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So, hey guys, listen. We're all trying to get more productive and the question is, how do you find a way to get an edge? I'm a big believer that if you're getting mentoring or you're in an environment that causes growth, a growth based environment, that you're much more likely to grow and you're going to grow faster. And that's why I love Growth Day. Growth Day is an app that my friend Brendan Burchard has created that I'm a big fan of. Write this down growthday.com forward/ed. So if you want to be more productive, by the way, he's asked me, I post videos in there every single Monday that gets your day off to the right start. Got about $5,000, $10,000 worth of courses that are in there that come with the app. Also, some of the top influencers in the world are all posting content in there on a regular basis, like having the avengers of personal development and business in one app. And I'm honored that he asked me to be a part of it as well and contribute on a weekly basis. And I do. So go over there and get signed up. You're going to get a free tuition, free voucher to go to an event with Brendan and myself and a bunch of other influencers as well. So you get a free event out of it also. So go to growthday.com forward/ed. That's growthday.comed. this episode is brought to you by Google Gemini. With the Gemini app, you can talk live and have a real time conversation with an AI assistant. It's great for all kinds of things, like if you want to practice for an upcoming interview, ask for advice on things to do in a new city, or brainstorm creative ideas. And by the way, this script was actually read by Gemini. Download the Gemini app for for iOS and Android today. Must be 18 to use Gemini Live. This is the Ed Miler show. All right, welcome back to the show, everybody. So the theme for this week is you teach people how to treat you. And breaks my heart how many of you, I believe, are living in a situation with a friend, a boss, colleagues at work, maybe your significant other, your husband or wife, and they don't treat you the way you're worthy of. And what I want to express to you today, if you're sitting here and you're listening to this or watching it, and I said to you, do you have anybody in your life treating you in a way that's less than you're worthy of right now, just think about that question. Someone at work, someone you live with, parents, siblings, spouse, colleagues, friends, anybody, anybody in your life treating you in a way right now, that's a way that is not worthy of you and you would like to be treated better. How's that? You'd like to be treated better by them. I want to tell you that you are teaching them how to treat you and that has to stop. You need to teach them how to treat you. Malcolm X said that which you do not hate, you will eventually tolerate. If you don't, in your life, begin with a relationship, a boss, employees, your customers, even if you don't begin to stop letting treatment come your way, that's less than you're worthy of. And I mean hate it. Like, dispel it all together. Stand up for yourself and bow your back a little bit. We're going to talk about how to do it today and what it means not to do it. But the truth of the matter is, if you do not do this, people will continue. They are not going to change on their own, by the way. They are likely not going to change anyway. And you're worth it. You deserve better in your life. I want you to hear me on this. You deserve better in your life than what you're getting from one of these people you just thought of. And for some of you, it's more than one person. And that also means you are attracting this into your life. But if you live with a man or a woman who is not treating you in a way that makes you feel magnificent and blessed and loved and that they are grateful for you, this needs to change, or they need to change. If people at your job or your friends are not treating you in a way that you feel loved, appreciated, welcomed, valued, important, believed in, cared for, safe, by the way. Safe, that is not going to stand. That's not how you're going to live your life. See what it really is when someone treats you in a way that's less than you're worthy of, it's a lack of trust. You can't even trust how they're going to treat you, but you're going to trust them with other things in your life. Something is simple with how they treat you, how they look at you, how they make you feel. How can you trust them with anything else if you can't even trust them with how they make you feel, with the way they treat you? You can't trust someone at your job or your boss or your spouse or your boyfriend or your girlfriend or your friend in general, you can't even trust that they're going to treat you in a way that you're worthy of. How can you trust them with anything else? It's a total lack of trust. This. Would you let them treat your son or your daughter that way? If you have children, would you let them treat your daughter that way, your son that way, or if you had children, would you let them treat your children that way or treat your mother that way? Absolutely not. Now listen to me, my friend. If this keeps showing up in your life, you keep attracting people into your life to treat you this way, realize they are also attracting people like you into their lives. Because we attract the same types of people. And that could be everywhere from verbal abuse to physical abuse to not making you feel safe all the way to just not being grateful for you. Not making you feel beautiful or handsome or smart or cared for or appreciated or important or number one in their lives. Right? It's. There's a spectrum of mistreatment devalued. Maybe they interrupt you, maybe they don't listen to you. Right? Maybe they don't treat you like they used to. Realize this. You attracted them into your life and they attracted someone like you. Because what we usually do in our lives is we attract the same person in a different body. So you attract people who don't treat you like you're worthy of, and they attract people who let them. And so it's a vicious cycle in combination. And they may relegate it just to you. They may be really good to their friends, but not to you as their girlfriend. They may be really good to their girlfriends, but not to you as their man. They don't call you back or talk to you the way they should. They don't use the type of words that are loving and caring all the way to negative words or dismissive with you or rude or mean or angry. Maybe they just don't give you the time and the attention you're worthy of. Here's the bottom line. If it doesn't feel good to you, it's less than you're worthy of. And if you're accepting it, let me say that to you again. If it just doesn't feel right to you, it's less than you're worthy of. That's part of your intuition. That's part of God screaming at you. You're worth more than this. You're better than this. You have that friend who they're really good to you when it's just you and you, you and them, one on one. But when the group Comes they ignore you or that friend where you go to the party, they like getting there with you, but then they want to go talk to the more important people or your spouse or your boyfriend or girlfriend. They're great to everybody else and funny and outgoing, but not with you, right? Or you're the last thought, or you're the one who always has to make the decisions, or you're the one who never gets to make the decisions. But what it really is, it's a really deadly combination in a vicious cycle when people like this get together and it's up to you to break it. You've attracted them because you've always tolerated this treatment before or you started to somewhere else, and they're attracting you because they've been able to get away with it before. Let me say something to those of you that are listening to this today, that say, this doesn't apply to me because I don't accept treatment and less than I'm worthy of. Are you the one who's treating somebody in a way that's less than they're worthy of? In other words, are you the other side of this? Is there any part of you that when you look at your husband or wife, your girlfriend or boyfriend, the people that you work with, or that you employ friends of yours, that you're the one that you know deep in your heart you could treat them better? You could be more loving, more caring, you could express more belief in them. You could make them feel safer, make them feel better about themselves, be a little bit more understanding, give them a little bit more grace. If you're the person who's on the other side of this today, take a good look at yourself. Does it really make you feel better about you that you make someone else feel worse about themselves or make them feel invisible? Or maybe just at a minimum, you just don't elevate this other person. You don't elevate them like you used to or like you could. And is there any part of you internally that doesn't feel right about that, that knows you are better than how you're treating this person? And if any of that resonates with you today, stay with me for the rest of today's podcast because I want you to hear how they feel about the way you're treating them. So what do we do about this? How do we fix this? Because you're better than this. And as your friend, I want to stand up for you so you'll stand up for yourself and only you can fix it. That which you do not hate. You will eventually tolerate. You need to lay it down. I don't tolerate this. I hate that you make me feel this way. Okay? It's got to be strong. So up front, let's start with some things we can do. Number one, you have to start to express your standards up front with people. When you meet them, what your standards are, what your expectations are, okay? And. And you have to express this up front. Now, if you go, well, I've made the mistake. I didn't do that when I started dating her or him, or I didn't do that with my boss, or I don't do that with my customers. They talk to me. They treat me terribly. Then you need to begin to express it now, right now. Begin to express what your standards are. Secondly, create boundaries. This is such an overused therapy term I don't like, but there should be boundaries of where they can go and where they can't go, what they can say and what they can't say. And by the way, in life, you probably can't change this other person. You're probably going to have to change the person. You can't change people. So you oftentimes have to change the people. But you've got to express your boundaries. One of the things, I have a very good friend who went away to do some rehab a little over a year and a half ago. And when they got back, one of the things they learned for the first time was to express some boundaries. And part of those boundaries was what we were going to be doing around him. And he's like, bro, listen, for now, one of my boundaries is I don't want to be drinking on the golf course anymore. In other words, I would prefer that you not drink on the golf course around me. It's one of my boundaries. And by the way, you're welcome to drink on the golf course. Just I won't be playing with you when you do. So. It wasn't asking me not to do something. He was asking me not to do something in his presence. That's a fair boundary. Now, ironically, after about a year, he's become more comfortable in that boundary environment. That boundary has adjusted a little bit. So standards and boundaries. Next, expectations. That's a little bit different than standards. Expectations are rules of engagement. So things like, I watch a lot of people when they go into different businesses, they speak to people that are there to help them in a way they would never speak to somebody else. And I believe it's okay to say, listen, one of the rules of engagement, if I'm going to serve you today is that you address me with some respect in a relationship. You let them know the words they can and can't use with you. You know, I despise when I hear a man particularly call a woman a name. Name calling, well, I lost my temper. Well, that's one of my boundaries is you do not speak to me that way. And one of my rules of engagement is you will not call me that word, call me those names, say that thing to me or you will not raise your voice to me. It's okay to say, I don't want to be with somebody who raises their voice with me. And if that person says I raise my voice, then you are not with me. It's okay, you can go raise your voice to someone who's okay with that. That's one of my boundaries. It's one of my expectations and I hold myself to a standard where I don't do it. And so I expect you not to do it. So if you're thinking about finding a unique gift this holiday, let me tell you something that could really help the people that you love grow and get better. You can't do any better than Masterclass. 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Build your Range Rover Sport at land Rover USA.com Number four correction needs to Be Immediate the longer you go on allowing somebody to do something okay, the more they believe it's acceptable and appropriate. Now, I, I, I'm, I just say this to you. Adults are like kids in the sense that when I was a little boy, if my mom watched me I get away with something, the more I could get away with it. I assumed it was okay until she corrected me, but when my mom would immediately say stop that right now, I knew, oh, this is a serious one. Okay? So the correction needs to be immediate. It can be calm, it could be Listen, I, I'm sure you've been with somebody before who this was acceptable. That's not acceptable with me. Okay? So I just want to immediately tell you I don't like how that sounded when you said it or I don't like what you did right there or that's not acceptable to me. That doesn't feel right to me. That's not something that I would accept long term. I will not tolerate that. Okay? So the sooner you do it, the better. Next number five. No exceptions. No exceptions. If something is that important to you to mention and how you're being treated, there are no exceptions. Okay? Except here or I'll let it go. This one time you've opened the door. That's when a relationship suffers, when it's got vulnerability, when it's not built on a solid foundation. If you have a boss who speaks to you inappropriately or is condescending to you or rude to you, or asks you to do things off of work hours that you're not comfortable doing, meaning extra work is what I mean by that. The one time you do it, then they're going to do it again and so you let them know if the, if it's not accept you, if it's acceptable, hey, I always go out of my way. I always do extra. It's no problem. Tremendous. But if it is something that's not acceptable to you and you believe that they're using you, they're paying you for eight hours and working you for 11 or 12, then you need to begin to speak up the first time. And don't make any exceptions for it, because the one time you do it, then they're going to believe they can do it again. Number six, be the personal example. It's not fair to ask somebody to do something on your behalf as a standard of yours or a boundary of yours or an expectation of yours, but you can do it to them. Don't be a hypocrite. If you don't accept being called names or having your voice raised at you, for example, then you can't do that yourself. If at work you believe one of the poor ways your employees treat you is by showing up late, then you can't show up late, right? You can't tell your employees you're treating me poorly. I pay you well by showing up late or wasting time all day long. And then you show up late and waste time. Be the example. The next thing. Number seven, reinforce what you want. Meaning when someone does make a change and do things the way that you would feel great about, reinforce it and thank them. Reinforce it. Thank you. That was so beautiful, the way you spoke to me. That was so wonderful, that thing you just did for me. Thank you for cleaning up. Thank you for getting here early, whatever that thing might be. Thank you for being so calm in such a difficult situation. Thank you for correcting me with some grace. Thank you. Thank you for going the extra mile. Thank you for taking out the trash. Reinforce what you want. When you reinforce it, that person wants to do it again because it feels good to be acknowledged and recognized. Next confrontation, you're going to have to be willing to be a little bit confrontational from time to time. One of the reasons you're being treated this way, no matter where it is or what the circumstances is, is you've been unwilling to confront it, haven't you? Confront it. You don't have to be a confrontational person in order to confront something that's bothering you. But you're going to have to eventually build up the courage here, like this second right now, to confront it when it happens. And if it happens tonight or tomorrow or the next day, you've made a decision right now. I'm going to confront this when it happens. Okay? The next thing, begin to watch people like they're a silent movie. I've said this before, turn the sound off and watch what they do. You can learn a lot about people by not listening to them and just watching what they do. I'm so sorry. I'll never do it again. I'm so sorry. That's how my dad spoke. I'm so sorry. I learned that from my mom. Turn the sound off. I'm going to get better. I'm going to do this. I'm excited. I'm fired up. I love you. I love you. I love you. Show me. Turn the sound off. If you begin, I've Learned this in 53 years. People will tell you what you want to hear most of the time. So if you could just turn the sound off and just watch them as if they were a silent movie, you'll learn so much more. We want to believe people, so we listen to what they say. We want to believe them. We feel bad about the confrontation. We feel awkward about finally standing up for ourselves. It's uncomfortable to do that. And so what we do is we really want to believe them when they say it. But you are best suited suited to turn the sound off and watch them. And if you just don't listen and you watch people unless the thing they're doing is talking to you the wrong way, but don't listen to the apology, watch to see if they do it again, you'll learn everything you need to, because human beings are great at manipulating a situation with their words. So turn them off. You've already made this mistake so many times in your life, haven't you? Just turn the sound off and watch them, and they'll reveal about everything you need to know over a period of time. When the sound is off, the next thing you can do is write to them. One of the ways to confront people in a really powerful and beautiful, authentic way is to not just do it verbally, but to write them a note. Typing it is one thing, but handwritten note, where you give it to somebody and they read it without you there, Your heart, your words on a piece of paper makes a deep impact. So write them a letter and say, listen, I love you. I'm so grateful for you in my life. You do so many incredible things for me or the family. And I just want to tell you that you're the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me before. However, this bothered me yesterday and it can't happen again. I'm so hurt. Blah, blah, blah. So write it. Write a letter to your employee. Write a letter to your customer. You say, I'm so grateful that we are doing business together. But I really felt dismissed by this situation or whatever it is and write it. You will find that oftentimes words. That's why I say turn the sound off. Words sometimes can escalate. Words sometimes can get lost. Words, we're not as articulate. Oftentimes when we say it in the moment, we don't say it the way we mean it or feel it in our own motions get the better of us. But when we write something, it's more deliberate, it's more thought provoking. And also when it's received, it's sometimes 10 times more powerful than just speaking. Many times you just can speak something, but if that's not working for you, I'm giving you another methodology, which is to write. There's a power to the written word because we see it so very rarely anymore. Everything's, you know, text or phone call or email or spoken word, written word and handwriting or printing makes an impact. And it sticks with somebody and they will reflect alone rather than respond in your presence. So the written word can be a tremendous strategy. I'm not saying don't do it in person and speak you can. I'm saying if that's not working or you want to make more of an impact. When someone is handed something or reads something, you leave it on their pillow or in their briefcase or on their desk or wherever on a table. They're allowed to read your reflections and reflect in their own space and time rather than right in front of you, where they can become defensive. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Listen, it's the time of year where you want to make the next year one of the great years of your life. One of the things you should probably consider is therapy. Most successful people and happy people that I know are either in therapy or have been in therapy because it helps them get clarity, helps them unwind some things that are holding them back, and it gets them focused on the things that need to move forward. So whether you've got major trauma in your life you need to work through or just a lack of clarity and focus in your life that you'd like to get more clear on things and a sense of direction in your life, therapy is a great way to do it. And that's where better help is so great for people to learn different things, and that's where better help comes in. So if you're thinking of starting therapy, give better help a try. It's entirely online, it's convenient, it's flexible, suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist. You can switch therapists for Any time for no additional charge. Find comfort this December with better help. Visit betterhelp.comedshow today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp h lp.comedshow the next thing is candor. Be candid. Don't sugarcoat anything. Stand up for yourself and I'll tell you why in a minute. Okay? Candor matters. Most people appreciate candor. And then lastly, if none of that works, separate and exit. If none of that works, separate and exit. See? Listen, listen. Think about how many people aren't in your life anymore and you're just fine. We end up thinking, this person has to be in my life because they're the most important person or they're the most important client or the most important. But the truth of the matter is, as you've gone through your life, the vast majority of people aren't in it anymore, are they? There's a handful of people that are still in your life for 20 years. The vast majority of people don't stay in your life. Yet this one person has to stay in your life even though they don't treat you well. So when you give them all these opportunities, if it isn't changing, you need to separate from them or exit from them. And not enough people are saying this to you. At the end of your life, there's going to be a handful of people, literally a handful of people who will have been in it the entire time. Yet in the short term window that we can only see where we are right now, we think we have to keep these people in our lives even though they don't treat us the way we're worthy of. You'll be just fine. There'll be a mourning period. It'll be difficult. And then you'll probably be okay. And again, I'm not being dismissive of beautiful, important people in your life. And to the extent that it's a boyfriend of two weeks compared to a husband of 20 years, clearly that's a difference. Clearly, it takes more deliberation, more time. I'm not being dismissive of that. Okay, let's be clear. Someone who's been your friend for 15 years versus someone you've known 15 days, there's more deliberation and more time involved. A client of yours who's been with you for a long time compared to someone that just walked in. There's a difference. A marriage compared to a date. Having said all of that, there's a point where your decision is to separate and exit. And if that's not on My list or on the table for you, you'll be weaker. It's got to be a card you hold. It's got to be a possibility. It's got to be a consideration, and it should be. And so there's little things you can say that bother you. Like, I don't care when I'm talking to somebody, even when I speak in front of 30,000 people. I don't like when someone's on their phone and looking at their phone. So I will literally say, are you listening to me? That's a little way of confronting somebody. Can you please put your phone down? I say to people, demand respect. Actually, let me correct that command. Respect. You know, if something bothers you, say, could you do me a favor? Just put your phone down while we're talking. I'll do the same. I just want to listen to you so closely. You know, we only get an hour together. I only see you once a month, right? But if it's bothering you, tell them. Speak up. Not over every little petty thing, but the things that are less than you're worthy of being treated with. And here's the other thing. I don't think it matters all the time what their intentions are. I had a situation with a good friend of mine, I don't know, about eight weeks ago, and I teased him in front of a group of people. I made a joke about him. Now, when I joke about a dude, like, in my little circle of guys, it's usually a term of endearment. It's usually like, you're one of us if we're not teasing you. You're not really in the inner circle type thing, right? So I teased this guy, made a joke at his expense. People laughed. It was funny. He even laughed a little bit as well. And it is what we do in my little group, okay? But I could tell about an hour after it was bothering him, and I actually said to him, I said, hey, brother, if I offended you, there he goes. You know what? It did. But it shouldn't. I don't know what's wrong with me. Don't worry about it. And I said, no, if what I did hurt you, I apologize and I won't do it again. If what I did hurt you, I apologize and I won't do it again. Now, here's what I know about him. He's just one of those guys who doesn't deal well with being ribbed or being teased. He doesn't deal well with it, so I won't do it. It doesn't matter. What my intent was. It matters how it made him feel. It doesn't matter what their intent was. It matters how it made you feel. So they get a pass the first time. If their intentions were good, you get a pass. But if someone says, I don't like this, just don't do it. There's too many other ways I can interact with him. I got plenty of guys I could tease, and I happen to love this guy. So something happened when he was a kid. I don't know. Maybe he was teased as a kid. Maybe his self esteem's fragile. I don't. Maybe he looks up to me and doesn't want me teasing him and putting him down at all. I have no idea. Maybe he thinks I'm better. I doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what my intent was. I explained my intent and I apologized. I think that's a good friendship. I think that's a good relationship. And I. And he said, you know, Ed, it bothers me, man. I don't know why, and maybe it shouldn't, but it does. I sure would appreciate if you didn't do that again. I just said, man, I love you. I'm so sorry. He didn't even say that. He actually said, it bothers me, but I don't know why it does. It shouldn't. Don't worry. I said, no, it bothers you. It's okay, brother. I could tease the other guys. We got a million things we could do together. There's something special about our friendship. So it doesn't matter what their intent was. If it bothers you, speak up and say, I understand your intention and maybe it's something I need to work on, but for right now, could you please not do that again? There's a way to do this, and if they do it again, they don't value you. If they tell you they do it again and they do it again, turn the sound off and you'll know who they are. Now, having said all of that, don't take offense in life when none is intended. But at the same time, don't take treatment you're unworthy of. You know, I'm not giving you permission to be overly sensitive and goofy about this. You know what I mean? If someone doesn't intend to offend you, I think give them the difference if you can, on their intentions. But if it still really bothers you, right? Like let's say you're really, really tall and all your life you've been teased for being really, really tall. It's a sore spot for you and someone's teasing you. They actually admire the way, but it's okay to go. You know what, man? All my life I've been hammered for being this tall. Can we just drop that one thing? There's nothing wrong with that, but don't be offended if none was intended. Now, having said all of this, I'm going to do a whole podcast on this topic. Here's what you can't do. You can't be passive aggressive about it. You need to be clear. Withholding affection and love from somebody is a cheap way to punish them. Let me say this to you again. Withholding affection or love from another human being is the cheapest way to try to get them to change their behavior. It's cheap. Speak up, write it. But do not do this passive aggressive thing. You know exactly what I mean, where you just don't talk, you don't communicate, you withhold affection, you punish them. At least give them a chance to rectify the situation. Unless it was egregious, right? And too many people in relationships, what they do is they begin to withhold affection. And by the way, that's one of the things, that's treatment that's less than you're worthy of. Something happens between you and your partner and all of a sudden they're withholding affection. I love you. Thank you. I love you. Yeah, you start doing that little petty, childish thing, it's a cheap way to punish somebody. It's a cheap way to engage. It's a cheap way to communicate with people. And it hurts a relationship. If every time something goes wrong, your reaction is to withhold affection and love. You are creating a cycle in your relationship that is probably dooming it for destruction. Long term, love should not be the verb. Love, okay, is different. I'm talking about the act of being loving. When you withhold that from somebody before you've given a chance to rectify, that's a cheap way to correct somebody. And it doesn't correct it. It doesn't correct it. The things I've said earlier are what corrected. So don't do that thing where you become passive aggressive and now you do something that's less than worthy of you in retribution to punish them. Okay? Now, if you have to withhold affection to prove to somebody you're taking a stand against something that's different. But you know exactly what I mean. Only if you've expressed your disdain, your frustration, your hurt, your pain first. The silence thing is a cycle that happens in relationships that is very detrimental when the first Wound takes place and it degrades and reduces the love in a relationship and its vibrational frequency. Having said all of this, trying to change people is very difficult. And like I said in the beginning, maybe you just need to change the people. Focus on how you treat yourself and ask yourself, why does this keep happening to me? Why does this keep happening to me? What is your part of it? Don't escalate the situation. Don't try to win. Don't try to be the person who's constantly winning in a relationship. It's a partnership, whether it's a boss, employee, husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend or friend. Don't try to win. But you have to ask yourself, why does this keep happening to me? So it's a vicious cycle. This terrible treatment that you're receiving causes you to believe less in yourself and reduce your value, which causes you to accept more of it. So someone treats you poorly, you feel worse about yourself, which causes you to accept this more often. And then it gets worse and worse and worse. But you have to ask yourself, why are they doing this to you? And why are you allowing it? See, everything we do in life has a payoff. We wouldn't do it if there wasn't some benefit to us. You know, you work to make money, so you, you know, you jump in the ocean to cool off or swimming helps you feel better about yourself. The same is true with humans. People don't do things because they don't get an outcome. They do it because they get an outcome from it. So the reason they're doing it is they get an outcome. And the reason you're letting them do it, believe it or not, is you get an outcome. So let's say you have somebody at work who's constantly taking credit for your ideas. They go out of their way to make you the bad guy all the time. Or maybe they're rude to you. Whatever it might be, they're doing this because they get some type of a payoff from you. Otherwise they'd stop. You think there's not true at all. Well, maybe the payoff is they're getting away with it. Maybe the payoff is you get angry, act out against them, and look like the bad person. I'm not saying that the other person's choices you're accountable for. It's not about whose fault it is. What I'm saying is that you have power over your reactions. So if there's a person in your life who isn't treating you with the respect and consideration that you think you should get you got a couple of decisions that you got to choose from. Are you willing to accept accountability for this? And do you really want it to change? And if the answer to that is yes, then you should ask yourself, what am I doing to elicit this person's behavior? Or what am I doing to allow it to continue? Why are they okay with doing this to me? And it's worth looking at. Is there something in your physiology, your language, the way you speak about yourself, the fact that you don't stand up for yourself in other situations? It's not always just them. There's probably a part of you that's worth taking a look at, especially if this has happened more than once in your life. So even if you think you're not doing it, your inaction of speaking up is speaking for you. I have a really good friend that does this. I have a good friend that when we go to restaurants, and I love this dude, but he actually orders for me on the menu. And you'd think, well, there's no payoff for me when he does that. But there is, because, like, then I can be more social. I don't have to think, you know, it makes him like me more. But the truth is, I hate that he orders from me. I don't like the food that he gets. It's weird that a dude's ordering for another dude, at least in my opinion. So finally, after a long time, I said, hey, brother, I'll order my own stuff. I know what I want here, right? And he kind of looked at me like I was crazy. No, what it did for him is he looked like the big shot. He looked like the guy that had been at the restaurant more often, right? Which he liked that feeling. And I was sort of a codependent in letting him do it every time we went out. And in my case, I could actually socially interact. I'm socially, you know, I'm introverted, so I could stay in the conversation and not come out of it. And it made him like me more than I let him. That was the payoff. But the bottom line is I felt small. I didn't like it. It seems like a smallest example ever, but the fact of the matter is, I was the one who was refusing to say, wait a minute, I'm. I'm in the mood for something other than this, right? Or another place. The only person I can control is me. Which is great news, because you're the one who's been letting this person call the shots. And so I just finally said, hey, brother, I love You. I'm gonna order my own tonight. Right. And it tweaked them a little bit. But the fact of the matter is I should have stood up for it way before then. And so in all of these cases, sooner would have been better. Candid would have been better. Now, having said everything I've said today, give people some grace. Most people aren't your enemy. They're not intentionally trying to hurt you. Here's the truth. Hurt people, hurt people. And so in many ways, this is little subtle things that human beings are trying to see what the boundaries are. And we don't know it when we're interacting with one another, but what we're really doing is exploring where the boundaries are. And the longer you're in a relationship, I think people try to expand the boundaries. If anything, it sounds strange. It's a form of change in the relationship, and it changes the dynamic. So actually, sometimes, just out of boredom, people will begin to try to expand the boundaries in a relationship at work or in a home. And it's your ability to say, we can explore changes in other ways, but not in the way you're treating me. Give people grace. We're all human. We all make mistakes. And when there's no offense intended, don't take any. But at the same time, when something feels wrong to you, it's wrong. You should speak up for it. There's too many people in the world, and you are too valuable to accept any treatment that is less than you're worthy of. Start teaching people how to treat you the way you want to be treated as opposed to teaching them the ways you don't want to be. You will be happier, they will be happier, and you will find peace and bliss in your life in a way that you've never discovered before. When you feel good that you stand up for you because no one else is going to do it. God bless you, Max Out. This is the Ed Milan show.