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THE ED MYLETT SHOW
This One Idea Will Change How You Think About Your Entire Life | Ed Mylett
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Ed Mylett
Foreign. This is the Ed Milet Show. Hey everyone, welcome to my weekend special. I hope you enjoy the show. Be sure to follow the Ed Mylett show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Now, on with the show. Welcome back, everybody. I'm Ed Mylett. Today we're going to talk about the echo of life or the echoes in life. And what I mean by that is you know that when you hear an echo, you've said something, but there's a delayed response response until you hear it coming back at you and then you experience the result. And that's how life works. See today, one of the reasons so many people are confused about their lack of success is because we live in a very immediate gratification type society, meaning people expect results to happen instantaneously because we can get access to information instantaneously. We can get on social media, we can get music, we can get a movie, we can get a Google search, we can get a book, we can get anything we want instantaneously. But what you can't get instantaneously is success in life. And we've been raised in a generation now, many of us, even older guys like me, we're programmed to get things right now. And this hurts us in life because we don't realize the echoes of life. See for me, for example, when I'm having a difficult time in my life in one area or another, all I have to really do is look back 60 to 90 days and it's the behaviors I had 60 to 90 days ago that are causing the results I get negatively right now. And so, for example, when I'm not really progressing in my career or in my financial situation, if I look back 60 to 90 days prior, I stopped reading the books, listening to the audios, doing the things that grow my identity, and I pay the price 60 to 90 days later in my body, my body isn't looking like I want it to. If I look back 60 to 90, 120 days, that's when my diet got weaker. That's when my workouts weren't quite as intense as they were previously. And I pay the price three to four months later. This is true in every area of our life. Our lives are almost like reading a newspaper today, but we're reading the headlines from 90 days ago. And so that's what confuses people. They see the external results of their life. But what if you did? If you read the newspaper from 90 to 120 days ago, that's where the news was made, not today. And so in every area of your life, you got to go in right now, you got to fuel the fire. If you've got your business going, your finances going, your relationship going, your faith going where you want it to, you have to continue to do the activities that got you here in the first place. Because 90 days from now, you're going to read today's news. That's how it works. If today's news is you stop telling the person you're with you're loving, if you stop dating them like you did in the beginning, you stop treating them a particular way, you're going to pay the price for it. In a 90 to 120 days, when you eat a piece of cake, you don't see the fat deposit. The next day, there's a delay. And so what happens is we do these negative behaviors. And because we don't see an instant pain or an instant consequence for it, we don't think the consequence is coming. But the consequences always come. There's a delayed consequence for everything we do. And so today you're getting the external results of 90 days ago's headlines of what you were doing. And the mistake most people make is they get things going in their life, they get their business going, and they stop the very things that got them there. Because they believe today is the headlines. But you're going to read it in 90 to 120 days, you're going to pay the price. And so in every area, pour the flames on, pour the fuel on, do the things that got you there, but do more of it. Because there's an echo for today's behavior. The reverse is also true. And this is why most people give up on their dreams. Success. The echo is longer in success. See, the negative comes 90 to 120 days. But the benefit, the gain, the increase, the result of doing the right things is often delayed by six months, a year, 18 months, two years, sometimes five years. And so what happens is most people make these investments, they do all of the work. It's almost like a bank account. They make the deposit, they make the deposit, they make the deposit, and then they quit before they get to make the withdrawal. Because they don't see the results in success. Remember this, you're making these deposits, you're doing all the right things. It's not 90 days later you get the result. Often, sometimes it's not 120, sometimes it's not six months, sometimes it's not a year, sometimes it's two years. And most people can't wait to make the withdrawal because they don't see the immediate result. Or they, they go, well, wait a minute. When I do things wrong, I pay the price in 90 days. If I eat poorly 90 days later, my body doesn't look good. If I don't perform right in my business, my business goes down 90 to 120 days later. If I don't read my personal development or listen to the podcast I'm supposed to, my identity shrinks 90 to 120 days. How come when I do the good things, the results don't come in 90 to 120 days? Sometimes they will, but oftentimes the delayed gratification, the delayed benefit, is way off into the future. The people that win in life accept both echoes. I accept in my life, I know it's a law of the universe, I know it's a life law, that if I don't do the right things 90 to 120 days, I'm going to pay the price. I also know the other law is if I'm doing the right things, the benefit, the body changing, the finances changing, the life changing the relationship, changing might be delayed by six months, not 90 days. Might be a year, might be two, might be five years in some areas. But I accept that there's always a payoff. Remember this. There's always an echo. There's always a consequence. If you do the wrong things. No matter how good your business is right now, listen to me. You think you got it going and you're sloughing off a little bit. You're not quite in the office as early as you used to be. You're not making quite as many contacts as you once were. You're not quite as focused as you once were because you think you got it because you're reading three months ago's headlines or six months ago's headlines. But I promise you, 90 to 120 days from now, you're going to read today's headlines, make sure that you continue to do the right things. I've also, though, come to believe and know in my own life, because my life is evidence of it, that there's an echo for the positives too. I don't know when that one's coming back, but I know it comes back. I know for a fact that if I do the right things in my diet and my nutrition, my body and my workouts, my body eventually gives me the result. I know in my finances, if I do the right things, eventually there's an echo that comes back. I'LL eventually read today's headlines in my life and celebrate them. I know in my relationships, if I invest and do the right things, the loving, the caring, the believing, the actions required, that at some point there's an echo that comes back and that relationship blossoms and flourishes. I know it in my identity, I know it in my self confidence. If I do the right things, the echo comes back. Eventually the thing to accept is it's going to come back. And if you know this, you begin to win. If you know this, you don't look at today's life and believe you've got it wired. You don't look at today's life and believe you're relegated to these results forever. You know there's a negative which is 90 to 120 days. And you know that there's a positive which that echo comes back longer and the winners keep making the deposits, keep making the investments because they know for a fact, for a fact that eventually there's a withdrawal. One of my favorite parables, the Bible, and I'll probably mess this up because I do that all the time, but I mean this with the right intention is the parable of the sower, which basically says that if you keep planting seeds that eventually God will provide a harvest. I've begun to know that that's one of the laws of life. One of the echoes of life is that there's a harvest. But those seeds that you're planting are those phone calls, that diet, that workout, those things you do in your relationship, the investments you make in yourself and your identity, that if you keep planting those seeds, that is making those deposits, those investments that eventually God will provide a harvest in your life. But not all the seeds reap a harvest. Sometimes you're going to plant seeds that don't have great soil or there's thorny soil and the seeds don't grow. The wind can get it, the rain can get it, the birds could take seeds, whatever can take the seed. But eventually, if you keep planting the seeds, that there's a harvest that you will be rewarded with. And this is a life law. It's true. In every area, there's also a negative harvest. The chickens do come home to roost in every area in our lives, but the negatives come home to roost much sooner than the positives do. And this is why most people are confused in their lives. They say to me, ed, I've been doing all the right things in my nutrition and my workout. Why isn't my body better? Or I've been Working on myself for a while now. I'm reading the books, I'm listening to your podcast, and I don't see the results just yet in my life. And it's confusing because you say to yourself, I'm doing the right things in the moment, but you're still reading yesterday's headlines. And sometimes the positive headlines can be, like I said, a year, 18 months, two years. But I promise you, the headlines change eventually. Don't be confused by your current conditions. Remember this, your current conditions, your current life does not dictate your future. Your past does not equal your future. Your present does not equal your future. What equals your future are those deposits and those investments you're making now. There will be an echo. There'll be a harvest. There is a consequence for every behavior in life. We need to accept this. There's negative consequences if we do the wrong things. No matter how good it looks right now, no matter how good your business, your finances, your relationship, your faith, your body looks right now, there are consequences if you slow down. There are consequences if you're not doing the right things. You are not immune to this. I've done a lot of podcasts or programs here on ego. If you begin to believe that you were immune from the echoes of life, you were immune from the positive and negative harvest, that's your ego speaking to you. Yes, Ms. CEO, yes, Ms. Perfect, yes, Mr. Successful financially right now, yes, the guy with the high self confidence, even you will suffer from the echoes and the consequences of life. The good news is you control that. And if you'll do the right things on a habitual and regular basis, you're assured long term of a positive harvest, of a positive result in your life. And so I want to remind you today that you're in control of this. If you're a person of faith, like I am, you and your God praying, you, planting the seeds, and him eventually blessing with the harvest. If you believe in plugging into the quantum field, and I believe in both of those things, by the way, and getting the energy from the universe that can drive you. I promise you there's a consequence and there's a reaction for every action. Just sometimes it comes in a delayed fashion. There will be an echo in your life. And my final question to you today is this. All of our actions echo into eternity. Long after we're gone, our lives also have an echo. Listen to me. Your life matters. What you do in your life matters. You were born to do something great with your life. You were put here for a reason, which is to make a difference in the world, which is to change your own family's tree, which is to do something great with your life. I promise you, you were put here for that in little ways and in big ways. And there will be an echo for your life. The actions of your life will echo into eternity. The question is, what will that echo for you be? A whisper into eternity or a roar? And you get to decide based on the actions you take every day in your life, whether the life of you, whether it had a big meaning and it roars into eternity, or whether you play small and you just whisper into eternity. You get to choose that. I know you were born to have a roaring echo in this world long after you're here. The investments you make in your children and grandchildren into other people, that's part of the roar of your life. Maybe it's not a jet or a beach house, but it's the good things you do. It's the seeds you sow of goodness and the contributions you make for others that ripple into other people over and over again, far beyond what you can even imagine. That's your legacy. That's your life roaring its echo into eternity. But if you shrink, if you play small, if you don't take risks, if you don't take those actions, if you don't keep improving, you don't keep growing, then your life will just whisper into eternity. And you weren't put here to be a whisper. You were put here to be a roar into eternity. I know that for you. Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Now on to our next guest. Okay, welcome back to the show, everybody. Today I am so excited about you are going to hear one of the greatest stories you've ever heard in your life and you're not going to forget it. I can just promise you that on the front end of this conversation, it's a story about faith. It's a story about entrepreneurship and business. It's certainly a story about overcoming adversity, trauma, abuse, shame, and a combination of a whole bunch of other things all in one story with a woman that I've gotten to know the last six months to a year that I just really love. I just think she's an incredible spirit, incredible person. And when you hear this story, you're not going to be the same again. I can just tell you that up front. So my guest today is Ann Beiler. And Anne is the founder of Auntie Ann's Pretzels, the one of the biggest franchises on the planet. If you've been in an airport anytime in your life lately, like me, I've had, I don't know, probably 600 of her pretzels over the years, I'm embarrassed to admit.
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Ann Beiler
It's all good.
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Ed Mylett
It's all good. It's all good. And I have to just tell you guys, I'm so honored she's here, and the conversation is going to be unbelievable. So, Anne, thank you for being here, and welcome to the show.
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Ann Beiler
Well, thank you, Ed, and thanks for the great intro. And you're right, it's a pleasure to see you, but it's been an honor for me to meet you at some of our events, and I'm grateful to be.
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Ed Mylett
Likewise. I'll see you in a few weeks, too. We're gonna be on each other for the next year, at least. I know that. Can I ask you about the church part before we go to the pastor?
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Ann Beiler
Sure.
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Ed Mylett
Number one. I've heard you tell this before, and it's. It's hitting me a little different today. And you. You even look a little different telling it today. I can see it on you. So you. I. I have to. I can't even imagine the mental images that are running through your mind for these years of carrying her in there and putting her on the desk and whatever the injuries are. These mental images of our life are really some of the hardest ones. And, and. And then bottling it all up. And. And so what I wondered, what I've. When you and I have visited before is, so you and Jonah, your husband, have drifted apart now in every way, because you're bottling it up. He's bottling it up. You're just carrying on with life. Did you not drift away from God at that time? I would think it would have been a normal human emotion to be angry with God or not to believe anymore. I've lived a good life. I was a good girl. You had these promises that I'd have a great life. Was there moments where you questioned your faith, lost your faith, and drifted from God? Or was it more you drifted from. From your husband? In. In an emotional and physical way only.
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Ann Beiler
Both. Both.
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Ed Mylett
Okay.
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Ann Beiler
You know, and I think that that's a really good point going back to what I said at my beginning. Theology was, I wanted to be a good girl.
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Ed Mylett
Yeah.
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Ann Beiler
When Angela was killed, she made her ascend into heaven that day. I knew where she went, but I had no idea where I was headed. But I can tell you it was in that moment that I began to make my down road. This going into this world I didn't know existed, which was spiritual confusion and emotional pain. And so, yes, I wanted to be a good girl. And it was my, my first question. And I think this isn't normal around the world. Even if you don't believe in God, I think you, you ask the question, why, why did you let this happen to me? I mean, I, I think I was a pretty good girl. Why did you, or many people can say, I, you know, life was going well, I was feeling good, I was whatever. Why did you let this happen? And almost in anger, we accuse him, almost accuse him, we blame. And what I know today, and I'm going to fast forward real quick here, but what I know is my theology has changed. Now, after over seven decades of real life's experiences, my theology has changed. And it is. Life is hard. God is good. I am not confused about that. And that gives me a foundation to. Whenever bad news comes my way, that's where I stand. I, I understand it's not fair, but it's true. Life is hard and God is good. In all of our circumstances, we forget that the one to blame for any hardships, any bad, any evil, any trauma, any tragedy, you know, he's really the devil himself. He's the one that has come to steal, to destroy and to kill. God has come to give us life and to give it to us and to give us joy in the midst of our pain and sorrow. Well, it's hard to, it's kind of, it is hard to believe that or hard to embrace that in the midst of your trauma. And so I'm saying, give yourself time. It's okay to ask God why. He understands why. Why you're saying why. He knows it's too hard for you to bear. He, he knows that, but he's there for you so that you can go to him. He says, and is in the word of God. He says that he is close to the brokenhearted. But I think that we're so busy blaming that we, we don't go to him. Instead, we blame him. So we don't feel the closeness that I began to experience over time, but not in the moment. I had moments of feeling close to God. I went to church every Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night, I would go to the altar every time I went to church because I wanted to feel God's presence. And I felt it there. And that's where the pastor, when I Came down from the pulpit and put his arms around me at the altar, which was normal. We were very, I would say in affectionate hugging was normal in our congregation at that time. And he asked me to come see him at his office at the altar as I'm praying and talking to God about my grief. And that's what I did. The next morning, I went to see him.
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Ed Mylett
Okay, here we go, you guys. So I wanted to say one thing, because this is heavy. I want to stay right where we are, because I just want to interject something, everybody, because the enormity of what God can do in your life, and it's just incredible. And I just want you to remember this as we go to the next chapter. I want you to imagine you've now lost your child unimaginable way as well. And now this next chapter is going to happen. Now, here's the good news. You're listening to one of the most prolific entrepreneurs of the last 50 years in our country. Even though she would never say it this way, this is a woman still during this stage. She's. She's not 25 years old anymore. This is someone who's raising a family. This is someone who's never thought about being an entrepreneur, never considered being an entrepreneur wasn't a topic of conversation. And she's about as far away from being an entrepreneur in the moment you're about to hear about as you could possibly get on planet Earth. And yet the end of the story is what we're describing to you. So here we go with the. Part of the story is probably the hardest for me as your friend now. But just the combination of the two events together is just, just unbelievable what took place in your life. So I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to interrupt you, but I wanted to set the context for everybody that there is good news coming because this is going to get even heavier right now. So go ahead, we go. The pastor says, come see me. And of course, like any church, you do that.
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Ann Beiler
That's. That's great. Normal, normal thing. But you're telling my story and you're making me weep. And so, yes, I was excited to go see him because I really wanted to talk to somebody I didn't know how. And so at his imitation, I was. I was almost nervous and excited and there was something happening in my belly. And I call that Holy Spirit lives within our innermost being. And he helps us to be excited and peaceful and hopeful and trying to convince us that life is, you know, life is good. There's good things. So feeling all of that in my, in my body and going to see him, I was able to actually tell him how I felt. And was during that conversation that he put some thoughts in my head. And that was like, you know, one. One of the lines that he said, I'll never forget it was that, you know, you have, right now, you have a lot of needs in your life. Emotional, spiritual, spiritually and physically. And he said, you know, your husband will never be able to meet your needs. And I'll never forget when he said that. And that's something I rarely say in public because my story is so long and it's so many details, but right now, I don't know why I said that, but. But in the moment, like stunned me. Like I had this something in my heart that, that struck me. Well, yeah, well, he might be right because we are having a hard time connecting. But then he said, but I could meet those needs for you. And I'm thinking in a spiritual term, you know, he's my pastor and thank you, I guess, I don't know. But anyway, so as I left that meeting that day, he took advantage of me physically. And you know, it was more than a hug, which was normal. And it's, it's stunned me again, like, wow. But again, I'm still in my grieving, my very early grief stage here. And I closed the door and walked out. I remember standing there for a little minute and I thought, wow, what, what did he. What, what does that mean? What did he just do? What just happened? And I decided I made a choice because I thought it was the only option that I had. And this is what I want your audience to understand about my story more than anything. The choices we make today is in fact the life that we will live tomorrow. And I had no idea then. The power of choice and the power of keeping a secret. I didn't really mean to keep it a secret, but I didn't think I had a choice. But I made a choice never to tell. And that day was the beginning. I didn't know then that one choice that I made would hold me hostage, literally hostage to sexual abuse of every way for nearly seven years. So if there's anything that I want to tell people is to be open and honest and authentic, no matter what is happening to you or what someone's done to you, or even what you have done to someone, because we, we get, we're hurt and we also hurt people. So it's a two way street, right? So when you find yourself in that way, you have to run to the light. You got to run to being authentic. You have to be determined that I'm not going to stay bound up by this. But I didn't know all that then. And so I kept a secret, and I never told anyone. And of course, he. Through weeks and months, he. You know, the. The finale of. Of his coercing me into a relationship with him was at some point then, absolute rape. And I was, at that time, I was five months pregnant with our second daughter. And at that time, Ed, I was no longer a good girl. There was nothing that no one could have convinced me that I was not a bad girl. And that's when I felt like I had crossed the line. And I know in this world, in your audience, there are many people who feel like they have crossed a line. It can be any. It could be many experiences that we feel like there's no way back. And because I felt like I crossed the line, there's no way back. And so that just means when we feel like there's no way back, you can never go back. Well, then there's only one choice, and that's as you stay.
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Ed Mylett
Yeah.
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Ann Beiler
Where you are. And you hope that one day things will get better for you. And I prayed every single day, Ed, Weeping. I wept my way through seven years. And, you know, there's a story in the Bible about Jacob, and he wrestled with God one night. And, you know, I think as human beings, we all know what it's like to wrestle, and many of us wrestle for weeks and months and years. But what I can tell you during those years, again, I'm going to speak of the Holy Spirit in my innermost being. I always thought it was. I don't know. I'm. I have ulcers in my stomach now. I'm. I. I'm sick. My heart is racing, my back is hurting. My knees are buckling from the inside out. I'm falling apart. What I know now, hindsight is 20 20, and this is the good news is that Holy Spirit never leaves you. If you know God, he never leaves you. He's working inside of you, trying to convince you that there's a better way.
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Ed Mylett
You went seven years of this an seven years.
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Ann Beiler
I know that that's the part. That's why when I share my story in 20 minutes or whether it's 45 minutes, it's. It's difficult to explain the why of that. Yeah, difficult to explain the darkness, but the darker it gets, the. The deeper you go and the more impossible it Seems. And for me, the harder I prayed, the more I cried and the longer it went. It just. I am stuck. There's no way out. I continue to go to church and I pretended that we had, we had our second baby. And you know, I was a, I was a pretty good housewife. I cooked, I took care of the kids, but I was emotionally completely gone. I abandoned my kids emotionally. And that was the hardest part of my journey, Ed, was when I woke up one day and realized I, I wasn't there for my children. You talk about the guilt and the shame and the blame that just envelops you in that place. That's why the miracle that I'm here today on your show, it's, it's still. Why does it, why do I feel this emotionally? Because I'm, I'm feeling, I'm seeing. I, I'm hearing myself tell the story again. And what I think about is, yeah, how dark it was. But wow, how light. And the world living in today. Yeah, is, is. Was un. Nothing I could have ever imagined. What changed all that was the day I, I decided to make my confession.
- [27:15]
Ed Mylett
Yes.
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Ann Beiler
And that's the next part of my story.
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Ed Mylett
The first off, I love you and thank you. I just, just a tremendous amount of courage it takes to be this vulnerable, this authentic, is remarkable. And certainly something happened to you through these times where a strength was forged into you that I certainly don't have that nobody else I know has. That was a great conversation. And if you want to hear the full interview, be sure to follow the Ed Mylett show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Here's an excerpt I did with our next guest. Welcome back to Max out everybody. I am really excited to have this lady on my show today because she's special. Not only is she a special human being, but she's had a very special life and a very, very interesting last three or four years of her life as well. And so if you're on YouTube and you're watching this, you recognize her face probably immediately. If you're on audio, I can tell you that she's done a whole bunch of stuff. She's maxed out a lot of areas of her life. She's been a television host, she's an actress, even dabbled in the wwe. She is a sought after person of inspiration and coaching now in the world. She is also a wife and she has become a friend of mine. And I am excited about the conversation today because I think she is going to share with you some insights and Perspective that she is uniquely qualified to deliver to you. So, Maria Menounos, thank you for being here today.
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Maria Menounos
Thank you. I am so honored to be on.
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Ed Mylett
Your show Lessons of Wisdom. So most people face their death at the end of their life when they're too old potentially to change anything about it because they're about to die. You were given a gift to some extent of facing a threat to your life. Right. Or the way of life. At least you could have woken up and not been able to walk, talk, think the same.
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Maria Menounos
Oh, I woke up. Trust me, I had issues.
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Ed Mylett
Yeah, I've seen some of the videos which I know on YouTube we will put up right now.
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Maria Menounos
But my eyes were going crazy. They thought I was. They gave me eye patches because I was seeing triple because the nerve that controls the right side of my face is the one that was most affected. Because as you tried to peel the tumor off of was damaged. So, yeah, it was a little crazy for a while, but I had solutions instantly. I was like dreaming up my superhero character. I was going to have the superhero alter ego, but it was going to be my permanent ego, I guess, and I was going to have my patch and I was designing these thigh high boots. I was going to be the super sickest living superhero. But, you know, I love solutions.
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Ed Mylett
Before you tell me what it meant, I want to go back. I just curious, do you think, like, you were given this because you're equipped to handle it the way you are too? Like, do you believe any of that?
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Maria Menounos
Yeah, I do. I think that I probably was given it because I could show people another way.
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Ed Mylett
Yeah.
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Maria Menounos
I didn't know it as I was doing it, but when I look back, I'm like, you know, it's hard to create a path, a new path, Right? So when someone shows you something's possible, then you can follow. Right? So to me, as I'm coaching patients through these things, I'm always like, you have a choice. Like, trust me, it worked for me. Like, you can do it too. Why wallow and cry and call your friends and be like, oh, my God, I have that. Like, you have a choice and you know there's another path for you. So, yeah, I think I'm a communicator. I think I was going to be able to hopefully impact people and get them to understand that they are connected to something greater. And if they listen to it, the answers always appear. Like that chemotherapy thing that appeared. I meet someone new. I know it's for a reason and it's for whatever is happening in my Life in the moment or to come. Everything is intentional. And so I think everything also.
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Ed Mylett
I don't want to interrupt you there, but, like, you and I are both big believers that everything you need is within you now. And you started out, you started early in the interview by saying something among so many brilliant things, which is that if you'll get quiet and listen, you have the answer. And I think that was so beautiful. But I don't want to cheat the audience out of letting you answer, because I asked you two questions back to back there. This taught me, what about life? Would you say.
- [31:40]
Maria Menounos
So much? I think it taught me that your life, it really is about your choices, that we have more power than we know and more choices, and that it really is. It really is about your health and your. Your fulfillment and your happiness and the love you have with your people, you know, whoever your people are. That's the only thing that matters in that last moment, right? So I kind of had that moment, right, where you're like, oh, what's going to happen? Am I going to be okay? Am I not going to be okay? Well, guess the only thing that mattered is the fact that I had Kevin and that he loved me and that I loved him and my parents and my dogs and all of that. You know, I've had some friends who were having some rocky times in their relationships, and, you know, it's so easy to be tempted and say, oh, I'm just going to go have fun with all these new people and, yeah, we're going to get divorced. And that's it. I'm like, okay, but guess what? When you're sick, she's your ride or die. She's going to take care of you, this other person. Yeah, you can go have fun. That's going to be it. And so I've actually mended a few relationships because of this knowledge. And it's true. Like, that's all you have in the end, is your relationships and your health and your love. And, yeah.
- [33:06]
Ed Mylett
I've had friends want to ask you this because it seems like it didn't happen with you. And I know we're going deep. Guys, I know today has been heavy, but I want to give you the gift of this woman. You know, I feel like for some reason, your story is more relevant right now, Maria, than it's ever been with all of. I think a lot of people think they're going through a crisis in their life right now, and perhaps it's. There's some perspective given here as well, also tools. But I've had friends, we've all had this. Everybody. We've had an experience, we've watched a movie and it makes us think something different about the way we're going to be around our children or our parents. And it lasts for three days and then we're back before or we've had a business setback or a relationship breakup. And we promise ourselves, if I have another chance at a relationship, I'm going to do it this way next time. And then we don't and we go back into our old patterns. We patterns are incredibly powerful things in our life, as you and I both know an awful lot about. But it's been a few years now for you. It seems to me that this had a real impact on you. Is it because you regularly remind yourself of the incident? Is it because I want people to create lasting change in their life? And even today, listening to you, a lot of people right now are reflecting on their perspective, on their coping skills, on what really matters, on reducing their stress levels, on their nutrition, on the people they love, on all of these things, on laughing more and smiling through the shot. Right. And all of those things. But this change seems to have been, I don't want to call it permanent, but it's been long lasting for you and I hope it to be permanent. How have you done that? Was it just a massive pattern interrupt this one incident? Or is there something else you've done that you just don't allow yourself to lose that moment?
- [34:56]
Maria Menounos
Yeah, I think I was going against my grain for a really long time, unknowingly. And once you're in that kind of rat race, right, you just, you're in it. And so for me, when I got out of it, I was like, okay, this is a rebirth. I am making major changes to my life and I want them to stick. And so I almost like, you know when like yogis have to practice, like they have to give up their material possessions. I wanted to give everything up. I was trying to sell everything. I was trying, trying to go real extreme. And my husband was like, no. But I knew that to hold on to it, I was going to have to really protect it carefully. And whenever I would go out and do any public speaking, people would come up to me and say like, I had this too. And then I went back to my old ways. And anytime someone said that to me, that was just another reminder. And so I also have the gift of still having a brain tumor. And that is my constant reminder of leading a calm life, choosing the people I want to work with choosing the people I want to be around. And all of the weekly lessons on my show keep me grounded in that space, too. And so I really held onto it because I needed it. I was suffering so much before and didn't know how to get out of it. This was my get out of jail free card. I was stuck in a dream that wasn't my dream anymore. So, you know, a lot of us start off in life and we have a dream and then we accomplish it, and then we kind of get stuck there because then we're accomplishing and it's easy and it's easy, and it's easy and it's easy. But then you're just doing what's easy. And no challenge, no growth comes, right? And then imagine if you're in toxic situations where people want you to grow on top of it and they are holding you down or whatever. And so for me, I was stuck in a dream that wasn't my dream anymore. And I needed to reinvent and I needed to change my whole life. And for me, this new chapter has been about all of that kind of spiritual and emotional growth. And I will say, and I say all the time, if I hadn't been doing the work with Tony and those seminars, I wouldn't have been prepared for this moment because I had those tools in my belt. I had the life is happening for me, not to me. I was able to eventually apply it to my mom, too, and then realize that the gifts from my mom are what I am learning, that I can impart on people. So she is like almost like my guinea pig, right? Like, I am experimenting on her and being like, wow, that works. We can apply this over here to all these people. When I look back when I was little, I always wanted to help people. I love solutions. And I look at my books, everything I've written, everything I've done is always about helping people. My network, AfterBuzz TV, it's about helping people. And so I love helping people. So I'm able to apply those things from my mom over to everybody else. And it fills me. And so I knew that I had to hold onto it really tightly. And do I falter sometimes. Now I'm going through a challenging time and I have to keep relying on my tools and I have to keep remembering, you can't allow these situations that aren't real to take your health. It can be challenging in moments, but I bounce back really fast because of all of it.
- [38:31]
Ed Mylett
Now, I got to tell you, I told you that today was going to be for me. You said when you were a little girl, you wanted to help people. I tell you, help me today. And I know you've helped this, this. I hope everyone stayed to the end here because that idea of being stuck in a dream, that's no longer your dream. Oh, man, are there millions of people, including me, and some of the things I do every single day still that those are old, dusty dreams, frankly, that I'm just in because I'm good at them. Yeah, easy for me. And I get significance and recognition for staying in that dream. And I might lose some if I didn't stay in it. And I think that was another one of your gems of the entire day. By the way, her show, Better Together, you guys, is awesome. She has a way as a host. Obviously, she's a professional host. I'm an amateur. But she has this way of the guest is the star, yet you contribute when you're doing it. It was a very easy experience to be on your show, and I highly recommend it to everybody because she is so unique with her background, her ability to communicate, the tools she shares throughout the show, and just her real desire that I hope I share as well is just really serve people. So before we start the interview with my next guest, just want to remind you all that you can subscribe to the show on YouTube or follow the show on Apple or Spotify. We have all the links in our show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Now, on with the show. Welcome back to the show, everybody. Today's special, and I mean that. We were just having a conversation, you know, offline, off camera. We're both already getting emotional about what we know we're going to discuss today. I really admire this man. And when we're done with this hour today, your life will be better, It'll be different, it'll be improved. Because that's what he does. Because he's done it in his own life. Nine years old. This man was nine years old, a little boy. Nine years old, and was burned over 100% of his body. I want you to think about that for a second and what comes with that, with all of the recovery, all the shame, all of the scars, the difficulties that that could present in one's life, but also the keys to becoming successful that you can learn from coming from that type of pain, that type of struggle. So I have a very highly qualified person today to talk about moving from victim to victor. The mindset required, the strategies, the tactics, and just overall, you're going to be inspired by this man's spirit. He's an author, a couple different books on fire, the seven choices to ignite a radically inspired life. He's got another book called In Awe that we'll talk about as well. John o', Leary, really grateful you're here today, brother.
- [41:07]
John O'Leary
And man, I, I've already cried twice before we hit record. So I'm not even looking forward to where this thing is going to go next because I think it's going to be emotional and real and ultimately practical for your audience. So man, I'm thrilled to be on your show.
- [41:21]
Ed Mylett
Oh brother, the feelings are mutual and I'm so grateful you're here. Let's go all the way back. Let's at least set the tone for a second. So you're nine years old, kids in the neighborhood are playing with matches and fire and you go, that's probably a good idea. And so take us through what happened. It was obviously a turning point very early in your life to put it mildly.
- [41:40]
John O'Leary
Right. And you know, every one of us have these inflection points. And mine, one of them took place at 9. You mentioned the kids, they got away with it. I figured I would too, Ed. And I was wrong. My dad was at work, my mother was out. The house was mine. On January 17, 1987 at about 7:30 in the morning, walked into the garage, bent over a can of gasoline. Monkey see, monkey do, try to pour a little bit of gasoline on top of this piece of paper that I had lit. And before the liquid even came out, the fumes pulled my little flame into this can. It's a five gallon can stick a dynamite basically went off, split the can in two, picked me up and then launched me 20ft against the far side of the garage.
- [42:24]
Bob Menery
Oh my gosh.
- [42:25]
John O'Leary
So that's the starting point of the story. And you know, when we were little, you know, you growing up in California was where you were from. I'm from Missouri. We all learned the same thing, man. Stop, drop and roll when you're on fire. Stop, drop and roll. And I remember that on the far side of the garage. But dude, everywhere I looked was on fire.
- [42:45]
Ed Mylett
Oh my gosh, you know, like the.
- [42:46]
John O'Leary
Garage immediately was engulfed and then I looked down and like me too. So I, I, I, I ran. You know, I did the exact opposite of what you should do. But I self preservation, I just ran. I ran on fire through the flames into the house and then I just kept on going. I ran through the kitchen and the family room. I came into to the front hall story. I very Seldom share. But it's part of the journey, man. So I. I enter into the front hall. I'm on top of this rug, just begging and praying for a savior. I know I can't do this by myself. I'll take anybody, anybody. And I see my brother Jim, who was 17. So he looks at me, I look at him and I'm screaming and I'm praying. And as Jim is coming toward me, I remember thinking, God, anybody else? Not. Not him, because he's my older brother. He's not always that nice to me. And yet this is his day, man. He picks up a rug, he swings down into the flames. The flames are leaping three feet off of my body in all directions.
- [43:43]
Ed Mylett
Oh, my gosh.
- [43:44]
John O'Leary
Keeps beating me with this rug. After swinging down like three or four times, he drops his little rug because he caught. And you know, I know you're a big, why guy. Big, purpose driven guy. Like when you touch something hot, what you naturally do, if your life is about you, is you drop it and you retreat. You don't do one more to use your length. You don't do one more. You save yourself, man. Yeah, but that's what we do. If it's only about us. What do we do if it's not about us, if it's about something bigger than us? And that's what Jim is about to prove out here. He picks the rug back up, he comes back into the fight. He swings down a fourth and a fifth and a sixth, and ultimately, two and a half minutes later, beats down the fire enough to carry me outside, jump on top of me, roll me around in the grass, runs back into the house, calls 9, 1, 1. And that's the beginning of our story toward recovery. But it began with an unlike hero stepping up and making a difference in my life.
- [44:38]
Ed Mylett
Unbelievable. You. I. Sorry, I'm. I don't know why I know the story, why it makes me so emotional. I just picture this, this little boy. I don't know, I just. I'm getting emotional now. And I was. I. I know this story. I've heard it, like, even last night, preparing again. I. My wife's like, are you okay? I'm like, I'm all right. Because your brother kind of wasn't that good to you all the time, like any big brother is. And he catches fire himself, burns himself to save you. And it's just amazing. You have this. You talk a little bit and we'll keep going with the story. But I heard you say something about everyday people becoming someone else's miracle. Is that the way that you said it? Something along those lines. And that's sort of what Jim did for you.
- [45:20]
John O'Leary
And it's so I wrote a book years ago called On Fire. And if you look at On Fire, when they first published it, there was a picture of o' Leary wearing a suit, looking at the reader like arms crossed, like, look at me. People.
- [45:31]
Ann Beiler
People.
- [45:32]
Ed Mylett
Yeah.
- [45:32]
John O'Leary
And I wrote them back and I'm like, hey guys, before you come up with the COVID art, read the book. Because that book is not about me. It's about ordinary people, man, doing extraordinary things well. Brothers and sisters and parents and neighbors and EMTs and doctors and nurses and custodial staff and radio announcers. Ordinary folks doing work well. And so when they, they came back with the COVID art in round two, it's. There's no picture of John and I don't mind pictures of me, but there's no picture of John. It's a picture of the words on fire in like gold and red and orange flame mirror like material. So when people see the book, they don't see my picture, they see theirs. Literally. You can see yourself in the, in the COVID And it's my hope when people check that out or check out our work, they don't recognize how good I am or how much I went through. They recognize how good they are, how cold they are and how much potential they have in their lives to be part of someone else's miracle.
- [46:26]
Ed Mylett
Unbelievable.
- [46:27]
John O'Leary
Yeah, man. That's the call to recognize the gifts that you have and then use them.
- [46:32]
Ed Mylett
A 17 year old boy does this though, that's just what blows my mind about it. So let's keep going here because your parents are central figures too, and so are you. You know, one thing I didn't consider with being burned like that is the recovery, which we'll get to, which is really the rest of your life to some extent, which I think people forget. Like the incident itself is horrific and this precious little boy burning to death. But before, before we get there, now you're in the hospital, you're giving everybody, I want you to understand this, a 1% chance to live. Just to live, never mind ever stand up or walk. Just standing up was like off the table for the most part. Living is 99, not going to happen. And you're in the hospital and I'm sure you're in excruciating pain. Take us through what that part of it was like. And then this moment where your dad arrives. And by the way, the way you describe it, I'm picking My dad. I could just hear my dad's footsteps stomping down the hall. Like you burned the house down, you know, so what. What took place in those moments?
- [47:32]
John O'Leary
So I love your dad. I love your love of your dad. I love the mistakes your dad made, and I love the choices he made afterwards to do better. So, like, I love. I honestly love your daddy. Brings me to tears.
- [47:43]
Ed Mylett
Thank you.
- [47:44]
John O'Leary
And my dad lived a different path than yours. But I think we both look up to our fathers in the same degree.
- [47:50]
Ed Mylett
Very much.
- [47:50]
John O'Leary
Like, I'm in awe of your dad and mine. My dad was a veteran. He's a business owner. He's type A. He's kind of. He's kind of one of those guys, man. But he was fair. He was fair. He was good. But I blew up his house. So, like, I'm nine. I know what I did. I know it was wrong. So the pain you mentioned in the question isn't actually the pain I was thinking about. The pain I was thinking about wasn't amputations or burn care. It was my father's wrath. And then I hear the voice of the line down the hall. He's roaring at some poor nurse, you know, where is my boy John? This girl does me no favors. She brings him back into the room, pulls back the curtain. He marches in. My dad. My dad did not walk. He marched. He marches into this room, points down at me, and then he lit me up. And ed, word for word what he said to me. And I remember it today like it happened this morning. He said, john, look at me when I'm talking to you. So I uncrossed my arms and looked up at him. And then he added, I have never. I've never been so proud of anybody in my entire life. And my little buddy, you look at me when I'm talking to you. I'm just proud to be your dad. And then he goes, this is just love language, man. He goes, I love you. I love you. I love you. And there's nothing you can do about that.
- [49:20]
Ed Mylett
Oh, dear.
- [49:22]
John O'Leary
And after hearing this, man, I. I crossed my arms and shut my eyes and I read this is true. I remember thinking, oh, my gosh. Nobody told my dad what happened. The old man doesn't know I burned out. But, dude, I didn't get grace and unconditional love and the way a parent feels for a child like that, that's what I didn't get. And that day, my dad showed it to me. And it's not going to make life easy, love, but I think it's going to make it possible.
- [49:50]
Ed Mylett
Yeah.
- [49:51]
John O'Leary
And so my dad is just exhibit A of. Of courageous, unconditional love in my life.
- [49:55]
Ed Mylett
Yeah. And what that can do, I mean, what you've turned out to become in your life, I think that was that your life right there. The, the. The. It's not the events of our life that define us. I think. I think it's the meaning that we take from it. And you could have instantly been told, what this means is you're a terrible young man, you're a bad boy. And this is why you write about this so beautifully. But the word that comes to mind is grace in the first lesson of this interview. For me, you'd think it'd be resiliency and toughness because obviously you exhibited a ton of that. But for me, the first lesson of this is grace, which is connected to our faith, but it's grace. Your dad gave you grace and gave you love when he could have gone the other direction. And so often in life, the easy path is to be critical, to be harsh, to be. To hurt others, because it may even feel justified when we do it. But great people exhibit grace in moments that define their lives and the lives of other people. Don't you agree? Yes.
- [50:51]
John O'Leary
And it's not seen that often in our society. Many of the leaders that we look up to are the ones that offer the least amount of grace out there. They're very quick to judge on Twitter or whatever other instrument they're using right now. That bullhorn at bringing other people down. Grace isn't about that grace. Grace doesn't hide from the brokenness of the world. It just has the power to redeem it. Not just judge it, but work to redeem it. And there's a profound gap between the two.
- [51:17]
Ed Mylett
Well, that is really well said, man. Like, that's. Go back and rewind 40 seconds there, everybody. That is really, really well said. So we got. Jim steps up, your brother. Turns out you come from a pretty special family, but Jim steps up, I'm.
- [51:29]
John O'Leary
Gonna stop you like that. What the cool thing about us is, we're not. It's actually why I'm attracted to your story, and it's why I think others are attracted to mine. We're a middle class, Midwestern, ordinary family. Not exceptional in the least. Jim wasn't exceptional. There's stories of what my sister did the morning I was burned. They weren't exceptional before they did it. They became exceptional in doing it.
- [51:52]
Ed Mylett
Yes.
- [51:52]
John O'Leary
It was the moment that made them exceptional, not the preparation. So much for it.
- [51:56]
Ed Mylett
Yeah. By the way, obviously, you know that. That's what I mean when I say that I think what makes this exceptional, what makes your family special, is the things that make families special. And that in life, I think we've been programmed to think, well, the special families are the beautiful people or the super smart people people or the really gifted people or the rich people. But the truth is, to me, special is average, ordinary people doing extraordinary things in big moments. And Jim did that. Your dad did it. And your mother taught me a lesson with what she did when you came home and you're having dinner. And I want to talk about this for a second because this is a lesson for. For everyone with their children, but also yourself. Also yourself. This. This a. There's a deep lesson in what your mother did here. And I'm going to give. I know what you mean by the fact that you come from an average, ordinary family. We both acknowledge. We both do. But your mother. Yeah, somehow, in her discernment as a loving mother, did something very special that I think in that moment. And. And I know it is because you write about it. So it's got to be. It's kind of shifted what this was going to be for you right in this moment. And he's going to describe it. I want to just set the frame. You could have easily been the victim. Now, our poor boy, he's been burned. Let's just care for him, right? Or in life, my son's getting bullied at school, or he's struggling at his grades, or he didn't. Or she didn't make the. The softball team. And there's these moments, or even in our own lives where we could take the easier path. Your mom. This is extraordinary to me. So take us through that dinner when you come home from the hospital, if you don't mind.
- [53:36]
John O'Leary
Yeah. She's just so awesome. I had lunch with mom yesterday, and mom is a warrior. Mom is married to a man who we talked about already who's had Parkinson's for 36 years, a man who's got his own profound challenges. And this warrior just keeps leading him forward in order that he becomes the best version of himself. She demands it of her husband. She demanded of her six kids growing up. She demands it of herself.
- [54:01]
Ed Mylett
And.
- [54:01]
John O'Leary
And we don't see that a lot in society. This expectation of excellence.
- [54:05]
Ed Mylett
Wow.
- [54:06]
John O'Leary
Perfection. Because that's impossible this side of eternity, but excellence getting a little bit better day after day. And so the story I'm about to share is one of a litany that I could bring to bear on my mom. So not get emotional sharing it because again, I don't always tell this story, man, but here we go. I'm nine and I got burned bad and I spent five and a half months in hospital and it was a story street fight. It was hard. It was impossibly hard to describe. But you go through amputations and skin grafts and surgery and the miracle takes you come home something most people did not expect. We live into. And then they've rebuilt my house. So this house fire that destroyed everything, it's now rebuilt. That's amazing. The six kids are around the table. That's awesome. The dogs are there, my mom and dad are there, the dinner's on the plate.
- [54:54]
Ed Mylett
Awesome.
- [54:54]
John O'Leary
It's all good. The problem is I can't eat. You used a word that I love because it drives me crazy, the word victim, man. I'm a victim. I'm in a wheelchair. I don't have fingers. My life has been cut short. So although I survived, what kind of life will I live? Not much of one. Just ask me. I'm a victim. And my sister Amy, who is another one of the heroes in this story, many times over, she grabs a fork, she scoops up a little bit of potatoes and she starts bringing it toward John o' Leary's mouth. So this little victim boy is about to eat. Finally, and right before the fork with the, the potato goodness enters into my mouth, my warrior mother says to Amy, amy, drop the fork. If John's hungry, he's going to feed himself. I did like, you know, you, you, you've, you have a heart, man. So you can imagine what's really going on here. Yeah, I, I look at my mom and I say, mom, I, I can't eat. You know, I'm hungry. My mom doesn't look at me. She looks at Amy and says, amy, if John is hungry, he will feed himself. And then with that, she just looks back down at her plate and starts eating again. Which sounds incredibly cold hearted. That's how I felt for sure. And after begging her to feed me and all this other stuff, long story Ed made very, very, very short. Two and a half hours into that celebration, formally, the plate had been flipped twice, the dogs had been well fed, the kitchen's cleaned, everyone else is gone. My mom is at the head of the table with me. I think that's important to say. She's there with me. I didn't know that at the time, but she's there with me. And two and a half hours in this Little fellow figures out a way to wedge a fork between his two fingerless broken hands, pick up some cold potatoes, start moving them toward his mouth and eating. And the entire time I remember chewing on those potatoes, I remember thinking, I hate my mom. I hate my evil mom. But the key piece there, brother and listeners, if I've not yet rocked you to sleep, I'm eating.
- [57:07]
Ed Mylett
Yeah.
- [57:07]
John O'Leary
Like I'm. I'm doing this thing.
- [57:09]
Bob Menery
Yeah.
- [57:10]
Ed Mylett
Yeah.
- [57:10]
John O'Leary
And it's really because even as I walked you through that, I hold up this little pen in front of you modeling this. I can write, man. I can dress. Today, I travel on my own. I'm married, have four kids, have a great business, have a great life. I eat my own meals today, Mom.
- [57:24]
Ed Mylett
Yeah.
- [57:25]
John O'Leary
And listeners, why is it Because I'm that great. The surgeons weren't that great. The therapists weren't that great. An incredibly bold, warrior, loving mother sat at the end of the table for two and a half hours as her heart broke.
- [57:38]
Ed Mylett
Yeah.
- [57:39]
John O'Leary
Knowing that this little boy would have to figure it out one day, and he might as well figure it out on this day. And I, I think that decision for her to sit with me that night for two and a half hours changed my life.
- [57:48]
Ed Mylett
It's one of the most incredible things I've ever heard because of what you said. You think, well, gosh, this person must have some PhD in psychology, or. You. No, this is, this is a loving mother who loves you enough to let you go through the difficulty of learning to feed yourself. And I really believe that was. There's another defining moment where she asks you, do you want to die? Right. She actually asked you. It was your choice. Am I right about that? I mean, this is an extraordinary woman, and the lessons for my audience from your mom and your dad are pretty extraordinary. But do I have that right? Didn't she say that to you?
- [58:24]
John O'Leary
Yeah. I'm glad you brought it up, because I think it. It's almost the perfect first page of the story you just asked about. So the day I came into the hospital, right after my dad walked out, my mom walks in. So dad was there first, then mom, and I'm dying. For those of you have children, like, if you've ever been in the emergency room with them, you know that you would do anything to take away that pain and take them home right then and there. I'm dying, and mom knows this, and I'm. I'm grasping on for hope right now. And I look at her and I say, mama, am I going to die? And when a child Asks a question like that, the answer they're hoping for in response is the word no. Right?
- [59:01]
Ed Mylett
Right?
- [59:02]
John O'Leary
You're not going to freakin die, dude. What the heck's wrong with you? Who told you that? So I expect her to give me hope, which is a lovely thing to have. But sometimes what we need is truth. You've taught, you've written about your dad and how someone loved him enough to lay truth in front of him. Make a different, different decision.
- [59:19]
Ed Mylett
Yeah.
- [59:20]
John O'Leary
So she lays in front of me. Truth. And she says, baby, do you want to die? Your choice, not mine. Like this, the decision point of life right here, man. It's in the emergency room. It happens right now. We're not waiting for tomorrow because tomorrow is not promised. Do you want to die? Your choice, not mine. And I look at her as a scared 9 year old boy and I said, mom, I don't, I don't want to die. I want to live. So she says, good, baby, look at me. You take the hand of God, you walk the journey with him and you fight like you never fought before. Your father and I will be with you. We are not leaving you.
- [59:55]
Ed Mylett
But do your part.
- [59:57]
John O'Leary
You fight too. And that like day one, man, I'd never heard of skin, grass or bandage. I had no idea what the journey would entail. All I knew was the first right step. Take it into God. Know that mom and dad are with me. But do my part. Fight.
- [60:14]
Ed Mylett
I'm so grateful I'm getting to experience this with you. I just want you to know that sometimes in an interview, I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm like, really? So some. See when we were, before the interview, you were giving me some praise and I said, yeah. I said, look man, I say nice things. I said, you are an embodiment of moving from victim to victor. You embody it. And the word embody, I mean you literally embody this because you went through torture when you made that decision. You know, I, I have not gone through it, but I do have, I've had Israel del Toro on my show who was burned pretty severely in Iraq. And so I have had some insights into the absolute hell and torture that being burned like what you, you had to your body, 100 of your body means. And so the story of, of your mother and your father and your brother are just remarkable stories to me. I want to shift and go forward because I think there's a massive lesson here with you, which is that once you got through, well, you're never totally through it. John still suffers from the. Who gets some sores and different things right now in his life. Am I right about that? You still, there's still, you still reminded all the time of the difference with you compared to what it may or may not have been true.
- [61:31]
John O'Leary
It is true. And ironically, and it's through the actions of one of my sisters that we probably won't speak about today. But my face is not burned. So when you look at me at glance across a coffee bar, you see a very ordinary looking guy. But right below that face starts the neck and from the neck to my toes, that's third degree burns. So although I look at first glance, well, you know, dark hair, dude, you know, normal looking fella. Yeah, right below that though, falls apart. So I've burns and scars and sores like you mentioned, from my neck to my toes. It's a constant daily reminder of what I've been through.
- [62:08]
Ed Mylett
What about though? This is what I want to ask you. This is where I think people, this is a massive oh my gosh moment for my audience and it was for me. You sort of hid the story most of your life, in other words, which is ironic because we're talking about it now, but you spent most of your life trying to say, no, no, no, I'm normal, I'm normal, I'm normal, I'm normal. And I think you have somehow discovered in the process that the real beauty in life is being vulnerable, authentic enough, courageous, courageous enough to reveal the scars in our life metaphorically and literally. So we all have scars. Like I have found when I've been willing to finally talk about my childhood with my dad, that the impact I've made is much greater. I think most people think, oh, my divorce disqualifies me from being successful or happy, or this my sin has, or, you know, my financial failures or some part of me that's inadequate. My scars, my weaknesses disqualify me. And you spent a pretty decent part of your life sort of trying to hide your scars. So talk, speak to that for everybody. Because I think everyone needs. This is maybe one of the great life lessons you'll ever hear. Everybody. And it may be maybe going into 2023, which is coming soon. For those of you listening at this time, maybe it'll be a different year for you after you hear John speak to this. So go ahead, John.
- [63:27]
John O'Leary
It's a lot of pressure on me, so hopefully we get into it together. Ed, let's change years, man. For individuals, the cool thing is our conversation reminds them that they can do this in Their lives. So, like, it's not my job, but it is our job collectively to do this work. And it is possible to eat your own potatoes. Yeah, that's right, brother. When you're burned as badly as I was, the dream in life is not ultimately to end up on your show, Ed, or to become a speaker myself.
- [63:53]
Ed Mylett
Right.
- [63:54]
John O'Leary
My dream was to be ordinary. Like, all I wanted out of life was to be disappear. And I did that for a long time, for 20 years. Like, I. I started my own business, but I started my own business to not interview with people because I was so shy, man. I don't like being judged. So rather than being judged, just do my own thing. So I did that. I never told anybody how I was burned. I went to college and all this stuff, but never told fraternity brothers or roommates what had happened to their roommate or fraternity brother. It was my story, my scars, my past. We're not going there. And then two things happened over the course of three days that changed my life. And this is the way the universe or God works, I think. If you're paying attention. I'm 28 years old, and in a church service on a Sunday, a pastor is talking about talents. And as a. As a Midwesterner, I'd always known what I had one talent. Intellectually, you and I share that. You talk about being the least intelligent in your family. Me too. And I'm not exaggerating. I'm not that intelligent. I'm not that good looking. I'm not that athletic. I'm not that driven. All these things. I'm not. So I'm not. I'm not talented. So he says, if you got five, double three, multiply one. Now he's looking at me and he talks about how you're called to do something with that talent. And he gave us a pathway forward to multiply that talent to do. To do something mighty with the gifts we have, even if it's only one gift. Do something, man. Do something. And if, for those of you in the audience, if you've ever been in a big room, but it seems like someone's looking at you when they're talking. Yeah, like this pastor is looking at me. Two days later, I'm working. I'm doing construction. At that time, I ran my own.
- [65:28]
Ed Mylett
Development business, which is hilarious to me, by the way. You're burned, you've had amputations, you don't have your fingers. You decide to be in carpentry or, like, construction, which I think is just another part of the story that's Great. But go ahead.
- [65:38]
John O'Leary
Well, it's ridiculous. It was the way without knowing it, because I'm not that self aware of proving to the world I'm worthy. Yeah, but I can't prove it yet to myself. When I don't recognize I'm already worthy. I'm always trying to prove it to everybody else, man. So just look at what I'm doing now. I'm building, I'm on a ladder, I'm earning all these things. I'm proving you how normal I am. But I wasn't. And I'm not. I'm not confident. That's for sure. And on that Tuesday morning, my phone rings and it's a little girl. And she says, Mr. O', Leary, would you speak at my school? And Ed, I've never spoken anywhere. But I said yes on the heels of that conversation from Sunday where if you have one talent, multiply it. Okay? So I said yes to this little girl. I practiced a talk for 40 hours, walked in front of this room, had my notes in front of me, never looked up at the little monsters. And that's my first gig, man. Three Girl Scouts in St. Louis County. Wasn't even paid with a box of Samoas. So there's no income, man, coming out of this thing.
- [66:35]
Ed Mylett
My gosh.
- [66:37]
John O'Leary
And on the walk out, these little girls are hugging me, which was sweet.
- [66:40]
Maria Menounos
And.
- [66:40]
John O'Leary
And then one of the dad says, dude, that was. That was killer. Would you speak at my Kiwanis meeting? Never heard of Kiwanis. But yeah, one of those guys was a Rotarian. One of those guys was chamber of commerce. And we just kept saying yes. No goal in mind. And I know your big goals got me too. But the goal back then was to be open to, open to. Yes, yes, open. And it led over time. And if you want to rewind and ask more about it, we can. But it led to 2500 events. A couple million people live tens of millions virtually by being willing to vulnerably say yes to that first group of three girl Scouts.
- [67:17]
Ed Mylett
Well, and also say yes to, hey, here's my scars, here's my pain. I think that, you know, it's been said on my show multiple times that we're most qualified to help the person we used to be. And. And there's a great saying also about, listen, if you really want to impress people, try to show them how perfect you are or normal you are to your language. But if you really want to impact people, reveal to them your imperfections. And I don't think enough times in life we I want my audience to understand this. Your imperfections, right, are your pathway to you creating change in your own life and other people's lives. If you'll just accept that. And by the way, it doesn't mean we don't work on our weaknesses. What I'm saying to you is that that's what. That's your special. When we were talking earlier about, you know, well, my family's average and ordinary, you know what I meant. And I know what you meant. And I'm saying that the average, ordinary people like myself, like you, that have had something special happen in their life, the irony is the pathway is their mistake is their scar is there setback. And so look at that area of your life and decide, what can you do with it? And I'm going to tell you, not all the people that win in life are 6 foot 4 and hit, you know, run a 4, 440 and could dunk a basketball or are supermodels. That's a really small group of the happy and successful people in life. 99.9% of the happy and successful people in life are average and ordinary people who have done extraordinary things in very simple ways. I'm curious though. Didn't your parents write a book about this, which is sort of. What sort of again, your parents kind of had to nudge you out there. One way or the other. This story was going to get out there. Or do I have the sequence incorrect?
- [69:01]
John O'Leary
No, you're right. And that's how the little girl heard about it. So my mom and dad always wondered how their child's story would end. For the parents in the room, you understand what I'm talking about. They're like, how does this thing go down? And they weren't sure. Even as I'm progressing through grade school, middle school, high school, into college. And on the day you and I are recording this, it's November 22nd. As we record, it's the anniversary of the day my wife, Elizabeth Grace and I married. So this is our 19th anniversary.
- [69:27]
Ed Mylett
But anniversary.
- [69:28]
John O'Leary
Wow. Dude, I'm honored. So they're in church the night that their son is on the altar wearing this goofy looking tuxedo that doesn't fit right. Then they look behind them and they see this girl in white with brown hair and brown eyes and she's stunning, she's gorgeous. Walking toward the altar. And then they see us take hands and my hands are broken and hers are perfect. But we say I do and we kiss and we turn around and we walk down this aisle and that's the first time they recognize how the story ends. It's actually just how it begins. But the painful story of their. Of their nine year old son being burned ended beautifully with the beautiful lady and an incredible life in front of them. So they start writing about this. My dad got Parkinson's. He lost his business, he lost his job, he lost income. He retreats home, writes a little story of his life called Overwhelming Odds. And they. They write about the miracle they got when they turned this thing, this hopeless story over to God and they got their son back in more ways than one. So they print 100 copies. Only 100 copies, man. It's the unauthorized biography of John O' Leary's life. They. They wrote it. 100 people buy it. Then another hundred, then another hundred. They go on to sell, I think 85, 000 copies.
- [70:41]
Ed Mylett
Come on. Amazing.
- [70:44]
John O'Leary
No marketing plan, no goals, no savvy out of their garage from my father's wheelchair people coming. It was just a beautiful, grace filled story.
- [70:53]
Ed Mylett
Yeah.
- [70:53]
John O'Leary
One of the puppies was sold to a girl scout. And she's the one that says after reading it, would you share your story? So if you take this thing all the way back, like how does the universe or how does God work? My dad wrote that book because he lost his gig because he had Parkinson's disease. And you're. You're big into using your challenges for something bigger than the day.
- [71:15]
Ed Mylett
Yes.
- [71:16]
John O'Leary
Leading you somewhere, man. That addiction is leading you somewhere. That divorce is leading you somewhere. That first bankruptcy is leading you somewhere. That burn at age 9 is leading you somewhere. Quit looking at yourself as a victim to it. Ask yourself what you can do to redeem it. So dad gets this diagnosis, writes a book, has no idea that it's going to be lead ultimately to you and me being on this podcast today. My gosh. But he says yes. And that's the. That's the key in life. Say yes.
- [71:40]
Ed Mylett
Oh my gosh. You guys. His father gets Parkinson's, writes the book, forces him to go speak to this little girl's group. And here we are. And by the way, all of it go all the way back. It's 7:30 in the morning where he messes with his gas can and Jim saves his life. It's unreal. Yet guys, your story becomes special if you win. If you win. If he didn't win, if he didn't marry this beautiful woman, if he didn't turn his life into something, then it's a totally different story. So you all get to determine you are the author, you and God. Are the author of your own life. You determine the next chapters. You determine what it means and ultimately what you do with it. Do you eat your potatoes right? Determine. Do you want to live? Because I'm going to say the other thing. What made me emotional? This question. I want to go back, man. And you'll use this when you speak. When your mother says, do you want to die? I think a lot of you need to ask yourself that question right now. Are you living? I'm not talking about your heart beating. You know exactly what I mean. There's that great saying that says most people die at 22 or 23 years old. We just don't get around to burying them until they're 65 or 70. So those of you listening to this, are you living? Do you want to die? You know what I mean by that? I mean, do you want to live? Because what John's response was, no, Mom, I want to live. I don't want to die. Maybe it's time you ask yourself this question. What does living mean to you? What is your calling? What is your purpose? What are the scars you need to reveal? What is the redemptive story you have? And here's a pathway for it. And I've never heard someone say this before. I'm reading, and I'm like, man, I actually said to our mutual friend who introduced us, John, I said, man, what an optimistic guy. And then I'm reading your work. You're like, I don't just believe in optimism. You talk about pragmatic positivity. What the heck is that?
- [73:34]
John O'Leary
So the guy you mentioned is John Rulin, who is just such a good man.
- [73:38]
Ed Mylett
So I love that wonderful, wonderful human.
- [73:40]
John O'Leary
And I'm grateful he made the introduction. I get in trouble a bunch by being the optimistic guy, by squeezing enough lemons, adding a tiny bit of sugar, mixing that up with a little bit of water, and having myself a delicious lemonade. And people remind me how hard life is. And I always say, yeah, And I don't run from that. I don't hide from the difficulties of life. But rather than just talking about how bad it is, I like when people are moving toward the struggles and making it better.
- [74:06]
Ed Mylett
Yes.
- [74:07]
John O'Leary
So, yeah, Am I optimistic? Yeah, pragmatically so. Because what I do is rather than just looking at how bad the world is, which any fool can do, and they do. And if you don't believe me, watch your evening news tonight. They will tell you how bad everything is. What they miss is the arc of history. The reality is this. In our individual lives. And certainly in our collective ones, things are better today by a lot than they were 10 years ago. Shockingly better than they were 20, 50, 100, a thousand, 10,000. Give me any measurement. And we are far better off today as a society than we've ever been in the history of the world. So, yeah, we can talk about how bad the environment is and how bad things are racially in an environment like, yes, these things need to be redeemed. We need to discuss and work to make it better and then take a deep breath and say, and it is getting better. And we are working to make it better, not only for ourselves, but for those around us. So pragmatic optimism is moving forward with a heavy dose of hope, but also buoyed by the fact that we are doing far better today than we were yesterday. And it's our job to make it better for those who come behind us.
- [75:12]
Ed Mylett
See, I love that. See, one thing, when you start saying, hey, don't be a victim, someone will say back to you, well, no, you don't understand my situation. You know, my dad was a drug addict or alcoholic. I was burned. I come from a marginalized racial community where I am behind the eight ball. I don't have the opportunities ever. I grew up poor. I didn't get to go to good schools that you went to or, you know, I don't look like everybody looks like. And whatever that situation is, what I'm saying to you is I may not understand those things and I'm going to assume you're right about them.
- [75:45]
Maria Menounos
Them?
- [75:46]
Ed Mylett
Yeah, I'm assuming you're right about them. In fact, many of you, I know you're right about them. The question is, is that going to define the rest of your life? That's the question. Is that the definition of you? And so accepting truth is, my father was an alcoholic and a drug addict. I did have a rough little time there. Right? You were burned on 100% of your body below the neck. Right? Like, okay, that's true. You all, you were born into a group of people that have been taken advantage of, abused, whatever it might be. These things are true. These are not someone's.
- [76:20]
Bob Menery
Not.
- [76:20]
Ed Mylett
When someone says you're not a victim, they're not saying your circumstances aren't true. They are true. You are right. The question is, now what are we going to do about it? Is it going to be a redemptive story? And what if more and more people that were children of alcoholics shared it and prevailed? What if more and more people from a marginalized Racial or economic or religious community shared it and won anyway. Isn't that sort of how it would change?
- [76:44]
John O'Leary
Yes.
- [76:45]
Ed Mylett
Isn't that sort of how it changes? Otherwise it's a permanent definition of your life. So am I. Am I? Would you do you second that? The way that I said it, it's.
- [76:55]
John O'Leary
Right on the way we change the world. We think it's going to be in D.C. or Jefferson City or Sacramento. And that is part of it, no doubt. But the real way we make the changes. You make your bed, you look in the mirror, you fix the hair, if you have any hair left over. And then you attack the day. So you start in your own backyard, you start at home, and then you work outward from there. So that's where the beachhead begins. And then we move onward and we do so together.
- [77:18]
Ed Mylett
Yeah. You say in your book, the In Awe book. Rediscover your childlike wonder. Unleash inspiration, meaning and joy. This has always been hard for me because my childhood was not. By the way, my mom listens to this mom. I had a great childhood. It always bugs my mom. She's like, you know, was it that bad? No. Were just elements that weren't good. I come from a very loving family and my mom, like your mom, is a world class human being. Thank God for my mom. And my dad was a wonderful man. But we all know the story there, so that was a great conversation. Be sure to follow the Ed Mylett show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Welcome back to Max out, everybody. It's Ed Mylett. And I've been trying to have this guy on my show for a long time. We met a couple years ago at the super bowl. And the reason I wanted him on is because I think he has one of the greatest stories you will ever hear in your life. And I mean that. And some of you out there, you know, we're finding you during COVID Maybe when you're listening to this, maybe it'll be years later. And some of you are hearing it, but some of you feel like you're in need of kind of a comeback or a life comeback. And this man's story is remarkable. I mean, like one of the great ones you will ever hear. I want him to share with you today and then I want to pick his brain about how he's become so successful. So my guest today is my friend Bob Menery. Bob, welcome to the program, man. Let's go back to the beginning of that run because this is what I wanted. You know, there's so many people, man, right now that are, they're down on their luck. You know, they've lost their job, their business is down. You know, they put on weight during COVID You know, there's all these things, there's a social unrest, there's all this stuff going on in the world. And you found yourself really down on your luck years ago. And I kind of just want you to take people through the story, but I want to make sure I start it right. You had moved out to California. You were caddying at Wilshire. I don't know if we're allowed to say where it was, but you were a caddy and it sort of, it went, which is, by the way, but it wasn't your dream job. It wasn't what you aspire to do with your entire life. And you ended up basically homeless. Right? So take them through where you were at the bottom and how you got there.
- [79:26]
Bob Menery
You know, my goal was always to be. I wanted to be an actor and a comedian. That was my goal. So I kind of went to New York film school at like 23 years old. Ended up going to Los Angeles, California to be an actor comedian. And I was one of the, I think only people to probably go out to be an actor comedian and not do one stand up comedy show and not do one audition. Actually, I kind of felt, fell into the partying stage a little bit and kind of got a little distracted. But I'll tell you what though, on the caddying front, caddying was one of the most amazing jobs that I've ever had in my life. Like, and I truly, like, believe it or not, I miss it. You know, I was always, I was always like, you know, my father always stressed the most important thing is, you know, getting up early and being the first one, the last one to leave, regardless of what you're doing. So even in the caddy yard, I would, I would, I would do that. You know, I would be there 5am and when the guys didn't, I'd carry two golf bags, which on 18 holes would be seven miles, I think. And when we're done, everybody wants to go home. I was like, let's go another round, let's go another round. But during that time, I developed a, somewhat of a drug problem. I was doing cocaine like every day pretty much. So, like, that's, that's why I could carry the golf bag so fast, Dad. I was running around there the, on the golf course, seeing every ball and Whatnot. But. And yeah, and just. You know, just didn't really. I just got comfortable because you were. You were at this place. I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to perform. I wanted to show my talent because I knew I just had this edge, and I couldn't really know what it was. I knew I had that voice that was catchy, but I also offered something else that I just didn't know what it was yet. And so, yeah, I mean, I was. I. I mean, I don't even know where to go with this, but I was just in a. Gotten comfort zone. You know, I got a comfort zone of caddy. I'm making a little bit of cash, but. God, but you.
- [81:29]
Ed Mylett
But by the way, a lot of people feel that way, too. They feel like they got some kind of talent. They don't know how to express it. They don't know what it is. They got kind of this vision of, I think, what they want their life to look like. And usually your dream, and it's true for you now, too, I always say this view. Usually if your dream does happen, it doesn't show up looking exactly the way you thought it would look. You know, it gives you the feeling you hoped you'd get from it, but it usually doesn't show up in the form or fashion that you think. But you're doing. You know, I know the story, but I want them to know this. Yeah, you're doing coke. Yeah, you're caddying. Yeah, you kind of lost your way. But there was some. There was some significant moments, too, right? I mean, was there a point where you were at your lowest during that time back in the day? Was there, like, a moment you're like, this is out of control.
- [82:11]
Bob Menery
Yeah. It gradually got to the point where it just became like, all right, you're spending more money on things you shouldn't be. You're missing work time based on bad habits. And then before you know it, which you obviously probably know already is, you know, I found myself. My buddy goes, hey, I got to move to Texas. You don't have a place to live anymore. I'm like, fuck. And now this member gave me a. Sean Moran, gave me a car that I would drive to and fro to work and didn't have any money. I had minus $700 in my bank account. After four years of caddying, I hit rock, absolute rock bottom. So I remember the first night getting that car, driving. Where the fuck do I go? And I had already used up a lot of my resources, you know, I'm pretty street smart, I can figure stuff out. But I would. I used up a lot of my resources and I had nowhere to go. So it started right there that first night. Where the fuck do I go? I'm in my car, I drive around, I look for a nice neighborhood, park there, put a pillow in the back, blank, get over me, go to bed. That's night. One of three months. Actually two. Yeah, two and a half months of sleeping in a car. That is. No, you know, maybe I snuck an occasional night where I stayed at a buddies or something. But it got to a point though that I didn't even want to stay at a buddies. I wanted to continue. I don't know what it was in my head I wanted to continue staying in that car. I don't know what it was. It became a comfort zone for me. But yeah, I spent at the end of day, I slept in a car for two and a half months. Trying to do it for one day. It's. It's tough. Two and a half months. I had a membership, the ymca. I had a membership at the YMCA and I would park in a nice neighborhood. I would wake up because you can't sleep in Ed. When you're sleeping in a car, you can't sleep in. People running around this garbage trucks going by, you can't sleep in. Which actually somewhat worked my benefit because I was at the club earlier. But go to the YMCA to shower, go to work. And caddying is very up in the air business. If it rains, there's no work. If you're lot of politics behind it, you know that a lot of family members in the caddy yard who bring other caddies out because they're family. So I was left there. I would go there sometimes I'd show up at 5 in the morning and it's a cash business and I would leave at 4 in the afternoon with no work. And then I kind of fell. It just happened like it was like a two week period where I was up five till three in the afternoon and no work and yeah. So it was, it was nuts.
- [84:40]
Ed Mylett
I want you guys to picture something. By the way, dude, I did not know it was that long that you were home that you were basically living in your car. But I want you guys to picture something because a lot of you have done this, you've chased your dream and failed. This guy moves out here, he's got all these aspirations and we're both from Boston area. So I know what it's like when you leave home to just Having your family back there and there's just, we're a little bit different people that live back there. We're really family oriented more than most. Right. And it's a big move. Yeah. When you leave Boston and you come to la, that's a major move. And he comes out here and it just gets out of control.
- [85:10]
Bob Menery
And that's why. And that's why real quick. I think my stress is, is it's so important to, you know, when I'm in la, it still happens to me if I feel myself coming out of that funk.
- [85:19]
Ed Mylett
Yeah.
- [85:20]
Bob Menery
It's okay to go back to your family and reset. It's okay to take a reset and a breather. It's not, you know, don't be ashamed of it if you have to come home with a tail between your legs and be like, alright, I'm fucking up, let's reset and then let's go back. And that's, that's kind of. And I still have that happen to me every three months.
- [85:34]
Ed Mylett
Yeah, I think, I think you just did it. And I want to, I will, I want to get to that point in a minute too. So stuff like as a friend, I want to ask you on camera about. But I want you to picture something everybody. Because some of you don't know the end of the story because he's in the middle of building this, this vision of his too. But this man goes from living, he's caddying, he's living in his car to just a few years later, he's so influential on social media that he can crash the PGA Tours website. I want you to imagine this guys like you go from. Even for you to hear this is probably pretty cool to step back for a minute, you're about to do living in his car, caddying homeless to just a few years later, he chased his dream and failed to. He's so influential in the space he's in that he can take down the PGA Tours website from, from time to time. Yesterday put a post that's got 8,500 comments on Instagram already. So while you're in the car, let's go to there for a minute because I think a lot of people like, I'm not homeless, I'm not in my car, but I'm trending there. Or I feel it. Was there something that sent you back to Boston? Like were you like, alright, I'm heading. Was there like a moment or did you just like go, I'm totally out of money, I gotta go?
- [86:40]
Bob Menery
Yeah, yeah. There's a There's a moment, a big moment, I had taken a line of crystal meth by mistake or not by mistake. I don't even know if at that point I was so fucked up and did that. And I ended up for somewhere I couldn't sleep, I guess, cuz when you do that, you can't sleep. So I was up for two days straight, not sleeping, tweaking out in my car. I had a flat tire, okay? I couldn't even drive anymore. I got to the point where I had a flat tire. I was on the side of the road is right in Sherman Oaks. I was in that car. I was hallucinating in the middle of the night. I was thinking there was a prostitution ring. And I don't know to this day, to this day if this is a real thing or not. I swear to God. And I haven't told really many people this. I was parked there, I was sleeping. I was seeing things that weren't there. I thought there was cars coming behind me, parking their cars. There was girls getting out of their car, banging these guys, they drive away. I don't know to this day, Ed, if I was in the wrong place at the wrong time or hallucinating. So after that happened, now in my head that happens for four hours in the middle of night, probably between the hours of 1 and 5am So I, in my head I'm like, this is just stopped. All right? It's my time to get out of here. Because they know where I am now. They know I'm here. They, you know, this jeep is just sitting here, you know, and they attended windows. But I was hiding under a blanket like this for four hours, shaking because I didn't know who the fuck was there and doing this. So what I did was I started my car with a flat fucking tire. I drove down the road and I took a left. As I take a left, to this day I don't know if this is real or not. I look to my Left, I see 5 cars speed right around the corner and follow me. So I step on the gas, I drive, I go to the gas light, I pull into a CVS parking lot. I would die to get the surveillance tape if I could. I pull into a CVS parking lot. I am freaking the fuck out. I run out of the car, I run into CVS and I like screaming at top my lungs. Guys are chasing me, people are fucking chasing me, whatever. I run through the back of the store and I open up a door. All the alarms go off in CVS and now the CVS employees are fucking going crazy. What the fuck is going on here? They probably just think I'm a crack addict, you know, which I pretty much was at that point. They're like, what's going on? My. Please call the cops. I saw something I shouldn't see. Like, you got it? You got to fucking get me out of here. I can't fucking do this. Like, alright, well, chill, chill, chill. We're calling the cops. They call the cops, cops show up. I go outside and I'm looking around and I see a car in the corner, right? And it has its windows down. And I see three guys in the car staring at me. Now the cops are talking to me and I'm looking over my shoulder, I see him. An ambulance pulls in. So the firefighter comes out and he's like, what? What the fuck is going on? I'm like, listen, I know you guys think I'm crazy. People are fucking following me right now. Like, I'm telling you. Look in that car. Go fucking over there right now and go look in that car. Somebody's following me. Firefighters, alright? I relax, kid, I'm gonna go check. Walks over and I sit there, I'm like, all right, here we go. They're gonna figure this out.
- [89:39]
Maria Menounos
This is.
- [89:41]
Bob Menery
He comes back, he's like, dude, there's nobody in the car. I just looked and I'm like, all right. They're like, what do we. They're like, what do you want to do? Do you want to go to the hospital? Like, get me out of here. I jump in the back of the ambulance, they bring me to the hospital. I pull into the hospital, I go in, they put me in the bed. I'm sitting there and now I want to stay there forever. Like, I don't want to leave the hospital. I don't want them to discharge me. They're asking all these questions. I can tell her, you know. And so finally they discharged me. I walk out of the hospital, I take a left, I leave and I see another guy and he's staring at me. And then I look to left, I see another guy, he's staring at me. I look across the street, another guy. I sprint. I almost got hit by cars. I run across the street, the cars are flying by on Sherman Oaks. I forget what road it is. I'm like, frogger, I'm dodging these cars, whatever. Finally I call my buddy Ernie Gia Pappas. I said, ernie, you got to pick me up right now. There's people following me. Whatever. Ernie comes there, picks me up. I jump in the backseat of his car in the fetal position and hide like this. Okay? And Ernie side of the story is the. Pretty funny too. I go, drive. He's like, where? Like, just fucking drive. He's like, all right, dude, I'm bringing you home, calling your parents, I'm calling your brother, you're going home. Like, you're not right? Drives me. I'm like, I'm like, just drop me off at the police station. Because I'm like, you have to get my bag and stuff out of the car. So police station is a safe place. He drops me off at the police station. I go inside and I run right in the police station. Like, guys, I gotta stay here for a minute. Somebody's following me, whatever. They're like, alright, chill out, chill out, chill out. Five minutes later, Ernie pulls in, I jump in the back of the car, we're off to the airport. I have an airplane ticket that my parents bought me. I show up at the airport. I am fucked up. I haven't slept in three days. I haven't showered in three days. I smell like shit. I go to the airport, I sit down, I go through security and I finally am there, my flight to Boston. And I'm sitting there and all of a sudden I pass out. And something, to this day, I don't know what the fuck it was, woke me up and it said, robert Memory, Rob Memory, last call. Gates are closing. And I was sitting right next to the gate. I was there an hour and a half early before the flight robbery. Rodman, gates are closing. I get on that plane, I sit in that plane, I remember people were looking at me like I smell like shit. People would smell, I would shower, whatever, get in the plane and back to Boston.
- [91:59]
Ed Mylett
I go, oh my gosh, brother. See, I have not heard that whole.
- [92:03]
Bob Menery
Story I told anybody yet. I just never told store to anybody that deep.
- [92:10]
Ed Mylett
Thank you, bro, for sharing that. I. The way you tell it too, I can picture it. I can see every one of those steps. It's hard for.
- [92:17]
Bob Menery
You know, I do consider myself a storyteller.
- [92:21]
Ed Mylett
Well, yeah, that is part of your. But bro, like in all seriousness, like. Because I know where you are now, that's just. It's shocking. Like, it's shocking to. And by the way, you still have some self destructive qualities which we'll talk about in a little bit too. But I.
- [92:36]
Bob Menery
So we skip that part.
- [92:40]
Ed Mylett
Well, I just think what you've already done has helped like millions of people. Just so you know, because I've told people that's one of the most amazing stories. But I didn't know all of the backstory like this. And this is just like. So guys, if that's where Bob was, right, and you can think about where you are, is there at least a shot for you to turn things around? There's got to be at least a shot, right?
- [93:00]
Bob Menery
28 years old, write me off. I should have been dead. Write me off. No chance.
- [93:04]
Ed Mylett
Unbelievable, man. So now there's moments in life, right, where like our lives change. By the way, dude, I've been doing this a long time. I've done, you know, hundreds of shows. I don't think I've probably been this speechless before where I'm like processing what you just said, even though I knew a little of it. It's actually really, really amazing for me because of just where you are now. But so you get back to Boston, fires me.
- [93:24]
Bob Menery
It fucking fires me up.
- [93:25]
Ed Mylett
Yeah, it should broke. It gives everyone on this planet hope. But so you get back and I know there's this part of the story at least where you're on the couch and something happens, but like, can you. Do you just. Do you go back there and just kind of get cleaned up like you just got home and you different crowds so you stop using stuff or what happened when you got back?
- [93:43]
Bob Menery
Oh, it was great. It was great. Show up at the door, knock on the door, mom and dad, I'm home. 28 years old. They just downsized to a two bedroom small apartment. They were thrilled to have their 20 year old son come home and walk in the door. And four days go by of me just kind of like detoxing, I guess, in a sense. And this is how fast. I don't know if you want to rush. This is how fast it kind of happened. My body goes, my buddy, my brother in law picks me up. Finally he said, I'm gonna pick you up at 11 o', clock, we gotta get you a job. I'm like, all right, fuck. All right, here we go. I get in the car, we drive to Larry's liquor store.
- [94:25]
Ed Mylett
Perfect.
- [94:26]
Bob Menery
He goes, he goes, I want you to go in there and I want you to go apply for a job at Larry's liquor store. And I'm like, fuck this, I don't work at Larry's. All right, fine, I'll go in there. Walked into Larry's liquor store. I said, so embarrassed, like, so nervous because I was so, you know, just a horrible feeling. I said, you guys hiring? Like, oh well, here's an application. Like, what's your Name like Bob Menary. And obviously like, I for some reason turned on my voice. I thought that might help and. Fucking ridiculous, you know? Grab the application, got back in the car to Joe's and my brother in law and he goes, how'd it go? I go, I get the application, I'll fill it out, whatever. He brings me home. I get a call from my Buddy Mike Constantino, YouTube rapper, rapper. He said, bob, what's going on? I said, mike, what's going on? How you doing? He said, you want to be. Can you do me a favor? Can you be an extra in my music video? I'm like, fuck yeah. I'm an actor. I can do this.
- [95:23]
Ed Mylett
I got this. What do you need me to do?
- [95:26]
Bob Menery
He's like, well, you're just gonna stand way in the back and you're just gonna rage. You're perfect for this part. I show up, we shoot the fucking music video. It's actually pretty good. And then 2am comes along and this is the moment that changed my life. I walk into a room and what I always did real quick, which is important to the story, Ed, is with my voice. I would always go out. If I went out to a bar or anywhere with my friends, I wouldn't sit with them for more than five minutes. I would run up to a random group of table, I just ran up to a random group of table and go, tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers here on ESPN tonight, it is NFL Sunday. And I would just see their reactions. And I would do this all night. And some people would love it. And some people would be like, what the fuck is wrong with this kid? When they did ask me what I did, when they did ask me what I did for a living, I did pretend. I said I was like the Jacksonville Jaguars play by play guy. But I always, that's just a big guy. I always used to that stick. And you know, it never went anywhere. Never went anywhere. But that night it did. I walk into a room and I sit down and the man to my left, didn't know him before, but I will never forget his name. David Justin. He's with his girlfriend. What does Bob do? He pulls out the voice. Guess what does Dave do? He pulls out the camera. He records. And that's it. I go to bed. All of a sudden, the next morning, it's like, bling, bling, bling, bling. Like, what the fuck's going on here? Who died? Did I get the job? Hilarious. What's going on? And I witnessed firsthand kind of what it was like to Go just viral in an instant moment.
- [97:09]
Ed Mylett
And so he posted the video on his social media or did he tag you or what happened?
- [97:14]
Bob Menery
David did.
- [97:16]
Ann Beiler
Me.
- [97:16]
Bob Menery
I owe David for life. What David did is Dave was like, you know, this kid is fucking talented. I'm gonna do everything I can to try and be. Have him be seen by whoever, whatever. So he called up Bro Bible and Brandon was one of the first guys hats out to Bro Bible for literally starting my life. And David, they blasted out there and they put it out there and they. With the headline of why isn't this guy a sportscaster? And what happened was, I think story, I did a deal with storyful for like $500 or something and sold my life away for them to like, blast on all different media outlets.
- [97:46]
Ed Mylett
Yep.
- [97:46]
Bob Menery
And. And at the time, like, I'm like negotiating with these people. Like, why am I negotiating? I'm nothing doing. I have nothing. So my gal, let's do it for 500. And they blasted out there in USA, they picked it up, all these different outlets, and it was like, why is this guy sports announcer and got picked.
- [97:58]
Ed Mylett
Up, brother, that is. Guys, come on. Like, anything is possible. I know I'm trying to, like, overcook the, you know, the meal here, but, like, that's luck.
- [98:08]
Bob Menery
That, that. This is why this is. This is the thing, though. It was lucky. But I truthfully say this, even at my lowest points, I knew my talent. And going back to always going out and performing it, even if it wasn't under the perfect circumstance of being on stage, whatever, I would go out four hours a night and just use that voice and just see what people reacted to it.
- [98:29]
Ed Mylett
Yeah, you underestimate under you. You do this all the time. You undervalue stuff you're great at. Here's the deal. You. You said earlier, well, I never did any shows. I never did any stand up. Actually, you did thousands. They were just all not paid. So over and over and over again, when you're going to these tables, see, luck is where, like, preparation meets opportunity. And what happened there was all this preparation you had done over and over and over again. Not consciously. You just had a gift and a talent and something you worked at. And finally the opportunity presented itself. And what most people do is they have all this preparation, and because the opportunity doesn't reveal itself, they eventually quit on it. And at the lowest point in this dude's life, I mean, he's just practically running through CVS setting off alarms, thinking he's being followed after he's done crystal meth and Guys ends up going viral and has his moment. And by the way, all of you, no matter what the business is, the moment, there's a viral aspect to success. There's most people who have success. I don't care if it's a rod or, you know, guys, you and I know, like Gary Vee or, you know, Scooter Braun, whoever it is. People that, you know, you and I.
- [99:32]
Bob Menery
Scooter Braun, we prank him all the time, by the way. Scooter, I prank facetime Scooter Braun all the time.
- [99:37]
Ed Mylett
I see that on your social, by the way. He's a. He and I have become neighbors somewhere, but I'm not going to say where. But. But my point is that most people that have had success, there's some moment where their preparation and opportunity converged and there's like a 90 day window where they go, that was a big leap for me in my life, and that was Bob's. So I want to ask you about your social. Because, guys, one thing about Bob, if you go over there, by the way you hearing Bob talk, his content is not for every single ear in the world. There's. It's colorful for those of you that know what I mean when I say that, but it's hilarious. It's fine, you know, but I can't go to a golf course, bro. Or anywhere sports related where if someone finds out I know you, I mean, it doesn't matter who I know. I'm telling you, when I come up with a Bob Menary, I know Bob Menary deal, people go nuts over this guy. Just so you all know his content for all ages, people go ballistic. Yeah, I.
- [100:29]
Bob Menery
You know what? I think I do a good job at. And to go back a little bit backpedal on the Story of Hair is, you know, after just, you know, going. And that little viral moment was like, all right, what do you do from there? You know, I didn't know what the fuck to do. Like, once you have a viral moment, what do you do? You don't want it to die. And it was like, you know, so I just did, like, I did another video. That was it. I just put another video out, same kind of concept. And I remember, like literally hitting, I think, like 10,000 followers. And I was like, I'm onto something. I'm like, I got it. I just felt it. My whole body shifted. And I said, I fucking got this. I don't know what it is. My parents almost sent me to a mental institution because meanwhile, I'm in the next bedroom. That is so close. Being like, vinitari's dick falls off, you know, like, that was shit. Screaming at 20, they're like, we need to check Bobby into a mental institution. But I just. I saw it and then it was weird. It was like that switch. All that addictive personality that was channeled into in those areas. Just hyper focused into what I was meant to do.