← The Everyday Millionaire and Mindset Matters Podcast
The Everyday Millionaire and Mindset Matters Podcast
Mindset Matters – Episode #195 – Throwback Thursday: Are You Tired or Just Leaking Energy? Find Out Now
00:28:22
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- [00:00]
A
Foreign. Welcome to this episode of the Everyday Millionaire podcast and the Mindset Matters edition, where I'm joined by my wife and Olympic mental performance coach Stephanie Hanlon. Franci. Together, Stephanie and I engage in a conversation about different aspects of what we refer to as mindset Matters. We believe that we're living in and through one of the most impactful global events in history. And let's face it, few have trained for or are equipped to deal with the. The life that is unfolding before them. The need to pivot in your business, your career, or perhaps deal with shifting family dynamics lies before many. We hope to inspire you to ask yourself questions or pause to consider how you view your world, your life. We'll invite you to check in on where you are on your journey and are you still clear on your intended destination or has it changed? Join us for this in our series of Mindset Matters. Listen in, enjoy. Hey, folks. Welcome to the Everyday Millionaire podcast Mindset Matters episode. Stephanie Hanlon is with us.
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B
Hey, Han. Hey.
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A
Listen, we're back.
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B
What a great summer.
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A
Been a great summer. We took a little bit of a break from recording fresh, went to some of the best doves that the team chose, and, you know, we had some feedback. Some people re listened and got a little bit more out of it. So that's awesome. So today we're back, Mindset Matters. The topic is energy leaks.
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B
What is an energy.
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A
Well, that's what we're going to get into today, folks. You know, it was something that showed up for me and the realization that, you know, when I think about sometimes where I'm feeling tired, I'm feeling annoyed, frustrated, there's all sorts of emotions that can come up. And I don't mean crying emotions. I mean emotions like irritation. Right. That can show up. And it comes from energy leaks, which.
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B
Actually, let me just pause here. Those are feelings, irritation, frustration, all that kind of stuff. When we're talking about energy leaks and we can identify the feelings, they're generally related to unmet expectations. So if we talk about irritation and frustration, etc. As an energy leak, I think we need to describe where we got the term energy leak and why it becomes so important.
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A
Well, for me, I don't know where the term came from under other than I realized that there are things going on in life, and in my life, there's things that I can control that I can't control. There are things of, you know, how I'm operating that take energy away. They require energy to observe or that I actually, you know, mentally is often the case where I'm mentally having to give attention to that, which is an energy leak, if I don't want to. So let's get into some examples of energy leaks. We'll keep it really simple. To start with what I think are simple, you know, energy leak. Every day you walk by a pile of files that you need to file or have filed and you don't. And you keep ignoring it, you keep procrastinating, you keep going, I'll get to it. But you don't. Now the point is that's an energy leak.
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B
It's also an incompletion. We can link that later too, right?
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A
We will definitely link incompletions to energy leaks. The point around energy leaks is that did the pile of files jump out and bite you? No. But did you actually have to have a thought around it? Yes. And then you had probably a negative thought around it, and I don't have time, and then you made an excuse and then you had that circular split second conversation with yourself. And that is in fact an energy leak. In that moment in time, the only thing that you could think of was that in that moment, however long that moment is, maybe it's two or three seconds, or it could be two or three minutes. The point is, is that we all have those energy leaks around us and if we're not aware of them, they can actually suck energy away. And we don't even understand what's going on for us. So cumulatively, like if you had 10 of those kinds of scenarios, you know, your closet needs to be purged, your, I don't know, your lawn needs to be mowed, or something along those lines. The point is this, is that all of this cumulatively adds up to be a suck of energy. You know, you go to a next level, right? And it's incompletions with family members, with friends, things that you wanted to say.
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B
Didn'T say, didn't get to say, felt it would be too confrontational. So that stays in your body and can leak energy.
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A
Exactly. So often what we don't understand in our own psyche, in our own kind of emotional bandwidth, our intellectual bandwidth, is that capacity, our energy is finite at some level and it can draw away from that. Now we can walk into a room and be given energy, right? Where we actually are energized by the environment that we put ourselves in. So the point of energy leaks is to draw our attention to it so that we actually are aware of it. And it's not to say that you're going to now all Of a sudden, file those files. But you do have to realize that in order to probably, I'll say, repair or fix or limit that energy leak, realize that it is in fact an energy leak. You've made a commitment that you didn't honor. I'm going to get those filed. I didn't. And then. So you then say, well, what can I do? Well, maybe you have to hire somebody to spend a couple hours and.
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B
Or ask for help. Ask for help from your partner, spouse or something. The other thing is, if we just say it another way, some people, there's the term energy cannot be created or destroyed. It can only be transformed. So energy think of energy as fuel, right? So you're driving down the street and you forgot to put the gas cap on. That's an incompletion. So you're leaking actual fuel. Gas, Right. So when you think about an energy leak personally, what are you kind of dripping out there? What are you losing? To Patrick's point at the beginning when he said, I get irritated or frustrated because my energy is down. Well, then there's something called a generator, right? We want to plug back in or get plugged back in, and we have to generate energy. And one of the ways of doing that is to complete an incompletion. So that's one way of closing an energy leak. And then you start to notice. Or for me, I start to notice. Where else am I putting attention or a distraction in front of what it is that I truly want to do? Nina said to me this morning, is that why it looks like you don't do anything? Is that you just. I said, my whole job sometimes is to complete my incompletions. That's it. It's my whole to do list. And I've seen people spend hours and hours and hours writing lists of things they have to do or their to dos or their incompletions. And then they just put it on the. They don't actually go in and maybe pick one of those things to complete. And that's really important to do to keep the energy moving.
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A
Exactly. And when we look at energy leaks overall, by the way, you know, think about, for example, think about when you're laying in bed, you wake up in the morning perhaps, and you're going, I don't want to get out of bed. I don't want to go to the job. I don't want to do something. Okay. And often it's because it doesn't light you up in terms of make you happy. It doesn't actually inspire you. It doesn't generate energy. It actually sucks energy. You know, maybe you're having a tough time at your job, maybe your business isn't doing what it should be doing or that you would hope it was doing. And that can be an energy vampire, if you will. It can suck that energy. But yet when you start to identify those energy leaks then. And identify them for what they are is just an energy leak. It takes some of the edge off of it. It takes some of the, well, the.
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B
Self criticism off of it.
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A
Yeah, exactly. And recognize it for what it is. Now here's the thing that you can consider doing, for example, is just making a list of all your energy leaks. You know, and I gave an example of files. It could be, you know, painting a bedroom, cleaning your house, it could be cleaning your closet, whatever it is. It could be having a conversation with a family member. It could be something that is really both an. It could be an incompletion, generally it is a completion. Or it could be something in terms of a project that you want to get started but you haven't made a point of starting it. Now is that an incompletion? Not really, but it is something on your to do list that you haven't done. So it becomes an energy leak also.
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B
When that happens, then we can go into self judgment around, okay, now I'm just procrastinating or now I'm just, oh, this is something that I don't really want to do. It doesn't really light me up, but I have to do it because it's part of my job or because I said I would. That's one of the biggest ones is because I said I would is when you set yourself up when you really don't want to do something, then that is an emotional incompletion as well. Emotional energy leak.
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A
So there's a couple things that go with this as we get deeper into this and add some layers to it. So for example, Stephen Covey wrote a book many years ago called the Speed of Trust. And it really boiled down to we can't trust in that. It's about a lot of things, but one of the segments in that book talked about how we can't even trust ourselves. I'm going to go on a diet starting tomorrow. And we don't, we don't actually trust ourselves. So we lose the trust for ourselves. I'm going to quit drinking soda pop. I'm going to quit drinking empty calories.
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B
Or I'm just going to not hit the snooze button or I'm not going to hit the snooze.
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A
Right.
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B
What are little agreements that you're making with yourself that you're breaking decreases that level of trust with yourself?
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A
Yes, exactly. That is another energy leak. Now, what do these all add up to? Now we can get into. We're going to go to next layers, but before we get to it is once again, it's the cumulative of all these little things that we probably don't pay attention to, you know, that will actually suck our energy away. And when we stop long enough to make a list of it, get it out in front of us, you could even rate it, like, rate an item, you know, 1 to 10. Where is it on the scale? And you'll often find that you realize that once you identify it, you can take it from maybe an eight. Oh, geez, now that I realize it's there, I can take all my energy off of this. I don't have to spend a lot of time on it.
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B
Or I can just put it in a parking lot or two. I'm going to. I'm going to do it, but I'm not going to do it now list. That's a really powerful tool. I'm going to do it, but I'm not doing it now. The cumulative is that we think we have to get it all done, that list, and then I'll be happy, or then I can make another decision or this will happen. And that's a big trap. The other energy leak, and I don't know if you want to go down this hole, this rabbit hole, Patrick, is gossip. I find in the world that I'm in, in sports, sometimes people talk about other people and what's going on in the world of sport, et cetera, like it matters to them. So they get to an event, for example, and they're all the drama that's happening, and they're talking about this person and that person's outfit and that person's costume. And it's so interesting to watch what happens to athletes when they're in. In that they don't realize they're gossiping. Sometimes they just think they're sharing or noticing. But what's happening is as I turn and look and teach the athletes how to identify, how gossip, for example, is an energy leak. I just say, okay, look at all that energy that's just coming your way. Just look at it, look at it. Now you just pick it up. What are you going to do with that? And then all of a sudden, they start focusing on themselves. They go, oh, I'M going to. I'm just going to go to Whole Foods and pick up my groceries. I don't need to know what so and so is happening. And so and so skates didn't show up and that person has an ugly costume, or that guy got 14 shots and the other guy, you know, he saved 42 goals. Like, no one cares. In those moments when you find yourself caught up in conversations that really don't matter, it's an energy leak.
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A
These are interesting ones. And I don't want to go too deep down the gossip poll because we could do a whole segment on gossip.
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B
I think we should, actually.
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A
Maybe we should, because a lot of.
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B
People don't know what gossip is.
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A
They don't understand.
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B
They think it's just sharing information. And it's not.
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A
It's not. So there's a fundamental rule, which is a long story that we shared, I think, in the past, about if somebody's not in the room, don't talk about, then there's nothing to talk about. And some will say, well, yeah, but what if it's really complementary? Okay, great. If there's value in it saying, I model myself after XYZ because they do an amazing job of this and I would like to see and do those similar things, then maybe that's actually using it as something positive. And if they walked in the room, they'd go, oh, thank you for the compliment. But if they walked in the room in the middle of your conversation and you're gossiping about who they are, what they did wrong, or what you think they did and have all these stories around it and you would be really embarrassed and caught off guard, then it's the wrong conversation. So the safest thing to do, and I think that we do a brilliant job of this within our own household, is we just don't talk about people.
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B
That aren't nobody that isn't there, if they're not there to defend. And what else is so interesting, What I've learned, and I think the people that have been through our household in the last couple of months especially, are quite surprised by that because someone will come home and go, hey, did so and so tell you about this? And I'll go, no. Or did you tell so and so about what's happening in my situation? No, that's your story to tell.
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A
We don't share that. And that just becomes, I guess, a kind of a way of being. Now let's go back to energy leaks, because those are energy leaks, by the way, and we can talk about energy Leaks from a mental health point of view, an emotional health point of view, and often where one leak that happens a lot is future thinking and worry. Worry is an energy leak, and we have to be aware of it. And it's interesting that people spend. Often people will spend some time on the past thinking about what they did, what they didn't do, what they said, what happened to them. And I'm not negating the trauma that can happen. I'm not even. That's not the conversation. It's really about what I did or didn't do in the past.
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B
Did I do the exact right thing at the right moment? Probably not. And then beat yourself up for it.
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A
Right? So these are energy leaks that we want to be aware of. They actually affect, like I say, they affect our mental and emotional health. So when we're worrying about future events, we always have to go back to, what can I control? What can I have an impact on? And a lot of things that you can't control simply happen because life just happens. How we deal with it is really the important part of it. You know, I use the. My favorite phrase is often it's not the weight that you carry that breaks you down, it's the way you carry the weight. And these energy leaks are a weight that if you carry it differently, if you understand that there's parts of it you can control, parts of it you can't control things that matter, things that don't matter. It's just a way to kind of manage that energy for yourself so that it's not going somewhere else. And there's also when you're worried about something in the future or in the past, as an example, when you have an energy leak, for an example, our brains cannot process two thoughts at the same time. We think they can, but they can't.
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B
So you're actually not in the moment.
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A
Well, you're not being present, number one. Number two, is that because you can't process two thoughts in the moment, you're actually losing those creative moments because you don't have the capacity. The capacity is being eaten up by that energy leak.
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B
So think about future thinking and worry that is in our languaging in. And I don't want to get all sciency about it, but that's where anxiety can live. Because things we can't control, things we don't know what the outcome is going to be. I'm going to get anxious. But worry and all the things that we can't control in the past or what we beat ourselves up for can actually suck us into a depressed state. So those two things, living and existing, are like a pendulum or a seesaw, you know, up and down, they're constantly moving. And bringing yourself and breathing through into the present moment is actually what shuts the energy leak down. The energy leak is the anxiety. It is the depression. The constant judging of yourself is a huge energy leak.
- [15:39]
A
Okay, so as we kind of wind this, start to wind this down and bring this home, you know, we'll give a couple of examples of other energy leaks, which is really common. And that being our devices, our phones, our iPads, even our laptops and, you know, social media, and the access that we have to communication while we're being present with somebody else, trying to have a conversation with others. And I think, you know, I'm guilty of that. I'm certainly no benchmark for, you know, being brilliant at, you know, managing, you know, my. What I call it, my, I don't know, phone use or something. Anyways, the point is this.
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B
Your device addiction.
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A
My device addictions, you know, the point is, is that. But I'm very aware of it. I also realize that it is, in fact, an energy leak. And so social media, I've made it so that I have more of a routine around social media. I'm not having it on, you know, like, not having a Facebook app on my phone. It's all a way for me not to get drawn into that rabbit hole and to go in the trap. And I mean, psychologically, I know I'm being manipulated, and it just drives me crazy that I get sucked into. It actually drives me nuts. Anyways, that's a different conversation, but that's an energy leak. You know, we have a couple of single friends who, you know, they'll come over and visit and we'll enjoy a nice evening with them, but, you know, it's not past them to pick up their phone. Swipe right, swipe left, in a moment. Oh, jeez. This asshole or that asshole or that.
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B
He'S hot or she's hot. And we're like, wait, wait, what?
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A
She reached out. Oh, guess what? She said hi to me, too.
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B
So it totally shifts the energy.
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A
What the hell? We were just here talking about something totally different. Now, that's not a criticism. It's just an observation to share. We love these friends. We have our own shit. So we're not making. Certainly not judging, you know, but it's the observation for this particular podcast and where energy leaks are.
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B
Can I just. Actually, let's slow that down for a second before we move on past that, when you think about that and you're having a conversation with somebody and they start talking about somebody that's not in the room, for example, or they're swiping white or swiping left. They're. They're pulling themselves not only out of the relationship with you, but with the relationship with themselves. I had an experience a couple of years ago when we first moved out here is that I would go walking with people that I was just learning to. To get to know, and all of a sudden they would. Someone. Some people would just start talking about people I've never met, and I'd be so confused. I said, why do I need to know this personal history about this person I've never met? And you know what it was? It's because the. The people were not willing or able to talk about what was going on for themselves. So it's easier to have that energy leak around gossip or talking about or swiping right or swiping left, because then you don't really have to be present to yourself first then with the people that you're being with.
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A
You know, there's a. We use an acronym for the word ethos, right? Ethos. A statement of character of an individual or an organization. And the acronym is at the top of the list is energy. It's energy. It's trust. It's heart or caring. The O is for ownership, and the S is for sharing. Now that's a different ethos, different conversation, but at the top of the list is energy. Being aware of the energy that you bring in the room or that you.
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B
Share with others or that you're sucking out of the room or that you're.
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A
Sucking out of the room. Because many have relationships, I think we're pretty blessed. We're not really. We've got some quirky friends that may be an energy leak, but we love them dearly. But the point is this is that you may have to look at some of the relationships you have and go, you know something? Every time I go there, it's just this, like, I feel drained by the time I leave. Energy leak, energy leak. So these are the things that we want to pay attention to. Now, I know you had a bit of a story with a couple of athletes that you were working with in terms of this exact conversation just recently.
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B
And yeah, so one of the exercises I do with athletes or clients is, and we have a couple of shift clients that know this well is to cleaning up incompletions. Because you cannot create on top of incompletions I mean, you can, but it's. It's a mess. It's an absolute mess. Because as you build on top of incompletions, it's like building a house on top of a leaky foundation or on a mud pile. With my clients, when I have that opportunity and an energy leak starts showing up, it starts showing up as venting, or what I call clearing. And then if it's unproductive clearing, then I see that it's an energy leak. So I'm able to then direct the conversation. So with this particular team, with clients, we were working on a schedule. Part of what I do in my performance excellence coaching is really get people grounded into what's going on for them. Scheduling, journaling, meditating, whatever is in their value system, praying. And then we bring forward how that affects them emotionally, physically, spiritually, energetically, you know, et cetera. So we were working on a schedule for a. For a really important training and development camp that's coming up with in the next little while. And they noticed that they. The schedule goes from Tuesday to Friday, but they only got Tuesday to Thursday. So as we're going through the schedule, the energy leak that showed up was, oh, my gosh, where's the schedule for Friday? So I said, okay, we probably didn't send it yet. Maybe that gets developed there. But we spent maybe the entire meeting, or at least half of it talking about what could be wrong. Maybe we're not invited, maybe we're not going to media, maybe we're going to get sent home. So all of these stories were huge energy leaks. So I was able to in the moment, say, okay, we're going to use this as an exercise. Here's the exercise. You just identified a gap. There's a discovery. Something's missing on the schedule. So instead of spending all that time telling stories about what's wrong or what could be wrong and making up stories, we said, okay, well, let's identify the gap. Where's the gap? Well, we. There's a gap in knowledge. Okay, that's an intellectual gap. What do you. How do we fill it? Well, who do we need to get the information from to make sure the energy link gets closed? Oh, we need to call this person or email this person at the association. I said, great. There's the discovery, there's the gap. There's the. The completion or the. And then what happens now is the action. So they identified it, they created the solution. And then they both sat there and stared at me. I go, well, okay, well, call her now or Email her now. What? We're going to do it tomorrow. I said, no, no, no, we can't let this energy leak leak into tomorrow. Even if you just pop the email in, no confrontation, no. But to don't do it on top of the anxiety or the confusion, because that will come through in the email or the conversation. So we collapsed the, the frustration, confusion, irritated misunderstanding and just wrote a one line email. And I sat there and stared at them and they're like, oh, what, what? Do it now. I said, that's how you close the energy leak is one small action in the direction of what you need to satisfy. In that case was an intellectual gap. So that was the process. And I can do that in all the pies, physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual, social. When, as soon as that energy leak shows up, that's the process.
- [22:43]
A
So this is something folks, that, if you're now still listening to this particular segment, is to just identify the energy leaks that you're feeling or the gap or the friction. Well, that's what I'm going to say is right. Identify the energy leak, identify the gap and then ask yourself, can I close that gap? How can I close that gap?
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B
In the moment?
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A
In the moment. And these are all thought processes and to bring your attention to, in order to sometimes generate more energy, you've got to get rid of that negative energy. You've got to actually what we'll call it, get rid of the anchor that you're dragging around. Because these energy leaks are just anchors and they keep you and they weigh you down because the constant thought around them and some of them can get very extreme and the worry and the, you know, it's interesting that you and I have both had this experience before is that we'll receive an email, for example. It could be a proposal for something or it could be a pushback about something. And how that email comes across can really, like, what the hell are they talking about? Like, that's not the conversation I had. But when you actually have a conversation with that person, the way they wrote the email is actually not the intention or the energy they had behind it at all. So these are things that happen with texting and happen with emails is that they can be easily misinterpreted, misjudged, because not everyone is great linguistically or at least grammar. Is that the right word?
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B
Yeah, I think so. I think I know what you're saying.
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A
Grammarically, grammatically, they don't express well, they're not using the right words or right language and connotations in a Written, text or email, they can be easily misinterpreted.
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B
And in that moment of judgment or that reaction you have to that misunderstanding or whatever is the energy leak. So what it does is it takes you away from actually moving forward and creating what's next. Because we get so caught up in the motion of thinking and think of emotion is energy in motion. And that energy isn't going in the direction of where you want to create or whatever you're wanting to do next. And it's funny again this morning Nina says to me, it looks like you're doing nothing, but at the same time you're making all this cool stuff happen. And I said energy in motion. I'm not working and living on top of a bunch of incompletions that I'm beating myself up for that's stopping my creativity. I don't know if it's right or wrong, but I really suggest if you are that are listening to this, if you're still listening, is to take a look and like to Patrick said, make a list of what you think your energy leaks are, maybe link them to what you have incomplete. Whether it's a conversation or your closet or your filing cabinet or something like that you feel that you need to do but haven't done. And then back off, back off yourself and see if that energy comes towards you and which ones you're drawn to naturally. Because right now what's going on in the world is we need people. Not in drama, not in gossip, not worried about all the negative crap that's going on in the world. And just talking about it at dinner parties is actually having a space in your life, in relationships to gently move yourself out of those conversations, those energy leaks and to find the freedom. Because when you do that, there's a ton of freedom, creativity, energy that can come back. And that's why I love the term generating. We have a generator and you plug it in and if the power goes out, you have support. So that being even understanding how to generate energy and surround yourself with like minded people to move you out of your energy leaks is really helpful.
- [26:02]
A
And we'll finish up with one final little comment and energy leak and that is, you know, the lack of focus that many have, the distractions that are created. It's interesting. I just had a great podcast with a coach this week that I interviewed and he talks a lot about, you know, him being a focus coach. He works with very high end business owners and his point of entry as a coach is very high and. But that's only to say this is that even at the highest levels of entrepreneurs and career oriented individuals that he's working with, and I'm talking about the top two, 3% of individuals, he is saying that something I've got, business guys are doing 100 million a year in revenue and they still have distractions that are absolutely ridiculous. Stay focused. Get this done. But what are they doing? You know, they're wiping off the countertop of the coffee room and. Or emptying the garbage. And he's like calling them on it and they're going, well, I know, but somebody has to do it. And he goes, yeah, somebody does, just not you. The point is these distractions take us out of that responsibility and holding ourselves accountable, trusting ourselves to finish up. So where is your focus? Is also another energy leak. And where are you getting drawn into distractions?
- [27:17]
B
I think this is a whole new podcast. We have to talk about multitasking damage.
- [27:21]
A
We're out of time.
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B
Okay. But anyway, monotasking. Okay, let's talk about the fine art of monotasking.
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A
Fine art of monotasking, not multitasking.
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B
Right? Because it's a joke. It's actually. It's fake. Okay, we're gonna wrap it up.
- [27:35]
A
That's a wrap. Good job. I think this is a great topic. Manage your Energy League, folks. And Stephanie, thank you.
- [27:41]
B
That was fun.
- [27:43]
A
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for listening. If you found value in the podcast, please take the time to rate and review and share with others. Share with your friends as it is my goal to always improve and to provide the highest value for you, the listener. If you have any comments, suggestions, or questions you'd like answered, please email me at ceoaincanada. That's C E O at R e I N Canada dot com. I look forward to hearing from you. And until next time, Patrick goes.