← THE ED MYLETT SHOW
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- [00:00]
Ed Milet
So hey guys, listen. We're all trying to get more productive and the question is, how do you find a way to get an edge? I'm a big believer that if you're getting mentoring or you're in an environment that causes growth, a growth based environment that you're much more likely to grow and you're going to grow faster. And that's why I love Growth Day. Growth Day is an app that my friend Brendan Burchard has created that I'm a big fan of. Write this down growthday.com forward/ed. So if you want to be more productive, by the way, he's asked me, I post videos in there every single Monday that gets your day off to the right start. Got about $5,000, $10,000 worth of courses that are in there that come with the app. Also, some of the top influencers in the world are all posting content in there on a regular basis, like having the avengers of personal development and business in one app. And I'm honored that he asked me to be a part of it as well and contribute on a weekly basis. And I do. So go over there and get signed up. You're going to get a free tuition, free voucher to go to an event with Brendan and myself and a bunch of other influencers as well. So you get a free event out of it also. So go to growthday.com forward slash ed. That's growthday.com forward slash ed Advantage Gold is giving away a free copy of Rogoff's book to anyone who schedules a one on one precious metals appointment. You'll discover why gold is becoming the number one hedge against a global currency ship and how to move your IRA or 401k into physical gold. Tax and penalty free. Get your free copy today while supplies last text win to 85545 that's win 85545 or go to advantagegold.com data and message rates App performance may vary. You should always consult your financial and tax professional. This episode brought to you by Progressive Insurance do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Shifting a little money here, a little there, hoping it all works out well. With the name your price tool from Progressive you can get a better budgeter and potentially lower your insurance bill too. You tell Progressive what you want to pay for car insurance and they'll help find you options within your budget. Try it today@progressive.com progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates price and coverage match limited by state law not available in all states. This is the Ed Milet show hey, welcome back to the show, everybody. So I got to tell you something. Someone submitted to come on the show Real Housewives of Dallas. And I'm like, okay, I got some friends in that series. Maybe I'll do it. Send me the book. And I go to read the book. And about, literally one page into the book, which we'll talk about in a minute, I went, I'm having her on. I'm having her on because I thought the work was so profound. So my guest today is not your typical physician. She's a board certified anesthesiologist. She's a twin mom luxury candle creator. She's a great speaker. She's an entrepreneur. And you probably don't know her from that. You probably know her from the Real Housewives of Dallas. But you're going to know a different side of her today because she's got an incredible book out right now called Joy Prescriptions How I Learned to Stop Chasing Perfection and Embrace Connection. And everybody, this will be a deep conversation, not a surface one with a celebrity today. I can promise you that because I read the book. Dr. Tiffany Moon, great to have you here. Welcome to the show finally.
- [03:17]
Dr. Tiffany Moon
Thanks for having me, Ed. I'm so honored to be here.
- [03:20]
Ed Milet
Well, thank you. I want to start by reading you something you wrote because I said it took me one page. I want everyone just to relate. Everyone settle in with us here. Think about how busy you are and maybe how perfect you're trying to be in your life. This book really affected me, you guys. I want to read something to you. She said the clock hit 5pm I changed out of my scrubs and I left the hospital where I've been working for the past 10 hours as an as an anesthesiologist. During my drive home, I listened to a podcast on one and a half times speed because squeezing in as much as I could out of every second of my day was my modus operandi. Sound familiar to you guys? You probably listen to me on One and a Half right now. Here she goes. I pulled into my garage and turned the volume down, preparing for my, quote, second shift or the five to nine after you work your nine to five. I absolutely adored my children and was excited to see them after a long day at work. But first I needed just five minutes of silence where no one needed me. I put my phone on silent and reclined my seat back. The next thing I knew, my husband Daniel was standing there with my car drop and asking, are you okay? Oops. I guess my five minutes turned into 30. Oh, my gosh, I must have fallen asleep, I said as I gathered my things and followed him into the house. I relate to that so deeply. Just trying to chase all the time. What is it that you believed about that chase for perfection? The success track, Climbing the ladder that you unlearned or took you the longest to unlearn?
- [04:53]
Dr. Tiffany Moon
I believed when I was growing up that I was the sum worth of my achievements and that when I checked off enough boxes that magically the clouds would part and the sun would shine upon me and I would feel fulfilled and like I had arrived in some way. Like I had, quote, unquote, made it. And I checked off a lot of boxes and I kept chasing that elusive feeling of feeling fulfilled and whole and completely worthy. It just never came to me. Every time I thought I approached the finish line, the finish line would move, or I'd cross the finish line and be like, oh, is this all? And I don't mean to sound ungrateful, because I have a beautiful life and a beautiful family. But several years ago, I became acutely aware that something was missing in my life, and I could not keep going like that.
- [05:48]
Ed Milet
What was the it? Was it you just had placed your value and your identity and your achievements and success? Or was there, like, something missing? Because in my case, I now know what it isn't, which is what you're describing. But I think my what it is thing still kind of moves around for me sometimes, you know what I'm saying? Like, what really fulfills me and brings me joy? I mean, things like God and my family. So what was it for you?
- [06:13]
Dr. Tiffany Moon
This is crazy, but it's connection. Having deep conversations with other people instead of just staying on the surface all day, which is exactly how I spent my life prior to this. Just staying on the surface with everybody and everyone and never going deep enough to actually make those meaningful connections. And then laughter. Like, it's crazy, but five, ten years ago, there was very little laughter in my life. I was super serious. I tried to maintain this facade of like, I'm a doctor, I'm a professional. Like, I take myself very seriously. I'm a professor, you know, And I just. I couldn't laugh at myself. You know, I was a trauma anesthesiologist with twin toddlers at home. There was just no creativity and no laughter in my life.
- [06:59]
Ed Milet
I did the same thing. I visited a friend. And when I travel, I don't like to stay in people's houses. I like to my privacy in a hotel. But I ended up staying at a friend's house for the night. And their family laughed so much the whole time I was there. And just the amount of laughter in their home made me realize some of the absence in my home that I had created an environment that was fun and loving and faith based and connected, but not enough laughter. You know, you even went to the point, am I wrong? Didn't you like write a stand up.
- [07:32]
Dr. Tiffany Moon
Like do stand up, Even a stand up? I did. See, I read the book routines. I know I did one at the Laugh Factory in Hollywood, which is, you know, a very famous stage. And I, I'm telling you, I was so scared to do standup comedy. I have no business being a standup comedian. But I wrote that 10 to 15 minute set. I practiced it like I had that routine down. And I have so much respect for standup comedians because, you know, there's no backup dancers, there's no pyrotechnic. It's you on the stage with a microphone and you have to make people laugh. Like, what is more scary than that? But I mean, I learned so much from that experience.
- [08:09]
Ed Milet
I was lucky I got voted. The last couple years is like, you know, there's these different surveys or whatever. It's all a matter of opinion. But I've been picked the number one speaker a few times. And some of them I'm not. Some of them I'm number whatever. And I always tell people that's not true. The best speakers are standup comedians because you have to walk out to a room full of strangers and not interest them. You got to make them laugh immediately. Those are the best speakers in the world. The other thing I want is thinking about with you and everybody listening, how much of our lives is like conditioning. So you had this awakening, this epiphany, like, you know, the more accumulation of accolades, titles, status I get, it's not that it's not fulfilling to an extent, it's just not completely fulfilling. Right. It's great to win an award. It's great to go through residency, right, or, or, you know, whatever, be on a TV show like we've both done. But you were conditioned a little bit culturally and family wise, I, I picture you as this little girl. There's this photo of Tiananmen Square. And then you tell this story of you, your parents coming here two years ahead of you. You know, when people see success like what that you've had, you know, she's obviously highly educated. She comes from a family, she comes from money, she's been on tv, she's a doctor. And then I'M reading in the book. I'm picturing this little girl. I can actually what I. When you first came on the screen, before we started, I pictured you as this little girl on that flight that you talk about in the book. And she tells the story of she hadn't seen her parents in two years and she's on this airplane and she's got no money, she's scared she's going to fly to a country she doesn't speak any language of. She doesn't speak any English at all. And the flight attendant who's supposed to watch her says, would you like something to drink? And this precious little girl says, I don't have any money. And she goes, no, it's free. She ends up drinking six Cokes on this flight. But the point is, I see you as this little girl. You arrived to this country, your parents had to be scared. I'm sure as well, a lot of people don't understand. People that come here aren't all just chasing the American dream. Oftentimes they're fleeing something to come here in a place that they loved the 20 years before. So how much of it was conditioning in your family? You talk about that like you're supposed to be educated, you're supposed to be successful, you're supposed to be serious. And other people have been conditioned different ways in their family. You had to almost, almost undo your family conditioning. Not that it was bad, right? That's part of it.
- [10:29]
Dr. Tiffany Moon
No, there's a lot of unlearning that went on in the, in the last few years in my joy journey. But I think a lot of people can relate to this. Growing up in an immigrant family where your parents gave up a lot of freedoms to come to the country to give you a better life and the opportunity to become someone. Because if I had been stuck in China, I mean, I don't know if I'd be a doctor, you know what I mean? I. Back in the 80s, when I was born, some people were still killing baby girls because they were under the one child policy and people wanted sons. I mean, that was not that long ago. It's crazy. And, and so, yes, you're right, I was extremely conditioned. I was told in no uncertain terms by my parents, we came to this country to give you the opportunity for a better life. You owe it to us. You better do a good job, you better become a doctor. And it was. I didn't know any different. You know, I don't have like another family to compare to. So I was raised in a very Strict household, very loving. My parents always provided for me, but I got the innate sense that their love was not unconditional, that their love was very conditional. It was. It was conditioned on the fact that I was good and obedient and didn't talk back, did all my chores, brought home straight A's, won the spelling bee, won the math competition. It was always like, what can you do to make our sacrifice worth it? And I never felt love by just being. I don't know that I still do.
- [12:04]
Ed Milet
Boy were brother and sister most of my life. And by the way, most achievers have conflated recognition or attention and love. And the reason is, is they only felt loved when they did something good. Brought home an A, hit a home run, won a contest. That's when they got the feeling of love. And that's a very hard cycle to break even when you become aware of it is you still are conditioned to only feel loved when you're doing not just being you. Everyone, here we go. This is going to get real interesting. There's other conditioning, too. You could be conditioned with limiting beliefs by your parents that you don't, you know, you're not familiar of. Do you think you can have ambition and intensity and focus because that's what it takes and joy simultaneously?
- [12:54]
Dr. Tiffany Moon
I think that's where I am now. I think after, you know, years of therapy and now working with, like, an executive coach, I've come to the point where I'm still serious. You know, I'm running three businesses, I'm speaking, the books coming out. But I have pockets of joy where I'm with my children, just laughing, rolling around on the floor, being playful, you know, taking the dogs outside for a walk. Like just little pockets of joy. But I don't think it necessarily, like, decreases your. Your drive to be intense and succeed.
- [13:23]
Ed Milet
See, the way I do it, I pattern it. It's interesting. Be the intense climber, me, and then I'll separate it from me, like what you call I'll have a little pocket. But I'd like to get to a point where I'm having the joy as I'm achieving. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, simultaneously, as I'm achieving, instead of them being separate entities all the time. Because I think. I think that causes burnout. A lot of times I want to go back because I moved off this too quickly. You don't know if you feel love if you're not achieving and significant. Go a little deeper on that because I think that's 98 of the people that are listening, that they've got to do something like. And by the way, it might be like, look pretty or look strong if you're a guy, right? It doesn't always have to be an achievement, but there's got to be some condition on you being lovable, everybody, or you better be funny. If you're a funny guy, you better be the funny one at the table. That's how you're going to get loved. If you knew how to break that cycle, what do you think it would be?
- [14:18]
Dr. Tiffany Moon
If I knew how to break that cycle, I'd be out there helping millions of people. Because I, I, I talk to a lot of people and we all feel this way, and I don't know how to break it. The only thing I can say now is that when I consciously focus on connecting with people and having gratitude and having joy and laughter in my life, it makes those other things less intense. Maybe it's a product of being in my 40s now, you know, maybe I just don't care as much as I used to when I was in my 20s and 30s. And I also feel like, you know what? Like I did the things, I checked the boxes and, and it didn't bring me this, you know, pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. So let me try something else.
- [14:58]
Ed Milet
You've done some other things. So in the book, she has these joy prescriptions. Some of them will affect each of you differently. In this case, these are the ones that I thought would most resonate with me and the audience. Here's one thing I will give you a lot of credit for. You've taken some detours, you know, whether that be doing standup or doing the Real Housewives or Dallas. Right? I mean, those are, those are legit detours. Writing a book, being a speaker. These are unique things, right? Being an entrepreneur. And in the book, you said, don't be afraid of taking detours. The path to your destination may not be a straight line. There may be side paths, and you might make mistakes along the way, but these are learning experiences that can be just as valuable as reaching the goal itself. When you speak to that. Most people are terrified of getting outside their current career, their current lane, because they're not good at it yet, and they're going to get criticized for it. So how did you end up doing it? You must have known. You get on the Real Housewives of Dallas, not everything's going to be sunshine and rainbows coming your way, right? So how did you inoculate yourself or protect yourself from that Fear of going in a totally different. Imagine she's in the OR and then bam, she's on tv. I mean, that's a huge change. What's the answer to that? What did you find?
- [16:07]
Dr. Tiffany Moon
I think that was a lot of mindset work that I did with a therapist. Listening to so many podcasts, yours included, read so many books and just looked at the way other people live their lives. And all these people that I thought were so successful that I wanted to emulate, I thought that they lived their life in a straight line, like beginning destination, and then I would read about them or listen to them. And then I figured out, oh my God, almost no one lives their life in a straight line. There's all sorts of detours and sometimes you take a detour and that actually becomes your main path. And it like a light bulb moment just went off in my head. This was about something 7, 8 years post residency into being a doctor. So you could say like mid career, you know, I'd done some clinical trials, was voted a faculty of the year. Like I was doing all the things, but something felt missing still. And I thought, I don't know, maybe it's just me. Like, maybe I'm ungrateful, maybe I should just be happy with what I've got instead of like always searching for more. And I, I just decided that I was going to take more opportunities. My previous MO was to stay in my lane and be perfect or seem as perfect as possible, which basically helped held me back from trying new things. Because when you try new things, you don't know what the heck you're doing. So you look dumb or you make mistakes, of course, because you're new. Like, I would never, you know, pick up tennis or like try to do something like that because I'd be so embarrassed that I don't know what I'm doing. And I'd be like, oh, no, I don't like tennis. I'll just sit here and have a mimosa. You know, working with my therapist and my coach, I finally thought, you know what? I'm going to try new things. And that's when housewives happened. That's when stand up comedy happened. It really was a subtle or not so subtle shift in my mindset that opened up a whole new world of opportunities for me.
- [18:03]
Ed Milet
So, hey guys, I want to jump in here for a second and talk about change and growth. And you know, by the way, it's no secret how people get ahead in life or how they grow. And also taking a look at the future, if you want to change your future, you got to change the things you're doing. If you continue to do the same things, you're probably going to produce the same results. But if you get into a new environment where you're learning new things and you're around other people that are growth oriented, you're much more likely to do that yourself. And that's why I love Growth Day. Write this down for a second. Growthday.com forward/ed my friend Brenda Burchard has created the most incredible personal development and business app that I've ever seen in my life. Everything from goal setting software to personal accountability journaling horses thousands of dollars worth of courses in there as well. I create content in there on Mondays where I contribute as do a whole bunch of other influencers like the avengers of influencers and business minds in there. It's the Netflix for high achievers or people that want to be high achievers. So go check it out. My friend Brennan's made it very affordable, very easy to get involved. Go to growthday.com forward slash ed that's growthday.com forward slash ed. Today's show is sponsored by Strawberry Me. So you know this. I'm a big believer in coaching, especially when it's from a reliable source. And I think most people should have some interaction with somebody who's helping them get better in their life. So if you're waking up every day and you know you're capable a little bit more but you're not really sure how to get there. Listen, success doesn't just happen. Most successful in the world don't figure it out on their own. They have a coach, they have mentors, they got coaches, they have people guiding them every step of the way. That's where Strawberry Me personal coaching comes in. You'll identify your obstacles that are holding you back. You'll develop a step by step plan, take action and confidence. You can be held accountable if you want to, knowing you have a dedicated support staff, a coach behind you every step of the way instead of relying on guesswork or rating for the right time. I've had a personal coach for a long time and it's helped me tremendously in my life. You know, I love that Chinese proverb. If you want to know the road ahead, ask those coming back. That's what a coach can do for you. They've got the directions. Many times in your life. Go to strawberry me ed and claim your $50 credit. That's strawberry.meed it so hey guys, you know what separates most businesses from others, the people that hire the best talent. And we all know when you're working in a small business and you own one, it means you wear a bunch of different hats. But here's the truth. Sometimes you really need an extra pair of hands. And upwork is the place that you can find those hands. Upwork is how good companies find great, trusted freelance talent in a variety of different areas. Companies turn to upwork all the time to get things done, finding more flexibility in the way they staff, key projects, initiatives where they want to go global with stuff, Top talent in it, web development, AI design, admin, marketing, you name it. Posting a job on upwork is easy. Upwork makes the business process easier, simpler way more affordable with industry, low fee. So post a job today and you can hire tomorrow on Upwork. Visit Upwork.com right now and post your job for free. That is Upwork.com to post your job for free and connect with top talent ready to help your business grow. That's up w o r k.com upwork.com if you get really good at a few things, part of you is like, I don't want to do other stuff. I'm really good at this stuff, right? Like, and I take pride in this. But one thing to consider, everybody, like, since we're going back and forth here, wouldn't it suck to get to the end of your life and have like 90% of it unlived? Like, you just ran the same chapter over and over and over. You did the same crap over and over. And what if you get to the end and God goes, hey, by the way, I. I gave you all these other things you could have experienced. I mean, you were really good at what you did, but, man, you've repeated that chapter 999,000 times. And what got me to do it is what you have in the book. So a few years ago, I'm like, I do need to pick up at least some new hobbies. I mean, I'm so the same guy. I love business. I love speaking, I love comedy. I've tried to be pretty funny on stage, too. And I lift weights and I play golf. That's about who I am, you know? And I'm like, I've been that guy now for 53 years. With the time 50 years, there's only so much golf and so many weights. Like, is there nothing else? And so I took up horseback riding because I had this. I had some horses. Anyway, the way I took it up is what I want you to talk about. I'm Like, I know I'm gonna suck. You don't start riding horses at 50 and be as good as, you know, some guy can. And I went, I'm gonna learn about horses. I'm gonna learn how to ride. I looked at as, like, an experience of learning, not doing along the way. I got pretty good because I was learning. You talk about, you say, here, learn along the way. And you make a long list of what you learn. So is that sort of a mo to kind of almost like a hack to get out of the fear of doing it? You don't have to be great. You just gotta learn.
- [22:47]
Dr. Tiffany Moon
Yes, yes. It's. It's a mindset thing again. It's like, I'm learning a new skill and I'm going to have fun. Because times in my life, I was doing something and I, like, sucked all the fun out of it. Like, my brother would joke, I would, like, pop in the kitchen. He'd be like, oh, Tiffany's here. Hide the fun. I'd be like, that's not a very to say, you know, what a mean thing to say, but. But I understood what he was saying. I would just try to control everything so steadfast and grip it so tightly that I would suffocate all the fun out of it. So when I tried doing Housewives and stand up, I was like, you know what? I'm just gonna have a good time. Like, literally, that was the goal. Have a good time, maybe make some new friends, you know, that kind of thing. Instead of, like, win an award, graduate, valedictorian, have a 4.0 GPA. It was like, literally, have a good time. And this is the other thing. I learned not to take myself so seriously, because in my 20s and 30s, I was trying to be perfect. I never went outside without makeup. I was the kind of girl who would, like, wake up early, go brush her teeth, put on my fake eyelashes, and then, like, pretend to wake up next to my boyfriend, you know, because I didn't want him to know that I actually have bad breath in the morning like a normal human being. And I just tried to be so damn perfect all the time, and it was exhausting. It's exhausting to be perfect. And quite frankly, I wasn't perfect. But trying to give the illusion of it was very exhausting. So when I decided that I was just going to have a good time, be myself, and not take myself so seriously, I was able to laugh at myself. So when things happened and other people laughed, they weren't laughing at me. They were laughing with Me, because I was able to laugh at myself. But, like, earlier in my life, if anyone, if I made a mistake or people were laughing, they were laughing at me. That's how I interpreted it.
- [24:34]
Ed Milet
A lot of people relate to you. I know that. I do. I have a quick no trigger on new things, even to this day. No. You want this new restaurant? No, let's go. I like the food over here. Like, and you say this in the book. Everyone, really, if you're at one and a half speed, listen at the real speed right now. Okay? How many things are you just, like, automatically no to? And because you say so many no's, your spouse, your girlfriend, your boyfriend isn't even bringing up new ideas to you anymore because they already know the answer, and you're just repeating the same day over and over. So talk about that. You said, you know what? Like, don't say, this is one of the joy prescriptions, which I love this. This is. Here's how good it is. I got two copies of the book. I pulled it out of the book. This is on my desk next to my. My laptop. Your book. Oh, and here's just what it says. Don't say no immediately. I'm like, mylette. Just listen. Like, just be open. As crazy as it is, I don't like hiking, man. Just maybe go on one hike. Give us a joy prescription here. It certainly doesn't. You don't have more joy all the time with no, that's for sure.
- [25:41]
Dr. Tiffany Moon
So many opportunities are presented to us, and we just say no. Like, the immediate reflex is no. Like, you want to chair this charity gala with me? No. Do you want to take an impromptu trip to Spain because I have some airline miles that are going to expire? No. Like, it's just, we think, oh, I can't. The kids have something. I'm busy. I don't know if I can get the time off work. Like, I think our M.O. is to, like, stay small out of fear. And what I want to teach people is that you can take a leap of faith. Like, I've done so many things outside of what I thought I would do. If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, there is no way I could have even imagined all these things. But it's because I was receptive to these new opportunities that it opened me up to, like, networks of people. I mean, I'm talking to you right now like, that's a big freaking deal. I don't know how I got here.
- [26:33]
Ed Milet
You know, you broke some of your Social and family conditioning. You didn't say no. You started to pursue joy. You had an awakening and an epiphany. Like, this climb is great, but I'm not fulfilled. Like, and everyone listening to this right now, it's worth it. You know, my dad, when he was passing away about this new experience thing, I asked my dad as he was dying, I said, hey, dad, you know, any regrets in my life? And at first he says, no. My amazing wife, my amazing family. I feel like I was a good man. No, I said, okay. And then it was like a minute later. And he goes, ah, yeah, this is my dad. He was a very thoughtful man. He goes, yeah, well, yeah. And I go, what, dad? He goes, I wish I was more like you. And I go, what do you mean? He goes, ah, I should have taken more risks. I should have tried more stuff. I said, you think I'm good at that? He goes, yeah, look at your Legos. I should have taken more risks. He goes, I have a feeling now, like right now, I don't think I would have regretted stuff I failed at because I was going to end up here anyway.
- [27:37]
Dr. Tiffany Moon
I should have tried more stuff.
- [27:39]
Ed Milet
I should have tried some new experiences. I probably should have taken some risks. Like, I should have bought that rental property that one time. So to your point, my dad in his dying days shared that exact message with me, like, because it just kind of went on repeat at some point. And you know what? I wonder, everybody. And then I promise you, I'll ask you a question. I wonder if that might contribute to prematurely leaving this planet if you don't keep joy and new experiences in your life that at some point, yeah, your spirit just says, all right, I've done it. As opposed to knowing, having a pattern of the new. Do you think I'm crazy about that?
- [28:16]
Dr. Tiffany Moon
No, I don't think you're crazy.
- [28:17]
Ed Milet
You're a doctor, so you can speak to it.
- [28:19]
Dr. Tiffany Moon
I'm a doctor, I can speak on it. You know, the surgeon general says that we have an epidemic of loneliness. And you think, oh, well, you know, we got 10 year olds walking around with iPhones, the world at their fingertips, quite literally. No kids, like, learn anything these days because you know why? You can just look it up or chat GPT it. And in my day, the mark of a good student was basically like memorizing stuff and then regurgitating it. And now I think, you know, it's, how good of a thinker are you? How good of a problem solver you are? So explain to me, you know, why our Nation has an epidemic of loneliness, which is on par with smoking a pack of cigarettes per day in terms of damage to your health. But we're all, quote unquote, more connected now than ever, right? Like, something is amiss there. And it's because we're spending all our time on social media watching movies, watching Tik Tok, YouTube, whatever, and not making these true connections with people like we're doing, you know, where are you from? What, what, what drives you? What do you think could be different about the world? You know, like these deep, meaningful conversations. But, but all of us, all day, we stay right here on the surface of life. Oh, how are you? I'm good. How are the kids, the wife? Oh, I'm good. You don't know. That guy's going through some stuff, but you're not going to get it out of him and that kind of thing. We're also rushed. We're also looking down on our phones while walking or sitting in the subway. No one strikes up a conversation anymore. You'd be a total weirdo if you try to strike up a conversation with someone. You know, in, in the subway. Everyone's just on their devices with their AirPods in. So I think you're completely right that it contribute to actual body harm, high cortisol levels. When your soul isn't being nourished and you're not taking enough risks to make life enjoyable. Life should be about taking risks. That's like, why we're here.
- [30:10]
Ed Milet
I so agree. And this thing you said about going a little bit deeper with people. I have a friend that teases me. He has it plain. And I had my own for a long time, and I made a decision not to keep my. So he's always drazing me about it, like, and so what do you talk about now? On the airplane, and I told him the other day, I said, you know what? You'd. You'd be surprised. Not much. Because when I talk with people on a plane, they go to one level with you. Where are you going? You going home? Yeah. And then it sort of. I'm the only one asking questions. And what I find is, is like, humans now, don't go any deeper. How many kids do you have? What are their names? What do they do? What do they love to do? How did you meet your spouse? That's amazing. What do you love? And it's like, you'll find if you'll just go one or two layers deeper with somebody, then it's profoundly open and there you get to experience this person but if you stay on the surface, it's just another face with another name. And that's no way to go through life. One way that I have helped myself, and I want you to talk about it because you actually do a better job in the book than I would is I, I have a lot of energy to give other people because I give myself some quiet to me. And what role has silence or stillness or. And stillness played in helping you just connect with yourself again? Like just some silence and stillness.
- [31:33]
Dr. Tiffany Moon
Yes. I love this. So every Sunday I block out four hours on my calendar. Unless, you know, it's like Easter or something crazy. And I call that my self care time. I look at my calendar so that I can prepare for any meetings for the next week. I do my research, make sure I have my notes ready because I, I really like to be prepared. I am an anesthesiologist, after all. I exercise, I meditate, I do my infrared sauna, I do my cold plunge. I go outside, touch some grass, walk the dog, just like be with myself. And it's, it's no devices. I mean, I, I do have to access my calendar, but no, like social media, no getting on email, anything like that. And it really grounds and centers me. Before, I used to fill every single day of my life with something and there would be no silence when I'm at the hospital. I mean, I'm inside an or, there's machines beeping, people are talking. You know, I have to be on alert as soon as I get home and I'm with my kids, you know, they're on me and I have to be on. And I, I noticed, you know, I'm never just with myself where no one needs me and I can just have 30 minutes of solitude. So I started conditioning my family and I'll say, mommy needs to have her mommy time. So I will make sure that the kids are being taken care of, that my, you know, husband knows I'm okay. And I will turn off everything and go sit in my room and either meditate or take a nap or journal or just have a cup of tea and stare into space. I think solitude and silence are way underrated. I used to always listen to music or a podcast on 1.5 in the car. Sometimes when I drive home from work. Now I just turn everything off and I just drive home in silence.
- [33:26]
Ed Milet
I'd say I'll let everyone into my life too. I'd say 90 of the time. Now in the car, I'm in silence. And then of course, I listen to the ed Milet show, Of course.
- [33:35]
Dr. Tiffany Moon
Of course.
- [33:36]
Ed Milet
Then I'm in silence. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp, and I'm really glad that it is. I'm gonna tell you why people ask me all the time, what do all the guests on your show have in common? And it's not all of them, but most of them. They've been to therapy or they're in therapy. And I've had athletes on business, people, thought leaders, musicians, actors, you name it, across the board. Most of the people I know that are happy and successful have been to therapy. Whether you've got something really traumatic you need to work through, maybe you're just not clear and focused right now and you want to talk through some stuff, maybe something's bugging you. You what I love about BetterHelp, it's affordable. And if you don't click with your therapist, you can switch to another one right away. They got 30,000 licensed therapists with an App Store rating of 4.9 out of 5 from over 1.7 million reviews, it's clear it's helping a lot of people. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. Our listeners get 10% off their first month@betterhelp.com EDShow that's better. H E L P.com EDShow all right, let's be real. If your gut is off, everything feels off. Your digestion, your energy, your mood, your focus, it all starts in your gut and you know it. You just don't feel like yourself, right? And doesn't have to be that way. That's why I love Just Thrive Probiotic. Most probiotics never make it to your gut alive. Just Thrive is clinically designed to arrive in your gut 100% alive and actually work. So here's my challenge to you. Try Just thrive probiotic for 90 days risk free. If you don't feel a difference, they'll refund every penny. Just pay for shipping. Go to just thrive health.com and use code ED to save 20 off on your first bottle. It's time to stop surviving and start thriving. Take the 90 day Just Thrive challenge today at Just Thrive Health.com and use code ED. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease or condition. These statements and information are not a substitute for or alternative to seeking care from your healthcare providers. I want to ask you something. It's a little bit personal, but your Husband Daniel. You know, one of the things it takes to live a life on your terms is some courage. And, you know, you got to be willing to ruffle some feathers of the people that are used to this version of you. Right. Like, that's one of the hard parts is it's the construction around us also. It's like, I'd like to this, but my husband's going to say this, my parents will say this this, my best friends will say that. And so just like you marrying Daniel, I'm reading in the book, it's like, you got to go to your mom and dad, go, hey, I'm marrying this dude. Oh, by the way, he's not Chinese, he's Korean, and he's already been married before and there's some kids or whatever, right? So like, like that took some. And I know in your family, I have enough friends that come from certain cultures in their family that it's like, that is a massive thing. And for some of you, it's a massive thing to tell your significant other you're gonna start some hobby. Like it's that big of a deal, this construct around us. What would you say to somebody? What tip would you say or words of advice or wisdom to someone's like, it's, it's not just me. It's this people and structure around me that's going to make it so difficult to change.
- [36:48]
Dr. Tiffany Moon
Yeah, I think coming from a place of trying to understand where the other person is coming from, usually they're coming from a good place because they want, quote, unquote, what's best. Best for you, right? For my parents, they were like, oh, you're gonna marry this older guy? He's had kids before. It's gonna be difficult. You know, his ex wife probably isn't gonna like you. And I'm like, I don't care about his ex wife. She's literally none of my business, you know, but like, we're in love and we want to build a life together and can you please try to understand this? But I tried to understand it from their point of view too, because they didn't want their daughter to like, you know, suffer, not have a good marriage. Same things with other people. You know, when I took a little time back from work, from being a full time anesthesiologist to going to four days a week and now three days a week, a lot of people were like, you're not going to practice medicine full time. But like, you know, you had so many student loans and you did so much school and Training, like, what a waste. You know what, you're just gonna go make candles now or what? You think you're gonna like write a memoir? You're 40 years old. Like, what kind of memoir are you gonna write? You know, just all these little things. And it's not like I didn't already have these nagging thoughts in my head. I already thought all of these thoughts. Thoughts too. And then for other people who you like and respect to voice their concerns, it really nags it. Me, I was like, maybe I shouldn't. Maybe I should just go back to working full time, doing what I know because like, the book might not do well. People might make fun of me. Like I just, you know, and then it makes you second guess yourself. But a lot of those people are really just coming from a place of fear as well. They're trying to protect you. They're trying to protect them against something new.
- [38:21]
Ed Milet
Yeah. If you need someone to confirm your biggest fears, you'll find them. Finding someone who confirms your vision in your dreams, that is not as easy. But finding someone who can. It's so funny when someone will say, hey, you know, I'm really concerned about. You think I have not thought that fear already myself? Like, of course I have. That's what people live in, fear. You're not, you're not bringing up a new fear for me. You're confirming one I've already had. Men, I want you to listen to this question and I'm going to ask it about women. And obviously all the women will be chime in here too. But I want the men to hear this because it's something that I have found now that I've especially been in this space for 10 years now, coaching people and being around so many successful people. You say that you think a lot of high achieving women sort of feel invisible. And I can tell you that that is not true for the men. The more they've achieved, the more they feel visible and prominent and seen. But you say that, and I've experienced this also with many of my female friends that have become successful. Their experience in getting there isn't quite the same. They take incoming fire oftentimes from all sides. But they've also used that word with me before, which I, I was surprised to hear you say it. And then when you said it, I started picturing the faces of several very successful dear female friends of mine. What is that all about?
- [39:46]
Dr. Tiffany Moon
I think as a woman, you have to temper your achievements, almost downplay them in order to be likable, really, when, when Men stand proud and, you know, give each other a pat on the back or, you know, say something, oh, I was voted this. Other men are like, great job, buddy. Well deserved. Things like that. When women do it, there's a certain percent of men and women who are like, who does she think she is? You know, and it's like, as your achievement goes up, your likability goes down as a woman, but as a man, as your achievement goes up, your likability goes up. Everyone wants to be, you know, around you, your stock definitely goes up. I mean, I've had to run some codes in the operating room where the patient arrested unexpectedly and, you know, had to raise my voice or be like, you get the code cart, you get the epinephrine. I need more blood in the room, stat. Things like that. And, you know, there's a certain amount of assertiveness that goes with it. And then after the code is over, I find myself buffering with people. I'll go to the nurse and I'll say during the code, I know that I raised my voice at you. I was concerned that the blood wasn't coming to the room fast enough. I just want you to know that's not a reflection of, you know, our interpersonal relationship. I was just trying to expedite, you know, the thing to make the patient better, and she'll either be like, oh, oh, okay. You know, But I don't see men doing that. There are surgeons that literally throw instruments and yell at people, and after the code is over, I don't see them going around and buffering and trying to make sure that everyone's okay with them.
- [41:26]
Ed Milet
Wow. Listen, maybe. No, it's not. Well, I can. I can confirm. I don't. I. I don't think anything's 100%. I know you don't either. But I will tell you that when I read that, I was like, you know what? It's a bit. There's a lot of validity. I do find my female friends after conversations, after board meetings are the ones I do. It. I maybe act like a female. I don't. I don't know. Maybe it's. But, like, did I say anything that offended if I did? Please, I'm that way. But I do find. Maybe that's why I connect with them very well. But I think you're right. I think that, by and large, that that's true. I'm sure it's not true across the board, but by and large, I actually agree with that. And I think it's important that the men Know this. That's an added pressure, it seems to me, on a woman on the climb. Now, what would you say to somebody who's like, okay, personal development's gone a little wacky on this other side here. Like, it's all about peace, joy, gratitude, cold plunges, red saunas and meditation and massages. Right? That's, that's one side, same time. Easy to say now that you've been a doctor and been on TV and you got a book and you're on these podcasts. I'm down here, man. I'm trying to get up, up. I'm trying to make something happen. And I do feel like there's nothing that frustrates more than when a rich guy goes, it's not what you think it is. You're stealing their dreams. It's not everything you think it is. But it's awesome to be affluent and to be able to contribute to the causes you want and care for your family when they need you and get your kids a good education and, you know, be safe in a safe neighborhood. So where's the nuance there? Because if you even look, Joy, how I learned to stop chasing perfection and embrace connection. So it's not that you stopped embracing achievement altogether. Make that distinction for us, because that's important for everyone listening.
- [43:08]
Dr. Tiffany Moon
Yeah. Well, first of all, you know, practicing gratitude, being joyful, being kind to other people, all that is free. There is so much free stuff out there, like listening to your podcast, going to the library and renting a book, that's all free. So whenever people say, like, oh, I don't have the resources to change my mindset, I'm like, no, no, no, like, that's incorrect. It is nice to be able to have money, which I think just buys you convenience and safety and the ability to do a lot of things. But I'll tell you, the times when I am most joyful these days isn't generally when I'm on a private jet being flown to something or having a three star Michelin restaurant dinner. It's rolling on the floor with my kids and this new dog we got. That's crazy, you know, and, and having jokes and, and watching their cheer and, and, you know, just like it's really the small moments in life. Um, and I think that's what people need to realize. Everyone looks at everyone else on the Internet and thinks, like, oh, if I just had a Ferrari and a Rolex, then I'd be happy. It does not work that way. It does not. So I think the what you're Chasing is a feeling of fulfillment and achievement, not necessarily the material objects that we think signifies those things.
- [44:28]
Ed Milet
What do you want your twins to model from you? Because you know what? Most things with our kids is caught, not taught.
- [44:36]
Dr. Tiffany Moon
Oh, for sure.
- [44:37]
Ed Milet
You know, and what do you want them to catch from you? Maybe they were catching some stuff from you you didn't want for a while. I'm sure there's been a lot you wanted. But if there's one thing you say, hey, Mommy wrote this book, you know, if there's one thing I'd love you to catch for me, and it's in the book as well. I'm just curious what it would be.
- [44:52]
Dr. Tiffany Moon
I think it would be to work hard, be kind and truly try to make a difference in someone's life. You know, you don't have to like solve world hunger, but you know, like be a good person. Try to be a bright light in someone's light, someone's life that you come across. Yeah.
- [45:13]
Ed Milet
You did the Real Housewives of Dallas. What did you learn about you or even the world, the public, by being on that show? Because it is, it is another side of the lens of life. It is different, right? I mean, I, I, I know from proximity of friends. Like what did you learn about yourself or even culture in general from being there? Be honest, like even the bad that.
- [45:39]
Dr. Tiffany Moon
No, I mean, this is kind of crazy, but I have to thank Real Housewives because it kind of gave me a backbone. I was always conflict averse. Even if I was arguing with someone and I kind of knew that I was right, I would let them think that they were right just because I don't really want to get into it and I'd rather not. And it doesn't matter anyway. But being on Real Housewives, those women, some of them pushed my buttons enough that like my voice came through. And before when people picked on me or said something, I always was like the let it go type. You know, whenever people honk or whatever, I'm like, let it go. It's not worth like getting your feathers ruffled over, you know what I mean? But because of the things that happened on the show, I was able to stand up for myself. And when I stood up for myself, I was like, oh my God, is this me? Like afterwards I would like go home and cry, you know? Yeah, but it was so weird the way it all happened.
- [46:40]
Ed Milet
How about the response to you? Well, that affect you? And what was it?
- [46:46]
Dr. Tiffany Moon
Everyone has haters. You go from being a relatively unknown person to all of a sudden being in People's living rooms and people stopping you at the airport to take selfies. And it was just crazy. I would say generally, at least what I saw there was like an 80, 20% split. Some people really hated me. They were like, how many times is this chick gonna mention she's a doctor? Like, you're smart. We it. And I was like, did I really say it that much? I mean, I just got home from work. I'm not. Wasn't trying to, like, rub it in your face. Some people just. No matter what, like, they hated me. They thought I was ugly. My voice was annoying. My fashion sense was terrible. I don't know. But a lot of people really resonated with me. A lot of people in the Asian community spoke out. They said, you know, it's really nice to see you, you know, being a doctor, but also having a personality, being able to let your hair down and not being the stereotype, like, quiet, demure, as subservient female. Like, it's nice to see you stand up to people and have a voice of your own. And I thought, like, oh, my gosh, like, people look up to me. That's crazy.
- [47:50]
Ed Milet
One of the cool things about you is it didn't affect who you are. And notoriety and fame, especially sudden, can do that. And so can sudden criticism. So can a sudden failure that one of you is suffering in your life right now. And you better be careful, careful that this failure you're going through, this just. Or tragedy, doesn't change who you are unless it's supposed to, Unless there's a change that was needed. But just because someone hurts you deeply doesn't mean you can't find love. Just because a friend takes advantage of you doesn't mean there's not a great friend. Just because you failed in one business does not mean you can't succeed in another one. Don't let tragedy, failure, criticism adversely change you. And I want to make sure that everybody hears that, because it's one of the things that you've done a tremendous. In fact, I think there's a newer, even more improved, evolved version of you since doing the show. People ask me all the time about owning a business. What are some of the critical things? People. People matter. Things don't. And I got to be honest with you. Every team that wins has great players right now. You may have just realized your business needs to hire someone, like, yesterday. How can you find an amazing candidate really fast? Easy. Easy. You just need. Indeed. When it comes to hiring, indeed is all you need. Stop struggling to get your job posts seen on other job sites Indeed Sponsored Jobs posts help you stand out and hire fast. With Sponsored Jobs, your post jumps to the top of the page for relevant candidates so you reach people that you want to reach faster. You only pay for results so there's no need to wait any longer. Speed up your hiring right now with Indeed and listeners of this show. Get a 75 sponsored job credit to get your jobs more visibility at indeed.com mylext just go to indeed.com mylet right now and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast. Indeed.com mylet terms and conditions apply. Hiring Indeed is all you need. You know, my life as I've gotten older and my faith has grown, a key word for me in my life has been surrender. What that means for me is like my dad was in a 12 step program for like 35 years before he passed away. And in that program they talk about but noticing the things you can control. Oh yeah, I'll paraphrase. But also knowing the things you can't control and the wisdom to know the difference between those two things and surrender the difference. The more I've let go of this idiotic notion that I can control other people most circumstances in my life and the more I've given it for me to God and the more I just focus into the things I can't control, it's lifted huge burdens off of me in my life life, and I sort of stay in my lane of what I can control. My thoughts, my actions, et cetera, et cetera. It's changed my life. It's actually changed my personality to a very large extent. I think it's extending my life as well. You said instead of fighting to control every aspect of your life, try to relax and let some of those things go. Easier said than done. Just go on that point for a minute.
- [50:52]
Dr. Tiffany Moon
It oh my gosh. There's this chapter is all about control and how I let go. But I used to control everything. I mean, I don't think it's any mistake that I went into anesthesia as a career. What gives you more control, you know, than, than putting someone to sleep, having their life in their hands. I decide how fast your heart beats, I decide what your blood pressure is, how many times you breathe per second. And I took that OR personality outside of the or and I was trying to control everything. My spouse, my kids, my friends, my business. And like you said, there are so many elements of life that you absolutely cannot control. But when you try, when you have A fallacy that you can affect things and control them. It's exhausting. And slowly I. I stopped trying to squeeze, like, the spontaneity and fun out of everything by trying to control it. And like said in the Serenity prayer, you know, some things you can't control, and the other things you can't. Like, you have to leave it to God or the spirit or Allah. You know, it's. It's not in your power. Like Mel Robbins says, like, let them. You cannot control what other people think, do, or say. You can only control what you do and how you react. And after I relinquished control, I was, like, a much more pleasant person. I was like, oh, I like this version of me better. Like, I'm kind of chill. I'm going to the flow. Because before, I was just so rigid. I don't even know how to explain it. But, you know, I think I. I maybe ruined a lot of friendships or past relationships by being so structured and unable to go with the flow. Like, just so rigid that anything would snap me. And now I'm much more malleable and, like, oh, whatever happens, it's fine, you know, I mean, sometimes I still, still, you know, will freak out about things, but. But by and large, I don't know if it's. My mom tells me that this mellowing is. Is a function of getting older. She's like, yeah, as you get older, you kind of figure out what's important and what's not and stop fretting about all this small, stupid stuff. And I was like, maybe she's right.
- [53:06]
Ed Milet
But people listening, let us save you some time. Let us just save you the 10 years. I cast most of my burdens over to God, and I just try to control what I can. I don't do it all the time, but I do it way more of the time than. I'm such a control freak. Even in fun times with my family, we're having fun, right? You're not having enough fun, you know? Like, I want to control how much fun they were having. I'm. I'm that crazy, right? Like, and this I still am, but I'm less. And life is not about massive quantum changes all the time. It's about improving. It's about progress. And that's the thing. Don't beat yourself up if you're listening to this. Like, just improve. Just grow. Progress is power. And that's. You should give yourself credit for. All right, last question about the book, because I just want to have an overriding thing. By the way, it's called Joy Prescriptions, Everybody. And it's Dr. Tiffany Moon. If you could write the book again. I've asked this a couple times on the show in 10 years, right? So now I'm going to take you out of the book for a second. I'm going to push you here if you could write the book. Because I know what it's like when you write a book, right? When it's published, you're like, I should have added this. I. I should have said that. Is there something you now know post writing the book, or knew before but didn't put in the book that would help the quality of life? That would be another Joy prescription or maybe even just worded differently than is in the book right now that you would say, my friend that's listening to this, if you could leave with one message about where I'm at at this stage of my life in my early 40s, this would be it. And it's not quite what I put in the book. What would it be? That's a tough one.
- [54:40]
Dr. Tiffany Moon
That is a tough one. I mean, I really feel like I spilled my heart and guts out in this book and was really. I. I was a little bit scared while writing the book because there's some things in there that I've never told anyone. Even my closest friends, when they read the book, they're going to be like, oh, my God, my brother read the book and he was like, I didn't know you had a miscarriage. I was like, oh, it didn't come up. Like, I didn't think I should announce it. You know, I would just say, like, this is the thing. When I was young, I just kept thinking, like, if I become a doctor and I get married and I have kids, like, I'll achieve some great medal and, and the world will shine its light on me. And it doesn't work that way. Like, the light has to come from within. I spent the vast majority of my life, I'm 40 now, chasing external achievement and thinking that it would. Would bring me joy, only to find out that the joy has to come from within. Which I know sounds cheesy, but it's not. It's not, because if joy came from external achievements, I would have had it. And, you know, I had a closet full of nice pretty things that I bought to soothe myself because I. I told myself I deserve it. You know, I was drinking a glass or two of wine every single night for years because it was the only way that I could get my brain to shut off and just rel for a minute, and I finally hit this point that was like, I cannot keep chasing this. Like, I don't. It's never going to be enough. And I said, enough is enough. I'm going to rest. I'm going to have deep connections with people. I'm going to get rid of the toxic relationships in my life, and I'm going to take a minute to, like, really figure out what brings me joy from the inside out.
- [56:25]
Ed Milet
I love that, by the way, even as you describe it the other way, the way you were, and I see your face, even being emotional about it, it's exhausting to be that other person. It's emotionally and physically and psychologically exhausting to always be chasing, to always be perfect, to always be on, to get to the next thing, to the next thing, to the next thing. And a lot of you listening to Tiffany today, you may say, well, I. I'm not any good at that either. She says something in the book about, look how far you've come. It's one of her joy prescriptions. It's so good, you guys. And I just want to say this to all of you on her behalf, because it's in the book, look how far you've come. If you just became more intentional about that light from within as opposed to extra, just made that an intention, just the end. Because, by the way, best thing you said on the entire podcast, amongst a whole bunch of great things, was that last thing. Just, if you make it intentional, everybody, what she just said, just, you just make that your intent. You'll be good at it eventually. You'll suck at it at first, but if you stick with it, that you're gonna go, oh, my gosh, for no reason. It'll be four months from now for some random day, no reason whatsoever. I'm feeling joy and some peace. And you know what's going to really shock you? Listen, because I know, because I've been on this journey she's on, you'll even start to find joy and peace if you make it your intention during tough times, during tragic times. And that's when you're going to realize your own power someday. If you make this your intention, just like this extremely brilliant woman just told you, I am telling you that at some point you're going to have that joy and that peace during difficult times as well. And that's. That's what your life is worth. That's what you're capable of. And this book will help you do it. Dr. Tiffany Moon, seriously, I think you're awesome. I just hope what you do this for me. I hope you stay in this lane and I hope you continue in this journey and write another book. Book with your next insights and your next thoughts, like don't make this a one stop thing. I think you're cut out to be doing this and I should know because I've interviewed everybody who does it and I'm one of them. So I think, I think this is a lane you're supposed to be in.
- [58:28]
Dr. Tiffany Moon
That means coming up from you so much coming from you because I've, you know, admired you. I've been listening to the podcast for years. Yeah, well that's Dreams do come true, folks. Dreams do come true.
- [58:40]
Ed Milet
Oh, thank you so much for that. All right, guys, Joy, prescriptions. You're welcome. I told you today was going to be good. I gave it a big intro and it over delivered. Please share this with people you love and care about and make sure they listen to it on one time speed. All right everybody, God bless you. This is the Ed Miler show.