Podcast Summary: The Everyday Millionaire – Mindset Matters

Episode #202 – "Is Coaching a Scam? The Truth About Real Transformation"
Host: Patrick Francey
Guest: Stephanie Hanlon Francey (Olympic Mental Performance Coach & Patrick’s wife)
Release Date: September 11, 2025

Overview

In this episode, Patrick Francey and his wife, Stephanie Hanlon Francey, explore the provocative question: "Is Coaching a Scam?" Using decades of experience in both being coached and coaching others—from athletes to business leaders—they discuss why coaching often fails to deliver transformation, what real change requires, and why surface-level strategies almost never move the needle. Drawing on concepts like "Mind Shui" (feng shui for the mind), the duo examines how deep, root-level shifts in beliefs, identity, and values are necessary for meaningful success.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Coaching Industry: A Loss of Shine

• Coaching vs. Coaxing:
  • Stephanie highlights how the essence of coaching has been diluted, with many seeking “coaxing” rather than growth.
  • "A lot of people would reach out to me... They weren’t looking for coaching — they were wanting me to do their push-ups for them." – Stephanie (02:44)
• Explosion of ‘Quick Coaches’:
  • Stephanie observes that today, anyone can become a coach after a weekend course, leading to a crowded and often under-qualified field.
  • "Lost a little bit of its shine, personally." – Stephanie (02:57)

2. Surface Change vs. Root Transformation

• Fruit Tree Metaphor:
  • Patrick introduces a metaphor: people focus on fixing the 'fruit' (actions/results) while ignoring the 'roots' (beliefs, identity, clarity).
  • "We don’t work on the fruit, we have to work on the roots of the tree." – Patrick (04:15)
  • Stephanie chimes in: "If they're roots, they're buried. They're deep." (04:46)
• Mind Shui – Feng Shui for the Mind:
  • The need to “clear the clutter” in the mind so meaningful, lasting changes can occur.
  • "If they're blocked or misaligned, no amount of coaching on what to do will change the fruit for long." – Patrick (04:49)

3. Why Traditional Coaching Falls Short

• Temporary Motivation, No Real Change:
  • Many people experience a “caffeine high” from seminars and motivation but crash as nothing substantial shifts.
  • "Sunday night you feel super great and you’re motivated, and then all of a sudden... it just dies out." – Stephanie (06:24)
• The “How” vs. The “Who”:
  • It’s not only about what to do, but who you have to become to achieve your goal.
  • "The real question is, who are you being as you show up to do the things?" – Patrick (05:19)

4. Digging Deeper: Identity, Hidden Beliefs, and Values

• Addressing “Operating Systems”:
  • Real progress requires work on one's fundamental beliefs, identity, and internal stories.
  • Patrick shares that, time and again, coaching clients fail not due to a lack of know-how but because of “core elements of identity, values, and hidden beliefs.” (08:01)
• Examples of Hidden Beliefs:
  • “Not enough, not worthy, I’m lonely, there’s not enough money, I’m not lovable...” – Patrick (08:45)

5. Real-Life Client Case Studies

• Business Start-Up Client:
  • Patrick discusses a discovery call with a young entrepreneur who believes he might simply be “not coachable” after multiple unsuccessful coaching attempts.
  • The core issue isn’t technical skill but deep-seated beliefs about himself—highlighting the need for “coaching in you.”
  • "[He] thinks he outgrew the coach, then started to think, am I coachable? Maybe I'm just stuck in my shit and I'll never get out of it." – Patrick (12:52)
• Athletics & Sports Coaching:
  • Stephanie reflects on her work with ice dancers and athletes: despite world-class technical support, unresolved beliefs and stories from early life inhibit performance.
  • "Coaches have a blank canvas... an athlete that isn't operating on a whole bunch of old stories." – Stephanie (10:22)

6. The Limits of “How-To” Answers

• Some Seek Simple Solutions:
  • Stephanie points out many only want a list of “how-tos,” but for real results, a willingness to address the internal landscape is needed.
  • "This is way too deep. I’m just looking for a couple of how-tos." – Stephanie describing clients (14:06)

7. The Importance of Self-Exploration

• Prayer vs. Meditation:
  • Stephanie shares a profound distinction:
    • "Praying is asking and meditation is listening... Everybody wants inner peace, but nobody wants to look inside." – Stephanie (20:43, 23:56)
• Quote Highlight:
  • "The truth is, you already know." – Stephanie (23:20)

8. Family Dynamics and Their Lasting Impact

• Parenting, Athletes, and Leadership:
  • The way parents interact with their children can leave lasting scars or belief patterns that affect performance and leadership in adulthood.
  • "How do you teach your kids to communicate in a way that says, ‘Dad or Mom, back the fuck off...’" – Patrick (25:00)
  • "If I’m going to take credit for your success, I also have to take credit for your failure." – Stephanie's mother (27:47)
  • On parental impact: "The minute that parent takes on the role of coach... that’s a moment in time where I would say to the parent, it’s time to do your own work, find your own way, and remove the clutter." – Stephanie (34:51)

9. Relating It All Back to Life and Business

• Transferring Lessons from Sports to Business:
  • Both hosts emphasize how these hidden blocks and patterns manifest in both athletic and business performance. Technical skills matter, but inner work is the bottleneck to high achievement.
  • "What’s in your way of taking it to the next level? Because you know the technical." – Patrick (31:13)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Patrick: "It isn’t about the what or the how. It has to be who you are and who you need to become at the root." (07:59)
• Stephanie: "Everybody wants inner peace, but nobody wants to look inside." (23:56)
• Stephanie: "Praying is asking and meditation is listening." (20:43)
• Patrick: "You can coach the 'how' all you want… but the roots are the beliefs, the values, your clarity… if that’s off, nothing changes for long." (04:23)
• Stephanie: "If you’re not willing to go deeper, we’re probably not the right coaches for you." (14:21)
• Patrick: "Sport is just a reflection of life." (31:22)
• Stephanie: "First presupposition of all coaching: everybody’s doing the best they can." (33:54)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [02:00] – Stephanie reflects on the early days and the shift from true coaching to coaxing.
• [04:10] – Patrick introduces the fruit tree metaphor.
• [06:24] – Stephanie discusses seminar “highs” and why most fade out after.
• [08:01] – Patrick delves into real coaching as addressing core beliefs and values.
• [12:29] – Patrick describes a discovery call with an entrepreneur; coaching “in you” vs. technical coaching.
• [14:06] – Stephanie highlights the recurring desire for easy “how-to” fixes.
• [20:43] – Stephanie introduces the prayer vs. meditation distinction.
• [23:56] – Paula’s quote: “Everybody wants inner peace, but nobody wants to look inside.”
• [25:00] – Patrick on family dynamics, wounds, and communication.
• [27:47] – Stephanie’s mother on parental credit and responsibility.
• [34:51] – Stephanie on when parents become the obstacle and need to do their own work.

Tone and Language

The conversation is candid, warm, often humorous, and deeply honest. Both Patrick and Stephanie share from personal experience (professional and private), often teasing each other and using storytelling to drive points home. Their tone is grounded, practical, and at times, gently confronting.

Final Takeaway

Coaching isn’t a scam, but its true power is often misunderstood and misapplied. Lasting transformation requires a willingness to dig deep, challenge stories, and clear mental and emotional clutter. Mastering the "how" is important, but your "who"—your very identity, beliefs, and values—is what unlocks real change.

Pilot Program Announcement:
Near the end, Patrick and Stephanie announce an upcoming pilot ("Mind Shui Way") to help participants experience this deeper work firsthand. Details in episode links. (35:25)

For those considering coaching, ask: Are you ready to do the work on your roots, not just polish the fruit?