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Dr. Nate Zinser
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Ed Mylett
Hey, welcome back to the show everybody. So this week I want to get right into it. We're going to talk about self confidence and this is not your normal self confidence podcast. You know, with the normal platitudes that you hear a million times about how to build self confidence. This is going to be different. And the reason it's different is because of my guest. You guys know I curate guests that I believe can bring something to the table that haven't been at the table before for so many of you. And Dr. Zinser is absolutely fits that criteria. Let me tell you why. He's the director of west point's performance psychology program where he trains u. S. Military academy cadets and leaders how to operate effectively, frankly, how to build their own self confidence with some of the most important people in the world. He's also worked with olympic athletes, pro sports teams, kind of. Eli Manning stands out to me because he beat my patriots twice. So I definitely have to dive into that one. And obviously corporate leaders and a meat elite military leaders as well. It's got a great book called the confident mind, best selling book as well. This is going to be a unique conversation. It's going to help you get more confident. So Dr. Zinser, welcome to the show.
Dr. Nate Zinser
Thank you so much for having me on it. I'm really looking forward to this.
Ed Mylett
He's also medicated. He's eight days out of knee replacement surgery. I'm just kidding.
Dr. Nate Zinser
Yeah, I'm only medicated with acetaminophen, so there will be no, there will be no drowsiness, there will be no slips of the tongue, there will be no embarrassing references made.
Ed Mylett
Outstanding. And by the way, it's okay if you do. It gets us more downloads, so feel free. So let me ask you a question. I want to start out just basis just for kind of laying a foundation just because I'm curious myself too. Tell me about your work at West Point. I've never been allowed anywhere near the place, so I would just like to know what your work's like there.
Dr. Nate Zinser
Well, you got to come pay us a visit.
Ed Mylett
Okay.
Dr. Nate Zinser
The Military Academy is an extraordinary institution. Every year, 4,000 young men and women from all across the country and from at least a dozen foreign countries train in a very rigorous curriculum, including academic training, physical training, military training. After that 47 month experience, these young men and women are graduated with a bachelor of science degree and they are commissioned as second lieutenants in the army. They serve a minimum of five years. Some of them go on to serve 10, 20, 30 years and reach very high ranks in the army. Others leave after five or 10 years and take leadership roles in the private sector and civilian governance. My work at Washpoint 30 years directing a performance psychology program was to take what we knew from sports science about the intangibles of human performance and take them out of any kind of mysterious or intangible framework and reduce them to learnable, practicable skills. So we were teaching cadets the how to remain confident when the crap hits the fan, which it always does. How to be focused on what's important, even though there are a million distractions. And how to retain energy and awareness and enthusiasm despite tons and tons of physical, mental and emotional stress. So there's a curriculum that we established which has been going on in west point for over 30 years now, and it's been exported to various units outside of West Point, different army posts around the country and around the world.
Ed Mylett
And now little pieces of will be exported. This is what's so great about podcasting, by the way. Someone like me, or, you know, probably some of my friends listening, I really could get nowhere near West Point. But through podcasting, I'm going to pick up, you know, some of the things that these elite performers have picked up in their life. So let me ask you a question, basic question first, because I do a lot of work on self confidence and I also work with athletes and, and corporate people and CEOs, et cetera. But your work is so specific. What is it that creates confidence in the brain? Like, just as a mechanism to begin with? How would you answer that?
Dr. Nate Zinser
What is it that creates confidence in the brain? Well, the only thing that creates anything in the brain are clusters of neurons that fire together, right? And what we all have in our brains are clusters of neurons that fire as a result of and as a cause to certain thoughts and memories and experiences. And if you get your brain continually firing those particular clumps of neurons, it just becomes your brain's default habit. And so you find yourself engaged rather than hesitant. You find yourself excited rather than Apprehensive. And it's simply because you have trained yourself to think and think in one way only. And because you have been thinking in one way, you have literally done some physical rewiring.
Ed Mylett
Yes.
Dr. Nate Zinser
Of the gray matter between your ears and the gray matter that goes down your spinal cord.
Ed Mylett
Now, that rewiring, let's say you're listening to you today and you're like, okay, I do have a consistent way of thinking. And I've been thinking for 30 years as an unconfident person. I've replayed memories from childhood or my adult experience where I've had a failure or a setback, or maybe not even that. Maybe I've just always been pretty in my mind, average. Yeah, right.
Dr. Nate Zinser
You. You just said it. I've always been in my mind, pretty average. Keep going, Ed.
Ed Mylett
Well, I'm not. I. So I live that. I. You know, my belief system is if you live that way in your mind, your external world will probably produce those results. Right.
Dr. Nate Zinser
You're 100, right?
Ed Mylett
Yeah. So. So if I've lived this way for a long time, I've got that wiring. What are some of the practices? And please take a few minutes on this that you would offer to my audience that could begin to rewire what goes on in their mind. Like actual practices, practical application, strategic stuff.
Dr. Nate Zinser
First applicable practice. Take whatever time is necessary and a piece of paper and a writing implementation, and write out a list of your most enjoyable, enthusiastic, rewarding accomplishments in your life, whatever they may be. Okay. I liken that process to basically opening up a bank account, a psychological bank account of achievements, awards, good experiences, and everybody has them. We may have overlooked them for various reasons, which we can get into, but they're there. Okay. Nobody makes it into West Point. Nobody makes it into a college athletic program. Nobody makes it to a professional level. Nobody makes it to the C suite. But I haven't done a hell of a lot of good things. So the first thing we need to do is shine a light on that.
Ed Mylett
Okay.
Dr. Nate Zinser
It's like being a minor and you're looking for those nuggets of gold or diamond. It's like being a detective. I'm looking for clues. So I outlined an exercise called the top 10 top 10 moments. If you're a baseball pitcher, it's your top 10 moments playing baseball. I was high school player of the year. I had my first college start here. I got my first college win there. So that sort of establishes the bank account. And then. And this exercise one, the last guy who viewed me for a podcast Refers to this as the deadlift of mental training exercises.
Ed Mylett
Okay.
Dr. Nate Zinser
If you're going to do one strength exercise, you deadlift.
Ed Mylett
Yep.
Dr. Nate Zinser
If you're going to do one thing consistently in terms of building your confidence, you're going to do what I call the ESP, Daily Reflection. the end of every day, you reflect on your experiences of the day and ask yourself three questions. Where did I put in quality effort? Here, here, here. Second question. What did I get right? Oh, I made a success here. I did well on this drill. I got this compliment there. Third question. What am I making progress in? Well, I'm getting better at understanding the periodic table. I'm getting better at understanding certain AI implications in my business. I'm getting it better at throwing that deep corner back, shoulder fade.
Ed Mylett
Okay?
Dr. Nate Zinser
And that reflection takes literally five minutes. And I encourage people to keep that in some kind of written journal format.
Ed Mylett
Okay.
Dr. Nate Zinser
And that is a daily deposit into that mental bank account that I described. I have to tell you, establish the bank account, and then you add to it, and you add to it, and you add to it, and you add to it. Those are. Those are the two most important exercises, practical drills that people can do to build up a sense of certainty about themselves.
Ed Mylett
Okay, guys, I have to tell you, first of all, don't discount what he just said. So my producer's my son, actually now, and so I know he's in the studio sort of smirking, because one of the techniques that I teach with the athletes or leaders that I work with is called the highlight reel. Same deal, correct? Same deal. But let's talk about why this works and why people don't do it. So the reason that I do. So I'll have people pick two or three highlights and then feed to themselves the cognitive rehearsal of the next highlight they wish to achieve in their life. And the reason that this works, everybody. And you correct me if I'm wrong, but confidence, success, peak performance, the zone, whatever you want to call it, is actually a neurology. There's a chemistry that's happening within your body when you're choking or nervous or scared or unconfident. And there's a different chemistry in your body that you inhibit. That is a confident one. And when you do these little deposits, you're actually reminding your body of what that neurology is like. Correct. Making deposits. That's.
Dr. Nate Zinser
That's a great way to understand it. Yes.
Ed Mylett
Okay. Now, the challenge is, for most people, it's interesting. The lack of confidence that we all have produces our filter for the way we see ourselves in the world. So for most people, they'll say, when you just said that, so let's just dig deep, let's push each other here. They'll say to you, well, I, I haven't thrown a touchdown. I didn't get into West Point. Heck, I couldn't get into a junior college or, you know, I'm an entry level person working in a cubicle somewhere and I don't, I don't have these deposits. The truth is that's a lie, isn't it, that they have had successes, but their lack of confidence is a filter where they discount themselves and the things they do well. So if you ask the average person, give me a list of the 20 things the last year you've screwed up or messed up, they can recall that in a minute. But if you said to them, give me three things you did in the last month or the last day that were great, they have to search through this bizarre, this filter they've got that tells them they're worthless. So could you just speak to that for a second in terms of. Not all of it has to be some touchdown you've thrown in the NFL. It could simply be, you know, a great conference call you had, or a great zoom or a great interaction with your children that just was loving and kind. Right?
Dr. Nate Zinser
All of the above. Qualify. Any memory, any statement about yourself in the present, any fantasy vision of something you want in the future that creates a sense of energy and optimism and enthusiasm is worth hanging on to, however small it might be. The point that you're raising Ed, which is really important, is that so many of us were brought up to think that we can only value our experience, we can only value ourselves if we have achieved everything that the world has deemed to be important. Great grades in school, great bunch of friends, won every game you ever played in, had the most attractive spouse possible. We have been socialized to kind of search for, hang on to, and unfortunately define ourselves by our negative experiences. So much of our socialization has brought us to that. And I am constantly, and it sounds like you're constantly as well, urging people to look for, hang on to and define yourself by the quality of your effort, the successes that you have achieved, and the basically the magnitude of the obstacles that you have overcome. Well, that's what you want to define yourself by.
Ed Mylett
The two things you said there that stand out to me that you've repeated twice, and I don't think people give themselves enough credit for this. Is effort the basis often for the foundation of confidence has to begin with, your effort, because effort precedes the result. And so if all of your confidence, you guys listening, is based on the, the results you produce all the time, you're going to be waiting around a long time to build that self confidence level. But if it's predicated on effort, you know that I did get into the gym, I did do the reps I said I was going to do. I did do one more at the end when I promised myself, I emptied
Dr. Nate Zinser
my daggone mailbox at the end of the day before I left the office.
Ed Mylett
See, this is fascinating to me. Like this is how confidence is truly built. Everybody, let me ask you a question about a failure so. Or a traumatic event. Because I know with, with war fighters or soldiers of any type, I mean, they may have, it could be a PTSD moment, there could be childhood trauma, there could be. I flunked a test. And this oftentimes can kind of scramble our wiring. Right? We're like, I've known people, for example, who are very confident people and frankly, their spouse left them and their, their confidence is annihilated, or they're very good in business and then something happened to the business and they've had a bad year or lost the business. And in all honesty, they've almost become a shell of themselves externally. And I know that started internally, never
Dr. Nate Zinser
fully recovered from that setback.
Ed Mylett
What would you say to that person who's gone through something like that?
Dr. Nate Zinser
What I say to them is, we've got to protect that bank account of yours. We've got to set up some cognitive safeguards so that the imperfect physical world that we live in and your personal, physical, inevitable imperfections do not destroy the energy, the optimism and the enthusiasm that you have been building up by reflecting constructively on your various memories and your experiences. So I steal a whole lot of work from the positive psychology movement spearheaded by Martin Seligman at the University of Pennsylvania, looking at how do we mentally respond to setbacks. Do we see them as temporary? Yeah, they happen. They suck. But it was just a one time deal. Or do we say to ourselves, oh, it happened and it's going to happen over and over and over again? Permanent? Do we look at our setbacks as temporary or permanent? Take your pick.
Ed Mylett
Wow.
Dr. Nate Zinser
Secondly, do we look at our imperfections and our setbacks and our failures as basically limited in terms of where they occurred? Yes, it happened in that inning of the baseball game. Yes, it happened at that, in that conversation with that individual or that board meeting. Or do we say to ourselves, oh, Every time, everywhere, all these things get screwed up. Do we keep them limited or do we globalize them? Okay, and third, and this is where it really gets important. And this is what most people struggle with most of all.
Ed Mylett
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Dr. Nate Zinser
when a setback takes place, are we able to put it in a perspective yeah, it happened, but it's non representative of me. It's non representative of me. It happened. There could be consequences. But that setback does not tell the truth about me. So I have to keep my setbacks and failures temporary, limited, not the truth, as opposed to permanent everywhere and absolutely the truth about myself.
Ed Mylett
That's true.
Dr. Nate Zinser
And that's just a distinction that everybody can make. It takes some practice to establish that as a habit. And I'm constantly counseling, pulling people to do that, challenging them to put just the difficulties of life with a capital L in those temporary, limited and not the truth terms. Because if we go that way, we are blind to our own possibilities and to our own capabilities.
Ed Mylett
Wow, that's profound. That was really good right there, Nate. Really good. You know, I. I find the third one so prominent where people will have a failure and I'll literally hear them say, I'm a failure. Exactly.
Dr. Nate Zinser
That is precisely the point. Instead of, okay, I failed at something, they make the categorical judgment. Henceforth, I am a failure. No, you might have goofed that calculus test, you might have goofed that fitness test. You might have goofed your execution of your high bar set in the gymnastics meet. Okay, let's leave it right there. Yeah, let's not draw the conclusion that I'm a failure categorically. Yep.
Ed Mylett
Yeah. That term you made of. You ought to ask yourself this. Everybody too. Do you sort of globalize results? I love that term. Because, you know, you were in a relationship, this person doesn't love you anymore. That doesn't mean you're unlovable.
Dr. Nate Zinser
Right.
Ed Mylett
In this relationship. You know, another thing I did, news listening to you, and it's like, it's an old school thing because you're such a scientifically based guy, but that you don't hear anymore in what I'd call like self help circles or. Or personal development or self confidence. This interesting thing you've said three different times, I think, and I want you to speak to it. You know, it used to be that, hey, listen, you got to get excited. You gotta have some enthusiasm. I ne. You know what's interesting? I never hear that anymore, the word enthusiasm. Yet you've said it three times. It's like almost like this missing thing that used to be talked about all the time. But there's something to be said for the level of enthusiasm you bring to a project, a meeting, a relate. And it's just one of these things that, at least for me, I think we just forget. It's like, okay, I prepared my notes. I know what I'm gonna say, or we've got a game plan for the game or the meeting and you forget the enthusiasm. The energy part of confidence, of success, of making it infectious. So speak to enthusiasm. And also how does that impact the other people, your family or business people you lead?
Dr. Nate Zinser
You know, I think the word enthusiasm sometimes gets misinterpreted to mean, you know, confetti and balloons and, and angels blowing trumpets. Great big deals. But how about just that little sort of secret smile? Yeah, this could be really cool. That's enthusiasm. This meeting could turn out great. We could smoke these guys in the second half, okay? I could turn my platoon into the shit hottest bunch of dudes and dames in the army. And it's not this boisterous loud thing. It's just this internal. Yeah, that could be cool. That that level of enthusiasm, I think is really productive and it's something that you can sustain throughout the day, the week, the month, the quarter career, you know, jumping up and down and with the balloons and the confetti. Well, that's kind of tiring, you know.
Ed Mylett
Yeah, you're right.
Dr. Nate Zinser
And, and to your second point, it's just that quiet, okay, we're gonna do this. That quiet level of enthusiasm, people are drawn to that automatically. They don't necessarily know why, they just say, I look, it's cool being around that dude. Okay, that woman has certain degree of classy power because she communicates, but she's not doing it necessarily to impress everybody else.
Ed Mylett
Yeah.
Dr. Nate Zinser
She's just doing it because she knows it's the right thing to do and it somehow, I don't know, psychically leeches out and draws other people to you.
Ed Mylett
This is, by the way, I love doing the show. It's the little subtle distinctions that I get from someone like you. It's so profound as a 55 year old guy of bringing a sustainable level of enthusiasm to your endeavors. Not the crazy bells and whistles that can't LA can't endure the season, the year, the company. You know, you're right. It's sustainable enthusiasm. I love that classy level of confidence that, by the way, everyone, a lot of you are listening on audio, those of you that are listening on YouTube saw this, but what Dr. Zisser was doing was he was. There was this kind of smirk in his physiology. And so I want you to speak to this for a second too. Is there a connection between physiology and the mental level of confidence? Whether that be physical exertion, the way we use our face, our breathing, is there a correlation in your mind that you teach between physiology, physical movement and
Dr. Nate Zinser
confidence, there definitely is a connection. I wouldn't consider myself an expert on it. I do know that shoulders slump forward, head facing downward tends to both communicate a lack of enthusiasm and it literally tends to produce it in oneself. Conversely, shoulders back, chin up a little bit. Eye contact. Okay. This communicates to the observer a level of engagement, a level of enthusiasm. Yep. And there is some research to demonstrate that posture alters your emotional state.
Ed Mylett
Okay.
Dr. Nate Zinser
It's somewhat controversial, but I urge everybody to try it.
Ed Mylett
Yep.
Dr. Nate Zinser
Straighter.
Ed Mylett
Yep. I, I, by the way, shoulders back. I agree. I actually think, I don't think this is disputable. Listen, one of you got on the zoom here today. I Knew Immediately within 30 seconds I was dealing with a confident person. As it comes to the topic he was speaking on. There's an, there's a, an assumption physically that somebody makes when they're confident. And there's a doubting, sort of constricted, bent over physiology of someone who is hopeful you're going to believe them. I hope you like me. I hope you find me attractive. I hope you think there's a difference between hoping and assumption. And it's not arrogance. There is a physical connotation to how we do hold ourselves, and it's not. And to your point, I don't think it's over the top. I think it's subtle. I think it's nuanced. I don't think it has to be. You know, you see those guys that walk around, way too puffed out. Right. Way too much of their chest. You know, this guy's a, he's a poser. And I'm sure there's a similar physiology for a woman. It's subtle, but I do think those of you that are working on your confidence, you should at least check a box of. How's my physiology, My facial expressions, how I walk, how I talk, my pace, my tonality, my cadence, I think matters.
Dr. Nate Zinser
Am I acting in a way that I would want to follow somebody? You know, am I being the kind of person that I would want to follow?
Ed Mylett
Wow.
Dr. Nate Zinser
It can be as simple as that. Who are the people that you are just sort of naturally, almost unconsciously engaged with? What are they like? Are they set back? Are they all right, all right, all right. Are they open? Open? Why don't you just be that way? Just try it for a little while. You're not faking anything. You are being a version of yourself. That's not fake. That's you being you.
Ed Mylett
Yeah.
Dr. Nate Zinser
Let's explore that.
Ed Mylett
Very good. Yeah, you're right. I think sometimes you think, well, I'm copying this person. There's a difference for me, because when I was young, I lacked confidence. I did exactly what you thought. I thought, well, who do I admire? Who would I want leading me? And what I would call that, guys that's listening so you don't feel fake. It's more like modeling somebody than copying them. It's my version of the things I've noticed in them that I found pleasing or attractive or brought me confidence.
Dr. Nate Zinser
Effective.
Ed Mylett
There you go. Right? Thank you. Thank you for saying that. Okay, I'm gonna give you a guy. I need to know about this because you talk about our minds. There's this dude, I'm a huge Boston sports fan, and you're already smiling. And I, I. I liked you, Nate, until I found out you helped this guy. And now you're. I'm on the fence until we're done here today, but so I'm a Pats fan. And I think most of you know, if you're not football fans, there's this guy named Eli Manning who basically ruined my life twice. And. And I mean it, like, ruined my life. And so Eli Manning's quarterback for the New York Giants. He's not in the hall of Fame yet, but he should be. I'll even say that on his bath. He's won a couple Super Bowls. He's basically really one of two people who ever beat Tom Brady in the super bowl, and he actually did it both times he played him. So think about that, you guys. He's also got an older brother who was a great player. He was, like, almost the second one in the family. So some of you feel that way. Oh, my sister's the rock star. My brother's the one that everybody looks up to. Eli had that with his own dad and his own brother. He was, like, third wheel, and he's won two Super Bowls and beat the goat twice. Tell us about your work with Eli and I. Someone told me you got a story at least. I need to hear about Super Bowl 46, which I probably don't want to hear and I'm probably going to edit out, but I want you to tell it anyway. Tell it anyway.
Dr. Nate Zinser
Okay.
Ed Mylett
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Dr. Nate Zinser
the spring of 2007. A former West Point grad West Point assistant coach who was on the Giants coaching staff suggested to head coach Tom Coughlin, you know, I think that this guy Nate Sensor at West Point, you know, might be a good influence on Eli. And you know, Tom Coughlin grilled me for a couple of hours in his office and he said, okay, we'll give this a shot Eli and I connected, and we just began a relationship, a mentor, mentee relationship. And the thing that immediately impressed me about Eli was the simple trait of curiosity. What's out there that might help me, okay? And. And he's been very, very clear about this. When he's been asked about it in, you know, different, you know, different interviewing sessions and, you know, different, you know, different media outlets, he's been very clear. Everybody talked about, oh, you got to be mentally tough. You got to be mentally tough. You got to be mentally tough. He had been told that playing college ball at Ole Miss, he'd been told that, you know, in his three years with the Giants, I didn't meet with him until that gap between his third and fourth Giants season. He, you know, everybody had talked about how important this is. You got to have a great attitude, you got to be mentally tough. But nobody had ever broken it down into steps, okay? And Eli was, you know, he was a very attentive pupil, you know, and he and I met regularly throughout the spring and the summer of 2007. We continued our relationship, basically breaking down every game he played from a psych, from a mental point and mental toughness point of view, you know. And so Now, February of 2008 comes around, and Eli puts on an incredible show in the fourth quarter and ends up beaten up, heavily favored, and at that point, undefeated Patriots for. For Super Bowl 42. It was one of the coolest moments of my life, one of the worst of mine, okay? Now, four years later, four years later, the Patriots and the Giants again face each other in the Super Bowl. Okay? And once again, the Patriots are favored, and once again, Eli has a remarkable fourth quarter. Okay. The Giants were down by two points with four and a half minutes on the clock. The ball's on their own 10 yard line. They've got enough time to dink the ball down the field, kick a field goal, go up by one. But that means they're going to give the ball back to Brady. And the Patriots with, like, two minutes on the clock, and all they got to do is dink the ball down the field and they'll kick a field goal and win. So the Giants got to score a touchdown if they are going to win. And so Eli takes a snap and the shotgun looks right, looks over the middle, sees Mario Manningham deep right about it in midfield, and he launches this perfect arc of a ball. There are two Patriot defenders draped all over Manningham, but this ball is so beautifully placed that it just falls right into Manningham's hand. And he steps out of bounds. Right, Right. Next, he almost knocks Bill Belichick over when he steps out of bounds after making that catch, that play. Set up the Giants. Go ahead. Touchdown. For all intents and purposes, game over. Two days later, Eli is doing his mandatory, I think, his ESPN radio interview, and he's asked about that play. And he's asked specifically, do you ever consider the ramifications of failure at a time like that? And this is basically, has to be an NFL quarterback. Do you think about screwing up in an important moment? That's a very. Yeah, consider that question. Do you consider the ramifications of failure at moments like that? And I think Eli wanted to say, are you out of your freaking mind, dude? He basically, being the gentleman that he is, said, no, that's exactly what you don't do. In moments like that, you think about all the times you have succeeded with a fourth quarter comeback. You recall the games against this team and this team and this team and this team where you were successful in those particular kinds of moments. Forget about the other ones. He literally said, you misremember those misses and you hang on to the memories of your successes. That's the feeling. That's the feeling. So the ability to think about, I've done some good stuff. This could be really cool. That's the feeling that you want to have when you are in your own equivalent of the fourth quarter of a Super bowl, rather than, oh, this is really big. I better not mess this up. And if any of your listeners were watching the figure skating events at this year's Winter Olympiad, you saw a couple people who were clearly, oh, this is the Olympics. I can't afford to screw up. Failure would be really bad. And you also saw a couple people who were, I'm just here to see how well I can skate. I'm just here to be artistic. I don't need a gold medal. I just want to be in the moment and be joyous. Those are the people that won the medals.
Ed Mylett
Oh, my gosh, brother. That's one of the best stories ever on the show. Because there's a lot to pick apart there, you guys. You know, when someone makes a point, I like to pick apart things that. Did you hear what he said? He said the feeling. Remember earlier in the podcast where I said that it's a chemistry and a neurology. There's a feeling. There's a. When you have the right thoughts, you're creating a neurology, a chemistry in your body that is that of success. When you're feeding yourself to failure. Thoughts. You're feeding yourself the neurobiochemistry of someone who's not going to perform under pressure. That's why these thoughts matter. Well, we're recording this this weekend. I'm a golf guy. Down the street from where I live was the Players Championship golf tournament. And there's this guy, Cameron Young. He's down by a shot, going to the 17th hole. He birdies 17. Now he's tied on the 18th hole. His competitor, who's a great player, hits a ball a little bit to the right, he's going to be blocked out. He's gonna have to lay up. This guy gets up and you know what he says he was thinking. He says out loud, there's the biggest shot of his life. He says, I'm gonna hit the greatest drive of my life. And he visualized other great drives he had hit prior. There's a water to the left, there's out. There's a hazard to the right. He striped a 375 yard drive, longest drive of the entire tournament, on the most important hole right down the middle. And he wins the golf tournament. And it's because of the imagery. Just what you taught Eli to do, that he fed himself. That is one of the best stories I've ever heard. And I'm frustrated that you did that to beat my Patriots. And I'm going to leave it in the podcast. So let me ask you questions. We only have a certain amount of time. I want to give everybody tools as well. How do you feel about cognitive rehearsal and visualization? And if you like it, how does someone get better at it?
Dr. Nate Zinser
Well, the second question is very simple. You get better at it as you practice. Okay. Visualization is a term that kind of implies the visual aspect of seeing something around you or seeing yourself in something. I use the term envisioning slight linguistic variation because in order to basically fool your nervous system into believing that you are throwing that touchdown or making that presentation while you are just sitting thinking about it, in order to get the nervous system really, really dialed in, you want to include what might it sound like? What might the air be like? What am I feeling? Okay. So, you know, if I'm working with a quarterback and I want him to envision execution of a play, you know, maybe stand up and have a ball in your hand. Okay. Okay. And I'm sorry.
Episode: How to Stop Defining Yourself by Your Failures
Guest: Dr. Nate Zinsser
Date: July 7, 2026
In this engaging and insightful episode, Ed Mylett sits down with Dr. Nate Zinsser, the longtime Director of West Point’s Performance Psychology Program and author of "The Confident Mind." Together, they shatter common myths around self-confidence and explore how elite performers in the military, sports, and business consistently cultivate confidence, even after failures or setbacks. Dr. Zinsser shares actionable strategies for rewiring self-belief, practical mental drills, and memorable stories—including a revealing behind-the-scenes account of coaching Super Bowl-winning quarterback Eli Manning.
ESP Daily Reflection:
Ed’s ‘Highlight Reel’ Method:
Many people filter out their own achievements, quickly recalling failures but struggling to name even a few recent “wins.”
Dr. Zinsser: "We have been socialized to... unfortunately define ourselves by our negative experiences." (12:13)
Actionable insight: Don’t minimize small wins—positive interactions, a good work call, a loving moment with family all count as deposits.
Protecting Your Mental Bank Account:
“We’ve got to set up some cognitive safeguards so that the imperfect physical world…does not destroy the energy, the optimism, and the enthusiasm that you have been building up.” —Dr. Zinsser (15:19)
“When a setback takes place…are we able to put it in a perspective? Yeah, it happened, but it’s non-representative of me.” —Dr. Zinsser (19:02)
“Do you sort of globalize results? …Just because you were in a relationship and this person doesn’t love you anymore, that doesn’t mean you’re unlovable.”
—Ed Mylett (21:02)
“That setback does not tell the truth about me.”
—Dr. Zinsser (19:02)
“If all of your confidence… is based on the results you produce, you’re going to be waiting around a long time.”
Ed Mylett (13:49)
“Do we look at our setbacks as temporary or permanent? Take your pick.”
Dr. Zinsser (16:23)
“Any fantasy vision of something you want in the future that creates a sense of energy and optimism and enthusiasm is worth hanging on to.”
Dr. Zinsser (12:13)
“You misremember those misses and you hang on to the memories of your successes. That’s the feeling.”
Eli Manning, as paraphrased by Dr. Zinsser recalling a Super Bowl interview (35:55)