Podcast Summary: The Everyday Millionaire Episode Title: Mindset Matters - Episode #171 - Is Life Even Fair? Release Date: February 6, 2025 Host/Authors: Patrick Francey and Stephanie Hanlon

Introduction

In Episode #171 of The Everyday Millionaire, host Patrick Francey engages in a profound discussion with his wife, Stephanie Hanlon, an Olympic mental performance coach. Titled "Is Life Even Fair?", this episode delves deep into the multifaceted concept of fairness, exploring its implications in personal relationships, business negotiations, and the broader socio-political landscape. The conversation emphasizes how individual perceptions of fairness shape our interactions and overall life experiences.

Defining Fairness

Stephanie Hanlon initiates the conversation by highlighting the pervasive use of the word "fair" in today's discourse, particularly in politics. She expresses frustration with its frequent invocation by politicians to justify various narratives, such as "fair trade" versus "unfair treatment by corporations."

Stephanie Hanlon [01:05]: "The word fair kind of fires me up a little bit sometimes."

Patrick Francey concurs, distinguishing between "fair" and "even," and explaining how these terms are often conflated, leading to misunderstandings.

Patrick Francey [04:58]: "Is life even fair or is life even or is life fair? Two different things."

Fairness in Personal Agreements

The hosts use a hypothetical scenario inspired by Chris Voss's Never Split the Difference to illustrate subjective fairness in agreements. Stephanie presents a situation where she lends Patrick $50,000 at 20% interest, which he honors by returning the principal plus interest after turning the money into a substantial profit.

Stephanie Hanlon [02:37]: "And I say, okay, that's fair. It's short term money. I understand your lost opportunity cost... So 20%, okay, that's fair. Is that fair for you? You're good with 20%, I'm good with 20%."

However, when Patrick returns an unexpected profit of $5 million, Stephanie questions the fairness of the deal, even though Patrick fulfilled the agreed terms.

Stephanie Hanlon [03:50]: "You made $5 million off of my 50 grand. That's not fair."

Patrick defends the agreement's fairness, emphasizing the risk he took and the fulfillment of the contract.

Patrick Francey [03:50]: "If I don't think it's fair, then I should have not done the agreement... I honored the agreement. If I don't fair, then that's my being, I don't know, a liberal."

This exchange underscores how fairness is perceived differently based on individual expectations and outcomes.

Fairness vs. Evenness

Stephanie elaborates on the distinction between "fair" and "even," arguing that striving for evenness doesn't always equate to fairness. She suggests that fairness is subjective and deeply rooted in personal values and agreements.

Stephanie Hanlon [05:06]: "Fair is a very individual thing. We're in a negotiation, and the kind of the meme or the intention of a negotiation is that both parties walk away thinking it's fair..."

Patrick adds a sports analogy, highlighting how coaches' promises of fairness can be misconstrued as demands for evenness, leading to dissatisfaction despite the intention of merit-based rewards.

Patrick Francey [06:22]: "If you down right to, like, the sports Example, fair and even are two different things."

Fairness in Politics and Society

The conversation shifts to the political misuse of "fair," with Stephanie criticizing how liberal governments leverage the term to advocate for policies that may not align with individual meritocratic values. She expresses concern over how political rhetoric manipulates perceptions of fairness to garner support.

Stephanie Hanlon [08:20]: "We have to be mindful about what we believe to be merit based and who's going to be contributing, who's going to be making the decisions right now."

Patrick echoes these sentiments, discussing the potential negative impacts of equating fairness with government intervention, which can stifle entrepreneurship and individual contributions.

Patrick Francey [12:14]: "We're being gaslit when it comes to things... We're being shown how things are happening."

Fairness in Personal Relationships

The hosts transition to discussing fairness within their own relationship, using personal anecdotes to illustrate how perceptions of fairness can vary between partners. Stephanie highlights the importance of communication and mutual agreement to prevent feelings of unfairness.

Stephanie Hanlon [09:57]: "If we're always wandering around and the only time we're happy is when it feels fair, it's feeling fair to you and, or you're determining."

Patrick discusses the balance between personal fulfillment and fairness in partnership, acknowledging that personal sacrifices may be perceived as unfair but are integral to maintaining a harmonious relationship.

Patrick Francey [15:24]: "If I'm doing what I love to do, which lights me up as a human... but if it shows up as not fair to you, that's interesting."

Negotiation and Fairness

A key segment of the discussion revolves around negotiation strategies and the inherent subjectivity of fairness. Stephanie emphasizes that successful negotiations often leave both parties feeling they've gained while acknowledging slight advantages over the other.

Stephanie Hanlon [31:22]: "When you look brought up, you know, taxation, for example, we have taxation without representation in Canada, which is ridiculous."

Patrick introduces the concept of viewing possibilities rather than fairness, suggesting that focusing on potential outcomes can mitigate feelings of victimhood.

Patrick Francey [21:36]: "If fair is one of our values, then it's like 50% of a time I'm going to be a victim because life isn't fair."

The Impact of Fairness on Mental Health and Success

Stephanie and Patrick discuss how an overemphasis on fairness can lead to a victim mentality, limiting personal growth and resilience. They advocate for a mindset shift from seeking fairness to embracing possibility and meritocracy.

Patrick Francey [29:28]: "If fair is one of our values, then it's like 50% of a time I'm going to be a victim because life isn't fair... my commitment this year in 2025... my word is possibility."

Concluding Thoughts

In their closing remarks, Stephanie and Patrick reaffirm the importance of understanding and defining fairness on an individual level. They encourage listeners to reflect on their personal definitions of fairness and how it influences their relationships and professional dealings.

Stephanie Hanlon [34:12]: "It's not fair to a lot of people. A lot of people who have been in the industry a long time have been doing a lot of things who believe that they should be where you are..."

Patrick Francey [35:18]: "It's fair."

The episode concludes with a call to listeners to contemplate the word "fair" and its implications in their lives, urging a move towards personal accountability and open communication to foster genuine fairness in all aspects.

Notable Quotes

• Stephanie Hanlon [01:05]: "The word fair kind of fires me up a little bit sometimes."
• Patrick Francey [04:58]: "Is life even fair or is life even or is life fair? Two different things."
• Patrick Francey [21:36]: "My word is possibility."
• Stephanie Hanlon [31:22]: "If we're always wandering around and the only time we're happy is when it feels fair..."
• Patrick Francey [29:28]: "If fair is one of our values, then it's like 50% of a time I'm going to be a victim because life isn't fair."

Key Takeaways

1. Subjectivity of Fairness: Fairness is inherently subjective, varying based on individual perspectives and values.
2. Fair vs. Even: Striving for fairness does not always equate to achieving evenness, and conflating these terms can lead to misunderstandings.
3. Impact on Relationships: Misaligned perceptions of fairness can create tension in personal and professional relationships.
4. Political Manipulation: The term "fair" is often co-opted by political entities to advance specific agendas, which may not align with true meritocratic principles.
5. Mindset Shift: Embracing a mindset of possibility and meritocracy can mitigate feelings of victimhood and promote personal growth and resilience.

Final Thoughts

Episode #171 of The Everyday Millionaire offers a nuanced exploration of fairness, urging listeners to critically examine their definitions and applications of the term in various aspects of life. Through personal anecdotes and thoughtful dialogue, Patrick and Stephanie Hanlon provide valuable insights into navigating the complexities of fairness, encouraging a balanced approach that fosters both personal fulfillment and equitable relationships.