Podcast Episode Summary
THE ED MYLETT SHOW: “How To Overcome Your Self Doubt”
Guest: Dr. Shadé Zahrai
Date: February 10, 2026
Episode Overview
In this episode, Ed Mylett welcomes Dr. Shadé Zahrai—behavioral researcher, leadership coach, and author of Big Trust—for a deep-dive conversation about understanding and overcoming self-doubt, distinguishing it from self-confidence, and building genuine self-trust. Together, they break down decades of behavioral science and offer tactical, research-driven strategies for listeners to develop resilience, manage worry, and empower themselves in high-stakes moments.
The episode’s tone is highly motivational and practical, combining relatable anecdotes with actionable advice and memorable analogies.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Defining Self-Doubt and Self-Confidence
[02:27]
- Dr. Shadé Zahrai: Self-doubt isn’t just one “blob” of negative emotion but questions "worthiness, capability, sense of control, or ability to handle emotions."
- Quote: “If we think [self-doubt] is just one thing, then we assume that there must be one solution.” (02:27)
- Confidence misconception: Most believe confidence is the opposite of self-doubt, but Zahrai asserts it’s self-trust that must come first—not confidence.
[04:33]
- Self-trust defined: “The beauty of trusting yourself, which means you don’t need to know how to do it fully… I trust myself, my worthiness, my capability, my control, my ability to handle the emotions associated with it.” (04:33)
- Ed Mylett: Acknowledges how Zahrai’s work challenged his ideas—he used to equate self-confidence with self-trust, but now recognizes the important distinction.
2. The Four Attributes that Fortify Self-Trust
Foundational research based on decades of psychology points to four core traits, each trainable:
A. Acceptance
- “Do you fundamentally accept who you are, or do you outsource your worth?” (09:30)
- Weakness leads to a need for external validation, susceptibility to peer pressure, and codependence.
B. Agency
- “Either you know how to do it, you can rely on skills you’ve had before, you can learn how to do it, you can find resources to help— but you will find a way.” (11:03)
- Low agency manifests as imposter syndrome, constant comparison, and procrastination.
C. Autonomy
- “Low autonomy: these people feel like they have no power in their lives… they fixate on everything they cannot control and complain about it.” (12:47)
- Regaining autonomy means focusing on what you can control; attention shapes brain states and feelings of empowerment.
D. Adaptability
- “It’s the ability to detach from your emotions when they’re not serving you.” (15:51)
- Acknowledgment that emotions are data, not directives; practice letting emotions pass and extracting their lessons.
3. Visual Analogy for Understanding Self-Doubt
[06:34]
- Zahrai uses the “ping pong ball vs. golf ball in water” analogy:
- Ping pong ball = healthy awareness of doubt, floats and doesn’t sink in.
- Golf ball = doubt becomes internalized, “sinks” and defines self, causes loss of self.
4. Doubt Archetypes and Profiles
[16:29, 16:43]
- Everyone exhibits a unique “doubt profile” based on their attribute strengths/weaknesses, akin to Myers Briggs.
- Most common archetype: “Anxious Overachiever”
- High achievers who please others at their own expense. Their acceptance is conditional on achievement or approval from others.
- “We are people pleasers because we enjoy it, but we sacrifice ourselves in the process.” (19:10)
[22:50]
- Agency and autonomy can be high, driving action, but adaptability (emotional regulation) often wavers in high-pressure situations.
5. Studies and Memorable Experiments
A. The Scar Study (23:26)
- Participants believed they had a scar on their face; even without one, they perceived negative reactions.
- “How many scars are we carrying into every conversation… reinforcing the belief we already have about ourselves, even when it’s not objectively true? Expectation bias.” (25:34)
B. The Milkshake Study (33:16)
- Expectation alters hormonal responses: those told a milkshake was high-calorie stayed fuller longer—even though all had the same shake.
- “Your beliefs influence not only what you notice, but actually what is going on in your brain neurochemically.” (34:35)
6. Powerful Strategies to Tame Self-Doubt and Worry
A. Self-Focus vs. Self-Forget
[36:23–39:29]
- Dwell less on “I, me, my.” Shift to self-forgetting by focusing on serving others.
- “One of the simplest things you can do to quieten the voice of self-doubt is not more self-focus, it’s less. And it’s by self-forgetting… do something for someone else.” (36:56, 37:12)
- Mylett’s application: Before speaking, shifts focus from “How will I look?” to “Who needs this?”—resulting in “way more self-trust and self-confidence.” (38:41)
B. The Care Less / Care More Tool
- “Care less about how I’m coming across… care more about being of service and finding that soul that needs to hear this message.” (40:55)
C. “Worry Time” Technique
[42:54–47:42]
- “Don’t try and suppress the worry. Give it a time and place.”
- Schedule a daily 10–30 minute “worry time.” Log worries as they arise for later analysis.
- “By the time I get there… my ability to find the worry… is much more shallow or doesn’t exist at all anymore.” (45:50)
- The process trains the mind to become an observer of thoughts instead of attached or addicted.
7. Practical Tools for Imposter Phenomenon
[50:57–54:41]
- Clarification: The proper term is “imposter phenomenon,” not syndrome—most high achievers experience it.
- Shifting affirmations: Instead of “I am enough,” use “I am learning and growing” to better match reality and avoid backlash from entrenched self-criticism.
- “People who really struggle with acceptance… these [positive affirmations] can backfire… say, ‘I am learning and growing. I’m allowed to make mistakes and I’m getting better every day.’ ” (54:41)
- Three-column exercise:
- Qualities you’ve developed
- Qualities you lack (fueling imposter feelings)
- How your existing qualities fill those gaps and give you permission to learn new roles
Memorable Stories:
- Paula Scher’s Citi Logo: “It was designed in a second—and 34 years.”
- Tinker Hatfield’s Nike Air Max: Proves that skills from other domains enrich new roles.
8. Recovery after Loss or Disruption
[64:59–69:42]
- Life events can shatter autonomy, fueling rumination and victim thinking.
- Three steps for rebuilding:
- Shift from "Why me?" to "What next?"
- “What next? …I control my next step.” (65:01)
- Replace “should” with “could.”
- Build a list of things you could do, then select a few for your “I will” list. Small actions rebuild autonomy.
- Choose your environment thoughtfully.
- Surround yourself with positive, growth-oriented people. Beware those who try to keep you “the same.”
- Response to “you’ve changed”: “Thanks for noticing.” (69:18)
- Shift from "Why me?" to "What next?"
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- “The opposite of self-doubt is not self-confidence. It’s self-trust.” — Dr. Shadé Zahrai (04:32)
- “Our job is not to eliminate doubt, it’s to strengthen the parts of us that can be resilient to it.” — Dr. Shadé Zahrai (07:12)
- “If you expect yourself to perform well… you are more likely to perform well.” — Dr. Shadé Zahrai (25:47)
- “Self-focus drives insecurity. Self-forgetting unlocks confidence.” — Dr. Shadé Zahrai (36:23)
- “Care less about what they think, care more about being of service.” — Dr. Shadé Zahrai (40:55)
- “Don’t try and suppress the worry. Give it a time and place.” — Dr. Shadé Zahrai (43:56)
- “You don’t have to believe everything you think in the moment you think it.” — Ed Mylett (47:41)
- “Every small step you take rebuilds your autonomy.” — Dr. Shadé Zahrai (66:58)
- On people saying “You’ve changed”: “Thanks for noticing.” — Dr. Shadé Zahrai (69:18)
Timestamps for Key Segments
- [02:27] — What is self-doubt, really?
- [04:33] — The primacy of self-trust over confidence
- [06:34] — The ping pong ball/golf ball analogy for doubt
- [09:30] — Four attributes shaping self-trust
- [16:43] — Doubt archetypes; “anxious overachiever”
- [23:26] — The “scar” study on self-perception
- [33:16] — Expectation and the milkshake (placebo) study
- [36:23] — Self-focus vs. self-forget and the power of service
- [40:55] — “Care less, care more” posting strategy
- [42:54] — The “worry time” practice
- [50:57] — Deconstructing the imposter phenomenon
- [54:41] — Rethinking affirmations; pragmatic self-talk
- [57:53] — Paula Scher/Nike stories: leveraging diverse strengths
- [64:59] — How to respond when your confidence is shaken by life events
- [69:18] — Responding to, “You’ve changed”: “Thanks for noticing.”
Useful Takeaways for Listeners
- Overcoming doubt starts with cultivating self-trust, not chasing “readiness.”
- Four key attributes (acceptance, agency, autonomy, adaptability) are the foundation for self-trust and can be deliberately strengthened.
- Powerful visual analogies and research-backed tools (like “worry time” and the “could vs. should” lists) make lasting change achievable.
- Shifting focus away from self (via service or contribution) short-circuits insecurity and amplifies real confidence.
- Navigating setbacks involves redirecting attention to next steps, reframing thoughts, taking small actions, and curating your environment for growth.
Final Recommendation:
Listeners are encouraged to read Big Trust by Dr. Shadé Zahrai to discover their doubt archetype, implement practical tools, and deepen their journey toward authentic confidence and self-trust.