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- [00:00]
A
So hey guys, listen. We're all trying to get more productive and the question is, how do you find a way to get an edge? I'm a big believer that if you're getting mentoring or you're in an environment that causes growth, a growth based environment that you're much more likely to grow and you're going to grow faster. And that's why I love Growth Day. Growth Day is an app that my friend Brendan Burchard has created that I'm a big fan of. Write this down. Growthday.com forward/ed. So if you want to be more productive, by the way, he's asked me, I post videos in there every single Monday that gets your day off to the right start. Got about $5,000, $10,000 worth of courses that are in there that come with the app. Also, some of the top influencers in the world are all posting content in there on a regular basis, like having the avengers of personal development and business in one app. And I'm honored that he asked me to be a part of it as well and contribute on a weekly basis. And I do. So go over there and get signed up. You're going to get a free tuition, free voucher to go to an event with Brendan and myself and a bunch of other influencers as well. So you get a free event out of it also. So go to growthday.com forward/ed. That's growthday.com forward slash ed. Advantage Gold is giving away a free copy of Rogoff's book to anyone who schedules a one on one precious metals appointment. You'll discover why gold is becoming the number one hedge against a global currency ship. And how to move your IRA or 401k into physical gold. Tax and penalty free. Get your free copy today while supplies last text win to 85545. That's win 85545 or go to advantagegold.com data and message rate supp performance may vary. You should always consult your financial and tax professional. This is the Ed Milet Show. Welcome back to the show. So I'm joined again by my dear friend and somebody that you guys. Every single time there's an episode with him, you just not only does it download a lot, but people download it sooner. It's like, oh, Brendan and Ed are together again. Let me go get this one sooner. All the data says that it's, you know, several hours sooner and longer listening time when this man is on the show. And I think the reason is, is that he's brilliant and he makes Me sound good when he's on. First off, let me welcome my guest, and I'll tell you what we're going to talk about today because you are going to love this topic, and I think it's going to hit home for all of you. And it's not talked about on podcast almost ever. So my guest today is my dear friend Brendan Burchard. Welcome back, Brennan.
- [02:20]
B
Thank you, brother. I feel exactly the same about you because every time you put an episode out with us, it's always like, oh, my gosh, Ed killed that thing. He was on fire. So I think. I think we fire each other up in ways friends actually desperately need. You know, that, that. That contact with your best friends that just kind of like, turn you back on in life sometimes. And you do that for me, it's really true.
- [02:38]
A
When we do these shows, we both say, when we're done, we're like, bro, that was so good for me. I hope the audience enjoys it. But, like, I grew today. I learned. I pushed myself. It's always. We're always like, gosh, this is so good. And at least for us, hopefully the audience agrees with this as well. So today, though, you brought the topic up, and it's fitting because I've gone through a few things lately and you have as well. It's called going through life. But I want to talk today about what your mindset needs to be when you're going through hardship. And that's something not talked a lot about. It's not an easy topic. And then maybe we'll kind of put a bow on it towards the end. If it's not hardship, what's the mindset to deal with? Doubt? Because I. I was just joking with you. I said I doubted myself four minutes ago. It's just something that human beings deal with, and I think some people think it's exclusive to them. Or once I'm successful, I won't have doubt, but I think that's something that'll be your lingering friend most of your life. Let's start with hardship a little bit. When I say to you, hardship or dealing with the mindset of hardship, what's the first thoughts that come to that big brain of yours?
- [03:41]
B
First thoughts is honor the struggle, but very quickly identify where that struggle is. Right? A lot of hardship, we caused it, right? There's just a lot of things we do. We have bad attitude. We speak ill to somebody who we love. It goes bad. Like, we caused that hardship. It was our own thoughts, feelings, behaviors caused it. And then there's the Cause of somebody else, something else, the world, fate, bad luck, something happens and that's an external hardship. So in both cases, there's going to be a struggle. And all I know is I have to manage this struggle and I have to be honest in managing the struggle. Am I managing a change in myself to cause less hardship on my own in the future? So, meaning, do I need to self regulate because I'm causing the hardship, or do I need to manage the struggle of just dealing with something that is well beyond my control? I can't do anything about, I can't change it. It happened. It's awful, it's difficult. What I'm really trying to do is endure this difficulty with dignity and love. And so right away I just, I accept. I go, okay, the struggle, did I cause it or can I not control it? If I caused it, I need to adjust. If I didn't cause it, I have to go into a place of how do I just endure this season where I'm going to be sad, I'm going to be fatigued, I won't maybe have patience. I can't control the variables. Other people are hurt and upset. It's an endurance question until the sun is brighter.
- [05:32]
A
Wow, what a word. Endure. First thing I would say is, the first question is, did I cause this or am I contributory to the hardship? And, you know, there's been a lot of situations in my life where I've had strife with people or, you know, I find myself like, why don't they understand me? Or this person hurt me or did me wrong. And there was a point for me many years ago where I went, know this is becoming a rather common theme for you, this strife with people or whatever it was, you know, like friendships not blossoming into what they once were and deteriorating. And I remember thinking, you know, there's a common character in all of these stories and it's me. You know, there was a point for me many years ago where, you know, I just had some friendships that had deteriorated. Multiple ones. None of them ended up being, you know, terrible, but they just weren't what they want. I started to look back like, well, these guys that were in my wedding, I'm not that close to right now. Or so. And so we were getting so close and now we're not. And that one over there, like, we had a kind of a falling out, you know, And I remember kind of lamenting, why do people treat me like this? Woe is me. And I asked myself, you know, who's the common character in all of these stories. And it was me. And I had to take a look. Is there some way that I treat people? Is there something about me that's causing more than one, more than two multiple people to not be as close to me as they once were? Man, was that a hard thing to evaluate, you know? Wow. I had to really pick apart some things. And I asked other people who were friends of mine and I even asked one of them who I kind of faded away from. Is it. Is it something? And I think what I learned was, hey, man, you're hard to be around sometimes. You're. You're so intense and I sometimes feel judged by you. A couple of them told me and I said, do I. They said, I don't know if it's just like you're always on. But I. And, and one of them said, let me correct that. I feel like I'm judging myself when I'm around you a lot. Like I can't. And I thought to myself, huh, well, that's not how I should be treating a friend. They should be loved and cared for and believed in and accepted. I'm one of those guys, like, I don't accept everything about you if it can be better. Right? That's part of me being your friend. But I think I took that to an extreme where it's like, I just don't know that I want to be around Ed.
- [07:56]
B
They felt judged or they felt like they would judge themselves. It's hard to be around higher standards too. It is.
- [08:01]
A
And. But you could take it to a point, I think where I was taking it, I'm being honest now, looking back on it, where I just wasn't fun to be around. Like, it was too much of it, like, just wasn't fun, it wasn't light enough. And even now I gotta watch that. You know, I'm gonna. You know me, you're the lighter of the two of us for sure. And so I think I've learned to almost poke fun at myself and be self deprecating about it. And even an awareness that you have a deficiency or a weakness makes it more acceptable from people. If you can modify and make fun of it, that's different. Being abusive, if I'm aware I'm abusive, that doesn't excuse it. You know what I mean?
- [08:40]
B
And you also grew up in sports and you were an athlete. And athletes have a way of talking to each other that isn't always accepted in real life with team or family or loved ones who don't have that sort of athletic speak. You know, and so they. They take it. They don't realize you're just messing with them on the tee box. You're not. You're not insulting their, you know, livelihood, you know.
- [09:02]
A
You're so right, by the way. I was just going to say this. And so the other thing I do is I like to kind of rib my friends and tease.
- [09:07]
B
Right.
- [09:08]
A
Well, like that from sports. But a few of them just don't. I told a story in the podcast not that long ago at your event.
- [09:15]
B
Huh.
- [09:16]
A
Recall where my friend. Oh, yes, I. I ribbed him a little bit. To me, that's a sign of a. Like, that tells the crowd and other people, these two dudes are close.
- [09:26]
B
That's right.
- [09:27]
A
And you and I even do it with each other, and we understand it. But in that case, John's been transparent about it on my show as well. Like, he didn't care for it and. And didn't want to admit it. He kept telling me, no, it didn't bother me at all. It didn't bother me at all. I finally said, yes, it did, and that's okay. And he goes, well, it did a little. And I said, listen, John, if what I did hurt you, I apologize, and I won't do it again. And it's wrong. And it doesn't matter whether or not it's appropriate that you were put off by it. You're my friend. You were put off by it. End of story. It's not going to happen again, and it hasn't happened again. So there's that. Right? Ask yourself. But then there's like, sort of this little streak I've been on right now. This is the vulnerable part that I know you know about, and then I'll throw it back to you. But had some hardship recently. That is, nobody's doing, like, everyone knows from social media. Lily, my Pomeranian, like, we're very, very close with our. Our Little Ponies, and. And Lily passed away a few weeks ago, and that was just really hard. I mean, people say that don't. That don't love animals or whatever. They're like, it's just a pet. It was more than that. This was a companion of our family for 15 years and. And one of the few beings that have ever loved me unconditionally, and that every time I saw her, she made me feel better. Every single time. And I actually learned a lot about life from Lily, about what really matters, which is in your proximity. Lily did not care how expensive our couch was. She cared that I was sitting on it.
- [10:53]
B
Right? Yes, Right.
- [10:54]
A
Here where, how big the house was. She cared that I was in it. Beautiful. And then I came home. And then a week or two later, we had to put two of our horses down. Lucky and Belle, who have been, you know, anyone who has horses know you get very close to these animals. And so within a very short period of time, a lot of hardship, a lot of grief. And then, and that's one level of grief. And then, as you know, a family member of mine, she gave me permission, but I'm not going to say who it was, but someone very, very close to me lost a baby after the baby was delivered and was living in the last two weeks. And, and so her child passed away and she held that baby for eight hours after it passed away. She just wouldn't give it back to the doctors. And that's real hardship. That's. That's real hardship. That's so many levels past what. It's real hard. And I, I think that's one of those things where you just said you have to endure. And I, and I've also abandoned the desire or necessity to understand it or why. It's just futile. And you can come up with reasons why. But, you know, I said to this person just about an hour ago, I said, you know, I think grief is a sign that love is so much greater than death if we can somehow begin to focus on the love part. And, you know, when you go through something like that, you want to know what to say to somebody and maybe just listen to them if they want to talk and, and just endure it and just sit with it. And there's, there's times in your life where you just gotta be still. And I'm in that moment myself right now as we record this, and certainly this family member of mine is. And I just want to give that person her love and grace and prayer. And any of you that are going through it, you know, sometimes it's just okay to. You've been knocked down, you don't have to immediately get up. There's a count in life for a reason. And sometimes you might want to take advantage of that count. And so I think oftentimes I don't think I have to understand why. I just have to keep going on.
- [13:18]
B
Yeah.
- [13:19]
A
And that I do believe time is a healer. Time doesn't heal. Time teaches at least time perspective. Time is a lesson giver. And I've, I've said this in a lot of my talks the last five years, and this is, it's being tested whether I really believe this right now, and I do, which is that on the other side of pain, God wants to give you some type of a gift, whether that's full of understanding, a new thought, a new relationship, a new decision, a new direction, a new perspective. But God wants to give you something for your pain and then somehow begin to look for the gift in the tragedy. I'm not saying gift is greater than a tragedy either. I'm saying there will be a gift. If you look at 9, 11, this just horrendously tragic event, there was gifts in that, though. The way the country came together, the first responders running into buildings as people were running out, the heroic actions of different people, how people took to their homes and cared for them and how it was rebuilt. Whatever you believe about that event, that's not what the point is. I'm saying you could take the worst of events and still see the goodness in human beings. And even in this. In my family, I've been surprised, frankly, by some of the people that have stepped up, that have been the most prayerful, the most strong, followed up the most. And then frankly, you're surprised by some that haven't.
- [14:47]
B
Yeah.
- [14:47]
A
Learn about the other people around you in those moments. So Those are my 2 thoughts on the ones you cause, which I've certainly done many times, and the ones you haven't. What are your thoughts on what I said or anything you want to add to that first?
- [15:00]
B
Just. I'm sure everyone listening is also sending you love and care and prayers because just going through all of that, it, it is that hardship, you don't, you don't know what to do with. And that's the hardest of hardships. You don't, you don't to do with it. And I often tell a lot of my friends, I'm like, there's nothing to do with it. Especially us, right? We, we are, we are. Captain, Reframe. You and me make a living of helping people kind of reframe some of their thoughts or kind of find their strength in, you know, when they are on the mat. And then there are some hardships, especially when somebody or something that we love passes away or is taken away or ends. Then we're in this place like, well, we don't have control. And I also be like, don't rush to reframe it because everyone's gonna, oh, you know, everything's gonna be okay, or they rushed just because sometimes if you reframe too fast, people can't grieve. And I also think it's less about the reframing Because I love what you said on the other side of pain, that growth will be there one day. But you don't get to decide sometimes in that hardship when that pain ends. You know, I saw pangs that immobilize me of. Of loss about my dad, and he passed away in 2009. And it will just. It'll shut down my. It'll shut down an afternoon. It just. I'm just done. Like, it will. I didn't think this long I would still have afternoon shutter downers, but it happens. So you don't get to decide when that pain necessarily goes away or goes away forever. The issue is, you know, and I don't need to reframe it every time, because I've reframed that so many times. But what I did learn is maybe it's not time to, like, reframe the thoughts, but it is time to revisit faith a little bit. You can't put your knowing of why, but you can know that there is a forward position that faith isn't necessarily about why. Faith is about a promise in the future. It's about. There is redemption, positivity, and good cheer and goodness in the future. And so I don't have to explain now all the time, because even all the Bible characters, they were going through, you know, forgive the language, but they were going through certain kinds of hells in their own life, and they were called up when they were completely unprepared. And the promise to them was never about, let me explain why your dad sucks, and let me explain why your, you know, these rulers. It wasn't a lot of explaining, a lot of time. It was just like, this is. We're going to be in this forward position one day. That's better that, you know, Israel, I'm promising you X. You know, I'm promising you this. Generations out there's a promise. And so sometimes faith can not try to explain things, just have a sense of promise, of good things, even though we might have to endure this hardship for much longer than we anticipated. And so that's kind of how I bring in the faith into it, because I know I can't control things, but I know there's a promise out there.
- [18:10]
A
Wow, I love that, Brendan. Just thank you for saying that. That just helped me find some comfort. Hey, guys, if you're not like me, I'm not into chasing trends, but I like to wear nice stuff. And a lot of you been complimenting me on some of the stuff I've been wearing on the show lately. And I Gotta tell you, I attribute all of that to quints. They got great lightweight layers, high quality staples that have become really everyday essentials that I wear. I love the fact that my clothes are comfortable, but I actually love the fact that it's affordable. By the way, you get stuff on quints for like half the price and it's good stuff. They work directly with the manufacturer, so they cut out all the middlemen so they can give you luxury pieces without the markups. And Quince only works with factories that are ethical and responsible and their manufacturing processes and fabrics are the best in the world and their premium finishes as well. Stick to the staples that last with elevated essentials from Quince. Go to quince.com/ed for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Quince Q U I N C E.com/ed to get free shipping and 365 returns. That's quince.comed here's the deal with the news. I just don't think you know what's true. If you really listen to one sort of a channel and you lean a particular way, they're going to feed you all the things that you already believe, right? If you go to the other channel, everybody's the bad guy there and you're going to hear all the news there. Everything has spin. Today it's really difficult. I'll listen to a story like, oh my gosh, they're completely doing this. Then you hear the backstory on another channel. You're like, wait a minute, that's totally not true. Everywhere we look, there's spin in the news. It's unbelievable. So if you want to be more aware of where your news is coming from, welcome to Ground News. It helps cut through all the spin and clutter and noise. Ground News gathers related articles from around the world in one place with context about the source's political leaning, reliability and ownership. Go to ground news.com mylet today they get 40% off the ground News Vantage plan and get access to all of their news analysis features. That's ground news.com for 40% off the ground News Vantage plan for a limited time only. Ground news.com mylet I think what happens eventually, once you're down there on the mat and that promise of the future, eventually, whether that hardship you're suffering or have suffered is the loss of a person, the loss of a relationship, the loss of a job, whatever it is, I think eventually you reach the conclusion, like, for example, with the loss of this child or the loss of your dad or my dad. I eventually reached the conclusion that I'm not honoring my dad anymore by grieving all the time. That I honor my dad by becoming the man that would make him the most proud. I honor my dad by serving other people. At some point, and not right away, you go, I don't honor this person. And if you've lost a relationship where they've harmed you, at some point you're going to wake up and you're going to go, how do I honor myself? This doesn't honor me by laying here this long. This doesn't honor me not moving. This doesn't honor anything. This doesn't understand the way I was raised or this doesn't understand who I really am as a being. And so at some point, I think it's honoring you or honoring that person. Like what? Look at. Look at what you've done to honor your dad with the work you do. Right? And at some point, I think that becomes an inspiration, knowing, you know, I can tell you something really insightful that I had a dream the other night about my dad. Pretty vivid. I woke up pretty emotional. And. And I think this is probably a gift from God and. Or dad. I said, my dad misses me, but he really misses his grandkids. And I've also know that eternity is so long that we're just here for a flicker. It's a speck of sand in eternity. And so the pain we suffer right now from the loss of this child is one thing, but I actually had this dream and my dad said to me, he goes, you know. Right. I really do miss my grandkids. So it's. It's so beautiful and wonderful to have this one with me. And so. Yeah, I know. And I haven't told my.
- [22:10]
B
Wow.
- [22:11]
A
Family member that yet because I'm not. They're not ready to hear that. But it was emotional. My dad was emotional. I could see him holding Cassius. I could see him holding him. And I thought, yeah, we're all suffering right now, but Cassius isn't. And dad's. They're celebrating. They're. They're together, and in a flicker, we'll be with them. But it was just a little bit of a reframe, you know, and not anything I was trying to have. It was like a gift that was sent.
- [22:38]
B
Just get it.
- [22:39]
A
So if you're going through that type of a trauma, you know, who are you honoring? And if someone's really hurt you in your life or you've lost a job unfairly or someone's left you or cheated. You know, at some point you got to honor who you are and when you're ready that do it. And, and it's, it may not be this second, but it's coming and it needs to come breathe. To honor you or honor them. Doubt's the killer of more dreams than anything. I believe that. And when something like this happens, it can cause you to doubt your faith. So really, hardship and doubt can be connected in many ways. You know, like, you know, you miss a sales call, that's a hardship. And all of a sudden it causes you to doubt your ability to close anymore. Or if you give a speech that's not so good and that's a hardship. Now you're doubting yourself. Or we've talked about this on the last podcast, you miss a putt, that's important to you in a sport and all of a sudden now you doubt whether you can do it. Sometimes doubts are born out of. We don't even know where they're born of, they're just there. But I think it would surprise people that someone is polished and is smart. Brendan, by the way, you guys, is not only a really great human, he won't tell you this, but he's very smart person. He's got a very high IQ and he also works on his intellect. He's very well read guy. So I'm going to give you the floor on this one. Do you suffer with it and what do you do? And then the other thing is I think you should share what you and I talk about, what you educate me on, which is that, hey, this AI thing people need to know. So just, I'll give you the floor on that because this is, we're talking about it off camera. Like this needs to be his, he needs to run with this one.
- [24:10]
B
All right, well, thank you, brother. I think that doubt is a little bit like pain we were just talking about, which is it's not always going to end when you want it to end. But the thing about doubt is you are the one perpetuating that. And so my first rule for people is to realize, don't wait for doubt to end before you get back in the ring. If you wait until the doubt ends to start the thing, you'll never start the thing or you'll start the thing. The doubt will shock you and you'll stop the thing. So doubt is a signal to learn and to adjust, not to stop. If you stop because of doubt, you're guaranteeing your life being sub, you know, your actual potential or standard if you take doubt as a, oh, maybe I should reflect on that. Maybe I should think about that. Maybe I should develop competency through that so I have a little more confidence. You know, let me develop, Let me get better. I'll be less doubtful. That's, that's okay, that's okay. But don't stop at it. Also, usually people don't stop at the doubt. There's one level down from doubt that usually is the killer of the dreams. It's called discouragement. It's a type of doubt. But when I become discouraged, I've lost that encouraged courage. And now I will get down. Not just. I won't just doubt the thing. I will be so discouraged that I won't even try anything new. Because sometimes I can doubt this and let me move over here, right? Let me try another, let me try another approach. But for most people, when they get discouraged, they stop all approaches. That's the lay in bed all day day. That's. That doubt didn't put you in bed all day. Discouragement put you in bed all day. And so learn when you're speaking to yourself at an extreme, an extreme of doubt is the discouragement that nothing is gonna work. And I am totally wrong. It's. You're enlarging doubt into like catastrophe and shame. In such a way all progress in any direction stops. And so that's the one that usually kills the dream. I might doubt this strategy, but I could try this strategy. But if I'm discouraged out of courage, I won't try any strategy. So I'd start with that just as a distinction for people.
- [26:22]
A
You know, one thing it would surprise people about, maybe you or I. And I think since we're being really vulnerable, maybe more than ever today, or one of them is in my own life, you know, I'm 55. Next year, some good stuff's happened, you know, like a lot of, lot of blessings in my life financially, friends, you know, contribution. The fact that people are listening to you and I right now by the millions is just mind blowing, right? And I think a lot of people go, hey, at some point I become insulated from doubt or discouragement. Like, I'll just get to a point where it, it's not there anymore. And you know this because you, you have friends at the top of different industries behind the scenes, the people at the very top still suffer with doubt.
- [27:03]
B
Yes.
- [27:03]
A
What I've been surprised in my own life. And discouragement, by the way. And I believe doubt and discouragements from the enemy. I don't believe anything from God would cause you to doubt because he made you in his image and likeness. And when you've had the courage from you removed, that's the enemy attacking you. And I believe that the antithesis of that is faith in God. And. But I have to tell you something. In my own case, I'm surprised to this day by the fragility of my confidence and how easily, even now at this stage in my life. And I think this would be good for people to know that I can move into doubt with just a little bit of setback, just a little bit of something new. You know, if I had an experience recently that you know about where someone took advantage of me financially and they scammed me and it immediately. That one incident has caused me to doubt my ability to read people like it was that fragile. It didn't take 11 incidences, it took one. So 35 years of personal development, reading people all this stuff.
- [28:10]
B
And I shared with you recently, we were on stage together and I literally told the audience, ed's superpower is better than any other coach I've ever worked with. His ability to read somebody in an instant. I've never seen it in my entire life. And so they would be shocked because I told the entire audience, I'm like, this is his thing. But you have doubt in it, which is amazing to share.
- [28:28]
A
I do. And I. And I am also cognizant of the fact that it is a strength of mine. But I think we think we're going to get to a point where this is like. Or the fact that I'm suffering from doubt makes me sub another person or I'm less than or I'm not yet ready. And to your point is it's been my ability to take action during the presence of doubt that has separated me, not the absence of it. My confidence still has a fragility to it that is unfortunately still sometimes conditional on what's going on. It's sometimes still circumstantial. Now, what's important is why you listen to the show or Brendan, you're in groves day. Is that that? Or get to the events is that you can learn the tools to get yourself out of it, but you're insulated from it. Is not true. I believe doubt for the most part is a liar. And discouragement is used by the enemy to remove your cour. And I believe you can also become delusional and begin to believe things. You don't have to believe everything you think.
- [29:28]
B
Right.
- [29:30]
A
I. When I'm working with my athletes or business people, the Number one thing we're working on is. And are their doubts giving them a. It's not the absence of it. If you think you're a UFC fighter or a boxer and you're not walking to that cage or that ring against another man who's equally capable or woman of tearing your head off or killing you, that you don't have some doubt as to whether or not this is going to go the way you want it to, you are crazy. The question becomes, can you operate at a high level during the presence of some of this doubt?
- [30:03]
B
Right? And that's.
- [30:05]
A
That's the rub, right, to where it doesn't put you in bed for the day, to your point. So I'm curious with you. When that doubt rears its head, what is something you do that takes you out of that state or gets you to still function while in it?
- [30:20]
B
I always say this helps me all the time backstage, because I still get nervous. I've done events with you where I'm nervous. You know, it's just like, okay, I gotta go. Ed's just killed it for an hour. I gotta go sit on stage with him in QA now. And I'm like, oh, you know, you just ripped this whole roof off. So even with friends, I get nervous and dorky and weird. But I have the statement. I say, I'm sure everyone's got their own self talk, but my self talk says, oh, doubt is the thought. It is not the directive. So I can have doubt a thought, but I have a different directive. My mission is not the doubt. I have an imperative. My mission, my aim, my ambition, my calling, my focus in that moment supersedes the doubt. It's like doubts up there, and it's yapping at me, but I'm like, yeah, but this is the job. And so anytime I feel it and I sense it, I just go, all right. I don't dishonor it. I don't repress it. I don't push it away. I'm like, it's there. It's chattering right away, right? It's talking. And for me, it's loud. I have a lot of internal dialogue, and it's very loud for me. So I hear it, but I just go, that's fine. Shout as much as you want. But this is the directive. I'll give you an example, like, literally this morning, I think we told you this before, but I have one pet peeve in my entire life. Like, I feel like I've done a good job of. Of all the spirituality, releasing all the Pet peeves. I can sit in traffic for nine hours, never complaining about traffic. I can have planes be late for, you know, seven different planes be late and change. I can stand those lines, changing my flight. Cool Hand Luke. Nothing. Doesn't faze me, doesn't bother me. People can say mean things, doesn't bother me. But you put those weed machines and those leaf blowers anywhere near me, and I lose my mind. A leaf blower. I will lose my mind, Ed. Like, completely. Like, my mind will go, wow. The problem is I live on a lot of acres. That noise is there.
- [32:21]
A
And you hide him in the video of your eyes.
- [32:25]
B
Right off camera is my. Where I work. So inevitably, quite a few, many of times throughout the week, this leaf blower goes on or this weed whacking goes on, or the lot, like some huge noise right out. I mean, five feet away from the window. And my mind will go crazy. And I will still finish the emails, the presentation, the script, the chapter, because that's the mission. The noise is not the mission. The noise is a distraction. The mission is the mission. And so if I tell myself, that's a thought, that's noise, but this is the mission directive wins over thought. And that's how you get discipline in your life, too. Just like when I wake up, I don't want to work out as much as Ed Mylett does, but I have to tell myself, okay, you don't feel like it. And everything's going, your brain's going, I don't know. I'm really not developing. I really don't feel like doing it. I'm really tired. That's the thoughts. But the directive is shoes on gym now. And so you have to let. You have to let. The directive wins. And those are conscious directives. And the more you give yourself conscious directives, the more over time, you teach yourself to override the doubt. And once you teach yourself to override the doubt, you've got superpowers compared to most people.
- [33:38]
A
That's exactly right, brother. You're exactly right. I believe it becomes habitual to take action during doubt, and it equally becomes habitual to not go shoes on, get up in the gym for the perfect metaphor. And you're 100% right. Like, I now pretty much work out regardless of conditions or circumstances. So what I said earlier is you got to keep your family safe. And in the world today, unfortunately, it goes beyond just having good locks or, you know, a little alarm dinger if someone comes through your front door. You got to do more than that. That's why I trust Simplisafe to protect my home and my family. It's about security that's proactive, not just reactive. Most security systems only kick in if someone breaks that's too late. Simply say active guard Outdoor protection helps stop break ins before they happen. AI powered cameras live monitoring agents detect suspicious activity around your property. If someone's lurking, you're going to know about it. Agents will talk to them in real time, turn on spotlights. They can even call the police, proactively deterring crime before it starts. They've been named the best home security system in 2025 for a reason. Monitoring plans start at a buck a day, 60 day money back guarantee. Visit simplisafe.com mylet to claim 50% off with a professional monitoring plan and get your first month free. That's simply safe.com mylet there's no safe like simply safe. My confidence can somewhat still be conditional on circumstances and it's, it can be fragile. My ability to take action is not. You become somebody that is very special and very unique when you, your actions are not conditional, nor are they circumstantial. And all that is is a habit. It becomes habitual one way or the other. And I think you have to have an awareness that you are one way. And one of the things that I almost get off on saying this to myself, but when I take action during doubt or fatigue or a lack of confidence, not only do I do it, but I make a deposit in the confidence bank. And so not do it. I go, I'm doing something 99 out of 100 won't do. And that's why I'm going to get something 99 out of 100 aren't going to get. And so I think it's imperative not just to take the right actions, but to then make a deposit in the credit account of your psyche, of who you are, of your neurobiochemistry, of your subconscious mind and going, hey, just so you know, you just did something almost nobody's willing to do. Most people when they got up with a bad back this morning and there's tragedy in their family, they gave themselves every out or most people aren't going to go do that next business deal when the last one flamed out and they got scammed. Most people aren't going to trust that next person they're dating because the last one hurt them. You've taught me something I want to say about you. You used a word when I first got to know you that you use a lot. And it stood out to me to this day. I've tried not to use it because it's your word, frankly. But you use the word aliveness, liveness. And you know what I've realized about myself, and I'll give you the last thought on today's topic, but I. I want to say something to you about how powerful that's been in my life. It's rare when you've been doing this as long as you and I are both doing it, quite frankly, that a new thought really grabs you. I need a lot of that. That aliveness thing. I needed more in my life. Just the enrichment of an experience when Brendan has it. We've had some wine together. Brendan doesn't just have wine.
- [37:14]
B
He.
- [37:15]
A
It's the richness of the experience. It's like you talk about the wine, where the grapes from. We smell it, we taste it, we swish it around in our mouth. What. What goes on the palate with it? What should you mix with it? Like, it's. Like, it's a rich experience. There's an aliveness to Brendan that he brings to experiences. And I want to acknowledge that about you. It's something. It might be my. I don't know. I got a thing about you. A lot of things, but, like, that's one of them. You know, there's aliveness. And so I've thought about that word now for years. And you know what I found out? I'm alive. When I take action during doubt, during fear, I feel alive. It's this. I got those butterflies. Those. I. In my first book, I called them those butterfly feelings. Like that Friday night feeling if you played high school football or had a. A softball game or a soccer game or whatever it was. There's a. That those butterflies you get. I think almost all the magic moments in life are preceded by these butterflies, which means there's a little bit of doubt. I almost chase these butterflies now. Like, you get butterflies over wine, Brendan. You do. I think I'm allowed to say, you're just on an amazing trip with your wife for two weeks to. Can I say where you were?
- [38:25]
B
Is it okay to say we're in France.
- [38:27]
A
France. And like, he's like, I drank too much. I ate too much. You know? And I'm like, yes, you should. That's a lot. That's. That's my guy. Where I'm there going, all right, let's not. Let's watch our diet. What's your Macros Ed? My let's version of aliveness, for me and for many of you is I'm alive when I'm doing something I doubt that I can do, there's a death to the antithesis of that. When you give in to doubt every time you're slowly dying, every time you give in to doubt, every time you just surrender, it's a death. The good news is you could be born again at any time. This concept we're talking about of taking that step during doubt, not the absence of it, but during it, will cause you to be alive instead of not. You're either growing or dying in your life. This is the perfect place to be at. So, anyway, those are my thoughts on it. That's my version of aliveness.
- [39:21]
B
I love it. I love it. At the end of the day, you know, I was treating this little triangle that the four things we truly want, aliveness, connection, meaningful pursuits, and growth in the middle. And aliveness most happen. Does it happens in motion. Aliveness happens in motion because your awareness kick on. Just like if you stare at your phone, you feel like you're dying because you're just scrolling. But if you go outside for a quick jog, your whole body, your whole being has to open up to your surroundings. And so in motion, like every part of your brain and your body turns on to balance yourself, to notice, to see. And that actually happens when you're making progress towards things that matter to you. And so if you make progress towards things that matter to you, all of a sudden there's like a different sense of vitality. I was walking, you know, Ed coaches way more athletes than I do, but I got to work with the super bowl winning team one time, and we were walking back in the tunnel and this, it was so funny. This super drunk fan leans over and screams to my guy, who's a tight end. Screams to my. Who I was coaching. Screams to my tight end guy. He goes, holy, that. And he screams this play. And he goes, I was fired up. He goes, I was fired up. And it was so funny because the football player who was literally in the arena, on the field, he goes, you think you are fired up. I was there and I just loved it. It was like spectator versus athlete. It feels good watching things in life. But when you're in the arena and you're on the field, it's levels above whatever the spectator will ever feel. Like when you're in a sports bar, everyone freaks out at a touchdown. That is like. That's a level one of emotion that the real guys feel when they're there and they held the ball. It's like 12 right and so it's like being in motion. Being alive is doing the thing. And that's why it's so important not to. I love what you. I never thought about that. That in too much doubt and too much delay and too much discouragement and stop. There's that defeat that leads to that feeling of spiritual death because you feel you have been defeated versus I'm alive because I'm still in motion. I love that metaphor. I think that's so important. You and I were talking too, about doubt right before we jumped on. I think it's so important just to end with this because it's so real for everybody right now. I want everybody to hear this. Everyone is doubting the future right now related to AI. They're like, oh, you know, they're doubting and delaying. They're already discouraged. They already think I'm going to lose my job or I'm going to do something. I just want to share to everybody, like, you'd better prepare. You better understand where the future is moving towards and prepare and skill up, develop competency there, not be afraid of it. I. I really do believe 30% of people are going to lose their job the next 12 to 18 months. 30%. Last time that happened was the Great Depression. Like, it's a massive, massive change in society that's coming, and people can't. They're not, like, comprehending where it's going. And I go, you don't have to know everything. Just start getting interested, start following all the leaders of all the big AI companies, start following their major engineers, start following their major PR people, start really understanding, like, what are they saying? What is coming? When is it coming? Why is it coming? Because what we're seeing right now is like a two out of a 12. And that 12 is going to be here in 18 to 24 months. And I think people who are still doubting, I'm like, what else do you have to know? You got 100 million people using ChatGPT. Well, maybe one day it'll become a thing. It's like it grew faster than Facebook. It grew faster than Instagram. Like, what. What do you need to know? It's here and you need to use it, leverage it in your workflows and, like, approach it. I'll end with this quick story. Recently, at least the time we were interviewing this, Tom Cruise was on the, sort of the red carpet for debuting one of his movies. And the interviewer, I'm sorry, I forgot what her name was, she asked him, she says, how do you deal with all this fear, like you're doing these stunts. I mean, you must be afraid. How do you deal with fear? And he just. I loved it. He stopped. He looked at the camera. You love this, Ed. He looks at the camera, he goes, Competency. That's how you deal with fear. You learn as much as you can about it so that when you have to do the thing, you're less scared. And whatever you feared, you prepared for so that you can deal with it in the moment. Competency. Develop competency. Learn the thing, know the thing, try the thing, get familiar with the thing, and then it's not so scary. But if you just. If you wander in late, it's like wandering in late to a huge meeting, right? A huge meeting. The most important meeting of your career is going on. If you come in late, you're gonna be terrified inside. But if you prepare, you show up first, you ask some of the questions, you're participating now. It's not so scary because that's competence. And so I just feel like people right now get in the game a little bit because this is an area of delay and doubt for so many people when it's so inevitable and already here, they just don't see it or they're pretending that they don't see it. At a time when this can be the very thing that can unlock so much value for you, for your family, for your business, for your team. It's probably the most exciting time since the. The. That first decade of the Internet. We're there now, except that decade is going to happen in two years. And so it's that, that, that. That level of adoption curve is way more exponential, and that development is way more exponential that I'm just like, get excited, people. Like, this is a really exciting time. No matter what your thoughts or concepts are, instead of bemoaning the meeting, prepare for the meeting.
- [45:03]
A
That was extraordinary. That was extraordinary. Yeah. Get to the meeting early, everybody. Don't wander into the meeting late. And the other thing is, I'm so glad we covered doubt today because we are now entering a time where you're going to have to function with some level of doubt as the world remakes itself again. And hardship. Right? And hardship. When the world remakes itself, there's more hardship and there's more doubt. And that's the time where you need to get to the meeting early and not lay in bed all day long. So good, brother. By the way, everybody, you want more of this? Go to growthday.com forward slash ed and share this episode. This is one for the ages. I love doing this with you, brother. It's. It's just an honor to serve with you, and I wish we did it every day. It's so good. My whole state's different than when we even started today because this has been a difficult time for my family. So thank you, brother. I love. I love you.
- [45:51]
B
You shared earlier about you took aliveness, you know, from something I teach her, and I do. But I also want to share. I have taken and learned that from you about dedication and family strength. I wish people listening knew how dedicated a man Ed was. Not because he has to. You know, if you saw his. How much he flies around the world to serve people. He doesn't need to do that. He's dedicated to something. And the amount of care and thought that he's put into his parenting, how he leads as a father, how he thinks about his family isn't just like, oh, let me solve this. He thinks generational. That's. It's. He's a dedicated man. Beyond even just the immediate circumstance, he's a dedicated man to the future. And I've learned that from you because I've seen you have to slog through things. And so when I'm slogging through things, I'm like, man, if I think I'm slogging, Ed is killing it, like. And I'll just get, like, I'll get fired up because I see your dedication win so many times, so many miles, so many places, and it inspires me, brother.
- [46:55]
A
So kind, man. You're so sweet. Thank you, Brennan, so much for saying that. I love you. It's great to have great friends it's great to have great friends and share great memories and great moments and be fully present with them like we were today. All right, everybody, share today's show. God bless you. Max out. This is the Ed Milan show.