STOP Trying To Change Others! People Change Only If They Want To - Ed Mylett

Summary

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THE ED MYLETT SHOW

Episode: "STOP Trying To Change Others! People Change Only If They Want To"

Date: April 18, 2026
Host: Ed Mylett
Featured Guests: Zoe Chance, Trent Shelton, Alex Hormozi, Dean Graziosi

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Episode Overview

This episode is a deep dive into one of the most challenging truths in personal growth and relationships: you cannot change other people—change is an inside job that can only be decided and accomplished by the individual. Ed Mylett, through solo teaching segments and candid Q&A, unpacks why this is true in personal and professional relationships, the pitfalls of attempting to change others, and powerful strategies for redirecting energy into self-growth. The episode is supported and enriched by insights from guests Zoe Chance (Yale professor and influence expert), Trent Shelton (author/podcaster), Alex Hormozi (entrepreneur), and Dean Graziosi (personal development leader).

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Main Segments & Key Insights

1. Why You Can't Change Other People

[01:48 – 16:32] Ed Mylett Solo

• Listener Question: “Can you help me change my spouse and the way they behave?”

  • Ed's Answer:
    • “Let me be very clear with you. No, I can't. And more importantly, neither can you.” (02:19)

• Key Takeaways:

  • People will only change if and when they want to.
  • All the nagging, cajoling, threatening, encouraging—it doesn’t work long-term.
  • Two choices: Accept people as they are, or remove yourself from the situation.
  • Trying to change others leads to “the three R’s”: Resistance, Rebellion, Resentment.
    • “The more you try to get them to change, they resist, then they rebel and they resent.” (05:13)
  • Wasting time trying to change others often stems from our own lack of self-worth or fear of being alone.
  • If someone consistently treats you poorly, the healthier move is to leave or distance yourself.
  • True happiness cannot be dependent on changing others’ actions or behavior.

• Notable Moment:

  • Ed references his own family—his father’s alcoholism—to show that change comes from within:
  • “Listen, I know that when my dad was drinking and I've had other friends...there’s nothing you could do. They have to hit a place in their life where they decide they're going to change.” (04:30)

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2. Understanding Influence and Creating Change

[22:27 – 30:05] Interview with Zoe Chance (Yale Professor, Influence Expert)

• Core Ideas:
  • You can’t necessarily “change people’s minds”—behavior change is not always about conscious motivation, but often about structure and ease.
  • “It is very unlikely that if you do change their minds, their behavior will just naturally follow.” (23:11, Zoe Chance)
  • People operate on autopilot 90–95% of the time.
  • The “path of least resistance” almost always wins. Small tweaks to make behavior easier are more powerful than appeals to motivation.
    • Example: Domino’s “pizza emoji” order system increased U.S. sales by 12%. (25:22)
    • “It’s not that we're lazy...it’s that we are on autopilot maybe 95% of the time.” (25:22, Zoe Chance)
  • Visual analogy: The “gator” (emotional/unconscious brain, 95%) vs. the “judge” (slow, rational thinking, 5%). The “gator” almost always wins.
    • “You’re never going to influence the way you feel through reason.” (29:19, Zoe Chance)

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3. Why We Tolerate Toxic Relationships (with Trent Shelton)

[30:26 – 35:53] Interview with Trent Shelton

• Theme: Environment and people are “soil”—they determine whether you flourish.
  • “Each and every one of us, we're a seed... What happens is a lot of us, we put our seed in toxic soil and we wonder why we’re not producing the right harvest.” (32:01, Trent Shelton)
  • Sometimes, being alone (“perfectly lonely”) is required to grow self-worth before true, healthy love is possible.
  • “A great seed and bad soil will not produce good fruit.” (32:26, Trent Shelton)
  • Courage to remove toxic relationships is often stymied by fear of loneliness, confrontation, and judgment.
  • “Sometimes you gotta go to the mountain by yourself before you find your tribe.” (paraphrased)

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4. The Power of Environment and Peer Group

[43:57 – 61:58] Ed Mylett Solo

• Environment = People closest to you

  • “The most powerful force on earth is we become consistent with the expectations of our peer group.” (44:17)
  • Evaluate relationships by the effect they have on your standards, your energy, and your identity.
  • Future-facing conversations and relationships (“future reference friends”) are critical; past-focused relationships reinforce old patterns.
  • Not every relationship needs to be eliminated; proximity can be reduced to minimize their influence.
  • “Kind, cordial, concise”—the 3 C's for dealing with people who aren’t supporting your growth.

• How to Add Higher-Standard People:

  • Seek their environments (gyms, churches, events).
  • Start by offering value—even if it’s just belief, truth, encouragement.

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5. Building Resilience and Not Giving Up (with Alex Hormozi)

[38:37 – 42:47] Interview with Alex Hormozi

• Key Insight: The only true failure is quitting.
  • “I cannot lose if I do not quit. … If I just kept moving one foot at another, one phone call after another…eventually it would turn around.” (41:21, Alex Hormozi)
  • Success = Willingness to focus on the controllable and never surrender.
  • Parallels Ed uses with his father’s journey through alcoholism: “He goes, ‘I can't promise you that. I'm just not going to quit for one more day.’” (42:50)

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6. Worthiness, Success, and Changing Your Story (with Dean Graziosi)

[62:38 – 73:54] Interview with Dean Graziosi

• Why do we struggle with feeling deserving?
  • Societal narratives and internal stories tell us we aren’t worthy of success or money.
  • “I think money and alcohol just expose and compound who you are.” (64:17, Dean Graziosi)
  • Challenge your “story” by asking “why” multiple times to reach the true root.
  • To shift your story, sometimes you must visually (or emotionally) “go to the dark side” and use pain as a catalyst.
  • “Sometimes we gotta give ourselves permission to not want to end up like the people who let us down.” (paraphrased)
  • Identify the story that’s cost you most—the “enemy” always coming to take back progress.
  • Prepare mentally for these stories and “fortify your gates.”

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7. The Identity Thermostat—How to Change Your Reality

[74:05 – 95:28] Ed Mylett Solo

• Identity as the “thermostat” of your life—sets the level for everything (wealth, fitness, relationships, happiness):
  • “You are going to always be consistent with what you believe you’re worth and what you believe you deserve.” (74:34)
  • External conditions do NOT control your destiny; your internal governor does.
  • Unless you upgrade your thermostat (identity), you will cool/heat your life to match your internal setting—no matter what happens outside.
  • “If you produce better results but don’t change your thermostat, you will return to the level you’re used to.” (paraphrased)
• Four Ways to Upgrade Your Identity:
  1. Increase proximity to higher-temperature people (“You will become somewhere between where you are and where they are over time.”)
  2. Short-term burst of radically different behavior (shock your brain into a new belief about yourself).
  3. Drop behaviors or thoughts no longer needed (leave behind coping mechanisms that served the old you).
  4. Tell a new story (every minute living the old story is a minute not spent writing the new one).
  • “At any time, you can decide to write a new script. You can decide to be a new character.” (91:40)

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Notable Quotes

• “You cannot get somebody to change. And what's going to happen is you're going to begin to be seen as controlling... You're going to lose this battle. And if you’re not careful...you’re eventually going to lose this person.” (12:45, Ed Mylett)
• “If you're staying with someone who mistreats you, you have to ask yourself, why do you stay with them? … It’s your own lack of self worth.” (05:55, Ed Mylett)
• “A great seed and bad soil will not produce good fruit.” (32:26, Trent Shelton)
• “It is very unlikely that if you do change their minds, their behavior will just naturally follow.” (23:11, Zoe Chance)
• “I cannot lose if I do not quit.” (41:21, Alex Hormozi)
• “You can’t have a new identity without a new story.” (90:27, Ed Mylett)

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Segment Timestamps

| Segment | Timestamp | |-----------------------------------------------|----------------| | Ed on Changing Others | 01:48 – 16:32 | | Zoe Chance on Influence & Habits | 22:27 – 30:05 | | Trent Shelton on Toxic People | 30:26 – 35:53 | | Alex Hormozi on Resilience | 38:37 – 42:47 | | Ed on Environmental Mastery | 43:57 – 61:58 | | Dean Graziosi on Worthiness & Stories | 62:38 – 73:54 | | Ed on Identity as Thermostat | 74:05 – 95:28 |

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Final Reflections

Ed Mylett wraps up with a message of hope and empowerment: Life is lived best when you focus on altering your own identity and standards, selectively upgrade your environment, and understand that love, fulfillment, and greatness start from within. “Stop trying to change them. It's killing you. It's taking all your energy. It's zapping you of all the juice of life. And life is supposed to be lived.” (20:57)

Call to Action: Audit your environment, evaluate your closest relationships, tell yourself a new story, and remember: "You were born to do something great with your life."

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For more, follow THE ED MYLETT SHOW on Apple and Spotify.

Transcript

[Ed Mylett]

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this is the Ed Show. Hey everyone. Welcome to my weekend special. I hope you enjoy the show. Be sure to follow the Ed Mylett show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes.

[Ed Mylett]

You'll never miss an episode that way. Now on with the show. All right, welcome back to the show. I love our Thursday episodes because it gives me a chance to answer your questions on the show. So I love creating content for you when I do the interviews or my solo episodes. But I also love answering your questions because I know that it's exactly the things that you need help with and so today's no exception. By the way, if you have something you want help with or a question answered, you can DM me on Instagram Mylett and there's a chance you'll end up on the show. Like it did today. Today's question is all about change, which is a really interesting one, except not change of oneself, change of another person. So this person's question was, can you please help me change my spouse and the way they behave? Let me be very clear with you. No, I can't. And more importantly, neither can you. So many of us, and I'll put myself included in this, we are wasting so much time, effort and energy trying to get another human being to change when they're not going to. They're certainly not going to change for you.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

If a human being is going to

[Ed Mylett]

change their behavior, they're going to change that behavior because they choose to, because they want to. And no cajoling, no threatening, no encouraging is going to get another human being to change on your behalf. And so so many of you are wasting energy, focus and time with somebody who is not going to change. And so you need to decide. I'm not saying that you don't want people to treat you in a way that you deserve or that you're worthy of. That's not what I'm talking about here.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

What I am saying is they're probably

[Ed Mylett]

not going to change.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

And so there's two things you can

[Ed Mylett]

try to do in your life. You can waste all the energy you have trying to change this person, or you can just change the person. In other words, maybe it's time you not be with this person anymore or accept the way they are now. If they treat you in a way that's not worthy or what you deserve, then you should leave. But wasting energy, all the different things we do, we try to prod and we try to threaten.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

Someone's treating us in a way.

[Ed Mylett]

Think about all the things we do. We'll give them the silent treatment, we'll give them the cold shoulder, we'll threaten them, we'll try to encourage them. Whatever the thing is that you might do. Has any of it worked? For the long term, not the short term, the long term. People will eventually reveal to you who they are. And when they do, wouldn't it be more prudent to either accept the way they are if it's worthy of you and you deserve it, or to leave or to leave? Are you so afraid to be alone that you're willing to stay with somebody over and over again who mistreats you or treats you or behaves or treats themselves? Maybe they do things where they treat themselves in such a way it's just terrible. And you watch this happen over and over again and it hurts you but yet you stay with them. You have to ask yourself, why do you stay with them? You've already, you know they're not going to change, right? You keep trying to do a different tactic or a strategy or give them a book or something to. They have to decide this on their own. Listen, I know that when my dad was drinking and I've had other friends of mine that have had substance abuse issues in their life, there's nothing you could do. You can't create a word game to get them to change. They have to hit a place in their life where they decide they're going to change. Human beings have to make that decision themselves. And so all the games we play, the cold shoulder, the I'm not going to talk to you, I'm going to step away for a while, you're going to threaten them. Whatever it is, it doesn't work long term. And what happens when you're constantly trying to get somebody to change? Let me tell you what ends up happening. They resist you, they rebel against you and they resent you. The three R's. And so the more you try to get them to change, they resist, then they rebel and they resent. And then it almost feeds the behavior that they're having. You know, one of my greatest strengths of my life is I see somebody as they're capable of being and I love them and I believe in them. And it's been one of my great strengths in my life. It's also been one of the great weaknesses and one of the things that's been used as a weapon to hurt me, that I see them as they could be. And that's what you want to do as a leader in business or as a parent or as a friend, is see somebody as they could be and try to get them to live up to a particular standard. But at some point, someone has shown you who they are, they revealed to you at least who they are now. And so many of us stay in a relationship with somebody, haven't you? Many of you listening to this are watching it. And the real reason you're staying is your own lack of self worth, your own lack of really believing what you deserve. You would rather be with someone who behaves in a way that either doesn't treat you well, isn't worthy of themselves, they don't treat other people well, maybe all of the three or one of them. And the reason you stay is you'd rather have that than the fear of being alone. Because maybe you think you can't do better or get someone else. And so maybe the problem isn't with this other person. Maybe the issue is with you. And so please stop trying to get other people to change. It's not going to happen. They have to live their own lives, make their own decisions, their own mistakes, and they need to deal with the consequences of those choices. And potentially maybe one of those consequences is that you're not around in their life anymore. Maybe they're going to suffer the consequence of you won't be quite as close to them anymore. Maybe you won't be close to them at all. Maybe you just won't be around them as much. This could be a friend, this could be an intimate relationship in your life, or maybe it's somebody even that you employ. So you can't be so concerned that you're going to be alone that you begin to waste all your energy. It's debilitating. You're going to be waiting for a long time. By the way, if your happiness is contingent on your environment or your happiness is contingent on the behavior, other people's, if you have surrendered your own happiness to another human being and their choices and their behavior and how they have to conduct themselves in a way that you see fit in order for you to feel happiness and loved, boy, you're taking a big risk in your life and you're wasting a lot of energy. And so sometimes you just have to say bye bye or create distance or just make the decision that it's okay to be alone, or if someone works for you, maybe let them go. I think there's only so many times you can ask somebody to live up to a standard or a behavior, or hold them accountable or threaten them until at some point all you're really doing is criticizing them. And all you're really doing is creating toxicity in your life and in your relationship with this person. And so there's a lot of reasons why I don't think nagging somebody, getting on them, giving them unwanted advice, stress, conflict, all that stuff, it just negatively impacts human beings and their relationships. And when we try to fix, change, rescue people in our lives over and over again, we're really assuming that we know what's best for them. And really what we're really probably trying to do is we really know what's best for us. And so are you really trying to get them to change so that they'll be happier? Are you trying to get them to change so that you'd be happier? This is a point of reflection for so many of us. And most of us spend most of our lives trying to get the person around us to behave differently. And we set up these expectations where they constantly are letting us down, rather than just making one of two choices. I accept you as you are or I don't. If I accept you as you are, I'm going to encourage you to grow and improve. And there's obviously in life there's a particular standard that someone must treat us, that we're worthy of and that we deserve. But if someone consistently doesn't live up to that standard, why are you wasting all this energy at this one person to change this one human being to change when there's 8 billion other ones? And then what you got to do is you got to take a look at yourself. Why am I so reliant on this person for my happiness? Why am I so dependent on the conditions of how they act based on my own bliss? This is something that's a very dangerous place. And what happens is we become more resentful, we become more frustrated, then we behave in a way that's not worthy of us or reflective of how we should conduct ourselves. And now we're not treating that, and now it's toxic. Rather than just make one of the two choices that I've suggested, when we get distracted from solving our own problems and issues and we spend all of our time trying to solve another person's problems and issues, we've depleted all of our energy and now we're not growing ourselves. And by the way, word to the wise, because you listen to my content, because you listen to programs like this, it means you're addicted to growing. You're addicted to improving yourself and expansion of your being and becoming a better version of you and all of these things. If you're not with someone who is also that way, that's okay, by the way, but trying to get them to be like you will just create more distance between you and them. I think it's okay that if in a relationship you're growing and expanding and changing and the other person is rather happy the way they are, I think those two people can coexist. I think it's fine.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

Now do I think it's best if

[Ed Mylett]

there's two people sort of running together and I'm growing and expanding and you're growing and expanding and we're heading somewhere. I do think that's best. But I also believe that it works where one person's like, hey, I'm not satisfied with who I am. I'm changing and growing and evolving. And the other person's like, I'm actually pretty satisfied. I like my job, I like my life. I. I like my emotions. I. I'm okay. That relationship can work as well. What won't work is when one resents the other one because they're not like them. And you want them to change the way they act and conduct themselves. Not based on their own happiness, probably, but based on yours. So just take a quick look, a long look, if you will, and just decide, is this the right person in my intimate relationship? Is this the person who should be my close friend? Maybe they should be a distant friend. Maybe they should no longer be my intimate partner.

[Trent Shelton]

But.

[Ed Mylett]

But someone that I consider a lifelong friend. Maybe they shouldn't be around me at all. If I employ this person, how many choices and chances am I going to give them before they just don't live up to the standard? And I've got to make a difficult decision. It's the difficult decisions that you need to make that are what matter. That's what matters. Instead of trying to make the easy one, which is just putting it off on them to change their behavior. I think you're being selfish when you're asking somebody to change against their own will. That's number one. Number two, I think it's exhausting if this person is not interested or ready for change. You're putting out a whole lot of energy and a whole lot of focus and a lot of challenges in your life unnecessarily. And again, I want to reinforce this. You cannot get somebody to change. And what's going to happen is you're going to begin to be seen as controlling, and that's not something you want. And let me tell you the other thing. You're going to lose. You're going to lose this battle. And if you're not careful, if you keep battling them about this, you're eventually going to lose this person. And maybe in some cases, it's not necessary. If you go back to my dad when he quit drinking and other friends of mine that have quit a habit that didn't serve them or changed their behavior, they have to reach their own conclusions. Change is an internal thing. They have to make an internal decision, not based on the external forcing of another human being and change in our lives. If you're someone like me, who I'm constantly changing and evolving, and I am, it's hard for you to connect and relate to somebody who isn't. And you have to evaluate that. And then you just on your own terms, you have to go, I'm okay that they're not changing and evolving. And let's just be honest, you fell in love with that person the way they were.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

Is it really fair for you now

[Ed Mylett]

to say, hey, I want you to be changing all the time? Part of them is like, well, wait a minute, I'm not the one who said I wanted to grow and change and evolve and increase. I like my life. I like the way that I am. One of the things we do in the personal development business is we judge people who don't change and grow. I've learned not to do that. I've learned to accept people as they are if they accept themselves as they are. Now if someone says to me, I don't like the way my life is, I want to change, I want to grow, I want to be better. And then they don't. Well, now we got a real issue. But I have a lot of people that are friends of mine that are like, hey man, I love that you're always growing and expanding and changing.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

And I get it.

[Ed Mylett]

I'm just not wired that way and you need to accept me this way or don't, but don't constantly be judging me and assessing me. And my gosh, it's exhausting for them as well to always feel like they're under the microscope, that you're always watching them. And then what happens is because they love you, they artificially try to change things in the short term, but people return back to their patterns. If your pattern is to grow and improve and expand, you're going to do that. If your pattern is you don't, you're probably not going to. And so sometimes you just got to say, bye, bye, bye. And that's the hard thing to do and it's excruciatingly painful. And I'm not encouraging you to do that. What I'm encouraging you to do is one or the other, it's one or the other, accept them or leave. And if it's leaving is the real painful thing to do, it's the more painful thing to do, right? But it's short term pain. Long term pain is to stay with somebody over and over and over again who's going to let you down, who you're in conflict with, who gets your hopes up, your expectations up, and then doesn't meet them. And by the way, they're in pain because maybe they love you and they want to be a particular person that they're just not, that they just aren't. And if you suffer from this disease I have where I always see people as I think they could be. It's so beautiful as a business leader to be that way. And if you're with the right person, they want you to see the better version of them. Listen, I know in personal development we're constantly talking about getting people to rise to the standard and getting the treatment that you deserve and not just accepting somebody as they are, but demanding and requiring more of them. That's if that person wants to be required to do more, if they want to expand, if they've signed up for that agreement. But there are a lot of people in the world that aren't like you and I, that are relatively happy the way they are. They don't want to be richer, they don't want to be more fit, they don't want to expand their knowledge and their emotional basis. They're okay the way they are now.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

I don't relate to that.

[Ed Mylett]

I don't understand that at all. And probably you don't. But you either need to accept that they're that way or you need to not be with them. Because there's no word game, there's no cajoling, there's no cold shoulder, there's no threatening, there's no silent treatment that's going to get them to do it. There's no comparison where you tell them, well, so and so's like this or so and so's wife does this or spouse does that or husband does this and you begin to compare them to another person. All of this is just this toxic soup of you trying to get another person to meet your conditions so you're more comfortable and happy. Maybe they're just the wrong person or maybe you need to just give them a break. And so today's message is just to have you reflect on this. And if you have any relationship like this, a work one, an intimate one, a friendship, eventually you got to evaluate and you know what? Probably the most powerful thing you could do is to ask them, do you want to change? Do you want to grow? And be honest with me? Do you want to get better? Do you want to expand? And it's okay if you don't, but please level with me rather than me constantly have these expectations that things are going to be different and then they never are or they only are short term, just please be honest with me and that way you can make your decisions. And so this idea that how do I get somebody else to change is a flawed premise and something that doesn't serve you. It's not going to work long term. And the person, every single minute you're spending looking at this other person, how much they need to change are minutes you're not looking at you, you're not looking inside. And by the way, sometimes I've found in my life is that as I've changed and evolved, it's created a space and a comfort level and a security and a safety for the people around me that they now can as well. And so the best thing I can do for this other person is to continue to run my play, play my game, live my life and support and love them where they are, meet somebody where they are, love them where they are. And again, if they're not meeting a standard of what you're worthy of or what you deserve, or they're treating you in a mean way, a condescending way, a threatening way, an abusive way, get out, Leave. Do not be with them if they're not honest with you and forthright, it's the wrong person. And it'd be better to be alone than to be with somebody that doesn't treat you in a way that you're worthy of and that you deserve. Today's episode is brought to you by Rag and Bone. You know, Rag and Bone infuse offers a range of fits tailored for any style and occasion. So you can get like slim and straight or you can get athletic, you can get relaxed. Infused denim is a wardrobe staple that I think pairs really great with any outfit. Whatever you prefer, it's built with premium materials and craftsmanship. These jeans are made to last not

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provided by Chime's bank partners.

[Ed Mylett]

Optional products and services may have fees or charges. Stop trying to change them. It's killing you. It's taking all your energy. It's zapping you of all the juice of life. And life is supposed to be lived. And you were born to do something great with your life. You were also born to be in a relationship that's loving and blissful and kind. And if you so choose growth oriented and progressive and expansive. If you choose that, it's okay that you choose somebody who doesn't want to run the race with you but supports you running your race and you support them running theirs.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify.

[Ed Mylett]

Links are in the show notes.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

Now on to our next guest. Welcome back to the show everybody. So are you like me? Did you ever want to go to Yale? Did you ever want to go to

[Ed Mylett]

an Ivy League school and wonder what it was like?

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

You know, for me there was a few obstacles.

[Ed Mylett]

One was iq. Two was grades. Three was college scores and money.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

So it kind of eliminated me.

[Zoe Chance]

So you were almost there?

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

I was almost there. I was this close. But today I'm going to bring you into what I think is, you know, one of the most popular courses at Yale School of Management. And the lady who teaches that class, we're going to go in there together today.

[Ed Mylett]

So if you're interested in that Listen,

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

and if that never interested you, would you like to be more influential? Which I think is the most important

[Ed Mylett]

skill set a human being can possess is to be able to influence themselves and other human beings.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

And I have the best person on the planet, I think, to talk about it today. So, Zoe Chance, welcome to the show.

[Zoe Chance]

Ed, thank you so much. It's an honor to be here. And I'm so happy to meet you.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

I'm so happy to meet you. By the way, new book out Influences yous Superpower. I like the tagline, though. The Science of Winning Hearts, Sparking Change, and Making Good Things Happen. And it's available by the time you're listening to this, guys, it's February 1st. You can go get it, pre order it, do whatever you want, but it is outstanding stuff. And we've got a full hour to cover today on this topic.

[Ed Mylett]

So you ready to roll?

[Zoe Chance]

Let's roll.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

Okay. Interesting. First thing for me is that you say something about you may not be able to change people's minds, but you can change people the way that they sort of behave. And so I've always looked at influencers like, I'm going to change their mind. Then I'm starting to read your work. I'm like, no, I was wrong about that. So start out there about changing behavior and not minds, right?

[Zoe Chance]

This is a distinction that most of us don't make. We think that if we want to change somebody, we need to change their mind. But so little of our thinking and our behavior is actually happening consciously or intentionally that often. It's not just that it's so, so hard to change people's minds, including yours, of course, as you know. But it is very unlikely that if you do change their minds, their behavior will just naturally follow. And a simple example of conversation somebody was having me with, having with me this morning is about his kid not rinsing out the bathroom sink after brushing his teeth. And he's like, how do I get him to care? How do I get him to remember? And he thinks he needs to change his son's mind, but he's just forgetting. It's not that his son needs to be motivated to rinse out the sink. Right? Motivation. Even though this is such a big part of what we talk about in our pursuit of success, motivation is a smaller part of the question than just making it easy. So I was talking to about what would make it easier for your son to remember to do the thing. And so he's going to ask his son, what would it take for you to remember to do the thing, and they'll decide and, you know, is it going to be a Hot Wheels car sitting next to the sink in the bathroom? And then he knows that's what it means. I don't know.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

This is where we're going to go. So I love this, by the way, one of the benchmarks of my work is that I don't think the most motivated people win in life.

[Ed Mylett]

I think it's their habits and rituals

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

and their routines on the days they don't feel inspired. And the reason after reading your work, that this is true, by the way, guys, you already can tell if you're listening to this on the treadmill or driving in the car, you're going to do it. And then you're going to actually want

[Ed Mylett]

to go write a bunch of notes down because you're going to be in class today on influence.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

But one of the things you point out in the book is that what you just said. But I want you to elaborate on this point, which is one of the

[Ed Mylett]

ways to influence people is they're typically always going to take the path of least resistance.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

And just the understanding and awareness that that's what a human being is likely to do, I think is one of the first pathways to being more influential. So elaborate. If I'm wrong, correct me. And if I'm right, elaborate on that a little bit.

[Zoe Chance]

Yeah. Thank you. It's not that we're lazy in terms of not being willing to do a lot of hard work. It's that we are on autopilot maybe 95% of the time. And so if you think of another person as being always already occupied consciously with something else, then whatever it is that you want them to do, you can start to see how difficult it is to break through that mental clutter. Very simple example in business, but a broader scale example than the toothbrush thing is Domino's Pizza. Who figured out the secret to success in business is making it as easy as possible for people to buy things from you. So Domino's Pizza says, we're going to have a Domino's anywhere campaign where we know what your favorite pizza is and we know where you live, and we know that by habit, most people ordering pizza order the same pizza to the same address. So they said, listen, what if you just text us or tweet us an emoticon of a pizza, and then poof, like magic pizza shows up at your house? In that year, they earned 12% higher sales in the United States. Number one pizza company, Pizza hut, declined by 2%. So you can imagine what's happening here is not just that it's easier to buy pizza from Domino's than Pizza Hut, but they're actually expanding the market for pizza in a place where it's so saturated because it's easier to eat pizza than some other kind of food. And then by three years after that, they've overtaken Pizza Hut as the number one pizza company in the entire world.

[Ed Mylett]

That is such a great example.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

And it's just one of these things. I'm always going to reinforce points when

[Ed Mylett]

they're being made, but this is something

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

I think about when I'm trying to

[Ed Mylett]

get my kids to do things, or

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

even I'm in a selling situation or even with myself.

[Ed Mylett]

To get myself to make change is to take the easiest first steps, the

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

path of least resistance. And the way he said it in

[Ed Mylett]

the book, I'm like, my goodness, this is so true. Now, one of the things you say in the book, there's so much.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

And by the way, the reason I'm only going to cover some of this, guys, is I want you to get the book right. But things like behavioral economics is discussed in the book, the Neuroscience of Creating Change.

[Ed Mylett]

So it's not just like, poofy stuff.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

It's poofy stuff and tangible stuff backed up by the scientific evidence of it. Which is why the class, I'm sure, is just so, so important. But to use concepts that people can remember, too. What's this alligator and judge analogy that you use? Because this is like, people won't forget it, right?

[Ed Mylett]

I want to start.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

Go to some complex stuff, but alligator, judge, even a guy like Ed Mylett can remember. So give us that.

[Zoe Chance]

Yeah, it helps to give people visual, concrete analogies. Right? So the gator represents our unconscious, intuitive, habitual emotional system that, like I was saying earlier, drives 95% of our decisions and our behavior. And the judge represents the conscious, slow, rational, deliberate, effortful system that we think is in charge because it's conscious. And by definition, we just can't perceive the unconscious part. One of the tricky things about the relationship between these two systems, the judge and the gator, is that influence goes one direction almost exclusively from the gator to the judge. When we have strong preferences, opinions and feelings about other people. Right? Or things we do or don't want to do. And then we easily rationalize those preferences, but we can't talk ourselves into, say, like, what's a. Do you have any kind of food that you hate, Ed?

[Ed Mylett]

Yes, I cannot.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

I cannot eat any type of broccoli.

[Ed Mylett]

Whatsoever, which is terrible because it's good for you.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

But I don't like broccoli.

[Zoe Chance]

Okay, so you hate broccoli. Is there any kind of rational argument that could influence you to love broccoli?

[Ed Mylett]

No chance.

[Zoe Chance]

No chance. Right. It's possible you could be influenced in some way to eat broccoli through a rational argument, but you're never going to influence the way you feel through reason.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

Yes. Okay, here's how brilliant that is. I actually eat broccoli. We're going to talk about this later in the show, but frankly, it's because

[Ed Mylett]

of the way it was framed to

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

me, which is something we're going to

[Ed Mylett]

talk about a little bit later.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

I've been talking about framing for years,

[Ed Mylett]

and then you take it to a whole new level.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

So the way it was framed to me has compelled me to be willing to take that action. And by the way, I do it in the path of least resistance, even though it's something that I would never tell you that I love doing, because it's been framed to benefit me, which

[Ed Mylett]

we'll talk about a little bit later as we go. So this is why her work is so awesome.

[Zoe Chance]

I'm so curious to hear about how that happened. So, okay, we'll bookmark it.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

We will.

[Ed Mylett]

We're going to go there.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

That was a great conversation. And if you want to hear the

[Ed Mylett]

full interview, be sure to follow the Ed Mylett show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

Here's an excerpt I did with our next guest. All right, welcome back to the show, everybody. I'm so excited to have my friend here today. This guy, he's perfect timing for me in my life. And so I know what we're going to discuss today is going to improve

[Ed Mylett]

and change your life tremendously.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

And I just have this feeling I'm having him on again at the right time. So this gentleman's been on the show. I very rarely have people come back twice, but when they really, really help people, I do it. So very few times. Only a couple, I've done that. But my friend Trent Shelton is here today. Trent is an author. He's a podcaster. Straight up with Trent Shelton is his PODC podcast.

[Ed Mylett]

And I think I would just call him somebody who I guess a life

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

strategist, but I just think he helps people manage their lives better, and I want him to help all of you do that today.

[Ed Mylett]

And I think he's the best at what he does.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

So, Trent Shelton, welcome back to the show, my brother.

[Trent Shelton]

Yeah, man. I Appreciate you, man. Thanks for having me back. It's good to see you. It's good to be back on this epic podcast, bro. So thank you, man.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

Now, there's the. So there's the angels in our life, and then there's the people that aren't angels in our lives. This is part of that peace thing. And everybody says all the time, hey, remove toxic people from your life. But here's the truth. Almost nobody ever does it. Almost nobody does it.

[Ed Mylett]

They just don't.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

They, gosh, I'm gonna get rid of these toxic people in my life.

[Ed Mylett]

Yeah, but you don't.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

You don't. And I think. I don't know if it's a lack

[Ed Mylett]

of courage or the ability to do it, or if people feel like, well,

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

then I'm gonna be alone. And that's worse than this toxic person in my life. But talk about. Because you're just so profound about this,

[Ed Mylett]

the way you say it, what do

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

toxic people do to us? And then how do we find the strength to.

[Ed Mylett]

Do we remove them? Do we keep them at a distance?

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

Like, what are your thoughts about toxic people stealing that piece? I want this year, or we all want.

[Trent Shelton]

Absolutely. I'll just ask everybody this question. And this question seems a little bit straight up and harsh, but it's reality. You know, if you're in a situation where your environment sucks, your environment's terrible. And I want to be clear, Ed. You know, I mean, sometimes we're the toxic people, you know, I mean, sometimes we got to look ourselves in the. In the mirror and make sure we're not that person and take that responsibility. But once you understand that you have the things around your life, you got to ask yourself, picture everything in your life as soil, right? Your environment is soil. The people that you're around, the places you take your life, everything is soil. I believe that each and every one of us, we're a seed. We're a seed of greatness. We're a seed of goodness. We're a seed of a person being legendary. We have all of those qualities in us. I believe God made us that way. What happens is a lot of us, we put our seed in toxic soil and we wonder why we're not producing the right harvest for our life, right? We wonder why. Why we're producing weed. We wonder why we're producing things that end up dying. So I want to ask the person listening to this right now is, what type of soil are you putting your seed in? Because a great seed and bad soil will not produce good fruit. Will not produce a good harvest. And you got to be real with yourself. Do you want to live the rest of your life unhappy? Do you want to die unhappy? Do you want to die miserable? Because, like you said, and a lot of people are afraid. They're afraid of. They're afraid of confrontation. They're afraid of what people are going to say once they make that decision, because we know how it is. People will start to make you feel like you're the bad person no matter what you have done for them. They'll point out all the things you didn't do and not all the things you did do. Yes, I think people are also. Yeah, they're afraid to be alone. But you have to understand this about the journey. Sometimes it takes being perfectly lonely, because I say perfectly, to understand what being perfectly loved feels like. So it took me in my darkest moments, in my loneliest times, to understand God's true love for my life. And once I realized the love that he had for me, once I realized how he created me, it became a lot easier. So I gained more confidence, I knew my worth, and I went on this journey of being the greatest me. And one thing about the journey that's true. The journey will always be loyal to giving your life what it needs. So as I walk down the right path. Yeah, it was lonely at first. As I'm climbing this mountain, I seen somebody else that was climbing the mountain in the same direction. I seen somebody else as I went a little higher that was climbing the mountain in the right direction. And then you build this tribe of, like, mindsets. And so, you know, another illustration, just really quick and like.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

Yeah, please.

[Trent Shelton]

It's. It's like a. I'll just put it like this. My neighbor, like, two houses down, we're in Texas, right? We're, like, in Dallas. It's hot. So we move here. And my neighbor has, like, a palm tree. And it was about fall time. So the palm tree, it looked good, right? And so when winter hit, the palm tree was terrible, right? The palm tree was bad. The palm tree, with it away, it died. They had to cut the top off.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

It looked terrible.

[Trent Shelton]

And it made me realize this truth. And I want people to understand this. When you look at your life and you look at yourself as that palm tree, right? You're beautiful. Everybody wants you. You're popular. You're popular tree. But if you put yourself right, if you put that palm tree in New York, that palm tree wouldn't ever reach its full potential. That palm tree wouldn't be a palm tree. It would be a ugly tree nobody would buy. But if you put that palm tree in Cali, you put that palm tree in Florida, you put that palm tree in Hawaii, you put that palm tree in Puerto Rico. In the right environments, that palm tree flourishes. That palm tree looks beautiful. So with your life, yeah, you're that palm tree. You have all those great qualities. If you're in the wrong environment, you will never meet the potential that your life has.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

Before we start so.

[Ed Mylett]

Hey guys, have you ever noticed your sheets slipping off the corners lately? I may. It may sound like a weird question, but it bugs me. Or maybe your pillows, they just don't feel like they support you anymore. Most people actually keep their bedding way longer than they should. And I'm telling you on the podcast, the most important thing we keep talking about for your energy, your wellness and your longevity and your cognitive function is sleep. And that's why I upgraded our bed with bowl and branch. They make everything your bed needs. Their signature organic cotton sheets, pillows, blankets, comforters are all designed to be breathable, incredibly soft and better over time. I'm telling you, I'm kind of chuggling because they're so comfy and my sleep has improved so much. Upgrade your sleep with bowl and branch. Get 15% off your first order plus free shipping at bowlandbranch.com mylet and use code mylet that's bowl and branch B O L L a n d branch.com mylet code mylet to unlock 15% off exclusions apply. Dell PCs with Intel inside are built for the moments that matter, for the moments you plan and the ones you don't. Built for the busy days that turned into all night study sessions.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

The moment you're working from a cafe.

[Ed Mylett]

Realize every outlet's taken, the times you're

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

deep in your flow and the absolute

[Ed Mylett]

last thing you need is an auto

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

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[Ed Mylett]

That's why Dell builds tech that adapts

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

to the way you actually work.

[Ed Mylett]

Built with long lasting batteries so you're

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

not scrambling for the closest outlet and

[Ed Mylett]

built in intelligence that makes updates around your schedule, not in the middle of it. They don't build tech for tech's sake, they built it for you. Find technology built for the way you [e-mail] DellPCS built for you the interview with my next guest. Just want to remind you all that you can subscribe to the show on YouTube or follow the show on Apple or Spotify. We have all the links in our show notes. You'll never miss an episode that Way now. On with the show.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

All right, welcome back to the show, everybody. I have been looking forward to this

[Ed Mylett]

interview for a few weeks. Mutual friends of ours that turned me on to Alex said, you need to get with this young man and get him on your show. And then when I dove into his content and his work, I was blown away. He is brilliant. I don't say that very often when I introduce people. I think he's probably got one of the highest IQs of anybody I've ever had on the show. And his content as it relates to personal success and particularly entrepreneurship is very unique, very special, very detailed, and I wish we had three hours today like other podcasts have, because we could. We could use that entire three hours and still have a bunch of time and stuff left over. So he is the host of the Game with Alex Hormozi on all these different platforms. He's a serial entrepreneur, by the way. He's built brick and mortar businesses, virtual businesses. He's written incredible books. He's got another one coming out. So, Alex Hormozi, welcome to the show.

[Alex Hormozi]

Thank you so much for the introduction. I will do my very best to live up to it.

[Ed Mylett]

I better live up to it. There are people listening to this right now that are failing. They're bleeding money, and maybe they've just had a business shut down, or the last two years has wiped them out a little bit, or they're looking right now going, all right, I'm going to have to make a pivot. So you're a guy who had a lot of success building gyms. It was really, really going well. As I understand it, you go over the next one, you pour all the juice from all the profits into the next one, and you go bust. So there was a point where this man that I'm talking to right now, by the way, not that long ago was busted. You were broke. What did you do when you were on your ass? Were you on your ass mentally ever, or was it just a physical being broke? And then what did you do to make a move? Because there's a lot of people right now right where you were.

[Alex Hormozi]

I just focused on the controllable. So there was a lot of things that I felt like I could not control or that were circumstantial, et cetera. And so it was just. It was kind of like the simplicity thing of like, what are the few levers that I have at my disposal? And at the time, I was like, I know how to market and I know how to sell. And so that's what I'm going to do. And so I. The story's crazy, but I had a credit card left from all the businesses that I had sold and then lost all the money, but I still had the credit card. And Amex, thank God, had not actually changed my credit limit. So I had a hundred thousand dollar credit card and I wanted to launch Gym Launch, which was like this turnaround business where we'd fly out to gyms. And so we had six guys that I had already recruited, and I thought this cash was gonna be there, and it wasn't. And So I put $3,300 a day on a credit card, and I only had $1,000 in my bank account. And so every day I was becoming $3,300 poorer. And when we started that, I didn't even have a payment processor because we got shut down. And that was where the extra money was supposed to come from. And so, you know, I had. It was 3,300 a day in hotels, airfare, ad spend, rental car, per diem, food for all the sales guys who were out on the road, like, doing the gym turnarounds. And I could not process the money that they were sending contracts over from. And so I'm seeing these contracts stack and stack and stack, and I had no way to process it. And I'm just watching this debt bill go up and then. And I got a processor the last week of the month, and it was only for 50 grand. And we had like $300,000 in contracts, and I had 100,000 in expenses. But he was like, hey, it's per month, which means on the 1st of next month you can run another 50. And so I ran 50 on like the 28th of January, and then I ran 50 on February 1st. I got two more that week and got us another 50. So the two 50s back to back covered my hundred K from the last month. And that was like, kind of like the. The plane coming under. There's like way more of me about to lose it, like, and losing it again and again after that. But I can go as deep on that side as you want, but.

[Ed Mylett]

Well, like, where were you mentally?

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

I mean, were you mentally when this happened?

[Ed Mylett]

You're like, my dad was right, he's got me. Or were you like, still, I'm gonna prove him wrong.

[Alex Hormozi]

Oh, I was. So I had made the decision that I would either die or I would succeed. And so I didn't know when it would happen. I just figured if I continued. So if there's one thing for the Audience for anyone who's going through it right now, like, one of the thing that I would, the refrain, the repeated message that I had to myself over and over again was, I cannot lose if I do not quit. And so that was under my control. Then when I talk about controlling the controllable, I could choose not to quit. And so if I could just have that, then it meant it was like this tiny little thing is like, if I don't quit, I didn't lose. It just means I still get to play. And when you think about, like, I think, I can't remember if it's Aristotle's or Plato, but he says, like, you shouldn't judge a man until the day he dies. And so you have an amazing life. And then the last five years, like, everything goes and you get executed publicly. Like, wow. Would people say you had a good life or a bad life? Like, you can only judge after the man is dead. And so I also think about that within my own life now. Like, when you think about, like, what's the leverage for the next. For the next chapter, it's like, well, I'm not dead yet. And so I got to keep going because that's what, you know, that's what we're going to look back on. And so I had this little thing that I could protect, which is my willpower. And it's just like, if I do not quit, I cannot lose. And so I was so afraid of losing that just not quitting became the one thing. And so if I just kept moving one foot at another, one phone call after another, one sales appointment after another, I knew that if I did that long enough, eventually it would turn around and I could I'll myself out of this situation.

[Ed Mylett]

Yeah.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

Wow.

[Ed Mylett]

I'm blown away because I have equated only losing with quitting all of my life. And the reason for that is, I just want to share because we're going back and forth. My dad was an alcoholic. When he got sober, I said, dad, are you never going to drink again? He goes, I can't promise you that. I'm just not going to quit for one more day. I'm not going to drink for one more day. And many, many times in my business, I'm like, I can't. I am incapable mentally right now saying, I'm never going to quit. That's a like 80 year decision based on a bunch of crap right now. But I can decide not to quit for one more day. And that means I have not yet lost. I literally equated quitting with losing. And so no matter how behind in the score I was, I had not officially lost the game. The clock has not run out until I go. I quit. And so I was still in the game.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

So this.

[Ed Mylett]

This concept, I just. I love when someone says stuff and I put it through my life. Barometer my meter. I'm like, nope, I did that. You're exactly right. I know someone who did that.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

You're exactly right.

[Ed Mylett]

What a great answer.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify.

[Ed Mylett]

Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

So I get asked all the time, how in the world did you go from having no running water in your apartment to living on the water to living oceanfront to have another home that's lakefront. How does somebody go from changing their conditions that dramatically in a pretty short window of time? And a lot of different things went into that. A lot of it was blessing. A lot of it was a lot of hard work, all kinds of mental changes that I made. But there's one area that I've not talked a lot about that I want to cover today that I think you need to know if you want to change the conditions of your life that way as well. So when the water got turned off, you know what I had to do? I had to look around my life. I really had to take an inventory, not just of me, but what was around my life. And the fact of the matter was, I did not have the right people in my life. I didn't have the people who believed in me. I didn't have the people who supported my vision. I didn't have people who made me want to be better in my life. I had a few, but I didn't have enough. I had too many people in my life that have just always been in my life. They always accepted me for who I was. And that acceptance, that lack of belief in me, that lack of standard, got me all the way to where I couldn't even pay a water bill. I didn't even have a car, never mind electricity for a while. And so it's very dangerous. It was very dangerous for me for who I allowed just to support my limiting thinking, who I had around me. They weren't bad people. There's very few bad people. They just weren't people who were going to get me going in my life where I knew I needed to go, where I was born to go. I Had read all the books on personal development. I learned about influence, kind of learned how to change my state, how to think differently. Been to a lot of the events that you go to. Why is it that so many people go to all these self improvement, personal development, business events? They get all excited when they're there, they're ready to conquer the world, then they get back home and life very slowly starts to drift back to normal. And that's because environment overrides almost everything in our lives. That's why. And so the reason you're so excited when you're at the event, the reason you're ready to conquer the world is the environment supports what you're doing. And so I had to start to address my environment. And environment is all the place you are, but most importantly, your environment is the people that are around you. Because write this down. Number one, in our lives, the most powerful force that I'm aware of in the world is to be consistent and congruent with the expectations of our peer group. Let me say that to you again. The most powerful force on earth is we become consistent with the expectations of our peer group. You're going to get out of life what the people around you expect of you. And so I had to begin to, to address who were the people around me and specifically what was the environment that I was in. Because number two, proximity is power. The closer somebody is to you, the more influence they have over you. That's why your personal relationship that you're in is something that must be evaluated at all given times. And people ask me, how do I get more spouse support or partner support, boyfriend or girlfriend support. I don't know that you're always going to get more support, and I don't even know that that's needed. But one thing that's a foundation of all relationships is does this person believe in me? Most people love us, that's one thing. If we're in a relationship, we kind of feel a level of love. But the deeper question is, do they truly believe in me? And when I started to evaluate my friends that were around me, if I asked myself, were they supporting where I wanted to go in my life, not that they didn't love me or like me. In fact, what most of us do is we love to have people around us who accept us. We say, I want people to accept me as I am. And there's a benefit to that. There's a huge negative as well. If people are constantly accepting this version of you, there's nothing compelling you to go to the next version, there's no stimulus that says, I better change. There's no discomfort because these people closest to us, their proximity has influence over us. So, number one thing I want you to ask yourself is, do the people around me believe in me? And if they don't, that needs to be evaluated. People say, well, then what do I do? Do I get rid of them? Well, maybe in some cases, if they're antagonistic to you, certainly. But what you have to do is begin to add people in your proximity who do believe in you or who will believe in you. And if they don't believe in you, perhaps they don't need to be eliminated from your life. But one thing you may need to do is start to reduce their proximity to you. Maybe they're not as close to you as they used to be. I've had to do that many times in my life where I've had to eliminate a few people from my life, but very few. This is so critical to you becoming successful because your environmental game is more important even than your mental game, because it's what supports it. And so I want you to evaluate a few things. Do they believe in me? Number two, are they a past or future reference type friend? In other words, when you're around them, what do you find yourself talking the most about? Is it the past or the future? I want to be around people who are constantly talking about either the present, but most importantly the future. In other words, I want people who are present with me so that when they're with me, we're together. You know, you have those friends, too, are constantly not present, even though they're in your presence. We don't want that either. But if people are constantly taking me in the past frame of reference, old stories, old things. Remember when high school, college, previous date, previous vacation, previous business. Remember when constantly, you know, they're just always reminiscing, or are they projecting me into the future? If at least 75% of your conversations aren't about the future with the people that you're around, these are not people supporting your future. They're supporting your past. They're reinforcing your past. The more we talk about something, the more we reinforce its importance in our life. And so this is a very subtle thing, and I think even as I say it, you're going, whoa, they do love me. I think they might believe in me, but. But, man, we talk about the past all the time. Well, this is somebody who's going to reinforce that state of your life. You need to add people to your proximity who are discussing the future with you. You know, you've heard about triggers before where you can learn in personal development that, you know, you snap your fingers, you put yourself in a state or you walk, you hear a song. It's a trigger, isn't it? You hear a song from some point in your life, it triggers a memory or a song you love right now that triggers you wanting to work out or move your body. So things are triggers. People are also triggers. And if there are people in your life, just by their proximity, trigger events that are prior in your life that didn't serve you just by being around them, they're a trigger. Humans are triggers. Do you have people that just when you see them, they trigger peace for you, they trigger joy, they trigger abundance, they trigger competing, they trigger intensity, they trigger belief, they trigger confidence, they trigger your desire to grow. Ask yourself what triggers these people are in your life? What do they trigger in you? And you begin to. You start to look at these things, you're going, wow. We have this group of friends who they accept me, but I don't know if they believe in me. Then I've got this other group of friends where they believe in me, but we're always talking about the past. And then you know what? They kind of trigger these states of sort of comfort or average in me. Who do I have that's triggering, triggering my desire to grow? Who makes me uncomfortable? Who do I have, like, I kind of clean up the house before they come over. Who do I have where I get excited when I see them because not every conversation is the same. I don't know where it's going to go? You should have those people that accept you in your life. There's nothing wrong with that. It's an important thing. But you should have these other people who really don't accept this version of you. They believe in you so greatly, so much that they don't accept this version of you. They don't accept this performance from you. They don't accept this level of happiness, abundance, joy, performance from you because they know how much more you're capable of. Who do you have like that in your life? And the reason that that matters so deeply for us is because, and I want you to write this down, we get our standards in life. We don't always get our goals. We don't always even get what we focus on. We end up ultimately getting what our standards are. Standards dictate everything in life, and the people around us help create that standard. For example, I was at A birthday party last night and the people sitting around me were all very fit people. And dessert came. It was birthday cake time. And I probably normally would have probably had that piece of cake. But the first three people that were asked have this standard for how they eat in their life and when their cheat days are, their cheat meals are. And all three people passed on it. And immediately, almost through peer pressure, I went, no, I'll pass too. And then my buddy goes, dude, it's okay, have a piece. And I said, no, no, man, it's good. That standard alters us in every little area. Now that's an obvious example. But we're going to get our standards, our standards of wealth, our standards of faith, our standards of abundance. And the people in our proximity help set the standard based on what theirs are in their life. So the people around you evaluate next, what you are are the standards they help you set in your life. The other thing we win with is energy. And so ask yourself this, is this person in my life an energy giver or an energy drainer? This is massive. So when you're talking to them, do they feed you energy? You know, there's that one number where it shows up on your phone and you're like, oh, right, you know that conversation, that text is going to be an energy drain. This person's proximity to your life is stealing some things from you. I'm not saying you shouldn't have people in your life who you're supporting and you're helping, because we're going to talk about that next. But if the vast majority of people around you are energy neutral or energy drainers, what do you think that's doing to your environment that you're supporting yourself with? Okay. Or on the contrary, is this someone who gives you energy, feeds your energy, feeds your belief, makes you stronger, gives you that juice in your life. Because all of these things, these people around us, all these evaluations, they're creating our environment so that it'll support our thinking, it'll support the changes we're making, it'll support our goals. This is supported by scripture as well. Proverbs 27:17. As iron sharpens iron, so does one person sharpen another. And so one of the obvious questions about this is if someone is lower energy for me or is a past reference person or a trigger that doesn't support me, or they don't believe in me, or they only accept me as I am. If you have some of these issues, what do you do with them? I'll give you three things I don't think you just eliminate people from your lives. It's not that hardcore a thing, because this is more about adding the right people than it is eliminating people, but it is reducing their proximity. And so I think with people in your life that aren't supporting you the way you want to, number one, I would recommend you be kind to them. Be kind in your conversations with them. You don't have to be become mean to them or adversarial to them. And I don't even think you need to let them know this. Number two, I think you need to be cordial. But I will tell you that you begin to become three, which is concise. Your dialogue with them begins to be concise. Their proximity to you begins to shrink. And these are things people say, gosh, that's so difficult. Well, do you want to be happier? Do you want to win? I mean, you've already tried the other things, right? You've already started to write goals down. You're already working on yourself. You already got some habits that you're working on. Maybe this is the area. Perhaps this is the area. Those of you that have children, this is an audio or video they should be watching or listening to. Their schoolteachers influence them. That's their mentors. That's like what we're doing right now, right? But who really has influence over your children? Who really sculpts who they are? It's their friends and it's their closest friends. That's why parents guard those associations so vigilantly. The good parents do, because they know the proximity of these kids around their children are going to influence ultimately who they become. Our lives begin to have a pace that's different than when we're young. But the same exact thing is true for us. These people closest to us dictate who we become. It's not our mentors, like our school teachers. They have some influence. I have influence, hopefully with you. But not the same as the people that you're texting with when you're done listening. This not the same as who you're having dinner with tonight. Not the same as who you have lunch, who you're around at work, who you're around in the evening, who you socialize with, right? They have the greatest form of influence over you. Because in your life, you're trying to build this library of memories, aren't you? And in your mind right now, these memories are going to be different. They're different places, different experiences, different things, right? Different moments, different achievements, different breakthroughs, different feelings with the same people. With the same people. With the same people, you are likely to build the same types of memories over and over again. So if you love your life right now, if everything in your life is rich and you don't want it to change and you don't want it to grow, and you'd like to keep repeating these memories you're getting now, well, then by all means, keep these people very close to you and add people as you go. But if there's this party that's. I want to change the memories. I don't want the next 10 years of my life, the feelings, the experiences, the accomplishments, the places I see, moments I have. So all I'm asking you to do today is do an audit on your environment. I want you to audit the people around you in your environment and the things around you. What do you have around you in your environment? Are your goals up on a board? Do you have visualizations? Are you reading things that you can see visually in your life? Are you listening to the right things? These are all part of your environment. But the most important thing are the people that are inside that environment that are around you. And so that's how you eliminate. Now adding people to your life. The best way to do do that is to seek out, go to places where they are. So I mean, where do they have lunch, where do they have coffee? Where do they work out? Where do they worship? Go to the places where these people that you think could help you to become good friends and just become a part of that environment. And the more you're in the environment, you'll end up meeting people. It's a strategy, it's work to add people to your life. I could tell you that I work very hard at this. I also believe in the law of reciprocity. You don't just ask somebody to be your friend. You find a way to that you can contribute. You want to become a friend of mine? Say, how can I help you? How can I serve you? Just offer whatever you have. You say, well, I don't have anything to offer people. You'd be surprised. Could you offer me your belief in me? Could you offer me your truth? Could you offer me your prayers? Could you offer me your support? These are real gifts you give people. Not all of them need to be knowledge and breakthroughs and an example and a track record. You'd be surprised. Someone like myself, what just your belief means to me, your support means to me. And I'm the type of person, the people you want in your life. When I feel like you've given me something I feel obligated, obligated to pay you back even more. And so the way you add people to your life is with the law of reciprocity. Put yourself in environments where they are and begin to offer your belief, your kindness, your support, your love. Maybe it is your collaborations, maybe it is your connections, maybe it is a talent or skill you have. But it doesn't have to be those things. When I was a young person, I ended up adding people to my life that were much more successful than me, much more well known than me. But you know what? As I got to know them, I think they sense this person truly believes in me, they truly care about me. This is a real friend. You have those people in your life as well, where they don't necessarily have all the experience to support you, but they really believe in you, they really love you. And then the last thing I want to ask you today is because for you to add these people to your life, what I just said is the most important thing. How do you show up in people's lives? How do you show up in people's lives right now? Are you that person that's an energy giver or drainer? Are you a future frame of reference or the past? Do you help your friends set high standards or the acceptable standards they already have? Right. Are you someone who deeply believes in people and they know it, or you just kind of accept them as they are? These are the things you begin to ask of. How are you showing up in other people's lives? Because that'll have an awful lot to do with who shows up in your life. How do you show up in other people's lives? And if you begin to evaluate these things, your environment slowly but surely will begin to support your mental game, will be supported by your environmental game. And why is that so important? Because I want to remind you about something. You were born to do something great with your life. You were put here to do something special all your life, since you were little boy or a little girl. There was some point in your life where you knew you were supposed to do something great, that you were put here for a reason, that you've got a calling, that you've got a home in your life. You're eventually going to find where you're living the real, true, authentic version of you, your best version. You know, you're supposed to do something great with your life. And right now, if you're listening to this or you watch this, maybe you're not quite there yet, and maybe it's your thinking. Maybe it's some tactics and strategies and habits which I cover all the time on this show. Maybe it's all the mental stuff, but more than likely it's the environmental stuff, it's the standards, it's the people around you that believe in you. It's not just having people that accept you because you want to do something so great with your life. I have this theory that many of you heard that when I die someday I believe I want the Lord to say, well done, good and faithful servant. But I have this hallucination, as many of you know, that when I die, the Lord's going to do that and he's going to turn on around and say, eddie, I want you to meet the man I made you to be when I made you in my image and likeness. This is the destiny version of you. This is the man you were born to be. And that guy's going to be standing there and I want to meet him and go, I've been chasing you all my life, man. And he's going to say, boy, you caught me. You did it. I'm proud of you. You had all the memories, all the moments, all the contribution, all the feelings, all the difference, all of it in your life. You made it all happen. You became the man you were born to be. We're identical twins. To me, that's heaven. When I pass away, heaven is, I meet the man I was born to be, and we're identical twins. Hell would be that you'd meet that person and you're total strangers. You're total strangers. That woman. Someday when you die and you meet the woman you could have been, and you're total strangers. You went down different paths, different roads, different decisions, your entire life, and you never become that woman. You never become that man. To me, that's hell. So if it's that important to you, that you've always known, maybe it got buried as you got older. Maybe life sort of kicked us around a little bit to where not everyone in our life believed it. And then maybe our parents, our friends, our school teachers, just. Life started to happen. And we forget who we are. We forget who we are. And you know why you forget who you are? Because of the people that have been in your damn life. Because they haven't supported that great version of you. When you were really little, you knew it, you felt it, because you were close, closer to God at that time. And the more and more people were added to your life, they began to treat you in such a way that they didn't expect those things of you, and maybe you've started to accept that. So if it's people that created these limiting beliefs, created this anxiety, created this fear, created this thing about us where we forget our greatness, if it's people who did this to us, it's people who are going to help us get out of it. If it's the environment that stole, stole this joy, stole this belief, stole this confidence from us, stole this sense of purpose from us and passion, it's the environment that'll give it back to us again. And we put the people in our lives that we deserve to have, not just that, have always been there. Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify.

[Ed Mylett]

Links are in the show notes. Now on to our next guest.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

Welcome back to the show, everybody.

[Ed Mylett]

I have a man here who's become such a dear friend of mine and a trusted advisor. I've only had one other person on the show three times, so you are now breaking a record, brother. You are a ratings machine. But more importantly, you bring such value every time you're here. And when we're done talking, every single time we've done this, I go, oh, my gosh, this is going to get millions of downloads because it made me better. And every time I'm with you, I feel better. I smile more, I feel better about myself and I learn things about how to win, how to succeed, how to persevere. So, Dean Graciosi, welcome back to the show, my brother.

[Dean Graziosi]

So good to be here. And I have to tell you're the most gracious host ever. And to this day, still are. Two podcasts every day. I send you some of them every day. I'm like, best podcast ever. Best. And I've been on a lot. And it's because you're so gracious, because you care so much. And the reason people are following you and listening, and I know I'm speaking for the people listening, is because they know you care.

[Alex Hormozi]

Thank you.

[Dean Graziosi]

They know that you have me here for a third time. Not for any other reason except you think it will bring more value. And I hope I don't let everybody down. You got a lot of options. You're here with us. It'll bring more value to them. And that's why I love your success. I love how your book his crushing it.

[Ed Mylett]

Thank you.

[Dean Graziosi]

The world needs more Ed.

[Ed Mylett]

What is it about most of us that makes us think we're not worthy of Being successful because it ties into this, right?

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

I mean, if we can unpack that,

[Ed Mylett]

I'm going to go do this. If I don't unpack that, maybe I don't. I've been struck all my life by people that just like I, in my case, I'm critical of myself, I'm hard on myself, but I've never had this belief like, I don't deserve to win. I may not thought I could. Right. I don't know how I'm going to, but I've not had it. So all the way back there, I'm like, I just don't deserve to win someone like me. I've not ever had that. I've had all the other stuff, but what is it?

[Dean Graziosi]

Wow, that's. That's such a good. As you say that. I've never felt that either. I always felt the cards might be stacked against me. This one's going to be rough. Not sure I can get through it.

[Ed Mylett]

Me too.

[Dean Graziosi]

I've. I've had sleepless nights. A lot of them. I've gone, I've gone six months with sleeping two, three hours a night because I'm stressed and you know, my wake up and my brain's thinking, thinking, thinking. I like to share that with people because I think when they see success, they think, man, that was just probably a harmonious ride for you. Right? I went through a divorce in the middle of it. Like I've been through a lot of the things on the opposite side. Right.

[Ed Mylett]

But you've also worked with millions of people and you know that a lot of them suffer from this.

[Dean Graziosi]

Yeah, they do. But you just said that. I've never felt I didn't deserve it. And I would say it's, I think it's society. And especially we live in a society right now where when you're successful, there's a lot of people that look at it as a negative. Right. So we almost have this negative association to sales. We have a negative association to success. But I always. Here's the last thing I'll say about it. I said this one time on stage randomly, and the audience went nuts. But I just said, when it comes to money and success, it's like you're at a therapist. Money's on one chair, you're on the other, therapist is in the middle. And you go, I hate that money. If I get that money, I might change. I might be a horrible person. And then in the other part, you're like, but I need that money so I can have freedom and take care of my Family and I need control, and I don't want to work in this horrible job anymore. Could you imagine a therapist saying, well, we got to get this straight. Do you hate money in that chair, or do you love money? I'm really unsure. And I think that's the conflict. I think the conflict is we think. I think money and alcohol just expose and compound who you are. You're a jerk. Sober, you're a real jerk drunk, right? You're violent. Sober, you're very violent. Right? Same with money. And I think if you're listening to Ed Mylett, you have to realize that money is a byproduct of service. And what money can do is listen. When people say to me, money doesn't buy happiness, I say, you haven't given enough away, right? When I was on your stage, I was compelled. I was compelled by you. I watched your emotions behind camera. When you were talking about the families in Texas, I was compelled. Do you know how great you're thanking me? You're thanking me for something that filled my heart. You know how great. You know what $50,000 was to me at 18? I thought if I could make that a year, I'd be the richest man alive. And to be able to sit on stage and say, hey, Ed, let's let me give you another 50 grand. But at the same time, I built two schools in Africa. I fed 7 million people, right? I donated $600,000 last year to Operation Underground Railroad. How blessed are we that we get to do those things right? So, I don't know. You know, earlier I said, you know, Tony, I like when he says, get leverage. I said, get in the right mindset. If you feel that being successful, that you don't deserve it or that money is bad, I'm gonna tell you to dig into that. Find out where that is. Ask yourself. One of the simplest ways I always do is ask yourself, why seven times. Why? Why do I think I don't deserve it? I'm not that smart. Well, why do I think not being smart has anything to do with being successful? And just keep asking why over and over again, and you'll get to a point where you'll start getting emotional and be like, everything I just shared is really, really good.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

Because it's a story we.

[Ed Mylett]

You're the best at talking about the story we tell ourselves. Let's stay on this just for a second, because I feel like all of this is tied together in order to participate in the challenge.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

And I also.

[Ed Mylett]

Every week, I want people on here to change their Life every single week. It's why I do the show. You know, like I said, there's only been two humans come back here three times. You and Dr. Joe Dispenza. And because I just think that you. You work on this story thing so well with people. So I have this new show, as you know, coming out. I can't say a lot about it, but it's.

[Dean Graziosi]

I can't wait.

[Ed Mylett]

It's a show where I intervene in people's lives. It'll be out the end of August, beginning of September. And one of the ladies on the show had gained a bunch of weight, like 180 pounds, and then had lost like 90 of it, gained it back and did that a couple times. And in the middle of it, I said, let me. Why do you have all this weight on your body? And I said, there's two things. I said, one, you have the identity. She adopted the identity of a heavy person who happened to have lost weight. And in that case, she's going to get back to that identity. So she was a heavy person who lost weight. I said, I won't say her name, but I said, we have to adopt that you're a healthy, beautiful, vibrant woman who's gained weight.

[Dean Graziosi]

Yeah.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

Switch this identity switch that you did

[Dean Graziosi]

in chapter two, I think about the thermostat. Right. The same thing.

[Ed Mylett]

You shifted a certain thermostat, shifting this story. And then later I said, listen, we don't do anything in our life that there's not some benefit for, even if the majority of it is detrimental. So this story you're all telling yourself, those of you that suffer from it, you don't deserve it. You're doing that for a reason, that you get something for doing it. And in her case, she said, I think I hide in my weight. That as I start to lose the weight, maybe people are going to see other things in me that I don't think I can handle. And it was really this very emotional breakthrough. I want people to watch the show, so I'm not going to get. There's 10 of them. But what about that? That this story we tell ourselves, Dean, even though it may not serve us, there's some service in it that we can hide in it.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

Yeah.

[Ed Mylett]

That it masks other things in our lives. And I think for everyone listening to this right now, this could be the breakthrough moment of your life. As we just talk about this concept, this thing you keep telling you about you, that holds you back from jumping into a challenge, holds you back from starting a business, holds you Back from getting into that relationship or getting fit like you know you should, or asking yourself the right questions, you're getting something from it, even if massive. Most of it's negative for you. How does one just in general start to change the story they tell themselves about their life? Because you're the master at this.

[Dean Graziosi]

Well, you know, and I know if. If you're listening to Ed Mylett, you've heard this before, you've had other people talk about it, but I think it's. Maybe this is the first time you get to really feel it. Or maybe this silly version that I'm gonna give you sticks with you. And if this is why you're here today, this is why you're here. Here's the way I look at it. We need pain sometimes to disconnect from a story. You know, somebody asked me about success once, and I would love to say I was always aspirational. I wanted more. I didn't wanna be like my dad and struggle and be like my mom who worked three jobs to make 90 bucks. And I had this vision of something bigger and better and being in control of my life and all those things. Sound good? At this phase, sometimes you gotta go to the dark side. I just didn't wanna be them. My father was miserable and fought with everyone, and he'd be in love for six months and be divorced within three and always mad. And sometimes you gotta give your permission. Give yourself permission. When I went in, my toughest thing, when I needed the extra boost, the turbo boost to get off the ground, I'm like, you're gonna end up like your dad. You're gonna end up broke. You're gonna end up alone. You're gonna end up not in control of your life. Someone else is gonna tell you how to raise your kids and how to dress and when to go to work. I would push myself. So sometimes you gotta go to the dark side to get the momentum. And I'm telling you to use that to shift your story.

[Ed Mylett]

Very good.

[Dean Graziosi]

Right. So I'm. You know, Tony always says to get the rocket off the ground. All the energies in the first couple of feet. And then once it gets in space, you hit the button. You're a thousand miles an hour, Right? Do whatever it takes to get the rocket off the ground, to start the new business, to say I'm worthy to shift the story. If it's pain that'll drive you, then use the pain. Because half of us run away from pain. Half of us run towards pleasure. We know that. Use the one that you're accustomed to. And amplify it.

[Ed Mylett]

My gosh, that's profound.

[Dean Graziosi]

Amplify the pain. Most people, Joe Dispenza would probably tell you not to do that. And I love that guy, and I'm glad you had him three times, but I needed that. Secondly, you know the story. If you think back, I could have made it, but. Or I would do it.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

Or.

[Dean Graziosi]

That's how you find this, the number one thing I'm. You know, I don't have the money. I don't have the time. My family thinks I'm nuts. I could never do something like this. I'm an introvert. I don't have a following. I don't know what that is. But here's the way I look at it. If you spend enough time today. And this is my quick hack on stories. If you spend enough time today, you can find the one thing. There's lots of them, but you can find the one that's probably held you back the most. So the two things I would say is, go look at what it's already cost you. Again, this is personal development 101. I don't want to act like I made this up, but I want to remind you today, we all need reminder services. This story, this thing, this. Too young, too old, not money. It's already cost you pain. You already missed opportunities. You already let the ship go down the track, the train go down the tracks. You didn't start the business. You didn't go for the relationship. You didn't fix that thing. And it's already cost you a lot. So what I say, here's a cool way to look at it. It'd be like two armies. You already know the story that will come up when you decide to go all in. When you say, you know, I don't care about it. I'm going. I'm starting the business. I'm scaling the business. I'm not gonna. You already know the army that's coming. You already know the story that's gonna go. Little Eddie, you know. Come on, Ed. You know. You know where you came. You know what your house looked like when you were little. You know you weren't that good in school. You know, you cheated in ninth grade. You know you cheated your way through. I'm making this up. I'm just saying.

[Ed Mylett]

Close, but it's biology.

[Dean Graziosi]

Yeah, Accounting. So if you use the dark or the light, whatever you need to get the engine going. If you identify the story that's already cost you and you really think about it, it becomes Painful. But here's the thing. As you think about this next thing you want to do, you want to thrive in a shifting economy. If that story's coming, it's like you're going to war, but the scout went out and you know that the other army is two days away. You know what kind of guns they have. You know how kind of horses you have. You already. Here's the thing. You already know your enemy. So if you're not preparing and fortifying and creating the things that block the enemy, then you're kind of inviting the story back. So you could be, you know, how many Uber drivers have you had? I haven't been in Uber in a while. But before COVID when you were in Uber, how many Uber drivers did you say? Oh, man, I was. I was out my way. Dean, I love your books. In 07, when the market shifted, I lost my business. I just said, the hell with you know, any of those stories I've heard.

[Ed Mylett]

Me too.

[Dean Graziosi]

What they've done is they let that army come in, that story come in, because at least they have something. And what I want to tell you is if you really want more, you know your enemy. The number one enemy is that story that's held you back. You can fortify the gates, you can decide to turn that story around, and you cannot let it in.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify.

[Ed Mylett]

We have all the links in our show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Now, on with the show.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

Welcome back to Max out, everybody. I'm Ed Mylett, and today I'm extremely excited to share these thoughts with you because I think what we're going to cover today may be the single most important thing that will lead to you reaching the ultimate version of yourself. Your optimal results, your max out level of play, or not ever getting there. And so it's that important to me. You know, people ask me often, what were some of the decisions and choices and areas I focused on that made the biggest difference for me in my life. And today's topic is the thing that I would probably give you the gift of first, and that is the power of your identity. See, I believe the most powerful force in the world is to be consistent with the thoughts, ideas, concepts, and beliefs you hold to be true about yourself. And that is is what identity is. Identity is the governor on every single area of your life. It literally sets the temperature for all of the conditions of your life. Shakespeare has this incredible quote that says, we know what we are, but not what we may be. And the who you may be is going to be dictated by your ability to alter your identity. Because you are going to always be consistent with what you believe you're worth and what you believe you deserve. Or what is your identity. Your identity. The best analogy I could give you is like a thermostat sitting on the wall of your life. It sets the entire temperature for the conditions of your life in multiple areas. And so most people think their life is dictated by external circumstances. They spend their entire life trying to control what is outside of them. You've all heard the great saying that people in 12 step programs talk about about learning to control the things they can and letting go of the the things that they can't control. And the fact of the matter is, you cannot always control the external factors that are impacting you in your life. The good news is it's the external things in your life that do not dictate the direction or the ultimate destination of your life. That is a fallacy. Listen to me when I tell you this. External circumstances do not dictate the ultimate destination of your life. It's an internal game. You and your faith, your God. God are what will control the direction of your life, not the external things that are impacting you all the time. And this identity is that internal thermostat. It sets the temperature just like a thermostat sitting on the wall of the conditions of your entire life. Let me give an example of how the thermostat of our lives works. The best analogy I can give you is exactly how one works in the room I'm sitting in. It sets the temperature of the room. And so the external conditions don't imply the internal temperature of this room because that thermostat regulates the condition of the room. So if we open the door and the windows in this room and cold air blew in here, the thermostat would kick on, wouldn't it? And heat the room back up to 75 degrees. So no matter what hit regulates the temperature of the room. The reverse is also true if a bunch of hot air blew in the room. If we open the doors and the windows, the thermostat would cool the room back down and regulate it to 75 degrees. Guess what? That's exactly how your life works. Once you accept this truth, it is a fact that is not the external things that are happening. It's the internal thermostat. Too often in life People don't work on changing their identity. They're always working on producing external results. Have you ever known somebody who was wealthy and no longer is? Have you ever known somebody who made a bunch of money and no longer does? How about somebody, somebody who was in a great relationship and that relationship no longer exists? How about someone who got in great shape, that is no longer in that shape again? If your results begin to exceed your internal thermostat, you will find a way to cool your life back down to what you believe you're worth. And you're comfortable at your identity. You'll think it's coincidental. Oh, I was this accident happened or this appointment canceled, or this circumstance took place. It's not coincidence. All of those things have happened because you, you set the thermostat of your life and you've regulated what you're going to get. Isn't that incredible that you can learn all the talents, the behaviors, the skills, the tactics, all the strategies that I teach you. But if you don't alter that thermostat internally, you could have all of the skills of a hundred degree producer and you will live a 75 degree existence because you will turn the air conditioner of your life on back down to cool it where you're comfortable. It's also true, by the way, you've seen this in your own life. Maybe you've had something really good going in business before. You've got momentum, it seems like things are happening great and then you wake up four, five, six months later and you've cooled your life, your business right back down to where it was before. Maybe you'd save some money at one time and then coincidentally your car broke down or a bill happened, or there was a run of birthday parties and all of a sudden that bank accounts back to where it always was. It's not coincidental. You've cooled the conditions back down again and so you've seen this happen. Maybe you got in great shape at one point, but your identity wasn't that fit a person and you've cooled it back down to about what you're comfortable being. This is true in your faith and your relationships, by the way, you have multiple thermostat settings. You have one in your faith, you have one in your fitness, one in your money, one in your happiness, right? One in your business life. So there's multiple identities. We have. The reverse is also true. There's been times in your life where the circumstances, the conditions were terrible. You thought you'd never get out of it. You're never going to eat again. Well, guess what, you ate again, didn't you? And you heated your life back up to that same place again. So you've proven this over and over in your life, haven't you? So have I. So has every single human being. The governor on our life, the regulator of our life is our identity, which is the internal thermostat that sets the temperature for our life. So the key in life is to learn all the thoughts, the skills, the tactics and the strategies that can heat our life up in the areas that matter most to us. But if we don't simultaneously change the conditions of our thermostat, change what we're comfortable living at, change our identity, our worth, change the thoughts, beliefs, concepts and value we hold to ourself, we will cool or heat our life back to that regulated temperature. And so I'm telling you, the overall key to changing the external conditions of your life is changing that internal thermostat setting. So that's what we're going to talk about some strategies on today. Just being aware that you need to alter the thermostat is a life changing, liberating condition. I cover this in very specific detail and max out your life. My book, it's a quick read, hundred pages. I wrote it so that every page has strategies on it, no fluff. If you want the book, go to maxoutbook.com if you put in the code max out, I'll buy the book for you. So I cover this in detail there, but I want to cover it in detail right now with you as well. What you need to be doing is becoming aware of how important it is that you adjust this thermostat setting as you produce better results, as you start to learn new skills and strategies and tactics. See, you can move from an average business into an extraordinary business with incredible opportunity, but you will produce the same results you're getting in the average business if you don't change that thermostat setting up to 95 or 100, 120 degrees of what you believe you're worth, the thoughts, concepts and beliefs you hold true to be about yourself. So it is the regulator on our lives. And it's the main thing I work on with my private coaching with some of the elite performers I work with in business and athletics and entertainment and politics is me working with them on changing that internal, internal thermostat where we can heat it higher and higher and higher so that they can produce the results and the conditions of their life stay and exceed those Levels all the time. In fact, in my own life, I'm always working on my self confidence, I'm working on my tactics and strategies, my ability to influence, right, my thoughts, all of those different things. But the thing I'm most obsessed about, that I know is going to get me to the ultimate version of me is constantly elevating the temperature in the areas that matter to me, adjusting that thermostat setting higher and higher and higher and higher so that I can get those conditions to match it. Because it always will. You will always get your thermostat setting always in your life. So can I give you any insights as to how to change that thermostat setting? I can. Let me give you a couple. The most powerful way and the easiest way to change your thermostat setting is by adding people to your circle, very close proximity that lit live at a higher temperature in that area than you do. For example, in your faith. Let's just say you're a 75 degree in your faith. You've already seen this. You can't possibly begin to regularly associate with good godly people who pray regularly, who try to live righteously, and they're 110, 120 degrees of faith in their life and not have that proximity heat you up. Now you won't get to where they are. You'll get to somewhere between where you are at 75 degrees and they are at 100. 110 over time you become 100 degree and you alter the thermostat setting through association. Same in business. If you and I were to hang around each other every single day, and let's say you were a 75 degree or in business, hypothetically, and I don't know that about you, but let's just say you were and I was 150° and we hung around each other all the time. Don't you think through that association, especially if you had two or three or four people like me in your life, that just over time you don't even feel it? You're at 80, you're at 85, you're at 90, you're at 95 and that's where you are. We understand the power of this with our children because we know at school the teachers have influence over them, they're mentors. But the people that really have influence over our children are their friends because they're around them all the time. And so we know it sets their temperature. This is true in fitness. If you're a 75 degree of fitness at every meal Every day at the gym, all your associations, hypothetically speaking, were with someone who was shredded and fit the way you wanted to. Look at 150 degrees. You know, over time you get heated up and so you can't be with someone every day, you can't be with them all the time. But the key is to get more proximity in the areas that matter with people whose thermostat setting is higher than yours. I am a product. You are listening to me right now. Because I've been so obsessed with this concept of adding new associates associations to my life that live in the areas that I want to improve in at higher temperatures than me. It's my obsession to this day. I'll give you a secret. One of the reasons I even do my show is I know that I'm influencing many of these guests in the areas that matter most to them through our proximity. And in some cases, they do it for me. And so I'm obsessed with the power of association. But I don't just associate. See, all personal says, yeah, you're the five people you hang around. Kinda, you really are the five to ten people you hang around. If you're conscious all the time of studying them, of observing them, of asking questions of the fact that you should be altering your thermostat setting, that's when it really moves. It's not just hanging around, it's consciously and intentionally spending time with people where you allow it to impact you, where you study them, where you really observe them, where you're open to their influence. There has to be a level of trust before you can do that, where you surrender yourself to them. But it's not just being around them, it's intentionally being around people that alters that thermostat setting. So power of association is the main

[Ed Mylett]

way to do it.

[Ed Mylett (co-host or announcer)]

Second way to alter your identity is in a short window of time, behave completely differently. In a 30 day window of time in your fitness life, you shift shock your system into eating or training completely differently than you used to. Or in your business life, you make a hundred times more phone calls, a hundred more contacts. You do something in a very short window of time that shocks you into believing, my gosh, I can never go back where I was before. You trick your brain into believing you're different. There's this part of our brain that always wants to be consistent with what we're worth. Well, if in a short window of time I begin to behave completely differently, your brain begins to believe you deserve something differently. When you begin to do the things nobody else is willing to do. You begin to believe you deserve the results nobody else deserves to get. This is important also because it changes the water line. It's almost like a water line in the pool. If you raise it, it leaves a new mark. Have you ever seen that before In a lake or a pool? You raise the water line a short window of time and it just changes the mark in your life. It changes the thermostat setting. So you can alter things in your life in short bursts. And I do this often in an area where I really need to change. Like right now. I just started back on a really seriously, deeply committed fitness journey. I want to get back and past where I've ever been in fitness in my life. So I'm going to add some of these new associations. I'm going to train with a new group of people because I've been training alone. I'm going back to training with some people that are fitter than me, men and women that are fitter than me. That's my first combination that'll alter my thermostat setting, our proximity. And secondly, I'm going psycho. The next 30 days I'm going psycho. I'm altering my nutrition and my diet dramatically, my workouts dramatically. And I'm going to shock my system in the next 30 days into changing the water line, changing that temperature setting. That's the second way you alter identity, alter the thermostat setting so that you alter the external results. I've said this to you before as well. See beliefs are so important to guard because once you have a belief, your brain goes to work. I've said this in another audio video where your brain has to go to work to prove your beliefs to be true. Your brain literally goes to work on finding the evidence to prove you right. And so that identity, you're constantly reinforcing it. Let me give you an example of what I mean. If you believe a certain worth about yourself, a certain identity that impacts the type of action you're willing to take. So if I, if there's a goal you've got set, it doesn't matter what it is, pick a goal. To the extent that you believe it's consistent with your identity is to the extent that you will make an effort towards it. It's a self fulfilling prophecy. However, because what happens is if your identity is here and the goal is there, you will only make an effort congruent with what you believe you're worth. And so that limited effort you make produces the result not consistent and it re Reinforces the belief, it's like a self fulfilling prophecy. So you set a goal that is inconsistent with an identity you're working on. You will only make an effort consistent with the identity which will get you to hear, doesn't produce the result and it reinforces this belief you have about yourself. So it's important as you set new goals, as you set new visions, that you also upgrade your identity. Simultaneously. You're in process of upgrading it because you that identity impacts the effort you make, right? Impacts the will you put towards it. And that will is reinforced by the lack of result. And so it becomes this self fulfilling prophecy. So your mind has this belief it wants to prove to be true and it starts to find references. So if you believe you're 75 degrees, it's going to start finding legs to put under that table to make it immobile so it can't move to prove you right. And so our identity equals our effort. And the challenge is that effort produces the result. And so this identity has everything to do with the effort you make which produces the result which will reinforce the identity or the lack thereof. So it's critical that you upgrade identity with your new visions and goals. The next layer of this is you need to stop what's no longer needed. In other words, there were behaviors and thoughts you've had in the past that were needed to produce the results you currently have. But you need to stop what's no longer needed. Maybe you're continuing a behavior in your life that's no longer needed. Maybe you're continuing a thought or a worry that at one time was needed, but no longer is. Maybe there's a stress or an anxiety or a belief you're holding true to be about yourself, that maybe you need it at some point in your life that you no longer need. It could be something to protect yourself from fear, to protect yourself from harm, or to serve you in getting through a certain circumstance. But if we're not conscious of dropping a thought or a behavior that's no longer needed, we take old thoughts, old behaviors that served an old version of ourselves into trying to become the new version of ourselves. So ask yourself that question, what do I need to drop that's no longer needed? Is it a person, is it a thought, Is it a behavior? Or is it an emotion, one of those things you probably are carrying with you from the past that maybe you needed to get through a circumstance, maybe you needed to get through a relationship, through a setback, through a failure, or just to produce the results you currently get. But that thought, that behavior, that emotion, that person is no longer needed for you to go to the next level of your identity, the next level of your performance, the next level of yourself. Then finally is this. If you're stuck, you're stuck in a story. That's where you're stuck. There's a story you're telling yourself that doesn't serve you anymore. And you have to evaluate what that story is. I'm serious right now. If you say, ed, I'm kind of stuck where I am. Well, what you need to do is you need to alter your associations. You need to do something in a short window of time. No question about it. You definitely need to evaluate what is no longer needed and evaluate the story you're telling yourself. There's all kinds of stories we tell ourselves that don't serve us anymore. This is critical. Maybe it's a story about your past, a story about your parents, a story about a previous relationship, a story about a success you used to have. You keep talking about that doesn't serve you to get to the next level. If I can be real with you. Whatever you've achieved up to this point, that story you keep talking about every second you spend in that old story about what you've achieved. Your degree, some business you had, one thing you were real successful at in the past. Every time you live in that story, you're stripping time and focus from the new story. What's the new story you're telling yourself? You can't have a new identity without a new story. What's the old story you keep repeating? Maybe it's not a success. Maybe it's a failure that you've had. It was a business setback. It was the market turned. It was the economy. It was someone who did you wrong, a relationship that let you down, a business partner who wasn't consistent, a failure. You've had a poor decision. You made a mistake you made in your life, and you're repeating this story to yourself, simultaneously trying to create a new identity. You can't take that old story into the new identity. One of the things we have to do to create a new identity is to begin to tell a new story. What's your new story? Who are you now? What are you all about now? Where are you going now? What's this new version of you? See, here's what's amazing. At any point in your life, you can just decide to write a new script. You could decide to become a whole new character. See the leading character in the story of your life. Is you. And guess what? You and God control the script. You could write a new script at any time you want. Listen to me. At any time, anytime you want, you can simply decide to be a new character. I'm strong now. I'm beautiful now. I'm handsome now. I'm bold now. I'm funny now. I'm smart now. I'm going there now. Stop telling the old story. Here's the truth. Nobody cares. No one cares if you had a failure. No one cares if you've had a setback. No one cares if you had a victory. And none of those failures, none of those setbacks, none of those victories. That old character you keep playing is the very thing that will prevent you from becoming this new version of you. It's a story. If you're stuck, it's an old story you're telling with an old character. That was last year's version, last decade's version. Who's the new character? What's the new script? What's the new story? I must tell you, I have a lot of weaknesses, a lot of things I do that don't serve me. But this identity thing, I get this. It's the key. Now. There's a lot of little mini things in life that matter. There's never one thing. If you said, what's the key? I can tell you it's my addiction and my obsession to working on my identity. It's the thought of mine that dominates most of my thinking that's number one. So I'm conscious of the concept. That's huge. Just being aware of the concept will put you light years at ahead of 99.9% of the just awareness of the power of identity. Just now, you knowing about the thermostat puts you in the 0.1% of all the people on the spinning earth right now. And then the next thing I'm really focused on is always adding people to my life in the areas that matter to me that live at higher temperatures than me. The second thing is I'm constantly doing things in short burst of time to change the water line. I'm also super obsessed with dropping what's no longer needed. There were certain things I needed to think and do and say or people I needed to be around, emotions I needed to have that got me to the place I'm currently at, evaluating all the time what is no longer needed, what emotion, what anxiety, what thought, what belief, what person, what behavior is no longer needed in my life. And then lastly, I never tell the old story. I don't like telling the old story. I'm constantly trying to write the new script, become the new character in my life. And it could just be the new emotions, it could be the new beliefs I have, it could be the new story, the new place I'm moving. But I'm constantly retelling a new story all the time. I'm constantly obsessed with writing the next chapter of my life, not reading the previous ones. The happy and most fulfilled people don't read the past chapters of their life. Whether they're good or bad, they are writing new ones all the time. These are the keys of changing the internal thermostat of our lives and ultimately are the keys of changing the external circumstances of our lives.

[Dean Graziosi]

Some follow the noise.

[Zoe Chance]

Bloomberg follows the money. Whether it's the funds fueling AI or crypto's trillion dollar swings, there's a money

[Dean Graziosi]

side to every story.

[Zoe Chance]

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[Dean Graziosi]

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[Zoe Chance]

your next chapter in health care starts at Carrington College's School of Nursing in Portland. Join us for our open house on Tuesday, January 13th from 4 to 7pm you'll tour our campus, see live demos, meet instructors, and learn about our Associate Degree in Nursing program that prepares you to become a registered nurse. Take the first step toward your nursing career. Save your spot now at Carrington. Edu Events. For information on program outcomes, visit carrington. Edu Sci.