← THE ED MYLETT SHOW
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- [00:00]
Ed Mylett
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- [00:35]
Dr. James Doty
This is the Ed Milet Show.
- [00:39]
Ed Mylett
Hey everyone. Welcome to my weekend special. I hope you enjoy the show. Be sure to follow the Ed Mylett show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Dr. James Doty thank you for coming here today, Dr. Doty, and welcome to the show. I'd like if you would just for a second, just because I think it's so practical and real and it's in the book. And by the way, you guys, this book is so thick with so many different things in it. We could do a four hour podcast and you should still go get the book because the few things that we'll be able to cover on today's show don't do the book justice. But I, I learned a lot and I actually wrote down the process that Ruth took you through for my own benefit. And so would you mind at least kind of going over some of that process for everybody? Because candidly for me, I sat in this room yesterday and I wrote out that process for myself to use to calm myself down, even at this age. So would you share some of that, please?
- [01:30]
Jen Gottlieb
Are you talking about taming the heart or opening the heart and taming the mind and relaxing the body?
- [01:37]
Ed Mylett
Yes, particularly the relaxing the body part is what resonated with me.
- [01:41]
Jen Gottlieb
Yeah, well, people who grow up in these challenging environments, again, it's like you're a goldfish in a fishbowl, but the, the water's dirty and if that's all you've lived in, you have no idea that the way you're feeling or acting or how you're responding to the world actually is not beneficial for you. And like so many veterans who've been in the war zone, they not only have trauma from being in the war zone, but they have Post Traumatic Stress disorder. And so one of the things you ultimately have to do is you have to emotionally regulate. And this is because in these types of situations, your sympathetic nervous system, your flight Fight or freeze response is chronically activated and you don't appreciate it, but all of your muscles are tight, you're always looking around. So the first thing she taught me was a traditional mindfulness practice of relaxing the body. And literally we went from the tip of the toes to the top of the head. Now I have to tell you, he's a 12 year old. I had no self awareness and you know, I was doing this. I showed up, but I'm sitting there going, wow, and what is really going on here? And frankly I was going, this is sort of bull. But, but I did it. And what I found was that I did relax and I was much more calm and I wasn't like, you know, constantly having my muscles tight. And, and then she taught me a technique I call Taming the mind in that book. And this was the ability to focus, in this case on a candle. But you can the mantra or you could do with simply an object. But what it does is it helps you not respond to the endless negative chatter that goes on in your head. And, and it also you learn that there is chatter. And this is what I was talking about earlier, which is this negative self dialogue. And unlike traditional mindfulness, as is practiced today, what she did there was though to give yourself positive affirmations, which changes that dialogue and decreases the sound of it. One of the ways mindfulness works is you don't respond to these negative events going on past your head. In this case though, you respond to them by reversing the statements to one of positivity. And then once she did that, she taught me a technique of opening the heart. And what I mean by that is I didn't realize how much I was suffering. And oftentimes when people suffer, you have this negative dialogue going on and you begin to believe it. And the body, or the mind, if you will, doesn't know the difference between truth or non truth and what I say or what I mean by that is if you sit there and say it is not possible, I cannot that in turn it turns into truth, because if you say it's not possible, then there's no way it's going to happen. But conversely, if you develop a mindset of infinite possibilities for yourself and understand that you are the determinant, because this negative dialogue is fundamentally as if you're laying down a brick each time and you're creating a prison for yourself. And as those walls get higher, it gets darker. And the thing though is that you have the key to let yourself out of the prison. And once you Realize that that changes everything. And very much related to this book we're talking about today. Mind Magic, it's understanding how powerful you really are. And so many people give their self agency away by listening to other people. And as a species we have what we call negativity bias. Our negative things have a tendency to stick to us. So once she allowed me to be, if you will, self compassionate and accept myself with all of my imperfections and understanding that that is okay. It also made me realize that everyone is suffering and that I oftentimes, like so many of us, we make a projection of how we think people are responding to us. But oftentimes, and again it relates to this book, we don't appreciate that a lot of people's actions at an unconscious level relate to their background growing up that they carry baggage with. And that baggage determines every interaction. It determines oftentimes the job or profession they take. It determines, determines the relationships they have. And so once she made me recognize that others are suffering, it also gave me another gift which was I used to have a lot of anger and hostility towards my parents. Not because they didn't love me, but because they were not there for me. And once I recognized this, I understood that they did not have the tools to help themselves. So it made me be much more thoughtful and kind. And then what happened is I realized that once I one, stopped beating myself up and two, carrying this hostility or negativity about me, it changed how people interacted with me. And once that happens, I realized that actually if you create that correct type of energy or what you're putting out there, actually people do want to help you. And at the end of the day that changed everything. And ultimately, which is actually the basis of this book is she taught me a manifestation or a visualization technique. And in the first book I, you know, gave some fundamental principles, but I didn't go into all the detail. And I realized after a lot of emails and letters from people that that was a key thing that people wanted to understand. But they wanted to understand it not from, as you said, the woo woo pseudoscience part of it. They wanted to understand the fundamental neuroscience of it and how you can manifest maximally, if you will, or have the greatest potential to manifest your goals or dreams or your intentions. But that has to do with actually not the woo woo side or the law of Attraction or thinking the universe is going to somehow intervene. If you have the right mindset, it comes down to one claiming your self agency or the power you have, but also doing fundamental practices that will actually increase the likelihood because you have to have what we call these cognitive brain networks to function at their best. And there are certain ways to do that. But the most important part is you have to get out of the stress mode into the rest and digest mode or the engagement of your parasympathetic nervous system.
- [08:50]
Ed Mylett
One thing that Dr. Doty points out in the book that you should all know that I love that he says early on in the book, is that the universe doesn't care one way or the other. You're already great at manifesting. You're already doing this. Just typically you're manifesting a lot of the things you don't want that you're worried about, that you're fearing. You're acting out of trauma already. You have some of these skill sets because these brain centers already exist for you. And some of you doing a little bit of digging, we'll talk about HRV a little bit later. But going from the, the sympathetic to the parasympathetic state has everything to do with your ability to manifest, just from a science standpoint, for the people that want, like, you know, the, the meat. In the book you talk about the fact that manifesting primarily takes place in of four large circuits in the brain. So you, I, I can go through them, but I'd prefer you go through them a little bit. We can go back and forth, but this is just for all of you to know that this is neuroscience. This is not, you know, who foo stuff here. This is actually happening in different centers and circuits in your brain. And there's actually four of them that he quotes in the book. I'll start the first one, the Default Mode network, which of course I had no idea what the heck that was. But why don't you take us through what the other three are and explain that to us a little bit? Sure.
- [09:59]
Jen Gottlieb
Let me just make a comment. Obviously this book says it's about the neuroscience. I got a LinkedIn message from somebody said, you know, I bought this book and I really hated it because it went so much into the neuroscience. And I'm like going, wasn't that the name of the book?
- [10:15]
Ed Mylett
Read the background of the guy who wrote it. What do you think? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [10:18]
Jen Gottlieb
But anyway, you're absolutely right. So as a preface to doing that though, let me just say, and you mentioned it, all of us are manifesting all the time. What we don't appreciate is what we're already manifesting or what we've manifested. And what I mean by that is so much of who we are. If we don't understand how we got here today, then that because we have to change our habit, our mindset and our deep seated beliefs. And I'm sure you've seen the situation where somebody will sit there and say, you know, I don't understand what's happening to me. You know, it seems as though this pattern keeps reoccurring. I married the same person and they're abusive and they're an alcoholic or whatever the negative commentary is. And that's because they have no insight or self awareness of the baggage that they have carried through childhood that is actually manifesting. Because you have these deep seated patterns of behavior that you don't appreciate and you should also appreciate you can change those habits. So but getting specifically to answer your question, there are these four areas of the brain and to have them function at their best, you cannot be in your engagement of your sympathetic nervous system or this flight fight or fear response is, will have a negative impact. Although it's not to say you may not be able to manifest, but you may not be manifesting what you need to manifest. So you have to be engaged in the parasympathetic nervous system, the rest or digest system because your cognitive brain networks of which the default mode network is one function at their best in that state. So the default mode network is what happens or is activated when you daydream or you mind wonder. But it's very self referential. But it's also the place where you define who you are. And this is critical to have this image that sort of sits in the background of what you want to be or how you want to be. And then the interesting thing is the other network that's really critical here is what we call your salience network. So from your default mode network you create a narrative that then activates the salience network. So salience is meaning something mouth watering or something when you think about it, it activates things you want, right? And so there it results in the subconscious being activated related to what you want or your intention or what you're trying to manifest. And once you're able to stimulate that, and I use the example of a bloodhound, once you're able to give the bloodhound the scent, then this activates the attention network so that there's a laser like focus of your attention on manifesting that. And then through the salience network the bloodhound starts searching around for it. And the salience network, if you will, is on alert all the time during your waking state. And once you're able then to define that intention and activate your attention. Then the situations that many of us call synchronicity or coincidence occur, because then your executive control network, which is in your frontal areas and has access to memories, experiences, and in some ways, like the CEO who determines how you respond to this unconscious or subconscious desire. And then it occurs. And let me give you a couple examples. I'm sure you've been at different parties or events where it's really noisy, yet if your name is said, you turn to it, even though it's completely loud, nobody else heard it, you turn to it because that is a fundamental part of your identity. And. And so the same is true also. As an example, I'll see a patient who may have some sort of a brain condition and let's say a meningioma. And the person will sit there and they'll say, you know, I have never heard of that before. Wow, you know, this must be really rare. But I'll see them six weeks later and they go, it's the most amazing thing. I've run into six people with the exact same condition. Right. Because you have embedded that, whether you wanted to or not, into your subconscious. And this is the things that can get embedded through fear, through, you know, wanting to do something positive for yourself. And I'll give you another example. There's a project that I've been working on for several months, and it's very esoteric. And I was at a coffee shop and it was like completely noisy. You couldn't hear anything. Yet out of the den of all of that, I heard two words that were critical to this project, which would not have ever been normally out there, or I wouldn't have responded to. I went over, introduced myself. It turns out they're working on the exact same thing, and now we're working together on it. And this is the type of synchronicity or coincidences that repeatedly occur when you unleash your subconscious. Because what the subconscious wants, the conscious is ordered to have happen, if you will.
- [15:42]
Ed Mylett
Yes.
- [15:43]
Jen Gottlieb
So those are how those networks work. And if question about the synchronicity, I'm.
- [15:48]
Ed Mylett
Just curious about this. Is it the fact that those things always existed around you or potentially did, but you were oblivious to them because they weren't embedded? And that now that they're embedded, you're seeing, hearing, or feeling those things that were always potentially within your awareness, but you were unaware of them? Or is there some sort of pull power that's taking place that's creating these.
- [16:08]
Jen Gottlieb
Synchronicities I would say they're always there, we just never are attuned to them. Right. And so because you have to understand, our mind is always having to struggle to what we attend to. Right. Our actual attention is quite limited, although most people don't believe that even driving along. And I'm sure you've had the experience where you're driving along and you start thinking about something and then you're like 10 miles down the road and all of the stuff that was going on, you can't even remember.
- [16:42]
Ed Mylett
Yes, right. Yes.
- [16:44]
Jen Gottlieb
And so, and there's a classic experiment which I think I mentioned in the book called it's the gorilla experiment or something like that, but you'll find in the book, but it's amazing. It's. These two teams are playing basketball. One is in a black uniform, the other is in a white uniform. And what the experimenter asks is either tell me how many times the people in the black shoot a basket to get a point, or the other is how many pass the ball throughout the whole thing. So it turns out in the middle of this video there is an individual dressed in a gorilla suit who actually walks through the entire game, through the group who are shooting the baskets. And over 50% of people do not even notice it.
- [17:33]
Ed Mylett
How does one begin to embed the things they want to manifest in their lives? Obviously I was taken back in the book by how much it's state oriented for you. In other words, the state that our, our bodies are in. I've always, in my own practice and coaching people always just sort of went right to the technique of the visualizations, never really caring for the state that one's in in order to be open to creating these new neural pathways in their brain. So could you give us like a practice or, or a couple of the practices that somebody can begin to implement? I think right now, this part that you may share, I think it could change a couple million lives right now with just a process oriented structure for somebody to begin to embed the things that they want as opposed to the ones that they're operating out of trauma or fear in.
- [18:24]
Jen Gottlieb
So let me make a couple statements before we go there. One is you have to understand, and I mentioned this a little bit earlier, what are you already manifesting. Two is to understand the difference between what you think you want and what you need. And as I, and I think actually as you mentioned earlier, you can get things, but it's not always what's best for you. And the reason I bring this up is in the Western narrative of success, which for many people, quote, unquote, equals happiness. The narrative is to be happy, you have to have money, power and position. Once you get those, therefore your life now is fantastic, you'll be happy and you will get all the other stuff that will continue that happiness. Now, the problem with that narrative is that what people don't appreciate is that oftentimes the things that people believe they want are based out of po impoverishment of spirit, or a belief that when others see them having accomplished this or that or get things that they will get external affirmation that will make them feel happy. And in fact, as a 12 year old with Ruth in this magic shop, she actually had me write down a list of things that I wanted. And of course, from my poverty background, and this was the baggage that I carried with me. It was, I wanted to live in a mansion. And 20 or 40 some years ago, 50 years ago, it was, I want to be a millionaire. Now it's a centi millionaire. I guess I wanted a Porsche, I wanted a Rolex watch, all these external validations of quote, unquote, success. And I ended up getting every one of those things. You know, I became a doctor, and I became a doctor. Not that I didn't want to help people, but it was also, I am a doctor. I'm important. See, look at me, right? And I had all of my friends telling me how great my life was. Yet here I have a mansion overlooking the bay in Newport beach in Southern Cal. I have a villa in Florence, I have a penthouse in San Francisco. I have a Porsche, a Ferrari, a Range Rover, a Mercedes, a BMW in my garage. I'm dating starless, I'm flying in private jets. And I was never more miserable than I had ever been in my life, Yet I had manifested everything that I thought I wanted. And so the problem is people get focused on things that aren't going to help them because they think that these types of things are what are going to create a life of happiness, which is what everyone ultimately desires. And so you have to understand though, that once you change your narrative, not because of what you think you want in that sense, because it's not about you. And unfortunately, society has created this narrative that, that you should chase what I want. I want to be famous. I mean, look at what we've done with our children. If you ask high school students, what is it you want to be? What are the four main things? And this encompasses over 75%. I want to be an influencer. I want to be a millionaire. I Want to be a celebrity. I want to be a professional athlete.
- [22:08]
Ed Mylett
I mean, very different in the Western world. Compared to the answers you'll get from other countries. That they're a great study between the contrast of those two.
- [22:15]
Jen Gottlieb
Yeah, exactly. Because it is a completely different narrative. Because we have a very aggressive structure. That promotes that narrative of conspicuous consumption. And how if you just get these things, you're going to be happy. So you have to change that. Because that activates the sense of I want. Actually activates your sympathetic nervous system. And in some ways, it limits you. It's not to say you can't get what you want. But once you start changing your narrative. To understand how we evolved as a species. Which is to care to not only for our offspring because they require it. But when you care for others outside of your small circle. That activates your parasympathetic nervous system. Which does several things. One, it stimulates your reward centers. Two, your physiology fundamentally works at its best. And in fact, your longevity is increased. But also, when you look through the world through that lens. You understand the superficiality of many of these other things. And you understand also that when you care for others. It has a very positive effect on you. Both mentally and physically. And as the Dalai Lama says, if you want to make others be happy, be compassionate. If you want to be happy, be compassionate. So looking at that lens. And so now to more concretely answer your first question. What are the techniques? The techniques are fundamentally, how do I gain access to my brain. To make it work for me. And not get lost in things that I don't need are not helpful for me? Now, one of the things, and we've been talking about attention a little bit. Is also understanding that how we walk in the world, how we analyze things, what we respond to has to do with input from our sensory organs. Because that connects us to our external environment. So we receive about 10 million bits of information. From our sensory organs every second. Yet we on a conscious level only respond or have access to about 50 to 100 bits of information. So 99.999% actually are associated with maintaining homeostasis of our bodily functions. But the reason I mentioned the small percentages. This is information we can control on a conscious level. And then we can actually embed it into our unconscious. To a process which I call value tagging. And in some ways, this is our ability, if you will, to place our intention in the filing cabinet of our subconscious. Which then gives the unconscious. That bloodhound I mentioned earlier. The ability to look at that File, smell it, get the scent, and start running around trying to help you manifest. The techniques to do that, though, to get access to your mind is a training program which is very much like a meditation or mindfulness practice because you have to be in the right mental state. So you have to calm the mind, you have to relax the body. You have to look through the lens of compassion, if you will, because that's when your body, and I say your body, I mean in your mind and your body, body are functioning at their best. When that process occurs, all these cognitive brain networks, which we talked about a little bit earlier, function at their best. I want people to realize that when we talk about manifesting this process is not 100% guaranteed. It's not like, hey, listen, the Jim do now you're going to get 100%, I guarantee everything you want. What it does, though, is one, it makes you understand what you've already been manifesting. Two, it gives you clarity of intention about what you should be manifesting. And this is through relaxing the body, taming the mind, focusing your attention, embedding that intention, and then that creates the greatest possibility for you to manifest your desires or create the life that you want. Now, I'm sure you've talked about udemonic versus hedonic happiness.
- [26:56]
Ed Mylett
We have not. Please talk about it.
- [26:58]
Jen Gottlieb
What the hell, Ed?
- [27:02]
Ed Mylett
I told you there's an IQ discrepancy. That's what you're doing here, my brother. I can't wait to hear this. Yeah, I know. I know a lot about this because of your work and other work I've done, but we've not talked about it on the show. So this is.
- [27:12]
Jen Gottlieb
Oh, really? Well, so if we look at oftentimes this term happiness, there's what we call hedonic happiness, which is hedonism, if you will. And this very much relates to what I want. And in fact, unfortunately, there was a movement in our society that's now spanned a few decades where there was this narrative that if you were in a race, any kid who in the in the race gets an award, right? And, and not recognizing one, that creates a sense of entitlement, even though you didn't do any work to get there. And it negates the fact of life, which is there are winners and there are losers. You have to show up, you have to do work, otherwise you're not going to get what you want. And so this is a very, very important aspect. But when you focus on I want to, the very nature of that I want has to result in Stimulation of your sympathetic nervous system, because it's out of fear. You have to have this to show others you're okay. You're. You're chasing after external affirmation. Now, I've said this sometimes, and people sit there and go, you mean it's wrong to have, you know what, have materialistic desires? And I say, no, that's not what I'm saying at all. And I'll explain that in a sec. The other side of this is what we call udemonic happiness. This has to do with service and meaning, okay? And if you compare the two, one gives you happiness, which is transitory and shallow. The other. And this is when you activate your parasympathetic nervous system. Your rest and digest mode results in purpose and meaning because you're being of service to others. And that's when all your brain networks function at their best, thereby giving you the greatest possibility of manifesting your intention. But getting back to having things, my statement is not to sit there and say one, it's horrible to have things. I will assure you I live in a nice house. I drive a Porsche. I have a Mercedes. There's nothing wrong with that. The difference is, where it is wrong is if you look at that, that is your identity. And if you lose it, you have all this fear and anxiety and insecurity versus how I look at it. I won, am very appreciative, have immense gratitude, thoroughly enjoy it. But if it's gone tomorrow, it has zero impact on who I am, who. Who I see myself as, or my level of happiness. And so that's really the key difference.
- [30:04]
Ed Mylett
People listening to this or watching this, right? Like, well, wait a minute. You know, like you've said, I would like to make a lot of money. Does that mean that I'll say it my way, then you correct me, okay? That the intention that you attach to the desire to accumulate that money has an awful lot to do with the probability of you ending up possessing it. Meaning, I want to make 10. I want to have $10 million saved. Let's just say that's one of the things I want to manifest. But I want that $10 million so that I can show you my Ferrari, I can show you my house. You'll think great things about me. That's one person. So they've worked on manifesting their $10 million that way. Another person works on calming their body, getting into that state. And they want to acquire the $10 million so that they can be philanthropic with it, so that they can care for their family. That Their children and grandchildren grow up on a safe place, place and a safe environment and good, good educations. Are you suggesting that the intention attached to the desire you have has a lot to do? Not only which way I understand the difference in the two levels of happiness, but also in the acquisition or the actual manifestation. Does the intention attached to it have something to do with our ability to then have our attention networks open to seeing the things we're supposed to see or hear? No.
- [31:18]
Jen Gottlieb
I think you did an excellent explanation. That's exactly right. And this is, in some ways, some of the examples I give how you have to reframe what it is you want. If you sit there and say, as you gave that example, I need that $10 million so I can have the big house and stand in front of it with my Ferrari parked there, everybody looks at me. And this is what influencers do, right? They create this narrative to imply that their life is perfect. You know, they have the filters on, they have all the makeup. They create these, you know, fake backgrounds or are in a place where they rent a place to look at like it's their mansion and everything is a lie. That's right, yeah. I mean, you are living a lie. It is not who you are. And you have to pay the price for that because you can't have calmness about yourself because you know deep down you're a fraud. And when you chase these things and it's only about what I want, that's where the problems occur versus if you reframe it. And I give an example of a young lady named Anula in the book. She was an immigrant from Sri Lanka. Her parents very much wanted her to be a doctor, as did she. But her real driver was, I need to do that to make my parents happy. And she had this immense anxiety she created for herself, which actually resulted in her not performing well. And she didn't get into med school after three times. Now, the interesting thing about that is based on my first book where I talk about my own challenges getting into medical school, because I had a 2.53 grade point average, while the average grade point average to get a medical school was 3.79. And I did not even have enough credits to graduate. And I had, as I'm sure you've experienced, quote, friends or family members saying, you're never going to get into medical school right. Now, fortunately, I don't listen to anybody fundamentally, because I have a great belief in myself from what this woman Ruth taught me. I challenged that, and that could be another story. But I did get into medical school, right. And. But it was because it wasn't, I'm doing this for somebody. It was a profound belief that by being a doctor I could be of service, help people do the right thing. It wasn't I'm going to be a doctor, I'm going to be a neurosurgeon so that I can make a lot of money and live in the big house and meet the, the attractive chicks. It was I am here to be of service to help people. That's a completely different narrative. And it's a completely different narrative. How your mind responds to have you.
- [34:13]
Ed Mylett
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- [37:08]
Eric Thomas
Yeah, I don't even really use the word manifest in the book. I use the word create.
- [37:11]
Ed Mylett
You don't. You do some in your content, but in the book you do. You use the word create. And I think it's develop or something like that.
- [37:18]
Eric Thomas
In the book, yeah, it's the creation process. Because when I look back at all the things that I've created in my life, it really has been not just because I sat around and visualized it. The visualization, it's an amazing tool. I believe in it fully because I believe in the power of the subconscious mind. And I've done a lot of research on this because I like to back things up with science. I'm like mixing Jenna Kutcher, our friend says, mixing the woo with the work. I like to mix them together. And I Believe that when you can reprogram the subconscious mind to make believe that this memory happened, the subconscious doesn't know the difference between a real memory and a fake one. So if you can actually feel the feelings that you want to feel in this moment, because we all can. We can all close our eyes and envision ourselves somewhere and feel the actual physical feelings that we would have if we experience that thing, if we practice enough, the subconscious will start to actually think that that thing happened to you. And then, subconsciously, you're actually seeing the opportunities way more. They're, like, noticeable. And then the fear towards getting that thing is a lot less. And it's like, duh, I'm just gonna take action to do that thing. And that's how we create. And that's why there's a whole section in the book about the law of action. Because without action, nothing happens. You can. People are like, oh, I've been manifesting forever and visualizing forever, but I haven't gotten the thing. I'm like, what have you done to get the thing? And in the book, I talk about the story of how I created the role in the Wedding Singer.
- [38:42]
Ed Mylett
Yeah, tell him. We. Tell him a little bit.
- [38:44]
Eric Thomas
Yeah, of course. It's my favorite story in the world. It's actually in my entrepreneurial journey. It's the biggest lesson I've ever learned was in this. I moved to New York City when I was 20. I dropped out of college, and I was like, I need to go and pursue my dream. And I went to this conservatory program called amda. Jason Derulo went there. I know you just interviewed him. We both went there. And when I was there, one of the shows that I went to go see with my friends, we would see a bunch of shows, was the Wedding Singer. And I remember sitting in the back of the theater with my good friend Pat, and all of a sudden, like 15 minutes into the show, this character takes the stage. And she was like. She was the. It was Linda, the ex fiance. And she's in this, like, Madonna, like a virgin costume. And there's a smoke machine, and she's strutting onto the stage, and everyone's laughing. It's this comedic character. And I all of a sudden, like, God came down and was like, this is your role. I start crying. I'm looking at. He's like, what is wrong with you? I'm like, oh, my God, I'm gonna play this part one day. I just knew I never really resonated with the good girl parts. I always wanted to be the spicy girl.
- [39:48]
Ed Mylett
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [39:48]
Eric Thomas
Like, this is it. This is the role. So at that time, my mom, good old mom, had given me another personal development book. And that was the book the Secret, which was very popular back in the day, about the law of attraction. I wasn't into it, of course. I was like, whatever, mom. Like, okay, you can visualize things and they magically happen, okay? And I put it aside, and I remember watching TV and I saw Oprah on TV talking about how she, quote unquote, manifested her role in the Color Purple by using the law of attraction. And I was like, oh, maybe if Oprah can do it, maybe I can do it with Linda. So I, like, secretly did this experiment and I was like, I'm gonna do this with Linda. And at that time, I was in school and I was living in, like, this little 8 foot by 8 foot room with, like a twin bunk bed, like, no way for me to be on Broadway. And I started visualizing every night before I went to bed, and I would sing myself to sleep, and I would sing the Linda music, and I would see the audience and I would feel the costume on my body and I would see the lights, and I would actually experience me playing the part every single night. And that brought me to in school. I would sing all her songs for all my final demos. And I all of a sudden, in my mind, like, fully believed that this was my role. And that made the opportunity way more prevalent when all of a sudden, I saw the audition for the Broadway national tour of the Wedding Singer pop up. And I had never been to an audition in my entire life, but I had my Linda costume ready for me. I had already picked it out. I was ready to go. I walk into this audition, I sign on my name on the list. I was like, 532 or something. There's like 531 other girls that look just like me. And I made it to the final two. At that audition, it was me and this other girl. Talk about all the symptoms of fear. FOMO comparison. It was like we were battling it out. But the belief that I had created from all the visualizing was driving me. I didn't get the part. I didn't get the part, but I wasn't upset because my immediate reaction, and this is a really important lesson for me in rejection because I had believed so fully in my heart that this was for me and I had done all of the work. I was like, oh, I just have. Have to get really creative on how to make this happen in a different way. So I started to take action in a different way. And when you get rejected, it simply means you just have to get a little bit more creative and find that redirection to what you really want. It fueled me. And so I snuck into a different audition with the same director, and I sang the Linda music at an audition for a different show. And I was like, I don't even care. What do I have to lose? And this is a big no no in the entertainment industry. So he comes out of after I do this terrible thing that I was not supposed to do, and he's like, we're not casting Wedding Singer, but here's my card. Follow up with me when we do. So this is where I learned the power of the follow up. And you know how good of a follow upper I am because I followed up with you a zillion times.
- [42:39]
Ed Mylett
That's true.
- [42:40]
Eric Thomas
I followed up with this man for, I think, six months. I had nothing to say to him. I would just email him every week, like, oh, here's a picture of my dog. Oh, I'm practicing my Linda music. Here's a picture of me. You know how just follow up, follow up, follow up. Keeping myself top of mind. Finally, I get invited back to do it again. The same audition process. Same audition process again. I think it was months later, I get an email in my inbox telling me, congratulations. We're welcoming you to the Broadway national tour of the Wedding Singer Linda understudy.
- [43:13]
Dr. James Doty
So close.
- [43:14]
Eric Thomas
I still didn't get it, Ed. I still didn't get it. But in my mind, I'm like, okay, talk about fomo. I had to go to the rehearsals, and I had to watch this other girl play my part. And I actually wore a fat suit in the show. That was my role. I was in the ensemble, and I was this. That was my character. And I had to wait in the wings, and I had to watch this girl. But I don't know who said this quote. Maybe you do. But luck is what happens when preparation meets the moment of opportunity. So I decided that instead of feeling jealousy in comparison with this girl, I was gonna be unbelievably grateful that she was showing me exactly why I didn't get the part and she did. And study her and learn from her and watch her every move and ask her why she did it that way and really perfect it by studying her and using her as my mentor. Because clearly, I didn't get it for a reason. And then finally, when I got my moment, the director called me and he said, we want to make you Linda on the big tour. But, Ed, when I played the part, freaking awesome. On the stage for the first time with the same exact visual of that audience and the lights. The costume was the same costume that the woman on Broadway wore. It was on my body. And what I was looking out at was the same visual that had done in my little twin bed years prior. And I walked backstage and I said, I was like, oh, my God. Anything that you want, you can create.
- [44:34]
Ed Mylett
Yeah, yeah.
- [44:36]
Eric Thomas
But it's not because I just visualized it. The visualization was the tool to keep me going every time I got rejected and heard no and heard no and heard no and heard no and heard no. But it was that that drove me.
- [44:49]
Dr. James Doty
Yep.
- [44:50]
Eric Thomas
It was the law of action, not the law of attraction.
- [44:53]
Ed Mylett
It's the unbelievable explanation of how it really works. It's both. Right. You've kind of merged the law of attraction with the law of action together. And obviously you choose the law of action over it. I do, too. Your mind moves towards what it's most familiar with, and so does your life. So if something's repeated over and over and over and over again in your subconscious mind, you actually begin to gravitate and move towards it. That's just how life works. Most people just don't invest the time and the reps to do the dreaming over and over and over again. Or they do all of that to your point, and they don't do any of the law of action. And I think it's a topic that most people don't understand, nor do they take advantage of. One of the key strategies in my entire life of producing the results that I've been blessed to produce has a lot to do. One of the key strategies is visualization, mental rehearsal and understanding how to do it, understanding the power of it, and the reasons why you should be doing more mental rehearsal, more visualization. You know, I'm blessed that I've had an opportunity to coach a lot of top CEOs, entrepreneurs, entertainers, and yes, a lot of athletes. And whether that be a. In the ufc, in the mma, or a golfer, baseball player, I get asked often, what do you work on with a lot of these athletes? And although we work on a variety of different things, one of them is visualization, because it's really an accepted practice in sports that you visualize things. But most people, you can ask yourself this to begin, how much visualization do you do in a directed, intentional way? In other words, you're visualizing things. Your problems, your worries, your fears. You're Visualizing an appointment, let's just say. But how often are you doing that proactively? Are you using it as a strategy for peak performance, a strategy for bliss, a strategy to be more productive and serve more people? Mental rehearsal and visualization is one of the greatest gifts you could give yourself. And it's a great hack to producing the results that you want. Because the truth of the matter is, you are more than likely producing right now what you've already been visualizing. And so taking control of that and harnessing control of it is a really, really big deal. And why? Because we all have fears. We all have insecurities. These fears and insecurities will find a way to express themselves one way or the other. And so if we can't take control of our fears and our insecurities, and we don't build up mental rehearsal and visualization of the things we want, the things that give us confidence, one or the other, are going to end up expressing themselves. That's why it's so important that you really learn to take control of your mental rehearsal and visualization. And why is that the case? Here's the deal. You move towards what you're most familiar with in your life. Okay? So there's a. There's a degree of familiarity in our lives that we move towards what's comfortable, what's safe, what's most familiar to us, because it requires the least amount of thinking. Your brain really wants to operate and conserve energy as much as it can. So the more things it can do habitually without having to think, the easier it is on your brain. And so it's constantly trying to get you to move towards what's familiar. And so if what's most familiar to you is your fears, your worries, your anxieties, your insecurities, you will move towards them if you wonder whether that's accurate or not. We try to avoid things that are unfamiliar to us. People have asked me, oh, my gosh, I saw that golfer. He had a putt to win the golf tournament from five feet, and he missed it. And he missed it for two reasons. Either he was very familiar with the mental rehearsal and the visualization he or she was of missing. And they programmed that fear in. So they moved towards what was familiar and which was missing the putt, or they didn't do any mental rehearsal whatsoever. And when they got into that pressure situation, their brain was not familiar with that environment, with that situation. And so it wasn't able to function at its optimal level. And so the reason that we want to make sure, that we're doing mental rehearsal and visualization regularly in our life is so that when we get there, we're familiar and we're likely to move towards that result. We've already visualized. If we don't, if we only take visualization about our fears and worries, which is what most people do, you will move towards those because you're familiar with them as well. Or the absence of any preparation. When you walk into a meeting to give a prep a presentation, you've not mentally rehearsed the result, You've not visualized the result. If you've not done that, you've left it up to your own devices. And more than likely because you're unfamiliar, your brain cannot perform at its optimal level. So that's why mental rehearsal preparation, because your body doesn't know, your subconscious mind does not know the difference between what's real and what's imagined. And so the more you rehearse it, the more your brain believes, your mind believes that you've already done it, you've already accomplished it. So when you enter the environment, you enter the situation, you will gravitate and more move towards what's most familiar. How much thinking do you do when you walk into a room full of strangers, right? You walk in, you don't know anybody in there. You're pulling up to an event and you don't know a soul. You're going to walk into a room with 50 or 100 people. You're doing some thinking, aren't you? You're thinking about, how would I introduce myself? Is my hair the right way? Did I do my makeup correctly? What's a story that I could tell tonight? That's funny. What if they ask me this? Your anxiety and nervousness level goes up no matter who you are, right? Because of the unknown, the unfamiliar. And so what happens is you just start thinking and going into pattern mode. You're going into mapping mode because where you're going is unfamiliar. Now, compare to how much thinking you do when you walk into a room like that, compared to just walking through your front door to your house where everybody's familiar, do you really even have to think about it? When you walk from your kitchen to the living room where your family is, do you do any thinking whatsoever? Does your heart rate go up at all? Is there anything in your body that's changing? From a neurobiochemistry standpoint, no. You're almost doing zero thinking because you're familiar with it. And so in life, if you can begin to become that familiar, like you are with your own family and friends, with your dreams, your goals, and your ambitions. Or maybe it's as simple as just a specific result in one occasion. The more you've done that, the more you're not going to have to think nearly as much and process information. This is really called mapping. And so life is really better when you don't focus on what's going on around you, but you focus on what's going on inside of you. Okay, so think about that for a second. Life is always better when you don't focus on what's going on around you, but you focus on what's going on inside of you. So there's this great story that my producer was sharing with me. He's a big soccer fan about Wayne Rooney, who's one of the most legendary players of all time. And he said he would take his visualization to a level that blew most people's minds. And he would literally get with the equipment manager before a game and ask him, what uniform are we going to be wearing? And so he would get the actual uniform and know what it looked like. He would also want to know what music they were going to be playing when they came out, when they're getting ready to play. He would want to know the exact song, and then he would also want to know the weather. So he would then get back and the night before the games, would visualize that uniform, would visualize that music playing, would visualize that weather, so that when he got there, it was all familiar to him. You know, a lot of athletes and people ask me, should I only visualize me getting the. Yes, because I'm mapping. Making the putt. Making the putt. Making the putt or hitting the shot or having the knockout or closing the sale, or, you know, getting whatever it is that you want. Should I only visualize the positive things? And that's a really interesting thing, because the way your brain works, it actually probably serves you most to be always visualizing the positive result. I do think that it's okay sometimes in life to also visualize something that isn't favorable. So, in other words, because it's going to happen, so do I let my athletes. About 10% of the time, I will say, okay, let's just. Let's let's hit a bad shot. We've hit a bad shot. What happens in our body now we're walking to that shot. How do we deal with it? And so they now are able to deal with something that's inevitable, or if it's one of our Fighters and I go, listen, you just had the first, you know, it's bad round. He got to you, you took a couple shots. Looks like he lost round one. You're sitting on the stool. Bam. How do we shift that and visualize from there? Because if you don't visualize some of the unforeseen circumstances that take place and your response to it, in my opinion, when that happens and it's unfamiliar territory, you're lost. But if you say no, I've been there before, I've missed this putt before, I've missed a shot before. In sales, it's okay to visualize them not always saying yes, but objecting and giving you a reason for not doing it. They may have a question or a concern, right? So I don't think it's a negative thing. Sometimes I don't want to do. I don't want to pattern this where it's a pattern I've created. But I think it's okay to, in sales, visualize getting a no or an objection or. And a sport having a failure happen. And then from there, what you need to visualize so that when the inevitable happens, because life happens, you're going to miss a sale, you're going to not hit every putt, not every at bat's going to be a base hit, right? Not every shot's going to be in the basket. And so it's okay to say, okay, I just missed the shot. What do I visualize from there? So we're not really visualizing the miss. We're visualizing it's happened. What feels in my body. I know what that is. Now what do I do? And so, because you'll watch in sports, most of the great athletes, it's not that they don't miss. It's what they do after they miss. It's not in life whether you're going to miss or get rejected or have a difficult circumstance or situation. It's what do you do when it happens? And so I think it's okay that you spend a little bit of time in that zone, and then your visualization is your way out of there. So we're not visualizing misses. What I'm suggesting is, is that you're visualizing, okay, I've just missed. Now visualize the way out. Mentally rehearse the way out. I think you can spend a little bit of time on that, just like the great Wayne Rooney did. I'll tell you one more story. And I don't know whether this is accurate or not. I don't Remember the man's name. And I'm sure I'm messing the story up, so forgive me, but I think the premise of the story and the point that it illustrates is valid. And so the story goes. I was told this many years ago that there was evidently a soldier who had spent some time in a POW camp. And when he was there, in order to keep himself sane, frankly, he would mentally rehearse and visualize himself playing an entire 18 hole golf course, round of golf. And again, this is just a story that I was told. I, I hope I'm giving it justice. And the point of the story is that it illustrates the power of visualization. And even if I'm off by the facts a little bit, you know, indulge me a little bit here. But he would visualize playing each shot throughout the day, mentally rehearse and visualize it. And, and many years later, when he got out of the POW camp, he went home, I believe it was to Texas, somewhere in the Midwest. And his body was totally atrophied, he had no muscle mass left, he had lost considerable weight. He had been obviously hurt and injured and beaten when he was in the camp. And one of the first things he asked to do when he got on his feet was to go play golf. And the story goes that he went out and that first round of golf shot even par. And afterwards they asked him, how in the world did you do that? You've lost £50, you, you've had all these injuries, you've had this terrible mental battle you've had to go through. And he goes, it's easy. I haven't missed a putt in four years. Because what he had done is mentally rehearsed when he was playing those rounds, making that putt, hitting that shot. Now, whether or not that's an accurate story or not, I don't know. But what I can tell you is that it's illustrative that I've seen something like that in many athletes and many business people's lives where in spite of external circumstances, they've controlled the inside so well that when they, like I've said, they focus on the inside. That when these variables happen, which is life, a failure, a setback, an unforeseen situation that they're comfortable because they haven't missed a putt in years when they visualize their way out of that. And so inside of you, you can visualize. So give yourself the gift on a more regular basis of mentally rehearsing the meeting you're going to go to do it 3, 4, 5, 6 times and actually sit in that visualization. Ask yourself questions. When you visualize, by the way, the way you get better at it is you do more of it. In the beginning, when we're visualizing or mentally rehearsing, we're not very good at it because we haven't done it before. We get distracted easily, or we don't even realize. We don't even take control of what we're seeing. But begin to ask yourself, when I visualize, do I see it in black or white or color? Let me make some distinctions about what you're seeing. Can I feel things? Do I smell things? Do I hear things? Can I take this picture that I'm seeing, this result? I want to produce this award. I want to win this, you know, this situation. I want to get out of a date that I'm going on this, you know, potential sale that I've got this baseball. I want to hit this putter. When you watch it, start to ask yourself and take a look at what you're seeing. Like, for example, where's the camera? That'd be interesting, huh? Do you see the camera where you're looking at it out there? So you see it from your own perspective, or do you see it from the person situation who's watching you? Do you see it from above? Just taking advantage and you go, wow, I never thought about that before. Well, think about it. It'll help you take better control. You know, when I work with athletes, when they're baseball hitters, I'll often, often ask them. I'll say, close your eyes and visualize hill, line, drive up the middle. And they'll go, great, I did it. And they'll open their eyes like, okay, good. Where was the camera? And they're like, huh? I said, where was the camera? I don't know. I said, well, let's close your eyes and do it again. I said, the camera could be a lot of different places. The camera could be you in the batter's box and you're seeing out at the pitcher in the field. It could be like you watch baseball on TV because you're familiar with it. And it's behind the center field fence looking over the pitcher into the catcher. It could even be the view you get on deck. But the first thing is to at least see what you see. Now you have a chance to play the video. And so I'll ask them, can you see what you see? Yes. Okay. And they say, well, no, it's for me in the batter's box. Awesome. So Then we know, and we go much more detail than this. But it's beginning to just see what you see, hear what you hear or don't hear, smell what you smell or don't smell. Right. For the most part, most people can very quickly go, I see things in black and white, or I see them in color, and then just start to take control of what it looks like. And then the only other thing to ask yourself if you want to really reinforce a visualization is you could speed it up a little bit or you could slow it down. You could zoom in if you wanted to. And the more you just kind of play with your ability to visualize, the more it becomes a muscle. Zoom in, zoom out, change the color, add some music to it, right? Speed it up, slow it down, and then just repeatedly see something over and over again. It'll serve you. And so it's something that I teach the athletes that I do. It's not very complicated. It's just basically starting to take control of your mind's eye, of what you think about. You don't have to be very specific with it. It could just be the same thing you see every time. But the more you prepare, you will begin to move towards what you're most familiar with. And what's great about that is anxiety level goes down, and your brain, your subconscious mind, doesn't know the difference between what you're imagining and what's actually happening. And so you actually can get a hit every time you're up to the plate. You can make a putt. Every single time you stand over it, you can get a yes. And the more specific, when you start with a visualization, oftentimes in the beginning, they'll be very general. But the more you get good at it, maybe it gets more specific where you can even see when you've helped somebody out in your business, them thanking you and the smile on their face, maybe you can begin to feel what it feels like with their gratitude. Right. I'll have athletes often, I'll say, did you make the putt? How did it feel? Fist pump that thing, lock it in, right? So the more you do it, the more it grows as something you. You build as a habit. It doesn't need to be any more complicated than that. But I'm telling you, life is a whole lot better when you focus on what's going on inside of you as opposed to what's going on around you. And the more we just get internal, we begin to, you know, take some measure of control over the mental images we're feeding ourselves, the more we can produce a result that's in congruence with our goals. So hey guys, you may notice I've been standing a lot more during the podcast and one of the reasons that I'm doing that, thank God, is uplift desks. I've got one right here with me right now. You know, your daily work routine can really make you fatigued and that's because you're sitting the whole time. With an uplift desk, you can stand more often. Also, you're going to bring better energy to the work you have when you're standing rather than sitting all the time. And I didn't realize how much sitting all day was hurting my back and just dragging my energy down, dragging me down physically and mentally. So great work starts with a great workplace. Your workday does not have to make you feel all worn out. Just go to up upliftdesk.com ed and use our code ED to get your free accessories, free same day shipping, free returns, and an industry leading 15 year warranty that covers your entire desk plus an extra discount off your entire order. That's upliftdesk.com that's U-P-L-I-F-T-E-S-K.com ED for this exclusive offer. It's only available through our link foreign so we all know it's an interesting time to be in business. With all the changes you get, tariffs, tax stuffs, changing cash flow, it can be up and down. If your business can't adapt in real time, you're going to be in big trouble. But I can tell you who can help you adapt. And it's helped me Adapt is NetSuite. NetSuite is the number one cloud ERP software that brings accounting, financial management, inventory, HR into one suite, one screen, one place you look. It's really great and you don't have to have all these other programs running up and down trying to compare stuff. It's all in one place. Real time forecasting. You're peering into the future literally with actionable data and with AI embedded throughout, you can automate a lot of everyday tasks. Letting your team go to work on growing NetSuite helps you with what's stuck, what's costing you, and how you can pivot now faster. So hey, if your revenues are in the seven figures, download the free ebook Navigating Global Trade Three Insights for Leaders at netsuite.com Mylet that's netsuite.com Mylet I've been asked Ed, what's A secret that we don't hear anywhere else that can help me achieve my vision and my dreams for my life. Because there's all these check mark things you'll hear on podcasts or social media that are wonderful tactics. But, Ed, do you have something you could share with us that's almost like a secret of yours that no one else covers? And so I'm going to do that with you today. See, one of the things I'm a big believer in is that you must touch your dreams before you have them in order to make them a reality. You have to touch them. You have to become in proximity to them. You have to become familiar with them. See, in life, we will never exceed what we believe we're worth or we deserve. We'll never get more than we believe we deserve. We will also never acquire or be somewhere we don't believe we belong. And if you're like me, I was raised where, when I would see affluent or rich people in their homes or their mansions or their nice cars, or even a nice restaurant, heck, even a nice hotel, I don't know really why it was felt in my family that way, but I always had this sense, we don't belong there, we don't belong there. And then even when I would see super happy families, because many of you know that I grew up with an alcoholic father who eventually got sober. But I remember as a little boy sometimes wishing I was in another family because they seemed happy and joyous and I knew the strife and anxiety and tension that was going on in my home. And I remember thinking, even as a little boy, I really don't belong in those happy houses, and I certainly don't belong in those rich hotels or mansions. You'll never end up anywhere you don't believe you belong. And so what I had to do, and I think you're going to need to do, and I think this will be special for you today, is you have to begin to condition your brain and condition your spirit into believing you belong in these places. So I want you to write this down. Touch your dreams. It's so important that you touch your dreams, because what that does is in your life. Think about it this way. Think of someone who's a professional athlete right now. Pick anybody that you admire. LeBron James or, you know, Aaron Judge in baseball, or a great golfer like Brooks Koepka, whoever it might be. Pick the sport. One of the things they had the benefit of is playing that sport as a young boy or Serena Williams in tennis, right? Or as a young girl and what happens is they become familiar in those environments. And so as they go through the ranks and climb and acquire more and more talents and skills, they believe they belong there because they've been on a tennis court a thousand times, they've been on a golf course a thousand times, they've been on a baseball diamond a thousand times or a basketball court. So they didn't have to worry about whether they belonged or whether they touched the dream they touched every day as they caught a ball, hit it, threw it, dunked it right, hit a driver. So they actually, over time, spent time in their dream. And as they acquired more talents and skills, it naturally perpetuated them. But most of us, the career we're in or the mansion we want to get to, or the home we want, or the relationship we want, or the emotions we want to feel, we haven't had the benefit of spending time in those environments. And because we haven't had any time in those environments, even if we acquire the skills and the talents and the opportunities to get there, if we don't believe we belong there or we're not familiar with it, we don't end up there. And so what I had to do, and I started doing it pretty young, is I had to begin to condition myself to believe I belonged there by touching my dreams. And so I'm going to talk to you about a couple different strategies on this that I think are a very, very big deal. See, your mind moves towards, gravitates towards what it's most familiar with. So if it's most familiar with your current environment all the time, it's going to continue to gravitate and attract that environment because you're vibrating at that frequency. It's your most dominant thought. It's your most common circumstance. And so if you don't do anything to shake that up, to shake the visual picture of your life, what you're touching, feeling, smelling you, you end up just sort of acquiring skills. And you never move out of that environment and get to the dream. So I knew I had to start touching my dreams. And what I did is I would do those. I had to create strategies, and I recommend you do. Some of them cost money and some of them are completely free. So I know some of your listeners go, listen, I have no money. You don't understand my situation. I'm in debt. I can't do a few of the things you're going to recommend. Don't worry, I'm going to get to some things for you in a minute as well. And then Those of you on a limited budget like me, I'm going to talk about spending just a little bit, okay? Just a little bit. Nothing I'm going to talk about is mega expensive, okay? So what I did was I was coming up in business. I was used to, I guess what you would probably call a lower middle class lifestyle, okay? And I would see, like I said, these mansions and hotels and cars and happiness even and think I didn't belong there. And I became very uncomfortable even thinking about those environments. So I had to start putting myself in those environments on very short term basis. So what I would do is I was in the sales business. I would create incentives with myself. Stay with me, this is very important in your life. I would create incentives with myself where I would say, hey, okay, Ed, if you make 10 sales this month, whatever it was, 10 sales, or you make $5,000, you make $10,000 or you do X or yes, if you do this at the end of the month, you're going to take a one day break and you're going to go touch your dream. So for example, I lived in Southern California. There was a Ritz Carlton hotel in Laguna Beach, Dana Point, California. And I used to set these contests up. I couldn't afford to live at the Ritz Carlton or where those people go. But what I would do is I said, okay, I'm making $7,000 a month. If this month I make 12 sales and I make an extra $2,000 back in that time, I'm going to take that extra $300 and I'm going to go spend one night on Saturday night at the Ritz Carlton hotel. I would leave my environment, my wife and I would get in our car, we would drive down to the Ritz Carlton. And I remember the first time I got there not knowing how you even tip the valet and not even wanting to park my car and you know, bring my car to the front of the hotel because it was a Honda crx. But I did and I rolled up to the Ritz Carlton in my Honda CRX and I, the valet, I didn't know, do you tip them now? Do you tip them when you come back? So I just tipped them both. I gave him the tip. And I remember the first time I watched my wife get out of the car and I went to grab my bag. He said, no, Mr. Mylett, we've got your bag. No one had ever done that for me before. It was very awkward for me. I was afraid they're going to take my bag. And then I remember we Walked into the lobby, and I saw this marble on the floor and the chandelier. And I'm like, my gosh, it was overwhelming. And then checking in, giving them my credit card and hoping I had enough of my credit card for the incidentals on top of the room. And the first time, it was a little bit awkward. We stayed there and we were laying out the pool with all these very wealthy people. And we had dinner that night, a decent bottle of wine. And during the daytime, I went and played golf. And I'll talk about that in a minute. My wife went and got a massage. And the whole thing cost me, I don't know, at that time, like 7, 800, which is a lot of money to me. But I touched my dream, and then I went back, and it's just different. You drove back my ideas, my thinking, My vibrational frequency was just slightly different. And I remember thinking, I want to get back there. I can't live where they live. I can't wait to get back there. And then the next month, I said, if I do X or Y, we'll go back for one night, Just one night. We're just going to taste it. Just a bite. I can't eat the whole steak. I can't afford that. I certainly can't have the whole meal. I certainly can have the rest of it. But I can have a bite of my dream, and that's what I'm encouraging you to. I had a bite of my dream, and I'll give you other strategies in a minute that aren't anywhere near that expensive. I had a bite and it tasted good. And the next month, I said, if I do six or eight more of these sales, I'm gonna go there. We're gonna do one. And I didn't do it. And so I didn't go because I didn't want to train my brain that we just go. I had to earn it. I had to do something exceptional to get the reward. I did not want to do it. If I. So there were many times I set up these contests myself. I didn't hit them. We didn't go. I asked my wife, start shopping for deals, look for discounts, look for places to go that aren't. That are expensive, but we can get on the cheap. But then I remember about four months later, I hit my number again. And we went down there again, Same routine, except this time I kind of knew how to handle the valet. And when I walked in, it's a little bit different still, a little bit awkward, a little uncomfortable now laying out at the pool, I kind of knew where the towels were. I knew what drink to get. You know, My wife knew where the spa was. We didn't have to ask. I knew where the golf course was. And by the way, why was I playing golf? I had a mentor. Tell me, ed, rich men play golf. And I remember thinking to myself, I don't even like golf. It's five, six hours. It's boring. I'm not any good. I'm a baseball player. I want some action. Ed, rich men play golf. And I figured out what that really meant. That was a chance for me to get on a golf course with three or four other guys who were already living like I wanted to live. And I get to spend four or five hours with these people, even if I didn't know them. How'd they walk, how'd they talk, how'd they think? What are their problems? Kind of vocabulary do they use? So I would go play golf, and she would go to the spa. And then we'd have that dinner. And at the dinner, we would dream about what our life would look like and where we were going to go. I'd say, babe, someday we'll live down here. You know that Ritz Cove that's connected, that community? That's where we're going to live someday. Right down here in Laguna Beach. There's a community right next to it that's a little bit more familiar. And then about four months after that, we did it again. Except this time, I remember walking in there going, I kind of feel like I belong here. And then I snuck into the gated community, and we just drove around. I couldn't get past the guard gate the first time. Then I found a way in. We just walked around and drove around and looked at the homes and what I was happening as I was just touching my dream and becoming more familiar with it. And as I did this over time, as I did this over time, I started to believe I belonged there. And as I was acquiring more skills, more abilities, more opportunities, this started to happen as well. Because I belonged there. I was conditioning myself. I was giving myself a mental rehearsal of what my potential life would look like. And then I remember one time I said, hey, if I hit my numbers this month, let's go out to the desert, to Palm Springs area. La Quinta, California. Let's go out to the La Quinta Resort. We went out to the La Quinta Resort. I'll never forget it. Same routine. I played golf. She went to the massage. We sat around the pool. Do you Know to this day that my two main homes are in Laguna beach, in La Quinta, California. Do you think that's by coincidence? See, over time of touching my dream and getting a bite of it, I became familiar with it. Your mind moves towards what you're most familiar with, what you gravitate towards. Now, I think you need to set up incentives to do it. But I'm going to tell you, this changed my life. Now let's step back. You say, ed, I don't have the money to do that. Great. Here's what I want you to do. Whatever your dream is, let's say your dream is something material. Go to a watch store and try on those watches once a month. Go do that. Go to the suit place and put the suits on, but don't buy them. Rent a car for a day, Rent a Lambo for a day. Rent a Rolls Royce for a day. Something for a day. I'm gonna give you stuff in a minute that costs nothing. Just so you know. I'm going from the expensive thing to the nothing thing. Start to touch your dream. Those of you that are doing a little bit better one time, save up for a year, rent a jet instead of taking. By the way, this is the thing I would not do is what I see people with success doing all the time. They take these long vacations. I've never taken a long vacation. I would take one and two day vacations. Cabo, Laguna beach, wherever. One and two day vacations. Why? I didn't want to lose the momentum in my business. But what would happen? Listen to me. When I would get away for a day or two, my environment dictated my thinking. When I got into these other environments, that's when I would dream bigger. That's when I think about my new vision or where I was going, what I wanted to do, what my idea was, what my plan was. People always say I have a hard time getting my plan together. That's because you're in the same environment. Get out of your environment. Go somewhere for a day or two. And by the way, those of you that are trying to climb to success, what are you doing? Taking one and two and three week long vacations ever? I'm 52 years old. You know how many week long vacations I've taken in my lifetime? Less than I can count on both hands. Maybe less than I can count on one hand. I don't take week and two weeks away. My businesses need me. But I've taken a lot of one and two days, three days. Because it's the Same juice. I can get the same juice without wringing out the dang orange all the way coming back. And there's all these problems, right? So don't take long breaks. You're trying to climb to the top. Let me just let you in on it. Those of us that have climbed to the top, there weren't long vacations. I know you see people on Instagram and they're European trip. I don't even know how these people got their money. I don't get all that. That's something you do after you're really wealthy. And even after I got really wealthy, I just have no stomach for it. I don't like being away. I love business. I love my. I love my life. I live on vacation now. You want to build a great life, build and have homes where everybody else vacation someday. And the way you do that is go touch those dreams one bite at a time every couple months. If you gave yourself the gift a couple times a month. Excuse me, a couple times a year, three times a year, six times a year of touching your dream, renting the car, renting the right for a week for, excuse me, for a day, go into the hotel for your dream. Will think you'll meet people, you'll vibrate differently. Your big thinking comes out. You have a very difficult time changing your thinking in the same environment. It's very difficult to do. So what happened was I was able to change my environment for just 24 or 48 hours. And that's where I would do my big dreaming, my big thinking, my big strategizing. Plus I'm becoming familiar with the dream. Plus I'm moving towards it. Plus I believe I belong there. And your mind moves towards what it's most familiar with. So now I'm becoming a little bit more familiar with this stuff. You starting to get this now? You say, ed, my dream's not material at all. I get it. Most of mine aren't either. So what if once a month or once a quarter, let's say your dream is to serve in your church? Have you ever just taken a Wednesday off on a vacation day and served at your church, your mosque, your temple or your synagogue? Do you know what that would do for your spirit and your soul to touch that dream? Have you ever just taken a day off and spent it doing something that's your dream? Just the day off you just unplug. You just sit on the beach, right? If your dream is service, what if you took a day and served at a homeless shelter or a soup kitchen, Right? Or Anywhere like that, or a women's shelter, whatever it might be, right? Or you want to get involved in helping people with cancer, or there's a charity or something you want to get behind. Take a day and touch that dream. It costs nothing if you have no money, but it's material. Drive into the nice neighborhoods, get out and walk around. Go to open houses. Touch these things. If it's you, you wish you could be a trainer full time. There's a career you want to do, but you got to pay the bills of the day. Take one day and go do that career. Ask someone if you can, for one day, get mentored by them. Follow them around the gym if that's what you want to do. Follow them around the lab, Follow them around the business office. Touch your dream. Now, there's these things in my life have changed me. Why? There's also proximity to power. There's proximity to being around power. And power is your dream. Power is the people who have those dreams. Those people have the answers, the thoughts, the vocabulary, the vibrational frequency, the relationships. I remember watching these guys playing golf, and just how they walked was different than me. What they talked about was different than me. And not all of them had it, but some of them did. I remember one of the first times we were laying out in the pool going, wow. People just lay like this and relax. I've never done this in my damn life. I wonder if there's some correlation between this relaxation and being successful. And so do you understand what I'm telling you? That an element that's missing in your life, listen to me, is you touching your dream. And then here's the free one of all of them. Mental rehearsal, just visualization of the dream. Giving yourself the gift of picturing yourself driving that car, picturing yourself in that church, picturing yourself with that body, picturing yourself in that relationship, picturing yourself with that emotion. Mental rehearsal causes you to believe you belong in the dream. Do you mentally rehearse? How often do you mentally rehearse? Because what's really happening is your visual sphere, your auditory fear, your kinesthetic fear. The things you touch on a regular basis here and see are mentally rehearsing the rest of your life for you. So at some point, you have to take control of that, override it, and actually force yourself to mentally rehearse the things you want in your life. That's a form of touching your dream. It's the lowest. The lowest vibrational frequency is picturing it. But it's better than not. And if you do it enough times, because dreaming is free. You could do this daily and repeat it. And if you stack up that enough times, it can be more powerful than touching it for one day, a quarter. But imagine if you combine the two. The mental rehearsal in your life of whatever the emotion, the dream, the car, the house, the relationship, the service, the contribution, the memory, the rapid, the repetitious mental rehearsal. And then once or twice a year, four or five times a year, you go touch your dream on a budget, or even not on a budget. You drive the neighborhood, you try on the watch, you try on the shoes, you try on. Listen to me. These things matter. You put yourself in these environments. You go have dinner at. You know, a lot of people go, we go out to dinner every single week, once a week. Let's just say you do that. Okay, what if you just went once a month, but you went to the place you'd like to go the rest of your life, so you saved the money from those three meals that you don't go, and on the fourth one, you go to the place you'd like to be and get to touch the dream. You starting to see what I'm saying? Some of you that are a little bit further along, you'll give yourself a gift. You got a couple bucks. Have a night where you don't go out and you have a chef come cook for you. And I know that some of these things are things that many of you are nowhere near ready to do. Remember what I just said? I started out by driving the neighborhoods for free, just getting into the neighborhood. I couldn't even get into the houses. I couldn't even get through the gates. And then that graduated to one night at a hotel near those neighborhoods. But where it really started was the mental rehearsal. Ed Mylett had to convince himself he belonged in his dreams. Ed Mylett had to become familiar with these dreams by touching them mentally, physically, and actually auditory as well. I remember the first time we didn't get. When we would go to the Ritz Carlton, we would always get the cheap garden room. And I remember about two years into doing it, I go, we're gonna get the oceanfront. And I'll never forget the first time when I woke up and I could hear the waves crashing. Actually, I went to sleep. Frankly, the waves were so foreign to me that I had a hard time sleeping with the noise. But I remember waking up and I opened the door on our balcony. This is two years into doing this. I opened the door on our balcony and I went, oh, wow. This is a Different morning, you wake up here in the ocean waves and feeling that breeze and that smell of the salt water. I belong here. I want this. And it incentivized me to work a thousand times harder had I not experienced it. Somehow this starts to change our desire level as well. And so you start mixing all this together. You got a little bit of a recipe. So let me ask you, today doesn't cost you anything to dream and mentally rehearse. Are you willing to do that? Number one, whatever it is, material or not material. Number two, are you willing to start setting up some incentives with yourself or just start saving for that once a quarter, once a month, twice a year, experience for a day or two where you touch your dream. Third, if it's service oriented, are you willing to take off a day, a quarter and go serve in your church or your synagogue or your temple, whatever it might be? Are you willing to go try these things on, maybe rent a car for a day? Are you willing to do that? Are you willing to touch your dream to some extent? You have to bite the steak before you can eat the whole thing. And this is an element not talked about. Now if you have the opportunity, you acquire the talents and the skills, I'm telling you, become an unstoppable force. So my challenge to you today is, are you willing to make any of these adjustments to your life game? Worst case scenario, drive your car somewhere it's free and walk around where your dream exists. Walk where it exists. Maybe your dreams to live in New York City, right? You live in the suburbs of New Jersey. Get in your daggum car or take a cab and get over there and just walk around and touch it, see it, smell it. And what starts to happen is you build something called sensory acuity. And this sensory acuity makes your senses more acute. And then in your everyday life, you begin to see people, places and things that deliver on that dream that you're now familiar with. Here's the truth, last thing I'll tell you. If you continue to live unfamiliar with your dream, you will die unfamiliar with it. But if you begin to familiarize yourself with your dream with mental rehearsal or physical touch, or the actual experience of doing it on short term basis, there's a high probability that when you are at the end of your life, you will have lived that dream. Why is it so important to achieve your dreams? Because your dreams are not a joke. Your dreams are not a hallucination. See, I believe God gives you your dreams as a preview as to what's possible in your Life, these are the possibilities. That's why these dreams are in your heart. This is what's possible for you. It doesn't mean it's going to happen. It doesn't even mean it's probable. Here's what's possible. And what I believe is you take possibility to probability by repetition, mental rehearsal and conditioning. All I did is have dreams of what was possible. The difference with me, I believe now that I'm 52 years old. On the other side of it obviously was all the hard work. But you know what spurred the hard work? Belief I belonged there. At some point, if you don't believe you belong there, you stop catching those ground balls, you stop hitting those home runs, you stop swinging those golf clubs in practice. At some point you got to believe you belong there. To make those phone calls, eat the right diet, make the contacts, whatever that thing is in your life, you have to have the desire level and the hard work. And I believe the hard work only long term comes from believing you belong there. And when your entire environment and all the people around you on a daily basis don't reinforce that and don't condition it, you must override it in short term bites. But if you do these things that God's given you as possibilities of your life become probabilities and then you become what I call an impossibility achiever. And in my life I feel like I've become an impossibility achiever. What most people think is impossible, I got the recipe for I start envisioning it, then I start touching it, then I start experiencing it, then I start believing I belong there. Then I become familiar with it and then I have it. Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Be sure to follow the Ed Mylett show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Here's an excerpt I did with our next guest. So this is Eric Thomas. As you all know, obviously watching you right now, there's an anointing, a giftedness with the way you speak and communicate. Yeah. And you're good. And you've worked on that gift too. One of the things I love that you talk about, talk about this just for a second. I'm going to ask you about your speaking. But gifts like Dede, right, or like other gifts in your life don't always show up, as you say, in the packages you expect them to, right? Or perfectly gift wrapped. Some of the biggest gifts I've had in my life did not show up the way I expected Them to. Right. Speak about that a little bit in people's lives.
- [85:50]
Dr. James Doty
Yeah, I think, for real, man. Most of them, you know, and you got to be humble, you know? And I think too many of us who've been blessed, like, we've been blessed, people watch us and don't see the humility. Like, they would prefer to see, you know, the confidence in us, you know, the passion and overlook, like, the humility. But when you're humble, that's how you see things that other people don't see. Like, when you're humble, you see you have running water. You know what I'm saying? I've been to other countries where they don't have running water. You know, we all have a roof over here. This is a different type of roof, you know what I'm saying? But you can look at this every day and see the water and just go like, yo, this is a gift. Because how many people have tried to do the exact same thing you tried to do in the exact same way you tried to do it, and it didn't end up like this? So I wake up every day like, yo, E, you've been married twice somebody. You've been married almost 28 years. Like, somebody took a chance on you, you know what I'm saying? And I'm being real. Like, her mom was like, don't do it. Her father was like, don't do it. Like, what does he have? He doesn't have anything. That's a gift when somebody loves you, when you don't have absolutely anything. And then now it's a gift to be with somebody who's not with me, but because I'm E.T. the hip hop preacher, but really has been with me, like, in the good, the bad, the ugly. So I know this is my. My ride or die. So I think gifts are all around us. But some people aren't humble enough to say, yeah, I did work for this one, but this one, let's just be honest, I didn't work for this one. This was a gift from God. This was given to me, and I. And I got to be humble and be grateful.
- [87:20]
Ed Mylett
I gotta tell you how similar you and I are, because I know you haven't seen this, but like, running water and having humility, right? Because when people see outwardly confident people, they can mistake that. I think sometimes dudes like you and I that have this outward confidence, it's because we've had to work on ourselves so damn much too, right? Like, I was not born super confident, right? I had enough things in my Life. But when I was early on in business, when Christian and I were first married, I got my power turned off, car repoed, all that stuff that can happen to you. I went backwards first. But the worst thing that happened was my water got turned off. So you could have power turned off, phone turned off. You can survive. You get no water. Let me tell you. You can't bathe. You can't cook. And we would have to get up in the mornings. I'm the newlywed. We'd have to get up in our apartment. I'd walk my new bride down the stairs. We would take a shower at the pool. And just, like, I'd stand in front of there because there was no curtain. It's freezing cold. So that we could shower in the morning. And then we would get up, right, and have to go out to work that day and pretend like some successful dude. But the point is, like, if the ocean here, clearly, I go, that's a gift. But there are a lot of mornings. Not every morning, I'm not gonna lie to you. But a lot of mornings, honestly, the gift is I pull that shower faucet, and water comes out of it. I'm serious. And I go, man, thank you, Lord. Right?
- [88:31]
Dr. James Doty
Because you didn't have it, now you're, you know, you're able to reflect 100%.
- [88:36]
Ed Mylett
I just want to emphasize how awesome that point is, because I've lived that, and I still live. And even before we were on camera, you and I are talking about our speaking, and we're critical of ourselves. We're trying to get better all the time, fight for that little bit of a difference. When did you know you had this? Because I look at someone like you. There's a gift there, okay? The Lord sowed into you the gift of speaking, of communicating, of. And I don't even think it's that, to be honest with you. I think it's the gift of transferring of energy, transferring of spirit of information to people. You're gifted at that, but you got great attitudes it by refining that gift. When did you know, hey, this is something different about me. I can really speak here. This is something unique.
- [89:12]
Dr. James Doty
Freshman year in college, and don't laugh, okay? All right. Freshman year in college, me and my boys start like this, like, Christian, like, organization. So every Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday, we'd speak. Now, they didn't let me speak initially, okay? Because I was a high school dropout. Rough around the edges. Like, I wasn't really polished, right? And so. But here's a good thing, is, you know, you stay humble. It's a gift. So we did it every Tuesday, Thursday, Sunday. So at some point, the guys couldn't make the appointment, so. So I was like, always the host of the show. So when they didn't show up.
- [89:45]
Ed Mylett
Yes.
- [89:45]
Dr. James Doty
They like, well, we bring in so. And so to speak. I'm like, nah, no, you're not. I'm hosting. So this is my shot right here.
- [89:52]
Ed Mylett
The best ability is availability, right?
- [89:54]
Dr. James Doty
Earn wasn't there. Trey wasn't there. I'm like, finally, three, four months into it, I'm like, no, I'm in, because they not there. So I'm in. Like, don't put me in. I'm in. You know, and my first message was pimping ain't easy, but somebody's got to do it. That was my first message.
- [90:10]
Ed Mylett
Church meeting.
- [90:11]
Dr. James Doty
Yeah, at the church meeting. Pimping ain't easy, but somebody's got to do it. That's why I said, don't laugh.
- [90:15]
Ed Mylett
But.
- [90:16]
Dr. James Doty
But this is how I knew I had something, because people were like, yo, nobody's ever. And so I talked about how the devil's trying to pimp us, okay?
- [90:27]
Ed Mylett
And.
- [90:27]
Dr. James Doty
And, you know, and I just took that whole angle, and then my second message just blew up, was, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a sucker? You know? And so everybody was just like, yo, bro, this is different. Like, this is not a normal preacher. It's not a normal delivery. The energy is kind of different. So while adults weren't really fooling with me, a lot of guys. Guys who were like, yo, we don't even do that church stuff. Like, we don't do that kind of stuff. We're not into that. And what was unique about. And I'm glad you asked. Nobody's ever asked me this. What was unique is that we did it at the bell tower, which was in the center of the campus, so you had to pass it to go anywhere. So it was catch like, yo, I wasn't coming to no spiritual event, but I would hear that loud voice and that passion, and I heard pimping. Pimping. Pimping. Are you talking about pimping at church? You know, so they would just walk over like, yo, what is he talking about? Pimping ain't easy. And it was at that point when I saw non church regular people, jeans T shirts coming by. And when I would speak, stop. I was like, yo, E, you got something? Yeah, you got something. You got something.
- [91:34]
Ed Mylett
You knew it then.
- [91:34]
Dr. James Doty
Yep. This is the Ed Mylett show.