How To Grow Everyday & Do The Hard Thing!

Summary

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THE ED MYLETT SHOW

Episode: How To Grow Everyday & Do The Hard Thing!
Date: October 11, 2025
Host: Ed Mylett
Guests: Tony Robbins, Rob Dyrdek, Steve Weatherford, Brendon Burchard, Christina P, Tom Bilyeu

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Overview

This episode dives deep into the art of personal growth, resilience, and achievement. Ed Mylett brings together a powerhouse line-up—Tony Robbins, Rob Dyrdek, Steve Weatherford, Brendon Burchard, Christina P, and Tom Bilyeu—to candidly discuss how to condition change, live with intention, appreciate life’s moments, overcome inner battles, and ultimately, grow a little every single day. Each segment is rich with both actionable advice and profound personal stories, blending Ed’s passionate style with the guests’ raw authenticity.

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Key Discussion Points

1. THE POWER OF DECISION & DESPERATION

(Ed Mylett, solo, 01:44–10:00)

• One decision can change your life:
  “You are one decision away from changing your life… There’s a contact you need to make, a job you need to quit, a relationship you need to enter or leave. I don’t know what it is, but I know there’s a decision you need to make.”—Ed Mylett [01:44]

• Use desperation as fuel:
  Ed reframes desperation as a catalyst for action, arguing it sparks focus and courage in ways comfort cannot.

• Obsessions become possessions:
  “What you obsess about most regularly, you will eventually possess…The challenge is most people obsess about what they fear, not what they want.”—Ed Mylett [03:51]

• Identity as your ‘thermostat’:
  Ed introduces the analogy of the ‘internal thermostat’—our identity sets the temperature for every area of our lives, impacting our achievements and ability to change.

• Blissful dissatisfaction:
  Enjoy where you are while still striving for more; delaying happiness robs you of drive.

• Stories of feeling special:
  He recalls his “Papa” making him feel special—and urges listeners to resurrect or find that feeling again and live up to it.

2. CONDITIONING & IMMERSION FOR CHANGE

Featuring Tony Robbins (16:10–25:35)

• Patterns, routines & immersion:
  Tony explains lasting change comes from conditioning:
  “When you want to change something, you change the body, you change your focus, and you change your language. When you change all three of those things, radically, everything shifts.”—Tony Robbins [16:10]

• Incantations over affirmations:
  Speaking beliefs with your body and voice (“incantations”) supercharges changes in self-perception.

• Biochemical basis of peak performance:
  Robbins details how total immersion events reprogram the mind and biochemistry; success is tied to emotional and physical energy.

• Retention & emotional energy:
  Peak experiences (like those in his seminars/events) create lasting change because they alter both mind and body at a biochemical level.

• Anchoring goals to physical activity:
  “Success, bliss, achievement—ecstasy is a biochemistry.”—Ed Mylett [25:35]
  Anchor your intentions and dreams during elevated physical/emotional states for maximum effect.

3. LIVING DELIBERATELY & APPRECIATING THE NOW

Featuring Rob Dyrdek (27:29–37:00)

• Rob Dyrdek on optimizing life:
  Structured life design for balance:
  “Everything is systematized around full balance. I take my first meeting 11:00 AM, last at 5:00. It never changes. I fit my ambitions inside life, not the other way around.”—Rob Dyrdek [29:01]

• Extreme stunts & life reflection:
  Rob’s stunts (from sharks, tigers, to horse racing) serve as metaphors for calculated risk-taking, facing fear, and the importance of being present.

• Facing near-death:
  Rob’s recounting of a surf stunt gone wrong highlights how emotions and mindset (calmness, surrender) dictate outcomes in risky situations.

4. ACHIEVEMENT VS. SELF-WORTH

Featuring Steve Weatherford (38:46–55:02)

• Imposter syndrome & NFL success:
  “I’m in between the greatest. One of the greatest college football players of all time and Drew freaking Brees… I don’t belong here.”—Steve Weatherford [39:32]

• Achievement doesn't equal fulfillment:
  Despite winning a Super Bowl and financial success, Steve grapples with self-acceptance:
  “Money doesn’t make you happy. A marriage won’t make you happy. Kids won’t make you happy. It’s until you look in the mirror and love the person looking back, which I’m only beginning to do.”—Steve Weatherford [41:28]

• Framework happiness vs. instant gratification:
  Happiness from achievement fades; true fulfillment comes from self-pride and growth in the process, not the outcome.

• Hiding pain behind achievement:
  Both Ed and Steve open up about how over-achievers often mask personal struggles with success; self-compassion and empathy for oneself is often lacking.

5. HIGH PERFORMANCE HABITS & FOCUS

Featuring Brendon Burchard (55:49–70:35)

• Deliberate, not automatic, habits matter:
  “High performance requires deliberate habits… You have to force yourself; it’s never easy, it’s never automatic. The top difference is they go the extra mile, the hard work.”—Brendon Burchard [56:06]

• Clarity & intention revisited daily:
  “High performers revisit their goals and intentions every day, not just once a year.”—Brendon Burchard [58:22]

• Generating energy & engagement:
  The world’s best don’t wait for joy or success, they generate it. Productivity is about capturing wasted time and devoting it to “efforts of impact.”

  “If we get you one hour of focus back a day, that’s an extra workday a week. That’s unfair advantage.”—Brendon Burchard [60:22]

• Self-awareness practices:
  Journaling, meditation, and reflection are habits of the highest achievers.

• Shift from passive consumption to creation and growth-oriented thinking.

6. THE POWER OF MEANING & FORGIVENESS

Featuring Christina P (72:04–86:50)

• Life as radical self-determinism:
  “You can choose your life. Life can push me around, or I can move the ball. This is the biggest lesson I’ve learned and teach my boys.”—Christina P [72:04]

• Meaning comes from attributing value to experience:
  After a severe injury and a ketamine-induced realization, Christina realized the true meaning of life lies in relationships and presence—not career or status.

• Forgiveness and empathy:
  Christina describes how, through her experience, she was able to truly forgive her parents—and understand their limitations from a place of empathy instead of resentment.

• Letting go of outcomes:
  Both Christina and Ed discuss the paradox of achieving more joy by letting go of controlling every outcome and focusing on what truly matters.

7. FROM EMPTY DREAMER TO ENTREPRENEUR

Featuring Tom Bilyeu (88:06–100:36)

• Overcoming initial mediocrity:
  Tom confesses his lack of “promise” as a youth, his experience cheating in high school, and how hitting rock bottom led him to develop real skills and relentless drive.

• Deliberate effort over talent:
  His story exemplifies how intentional hard work, not innate talent, is what produces transformation.

• Reframing failure:
  Tom’s painful failure at film school forced him to confront self-delusion about talent and redirected him to a path of impact, service, and continued growth.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Ed Mylett:
  “Decisions shape our destiny when they're backed up by some massive ass action.” [01:44]
  “Your identity is like a thermostat setting for your entire life.” [05:52]
  “Stop negotiating the price. Make the decision that any price is worth it to make your dream happen.” [08:46]

• Tony Robbins:
  “Change your body, change your focus, and change your language. When you change all three, everything shifts.” [16:10]
  “When you do incantations... you’re engaging mind, body, and emotions at once. That’s conditioning.” [16:10]
  “Total immersion—where we engage your biochemistry and emotion—is the most powerful way to change.” [23:49]

• Rob Dyrdek:
  “Everything is systematized around full balance…I don’t compromise my schedule and my time with family.” [29:01]
  “When your life is on the line, nothing else matters. You get into a deeply calm place of focus.” [34:29]

• Steve Weatherford:
  “I made $15 million kicking a football. Another couple million in business. Money doesn’t make you happy… Until you look in the mirror and love who you are.” [41:28]
  “My instinct is to go to a place of self-hatred in order to motivate myself. I’m trying to reprogram that to pursue from a place of love.” [42:50]

• Brendon Burchard:
  “High performance requires deliberate habits…It’s the tough work of life to go to another level.” [56:06]
  “High performers spend 60% of their week on efforts of impact…that move the needle.” [62:41]

• Christina P:
  “You can choose your life. Life can push you around or you can move the ball.” [72:04]
  “Attribute meaning to tragedy deliberately, and it’s redemptive.” [77:51]

• Tom Bilyeu:
  “Most people, just thinking about the fantasy of what they’re going to do, gives them some sense of having done it. I stopped letting that be okay for me.” [89:43]

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Important Timestamps & Segments

• 00:00–01:44: Ed’s intro—decision-making and the transformative power of a single choice.
• 01:44–10:00: Ed’s solo motivational segment on identity, obsession, and taking massive action.
• 16:10–25:35: Tony Robbins on conditioning change, incantations, and biochemistry of success.
• 27:29–37:00: Rob Dyrdek on life optimization, facing fear, and designing for family and happiness.
• 38:46–55:02: Steve Weatherford on imposter syndrome, unhappiness with achievement, and the journey to self-love.
• 55:49–70:35: Brendon Burchard on high performance habits, focus, and practices of self-awareness.
• 72:04–86:50: Christina P on the power of meaning, family, and forgiveness.
• 88:06–100:36: Tom Bilyeu on overcoming mediocrity, effort vs. talent, and reframing failure.

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Episode Takeaways

• Growth requires both intention and intense, sometimes uncomfortable, action.
• Immersion and repeated exposure (physical, emotional, mental) are keys to conditioning change.
• Achievement is hollow without self-acceptance and fulfillment through meaningful relationships and service.
• Success is not solely about outcome, but about the deliberate daily habits you cultivate and the meaning you attach to your journey.
• Forgiveness and empathy—especially toward oneself and your upbringing—are critical to true happiness.
• Hard work and deliberate effort often outweigh innate talent or initial circumstances.

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Listen for These Memorable Moments

• Ed describing the “thermostat” of identity [05:52]
• Tony Robbins on incantations and biochemistry [16:10]
• Rob Dyrdek’s scariest stunt and the mind’s role in pushing through fear [34:28]
• Steve Weatherford’s raw honesty about self-worth post-NFL [41:28]
• Brendon Burchard revealing 60% of high performers’ time is on needle-moving tasks [62:41]
• Christina P’s story of forgiving her parents while on ketamine [81:28]
• Tom Bilyeu’s revelation after failing his senior thesis and redirecting his life ambition [99:33]

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This episode is a masterclass in self-mastery, resilience, emotional fluency, and the real work of high achievement. Whether you’re looking for a motivational spark or detailed strategies for deep, lasting change, it’s packed with stories, science, and soul.

Transcript

[Ed Mylett]

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy. Just drop in some details about yourself and see if you're eligible to save money when you bundle your home and auto policies. The process only takes minutes and it could mean hundreds more in your pocket. Visit progressive.com after this episode to see if you could save Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states. Hey guys, it's Ed. I rarely do this. As you know, 99.9 of my content is free. But once a year I do something where I gather a very small group of people in my house. I've done it for two years in a row now and I'm going to do it again this year. I'm going to do an experience in my home where I'm going to take you through how to make 2026 the best year of your life. All of the tactics and strategies that I use to plan and organize my own life in detail, same time. All of the mental rehearsal and visualization techniques that people pay me hundreds of millions of dollars a year to teach them, I just wanted to Day is not something that I take very lightly. One thing you should know full disclosure is once this is sold out, I'm not adding extra days. And so last year this sold out within about 24 hours. This year I'm keeping the groups to 12, maybe 15 people. And so if you're inclined to spend the day with me, I would encourage you to take action now because truly this will be sold out probably within 24 to 48 hours. Click the link below and you can get rolling to spend a day with me in my home.

[Tony Robbins]

This is the Ed Miler Show.

[Ed Mylett (continued motivational speech)]

Hey everyone. Welcome to my weekend special. I hope you enjoy the show.

[Ed Mylett]

Be sure to follow the Ed Mylett show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way.

[Ed Mylett (continued motivational speech)]

I want to remind you of something. You are one decision away from changing your life. And you have to accept that you're one new meeting, one new relationship, one new contact, one new action, one new decision away from shifting your life from where it is right now to a totally different place. So what's the decision? You already know? I could go backstage now. There's something you've been hesitating on. There's a contact you need to make, isn't there? There's a job you need to quit. There's a relationship you need to engage in. Maybe there's a relationship you need to leave. I don't know what it is, but I know there's a decision that you need to make to take you to the next level. Just like I know that's true for me. Because decisions shape our destiny when they're backed up by some massive ass action. Okay, but you can't take the action if you don't decide. Everyone say yes. People avoid being desperate. Think of the fact they come here tonight and they're down. They're not where they want to be financially. Their relationships aren't what they want. Maybe they're in a desperate place. And you might think that's a negative thing. But when you're in a desperate place, you take the best actions. Desperation is a great place to be. Those of you that are achieving. One of the reasons the achievement is slowed down is you've allowed yourself to feel less desperate. When you were broke and starting your business, or when you were brand new in your relationship and you were desperate to get her to love you, or desperate to get him to love you, you took massive big action. How many of you are moms in the room? Raise your hand. You moms. If you woke up tomorrow morning and your baby wasn't in their bed, would you be desperate right away? Yes or no? Big time desperation. You wouldn't be thinking about what you need to do. You'd be acting, wouldn't you? You'd immediately make the decision. You take massive action. You search the house, you'd go into the street. Would you worry if your makeup was on right? How you looked, what people thought about you? You wouldn't. Would you have to have the perfect plan to go find your baby that's missing? You wouldn't need any of that because you were desperate. When you remove desperation, all this bullshit creeps into your life where you think you have to have the perfect plan and look the perfect way and have the perfect thoughts and be all zen and perfect? What you need is to be desperate. What you need is to get after it. And I want you to get desperate to make that decision.

[Ed Mylett]

Why?

[Ed Mylett (continued motivational speech)]

Because our obsessions become our possessions. What you obsess about most regularly, you will eventually possess in your life. The challenge for most people, sisters and brothers, is that we obsess on the things we're fearful of, what we don't have, what we're worried about, and then we end up possessing those things over and over again rather than programming ourselves to become obsessed with what we want, what our dreams are, what we believe we deserve. When we become obsessed about those things long term, we end up possessing those things. Can I get an amen for that? Yes.

[Ed Mylett]

Yeah.

[Ed Mylett (continued motivational speech)]

Most of us don't replace the external parts of our lives because those things happen naturally, without thought. The external results of our life in order to replace ourselves with the next best version requires intention, requires obsession, requires desperation. Everyone with me on that say yes. So it's not unnatural to change your friends that think you're crazy to have started your business or come to a seminar or spend money you don't have. They're the crazy ones. It's unnatural to be the same person you are right now. Next year, for all of you in here, the 35 year old, you should be gone next year forever. And there should be a brand new better 36 year old you 20 year olds, there should be a better 21 year old next year. You, you should constantly be replacing yourself just like your bones do, just like your lungs do, just like your cells do. It's natural to be replacing ourselves, but we're around people who aren't, so we think it's natural not to. So the way that I changed my life first is I worked on my identity. Your identity is the thoughts, concepts and beliefs that you hold to be most true about yourself. Stay with me. Here's how it works. This is how life works. I can teach you all of the mechanics of winning, but winning is about 75% psychology, about 25% mechanics. And if you can't get the psychology part right, you can do all the actions perfectly. And you've proven this to yourself several times and still not produce the results you want. Here's why. Your identity is like a thermostat setting.

[Ed Mylett]

For your entire life.

[Ed Mylett (continued motivational speech)]

So there's a thermostat in this room. It set the room to a temperature. Let's just say it's 75 degrees. Guess what sets the temperature for the entire room? The thermostat. This is how life works too. It's not the external things that enter our lives that dictate what our life is like in this room. If we open the door and hot air BLEW in here, 90 degrees of air blew in, right? What would the thermostat do? It would regulate the room, turn the air conditioner on and cool the room back to 75 degrees. Am I right or am I right? That's what happens in your life. You have a thermostat setting for your relationships, for your faith, for your money, for your wellness, for your body, for for your spirituality, for your business. And what's happened to you over and over again is you start to get, you're a 75 degree or let's say in business, and you start to get it going, don't you? It's going better than it's ever gone before. The results are incredible. And then all of a sudden, 90 days later, you've cooled your life back down to 75 degrees again. You've had great relationships in your life, but you're a 75 degree or inside, the relationship's beautiful, it's wonderful, everything's incredible. You, 90 days later, you've cooled it back down to 75 degrees in your body. You've got a 75 degree identity physically, and you got in shape, you started eating good, you were working out your 90, 95 degree body. 90 days later, you cooled it back down to 75 again. This regulates everything in our life. So you can't get out over your skis, you can't exceed your identity long term. It'll never happen. This is why people's lives, yo, yo, up and down, because they always work on the external mechanics and not the internal identity of their lives. And this governs your happiness, your peace, your fitness, your money, all of it. I'm standing up here because I'm great at adjusting my thermostat setting. I believe in something called blissful dissatisfaction. There's a misnomer in the world that, man. For a lot of competitive people, drivers like, hey, if I enjoy myself right now, I'm gonna lose all my drive just going to delay my happiness. Number one problem in the world today is people say I'm going to delay my happiness until a future time. Once I get that relationship, then I'll let myself be happy. Once I have the house, then I'll be happy. Once I have the car, then I'll be happy. Once I have the promotion, I'll be happy. Once I have a certain amount of money, then I'll be happy. The problem is you have to bring you to all those places. And people think, if I lose, if I let myself enjoy my life right now, I might lose my edge. The athletes I coach think that all the time. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, if you don't enjoy the victories as you go, your brain doesn't produce any dopamine and you actually lose the desire to continue to perform. There's a direct correlation between celebrating your wins and wanting to do more of them. See, when I was broke, and I was broke longer than I've been rich, you know what I'd always do when I walk into a store. I'd never get what I wanted. I'd always check the price tag. What's it cost? What's it cost? What's it cost? What's it cost? And when you're always looking at what it costs, you never get what you want. And a lot of us do that in our lives. Every day, we're repeating ourselves. What's this costing me? The sacrifice.

[Tony Robbins]

I'm going.

[Ed Mylett (continued motivational speech)]

I don't know if I could go through anymore. And you lose what you want. You got to quit negotiating the price right now. Make the decision that any price is worth it as long as it's legal, ethical and moral. For you to make your family proud of you, for you to make your dream happen. Stop negotiating the price. This negotiation you keep doing in your mind, you keep. Is this really where I'm supposed to be? Is this what I'm supposed to be doing? Steals all your energy. It steals your focus. But those of you that get laser focused, become totally immersed in your dream. That know those babies of yours, your parents, guess what? They're worth the sacrifice. Probably when you were a little one. I got three minutes, guys. Probably when you were a little boy or a little girl. Here's what. I'll bet there was somebody in your life at some point, I pray, that made you feel special. Maybe one. Maybe they've even passed away. Maybe it was a grandma or a grandpa or a parent who's got chills or a coach or somebody that just. They made you feel special. Mine was my papa. I'm named after him, Edward iii. We'd ride in his van on Sundays to go get donuts. And I'd sit there and he'd just look at me, Eddie, you're the special one.

[Ed Mylett]

And he'd look at him and say, I am Papa. He goes, you're the special.

[Ed Mylett (continued motivational speech)]

You're my favorite grandson. He had 15 grandkids.

[Ed Mylett]

He'd always tell me, you're my favorite.

[Ed Mylett (continued motivational speech)]

He probably told all of them, but I get chills right now.

[Tony Robbins]

You.

[Ed Mylett (continued motivational speech)]

He made me feel special. Can you remember that person in your life and how they made you feel when you were a little boy or a little girl? You just felt something with them, didn't you? You just. Man, I was born for a reason. I'm special. I'm supposed to be somebody. I'm supposed to make a difference in my life. Let me tell you something. Whoever that person was, if you were blessed to have them, listen, they were right about you. And maybe over the Time of your life and your childhood and grade school. And you get into the world and business doesn't work and a relationship and you forget. But I'm here to remind you tonight they were right. And what you're really after is that feeling. What you're really after is the way they made you feel is living up to it. Because at the end of our lives, I don't know whether or not you're going to live. But I know for sure you're going to die. And I don't know whether or not you're gonna live before you die. Most of us are not living. Cause we're so worried about what everybody thinks about us. Or maybe what we don't feel about ourselves. Let me say something to you real clear. If you spend the rest of your life worrying about everybody thinks about you. Someday you'll never have to worry about it again. Because when you die, nobody will remember you were here. Stop worrying about what these people think about you. Live your dream. Worry about the people you love. By the way, I know some of the very people you're doing it for. The ones not supporting you. They're the ones telling you to quit. They're the ones giving you heck. Just do it anyway. I have this theory that someday when I die, and as a Christian, I believe I get to meet the Lord. I don't care if you believe it's energy, Allah, I don't care. But I have this belief that when I die, he'll say, well done, good and faithful servant. But here's what I think happens. I think he introduces me to the man I was born to be. The destiny version of me. I think you get introduced to that woman someday. This is who I made you to be. This is who you could have been, man. These are the experiences, the people you could have helped. The contribution, the moments, the memory, the magic, the way you could feel about yourself. Meet him. Meet her. This is who you were born to be to me. Heaven. Heaven. I don't know what it looks like. I don't know if it's energy or a place you go. But heaven to me is when I meet that man. We're identical twins. I did it all. And he goes, man, I've been watching you. And I go, brother, I've been chasing you all my life. He goes, you caught me. I watched you. I'm so proud of you. You did it all right. Hell would be meeting that person someday. And you're total strangers would with them. I don't want you to have that happen at the end of your life, where all these things you are capable of, all the possibilities, all the moments, all the travel, all the trips, all the help, all the contribution, none of it happens because you won't fight for your family. You won't get obsessed for what you want. You won't transfer energy to people. You won't stop negotiating the price. You won't program your reticular activating system. You won't work on your identity. All that's on the line is your dadgum life. That's all. Just your life. That's all we're talking about here, is just you. Your precious soul who's enough, who's got greatness in them, who can do whatever he or she ever dreamed of if they'll just start believing it, if they'll start taking massive action. You were born to do something great with your life. You were born to do something magic. In small ways and big ways, in quiet ways. Maybe it's not gonna be millions of dollars. Maybe it's gonna be one person you inspire with your story, what you overcome. One kind word, one message, one moment with one person can change the world. And I know you're capable of it. And whoever made you feel special, and if there was nobody like that in your life. I apply for the position if you're with me daily in my podcast and my media and my social media. I apply for the position to believe in you. Because I know how great you are. I know what you're capable of. I know this. Your dream's gonna be tattered all the time. Sometimes you just gotta hold it together with hope. Sometimes you gotta hold together a little Velcro, right? I don't know what you gotta hold it together with, but here's what I know about you last. Listen to me. You were born to do something special with your life. You're not invisible. You're loved, you're cared for, you're cherished, you're believed in. You came here with a purpose. I don't say that to inspire you. I tried to give you some tools to help you. I've got hundreds of other tools I can help you with if you follow my stuff. Existing in the world for the next 50 years just to serve people, just to help you, just to hopefully contribute to your life, to be a tough guy and tell you to fight, but to be your biggest advocate and your.

[Ed Mylett]

Biggest believer as well.

[Ed Mylett (continued motivational speech)]

So I'm over on my time. God bless you and max out the rest of your life.

[Tony Robbins]

Thank you.

[Ed Mylett]

Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Now on to our next guest.

[Ed Mylett (continued motivational speech)]

All right, welcome back to the show, everybody. My guest today, been a friend of.

[Ed Mylett]

Mine for almost 30 years. I was thinking about as I was prepping for this. I've known him for 30 years.

[Tony Robbins]

Holy cow.

[Ed Mylett]

And he's a, Is that crazy? He's a, he's a global icon and he's the number one life and business strategist on the planet. Peak performance expert, New York Times bestselling author over and over again. My favorite part about him is his entrepreneurial spirit, which a lot of people don't know about because they see him just changing other people's lives. And his philanthropy work is unprecedented. And he's somebody that I admire, I've look up to and has made a huge impact and difference in my life, as I know he has for millions of you. So, Tony Robbins, welcome back to the show.

[Tony Robbins]

Brother Ed, good to see you, man. You look like you're in great shape. A big surprise, your workout fiend. I love seeing you so healthy and strong.

[Ed Mylett]

Thank you, man. I'm trying to hold together. Likewise. And by the way, when you're looking at this, Everybody, he is 10 years older than me, even though it doesn't look like it. So I'm going to probably throw a stronger filter on this today than I normally do. I wanted to ask it and that is how does someone condition change? So you use the word patterns.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Ed Mylett]

And in both of our work with different people, they've got where they've got because they've developed these patterns and maybe they do read a book or they come to a one day event or something like that and there's change. But how do you condition change in somebody? Is that what you would call immersion over a three day window or is it some habitual change when they get back that's task or routine oriented? Conditioning. Change is kind of the rub. I think it's like the next level of, of advice that's given to somebody that, you know, I don't see being discussed very often. I think it's a hard question. So I'm curious as to what your answer is about conditioning a change.

[Tony Robbins]

Let me give you two quick answers to it. One is how I did originally because I didn't know how. Right. I started reading all these books. The first book I read when I was, you know, just, you know, 17 years old, my mom kicked my dad Out. She chased me out with a knife. I knew she wouldn't kill me, but I wasn't going back in that house. And. And I was like, okay, I'm walking in the rain, trying to figure out what to do. I stayed in the laundry room of. On the second night, first night on the hill, and it rained. So the next night in the laundry room of a friend's. And I had small amount of money, like, I don't 19, 20 bucks. And I took the bus and I went to this bookstore I'd seen years ago before. And I got this book called the Magic of Believing by Claude and Bristol. And in the book it talked about conditioning your mind and that. It talked about not affirmations. I'm happy, I'm happy, I'm happy. And your brain goes, B.S. you're not happy. But incantations is when you speak it, you engage your body with such intensity. Now, today I understand when you want to change something, you change the body, you change your focus, and you change your language. When you change all three of those things radically, somebody's depressed, uses their body a certain way. They talk with a certain tone of voice. They focus on what they can't control. They focus on things in the past they can't shift. They focus on what's missing, and it's not hard to figure out what's going to happen. They use words like, I tried, I can't, I don't know. There's what I call a triad. These three things are done a certain way. When you're depressed. If you change that person's body radically, the tempo they speak, their voice, you change their focus to what they are in control of. You change their language. Everything shifts. Well, when you do incantations, think of, like, affirmations, only speaking it aloud with total intensity, over and over again with repetition. It's like conditioning your mind, your body and your emotions at once. So I was working in these two banks. Mom kicked me out. And they were in San Marino, California, near Pasadena, California. And I worked there. I was still in high school. And I would take the buses there because they didn't have a car. My mom kept my car. It was a 1960 Volkswagen Bug. And I got there and I cleaned the banks because it wasn't by the hour, it was by the result. So I cleaned two banks. I was really good at it. I did a really good job. And by finished, by two in the morning, I get on the bus. By 3:30 in the morning, I'm home. I go to sleep, wake up on four hours sleep and go to school. It was pretty brutal. One night I come out of the bank, change my entire life. I'm waiting for the bus, waiting for the bus, waiting for the bus. 45 minutes, no bus, there's nobody around. It's three in the morning, I got to get home. What the hell am I going to do? I know I can call and do this. I'm a million miles away. So all of a sudden, the guy comes creeping down the street and he rolls down his window, goes, hey, buddy, I'm at the bus stop. He goes, didn't you see the paper? There's a bus strike. There's no way to get home. So what did I do? Part of it was initially anger with my mother kicking me out. And I'll show her. But then I remember I read this book. So I was doing these fantastic. Every day and every way, I'm getting stronger and stronger. Every day, every way, I'm getting. Every day, in every way, I'm getting stronger. Every day, in every way, I'm getting stronger and stronger. I did that for the first 20 minutes, then happier and happier, healthier. I ran 13 and a half miles. I never run two miles in my entire life. It became the power that I still tap into this day. I literally found a part of myself by demand, by conditioning. By the end of that, like, I was utterly certain what I can do. You know, when you see an athlete, a kicker, you know, on a football team, a basketball player about to a free throw and you think they're going to miss it, you can tell before they release the ball or kick the ball, they're going to miss. You see, they're lacking certainty. When you look at somebody like Steph and he releases that ball and he turns and doesn't even look and it's already a swish. People go, oh my God, he's a genius. No, he's being rewarded in public. For what? He's practiced a billion times in private. Steph told me he shoots. I've seen him 500 shots every single day of his entire adult life from the time he was a teenager. But just take his 15 year career, 500 shots a day, 14,000 shots a month, 168,000 shots a year. 15 year career, that's 2.52 million shots he's taken to make 3,300 to be the greatest three point shooter in history. That's conditioning, right? You do it, you do it, you do it, you do it. But there is a way to speed it up. When Stanford Came to me and wanted to do that study on depression a couple of years ago during COVID They wanted to see, they saw the results, they couldn't believe it, right. People that get depressed, they had two professors that had gone, no more clinical depression whatsoever. So they want to do the study. The most people, 40, 60% of people that get treated with drugs or treat or psychological treatment are still depressed. That's the meta studies. 40% improve, average improvement, 50% their half is depressed. They did it with us. 100% of the people after five days from date with Destiny, not a single person. A year later, 11 months later, nobody did it. 17% of the people had suicidal ideation. None was suicidal ideation. How did that work? Well, we changed their perceptual filters, what people focused on, what the things meant to them, what they do. But we did it for five or six days and nights of total immersion. And since they followed me for three years biochemically, they were interested because they discovered this biochemistry that Tom Brady experiences that the Tampa Bay hockey team that's won so many Stanley Cups, you know, lightning have done. They go into a state, if Tom Brady's down in the fourth quarter by 10 points and he's got two minutes, there's no way you're going to win the game. Something happens to him biochemically. That happens to me every time I'm on stage because they measure me for three years. They call it the championship biochemistry. My testosterone surges to a level that's insane, but so does my audience. They follow me. So at that level, anything you think about, you remember. That's why the retention is so high. You remember where you were in 9, 11, you don't remember where you were in 8, 11, you don't remember those moments because there's not enough emotion. There's so much emotion. Secondly, normally there would be a huge amount of cortisol, that's the stress hormone that gets in the way of your performance. For Tom, for Tampa. For me, my cortisol drops through the floor while my testosterone is rising. That puts you in this state of absolute push, certainty and drive. Doesn't guarantee you're going to win, but it increases your chances about 100 fold. My audience, not only my live audience, my live audience, when we went during COVID to digital where I had people in 195 countries participating, like we're going to do, for example, for the three days they went around, sent people to 15 different countries, took their blood just like me, took their saliva, measured them, every single one of them went through this exact same pattern. And that's why 11 months later, 72% decrease. And I've never seen them again. 72% decrease in negative emotions. 52% increase. And positive emotions in business, it's all engagement. They measure engaged, disengaged, actively disengaged. Engage you really into it. Disengaged is like quiet quitting. You do the minimum actively disengaged of people that are angry and actually trying to screw you over in your own business. Covid. Four years destroyed engagement more than any time in the history of the measurements. And at levels no one could even dream of. The one that grew the most was active disengagement. People actually angry, trying to mess up the company. We did in six days. They're doing a one year study. Most studies like this are a month to three months. Largest one they've ever done. 750 people at the end of the six days. Update with Destiny. Five and a half days. Every single person was higher than they were before. COVID Meaning their engagement was through the roof. But what's really cool is they're measuring it. The year ends this month, but I saw the six month review. Every month they increase their engagement and their effectiveness. And I never spoke to them yet I never saw them again. Why? Because it's in their biochemistry.

[Christina P]

Why?

[Tony Robbins]

Because they have whole new filters in their brain. So you can do it through incantations or you can do it through some form of immersion. They took the best professor at Stanford, won all these awards, had him teach my exact content as a contrast group, word for word, but without the things I do to change biochemistry. And he still got 300% increases in retention that he's never seen before on the content. But mine was 3,000%. Right. And his wore off after, I think it was eight weeks. And mine a year later was still producing the results. So there is a science to changing your conditioning. So you can do it rote by incantation, do it rote by having new rituals. There's so many ways you can do it. But the most powerful way I know of is total immersion. Where we engage your biochemistry and your emotion. And what's so cool about it is time disappears. You know, we ask people, what's a long time? Some people say a century, some people say two minutes. Right. A long time is anytime you're not enjoying yourself. You know, a minute can feel like eternity if it's a horrible experience. But if you're having a great time, time disappears. And you know, even the events we go 12 hours a day, literally around the world. When I'm doing my events here, like the last event I just did to hear Date with Destiny, we had people in 195 countries. So it's every country in the world. We had like we start here at 10am it's already midnight in Australia they go from midnight to about 1 in the afternoon for six straight days in a row. And we lost 1% of the people. Give you an idea. It's that engaging, right? They're in a whole different time zone. It doesn't matter. They're in the zone. And our biochemistry has changed. And so that's why I love books. But the reason I still do seminars is because there's nothing like an immersion experience like that now. People can do it from anywhere on earth or they can come in person and do it too. Because now that CO is over, we do both.

[Ed Mylett]

Yeah. And that's by way this event@join Tony100.com I want you to go. It's just. That's because you have immersion over three days. Here's what I just want you all to do. So I'll give you my simple language from that. Success, bliss, achievement. Ecstasy is a biochemistry. Yes, It's a neurochemistry and a biochemistry. And so if you want to find those states of being a biochemistry, and so just for a lot of you, something really simple to do when you're training physically, if you work out, you run, you walk, these are times where you should be anchoring your goals and your visions of your life. When you're in that elevated state of neuro and biochemistry, it's just a much more powerful anchoring and conditioning for you to create a change in your life. And so elevated emotional or physical states and anchoring the things that you want in your life, your visions and your goals and your ambitions. Now you're anchoring the biochemistry and the neurochemistry. The likelihood of those things happening and repeating themselves becomes that much higher. This is important stuff for you guys. That was a great conversation. And if you want to hear the full interview, be sure to follow the Ed Mylett show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Here's an excerpt I did with our next guest. Welcome back to Max Out. I'm Ed Mylett and I'm so excited to bring you the program today. The man to my left is literally one of the most interesting men in the world. And at least for me, I can tell you that today it's been something I've been looking forward to for a long time to pick this big brain of his. You probably recognize his face and most of you know his name. This is Rob Dyrdek. And this is a guy who, at 16 years old, dropped out of high school. He founded a professional skateboarding league. He's been a professional skateboarder. He's got 21 Guinness World Records. He's a media stud. He's a rock star in the entrepreneurial space. He's a branding master. But most importantly for me, this is a guy who's a tremendous husband and a great father, and we're going to pick his brain about how he's accomplished all of those things here today. So thank you for being here, brother.

[Rob Dyrdek]

Thanks for having me. You know, I've seen it in video now to experience what it's actually like to be here live.

[Steve Weatherford]

It's.

[Rob Dyrdek]

It's so much more beautiful and remarkable than I could ever imagine.

[Ed Mylett (continued motivational speech)]

Thank you, man.

[Ed Mylett]

I appreciate that for all the achievers, though, and for me, like, I just want you to know something that you take. You mention it, but I got to be honest with you. One of the things you're supposed to say to me, I don't think I personally, and I'm an achiever and I enjoy my life and, you know, people come to me for advice on how to live better, but I think I could do a better job of telling myself, hey, man, stop what you've said, the flight to Catalina, the shark thing, like, stop. I think achievers have to do that once a while. Stop. Appreciate this moment for a second, man. It's not coming back again, you know, and I, you and I are talking about your kids at their ages, and, you know, it made me think, did I appreciate all those moments when they were 2, when they were infants, when they were 3, when they were 8 and 10. And I didn't, you know, and I wish I could go back in those moments.

[Rob Dyrdek]

Think about it, too, though. You think about how optimized you are as a man today versus when they were born.

[Tony Robbins]

True.

[Ed Mylett]

Right?

[Rob Dyrdek]

And the lucky thing for me is I had evolved to a place where being super efficient and using my energy for what I'm only passionate about and having clear goals and vision for life is the foundation that I started with for the family. So I've never missed a pediatrician appointment. I. I've rarely. I've never missed waking them up very rarely when I'm gone or putting them to bed.

[Tony Robbins]

Right.

[Rob Dyrdek]

And that's by design. That's by moving out of a fantasy factory in downtown and living in Hollywood to a home in Beverly Hills and an office in Beverly Hills. And being super close as you're developing this life and creating a plan for my. How I use my time and my schedule, you know what I mean? Everything is systematized around full balance. I take my first meeting at 11:00am, my last one at 5. It never changes. I don't compromise my schedule and my time with my family and wife in my pursuit.

[Ed Mylett]

Right?

[Rob Dyrdek]

I fit it inside it, you know?

[Ed Mylett]

Whoa. So say something about that. So we're gonna. I wanna get into this life thing now. Cause I love the word about optimizing your life. Since the second we talked. The first time we talked was gonna be five minutes. Was turned into a really long phone call. We actually together talked about these things. Like these very topics are what you and I discussed when we first connected. Of all those stunts you had, though, I'm just curious because it leads to life. We're gonna go into life stuff now. So you had to deal with the tiger chasing you down and mauling you. That to me, even for me, I don't know why, that's even scarier than the shark thing. For me, seeing that sucker run after you, dude, like, they're trained. I don't give a crap.

[Rob Dyrdek]

Sharks in the ocean, on it. But he was biting my neck and they kept saying, put it down, put it down. Because I was the it.

[Ed Mylett]

You know what I mean?

[Rob Dyrdek]

Like, I'm like, is this guy supposed to be doing this?

[Ed Mylett]

Like, dude, they're a millimeter away from some artery.

[Ed Mylett (continued motivational speech)]

Like, dude, there's just. Come on, man.

[Ed Mylett]

That's.

[Rob Dyrdek]

Scariest thing of all of them was jockeying a horse for a race. Like, that was the scariest of all of them. Because the car stuff, you're in a cage. Like, you're covered in the mesh here. Trained tiger. Like, when you're on the back of a horse going 40 miles an hour, like, if you.

[Tony Robbins]

You're.

[Rob Dyrdek]

When you can barely. If you get shot off that thing, you're basically in a. Like a car. Car wreck with no car. Right? Like, that was the scariest.

[Ed Mylett]

Are you hearing what we're saying to each other right now?

[Ed Mylett (continued motivational speech)]

Like, you know, it was scarier than getting bit by a shark.

[Ed Mylett]

It wasn't the tiger, it was riding the horse.

[Ed Mylett (continued motivational speech)]

But then for me, and it feels.

[Rob Dyrdek]

Good to be able to say it.

[Tom Bilyeu]

You know what I mean?

[Rob Dyrdek]

It's like I don't think about it so often, but then just even talking about comparing them and thinking about it and the fact that I Own that as a highlight forever. It makes me happy.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Ed Mylett]

And it's also like, hey, man, look. Being on TV all that long for some people would be scary. Staying at the top that long can be scary. You know, not wanting to fall off the totem pole. You've climbed up the flagpole, all those things. But I want to ask you about one of the stunts you did, because I think, like, at least for me, it would cause me to do a little reflection. So of all of them you did, the one that captured my heart the most was the one where Laird drags you on the. I think it's Laird on the sea Doo. Into riding the wave.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Ed Mylett]

Okay. And so you ride this wave and you crash and you thought you were going to die.

[Rob Dyrdek]

Yeah.

[Ed Mylett]

Of all of them, is that the one that you were the most sure you were going to die in the middle of?

[Tony Robbins]

I'm curious.

[Christina P]

No.

[Rob Dyrdek]

I mean, it's the only time in my life that I was dying.

[Ed Mylett]

So tell me about what happened there and what it did to you.

[Rob Dyrdek]

I'm. You know, the trippiest thing about it, too is like, it was pouring rain and I swear the moment I stepped in, the water to do stopped raining and a rainbow went right over it.

[Ed Mylett]

It. Right.

[Rob Dyrdek]

And I'm like, what's. What? Like, it was freaky enough where we're like, what is going on? Like, it was just this freaky sort of moment in time. So it, like, already had this, like, weird tone. And if you can imagine, like, and then, like, some of the local Hawaiian guys were, like, asked where I was doing getting towed in, and they were like, oh, it's real sharky out there, right?

[Ed Mylett]

So I'm like, sharky?

[Rob Dyrdek]

Yeah.

[Ed Mylett]

Was this after the shark thing or before?

[Rob Dyrdek]

Like, this is. This is way after. It doesn't. When you're doing, like, you know, go getting a Bahamas reef shark with a metal thing, like, it's super controlled. When you're laying on your back in the deep ocean and all you can think of is, like, sharks coming up from underneath to get you. I didn't even. I wasn't worried about what was going to happen in that wave. I just wanted to get up so that I don't get attacked by a shark.

[Tony Robbins]

Right.

[Rob Dyrdek]

And if you can imagine this, you know, I've grinded a 20 stair handrail and flipped a car ramp to ramp and. And done all these crazy stunts and you face them, you face the danger on getting towed into a giant wave. It's behind you. So, like, you, like, I'd never Surf before. It was literally the only time I'd ever surfed in my life.

[Ed Mylett]

You had never surfed.

[Rob Dyrdek]

Never surfed before. And it was like the first wave I ever surfed was, like, 18ft, right, dude. So it's the most peaceful, amazing. Like, you know, because you can't see it. And, like, you're like, whoa.

[Brendon Burchard]

You know what I mean?

[Tony Robbins]

Like, what do we. And.

[Rob Dyrdek]

And then it's like a house crashes on you, and you don't. Like, you can feel something coming. You can start to hear it, and then just, wham. And now you're in, like, this fight. Everything in you to just get to the surface, right? So I was like, you know, it's really weird management of emotions and experiences as it. As it's related to when you get into kill mode for stunts, right? Because you have to shift into a mindset of, like, where you basically, you get to a deeply calm place because you literally nothing else matters. And you understand that for this moment in time, you have to put everything you have into making sure that you do everything for this to work. It's a different. Different level of mindset, right, because you're. It's a.

[Tony Robbins]

It's.

[Ed Mylett]

It's.

[Rob Dyrdek]

Your life is on the line for this moment, and it's so, so much easier when you're facing it and you go. You know, and in this one. So as I did it and fought back up, and then I want to get out of the water. I want to get back up, you know, all this, it wasn't as bad, right? So it was like. It was like, okay, it got up pretty good like that didn't. You know, it's still water, you know, I got spun around, but it wasn't too bad. Okay, let's. Let's try to get a bigger one, right? Like, so you get into that zone. And now the problem was I got a bigger one and one right behind it. So not only did I get annihilated, but then as I was, like, trying to find the surface, another one came down. And now I'm so deep and have no. No idea where the surface is. And, you know, believe it or not, this is a viciously vivid memory just.

[Ed Mylett]

Out of death, right? Wasn't trying.

[Tony Robbins]

Hey, you gotta remember this. Yeah.

[Ed Mylett (continued motivational speech)]

You're about to die here.

[Tony Robbins]

You want to remember this? Hold on to this one. You know what I mean? No, no.

[Rob Dyrdek]

This is like you like. Like, I, like, eyes open, spinning. It was just all white. And I just remember, kept trying to push to what I thought was the surface and I kept going nowhere and the light kept changing, and I kept trying to find what I think was the surface. And it all kept looking the same regardless of where I went. And I was. Could not. No more breath. No more breath. No more breath. Like, as far as you can hold, as far as you can hold. As far as you can hold as far you can. If you can't, you can't. You can't. You can't. And right as I, like, had to, like, pass out to take the breath, like, I popped right up, and then he come flying and he was so freaked out. Right? Because it's all fun and games. You're Laird Hamilton. You're gnarly. You literally don't even have the gene, like, to even be scared of, like, water. You're like, literally Aquaman. So you're like, of course you could do it, Rob. Like, he just looks at me as like, you're a stunt guy. You can do this stuff easy. He thought I died for sure. And he just. We are. He ripped me out of that, threw me on the back. We are done. Like, he was so freaked out, you know? And, you know, of course, we made that whole episode. We wrote that episode around, around testing your man level.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Rob Dyrdek]

And we had decided I had reached it.

[Ed Mylett]

Yeah, you reached it. And that's bananas.

[Rob Dyrdek]

The joke was like, man, you don't, you don't want to get to the edge, your man level, because you really, you really lose some layers. Your man level, if Laird's got to give you mouth to mouth. But, yeah, that, that was.

[Ed Mylett]

I think if people rewound that and they were listening to your description, what it was like during that time. Some people feel like their life's in that place right now, man. Like, they're just. Everything looks the same. They can't get out of it. They can't get out of it. Really, what you eventually is you just kind of surrendered, right. And then thank God, you popped up. Yeah, I, I, that's my favorite story, by the way, of all the stunts, is to think that you. That was the one where you thought you were dead. I mean, that's, it's insane. Before we start the interview with my next guest, just want to remind you all that you can subscribe to the show on YouTube or follow the show on Apple or Spotify. We have all the links in our show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Now, on with the show. Welcome back to Max out with Ed Mylett. I gotta be honest with you. I so wish we were recording Everything that we just did off camera because we've had one of the greatest interviews I've ever done and we haven't even started yet. So I'm so excited to have this gentleman to my left here. This jacked up dude right here to my left is a Super bowl champion. See that thing right there? He's letting me wear this for the interview. That is his super bowl ring, everybody. He's a Pro Bowler. He is a guy who dominated his position in football. And by looking at him right now, you're thinking this dude was a tight end for sure. Right? Maybe he was a defensive end, but actually this is a punter in the NFL and has the all time super bowl record in a Super bowl for punting that we're going to talk about. He's dominated the fitness space post his career. He's a great father, five children, right? And one of the guys, one of the few people that I follow on social media to inspire me to get my day going, to get my life going. And I have a funny feeling that today will be a life altering conversation for many of you. So, so excited you're here, brother. This is Steve Weatherford, everyone. Thanks for being here, man. So let's talk about this. Are you telling me that even that day you make the saints, you're not feeling great about yourself? Oh, my gosh.

[Steve Weatherford]

So this is a good sex. So we didn't talk about this. Just so everybody listening and watching realizes we didn't talk about this off camera. And it's funny that you said that because the day that I realized that I actually made a pro football team, I walk into the locker room and they rearranged everybody's locker room because in training camp you have 103 people on your team and then they trim it down to 53. So there's a lot of the buddies and friendships that you made during training camp. The guys are gone.

[Ed Mylett]

They're gone.

[Steve Weatherford]

And so I walk in and I'm looking for where my locker used to be and it's moved and now they moved it to numerical. And so I'm number seven. And so I look to the right of my locker and it's number five, Reggie freaking Bush.

[Ed Mylett]

Oh, my gosh.

[Steve Weatherford]

I look to my left and it's Drew freaking Breeze, number nine. And I'm like, I'm thinking to my. Myself, Ed. I'm like, I don't belong here.

[Ed Mylett]

Oh, my God.

[Ed Mylett (continued motivational speech)]

Yeah.

[Steve Weatherford]

Like, literally that's the first thing I said to myself that like, I don't belong here. I'm in between the greatest. One of the greatest college football players of all time and Drew freaking Brees.

[Ed Mylett]

One of the greatest NFL players of all time. Right.

[Steve Weatherford]

So it's. And I'm in between them, man. Dude, this is a lot of pressure. But it wasn't. It wasn't. I don't belong. Like, let's pack the bags and go home. I always learned, you know, it's. It's the imposter syndrome.

[Ed Mylett]

Like.

[Steve Weatherford]

Like right now, I played in. I played 10 NFL year. I played 10 years in the National Football League, and we have 16 games a year. So let's say, you know, you include some. Some playoff games in there. I played about 175 NFL games.

[Ed Mylett]

Yeah.

[Steve Weatherford]

And I puked 170 to five times before the game.

[Ed Mylett]

Game. You're not serious.

[Steve Weatherford]

100% serious. And I actually shared a vomit bucket with Chris Snee, who's in the ring of honor for the New York Giants. We shared a puke bucket before the game, and he was one of the greatest at his position that's ever played in the NFL and especially for the Giants. And we shared a puke bucket.

[Ed Mylett]

No way.

[Steve Weatherford]

Like, I want to have a conversation with him now that I feel like I have a higher level of consciousness and I actually, like, really see myself for who I am. You have no idea how much, like, self torment I've caused myself. And I've been able to take that self torment and turn it into achievement. Yes, but every single achievement that you get, you know, you're 108 pounds, and then you get to 200 pounds, and that doesn't make you feel any better. And then you make it onto the varsity, and that doesn't make you feel any better than you thought it would. So you were talking about continually pushing the point of happiness past the cognitive horizon. Because it's just like, once I get here, I'll be happy. And then you get there, and you're like, well, you know what? Well, then once I get here, and then for people like you and me that are just, like, disgustingly ambitious and motivated for life and for impact and for income and for influence, you look at all those things and be like, how are you not happy?

[Ed Mylett]

Right?

[Steve Weatherford]

Like, you set a goal, you achieve it. You set another goal, you achieve it. Not to say like, I haven't had a ton of failure and a ton of bad decisions and spent a couple nights in jail during that process, but feel like it's really, really pertinent for me to share that on this podcast, because I know There's a lot of people out there that want to live the life that you're living, that want to live the life that I'm living. But I'm here to tell you right Now, I made $15 million kicking a football for a living. I made another couple million dollars as an entrepreneur when I walked away from that. Money doesn't make you happy. A marriage won't make you happy. Having kids won't make you happy. Winning a Super Bowl, Pro bowl won't make you happy. A 10 year career won't make you happy. Until you look in your, in, into the mirror and you brush your teeth and you love the person that's looking back at you, which is. Honestly, I'm, I'm in the infancy of actually being myself. I love that you're trying to. 22 days that I've been able to look in the mirror while I brush my teeth. And some days are a little bit easier than others because you have to think about it. I'm fighting 30 years of instincts of hating myself. So it's just like if I look at a new goal that I set within my business or a new fitness goal that I set for myself, or a new family goal that I set for myself, my instinct is to go to a place of self hatred in order to motivate myself to achieve that goal. And I'm almost kind of like, I'm trying to like reprogram the system to, to pursue those things.

[Ed Mylett]

Yes.

[Steve Weatherford]

From a place of love of myself. And like you kind of alluded to it earlier and this might be the only time I ever disagree with you, that, you know, we all need that, that affirmation from, from other people. But I've had so much affirmation in my life. And I'm not telling you this to, you know, to seem any certain type of way, but I've had so much affirmation in my life, it's desensitized myself to it. So much so that I don't believe any compliment that anybody ever gives me. Or at least I didn't used to. Now when people give me a compliment, I have to stop my instinct of like schluffing it off to the side or giving that acknowledgment to somebody else and actually accepting that gift from people.

[Ed Mylett]

Wonderful.

[Steve Weatherford]

And believing it for myself. But that's a scary place to live because you can't escape your own mind.

[Ed Mylett]

You got it?

[Steve Weatherford]

You know, so whether it's, it's the depression that sets in after achievement because it didn't make you better, and it didn't make you feel better, or maybe it gave you a brief break from hating yourself. But as soon as you leave that ecosystem of people telling you how wonderful you are, or people wearing your super bowl ring or people, you know, you taking a bunch of kids shoe shopping because they can't afford it, and you want them to go back to school in Newark, New Jersey, with brand new kicks because you know how much confidence that gave you, and you got new kicks.

[Ed Mylett]

Whatever.

[Steve Weatherford]

Any of that stuff, it might make. It might put a band aid on the gunshot wound for the time being and make you feel like you can cover your wound and feel a little bit better. But at the end of the day, when you go sit in your car by yourself and you're driving home, the hate machine turns back on. Because I'm like, now I don't feel any better about myself. So it's like. It's the difference in between. There's two types of happiness. There's the instantaneous happiness that we get from food, we get it from sex, we get it from drugs, we get it from alcohol and, you know, or lifting weights. And so my entire life, up until about three weeks ago, was filled with chasing the high. Chasing the high of achievement, chasing the high of. Of, you know, when I work out, I feel better for a brief amount of time. And then once those endorphins roll off, it's just like, God, I hate myself. You know what I mean? And I didn't even really realize that I was fueled by hate up until, you know, going through this process called hardcore leadership that Shanda Sumter put together. And she's a friend of mine, and she just. She saw the pain in me, you know, but she also saw, like, the beauty and the love and the tenderness and the sensitivity that I have that I give to people unconditionally. But I don't ever accept it when people love me back. I don't accept it because I don't love myself. And so I've given my wife, I've given my five kids, I've given my friends, like, new friends that I'm making, like you. Like, I'm giving you the greatest gift ever because I'm going to be an amazing friend to you. You know what I mean?

[Ed Mylett]

Yes.

[Steve Weatherford]

And the reason that I can be an amazing friend to you and love you and support you and everything that you're doing is a. Because I believe in you.

[Ed Mylett]

Thank you.

[Steve Weatherford]

But I've stepped into myself. Yes. And so I finally can truly love people. Unconditionally. I couldn't fully see my friends.

[Ed Mylett]

Yeah.

[Steve Weatherford]

Or accept any gifts from them until I could see myself.

[Ed Mylett]

It's harder work to put the other face on, bro. It's harder work to be Steve Weather.

[Steve Weatherford]

To be Steve, because I can show up here and, like, I've never, ever shared this with anybody ever before. But I ended up winning the Walter Payton man of the Year Philanthropical award, the most philanthropic guy in the NFL. And it wasn't like I was some, you know, super bowl quarterback or cornerback. I was, like, the. The least respected position in football. But I was able to earn respect because of my work ethic. I was able to earn respect because of my philanthropy and the way that I genuinely and authentically showed up for people. You know, if one of my teammates got hurt, I was the first person to go to the training room after practice and be like, hey, can I drive you home? You know, like, hey, can I take your kids to daycare the next day? Because I knew how much physical pain and emotional pain that they were in. Because when you're in the NFL, man, you're only as good as, like, your last play. And if you can't play another play, then they'll discard you.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Ed Mylett]

You're done.

[Steve Weatherford]

There's no guaranteed. There's no guaranteed contracts.

[Tom Bilyeu]

There's.

[Steve Weatherford]

There's nothing's guaranteed.

[Ed Mylett]

Yeah.

[Steve Weatherford]

And so that's why they call it the not for Long league. You know what I mean? And I'm just super blessed and super forced and so thankful that I was able to play at the most elite level long enough to achieve every single goal that. That I had set out for myself. In addition to being able to not walk away from the game when I wanted to, I skipped away from the game. Like, I was happy. I felt achieved in everything in that industry, but I wasn't happy with myself.

[Ed Mylett]

Yeah. You know, it's amazing someone like you because there's people watching this.

[Tony Robbins]

There.

[Ed Mylett]

There's a nurse watching us right now. Right. There's a school team. There's an entrepreneur watching this, and they are connecting.

[Steve Weatherford]

A lot of military people watch this, man. I know because they always tell me, like, dude, you need to go on Ed's show. I love it. He's gonna love you. Like, even people that don't know you and kind of don't really know me.

[Ed Mylett (continued motivational speech)]

Yeah.

[Steve Weatherford]

They're, like, asking me to go do your show because they know that you're gonna crack me open. Yeah. It's not even something where you've even had to try no, because I love you.

[Ed Mylett]

I love you the way you are.

[Steve Weatherford]

Yeah. You see me, man.

[Ed Mylett]

I do. And what's up? Amazing about you, bro. And that you have this gift. Many of you, too. People, the beautiful part of being wired like you are, and I'm wired this way, too, is that we have such great empathy for others. We don't give it to ourselves.

[Steve Weatherford]

That doesn't hit me, like, right in between. It's sick.

[Ed Mylett]

It's like so many of you are watching this. You're like, I always. I am the person who kind of cares for people when someone's sick. I am the one to bring them dinner. I am the one who visit them. I'm the one.

[Steve Weatherford]

You don't look like it, though.

[Ed Mylett]

And you don't. And you don't either. We're tattooed. I'm buff, dudes. And, you know, I. I can hide.

[Steve Weatherford]

All my tattoos, by the way.

[Ed Mylett]

And guys, like many times, everybody, when you see Mega Achievers, we are hiding things. And so. Because what this show is really about isn't you maxing out your wealth, although I want you to have it. Maxing out your current, you have it. I want you to max out your bliss. I want you to max out your faith. I want you to max out your giving. I want you to max out your love for yourself. And maybe, Steve, honestly, maybe you're going to get through to people in a way that nobody else can.

[Steve Weatherford]

There's no maybe. I speak it into existence. I will have such a massive influence. People forget that I ever touched the football. You look at every, like, all the different things that we keep referencing, the different achievements that I make, and I, like, I want to make sure that people know, like, we didn't come on here to talk about the different things that I achieved. We came on here to talk about. About different. The different things that I've achieved and the way I felt about myself despite all of those things. There's two different types of happiness. There's. There's instantaneous happiness that comes from, you know, sex or drugs or food or those. Or, you know, buying a new watch, buying a new car. But as quickly as that happiness comes into your life is how quickly it will fade. But the thing that you figured out and the thing that I'm really starting to kind of come into is framework happiness. And that comes from being proud of yourself. And the only way that you can truly be proud of yourself is to set high, lofty goals. And regardless if you achieve them or not, it's not about the prize. It's about the process and the person that you become while you're on that pursuit to get that goal. And I completely missed that part of the puzzle because I always tied my self worth to the result because I was conditioned that way. You go into the NFL and we have a game on Sunday night or on Monday night and you come in the next morning, Ed, and then the only time that that little laser pointer ever goes over your jersey, you're freaking sinking down in your seat because you know that red dot is not over your jersey number because you did something good. Because when you're a professional and you're the best in the world at what you did, not that you don't deserve to be acknowledged, but you're expected to be the best in the world. So when, when you go out there and you set a Super bowl record, you don't necessarily deserve to get acknowledged. They're going to pinpoint what you didn't do perfectly because that's what coaches are supposed to do. They're not here to be like, hey, hey, Ed, dude, you did a really good job showing up for your workout this morning. You did all your reps, all your sets, and you did a good job. You finished second in all the sprints. I know you're not the fastest guy, but your effort level was wonderful. No, they're going to be like, ed, why didn't you went all of the sprints? You know what I mean? And so it conditioned me to focus on what I didn't do perfectly and discard everything that I did wonderfully. And so I took that, that mindset that got me into the NFL and then propelled me further into the NFL of the elite. And then once I retired from the NFL because I didn't feel like there was anything else that I could achieve that would fulfill me and turn off the hate machine. Then I went into an entrepreneur be like, you know what? I need to build something for myself and something that's mine, like my business and my achievement because I had 52 other teammates and I love him to death, but I want the next super bowl that I win to be mine. And then, you know, I write an ebook for a 12 week ARM training program that took me from 16.75 inches when I retired from the NFL to 19 inches 94 days later. And I took five months to to learn how to do the graphics on my own, to learn how to put it into an ebook on my own, to learn how to embed videos in the text on my own. It took me five months But I went through the process of learning to do it for myself. I made a million dollars with an ARM training ebook by myself with no business background in seven months.

[Ed Mylett]

Amazing. Amazing.

[Steve Weatherford]

You want to know how good I felt about myself? Pretty freaking bad, man. You know what I mean? Because you. You continually think, like, well, now I'm gonna do it for me, and I'll own the success. And I never did that.

[Ed Mylett]

Yes.

[Steve Weatherford]

You know, and so you fast forward another year and a half later. I'm sitting in this chair right now. And all of the other entrepreneurial successes that I've had, I've never owned any of the wins, and I've taken complete ownership of all of the losses.

[Ed Mylett]

Why do you think that you thought I want to understand this? Because I know what I'm still trying to understand.

[Ed Mylett (continued motivational speech)]

Well, let me ask you.

[Ed Mylett]

Do you think that you thought, let's talk about it. Let's explore it for a minute, because I know I. I'm learning this about me, too. Right. So do you think that you thought. I'm just asking. I don't know. Do you think that you thought, well, if I celebrate this, I'll lose my edge and my drive?

[Steve Weatherford]

Yeah, I do. I do. The only time that I. I ever partied or I ever, you know, had drinks after we won the super bowl was when I was paid to show up at a. At a club or when I was paid to go to speak to a law firm in Manhattan. Dude, I made a lot of money in, like, two weeks just doing that. And all of that affirmation felt wonderful. But, like, at a certain point, you get desensitized to it, and you just couldn't wait for all of it to be over. And I'm like, man, I waited my whole life, and I made so many sacrifices, and I. And I sacrificed thousands of hours away from my family and thousands of hours away from my friends. And I missed out on a lot of partying and. And a lot of drugs in college.

[Ed Mylett]

Cheated yourself out of all that?

[Steve Weatherford]

Yeah, I cheated myself out of all that for this. And this doesn't make me any happy.

[Ed Mylett]

And by the way, what it arrives to everyone is that eventually you will find drugs and alcohol. I mean, because here's what happens when you're achieving and you don't celebrate your wins, it's like a high you're chasing, and so that there's no dopamine that hits your brain. So then you go, it needs to be a bigger one. It needs to be a bigger one.

[Steve Weatherford]

There was being bigger in the NFL.

[Ed Mylett (continued motivational speech)]

That's what I got it.

[Ed Mylett]

And that's the part. So you're the perfect example, because you almost can't achieve more. So this is happening for someone out there. When I made my hundred grand, I cheated myself. When I bought my first house, I cheated myself. When I got my promotion to work, I cheated. And you keep cheating yourself from these celebrations.

[Steve Weatherford]

You just realize that, Ed, that all of these things that require so much sacrifice, I'm talking thousands of hours of sacrifice, tons of money, in order to be able to afford all these different training modalities and all these different specialists. And I have a hyperbaric chamber at my house. I mean, dude, you name it, and I have utilized it as part of my training routine, at least for a little bit. And the stakes get higher, the demands grow just as much, and the satisfaction decreases. And so where do you turn from that? Well, you tear your ankle up and the doctors put you on pain pills, and then you get addicted to OxyContin. And I went down that road. And then, you know, getting off of that when the season was over was like a movie, you know, like, the only thing that made me feel better. And I know a lot of people out there. This is like a big deal. Like, people addicted to painkillers. The only thing that would make me feel better was taking, like, a hot bath because my skin would stop crawling.

[Ed Mylett]

That was a great conversation. Be sure to follow the Ed Mylett show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Welcome back to the show, everybody. I have an icon here today. Maybe the most perfect time ever to have the perfect person at the perfect time. I have sitting across from me right now. And, you know, when I got into personal development, everywhere I would go, this man's name would come up. I'm sitting at a Dodger game with Larry King one night, and I'm describing what he goes, you know, Brendan Burchard, everywhere I would go. And I thought when I heard your name, this dude must be in his 60s, because he's a legend already. And then when I got to research you and get to know, I'm like, this guy's even younger than I am. And then we did a podcast together, which just blew up and went all over the Internet. And I'm like, I'm going to have him back on again. So, Brendon Bouchard, welcome back to the show.

[Brendon Burchard]

Ed Mylett. It's an honor, man. It really is an honor.

[Ed Mylett]

Now let me ask you, what separates I know there's a whole book that's been written on this. But give us a few things that people may not think about that separates people. Go that I am focused, I am on my mission. What could separate me? What are some of the things that I must be doing to be the best?

[Brendon Burchard]

Yeah. First, always frame that as habits. It has to be habits. A lot of people think it's just mindset. Mindset is a habit of thought, right? It's like, well it's how you deal with people. That's a habit of interaction. So always just realize it's a habitual pattern or practice that you're doing. But what separates people is not the habits that everyone wants to talk about in the popular literature or books. It's like these small habits or atomic habits or automatic habits or unconscious habits. Those are valuable, those are very important. But high performance requires deliberate habits. A deliberate habit means you kind of have to force yourself to do it. It's not easy, it's not automatic. It's not tiny. It's like, you know, it's like it's going the extra mile thing. It's never going to be easy. You're never going to condition it to be automatic. It's like, no. It's the tough work of life to go to another level. You want to be at the top. It's really friggin hard. It's hard. You have to accept that. And so what we did is we studied, we said what, what's, what is that? Difference maker. We spent a million dollars on research. Gosh, like the largest research study that's ever been done on high performers. Worldwide. 90 countries, 90 different countries that we surveyed the highest performers, these tend to be not the top 15%. They tend to be the top 5%. And the difference between the top 15 and the top 5% is this. It kind of falls in the definition of high performance. High performance means succeeding over the long term in any industry or endeavor or whatever while still maintaining positive well being and relationships.

[Ed Mylett]

I want to hear about this.

[Brendon Burchard]

How do you, what high performers have answered is how do you succeed over the long term without wrecking your health, your mindset, your positivity and your relationships? We know lots of successful people, but they ruined all the relationships. We know successful people, they ruin their health. They're not high performers. They wouldn't qualify. So what do they do? It's different practices. We call them high performance habits. So you mentioned these people. They already have clarity, clarity, developing clarity and constantly revisiting to become clear every day what Is my intention. What is my intention? What is my intention? That revisit of clarity is supremely important to them.

[Ed Mylett]

Revisiting it, yes.

[Brendon Burchard]

Not setting a goal on January 1st and forgetting it. It's literally consistent. It's literally consistency in intention. Like every day you hear about high performers, they look at their goals. Every day you set your intention. When I work with Oprah, she taught me every meeting you have with Oprah, she starts with, what's our intention of this meeting? Every meeting. Because that's seeking clarity. So high performers just seek clarity more often. Second habit is generating energy. They generate the energy they want to experience in life and they want other people to experience. They're not waiting for joy. They're not waiting for happiness. They're not waiting for positivity. They generate it. They are so much more conscientiously designing the energy around them. And you feel it.

[Ed Mylett]

Right.

[Brendon Burchard]

By the way, everyone should know this. Ed is, I would say, in the very top keynote speakers on earth today.

[Ed Mylett]

Thank you.

[Brendon Burchard]

Like, what you can do on stage is unbelievable. It's not even. I mean, you're talking a handful of humans who can do this.

[Ed Mylett]

Thank you.

[Brendon Burchard]

And what you do is you generate and move the energy, the room, way more consciously than the average speaker. The average speaker is kind of insecure a little bit. Doesn't mean you don't have insecurity or doubts up there. What it means is he's moving the room like he's taking him on a wild ride. He's generating the energy. That's the difference between an underperforming speaker and a high performing speaker.

[Ed Mylett]

Good point.

[Brendon Burchard]

Another piece is the productivity piece, which I know is so basic, but most people are so unbelievably not productive.

[Ed Mylett]

Yes.

[Brendon Burchard]

I mean, it's stunning.

[Ed Mylett]

You know, it is stunning.

[Brendon Burchard]

The average person is losing an hour a day to Facebook or Instagram and then watching four hours of television. That's five hours a day of consumption. If you can turn those five. Let's take one out, let's say. No, no, we're talking I forms. If we can get you one hour a day back, one hour a day of focus back, that's 30 hours a month.

[Ed Mylett]

Crazy, that.

[Brendon Burchard]

30 hours a month. That's seven hours a week. Well, that means you got an extra day.

[Ed Mylett]

Yeah.

[Brendon Burchard]

That's an extra eight hour workday that you got. That's an unfair advantage.

[Ed Mylett]

Yes.

[Brendon Burchard]

So getting people their focus back in a world that. That has, you know, the highest paid engineers in the world paid to strip your attention away. So you consume versus Create and be and live. That is a primary differentiator right now.

[Ed Mylett]

How about stay on that a minute? I so agree with you. And the more I've started to coach people and I actually get into their lives, how not only do they waste time, but how little time. Brendan, this is huge for everyone that they do on things every day that move the needle. That's it. Like, move the needle in your company, move the needle in your relationship, move the needle in your body. It's like you're just doing little things. All you got to sometimes do stuff that moves it. Right. Like, I'll give you one small example. My relationship with my children. They're both away at college. I have great relationships with my kids, but they're both away at college. And I'm busy and they're busy. And there are days where we just text. Yeah. Their mom's on the phone with them all the time. And I thought, am I moving the needle in this? It's okay. I did what I'm supposed to do today. I'm communicating with my kids. I know that sounds very, you know, organized or methodical, but does that move. Does Bella know I love her a lot more when she gets my text message. Does Max know I believe in him a lot more. What would move the needle? I gotta call them now. This may sound silly to all of you, but I'm trying to. The most high performing thing I could do in my relationship with my children is to call them. In a lot of relationships, the text doesn't move the needle. The call moves the needle. The thing in your company that you're doing, all these little. What's the thing that gets the big account that moves the account that creates the most leverage that get. Move the needle more often.

[Brendon Burchard]

Another phrase of that is another exact phrase of that is efforts of impact. So in the research, high performers. This is great for all those who are like, oh, my God, Bren. Yeah, Ed, you're right. But this is overwhelming. It's a lot of stuff to do. Oh, my God. Well, the research showed in 90 countries around the world that high performers spend 60% of their week there. Efforts of impact.

[Ed Mylett]

Bingo.

[Brendon Burchard]

Needle moving things. So when you look at their calendar each day, it's not. Are they 100% high performing all day? Look, they gotta answer emails, they gotta Reply to dumb DMs, they gotta take that stupid call once in a while. We think they're perfect. No, it's just that 60% of their effort is directed to activities that actually make an impact. They gotta do 40% of administration or household work, too. It's just that Most of their effort, 60%, is geared towards what moves that needle gets that significant impact.

[Ed Mylett]

What a powerful question to ask yourself if you're listening to this. In whatever area you pick. Pick your area, your relationship, your company, your money. How much of your time is efforts of impact moving the needle stuff? And if you just tweak that by 11%, 16%, how much different would your life be three years from now, one year from now? These are. This is why you listen to the show everybody. It's like, I got something there. I'm not moving the needle. Often of them. And your habits aren't efforts of impact. Your habits are like, I checked the box, I did the text, I did the email, I made the call, I made my contacts, I drank my protein, I had the water. You did the stuff. But how much of it moved it? Right?

[Brendon Burchard]

Yeah. It's so easy. So it's like, start with what I said first about that hour a day of distraction. I always tell people, if I could get you three more months of advancement this year, would that make a difference? They go, oh, my God, yeah, three more months. I go, great, that's an hour a day, one hour a day, seven hours a week.

[Ed Mylett]

Right.

[Brendon Burchard]

Over the course of the month, that's 30 hours. That's basically a whole work week, really. And then you apply that by 12 months, it's like, we just got you 12 work weeks back for one hour a day. So we're not asking for a lot. And then the joy. I thought it was the 80, 20 Pareto principle. It's like, oh, 80% of the time I gotta be dumb. I mean, Superman, 80%. Now you don't even be Superman. 80%. Try 60.

[Ed Mylett]

It's so good.

[Brendon Burchard]

It's nice.

[Ed Mylett (continued motivational speech)]

That's what the data shows.

[Brendon Burchard]

You're saying the data shows it's a 60, 40. I was like, oh, that's a relief, you know, because I was wondering, all these other people, because you think all these successful people, they've got a million assistants running around doing everything. And you're right.

[Ed Mylett]

I tell my kids all the time. I tell them since they were little. I said, when you grow up a little bit, you're going to find out everyone says winning is hard. Okay, I get all that. Well, I'll tell my kids all the time. The more, even once you get into college, you're gonna figure out you're not competing against that many people. You're really only in life competing against yourself. But you Know what I mean when I say that? And now that they're there and they're like, dad, you're right. Like, some kids don't even go to class every day. Some kids don't study at all. Someday I'm like, you're gonna figure it out. That it's a very small group of people that do things in their life that are efforts of impact on a very regular basis. Life. If you want to change your life right now, it is really possible you could really do it.

[Brendon Burchard]

Really possible.

[Ed Mylett]

You really. Is there anything else you want to add to it? Because I feel like I interrupted you on that. Is there any other area of high performance people? I know there's a bunch, but give us one more.

[Brendon Burchard]

Practices of self awareness. This is why everyone loves growth day. And I didn't know, I knew it would be powerful. I didn't know it'd be this powerful at all. We want to make the world's number one mindset journal. So that's in growth day. We want to make the world's number one habit tracker. So you can track your high performance habits and other well being and achievement habits in the app and then it gives you recommendations. We built in the goal setting tool with reminders so you can remind yourself and push notifications to yourself to meditate, to work out, to flirt with your wife. You know, all this stuff. And those were just coming from the research. And also high performers just telling us what they do. They journal, they meditate, they pray, they think they're doing more practices of self awareness. Very good to figure out themselves. You know, like a lot of people go to the gym, but a high performer go to the gym and you say, what are you thinking about at the gym? Man, I'm thinking about my goals. Man, I'm thinking about that deal. Man, I'm thinking about that date night with my wife this Friday. They're in a different, like they're using their time. You know, some people hate driving, they hate a car trip. Other people, they're like, oh man, that's my lab. Put me in that car. I'm going to drive them and think about the next dream, the next vision, the next sale.

[Ed Mylett]

I do, right? I love driving.

[Brendon Burchard]

That's practices of self awareness. You are thinking, right? I think therefore I am.

[Steve Weatherford]

You know.

[Brendon Burchard]

This time that they spend ruminating, thinking, envisioning and brainstorming, it's significantly bigger than the average person. And so in growth they said we're going to build the tools to enable that. And that became the most popular thing in there. I thought the most popular thing would be have you know we've got the biggest motivational speakers these guys. Search. 50,000, $100,000 a speech. You know, Mel Robbins and Jenna Kutcher, lots of our friends in their teaching. And they're popular, and people love that because we're live every week with them. But it's the tools. People love to think about their life, and they love to track it, and they love to look how to improve it. And that's the high performance edge. The ultimate performance edge isn't talent, right? It's how much does that person think about improving that thing? It's the practices of growth, right? The great Olympians who you've worked with, and I've worked with the people who are the highest CEOs, and they're thinking.

[Ed Mylett]

You're right.

[Brendon Burchard]

They're. They're thinking. And they're thinking about growth, they're thinking about success, they're thinking about impact. Instead of thinking about what she wear at that dinner last night. Did you see her on that Internet? Did you see what he does? Do you hear what they're doing? Oh, those people over there. And. Oh, the left and the right there. There's a difference. Are you thinking growth? Are you thinking gossip? We just change your life.

[Ed Mylett]

My gosh, brother, this is so good. You know, it's funny. It's the absence of things in your life you're unaware of. But like you just described me, I don't ever spend any time on that stuff. I mean, liter, literally less than one millionth of 1% of the time.

[Brendon Burchard]

Me too.

[Ed Mylett]

And I love. I'm addicted. I have an addiction to thinking about growth. I have an addiction to thinking about that next scene, that next emotion, that next thing I can. I literally am addicted to it. I actually love shutting the car door alone. So I'm like, all right, here we go, brother. I love that. I love working out for those. I love taking a walk on the beach for that reason. I love it. I actually love the end of my day. I love getting into bed at the end of the day and just reflecting on the day and then dreaming about the next day. Like, I love that stuff. Right? I always love waking up because you're in a different brainwave state at that time. But I love when I go to bed at night and dreaming. And you're right on the money, man, with that stuff. Okay.

[Brendon Burchard]

And you have practices that force you to do that, right?

[Ed Mylett]

Yes.

[Brendon Burchard]

You go to the gym and you're thinking about those things. Some people pray or they meditate or they journal. And that's where the see you. You have to put yourself in that place to open the gate or to what I always say to be able to receive.

[Ed Mylett]

Yes.

[Brendon Burchard]

Like if you're filling your brain with a bunch of stuff that you're downloading from social media, then who can't download into you? Gosh, it's God. Can't get in.

[Ed Mylett]

Right.

[Brendon Burchard]

You've blocked the antenna with a bunch of gossip and a bunch of garbage. You got to stay in an open state. Where are you in open state? You're an open state in a seminar, in a conference, you're an open state when you're driving, you're open state in the shower, you're open state in bed, you're open state at the gym. You got to stay in that open state so that you can receive guidance as much as you also can envision it. Because some of the best ideas might not even come from anything you and I just said. But because someone is listening to this podcast right now, they're in an open reception, and that open reception, all of a sudden they've got that new business idea. They're like, where'd that come from? You were in a learning environment. You were in a self awareness practice. That's what podcast listening really is when it's good and ideas come to you. I listen to your podcast almost every day that I work out.

[Ed Mylett]

Thank you.

[Brendon Burchard]

And when I'm listening to it, I get all these crazy ideas. It didn't come from what you said or the guests.

[Ed Mylett]

Right. It's uncorrelated.

[Brendon Burchard]

You're open in a place of openness, of self awareness. And so if you want to become a high performer, you have to place yourself there. You have to do the thinking, the rumination, the dreaming, the visioning. And when you do that time and time and time and time again, again, it becomes who you are. You don't have to force it anymore, it just becomes who you are.

[Ed Mylett]

That's brilliant. By the way, my. One of my favorite things at the end of the day, actually my favorite thing is my prayer time. And I do it on my knees and I have just. People say to me all the time, is it a lot like when you're really tired? And I know I actually really look forward to that time because sometimes my prayers are four minutes and sometimes they're 45min depending on how open I am, what I'm receiving, what I'm getting. I've loved today. And I got one more question for you, by the way. Everybody, make sure you go to growthday.com or go to the Growth Day app and get it. You're. You will thank me. That was a great conversation. And if you want to hear the full interview, be sure to follow the Ed Mylett show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Here's an excerpt I did with our next guest. All right, everybody, welcome back. Fired Up. I reached out to this woman to be on my show after I experienced her work, and I haven't done that in probably two years. I was telling her, I said, I want you to come on my show. Then I found out she followed all of my friends and peers except me in the personal development business. Self help space, whatever you want to call it. I think that this is one of the most talented artists in any craft on the planet today. And that's why I wanted her here. Stay here. I mean it. She has a special out on Netflix right now called Mom Jeans, which I've watched four times, including last night with my kids. And we were literally belly laughing, falling over. She has a a hugely successful podcast with her husband, Tom Segura, Call youl Mom's House. She's got another podcast called Where My Mom's At. And I cannot wait for this hour because I want to know you and I want you to help a bunch of people. So, Christina P. Welcome to the show.

[Christina P]

Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much for having me. For anybody listening to this, I think the most powerful tool that changed everything for me was my mind. This is everything. And I know you know this because we've read the same books. Phyllis Stiller, I read in one of her autobiography, the Magic of Believing. The Magic of Believing. Read that book. And I started to read that when I was like 28. But before that, I had read existentialism in philosophy class. And what is that about? Self determinism. You can choose your life. This idea is radical. Sartre. Choose choices. And I went, oh, you're right. Life can push me around or I can move the ball. And to me, this is the biggest lesson that I try to teach my boys. Hey, man, if you don't take charge of this whole thing, it's gonna take you away like a current. Right? And they don't teach you this in school. Really? And it makes me nutty. Like, you can choose. Everything is a choice. Everything. And read it. Read a book. And it makes me sad. Other than, of course, the power of Mora.

[Tony Robbins]

Hello.

[Christina P]

That people reading is like, guess what? Humans have existed for thousands of years and We've had this luxury of writing it down. If you've got a question, it's in a book. Not Wikipedia, bro. Not this. Google the whole thing, homie. Cover to cover. Focus, read. Use your mind. This will save you.

[Ed Mylett]

Why don't you write a book?

[Christina P]

I know. I've been. I've been. You know why? It's a lot right now. I've got two kids I'm trying to raise, and my husband is podcasts. And it's a lot right now. I'm gonna. Like. I will.

[Ed Mylett]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

I don't know about what. I don't know what.

[Ed Mylett]

I hope it's this stuff.

[Christina P]

You think so?

[Ed Mylett]

I think this is. So here's what I think.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Ed Mylett]

I think that, like, you've been given all these amazing talents, and your talent has given you this platform where you are well known now. And I just feel like you could write a book about how you're funny or you could write a book about all that, but the truth of the matter is, is you're, like, really, you're. The guy was on my show recently said you're uniquely qualified to help the person that you used to be.

[Christina P]

Oh, man.

[Ed Mylett]

And in your case, there's a version of you and me and about 99% of the people that are listening to this, some version, maybe not to the extreme of having a parent who's schizophrenic like you had, or an alcoholic like I had, but there's something where they just don't feel right about themselves or they don't have direction, or they just. Does life have purpose? Like, what's going to make me happy? Why aren't I happier? And I think that, like, that's why it's incumbent upon us to always grow, because then there's another person you can go help, the one that you were before you grew up. And so for me, that's why I keep working on me is like, I want to be able to help someone who. The one that was me when I was 15. The one that was me when I was 18. The one that was me when I was 30. The one that was me when to was 40. I just had a guy in here, that very, very successful young man at 32. Well, I had that, too. And I also know that doesn't fulfill you. And I know when I'm looking at him, I know what he's really wrestling with this. Is it worth it? Like, what will really make me happy? And so I want to grow through that. And in your case, like, you've had such an amazing. I knew within about 10 minutes of watching you that you've had a different life. I just knew because. Let me say something about you. People feel energy and, like, you can make me really, really laugh, but what you really do is you make people feel emotion, and you're doing it today. There's a part at the end of her special, Everybody, where she talks about this ketamine trip that she went on. And I want to go back and forth here, but it's one of the most. I don't know why I really. When I speak. Sorry, I get emotional on this when I speak. What I attempt to do when I'm speaking is to give people who I really am, but also not just one emotion. I want to give them the gift of multiple emotions and also, like, the contradiction in them. So you. If. If at some point I can have them crying and really thinking about their life and then wanting to run through a wall and achieve. Or in your case, laughter and all of them. I feel like I've done a service where I've moved to that human. What is incredibly rare to do is to do both in, like, one moment. Like in the same moment, somebody's feeling reflection and sadness or empathy and also laughter. And this bit you do about the ketamine trip, I've watched. We've talked about different. I mean, you have tons of friends in comedy, and I have some. I've never seen that before. There's this. There's this moment in the end of your special where it's some of the most amazing art I've ever seen before. Because at the same time that people are moved so emotionally by what you're talking about and watching you be emotional, the next second they're laughing and then they're back to this other moment. So just a little bit, give them the gift. I want them to see the special. But now they have a pretty good sense of what you went through as a child. I mean, they have 1% of it. They have a pretty good sense you've turned this around, which we'll talk about in a little bit, too, and where your life is now and the lessons you've learned. But, like, let's go there just for a second. So.

[Christina P]

Oh, that moment.

[Ed Mylett]

Tell them what happens.

[Christina P]

Oh, my God. So. So I fell down the stairs. Getting to my kid at 2 in the morning. I just come back off the road. I was so tired. I was like, sleepwalking. My baby's crying. And as a mom, you know, you're just like, it's my baby. Anyway, I fell down the stairs, broke my ankle in four places, and I had. I didn't even know it at the time. I thought I could just get up. So I called my husband. I was like, babe, get over here. Help me. And he's like, oh, you can't get up. You're broken, homie. So I get into the ambulance to put fentanyl. You know, all these drugs, they straighten me out. But before they straighten my leg out, they give me ketamine. I've never done. Have you ever done it?

[Ed Mylett]

I have. It's pretty amazing.

[Christina P]

You've done the therapeutic kind. Yes, I want to do that. Because what they did is they give you enough to dissociate you so that you don't remember it. And apparently it's a terrifying amount that they gave me because that's what they're like. Usually people are screaming when they give this to you, but, Christina, you were sitting there smiling the whole time. So, anyway, so they give me this ketamine, and I have this wild trip, basically. And the crazy part is that happens in real life, and I'm looking for an end to my special. And I was like, oh, that's the end of the special? Yeah, that's the end of the special. Because it was my realization that everything that had happened to me. I don't buy this. That happens for a reason. I hate that. That's Pollyanna nonsense. But I think if you attribute meaning to tragedy, attribute deliberately, then it's redemptive. And also this whole ride of just trying to become a successful comedian and then I have my children. And then you're like, oh, it doesn't matter. I saw my kids faces, literally. And you're not gonna make me cry. I just talk about it, you know, when you're like, oh, this is it. This is all that matters. Like, all this other stuff can go away tomorrow. And my kids don't care that I'm famous. I don't give a. And, like, they're the only things that really matter. My husband, you know, the unit. Yeah, now you're getting me crying, man. But I often think back to that ketamine trip when I'm getting hung up on nonsense like show business. And I'll be like, oh, but it doesn't matter. This is what I learned. Like, it matters. Don't get me wrong. I don't want to be broke tomorrow. I don't want it to all go away tomorrow. But I'm not going to stress out.

[Ed Mylett]

Right?

[Tony Robbins]

Right.

[Christina P]

Been there, dude.

[Ed Mylett]

Me too.

[Christina P]

Yeah. I'm not going to try to claim like I did because didn't you find there was a time in your career where it's all you cared about?

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Ed Mylett]

It's a really difficult thing to teach because you should have goals and outcomes, and it's what's made us successful when we didn't have. But at the same time, it's kind of letting go of an outcome and letting things come as they might that actually brings us the most joy. Because the things that are the greatest blessings in life aren't things we have to force through force, like our families. They're the things that, you know that are the greatest blessings are our children and our families. And yet you still want to be able to provide for them and do significant things. But I also think you said something I want you to stay on that story is that it's not the events of our lives that define us. It's the meaning we attach to the event. And if you can attach the right meaning to something or a meaning that serves you or change the meaning, you can change how you feel about it. Ultimately change how your life works. And it feels to me like almost in that trip you were on that the meanings shifted a little bit for you.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Because I saw my parents and I was like, I can see this person as a big bad villain and I'm the little girl. Or, hey, what can I glean? What's the lesson here? Because I'm the mom now. And you see your broken parents as toddlers. I really see them as children now who just didn't get enough love. Who didn't get what I. Well, what I didn't get too. But what I'm able to give my kids now, they're just flood people and everybody walking around. You know, I don't get mad at people nearly as much as I used to. Because you're like, oh, you just didn't get love. Like, oh, you, your mommy, your daddy.

[Ed Mylett]

But you actually on that trip, like, thanked your mom and your dad. I did tell them that a little bit.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Ed Mylett]

I want them to see it.

[Christina P]

Yeah, you have to see the bit for it to make total sense. But, yeah, I end up thanking them and forgiving them in the trip. And, you know, I think. I think for some reason I'm thinking about my mom's fur coats. Cause she hoarded, like, jewelry and like, fine items. I think she was convinced that World War III was coming soon and she had to. I have to trade these things to.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Get across the border. You're going to need.

[Christina P]

You know, she wouldn't put her money in one bank. It was in several. Like, that kind of nutty stuff. But now that I'm wealthy and I. I always was, like, rejecting wealth. I was always like, rich people are bad.

[Ed Mylett]

Me, too.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Ed Mylett]

That's why I was raised believing.

[Christina P]

And it's nonsense, because guess what? Poor people are bad, too.

[Ed Mylett]

Same deal.

[Christina P]

And actually, rich people can do really good things to help a lot of other people. And your wealth is a blessing on many, many people. So, anyway, the fur coat thing, too, I was like, yeah. What's so bad about owning a fur coat? It doesn't make you a bad person.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Right.

[Ed Mylett]

Right. It doesn't.

[Christina P]

Unless it's the only thing you care about.

[Ed Mylett]

Yeah. I'm watching you right now. I still think. I still think you're working through, thinking about what all those events of your life meant just as I'm watching you.

[Christina P]

Oh, yeah.

[Ed Mylett]

I had a really huge blessing happen that I was with my dad when he died. I was in the room with him. And it's weird where all this is going here today with you and me, but when I was with my dad in the room, I got to see. I got my version of the ketamine trip to some extent, because when I was with him, I was literally holding his hand just a little while before he passed away, but because he wasn't able to talk and he's just. It was actually wonderful to this extent. I got to just look at him. Like, you don't. Even with your parents, you have a dynamic. There's, like, this thing you do with people in your life. You do it with Tom, I do it with my wife. We do with our kids. There's just, like, this pattern of how we kind of just interact with each other.

[Tony Robbins]

Yeah.

[Ed Mylett]

I don't know if you've ever done this with your kids or with Tom. Might be different with Tom, but you ever just watch your kids sleeping?

[Christina P]

Oh, my God. Like, every night.

[Tony Robbins]

Right.

[Ed Mylett]

It's different. You see them differently.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Ed Mylett]

And even your spouse, if you just see them sleeping, it's just different. They're not talking. They're not being them. They're just them.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Ed Mylett]

And my dad, I had these hours with him. It was just him. And I got to thinking about, like, I got to think about him as a little boy. This is a man whose life's about to end, kind of like what you've done.

[Tony Robbins]

And I'm.

[Ed Mylett]

He's an old man now, and I remember him when he wasn't an old man. I Remember him when he was. Looked like my age, Right. I remember when he was even younger than that. And I could go back and think of him, I wonder. My dad at 10, my dad at 5, my dad at 2. And there's this love you can have, even for someone who didn't treat you perfectly the whole time, that you've this sympathy or this empathy for them. And I just think he's just. He's a man that had a life, and he. And he did his best to live it his best way. And then I start thinking about myself. I will be him.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Ed Mylett]

What do I want when I'm him? When I'm there? What do I want to have achieved? Who do I want to have helped? What do I want to have felt? What emotions do I want to have had? What memories do I want? We're off air. You're talking about taking your kids to. If you're, you know, you're blessed enough that you could take them somewhere on a vacation and, like, being in that moment with my dad gave me a different meaning to him, gave my life a different meaning. And that's just a real powerful thing for everybody. Listening to this is like, all the events, maybe you should evaluate what they. All the things that don't serve you, what do they mean? What did your divorce really mean? Right? What did this experience with what having your children really mean? What did this person who hurt you, what did it really mean? If you can change the meaning, you can really ultimately change how you feel, and then you'll take different actions in your life. And when my dad passed, I literally. You're doing this. I thought, oddly, I'm gonna honor my dad. I'm gonna talk about him more. I'm gonna talk about what I learned from. I'll talk about how he hurt me. Put it in my book. It's in my book. All my speeches lately involve my dad. And in a very beautiful way, you honored your mom in that special. And your dad. You started out by telling the truth, right? But you honored him. Did it ever dawn on you that you were doing that?

[Christina P]

No.

[Ed Mylett]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

It's unconscious. No, No. I think right now.

[Ed Mylett]

And he's dawning on you.

[Christina P]

No, because. Yeah, I'm like, oh, yeah, I guess.

[Tony Robbins]

I.

[Christina P]

No, because when you create something, it's all really unconscious. You just kind of throw stuff out, and then you hope there's a through line and, like, what's that gonna be? And really what I really wanted to express as well as honoring. I think now that you mention it, it's just that I'm not. I, I don't hate you, man. I ain't mad at you. Because the anger, we all go through it. And like, I also, one of my pet peeves about the self help movement is like, just be happy, be happy. Look for the joy. It's like no and no. Sometimes the suffering. And you did a great podcast about this recently. Yeah. About the suffering that must come in order to have the joy, the suffering. And I just didn't want to leave people thinking like, I'm this rageful adolescent because I'm really, I'm not mad at them anymore. Because once you become a parent, you're like, oh, okay, yeah, got it.

[Ed Mylett]

Before we start the interview with my next guest, just want to remind you all that you can subscribe to the show on YouTube or follow the show on Apple or Spotify. We have all the links in our show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Now, on with the show. I started the Max out program so that I could bring you people in their lives who have maxed out particular areas of their life or that I'm fascinated by. And I was telling this gentleman to my left, I made a list of people that I personally wanted on my program because they fascinate me, they inform me, they inspire me. And so this gentleman to my left, just to give you a background, this, this guy parlayed a 990 SAT score into a multi billion dollar company that he built. It grew 57,000% the first three years. So I want you to get your head around that. He was named by Success magazine last year as one of the 25 most influential entrepreneurs on the planet. Secret Entourage in 2016 named him the entrepreneur of the year. And he has built multiple companies into brands. And those are things I'm very impressed with. And we're going to get into your head about how you did that. But I'm overwhelmingly impressed with Impact Theory, which is an organization that he and his wife Lisa started the last few years that is really making a difference in the world, just like his company Quest Nutrition did. And so, Tom Bilyeu, thank you for being here today, brother.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Thank you for having me, man. I'm so excited to be here. We flipped the script before.

[Ed Mylett]

I've been on his program and now finally get you here. And frankly, being on your program impressed me even further with you. The level of dedication and preparation and how much you care. And I just know both of our audiences have wanted to see you and I together. And so were you like this young. So I know you didn't have the best SAT scores in the world, but I've been around you enough. Now I consider you a freak. Which is a. Which is a compliment coming from a guy like, no, no, no. Take it as I think you know what I mean. You're uniquely driven and wired to pursue greatness and to make an impact, no pun intended, in the world at a level that most people have not yet realized they're capable of, even though they are. And so did you know this young? If we went back and looked at this kid who grows up in Washington State, was there already these obvious insights and clues that you were going to turn into this guy? What were you like as a young?

[Tom Bilyeu]

There definitely were not clues. So when I was a kid, I didn't show any signs of promise to be really fair. And my own mother, when I left for college, like, she. I almost chickened out. And I was like, I don't want to go. I want to just stay home. And she was like, no, no, no. You need to go. You need to go. Pushes me out of the nest. And then literally every day since, she's tried to claw me back. So one day, like, I don't know, three or four years ago, I said to her mom, like, you were the one that kicked me out. Like, I wouldn't have left if you hadn't pushed me, so why did you push me? And she said, with no malice whatsoever, I just always assumed you were gonna fail.

[Ed Mylett]

Oh, my gosh.

[Tom Bilyeu]

And now that she had never been, like, always my biggest cheerleader, always rooting for me, telling me I could do it, but quietly, just inside, she was like, you didn't show any drive. So the one thing I will say is I was grandly ambitious. I always said, I'm gonna be rich. I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna do that. Always. Always. Since the time I was a little kid. But I didn't have the drive to see it through. So I really, really was an empty dreamer when I was a kid. And it was learning to hate that in myself, if I'm completely honest. And to not allow myself to be an empty dreamer, to force myself to get the skills to actually execute against it, to not be in any way, shape, or form pacified by saying, I'm gonna do something, which is actually super dangerous. Most people just thinking about the fantasy of what they're gonna do gives them some partial sense of, oh, I've done it. Whereas I stopped letting that be okay for me, which largely came down to Embarrassment I felt around my wife working when I had no job. And that was the time. She was my fiance at the time. But that was when I really started to go, okay, you've made a lot of promises to this woman and you're not on a path to keep any of them.

[Ed Mylett]

Wow.

[Tony Robbins]

Okay.

[Ed Mylett]

Our stories are unbelievable. I did not know that. And our stories are unbelievably paralleled. I was in the same situation, by the way, where I was sort of an entrepreneurial, unemployed guy while she was paying our rent. Right. So I relate to that too.

[Tony Robbins]

How does.

[Ed Mylett]

I'm just curious. I want to make sure. I just. I think you're one of the great American business stories, and not only because of the wealth that you've accumulated, but because of this. Words overused, but it's so true with you, because of the impact you're making in the world, because of your success. That's what I admire, as you know, that's what I'm trying to do with the Max out program too, and just with my life. So what I don't get is this connection. So just help me understand it, because you know that I know your story. I'm fascinated by it. How do you get from a 990 sat into USC?

[Tom Bilyeu]

How I got into USC itself. This. This makes me a little sad. This is one part of the story I wish were a little different. I cheated all through high school. So the one thing that. So I graduated in the top 10 of my class.

[Ed Mylett]

You were a good cheater.

[Tom Bilyeu]

I was a good cheater. And this is one thing I will say. People talk about network and they talk about charisma and all. It's just real. And so I was nice and that got me a long way. I remember in seventh grade. So one of the guys I would later cheat off of in high school becomes my absolute best friend in the universe. But he's on the spectrum, right? The autism spectrum. And. And in seventh grade, he wouldn't talk to anybody. And so I turned around one day and I was very outgoing at that time in my life, which I consider myself now just a dyed in the wool introvert. But at that time, the role in the family that I played was the jokester. So I was used to getting laughs and getting my self esteem from my ability to make people laugh. So I turn around to him in seventh grade, I point at him and I'm like, my mission in this class is to get you to talk. And so in inside, he was thinking, oh my God, somebody actually cares. And so then it became like we just started attracting to each other. And he is still, to this day, probably the smartest person I've ever met. And so it just became this sort of unlikely pairing. But to give you an idea of, like, how weird this kid was, and we're still close to this day. So he talks of himself like this. My mom said if he doesn't start acknowledging me when I say hello to him, he's not allowed to come up over anymore. She would literally say straight up to his face, hi. And he would say nothing. It was super weird. And so I was like, dude, you just gotta say hi back. And so he credits me with teaching him, like, social skills, and I credit him with helping me graduate high school, basically.

[Ed Mylett (continued motivational speech)]

But I always believed graduating high school.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Literally, and I always believed that I could do the work, but that other things were more important to me. So I told myself a total bullshit story, which was that, hey, I could be working and earning these grades, but I'd rather learn how to talk to girls and how to socially engage. It's total bs. I'm well aware of that now. But at the time, it really felt totally justified. And I was like, they're not teaching us things that are gonna help anyway. Nobody can answer why algebra's gonna be useful to me. And so I just felt like that was fine. But when I went to college, day one, I said, okay, I'm gonna be taking on a massive amount of debt. I'm learning the thing that I love. This is what I want to do with my career, so I better actually know how to do it. So the phrase that I repeated in my head over and over and over was, arf. Sink or swim. I will not cheat. Not even one. It doesn't matter. Either one of those is acceptable. The only thing I care about is that I do every bit of work myself. And so. And I stuck to that. So my grades in college are reflect. And I did better in college than I did in high school.

[Steve Weatherford]

And you didn't.

[Ed Mylett]

Is this true that you went. You want to be a filmmaker? Yes. Right?

[Tony Robbins]

Very much.

[Ed Mylett]

But you didn't know that there was a difference between USC film school and usc.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Dude, welcome to growing up in Tacoma. So, first of all, like, nobody really knew how this all worked, so I went to USC because my dad had a friend who made almost an offhanded comment. My dad was like, oh, my son wants to go be a filmmaker. And the guy was like, oh, USC is the best film school in the world. And so my dad comes home and goes I hear USC is the best, best film school. So I was like, well, I guess I'm going to USC then. Literally, I didn't even think beyond that. It is the only film school that I applied to. I applied to one state school and then to usc, and that was it.

[Ed Mylett]

Oh, my gosh.

[Tom Bilyeu]

And I got into usc and I just thought the way college worked was you tell them what your major is, right? People talk, you declare your major, right? So I thought, cool, I'll go declare my major. And then in the prep. So I've already committed. I've already said I'm going to usc. I've turned down the other offer that I had at the this state school. It's done. I'm going to usc, taking the financial aid package, all of it. Then they come to your town and they orient you to, like, what it's going to be like. And they show you pictures and all this stuff, and I'm so excited. And then I don't know if I asked a question or if it just came up and they said something about how to get into the film school. It's a separate application process. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Ed Mylett]

Your heart dropped. What do you mean?

[Tom Bilyeu]

Literally, my heart dropped through the floor. And I was like, oh, God. And so then I was like, what are the requirements? And they said, well, we'd like to see a 1300 on your SAT. And I was like, what do I do now? And that was the beginning of, like, real panic.

[Ed Mylett]

So what did you do?

[Tom Bilyeu]

So I go to usc, and I'm like, somehow I'm gonna figure this out. And you have mandatory counseling. And I go to the counseling, and they look at what I've signed up for. And I've signed up for film classes. Like, I'd already been accepted to the major. They said, tom, listen, right now you're gonna end up spending a fifth year at this school because statistically, you are more likely to get into Harvard Law than you are into USC film school. Do not do this. We see people do this every year. Get out of these classes. Take normal general education requirements. I was like, no, no, I'm gonna get in. I'm gonna get in. And it's the one time in my life where someone looked me point blank in the face and they said, you are going to fail. Like, it's not a question of if you are going to fail. You are going to spend a lot of money. And they were doing it from the position of, like, look, I don't want you to waste the Money. But they were so aggressive about it. And there was something in them telling me that I couldn't do it. I was like, I'm definitely doing this. And so I found there was a guy that was on the admissions committee who offered, like, you could go join him for lunch. And so I went. He made the offer to, like, a class of 350 people, and I was the only one who showed up. And I was like, how is this possible? So I say to him, look, I got a 990 on my SATs. What do I do? I really want to get into film school. And he said, tom, SAT stands for Scholastic Aptitude Test. It's supposed to tell me how well you'll do on college. You've already missed the freshman class. You're not going to be. You're not going to get accepted then. So you can only get accepted as an incoming junior. But as an incoming junior, I don't care about your SATs, because I have two years of college to look at. So we said, if you don't want me to worry about your SATs, just get good grades. So I said, cool. For the next two years, all I'm going to do is get good grades. I didn't date, I didn't party. I didn't drink. I literally didn't leave my dorm room. I worked. I put my head down for two years, and I just worked. And I got. If it wasn't a 4.0, it was like a 3.95 or something. It's never that clean. Like, I want my story to be, Hey, I learned that if I just put my head down and work my ass off, I can get whatever I want. That is, unfortunately not what I learned, because I believed at the time you're either talented or you're not. So I wasn't in film school to become a filmmaker. I was in film school to learn that technical side. How do you turn on a camera? Where do you put a light? Things like that. But I thought you either have the ability to tell a story or you don't. So I believed myself to be a natural filmmaker. I just believed I had talent. And so I go to film school, and everything is proving. So first I gamble, right? And I take all the film prerequisites, even though they tell me not to. I get into film school, so that feeds my ego. Then second, my. So you have two classes that are, like, tech testing you to see where you're at as a filmmaker. And I smash it. First class, smash it. And your second class, you have to team up. And basically everybody wants to direct. And anybody that wants to be a cinematographer, that's good. All the directors are fighting for them. And so not only did I get the cinematographer everybody wanted, but I got to direct. And then we killed our film. It was amazing. So now I'm like, I'm the shit, right? Like, literally every egotistical belief that. That I had about myself being naturally talented, it's just happening for me. It's effortless. I'm not even putting that much energy into it. I mean, other than the physical production, which is exhausting. But I'm not, like, trying to be more artistic. I'm trying to learn how to turn on cameras and stuff like that. But I'm just a naturally talented filmmaker. So everything in college is leading towards only four people in your class get to direct a senior thesis film. So all the people, everybody else cruise, but four people get to direct. And I was chosen as one of the four. So literally the narrative in my head is, I am naturally talented. You either have it or you don't. And I have it, and I'm very grateful that I have it. And then I make my senior thesis film. And it is the most catastrophic, horrific crash and burn, embarrassing thing I've ever gone through. The class is making fun of me. They're cutting up reels of my film to make a joke out of it. I mean, it was abysmal.

[Ed Mylett]

Oh, my gosh.

[Tom Bilyeu]

And in that moment, I realized the cold, hard truth. And this is. When I tell this story, people think, oh, now he's just being hard on himself or being overconfident. I'm telling you right now, I didn't have talent. And so in that moment, I realized I don't know how to tell a story. So whatever natural talent looks like, I didn't have it. It was so bad. I stole the master from the school.

[Ed Mylett]

No way.

[Tom Bilyeu]

Yes. Because I never wanted it to be seen again. So, like that. Like, this is a really. So that leads into the darkest period of my life. Okay, so I graduate. And you would think, hey, but you worked so hard to get in film school. Why isn't that the ringing narrative? And it just wasn't. The ringing narrative was you thought you were talented. You're a fool. You don't know anything. And I couldn't afford to furnish my apartment, so I was literally laying on the floor of my apartment. I had an air mattress, but I was laying on the floor with a.

[Ed Mylett]

Degree from SC With a degree from.

[Tom Bilyeu]

SC Taking every remedial job that I can get because now my ego is so crushed smashed I need to be the smartest person in the room it's like the only thing I have left well at least I'm naturally smart so I just put myself in dumber and dumber rooms which means I'm making less and less money I'm selling video games retail at one point I mean it.

[Ed Mylett]

Was really bad you're putting yourself in dumber and dumber rooms so that you were the smartest person Got it?

[Tom Bilyeu]

I wouldn't interview for a job unless I knew this person at some point in the interview will say why are you interviewing for this job?

[Ed Mylett]

You're better than this it's interesting to me the takeaways you have from experiences because in life it's not the experiences happen to us it's the meaning we take from them and it's interesting to me that even you getting into film school even your takeaways are deeply unique and very self aware it.