← THE ED MYLETT SHOW
THE ED MYLETT SHOW
The Secret to Winning in Life: Playing Hurt and Leading Strong! Feat. Deion Sanders
01:43:02
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- [00:00]
Ed Mylett
So, hey guys, listen. We're all trying to get more productive and the question is, how do you find a way to get an edge? I'm a big believer that if you're getting mentoring or you're in an environment that causes growth, a growth based environment, that you're much more likely to grow and you're going to grow faster. And that's why I love Growth Day. Growth Day is an app that my friend Brendan Burchard has created that I'm a big fan of. Write this down growthday.com forward/ed. So if you want to be more productive, by the way, he's asked me, I post videos in there every single Monday that gets your day off to the right start. He's got about 5,000, $10,000 worth of courses that are in there that come with the app. Also, some of the top influencers in the world are all posting content in there on a regular basis, like having the Avengers of personal development and business in one app. And I'm honored that he asked me to be a part of it as well and contribute on a weekly basis. And I do. So go over there and get signed up. You're going to get a free tuition, free voucher to go to an event with Brendan and myself and a bunch of other influencers as well. So you get a free event out of it also. So go to growthday.com forward/ed. That's growthday.comed.
- [01:02]
Brendan Burchard
This episode is brought to you by Google Gemini. With the Gemini app, you can talk live and have a real time conversation with an AI assistant. It's great for all kinds of things, like if you want to practice for an upcoming interview, ask for advice on things to do in a new city, or brainstorm creative ideas. And by the way, this script was.
- [01:19]
Ed Mylett
Actually read by Gemini.
- [01:20]
Brendan Burchard
Download the Gemini app for iOS and Android today must be 18 plus to use Gemini Live.
- [01:32]
Deion Sanders
This is the Ed Milet Show.
- [01:36]
Ed Mylett
Hey everyone. Welcome to my weekend special. I hope you enjoy the show. Be sure to follow the Ed Mylett show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. So my guest today really doesn't need an introduction, but I'm gonna give him one. And I think he's the most feared football coach by other coaches on Planet Ear. Maybe, maybe, maybe in the history of college football. Nobody wants to mess with this dude or play against him. Coach Prime, Deion Sanders. Welcome to the show, my friend. Thank you for being here.
- [02:05]
Deion Sanders
And I love that introduction I got, I'M gonna, we're recording this. So I'm going to wake up every morning. This is how I'm going to wake up every morning. I'm going to just play that intro.
- [02:14]
Ed Mylett
What I want everybody to listen to today while Coach is talking. He's going to say a bunch of things that are going to be life changing that you remember. And obviously he has a way of speaking that hits you, like hits you in the chest. But I want you to be studying his mindset. There's millions of people listening to this. Just study this man's mindset. Obviously it's backed by his faith. Something about you that I didn't realize, but I watched Coach prime on Amazon and then I went back and researched you. And here's what I find that separate. There's a lot of things that separate like the greatest from like the pretty goods, right? And one of them is your ability to play hurt. Like even this interview today, I'm not physically hurt, but I got some stuff going on in my life that could distract me today, you know what I mean? And like I gotta be able to brush that aside and laser in because I get to interview and talk to a legend today. And I think you experienced this even with the men on your team. Like I watched the game. You're like, injury's different than hurt. Can you play hurt? This man, by the way, you probably remember this coach, but he played an entire NFL season and a part of a baseball season with a bronchial infection that could have like sidelined a bunch of people. Like he was hurt basically breathing wise an entire NFL and baseball season. And then in, in this, now he's coaching, kind of limping around a whole bunch and still in some discomfort. Do you think that's a separator people's ability to play hurt as opposed to just play when everything's perfect in life.
- [03:39]
Deion Sanders
True. Well, first and foremost, everything is never going to be perfect. Aren't we all playing hurt? See you, you, you related to a game. I'm relating it to life because I want you to win on and off the field. Aren't we all hurt? Somebody's going through divorce, somebody's having financial problems. Somebody got received terrible news from the doctors. Some somebody. The cubicle you work in, the lady sitting right next to you don't like you, mistreating you badly and you're not performing at work because of the discomfort. My morning message was said we can't win today if we don't focus on today. Focus on your now and give it Everything you have inside to make it successful.
- [04:23]
Ed Mylett
It's.
- [04:24]
Deion Sanders
It's too easy to distract you and to get you out of your character. It's time for you to huddle up with yourself, call your play, and execute. That was my morning message. I sat down in this chair this morning. That's what God gave me. Typed it up, I put it out. That's. That was the message. We're all playing her like the first chapter. Even if you broke, keep it moving when light, when life knocks you down, get back up. The strongest steel is forged in the hottest fire. Nobody is living a perfect life. You're not the only one facing problems. But show each other compassions. Lift each other up and show compassion tremendously. Take care of yourself physically and don't ignore mental health. That's like the first chapter. That's how we come out the gate.
- [05:07]
Ed Mylett
You come out of the gate in the morning with a routine. Yeah, we all are, but some of us have developed, like, habits and rituals and routines. Like, to me, the separator is not what you do on the days you're feeling greater or motivated. What are you doing on the days you don't? Right. And for me and I, and this is in the book too, like, I've got some routines that kind of keep me on track. My habits. Because under pressure, you know, this is a player too. Like, under pressure, you relate and reflects back to your habits or your lack of habits. Right?
- [05:35]
Deion Sanders
That's right.
- [05:35]
Ed Mylett
Do you do anything? Do you have a routine in the morning or in your day that kind of, like, dials you in for. For you to be ready to take everything on?
- [05:43]
Deion Sanders
Everybody knows, don't mess with me in the morning. They'll come in my office in the morning. Don't speak until I speak to you in the morning. Because that's my time with the Lord. That's just my time. That's my time where I'm kind of in this sanctuary called my office, and I'm getting myself together. You know, I'm. I'm. I'm going through the thoughts from yesterday, getting ready with the thoughts from today, and really devising a plan intellectually to go out there and dominate today. So I don't, like, Don't. Don't disrupt that piece. Don't call me with no foolishness. Don't tell me no foolishness. I don't want to have anything to come inside because usually. Usually when what comes inside, it manifests outside. You return it. And I don't. I don't like that. So I do have A routine. And it's not a ritual. It's like a routine of peace. And everybody knows me. I don't play about my piece. I couldn't seduce it, I couldn't purchase it. I. I could manipulate it. God had to give that to me, and I earned it. So I don't play by my piece. Anything that comes between me and my piece, it has to go. So that's kind of my routine to just start with peace. And another thing. I don't allow myself to have a bad day. I could have a bad moment, I could have a bad minute, I could even have a bad hour. But never a bad day, really. I'm not gonna let it get to that point. You know why? Because I got the dirt remote control of life to me. I could turn me up, I could turn me down. I could add some color to it. I could do anything I want with this remote control that controls me. And I'm too old and bold not to know me at that. I'm 56 years old, man. I know everything about me. I know what's gonna make me mad. No, it's gonna make me happy. I know it's gonna make me smile. I know it's gonna get on my nerves. I know me. I've introduced myself to me, and I know me in its totality. It is nothing that can happen in life that will catch me off guard. I dealt with deaths. I dealt with misfortunes. I dealt with lying, cheating, stealing, manipulation. I've dealt with all, all of it. And that's why I'm comprised to lead these darn young men into a life that they pray about in the life that they desire. That's why God has called me collect to lead these young men. And I love the calling.
- [07:54]
Ed Mylett
Yeah, you. I watch you. I'm think this is a man who stepped into his next calling. Like, you've had multiple callings in your life, right? I just watched this. I'm like, it's obviously the God. The Lord's had his hand on you all your life, kind of preparing you for, like this moment. It almost. And what's interesting, anybody listening to this, he's doing the same for you. You just need to be aware of it. This moment you're in, listening to this or watching this, you've been preparing for this moment all your life. Every. Every letdown, every victory, everything you've learned, every lesson, every mistake you've made prepares you for this moment right now. If you're aware of it, right?
- [08:29]
Deion Sanders
If you accept that awesome God, you're awesome. You're saying it, but a lot of people can't see it and can't identify with it. And another thing that people don't want to do, they don't want to cut the umbilical cords. You don't want to cut the umbilical. It's something that's holding on to you and keeping you back where you're giving oxygen to and you're keeping it alive. But you don't want to cut that umbilical cord so it can have life. And you can too. Because sometimes you got to cut some stuff off in life. Sometimes you got to separate yourself in life. Sometimes you gotta, you know, go up in the mountains and just say LA and just, just get it and, and internalize it and then come out with the plan and let's go get it. Like, wow. Oftentimes you don't want to do that because you're comfortable. I'm good with being uncomfortable. I'm great with being uncomfortable. Like I'd never, you know, I was in a press conference this year. I remember one time I was rolling, I was flowing, I said, don't let me get comfortable. You better let me get comfortable. But I'm better being uncomfortable and I make people uncomfortable.
- [09:31]
Ed Mylett
Yeah, you make people uncomfortable. Yeah. You think that's part of being a leader coach is the ability to believe in people and love on them. Same time, there's that little thing where they're a little uncomfortable around you, you know that, you know what I mean? That little thing like you believe in someone, you love them, you know, they got that, but they're a little uncomfortable too.
- [09:49]
Deion Sanders
Leaders make decisions that sometimes cannot. It may not be popular. Leaders understand communication as well and use that as a asset, an advantage point also. Let me give you one other thing. Leaders got to be clear and concise. And I'm always clear and concise with what I want, how I'm going to do it, and this time I'm going to get it done. Now, you may not agree with it, but that's how it's going to be. And I'm not looking for your check mark or your approval to move on, to take the next step, to go from glory to glory, go to another height. I, I don't need your okay, your hand claps and your pats on. I don't, I don't need that when.
- [10:29]
Ed Mylett
I'm listening to you and then reading the book, by the way, it's called Elevate and Dominate, guys. I think I've said that 14 times already. But I'll make sure you all get this when I listen to you. But when I read the book, I got something. I've had this thing I've said. My best friends in my life, they toe this line and it's really nuanced and it's not easy. And the line they toe is they have a ton of confidence combined with a bunch of humility. And then I'm reading the book and.
- [10:56]
Deion Sanders
You literally talk about this in the book.
- [10:58]
Ed Mylett
Yeah, but you talk about this in the book like. Like people with a ton of confidence, with no humility, they eventually make a mistake, burn out, don't have that thing where they self correct or they're self aware. Then I got these other friends, they've got tons of humility but no confidence. So you're constantly dragging them through life. Right. Come on, stand up. Let's go. You keep picking them up, right.
- [11:18]
Deion Sanders
You talk about it.
- [11:19]
Ed Mylett
Do you feel like that's something you have or people that you're attracted to, coaches you want to have around you have that kind of nuance of those two things?
- [11:29]
Deion Sanders
Yeah. I got a quote on my wall around here somewhere. It says, don't allow my confidence to offend your insecurity.
- [11:38]
Ed Mylett
That's so good.
- [11:40]
Deion Sanders
I'm say that again. Don't allow my confidence to offend your insecurity.
- [11:46]
Ed Mylett
It.
- [11:47]
Deion Sanders
It's a way that you can be confident, but not arrogant, not obnoxious, not abrasive. It's just confidence and that. You know that. You know that. You know that. You've been through this.
- [12:03]
Ed Mylett
You.
- [12:03]
Deion Sanders
You've been in that moment already. You've been through that trial, you've been through that challenge. You've been through that situation. That's why you glean the confidence that you're going to make it through because you've already lived that. You've already internalized that. You already seen it.
- [12:17]
Ed Mylett
You.
- [12:17]
Deion Sanders
You've already done it. So that's why you walk with that confidence. When I played the game, I prepared so darn much. I saw Jerry Rice when I woke up. When I went to bed, I knew when he lined up on the left side of the line and he put his outside foot up, he was running the inside route. It wasn't that I was great. I've studied and I prepared. So I was confident in jumping it to make that play because I was prepared. And confidence is escalated by preparation. How can you be confident and you're not prepared?
- [12:45]
Ed Mylett
Yeah.
- [12:46]
Deion Sanders
How can you be confident when you don't have knowledge on subject? It's hard. The best test that I've ever mastered in school, I studied and prepared my butt off. So I was confident that I was going to pass and be successful in that test and make an A or B plus or whatever. I had no thought process of.
- [13:04]
Ed Mylett
Yeah, he has this chapter in the book. I want you to get the book and read it. But he basically says, make confidence your natural odor. You just need to read this chapter, you guys, on confidence. It's really. By the way, I read this book like this. Like, I got it late and I read it like this. There's another thing I want to ask you about, because I never really. I've heard these terms. I don't even know the distinction between them. The next chapter in the book, he says, are you a leader or a dog? And this, this applies to life, not just football. What's the difference between a leader and a dog?
- [13:34]
Deion Sanders
See, coaching, you normally see the C on the chest and captains. I, I reserve that for the military. I deserve. I reserve that for the police force and all that. And I have a heck of a respect. I don't think it should be a guy with C on his chest and captain. Especially now in the NFL, you got a quarterback that has C on his chest. Now he's leaving because he wants to get paid more for another team. So how can your captain abort the ship and board the plant? I don't like that. I have leaders and I have dogs. Every leader ain't a dog, and every dog ain't a leader. I don't expect the dog to be the leader, and I don't expect the leader to be the dog. I expect you to be you. And just because you walk in the front and just because you talk the loudest and just because you make the most money, that don't make you a leader. A leader. Is. Is that that thing that Janae Saqua that you have? That. That's infectious. That makes people want to follow you, that makes people want to listen to you, that makes people want to read your books, that make people want to just. Just find out more about you and Google you. That. That's that thing that you have that you don't have to walk in the front. You. You. You don't have to. Because when I played the game, believe it or not, I never made speeches to my teams I played for. I never called everybody up and say, okay, this is what we going to. I never did that. I led through action and I led through consistency. I didn't lead vocally. I led to action and consistency. Because you got to understand, I was coming in football late because I was playing baseball. In baseball, I was one of the young guys because baseball players go up to age 40. I was still a young pup in most of the teams that I played for and playing two sports. So I was there the full time as well. So I was never the guy that they would have put a C on his chest, but I was a leader. But the dog is that innate person that, that you, you never mistake a dog for a cat. You, you Never mistake a, a, a, a, a,. A dog for a person who won't swing first. You, you know that that dog is that guy who's gonna swim first. Yeah. He gonna have a one foot bag or she gonna take her earrings off and then, you know, she gonna put vaseline on her face and you know she ready. She brought some tennis shoes they said could get the grip. She gonna take off the heel. Like that's, that's the dough that he's ready to get down no matter what. He's a dog. In, in life, you got to be both, man. And sometimes you got to be both. Sometimes when you call a meeting with your staff, not only you got to be a leader, but sometimes you got to be a dog. And some of us are equipped with being able to hit a switch and to be both, but some people are not. But you got to know who you are at this age and stage of your life. It would be. You would be a fool not to understand who you are.
- [16:18]
Ed Mylett
I think I have a year of eligibility left. I don't know how many 52 year olds you're signing, but I would love, I probably still play strong safety or something. I would, I would rather do a damn wall right now. What is a. But I just, I, I got to tell you, like, there's such substance to the book. Like, he's obviously like this amazing communicator, but man, that's a separator in life. It's like you can say all these pretty things, but at some point you got to walk it too, right? Like, you got to walk the walk as a leader. Right. And you think your kids pick up on this with you? Not just like, because obviously you walk in a room, you got cachet, you're the goat, right? So there, there's something to that. Like, this is coach prime. And my God, you get the chance to be around the greatest of all time at something. But I gotta think after like a month or two, you're the coach. Like, they gotta see you currently walking some type of a walk as a leader. And I feel like a lot of leaders, even parents, like, well, at one time I did this, so you should let everything I say now. Right? But I think you have to be relevant in your leadership currently as well, right? You feel that way for you?
- [17:25]
Deion Sanders
100% correct. Because what I did is what I did. Today's kids are more into the now. Like everything they looking at on social media deals with the now. They. They may recollect and go through your page and see what you did yesterday, but they only looking at that to establish the consistency. Are you that guy now that you were yesterday and the day before? So what people are looking for is reality because we have such a fake and a false world that everybody could go purchase what they want to look like, they want to feel like, they want to be who they want. Everybody can go purchase that now. And everybody is attracted to authenticity, whether they believe it or not. And everybody is opposed to authenticity whether they want it or not, because the most successful music acts or, or. Or celebrities that can sing or rap or whatever, they're authentic.
- [18:24]
Ed Mylett
We.
- [18:24]
Deion Sanders
We feel like we know them, like we can touch them. And, and they allow us to know that they've made mistakes. Nobody's looking for Mr. Or Mrs. Perfect anymore. They looking for flawed people that will stand up and say, you know what? I did that, man. That was me.
- [18:38]
Ed Mylett
That.
- [18:38]
Deion Sanders
Okay, that was me. I did that. I messed that up. But guess what? Guess what I learned from that mistake. Oh, my God. Thank God that happened to me because I would never take that left again. I'm just gonna stay right.
- [18:49]
Ed Mylett
So.
- [18:50]
Deion Sanders
If it wasn't for that left, I wouldn't even know what to write. I love the hate. You know why I'm attracted to the hate? Because if it wasn't for the hate, Ed, I wouldn't know what love feels like. I wouldn't know what love looks like. I. I wouldn't know what love was about if I didn't receive the hate, because I know that ain't love. So this has to be.
- [19:07]
Ed Mylett
Wow. When you get hate, coach, do you ever. Because you do get it. You're lightning rod for it. You even had another coach this year say some stuff that you leveraged it really well, though. We won't go, we won't go into all that stuff that happened. But like, boy, I was watching you the week of that game, I'm like, oh, man, thank God you won that game too. But like, I remember the week of that game going, oh, boy, this dude made a huge mistake saying this stuff about Coach prime and his mom.
- [19:32]
Deion Sanders
Huge.
- [19:35]
Ed Mylett
Do you ever, though, look at that and distinguish hate from, like, valid criticism? Do you. Do you ever listen to somebody that's being critical, you go, hey, any of this apply to me? Do I need to make a change here? Is that valid? Do you allow that to guide you at all, or no.
- [19:54]
Deion Sanders
Why would I listen to my critics when my critics have critics? I'm gonna listen to a critic who has a line of critics. Ain't no way, because some of those people are criticizing you to just get your attention. The last thing I heard about attention, that you had to pay it. You got to pay attention. So that's a fee. That's gonna cost. So if you're not gonna pay that cost for my attention, I'm not gonna give it to you, because my attention. Attention ain't free. My attention ain't free. My attention ain't free. You're gonna have to pay. You're gonna pay attention.
- [20:40]
Ed Mylett
Every time I do an interview. When I do an interview, Coach, I always go, that'll make a good Instagram clip. We've had, like, 11 of these already. Like, in a good interview, you get, like, one. You're like, that's gonna be the clip. I don't even know what clip I'm gonna use in this thing right now. It's so damn good. What about your faith? I want. Before the interview gets too far away, I, like, want to ask you about your faith. Like, I watched you as a player. I feel like there's just some point in your career, and I don't. I'd like you to talk about when it was or what it. How it was. I mean, it certainly seems deeper to me now.
- [21:16]
Deion Sanders
Yeah, it is. Because I would. Hell, that's why I tell people to be careful who you have to have as a role model, because most of us were models just playing a role. I'm just giving you the picture that you. That you wanted to see, because it's really not me. I'm not Prime Time. I'm Dion. You don't care about Dion because you care about Prime. So I got to give you Prime. But the thing about it, both of them has an expiration date, and it's not. They don't equate to one another. They're not going to die at the same time. One is going to die. The Persona is going to die much quicker than the person. So what you're trying to kill is the Persona, because you don't really know the person and I got lost trying to satisfy you all with the Persona and I began to be suicidal. I mean, I'm on the top of my game, on the top of the world. Several different commercials and how in the world can I be suicidal? How in the world can I not want to be here? Well, I was going through a tremendous divorce and my kids were stripped away from me. And those are the only two people that I felt like loved me in my whole life because it was genuine. Like these are my kids, they came from me. I know they love me because I, I know you don't. I know you don't. I know you don't. You love what I'm capable of doing for you, but you don't love me. But you know why you don't love me? Because you don't know me and let me go through this soliloquy so you understand right where we were, right where I was parked at the time. I'm in a 15000 square foot house but never feeling at home. I have hundreds and hundreds of suits but I can't cover up the pain. I got 500 or more pair of shoes but I can't take a step in the right direction. Several cars parked in the driveway. Exotic from old 64 Chevys, but I ain't going nowhere. You mean I'm sleeping in between two and three women but nobody is satisfied. And I'm sleeping on a five to ten thousand dollar bed but ain't getting no rest. So you're going through all these emotions and all these challenges and you're just not happy. Like I'm three for four and I'm still want to commit suicide after the game. So all this stuff came to a head where I finally had to get on my knees and say lord it take me man, I can't do this no more. I, I can't, I can't do it. I, I can't do it. I can't stand it. I can't stand the life. And it's not that. See Ed, I've never smoked in my life. I've never been high, never drank, never tasted alcohol. Stop using profanity. When I was 19 years old. So it wasn't those vices, it was other vices, but it wasn't those vices. But I just didn't have peace and I didn't have joy and I knew God was calling me but I didn't want to be hypocritical because I, I, I despise that someone saying they this and not this. I despise that. So I was trying to clean up before I go to the Lord. It ain't no way you can clean up before you go to the Lord. You got to go to the Lord to get clean. I didn't know that. I didn't understand that. So finally, you know, after going through hell and child and trib.
- [24:23]
Ed Mylett
Tr.
- [24:24]
Deion Sanders
Tribulation and attempting to commit suicide, I had to surrender and give it all to him. That was the place. But you know what broke me, what almost broke me and hurt me? That when I came out and told the world about this is what I was going through, this is what I was dealing with. They didn't believe me. I'm like, so you think I'm gonna tell you all this? What's the game? I already got money. So what am I gaining? Like, what? I already got fame. What am I gaining to tell you that I've accepted the Lord? I'm. I'm tired. I'm. I was broken. What am I gaining? And I wish somebody would have told me that my most critical people would have come from inside, not outside. The church folks. That was my. My most critical persons. Not the sinners. The sinners was like, hey, man, God bless you, man. Tell me how you did it. Tell me how you stopped that Lamborghini from going 200. You know, tell me how you slowed everything down in life. Yeah, the church folks like, oh, ain't no way in the world he could do that.
- [25:30]
Ed Mylett
So.
- [25:31]
Deion Sanders
No, no, what you're doing is on yourself. You're telling that if you had all these things, that you couldn't do it. Because you're saying, I can't. Because you think about the things. Because the things had me. I didn't have them.
- [25:43]
Ed Mylett
Wow, brother, I love you, man. That's one of my favorite. I'm. That's like. I've done 600 episodes. That's one of my most treasured moments ever of doing a show right there. You're a good man.
- [25:58]
Deion Sanders
Thank you.
- [25:59]
Ed Mylett
Wow. You're most qualified in life to help the person or people you used to be. And that's why that's so profound. Because. Because so many people.
- [26:08]
Deion Sanders
Say that again. Because that's profound. I never heard that. Say that again, please.
- [26:12]
Ed Mylett
You're most qualified in life to help the person or people you used to be. Yeah.
- [26:18]
Deion Sanders
Wow.
- [26:19]
Ed Mylett
Yeah.
- [26:19]
Deion Sanders
That explains why I'm passionate. From the people that are broken, that have done this, that have done that. They. They naysayed, people disliked them, disown them, you know, ridicule. Them. That's why I'm attracted to those type of people. To help.
- [26:38]
Ed Mylett
Yep, same here.
- [26:42]
Deion Sanders
I just picked up a blue on the street the other day. Just walking in the backpack. It was snowing. I'm like, my brother, get in.
- [26:49]
Tim Grover
What's wrong with you?
- [26:50]
Ed Mylett
It's.
- [26:50]
Deion Sanders
It's five degrees. What is wrong with you? He's like, coach Prime. Like, hey, man, I ain't got time for that right now. Where you need to go? Where do you need to go? Because I'm taking you wherever you. I mean, that.
- [27:01]
Ed Mylett
That's.
- [27:02]
Deion Sanders
Yeah, that.
- [27:03]
Ed Mylett
Yeah, that's beautiful. Yeah, me too. I always wondered, why am I so called to this work? And it was not even something I came up with. Someone said it to me a while back, and I'm like, you just explained me to me maybe for the first time. Like, I get it now. I got this thing on my heart where I want to. You know, I was broken. I'm still broken, but I'm a little less broken, you know? And so I want to help broken people. You know, I want people. I didn't have hope at one time. I want to give people hope. I wasn't always inspired. I know what it's like to be a liar and live wrong way. And I. You know, I. I want to help people who are doing that. And anyway, I just. I watch you, and I understand why the people close to you have such reverence. Like Constance, our mutual friend, she's told me for years, like, I wish you knew this man. He reminds me of you, number one. But number two, his heart is so good, and I'm getting that now. Like, I'm really grateful that I'm getting a chance to. I mean, everybody gets to listen in on me talking to you for an hour is what I feel like right now. And, yeah, you're. You're. You're good, man thing. He's saying, I'll go through a couple more things. Because you're so loaded with gold, we don't have too much more time. We got about 15 minutes. But it's weird that you say this because I've said this term forever. Always ask when I go talk to teams. I'll say, who's the rabbit on this team? Who's the rabbit?
- [28:16]
Deion Sanders
Wow.
- [28:16]
Ed Mylett
What I mean by that person, when I say it, you say a little bit different. But what I mean by that is, on every team, it's a company or a sports team, there's a rabbit. It's the person who sets the pace. It's the person that everyone' Their effort. Everybody I know, I can tell you right now, college baseball, when I played, I know exactly who our rabbit was. Is our little second baseman, Trini Ruiz, shortest dude on the team, five, six, just outworked everybody. Every time I'd show up early, this dude was there before me. I'd leave BP an hour after everybody else. Trini's walking back in the batting cage. You know, I mean, he was the rabbit. And you talk in life, in. In life about having what's your rabbit? I love the way you say this. So what's it mean for you?
- [28:58]
Deion Sanders
First of all, I'm from Florida, so we had dog tracks growing up in Florida. And if you ever been to a dog track, these beautiful greyhound, beautiful, lean. You can see their muscles. They in the shoots and they let them out. And it's a rabbit that runs around the inside of that rail. They never catch the rat, but the rabbit is the gold. The rabbit is something they're chasing. And I'm asking you, what's your rabbit? Because we're all chasing something, man. Whether it's popularity, whether it's love, whether it's reconcil creation, whether it's finances, we're all chasing something. And when I say, what's. What's your rabbit? I'm sitting up there saying, this helps us discover our why. Because when I meet these young men for the first time and we're recruiting them, they think they're recruiting me, but I'm recruiting them. You know, you can you fit with us. What's your why? I need to know your why. You're rabbit. And some of them can't understand that. I can't reconcile what I'm saying. And it's that thing that keeps going that gets you up in the morning. See, I was 7 years old and I told my mom I was going to be rich, I was going to make a lot of money, and you're never gonna have to work another day of your life. She said, yeah, okay. Until then, go get the lawnmower, go out there and cut that grass. I said, cool, I got you. That's how my mama get down. That's who she was. The true story. But that was my rabbit. My mama never saw me play a football game, a baseball game or a basketball game in high school because she was working. She worked. She worked the night shift. She worked in eight. She never. Now she saw me play pee wee ball because it was on Saturdays, but she never saw me play throughout high school. So she reading the papers and this guy's doing this. College is getting that. I said, mom, what you think I should do about college? She said, I don't give a darn where you going. You're getting up out of here. You're getting about him. I don't care where you go. You're getting up out of here. So I'm like, I can't let this continue. And she having this life ends. Never met. They never really saw each other. And I could do better. I could do better. I could help her. And that was my rabbit, man. So I never stopped. To this day, my mother has not worked since 1989, when I signed the dotted line for the Atlanta Falcons. And she would never, ever work another day. Her life. Because that was my rabbit, and that's still my rabbit. My mother lives with me, like, so every time I go home and see her, like, that's my rabbit. I'm still chasing that. So trying to catch that, making sure I. I fulfill my promise when I say she's never gonna have to work another day of life. That's my rabbit. That's my rap.
- [31:33]
Ed Mylett
Sad way to go through life if you don't have a rabbit, you know.
- [31:36]
Deion Sanders
Gotta have a rap, man. It's got to be something that. Yeah. And you got to see it. Don't. Don't say, oh, I want to be the president. You got to be able at least to see it. Don't just fantasize. That's a fantasy. I'm just talking about the rabbit. See the rabbit in the dog track. They. They may not have been able to smell it.
- [31:53]
Ed Mylett
They can see it.
- [31:54]
Deion Sanders
They can see it. You got to be able to see it, man.
- [31:57]
Ed Mylett
What a huge point. Oh, my gosh. Because people get these big, huge dreams. I'm like, you probably should just catch your next rabbit. Right? That's the one thing on the dog track they do keep it pretty close to the dogs. It's not so far in front of them that the dog thinks they can't.
- [32:09]
Deion Sanders
Catch it, can't attain it. It's not that far out that you can't attain it. It goes steadily and slowly that you could almost grasp it. That's why they put the muzzles on, because they're scared that somebody's gonna catch it. Somebody's gonna catch it. So let me just cover your face up with. With a muzzle just in case you catch it and bite it. And I don't want that. I just want you to catch that rabbit.
- [32:33]
Ed Mylett
I've. I'm just sitting here going, my gosh, this is so good. Like I wish we could do like nine hours of this. Like I'm blown away by how good this is. What makes a leader? It's a tough question, but one thing's for sure. A true leader leads by example. And a true leader takes risks too. They plunge into life with determination. For those who lead by example and who approach life with a palpable passion, there's the Range Rover Sport. Each Range Rover Sport model offers a dynamic, sophisticated take on sporting luxury. The Range Rover Sport offers focused on road performance and world renowned off road capability with industry leading features like adaptive off road cruise control that monitors ground conditions and acclimates to the present terrain. Agility, control and composure are achieved with dynamic air suspension and adaptive dynamics. Reduces unwanted body movements to deliver smooth and composed handling, true sophistication and excellent maneuverability, all in a seriously stylish package. Sophisticated refinement meets visceral power in the Range Rover Sport. A new dimension of sporting luxury. Build your Range Rover sport@land roverusa.com so if you're thinking about finding a unique gift this holiday, let me tell you something that could really help the people that you love grow and get better. You can't do any better than Masterclass. Masterclass allows you and your loved ones to learn from the best, to become their best. Take an expert in an industry and they're on Masterclass. It's the only streaming platform where you can learn and grow with over 200 of the world's best at what they do. Learn from any Masterclass instructor anywhere on a smartphone, computer, smart TV or even in audio mode. I have to tell you, I'm doing a cooking thing on there right now because I really want to make better food for the fam and so I'm on there right now doing through a cooking thing and the classes make a difference. 80% of the members feel Masterclass made a positive impact in their life and there's no risk. Every new membership, 30 day money back guarantee. Masterclass always has great offers during the holidays, sometimes as much as 50% off. Head over to masterclass.com mylet for the current offer. That's up to 50% off at masterclass.com mylet masterclass.com mylet Very short intermission here folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Now on to our next guest, Tim Grover. Welcome back to the show, brother.
- [34:57]
Tim Grover
Thank you so much.
- [34:58]
Ed Mylett
You. You ever work with. I'm just Curious. I've never asked you this, even privately. So let's take Kobe and Jordan. They're two physically phenomenally gifted dudes mixed with all the things that you have in the book about winning. Like, if you want to think like Kobe Bryant and what Tim Grover did, working with him, read the book.
- [35:14]
Tim Grover
Right.
- [35:14]
Ed Mylett
If you want to think like MJ and the things that you learned from MJ and then that you took to another level, read the book. Right. Did you ever work with a guy. Don't say who. I know you wouldn't. But did you ever work with someone as physically gifted as either one of the two of them that just lacked these things? And so as a result, we don't know who they are.
- [35:28]
Tim Grover
Numerous.
- [35:29]
Ed Mylett
Really. As physically gifted?
- [35:31]
Tim Grover
Even more.
- [35:32]
Ed Mylett
Wow.
- [35:32]
Tim Grover
Even more. They were by far not my most physically gifted athletes. I work with athletes that were jumped higher than mj, who ran faster, who had better footwork than Kobe.
- [35:46]
Ed Mylett
But Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant were not the two most physically gifted athletes you've worked with.
- [35:51]
Tim Grover
No.
- [35:52]
Ed Mylett
Whoa. Okay. And then. So when you would work with these guys and you'd be pushing them in training, there was a different resistance or fatigue or how was it different?
- [36:00]
Tim Grover
You know what, Ed? How many times have you had people come up to you and says, I'll do anything to get where you're at.
- [36:05]
Ed Mylett
Right? All the time.
- [36:06]
Tim Grover
Or I'll do anything to work for you until you. Until you tell them what your definition, definition of anything is. Your definition of anything is different than my definition of anything. I'll have an athlete. It's very simple. When I first start with them, when I was training numerous. So what time's the first workout? I'd say 3:30. I'd be like, okay, it's 3:30am a.m. i wouldn't tell them a.m. or p.m. tell them 3:30. Okay, so we're. Myself, my staff were sitting at waiting. Cause you know, winning doesn't sleep. And it doesn't understand why you. Why you do.
- [36:44]
Ed Mylett
That's awesome.
- [36:45]
Tim Grover
So then we come back at. We go. They roll in the gym about 3, 3:30. Like, what are you doing here? They're like, you said 3:30. No, no, I said, you got the wrong time. And I said, when does a new day start? And they look at him, he goes, no. I said, no, the new day starts at 12 midnight.
- [37:09]
Ed Mylett
That's right.
- [37:10]
Tim Grover
That's a new day. All right, what are you waiting for?
- [37:16]
Ed Mylett
And even if you tell them, hey, MJ did this, Kobe did this, if they don't have it, they don't have it.
- [37:20]
Tim Grover
They don't have it.
- [37:21]
Ed Mylett
Do you think it's a lack of obsession like you said? You've referenced a couple times, like sleep at night, your bed doesn't sleep and all that. One of the things that I'll be honest with, there's a lot in the book that hit me. And you guys go get the book winning. Tim Grover. Real simple. Get it anywhere books are sold. But there's this part of the book, man, like, it almost made me cry audibly reading it. But I did get water in my eyes. And I'm gonna get water. Even explaining it to you, where you're talking about being asleep and that you get these visitors at night. And I know those visitors very, very well. I have them too. It's attached to my obsessions. And I don't think. I don't think the average person who wants to really win understands the extent and degree of obsession required.
- [38:04]
Tim Grover
They don't.
- [38:05]
Ed Mylett
So can you elaborate on that, visitors that you get at night?
- [38:08]
Tim Grover
Everybody thinks obsession is a bad word.
- [38:11]
Ed Mylett
It's not.
- [38:14]
Tim Grover
I love to use the people I. You're a great example, Ed.
- [38:20]
Ed Mylett
Why.
- [38:21]
Tim Grover
Why keep going? Look at the house. Not only this house, the other house and the other house and the plane. And if people pay very close attention to what was just said probably about 20 minutes ago. What did you say? I don't consider my. I don't know if I consider myself a winner. That's obsession. That's obsession. And I love to use your plane story as an example. You went from a very nice size plane to even a bigger plane, but it's still not your 747.
- [38:58]
Ed Mylett
That's right.
- [39:00]
Tim Grover
It's not your 747. All right. That's an obsession. That's a healthy obsession. That's what gets you out of bed. That's what allows you. When you get out of bed, when all the skeletons are lined up next to you and telling you, you can't do this. You're not able to do this. You're not able to do this. You get up every single morning and you shake their hands and give them a hug and say, yep. What do you got for me tonight, exactly? I got you because you're a part of me. You're a part of me. And people put some. It's funny. Winners bring all of them wherever they go. And most individuals, the best part of them, the thing that allows them to win, the thing that allows them to be obsessive, the thing that allows them not to care what other people think. The things that allow them to deal with hatred, the things that keep them going when nothing else will. They keep in their closets. The best part of them, they keep in there because they're worried, what are people going to think about me if I let those things out. I always say this, all right, Everyone says, I'm afraid to become that person. You should be more afraid not to become that person. Be afraid not to become that person. You. You're a big thing about, you know, meet. I want to. At the end of the journey.
- [40:35]
Ed Mylett
Yeah.
- [40:36]
Tim Grover
You know, I want to meet my better half and say, hey, did. What did you leave behind? Or I was like, hey, this is the person.
- [40:43]
Ed Mylett
Shake hands with them.
- [40:44]
Tim Grover
Shake hands with them. If you can't become that person, you're never going to be able to shake that person's hand.
- [40:54]
Ed Mylett
Yeah, I'd much rather I live in more fear of. I live in way more fear of not becoming that person than I am about not trying to be him big time. But I do have. I want to stay on this for a minute. I get these visitors at night, too, that you get. So I don't want people to think that winning is all, like, rosy and glory and beautiful.
- [41:16]
Tim Grover
It's nothing.
- [41:17]
Ed Mylett
It's really not. And I'm not even. You have to know this. Here's the real. I've never said this on the show. You have to really know these truths so that you can actually decide you still want to win.
- [41:31]
Tim Grover
Yes.
- [41:31]
Ed Mylett
Right. Because what does come with becoming this way now at 50, and you're 56 or 56. 56. You look great. I've had 50 years of having these visitors in my life, and they're not going away, Ed.
- [41:44]
Tim Grover
They're not. That's why everybody wants to do. People just want to sweep them under the rug. They want to keep them in the closet. They don't want to talk about them. That's what makes you successful. That's what makes you. That's what makes you special. That's what makes you different. And what do we say? Different scares people. Winners and winning scares people. And they don't want to win because of that. They're trying to win. They're trying to balance. They're trying to fit in. What do winners do? Very few of them have balance in their life. Maybe after they become successful, they try to balance a little bit more. All right, There is no balance early. They don't care what other people think. They're extremely obsessive. They know it, and they don't mind telling you that they're chasing the next win because that's what fuels them. But when people come to you, say, you've had enough, you know, why Slow down, Slow down, unwind. I don't know about you. I do know about you. I should say that we are at our most uncomfortable when people tell us to unwind. We like to be wound up. That's like, a part of that. We have our unique ways of unwinding. We don't need anybody to tell us to unwind.
- [43:14]
Ed Mylett
My favorite way of unwinding is having some tequila with a buddy of mine who's another winner and talking about doing more winning.
- [43:18]
Tim Grover
Right.
- [43:19]
Ed Mylett
I was on Andy's show, and I said, winning is more fun than fun is fun. I remember that, and I just really believe that. Like, actually what I like. Like. I like the pursuit of winning. I like the. I like. I like that. I sincerely don't feel that way about myself because I'm scared. If I did. Like, I'm scared of these visitors that I have. Are my fears, my worries, my hopes, my thoughts, my skeletons.
- [43:45]
Tim Grover
Yeah. You know, they take all those forms. They take all those forms, and you don't know what form they're going to take that night. And you know what? They're going to sit at you with the table. They're all. They're not going to. I put this in a book. When you travel, those skeletons are traveling with you on the plane.
- [44:03]
Ed Mylett
They're my constant companion all the time.
- [44:05]
Tim Grover
And if you notice everyone looks at you and you fly on that plane alone. I have said, Ed's never been on that plane alone.
- [44:12]
Ed Mylett
It's true. It's true.
- [44:13]
Tim Grover
He's never been on that plane alone.
- [44:15]
Ed Mylett
They're with me all the time.
- [44:16]
Tim Grover
All the time. And you know what? When they look at his tequila bottles on the thing, Ed, and they're finished. That's because they're drinking the best stuff.
- [44:23]
Ed Mylett
Also, I wonder who's drinking all that stuff. Man. Stuff gets expensive. I just love this because this is the realest conversation I've ever had about winning. And it's the realest book about it. Like, it's. I don't. This isn't one of these Pollyanna things. Like, it's not all rosy. No. There's a lot of it that sucks. And, like, unless you want to sign up. And by the way, I don't know if you really. I'm actually cool. If you don't, like, if you actually said, hey, I don't want all that stuff. I don't want to. I mean, I don't relate to you. I'm not gonna hang out with you. You're not my kind of people. But I'd actually admire somebody who says, I won't do these things that are in this book, and I know I'm not gonna win. Rather than say I want to win and do none of the things that are in the book.
- [45:06]
Tim Grover
The people that can admit it, they've already won. The people that said, this ain't for me. This ain't for me. This ain't for. They're saying they know exactly who they are. I'm good. I'm good. Most people will settle for good. Most people will settle for. Okay, all right. Very few people will settle for great. Very few people will settle for unstoppable. Very few people will settle for winning. I break things down three different ways. So look at this. And I didn't put this in a book, but I want to share this with you. You have individuals that compete. Everybody competes. You know that. You know, you play golf. You love golf.
- [45:44]
Ed Mylett
Sure.
- [45:45]
Tim Grover
You know, you go out and your golfing partner, I don't know what's his real name?
- [45:49]
Ed Mylett
His real name is Kelly Gwynn. We call him Richard Cabeza. Dick Cabeza is head in Spanish. Everyone that's wondering what that's his name, because half the people don't know. That's what.
- [45:59]
Tim Grover
Richard Cabeza, everybody knows him. He's going to be signing autographs.
- [46:02]
Ed Mylett
He goes out, people like, I love you in my lat, man. Can I get your. He's had people take pictures with him, you know, so.
- [46:10]
Tim Grover
And I'll get into it a little bit later about that. But there's people that compete, all right? There's. Everybody knows how to compete at something, all right? And for most people, when they compete, they want to get to the. They want to just finish. That's their win. They just want to finish. Right now, to me, if you're that level person, is that finished going to lead to another win? It might not be. It might be in something else. If you gonna run a marathon, all right? And you're not one of these top elite marathon run. You're not gonna win the marathon, Right. You're not gonna win, but you have a mindset to say, hey, I'm gonna finish this marathon. Now, is that when you finish that marathon? What else is it setting you up for? But there's people that go in there, they're just happy. They're just happy competing. They're just happy finishing. They're just happy to be in the race. Then you have people that win once. They win once.
- [47:05]
Ed Mylett
Yeah.
- [47:05]
Tim Grover
And how many individuals do you know and you probably don't. Well, I shouldn't say this. I said, you know, not associate with. There's a big difference that keep telling you about that win over and over again, no matter how long it's been.
- [47:19]
Ed Mylett
Gosh, factoid. All right, I got it, man. You were quarterback in high school. Yes, I got it. You got your masters.
- [47:26]
Tim Grover
I got it. All right. Then you have individuals that win at winning.
- [47:33]
Ed Mylett
That's really good.
- [47:34]
Tim Grover
They win at winning. So they win over and over and over again.
- [47:42]
Ed Mylett
You think it's. You think it's all it's cracked up to be?
- [47:46]
Tim Grover
No, but we don't know any other way.
- [47:50]
Ed Mylett
Best answer of all time.
- [47:51]
Tim Grover
Very similar. Everybody. We just. We don't know any other way.
- [47:54]
Ed Mylett
Best answer of all time.
- [47:56]
Tim Grover
We just. We can't accept. We can't accept it any other way. We just can't. I wrote a best selling book. I didn't have to do another book. You wrote a best selling book, right. You know, you have another bad. You have another book coming out. You don't. You don't have to do any of this. But if you didn't, that would be more detrimental to you. You don't know. You don't know any other. You don't know any other way. Yeah, you just. You just don't.
- [48:33]
Ed Mylett
Yeah, you think that. By the way, I'm loving this just so you know, because I know people that might be listening say, this is a little bit dark. Like, welcome to winning. Like, that's why you see so many people. I watch Nick Saban after he wins these national championships. He's gotten a little bit better at it the last couple years. Have you noticed this? Yeah, just a little bit, like 1% better.
- [48:54]
Tim Grover
You know what? His. Either his wife or somebody in his family.
- [48:57]
Ed Mylett
Hey, at least smile for the interview after. Right? We can get back to work tonight. But you watch these prolific winners. So I did love to watch, watch MJ celebrate that win in the evening that he won. Right. Or you know, the few times I saw Kobe actually celebrate the win. But I know the next day they're back to work. I watch a Saban and like for years he'd win these national championships and you could already see the grimace on his face for the next year in the post game interview.
- [49:25]
Tim Grover
Yes.
- [49:26]
Ed Mylett
Right. And like, I think people look, they go, well then is he? And I think to your answer, you're right. Like, people say, well, is he really enjoying this yes. And he knows no other way. So maybe it's not all. I wonder if you ask, is it all it's cracked up to be? I think some people might say no, but it's all I know. And it's better than the alternative of living with losing the rest of my life or not trying.
- [49:47]
Tim Grover
Yes.
- [49:47]
Ed Mylett
Right.
- [49:50]
Tim Grover
There's a reason it's lonely at the top, and it's not because you want to be surrounded with other individuals. That's not the part people, when they talk about. It's lonely at the top. It's alone. Because nobody understands what's going on in here, of what you went after. You've just won what you went through, and you're already thinking about the next. You're already thinking about the next, and people can't comprehend that. And there's people whispering in your ear and they're saying, enjoy it. Enjoy. By the time they say enjoy it, you did enjoy it. Now you're already thinking.
- [50:31]
Ed Mylett
Yeah. Do you think it's that? I'm just thinking right now, I'm asking you this because you watched this and you've done it in your own life. Like you've, you, you've had two careers. You had a career where you helped, which you still do, where you help other people win. And then there became this point in your life where you became. You were individually winning as a spirit speaker, as a coach, as a writer. It's an interesting thing to watch with you. You were the behind the scenes guy, then you weren't the behind the scenes guy. Do you think that it's like a dopamine thing? Like when they win, like they're already. They have to get another one. Like immediate, like it's an addiction. Do you think winning becomes an addiction?
- [51:08]
Tim Grover
It is an addiction. And the only place where you can get that high again is the black market in your mind. So only place. Because you only know where that entrance is. You only know where that hit is. You only know what that drug. You only know what that drug is. And here's the crazy part about it. The next win has to be bigger. It has to be bigger. It has to be bigger. It has to constantly keep getting bigger and bigger and bigger.
- [51:33]
Ed Mylett
So true. It sounds like a sickness when you're listening to this, but I actually think it's beautiful. I actually think you were born to win. And you learn over a lifetime how not to. As a child, don't do this. Sit down, be a good boy, get in your place, do this. Then the world starts treating you and I think you move further and further away from your own nature. I think we were born to win. We were born to do something great with our life. I really. I don't know. That's a saying to me. And I feel a sadness when I meet somebody who's accepted a life of not winning. By the way, I'm cool with it. It's okay. I'm not judging you. But as someone who wants to pursue that expression of myself or that I just wonder what I would be like, you know, if I could. What it would be like, what I would be like if I could get to the next level. I'm fascinated with, like, I think the people that I really like enjoy, they're curious people. Like, I want the next experience. I don't want to live in the previous experience. Experience like that guy was like, hey, you know, I made a million dollars in 2009. And it was like in the mortgage boom or the crash or whatever. I'm not really interested in living in those. In those times.
- [52:42]
Tim Grover
You're not. Because it's always about. It's always about what's next. It's always about constantly staying in the rain. It's constantly about changing your mindset. The language of winning for people that win is completely different than the language of winning from other individuals. No. You sit here and you talk to people and they describe. When I talk to all my athletes, I said describe winning in one word to me. And everybody would think about, you know, they would be like, it's happy. It's, you know, it's euphoric. It's all those things. And it is. But those constant winners, their answers were, it's unpolished, it's uncivilized, it's nasty, it's hard, it's dirty, it's unforgiving. And then Kobe comes up and says, it's everything. It's everything. And if you think about it, and very few people are genuine about this, and you know the ones that are, and you know the ones that aren't. How do you feel when somebody's really close to you and they win? It's an unbelievable feeling.
- [53:56]
Ed Mylett
Unbelievable feeling.
- [53:58]
Tim Grover
How do you feel when you win? Unbelievable feeling. Even though it's short lived. How do you feel when your kids win? It's unbelievable.
- [54:06]
Ed Mylett
Yeah.
- [54:07]
Tim Grover
All right. That feeling is everything.
- [54:11]
Ed Mylett
It is everything.
- [54:12]
Tim Grover
That feeling is everything.
- [54:15]
Ed Mylett
It's amazing. You just said that. I'm reading the book last night and I call my wife about halfway through the book. Because when you read your work, you know, even in the first book, most you talk about in this book. The most controversial part of the first book was the dark side.
- [54:29]
Tim Grover
Yes.
- [54:29]
Ed Mylett
You talk about it in this book, and then when you're reading this, you're like, this winning thing's mean. This winning thing's unforgiving. This winning thing doesn't give a shit if you sleep. This winning thing doesn't care. Right? Like, you go through it like she. This is almost. And if you're not careful, guys, you would think, because this is truth, it flies in the face, everything you always hear. But you would think that it's not something that you really want. And the evidence of it, I said to my wife last, I said, the evidence that, you know winning is where you belong, is how happy you are when you see your children doing it. If you have children, when your children win a spelling bee or get straight A's, or hit a home run or win a golf tournament or do anything exceptional, the amount of joy you feel and pride when they win, I have a feeling that that's how God feels when he sees one of his children win. And I think this is something we all miss, that it is a grind. It is difficult. But if you ever wonder whether you belong winning, and that's the path you should pursue, just ask yourself a question about your children. If you have them or your parents or anybody that you love and care about when they win, how do you feel for them? I literally said this last night.
- [55:33]
Tim Grover
So I've heard you speak numerous times. And what people don't know about this, like, when we're on the stage together at this same event, I'll stay just.
- [55:41]
Ed Mylett
To hear you speak. Vice versa, as you know.
- [55:43]
Tim Grover
You know, I will stay. The last time I heard you speak was at an event, and you were talking about a golf tournament. You were with. With your son.
- [55:50]
Ed Mylett
With Max.
- [55:51]
Tim Grover
Yeah, with Max.
- [55:55]
Ed Mylett
Intense story.
- [55:55]
Tim Grover
Yeah.
- [55:55]
Ed Mylett
It was from playing golf to winning. Yes, that was the decision, like, to your point, like your book. And by the way, I've said this early in the interview. Little words from people, a caring statement, a little bit of access to some information. And I've said this many times. Just haven't said it to you. But, like, I thank you because, you know, I've had people say, oh, your son gets all your stuff. And, yeah, he also has talked to Grover. He's also talked to Grover. And just so you guys know, I really, truly believe that one of the reasons that my son is excelling is you and your information. Little whispers you get, a little direct message, little text Message, a little access to a call like you've done for my son. And I think that's the other thing that people don't know. Winners are generous.
- [56:37]
Tim Grover
Extremely generous, extreme. You know why? Because they're truthful. They tell you how it is. It's not. It's not rainbows. It's not unicorns. It's not sprinkles. This is what it takes. This is what it takes. And other people, they don't want to. We talk about the stuff nobody else wants to talk about. Does that make us bad people? In many people's eyes, it does. But also, we're the few people that are going to hold you accountable. We're going to tell you the truth, and people are going to say, you know what? Everybody else sugarcoated it. These individuals told me exactly how it is. That's what the book Winning is about. Now, I don't want people to think that it's all this thing. If you read the last chapter of the book, it kind of ties everything in, and it explains why winners go through this journey.
- [57:36]
Ed Mylett
Yep.
- [57:37]
Tim Grover
Why they go through this journey. Because I have this thing. It's like everyone talks about. It's the journey. It's journey. It's not the destination. Well, to me, why the hell are you taking a journey if you don't know where the hell the destination is? What are you just aimlessly going to be running around? All right, Every time when you get on your plane or you get in your car, you know exactly. You're going from here to here. Now, you may have to take a detour to go somewhere else to do whatever you're doing, but you're like, this is where we're going. You had a post a couple of days ago, man, it's nice to own a jet, because all of a sudden, I got to go. Wherever your destination was.
- [58:14]
Ed Mylett
This man has now reached millions of people with his message and completely changed his life. So, Garon Jones, welcome to the show, my friend.
- [58:21]
Garren Jones
Thank you for being brave. But brave enough to create a platform like this. So stories like mine have wings.
- [58:28]
Ed Mylett
You talk a lot about returning to the Garren as a child and returning to being a child in our life. And that's where the answers really lie. And you say that adults are really deteriorated children. Yeah, let's talk about that.
- [58:44]
Garren Jones
You think about it. Think about Ed when he was small. Big dreams, big goals. I wanted to be the president or whatever it was. I wanted to be a superhero. Stronger than the average man, abs like an action figure, save and Change lives all over the world. 1. I've never met a superhero who hasn't had to overcome something hard in order to obtain their powers. But I didn't know this until I looked back and achieved all the. The.
- [59:12]
Ed Mylett
The.
- [59:12]
Garren Jones
The. The life nuggets that were. That were just waiting for me to go and grab those superhero powers. Yeah. The best way I can describe it is I felt more free, more alive, more zest, more passion, more bigness when I was around 4 or 5 years old. And then when you span out and you look, people working nine to five jobs, getting paid less than their value, calling another man or woman a boss, asking for permission for things that you have the key to inside, I'm like, where is the. What's missing? Where's the gap? And how did it get to that point? When I look at my own life, what I thought was my dad abandoning me. What I thought was my mom not emotionally. Emotionally not being available, which she was in her. The best way she knew how. But for me, oh, my mom's never there. She's always working. I thought that was abandonment. But the original abandonment for me was when I abandoned my original dream. The thing that I love to do. I used to love to run. I used to love to sing. I used to love to. To just blurt out and wear the kind of clothes that I wanted to wear. And people like, you're too big, you're too small, you're too this, you're too that. And little by little, I abandoned who I really was to get approval, to fit inside of other people's construct of how they thought I should live my life, wondering why I don't feel seen, I don't feel heard. All this. People see me in the millions and all this stuff. I was like, there's something missing. Well, what was missing was I didn't tend to who I really, really, really was. And I'm gonna drive home this point. Anything that anybody had ever seen me. Even when I sold my book and sold those hundreds of thousands of copies and all this other stuff in the quiet of my mind, I always knew was 4%. They never 4% of give out. Because I was afraid of the real me.
- [61:32]
Ed Mylett
Gotcha.
- [61:33]
Garren Jones
Because I abandoned him.
- [61:34]
Ed Mylett
Yeah.
- [61:35]
Garren Jones
And then I associated myself with, like, Gandhi and Nelson Mandela when I was 14. I was like, there's something here. I don't know what this is.
- [61:43]
Ed Mylett
There's a version of you that's similar to that. Yes, yes.
- [61:47]
Garren Jones
You know what I said? Those are the type of people who get assassinated. And I Quit that version of me and tried to say if I do just enough, just enough to not be seen a certain way or to disrupt other people. And I'll be in this small. But if my just enough is a little bit more than other people around me, great place to hide.
- [62:09]
Ed Mylett
You're right. I did it in sports. You know why I did it? You're brilliant. The reason I did it was if I gave just enough. See, if you give all of yourself and then you lose or you're rejected, that's really painful. So the biggest risk is to give all of yourself because you may lose still and you may get rejected. So what I did is I played it close to the vest. I gave a good effort, but I didn't give all of me. So it always held a little bit back in the tank. And I think the real reason I did it is it wasn't the. That way, if I was rejected, it wasn't all of me being rejected. This thing you said I was. Go back. I abandoned the parts of me that I love the most to please other people. Yeah. Everybody hear that? Are you doing any of that in your life? And this notion you are onto something so big we're reaching similar conclusions. I'm writing right now for my new book, a little bit about this returning to childhood thing, too. And what I said earlier about, you know, I and me, who we define ourselves as, is a collection of memories and stories of our life. That's all you really are. Why are we so ask yourself, if you're an adult listening to this, which is most of my audience, when's the last time you had an entire 24 hours of bliss? Like a whole day? Just one day? How about three days in a row? Bliss. Like real bliss. The vast majority, 99.9% of adults would say, I can't remember that. I mean, total bliss. If I took you back to four or three, how many of those days did you have in a row? And I think it's because when we're three or four years old, we've not collected these stories.
- [63:32]
Garren Jones
Yeah.
- [63:32]
Ed Mylett
We've not collected them. And as we collect them, they steal our bliss and our joy. You said something I've not. I may have heard it this way, but you said, actually one of the reasons, too, is that emotion is stored in the body.
- [63:45]
Garren Jones
Yeah.
- [63:46]
Ed Mylett
And everyone just needs to just consider this for a minute. If you went through some kind of trauma or disappointment. Yep. Or even if you just went through. A lot of people listen to the shows are like, well, my dad wasn't murdered. No one tried to kill me. My dad at my letts was an alcoholic. I come from a pretty good family.
- [64:00]
Garren Jones
Yeah.
- [64:00]
Ed Mylett
You know, one of the other big diseases in life is the middle. The middle. I almost think to some extent it's great to be raised by like amazing wealthy family or whatever because then you got all these, you know, options and stuff and kind of coming from screwed up families like me and you, there's an advantage that because you kind of to some extent know what you don't want in your life. But the middle is like an asphyxiation of average. And so a lot of people's thing isn't trauma. It's like neutral. All their life's in the middle and there's no bliss there because there's no catalyst to move from it. My guest today has a new book out called the five Practices of Highly Resilient why Some Flourish when Others Fold. And that is something we really are going to need to know a lot more of during this time. So, Dr. Taryn Marie Staskel, welcome to the show finally. It's great to have you here.
- [64:49]
Brendan Burchard
Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much for having me. It's such an honor and I'm delighted to be here as your guest.
- [64:54]
Ed Mylett
The practice of vulnerability combined with what you would call shame bias. And why sometimes there isn't vulnerability because there's a shame bias in our life. And so when adversity hits, you know, I've been, I've lost my job, I had a business that failed. I embarrass myself over here. My, you know, bankruptcy, divorce, whatever that thing may be, or even sometimes even an assault, something sometimes people in their life think I brought this on or whatever it might be, there's this shame attached with it. And one of the things you talk about is the practice of vulnerability. So that actually makes this event for the greater good. And everybody can grow from the adversity that you face. So I'll let you talk about it.
- [65:35]
Brendan Burchard
I have so many things to say about this.
- [65:37]
Ed Mylett
Do it, do it.
- [65:38]
Brendan Burchard
I love it so much. Well, let me connect it up with something that I heard in your book first that I have also said publicly. I think it's a really powerful element and I think it moves us out of being. I think it moves us out of feeling victimized by challenge and into an actor with agency. And so the thing that you say in your book is you talk about just changing the narrative, changing the language. And it's one word, it's changing the language from why Is this happening to me? Right. I'm a passive recipient of what's happening to. Why is this happening for me? Meaning, what am I meant to learn? What is this meant to teach me? So I love that you share that. One of the things that I've talked about. You're welcome.
- [66:24]
Ed Mylett
Thank you.
- [66:24]
Brendan Burchard
One of the things that I've talked about is this idea of story and narrative.
- [66:30]
Ed Mylett
Okay.
- [66:31]
Brendan Burchard
Right. So our story is the series of events that have happened to us over time.
- [66:37]
Ed Mylett
Right.
- [66:38]
Brendan Burchard
The narrative is the story that we tell about the story. Yeah, this is good. So I can look on, you know, just. Well, use me for an example. Right. I can look on that experience with the stalker and the events that happened and the development of PTSD and the interplay with my parents and how supported or unsupported, you know, that I felt in that moment. And I can tell myself a lot of different narratives about what happened. And I think real power, you know, real sense of self efficacy, comes from being intentional about the narrative that we write. Right. So we can't change the things that happen to us. We're not responsible for the things that happen to us. I'm not responsible for this experience with the stalker. Healing is my responsibility. It's not my fault what happened. Healing is my responsibility. Right. And so part of healing is looking at the story, looking at that series of events and saying, what narrative? What story about the story do I want to tell myself about that? And so I have. I can't change the events that happened, but I can tell myself a story that becomes my narrative, that becomes true about my own sense of strength, my own sense of resilience, how I was able to thwart him breaking into the house or coming any further, how I was able to take care of myself in a moment when I didn't feel like anyone else was showing up for me, and how I sought treatment and help for the PTSD that I had developed as a result.
- [68:29]
Ed Mylett
So good. And the reason it matters is that once you've created this, by the way, I love the distinction between story and narrative. The reason it matters is that this narrative drives your perspective. So in your life, the reticular, activating system which I talk about in the book, once you have you believe something deeply, your mind is going to go to prove you right. It's going to find the people, places, and things and circumstances that prove you to be right. You will literally begin to see here and feel these things. And so that narrative really matters. And by the way, I think you'd agree with this There may be circumstances in your life where you are responsible, and part of the narrative you need to tell yourself is you are responsible for the results in your life. It's important to tell a true story, but the meanings that matter. In other words, if you've consistently had relationships fail, perhaps it's time to look at the narrative and say, who's the common character in all of these stories? Me. I'm responsible for my parts of these relationships. And so that story, you gotta be really, your word is so powerful, I think is intentional about it, because one, it's got to serve you, it's got to empower you, but it's also got to be something that helps grow you. And if you constantly, like in your case, you clearly were not responsible in that situation. But we do have events of our lives where we are responsible and to not accept that as part of our narrative that we never take responsibility. The business failure wasn't my fault. The relationship failure wasn't my fault. The fact that I've gained weight isn't my. Nothing's my fault. I'm not responsible for anything. That's a narrative. A lot of people go through life and they find proof of it to prove they're right. A belief is like a table with no legs under it. Once you have a belief and what your mind does is it goes to find the legs under the table to build references so that that table becomes more and more stable. And if you're not careful, eventually that thing can't move. And so that's why this narrative really matters so much. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Listen, it's the time of year where you want to make the next year one of the great years of your life. One of the things you should probably consider is therapy. Most successful people and happy people that I know are either in therapy or have been in therapy because it helps them get clarity, helps them unwind some things that are holding them back, and it gets them focused on the things that need to move forward. So whether you've got major trauma in your life you need to work through, or just a lack of clarity and focus in your life that you would like to get more clear on things and a sense of direction in your life, therapy is a great way to do it. And that's where BetterHelp is so great for people to learn different things. And that's where better help comes in. So if you're thinking of starting therapy, give better help a try. It's entirely online, it's convenient, it's flexible suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist. You can switch therapists for any time for no additional charge. Find comfort this December with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.comedshow today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H E-L-P.com ED show this message is sponsored by Green Light. And I got to tell you, I wish Green Light existed when I was a kid, but I'm so grateful it's existed for my kids. So you look we all know the old saying, give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and he eats for life. This isn't just true with fishing, it's true for parents with their kids. And one of the most under taught skills in life is financial success and responsibility. And as we enter the gifting season, now's the perfect time to give your kids money skills that'll last well beyond the holidays. And that's where Green Light comes in. Green Light is a debit card and money app for families. Parents can send money to their kids and keep an eye on kids spending and saving while kids and teens learn to build money confidence and lifelong financial literacy skills, one of the most important skills in life. Sign up for greenlight today@greenlight.com ED that's greenlight.com ED to try greenlight today. Greenlight.com ED that was a great conversation and if you want to hear the full interview, be sure to follow the Ed Mylett show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. I have the man to my left here today. He's one of the most inspirational figures in the world. Author, motivational speaker, thought leader, somebody that I'm very proud to call a friend of mine, former NFL football player, Baylor football player, wonderful father and husband. Trent Shelton's here man.
- [72:43]
Trent Shelton
Thanks man. I appreciate that.
- [72:44]
Deion Sanders
Thank you man.
- [72:45]
Trent Shelton
Glad we could connect, man. I've been waiting for this for a long time.
- [72:47]
Ed Mylett
Let's talk some more about family stuff for a second because you and I are both, let's help people. What I love about today is like everybody, every story helps someone. And that's what's great about your content too, that you put out all the time. But you and I are both sharing in something right now that we both come from great families and my dad right now. So people also listen to this. They're going through something, there's a struggle or a challenge in their life that's serious, right? Maybe it's not that big, but you made it big. Then in our case, it is big. So my dad right now is fighting cancer. And my dad is my hero. Right. I got a wonderful dad, too. And yet every day I get up and work and win and produce, and I don't use that as an excuse. I'm honoring my dad with my life. And your mom's also got cancer right now, too. Can you talk a little bit about, you know, whatever you want to share about that, but also, like, how do you. How do you deal with it? How do you continue to get up every day when I'm sure it gets you down?
- [73:40]
Trent Shelton
Yeah, it's hard, man. I don't know if I have it all figured out, how to deal with it. You know, I'm still trying to figure that out, but, you know, it is by surprise. I mean, and just to kind of paint the picture, who my mom is. My mom is responsible for my dad's faith. My faith, you know, she's the. She's the warrior of our family. And out of nowhere, she's just started feeling weak. She went to the doctor. Her mother, my grandmother passed away a year before. So I think a lot of stress has something to do with that. Passed away from cancer. She went to the doctor and she had cancer. She had breast and liver cancer, stage four. They gave her six months to live without treatment. With treatment, maybe, you know, it's not a guarantee. Of course she goes through the treatment. And what hurts the worst is seeing somebody you love, like, change.
- [74:27]
Ed Mylett
Yes.
- [74:27]
Trent Shelton
You know, and it's like, man, let me. I'm the strong one. Give it to me. Let me take it. And it was hard because, you know, I saw my mom. Faith starts a weaken, you know, And I remember being with her at the barbershop. She went to my barber. I get edge up. She's like, he's dreads. How's he get his haircut?
- [74:45]
Ed Mylett
I was just wondering that.
- [74:48]
Trent Shelton
And so we're at the barber shop, and, you know, she wanted the barber to come to the house because she was so. As a woman, you know, you're losing your hair. And she's like, I don't want to go. I said, mom, just go. Just own it. Just go. Because the only way you're going to get through it is if you own it. We can't run from it. We got to face that battle. And she's in the. She's in the chair and she's crying. And I have to do my best to Be strong for her and not show that I'm crying inside. And lost her hair. And to make this story a little bit more bright, the sixth month on Halloween, she went back to the doctor and she got a report that she was cancer free. So she went through her post treatment and, you know, just sitting in that room, man, with people going through their.
- [75:25]
Ed Mylett
Yes, it's tough. It changes you, doesn't it? It gives you perspective.
- [75:29]
Trent Shelton
It makes you realize that, makes you grateful just for having health.
- [75:33]
Ed Mylett
It does.
- [75:33]
Trent Shelton
I mean, it made me turn my health to another level, man. And she went through that process and her post treatment and she rung the bell. You know, they have a bell that she rings and I actually put on my Instagram and we're celebrating. But that day, she said, I feel weak, like something's not right. And I'm like, mom, you're all right. Like, you just. It's in your head. You're feeling fine. The doctor said you're fine, Aqua. Because my mom is a. She's not a drama queen, but she.
- [75:57]
Ed Mylett
Can be over the top, you know?
- [75:58]
Trent Shelton
You know, and she said, I want to go to the doctor. She went to the doctor. Make a long story short, she got re diagnosed with brain cancer. And at that moment, it hit me, man.
- [76:11]
Ed Mylett
Yeah, of course.
- [76:12]
Trent Shelton
You know, honestly, my faith started the question question God, like, I'm doing all this for people and like, what's going on? Like, my mom is so great.
- [76:23]
Deion Sanders
Why her?
- [76:24]
Trent Shelton
And in that moment, I just remember my mom always told me, don't say why, God. You know, say why not me? And I knew my mother at that moment. It was a bigger purpose than her pain she was going through.
- [76:35]
Ed Mylett
Yeah.
- [76:35]
Trent Shelton
And so many people in her journey has been strengthened, and she's currently fighting her journey to this day. She's getting better. But it tore me apart, man.
- [76:42]
Tim Grover
It's.
- [76:43]
Trent Shelton
And it still tears me apart.
- [76:44]
Ed Mylett
I'm sorry to hear that because I relate. So I know your face looks like my face when you talk about it. Right. It's interesting, though. It's interesting how. And I don't have all the answers either. But I do know that my dad's cancer, and in your mom's case, it has given me perspective about my own relationships, my own health, my own gratitude. And then here's the other thing. Maybe you haven't considered. Your mother's cancer just helped millions more people. Right. Right now, through you.
- [77:09]
Trent Shelton
That's right.
- [77:10]
Ed Mylett
It's amazing that God might choose you or me to have these situations. So we have these platforms to be able to express the important things about life. Because it's hard in situations this difficult. How in the world is this happening for me and not to me, right? Or happening for mom and not to Mom? But it's amazing how God can take one life and use that life to transform millions of other people's lives. And he chooses average people all the time. And I don't mean to be spiritual with you. I don't care what your faith is, what your religion is, but in almost every faith, in almost every religion, and in my religion and Christianity, which I believe is yours as well, The Lord took 12 average people and took them to transform the world, right? And in every religion, you'll find that average, ordinary people, and sometimes people from deficient backgrounds, whether poor people or people from broken families, are always utilizing to make great things happen. And I believe that the Lord's chosen you and your mom to make a difference with this. And so thank you for being willing to share that.
- [78:06]
Deion Sanders
No problem, man.
- [78:06]
Ed Mylett
Because everybody listening to this, we're all going through this journey together. We're just here to help express the way we're getting through it with you. So thank you so much for that. I want to ask you a question, though, about this rehab thing. There are people listening. I want to do this. And I do need to start to accept myself better. I do need to start to, you call it self love, love, like myself more, appreciate myself more, have more confidence, whatever it is. But I've got 20 years. I'm 20 years old. I got 20 years of not doing it, or I got 25 years of not doing it, or 30 years of not having confidence, not loving myself, not believing in myself. What would you say to me? What could be something practically that I could do a step, something that you do, that can start that process of turning that around. Any practical step, any thought, any idea.
- [78:51]
Trent Shelton
For them as far as them starting.
- [78:54]
Ed Mylett
Turning that negative process for 20 or 30 years into like, okay, how do I. Like, I want to change it. I got it. I gotta love myself, I gotta like myself, or I gotta have more confidence. How?
- [79:02]
Trent Shelton
Yeah, I would say, first of all, you have to own it. That's the first step. You will never heal what you're in denial from. It doesn't work at all. You know, some of us, we try to mask it, we try to tuck it in, we try to suppress it. And one of the things that I love to say, suppression will lead to depression. So own it. That's the first thing. Own it.
- [79:20]
Ed Mylett
That.
- [79:20]
Trent Shelton
Okay. Hey, embarrass yourself. You know, that's one of my things for 2019. I want to embarrass myself. I want to tell people, hey, I'm not the smartest guy in this. Hey, I don't have it all figured out. It's cool. I lack confidence for 20 years.
- [79:31]
Ed Mylett
Who cares? Yes.
- [79:32]
Trent Shelton
You know how many people have lacked so many things for so many years that turned it around? Like you're one decision, one choice away in a commitment away from changing your life. So first of all, all own it. The second thing I would tell you to do is get around a growth environment of people.
- [79:46]
Ed Mylett
Yes.
- [79:47]
Trent Shelton
That help you build it.
- [79:48]
Ed Mylett
Must change your environment. Yeah. It's simple. Yeah.
- [79:50]
Trent Shelton
I mean, if you took a flower, right. You can say the most beautiful flower in the world. You took that flower, you put that flower in the wrong environment, what's gonna happen to that flower? It's gonna die.
- [80:00]
Ed Mylett
Right.
- [80:01]
Trent Shelton
It's gonna wither away. And so look at your life as that flower.
- [80:04]
Ed Mylett
Right.
- [80:04]
Trent Shelton
Change your environment. When a flower doesn't blossom, we don't blame them. We don't blame the flower.
- [80:08]
Ed Mylett
What do we do?
- [80:09]
Trent Shelton
We change the environment. So if you're not growing, take a look at the people around you. And like I said, don't feel guilty for recognizing your word. Don't feel guilty for wanting to better your life.
- [80:21]
Ed Mylett
Yes.
- [80:21]
Trent Shelton
Don't feel guilty for, as I like to say, making the world respect your greatness. So get around that. And then I would tell you to start with what you can control. Find one thing that you can control that's totally in your control control. It doesn't depend on how many people like your post or anything. What's one thing that you can control and become consistent with it. Consistency will change your life. I'm not the most talented speaker, right. I'm not the most talented, whatever, but I'm the most consistent at living my purpose. I've been doing this for a decade, right. And so be consistent. And I promise you over time, consistency will make you a go to person.
- [80:56]
Ed Mylett
I could not answer that better like a completely agree with you. I want to use one or two words differently in the identical sequence of it. Right. I'm so I want to just add on to what you just said there, everybody about environment. Okay, what is environment? You know, by the way, environment can be a group you join. It could be a coaching group, it could be new friends, it could be a new company, a new business. But it also can be, I have a community in the max out community. You have the rehab community. So your associations Are these communities. You're posting regularly. If you're commenting in these communities. Communities. If you participate in Instagram Lives or listening to the podcast, that's part of changing your environment. You don't give yourself enough credit, everybody. You are changing your environment by virtue of listening to this today, this audio or this video you're watching is in your current environment. And so you can have all of these associations through different ways. Books you read, things of that sort shift your environment dramatically. Tim Grover, the author of this incredible book that we're going to talk about today, Relentless. Tim, thanks for being here, brother.
- [81:52]
Tim Grover
Thank you, partner. Appreciate you. Thank you.
- [81:54]
Ed Mylett
So good to have you here. What was the lesson for you from that?
- [81:57]
Tim Grover
Well, it's just like, listen, you do whatever's necessary. Just because you have this kind of status somewhere else doesn't mean you're always going to have it. You're not always going. You're not always going to have it. And this is one thing that I find very interesting is when people become successful, okay, they always say, I don't do that anymore. What do you mean you don't do that anymore? You should do that and then some. What do you mean you don't do that anymore? The most successful people know and can do it all. All right? Can do it all. Okay. Michael, you know what? He never, when he played, he would go around, pick up the towels in the gym after practice, put the basketball. Really put the basket. Put the basketball.
- [82:39]
Ed Mylett
Michael Jordan.
- [82:40]
Tim Grover
Michael Jordan. Jordan. Kobe did the same thing. Put the basketballs away, all right? Do it. Just do whatever. Whatever supposed to do. He practiced, got his own game gear together, you know, now people have these stylists and so forth. They put their clothes together. Michael put his own stuff together. It's just like handled his own tickets. Kobe did the same thing. So it's just like, hey, just because I'm now this superstar, all right? I still wanted. I still have to do the thing that got me there because it reminds me of what I did and what it took to get to get to this level.
- [83:13]
Ed Mylett
You built this background of yours. You go get your education. And how in the hell do you go from being a D2 basketball player?
- [83:20]
Tim Grover
I was actually a D1 basketball player. Mid major, small school, but I still just.
- [83:25]
Ed Mylett
So you were a really good player, though, okay? So you were the real deal. Okay? So you're a really good player. So you go through that, you get your education, you start in business. Does attack athletics now exist at that time?
- [83:34]
Tim Grover
No, no. I get my master's Degree. I get a job at a health club. Minimum salary for everybody in here. My minimum salary when I started day one was $3.75.
- [83:47]
Ed Mylett
Big bucks, big dollars.
- [83:49]
Tim Grover
With a master's degree. Now with a master's degree. All right. But what I was fortunate enough to understand is, like, okay, even though I have the education and it's up in here, I haven't really learned or mastered my craft on how to apply it.
- [84:06]
Ed Mylett
Wow.
- [84:06]
Tim Grover
Okay, so get a job in a. Get a job in a health club. Start training people in a health club. Everybody from women, children, overweight by whatever. Whatever. Whatever they needed, whatever they needed. Learned, made mistakes, figured things out, got my craft, got really, really, really honed in on understanding how the body moves, how to get results here, how to do this. But then I was like, you know, I'm only using 10% of what I learned because, you know, people come in where they work out. I want to lose weight. Yeah, that's. You know, that's the first thing, you know, I got a lot. I got too much around the midsection. I want to lose weight. You know, my thighs are too big. Whatever it is. Okay, all right, here's a program. This is what you do. This is what goes on here. It is. But I had so much knowledge in there. I was like, you know, how can I do this? I want to apply it with athletes and so forth. So I kind of started a little training program, you know, working with the kids and so forth, just making sure I knew what I was doing. And then I saw an article in the paper saying how Michael Jordan was tired of taking the physical abuse from the Detroit Pistons and he wanted to get stronger. So I reached out.
- [85:18]
Ed Mylett
The bad boys, they were beating them up back in the day. Yes.
- [85:20]
Tim Grover
So I reached out to the team physician, who was Dr. John Heffern at the time, and the athletic trainer, who was Mark Pfeil. And I reached out to them. I said, hey, this is my background. This is what I do. And fortunately enough, I was able to make contact with them. They brought me in, and this process lasted for almost six months. You know, they drilled me on questions and made sure I wasn't somebody that was just BSing them, made sure I knew exactly what I was talking about. And they said, you know what? You might be. You might be a good fit. So they made an arrangement for me to meet Michael. I met Michael at his house. We went through this whole discussion thing, and, you know, Michael said, I'll give you 30 days. 30 days turned into 15 years.
- [86:07]
Ed Mylett
Oh, my God. Wow. You got this other career. How many guys have the guts to even make the phone call to them? I mean, was this like a dream you had? I want to get with professional athletes.
- [86:18]
Tim Grover
I always told people when they said so when I got my degree, okay, My bachelor's degree, back then it was P.E. kinesiology.
- [86:28]
Ed Mylett
Okay.
- [86:29]
Tim Grover
So everyone, you know, P.E. is. Oh, you're going to be a gentleman teacher. No, I'm a trained professional athlete. Somebody else will be, oh, you're going to be a gym teacher. No, I'm a trained professional athlete. So if you keep telling yourself something over and over again, you start to believe it. But once you start to believe it, you got to figure out the path to make it happen. And most people, they'll tell themselves something, but then when they got to go through that path, that path is not straight. Okay. Usually that path goes. Goes down first.
- [86:58]
Ed Mylett
Yes.
- [86:59]
Tim Grover
Okay. And I have a saying. I said, you know, the road to paradise starts in hell. Yeah, that's where. That's where it starts. All right.
- [87:11]
Ed Mylett
So many people aren't willing to do that.
- [87:13]
Tim Grover
No, they're not. You know what, here's the thing. I deliver a different message. I deal with a.
- [87:18]
Ed Mylett
It's a true one. I was going to say at the same time, it's a true one.
- [87:20]
Tim Grover
I deal with truth and I deal with. With reality. And you know what happens? People don't want to hear the truth. They don't want to deal with reality. Why? Because it's too tough. Everyone has the ability to change the story. You know, when we were talking about coolers, closers and cleaners, you know, we talk about, hey, you talk about a cooler. A cooler is an individual that loves to tell stories. They love to tell stories. All right. They're the.
- [87:49]
Ed Mylett
Everyone's picturing coolers right now.
- [87:51]
Tim Grover
So they got a stack of books on the shelf and they read every self help book, and one minute they're following this person on Instagram and the next minute they're listening to somebody else. They're always looking for that quick fix. Cleaners have the ability to change the story. You know how difficult it is to change a story. But in order to change, change a story, you got to put something on the line. People are afraid to put things on the line.
- [88:20]
Ed Mylett
You put literally your whole reputation on the line to get in with these guys. And you spent 15 years with this guy.
- [88:24]
Tim Grover
15 years with this guy, like the greatest athlete out there, you know, and people say, oh, it's never going to happen. He doesn't need any Help. But you know, what I've learned is, you know why Tom Brady's so fricking good? Because he's willing to seek out help no matter how good he is, and he lets the people around them do their job. You know, people. All of a sudden, people become experts in everything else. Listen, Michael Jordan's a basketball player, all right? He's like, I don't want to know what you're doing. Just do it. This is the result I need. Just do it. Colby, on the other hand, you had to explain everything to me.
- [89:09]
Ed Mylett
He wanted to know the details.
- [89:09]
Tim Grover
He wanted to know the details.
- [89:12]
Ed Mylett
I'm curious. With both those guys, would you have to reel. The other part of it is they bust their ass and do the work right. With those guys, I would sense. Tell me if I'm wrong. With your real cleaners, you almost have to reel in their work ethic, not reel it out of them.
- [89:25]
Tim Grover
You're 100% right on that. These are the guys. You don't tell them to show up early to take extra shots, you know, to get in their treatments. You know, this is what, timing spot. These are the guys. You guys. Hey, listen, enough. Yeah, you got to go. Yeah, you got to go. You've done more that. You've done more than you share. Come on. That's it.
- [89:42]
Ed Mylett
You got to reel them in.
- [89:43]
Tim Grover
You got to reel them. But these. Those are the individuals. You know what? The more successful you become, the small. It's funny, you see this in sports, and you deal with a lot of. You deal with a lot of athletes, you know, in a different. In a different realm. But it's funny, the more successful they become, the bigger their followers and entourage become, no question. All right? But you're real, real successful people. Their circles are so freaking small.
- [90:12]
Ed Mylett
Plot twist. We're turning the tables on me, and I'm being interviewed by my dear friend Jamie Kern Lima. Enjoy. God bless you.
- [90:20]
Jamie Kern Lima
I wanted to ask you about something that I think has affected you. I know it's affected you, but so many people listening have this in their life, and maybe they shove it in the back of their mind, but it's still there. And that is this idea of labels. And what I mean is, like, so many of us have had. Maybe it's when we were kids, someone called us a name, or, you know, we're in a situation, and someone says, oh, but you're not smart enough, or you don't have what it takes, or you're the wrong fit for this, or you don't come from the Right. Family or this.
- [90:52]
Deion Sanders
That.
- [90:52]
Jamie Kern Lima
The other thing. And a lot of times we then find ourselves as an adult and that label is, like, stuck, and it's taken root, and now it's sort of coming out in our lives, and we haven't even thought about it in years, but it's still there, that identity. When you were, I think it was eight. Eight years old, you were called Eddie Spaghetti. Eddie Spaghetti. Can you share how that happened and how you did or didn't let that label take root?
- [91:22]
Ed Mylett
Yeah. I talk about this in the book a lot, too, is that. And how to overcome it, which I have. That part of me I've leveraged into something pretty strong. But I talk about in the book that a lot of the beliefs we have about ourselves were installed in us. Our identities, these thoughts and concepts we believe to be most true about us, our worth. They were installed in us when we were defenseless as kids. So it's like, be a good boy. Be quiet. Be a good girl. Don't do that. Don't make too much noise. Don't. And you, you sort of just start to develop this identity when you're young. And then when you get out into the world because you believe it, you confirm it, and then you gather more and more references for it. And before you know it, you're 20 or 30 or 35 years old, and it's who you are, and you've proven it. Because of this, your identity is the most powerful force in the world. You're going to be consistent with it. And most of what you believe about yourself, you weren't in control of believing it was put there when you were a child. Well, same with me. So you have this combination of this kid who's at home. Things aren't real stable there most of the time. Sometimes I feel like I overcook that, too, because when it was good, it was very loving. And the other thing is, I had this loving mother 100% of the time, right? 100% of the time. And great grandparents and lots of great stuff. But there was this thing, right? So you have that anxiety going in chaos, going to school. I'm a little guy. I'm shy. I'm very, very shy. You know this about me. To this day, I'm still very introverted, which surprises most people because of the speaking and stuff in the show. But I'm super introverted, and I just started to get picked on and this Eddie spaghetti, your meatballs ready. And the class would sing it to me, and they'd see me get upset and it started to develop into this pattern of, you're not good enough all the time. And then I remember, you know, a few years later, a baseball coach really become a pretty good player. But we had a great player on our team who went on to play, like, major league baseball for many, many years. He's still a really good friend of mine. And I'd had a couple bad games, and I was down, and our coach pulled me into his office. He was sort of a mean dude. He's a good dude, but he was a tough dude. He pulled me into his office. He goes, hey, Eddie Spaghetti, this is. Now I'm a teenager. And he goes, did you ever think that maybe you're just not as good, good as him? Like, you go in 0 for 3. Like, you can go over 3. He can't. So why don't you just accept the fact you're just not that good? This was my coach, right? And I remember just walking out of there like, whoa. And then I've shared with you another story that when I became a speaker, someone that I looked up to was like, you know, you're really not that good. You know, like, I can't even listen to you for more than about 15 minutes. And then. And I. I used to think to, like, am I. Like, is there something on me that's like, you can just punch me? Like, is there something about me like, you People think they can just tell me these things about me. What is it about me? Because other people aren't. What I found out is other people are hearing similar things. And the truth is, I just started to go. I actually asked myself a question that I say in the book. I don't really believe that many good things about myself. What would I need to believe about me would serve me? What would I actually need to believe about me that would cause me to change the way I show up in the world? What would I need to believe? And all of a sudden, I started to really think about that. How would that guy walk? How would that guy talk? I'm doing an impersonation of this insecure guy. I'm doing an impersonation of a shy person. I'm doing an impersonation of someone who doesn't have confidence. It's an impersonation. It's not who I really am. Well, maybe I can begin to impersonate the person I want to be. And I actually started to impersonate him a little bit. Not fake it, but like, you know what? He'd walk with his shoulders back. His voice would be a little bit deeper than the one I'd walk around with. He'd think certain things about himself. Moreover, he would treat other people a particular way. He would treat other people in a kind and generous and strong way. Almost in an approach, almost in an overabundance of kindness and generosity to people and belief and love for people. And a lot of that happened when I worked at the orphanage. I was like, now, that's the guy I like. That's the guy that I am. I'm the giving guy. I'm the kind guy. And you know what I found out when I did that? I took it away from me. As we said earlier, it was about other people that I found a lot more peace. So I just started to become that person. And slowly but surely, I think I.
- [95:37]
Jamie Kern Lima
Am that person that is really powerful. There's, I'm sure, so many people. I'm sure they'll send messages about this, who, you know, see you online, watch your content, and maybe think that everything's perfect and think that you were just born with all this confidence and with, you know, everyone loving you and millions of people following you even through grade school. Right.
- [95:59]
Ed Mylett
I mean, we just.
- [96:00]
Jamie Kern Lima
We tend to think those things about people that we don't yet know deeply. And then we think when those things happen to us, like, someone tells us we're just not good enough, we kind of hide it because we're embarrassed by it, or we think it doesn't happen to other people. And I feel like you sharing that is so powerful.
- [96:19]
Ed Mylett
Thank you. I think I have a lot of people from high school actually, that follow me now. Right. And I think if you were to ask a lot of them, because they've told me this, I just wasn't. I think they would just say to you, like, it just. I wouldn't expect it to be an Eddie. You know, not like, he was a complete. I was just there, if that makes any sense. Like, no, I would not. There was no, like, Most Likely to Succeed in any of my, you know, yearbooks or anything like that. But I don't think by the time I graduated, it wasn't like, he's a complete. Dumb. Dumb, but it was just like, he's just Eddie Mylett. You know, he's just Eddie. Like, you would never suspect he would be the person that, you know, might reach a lot of human beings in his life. You know, you just would never have predicted that. And that ought to give everybody hope. If you're not one of those people that everyone's like, no, for sure. It's her. I was definitely not that person. You go, oh, just mark it down. He's going to do something great with his life. No, no one was saying that about me. No one. No teacher, no coach, maybe a couple teachers when I was a little, little guy. But most people would not have seen that anything significant was ever going to happen.
- [97:22]
Jamie Kern Lima
So good. They didn't know you were the one.
- [97:24]
Ed Mylett
That's right.
- [97:24]
Jamie Kern Lima
They didn't know. That's powerful. Because a lot of people are wondering, am I the one? Can I be the one? No one's telling me I'm the one.
- [97:30]
Ed Mylett
And I think the fact that you doubt. I think the fact that you doubt or wonder whether you're the one is indicative of the fact that you probably are. I do, I do. I just believe that.
- [97:41]
Jamie Kern Lima
That's so good.
- [97:42]
Ed Mylett
And you know this for. And by the way, the reason it's good is because you know that to be true about you.
- [97:46]
Jamie Kern Lima
Yeah, that's true. But I never thought about it that way. I know that's true. And I'm just thinking right now, I have goosebumps thinking about how many people are listening to this. And right now they know that they're wondering if they're the one.
- [97:56]
Ed Mylett
Yeah. And that makes you probably the one. Yes, that's right. And you know this because it happened in your life.
- [98:01]
Jamie Kern Lima
Yes. That is huge. All right, this is good. I want to talk about, you know, story. Can you share with everyone this story? I feel like someone needs to hear this today about your first grade teacher.
- [98:13]
Ed Mylett
Yeah. Mrs. Smith.
- [98:14]
Jamie Kern Lima
Yes.
- [98:15]
Ed Mylett
So, yeah, I'll even elaborate on it a little bit. So I had no confidence at all. And I was getting picked on. This is what I think happened. Mrs. Smith was just a super, really kind lady. And we had moved to the town that we were in then. And so I was also a new kid. On top of being small, on top of being Eddie Spaghetti, on top of. Of being insecure, on top of leaving many mornings where my dad maybe didn't come home the night before, or there was this turmoil the night before. I'm just leaving that house. This little dude, I wish I could go back and hug him, you know, which my mom did a lot of, by the way. And so she knew that I just had no self esteem. And I believe she orchestrated this entire thing. But we were doing testing, like for grades and stuff for the next grades. And she purposely had. I believe she purposely did this for me. She had someone come in the back of the room and say, Mrs. Smith, we need your smartest Student to come take a test to represent the class. And I could see the person in the back. I heard them. And I watched Mrs. Smith go, that's Eddie Mylett. I would pick Eddie. He's the smart boy. And she picks me. And I remember going, oh, my gosh, she thinks I'm the smart boy. And I just looked at her and she smiled at me. And I remember just lighting up. And then the person goes, okay, then, Eddie Mylett, you need to come with us. And I stood up and it was the first time ever in my life that I was like, I'm special. This is special. And I walked up and went to the back and I took the test. And I guess I did well. But when I came back in, I didn't say this on the last time I told this. When I came back in at the end of the day, class was over, and Mrs. Smith said, Eddie, can you come up here for me? And I came up and she hugged me. And she goes, you're so special and so smart. You're the smartest boy. She just, like, hugs on me for a minute. And it really changed my life a lot. It changed my life because that was the first time I was like, maybe, maybe they're wrong. Maybe I'm. Maybe I am smart. Maybe I am special. And this beautiful soul knew exactly what she was doing. She orchestrated all that she knew. There was this child, I thought. I think she had this sense something was going on in my home. Because kids don't come like that to school, that shy, that timid, unless something's wrong at the house. And I'm telling you the truth, that I have thought about that like hundreds, maybe thousands of times in my life. That. That event in my life. What a beautiful, beautiful soul she was. So that's Mrs. Smith. It's one of those people, you know in your life when you close your eyes and you go, there's this handful of humans that make you feel special, make you feel loved and cared for and believed in. And she's on that highlight reel of, like, maybe three or four human beings in my entire 51 years. And the reason that that's important is because I've tried really hard in my life to be that person for other people that they go, he loves me, he cares about me. He most important, maybe even as important, he believes in me. And then you show people how to live a little better. That's exactly what she did. She was a super, super special person. And little did she know that little first grade dude would, you know be on a show with you today.
- [102:05]
Jamie Kern Lima
You know, last night when we were talking on the phone about this idea about how many people don't feel seen. And I'm just imagining, like, the power, right, of her seeing you.
- [102:17]
Ed Mylett
First time anyone saw me. I was telling you last night that a lot of my work in my life has been. I don't know why it makes me so emotional, but a lot of my work in my life has been about helping people. People that perform pretty well, perform their best. And the more and more I've been doing what I do, the more it's occurring to me that my role is a little different. And that is that there's millions and millions and millions of people, maybe more than ever in the world, that were like, the first grader me, but they're 30 years old.
- [102:47]
Deion Sanders
This is the Ed Milan show.