How to Harness the Power of One More to Transform Your Life

Summary

Podcast Summary: "How to Harness the Power of One More to Transform Your Life"

Podcast Information:

• Title: THE ED MYLETT SHOW
• Host/Author: Ed Mylett | Cumulus Podcast Network
• Episode Title: How to Harness the Power of One More to Transform Your Life
• Release Date: January 25, 2025

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Introduction

In this compelling episode of The Ed Mylett Show, host Ed Mylett engages in a profound conversation with Jamie Kern Lima, centering around his new book, The Power of One More. The discussion delves deep into personal transformation, the enduring impact of mentorship, and the foundational principles that drive success and fulfillment.

The Power of One More

Ed Mylett opens the dialogue by sharing the inspiration behind his book, emphasizing the philosophy of taking "one more" step to achieve personal growth and transformation. This concept is rooted in his father's journey to sobriety and how small, incremental efforts can lead to monumental changes in one's life.

Ed Mylett [04:30]: "Don't put the pressure on yourself to meet that goal for five or 10 years or the rest of your life. Instead, think about not quitting for one more day."

Personal Stories and Lessons

A significant portion of the conversation revolves around Ed's father, whose battle with alcoholism and subsequent transformation profoundly influenced Ed's worldview and mission.

• Transformation Through One More:

  Ed recounts his father's commitment to sobriety, highlighting how the mantra "one more day" became the cornerstone of his recovery and eventual legacy.

  Unknown Speaker [03:00]: "Through his hard work with Alcoholics Anonymous, my father embraced the idea of living one more day sober..."

• Legacy of Service:

  Even in his final days, Ed's father continued to reach out to those he had helped, embodying the essence of selfless service.

  Ed Mylett [05:23]: "Even while he was on oxygen, struggling to breathe, he still reached out and made calls to people on his note cards."

• Impact of Others' Support:

  A poignant moment arises when Ed realizes the profound impact a stranger's support had on his father, shaping his own mission to help others.

  Ed Mylett [66:05]: "The person’s mess is exactly what qualified them to change my entire family. Your mess may be the very thing that qualifies you to help others."

Mindset and Imagination

Ed emphasizes the importance of operating from imagination and dreams rather than being anchored to past experiences and memories. This shift in mindset is crucial for personal growth and achieving one's full potential.

• Imagination as a Creative Force:

  He describes imagination as a muscle that, when exercised, can lead to the creation of new realities and opportunities.

  Ed Mylett [27:41]: "When you imagine something, you create a space that exists in time that didn’t exist before the imagination or the dream."

• Reticular Activating System (RAS):

  Ed explains how the RAS filters information based on one's focus, making it essential to direct thoughts towards positive and aspirational goals.

  Ed Mylett [57:37]: "When you create a thought, you create a space that did not exist before you had that thought, and your subconscious starts to furnish that space."

Faith and Vulnerability

Ed shares his personal faith journey, underscoring how his relationship with God provides him with peace and purpose. He candidly discusses moments of doubt and the ongoing quest to deepen his spiritual connection.

• Role of Faith:

  Faith is portrayed as a central pillar in Ed's life, offering comfort and guiding his actions towards helping others.

  Ed Mylett [15:00]: "My faith gives me such tremendous comfort and peace. I believe there's a powerful and loving God that’s helped me reach all these conclusions."

• Showing Vulnerability:

  Ed advocates for authenticity, encouraging leaders to embrace their imperfections and share their true selves to inspire others.

  Ed Mylett [35:12]: "I just got tired of trying to pretend I was perfect. I want people to have hope, not idolization."

Leadership and Influence

The discussion delves into Ed's philosophy on leadership, emphasizing the importance of crafting a vision that aligns with the dreams and ambitions of those you lead.

• Visionary Leadership:

  A great leader, according to Ed, is one who can paint a compelling vision that resonates with and accommodates the diverse aspirations of their team.

  Jamie Kern Lima [87:00]: "A great leader's job is to craft a vision and sell a dream that is big enough that the dreams of all of the people you lead can fit inside the one you're selling them."

• Influence Over Belief:

  Ed distinguishes between influencing others by making them believe in his message versus making them believe in him personally.

  Ed Mylett [93:03]: "Great leaders do not try to get people to believe what they're saying. They try to get people to believe that they believe it."

Building Confidence

Confidence, for Ed, stems from self-awareness, keeping personal promises, and aligning intentions with actions. He introduces the "holy trilogy" of faith, intention, and associations as key components in building unwavering self-confidence.

• Holy Trilogy:

  Faith, intention, and meaningful associations form the foundation of superhuman self-confidence.

  Ed Mylett [54:01]: "If you have self-confidence, you've started to keep the promises you make to yourself. If you have superhuman confidence, you keep the promises you make to yourself one more time."

• One More Standard:

  Consistently pushing to do "one more" in various aspects of life reinforces self-confidence and personal growth.

  Ed Mylett [54:38]: "If I'm going to get up and work out, I do one more rep. If I want to make 10 contacts in a day, I do one more."

Conclusion

Ed Mylett's episode with Jamie Kern Lima offers a deep exploration of personal transformation through the principle of "one more." By sharing heartfelt personal stories, emphasizing the power of imagination, and advocating for authentic leadership, Ed provides listeners with actionable insights to harness the power of incremental efforts to achieve profound life changes.

Notable Quotes:

1. Ed Mylett [04:30]: "Don't put the pressure on yourself to meet that goal for five or 10 years or the rest of your life. Instead, think about not quitting for one more day."
2. Ed Mylett [05:23]: "Even while he was on oxygen, struggling to breathe, he still reached out and made calls to people on his note cards."
3. Ed Mylett [27:41]: "When you imagine something, you create a space that exists in time that didn’t exist before the imagination or the dream."
4. Ed Mylett [35:12]: "I just got tired of trying to pretend I was perfect. I want people to have hope, not idolization."
5. Ed Mylett [54:01]: "If you have self-confidence, you've started to keep the promises you make to yourself. If you have superhuman confidence, you keep the promises you make to yourself one more time."
6. Ed Mylett [93:03]: "Great leaders do not try to get people to believe what they're saying. They try to get people to believe that they believe it."

Key Takeaways:

• One More Philosophy: Embrace the mindset of taking "one more" step, effort, or day towards your goals to foster continuous growth and transformation.

• Imagination Over Memories: Focus on dreaming and envisioning the future rather than being constrained by past experiences and memories.

• Authentic Leadership: Lead by being authentic and vulnerable, which inspires and uplifts others without seeking idolization.

• Building Confidence: Develop self-confidence through faith, intention, and consistently keeping personal promises, leveraging the "one more" standard.

• Impact of Mentorship: Recognize the profound impact that mentors and supporters can have on your life and strive to be that pillar for others.

This episode serves as a motivational blueprint for individuals seeking to unlock their potential by harnessing the power of incremental efforts and fostering authentic connections.

Transcript

[Ed Mylett]

So hey guys, listen. We're all trying to get more productive and the question is, how do you find a way to get an edge? I'm a big believer that if you're getting mentoring or you're in an environment that causes growth, a growth based environment, that you're much more likely to grow and you're going to grow faster. And that's why I love Growth Day. Growth Day is an app that my friend Brendan Burchard has created that I'm a big fan of. Write this down growthday.com forward/ed.

[Jamie Kern Lima]

So if you want to be more.

[Ed Mylett]

Productive, by the way, he's asked me, I post videos in there every single Monday that gets your day off to the right start. He's got about 5,000, $10,000 worth of courses that are in there that come with the app. Also, some of the top influencers in the world are all posting content in there on a regular basis, like having the avengers of personal development and business in one app. And I'm honored that he asked me to be a part of it as well and contribute on a weekly basis. And I do. So go over there and get signed up. You're going to get a free tuition, free voucher to go to an event with Brendan and myself and a bunch of other influencers as well. So you get a free event out of it also. So go to growthday.com forward/ed. That's growthday.com ed.

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[Ed Mylett]

This is the Ed Mylan. Hey everyone. Welcome to my weekend special. I hope you enjoy the show. Be sure to follow the Ed Mylett show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way.

[Jamie Kern Lima]

Plot twist.

[Ed Mylett]

We're turning the tables on me and I'm being interviewed by my dear friend Jamie Kern Lima about my new book, the Power of One More. So enjoy. God bless you.

[Unknown Speaker]

I want to actually read something from from the Power of One More because you talk and you've shared a lot already in this interview about being raised by a dad who was an alcoholic, but actually then changed and transformed later in his life and changed for you and your whole family and also just in his own form of contribution to the world. And I'm going to read, and then I would love to actually hand it over to you to read part of. So this is page 243. Page 243. Through his hard work with Alcoholics Anonymous, my father embraced the idea of living one more day sober, a core mantra of aa. In fact, it became the entire premise of his life. That may sound like a small thing to overcome if you've never battled addiction, but in the world of an alcoholic, winning this fight one more day at a time means everything. Once he committed to it. My dad didn't try to stay sober every remaining day of his life. He tried to stay sober one more day of his life, one day at a time stacked upon each other until days became weeks and months and they became years. The difference in that kind of mindset means everything to a recovering alcoholic. If you're reading this and you're thinking about quitting on your dream, a business you've started, or anything important to you, don't put the pressure on yourself to meet that goal for five or 10 years or the rest of your life. Instead, think about not quitting for one more day. And I want to hop to one other part that I'm going to hand over to you in a moment. And this is about you, your dad. The third and final thing to know is that it's never too late for one last one more. After my father died, I came across several index cards as I was putting away some of his things. On these cards were scribbled codes like 1.4jl and 1.3pt. They were scattered on his vanity unit and taped to his bathroom mirror. These codes were dates and the initials of someone's name, and there were hundreds of them. I soon figured out that every one of those cards represented a person my dad had helped get sober. And the dates were that person's sobriety anniversary date. Here's the most remarkable part. On those dates, my father would call that person, wish them a happy sobriety birthday, and congratulate them. His message to them was simple. All you must do is stay sober for one more day. And I want to hand this to you. If you could read the rest of this right here, starting with here.

[Ed Mylett]

He made these calls hundreds of times a year, every year, including in the last days of his life. Even while he was on oxygen, struggling to breathe and could barely whisper, he still reached out and made calls to people on his note cards. Although he was in severe pain and agony and he knew he would pass away soon, my father had to help one more person. Nobody was watching. Nobody would have known whether he made those calls or not. However, because my father lived a one more life, this was an opportunity for him to help one last, one more human being. In the end, my father's one last one more was a phone call to another person in need shortly before he passed away. I've never been so moved or prouder of my dad. His quiet, kind and humble gestures remain a profound example of service to others that I may never match. Now you know why I've made it my sincere mission to try and help as many people as possible in my life too. I do it to honor my father. Coming back from the brink of losing his family and everything he worked for, my father found purpose and redemption. He made the most of the one last one mores chance he was given. Our physical being dies and we do pass from this earth at some point. But my father's one last, one more legacy will live through the ages. We should all be so lucky to live our lives that well. I haven't read that since I wrote it. Come on, Jamie.

[Unknown Speaker]

A lot of people have, you know, written and wondered, you know, you don't need to do what you do. You don't. Your business is all kinds of stuff. You don't need to show up on stages and show up and serve millions of people every day. And I guess I just want to know, in your words, you know, that you just shared, is that why you do and why you do what you do?

[Ed Mylett]

That was really hard. Come on, girl. I've just discovered that that's why when I wrote the book, I love people and I really believe in people. I learned a lot from my dad. My dad was a really tough guy, too. Like, a really tough guy. And he was such a kind person and so gentle and generous and. And here's what dawned on me when my dad passed. Someone helped my dad. And I don't know who it is, but somebody helped my dad. And if someone didn't help my dad, my family would never be. I would never be in this situation. So I would just like to be that person for someone in some area of their life. And that's what we're all put here to do in our own way, is to help other people. And I've found in my dad had his way of doing it and I found my way of doing it and Some people do it by being a great artist and making music that changes people. Some people do it by being a schoolteacher like my sister. Right. Some people make great food. Some people care for children or someone's nanny. And they're just amazing at changing a child's life or a family's life. We all have our way. But when it dawned on me when I was writing this book that, wait, someone helped my dad. And you never know when you help somebody, the ripple effect of what that's gonna be. That person, whoever they are, that helped my dad. My dad then helped thousands of other people quietly, every morning and night of his life, helping, and then had a son who's me, who's helped a few people, too. And so when you help one person, you. You don't know what the ripple effects are, the ramifications of that one person you've helped, that one difference you've made in their life. And so you have a responsibility to do it. And I know what most people are thinking, what do I have to offer somebody? You know what my dad had to offer somebody? I was a drunk. I was broken. I was a mess. That was what my dad had to offer. My dad's message was his offer. Not his brilliance, not his. My dad's personal mess. And his personal story was what he would offer you when he would help you. So you don't have to have some magnificent talent or ability or skill or thing to help people. You have to be you. You have to have your story, your experience, your love. When I walked into McKinley, when my dad got me the job the first day he got sober, the orphanage I worked at, all those little boys wanted. When they would turn and look at me, I walked in there. I wasn't qualified. I wasn't a psychologist. I didn't have any kids of my own. There's nothing about me that said I should be helping children, right? But guess what? I know what it's like to come from a family that's not perfect. So the only thing that qualified me to be there was my own family's mess. And all those little boys wanted for me all they wanted. Because God doesn't qualify the called or call the qualified. He qualifies the called. All those little boys wanted for me was really simple. Hey, love me, care about me, believe in me, and show me how to do a little better. And so that's what I've learned from my dad. It's what I learned in writing the book, and it's what I've learned about each of us. And I'm super interested and optimistic about could this become a movement in our culture where humans begin to treat each other differently and we say, hey, I see you. You're awesome. You're not invisible. You matter. You're important. You count. You were born to do something great with your life. I love you. I care about you. I believe in you. Let me show you how to do a little better, right? You show me how to do better, I'll show you how to do a little bit better.

[Unknown Speaker]

You know, I'm just thinking you share so many powerful things about your dad, and now you are a grown man with two beautiful kids.

[Ed Mylett]

I do have two kids.

[Unknown Speaker]

Bella and Max.

[Ed Mylett]

Yep.

[Unknown Speaker]

What would you hope they would share and say about you as their dad?

[Ed Mylett]

Wow. Well, like I said earlier, I think most things are caught, not taught. That's a great question. I hope they would tell. Well, I'll give you the real answer. I hope they would tell you that he loves God and that he was a flawed guy, but he really, really loved people and really, really tried to help people. And I watched my daddy work his butt off all the time for other people, way past when he didn't need to anymore. And I hope maybe most importantly, other than God is they say he loves me. He loves me. And I would love them to think what I think of my dad. He was such a good man. He was such a good man. He was a decent man. He was a compassionate man. And he. He just didn't ever judge anybody. You couldn't bring my dad a story or a mistake. When you're in that kind of program, man, you hear stuff, right? Just didn't judge anybody because he didn't want to be judged himself. So I hope my kids say my dad really loved the Lord, and my dad loved people, loved me, and worked really, really hard to help people. That would be pretty cool if they would say that someday. I don't know if they would or not right now, but I hope they say that when I'm done.

[Unknown Speaker]

You know, you bring up. Can you. I know this is personal. You haven't shared much about this publicly, but can you share a little about your faith journey?

[Ed Mylett]

Sure. That was the hardest chapter in the book to write. I told you this because I didn't want to offend anybody or put anyone off who has a different faith, because I admire and respect people of all faiths, and I don't like when I believe religion becomes judgmental or, hey, I know something you don't know, or, I'm right And you're wrong. We're talking about faith here, right? So it's something that I really can't stand. And by the way, I'm a Christian. I also think sometimes I have this feeling that sometimes organized religion. Our friend Erwin likes to say organized religion sometimes gets in the way between people and Jesus. So there have all these thoughts about that stuff. But for me, there's one conclusion that, you know, although my earthly father was an incredible man and, you know, turned things around, my heavenly father was always present. And when I went back and looked through my life, as I got a little bit older, there was one presence with me all the time that truly got me through all those times. And even though I may not have known he was there, he knew I was there, and he was there all the time. And my faith gives me such tremendous comfort and peace. I always say I want more peace in my life. And what I really mean by that is I want more time to have my relationship with God. I have a relationship with God, though, which means that it ebbs and flows. Sometimes it's better than others. I actually think questioning and asking questions about your faith is healthy because it helps you dig deeper and find more answers. But my faith has been the center part of my life. I can only conclude that there's an incredible, powerful and loving God that's helped me reach all these conclusions and given me this journey. And if I really step back, there's just no way any of the stuff that's happened I could have done on my own. And the funny thing about writing a book about how to be more happy and successful, it's a little bit of a weird feeling because although I'm giving you all the keys that I know in the book, like, all right, I'm 51. What do I know? Here's like 19 one mores. And I go deep, as you know, on the mind and habits and time management and equanimity and identity and all this stuff in the book. But the truth is that there are entire pockets of my life where I can't explain them to you. They're supernatural. Like, there's entire times in my life where I'm like, all I can conclude. Like, when the water was turned off. Yeah, it's a little bit of a blur. And then I sort of woke up, and it was almost like the Lord just picked me up and carried me for a while, and then kind of put me back down and said, all right, I'm here with you still, but you're going to, you know, and he picked me up for a while and put me back down again. And so I'd be remiss if I wrote a book about being happy and successful. And I didn't have a chapter in the book on the most important central part of all of it for me. Which is that this is. I believe God put us here to love one another. God put us here to care about one another, to believe in one another. To show each other how to do better. That's what I think life is. And so I also believe there's a purpose to this life beyond just being here for 80 or 100 years and our body dies. How do I know that? I know that from my dad. I know that from his dad. And so my faith is the most important part of my life. I don't have a life without it. That's just the truth. None of this matters without it. And the most powerful thing ever for me is like those two babies of mine. Max and Bella. I love them more than you could possibly imagine loving two human beings. And to think that the Lord loves me even more than that and loves you even more than that and loves someone listening to man. That's powerful. And the other last thing I'll say is I believe in energy. I believe in science. I'm one of these crazy Christian people who believes that there's vibrational frequency. I actually believe in all that. I just happen to believe a creator created all of that. But I'm not a dummy. You and I are great friends because I love your frequency. I love you. I love the energy I feel from you. I think you like mine. Like, we all respond to energy. So I'm a diverse believer in that sense. I'm just a devout Christian in the main sense. And so I had to write a book. I had to put that in there.

[Unknown Speaker]

Do you ever doubt your faith?

[Ed Mylett]

I have. I've questioned it. I've doubted it. Sure. When you see your father suffer like that. Lord, what are we doing here? Right? Or you see a tragedy in life. There are some things that just aren't. There aren't answers to. But I can tell you that there was a lot of things about my dad's suffering that served other people, including me. And so I've been able to take away these keys in my life. Yeah. I think the truth is that I don't believe. I doubt my faith anymore to the extent of whether it's true. I doubt my depth of understanding of it. I doubt my depth of. Sometimes I doubt my. I wish I could become Closer. I regret sometimes in life, if I'm being honest, that I think a lot of us feel like I'm going to really get around to pursuing my faith more aggressively when, when. And that time never comes. And so it was many, many years ago. I went, no, that time is kind of now. But even having said that, there are things about me, this calling on my heart, that I feel like I want to get closer, I want to get closer. And so the doubt part probably has changed from doubt of whether I believe what I believe, which I once have had, to more understanding and knowing more than I know. And so that's probably the doubt part.

[Unknown Speaker]

For people listening, that maybe they, you know, don't have faith in their life, but they actually want to, but they just doubt God exists. Right. And they just want to maybe take like a step towards seeing if they can incorporate faith, whatever that faith may be, by the way, into their life. Like, what do you say to them?

[Ed Mylett]

Well, that's a great question and I get asked that a lot. So the first thing I would say to you is the fact that you're inquiring about it. It's been calling on your heart. You would not be, you wouldn't have this calling on your heart unless there was an existence of something, you know, you want to know more about. So the fact that it's a calling, no one put that there, that was, that was there from your birth. And so you're trying to, you're trying to come home. And what I would say to do is to get quiet and to get still and in stillness and quietness, there's a lot of answers there. And if there's somebody that you admire, I would say go have a conversation with them about their beliefs, someone that's non judgmental. There are great books, I mean, depending on the faith you're going to pursue, if you were to pursue my faith, I could certainly recommend some very specific books that helped me. But I would say that get quiet, pray about it. And then I would say go pursue some different places, see what feels home to you. You know, go visit a church, go visit a synagogue, if that's appropriate for you. And go visit. And I think you'll find your home when you take action. But in life we need to get in motion and take action to make something change in our lives. And so go do something about it. Stop just sitting there contemplating, get quiet, get some answers and then go try. Go do something.

[Unknown Speaker]

It's so good and so true. And I think what you just said is really powerful. That's my own experience with going from doubting God exists for many years to then knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt he exists. But part of that was going to different churches, seeing what actually felt right. Because you feel it. You feel it.

[Ed Mylett]

You feel it.

[Unknown Speaker]

You can't fake it.

[Ed Mylett]

You can't fake it. You'll feel your home when you're home. And I did, too. I was raised in one particular church and then went to another and another, and then I found what was my home. Same thing.

[Unknown Speaker]

All right. You talk about taking action. I want to talk about in the power of one more. Okay, first of all, let me just say something. Okay. This is the clean version. My original version is marked up. There's like, thousands of highlights, notes. Yes. All the things in there. And so this is the. Printed last night with just. I don't know how many markers in here, but on page 38, you say few things are more expensive than opportunities you miss. You pay for them with regret, doubt, and lingering haunting. A lingering, haunting feeling of what could have been. So my question. Has there been a moment in your journey that you should have stepped into one more, but you failed to do so? And what did you learn from that?

[Ed Mylett]

Tons. Yeah, there's a lot that's the good news, is there's redemption, too. If you keep pursuing the one mores, I can tell you one where I should have fixed something I did. So I always tell you vulnerable stuff. My son was a golfer, or is a golfer, but was when he was young and he had done something in the golf course that I thought he should have made a different decision. And I couldn't believe I did this. But when he was done playing, I let him know it really aggressively, like, I cannot. I remember what it was. I cannot believe you hit a three wood there with the lake in front of the green. What the heck were you thinking? And I start railing into my son, who's just trying to make me proud of him. Golfing.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah.

[Ed Mylett]

And I rail into him. And like, every mistake you make as a parent, you just like, that's the biggest mistakes of your life. Like, I should have handled that differently. And anyway, this may seem super small, but it's massive to me. And so it was a Sunday, and I had to go on a business trip that night. And I had the opportunity to walk in his room before I left and to fix it and to say, I'm sorry. That's not how your daddy should talk to you. I'm so proud of you. I love you. I know you were Trying your best. I can't even talk about this right now because I'm so mortified by it. Me. And I was still mad at him over, I think he was 11. How ridiculous. And I left on the business trip, and I was gone a week. And he mentioned to his mom every morning that I said that to him. And it just festered in him for a week. And that was one more opportunity for me to go in and say, I'm sorry, I made a mistake and I wasn't man enough to do it. And that's a huge regret in my life. It seems really small because I know that little incident, even though I fixed it, eventually stays in there. It stays in there. And that was a huge mistake of mine. So I regret that I did that. And there's a bunch of business ones or major deals I didn't do or something I didn't invest in. There's lots like that. But I don't really care about all this stuff. I care about my son. And so there's been a couple instances like that in my life where I'm like, you should have apologized. So the one mores I regret most are the times where I didn't say I was wrong, not decisions I didn't make or, you know, business deals I didn't pursue. There's, of course, there's things like that. But it's where I was like, I didn't have the humility in the moment to go, wait a minute, I could have actually fixed it in the car. I knew I was wrong right when I did it. We've all done this as a parent, haven't we? As a parent, you're like, I know what I'm saying. Or to a spouse, I know right now this is wrong. And out of pride or ego or whatever it is, we don't fix it. The moment I should have, right when the words left my mouth, I knew I should. I saw his little face change. I saw his face change. And I should have went, oh, my gosh, Daddy is so wrong. Let me pull the car over. Come here. Sit on my lap. I love you. Daddy is totally wrong right now. You are trying so hard out there. I have no idea why I talked to you like that. I'm so sorry. Do you hear me? I love you. I love you. You're amazing. But I didn't do it. I didn't do it then. I didn't do it before I left, and it took me a week until I got back to fix it. Well, that sat in my son for A week. That poison I gave him. Right. So I'm telling you all kinds of stuff today that I don't normally say, but right when you asked me that, that stood out to me. Number one time as a dad, I was like, that was terrible.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah.

[Ed Mylett]

So that's one.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah. Well, it's relatable and really powerful. Right. When you said it, I'm like, yep. Or your spouse. Or right away, that one stood up. All right, so this is a really big. Oh, my gosh, Ed, I could talk about the chapters in this book for like, 500 shows, but, you know, chapter seven, one more dream you talk about. This is page 91. Entering your dream state. So you say the happiest people in life operate out of their imaginations and dreams and not their histories.

[Ed Mylett]

Yep.

[Unknown Speaker]

Can you just talk about imagination and this dimension of dream state and also, like, how does it apply to your own creative process? Because I think people will find this fascinating. A lot of questions and a lot of people DM me about what's Ed's creative process?

[Ed Mylett]

You know, my creative process is I'm a dreamer. So this we're not gonna get into stuff I am good at. So most people, I'll repeat this again, operate out of their history and their memory, not their imagination and their dreams. So they're constantly replaying patterns and thoughts and emotions from the past that regenerate themselves, limiting beliefs about themselves. Whereas in my case, I do do that, but I'm really, really good at imagination. Dreaming is one thing. So people say all the time, well, I dream at night. I dream in the daytime, and I dream a lot. And dreaming is a muscle. So I am in dream mode a lot of the time I'm driving in the car. I bet you're this way too, Jamie. I'm just dreaming and envisioning my life. Often the future, the things I want to do, it's a muscle I build. It's habitual. Also, being habitual is rear view mirror replaying some situation you regret, replaying an emotion you don't want. That's habitual. A memory, over and over and over again. The reason it's so emotional for me to talk about the stuff with my dad is that I truly do spend most of my time in the dream, in the imagination, in the future, being present, operating in the present, imagining the future. I don't spend most of my time, you know, living back in my memories and my history. Even though I know there's an unconscious program running in there, I don't stay back there a lot I don't stay back there in previous achievements or previous failures. So lucid dreaming is a muscle and imagination is different. Imagination is something you had an abundance of when you were a child. It's why you were happier as a child. In my belief system, for two reasons. One, your proximity to God was just a few years ago. Okay, so you were closer to God many years ago. So you were happier and more joyous. And two, your imagination was flourishing as a child. And the world, your parents, school, teachers started to suppress it. This is what's important. Read history, do math, be a good girl, stop dreaming, get sit in your chair, write those spelling words down, whatever it is. And over time, we get to a certain age, like we don't imagine at all anymore or very little. What percentage of your time when you were 7, were you in imagination mode? And what percentage of your time at this current age are you imagining, dreaming, imagining, envisioning? And so for me, imagination is where the topics come from. The speeches come from. What I teach comes from. From imagination. If I'm in history, nothing bothers me more than to watch a speaker or a coach repeat themselves from four years ago. I already got that one, man. I already got that one. Lee, you said that 20 years ago. A little bit of that's okay. But like, I always feel like if I'm not showing up new and different, my values diminish because you already had that version of me. So this imagination and dreaming. And by the way, I have friends that are too. Hey, look at this. How about this thought? How about this place? How about this charity? How about this? You and I were doing it last night on the phone together. We're imagining and dreaming. It's the best state. It's when we're the most alive, when we're in history and memory, we're literally dying. Because you're either growing or dying as a human being. It's just a fact. And so you've got to begin to dream lucid dreams in the daytime. I have a part of the book is be a. Be a possibility, an impossibility. Thinker and achiever, like, start to just let it go, let the imagination go. Like, if there weren't barriers, if there weren't obstacles, if you didn't have anything holding you back, what would you be imagining? What would you be dreaming? Where would you be going, by the way? It's a great place to go. History and memory is like some fabrication most of the time anyway, or a sad place. So where you're going is awesome. Most people Give themselves zero gift of imagination in dreaming, or they only do it when they sleep. And when you're asleep, you're not always in control of what that dream is, but when you're awake, you can direct the dream. And dreams, to me, are a form of prayer. There's a. You want to go to vibrational frequency. There's an energy to a dream. A thought has energy. A dream has energy. An imagination has energy. You are literally beginning to create something out of nothing when you imagine and dream it. When you have a thought or an imagination or a dream of something, you actually create a space that exists in time that didn't exist before the imagination or the dream. So now that that space exists, your subconscious, unconscious mind, your reticular activating system, which is chapter two in the book, starts to try to furnish the space. It starts trying to put the people, places, and things in this space that you just created that didn't exist the minute before you had the thought of the dre. So you're creating new spaces in your life constantly when you imagine and dream. If I could get anything across. I'm so glad you brought this chapter up. Humans need to begin to imagine it. Think about people you admire. You admire Oprah Winfrey, right? I admire Dr. Martin Luther King. I also admire Oprah. But most of the people that you admire, they're dreamers. They got big imaginations. The people that you really look up to, you look up to some, you know, political person or actor, entertainer or somebody that, you know, they got a vivid imagination. They're a vivid dreamer. My hero, literally is famous for saying, I have a dream. Come on, man. I mean, that's incredible. So that's the part of life that where all the juices, you can hear, even my energy change when we talk about this topic. It's where you're the most alive, and it's where you're supposed to be. As dreamy, dreaming in the future, operating in the present.

[Unknown Speaker]

It is so powerful. And to say that when you dream. Right. Daydream or dream a dream, that your reticular activating system goes to furnish space.

[Ed Mylett]

Yes.

[Unknown Speaker]

So true. I'm just thinking of so many times in my life that's happened, but I'm imagining so many people listening to us right now. They're like, oh, gosh, I got to start dreaming. Like, what have I been doing? It's free.

[Ed Mylett]

It's free. It's free. It's the highest form of entertainment, and it's completely free, and it's the best thing you could ever give your soul and your spirit and yourself to change your life and there's no cost to it.

[Unknown Speaker]

That's beautiful. Life changing for a lot of people today, even just starting it. Baby steps even. I hope so. And you talk about. I have two really fun rounds that I want to do before I close. But one thing I want to say, Ed, that I think is really unique to you, and I know that you haven't always been this way and maybe it's part of your own growth, but I feel like you do something I rarely ever see done publicly, and that's that you are not afraid to show vulnerability. You're not afraid to show sort of these beautiful. What would normally look like contrasting things. And what I mean by that is you're this dude with muscles and then you're like narrating your two Pomeranians day, Daisy and Lily, right? You are, you know, you know, you're setting the stadium like on fire. People just. Their lives are being so impacted. And then you're also very introverted. You know what I mean? There's kind of this contrast. You do it so well, I think even with, you know, sharing real direct, you know, very direct confidence statements or tools or tips, but then you'll share how you're not feeling so well. And this is happening. It's sort of this contrast of showing all sides of you. And I'm just. I'm just wondering how you got to that place. Because a lot of people are scared. They show up not just on social media, but in their day to day lives as part of who they are, but not as all of who they are. How did you get to this place of showing up like and with a confidence as all of who you are?

[Ed Mylett]

Great question. Most people are pretty complex, and I am. I mean, there's a lot of simple things about me, but I'm a pretty complicated person in that sense. Like, I am really, really intense. And then I hopefully, you know, pretty kind person. I think that I do it because I just got tired of trying to pretend I was perfect. I just got tired of it. Like, I want people to have hope, not idolization. And so I want people to go, you know, hey, if this guy.

[Unknown Speaker]

Hold on, hold on. You want people to have hope, not idolization, right? How many people out there right now are just. That's not their priority. That is huge, Ed, what you just said.

[Ed Mylett]

Thank you. Well, and the people that were my idols, once I met them, I was like, whoa, wait a minute here, right? So I want people to go, hey, this is a flawed, imperfect person, which we all are. And man, I'm watching this guy fight to really change who he is and get better and grow. And he's got obviously learned a lot of tools for doing it. In fact, the reason that I'm so into personal development, self improvement, self confidence, all these other things, is for me to just become a baseline, functioning person, had to have these tools. And then when I got to baseline, I'm like, wait a minute, maybe we could take this further and actually be, you know, happier and successful. So I want to show that I want to be able to not show. It's not even showing. It really isn't. It's just like, here it is. I'm not conscious, like I'm gonna show. I'm just like, this is me. Like, I'm a really intense dude. I love to compete, but I really love people. And also, I think over time as we age, we change, you know, I think, you know, the 25 year old me probably would be totally unwilling. I don't know, maybe that's not true. I think a lot of people would tell you even then I was that way. But maybe I'm a little bit more unafraid to just say, hey, listen, I have fears and insecurities and I made this mistake with my son and you know, I love God and I love my dad, and you know, I have fears. And I think that hopefully by hearing those things you go, well, man, if he could do it, I could do it. This is not some perfect person. He's got it all figured out. I will just say this. I've got some things figured out and that's better than I used to be. And if I could give you what I know, maybe I could save you a bunch of time, a bunch of mistakes I made. Speed up your happiness and success through all the mistakes I've made. So I also like love people like you. And this is where all this kind of comes together. I love really confident people who have a ton of humility. And I don't love confident people who don't have humility. And I'm not really interested in being around a bunch of humble people who have no self confidence. Self confident people who have humility are curious, they want to learn, they want to grow. Self confident person, without that, they're hard to be around. You know, this. And they eventually probably make a mistake or burn out or whatever. And then our humble friends who we love so much, they're just hard to take through life with you if they have no Self confidence, like, come on, you can do it, let's go. And so I love people who tread that nuance really well. You do that as well as anybody I've ever met before. Like, there's this strength of a woman in there. Like, there's this. And I've watched you, like, defend me in different situations. Like. Like there's this really strong, confident woman who knows who she is, but so humble, so much humility that she still has this other part of her that's, you know, am I. And also wants to learn, wants to grow values, other people. Right. Humility is, I think, sometimes just the value of other people. And when you have all the self confidence and no humility, it's like, are you the most important person? You know? So hopefully over time, I've nuanced that pretty well.

[Unknown Speaker]

I think it's beautiful. I mean, even when you're doing animal voices on your. I think it's beautiful because I think people at home are like, oh, I do that too. And I think it's just this beautiful, kind of like showing all sides. And, you know, I want to say it's obviously no accident. Millions and millions of people connect with you, your shows, and you are one of the few people who does a really good job at showing both sides of things. You'll have somebody, you know, talk about politics, you'll have somebody extremely left one day, and the next day someone extremely right. You'll show both sides of everything, never even sharing where you're at. And you, you know, I've always felt this, and this has always kind of just been dumbfounding to me that I feel like the quickest way to get dull in life is to only surround yourself with people that think the way you do.

[Ed Mylett]

Yes.

[Unknown Speaker]

Right. And so many people only surround themselves with people who think the way that they do.

[Ed Mylett]

Oh, that's the thing to do now, isn't it? You only be around people who share your political beliefs, your spiritual beliefs, your life beliefs. You know, it's really the truth. And you know this. You ain't learning very much from them. You very rarely learn anything from anybody who completely agrees with you on everything. And even in your companies, you know this. When we're building the company, I want people who disagree with me, I want people who challenge me. I want people with a diverse background. I want people who come at it from a completely different perspective. And so I have lots, as you know, and so do you. And we laugh about some of our mutual friends that disagree with stuff with each other. My dad and I disagreed on a lot of stuff. One of the most interesting, fascinating things about my dad was we didn't agree on political things all the time. We certainly didn't agree on religious things all the time. Our outlook on all kinds of stuff was very different. To say that my dad and I are the same person in that regard isn't true. My favorite person, you know, that an adult person in my life is my dad. And me and him disagreed on lots of stuff and I learned lots of stuff. And some of the things, over time, I do think more like him again, you know, But I don't want people around me all the time who agree with me. And I don't want people all the time to just agree with everything. I think. How boring. You're right. No, you're right. No, you're right. Oh, we're both right. Isn't this crazy?

[Jamie Kern Lima]

And they're so this.

[Ed Mylett]

And they're so what A. And it is so our culture now, isn't it? Like, you know, it's so our culture and like. And every facet is trying to put us in these camps. Like, you're over there. You're one of those. You're one of those. I'm one of these. And you, man, that is absolutely not how this thing's supposed to work. Absolutely 100% counter to how the world is supposed to work. I promise you. Of all the things we talked about today, I'm the most sure of what I'm telling you right now, that we are supposed to be different. There's supposed to be diversity of thought, of behavior, of background, of culture, of religion, of ethnicity. The diversity in our world is the strength of this world. And if there was ever a leader who rose up and said, I'm embracing that, and I'm not even going to let you play your game where you're pitted against one another.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah.

[Ed Mylett]

Oh, man, would we change the world.

[Unknown Speaker]

Well, speaking of that, I mean, I know you are. You are. You are paid to counsel country leaders, which I won't go into that. But what I will ask you on what you just said is maybe the billion dollar question of the day. Will you ever run for office?

[Ed Mylett]

Oh, yeah, probably not. Probably not. I'm not gonna say I never would. If I thought, like, if I thought doing that, if I thought doing that would make a bigger difference in the world or I could be utilized to make a bigger difference, if that time ever arose, I would do it. But I don't think that time will arise. I think my platform and the Freedom of that platform probably allows me to make a bigger contribution and a bigger difference anyway. And the truth is, in the way that the political world works right now, I'm not so sure that I fit in anywhere specifically so I doubt that that's the case. What's that?

[Unknown Speaker]

Maybe that's a good thing.

[Ed Mylett]

Maybe that is a good thing. So I would say probably, I'd say don't hold your breath on that one. You never know. You never say never. But right now, definitely, I can tell you this for one more day. I'm definitely not that I know.

[Unknown Speaker]

All right. Page 189 on the book. In the book, the Power of One More, One of my favorite quotes in the whole book. Dare to challenge yourself to make his. How will Ed Mylett make history?

[Ed Mylett]

Wow. Come on, Jamie. These are good questions. I'll make history if I ever make history. If I make history, it will be by leveraging the beautiful talents and skills and backgrounds of other people. It wouldn't be me. It would be my ability to gather people who could do something collectively, great together. I'm a really big believer in the collective soul, the collective mind, more than I am one person doing something. And I think that's another part of our culture that's gotten really skewed as well. So if I'm going to make history, it will be like what my dad did. It'll just be by helping one person at a time and with their life be happier or more successful or be more seen or achieve their potential. And I will do that by gathering the skills and talents of a lot of other people. And I'm not. When I say do something historic in your life, what I mean by saying that to you is that you should have a sense of the historic meaning. You are making history. Your life is being documented. There's a book being written about you. If you're a person of faith, like you and I, we know that there's an accounting, there's a book of our life happening. Even if you don't believe any of that stuff, someone's probably paying attention somewhere, right? So at some point, if your great grandchildren came along and read the book of your life, if it ended right now, if the final chapter were right now on the book of you, would you be satisfied with the totality of that book of all the best chapters been written, or are there better ones to write? And if there are better ones to write, what are you doing to write them better? What book? What resource? What podcast? What friends? What decision? What One more emotion? What One more thought. Are you looking for to write the best chapters of your life? And the good news about this book of you is it's not over. If you're listening to this, the other good news is there's two co authors, you and God. And any chance you want, you can write a new chapter, you can be a whole new character, you can flip the script like I did. At some point, you just decide to step in and write the best chapters of your life. At any point. You as the author of this, the chapters don't have to repeat themselves. But right now, if your great grandkids came along and read that book, would they pick it up and go, wow, look at that moment, like I would with my dad. Look at that family. He helped. Look at that person. He helped quietly look at that change. Look at this. Look how he lived those 15 years of his son's life. And then look at the next part or in your life. Would the chapters just start kind of running together at some point? One chapter look like the other, look like the other, and they go, this is a little bit boring. And would they put the book down? Would they be inspired? Because there's four types of people. There's unmotivated, then there's motivated people, which are wonderful. They're driven by motives. I want to achieve this, to get that. Then there's inspirational people. These are people who are moved in spirit, right? Those are amazing human beings. They move people with energy and spirit. Then there's the highest level, which is aspirational, where people aspire to be more like you, Aspire to be like you. When someone read your book right now, would they say you were unmotivated, motivated, inspirational? Or how about aspirational? That eventually when your great grandkids read that book of your life, they go, I want to be more like Grandma or Great Grandma. She was courageous, she helped people, she grew, she took risks, she changed. She loved people, she cared about people. She was special. Just like my sister who's the school teacher, or just like her brother, me, in different ways. That book of your life, you're the author of and it's supposed to be a masterpiece. And you can get to writing the best chapters now, right now. And my dad proved it. First 35 years or so of his life, one way. The second half, magnificent.

[Progressive Insurance]

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[Ed Mylett]

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. So what do you want your 2025 to look like? Think about that for a second. Every January brings you 365 blank pages waiting to be filled. And in 2025 you may be ready for a plot twist. Maybe there's a part of your story you've been waiting to revise. And if you ask me what all the guests on my show have in common, not all, but most. They go to therapy or have been to therapy in their life, including me. Life isn't about just sort of navigating things on your own. It's about picking up a pen and being the author of your own story and have God's blessing in your life. Think of therapy as your editorial partner, helping you write new chapters and create the meaningful joy you deserve so you don't just keep writing the same chap over and over again. Better helps fully online, making therapy more affordable and convenient. They have over 5 million people worldwide already using them. Access a diverse network of about 30,000 credentialed therapists. Write your story with Better Help. Visit betterhelp.comedshow to get 10% off your first month. That's Better Help. H E L p.comed show very short intermission here folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Now onto our next guest. Here's a clip of Ed Mylett appearing on the podcast the School of Greatness with host Lewis Howes. I love people with a lot of self confidence, a lot of humility. Because people a lot of humility that have no self confidence, you're kind of dragging them through life as a friend, someone with all their self confidence, no humility, they're going to burn out. They're going to make a mistake. They're not curious, they don't grow. I think that I think even the reason I'm in the personal development space. Why? Why do I believe so much that people can change? I watched my dad do it and then in my case I had to learn these things man to be like a baseline functioning person. So my default personality is insecure.

[Unknown Speaker]

Even today.

[Ed Mylett]

Even today. Come on very much really Very much. How is that default?

[Unknown Speaker]

You wake up and you say, I'm a nobody or what?

[Ed Mylett]

What's the. I lack this. I'm fooling everybody, really, if they really knew, you know, pretty. Some imposter syndrome mixed with just, like, tremendous. I was bullied as a kid. My dad was an alcoholic. I wasn't a real big guy. The only thing I wasn't good in school, the only thing I was good at was sports a lot. Like with you, you were a great athlete. So my default is tons of insecurity. So that's probably never going to go away. The humility part. So the part that I've worked on really hard is the self confidence part. And so I've got all this stuff in the book on those tips and what have I done to build it? Because I had to get there just to get to baseline. And then I'm like, this stuff works. What if I refined it and made it my own and started to build these other strategies and stuff? So the confidence part is the thing I'm always gonna have to work on.

[Unknown Speaker]

Even today, even with all the success and the, you know, the massive show and the big businesses and all the homes and everything that people see.

[Ed Mylett]

Yeah. The truth is.

[Unknown Speaker]

What else do you need, though, to feel more comfortable?

[Ed Mylett]

I don't need other things. It's an internal game. I don't need other stuff. In other words, the, the stuff is really fleeting and temporary, so I don't need another. You know, I bought an island lately. You know that, right? Like, when I bought this island, it didn't give me, they didn't make me more confident. It just was something that I've always wanted to be able to do. But I, I, it's not stuff. What needs to happen for me is that I'm most confident when I'm living in my intention, which is to serve, which is to, like, help other people when I'm not doing that. Wayne Dyer, when I met him really, really young, told me, you're going to change the world, Ed Mylett. And I'm like. And then he, I'm sure he said this to a lot of people, but he complimented me. I met him on a beach. We watched the sun come up together in Maui. Yeah, I was running on the beach. That's where he lived. Yeah, I was running on the beach and we ran.

[Unknown Speaker]

What was he like? I never met him.

[Ed Mylett]

Incredible. So we became a dear friend of mine. But I'm running. You know, you get up before the sun comes up. I'm running on this I'd won this incentive trip, and there's this bald dude running towards me with this hairy back. I'll never forget this sweaty, hairy back. And it was so long ago because I had a Sony Walkman on, and he had one, and he ran by me. I go, that was Wayne Dyer. And I said, Dr. Dyer, you changed my life. And he had this deep voice like mine. And he pulls out. He goes, well, I doubt that. Wow. And he goes, I bet you changed your life. But he goes, how did I help you? And then he walked towards me, and I get emotional, like, God's been so good to me. We sat on this beach together and watched the sun come up for about an hour and a half. And about an hour into it, he goes, you're going to change the world. And I'm sure he said this to a lot of people. And he's like. And it's, you're very talented. You're brilliant. You're a good communicator, you know? And he goes. And that's not the reason why. And he was writing a book at that time called the Power of Intention.

[Unknown Speaker]

That's a great book.

[Ed Mylett]

Great book. Incredible book. And he goes, you really intend to help people. And he goes, all these things with your father and your upbringing and all that, Ed. He goes, that's all made you. And he goes, you have such a heart to want to help people. And he goes, would you do me a favor if we never meet again? And we ended up meeting many times. I said, yeah. And he said, never link your confidence to your ability, because I know you struggle with your confidence. If it's predicated on your abilities or your achievements, you're always going to be chasing it. He goes, but if you'd link your confidence to your intentions, man, you have beautiful intentions. And that is something I knew about me. I know I have a good heart, and I've never forgotten that. So when I do a podcast or a speech, I just connect to my intent, you know? And it's been the one thing that's brought me confidence. Because if you said, hey, you gotta be confident because you're great or you got a house or you have a plane, I go, yeah, but. Yeah, but. But if you go, you gotta be confident because you have beautiful intentions to help you. But I go, I'm about to list. You might be right.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ed Mylett]

And that's where my confidence comes from.

[Unknown Speaker]

So as an athlete, I gained confidence from results, from actually getting the result of becoming better.

[Ed Mylett]

Right.

[Unknown Speaker]

I was. That's one way to get it, I was not good. And then I put in the effort and all the mistakes or the failures of the feedback, what I like to call it gave me the lessons and taught me how to get better, to accomplish the result that I was looking for, achieve the goal, win the game, or just improve my abilities. So I'm hearing you say is link also link confidence to intention. Some people say link it to the effort. Right, like the effort that you show up, that you just keep showing up. And others talk about the results. Should we be thinking about it?

[Ed Mylett]

There's two. I have a whole. I call it the holy trilogy in the book of self confidence. What is this? But the confidence trilogy is faith. Have confidence. So if you're a person of faith, no matter what you believe in, it's amazing to me how people that believe in energy, quantum energy, or they believe in, they're a Christian like me. I believe in both, by the way. Yeah, but whatever their faith is that they have it on Sunday, they have it at Bible study, or they have it when they get together with their friends or when they meditate. But somehow when they walk into a business meeting, they're alone. So why are you alone then? But you're not alone these other times. So I'm never alone. So that's number one. Number two is my intention and third is my associations change, my confidence. But here's the biggie. If you don't have self confidence, here's what you have. You have a really bad reputation with yourself. Yes, you have built a habit of not keeping the promises you make to yourself. We've all heard this before, but there's a level. I have a chapter in the book called One More standard. Here's how I built what I would call almost superhuman confidence in spite of my insecurity. Think about that. Superhuman confidence in spite of my insecurity. And it's exactly what you just said. It's an effort play. If you don't have self confidence, you've never kept the promises you make to yourself. Check that box. If you have self confidence, you've started to keep the promises you make to yourself. If you want to have superhuman self confidence, you keep the promises you make to yourself. And one more. So if I'm going to get up and I'm going to work out, I'm going to do 10 reps in the gym. I do one more. I'm going to do 45 minutes on the treadmill. I do one more. If I want to make 10 contacts in a day, I do that. And one more. If I'm going to tell my daughter I love her every day, I'm going to do that. And one more. And so that higher standard, because in life we don't get our goals, we get our standards long term. And so if your standard is one more, what starts to happen is you go, I'm willing to do things other people aren't willing to do. And I combine that, that I have great faith, great associations, and I intend to help people. This is a formula to build wonderful self confidence and never lack humility when you have it.

[Unknown Speaker]

So when did you learn this one more mindset? Was this from your dad early on or was this.

[Ed Mylett]

It's from my dad. So we talked about this a little bit earlier, but my dad had these couple theories. He would always say to me. And so one was when he got sober, he gave it one more try. He was going to stay sober one day at a time. And then my dad, there's no dreaming in my house. There's no, like my jet, you know, I've had. I've been blessed, like multiple airplanes right in my life. My jet was in almost walking distance of my dad's house. He's never been on any of them.

[Progressive Insurance]

Wow.

[Ed Mylett]

And I would say to my dad, I would say, hey, let's go play golf in Maui. Let's go. There's these great golf courses in the ocean. And my dad would say, well, why would I go all the way to Maui to play golf with my favorite person, my son, when we can play arancino? It's not about there. I want to be with my son. So this, my family had none of that stuff. But my dad knew I was a dreamer. And my dad would always say, you know, I was one decision away from changing my life the whole time, one choice. And he'd say, eddie, you're not as far away from these dreams as you think you are. And I'd say, really, dad? And he'd go, no, you're actually a lot closer than you think. But because you think it's so far away, you behave in accordance with that belief system. And it always keeps it that far away from you.

[Unknown Speaker]

So how do we bring our dreams closer to us?

[Ed Mylett]

The first thing is. That's a great question. The first thing is you need to believe and know that your one decision, one relationship, one meeting, one book, one thought, one something away from a completely different life. And when you know that, then you begin to look for them. And so in the second chapter of the book, I have a thing in the book called the Matrix. And your matrix is your reticular activating system in your brain. It's the filter for your entire life, okay? And this filter reveals to you the world that's in front of you. Again, example of it is I just. I like what Musk is doing. So I just bought a Tesla. I drove it here.

[Unknown Speaker]

I got a Tesla to the Model X or what do you got?

[Ed Mylett]

I got a plaid.

[Unknown Speaker]

Okay, wow, plaid.

[Ed Mylett]

It's a good one.

[Unknown Speaker]

Nice.

[Ed Mylett]

And so I bought this plaid, and all of a sudden, man, everywhere I go, there's Teslas. Like, whoa, three lanes over, other side. Freaking Tesla. This is crazy. They were always there. Why didn't I see them before? Because they weren't part of my RAs. So the key thing I teach you in the book, how to slow down time and create the matrix of your life. When you make the Teslas of your life, those relationships, those meetings, those thoughts, those encounters, you can very easily do this, but there's a process of repeated visualization you do that's not complicated. It's chapter two of the book, and it will shift you. The other component, too. I have a chapter in the book called Become an Impossibility Thinker and a Possibility Achiever. Here's how most people's frameworks, they don't have an RAS program. They're not intentional. So they keep getting. If the things most important are your worries, fears, anxieties, problems, bills, you will continue to have people, places, and things revealed to you that confirm it. And if you operate out of your memory and your history, if this is your pattern, your framework, you will continue to find those things you need to learn to operate out of your imagination and your dreams. This is a different framework for life. Imagination is different than dreaming. Imagination causes you to create dreams and thoughts that never happen. When you imagine something, you create a space. Once you have a thought, this is powerful. When you have a thought, you create a space that did not exist in the world before you had that thought, and that space now exists. And the way your brain works and your life works and the universe works is it tries to furnish that space. Whether it's a negative or a positive thought, it starts to hear things it wouldn't hear. That's why, like when you're in a crowded room and they say, louis, you can hear Louis auditorily over all the noise. Why it's in your RAs. It's why you see the Tesla, okay? So the key thing is being able to operate out of this imagination. Why is imagination so important when you were a child, 3, 4, 5 years old. You were probably happier than you are right now.

[Jamie Kern Lima]

Why?

[Ed Mylett]

Two reasons. A, you were closer to God. You had just been with God more recently. And two, you operated out of your imagination. You didn't operate out of a history and a memory because you didn't have one. And slowly, over time, by the time you were 10, 11, 12 years old, loving people installed their limiting thoughts and beliefs, their software into you. Because most things in life are caught, not taught. You catch them. And so now you're starting to operate of history and memory, and you repeat it. And your RAs begins to see the things that reinforce that history and memory. And so you basically have the same life over and over again with a different cast of characters in a different environment, but the same emotions. You have the same emotional home. My dad used to say to me, every call, bro, till the day he died, and I'm 50 years old, blah, blah, blah, whatever we're talking about. Last thing he would always say to me, be careful, be careful. What the heck?

[Unknown Speaker]

And I go, be careful with what?

[Ed Mylett]

I don't know, I never knew. But what is that programming from the time you're eight years old, be careful. Hey, go to school, watch out, be careful. So what that operate on this fear thing, right? I need to be careful. I need to be careful. Don't make this risk. Don't take that business decision. Don't start a podcast, don't get on that stage and speak. Don't do this, don't do that. You say that to an already unconfident, insecure person. He meant it lovingly. By the time I'm 50, worth hundreds of millions of dollars, be careful. He didn't even know he was saying it to me. But what was he doing? He was installing, God bless him, his limiting beliefs into me as a little boy. So a lot of these things that you believe, you were defenseless when you started to believe them. They were installed in you by loving people who were around you. And even though your life may look differently, you're a emotional home. The 4, 5, 6 emotions you experience pretty regularly might be really familiar from your parents, one or two of them, right. And so you need to look at your emotional home.

[Unknown Speaker]

What's your most powerful emotion and the emotion that you wish you could let go of?

[Ed Mylett]

Love is the most powerful emotion in the world. We will all do everything for love. If there were more love in the world, the way we treat one another, the way we express our thoughts, you know, you'll do anything for love.

[Jamie Kern Lima]

Right.

[Ed Mylett]

So love is by far my most powerful emotion. It's like. Like, I love you. Then, like, when I just saw you, we didn't just like people. We didn't just hug for, like, one second.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah.

[Ed Mylett]

And you do this better than I do hold people.

[Unknown Speaker]

I make it uncomfortable because I just want to hug and love on people.

[Ed Mylett]

But it's not uncomfortable, bro, because the reason you're so successful is you truly do love people, and you come from that place. And I know we're bigger dudes. And, like, that's a beautiful expression of a man. A real man is capable of real love. That's the sign of real strength. So that's the most powerful one. And then for me, I know the emotion that I wish I didn't have. It's chaos. Really?

[Unknown Speaker]

How often do you experience chaos emotion?

[Ed Mylett]

Because I'm aware of it, but I'm going to tell you all the time. Till about five years ago, even when we first met, why I used to even say this, man, I operate great under chaos. Man, you should see me operate under chaos. Most people can't handle chaos. I'm calm under pressure. Well, the reason for that was I grew up in an alcoholic home, so I'm very familiar with chaos. It became a very familiar emotion. And what we do is we gravitate towards the familiar emotions in our life, even if they're not ones that serve us. And I don't think there's negative or positive emotions. I say this in the book, there just are. Fear isn't negative. Fear and abundance is negative. But some fear. Being afraid to do this podcast to some extent, causes us to prepare. So a dose of it, it was given to us in the caveman day, so T. Rex didn't need us. Right. So some fellowship. Fear is good. Some anxiety is okay. Some frustration. Some anger is appropriate. It's to the dosage level. And we get these four or five of them. For me, some chaos is okay. It's fun, it's exciting, it's exhilarating. Right? But getting it every day, every week, every month, all the time. And so how do you get rid of it? Well, one way you get rid of it is just be awareness. When you have an awareness of a thought, it loses its impact and power over you. It almost becomes like this, I'll do it. Like, I'm doing it again, aren't I? I'm doing the chaos thing. Everything's great right now. All the houses are paid off. My kids are happy, married to a great woman, got great friends. I'm doing the chaos thing again, aren't I, you dummy? You're doing it again and it kind of loses its power over you. So I have a chapter in the book called One More emotion and how to take an inventory of the emotions you have. And so, yeah, man, mine's definitely love. And the one I don't want is chaos because chaos causes me to act out of anger and frustration. It can depress me.

[Unknown Speaker]

And your intentions are not going to.

[Ed Mylett]

Be as I guess it's a gateway emotion. Chaos is my gateway emotion to the ones I don't want. Chaos gives me stress, chaos gives me anger, chaos gives me frustration, chaos gives me fear. So it's a gateway emotion.

[Unknown Speaker]

What is the result when you create from that space of chaos?

[Ed Mylett]

It's funny, I have been. I have found the ability to externally create something pretty productive.

[Unknown Speaker]

Right?

[Ed Mylett]

But stay with me on this. But the process in getting there is destructive. The process in getting there is not beautiful. And I used to think and a lot of successful people forcing your way to get the results almost through force, you know. And I still do it sometimes. I'm thinking of a situation this week where I did it and I used to think, well, that's a superpower though, because I've created all these external. Look what I made, look what I did. And I'm doing it because of that. The truth is, I did it in spite of it.

[Unknown Speaker]

You did.

[Ed Mylett]

And there's a lot of things in our lives that we have linked to our formula, our recipe of success that we hold on to that you've done in spite of those things, not because of those things.

[Unknown Speaker]

So you're 51 now.

[Ed Mylett]

52. 51.

[Unknown Speaker]

When you were 40, on a scale of 1 to 10. Of that the self confident, happiness, joy scale. 10. Being like you loved yourself fully, you were peaceful, you had an abundant mindset, you were had inner peace, you know, joy. One being, you hated yourselves. You were miserable. You're in chaos. 24, 7. Where were you on that scale at 40?

[Ed Mylett]

Okay. The real answer is probably a 3.

[Unknown Speaker]

Okay.

[Ed Mylett]

Of happiness. But if you met me, I could convince you that it was probably an 8.

[Unknown Speaker]

That you were super happy and you had it together.

[Ed Mylett]

Probably a three.

[Unknown Speaker]

And since your father passing, where are you now?

[Ed Mylett]

Probably a nine.

[Ryan Hawke]

Really?

[Ed Mylett]

Yeah. And I no longer feel the need to convince you because I've learned that this has already existed within me. I didn't have to go get it. I just had to allow myself to experience it. And it took me a long time to treat myself in such a way. That I allowed myself to feel these things that have always been there. I had them when I was a little baby boy. I just lost them along the way in these patterns and programs that were installed in me and my experiences. And I got to share something with you, brother. That just dawned on me. I wrote this whole book, and two weeks ago, I had this. This is just for me and you, but everybody can hear it.

[Unknown Speaker]

Sure.

[Ed Mylett]

And I've always tried to disqualify myself. I've always. You're not this. Why is that? It always shocks people. Even people that know me really well, they're like, not you. I have that, but there's no way you have it, right.

[Unknown Speaker]

Yeah, you're too confident. Too talented, too.

[Ed Mylett]

And I don't know that I'm too talented, but I think I can fake it pretty well. And I disqualify myself. Because, you know, the truth is that maybe for a while, everything that I got that was love when I was a child only came when I achieved something. So I started to conflate early on in my life, recognition and significance with love. In other words, my dad would love me if I hit the home run. My dad would love me if I get straight A's. And so that's when I would feel these things. But something really amazing and also, like, I'm really big at holding myself. I love to beat myself up with mistakes I've made. I did this, I did that. I should have done this. I didn't do that. And I've always thought these mistakes, these weaknesses of mine disqualify me from being happy or helping people. And this amazing breakthrough, the one decision that changed my family forever is my dad's decision to get sober. And it changed my family forever. I'm talking to you because my dad made that decision. And I've always been so proud of my dad for that. But this is just two weeks ago, 3:15 in the morning, I wake up, I'm crying, and I wake Christiana up. I go, babe, someone helped dad. And she went, what, honey? I said, someone helped dad. She goes, what do you mean? I said, babe, I never thought about this. And my dad's darkest, worst moment of his life in some coffee shop or some room somewhere, some precious soul helped.

[Unknown Speaker]

My dad, reached out to him, talked.

[Ed Mylett]

To him, talked to him, and got him sober.

[Unknown Speaker]

Wow.

[Ed Mylett]

And I said, babe, that's not the powerful part. And I have no idea who this person is, but I wonder if they know the difference they made in Max and Bella's, my children's Lives or your life or the millions of people I've helped, that one decision they made. And she goes, oh, my gosh. I said, I never thought about this beautiful human being. Always gave the credit to my dad, but some stranger helped him. And I said, babe, this is the bananas part. Do you know what qualified them to help my dad? Their messed up life. They were an alcoholic. They were a drug addict. Little did that person know the things they were the most ashamed of, the biggest mistakes of their lives, when they were using drugs and drinking and stealing, that was qualifying them to change my dad's life. And all of us, we run around carrying these bags of I'm not qualified because I made this mistake. I had this bankruptcy, this relationship didn't work. I did this thing you don't know about, I'm so ashamed of.

[Unknown Speaker]

That's why you're qualified.

[Ed Mylett]

That's the thing that qualifies you, the humanness in you. You are the only human being with your combination of gifts that you were given, whatever they are and your experience. And real human beings help real human beings by being vulnerable and transparent, saying, I know where you are. I've messed up worse. I've made greater mistakes. I felt more so. I know that depression. I know that anxiety. I know that shame. I know what that feels like. That beautiful soul who was a drug addict and alcoholic, they didn't know all those mistakes they're making were leading them out of their heart. And they finally got to a point where their intention was to help my father in the lowest moment of his life. They changed my dad's life and they changed mine. And maybe me and you were changing a few today because of that person's mess.

[Unknown Speaker]

It's crazy.

[Ed Mylett]

Is that crazy?

[Unknown Speaker]

That's amazing.

[Ed Mylett]

I know. Love them and thank them.

[Unknown Speaker]

That's amazing, man.

[Ed Mylett]

So, hey, guys, it's a new year, 2025. And I know you're thinking, how are you going to make this year different? How am I going to build something for myself? And maybe some of you are dying to be your own boss. I could just tell you that there's behind the scenes in everybody's life that make things work for them and for me. The behind the scenes for many, many years has been Shopify. Anything you see me doing online, somehow Shopify has their hands in it. Shopify, simple to open up for business if it's the first time or to grow one you've got. Or maybe it's just the time for you to scale your business in a different way, get your store up and running easily with thousands of customizable templates. No coding or design skills are required. With Shopify, your first sale is closer than you think. Established in 2025. Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? Sign up for your $1 a month trial period at shopify.com mylet all lowercase go to shopify.com mylet my l e t t to start selling with sh today shopify.com mylet this is a message from sponsor Intuit TurboTax. Here's the thing. You got to handle your taxes and waiting around and worrying if you're going to get money back or what you owe and then waiting and wondering some more. You don't have to do that anymore. Right now you can get a turbo tax expert who can do your taxes as soon as today. An expert who gives your taxes their individual undivided attention as they work on your return while you get real time updates on their progress so you can focus on your day. Isn't that what you want to be able to do? Have an expert get your taxes done, Figure out whether you're getting any money back and when you're going to get it back and doing it. The sooner the better for everybody. An expert who will find you every possible deduction and file every form, every investment, everything with 100% accuracy so you don't need to worry about it all so you can get the most money back. Guaranteed. No waiting, no wondering, no worries. Now this is taxes get an Expert now on TurboTax.com only available with TurboTax Live full service real time updates only in iOS mobile app. See guarantee [e-mail] guarantees that was a great conversation. And if you want to hear the full interview, be sure to follow the Ed Mylett show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Here's a clip of Ed Mylett appearing on the Positive University podcast with host John Gordon.

[Ryan Hawke]

You share such great information. It's a book like no other in terms of it's not just inspiration, but it's how to it's strategy. And you love helping people get better. Whether it's your podcast, your Instagram, social media. I mean you don't have to do this, right? We know that you have a jet. We know that you have amassed a fortune and been wildly successful as an entrepreneur in business. And yet here you are coming out with your book and you're doing this event wanting to give back to people. That's what I love Most about you, like you truly want to change people. I know your heart, why I do.

[Ed Mylett]

Have to do it, you know, it's where I feel most home, ma'am. And God's been so good to me in my life and I've had such great mentors that he's brought into my life that, you know, the least I could do is share the little bit that I know. The older I get, the more I realize what I don't know. I've told you that personally. But I do know what I do know. And there's been a pretty cool journey in life that I've had that I wanted to give. And you know, sometimes you wonder whether you're qualified to do it no matter who you are. Something occurred to me, John, I just want to tell you this. Everybody else can listen in because we're such become such good friends, you know. The decision that changed my family forever was my dad getting sober. And it was all one more as he gave it one more try, have a chapter on that. And when he got sober, he said, I said, daddy, are you going to stay sober forever? He said, I don't know. I'm just going to stay sober for one more day at a time. And I've used that so many times in my life when I thought about quitting in business or teams I was on in sports, I just didn't quit for one more day. But something occurred to me, brother, about two weeks ago, I've already written the book and I was done. I Woke up about 3:00 in the morning and I woke Christian and up and I was in tears. And I said, babe, someone helped my dad. She said, what, honey? I said, someone helped my dad. She goes, what do you mean? I said, someone helped daddy get sober. That person completely changed my family forever. I'm not on the show with John Gordon. I haven't helped. And here's what's crazy. Do you know what qualified that person to help my dad? Their mess. They were a drug addict, they were an alcoholic. The very mess of their lives. The worst things they've done, their total tragedy, the things they're the most ashamed of and embarrassed by, is exactly what qualified them to change my family for generations. And I'll never know who they were. But if they're listening, I thank you. And I just want everybody to understand that lesson. This is not something where you have to be perfect in life. In fact, your greatest mess may be the very thing that qualifies you the most to help other people. Yes, you that Poor person who at one point was in a. Somewhere in a bar, drinking or doing something they shouldn't have done, or doing drugs somewhere, things they're ashamed of, was being prepared to change my family forever. And it just occurred to me two weeks ago how beautiful it is that human beings, with all of our flaws in God's infinite wisdom, uses these flaws and these mistakes and even these sins we have for the greater good. Not only does he forgive us, but he uses these experiences of our lives to change other people's lives. That's what qualifies you to help other people, is your skills, your gifts and your experiences, good, bad or indifferent, are preparing you to change other people's lives and your mess.

[Ryan Hawke]

I just got goosebumps when you told that story. And for you to realize that, like that guy, because he took the time to help your dad through his own adversity, his own challenges, his own mess, as you said, was able to impact him, that affected your life forever. And now all the people that are reading this book and part of your family, because everyone who reads your book is now going to be part of your family. And everyone who is a part of your community, they've been impacted by you because of your dad and because of that guy's life.

[Jamie Kern Lima]

Wow.

[Ed Mylett]

Amazing.

[Ryan Hawke]

That is just. It is. It is mind blowing when you actually think about that. You thought about that guy, like the guy who had to have a life that was a mess at one point?

[Ed Mylett]

Yes.

[Ryan Hawke]

Yeah, that just blew me away just hearing that story.

[Ed Mylett]

Me too. And it's been on my mind. I've been wanting to tell you privately for like two weeks. Like, isn't it amazing? I write the entire book and it just dawned on me. This person's mess is exactly what qualified them to change my entire family. My daughter, who you know is going to Clemson, will be there with your daughter. Like, none of this happens unless this person was a mess at one point in their life and then just decided, hey, I don't know what I have to offer you except my love, my care, my experiences, my belief, you can be better. And they helped my dad in the worst, lowest moments of his life.

[Ryan Hawke]

Talk about a life changing. A life changing, a life. Talk about your dad. What was it like to see his transformation, to see him change and how that change impacted you?

[Jamie Kern Lima]

It's why I do this.

[Ed Mylett]

I believe humans can change because I watched my hero do it. My first 15 years of my life, my dad lived a particular way that he was not proud of. And then I watched in one decision for the right reasons. Him completely transformed.

[Jamie Kern Lima]

And he became.

[Ed Mylett]

I mean, it's hard to explain how close I was with my dad. I mean, I'm unbelievably close. He knows. He knew everything about me. No matter what I've ever achieved in my life, it would be immediately, I gotta call Dad. I still walk off stages after big speeches now. And I go, I can't call him. You know? And if you wonder, know the power of one more, it's when it's taken from you. Do you want to know how pressed it is to have an opportunity for one more day, one more conversation with your children, one more dance with your wife, one more meeting, one more shot at doing something great? What if I took it from you? And you know this because you know how much I talk about my dad all the time. Do you know what I would give for one more talk with my dad, one more round of golf with my dad? Man, I would give you almost anything. And so if you do have those people in your life still, what if you started to just think, what if this was my last conversation with Kathryn? What if this is my last conversation with Jade? What is my last podcast? What if this is my last book? What if this is my last speech if I'm an athlete? What is this? My last game, my last time training. How much more precious and beautiful is it when you only have one more of them? And the truth is, you don't know when you only have one more? My dad died pretty young. He was 72 years old. My dad also worked out every day, but at 65, he got cancer and spent the next seven, eight years of his life chemo, radiation, proton chemo, radiation, surgery, proton therapy. My dad wasn't expecting that to happen, but thank God he had made that change in his life earlier on, that he had a life that he was proud of and that he died with some peace. Thank God.

[Ryan Hawke]

Did you have to forgive him at all from what you saw in the past, or did you naturally just see the change and you were so happy about the change and what he became? Because I'll talk to my kids about who I was early on. They remember, right? I wasn't the greatest dad when I was. When I was younger, I struggled with stress, anxiety, fear. I wasn't a person of faith. So I think they saw the bad in me, right? They saw the worst of me early on. They see the best of me now. They see me change and they saw me change. But I'm sure there has to be some forgiveness along the way. I know my kids, like we talk about it like, hey, I'm sorry. I wish I was a better dad at that point, but I wasn't. But I can.

[Ed Mylett]

You're a world class father. In fact, you're one of the. That makes me emotional. There's just certain men that have even been my life that long that have become very dear to me, like you. And they're examples. You know, I actually think sometimes that I make decisions, you know, how would certain people handle this? And you're one of those people, my dad. I think most things in life are caught, not taught. And I told you this before, I caught forgiveness from my dad. I caught it. I was so proud of him. Now many times, my dad, you know, quiet moment of golf. Random too. We'd be arguing about politics or something and he'd get in the golf cart and he goes, please forgive me for what an idiot I was. Just randomly. And I go, dad, you don't even need to say that anymore. Was it wonderful that he asked for it? Yeah, but he didn't. He already had it. And so there's still moments though, man, like I'm 51 years old. There's still software running around in my little mind of things my dad did when I was a kid. You know, about three weeks ago, Bella was late for school and I was ticked because she has been late recently. And I sent her out the door, mad at her. You know, I just said something I shouldn't have said. It wasn't heavy, but I let my daughter leave me, having said something harsh to her. And I remember thinking, well, what if that was my last conversation? And it did flash me back. I remember a day before school, it just. Here I am, 51 years old. I said something to my mom right before school, and I was already shy, already getting bullied at school, already down on myself. And my dad whacked me really good at the front door, really good. And then he kind of kicked me out the door. And I remember I walked to school that entire day crying, just, why do I come from this family? God, why'd you do this to me? I was so down on myself. And so there's still moments like that, that flashback where, you know, that scarred me. You know, that scarred me. But at the same time, my dad's behavior was such an example that I caught forgiveness and I caught who I wanted to become. And it also give myself some grace when I do stupid things, like I did with my daughter the other day, that, hey, how much you can't love your dad more than I love my dad. And so she'll love me, too, as long as I continue to grow and get better like my dad did.

[Ryan Hawke]

Exactly. And they remember the times we spent with them, the good and the bad. And I want. I want to. In Bella's defense, I just want to say she is a senior. And so.

[Ed Mylett]

Yeah, senioritis.

[Ryan Hawke]

Has said it. Has said it. And she doesn't care about school because she's know she's going to college right now.

[Ed Mylett]

Exactly. Right. She's got to finish strong, though. I keep telling her, we got to finish this thing, finish what we start.

[Ryan Hawke]

I know that. Well, but again, you're. You're a great example for her, great leader for her, and that's what. That's what makes it so special. But your dad clearly.

[Ed Mylett]

Yeah.

[Ryan Hawke]

With it. With his transformation, you know, it's amazing that the lessons he learned. But as you said, we also have pain of the past. We have wounds that we need to heal, and we all do. My mom died at 59 years old, and so I'm 51, so I got eight years till I reach my mom's age. I think about that often. And, Ed, I would give anything for one more and talk about the power of one more. I would give anything for one more. We walk together. We would walk off on the beach or when I was visiting her in Florida, in her neighborhood, and we would just walk and talk.

[Ed Mylett]

Right.

[Ryan Hawke]

I would give anything for that one more. And I think that is what this book shows people. Like, don't take it for granted. Give your best every day. Focus on one more. I mean, in terms of the one more message, is that why you wrote it? You want people to give everything they have to others?

[Ed Mylett]

I do, but I want them also to have tools. I love Think and Grow Rich. I have it sitting right here. It's like my bible's number one, and probably my next favorite book is Think and Grow Rich. The only thing about it, though, is you don't just think and get rich, and you don't just think and get happy. There's things you have to do. And I thought, what if I wrote the book about what's the thought and then what's the action and congruency that you have to do to produce a result? Because you know this. You work with a lot of sports teams. You know, you got to produce the result. Because in life, it's about that. It's about the actual change. So it's. There's a lot in there about that. There's also, though I Want people to be reminded that they were born to do something great with their life. And I have a whole chapter in there about becoming an impossibility thinker. And the reason I have that chapter in there is I want people to begin to operate out of their imagination and their dreams again instead of their memory and their history. When we're young, when we're four or five years old, my hallucination is that we're happier for two reasons. If you're a little four year old, one, you're just most recently with God. So there's a proximity of just the beauty of that. The second thing is you're in your imagination all the time. You're imagining, you're creating, you're dreaming. And then slowly over time, that becomes suppressed and you begin to operate out of new software in your brain, which is your history and your memory. And you just replicate the same emotions and the same stuff with a different cast of characters and different circumstances. But it's the same play, it's the same history, it's the same emotions, it's the same memory. And so it has to, you have to be conscious and say, I'm going to begin to imagine again, I'm going to begin to dream again. And when you open that space, when you have a thought, it creates a space that didn't exist before you had the thought. And I talk pretty deeply about the reticular activating system in your brain in the book, which we could talk about or not today, but the point is that when you create a thought, it creates a space. And if you repeat the thought over and over again in your imagination, your mind moves towards what it's most familiar with. So if you're most familiar with your memory and your history, you will move towards it. If you're most familiar with what you're imagining and dreaming, your mind begins to move towards it. It and tries to furnish that space with the people, places, things and objects that you need to make it real. That's how life works. That's also a form of prayer. I think thinking is a form of prayer. And I think these imaginations and these dreams you have for your life are not God playing a joke on you. I think they're sneak peeks, little glimpses, little whispers from God going, this is what's possible, this is what's possible. And he just lets you see it. And it's your job to see it repeatedly, to see it bigger, to see it more clearly. And then he will partner with you on furnishing that space. And make it your home eventually. That's the key thing about having a big imagination. This next clip features Ed Mylett appearing on the Learning Leader show with host Ryan Hawke.

[Jamie Kern Lima]

You define leadership. You write, you are a one more leader if you help people do things they would not otherwise accomplish without your presence. Share how that definition gets put into practice on a regular basis in your life. Okay, so that's a fact, by the way, you are not necessary as a leader if they could do it without you. Now, as a leader, in my opinion, you have a different position. Like, literally, by positioning, you're in front, okay? If you're in front, your view is different. You see things they don't see. Your main job as a leader is to craft a vision and sell a dream that is big enough that the dreams of all of the people you lead and their ambitions can fit inside the one you're selling them. Them. This is not an easy thing to do because you say, well, their path is limited. Maybe it's not just money, maybe it's not just achievement. Maybe they want more happiness. Maybe they want more contribution. You know, I talk about six needs in this book about the six needs humans have, which are certainty, uncertainty, love, recognition, growth, and contribution. Not everybody has your need to climb. Not everybody has someone to belong, someone to be loved, someone to grow, someone to contribute. Some want stability and certainty. Some want variety, right? And uncertainty. So it's your ability to sell a dream big enough that the dreams and ambitions of all of the people that you lead in your stewardship can fit inside that one you have. And that's a great leader's job, is to craft a vision, to become what I call evangelical. About your mission, about your cause. Moreover, most people nowadays, all surveys tell us want to be involved in something. Mission and cause driven, and not just money driven. They want both their ability to get focused and endowed. And by the way, mission is what you do, what you stand for, and it's also what you stand against. Nothing wrong with having an enemy. Nothing wrong about standing against something. So all of these are things I write in great detail about in the book. The book's really interesting, man. The application is so broad, it could be for an athlete, a corporate executive, an entrepreneur, a. A father, a mother. Because these things. As a dad, as a dad, one of my jobs is to be a leader of this family. And part of that is I got to sell a dream in our family that's big enough that the dreams and ambitions of our entire family can. And here's the other thing. Repeat it over and over. Repetition. Most leaders get tired of hearing their own voice and they want to keep coming up with something new. Something new. Something new. Leadership is about saying new. Listen to this. It's about saying old things to new people, not new things to old people. Say the same thing over and over again.

[Ed Mylett]

Repeat it.

[Jamie Kern Lima]

You say it once, you say it three times, you email, you keep repeating something. All of a sudden people are like, this dude is serious about this. He means it. He's not moving off this. This isn't just another thing. And it's usually cause and it's usually big. And then you got something special. As a leader side question, I'm going to get back to the 11 leadership principles. What do you think about the five minutes before you're about to go on stage in front of thousands of people? Wonderful question. I usually, I'm just gonna be candid. I have to tell you the truth. I pray to make it not about me and to make it about them. When you make anything, let's just use a sales call. You're walking into a board meeting. If it's about you, there's a lot of pressure on you. I better say the right sentence. I better get it right. You've literally taken the frame and put all the heat on you. And if you don't teach your people this, you're going to screw this up as well. So it's about them. And when I get out of me and into them, the pressure's off me. I need them to feel my intent. I need, when I get up there, for them to feel my intentions are to make a difference for them. I need, when I make that sales call, them to feel this intent. Walk in the boardroom, doing the interview, doing their annual review. My intent is a huge, huge thing. And here's a biggie that no one's ever heard before. It's going to shock you. Any sales call, any interview, any board meeting, any speech I've ever given, I'm not trying to get them to believe what I'm saying. That's a huge mistake of influence. Influence is not getting people to believe what you're saying. That comes across desperate, low level, and sort of needy. So there's a fine nuance. I want you to all hear me on this. Great leaders, great influencers, great speakers, great salespeople do not try to get you.

[Ed Mylett]

To believe what they're saying. They try to get you to believe.

[Jamie Kern Lima]

They believe what they're saying. And that nuance, that subtlety, is a very small shift. And it comes across much more certain, much more influential. When I'm done with a speech, when I'm done with this podcast, when I'm done with any sales call I ever had in my life, they don't have to believe everything I said to influence them. They have to believe I believe it. If they believe I believe it, I've influenced them. We have all bought things many, many times in our lives we didn't believe in or didn't even understand. Didn't, haven't yet, but you believe they believed it. And when I give a great speech, they don't have to go, wow, I believed everything he said. I need them to believe I believed everything I said. And that's influence. Wow, I love that. So when you're growing up, you know, like you're coming from a 100% authentic place of every word I'm gonna say I believe in completely. I'm trying, I'm trying. That's my, that's my effort. I mean, listen, I give good ones and bad ones, you know, I was speaking to another guy, I won't say who, that's a very well known speaker. And we were commiserating the other day about how we beat ourselves up when we're done. And I said, you know what that is? That's an element of it being about us still. It's an element of it being about us. So I try to just speak my truth, to be vulnerable, to be authentic, to be transparent. Those are not just phrases for me. I just feel like there's an energy when you speak in front of a room of people, Great speakers need energy from the room.

[Ed Mylett]

Okay.

[Jamie Kern Lima]

Or good speakers, great speakers pour energy into the room. The best communicators, Whether it's a 10 person room or 25,000, pour energy into each individual person in the room. And that's a different intention. When I'm done speaking, man, I'm usually pretty tired, to be honest, because I've expended so much energy. Because again, I said earlier, you're always making people feel something. Last thing I'll say, highest energy wins. Most certain person influences the less certain person every time when there's rapport. So I'm trying to be the most certain and highest energy. Highest energy doesn't mean loudest or fastest talking thinking. It's certainty. Certainty is influence.

[Ed Mylett]

This is the Eden Milan show.