← THE ED MYLETT SHOW
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- [00:00]
A
Hey, guys, it's Christian McCaffrey, pro running back. I'm partnering with Abercrombie this season to tell you about their viral denim. All you need to know is denim should fit like this. Abercrombie's athletic fit is a game changer. They're designed for guys with an athlete's build like mine. Just enough room and the perfect stretch. When a jean fits that well, I'm wearing it on repeat. Shop Abercrombie denim in the app, online and in store. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Checking off the boxes on your to do list is a great feeling. And when it comes to checking off coverage, a State Farm agent can help you choose an option that's right for you. Whether you prefer talking in person on the phone or using the award winning app, it's nice knowing you have help finding coverage that best fits your needs. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. This is the Ed Milet show. All right, welcome back to the show, everybody. So I was just telling this man off camera, he's written one of the best books I've read. And you know, you all know I read a lot of books. I read a lot of books before this podcast started a decade ago and I read a couple hundred a year, you know, deciding who's going to be on the show and just to grow myself. And I, I don't have a book I would put in front of this book that I've read the last few years. It's, it's that good. He's a New York Times best selling author, former baseball player, so I like that about him a lot. He's a faith based person, which I enjoy as well. And his book just took off. If you watch any football last year, the Philadelphia Eagles, who won the Super Bowl, A.J. brown starts reading this guy's book on the sidelines during a playoff game and it caught fire and thank God it did because you should read this book. It's, it's, it's that good. He works with executives. He works with professional athletes. We both do some work, which is really unique work with PGA Tour players as well. And it's all about your mind and this book. And your heart, by the way. More your heart than your mind, according to him. But anyway, my guest today has written a book called Inner Excellence. Jim Murphy. Really, really good to have you here, brother. Thank you for being here.
- [02:13]
B
Thanks so much for having me, Ed. Such an honor.
- [02:15]
A
I poured through this book and it's not a quick read either. It's a great Read, but it's not. You're not going to finish this book in a day, everybody. But I. I poured through it. Let me start out. Jim, I'm going to read something to you that you wrote in the beginning of the book. You said, this is the mindset of inner excellence. You said, I compete. Everyone listen to this closely. I compete to raise the level of excellence in my life, to learn and grow in order to raise it in others. I just want to start out with that as a concept because that says a lot in one very long sentence there. Talk about that a little bit.
- [02:51]
B
You know, Ed, I think there's so many similarities that we talked about before we started here between your why you're successful and what you're sharing with the world and what I'm sharing. Because you talk a lot about identity and how that really, you understood when you're growing up that your identity was holding you back and you had to change that identity. And that's kind of what this, the inner excellence mindset is. Who you are as a person is the most important thing that you bring to the world. The most important thing that you bring to your family, your kids, who you're becoming is the most important thing. It doesn't matter if you're a college baseball player like yourself at UoP or Pro Athlete or stay at home, mother, mother or father. So that means learning and growing is the number one thing about you. The most important thing every day that we do is to learn and grow.
- [03:40]
A
How do we do that? In the book you talk about, you call it the daring and the Twilight, Then you have these three pillars of extraordinary performance. You guys, I don't say this a lot on the show. It's such a good book. It's so content rich that I don't even know that the interview is going to do all of it justice. Say, but what are these three pillars of extraordinary performance? Then I want to tie that into the heart in a second with you.
- [04:03]
B
Yeah. So you can think of it as the acronym bff, like Best Friends Forever, Belief, Freedom, and Focus. So belief, what I define that as, as the subconscious comfort level with what you feel is possible in your life. And we all have beliefs about every single area of our life. And inner excellence is really about these three areas. Everything that I do with professional athletes or with anybody is to help them in these three areas, to expand what they believe is possible, to have more freedom, to play like a kid and to have fun and especially joy, and to learn how to be fully engaged in the moment. Heart, mind and body unattached to what you're trying to do.
- [04:43]
A
Did you do this because you struggled with it like the joy piece or did you write about it because this is stuff you're also great at?
- [04:50]
B
Well, I think more so understanding that human nature, we're created for glory. And I think lack of freedom is one of the biggest challenges that we all face. Professional athletes, especially about all of us, a lack of freedom because there's so much comparison. And joy is like that fulfillment of freedom. I think of joy as a deep sense of well being, freedom and gratitude, this inner buoyancy independent of circumstance. Whereas happiness is a positive temporary feeling based on what's happening. And so it's like professional athletes, they come to me because they want some surface level thing. They want to be, you know, they want to perform better, they want to make more money or whatever, they want to become a world champion. And so it's like they're coming to me for happiness. They want better results and circumstances. And I teach them how to have joy. I teach them how to like. What you do is help them have an identity that's powerful and meaningful and understanding. Like, like I said, created for glory.
- [05:50]
A
There's two things there I just want to reiterate. One was you said independent of circumstance. That's the kicker for most people. Their joy, their freedom, their peace is extremely conditional on what's going on at any given time. And truly free people, it's non conditional, it's non circumstantial. And so everybody just evaluate that. And I think here's a piece that might help you do it. You have these things in the book about, you know, here's some pillars and then here's some stuff to drop. I couldn't believe this was the first thing because it's one of the things I've talked about a lot. You just talk about it far better than I do. But that is there is a difference between your beliefs and your thoughts. And they're not the same thing yet most people think I am my thoughts. And I think this is one of the great breakthroughs of life. If you can begin to understand this right here is that you are not your thoughts all of the time. I want you to talk about that.
- [06:49]
B
Yeah, it's so important to understand. I think of it as you are not your mind and you are going to have some terrible thoughts are going to come into your head sometimes. And here's what's crucial to understand. The most successful people in the world at anything have terrible thoughts sometimes. Horrible thoughts. They could be about, you know, killing somebody or whatever. And so important to understand that you're going to have horrible thoughts come into your mind that just come from. From the culture or come into your head from. From somewhere outside of you, and they have nothing to do with you. And so we got to understand that you are not your mind. It's a part of you, and you need to train. And especially you are not your thoughts. Because what happens, people is they fuse with their thoughts. They think a bad thought or a negative thought, and they're like, yeah, that's. That's true. I am that. And that's. That's really crucial to understand.
- [07:39]
A
It's important to know where that comes from. I've always had the theory that a lot of our thoughts were probably installed in us when we were defenseless and younger. And we gathered maybe them from mom or dad or people that were around us. And. And so truly, these more than likely aren't your thoughts. They're your moms, they're your dads, they're a coach, they're a teacher. Do you agree with that?
- [08:01]
B
Yeah. And so now we're getting into beliefs because, you know, here, here in Spain, we have these Valencia oranges. And when you squeeze an orange, what's going to come out? It's always orange juice. Right? It's never apple juice, it's never pear juice, it's always orange juice. And so that's the same with us. When we. When we're squeezed, when we're under pressure, what's in our heart is going to come out. And so what's in your heart, Your heart is what's running your life. And what I define as your heart is your spirit or your will. It's the deepest part of you, like your sou. And that's what we need to transform. We need to get to the neural level where when you're squeezed, what comes out is inner strength. And now, so now we're getting into beliefs and the sub and subconscious work. And it's important to understand that beliefs are feelings. Not every feeling is a belief, but beliefs are feelings. So we want to make sure that we're getting into our heart, into our mind, these images and words and thoughts and feelings every day that are empowering.
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A
Help us do that. Give us an example or a technique or strategy that can help somebody begin to build the building blocks of doing that.
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B
Yeah. So one of the first things to do is to make sure that you're very aware of and intentional about the words that you use. And so people come to me as a performance coach, like a pro athlete. And generally when they're underperforming and they might say, you love golf. Right. And so they might say, like, I'm really struggling with my putting, for example, and it's really just not true when they tell me that. And the reason is because what they're saying is a present tense thing. I'm struggling with my putting. Struggling is the ing or ending. That's a present tense word. What they mean is last tournament, this morning, last week, every tournament for the last 10, whatever, I haven't putted like I wanted to. And so. But when you say it as present tense, now we've got beliefs coming in that you're reinforcing a limiting belief. And so we've to make sure we never reinforce limiting beliefs. We always say the way we do that is an inner excellence discipline, which is to speak the truth about the past, to create possibilities in the future. So we always say anything that we don't want to continue as past tense, meaning.
- [10:17]
A
So speaking the truth would be, hey, I need some help, because last tournament I didn't putt well. As opposed to say, I'm struggling with my putting. I'm just trying to help everyone have.
- [10:24]
B
Yeah. So it's not true to say I'm struggling with my putting unless you're in the middle of a putting stroke at this moment. Right. That's literally not true. So when you say it as its present tense, what happens? Remember, beliefs are the key thing. That's what's running your life, is your beliefs. And so we want to make sure that we're continually expanding what we believe is possible. And every time we say something about the past that we don't want to continue as present tense, we're reinforcing what we do not want. And this is crucial because beliefs is what's running your life.
- [10:54]
A
Can you speak a new belief into existence if you truly don't believe it? Meaning this is just use putting. But it could be sales, it could be public speaking, it could be being a mom. Do you buy into the idea that I can say, I'm a great putter and I'm beginning to change my beliefs by steeply speaking it? Or is there more?
- [11:10]
B
Two things here that's really crucial. One, we think about your life and changing identity. Is that possible? And two are, can you change beliefs? Is that possible? And both are absolutely true. Like you're living proof that you can change your identity. Yeah. Thank you. And so growing up, you had this very limiting I'm an imposter. You know, I'm. I can't do this. Here we go again. Yeah, that's who I am. You know, I'm a failure. Whatever those sort of beliefs that you had. And then you change that. And so your identity can change, which is crucial. And we can get to more, more of that later. But the problem with imposter syndrome is a really a self centered thing. One of the main things, it's a self centered thing. It's. It's constantly thinking about me, and I'm the one who can't do it. But when you're at your very best, there's no thoughts about self. Selfless is fearless.
- [11:57]
A
I love this. Okay, we're gonna go there. Right here. Most people look at an athlete or a friend of theirs that brags a lot or is clearly narcissistic, and they go, that's an egomaniac right there. Right? And then they look at themselves and they say, no, I'm humble. I have a ton of humility, but I struggle with my confidence. And they think that's not ego. But you sort of stipulate in the book it's very much still ego because you're thinking about you all the time. So ironically, a lot of people who are humble or have humility, that usually that sort of. There's an intersection there with their little quiet. They struggle with their confidence. We all can kind of see that. Most people would say, this person is absent of ego. You sort of say, it's sort of the same disease, it's just manifesting itself in different symptoms when you have these experiences. This is so profound right here because I've also said this in my own weird way. You just like again, say it better. So talk about that for a second. If you're really experiencing self centeredness, that's ego.
- [13:01]
B
Yeah, exactly. So I define humility as an accurate view of self. So it's not over inflated and it's not under inflated. Because if we think that every person is created in God's image and has this infinite possibilities, the problem is we get in our own way. We start thinking, I can't do this. We start talking about the past as if it's present tense. And then we have these limiting beliefs. But like I said, when there's no concern when you're at your very best, whether it's you, you know, you playing center field at Pacific or. Or me playing baseball or football, it's when we're at our best, there's no thoughts of self. Right. It's you're fully in the moment. And that's, that's the self centeredness that leads to fear. That's our biggest challenge.
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A
Self centeredness leads to fear. That's in the book. I want to unpack it just a little bit more because you say all these brilliant things because this is your work, you own it. But someone hearing it for the first time would very easy. They're driving in their car right now. They're taking their walk, they're on a treadmill. Okay. And it kind of goes by them. So just pull that out a little bit more. Talk about that a little bit.
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B
I left for the desert to go figure out what to do with my life and find something that I was ready to live and die for. And that's where inner excellence was born. After five years of full time writing and research, it was on how to have the most peace and confidence under the most pressure.
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A
Yes.
- [14:21]
B
And what I found in the desert is that self centeredness is the biggest challenge that we face in performance and in life because it leads to fear. And I'll share with you how it works. So we need to think about ourselves in order to just to get through life. You know, we gotta, gotta feed ourselves and clothe ourselves and bathe and look both ways when we cross the street. So this is the challenge because when we constantly think about ourselves, who, we have a subconscious that reminds us our subconscious is really there to protect us and to line up our results and circumstances with our, with our beliefs. And so the protection is it knows all your failures, it knows all your weaknesses. So when you start thinking about yourself, subconscious is like, oh, yeah, what about this? What about that? You failed here, you failed there. Who are you to do this? And so we got to be careful about thinking about ourselves. We don't want to think about ourselves too low because you're created for glory. We don't want to think about ourselves too high. Both of them are inaccurate. We just want to have an accurate view of self so we can get out of the way and do something.
- [15:19]
A
Amazing in the journey. You got to have been a videographer. So, hey, guys, you know what separates most businesses from others? The people that hire the best talent. And we all know when you're working in a small business and you own one, it means you wear a bunch of different hats. But here's the truth. Sometimes you really need an extra pair of hands. And upwork is the place that you can find those hands. Upwork is how good companies find great, trusted freelance talent in a variety of different areas. Companies turn to upwork all the time to get things done, finding more flexibility in the way they staff, key projects, initiatives where they want to go global with stuff, Top talent in it, web development, AI, design, admin, marketing, you name it. Posting a job on upwork is easy. Upwork makes the business process easier, simpler way more affordable with industry low fee. So post a job today and you can hire tomorrow on Upwork. Visit Upwork.com right now and post your job for free. That is Upwork.com to post your job for free and connect with top talent ready to help your business grow. That's up w o r k.com Upwork.com all right, let's be real if your gut is Drinking and driving is a decision that will change your whole world. Things will never be the same once you get a dui because legal fees and time in court are just the beginning. Getting into a crash is another way your world could be irreversibly changed. After drinking and driving, your vehicle may not be the only thing that gets damaged. Damaged in the crash, you could face a life altering injury or even death. But you're not the only one who could face those consequences. Your decision to drink and drive could permanently change someone else's world, whether you injure them or leave their loved ones grieving. The next time you're out drinking, call a ride, share a taxi, a sober friend, or a designated sober driver. The only decision that will change your world for the better is the decision to call for a sober ride. Drive sober or get pulled over. Paid for by nhtsa. I watched this yesterday. We're recording this. You guys won't hear it for a while. Did you watch the PGA Tour yesterday? You see Fleetwood on the last hole? I did, yeah. Okay, well, I just watched him. He's such a. He's known as Tommy Fleetwood, is known as one of the nicest guys on the PGA Tour and he had a significant lead yesterday. I think he was seven shots up on Keegan Bradley. Anyway, still has a one shot lead and he's in the middle of the fairway on 18 and he kind of fatted a wedge to the green. Still, if he two putts, he's probably going to win it. He ends up three putting Bradley birdies and Fleetwood loses again and he's just had a hard time winning. And afterwards he said, first thing he said was, I guess I'm too focused on myself. I'm too focused on myself. Those were exact words, bro. So like you're a million percent right, okay we're going to get into this, we're going to shift gears a little bit. So when you're listening to him, you would think, okay, so I got to really work on my mind. That's what I got to work on. But you say, actually not really. What you got to work on is your heart. And this is not normally what you would hear from a sports performance coach. I think you would agree with me. Right? It's usually visualization techniques, mental rehearsals, which, there's some stuff in there as well. But let's talk about the heart stuff for a minute and just extrapolate that for everybody.
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B
Yeah. So the way I think of it is we use the mind to train the heart.
- [18:39]
A
Okay.
- [18:40]
B
In other words, like when I said earlier, when you squeeze an orange, orange juice comes out. When you squeeze a person, what's inside their heart is what's going to come out. It's not what's inside your mind, it's what's inside your heart. Your heart is where your deepest fears are and your greatest dreams are. If you want to help anyone, including yourself, your kids, the most important thing is to get to their heart. And so it can start by what are your greatest fears and greatest dreams? What do you love the most and what do you fear the most? Because what you love and fear the most, that's what's running your life.
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A
That's the behind the scene program running.
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B
Yeah.
- [19:13]
A
By the way, this is just outstanding. You guys ever hear an interview that's just so rapid fire, point after point after point? That's why his work is so good. It's through listening to people that I think live greatly. And by the way, I'd put at least half of those people that I'm about to describe to you aren't affluent people. They just live greatly. They're, they're heart centered people. They're living on their purpose, they're living their dream. I kind of feel like a great life is whatever your blueprint of your life is. You sort of live it and it kind of looks like what you'd like it to look like. To me, that's a great life. And one of the things, as I got older, I think when I was young, my identity was more like, I'm a butt kicker, I'm a, I'm intense, I'm a competitor, I'm a whatever, you know, which served me at a certain age. As I got older, I realized how little I know in life. In fact, every day that goes by, I realize how little I know and how fortunate I am that I've got this far in my life thinking I knew so much more than I actually really did. I was like a delusionally confident person. But anyway, what I sort of adopted over time, from listening to these people and exposure I've got to being on certain boards I've been fortunate to sit on, is most of them sort of their internal identity is like that of a learner, and a lot of them even use that word. And over time, it's sort of like I'm fascinated and curious about experiences that I'm going to learn from. I find that that takes the pressure off of me. It's my most solid identity. And in the first thing you say in the book, here's 10 new empowering presuppositions. Every circumstance and every person you encounter is here to teach you and help you. It's all working for your good guys. That's the game right there. I think it's the most important thing. Have you found that with the people you work with as well? And is there any hack or thought or saying or something you say to guide somebody in that direction, to become that way?
- [21:21]
B
Well, that is the first principle of inner excellence. And so it's the number one thing that every client, everyone that reads Inner excellence, I want them to understand and learn and commit to memory because it's a very, very dramatic statement. Everything and everyone I encounter is here to teach me and help me. It's all working for my good. And so as I said earlier, learning and growing, that's the number one goal. And if it's all working for your good in the long term, and often we're not going to know in the short term how this is good. You know, I mean, what if you got canc. What if some horrible thing happens and. Because there is evil in the world, but in the end, it's all here. There's. There's learning for every single thing that happens in your life. And so first is committing that to memory and then working on it every.
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A
Day, because I just had a family member go through something so tragic. I mean, just as about as bad as it could be for, for a mother. I'll just leave it at that. You can all probably figure out what that thing might be. And I was talking to her yesterday and I was. I'm preparing for this interview and I said, maybe this is the worst time to put this philosophy in front of you because it's the, it's the most extreme stress test of whether it's accurate or not. But what if this somehow is still working for your good. And when I first said it to her, she. She didn't reject it summarily, but she's like, that's probably going to be a hard one for me to get to now. And she called me back last night really late, and I actually grabbed the call. I, for some reason was looking at my phone, it was very late. And she said, you know, I just. I'm thinking about something. I've sort of drifted from my faith the last many, many years. And I'm wondering if this is supposed to be the dramatic thing that calls me back to my faith. And I said, wow, the fact that you could find this blessing, this working for your good in something that nobody would blame you if you didn't. Yeah, you're so extraordinary. So I just want you guys to know, and even in the most extreme cases, that's. That's. It can be true. What about this intersection of. You kind of have faith, personal development? There's like this intersection. You sort of describe that, I think the circumstances the other day, you merge all this together. Talk about that intersection of the variables.
- [23:39]
B
I shared earlier that the heart is the number one part of your life. You know, the deepest part is where your greatest fears and greatest dreams are. And training is the most important thing that you'll ever do. And so if we want to optimize human behavior, then it's really understanding how humans work. And the great need and our deepest needs and our deepest need as humans is for love and connection. It's our unconditional love is our greatest need. It's our greatest power and our greatest desire. And likewise, our greatest fear is rejection to lose out on that love and connection. And so most people spend their entire lives, largely unknowingly, trying to get more love and connection and acceptance their whole life by making more money, being more successful, getting more status. And they're really just trying to get that love and connection, love and acceptance. And so if you understand that, that's so important because then you can really pursue that.
- [24:34]
A
Do you think people confuse. I did maybe do, but I'm aware of it. They conflate and confuse significance and recognition with love and connection because it feels very similar.
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B
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. And this is the big challenge with people that are talented. If you're very talented, what's going to happen? And especially if you combine talent with hard work, what's going to happen is you're going to get some success, right? And you're going to get that. That Love, right? And so what are you going to. So then you, when you're talented and successful, you, you set higher goals, right? And then you don't succeed. Now you're not, you're going to, you know, have some sort of a failure and you're going to lose that love. You're not going to get the cheers and people are going to judge you. And so then what do talented and successful people do? Well, I got to get more of that love. I got to be more successful. So then they try harder. And then, you know, a worldwide pandemic could come and shut everything down. Like there's so much out of your control. And so that's why it's so crucial to have a clear purpose for your life that goes beyond results and circumstances.
- [25:42]
A
Say that guys, you hear that? You have to have a clear purpose for your life that goes beyond results and circumstances. And one of the reasons so many of us conflate or confuse significance or recognition with love and connection is when we were kids, we felt loved more by our parents if we brought home A's or we hit a home run or we did good at a recital. And so we begin to conflate this and we chase these things our entire lives. And as somebody who's, you know, everybody, if I could save you some time, as somebody who's been rather fortunate at acquisition of recognition or significance, I can tell you that it is not love and connection, even when you get it. And the pursuit of that as your main life goal will leave you very empty. And I think it's really important that someone writes about this, which is what you did. It's hard to get all the stuff you need for your body in one place. So you're taking a million different pills or 16 different drinks. It's very difficult. And I gotta be honest with you guys, I found the easiest way to do it. Right now I'm all over im8. It's a daily, all in one wellness drink that helps give my body the support it needs without juggling a bunch of different supplements. The drink is loaded with 92 nutrient rich ingredients. Vitamins, minerals, aptogens, CoQ10 MSM pre probiotics. It's designed to help you get good the inside out, feel your best every day with IMA. Go to im8health.com ed and use code ed for a free welcome kit. Five free travel sachets plus 10 off your order. That's I am number 8 h e a l t h.com ed code ed for a free welcome kit dot five free travel satchels plus 10% off your order. Im8health.com ed code ed these statements and products have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. Hey guys, when's the last time you knew you needed to go to the doctor but you pushed it off? You made an excuse? I'm gonna tell you a specific one. With me, for about a year I've had this thing kind of growing on my earlobe and I kept putting it off and putting it off because we had moved and I didn't know what my new doctor was. And then Zoc Doc started sponsoring my show and I'm like, now that's a killer idea. And so I use Zoc Doc to find the guy who ended up doing the treatment on my ear and removing in this thing that was there that turned out to be pre cancer. Zoc Doc's a free app and a website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors and click instantly to book an appointment. We're talking about booking in network appointments with more than 100,000 doctors across every specialty from mental health to dental health, primary care, urgent care and more. So stop putting off doctor appointments and go to Zocdoc.com mylet to find an instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's z o c-o c.com mylet zocdoc.com mylet here's one thing you say in the book because we have to deal interact or love in your case, you say in the book with other human beings, it's getting harder, harder in the world to live with inner excellence and still interact with the way the world has become. People are divisive. We disagree about politics, we disagree about money, we disagree about religion, manners, you know, cultural norms. And I even find myself when I'm in public sometimes going, how are you letting your kids behave like that? Or what's the. And I'm like, what's what? Do I need to believe that I don't have these feelings sometimes about people that I love? And I'm exactly about that. It's number five of the pillars. But can you talk about people in general and how we should view them?
- [29:19]
B
Well, what I, it's so important to understand is that everyone does the best they can with what they have in their heart. This is a very controversial thing. And I know there's going to be listeners and viewers are going to be, whoa, whoa, whoa, Harold, he's not doing that. Or Bobby sue is not doing that. And it totally makes sense. I totally get it. And so I'll say it one more time. Everyone does the best they can with what they have in their heart. And so it's saying a couple things. One is that your heart is where all your actions come from. Like I said, when you're squeezed, what's in your heart's going to come out. And so. And two, what I'm saying is that according to that person's childhood, their wounds, their fears, their beliefs, their lens for seeing the world, that was the best they could do in that moment. I'm not saying it was good. Sometimes people do horrible, horrible things. I'm just saying what's in their heart came out, and that's what it was. And so if they're doing the best they can with what they have, is it wise to judge them? The only wise thing is to say, look, if I can see that, I would have made a better choice, what a gift I was given. I was given maybe some. Some more love or peace or joy that I can. That I wouldn't have done that. And so compassion is the only wise response.
- [30:39]
A
And the reason that it's the most wise response is. And by the way, you guys, there's so much in this book, but I know we're already going through a lot. We're going to get through 2%, like, literally. But the reason that it's wise, and this is the overall reason I think you wrote the book, is, and I've learned this, like, I'm not a master of it, but I've improved at it. Right? And that is that you basically say in the book, here's the deal, the person who's in the most control of their inner world has the most power. I would say the most equanimity, which is what you described earlier, peace under duress. Right. So, like, more and more of you, and I want you to elaborate on this. You're so our phones do it. Our eyes do it. We're so obsessed with outside of us. What's outside of us? How's someone treating me? How do I respond? What's going on in the world? What did I just fail at? What was their response? And it's outside all the time. Every single happy person I know is inside more than they are outside. I can't say they're inside in their inner world all the time. They're not. But a higher percentage of the time I would say. Would you. You talk. You. You talk better about it than I do, obviously. But Talk about that a little bit. This inner world and reclaiming power or having power.
- [32:02]
B
Let's talk about an upcoming golf tournament, say the British Open, okay? Whoever wins that event is going to walk by faith, not by sight. What I mean by that is they're not going to get caught up in temporary circumstances. They're not going to get caught up with the balls, oh, it's in a divot, or, you know, oh, you know what bad luck. And how does this happen to me? You just can't afford that. You've got to stay connected to the vision. And this is so crucial. And this is what the best people do. They find a way to stay connected to the vision and not to the circumstances.
- [32:39]
A
Okay. One of the ways I do that, I think, is what I would use is the word is perspective. Again, as I've gotten older, my faith has played a much more prominent role in my perspective. In other words, the context of what something means. I think sometimes we tend to overblow a moment because if I don't make this pot to win the British Open, if I don't close the sale, if this person won't go on a date with me, the magnitude of it is gigantic. When you begin to have a perspective about how short of a period of time we are and everlasting life or heaven or faith, it creates perspective, at least for me. And I know faith is important to you as well. I mean, I know you're about to make a major life move where you're dedicating a gigantic part of your life to your faith walk, which I admire so deeply. Talk about faith, the inner world, and how that applies to inner excellence.
- [33:38]
B
Well, you know, it's kind of like that idea of whoever wins the British Open is going to walk by faith, not by sight. And this is not just the British Open. This is for everyone that's super successful. They have this inner peace in the midst of chaos. And so that's what inner excellence is. How do I get inner peace in the midst of chaos? And I'll give you one way to do that. So inner peace is directly linked to gratitude. They go hand in hand. And in fact, there's five things that I think of that are very connected. There's gratitude, inner peace, inner strength, mental toughness and beauty. And gratitude can be hard sometimes because we're emotional beings. And here's how you can get better at gratitude is every day we want to look for the smallest moments, the smallest gifts that you're given. And at the end of the day, if you Go through your day and find at least three gifts, because, I mean, you're given hundreds of gifts every day, all of us. But if you can find at least three gifts, and we want to make sure there are specific moments, because if you say, I'm grateful for my family, that's great, but it doesn't train your subconscious. We want to train the subconscious to see more beauty and see more gifts by looking for the small, a specific moment.
- [34:50]
A
Like what? Like, man, my pillowcase feels good on my face this morning. Or, I mean, are you talking about things like that?
- [34:56]
B
Well, I'm. Yeah, but I'm also going to, like, imagine the anxiety is a big challenge that right now there's so many people that have anxiety. Right. And anxiety really is a mind in general with. With too many thoughts from too many concerns. And so that's why we need one underlying purpose for your life, so we can stop getting. Looking every which way for all these different things coming at us. But it's really saying, I may have had anxiety for all day today, but was there any moments where I didn't? Oh, that one moment when I was walking my dog, I didn't have anxiety. We're grateful for that moment. And so when you can find these moments, and so when people are struggling, find the few moments that were, okay, I didn't have anxiety in that moment because it's easy to think, oh, you know, and catastrophize and like, you know, I just. All these terrible things have happened to me. But what about the gifts? And so as you get better at seeing the small moments, you're going to build more inner peace, and that'll bring more inner strength.
- [36:00]
A
When my dad died, I was with him. We were in his home. And just a lot of things struck me when he passed away. It struck me that, you know, we're not our possessions. You know, his car was.
- [36:14]
B
You were. You were 15 when he became sober. Is that right, bro?
- [36:17]
A
Your. Your preparation and reading is just. It exceeds mine. And I'm interviewing you. Yes, I was.
- [36:21]
B
And so. And how old were you when he died?
- [36:24]
A
I was 52. 52.
- [36:27]
B
52.
- [36:27]
A
35. 15. Yeah. My dad was sober 35 years, so maybe I was 50, 51.
- [36:33]
B
Okay.
- [36:34]
A
And I was with him. And just. It just struck me. A couple things struck me. I walked back in after he had passed away because it was about an hour and a half before the Hearst was going to come, and my mom and my sisters would prefer not to be in the room, and I thought, oh, there's dad and I walked in to get close to him. As I got closer to him, I went, that's not dad. Whoever my father was, was no longer in that room. His body was, but he was not his body. It was the most, almost most deep confirmation of my faith ever. Like he was right there. But that was no longer my father. And I never knew more in my life that we're a soul. And then the other thing that struck me, Jim, was that my dad's possessions were all around him. He didn't take any of those with him. His awards were in the room. You don't take your accolades. But the other thing he did not take with him. My dad had problems when he passed away, like every human being does. And fears and worries and concerns and anxieties and insecurities. And none of those went with him. So were they even really real is what I started to think. And you say in the book this. I messed the saying up. But basically the problem isn't the problem. The problem is the way you're looking at the problem in life. Life is a process of solving problems from time to time. I gotta hear your take on that more deeply.
- [37:57]
B
Yeah. So inner excellence really is about getting into this flow of resonance every day. The energy that you have every day is the most important thing about you. You. And because your energy is creating these beliefs and it's, and it's really who you're becoming. So the state that you enter when you think about the problem is the most important thing about you. That's the problem. And so when we judge something, because if you want us, if you want to have an extraordinary life or just have a good day, we got to really reduce the judgment. And when I say judgment, I mean laying down a negative verdict about self, circumstances or others. And so like being judgmental. Because when you're judgmental, then we lose our curiosity, we lose creativity, we lose our ability to problem solve. Our vision greatly narrows. So we really got to reduce work on reducing judgment.
- [38:44]
A
People ask me all the time about owning a business. What are some of the critical things people? People matter. Things don't. And I got to be honest with you, every team that wins has great players. Right now you may have just realized your business needs to hire someone like yesterday. How can you find an amazing candidate really fast? Easy. You just need indee when it comes to hiring, indeed is all you need. Stop struggling to get your job. Posts seen on other job sites. Indeed sponsored jobs posts help you stand out and hire fast. With sponsored jobs, your post jumps to the top of the page for relevant candidates so you reach people that you want to reach faster. You only pay for results, so there's no need to wait any longer. Speed up your hiring right now with Indeed and listeners of this show get a 75 sponsored job credit to get your jobs more visibility at indeed.com mylet just go to indeed.com/mylet right now and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast. Indeed.com mylet terms and conditions apply. Hiring Indeed is all you need. Maslow and the Maserati I'm going all the way back to the beginning because I haven't touched on it, but I think a lot of this strife and stress in our life is because of this pursuit of something that you talk about in the book. I think it's just, it's just like never ending. Especially in western culture.
- [40:01]
B
Yeah, like western culture I talked about has this, this affluenza virus, this virus of the heart that's obsessed about how you look. And you know, I mentioned the, the acronym, the palms, your possessions, achievements, looks, money and status. And it's because we have this deep need for love and acceptance. And if I get the possessions and looks and you know, achievements and money and status, then I'm gonna, and theoretically I'm gonna get the love that I want. And so it's this surface level obsession with getting something that's far more deep and meaningful than we know how to pursue. So we just go for the surface. And so inner excellence is saying let's go for what you truly want and create something that's lasting. Build a life that's lasting and then you'll be better at everything else.
- [40:46]
A
Is there like a daily practice you do? You're a unique dude. So everybody, he's in Spain right now. He's about to have a rotation between sort of inner city Philadelphia where he's doing real servant work and living in Spain. You coach athletes, but you're a very faith based man. The work that you do with these athletes and when you hear inner excellence, I don't think it's, there's so much more depth to it than would meet the initial eye. And I'm just curious, like, is there daily practices you do to train your subconscious that you might want to share one or two of these them with us?
- [41:22]
B
Oh yeah, for sure. You know, I think of like fueling your heart is so crucial. Everything that you're, you're constantly feel. Your heart is what's running your life, right? Your heart, your spirit, your will and your Subconscious. And so everything that you read, watch, listen to, people you spend time with, it's, It's. It's creating who you're becoming. And so we really want to be intentional about the words that we say, the things that we read and watch and listen to. Like, for example, we gotta be very careful about taking in news and audio and video because that, you know, the. The whole premise behind the news, if it bleeds, it leads. And so there's a lot of negative news. And so we gotta be very careful. If you want to live your dreams or max out, then we really wanna make sure that we're training our heart to love most, what's most empowering. And that takes a lot of. That takes solitude. It really takes this pursuit of, like, what do I want most? Like, why. Why do I want to have these. Achieve these goals? Because the thing is, you have your. Your top goals in your life, but are they even good for you? We don't know. Like, I have the goals that I, you know, I want to achieve these, what I call third world goals, results and circumstances. But are they. I don't even know if they're good for me at all. I think they are. Of course I want. I want to achieve these things. And, you know, I want to be the. This incredible performance coach, and I want to share God's love, wisdom and courage with athletes and leaders all around the world. But as far as my specific goals about how to do it, I don't even know if they're the right goals or good for me. And so that's why it's so important to hold your goals loosely and focus more on who you're becoming.
- [43:01]
A
Yeah, I want to talk about that. I got two more things for you that hold your goals loosely. Probably the hardest thing for me to describe and the thing I vacillated the most on when I coach is outcomes is goals. And this nuance between having a goal that you prepare for, but in the moment of execution, essentially separating from the outcome and just being present this nuance. I wish I were. I'm getting better at my understanding of it and my description of it and how I teach it. But I'm wondering if you sort of tend to agree with that same concept and how you would word it.
- [43:38]
B
It? Yeah, I mean, it's. You know, I'm a performance coach like yourself. I teach people how to have peace and confidence under pressure and also achieve extraordinary things. But like I said, people come to me for their mindset is I just want to achieve these things. And I help them understand. How do you want to live? How do you want to feel? Who do you want to become? What do you want most in your life? Why do you want to become world number one? What is it that you truly want? Because let's create that life. Because there's so much out of your control, then what you really want. Like. Like, for example, if we look at Rory McElroy, just, you know, just he wins this major, and was that the best thing for him?
- [44:16]
A
I know, yeah.
- [44:18]
B
Was it the best thing for J.J. spawn to win the U.S. open? I mean, we don't know. Did they really want to? Yes. But is it? What you really want is always best for you. We know that's not true. Right. What you always want is not always what's best for you. You. And so that's why it's so important to pursue who you're becoming. And love, wisdom and courage. I think of them three most powerful resources in the world.
- [44:41]
A
Love, wisdom and courage. You know, it's interesting, everybody, when I do deep work with people and they'll say, I want to be number one in the world, or I want to be a millionaire, or I want to whatever it might be, and I'll ask them why, and I'll push them on it, you'd be amazed how blank most people get when you ask them why. And you know what the answer is for a lot of you that are listening, just because you've always wanted it, like, you don't even remember why you wanted it. It's just, it's always been there. And it's like I've just kept saying it for the last decade. And so, like, I need to finish that goal. But it's okay to re audit your life and what matters to you. It's okay. And it's okay, by the way, to be number one in the world. In fact, it's extraordinary. There's nothing wrong with that at all. I think it's tremendous. But you ought to dig a little deeper as to why. And by the way, the more deeply you understand why you want something, the more you will find the reserves and the resources to actually accomplish it. When you've just got goals you stipulate over and over again and not real depth of understanding of why, you literally shrink to adversity under pressure, because the reason is not bigger than the pressure you're feeling. So I just want you all to consider that.
- [45:45]
B
Well, what's so important is to understand you. Every one of us has our own idea of what the best possible life Looks like. Like for me as a baseball player, you know, for you in college as well, it's to be a pro baseball player and to make it to the big leagues and become an all star. That was my idea. That was my vision of what I thought the best possible life was like. But I didn't know. You didn't know that there was a better life that God was. That had prepared for you that you didn't know about. And that's so important to understand is that the life that you. The goals that you have, and the life that you picture, there may be a far better way to live with deep contentment, joy and confidence in any circumstance than one that you've ever pictured. Likely. That's the truth. It's like, you know, you have 17. Is it 17 businesses?
- [46:30]
A
Something like that. Yeah.
- [46:31]
B
So you have all these businesses and. And how do you be successful as an entrepreneur? You've got to be willing to take detours and, like, you get it out to the world and you're like, okay, that didn't work. I'm gonna try something else. Right?
- [46:42]
A
Yes.
- [46:42]
B
And so this is. It's the same thing in life. You have to be willing to fail. You have to be willing to look foolish and master your ego in order to do anything. Great.
- [46:50]
A
Oh, gosh, you're so good, bro. Last question. Because we talked about it earlier and when we teased something, we need to finish with it, which was identity. And I just want you to talk about the concept of it and how people might misalign it and how they might get more clarity and directedness on identity, because I feel like it's the underlying driving force of our lives is this concept of identity. But I want your take on it.
- [47:12]
B
Yeah. I mean, identity is one of the five deep needs of the heart. To feel like you have a sense of worth and that you are somebody and that you can contribute something of value to the world. This is one of the five crucial deep needs of the heart. And if it's not met, if you don't feel like you have some sort of identity, you're going to do anything you can to get that met. So I work with Christians and non Christians and atheists, and it doesn't matter because I don't tell people what to do or what to believe. I help them clarify what they want most, and I help them get it. And. But understanding human nature and human behavior is so helpful and crucial and understanding that everyone. That unconditional love is our greatest need and desire. And so I help people like what do you really want. I know it's that they want to feel loved. They want to love and feel love. And so that's. That's what inner excellence is, the pursuit of that.
- [48:07]
A
By the way, everybody just. Just to finish on that, I just want to reiterate what he said. Everybody you meet wants to be loved and feel loved. Even the biggest, baddest, most achieving person in the world. When people probably ask you, how do you connect with these athletes or well known people, they'll ask me as well. I know they have a flashing sign on their forehead that says, love me, care about me, believe in me, don't recognize me. Everybody recognizes them already. But can they get a sense from you, the people that you meet, Your Uber driver, a flight attendant. If you met me, if you met Jim, I love you, I care about you. You're lovable, you matter. You're special. And I can tell you that if you begin to just look at humans that way, they begin to respond to you differently as well.
- [48:53]
B
What's really hard for people is to let go of their past. And I think we were talking about identity, is to know that you are not your past. And if you have unlimited possibilities, you and everyone that's watching and listening to. If you're willing to let go of your past, are you willing to let go of who you've been to become who you're meant to become? Are you willing to face your fears and face these feelings that maybe you haven't wanted to face in the past? Because if you can face those feelings and if you're willing to let go and look foolish and make mistakes and fail in front of the world and be okay with letting that go, then you can do great things. And right now, the world needs hope. And you are what the world needs.
- [49:36]
A
Oh, my gosh, guys, you just listened or watched an Alzheimer put this in a time capsule. You could listen to it. Thirty years from now, it'll be equally relevant. This was like, Jim, this was an extraordinary experience for me and conversation. And I want to thank you for today. It was excellent, no pun intended. So thank you.
- [49:58]
B
Thank you so much for having me.
- [49:59]
A
Hey, everybody, go get Inner excellence. The author is Jim Murphy, and you just spent an hour worth spending. Your life just got better. All right, everybody, God bless you. Max out your life. This is the Ed Milan show.