Lack of Confidence? You Might Have an Accountability Problem

Summary

Title: Episode Summary: Lack of Confidence? You Might Have an Accountability Problem – The Ed Mylett Show

Introduction

In the February 27, 2025 episode of The Ed Mylett Show, hosted by Ed Mylett and featuring guest Brendan Burchard, listeners are treated to an in-depth conversation on the pivotal roles of self-confidence and accountability in personal development. This episode dissects why many individuals struggle with confidence and how accountability—or the lack thereof—can be a significant barrier to achieving one’s fullest potential.

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1. The Crucial Role of Accountability

Ed Mylett kicks off the discussion by highlighting the importance of accountability in fostering personal growth. He underscores how being in a growth-oriented environment, such as one facilitated by mentoring or supportive communities, can exponentially accelerate one’s development.

Key Insights:

• Accountability serves as the backbone for maintaining personal commitments.
• It not only holds individuals accountable to themselves but also to others, creating a dual layer of responsibility.

Notable Quote:

Brendan Burchard [06:40]: “Accountability is the most important thing for success because we have to stick to our personal commitments and our commitments to other people.”

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2. Why People Dodge Accountability

Brendan Burchard delves into the psychological barriers that inhibit people from embracing accountability. He identifies fear of judgment—both self-imposed and from others—as a primary deterrent. This fear manifests in hesitation to set substantial goals or to publicly commit to them, leading to a cycle of broken promises and diminished self-confidence.

Key Insights:

• Fear of Judgment: The anxiety of not meeting expectations can paralyze individuals from making meaningful commitments.
• Self-Judgment: Harsh self-criticism often follows unmet goals, further eroding self-worth and confidence.

Notable Quote:

Brendan Burchard [04:12]: “People suck at making commitments or setting goals or making big decisions because to do so requires and invites judgment.”

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3. Building Confidence Through Accountability

Ed emphasizes the symbiotic relationship between accountability and self-confidence. He introduces the notion of momentum, explaining how small, consistent commitments can lead to significant personal growth and heightened confidence over time.

Strategies Discussed:

• Start Small: Begin with manageable promises to oneself to build trust and momentum.
• Consistency is Key: Regularly meeting small goals reinforces self-trust and fosters a positive feedback loop.

Personal Example: Ed shares his personal journey of overcoming health setbacks by committing to simple daily habits, such as drinking water immediately upon waking and performing a one-minute plank. These practices helped him rebuild his physical fitness and, concurrently, his self-confidence.

Notable Quote:

Ed Mylett [09:43]: “Self confidence at its root is really just a habit of keeping the promises that you make to yourself.”

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4. Brendan's Perspective: Faith and Contribution

Brendan introduces a deeper layer to the discussion by intertwining his sense of faith with accountability. He believes that being accountable to a higher power and to others not only boosts confidence but also aligns with his purpose and contributions to the community.

Key Insights:

• Divine Accountability: Feeling accountable to a higher purpose or divine entity can enhance one’s commitment and drive.
• Contribution: Acting generously and contributing to others’ lives fosters a robust sense of self-worth and confidence.

Notable Quote:

Brendan Burchard [26:34]: “My accountability is to earn the opportunity. I feel we’ve all been called and given a great opportunity to become more.”

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5. The Power of Generosity in Building Confidence

A pivotal point in the conversation is the idea that generosity directly contributes to building extraordinary confidence. By being generous with one's time, energy, and commitments, individuals can cultivate a strong sense of purpose and self-assurance.

Key Insights:

• Generosity Fuels Confidence: Contributing to others creates a sense of accomplishment and reinforces personal value.
• Building Great Character: Acts of generosity develop integrity and discipline, foundational elements of lasting confidence.

Notable Quote:

Brendan Burchard [38:56]: “You become great because you become generous. And if you can become generous with your energy, your promises, your commitment, your delivery for other people, when you are a generous person, the confidence is just going to happen.”

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6. Practical Takeaways for Listeners

Both Ed and Brendan offer actionable advice for listeners seeking to enhance their self-confidence through accountability:

• Generate Momentum: Start with small, achievable goals to build confidence gradually.
• Maintain Honesty: Be truthful with oneself and others about commitments and progress.
• Seek External Accountability: Engage with mentors, coaches, or supportive communities to reinforce accountability.
• Align with Purpose: Connect personal goals with a higher purpose or contribution to others to deepen motivation and commitment.

Notable Quote:

Ed Mylett [19:46]: “Start stacking those momentum promises. Do the done by one, do the fear things first. Start with personal accountability. When you really wanna move your life.”

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7. Emotional and Inspiring Closing

The episode concludes on an emotional note, with both hosts reflecting on the profound impact of accountability on their lives. They share heartfelt anecdotes that illustrate the transformative power of keeping commitments and contributing to others, leaving listeners motivated to embark on their own journeys of self-improvement.

Notable Quote:

Ed Mylett [36:42]: “We want to earn this at the end of our life. We want to tell me I was a good person. Tell me my life mattered. Tell me I was good.”

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Conclusion

This episode of The Ed Mylett Show masterfully explores the intricate link between accountability and self-confidence. Through personal stories, psychological insights, and practical strategies, Ed Mylett and Brendan Burchard provide listeners with a comprehensive roadmap to overcoming self-doubt and building unwavering confidence. By embracing accountability—both personal and external—and aligning actions with a higher purpose, individuals can unlock their true potential and lead more fulfilling lives.

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Additional Resources:

• Growth Day App: Enhance your personal development journey with Brendan Burchard’s Growth Day app. growthday.com/forward/ed

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Transcript

[A]

So, hey guys, listen. We're all trying to get more productive and the question is, how do you find a way to get an edge? I'm a big believer that if you're getting mentoring or you're in an environment that causes growth, a growth based environment, that you're much more likely to grow and you're going to grow faster. And that's why I love Growth Day. Growth Day is an app that my friend Brendan Burchard has created that I'm a big fan of. Write this down growthday.com forward/ed. So if you want to be more productive, by the way, he's asked me, I post videos in there every single Monday that gets your day off to the right start. Got about $5,000, $10,000 worth of courses that are in there that come with the app. Also, some of the top influencers in the world are all posting content in there on a regular basis, like having the avengers of personal development and business in one app. And I'm honored that he asked me to be a part of it as well and contribute on a weekly basis. And I do. So go over there and get signed up. You're going to get a free tuition, free voucher to go to an event with Brendan and myself and a bunch of other influencers as well. So you get a free event out of it also. So go to growthday.com forward/ed. That's growthday.comed. your data is like gold to hackers and they'll sell it to the highest bidder. Are you protected? McAfee helps shield you blocking suspicious texts, malicious emails and fraudulent websites. McAfee Secure VPN lets you browse safely and its AI powered tech scam detector spots threats instantly. You'll also get up to $2 million of award winning antivirus and identity theft protection, all for just $39.99 for your McAfee.com cancel anytime terms apply.

[B]

This is the Ed Miler show.

[A]

All right, welcome back to the show, everybody. So as you know, every single month we get to spend time with the great Brendan Bruchard. And today is that day of the month for all of you and it's one of the most downloaded episodes we do all year are the monthly episodes with this man. And this week I'm so excited. By the way, he is the founder of the greatest personal development app of all time called Growth Day. If you go to growthday.com forward/ed, you can get all the information you need to change your life right there and do it affordably. And today you get to spend some time with both of us for free, which is awesome. And so today we're going to talk about. By the way, welcome to the show. First of all, my brother, it's great to have you back. As you spend time with us here every month, I'm more and more grateful. Every time we do it.

[B]

It's an honor. And, and man, this time of year to be together, it's so inspiring, it fires me up. So thank you.

[A]

Yeah, we were just talking off camera about sincerely how fired up we are, about the world, about life, about this being a time in history that could end up being one of the greatest times of all time to change your life. And what we're going to talk about today is a couple habits and thoughts that can help you do that. So today is all about self confidence and accountability. And Brendan's written the book, you know, High Performance Habits. And so he's done studies and data and has numerical evidence to kind of back some of the things we're going to talk about today. But if you want to know more about self confidence, you want to know more about accountability, here we go. You're spend the next 35 minutes with the two of us kind of rifting back and forth on this topic. So let me start with you because you study this really, really deeply. I want to talk about the accountability part first, because the part you and I were actually talking about off camera, talk about the concept, like, why do you think it's so important and why do so many people avoid wanting to be held accountable?

[B]

I love that, man. I really struggle with that. Coaching people for 20 years. Because, you know, as coaches, you and I both help find somebody's breakthrough. They discover it, they get clarity on a coaching call. They tell us their plan, they're fired up, they feel champion mode, they're excited. And then next Monday, they don't change. And then they change again. And they don't change again. And they don't change again. You're like, what is going on? And what I discovered, which is so almost counterintuitive, is that people suck at making commitments or setting goals or making big decisions because to do so requires and invites judgment.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Judge. People hate judgment. If you had an expectation and you didn't do it when you were a kid, your parents got mad at you. If you were at school and you didn't do what you were supposed to do, the teacher got mad at you. When you feel like you're failing and somebody knows about it, it feels like they're judging you, it feels embarrassing. To judge oneself is terrifying to most people because you put your butt on the line. You say you're going to do it, you say you're going to be accountable. It's hard to say you're going to be accountable. Most people won't even say their real commitments. They won't make bold decisions because it invites so much self judgment. What if I find out I really wasn't ready? What if I find out I wasn't willing? What if I find out I'm not capable? What if I find out I'm not good enough? What if I find out by setting this goal, going after this thing, acting confident that when I go to hold myself accountable, I end up judging myself as inferior? So if that's a risk, why even take it? I don't want to feel bad about myself. Ed, do you want to feel bad about yourself?

[A]

Well, you know, of course not. You know, you don't. And I think that all things that seem to be working in people's lives, though, there's some form of accountability. Like you and I were talking about my friend Andy Frisella, and he's created the 75 hard program. And one of the things that comes with that is hyper accountability. Every single day there's things you got to do, but every single day you got to post a pic online. You got to post every day you're accountable, not just to yourself, but to the public at large. Whether that's two people who follow you or 50 million people who follow you, you're accountable. And I think that accountability for a lot of people, it's like a clock kind of running in the back of their mind, man, I got to get this thing done because I've got a report. And you said something that surprised me. When I think of account, I think of someone else holding me accountable, almost me submitting to, I guess you'd call it their judgment or their assessment. So do you think that is it different when someone I recommend, when you make a goal, express it to somebody that holds you accountable, that you've got to say, hey, I did it or I didn't do it? Do you not agree with that? And is that why you said holding yourself accountable? Or do you think self accountability is the most important, but it should be backed up and supported by accountability to another person?

[B]

Yeah, I think accountability is the most important thing for success because we have to stick to our personal commitments and our commitments to other people. And what I'm trying to get to is the reason, because I Think everybody listening to you and I right now, they know accountability is important in their life, but they don't know why they don't hold themselves accountable.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

The reason people don't hold themselves accountable is because there'll be self judgment. What if I don't measure up to what I wanted and there's social judgment. What if other people who I said I was going to do this thing to and I don't follow up, what are they going to think of me? So I do think there's both sides. There's self accountability, often just called personal accountability and that is holding yourself accountable to it standard that you have set. And then there's the accountability to other people. I promised you this, I said I was going to do it and now I have that social or peer pressure, they're both really important. But I'm here to tell people, if you don't set up accountability in your life and if you find yourself over and over, why am I not being accountable to the standards or the goals or the discipline or the habits I said I was going to do? I promise if you dig there, I promise you you will find that you don't like how that judgment feels by other people or by yourself. And what you need to do is go, oh, I'm probably harsh on myself and I've probably been harsh on myself so many times I've developed a pattern of not liking myself when I try to do hard things because I judge myself so unfairly, so impossibly, so perfectly. And if instead of self harsh judgment, I could give myself grace and adopt the learning mindset. So I have this discipline, I have this goal, I have this dream. I'm going to keep myself accountable and I'm going to check in on myself or I'm going to get that daily streak as you referenced with 75 hard or growth day. These are daily streak activities. If I don't do that streak or if I don't do that habit, instead of punishing myself, judging myself or letting other people be mean to me or feel like they're being mean, I'm just going to go, I didn't make it that time. What's the next right action of integrity? To get back velocity, to get back momentum. Get curious instead of mad at yourself. If you're a person don't that you just don't hold yourself accountable. You probably get mad at yourself too often and being mad at yourself doesn't feel good. Give yourself grace and curiosity and get a little momentum towards it. Momentum feels good and That's a switch mentally for people. We got to get you mentally feeling good about accountability versus being mad at yourself all the time. If you're mad at yourself all the time, no wonder you're not fulfilling commitments. It feels too bad.

[A]

You hit the word I was going to cover, which is momentum. I think there's two types of people listening today. There's people that are really struggling with their self confidence. They're in a static position, meaning they have consistently broken the promises they make to themselves as you've described. Right. Self confidence at its root, we've talked about this before, is really just a habit of keeping the promises that you make to yourself. And when you continually make the promises and keep the promises that you make with yourself, you end up building self integrity. You begin to trust yourself. Self confidence is self trust. And so you build this reputation with yourself where when I say I'm going to do something, I do it. And so that's what self confidence is. So there's that group that's just, they're really struggling with it and I'm gonna give you some hacks in a second that I've been doing. And then there's the other group. It's like, no, I'm a relatively self confident person, but I want to take it exponentially higher in your case, these that are those of you that are in this case where you think you're relatively self confident, you got to take some big ambitious goals and you do need to be accountable to you admire and respect because you're about to go into the unknown, you're about to try to take your body fat from I'm in pretty good shape to you're going to 12% shredded. You need to be accounting to somebody who you admire, right. Or your net worth's going to go up. So accountability is correlated to confidence in the sense once you've got going outside accountability. What I've done in my life, brother, is if I if self confidence really is the process of keeping promises you make to yourself. Step one is you have to generate momentum, which is the word that Brendan just used. You have to generate, you've got to change the vibrational frequency, you've got to generate a little bit of momentum. And so believe it or not, it's keeping small promises that matter initially. So I'm going to give you all an example from my own life. I'm not going to get into the what the health issues I've had this year. But a lot of you know what they are. They've been Significant. And they've been both, you know, you know, heart related and also back related. We'll just call those two of the five different things I've dealt with. And it has impacted my ability to train, to lift, to work out. And from someone who's lifted a lot of weights, I'm in a very physical guy. To be reduced for a while to not being able to do that harmed my self confidence. So it became this spiral for me. Not only am I not doing what I'm used to doing, but now I don't look like I used to look and I don't feel like I used to feel. And so the confidence, the, the lack of confidence and self worth stuff starts going the other direction. And so when I restarted my journey to fitness again, let me tell you what the two big commitments I made every single day were initially that I had to keep every thing. This is crazy, right? Mr. Max out. And these are your two things. Yeah, these are the two things. Because I could keep them and I could keep myself accountable for them. And it generated mini momentum. I set up two things I knew I would and could do. You're like, that seems artificial. It wasn't. It gave me a moment. So here's what the two of them are. Okay. And I've been doing it now for a while and now it's grown into much more than that. The two things that I started out the year with is I am going to drink a half a liter of water before I get up out of my bed. It sits right next to my bed. It's in the bottle right next to me. I drink it. I have not had my feet hit the ground. I've kept the first promise to myself. You're going to think I'm crazy. Everyone. Here's step two. I have to walk into the bathroom and weigh myself and I get on the scale, I weigh myself and my scale has body fat and bone density and all this other stuff. And I take my calibrations and I take them. I have now been awake for approximately a minute and a half and I have kept two promises I've made to myself and they're fitness related. And now I've got a little bit of juice, a little bit. Then it added. The third day because of the way I'm being not able to move right now. I'm like, what I'm going to do the third day? I said I'm going to add step three. I'm doing a plank for a minute because it's flat back doesn't hurt. My back, I get right on the floor after I weigh myself and I do it. Now, I've kept three promises. Now here we are, many weeks later. I am now actively back doing things in the gym, testing my body, what I can and can't do. And the biggest thing that changed is I'm starting to feel kind of sexy and jacked again. So guess what? Now my nutrition's changing. I don't want to eat bad. I've got my protein drink and my greens and my water and my blah, blah, blah and my alkaline and stuff. And all of a sudden I remember this guy. I remember this guy. This dude's discipline. This dude's a badass. This dude's strong. This dude keeps promises he makes to himself. And I'm going to tell you everybody something. I'll turn it back over to Brendan. That silliness of a guy who's lifted weights for 35 years. And by the way, I was probably one of the most fit people in the world at 30, 40 and 50 years old. To go all the way back to drink your water, weigh yourself and do a plank. Right? I went all the way back to that. It's affected every area. My speaking on stage has been better, my podcasts have been better, my self confidence is better, my energy level is better. And now it's like I remember this frequency and so it, this stuff can transform everything. Now I'm saying it on the podcast, why I'm going to be accountable outside of me now to all of you, that you can kind of go on this journey with me this year as you kind of watch show by show me kind of transform back into the person that I was before and I think a healthier, fitter version. Are there limitations? My back, my heart. Yeah, but that doesn't mean I can't become the best version with what I've got right now. So I'm shifting now from internal accountability to external accountability. So that's, I believe, part of the process. And for you, Brendan, what's it look like for you? Like you're worth millions and millions of dollars. You have the best growth app in the world. You're one of the highest paid speakers in the world. You're the influencer to all the influencers. You got a world class marriage. Like, are you still fighting for millimeters on your own confidence and do you struggle with it? Like if you're trying something new or launching a new this or that?

[B]

Yeah, man. I'm from Montana, as you know.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

I'm a really simple Guy And I think you just gave people a huge unlock and I'll describe it in a different way, but I think you need two things, basic things for some confidence. Like two basic things. You need a plan and that's what you had. You have a plan. I'm going to get that water, I'm going to get that weight, I'm going to get that plank. Okay, I got a plan. And then you need honesty because confidence is built on not just what you do do I follow through on my plan? Like that's the stuff of integrity for following through on a plan. The stuff of self discipline that gives me confidence, but the guts to have honesty about it. To be honest, I said I'm going to do it. I'm going to follow through on that promise as you said. And I just know I'm always going to feel more confident if I'm honest with who is showing up each day. And I want it to be my best. And I know I'm going to be more confident if I have some kind of a plan that I can follow that I, that I can do. The less, you know, structure that I have, the more it's easy for my self doubt to come in. Sometimes a lot of people to get more confidence and momentum, they really just need that plan and it can be so simple. Which is why I love your example like just getting momentum. I'll also say that you shared something that's really important about the concept of power in life. Power in terms of the second law, power means mass times velocity. Velocity is the key. Getting those quick wins in the morning. Quick velocity of momentum is so important. So many people wait until it's, you know, 2, 3, 4, 5 in the afternoon to do anything. And I always teach our ultra group and our ultra members. I teach them this concept called done by one by 1pm in the afternoon. So by 1pm your local time, we have done the major, most important priorities of the day, right? Whatever. If your job is to deliver a presentation, to, to create something new, to shoot your video, to have that sales meeting, to whatever the most important activities of the day are that are controlled by you, do them by 1pm Just get them out of the way in the morning. That morning momentum will give you uncommon energy and confidence for the rest of the day. For a lot of people, myself included, confidence is a feeling throughout the day. And if I can get that velocity in the morning of decision making, of follow through, of discipline, but most importantly, doing the things that matter most by one, done by one, very good. If I'm done by one. It doesn't mean I don't work the rest of the afternoon following up on stuff, doing things, taking those meetings, those calls, doing the DMs. I still got to do dumb paperwork and stuff just like everybody else. But the major needle moving activities of my day are done by one. And so I feel great heading in the afternoon because you're on the most important priorities. A lot of confidence is internally saying, can I do the things that matter most in life? Can I do the things that matter most in life? A lot of people never done that. But as you've coached with people, you realize, well, if they'll do what really matters, they get confidence. I know people who are very busy, but they do dumb stuff and they never find confidence because they've never, honestly. I know this might sound too productivity Brendan here, but if you never got good at prioritization, you'll never feel full confidence.

[A]

You know, you're right. Most people don't do needle moving things because they're afraid of them. And I really believe early in the day you should do feared things first. Not just first things first, because those are the things that probably move the needle. It's the call you don't want to make, it's the meeting you don't want to take. It's a thing you don't want to do. One thing that the reason I've been transparent on today's show, everybody is that, you know, my brand when I started was max out. I mean, it was really centered around, you know, every area of your life being maxed out. And so, you know, you guys just, in all truth, you know, one of the things that can really ruin your confidence is comparison. And this is all an internal game. Your self confidence is all within you. It's keeping the promises you make to yourself and staying as internal as you can. In my opinion, meaning and comparison can be to another person. That person's smarter than me, that person's better at this activity than me. I, I, in a sport, those of you that are young people playing a sport, you're, there's that one player in that just the guys, the ladies, they're just freaks. They're just way better than everybody else and you compare to them. So that hurts your self confidence. You know, I could tell you as an athlete, the best players I grew up playing against didn't make it to the pros. It was actually people that were kind of near the middle that developed the work habits. But if I'm being transparent with all of you. If I compared my strength and fitness to me five years ago, two years ago, 10 years ago, I'd have no self confidence. I have to start the internal game from where I am. I've had two significant heart events in a year, right? I have a really bad L3 L4 bone on bone. I was in a wheelchair in an airport six weeks ago, five weeks ago, I couldn't walk. So for me to compare myself to that other guy, no, I gotta start from where I am. And so even if I was one of the fittest people on the planet, or 30 or 40 years old, the truth is I gotta start out getting on the scale. I kept the promise, I gotta drink the water, I gotta do the one minute plank and I have to start where I start. But I'm gonna create momentum. I'm not gonna compare myself to other people and I'm not gonna compare myself to where I was. This is my life, it's my game. It's your life, it's your game. And so start stacking those momentum promises. Do the done by one, do the fear things first. Start with personal accountability. When you really wanna move your life. Those you that think you have self confidence, then go get a coach, go get somebody big time. Go get a trainer at the gym, go get somebody. You're like, I'm accountable to you. I admire you. One of the ski trips we were just on, really good friend of mine, his skis literally never showed up. 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Quints.com/ed one of the things about having someone you're accountable to. I want you to talk about this. I think it's healthy. I don't think it's an unhealthy thing to want to earn someone else's respect or praise. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Meaning I remember wanting to make my dad proud of me. Not just me proud of me. And so when you pick someone you're accountable to, there's a part of it that you want to be. Make them proud of you. You know, someone who's invested in you or believed in you, you need that incentive. You need that extra thing so that when you're like, I'm not gonna do it, no, I gotta talk to Dave this weekend or I'm gonna talk to Sarah. They're gonna see me. I gotta. I was talking with a very wealthy friend of mine earlier today and we were both sort of going, you know what, man? You know why I still go? My grandkids are going to thank me for this someday. They're not even born yet. But somehow I've created an artificial granddaughter who doesn't exist that I'm accountable for with the decisions I'm making right now financially, because I want to make her proud of me even though she doesn't exist yet. So whatever game you got to create, part of building self confidence is related to accountability. And if you avoid accountability, you are, are not self confident. You aren't if you're, if you don't want to be accountable. You're like, I don't like being accountable. You got a self confidence issue. That's what you got people. You got any. You got a self confidence. You already plan on the possibility of this not happening. If you're not willing to be accountable at work, if you don't like accountability, or with your spouse, you don't like accountability, I could tell you it's because you already know there's a real possibility of you failing. Because if you knew you were going to do it, you'd have no problem being accountable, would you? Right. And so I have to look at that myself all of the time. For you. What I'm curious for you, man, what does accountability look like for you? Who are you accountable to? Is it just you? Are you at a standard now? You're like, look, my opinion matters most. Or are you accountable to the people that work with. And for you, you're accountable to the people within growth day. Like, how do you create that game? Or. Or the. Or maybe it's not even a game, really. Who are you accountable to?

[B]

For me, I'm very much similar to you. I'm accountable to God and I have high. I have a high sense of divine connection that says, hey, kid, there's something special in you, and you're stronger than you think and you have more potential than you think. And you're here to realize that. Like, there's high expectations. You read the Bible. There's high expectations on each of the major figures of the Bible. High expectations. They didn't think they could do that. Every single one of them. In fact, they tend to be mortified by their calling. They don't believe it when they're called. They don't believe it. Like, they don't. They're like, what, Me? No, God. Don't you see? I'm kind of. I'm failed. I'm flawed. I'm irresponsible. I hurt somebody. I'm the smallest one. And there's this calling of a greater potential. And every human being feels that whether they believe in God or the divine or universe or destiny or fate, or any of that doesn't matter. Every person you've ever sat with in your life knows they can become more. Everyone. It is a human impulse to become more. That more might mean something different for someone. More centered, more happy, more patient, more loving, more aware, more conscious, more kind, more something even in the moment of just being more fully alive and grateful and appreciative or connected. We all want a sense of that. And so for me, that accountability is to that divine sense and feeling that I can actually become more. And a lot of confidence comes from the pursuit of that. People who pursue personal growth are more confident because in pursuing that they've had to make commitments, they've had to take challenges, they've had to make promises, they've had to grow into somebody better. They had to start with that and grow into somebody better. So my accountability is like, I just believe God thinks a lot of me and expects a lot of me and has given me a lot of bandwidth and free will and opportunities and grace over and over and over and over again on a perpetual, eternal repeat. So it's like, okay, dude, I should earn that.

[A]

Yeah, baby.

[B]

My story in personal development, you know this, Ed. My story in personal development began because I was in a car accident. And there was a moment I pulled myself through the windshield of the car afterwards and I stood up on the hood of the car when I pulled myself out and I had all this blood coming down and I had that first moment of, for me was a divine connection of like I felt like the big guy upstairs said, hey, you can be okay, kid. And I remember feeling this sense and almost like a statement in my mind of I will earn this, I want to earn this life. I want to earn the privilege of being alive, of getting the gift of breath. I want to earn it. And so my accountability is to earn the opportunity. I feel we've all been called and given a great opportunity to become more. And when we don't, it's because we are self judging ourself. When we don't, we are fearing comparison or their judgment. But see, that's listening to the wrong thing. That's. That's listening to the stuff of the void versus listening to the ambition of the calling. And so my confidence grows every day that I try to grow. I think we all have different areas of confidence. We've got, you know, the part of ourself that's character. I have confidence because I know my character. I'm a person of integrity. I follow through on what I say. I'm honest. That's character. I have confidence because core habits, if you follow core habits, you develop a discipline. You go, I'm capable of doing the things that matter. Like I talked about earlier, there's confidence that comes from competence, like mastery, skill, knowledge. Like, okay, I'm good at this. If Ed and I walked into a gym, he'd be more confident because he's got competence of what to do with every Single machine, every barbell and everything in that. He knows what to do in there. He's got a plan. That's competence. I also believe, though, to your question, back to my accountability. I believe a huge part of confidence comes from contribution, that I am accountable to the people around me, the people I love, my family, my wife, the people I serve, my customers, my friends, the people I want to lead. I'm accountable to them to be the best of who I can be and to add some value and to be helpful, to be useful. And so a lot of people say, but, Brandon, that sounds like a lot of pressure, you know, having to, you know, help people. It sounds like a lot of pressure, you know, because we live in a. We live in a culture now, Ed, where it's like, oh, set boundaries. Don't. Don't let them. You know, we've lived in a culture that just walks by homeless people. We live in a. We live in a culture that has said, you know what? We're so special, and we should just set up all these walls. And we wonder why we don't feel confident is because we're not contributing enough. And people get offended when I say that. I'm like, hey, you want to feel better about yourself, Contribute more. Yeah, stop holding yourself in the yard or in the house, hiding away. You know, it's like, no, no, you want to feel better, contribute more. And that challenges people, and they go, well, I'm already. I'm overextended. I'm like, good. Get overextended a few times in your life, see what you're capable of. You'll find that confidence, bro.

[A]

What an unbelievable answer. What an unbelievable. There's so much to unpack in that answer. You know, I'm so glad you said faith. As you know, and in the power of one more, I actually cover confidence. I call it the holy trilogy of self confidence. And it's. It's faith, intentions and associations. And it starts with faith. You know, I respect people of every single faith. Truly, I truly do. And I know you do as well. We both happen to be Christians, and it's amazing to me how many people I know that share my faith that lack self confidence. And I think to myself, did you remember your faith? That the DNA of the king of kings runs through you, that he holds you in the palm of his hand, he made you in his image and likeness, and you lack self confidence? Do you really believe those things or do you not believe those things? So when you go back to your faith and you say, wait a Minute I got the greatest DNA in the world, right? I got the greatest DNA world. Maybe not the DNA of my family like my, my earthly dad. I got the DNA of an alcoholic and a drug addict and probably some mental illness in my family. I got that. But I also have the King of Kings DNA running through me, right? He holds me in the palm of his hand. He made you in his image and likeness. That's awesome. And then intentions. Not enough of you give yourself credit for your desire to contribute. As Brendan said, your intent is to serve. Your intent is to help. You want to. You ought to generate massive confidence from that because not everybody's that day and you are. And so if your intentions are great, connect to your intent, your confidence will go through the. I may not have every answer, like you said with competence earlier, but man, I intend to serve. I intend to learn. If I don't know, I'll find the answer. If I stumble, I'm going to get back. My intent is to contribute. Man, your confidence should be too. Now you got that. You got faith. King of Kings DNA holding the palm of your hand, all that. Now you got, man, I'm connected to my intent. I've got unbelievable intentions. I want to make a difference. Difference. Your confidence should be beaming. You team that up with momentum in the morning, keeping the promises you make to yourself done by one. Now you got a recipe. And then you wrap all that up with some associations where you're around a brother like I have in Brendan or in Andy. And they're also people who want to grow, who want to make their life better. Man, you can't help but have more confidence. It's no secret on the show I've been talking now for a few years. I'm sort of obsessed with sleep. And the reason I'm obsessed with sleep is it affects your hrv, which is one of the most important health metrics in the world, but also life longevity. About every anti aging expert I've had on says the number one thing that will be a determinant in the longevity of your life in their mind is sleep. Plus, it affects your energy level, your cognition, fat burning, you name it. And now I have found Helix, which has helped me tremendously. Number one thing that was affecting my sleep was my back pain. And I wasn't sleeping through the night. I was getting too hot at night, can't dial the temperature in the room. And so Helix has changed all of that. If you check out Helix, I think you'll agree with me that your sleep is going to improve Best mattress on the planet with all of the bells and whistles attached to it. It's designed for your sleep. Go to helix sleep.comed for 27% off site wide. That's helixsleep.comed for 27% off Site wide. Helixsleep.comed and then this other thing you said, bro, like I got to acknowledge this. And then I'll let you put a wrapper on things. My favorite scene and pro every any movie is, do you want to have a catch? Which is you want to have a catch, dad? This is. It's Costner and Field of Dreams with his dad. Everybody knows that's my favorite movie scene, right? There's just something emotional about that scene. But my second favorite scene in any movie is in Saving Private Ryan. And Tom Hanks character is dying on the battlefield. And maybe we even put a little mini clip of that up if we're allowed to on the YouTube. And Matt Damon's character is leaning over him. And as Tom Hal messed this up. But as Tom Hanks is passing away, he looks up at a young Matt Damon and says, earn this.

[B]

He says, earn this.

[A]

Earn this. Right? And it was the last words he said to Matt Damon. You're talking about earning it. I want to earn it. And then the scene merges from a young Matt Damon as a soldier on the battlefield to an old Matt Damon standing at the graveyard of Tom Hanks tombstone, now at Arlington National Cemetery. And behind Matt Damon as he's standing, this old Matt Damon in his 70s now, looking down at Tom Hanks tombstone, remembering, earn this. And behind. Behind Matt Damon is his wife, who's in her 70s, and his children behind them. And his wife walks up and says, who's so and so and very emotionally. Matt Damon looks to his wife and he says, tell me I'm a good man. She says, of course you tell me I've lived a good life. His words were, tell me I'm a good man. Tell me I lived a good life. And that's the truth of the matter is that's what all of us want in our lives. We want to earn this at the end of our life. We want to tell me I was a good person. Tell me my life mattered. Tell me I was good. And we want to make our families proud of us. And for the people that have sacrificed for us like Hanks did for Damon to earn this, for the difference they've made. It's my just absolute scene I've never forgotten when you're talking about earning this, I Was like, oh, my gosh, bro, you're speaking my love language over here. And I think this, by the way, one of the great shows of all time, again with you and I on self confidence. And so with all of those thoughts in mind, would you leave? Gosh, man, you got me really jacked and emotional right now, too. Is there anything else you would leave with everybody who says, man, I got to start right now on my journey to accountability and self confidence, high performance habits, all the stuff, you know, all the people you've coached. Is there any extra bow you would put on this final thought?

[B]

Wow. Well, I don't know. People see me off camera, I'm crying when you're describing that. I've never really, I think, put that together. That feeling I had then and that movie, which I love too, that's really powerful. Really powerful. Thank you for that.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

I really think that too many people in this topic of self confidence, they aim too low. I think they aim too low, that they just want to feel good and they want to feel good about themselves. And I just don't think that's enough to propel you. I think it's just like some people, they want to do a good job and some people want to become great. And there's a difference between the two. And I don't want you just feel good. I want you to feel exceptional. I want you to feel strong. I want you to feel capable. I want to feel like you're a master of your own internal universe. I want you to feel extraordinary on command. I want you to develop the confidence that can not just survive or endure something, but can truly create something and generate something. I want the confidence that is in command, not I'd like to feel good. And when we're struggling, we just want to feel good. But I'm like, that's like baseline one. I want you to aim up to feel. I want to feel powerful, capable, in command of my life. And the metaphor I'll use for this is instead of just feeling good, I want you to have greatness in your life. And to have greatness in your life, it's going to require one thing that most people won't think about. And it relates to my, you know, topic of contribution and it relates to how I think of Ed, is you become great because you become generous. And if you can become generous with your energy, your promises, your commitment, your delivery for other people, when you are a generous person, the confidence is just going to happen because you're adding value. You're showing up, you're following through. You're living an extraordinary life. You're building great character by being generous. And when you build great character by being generous, you'll feel in command. You'll feel unstoppable. And that's how you should feel. Not just good, but great. Extraordinary, in command, unstoppable. That's the E.D. i know, his max out. He's unstoppable. But the way he's given and served and shown up for people throughout his life, he's an incredibly generous person. So he deserves to feel great about himself and his life. So when he measures himself up to other people, it's not, can I be like them because they have status or they have this or they have this following. Instead, he goes, I've been a great man because I've been generous with other people. I've been generous with my kids, my family, the people I've loved and learned and served with. His generosity forged the strength. That now comparison doesn't knock you off when your generosity is high. So be great, my friends.

[A]

Yeah. Very rarely, maybe never, have I had nothing else to add to them or podcast. This has been like an extraordinary. I don't know how this happens every time we talk, but this might be my fave that we've done together, bro. Yeah, this was. This was special. Okay, everybody. I don't have to ask you to share this. I already know you're going to. I bet this is one you listen to over and over and over again. If you have children or friends of any type that you care about, they need to hear this conversation today. I mean that. I'm grateful to have been a part of it, brother. I love you. Thank you so much. Growthday.com forward/ed. You can spend all week with both of us right over there. Go check it out, everybody. God bless you, Max Out.

[B]

This is the Ed Milan show.