage level. And we get these four or five of them. For me, some chaos is okay. It's fun, it's exciting, it's exhilarating. Right? But getting it every day, every week, every month, all the time. And so how do you get rid of it? Well, one way you get rid of it is just to be awareness. When you have an awareness of a thought, it loses its impact and power over you. It almost becomes like this, I'll do it. I'm like, I'm doing it again, aren't I? I'm doing the chaos thing. Everything's great right now. All the houses are paid off. My kids are happy, married to a great woman, got great friends. I'm doing the chaos thing again, aren't I, you dummy? You're doing it again and it kind of loses its power over you. So I have A chapter in the book called, called One More Emotion and how to take an inventory of the emotions you have. And so, yeah, man, mine's definitely love. And the one I don't want is chaos because chaos causes me to act out of anger and frustration. It can depress me.
- [44:31]
D
And your intentions are not going to be as, I guess, pure.
- [44:34]
A
It's a gateway emotion. Chaos is my gateway emotion to the ones I don't want. Chaos gives me stress, chaos gives me anger, chaos gives me frustration, chaos gives me fear. So it's a gateway.
- [44:45]
D
What is the result when you create from that space of chaos?
- [44:49]
A
It's funny, I have been. I have found the ability to externally create something pretty productive.
- [44:55]
D
Right.
- [44:55]
A
But stay with me on this. But the process in getting there is destructive. The process in getting there is not beautiful. And I used to think a lot of successful people forcing your way to get the results almost through force.
- [45:08]
D
Yeah.
- [45:08]
A
You know, and the. And I still do it sometimes. I'm thinking of a situation this week where I did it and I used to think, well, that's a superpower though, because I've created all these external. Look what I made, look what I did. And I'm doing it because of that. The truth is, I did it in spite of it.
- [45:23]
D
You did.
- [45:23]
A
And there's a lot of things in our lives that we have linked to our formula, our recipe of success that we hold on to that you've done in spite of those things, not because of those things.
- [45:32]
D
So you're 51 now.
- [45:34]
A
52.
- [45:34]
E
51.
- [45:35]
D
When you were 40, on a scale of 1 to 10, of that the self confident, happiness, joy scale. 10, being like you loved yourself fully, you were peaceful, you had an abundant mindset, you were. Had inner peace, you know. Joy one being, you hated yourself. You were miserable. You're in chaos. 24, 7. Where were you on that scale at 40?
- [45:57]
A
Okay. The real answer is probably a 3.
- [46:00]
D
Okay.
- [46:01]
A
Of happiness. But if you met me, I could convince you that it was probably an
- [46:07]
D
8, that you were super happy and you had it together.
- [46:09]
A
Probably a three.
- [46:10]
D
And since your father passing, where are you now?
- [46:13]
A
Probably in nine.
- [46:14]
D
Really?
- [46:15]
A
Yeah. And I no longer feel the need to convince you because I've learned that this has already existed within me. I didn't have to go get it. I just had to allow myself to experience it. And it took me a long time to treat myself in such a way that I allowed myself to feel these things that have always been there. I had them when I was a little baby boy. I just lost them. Along the way, in these patterns and programs that were installed in me and my experiences. And I got to share something with you, brother, that just dawned on me. I wrote this whole book, and two weeks ago, I had this. This is just for me and you, but everybody can hear it.
- [46:49]
D
Sure.
- [46:51]
A
And I've always tried to disqualify myself. I've always. You're not this.
- [46:56]
D
Why is that?
- [46:56]
A
It always shocks people. Even people that know me really well, they're like, not you. I have that, but there's no way you have it, right.
- [47:02]
D
Yeah, you're too confident. Too talented, too.
- [47:04]
E
And I don't know that I'm too
- [47:05]
A
talented, but I think I can fake it pretty well. And I disqualify myself. Because, you know, the truth is that maybe for a while, everything that I got that was love when I was a child only came when I achieved something. So I started to conflate early on in my life, recognition and significance with love. In other words, my dad would love me if hit the home run. My dad would love me if I get straight A's. And so then when I would feel these things, but something really amazing and also, like, I'm really big at holding myself. I love to beat myself up with mistakes I've made. I did this, I did that. I should have done this. I didn't do that. And I've always thought these mistakes, these weaknesses of mine disqualify me from being happy or helping people. And this amazing breakthrough, the one decision that changed my family forever is my dad's decision to get sober. And it changed my family forever. I'm talking to you because my dad made that decision. And I've always been so proud of my dad for that. But this is just two weeks ago. 3:15 in the morning, I wake up, I'm crying, and I wake Christiana up. I go, babe, someone helped dad. And she went, what, honey? I said, someone helped dad. She goes, what do you mean? I said, babe, I never thought about this. And my dad's darkest, worst moment of his life, in some coffee shop or some room somewhere, some precious soul helped
- [48:29]
D
my dad, reached out to him, talked
- [48:31]
A
to him, talked to him, and got him sober.
- [48:34]
B
Wow.
- [48:34]
A
And I said, babe, that's not the powerful part. And I have no idea who this person is, but I wonder if they know the difference they made in Max and Bella's, my children's lives, or your life, or the millions of people I've helped that one decision they made. And she goes, oh, my gosh. I said, I never thought about this beautiful human being always gave the credit to my dad, but some stranger helped him. And I said, babe, this is the bananas part. Do you know what qualified them to help my dad? Their messed up life. They were an alcoholic. They were a drug addict. Little did that person know the things they were the most ashamed of, the biggest mistakes of their lives, when they were using drugs and drinking and stealing, that was qualifying them to change my dad's life. And all of us, we run around carrying these bags of, I'm not qualified because I made this mistake. I had this bankruptcy, this relationship didn't work. I did this thing you don't know about, I'm so ashamed of.
- [49:25]
D
That's why you're qualified.
- [49:26]
A
That's the thing that qualifies you, the humanness in you. You are the only human being with your combination of gifts that you were given, whatever they are and your experience. And real human beings help real human beings by being vulnerable and transparent parents saying, I know where you are. I've messed up worse. I've made greater mistakes. I felt more. I know that depression. I know that anxiety. I know that shame. I know what that feels like. That beautiful soul who was a drug addict and alcoholic, they didn't know all those mistakes they're making were leading them out of their heart. And they finally got to a point where their intention was to help my father in the lowest moment of his life. They changed my dad's life, and they're changed mine. And maybe me and you are changing a few today because of that person's mess.
- [50:15]
D
It's crazy.
- [50:16]
A
Is that crazy?
- [50:17]
D
That's amazing.
- [50:17]
A
I know. Love them and thank them.
- [50:21]
D
That's amazing, man.
- [50:22]
A
That was a great conversation. And if you want to hear the full interview, be sure to follow the Ed Mylett show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Here's an excerpt I did with our next guest. Welcome back to Max out with Ed Mylett. I got him. Ah. I got et. Hey, we've been so glad to have you here. Thank you so much.
- [50:43]
B
Beautiful home.
- [50:44]
A
Thank you.
- [50:45]
B
Thank you for family, man. I feel. Yeah, I don't do a lot of this, so those who know me know I probably done two, three podcasts.
- [50:52]
A
Yeah.
- [50:52]
B
Well, wow. So this is.
- [50:54]
A
Yeah, this is special and as good as this. Have you heard it's better to have Dee Dee, your wife, here with you? Definitely figuring it all out.
- [50:59]
B
Yeah. Yeah. No question.
- [51:01]
A
Thank you.
- [51:01]
B
Yeah, thank you.
- [51:02]
A
So this is Eric Thomas. As you all know, and in my opinion, you guys know that I've been speaking for a long time. I think this is an anointed, gifted, incredible communicator because it comes from your heart. You just. You're outstanding. So for someone listening to this talk about routine, because if you want, everyone wants to be free, one of the challenges, they act free before they are, you know, I mean, like, there's a certain amount of disciplines and routines, routine and habits and rituals you gotta have that could get you free at one point. Talk about that for a second.
- [51:31]
B
Yeah. I'm gonna say, honestly, man, you know, I came to the realization one day and again love my biological father. You know, much respect, Much respect for the person that raised me. But I realized at some point, when I looked at my family's history, I was like, some things I don't want, there's some things I want, but there's some things I don't want. And then I remember. I remember having to say one day to myself, like, yo, you are your father's child. Like, yo, even though you didn't. He didn't raise you. Even though in the beginning you guys had, you know, whatever little stuff y' all need to get through.
- [52:03]
D
Eat.
- [52:03]
B
Don't lie. You are lazy at times. You know what I'm saying? Like, E, you are super social and you'd rather talk than work. You know what I'm saying? I just had to grow up one day and just be real with myself and just say, eat. The only way you're going to be successful is you got to discipline yourself. You know, when you look at. When you look at a horse, I'm talking about a thoroughbred, it still needs that. What is that thing called that they put on it? You still need. He needs that without. You know, you can't. You. You got to control them. You know, he got a lot of Jews, got a lot of energy. He can go for it. But you. You gotta. You gotta hone that.
- [52:36]
A
Yeah.
- [52:36]
B
And so I realized, like, yo, E, you'd sleep in. You play video game. Don't lie to yourself. You. You are powerful, but you have some vices, and you have some vices that take you down a crazy road. Like, you are your father, you are your grandfather, you are your mother, you are your grandmother. Like, it's real. And so I started saying, okay, E, you got to discipline yourself. And this is for me. This ain't for everybody. I start getting up at 3 o' clock in the morning. It's like, yo, you're gonna have to get up a little bit earlier because you didn't finish school. You didn't take care of your business, so you can't get up the same time another man who gets up, who handle his business. So you need to get up at 3, 3. If you're gonna catch the greats, you gotta get up at 3. You gotta go to bed earlier. This is why I said I never drank or smoked. Because the men in my life who did it were extremists. Had an uncle who died, cirrhosis of the liver, you know, I had other uncles who drank and my father, bless his heart, but he was strung out on drugs for about 14 years. And I was just like, yo, E, you can see that they don't know how to do it casually. Like, ain't social drinkers. Like, they ain't social on something, they taking it to a whole other level. And so for me it was like, you got discipline yourself. You're not gonna die if you never know what alcohol tastes like. But if you taste it, you might have the same experience they had. So you just gotta discipline yourself, you know, I do vegan most of the time, you know what I'm saying? And I tell people I love fried chicken, I love macaroni and cheese, I love a lot of desserts. But in my family is diabetes. So it's like, yo, E, if you do what they do, then you're gonna get the results they got. So you, yeah, chicken is good. And macaroni cheese, the way my grandma make it is great. And yes, the pound cake is phenomenal. But if you want to be with Dee Dee for the next 30, 40 years and you want to be able to walk, you know what I'm saying, you don't want to be on the cruise. I was just on the cruise and they. A couple people, you know, was on the motor scooter, you know what I'm saying? People with the canes and the walkers. And I'm not mad at them, but I'm like, I don't want that. I want to be able to walk at 60, at 70, I want to be independent at 80, if I can be. So I'm gonna have to make some sacrifices now for the long run. I would drink pop every day if I could.
- [54:34]
A
But is everybody hearing this though? Like, I mean, listen, all of us that want to win, like, do you already said, like, I gotta get up at 3 o' clock and if I'm gonna catch the greats because I started with some deficiency. Successful people are very self aware, like, they don't BS themselves, right? Like, I have laziness too. I love laying around. I love stuff, sleep, right? No, but before, I wouldn't have got to sleep here if I, if I was just me. I had to get these rituals and habits and disciplines and people think sometimes they listen to me and we're so intense. Like these new students are freaks. I'm not a freak.
- [55:07]
B
No, but you know what I said? Because it makes it easier for them to say, I can't do it. If they freaks, then I can't do it.
- [55:14]
A
That's their out. You're exactly right. I'm not gonna give you that out. Neither are you. Like, I'm lazy. I gotta get up early. I got, I got to get up. Because if I don't get up by like I get up at 4:35, but if I don't get up by then, I will be in bed at 8 o'. Clock. I have to get up, I have to move my body. So I'm with you 100%. That was a great conversation. Be sure to follow the Ed Mylett show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way.
- [55:35]
C
I mean, you live in a space where there was a lot of other people that came through that could have done something big.
- [55:41]
A
Yeah.
- [55:42]
C
Like you have.
- [55:42]
A
There's no question, by the way. And I think successful relative to what? Right. Like, I think both you and I are pretty good at this deception thing. Like people do it in reverse. So some people deceive themselves into thinking they're further ahead than they are. Right. They're constantly, I'm, you know, they only want to tell you how well they're doing and they're sort of deceiving themselves. And that deception leads to lack of activity, drive, desire, blah, blah, blah. You and I do the reverse. Yeah, I deceive myself. I'm further behind than I am. I know you do this too, because we've talked about it.
- [56:08]
C
Totally.
- [56:08]
A
I love deceiving myself. I love deceiving our company. I love being. I love deceiving the team because I want us to feel like we got. Malcolm X has this great quote. He says, that which you do not hate, you will eventually tolerate. I'm a big believer and I, I got to almost despise where I am right now. And I do. So I'm. I'm the kind of the king of deception with myself. So I.
- [56:26]
C
Don't you understand what he's saying? Okay. He deceives himself. Okay. You, you. Most people that I meet like, I'm doing good. Really? Compared to What?
- [56:35]
A
Correct.
- [56:35]
C
Okay. If I tell you, hey, a guy says to you, he's living the dream.
- [56:38]
A
Yeah.
- [56:39]
C
You like that?
- [56:39]
A
I don't. I don't like that.
- [56:40]
C
I do. Every person that's ever said that to me, I knew he had already pulled off the side of the road 100%. I'm living the dream. I'm like, what dream is this?
- [56:48]
A
Yeah. Literally. It's funny. One of my top guys at our firm a few weeks ago, one of my favorite people, probably one of the most talented guys in my company. I won't say who he is because he might be watching this, but he said that to me. He goes, I just wanted to share with the world how amazing and incredible my life is and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I told him, I said, when I was at your level, I couldn't stomach it. I couldn't handle it. I couldn't live on that kind of income. I didn't want to live my life like that. And I said, it scares me that you think so somehow this is the dream.
- [57:10]
C
Yeah.
- [57:10]
A
And then, of course, he kind of corrected himself and backstopped. But the fact is, I'm constantly deceiving myself. That I. And I. It's not even. It's really. I really do feel that way. Like, I really don't feel successful. I'm not. I don't think I'm a failure.
- [57:21]
B
Yeah.
- [57:21]
A
But I do measure it up against the highest version of me, my highest expression.
- [57:25]
C
As opposed to what? As opposed to measuring yourself against other people.
- [57:29]
A
That's the biggest thing people do. They're so obsessed with other people that it kills them. They think about, what are they thinking about me? What are they going to think about me? What are they saying? And then they measure themselves against other people, too. And I don't think. I mean, I've been around you. You're a powerhouse. But neither one of us are. I think you were talking about Einstein at the break. Neither one of us have a super crazy, off the charts iq.
- [57:49]
C
Yeah.
- [57:49]
A
Right. I sure know you don't. So I'm going to talk to you for. I know for sure.
- [57:53]
C
You've done that a couple of times. He keeps taking shots at it.
- [57:56]
A
It's obvious they're watching. They know they've seen you. No, but the fact of the matter is you didn't get where you are. No, but you didn't get. You didn't get where you are because of some gifted giant wife, though, man. You know? No, but it's a fact. Both of us didn't get There because of some unbelievable natural giftedness we have that just produce success. Right. So I don't measure myself against other people because they've got gifts that are different than mine.
- [58:17]
C
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you've done unbelievable with, with what you've had. Okay? And I agree with the statement you made in the first segment, which was this middle class thing. Yes, I got enough food. Yeah, I got enough. You know, I got enough food, I got enough money, I got a car, I got a bike.
- [58:34]
A
Yep.
- [58:35]
C
It can be very easy to become deceived by. It's good enough.
- [58:39]
A
Well, here's what it is. People's. For most people, you have to ask yourself this too. Most people, this is what's different about you. I just told you this the other day. The thing that impresses me the most about you is that the more successful you've become, the more you've been fed, the hungrier you are, which is irrational. Most people, the more they eat, the less hungry. They are the freaks of the world. They'll make us successful somehow the more they are fed and they get hungrier.
- [58:58]
C
So the question now for a guy like you and that they're asking, when's enough enough? Ed, how many times have you been asked this?
- [59:04]
A
I've been asked that a lot. And there's no such thing for me because I'm not trying to get to necessarily a place or just an amount. I have goals. I want to be a billionaire. I have these things I want. But I'm not trying to just get to destinations. I'm trying to see where I can get as a man in every facet. My boss, my spirituality, my family, my finances, my influence, my ability to communicate. And here's for most people, this is what I love about you. Since I took this shot at your limited intellect.
- [59:30]
C
Hey, we all have a limited intellect. Don't kid yourself.
- [59:32]
A
No, you're right. I can recognize it in others because I suffer from it. And here's what it is. Most people's will to win is for sale. It's for sale.
- [59:41]
C
Most people's will.
- [59:42]
A
Will is for sale.
- [59:43]
C
To win is for sale.
- [59:44]
A
They can be bought. I can't be bobbed. So if we give you just most people, if we gave you just enough money, if there's a certain dollar amount, you'd stop working hard, we give you a title. You stop working hard, we give you a car or a plane or a house. That's the book, bro. Is that the book? Yeah, that might be the book.
- [59:59]
C
That is the book. Your will to win Is for sale.
- [60:02]
A
That's right. And I decided once I realized that, because I watch it happen with people in their body and their finances and their family and their faith. Whatever it is I want, I'm not for sale. So there isn't a place you're gonna buy me. You can't get me. There's not a stop, a place, a destination where you're gonna get me to relent, to quit. I want to improve. That doesn't mean I don't struggle with my motivation from time to time. It doesn't mean I don't get confused or down. Of course I do. But I'm not for sale. You can't buy me. And you know this, too. We see friends of ours, even guys in their 60s, and they sold their company for blah, blah, blah. Now they golf nine days a week or whatever, you know, that's fun. But they're for sale. They were bought. You were bought. You were for sale. I'm not for sale.
- [60:39]
C
Tell me about. Tell me about. I mean, Ed Mylet today. You. You got. I mean, I know you don't like to brag or anything. He's got a plane. He's got four or five homes. How many homes you got?
- [60:49]
A
I have. I have. Golly, man.
- [60:50]
C
How many homes you got?
- [60:51]
A
I have five houses.
- [60:52]
C
Where?
- [60:52]
A
Where are they? Okay. Laguna beach on the sand. I got Palm Desert.
- [60:57]
C
Palm Desert.
- [60:58]
A
I got two.
- [60:59]
C
Two hours away.
- [60:59]
A
Yeah. I got. Oh, I got my. I got one in Diamond Bar, where I grew up.
- [61:03]
C
Where's Diamond Bar?
- [61:03]
A
Diamond Bar is where I grew up.
- [61:06]
C
How far is that from your main house?
- [61:07]
A
Not that far. Hour and a half away.
- [61:08]
C
Okay, an hour and a half.
- [61:10]
A
I got a place in Hawaii. Four.
- [61:12]
E
Yeah.
- [61:12]
A
And I got a place. And my favorite place is in Coeur d', Alene, Idaho, on Lake Coeur d', Alene, which is heaven on earth. Just so you know. The most beautiful places.
- [61:18]
C
Why does anybody need five homes, though?
- [61:20]
A
They don't need five homes. They don't even.
- [61:21]
C
Why do you have five homes?
- [61:22]
A
Okay, I'll give you a good answer for it. I did it. 1. I wanted to enjoy nice things. But it was part of my dream early. I wanted to hit those places. But here's the other reason. I don't like traveling and I don't like feeling like I'm on vacation. So I wanted to buy houses where I could live on vacation and work so I can be in the most beautiful places in the world. I can get the sand to the ocean, the beach. I don't have to go To Fiji to do it. I can grind and work from my house, my backyard, so it feels like I'm on vacation. But I'm not living on vacation. I want to waste those days traveling and taking two weeks off. You know, you meet these guys. I was three weeks in Cabo. I don't do that crap. I live in Laguna Beach. I don't really need to go to Cabo. I go once in a while if there's a business reason or some break.
- [61:53]
C
But I understand the Laguna thing. It's the other four homes that are.
- [61:56]
A
Well, okay, you don't want to have the details, but one of them, my mother in law, Lagoa, because they couldn't afford to keep their house, right. The other one is I'm going to build on it eventually, someday. And Coeur d' Alene is my dream place. Man, I just love Palm Desert. Is at a place called Bighorn, which I'm going to take you to. I think it's the best golf club in the world. So when I do want to go golf or I do want to entertain or I do want to get my vision stretched. And here's the other thing. Last thing I got.
- [62:16]
C
Well, you're questioning all these homes yourself. I don't trust you brought it up to me.
- [62:19]
A
What I question is whether I should own them all cash. Because I have no debt on any of those homes. And I wondered whether I leveraged him if I could. I don't question having the house. Let me say something. The other thing is there's a lesson in this. These places have brought me into associations and meeting people that were further ahead of me in my life and stretched me. And so getting in the environment, changing my environment to be around people that were further ahead in some of the games of life I wanted to be in has had a huge impact on me. So a couple of these homes have paid for them damn selves just because of the people I got around. Before we start the interview with my next guest, just want to remind you all that you can subscribe to the show on YouTube or Facebook, follow the show on Apple or Spotify. We have all the links in our show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Now on with the show. Welcome back to the show, everybody. Well, I wish this was in person, but it'll still be fire today. I'm with. There is no better motivational speaker of all time. That's what you all know him for. But I got to know him a little better. And I'm gonna tell you one Thing about him, I don't know a better man. I wish I was around him more so I could tell you more stories. But I will tell you this. When my book came out, very few people stepped forward, said, hey, brother, how can I help you? And this man stepped forward in a way like nobody else did and helped me in ways that I will never forget till the day I die. His support for me and my family. And as great of a communicator as he is, I admire him. I look up to him as a husband, as a father, as a friend, and as an entrepreneur as well. But particularly as a man of faith and as a husband and a father, I know no better man than him. And I could give somebody no bigger compliment, man to man, than I'm giving him right now. So, e. T. Eric Thomas, welcome back to the show. I love you, and it's great to have you here.
- [63:59]
B
What's up, fam? Man, Love you as well. And, yeah, you know, it's a lot of entrepreneurs, a lot of people in the business world, you know, but when you run across a couple people, man, who share the same, you know, values that you share, you know, trying to. Trying to leave their mark on the world, you know, and so, yeah, likewise, man. Just coming to the house the first time. I remember my wife still talks about it in Laguna beach. He's like, hey, before we die, you need to give me a house, a beachfront house. I was like, okay, I'll try, you know, but you could do it, you know, just the way your family was, man, and the love and support. It's just been rich, and there are opportunities I've had and business things that I've done, you know, because of this relationship, man, that I'm, I'm grateful for. You know what I love the most? It's. While it's public, you know, it's private, you know, it's not one of those things where you have to walk around and be like, boom, boom, boom, you know? So I'm just grateful for you, man, publicly and, you know, privately, bro.
- [64:57]
A
Thank you, brother. You've been around lots of highly successful people, and you are one. And one of the things that I think most people don't know is the level of work required of effort. Meaning, like, I don't know. I, I, I. I think if someone spent the last five years with me in business and they. I'm not trying to brag, but, like, if they thought they worked hard, there's levels to this game or, like, in the speaking game, you and I talked when the. The stuff hit the last couple years. There's just levels to the work ethic and the grind, the things you got to do. You look at a Steph Curry in basketball. Oh, he's such a gifted shooter. Actually, he's not, actually. It's the grind, actually. Tiger and Jack Nicklaus, the amount of golf balls they hit. Actually Judge and Ohtani in baseball, you have no idea the amount of work. And even in coaching, you. And I've been around all these great college football coaches, but I think it's one of the hardest jobs in the world. There's a level to where Saban played at Dabo Sweeney, who I know you've been with, like, so I think most people are like it about. And you talk about this a lot. Like, maybe they're 50, 60% of their capacity or effort, and that is not going to get it done no matter how much you sit around and do other things that serve you. There's a level to this thing, and you've been close to it, and you are at it. Talk about that for a minute.
- [66:13]
B
Look, I want to say this to everybody that's listening. Here's what I think would be the easier thing to do. Just lower your expectations. I'm just being real. Like, you know, when I was with Ed and he was doing the book launch, I'm just being real. I did a book launch. It would probably 70% on that level in terms of. I wasn't just in the Ruh. Don't get it twisted. I'm not a good guy, okay? I'm. God makes me a better man. I was in the room learning. I wasn't. I promise, y'.
- [66:43]
F
All.
- [66:43]
B
I wasn't just in there talking. Listen to me. I don't even know if Ed knows this. After. Before I did my thing and after I did my thing, I was all the way in the back sitting down.
- [66:54]
A
I didn't know that.
- [66:55]
B
I was all the way at the back of the room, a pen in the pad.
- [66:58]
A
I didn't know that.
- [66:58]
B
Like, studying, like, yo E Bruh. This is being real. You not on this level. Like, you're not. You. Not one. You're not on this level in terms of, like, maximizing, you know, your network. Like, you're not. You're not. You're not on that. The. The space that we were in. Listen to me. I don't know if I told you this, but your. Your. Your guy, he end up helping me. What would you call it? Like, renovate the church and put beautiful signing on It. He don't even live here. He helped. He helped me. He made some phone calls. He called the piece. Like, if I gotta leave Charlotte and come down there, I got you. But I'm gonna try to find somebody. This is what I'm talking about, y'. All. Like, so I was in the building learning, seeing who Ed was connecting with, then connecting with them afterwards. Look, so here's my deal. When I was in the room, I had to say to myself, e, if you want some of this stuff, Ed guy, E, you gonna have to. You gotta raise your game some. So you got an option. You can even go, hey, me being in the room with Ed and watching what Ed was doing, this. This is strictly for recreational purposes. You feel me? It's like, hey, this recreational purpose, bro, Go ahead, get out of here. Or AE you. You. God showed it to you. He showed it to you. He showed you a level. Are you ready? And so for me, it was like, absolutely, I'm ready. So I just want to say this to you guys. Either lower your expectations, because you don't have to do everything you see other people do. You don't have to do it. You could just go, man, it's like going to a basketball game. You're not trying to suit up and do what Curry does, but when you look at it, you kind of think, oh, he human. Like, I'm human, so I can. Watch yourself, okay? Watch yourself. You might not want to put them sneaks on. You might not want to get in that gym. And when I saw it do, when I went back, I was like, okay, E, number one, you got to get more organized. So, like, you got passion, you got energy. But what you saw, Ed, you saw a system. You saw structure. You saw people over here and people over here and people doing it and people in the back. And when you get in, people in the parking lot. So it's like, Eve, when you get to the crib, from a speaking standpoint, you. You definitely giving 1,000%, right? But from a structural standpoint, you're not giving 1,000%. Then I look at the packages in the dip, and I was like, e, you don't got. So y' all might have saw if you watched it. It was a group in here, then it was a group out there, and then the level of men that was on stage who are also dominant in their particular area. Bro, I was with people who I've only seen in a podcast. I only see these dudes on social media. I ain't never been in a room with them. Before I was in a room with them. And so yes, you know, I had to come home, not necessarily get up earlier, not necessarily grind physically harder, but I had to take my mental game to another level. I had to take my systems game to another level. I had to. This is a grind that you probably don't know. I had to remove people, which hurts to bring in a different group of people to take me where I wanted to go. Because I realized a group that was with me, phenomenal group of humans, phenomenal group of people. They probably would get to heaven before I get there. But in order to take me from number four to number one, they weren't necessarily the people that could do that. So the ed's point, I personally went home and, and did a an evaluation on et. I personally study ET and said, yeah, you got it going over here, but this seed is an apple seed and orange seed. This is not a watermelon seed. And these seeds that you're planting will never get you watermelon. So. So, yep, you got some dynamic. Are you posting every day? You putting out dynamic stuff? But that will not get what you saw Ed do in terms of systems. And so you got to come home and your new grind is system. I don't know what your grind is, but I'm telling you, I had to start reading books, I had to go to conferences, I had to shift what I was watching online. I had to shift who I was following. Great humans, great people, they were only going to help me sustain this energy. They weren't going to help me with the structure. Here's what I realized, E. Nobody's better than you, but there are some people who's got better systems than you. And so if you want to see growth, you got to start grinding on the systems level. So don't. I don't want you to get what Ed said and you miss it. You like, oh, I got to get up earlier. I got to grind. Maybe you don't have to get up earlier to accomplish what you've already accomplished, but to get this done, you do have to make some adjustments. And that's what the grind looked like. And that's what the hustle look like. And can I say this, Ed, I'm. Man, I don't even know if I ever said this before, but sometimes, and I don't know if you've experienced this sometimes, bruh, you putting up 40 with 30 rebounds and you like, whatever, and then you go somewhere and God shows you. And I was talking to my son the other day and he he kind of was hurt because he was like, dad, you know, you, you, you acting like I'm. And I said, hold up, I'm sorry. You putting up 30, you putting up 10. But the 30 points and the 10 rebounds have nothing to do with the assist. You don't get credit for assists because you scored and you got rebounds. They. They don't, they don't take your points and go, well, we gonna put those over and rebound. They don't take your rebounds and go, we gonna put those with your assist. And when I left you, you know, I, I. There was a part of me that was like, God, you want me to do more? Yeah, you want me to do more? Am I not grinding enough? He was like, absolutely. And every seed you planted is going to grow. But you just looked at what Ed was doing and you saw there was a gap. So you have a choice to make here. You got rebounds, you got points, but the assist, son, you had zero. So what do you want to do? And there was a moment where I had to go, you're not overwhelmed. You're just rising to the level that God is asking you to rise.
- [73:02]
A
Oh, my gosh.
- [73:02]
B
There's no anxiety. Yeah. The Bible said, be anxious for nothing, but in all things, through prayer and supplication, make your request known to God. But there was a 32nd boy was like, man, God, how am I gonna be blessed? When I. He said, how one. That's your boy. So you can just call. Of course, then I had Rory in the back interviewing me. God, like, yo, you don't have to do. You could just. And then just. And I did just that. My relationship with Roy, you know, went from a person that, you know, respects him, to sitting at his feet to listen to the podcast, to studying you guys. And I can honestly say, after that event, system wise, you know, I've gone to another level. So to me, that's what it looks like when your expectations, your dreams, your goals and your grind match. And if you're not ready to work, it doesn't make you a bad human, just lower your expectations.
- [73:54]
A
Gosh, that's so. It's so good. And that idea of the grind, I want to say one thing. Everybody, when he's talking about rebounds and points, the application of that for you is this, is that if you're average, you keep giving yourself credit for the things you're already doing. But if you want to be extraordinary, you got to go, what's the thing? Like, the power of one more. In the book, I talk about your one Decision away. I think all of you listening to this right now, if I could be honest with you. You already know what it is. You know, the thing you're not doing, you need to be doing that would change your life. In your business. You already know what it is. It's having the guts, the courage, the faith to call the shot like an ET's case. I'm going to go back. I don't need to work harder. I got to get more systematic. Maybe I could even work less hard. If I put these systems in place for you, it might be something you are doing or that you need to stop doing to get your life to the next level. Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Now on to our next guest. Welcome back, everybody. I wanted to have Alan on our show for a long time. I was just telling him this off camera. I wanted to have him on because he's got a really unique perspective and an upfront view to some of the key performers in the NBA for many, many years. And he's taken the lessons he's learned from these high performers and he's distilled it down in information that everybody can use as an entrepreneur, as a father, as a mother, as just a human being. And he communicates it in a very unique way. We're going to go very deep today on performance on your game. His first book I read, which is called Raise youe Game. The book that's out now is called Sustain youn Game. High Performance Keys to Manage Stress, Avoid Stagnation and Beat Burnout. I think everybody listening to this needs some help right now in the world with stress, stagnation and burnout. So, Alan Stein, welcome to the show, bro.
- [75:36]
F
Oh, man, it's so awesome to be here. My pleasure.
- [75:39]
A
Finally, man. And I've been doing the show for a long time. You know, the, the truth that you're spitting here is remarkable to me and the application of it.
- [75:49]
F
Here's how they people need to apply that. So once again, and I'm so glad that you brought up the point that, well, I may use basketball examples because that's where I've spent most of my life. Folks need to take these and figure out how they can, you know, apply them to their situation. So step number one is figure out what, what does winning look like to you or what does success look like to you? Again, this could be in your marriage. This could be you know, in your business, this could be for something you're doing in your community. But figure out, what does winning look like now, of course, in the game of basketball, which Simon Sinek has said is a finite game, and I'm a big fan of Simon's work, is a finite game. We have unanimously around the globe agreed that the team with the most points on the scoreboard when the final buzzer goes off is the winner. Life, relationships, business, It's a little more esoteric. It's not as clear how you might define winning in business. Might be slightly different than maybe one of your friends or colleagues, but that doesn't matter. You just have to get crystal clear on what winning looks like to you. And then you need to figure out what are the measurable building blocks, the bricks, if you will, that will allow me to reach that go. And then once you have that North Star, take your eyes off of it and just focus on the bricks. Think. Think about a gps, which most people need to navigate the world these days. I don't know how I survived without one beforehand, but you need to know two things. You need to know where you are in the moment, not where you were five minutes ago, five days ago, or five weeks ago. You need to know where you are right now, and you need to have an end address. Where am I going? Those are the only two points you need. And then once you have those two points, you don't need to worry about either one of them. What you need to do now is pay attention to the directions and listen to every turn that you're supposed to make. And of course, the beauty with this analogy is if you're like me and kind of directionally dysfunctional, you're probably going to take a wrong turn. And then what happens? It reroutes. It just reroutes. So the GPS doesn't get angry at you, it doesn't call you an idiot, it just simply reroutes and it puts you back on that course. And that's ultimately what all of us should be trying to do, is pursue our North Star by focusing on the steps and directions it takes to get there. And when you misstep or you make a wrong turn, don't get upset over it. Just move to the next play and take the next direction to reroute.
- [77:53]
A
It's really, really good. And I think oftentimes people feel lost, and that's why this clarity of what success looks like to you or the blueprint that you want is really so important. The other thing that happens is people get Tired. I think it's the second chapter of the book. You talk about stress management, you talk about energy management as well. And that's a big thing in our culture today. I think people are tired. I don't think they manage their energy very well. I watch this even a basketball analogy. I watch certain teams that, you know, I think, wow, they're tired. And I watch friends of mine in business, in life, they just seem tired to me. So what is energy management and what are some of your keys for it?
- [78:31]
F
Well, we need to make sure we're protecting both time and energy. And as we know, I know you've said this on many previous shows, you know, obviously time is our most precious resource because that is finite. Whenever that's done, that's done. We don't have any more of it. Energy is something though that we can actually replenish. And a lot of that has to do with, with our routines and our self care. Are we making the time to fill our own buckets mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually so that we can keep that battery, that internal battery of our lives as close to 100% as possible? You know, most people would freak out if they looked down at their iPhone and saw their iPhone had 3 or 4% juice left in it. They'd immediately start looking for a plug or a mophie or something. But they allow themselves to go down to 3 or 4% and they don't seem to do anything about it. And then you're just running on fumes. And there's no way that you can be your best self or make a maximum contribution to the things that are important to you if you're doing that. So part of it comes down to our discernment of what are we going to invest our time and energy into. And, and this goes back to just two, two simple words, yes and no. What are you saying yes to and what are you saying no to? You know, as a self diagnosed people pleaser, this was one that was really challenging for me most of my life because I love saying yes. It feels good to say yes. I want to help as many people as I can, but I've learned that when I say yes to one thing, I am by default saying no to something else. If I'm going to say yes to investing this hour with you, that means this hour in time cannot be invested anywhere else. Now this happens to be a wonderful investment of my time, one I'm very happy to make.
- [79:59]
A
So am I.
- [79:59]
F
But we have to be very careful of what we say yes. And what we say no to. So we have to have some discernment. And for me, I've learned to be able to say no respectfully, with tact, and to be polite. If something is not a good fit, and how do we know if it's a good fit? Is it in alignment with the North Star that you, you're pursuing? If you're asking me to do something that is taking me away from that North Star, then it's most likely not the wisest investment of my time or energy and I'll politely decline. If what you're asking me to do is in alignment, then it's probably a great investment of my, my time and energy. So being able to step back and use our core values and use that North Star to design our lives and design our schedules and design what we're going to say yes to is incredibly helpful. We can't, we can't rely on feelings and emotions. If you're just saying yes and no to things based on your mood or how you're feel, there's no consistency in that.
- [80:50]
A
What a really good point. Because you know what, I have a hard time saying no and oftentimes it is just based on my energy rather than out of my values or does it fit into the vision of what I'm trying to create and what I'm trying to do? And that stays. I want to stay on that word vision. You know what surprises me is how little people talk about visualization and how much of it I do and how much of it happy and successful people, both happy and successful people that I know spend in doing so. And so you talk about. It's not a lot, but you talk about in the book visualization. And I'm wondering any keys you would have for that and also the importance of it, because I think most people don't realize you're visualizing all the time. It's just what are you visualizing? Right. And I think most people are visualizing their fears, their worries, their to do list, the stuff they've got. I got to get the kids to soccer, I got to go work out. I got whatever it might be. But are you taking control of what you're visualizing in your life? Because I think ultimately our minds move towards what it's most familiar with.
- [81:49]
F
Absolutely.
- [81:50]
A
And so you talk about it in the book and I don't want to use my version of it, but how do you feel about visualization and anything about it you want to share?
- [81:57]
F
One of the words that comes up in a lot of your shows And a lot of your work is intention. So we have to make sure we're very intentional with what we're visualizing. There were a few different research studies, and I reference them in the book. The one that I liked the most from a visualization standpoint was they took three different groups, and they were going to have them shoot free throws. And these weren't professional players by any means. These were just regular. Regular weekend warriors. And in the three groups, the first group, they got tested on the first day, and then they practiced for 21 consecutive days, and then they took the retest 21 days later. Second group took the test on the first day, did not touch a basketball, but only visualized making free throws for the next 21 days, and then took the retest. And then the third group tested on the first day, didn't practice and didn't visualize, and then retested on the 21st day. I think most people would realize the group that didn't practice or visualize there was. There was no improvement. In fact, they had a slight decline in their ability. But the part that blew my mind was the group that visualized was only a couple of percentage points less than the group that actually practice. So. So by actually sitting with your eyes closed and visualizing making free throws, it's almost as good as. As being able to practice. And that. That blows my mind. Now, I think we can also agree that the best thing to do is to do both, is to get in repetition, you know, purposeful repetition, as well as visualize. I visualize before every single speaking engagement. Every engagement I do, I always arrive the day before, and I request to see the room the day before I'm going to speak. I want to get a feel for what it's going to look like. I visualized before I came in here with you today. I watched several of your other guests on YouTube who were in this studio. I knew what this room looked like before I set foot in here, which gave me a certain level of comfort that I wasn't going to walk into anything that I hadn't prepared myself for. And one of my favorite quotes that I learned from a man mentor of mine is, make preparation your separation, and that I want to be as prepared as possible for everything that I do, and that will also lower stress.
- [83:50]
A
Yeah. Ben Newman was telling me this Saban quote where he says, you know, most teams practice until they get it right. And he says, here at Alabama, we practice until we can't get it wrong.
- [83:59]
F
Yes.
- [83:59]
A
And it's just a different standard of preparation. And I'm the same way, by the way. I try to do all of those things. And I'll give you an interesting. On a visualization I'll just share with you. It'll take me a minute for the audience. But I got hurt my sophomore year of college, and I couldn't play. And we had a team psychologist at the time. He ended up being killed. And I use a lot of his work to this day. He was in a car accident. I use a lot of his work, and I get a lot of credit for it because he was so cutting edge, even back in those days. And he said, ed, here's what we're going to do. And I hit.215 my freshman year. Terrible year. That's terrible. And then I sat out because I was hurt. The next year, I hit almost.380, and I wasn't any better of a hitter. What happened was he taught me to visualize. And we'd sit behind the batting cage where the other guys were popping some up, grounding the double plays, missing a few. He said, ed, you're gonna hit a line drive up the middle thousands of times. And he made me focus on my visualization. So he goes, ed, all right, visualize you hitting the line drive, the middle. I go, I got it. And he'd go, okay, really, do you? And he would make me hyper visualize. He'd say, ed, where's the camera? I go, what do you mean? He goes, well, how are you seeing it? From what angle is the camera in the center field, like on tv? Over the pitcher's head shooting in? Or is it from the batter's box, your view out? And I go, I don't know. And he goes, well, then you kind of should know.
- [85:07]
B
Yeah.
- [85:07]
A
And I go, okay. Actually, turns out the camera's on me. I'm looking out at the picture. He goes, great. Not everybody has it that way. He goes, can you see the release point? Can you see the stitches on the ball? Can you see the rotating? And it got to the point where he go, what is it? And I say, it's a curveball. He goes, how do you know? I could see the dot on the stitches, right? And then I could see. I got to the point where he'd make me work. I could see then the stitches coming in. I could see the ball hit the bat and the stitches re rotating backwards the other way, right back over the guy's left shoulder. I just got to share this with you. So I come back, I'm a.215 hitter. The first day in BP, I first pitch throw to me is up and away, and I swat at it and hit a line drive up the middle. Next ball down and away, line drive up the middle. And I think it was 28 straight hits. My teammates are like, what's going on with my. Let line drive up the middle every single time. Then I popped one up and I hit like 16 more up the middle. I had not swung a bat in six months. But the upside to that was I didn't have any negative experiences from actually swinging the bat. And the subconscious mind really doesn't know the difference between what's real and and what's imagined. I share this because your work is so good, bro. And the people that are listening to this, if you would start to visualize and then get better at it, refine it, see it more clearly, can you slow it down? Can you speed it up? Can you add color? Can you add sound? And the more you get good at visualizing, you're going to change your damn life, the better you get at this. So I just wanted to add second it and add to it that I have a real life experience. And to this day, things like getting to the studio and visualizing it. I do that crazy stuff too, because it's not crazy. All right, Chapter five. Never heard it said this way. Using stress. So usually people are taught, avoid stress, minimize stress. And you have strategies for that in the book as well. But sometimes you're almost like, hey, dance with it. Use this stress. What does that mean?
- [86:49]
F
That goes back to something we said earlier. It's kind of the difference between viewing something that's making you nervous versus viewing something that gets you really, really excited. I mean, I said to you before off here, I'm a huge fan of your work. You've had a massive impact on my life. I could have been nervous coming in here and to meet you for the first time and sit, but instead, I was excited for this opportunity.
- [87:09]
A
So was I.
- [87:09]
F
And those, they can have very similar feelings. You can have the butterflies in your stomach, you know, and I don't remember who said that originally, but if you ever feel butterflies in your stomach, just get them all lined up in the same direction so that they can work and work for you. But we do. We need to have some stress in our life. If the stress is overwhelming, then you'll be completely debilitated. If I was completely overwhelmed with stress right now, this wouldn't be much of an interview. However, if there was zero stress, I'd probably be bored. And there wouldn't be much of an interview. So we want just enough to keep us sharp. It's very similar to fear. You know, fear in and of itself keeps us safe. We want to have some fear. If not, we just walk in the middle of traffic or we just juggle knives or do something foolish. But if we have too much fear, then we become paralyzed and we can't actually do anything. So, yeah, these things help. They help keep us sharp. So we want to have a little bit. Be on a little bit of edge for the things that mean the most to us.
- [88:02]
A
That was a great conversation. And if you want to hear the full interview, be sure to follow the Ed My Let show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Here's an excerpt I did with our next guest.
- [88:12]
E
Ed when you think about all the people you've interviewed, you've talked to the people, you surround yourself with your inner circle. And you're obviously one of these guys, too. These are those who have sustained excellence over an extended period of time. What are some of the commonalities among those few people? Standards, period. You don't get your goals in life most of the time. You will always eventually get your standards. And most people spend a lot of time setting up goals and never take a real inventory of what their standards are. Standards are like actually how you live. Standards are everything about you. If you're meticulous, if you're excellent, if you're like what you did today, I mean, we're talking about meticulous preparation you did for this interview, right? That's a standard. So you know what's going to happen. You're going to get a great interview, right? You could have had a goal for a great interview today, but if you don't have the standard of preparation, of delivery that you have, that's different. So people who sustain greatness have super high standards and keep raising them. And the truth is, the place they're going, what I find oftentimes is not as important as the process in getting there. They're refining their processes, they're refining their habits and rituals. I have a whole really good chapter on habits because habits. I had a bad day yesterday. I put this on my Instagram. I'll share my bad days, too. I was sick, I didn't feel good, and I said I did not. My A game was not yesterday. But the separator in life is not who's the most motivated.
- [89:44]
A
It's not.
- [89:45]
E
It's what do you do on the days you're not the separator for these elite people who succeed long term is they can perform at a relatively high level on the days they're not feeling it, they can win with their B game because of their habits, rituals and disciplines. As I was just saying that many of you thought about different athletes that you hero, you know, you look up to. You thinking of Michael Jordan's illness game, you're thinking of Tiger woods winning the US Open on a broken leg. You're thinking of the sustained greatness of a Brady between two different organs, organizations. Those are standards. And if you interview or time, Brady belongs to one of my golf clubs, right? Phil Mickelson's been on my show. He's told me many times, I'd love to interview Tiger. I've never Tiger, but Zach Johnson's been on. Phil Mickelson's been on Their Friends and they've both told me this guy's standards are just.
- [90:32]
A
He's a freak.
- [90:33]
E
He's just a freak when it comes to golf standards, right? Kobe Bryant became a pretty good friend of mine before he passed away. This man's standards of how he worked out and what he did. You say I'm in really good shape, right? I'm in pretty good shape. But then I've worked out with guys that are like world class bodybuilders and athletes. It's a totally different standard. It's a freak show of the standard, right? So the long answer is you get your standards and that's what separates them. The last book I published that was called the Pursuit of Excellence. And I every once in a while I get a question, they're like, why? Why isn't it easier to kind of be okay with things like, isn't life a little bit easier that way? And I certainly have my answers for that and I wrote about that. But why have high standards? Why not say, you know, I'm going to have really good standards, I'm going to do a solid job. I'm going to also relax quite a bit. I'm wondering, what is the motivation for you. I know it is for you. What is it for you to have such high standards?
- [91:38]
A
Great question.
- [91:39]
E
It is seductive to contemplate. Average. Yeah, very seductive. In fact, as we're talking, I'm looking at the beach that I live on and I could be sitting out there right now. The truth is that I've grown to accept who I am and who I am is not that. And I would not be happy. I have this. You know, Napoleon Hill says in Think and Grow Rich to begin with, the End in mind. And I think that's a great way to approach life. As I told you, I was with my dad, where his last breath. Holding his hand, actually. And it's okay to, you know, every once in a while think about the end of your life, because it's going to come at some point. You know, someday I will be my dad. Someday you will be where my dad was. And when you die, you know, whatever you believe religiously is up to you. But I just have this belief. I'm a Christian, but I have this other belief that God's going me to the man I was capable of being, the one he made in his image for me. The guy who could have had the moments, the memories, the contribution, the emotions, the achievements, the times. And when I die, I want to meet that man and catch him. I want to be identical twins. I want to catch the guy I was capable of becoming in my life. Because I believe that's what we were all born to do, is to reach our destiny. And I believe we were all born to do something great with our lives, every single one of us. Why do I have humility?
- [93:00]
A
Because I'm.
- [93:00]
E
I come from the same father in heaven you do, man. I'm no better than you were brothers. Anyone listen to this? We're brothers or brother and sister, right? And so to me, heaven would be getting there and I became that man. Hell would be getting there and I was total strangers. And I meet this guy. Could have been the places I could have gone, the people I could have helped, the memories, the emotions, that's hell. And so that guides my decision making. And for the record, I have a ton of fun.
- [93:30]
A
I have a ton of travel, I have a blast.
- [93:33]
E
But I've learned something. Winning is more fun than fun is fun.
- [93:41]
A
Winning is just more fun than fun is fun.
- [93:44]
E
And so I enjoy winning. I enjoy helping people. But believe me, man, my birthday is next week. I'm taking some time off. I'm going to Stagecoach festival. Last year for my 50th birthday, I was in Cabo going nuts. So believe me, I have a ton of fun, but I like to have left it all out on the field before I take my break. Or I'm like, you know what? I deserve this break. Nothing worse than taking a break and knowing you left a bunch on the field, you know, and you're like, I can't even enjoy this the way I want to. The truth is, all of you, just accept this. You can't enjoy the breaks when you
- [94:16]
A
haven't crushed it before. You get there, and you know it. You know it.
- [94:20]
B
So just lay it all out and
- [94:21]
E
then go do whatever the heck you want. Max out your fun, max out your partying.
- [94:27]
A
But you got to max out the
- [94:28]
E
other stuff before you get there.