← The Everyday Millionaire and Mindset Matters Podcast
The Everyday Millionaire and Mindset Matters Podcast
Mindset Matters – Episode #202 – Is Coaching a Scam? The Truth About Real Transformation
00:35:50
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Patrick
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Patrick
Wow. Wow, wow, wow.
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Stephanie
Why is that? This is amazing.
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Patrick
Hi there and welcome to this episode of the everyday Millionaire Mindset Matters podcast where I'm joined by my wife, Olympic mental performance coach Stephen Stephanie Hanlon. Francie. In these episodes, Stephanie and I have a conversation about the different aspects of what we refer to as Mindset Matters because we believe that for those who are awake, we are living in and through the most impactful time in history. Your view of the world is the filter for how you will experience the evolution and changing dynamics of it. Our intention is to provide you with ideas, nutritious food for thought, and some tools that you can use to help you in being your greatest self and living your best life. Listen in. Enjoy. So is coaching a scam? Well, not exactly, but for a lot of people it feels like it is because you pay, you feel motivated for a little bit, but nothing really changes. And after 30 years of coaching and being coached, here's what Stephanie and I have learned about why coaching so often falls short of expectations and what actually works instead. Stephanie, welcome.
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Stephanie
Hi, hon.
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Patrick
So you've seen this, we've seen this, we've talked about this. What's your take on what I just said?
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Stephanie
Well, it's true. You know, when I think about when I started to go on the journey of performance psychology, nlp, life coaching, and really tried to find my swim lane, that was 25 years ago. You know, I started started coaching with CoachU certified and then I read the books on Thomas Leonard and I just really dug into what it is that people were really seeking back in the day. And a lot of that was leadership and reframing and coaching. But what I found is that certain people would reach out to me and they would be looking for coaching. But I thought, you know what they're really looking for coaxing. They're not looking for coaching, they're not looking to shift their mindset, they're not looking to change their habits. And many of Them were wanting me to, I don't know, do their push ups for them. So I realized that coaching really wasn't what I wanted to be doing. And I see now, you know, 30 years later, people can take a weekend course and they can put up their shingle and they're a life coach. And coaching, coaching, coaching's. Everyone's a coach or I've lost my job. So now I'm a coach. I think it's lost a little bit of its shine, personally.
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Patrick
No, exactly what you just said. There's a ton that we could unpack here, but I kind of was thinking about it and the best way I thought of a way to explain it in terms of the context of what we're hitting on because we don't want people to think that coaching is a scam as a nice hook. But ultimately we're here. It's not about coaching as a scam, but there were coaches, you know, we, we see that, but here's the fundamental of the way that we've shifted and come to realize. So what I found is a way to explain it maybe is it works like. So let's think about a fruit tree, okay? And on the tree there is fruit. And if. Good thing, good thing, right? But so think about the tree. You know, if the apples are small or they're rotten or they're not what we expected, you know, most people, I know, this isn't. Maybe this isn't a great metaphor anyways, I'm going to use it anyways. So most people try to fix the fruit, you know, more water, better fertilizer, extra pruning. But the real issue isn't the fruit, it's the roots. So the whole point of it is that in life our actions are the fruit, what we do, because we can coach how. You know, we talk about that all the time, what to do, how to do. You can coach that. But the roots are, you know, if we think about it as a fruit tree, we don't work on the fruit. We have to work on the roots of the tree and think about the roots of the tree as our beliefs, our identity, our values, our level of clarity, if you will.
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Stephanie
And if they're roots, they're buried. They're deep.
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Patrick
They're deep. Good point. And if they're blocked or they're misaligned, no amount of coaching on what to do will change the fruit for long. You know, that's the kind of the misplaced piece that I want to unpack today. You know, that for us is, would be the part that we call the mind, shui, wei mine shui, feng shui for the mind. It really is about opening up the conversation to get down to the roots so that the coaching is in fact effective. Because at the end of the day a lot of coaches will tell you what to do and how to do it. But the real question is who are you being as you show up to do the things so the person that you are today isn't the person you need to be to get the, the job to or to do the job. So in other words, as you go up, you have to change who you are. Leadership skills have to evolve how you occur for the team that you're working with or how you show up as a team player or a leader or a captain of that team. That's a different you, you, you follow. What I'm saying is. So it really is, it goes back to the quote we often use. Not about the goal, it's about who you need to be to achieve the goal.
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Stephanie
And maybe that's, you know, when I think about it over the years, that's why our coaching or for sure my coaching with athletes or business entrepreneurs etc is not for everybody. Because when you, I really like that metaphor. Like if you're just going to put lipstick on the fruit or try to make the fruit a little bit, you know, put a little bit of that fake fructose on it and make it brighter, you know, that doesn't actually change the root of the trajectory of the person that says they want to make the change. And I think there's a, a entry level coaching system out there that's really important. Like some of the big seminars and you go and you get the caffeine high on Sunday night and then you crash on Monday morning because you're around a group of like minded people, you got some great information, maybe you spent 20 or 30, $40,000 on a new coaching program and you feel super great and you're motivated and then all of a sudden it's w, w w, you know, it just doesn't dies out. Because what's missing is the person that's going to not just enter where you're at, but they're going to walk with you on the path, mentor you, for example, hold your hand through some difficult times and not give up and not just work on the fruit and try to change how the look of the fruit is, but actually go down to the root of the cause of some of the decisions that you've made that have given you the results of Us, you know, certain type of fruit.
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Patrick
Yes. Well, no, but that's. But, you know, let's keep going on this. I know that we'll get to it. So the point of it is, is that, you know, coaching often will stop on the surface. So we over the years, you know, certainly me being on stage working with real estate investor, teaching real estate investors what to do, how to do it, even when to do it. Why was it that so many didn't ever get started or didn't achieve their.
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Stephanie
Goals, but they kept showing up to the meetings or paying their money 100%?
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Patrick
Because it isn't about the what or the how. It has to be who you are and who you need to become at the root. So the point of it. And when we think about the mind shui way, it really is clearing the clutter of the mind, which is to say we've got hidden beliefs. We've got hidden beliefs. We've also are operating on top of often misaligned values or we've created relationships that are getting in the way if you don't address those core. Or we have a relationship that isn't working well, you know, whether that be in a business partnership or in a marriage or a significant other, it could be a girlfriend or a boyfriend, doesn't matter. The point of it is that we have to work on those core elements of our identity. What is our operating system? How do we see the world and why is it we see it a certain way when others see it differently? And that is actually a lot of the work that we've done over the years. As much as I can teach real estate investors how to invest in real estate, what to do, how to do it, when to do it, all of the things, we've been doing that for many, many years. But when I. And even with business clients, you know, let's look at your balance sheet, look at you, let's look at your staff, look at your hr. All of the things that we go through, it almost always comes back to, to those root kind of who we are conversations, our values and what gets in our way. In terms of hidden beliefs, you know, not enough, not worthy. We've been through this, I'm lonely, there's not enough money. I mean, all of those hidden beliefs that we have. So the point. Or I'm not lovable. So think about all of that clutter that gets in our way. And we've talked about it many times and even what happens with us when we take on a new thing totally.
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Stephanie
We keep bumping into not just each other, but our, you know, identity, operating systems, or the things that, you know, we're comfortable or the things that we're used to. And I really appreciate you saying that because I think about, you know, what we've done with whether it's pro skater, Quantum, speed, Rain, Ice Academy, Montreal. There's coaches out there, like in, in the ice dance world, we have the best coaches in the world. We have choreographers, we have theater coaches.
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Patrick
Okay, go ahead. Sorry to interrupt. That's a perfect point. You're a perfect example. So keep going.
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Stephanie
Yeah, because what. The gap in the world of sport that I was in was the mindset piece, but it wasn't psychology. It was the piece of who these athletes needed to become so that I could, you know, step in and give my gift. Work with the athletes, help them identify what their operating systems were, their hidden beliefs. So when they go back to the ice, the coaches have a blank canvas. They have a co. An athlete that they can coach that isn't operating on a whole bunch of old stories. Well, I was Russian and I was this. And I got this story and I was abused and, and all of that stuff, which is real. And I have so much compassion and empathy for it. But the truth is they set a higher goal. And when you set a big goal, a lot of your stuff's going to come up. But the coaches aren't equipped to deal with it. They want to coach.
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Patrick
Well, they're technical coaches. They're technical coaches. Or their how to, their how to, what to and when to. That's the kind of coaching they do. And that's perfect, by the way. We've done a ton of that. But what the hell gets in the way of an athlete who's got world class technical coaches, world class choreographers, world class music composition, world class physical training, nutrition, all world class. Yet what gets in their way, the roots, the core relationships with parents, relationships with significant others, being on the stage. Ego, hidden beliefs that I'm not good enough or smart enough or I don't deserve this. I mean, the hidden beliefs, those are all of the work. And this is. Okay, so let's go back to even. What started this conversation and that was, is that, you know, somebody reached out, sends an email, go, Patrick, I know that you do business coaching. Could you, you know, could we get together? So I jump on a call and then ultimately, what he's. He wants to be part of, he wants some coaching, some coaching in business. And he's got a small business he's just starting out But I realized that what's in his way, even in just talking to him, the model is solid. I mean, he's got to execute, but ultimately he needs some support in terms of cash flow. How do I manage cash flow? But then you start to understand there's other things that are in his way. You know, he's, how. He's 30ish, late 20s, early 30s.
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Stephanie
So this is a real client. This is really somebody you're working with right now?
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Patrick
Yeah, yeah. This is somebody that is considering working. But. Okay, I could hear it in his conversation. You know, he brought up his dad two or three times in a funny. Not a funny context, but I'm going, oh, okay. We got some of that stuff going on underneath the surface. So that's not to. It's only to say this. He was, he had had coaching before. It was cool, but it wasn't enough. And, you know, he thinks he outgrew the coach. But then he started to think, you know, am I coachable? Maybe I'm just not coachable. Maybe I'm just stuck in my shit and I'll never get out of it. And, and that's because he couldn't execute. So the reality of it is that we have to now unpack why he couldn't execute. He's obviously smart. He shows that, and that's how he shows up. But he's also, you can start to see where he's in his way. And it isn't about coaching in the context of coaching, the to do the technical aspects of it. This is really the coaching in you. So in him. So in other words, who are you being? How are you showing up? What are you operating on top of? What are the stories that you're telling yourself? Where do those stories come from? Values are you living? And then we can start to unpack what's in his way. Mind shui. Clearing the clutter of the mind. And that opens up and then you can start to get into and understand why you're not executing what gets in your way of execution, what gets in your way of being a great leader or doing what you need to do to get something done. So that's why I got in to this conversation. Sorry, go ahead.
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Stephanie
I just have a question.
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Patrick
Yes, go ahead.
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Stephanie
So when I'm hearing this and I. I do these discoveries calls, discovery calls as well, and I take them through a little bit of a session of what it would feel like to work with us, right? And sometimes people will get at the end and go, this is way too deep. I'm just looking for the couple of how to's. How do I increase my revenue? How do I, how do I, how do I, how do I. And I'm like, you know what? There's a lot of how to coaches out there. I think I can recommend or whatever. But this is not about the how to. This is if you want results, then we need to talk about this, this, and this. Do you find, like, for example, with this young man, is he just looking for another how to coach, do you think?
- [14:40]
Patrick
No, that's. That. Well, he's questioning what he needs for coaching. So the reality of it is, is he does need a how to coach. But what I got to. In all of this and. And really we've been on the journey of the mine shui way and understanding mine shui and really unpacking the programs that we're going to launch and the work that we want to do with clients, it really speaks to the next level because I can show you how. We can have the discussion of how to do certain things in business. You do it in athletics. We do it in. In life. In terms of the seven areas of life, you know, how do you improve a relationship? There's a how to part of that, but it has to come back. I mean, think about it. You know, this is maybe getting a little too deep or too personal. So sometimes you let me know that I don't show up in a way that you feel. I don't know. I don't know how to speak woman. But there's a part of me that I'm not communicating in the way that you like me to communicate because I'm a guy and I'm direct and, you know, I try and fix and do all. I make all the mistakes that men make in relationship. No, the good news is I'm smart enough to kind of work through it. The point of it is that we all operate and we have to. And like him, it's the hows you can teach hows, you can tell hows, you can tell me how, but I got to get it.
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Phantom Screens Announcer
Ever wonder what life is like with a phantom screen?
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Shopify Advertiser
It's magic.
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Phantom Screens Announcer
It is. Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.
- [16:10]
Stephanie
Why is that? This is amazing.
- [16:12]
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- [16:18]
Patrick
You know, and you've said, I don't know what the hell you operate on sometimes. Some old trauma of yours. Okay, true, true. That's what you said. True.
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Stephanie
I did. I said that this morning, actually. Yeah, you're right.
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Patrick
And Never try and coach your coach husband. But anyways, the point of it is that the hows are part of it. You know, the whole concept of mind shui and feng shui for the mind and understanding that program, that system and the, the what's the word that I'm looking. The intertwinement or the.
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Stephanie
Yeah, and the interdependency of all of it. Right. All of seven areas of life, they're all connected.
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Patrick
And what we operate on top, our operating system, our belief system, now some call that mindset, of course, and we use the term mindset, but it wasn't enough. It's not enough. And that's the point of it. It gets so thrown around. It's like coaching. These words get tired, they get normalized, they lack meaning or the meaning of them really evolves. And I like, for that component of what we do, I like mentorship or mentor. Maybe we come up with mine. Shui mentor, you know, the mind shui mentor. How's that? All these catchy things. But the point is, is that the hows and the what to do's are really, really important. And I, and I certainly wouldn't minimize that ever. Because we all need that support in the things that we do. Your athletes have a multiple technical coaches that are telling them how, when, what. All of those. The base that we know to be true, whether you want to admit it or not, is the what's getting in your way of achieving what you have for a vision of your life or your lifestyle is you. And we can teach you how, we can coach you how and what. And coaches do that and where coaching gets a bad rap. Why this guy's going, am I just a uncoachable guy? I am. I want to learn. I want this business to grow. So what the hell do I do? And so that's where the conversation gets to, is that, oh, he's smart, he really wants this business to go. He's got a great concept. What's in his way of execution. Now, he may be being a little bit hard on himself. He's only been at it for a couple of years, but he needs to get his top line growing. And I mean, we, we've been in business long enough to know that. Top line, bottom line, middle of the line, you gotta get it up there, right? So all that is to say what's in his way. And there's some things early on that we got to. And so we'll see how that all unfolds. But the point is, that's really what I wanted to kind of hit on today. So where do you want to go with this? I'm lost.
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Stephanie
Well, I'm curious also because I just did a couple of discovery meetings with some new potential clients as well. And because we've been so focused on developing the Mind Shui Way program is that I can't not think through those filters now, right. So I, I, I'm listening differently, I'm, I'm asking questions differently to see if I can, you know, plant some seeds for these particular people to say, okay, well, maybe, yes, I, I'm looking for something beyond the technical coaching, the sports psychology, the whatever. I'm looking for something that resonates a little bit deeper. And when I realized that what we've done over the last 30 years is taken everything we've done, whether it's, you know, the, the living in balance, work with the Demartini, work with the seven areas of life, with all the things that we've been able to do is like all we have to do is step back for a second and listen and compartmentalize into what area of life is the block. And I think what happens is so many people are surprised that they're trying to create or they're increasing their top line or they're wanting to invest in three or four or 10 more properties. But what's in the way is this really bizarre limiting belief around money or something and you know, being able to pattern trace that back for someone. I mean, there's a vulnerability to that too. Right. Like a lot of people I find, don't want to do that. They would rather scramble around and make it about everything except them.
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Patrick
Yeah, yeah, yeah, right.
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Stephanie
Instead of going, oh, it's like, you know, when we first started to meditate, you know, I remember thinking about meditation and our, our little, our, our teacher at the time, her name was Paula. And she said, you know, meditations is quite, it's quite amazing, but you have to be willing to, to sit with yourself and, and listen. Like praying is asking and meditation is listening and you know, it's a combination. Can you be with yourself? And she says in this beautiful little tinkly voice, she goes, you know what's funny, Stephanie? She goes, everybody wants inner peace, but nobody wants to look inside. And I just went, oh my gosh, it's so true. It's, everything is out there. If I just move that, if that person just did something differently, if the, you know, I can't wait for the politics to change from liberal to conservative and whatever and back and like it's outside of them instead of looking inside.
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Patrick
That's really good. That's really good. Yeah. Okay, so. Okay, I want you to repeat that, but I want before you do that, there's something else you said that I hadn't heard before that I picked up on that I think we got to say out loud again. Praying is asking and meditation is listening. That's really cool. That's a really cool distinction because I used to say that prayer in some ways is a lot like meditation, but it's really not. It is, but it isn't. You're asking and you're speaking to a higher power. Whatever that higher power is that's in prayer. You're trying to connect with your. And that's an ask. Then the meditate is listen is the receiving. The receiving. Go inside and.
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Stephanie
And stop talking. You know, stop the. The self talk in the head. And I mean, I still pray, I still meditate, but I also realize the distinction is that if I don't stop the chatter in my head on some level, I can't hear the message from what I'm asking. So, you know, I've heard some of my Christian friends say is that meditation is the devil and it's like somebody else's voice. And I don't believe that. I believe all of our voices come from our higher power and from what's good. I believe that, you know, we are designed for our higher good and everything that is supported is coming through us and we have the answers inside. And I think that's the difference in our type for. For sure. My coaching and your coaching is that I believe that everybody already has their answers inside. And one of the lines and I don't know if you remember back, my step in is my step isms the cards. One of the most powerful ones was I always used to say, the truth is. You already know. Yeah, you already know. That's your. That's the truth. You already know what you need. So whatever you're putting around it, whether it's a limiting belief or a story or an excuse, the delay factor that you're putting on the drama, the excuses, the ego is that maybe you don't want to know the answer and the truth of what's going on for you. So that's why I created for me. And I'm not saying it's right for everybody, but the distinction for me, when I pray, I'm asking and when I meditate, I'm listening.
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Patrick
I think that's genius. That's a really great way to frame It. So, okay, so Paula, go back to her quote for a second and then I want to get to a couple of examples that I think will be helpful for people.
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Stephanie
Paula's quote was, everyone wants inner peace, but they're not willing to look inside.
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Patrick
Yeah, everybody wants inner peace, but they're not willing to look inside. I love that. That's so good. Okay, so I want to get to a couple things so that I think will be very valuable for people is that when we talk about what we're talking about, so we'll give an example because we've worked with athletes, so it's an easy example, but I'll give more than one. So we work with athletes, and especially young athletes, certainly in the NHL or even with the skaters that you're working with now, they're going through the ranks, they, they work their way through the system and the next thing you know, they're a star. Right? So there you are. So there's a brand new star. But along the way, and we see this often is parents, you know, sometimes they're living their, you know, unrealized childhood through their now child who's going to do what they've always had dreams and aspirations of doing. And then these parents become very controlling. And for those of you who are hockey parents, you know, you've been in the arena, I'm sure it's not you, but you've been in the parents, you know, in the, in the arena with the parents that are screaming over the boards that they're 10 year olds coach, you know, like, it gets really intense. And so the, the point of it is that when we're working with those individuals that have gone through that journey or are on that journey, there is wounds. And it's not to make parents wrong. Parents are always doing the best they can and that's all a given. But the point is, is that what gets in your way when you go into adult life or as you're on the journey of being an athlete or somebody that's still very connected to your parents for whatever reasons, and this is for you parents to be aware of, is that how do you teach your kids to communicate in a way that says dad or mom, back the fuck off. Like, you're in my face, you're in my space, you're risking our relationship and you're risking my success in the sport or the business or whatever it is I want to do. Like sometimes I, you know, you have to equip the tools. Now this isn't to say the parents are wrong I think I got to put in that qualification. Parents show up the way they show up. They may be, of course, they're always coming from the greater good. They want to, they want their kids to win, they want their kids to succeed always, I think is the case. And they may be a hundred percent right. But between these two people, you know, we, in a, in a minx way kind of way, we would say, okay, let's take responsibility. How could you be communicating better with your parent and the parent, how can you be communicating better with the kids? And these are all family dynamics and I get all of that. But as we get older, these are the things that we operate on top of without knowing it. These are little scars that are left. Things that, you know, has us question ourselves and you know that we're not enough, not smart enough, not tall enough, you know, whatever, or we don't, you know, not worthy. Those are two we talk about a lot because they're really at the top of the list.
- [27:06]
Stephanie
But you know what, how it shows up sometimes, hun, and I don't know if this is the right place to talk about it but, or the right podcast, but how it shows up when I see a parent kind of over parenting, especially with a young 20, 22, 25, 30 year old, is that they don't trust their parenting. They don't trust, not just they don't trust the result that the athlete is going to have or the, or the young business person, but on some level they don't trust that they did a good enough job as a parent possibly. Right. And I think about that and I go, you know what, you did a great job or your kid wouldn't be here.
- [27:38]
Patrick
Yeah.
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Stephanie
You know, how do you create that disconnect? And my mom was, my mom always said, you know, if I'm going to take credit for your success, I also have to take credit for your failure. So how about you just. Do you come to me when you need motherly advice and if you need more than motherly advice, I'm going to find you an expert. I want to be your mom.
- [28:01]
Patrick
Yeah. But I think that's brilliant. So how does that apply to somebody who's 30 or 40 or 50 today. Right. And is looking, is stuck in some way, you know, something's in their way and could be relationship by the way. And I think that's the other side of it is that when we look at the seven areas of life and we want to be healthy in all seven areas, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, vocationally, relationally, socially, we go through that whole phase and we want to be healthy in all areas of that. And it doesn't mean we're. And it could be only one or two areas that are in our way. So ask yourself the question, you know, in that relationship, is it really about the other person? Is it about how you're showing up or how can you support your significant other in seeing their blind spots? I mean, that's what, that's what significant others do, really. They're to help you discover your blind spots. Not that we listen to them, but.
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Stephanie
Well, you know, you like, you like yours. I'm much more coachable than you are.
- [29:03]
Patrick
You are for sure.
- [29:05]
Stephanie
So back to the, to the concept of, you know, I think about hockey parents and with the right intention, there's times that I'm working with a 15 or 16 year old and having the conversation where they're saying, okay, it's time for this person's going to get drafted. They're going to end up in another city, maybe living with a billet family. How do I still maintain my role as a parent? How do I still maintain, you know, our values as a family? Well, ultimately that happened between 0 and 12. Your values are baked into your kids from 0 to 12 years old when you think about it. And they, I've seen as they grow and I mean, I've had athletes grow from, you know, 12 years old to 25 and 30. Now I'm working with the kids of the athletes that I worked with and eventually the grandkids because I'm not old. But ultimately we have to trust ourselves as parents and if we backed off, if we weren't fully present and we are, we left some gaps, then that's for us to deal with. That's not for us to put onto the kids or onto the young adults so that they're going to be living our dream and we get to put in the correction and, you know, put that pressure on them. And so the parents that I work with, which is really fun, is that I can be quite blunt as you know, and I just say, you know what, you have a choice. You can really take responsibility for being the parent and have the credibility of showing the love and the support and the finances and everything that it takes to support an athlete or you can be the reason that they quit because the pressure, they put a lot of pressure on themselves. And I think that's what some parents forget is that the athlete is already, or the business person is already putting so much pressure on themselves. So having that external pressure Especially as a young adult comes in like a wrecking ball. And because all we want to do is please our parents at every single age until we do a little bit of work, maybe like Hoffman. But ultimately it is a driver for most people is we want to. We don't want to disappoint our parents 100%.
- [31:10]
Patrick
So just for clarity, and this is something important, is that, you know, I use the kids as an example because it's an easy one to kind of to hit on in terms of communication. How do you. How do. How do you support a young person or a parent in changing the way they have conversations? But as we go into the business world, you know, you can be very adept, very equipped to do a certain task, a certain job, even if play a certain role. But what's in your way of, you know, expanding on that? What's your way of improving on your leadership? What's in your way of actually taking whatever you're doing to a next level? Because that's the vision that you. You have for it. What's in your way? Because, you know, the technical. You know, the technical. And so, you know, we go to sport because it's such a great example, because it just. Sport is a great representation of life where we're challenged, we have things happening. We got teams, we got people coming in and out of our life. There's relationships, there's competition, there's politics, lots of politics. So the point of it is, you know, how do we navigate that environment? How do we navigate the environment we're in? And how do we show up so that we are, in fact, navigating it? It's like the last show that we did around. The only thing that is certain is uncertainty. So you can live in the world of worry and anxiety and indecisiveness, or you can step back from it and go, no, life is uncertain. That's both the exciting and the opportunistic part that shows up when you have that level of uncertainty. And it's uncomfortable and we don't like it, but it's in the discomfort, it's in the not liking it that we learn to navigate, that we learn the resilience. We see things because we're forced to look at the world through a different lens, or we crash and burn, and then we're really forced to do it. But the point is, is what's in our way of achieving those results. And so back to, you know, coaching's not a scam. It's just a kind of a nice way to open up the conversation. But there is a level or expansion of the coaching. And when we talk about mindset, mindset doesn't quite cover it. And anyways, that's all the whole concept of mind shui, feng shui for the mind rearranging kind of opening and getting rid of the clutter so you can actually see the light so you. Oh geez, look at that. There's a window right over there. All I needed to move was this old box spring.
- [33:39]
Stephanie
That's good. There's this old box bringing in the way. I didn't even know there was a window there.
- [33:43]
Patrick
Didn't even know there's a window there. All of a sudden you see the lake.
- [33:47]
Stephanie
Exactly right. But 100%, when we go back to the first presupposition of all coaching that I've learned right from the day one I started coaching, whether it was skating or hockey or life or performance, psychology is that everybody's doing the best they can, the very best they can. And when we go into it, whether it' I'm dealing with a crazy hockey parent, that it's not my definition, but they're saying I'm feeling crazy because I know I could help my kid more. How do I help them reframe their role in that so that they become the most credible parent that they can be so that that child can trust their coaches. And I think what some parents forget is that when they come in so hard that the, the child then has to choose and the child, it doesn't matter how old you are, will always choose the parent. So what happens is the credibility of the professionals that they're hiring goes down and the power gets shifted back to the family and then the healing of whatever family trauma or whatever patterns that were going on. Because we both know that a lot of the negative love syndrome comes from our family of origin is that it blocks the ability of that child to step into their what's next? Even if it's a 30 or 35 year old child, the minute that parent takes on the role of coach or that I know better than the coaches or I know better than you and you need to listen to me. To me, that's a, a moment in time where I would say to the parent, it's time to do your own work, find your own way and remove the clutter and do your own mind shui work, you know?
- [35:25]
Patrick
Beautiful. Okay, on that note, as we wind down, I just want to say we'll do a shout out. We are going to be launching a pilot program. We're going to be taking 20 individuals who apply to be part of the program. It's just a pilot. It's going to be four weeks long. So if you are interested there'll be links in in the description below. And it's really a pilot project. We're doing a beta and then we're going to re kind of convene and reconfigure, reconfigure, tweak the program. And so if you're interested in being part of the 20, the pilot startup, you can click on the link below, put an application or always ceoaincanada.com Stephanie thank you.
- [36:10]
Stephanie
Thanks son. That was fun.
- [36:13]
Patrick
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for listening. If you found value in the podcast, please take the time to rate and review and share with others. Share with your friends as it is my goal to always improve and to provide the highest value for you. The list of Listener if you have any comments, suggestions or questions you'd like answered, please email me@ceoraincanada.com that's ceor e I n canada.com I look forward to hearing from you and until next time. Patrick oh.