← THE ED MYLETT SHOW
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- [00:00]
Ed Mylett
So hey guys, listen. We're all trying to get more productive and the question is, how do you find a way to get an edge? I'm a big believer that if you're getting mentoring or you're in an environment that causes growth, a growth based environment, that you're much more likely to grow and you're going to grow faster. And that's why I love Growth Day. Growth Day is an app that my friend Brendan Burchard has created that I'm a big fan of. Write this down growthday.com forward/ed. So if you want to be more productive, by the way, he's asked me, I post videos in there every single Monday that gets your day off to the right start. He's got about 5,000, $10,000 worth of courses that are in there that come with the app. Also, some of the top influencers in the world are all posting content in there on a regular basis, like having the avengers of personal development and business in one app. And I'm honored that he asked me to be a part of it as well and contribute on a weekly basis. And I do. So go over there and get signed up. You're going to get a free tuition, free voucher to go to an event with Brendan and myself and a bunch of other influencers as well. So you get a free event out of it also. So go to growthday.com forward sled. That's growthday.com Ed Dell Technologies is celebrating with anniversary savings on their most popular tech. For a limited time only, save on select next gen PCs like the XPS 16, powered by Intel Core Ultra processors and more. Plus curate your dream setup with great deals on select monitors, mice and more. Must have electronics and accessories. When you shop online@dell.com deals you'll have access to leading edge technology to match your forward thinking spirit and free shipping on everything. Again, that's Dell.com forward/deals. This is the Ed Milet show. Hey everyone. Welcome to my weekend special. I hope you enjoy the show. Be sure to follow the Ed Mylett show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. By popular demand, he is back again. People seem to love the two of us doing these podcasts together, brother. And so this week my guest is the tremendous, the great, the leader of the growth day movement, Mr. Brendan Broussard. Welcome back to the show, brother.
- [02:10]
Brendan Burchard
Thanks for having me, brother. I love these two. I feel the same way about you. I'm always learning from yours.
- [02:14]
Ed Mylett
All right, here's the topic this week, everybody? Because we keep getting asked about this, which I just know everybody's experiencing on their way to growth and success, which is failure. How do you deal with failure? Or what at least looks like failure in our lives? And so I know this topic means so much to so many of you, and so I want to start out with you, Brennan. Like, when someone says the word failure just in general to you, what. What's the first thing that comes to your mind? All these years in this space, you've been asked this question so many different times, and I know you get asked it a lot, too. So when someone just says, I'm experiencing failure or failure in general, first thing that you think of is what?
- [02:50]
Brendan Burchard
It's probably counterintuitive, but I think, thank God you care. You know, a lot of people don't care that you care. That you want to do a good job and not fail says something about you. It says, this is an idea or a passion or a project you actually care about. You don't want it to go off the rails. You want to be diligent and conscientious. So I always start with a compliment. I'm like, good. I wish more people actually cared. There's so many people flying by their seat of the pants, wrecking people's relationships, wrecking projects, wrecking dreams. They don't care. But that you want to do a good job, you don't want it to fail is a good thing. Now we just have to find out where in your mental construct you're messing it up. Because, yes, you care, but there might be a thing that you're doing that's blocking you from progress, and that is failure to you. There's fear there. So this is obvious to everybody. This is the. Of course, if there's failure, there's fear there. But almost all fear is just poor management of our mind. And so my. My fear of failing preventing me from doing something. Well, you're just managing your mind wrong. You're worried you're going to ruin everything. You're worried you're not gonna be able to handle it. So what happens for failure? Instead of thinking about it as a process of iteration and getting better, people identify, they personify. They go, oh, I'm a failure, and if I do this thing, it will ruin me or I won't be able to handle it. So first, caring about success is important, but if you wreck that success and progress because you keep telling yourself, I'm going to fail, or if this thing fails, I'm Ruined. It's in the ruin idea. I'll be ruined. They'll reject me, everything will fall apart. That fear of that type of failure is what prevents most people from living lives that are maxed out and great.
- [04:55]
Ed Mylett
You're so right. And the other thing, I just did a podcast on the inverse of this where I was talking about mental rehearsal and visualization. Yet most people do it very, very well. They just mentally rehearse the failure piece because if they've run this video over and over in their mind about it not working or what people are going to say about them, and they live in the future and they, they worry about things that have not yet happened, yet they reject and create that future by mentally rehearsing it over and over again. And in our lives, our mind is going to move towards what it's most familiar with because it's trying to conserve energy, is trying to not think. And so if you're mentally rehearsing these fears to your point and you're projecting that into the future, you will move towards it. I was just, I just interviewed this couple that he's the biggest big wave surfer in the world. He surfed a hundred foot wave, right? And he was saying that, he said, I said, what's the biggest thing you've got to do before you go surf these? I mean, I wouldn't surf an eight foot wave, which is still huge, right? 89,100ft. And he says, well, the biggest thing is I've got to get my mind right. I can't think about crashing. I can't think because the minute I begin to think about it, I move towards it and I end up having these catastrophic crashes. And in my case, it'll take my life. And I was telling, it's interesting you say that because I used to be a part of a group that sponsored a NASCAR driver, Carl Edwards. And I asked Carl, I said, what's the thing about racing that most people don't know? He said, really two things. One is never look at the wall. I said, why do you never look at the wall? Because he goes, even if you're the most skilled driver in the world, when you look at the wall, you begin to drift towards it unconsciously. That's that you're hitting. And I said, what's the thing about driving that takes the most guts? He said, driving through the smoke. I said, what do you mean by driving through the smoke? And I know I've shared this with you before, but he goes, there's a crash in front of you, right? It could be a six car pile up on the other side of that and you don't know. You've got to do 150 miles an hour through that smoke and you don't know what's on the other side of that smoke. And you could be going head on 150 miles an hour into the back of a car that's already parked there, crashed. And he said the last thing you want to be thinking about is hitting that car. I can't think about it because I don't know what's on the other side of it. So I think positively about what's going to happen. This may seem silly to everybody, but so many times in our lives we look at the wall, we think about the wave crashing and we wonder when it happens, why it happened because of this fear thing we've projected and we're afraid to drive through the smoke because we don't know what's on the other side. But the truth is, here's what he said to me. He goes, here's what's crazy. You know what's on the other side of that, that's that smoke. Also the finish line, the finish line, the checkered flag, the W, the win, the trophy, the championship. And so in your life, what's on the other side of that smoke is all your dreams. It's all the things that you want. You'll be willing to drive through some things that you can't control. I think sometimes people who are fearful and worry about failure are ironically like control freaks, thinking, well, everything in their life. So that's number one. I totally agree with you. If you listen to this show for a while, you've heard me and my guests talk a lot about how critical it is to have your wellness goals in order, especially lately with me. So you know how powerful visualization is. When you visualize yourself 1, 10, 30 years from now, you've achieved all your goals. Ask yourself this, am I healthy? At that point, your visions, of course you are. But like anything else, without a plan to get and remain healthy, you can't hit the goal. That's why I'm so thrilled to be partnering with LifeForce. It's co founded by my good friend Tony Robbins and Peter Diamantis. Life Force is a leader in proactive care. The Life Force membership includes everything you need to understand your wellness and help you make good decisions today that keep you on track in the future for your health. Listeners of my show get $250 when they first sign up for their membership by going to mylifeforce.com/ed, that's my lifeforce.com Ed, take control of your wellness with Lifeforce and see what the healthiest version of you actually looks like and is capable of. These products and statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. Second thing, and I'll throw this back at you, is I think to some extent, you have to reframe what a loss seems to be for you. Like, I played baseball, as you know, and you know, if you're a really good hitter in baseball, you're successful three out of 10 times, you fail seven out of 10. And so a great hitter, hall of Famer in this day and age, you worth hundreds of millions of dollars if you could just succeed three out of 10 times. And one of the things that taught me something, I was a leadoff hitter. And so one of my jobs, that means you buy it first. One of my jobs, I thought as a leadoff hitter was to see a lot of pitches in the first at bat from the pitcher, meaning I would never get the first pitch. Other people could do that in the lineup, but in my case, I needed to see his fastball, right? I need to see. I need to see the break on his curveball, if I could. Why? Because although I may not get a hit in that at bat, I'm getting a lot of information. I'm a great deal that'll prepare me for the next at bat. And so maybe that first at bat, you saw me look at two or three pitches and maybe, maybe I end up flying out to left field. It looked like a failure on the surface because I didn't get the outcome I wanted, which was the hit. But, man, I got a lot of information. I downloaded a bunch of data. I learned a ton from that at bat. And so it really wasn't a failure because I actually learned a great deal and I grew from it. The heartbreaking thing from so many people is they get nothing from their failures. So how do you. This failure you think you've experienced, you're going to get nothing for all the effort. And then you didn't close the sale, you didn't get the deal, you didn't get the date, and you're getting nothing out of it. That's insane. The people that you know that have won in their lives, it's because they got things from their failures like, get your pain, get the lesson, get the emotion, get the memory, get the breakthrough. Maybe there's some Other correlated win you get from that. So to me, it's like if you're, if your model as a human is, I'm a learner, I'm going to learn and I'm going to grow. I'm not saying it's not a failure if you miss a sale, that's not good. When you ground out, that's not. You'd rather get a hit. But I'm going to get something for that at bat is my point. Does that make sense to you and how do you.
- [11:06]
Brendan Burchard
Yeah, I frame exactly the same thing. Because I think you really illustrated a phrase I often say with, with my high performance clients. I'll say something like this. It's like if you do failure right, you experience science right? It's trial and error. You're, you're learning and failure doesn't scare you. You know it to anticipate it, you actually want it to happen. Because iteration requires failure. Science requires hypothesis testing, learning. And so if you're failing forward and you're learning, you're doing it right. If you're doing it wrong, you're not getting science, you're getting shame. That's the tell. Failure is fine. Everyone here, this is not a. Your audience is not basic. They understand failure is part of life. They feel it, they experience it. I would argue most people don't have enough failure in their life, period. They're not failing forward. They're so scared of failure, they're actually not failing. And if they do try something, it doesn't go well. Instead of getting the lesson, they shame themselves and they shut down. Because there's two ways to go after this failure thing. One is actually want to try forward, right? Every time at bat, I'm gonna miss, you know, seven out of ten. I might hit those three and I'll learn that distinction as you're sharing. So that's science. Doing failure well is the scientific process. Doing it bad is shaming ourselves and shutting down and no longer trying. And so I want to tell people, it's very rare that you have to say, I can't have failure in my life.
- [12:46]
Ed Mylett
Right?
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Brendan Burchard
That big wave surfer, how many waves did he crash? And he didn't say that was a failure today. That was the worst day today. He probably smiled as he paddled to the paddle the shore, exhausted and wiped out and said, oh, I'm getting good. You know, his mess, his wreck, his challenge. That time he got pulled underwater, he didn't consider that a total failure. Now, failure can be something that's physical. Like you can Be hurt. But for most people, the real failure they're considering is how they're going to perceive themselves or others. Most fear of failure is perception. I'm not going to like myself if I fail, or they're going to judge me. And either way, you're living a pretty limited life. If your only concern is, if I try this, will I shame myself or other people make fun of me? That means you're living. You're living well, well, well, well below your potential.
- [13:46]
Ed Mylett
By the way, I totally agree with you, and I want to ask you about that. It's an interesting concept. This gets to a real nuance in personal development. So, like, with a lot of the golfers I work with, you're exactly right. It's projection. And what are people going to think about me? So even with, like, take a professional golfer when I'm working with them, and they've got fear over a putt, right? They've got this putt they've got to make to win a tournament, and their heart rate goes up. They've got a lot of fear. And I'll ask them, like, are you. What are you actually afraid of here? Are you afraid the ball is not going to go in the hole? Is that the entire fear? Let's dig a little bit deeper. And what you'll find out is, well, that's part of it, but it's more than that. It's that the. I didn't make the putt. The ball didn't get into the hole like I wanted it to. To win the hole, to win the tournament. And then if I go a little bit deep. Okay, so then what? So then you didn't win the tournament. So you're dead. No. So what is. Well, and as you dig deeper, actually, the fear they're experiencing over a putt is the. The future event that hasn't yet happened because it's going to happen in five seconds. Living in the future, not the moment. The fear is, I miss this putt, it's on national television. I lose the tournament. It's not even any of that.
- [14:56]
Brendan Burchard
What are people gonna say, right?
- [14:59]
Ed Mylett
I mean, the putt. What are people gonna think? Then they're gonna watch the video and play it over and over again.
- [15:04]
Brendan Burchard
They're worried someone's gonna say, oh, there. There he is. He choked. They're so scared someone's gonna say he choked, that they ch.
- [15:12]
Ed Mylett
Exactly what it is. In. In other words, they move towards what? They move towards the wall. But the wall is almost always what you said. It's not the Failure itself. It's what are people going to think or say about me if I fail? I want you to have goals to begin a golf tournament, which is to win the tournament. But when you're over the putt, I want you to separate from your outcome and I just want you to execute in the moment. In other words, it's interesting, there's a difference between having a goal, which is to win the tournament. To me, there's a subtle difference, and the outcome, you're forcing this pressure on this outcome, which creates this anxiety, which is caus is what's actually causing you to miss the putt because you're so outcome focused. So this is the question for you. This is a really hard question. I've always wanted to ask you this because I don't know if there's a wrong answer. How do you feel about that? So like our industry talks a lot about goal setting goals, goals, goals. But then like one of my mentors, Wayne Dyer, was all about separate from the outcome. And so I kind of nuance it in. When I'm working with athletes or business people, I want them to have goals. But when you get so outcome like, it's gotta go this way, that creates that pressure, that fear that we then project. So I'm curious your thoughts about that nuance or do you not see it differently? Should have. Goals and outcomes are the same thing, period.
- [16:30]
Brendan Burchard
I love that question. Love that question. Goals and outcomes and clear visions of how you want it to go and the desire for winning, that's called the setup. That's what you do before the fight. That's what you do before the game. That's what you do the morning of the tournament, right? I want to win this tournament. I can visualize it, I can see it, I can experience it. And you use it as a tool to develop a state of will. Okay, now I'm in a state of will. I'm willing to win. I'm going to. I'm in a good place. You use the goal and the outcome that you desire as a thing to fire you up, to get you focused, to drop you in, however, in motion. When you're on stage, when you're on the tee box, when you're in the fight. We need you to be in two modes now. We need you to be in automation mode. And that is you. You, you've practiced this a million times. Lent that, let that be automated, right? Don't use your mind to project till the end of the tournament. Use your body and your flow to make the putt so in the moment we just need full presence and automation. We need habit to take over. We need our flow like full presence, the power of full presence now, not projection. So projection comes in the setup, in the getting ready, in the doing thing. But once you're over that pot, just need your putt, man. I don't need you to think about tomorrow. I don't need to think about the hot dogs at the end. I don't need to think about like, I just need to execute the putt. So I think you're doing it right. Projection at the beginning, then presence in the motion.
- [18:19]
Ed Mylett
Yeah. And by the way, everybody, you think about your industry. That's the sales presentation. You have a goal that morning to get ready, give your best, close a sale, make the deal happen. But in the moment of execution, of presenting separate from outcome and be present. And just in that automation mode. This helps restrict that thing that Brendan started which, which is the fear of failure. And then we move in towards, towards the wall. Hey everyone, it's Ed Mylett. And if you know me, you know I'm always looking for ways to live healthier, have a little bit more energy, more vitality in my life. And so if you're like me in that way, I think I've got something exceptional for you, which is Armra Colostrum. This is just not any health trend. It's a breakthrough in natural wellness armor. Colostrum is a superfood that's packed with over 400 bioactive nutrients. It's derived from sustainably sourced grass fed cows right here in the usa. And since I started using armor into my routine, I can tell you I've noticed some actual changes. One is my energy level is way up, my workouts feel stronger and so is my recovery. Like they're just more effective. And I got to tell you, there's even kind of a glow people are telling me to my skin. So we've worked a special offer from my audience. Receive 15% off your first order. Go to triarmra.com mylet to get 15% off your first order. That's try T-R-Y A R M R A.com mylet join me and thousands of others who are making a real difference in their health. Okay, next question for you. We don't have a lot of time on this stuff today, by the way. Already incredible dialogue, love it. But this idea of. And I've wrestled with this too. So someone gets knocked down, relationship breaks up, business fails. Maybe none of that, maybe they just missed three sales In a row, right. They're on a downstream. This idea of you get knocked down, get up, right? Back up. What are your. I've heard you talk about this before, so I want you to talk about it. What is your philosophy about this? You know, you get knocked down, you got to get back up. We know that. But what are your overall. What's your. What's your advice to somebody who's got knocked down? Should they get right back up? Should there be a period of rest and evaluation? What are your thoughts on that? I'll kind of kick in, I'll add to it. What do you think about that? Because that's the idea. A failure just happened. Get up, get back on the horse, right? Yeah. Do you believe that?
- [20:30]
Brendan Burchard
I think the most thing, the most important thing to do is to get a hold of your state. Right. And you talk a lot about this. Tony talks a lot about this. You got to get re center your breath and your mind. Like the recentering. I like to use the word recalibrating. So I just need to recalibrate. And that almost always starts like I need. I just got like. If I literally got knocked down, I need to get my bearings, I need to take a breath in. I need to feel my feet beneath me. And what happens sometimes, especially. I know you work with fighters too. When they get up, they're so ready. They've been taught so many times to just jump right back in without taking recalibration, to feel their feet beneath them. First we got to get some weight on the legs, as we call it. When I teach them, it's like, hey, I need some weight on the legs because you're kind of like wobbly. Like, I need some weight on the legs. I need you to feel the mat. I need to feel where you're at. So I think that recalibration back into the body is really important. Same thing. If you had that sales call and it sucked and now you feel that anxiety at the end because you're not going to make quota. You feel that anxiety because you didn't get the deal. You feel like that, that anger at yourself because you didn't do a good job. Whoa, man, you better breathe that out. You'd better recenter yourself, then re engage. So it's recalibrate, then re engage. And that recalibration can be short and swift. But recalibrating means two things for me. One, it's bodily or what we call state. And the second one is to reassert myself confidently. So it's recalibrate and then reassert confidently. So if I'm in the ring, I'm going to reassert my opponent confidently because if they see me questioning myself, it's not going to be a good situation. Also, in real life, on that sales call, okay, that next you. If you let your confidence go down every time you get knocked down, you just don't even have the will to fight. You don't have the belief in yourself. So reasserting yourself. I always tell people, you want to win, you have to be assertive. And when you fail a little bit, you question yourself, you shame yourself. Can I really do this? And you stop being as assertive as you need to be to win the deal, to make the next call, to finish the next chapter, to take on the opponent.
- [22:49]
Ed Mylett
I totally agree with you on that. By and large. Here's my philosophy about it. By and large, most people stay laying down too long when they get knocked down. That's most human beings. They lay and wallow in it too long. You got to get up. Okay, You've been knocked down. You've got to get up. Having said that. So that's most people. Okay, you better get up. Having said that, like in boxing, you get a 10 count for a reason when you get knocked out.
- [23:14]
Brendan Burchard
That's right.
- [23:15]
Ed Mylett
I see too many boxers. They get knocked down, they get back up, and they're still disoriented. They've lost their confidence, they've lost their bearings. They're not in their body. Right. And you're 100% right about that. You get a 10 count for a reason. You can utilize it. So what I would say to most people listening to this as the sun shining through here so we won't go much longer, is that. Use your 10 count now. Don't stay down too long. Most of you have been down too long. You need to get up. Let me say it to you again. If you've been knocked down, you need to get up right now. Some of you, though, you're not doing that recalibration. And what you haven't done is you got knocked down. You missed the sales call, you missed the meeting. You've not done any evaluation as to why. You've not got any of the juice out. You didn't get any of the learning any of the information. The relationship didn't work out. Take a second. Why? What part of it do you own? This isn't the first relationship that didn't work out for you. Why aren't they working out? What are the things that you need to change. Are you picking the wrong person? So some evaluation, there's a healthy count in there. It's not laid out for 60, because then you're knocked out. You get 10 for a reason. So be calibrate that. But for most people, it's get up sooner. But when you get up, as you've said, get the information. Get something for your failure. All right, last thing. Because the sun's pouring through my, my.
- [24:27]
Brendan Burchard
I love seeing it, though. What a dream location you're at right now. So this is great.
- [24:34]
Ed Mylett
All right, last question. So our friend Jamie Kern Lima says this rejection is God's protection. Other people have said something similar to that, where, listen, it's part of a divine plan. And I just think it's one thing to have some perspective. For most of us, if we look back on our lives, most of the things that we thought were failures, in hindsight, you know, if it were 20, 20, we look back and go, that kind of helped him for a reason. I'll give you an example. Like we were talking about. You and I were talking, which we won't cover now, but like, what this place here is costing me and stuff. And you're like, how'd you do that? You know? And the truth is, it comes from failure. So out of college, I had two sales jobs. I flunked right out of one. I just couldn't close any sales. I wasn't any good at it. I got fired. The second one, I quit in a day because I got rejected so badly after that failure. It's a really good example of getting up too soon. I got terminated from a sales job. I was in copier sales. I was terrible at it. They eventually let me go. I hustled. I got something right away. I did not learn anything from it. I didn't get any lessons from it. I had ruined my self confidence. I go through their whole sales training program. True story, brother. I walk in the first day, they put me out in the field selling. I got rejected really bad that morning. I quit at lunch. I quit at lunch. So huge failures. I end up living back at home with my mom and dad. Complete failure. That's how I started out in business. And my dad, as many of you know, got me a job at an orphanage. And that orphanage, even though it seemed like a huge setback, I was trying to make hundreds of thousands of dollars. Now I'm making, back in the day, eight bucks an hour when it was minimum wage. And I thought, man, I failed in my life. But that positioning in my Life. That time changed me. I fell in love with these boys and contributing and making a difference and coaching people and loving on people. I became so much less self centered and money oriented. I became very service oriented. And then I found the businesses I went into at that time. I approached them very differently than I would have had. I not had those setbacks, not had those lessons. And I really believe I wouldn't be where I am today had either one of those sales jobs worked out and I not been humbled and had to go work for eight bucks an hour, which to this day is one of the two or three greatest blessings of my life was working with those boys. And so in that sense, those rejections were protection for me. And it did change my life. And it was part of a bigger plan, I think. So sometimes things that look catastrophic and horrible now are really a setup for something better in the future. I know you agree with that, but I wanted you to finish talking about it. Yeah.
- [27:03]
Brendan Burchard
I feel like so many of our failures were the perfect ingredients of humility and hunger that we needed at that stage of our life. That's where I always see the gift someone has when they're still growing and serving and giving and leading. They can tell you three or four times in their life when they got really humbled. And they wouldn't say necessarily it was. They wouldn't even always say, it's a failure, failure. Like, it was awful. They'll be like, yeah, man, I got humbled by that wave. I got humbled by that sales call I got. It was pretty awful. I was embarrassed. I felt terrible. I felt small. I felt rejected. But you know what? That made me a little more hungry. It made me want to do better next time. Thank God. I kind of sucked at that because I want to do better next time. And that will to do better next time. That is hope. That will to do better next time. That's what gets you off the mat. That desire to do better next time, that's what keeps you going. And all the times you didn't so trust that. Because to me, that's that divine voice that says, hey, I know that was hard. Keep going. There's something in you. You really do feel. That desire to keep growing and to try again and get better at it. And sometimes those rejections, like you weren't good at sales made you humble. You learned some service. You said, I'm going to give, and you became one of the great salespeople, literally of all time. So it's like, wait a minute. This thing you Were embarrassed about, ashamed about was awful. It gave you hunger to master that thing. And I think that's no accident. I think we're supposed to get humbled in failures and then ask, okay, can I master this? You know, I'm the mastery guy. I believe that we're supposed to master something in our life, and sometimes it's the very thing we sucked at at first. Like me with public speaking. I've thrown up on stage, I've been mortified on. I mean, just the worst experiences. But I was like, oh, it. It made me upset about it. It's almost like God saying, hey, you think you want to get better at this?
- [29:15]
Ed Mylett
It's.
- [29:15]
Brendan Burchard
Is it worth it for you? Show me. Show me you'll run the laps. Show me you'll try it again. Show me that will that keeps you hopeful and driven and trying. So I'm here to say failure. That thing might have given you some humility, but it probably gave you some hunger. If it didn't give you hunger, it's only one reason you stayed stuck in shame. Like I said before, that's the only way. If you do failure wrong, you stay stuck in in shame. If you take it as humility, a chance to get better, a chance to serve better, then you're going to grow throughout that and growing through your failures. That's the path to high performance and greatness.
- [29:54]
Ed Mylett
Dude, that was awesome right there. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. So what are some of your relationship green flags? Maybe it's when your partner thoughtfully listens to you or anticipates your needs. We often hear about the red flags that we should avoid. But what if we focused more on green flags and friends and partners? If you're not sure what green flags look like, therapy can help you identify what they do look like and how you feel when you get them. And it's something you deserve more of in your life. Whether you're dating, married, you're building a friendship, maybe you're just working on yourself. It's time to form relationships that love you back and that feel good in your Life. Therapy with BetterHelp can teach you positive coping skills and how to set boundaries in your relationships and in business. And it empowers you to be the best version of yourself, which is really what this shows about. They've got more than 30,000 credentialed therapists with a ride range of specialties. Discover your relationship green flags with better help. Visit betterhelp.comedshow to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp H lp.comedshow hey guys, when's the last time you knew you needed to go to the doctor but you pushed it off? You made an excuse? I'm going to tell you a specific one. With me, for about a year I've had this thing kind of growing on my earlobe and I kept putting it off and putting it off because we had moved and I didn't know what my new doctor was. And then Zocdoc started sponsoring my show and I'm like, now that's a killer idea. And So I use ZocDoc to find the guy who ended up doing the treatment on my ear and removing this thing that was there that turned out to be pre cancer. Zoc Doc's a free app and a website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors and click instantly to book an appointment. We're talking about booking in network appointments with more than a hundred thousand doctors across every specialty from mental health to dental health, primary care, urgent care and more. So stop putting off doctor appointments and go to Zocdoc.com mylet to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's z o c-o c.com mylet zocdoc.com mylett that was a great conversation. And if you want to hear the full interview, be sure to follow the Ed Mylett show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Today I've got a really difficult question for you. Is your will to win for sale? You know, I really believe that of all the things that comes down to in life about winning and making our lives the masterpiece that we want them to be, I really believe will has a lot to do with it. And the people that I've been around in my life, they have strong faith, obviously, but there's a part of them that has this will to win, this will to want to be somebody that's extraordinary. And for most people in life, I think when they take enough failure, enough setbacks, they will sell their will to win. You know, it's an interesting thing in life about winning. I just want to discuss this with you today. You know, you have to really decide right now and early on in the journey that you can't be bought. You can't be bought with enough success and you can't be bought with enough failure. Most people at the end of the day quit on their dreams usually because there's just so much rejection and so much failure and so much letdown. You know, I would love to tell you that winning is pretty and that making your dreams come true for your family is beautiful. But, man, I got to tell you, on the journey, for me, there was so many setbacks. So many times I thought I had it going and then I didn't. I thought we were going to make it, and then maybe we weren't. So many people that I thought would be there at the end that weren't. There were people like you probably have had in your life that you really, really trusted that then let you down and hurt you. Dark nights, sleepless nights, some really difficult mornings with a lot of anxiety and trepidation. You know, if you're going to win, you're going to carry the emotional burden of your business, of your family. And sometimes that burden emotionally just over time, is so difficult to carry that most people will surrender their will. You know, I really believe that winning has a lot to do with your will to win. It's not always just, you know, having the right strategy or the right people in place, although you can't win without them. But at some point, it comes down to grit and desire and toughness and resiliency and relentlessness. And I call all of those things will. But for most people with enough of it, enough setbacks, enough things, they'll just sell their family's dreams up the river. They'll call it something else, don't they? Well, I didn't get along with somebody, or there was this setback, or the economy changed, or this person screwed me over or whatever the story is that we come up with all which could be valid, but at some point, basically you're saying is all of that was too much, and so I've sold my family's dreams up the river. And I say it to you that harshly because I want, when it comes for you, for you to avoid it that strongly that I won't let you create a word game that makes you feel like it's okay to take an out. You know, take the door in the back there and get out of here and quit on your dream. That's not what you were born to do. That's not what it was designed for. Part of the game of this winning thing, part of the game of changing your family forever, part of the game of changing how you feel about yourself is really difficult. And it's going to come with all of those things I described and more and shocking setbacks every couple, two or three years. Could be a day where you go, my gosh, right like that's going to happen. And for most people, at one point they just go, that's enough. That's enough. And that's why so few people win, because theirs is for sale. See, what I would recommend you do is negotiate the price tag in advance. See, I believe the price you will pay to make your dream come true, your vision for your life come true, is infinitely less than the price you will pay if you don't. The price you pay if you don't make your dream happen. Your vision for your life is you live with that forever. And that price I would never be willing to pay, I'll pay any other price as long as it's legal, ethical, and moral. Because the price you will pay to make that dream come true is so worth it, and it is so much less than the price of living with losing forever with the life you don't deserve, with the people that you don't want around you, with the all of your music still in you. So many people pass away with all their best music in them still because of the setbacks or the criticisms or the. The things that just didn't go their way or their fears holding them back. You know, price tags of life are interesting. See, successful people negotiate worth whether something is worth it, not what the price is or the expense is. If you're focused on the expense, you're always in a really difficult place. I'll give you an example. This is a metaphor, but it makes sense. When I had no money, right, which was most of my life, when I would walk into a store, I wouldn't get what I wanted in the store. I would get what I thought I could afford. And so what did I do? I flipped the price tags over. I didn't always just get what I wanted. What's the cost? What's the cost? What's the cost? What's the cost? I'm sure you've done that as well. It's just really one of the real things in life. What's it cost? I wouldn't get the jacket in there I wanted based on what it cost. So that's a scarcity mindset, right? And so instead, when I became a wealthy person, I'm able to walk in that store and get the one that's worth it. What's the one worth it? And in our lives, when we're operating from a weak position, we're operating from a poverty mindset, we're constantly negotiating the price tag of life. What's it going to cost me? What's it going to Cost me. What's it going to cost me? And we focus so much on what it's costing us. The pain we're going through, the price we're paying, we're constantly focused on the price we're paying that eventually we just go, I can't do it. The cost is too great. If you're focused on the cost, you'll eventually lose because the cost is so extraordinary. But if you switch that subtly and say, is it worth the price? Is it worth it? You focus more off the cost and onto it's worth. Then you got it. And so let me ask you, what's your family worth? What are your dreams worth? What's the pride of living the life that you've dreamed of worth to you? And once you focus on the worth, you'll probably pay any price. You'll go through any cost. But you have to negotiate, in my opinion, that price in advance. I think if you wait till you're in the middle of it, you're in big trouble. And so I would challenge you today to negotiate the price you're willing to pay in advance, whatever it is, and then the negotiation is over. So decide now what price you're willing to pay or not pay for your family and just be honest about it. There's certain place where I'm going to sell my family's dreams up the river. You know what? I'm just going to give up. And that's what most people do in life. They, like I said, they call it something else. They frame it differently, they create a story that makes them feel okay about it. By the way, the only reason I know this is I've done it myself on several different things. This guy screwed me over here. That one let me down. Ah, you know, timing wasn't right. Right. Whatever. The bottom line is, is that the price became too great for me. Had I negotiated that price in advance, maybe that would have never happened. So if you focus on what it's costing you all the time, which is what you're doing, and you know, it's costing me this time, it's costing me this money, it's costing me this experience, it' me this, it's costing me that you're probably going to lose. But if you start to focus on is it worth it? Is the price I'm paying worth it? Then you got it. Why does that also matter? Negotiating the price as you're going through the battle in life takes all your energy and your focus. Isn't it constantly a drain on you? Is it worth it? Is it worth it? You're asking yourself this all the time. How do I know it's what most people do that are trying to do something great? Is it worth it? Is it worth it? Is it worth it? Right. What's it costing me? What's it costing me? You're constantly negotiating. It takes all your energy, it takes all your focus. And so the bottom line is it's better to just to decide today. And I would just ask you, what's your family worth? What are your dreams worth? What's your life worth? What price are you not willing to pay? Hopefully you don't want to do something illegal or unethical or immoral to do it. But beyond that, what's the price you're willing to pay and get clear on it and then just stop negotiating it, Stop doing that thing back and forth, those mental gymnastics that you know exactly what I'm talking about and just decide, I'm going to win. I'm going to pursue this. Whatever comes my way, I've already negotiated in advance. So although it might be shocking or really painful, I already negotiated that price. I already negotiated it. One of the cool things for me, like in my faith is I know the price has already been negotiated for me, right? Like it's already been negotiated. I didn't have to do it. Remember, this change only happens when love is greater than your fear, when love is greater than you price you're paying. What I believe you have to do is you have to start to attach yourself to the love you have for other people. That love, because you're such a good person, is so much greater than the adversity that will come your way. But what happens when adversity comes? We detach from our love for our family, for ourselves, from the people that we want to help. And the love part gets diminished and the fear and pain part gets increased. See, you show me anybody with a big old dream with enough reasons to win, and I will show you somebody who's going to win. I believe more than anything in life, having big, giant, compelling reasons why you want to win, the why is so much greater than the how or the what. The why is. And relentlessly focusing on that when the why is big enough, you'll go through the how and you'll figure out the what. Right? But in, in most cases in life, we don't attach those two things people say to me all the time. I'm not even sure what will motivate me. I can tell you. Do you want to know the two things that will motivate you in your life. I'm going to give them to you right now. If you always go, I lack motivation, I lack inspiration. I can tell you what they are. They're your dreams or other people. Those are the two great motivators in life. Usually most good people won't do very much stuff for themselves. They just won't. They're too giving. They want to change other people's lives. They love other people. They put other people first. Those are the people that ultimately win long term. So the two things will motivate you are your dreams, what your vision is for your life and other people. Those of you that have children, are you really willing to quit on them? Are you. If you have parents that you love, are you really willing to quit on them? Or do you love them more than any adversity that will come your way? Could you negotiate the price in advance? Say, listen, it's worth it because my mom is worth it. It's worth it because my children are worth it. It's worth it because my go worth it. It's worth it because I'm worth it. It's worth it because my dream is worth it. It's worth it because if I make this happen, I can change all these other people's lives. And those lives are worth the price I'm paying. Once you have the thing and the reason, the love for what you want, now you've got the negotiation handled because that is greater than the price. But when this isn't focused on when the price is greater than the love, when it's greater than the dream, it's difficult. So one of the examples of that that I've talked about before is Bella's wedding day. Number one key from Bella's wedding day story from many years ago, 20 years ago, why matters most? You show me somebody with a big enough why, a big enough reason, I will show you somebody who will solve for how to do it, for what to do. I will promise you that why is the most important thing you give a father a story, like not being there. And the picture, the mental picture in my mind of some strange man that I've never met before having that first dance and walking Bella down the aisle on her wedding day. I'll do anything to make sure that doesn't happen. I'll do anything to be there. And I can tell you I've done just about anything. In fact, my doctors that I'm with right now, part of that journey of staying healthy, where I found both of them, Gabrielle and Amy is because I want to be there on that day and beyond. One of the reasons I'm willing to take this sort of downshift to some extent is, yes, I'd love to help more people and yes, I'm going to contribute. And yes, we've got one of the number one podcasts the world, and I'm one of the top speakers and my businesses are growing and all that matters. And I want to help all kinds. I want to continue to help millions of people that I've been blessed to help, but not more than I want to be there for Bella's wedding day. And so number one key is why matters most. And if you say, I don't know what my why is, I can tell you. Let me give you a hack to find your why. Your why will always be your dreams. Whatever your dreams are, or other people why's can be distilled down always into dreams or other people doing something for other people that you love or proving people wrong. And what I will tell you under the why is that love is the biggest force in the world. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. So, you know, I get asked a lot, what are some of the common practices or behaviors of the successful people that have been on your show? I got to tell you, most of them have been to therapy and they've told me therapy's made a big difference in their life. It's made a big difference in my life. And so whether you've got like a real traumatic thing you want to work through in your life that you've not resolved yet, or maybe just got an emotion you'd like to get rid of or improve, maybe it's none of that. Maybe just got kind of something you want to talk through, a problem you want to work through. If you've been considering doing therapy, I think you should take a look at BetterHelp. BetterHelp is done entirely online, and what I love about it is they match you with a licensed therapist. You don't click with the therapist. You can switch at any given time to a therapist that meets your needs that you kind of click and vibe with. Take a moment and visit betterhelp.com right now to get 10% off your first month. That's better. Help H E L p.comed show my will to win is not for sale. So that's why I get up and I work out. That's why I try to do the nutritional program. That's why I'm taking this break from social media and reducing my travel schedule. Because my dream is to be a Bella's wedding day. And my will to win is not for sale on that. I've got to be there. There's no negotiation for me. It's get up and work out. It's make sure you take the right nutritional supplements. It's the doctors say, slow down, Ed, and take a break for a while. I do it. There's no negotiation because I belong in that dream. I belong there with Bella on her wedding day. And I like to get to the heart of it. Guys, like, I think the more we water down the reason, the easier it is to have the price take us out. Listen, as I've been doing this video or audio with you, thousands of people quit on their dreams. Thousands of people quit on their vision. Every single day, thousands and thousands of people quit on something. And the reason they quit is the price got too great. And by the way, that's okay as long as you've already done the negotiation. But I have a feeling that if I asked you again really closely, how much, if your parents are still here, do you want to make them proud of you or take care of them? How about your children or your spouse? These people that you love the most? Maybe it's none of them. Maybe you have a grandparent who that, when you were a little boy or a little girl, really believed in you, really saw greatness in you, and you want to honor them and make them proud of you as they've gone to heaven and they're looking down on you, and you want to make sure that you really prove them right. Right. I won't let you not focus on that today. Because if I can get you focused on these people you love or these great visions for your life, I think that that is greater than the price you'll pay. And so I want to ask you that today, one more time. Are you willing to quit on them? Are you willing to give in? Really, the only way you can lose in this life is to quit. Only way you can lose is to quit now. That doesn't mean you shouldn't pivot. Innovate, course, correct. Those aren't those. That's not quitting. That's the pursuit of something. And saying, listen, what I'm doing isn't working. The definition of insanity is do the same thing over and over again, expect a different result. I've got to innov. Innovate. I've got to pivot. I've got to get a different strategy. Clearly, I think you should be doing that. That's what my show is all about, is about strategy and innovation and progress. But the truth of the matter is most people aren't totally committed to their dreams. They're not. They're going to stick their toe in it. I'll stick my toe in it. As long as it's not too painful, doesn't get too difficult, too uncomfortable, take too much from me, be too inconvenient, then I'll pursue it. But if it gets too inconvenient, too difficult, too uncomfortable, yeah, I'll give in. Let me give you a secret. People ask me all the time about the people that have been on my show that are some of the greatest achievers in life. What do they have in common? And I'm going to be candid with you, here's what they have in common. They don't have it all figured out. I don't have it all figured out. Most everybody, frankly, is pretty screwed up to some extent or another. And we're all just trying to get through this life and figure it out. What they also have in common is they didn't quit on their dreams. And the reason they didn't quit on their dreams is their love of their dream, their love of other people was greater than their fears for their inadequacies. But I can tell you that we all feel inadequate. We all don't feel prepared. We're all sort of faking it to some extent, aren't we, in our lives. And I know that shocks most people, but I think it should give you hope. They don't have it all figured out. I don't have it all figured out. But what I have figured out is that I'm willing to go into situations I'm ill prepared for because I want to win for the people I love so much. I want to win for me. I want to win for God. I want to do something great with my life. And so although I don't have it figured out completely, I don't have all the answers. And neither does anybody that's been on my show. Anybody you've seen on this show as my guest, most of them don't have the vast majority of it figured out, but they're better at pretending they do. And to the extent that they are good at stepping into spaces they aren't prepared for, but they can kind of pretend they're prepared for. They got this belief in themselves that if I can get in the room, I will figure it out from there. You know, if you had to know everything required to win in life, the truth of the matter Is you probably would never get started. If Henry Ford started Ford Motor Company and said, I have to know everything for the next hundred years for this company, he would have never got started. I mean, who. Who's supposed to repair these cars? There's nowhere to repair them because there's no dealerships yet. There's no mechanics. What about all the stuff for the tires? You know, how are we going to fix these things? Where are they all going to get fuel from? What are we going to do when there's emissions standards? These things didn't even exist then. He couldn't think through every logical problem. He had to just get started. If Steve Jobs and Wozniak, when they started Apple, which was basically a board company, would have thought about, well, what when the Internet comes, what about this? The iPhone, phone software, what about the Mac? What about what? They could never think about all of those things. Things evolve. You just get into the next room and you evolve, right? You get in the next space and you evolve. So you don't have to know everything. By the way, no one you see that's successful knows everything. But they do have this ability that when they get in the room, they're not negotiating the price anymore. They're negotiating their way into the next room. They're negotiating their way to the next level. They're willing to take the heat and the adversity. And then the other thing is this. You got to resell yourself regularly on the dream. You know, once you have a dream, and you know what I'm talking about, some of you are years into years, right? Maybe you just got to resell yourself on the dream, what it's going to mean when you get there, what it's going to look like, how amazing it's going to be. Project into the future. Listen, an idle mind really, really is in pain. It's in jeopardy. But a mind who's saying, I'm fully focused in the present, but man, the future looks so bright. The future is amazing. It's going to be incredible when we get there. Everything's going to be different. We're going to have great change. Our family's never going to be the same. We're going to get to go to this vacation and see this thing and help that many people and feel that emotion and have that memory. The truth of the matter is that your dreams in your life are not a hallucination. I believe they're a gift from God. That is a glimpse into what's possible. It's like a possibility projection for your life. Is when you look into the future. Dreaming is free, yet most people don't take advantage of it. Or they did it once, but they haven't resold themselves the dream again. Maybe you need to go touch your dream. Take a weekend somewhere where you get clear on, this is where we'd love to live, or this is what we'd love to drive, or this is how I'd love to serve in our church and just take a Wednesday and serve one day in your church and resell yourself. You know, most of life, the truth is, is really selling yourself on things. You're selling yourself something right now. You're selling yourself your worries and your fears, and you're selling yourself the story of how big a trouble you could be. And if this doesn't work out, it's a sales pitch you're doing on yourself, aren't you? It's a story you're telling yourself. There's a narrative that you're starting to speak to yourself. So is the other one. It's reselling yourself on the dream, on the story, on the narrative of where you're going and what it's going to look like. I just feel like in life, a better life is to sell yourself on the future. Sell yourself on how great it's going to be when you get there. Learning to live fully present in the moment. Let me say something. When you're negotiating the price, you're not present. You've projected into the future, more pain, more difficulty. You're not in the present. So if you negotiated it already and you block that off in your mind, you go, I've already decided. I'll pay that price. I've already negotiated that. That's already happened for me. Then and only then can you sell yourself on where you're going and what it's going to, like, look like when you get there. And when I say resell yourself, I'm a big believer that you need to touch your dreams. And so I said this a minute ago, but I want you to understand it. You got to sell yourself on stuff. So, like, for example, like where I ended up living in my life, I would take a little vacation there on a weekend for like, one night. I'll never forget this. I wanted to live in Dana Point, Laguna Beach, California, that area. And so when I would have a win in my business, I would go to one night at the Ritz Carlton in Dana Point, Laguna beach, just one night there. And I never had been anywhere like that in my entire life. And I had the feeling of driving up to the valet in my not so great car at the time, but I remember just the feeling. It may sound hokey, but giving the valet my keys and. Mr. Mylett, are you staying here? Yes. Your name? Mylett. Great. You write Mylett. I'll never forget the first time the guy wrote Mylette on the valet tag and he gave it back to me. I saw my name, Ritz Carlton, Laguna Niguel or Laguna beach, and then it said Mylett. And I remember putting that in my pocket, and I remember walking into the lobby and, like, the marble floor, I was like, oh, my gosh, this is incredible. And. And I'd watch how other people walked and talked. That belonged there, because I didn't feel like I belonged there. And then I checked into the hotel and I remember back in those days, I would go play golf just to be around successful people. And, you know, my wife would go get a massage and lay out at the pool, and then we'd have a nice dinner and I would just touch that drink. Just for one night. Maybe every eight weeks, just one night. But what started to happen is I started after time, over time, going, I belong here. I belong here. I became comfortable in that dream. And our mind moves towards what it's most familiar with. And then I remember the first speech I gave being super uncomfortable. But I remember the more I did it, the more I felt like I belong here. I'm comfortable here. I moved towards what I was familiar with. And it's interesting, the other place that I would go take my mini vacations was to the desert, to the Palm Springs, La Quinta area of California. And I would go out to this one resort called the La Quinta Resort. And I couldn't afford to be there for more than one night, but I'd get a deal on the room, you know, and I would just touch that dream for a night. I remember going, wow, these desert nights are so amazing. And then we go out there maybe like three months later. But I would touch that dream three or four times a year, and I would touch the other one. Do you know that later in life, for many, many years, those are the two places that I lived. I lived in the. I lived in that area and I lived in the other one. And I really believe it's because I had touched that dream over and over again. Maybe your dream isn't anything like that. Maybe it's to be, you know, full time in the charity or full time in your church. Go take a day off and serve and just feel like it. Maybe do that every three or four months if you can, and touch the dream. Because we move towards what we're most familiar with, and we get in life what we believe we deserve and where we believe we belong. And so, long term, if you're doing this negotiation thing, you just don't believe you belong there. And at some point, there's gonna be enough pain that's gonna prove you right. You're gonna go, I knew I didn't belong here. I knew this wasn't for me. I knew this was for other people. I knew I'm an imposter. I knew I was faking it. What am I crazy? And I have to tell you, I have this happen all the time. Like, I have something I'm doing right now. My life is a very major project. It's. It's a property that I'm developing, and there's a lot of difficulty with it. And every time that difficulty comes up, I go, what am I doing? Am I crazy? That's not for me. That's for someone way wealthier, way more successful than me. Like, and I have this thing where, like, I want to surrender, right? I'm negotiating it. So I'm not perfect at this stuff. And so a lot of times when adversity strikes, it's like proving you right. The price is too great. The price is too great. I'm literally going through this right now with something, and I have to remind myself I'm reselling myself on the future. I'm actually today, tomorrow, I go visit that place just to resell myself on the dream of being there, just to resell myself on the vision. Because it's so easy when you have a vision and a dream, right? And you have it. So you establish a plan and a goal, and then you start going through the stuff and you feel like further and further away from the vision and the dream and why you did it in the first place and the inspiration behind it. And you're more and more focused on the price. So today's podcast, I literally designed for me, right? It's the price. I'm like, gosh, it's taking a toll on me physically. It's taking a toll on me emotionally, right? Financially. Yet it's my dream. It's my dream. And so I've got to come back and go, I love this dream. I love the experiences I'll have with my friends and family more than the price right now. Stop negotiating the price, Ed. You already negotiated this price. Your love for these people in this place and the memories, that'll Happen there are greater than your fears and your worries. And then I'm reselling myself by going back because our mind moves towards what we're most familiar with. So if we're most familiar with our fears and our worries and our concerns, we're going to move towards it. It's like a magnet. Thoughts are magnets. They pull us towards what we're focused on. So it's very dangerous to focus on all the pain, all the price, all the cost, all the time because you're going to move towards more of it. But if you focus on how worth it it is, remember this cost versus worth, right? Then you can say, my will to win is not for sale. I can't be bought. You can't be bought with enough success and it can't be bought with enough failure. You know, many people are bought with success. They have a dream, they get a little bit of it and then they're bought. Their will's gone. They don't want to work like they used to work because they've got a little taste of success, they got a little taste of progress. Those people end up paying a greater price later when it goes backwards and they have to start all over again. So don't let success take your will to win and don't let failure take your will to win. I think basically today my message to you was you got to decide right now what you're willing to pay for a price and not. And once you've decided it, don't revisit it, don't revisit it. Just make the decision that you're going to will this to happen. Get some prayer about it, get some clarity about it. Feel like you've got a conviction over it. You know, get your mind empty, meditate a little bit, get clear and then ask yourself, is this really my dream? And if it is, start reselling yourself all the time on that dream. That it's worth it, that you belong there. I'm going to say something to you that I want you to never forget. You belong in your dreams. Your big bold, God sized dreams. Those aren't hallucinations. Those are visions of what's possible in your life. And I want to tell you I believe you belong in those dreams. You do not belong in your fears, you do not belong in the negotiation. You do not belong in your worries. You belong in your dreams. The big ones and the small ones. But I think especially the big God sized dreams and most of those dreams are how you want to feel about yourself, the emotions you want to experience. The memories you want to have, I believe are the things that most matter to us. It's not the thing or the house or the this. It's how we want to feel. And I believe you deserve to feel that way about you. And never give in to a price that tells you you're not willing to do it or worthy of having it in your life. Running a small business means you're wearing a lot of hats. Your personal phone becomes your business phone and vice versa, and the thing just blows up all day long and it's hard to tell the difference between one and the other. And as your zeros, it becomes almost impossible to manage your personal phone number along with your business phone number. That's where Open Phone comes in. Open Phone is one of the top business phone systems in the world. They'll help you separate your personal life from your growing business. For just 15 bucks a month, you get complete transparency and visibility into everything happening with your business phone number. Open Phone works through an app on your phone or your computer and integrates with hundreds of different systems. They use AI powered call transcripts and summaries so you'll have summary of your phone call with action Items. Right now, OpenPhone is offering 20% off for your first six months. If you go openphone.com mylet that's o p n p h o n e.com mylet for 20% off six months openphone.com mylet and if you have existing numbers with another service, Open Phone will port them over at no extra charge. Hey guys. So before I hurt my back, one of the things we were doing more of is I was snowboarding and I loved it and we had great friends who were skiers so we'd go on these cool ski trips. Here's what I didn't like about these cool ski trips. Dragging these snowboards and skis through the airports. Any of you that know what I'm talking about, it's stressful. They lose them sometimes, they're heavy, they're clanky, there's all these upcharges. You don't have to deal with that anymore. Thanks to Ship Skis. Ship Skis helps you do one thing that's important. Skip airport stress and costly airline fees with complimentary insurance, real time tracking, dedicated support, and on time delivery. Just schedule your shipment, attach your label and Ship Skis takes over the rest. It's brilliant. Right now Ship Skis is offering our listeners 20% off your first shipment when you go to ship skis.com and use the code. My let go to ship skis and use the code my let to get 20% off your first shipment and save yourself the hassle this ski season. That's s h I p s k I s dot com. Make sure you use the code mylet so they know we sent you. Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Now onto our next guest. Today's awesome. I just reached out to this man. I said, hey, brother, I think the world needs a little bit more of Dean and Ed. He's just a good man. He's a great husband, He's a wonderful father, and I count him as a friend and somebody that I admire greatly. So, Dean Graziosi, thank you for being here today, brother.
- [62:06]
Dean Graziosi
Thank you for that beautiful introduction. I feel the same way about you, Ed. We met each other a little bit before the podcast, and it was like we were bonded brothers forever after that. And it was a great show. And I still get hit up on a regular basis.
- [62:17]
Ed Mylett
I know you do.
- [62:17]
Dean Graziosi
There was something magical about that show. Cause we get hit up all the time about it. So it's good to be here with you.
- [62:22]
Ed Mylett
One thing that's a lot of people are listening to this and they know they've got that thing. They're not working out like they should. Maybe they are in that text thing. Maybe it's that they don't eat the way they should. They don't make the contacts they should. They're not up as early they got a thing. But they're winning in spite of it, right? In spite of it. They've got some winning going on. Because in spite of the fact for many years, Dean, that you weren't as congruent as you wanted to be, you were still producing financial success.
- [62:47]
Dean Graziosi
Massively.
- [62:48]
Ed Mylett
Massively. But what's happened the last four or five years is your life has become a freaking rocket ship in terms of influence. You guys, Dean's been famous a long time. You go back to all the infomercial days. If you've not seen Dean or you hear this voice, it's because Dean was all over television forever, very successful in that space. And the influence space, the real estate space, as he was not congruent in every area of his life. But, man, the last four or five years. So speak to that if you can solve that thing you got. It's like a football team who's got no running game, man. If they could Just run the football. They've already got a good passing game. Their defense is good. They're a playoff team already. But if they could run the football, they're going to win the Super Bowl. There's always that thing, right? True or false?
- [63:31]
Dean Graziosi
So, okay, I love this question. I love hanging out with you, man. And thank you for everybody listening. I know you have lots of options. So thanks for hanging out with two friends talking about stuff where I had no idea what we were talking about. So this is really cool. Here's what I know what happens sometimes. I'll tell you what I did for a decade. If we're going to talk about relationships, I'll be completely transparent. I thought about leaving my relationship every day of my life for. For five years. It was almost the first thing I thought about every day. Not because she's a bad human in any way. There were just. It just wasn't the right fit. I'm not an advocate of divorce, but it just didn't fit. But here's what I did for years. I was financially successful at the time. I thought I was the best dad possible, even though I wasn't showing them the best example. But I thought, I'm an engaged father. I coach little league, coach softball. I'm there. I bring them to school, make them lunches, love them to death. I'm a great leader to my team. I'm a good friend to people who need me. So my relationship's off and I'm not congruent. I should be freaking fortunate. So who gets it all? This is what I remember. Who? Oh, you want it all, Dean. You want love and congruency and a good dad and financially free. And I remember just thinking, stop being greedy if your relationship doesn't work. But really what I was doing at is. Is I wasn't facing something because it was scary to me. It was scary leaving my kids and not thinking. Thinking of not being with my kids every single day was like a shot in the gut. And I just ignored it and avoided it. And it grew. It grew to where I didn't become the man that I was supposed to be. Listen, whatever you believe in, God, the universe. I believe in God. And I believe God has created you to be bigger, better, and stronger than you currently are. No matter what, where you are in your life, God wants you to be the woman you were meant to be, the man you were meant to be. And if you believe in karma, whatever your beliefs are, you are meant to be more. And when you let one of those areas build it doesn't go away. I don't care how much I try to push it down on the inside. It just kept growing. And you feel that, like you're looking away from it, even though it's there. And I want you to think about this when you have to. Some things are difficult. You might have to face a change of a business, a change of a business partner, change of a job, change in a relationship. The thing that you've been avoiding is growing, even though you think it's not. And it's like, got roots, and the roots are creeping over into all areas of your life, and you don't know, and you're working harder, stronger, faster to overcome this, and you think you're conquering it. If you're in a relationship, that's not good. And maybe you go to the strip club or you text on your phone or you do something and you think you're fulfilling it, you're not. You're just letting the roots grow in deeper and stronger. And you're working twice as hard to be successful, and you don't even realize it. And here's the way I looked at it when I decided, or we decided to get a divorce. And you can use this analogy. You could tell I got some silly analogies. You can use this in any area of your life. Picture your ship is in a bay. It's calm. The water's calm. There's other great ships in the bay. The weather's kind of beautiful, it's kind of nice. But you know you're not meant to be in that bay. But, man, it just has all the signs where you're supposed to be there. But the only way out of that bay is you got to sail your ship through the storm that's out in the ocean. And you're watching the storm, and you're watching how turbulent it is. You're in the bay, and it's comfortable. But the only way to your next level, the only way to break through, the only way to get rid of those roots, to kind of crush that thing that you're avoiding or afraid of, is you got to sail your ship through the storm. You see the storm. It's turbulent, the waves are high, the sky is dark. And you're not even sure because you've never navigated that territory. You don't have a map because you've never been there. You've never experienced it. And the way I looked at it when I was going through a divorce is I was so scared for my kids. Not me being alone, but scared on how that would work out. My kids, that a lot of times I put my ship in the storm, it got bumpy, and I went back to the bay. And I'll tell you, when I finally said, I can't be the man. I'm supposed to be staying in this harbor, even though it's pretty and there's great people around, and it's going through that storm, going through the changes, the navigating of new territory. You're mapping out new territory on the fly, and your ships going down, and you want to turned back a hundred times. But there's this moment, and it happened to me when I went through a divorce. There was this moment where I didn't know if I could take it. And I was scared for my kids, and I was having anxiety attacks. But I want to share with you, there was this moment that my ship landed on the other side of the storm, and it was over. And I was a different human. I was a different man. I looked through a different lens. I had a new map. And I realized I wasn't meant. Meant for that other bae. Yes, it was safe. Yes, it was okay. But listen, at the end of our lives, do we want to be okay? Right? And when I got to the other side, it was this fresh start. I found a way to be friends with my ex. I found a way for my kids to be safe. I found a way to replace quantity with quality. With my children, I found a way to be a better version of me and attract Lisa in my life. And when those roots were gone, this is what I want to share with all of you for that one area of your life that you know what I'm talking about. As you're hearing this, you're picturing it, and you're going, wow, nobody really knows that I do that when no one's watching. Nobody knows that. I'd like to fix that. No one knows that. I kind of BS everybody else and say I'm working on it, but I'm not. I want to tell you, when they go away, your sailboat turns into a ship with five engines on it. Like, my life exponentially grew. I became a better dad, a better leader, a better friend. I had more compassion, had more empathy. I replaced anger with compassion. And things just. I just became a different person. I mean, I think I was a good man 10 years ago, but I wouldn't recognize him. I'm not the same human today, and that allowed me to go faster. And I just encourage you. You've heard this before, but your next level Lives on the thing, on the other side of the thing, you're avoiding the other thing you're afraid of. And, Ed, I think I heard you say this. You know, all of us, we get to learn from each other and listen to each other. And I'll go listen to a podcast when I need. I'll listen to a little Ed Mylett or watching. But I remember somebody saying, it may have been you, but what drives me to fix those pieces, guys, and I want you to hear this. The business that you want to scale, start the relationship you want to fix or end, the parenting style that you. You've gone so long doing it one way, you think it's too late, and you got to fight for it. It's worth the fight. Whatever it is the fight. I just want to tell you, I picture I've always pictured being at the end of my life and having a conversation with God, and he said, how did it go? Right? Always picture that. And I always have the fear of going, well, you know, I was in a good relationship, right? Or things were okay. You know, I was great at my business, great at impacting lives, and I did this, and I was a good dad. What about your relationship? It was okay. I picture saying that to someone where we have this creation given to us, this opportunity, and I feel like this inner disappointment where I'd want to scream and go, you know what? Damn it, can I do that over? And you don't get that chance. You don't get that chance. Like, you don't get a do over, and you'd want to. So I put those emotions of my future back on me. Things you've again already heard. And I think I heard this from you, Ed, or someone, but I heard someone put that on a whole nother level. Could you imagine if God pulled out his iPhone and said, ed, I appreciate all you've done and you've served and you give in that one area of life. Can I play you a quick video of the man you could have been?
- [71:01]
Ed Mylett
That's my stuff.
- [71:01]
Dean Graziosi
Yeah, that is yours. I knew I heard that from you. When I heard that from you, Ed, it changed it. Honestly, took what I had been. I had been telling myself my last conversation with God. And when I heard that from Ed, you. I've shared that, and I feel that all the time. And if I didn't, I want to share this with you guys, and I hope it's relating to where you are in your life right now. If you're looking for what's going to drive you, what's going to take you to the next level. How do you move your lighthouse out? How do you wake up compelled again, not just want to chill? And how do you find that, that. That. That thrive, that. That energy, that zest for life again? I just want to share with you that if I didn't sail my ship out of that harbor, that safe harbor, and go through. I'm understating what I went through. I don't take aspirin. When I was going through a divorce, worrying about my kids, I was popping Xanax three days a week because I couldn't control my anxiety. I was drinking a glass of wine five nights a week because I couldn't put myself to sleep. So I'm understating how bad I was for a short period of time. When I was in the middle of that storm, I thought of turning back because I felt so crappy about myself and worried about my kids so much. But I want to tell you, on the other side, I never would have experienced what real love could be like. I have love in a way that I wish it for every single one of you. There's nothing I can even share that compares to having a true soulmate that's got your back, that supports you and loves you and you feel the same where you don't keep score and you got each other's back, I never would have experienced that if I didn't go through the storm. And whatever that storm storm is for you, you have to have that compelling future and you have to stay steadfast and realize if you go back to where you were, you'll get more of what you used to have.
- [72:37]
Ed Mylett
Brother, that's just absolutely riveting. And that's why. I mean, I knew we would do some magic stuff today or you would. I just didn't know to what extent. I didn't even know where it would go. But for a lot of you, that safe harbor is not your relationship. It's your job. It's where you're working right now. And you've got this dream. And by the way, that dream you keep trying to suppress, that's going to keep rising up as well. It doesn't go away too long. You'll get to a point where it is too late. And you're going to be watching that video of your life. It's an interesting thing. Two things occurred to me. One is that the people that I love the most, man, they have two things. I'm going to ask you a question on the second one, but one of them Is oddly, we do contemplate death more than most people. I think the contemplation of the end of your life causes you to be so present now because you know that there's a finite amount of time. It's when you don't contemplate the end that you think you have forever. Most people think everyone else are going to is going to die. They don't think they're going to die. Everyone else is going to die, you're going to die too. There's going to be an end to this. And by the time you're at the end of it all that you worried about, the crap that you stressed over, the people, you were concerned about what they thought, the risks you didn't take, the things you didn't pursue, the pain you weren't willing to go through, you will regret worrying about those things and not going through the pain you will regret when you watch that video. And so contemplating that end is important. My guest today played 12 years in the major leagues. Let me just tell you something. He could flat mash. This dude could hit. So we're going to talk about peak performance today and overcoming adversity. All kinds of incredible stuff with Sean Casey. Casey, welcome to the show, brother.
- [74:06]
Sean Casey
Thanks for having me on, dude. So fired up to be here, brother.
- [74:08]
Ed Mylett
The other part of baseball though, is that it's a failure based game. I mean, like, if you're really, really good and you're a great hitter, right?
- [74:18]
Sean Casey
Yeah.
- [74:18]
Ed Mylett
You're successful. I mean, 30% of the time you're dealing with failure. 70%. I actually think because I was an okay player and not like a great player like you. I actually think baseball did equip me for life in many ways because of all the failure. And, and I give a good saying for what failure is. And I want to give you the grace to share it with everybody. But to just talk about that part of baseball, failing, what failure means to you and what you did with it, because that's part of life too. But it's really pronounced in baseball. Yeah, yeah.
- [74:49]
Sean Casey
You know, failure's feedback, you know, at the end of the day, failures, feedback. Like I. You can. First off, in baseball and in life, if you start taking your failures personally, well, then you become the victim. Like, ah, man, I just can't do it. It's this guy's fault and this guy's fault. It's like, no, man, it's feedback. What are we gonna do with it? Yeah, you know, what are we, what are we gonna do with the feedback that we Just got, you know, are we gonna run and hide or are we gonna run forward? Right? Like, you know, I would say, like, the Navy seals, they feel gunfire, they run for it. Like, who's doing that? Like, you know, and you think of baseball like, hey, man, failure's feedback, failures, information. You know, it's only failure if you fail to learn. Harvey Dorfin used to tell me that.
- [75:30]
Ed Mylett
You ended up becoming a friend.
- [75:32]
Sean Casey
Incredible. A couple years into the big leagues. I called him. I just called him. I was 2003. I was like, I cannot end my career without not having met Harvey Dorfman. To tell him what, this is the.
- [75:41]
Ed Mylett
Guy who wrote the book that changed his life?
- [75:44]
Sean Casey
Yeah. So I called him and I'm like, hey, Harvey, you know, my name's Sean Casey.
- [75:47]
Brendan Burchard
I know who you are.
- [75:48]
Sean Casey
You got a sweet swing. I'm like, oh, yeah. Sometimes you meet people like, this guy knows who I am. You know what I mean? And so I ended up working with Harvey, you know, and one of the greatest stories was. I remember I was in 2004. I was really having a great year, probably like mid. Beginning of June. I was hitting like 390, which is like, you know, that's incredible, right? And I went. I went. I went. In a time was over 12, right? Went over 12.
- [76:11]
Ed Mylett
But I.
- [76:11]
Sean Casey
But I was like, you said over six with six lines. I had probably 11 lineouts. I call Harvey one night, and what I loved. What I loved about Harvey, he broke through your. He was like, dude, like, I kind of don't want to. Call me if you got something good, but if you don't, I'm going to let you know. So I was like. I picked up the phone on this one. I like, I think this is good.
- [76:30]
Ed Mylett
I think, Right, right, right.
- [76:32]
Sean Casey
Things are. He's down. North Carolina, Hello. I'm like, hey, Arby, it's. It's Case. I was like, hey, bro, can I talk to you real quick? He said, yeah, what do you got? I was like, man, I'm just grinding right now over my last 12. He's like, all right, break it down for me. What do you got? Your last 12 at bats? I'm like, all right. You know, first a battery rocking the gap. Jim Edmonds, you know, makes a ridiculous play. Next one is shot the first, you know, guy, you know. So I've had 11, 12 at bats, but 11, 11 rockets. He's like, listen. He goes, your job. And he turns into, like, that, like, crudgy doll guy. Your job is to focus on the process. Your Job is to make sure you take a deep breath every pitch to get ready for that next pitch. Your job is to hit the ball hard every time up. Sounds like you're doing your job. I'll talk to you later. He hung up with me.
- [77:18]
Ed Mylett
Let's go.
- [77:20]
Sean Casey
Because he knew. You can't believe the failure. Yeah, you can't believe you have to take the failure. You have to make the. And the adversity in baseball, like, make it. Why don't you look forward and say, that's gonna make. Yes, that's going to make me stronger. You know, I mean, I always looked.
- [77:33]
Ed Mylett
At it like if I were batting like I was a leadoff hitter. So I try to take a lot of pitches for other guys, too. I wanted to get as much info. It's really interesting. The big leagues now, like, that's not really the thing anymore that leadoff guys can still strike out all the time. Like, I never want to strike out.
- [77:46]
Sean Casey
But I feel like it's going back that way.
- [77:48]
Ed Mylett
Well, you would know because we're going to talk about that in a minute. He's also broadcaster for the MLB Network, so he's still very much involved. That's a whole other part of his life. But. But I would try to get information, but, like, if I did go over one, even if I grounded out the short first of battle, I'm like, okay, he's trying to work me away. His breaking ball does this. He can't locate his changeup. Like a download information from the at bat. And I watched the World Series last night where we're recording this. The World Series is happening. Probably by the time it comes out, it may be over.
- [78:13]
Sean Casey
Right?
- [78:14]
Ed Mylett
The big tall dude for Philadelphia two nights ago, Alec Bohm, he hit the home run. Yeah, yeah, Alec Bohm run. And they said something to him. Like they interview him during the game. And they said to him, hey, what did Bryce Harper say to you? Because Bryce had come over and said. And he said, I'm not gonna tell you what he said to me. But what had happened was Harper had actually got out the at bat before, but he downloaded from that failure feedback that he gave it to Bone, right? So that's part of what failure should be. When you miss a sales call. It's not like I suck. It's like, okay, what did I not say? Where did I miss? Did I not hear something? Where did we lose the energy? Where did I lose the connection in parenting when I've done stuff with my kids and haven't worked? I'm looking at the feedback, like, how could I have said this differently? How could I phrase it differently? When I walked in the room, was my physiology intimidating to my kids? Was I loving, like failure is feedback. I love that term. And baseball forces that on you. Because if you don't get feedback from your failure as a hitter or a pitcher, right. If you don't get feedback from that failure, you're not going to last very long. Yeah, right. You're going to have to figure that.
- [79:15]
Sean Casey
Can I tell you one quick one, just quick story, please. When I, when I go back to my rookie, it was my second year, my rookie year in the big leagues, I faced Randy Johnson for the first time. You know, you go back 6 11, you know, he's with the dimebags at time, you know, just throw him behind you. And lefty on left, just lefty on left. I was literally was up there like, oh my God. I was like, if these are the pitchers and the big leagues, I'm gonna.
- [79:36]
Ed Mylett
Be out of here soon.
- [79:36]
Sean Casey
Right?
- [79:37]
Ed Mylett
They weren't all like that.
- [79:37]
Sean Casey
It was incredible. So I remember going over with him with a couple punch outs and I remember thinking, man, that's Randy Johnson. He's one of the best lefties ever. I got his baseball card, you know, it's where my mind was going. We faced Maddox a couple days later, he carves me up, slices and dices me one, two, you know, two seamer at my hip. I've never seen it in my life. I think I screamed, I was like, ah. They're like, strike three, right? So I remember having a conversation with myself, like, wow, I'm getting feedback here that I'm looking at these guys, that I'm putting them too much on a pedestal. I gotta get back to controlling the controllables of what I can do, right?
- [80:13]
Ed Mylett
There you go.
- [80:13]
Sean Casey
So this is what I said. I started to think, okay, what adjustment can I make here to not look out there at these great pictures and think that they're so much better than me? So what I said was, I've been facing a pitching machine since I was 14 years old. As soon as it leaves those guys hand, whether it's Randy Johnson, Greg Max, John Smoltz, I told myself mentally, it's now a pitching machine, right? I just have to be able to get my process so well that when the ball comes into an area over the plate that I gotta be ready to square it up. So whether it's leaving it at a 3 quarter lefty, that's 6'11 throwing 193 mile an hour slider. If it comes across the plate, I still got a shot. If I control my controllables, if I can control me.
- [80:56]
Ed Mylett
Yes.
- [80:57]
Sean Casey
So it becomes that me versus me game.
- [80:59]
Ed Mylett
Your brother. I love that. Oh, my gosh. See, guys, one of the things Sean's doing we're gonna talk about in a little bit is he's got something called Think Like a Pro, where you're gonna be able to start to get guys like him, him specifically, their insights on how to apply these things in life. And what you just said is, like, anytime I've got something that overwhelms me, I try to get internal. What are the things that I can control? Even, like, when I'm speaking and there's like, 15 speakers on an agenda. Oh, they're gonna love this guy who's. You know, I remember even when I played, I'd be worried about even in college, like, oh, it's Friday night. I get. They're a starter. Who they throwing tonight? I hope he's not a lefty or, you know, whatever. Right, Exactly. And I started to. I go, no, the bottom line is when the ball leaves his hand, it's me, and the ball, it's you. And I have a fighter. I won't say who, but he's fighting in the next few weeks, one of my UFC guys, and he sent me a voice note the other night because we couldn't reach you. And I'd say this to all of you to listen, just because I wish I knew everything I know about coaching top performers back when I was young, because they're human beings, and they actually have a lot of the same worries, anxieties, fears, insecurities that you have. They've just come up with processes, and they get feedback from their failures. The thing Sean is saying is a fact. And so he says to me, he goes, here's the truth, bro. I'm scared. He said to me, I'm scared. I'm afraid, and I'm worried. This is the best opponent I've ever faced. And, you know. And, you know, I'm just relying on my training and the things we talked about and some of the mental triggers. I give these guys different mental triggers and anchors that you did when you hit as well, that baseball players know about, that a lot of athletes don't. And I said back to him in the voice note, because we couldn't reach her. I said, hey, just remember this, man. He's scared, too. And he's about to face a badass man himself, and he's facing the best fighter he's ever fought in his life. So we can't control that, but we can control is what we feel internally. So just know this. Other people are afraid when they give a speech. Other people are worried. Other people are when they, they're not sure they're going to make it, they're not sure. Just realize this, that like the things you think you suffer from that are just yours emotionally, your fears, your anxieties are human. And the top people, I'm talking about people that run big countries, run big companies, that 12 year MLB studs, right? Like the best UFC fighters, the best boxers, the best putters, I've worked with, the best golfers, they all have these thoughts that you have, but they come up with coping mechanisms. They come up with things that they can play offense in their life. They deal with failure better. Today's special. It's not every day you sit across from a three time super bowl champion. But actually as impressive as his football career was, I like the fact that the dream didn't stop there and he was able to post football, create an incredible brand, an incredible career, an incredible life post football. So I just want to pick the brain of the great Troy Aikman. Troy, good to have you.
- [83:40]
Troy Aikman
Yeah, great to be on. Great to meet you.
- [83:42]
Ed Mylett
Dealing with failure, it's part of being an athlete. I think back to just watching a lot of football. Your rookie year was not gorgeous. So most people that listen to my show may not even be football fans. But I'm interested to hear. Why don't you describe it a little bit. Tell them what happened your rookie year, which was not. You weren't winning a Super bowl that year.
- [84:01]
Troy Aikman
No.
- [84:03]
Ed Mylett
And how you dealt with a lot of the rejection and failure criticism that came with it. And probably even to this day you get criticism. People saying things about you that aren't real favorable.
- [84:12]
Troy Aikman
How do you deal with that? My rookie year was, I guess when I first got criticized or had to deal with that was at Oklahoma. You know, I was trying to run an offense that just didn't fit my skills. And so it was a real challenge. And ou, of course is a hotbed for football and we were pretty good at the time and I was probably holding us back just because we were trying to run this wishbone offense and it just wasn't for me. So that was the first time I really had to deal with it. I broke my leg and then I went to UCLA and ended up going to Dallas as the number one overall pick.
- [84:48]
Dean Graziosi
But.
- [84:48]
Troy Aikman
But I went to the worst team in Football. And then my rookie year, you know, new head coach, college coach, bringing in a lot of different players every week. We really did not have much of a fighting chance. I was 011 as a starter. Crazy. And it was tough. I took a beating. We weren't very good up front.
- [85:10]
Ed Mylett
0 and 11, everyone.
- [85:11]
Troy Aikman
Owen, 11. And so there were games where we should have lost based on how I played, and then there were other games where I thought I played pretty well, you know, and. And we'd have a lead with 30 seconds left in the game, and somehow we'd lose it, you know, And I just remember thinking, man, what does it take to win a game in this league? I mean, this is. This is brutal. But I never lost confidence, and I. And I think the reason was I had a quarterback coach by the name of Jerry Rome, and he had played in the NFL, and he just. He refused to let me get down on myself. And there were days when it was hard. It was hard to be positive. It was hard to be upbeat. It was hard to believe that good things were going to happen. But he was always there, being my champion, and he was in my corner. And so, fortunately, my very first game, my second season, we won. And so I got that monkey off my back. And then over time, we slowly got better and better, and then. Then, of course, we won the super bowl in my fourth year and had great success. But, yeah, I just think that.
- [86:16]
Ed Mylett
Does criticism hurt you even now?
- [86:18]
Troy Aikman
Well, nobody likes it. You know, it's easy. I hear people say, hey, I don't pay any attention to criticism. I have a hard time believing that anyone just can totally brush it off. But if you get criticized enough, you know, and now that I'm still in the public eye with broadcasting and all that, that you just learn that it's just part of it. You know, someone once told me that, hey, it's part of the. You know, comes with the dinner, and criticism just comes with the dinner. And, you know, I'll read Twitter from time to time, and if you've called a game and you read Twitter, buckle up. But some of these. Some of it's pretty funny, and I laugh at most of it, but what I like, the reason I do it is because, you know. You know, deep down, if there's truth to those criticisms, sure, you know?
- [87:12]
Ed Mylett
Yeah.
- [87:12]
Troy Aikman
And so I try to evaluate myself objectively, and I don't dismiss that. I mean, I listen and then think, yeah, you know what? They're right.
- [87:21]
Ed Mylett
Me, too.
- [87:21]
Troy Aikman
They're right. I do the same.
- [87:22]
Ed Mylett
I kind of dig some of it. Some of it's ridiculous, but some of it, I'm like, you know what, I've heard this enough times. There's some validity to this.
- [87:28]
Troy Aikman
That's right.
- [87:28]
Ed Mylett
I do need to make that adjustment.
- [87:29]
Troy Aikman
And it's a bit of a wake up and all that's good. So I don't mind it. I mean, I honestly don't mind it. Even at the criticism if you know deep down, like you've done your best and whatever it is and then you just accept it and move on. And now, as you know, I mean, the critics now everyone has a platform. So you get all the. Everyone gets criticized now.
- [87:52]
Ed Mylett
I mean, yeah, we definitely don't lack feedback in this day and age. There's plenty of feedback. I have one of the greatest athletes of the last two decades in any sport. He also happens to be one of the greatest golfers of all time. And I'm gonna get a whole bunch of out of his brain today. So please welcome Phil Mickelson to the show. Phil, thanks for being here, brother.
- [88:10]
Phil Mickelson
My pleasure, Ed. Thanks for having me on. I'm glad we had a chance to do this.
- [88:13]
Ed Mylett
It's 2016. Phil's gonna win the U.S. open. And I think you bogeyed the 16th hole. You come back, you parse 17. Maybe I have my years wrong. I got a digit wrong. 2006, he bogey 16, pars 17. And if you par 18, you're probably going to win the US Open. And you hit a bad tee shot. There's a series of events that in hindsight weren't great decisions potentially. I want to ask you about that. And I remember at the end of the round watching you, I've always rooted for you. I'm left handed golfer, the way you treat people, like most fans, I just root for you. And I remember physically in my body hurting for you. And I remember you saying, I think you literally said, I'm such an idiot. I can't believe I did that. I think you actually referred to yourself that way. I want to know, what does it feel like to have a failure, all of us here, failure in a marriage, failure in a business, and we have to come back again. And you have an event like that happen, how did you come back? What were you thinking? How long did it take you to come back, et cetera. Tell us about that.
- [89:21]
Phil Mickelson
So I lost six US Opens where I finished second and the wing foot was one. I probably came closest. But there was another one I'd rather talk about, which was Marion in 2013, where I had A chance I was tied for the lead or leading with nine or ten holes to go. And I ended up hitting a bad wedge on a short par three. And I made bogey on a hole that you really needed to make birdie. I ended up losing by a shot or two to Justin Rose. And for the next week, I was really down because I was 43 years old. It was kind of my last chance to. One of my last chances, let's say, to win a U.S. open. And I was really down after letting that one slide. And I went to a place with my family, spent about seven to 10 days, and about the eight or ninth day, it dawned on me that I am playing really good golf. And even though I lost, I don't want to let this linger and carry on into my next performances, my next opportunities. And so I went to Europe and played in the Scottish and British Open. And it happened to be probably the best two week experience of my career. I ended up winning the Scottish Open, my first tournament win in Europe on Lynx golf. I followed it up with winning the British Open at Muirfield, where I never didn't. I never really believed I would win the British Open the way I knew I was going to win the Masters or other majors. And so that was probably my greatest accomplishment. So I went from one of my toughest failures to my greatest accomplishment. Meaning we can't let the failures hold us back. Yeah, it hurts, it stings. But we have to put it behind us and learn from those mistakes and not let that hold us back. Because we have to refocus on what we want to accomplish. And we're all going to deal with setbacks and failures. And I've had a number of them, but I've also had a lot of successes that make up for it.
- [91:03]
Ed Mylett
So are you one of these guys where you savor these wins more than you lament the losses? I interviewed a lot of athletes. They go, no, to be honest with you, some of these losses hurt more than the wins. Felt good. What's true for you?
- [91:15]
Phil Mickelson
I think that I certainly hate to lose more than I love to win. And that motivates me to work harder with the failures that I have. And it motivates me to practice harder so that I don't lose. It's not so much the great experience of winning that I thrive on, it's just that I hate to lose. But as I look back, I really try to cherish the positive moments that have happened in my career and appreciate and be grateful for, for having those moments, those memories And I try not to dwell too much on the failures. But the one failure that I will look back on is the one that you mentioned in the 06 U.S. open a week. But it wasn't the drive that really bothered me. I missed. I only hit two fairways out of 14 the whole day. It was the second shot because my short game that week was better than it's ever been. It was the best short game week of my career. I averaged, I think, three or four fairways around, and yet I should almost won the US Open. So it was the second shot that I did not carve the three iron around the tree. I started a little too far left. It caught the limb and fell straight down. If I started a little bit further right and sliced it around that tree and I had a fine lie. It came off to the corporate hospitality tent. But that grass was all matted down. My lie was fine. That three iron gets up by the green. I'm going to get that up and down. That was the best week of my short game. I would have made a four. And the second shot was the one that I looked back on.
- [92:34]
Ed Mylett
That's interesting because I'm going to challenge you on that. I think, you know that a lot of people thought the error was in trying to hit the three iron. Didn't people feel like you should have tried to lay up and just get up and down? Or am I wrong about that? That they felt like a lot of.
- [92:48]
Phil Mickelson
People probably thought that. But. But again, I'm able to see things that others aren't. And I had a. And all I have to do is just hit a high cut, three iron around the tree. It's going to end up by the green somewhere, probably on the green. It wasn't a hard shot. I'm going to pull it off seven out of 10 times, eight out of 10 times. It's going to end up by the green, if not on. And then my short game takes over and I get up and down when the US Open. So I pushed it about two yards too far to the left and it caught the limbs.
- [93:13]
Ed Mylett
I love it. Thank you for sharing that, by the way. I love being. I love being in that moment with you because I'm never going to be in that moment in sports. Right? So. And most of us aren't going to be. This is the Ed Milan show.