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The Everyday Millionaire and Mindset Matters Podcast
Mindset Matters - Episode #204 - Four Barriers That Kill Discipline and How to Overcome Them
00:30:07
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- [00:00]
A
Foreign. Welcome to this episode of the Everyday Millionaire Mindset Matters podcast, where I'm joined by my wife, Olympic mental performance coach Stephanie Hanlon. Francie. In these episodes, Stephanie and I have a conversation about the different aspects of what we refer to as Mindset Matters because we believe that for those who are awake, we are living in and through the most impactful time in history. Your view of the world is the filter for how you will experience the evolution and changing dynamics of it. Our intention is to provide you with ideas, nutritious food for thought, and some tools that you can use to help you in being your greatest self and living your best life. Listen in. Enjoy. Hi there, and welcome to the Everyday Millionaire Mind Shui Matters. Stephanie, welcome.
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B
Hey, hon. Hey, Wait, What?
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A
What? Hey. What?
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B
You said. Well, you said mind Shui matters.
- [01:05]
A
Well, it does.
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B
I love that.
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A
Well, you know, we're going through this rebranding thing, so we're just putting it out there. So.
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B
So that wasn't a mistake. You just did that on purpose.
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A
Yeah, I did it on purpose. Of course I did it on purpose.
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B
You're amazing.
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A
I know.
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B
You never give me any warning.
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A
We'll see what. We'll. We'll see what our listener says. Okay, so let's carry on with this episode of Mind Shui Matters. Okay, we'll try that on. Maybe we'll get a comment. Okay, so I want to open, and the topic today is discipline, and I really want to unpack discipline because it's one of those things that I've been seeing showing up for me personally. But I'm also seeing the challenges that people have with discipline. And I'm going to get to it in a minute. But let's just start with this particular quote, which is, discipline is the bridge between intention and achievement, and without it, vision remains a dream. So I thought that was pretty. I liked the kind of. If you really unpack that, it's. Discipline is the bridge between intention and achievement, and without it, your. Your vision remains a dream. So in other words, whatever your vision is, you have to continue to chug away and get through it. But that takes. Discipline may take habits. All of the things that we talk about around discipline, and we will touch on. So I'm going to unpack it there, and then I've got a parable, and then we're going to talk about discipline. We're going to get into discipline. This is a big thing, and it's going to be really about how do we get past the discipline. You know, I'll. I'll I'll go on this a little bit. I find that discipline is there, and then it disappears. One minute you have it, or one day you have it, or one week you have it, one month you have it, and then all of a sudden it goes away. And then sometimes it goes away for an extended period of time. Weeks, months, years. No discipline. You know, think about workouts, you know, all those kinds of things. Those are easy targets. And then other times it's like, full on, I'm so focused. I got this. Do you want to comment on that before I go to my pause for a sec?
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B
So when you think about it, when you talk about discipline, what I'm hearing you talk about is what some people may define as motivation. No.
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A
Yeah, yeah. But I don't use, I don't even think about motivation. I, I, it's not a word that I use because I think that, I don't know, there's just. I don't want somebody to try and motivate me. I love being inspired by thought leaders. I love being inspired by action takers. And for those who I admire and that inspires me. Motivation is like willpower. It's sometimes you need willpower to get through things, but if you're counting on it and like motivation, if that's really what you need, then you should look at it and go, if you really want it, why do you have to be motivated?
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B
Right? So that's like shifting from willpower to want power and from motivation to discipline.
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A
Inspiration from motivation to inspiration. And there's something to be said about inspiration in the context of discipline, because if you're inspired, then you have discipline because you're inspired. And we're going to get that in a minute. So let me, let's just unpack this a little bit more. I think it's important to give it really strong context because discipline is one of those things that just comes and goes and we have to look at it and go, well, what is it? How do we bust through to manage our discipline? And I've had some recent experiences myself, some mental kind of gymnastics that I've been doing, and I got my discipline back, but I, I realized what it was, and I'll share with that in a minute. Okay, so here's the parable. It's the one about the bamboo tree. We've all heard it. You know, a farmer plants the bamboo stalks or seeds and then waters it every single day. Have to water it every single day. And that happens for years. So you paddle up water year, and you don't see, see anything growing. And then friends, peers, workmates, they're all kind of looking at you. And if they don't know anything about bamboo, they're going, what the hell are you doing? You're just wasting your time and energy. But what we know is it's what's happening beneath the surface in the soil. You know, the roots are spreading out, they're getting deeper, they're getting stronger. And then in the fifth year, the bamboo suddenly shoots up 80ft in weeks. So all of those years of unseen discipline, boom. It all made that growth possible. And that's really what discipline is about. You know, we get into it, we go, we, we always use, or often use the analogy of going to the gym, working out the discipline of doing it. You know, the first week you see nothing. You know, the first workout is like, why am I here? And then in a month you kind of go, oh, maybe I'm feeling it. And in two months you go, oh, this is getting cool. And like three months later, if you've stayed disciplined working out, you're like seeing the difference. And then all of a sudden you're going, I got this right? And that inspires and drives discipline harder. So that's the kind of the notes around it. But I'll leave it over to you. You work with athletes, you work with business people, individuals. How does discipline show up, for example, for a gold medalist, a wannabe gold medalist. Think about the discipline of an athlete that starts when they're four years old and works their way up and they're 25 and they're still doing whatever they're doing. Wow, that's intense.
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B
Yeah, I love the distinction between discipline and habits and motivation versus inspiration. And when I look at like, you know, throw it, you know, toss it back to me when it turn, you know, in terms of the athletes is that if they didn't have an ultimate goal like compete at the Olympics or become the best in the world or something, the day to day grind I don't think could actually happen because it's not about the, you know, being motivated. Like half the time, honey, they do not want to go to the rink, they do not want to train, they don't want to shred their bodies. They don't want to go from the rink to the gym, to the massage therapist to the costume person, to the like, seriously, Are you kidding me? I don't want to do this. But there's so glamorous.
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A
It's so glamorous. It's so glamorous.
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B
Right in the Day to day, we.
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A
Always see the end result. Right?
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B
Exactly. But when you think about it, it's the discipline or the commitment to the outcome that pulls that discipline into their day to day. You know, they don't want to do meal prep on a Sunday. And you know, there's just things that maybe create routine and habit that build the discipline. But I think they are connected to the outcome or the goal or what it is that they want to achieve. I think about you and your 70 year old self. I think about, you know, how you talk about that. I think about how who I want to be, you know, as a, as a woman, as a partner, as a, you know, as I get older, you know, how do I want to show up? Do I, I don't, I don't want to be a normal 62 or 63 or sip 72 year old. I want to be someone special. So what do I have to do today and how do I become disciplined and how do I commit to that today? And that's what I see the athletes do, is that they're going, you know what I, this is the grind. But I'm committed to what it is that I think could be the outcome.
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A
Okay, So I, I, you're totally on point and I'm, I'm going to refine that a little bit with just my own experience and then real, the realizations that I've had. And, and, and that was so when I stopped drinking a couple of years ago and really started getting back into my training and all those things, it's great, great, great. But, and I, and I've really enjoyed being, you know, kind of being at the weight I'm at and getting to there and kind of sticking to it and continuing to work out, do all of the things. But I've noticed that man, going to the gym and if it wasn't for Juan, my trainer, I go, no way I'd be here.
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B
And that your gym is in your.
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A
Office or that I'm looking at my gym as we speak. So the point of it is that I realized that I was just hating my workouts. And I know hate's a strong word and I don't like to use it, but I rarely use it. I'll go off before I'll say, hey, I guess just, I don't like using that word, it's just ugly word. But my point is I had lost the vision. I was literally looking at leg days and you know, squats and you know, back and legs and biceps and triceps and pull ups and push ups and bench press and like I'm going, I'm not liking this. It's not enjoyable. It hurts. At 67 years old, my body hurts full stop. When you're working out, it's harder. You know, I'm dealing with that. I often talk about my age because I'm really being present to it. So I hope people don't get tired of me talking about my 67 year old self. But I'm going through this kind of on this journey. So the point is it hurts. But just recently, through what? Something I heard and it was about vision. And I had lost my vision, not my seeing vision, but I had lost the vision of who I want to be. Although some would argue I can't see very well anymore or here, which is all true, by the way. Oh man, it's just amazing to watch your body break down, isn't it? So the point of it is that. So for today, like today as an example, I'm working out and I'm doing squat to row. So anyways, the cable row machine, you're squatting and pulling and it's like whatever they call it, it's two exercises in one. It's fricking hard for me and it's heavy because I do go heavy. It's just I am strong that way and I was really hating it. And then in the moment I was doing the workout, you know what I got to?
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B
No.
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A
I lost the vision for who I wanted to be at 70. And as soon as I clicked on no, who do I want to be at 70? I can't be fricking complaining about the work. I was focused on the work, right? Not the outcome vision I had. As soon as I got focused on my vision and my commitment to who I want to be, how I want to see myself, how I want others to see me, how I want to show up at 70 years old, guess what?
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B
It got easier.
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A
I got easier. I was like going, this, okay, I'm in this pain. This is, I'm going through the storm. This is what it takes to have that vision. So quit complaining, quit focusing on the work and just get back to your commitment to who you are as a 70 year old and even really who I AM As a 67 year old, you know, if I can set the benchmark for what's possible. I see a couple of guys, they're on whatever fees they're on and they're 65 and they're really great, you know, they're. But they're talking about doing exercises 65. I go, shit, guys. I do that in my sleep. I should start a YouTube channel about old guys working out. I don't know.
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B
That's a great title. Old Guys Working Out. I love that.
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A
Do it. Okay, so let's get back to discipline. So I. There's. There's other parts to discipline. So how do you have discipline? So first off, let's really make sure that people, you know, if. If you're listening to this and you're questioning your own discipline, if you've got great discipline in one area, then just connect to that, going, well, why am I so disciplined there and not over there? And it's because likely you either don't have a vision worthy of the work and. Or you're focusing on the work and not the vision. And so when you start to have that vision, reconnect to it. Don't focus on the grind. That's not it. That's actually what you're doing to live into what you've got for yourself. And that makes it. That was a game changer for me. So I'm just saying that. So when you step up, do that, then you get your outcome, and that's really, really powerful. The other thing around discipline, point two is it has to be around routines. You know, it has to be around routines and systems and making it easier. Don't make it harder for yourself because you'll break down if you got to get through too many barriers. It's the old story. There's a couple guys that talk about, you know, what I do to make sure I work out. I gotta. I go for a run in the morning or I go to the pool in the morning or do whatever. My clothes are right beside me, my gym clothes. I get into them, I go, my coffee's made, I grab a cup, I go to the gym. Like, they make the routine easy and efficient so they're not battling the discipline of even going.
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B
So when I think about it, and then working with athletes or business people, athletes, when they're going for the podium, a gold medal, or business people, they're going to close a deal or they want to create a new partnership. There's four barriers to a podium. Four. And the first one is identifying any dramas or distractions that are pulling you away from being disciplined, being committed, being aware and conscious of your outcome, dramas and distractions. The second one is incompletions. Where are you incomplete. We can only be as complete as we can be in the moment. So a discipline would be to go and route out your incompletions are your, is your phone bill paid? Are you up to date on, you know, your bills? Are you, have you had conversations with people that are uncomfortable that maybe are ruminating in the back of your mind? The other one is worst case scenarios. Like what is the worst case scenario? If you are ruminating in the worst case scenario of what's going on, it's very difficult to stay disciplined and committed to your outcome. So the last one is what are you afraid of your fears? What are the things that you are making real in the future or you're committing to in the past that you bringing into the present moment? So there's your fears. Number two is the dramas and distractions, number three, incompletions. And number four, worst case scenarios. So when you think about it, those are the things that pull people away from being just gently disciplined and moving their lives forward in the direction of their goals.
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A
Well, something, you know, those are all really great, right? And part of that is, especially when it comes to distractions, part of it is routines, right? Also creating an environment for yourself to succeed. So in other words, are you setting yourself up with distractions that are filling your time but aren't the best use of your time? Are you going for those dopamine hits as an example? So what can we take off our plate so that it doesn't jeopardize the discipline, the state of discipline? And I think that's probably. Do you think that's an accurate kind of phrase, the state of discipline?
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B
It is a state actually. That's a really good point, don't you think?
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A
And so when we think about it as a state and how do you stay in the state of discipline? You know, connecting to your whys always, you know, what is that outcome? What is the real reason you're doing what you're doing? Being really clear on even the environment that you're setting yourself up for. So are you setting yourself up to succeed? Are you creating that environment and putting your like. So for me we've created, I've created my environment. My gym is literally connected to my office and it's a great gym and it's a great office. And Juan comes in and we get going at 6:30 in the morning and we put in a pretty honest hour. And you know, if it wasn't for him doing that, but I've really not given myself an out. He shows up, you know, and I can't make too many excuses because then he'd say, what are we quitting training now or what's going On, Right. So there's an accountability part of that that I think that really is important to set yourself up for that success. And in the world of discipline and mental state, this goes back to things that we've talked about in the past, around the gap and the gain. You know, kind of. You touched on it earlier, which is don't look at, you know, you, you. What was the phrase that you use? Worst case scenario. Right. It's looking on that. As opposed all these things that are shutting your brain down, shutting your discipline down, as opposed to saying, look at what I did accomplish today, which comes back to discipline. What I've learned is I need to be able to track my results, and I need a way to do that. So, as you know, when I get really into getting leaner, making sure that I'm being real healthy, I track everything I put in my mouth. I have an app that does that. And it drives you crazy. Well, it doesn't drive you crazy. You're pretty patient with me. But when we're at restaurants and I'm going, I wonder what the hell this is. Anyways, the point is that. And then track your results. So these are all ways that, you know, you can stay in the state of discipline and celebrate the wins along the way as opposed to where you're not. Build the foundation.
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B
Yeah, totally. And I think, you know, it's funny, you know, you. The word discipline can be taken in so many contexts. I could think about discipline back in the day. It was like, oh, let's criticize. Let's discipline. If somebody's not doing something, let's give them 25 push ups.
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A
But is that. But is that still a thing? I think discipline, the actual word, the definition of the word being disciplined can go either way is being. I have to even have to dig into that a little bit. I haven't used it in that way for a long time.
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B
I don't think we ever have. And in, in all of my businesses, even in quantum speed, like, we've never punished. I think discipline can be conflated with punishment. And I just don't want that to be part of this conversation. Is that we're not punishing each other or, or ourselves by honoring our commitments to ourselves and understanding that that's not the punishment. Discipline is not punishment. Like, I'm going to discipline you and I'm going to, you know, give you 25 pushups. No, I'm going to empower you and make sure that you're connected to your vision and your outcome and why you're here, you know, commit to your. Why. But I do want to actually shine a light on the fact that depending on the demographic who's listening, is that the word discipline can be really kind of used in different ways.
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A
Different ways. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a no. I think it's a really, really great point. So. So also when we think about discipline, you know, it is, there's gotta be. I think would be. It's helpful is to understand is there a purpose attached to that somewhere along, you know, are you living into what part of your purpose is? So when I connect my dots, I'll just give you an example. For me is that in the world of being at leadership and leading by example and being a great coach and being a great example of what's possible, that's part of my purpose. I want to inspire others, I want to support others, I want to be a contribution. I want to have significance in the world that I'm in. And I want to matter. Okay, so that means that I have to lift my own bar. I have to show what's possible. I can lead by example. That serves my purpose as well. And who am I going to be at? 70 is really important to me because it serves you, you and it serves Aaron and our grandchildren and our family and our friends. And I want to be that healthy example. And, and also I love to, you know, I love, as you know, I love to, to go on stage and coach and use, you know, my many years of business and real estate and life. And I want to share that and I want to be able to do that in a very healthy and energetic kind of way, you know, and I love hanging out with a bunch of 40 year olds, which I do, which helps keep me young, but it also shows me how old I really am.
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B
Yeah, but they look at you and they go, oh my gosh, it's the grandfather of real estate. Oh my God.
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A
Yeah, yeah. So, but that goes back to my purpose. I want to be able to. I want people to leverage what I've learned over the years in business and in real estate and in life. And, you know, even when I'm on my podcast, I'm learning all the time from some amazing guests who've achieved some really cool results. And in behind that, I see their discipline, I see what they had to get through. And here's there's a fundamental. You know, at the Real Estate investor conference that I did with Calvin Hexter and Calvin Realty, they put on an amazing event. It was a really, a great event. And hopefully there's some people listening here because they'll remember it. On the Sunday night of the event, I did a Everyday Millionaire interview style on stage with a panel of five people.
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B
Okay, just back up for a second, cowboy. You also didn't know you were going to do it. Amy told you.
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A
Like, yeah, that was fun. That's okay. That's. That's fun stuff. Those are. That's the stuff I love. I love that shit. And, you know, somebody comes up to me goes, patrick, you're on stage in five minutes. I go, doing what? And they look down the agenda and they go, oh, it's not on the agenda. You're sorry we didn't tell you. You're hosting a panel under Everyday Millionaire and you're going to interview them. And I go, okay, let's do it. So we get on the stage in front of 300 people, or whatever was left on Sunday night, a very nice room full of people, and we went live and did this whole thing. But it was really about, you know, you look at that, who was on the stage, all having different degrees of success, but all very successful. And as we work through it, you know, the conversation, although it didn't go directly to discipline, it went to the mental gymnastics that it takes to have the. To achieve the results that this group of people had achieved. And I went down the line and we talked about that. And in behind all of that, you understand just how focused these people have been. You know, Wayne Hillier, for example, I think they're now five years, maybe five years of doing their real estate podcast every single day.
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B
Wow.
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A
Not missing.
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B
Gabby. Wayne and Gabby.
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A
Wayne Hillier and Gabby. Yes, Wayne and Gabby Hillier. I'm sorry, I thought I used their name. I did in my mind. But anyways, the point is they do that every morning at 6am wow. And they haven't missed. They haven't missed even to the extent that they have their daughter. Come on. Sometimes it's funny, and, you know, she's all of 10 now. But the point is that that takes discipline. That's what it takes. But they love what they do, and they're great coaches, and they are committed to making sure that they're living their purpose, which is to do what they're doing, and they create an environment for their whole family to be involved. And I'm sure that on any given day, Wayne's either trying to inspire Gabby or Gabby's trying to inspire Wayne. We, you know, we made this commitment, no different from us, and we only do one A week.
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B
Right.
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A
And I have to. I have to tug you around and talk you. Okay. So the whole point around discipline is that there is a method to the madness. Don't look at the work, look at the outcome. Create the environment for yourself to succeed. Get into the habits that keep things easy. And, you know, if you just do those alone. Aside from what Stephanie shared with some of her tips, if you want to maybe recap those quickly, that's the art of taking discipline and then leveraging the hell out of it to get the results.
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B
Yeah. And I think with the four barriers to the podium that I discussed, dramas, distractions, worst case scenario, incompletions and belief systems slash fears. Is that if you only really focus on those things and you just complete those incompletions and you identify your fears and your belief systems and then you route out any of those whatever, you know, bullshit stories that you have running out, and it actually eliminates a lot of other distractions because it gives your mind something to focus on and it gives your mind something to be clear and to. When you have clarity. There's, of course, when you think about it, what's brilliant is that if we really, from a mind choice standard anyway, and we put those four categories up and we only focus on those things when it comes to, okay, how do I discipline my mind in terms of moving, moving my forward in my goals, so understanding my distractions and my dramas, that's one category. My belief systems or my bs. And then under that is my fears and excuses. And then on the other side is the incompletions. Incompletions, Hilarious incompletions. Because it really all wraps into incompletions. Because whether it's an incompletion around something you haven't done or you needed to do or a conversation that was not fully expressed, and then that leads into a fear or a belief system or an excuse, which then leads to all the other things. So those four things, I call them the barriers to the podium, but from a mind shui or like a mindset matter standpoint, is that when you focus your thoughts, which we can, and that's what is a discipline for me, is that I have to focus my thoughts because of, you know, how many thoughts are going on in our head at this at one time, is that those four categories, if you only just work on those things, discipline is the result.
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A
There's one thing I would add to that. Those four, those four examples, and you brought it up, is that first you have to decide what's your podium there Is that part of the equation that you often ask people you know, not just your athletes, but you? It's a. It's a great metaphor for what people are trying to achieve. What's your podium? What is your medal? You know, what does your podium look like? And what if to be at the top of the podium, what do you have to have achieved? So that comes back always to the vision, and then what's the discipline to achieve that vision and then stay connected to the vision, not the work.
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B
I love that. Can you just slow down, cowboy? Say that again. Connect to the vision, not the work. Oh, yeah, because the work is a grind, right? The work is the grind you don't want to do.
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A
It's all mind shui.
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B
The mind shui way.
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A
The mind shui way. Clear the clutter of your brain.
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B
Wow, that's a really good point. And you know, when you clear the clutter of your brain, what I'm finding after I'm heading into my fourth Olympics, and I'm feeling the stress, and the athletes are feeling the stress right now, and there's qualifying and there's this and there's that, and, you know, decisions, and this isn't right, and that's not right, and. But when it all comes down to it, when you can stay connected to what it is, the outcome, the vision, what it is that you want, the grind actually becomes palpable. It becomes something that you look forward to. I look at it when I think about what it takes to do what you do, to do what the athletes do, to make a difference in the world, is that there is a place where you don't have to like the grind, but if you can connect it to what it is that you want and let it pull you forward, oh, my gosh, there's nothing better.
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A
And on that note, we'll call it another episode of the Mind Shui Way. The Mind Show Way matters. Whatever we're going to call this damn show.
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B
You're hilarious. That was fun.
- [29:31]
A
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for listening. If you found value in the podcast, please take the time to rate and review and share with others. Share with your friends as it is my goal to always improve and to provide the highest value for you, the listener. If you have any comments, suggestions, or questions you'd like answered, please email me@ceoraincanada.com that's C E O R E I N Canada. Do I look forward to hearing from you? And until next time, Patrick.
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B
Oh.