The Everyday Millionaire – Mindset Matters

Episode #205: The Power of Pause: How to Respond Instead of React
Host: Patrick Francey
Guest: Stephanie Hanlon (Olympic mental performance coach, Patrick’s wife)
Date: October 2, 2025

Overview

In this episode, Patrick Francey and Stephanie Hanlon dive into the critical difference between reacting and responding, emphasizing the importance of creating space before taking action. Drawing inspiration from Viktor Frankl and real-world scenarios, the conversation centers around how our “response-ability”—the ability to consciously choose our response—can lead to personal growth, freedom, and better results in a messy, divisive world. The duo explores strategies for managing emotions, ego, and belief systems to foster resilience and authenticity in daily life and bigger challenges. Listeners are encouraged to “take the power of pause” to cultivate awareness and control amidst uncertainty.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Viktor Frankl Principle: Exploring the “Space” Between Stimulus and Response

• Quote:

  “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. And in our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
  — Viktor Frankl, read by Patrick (01:02)

• The central theme is the empowerment that comes with recognizing and occupying the gap between what happens to us and how we act in return.

The Archer Metaphor: Responsiveness over Reactivity

• Life brings the unpredictable “wind,” but we control our actions (“the draw” of the bow, our breath, and the moment we release the arrow). (01:20)
• The responsive archer pauses, studies the conditions, and releases with intention; the reactive archer simply blames circumstances and acts in frustration.
• “Our responsibility, our response ability.” – Patrick (01:48)

Redefining What It Means to Be the Best Version of Ourselves

• Stephanie challenges the typical idea of “more” (achievement, accumulation) as the goal, reframing personal growth as finding center and living “our truth.” (03:53)
• Paradox: Wanting to take care of ourselves/families vs. surrendering to external pressures.

The Courage to Pause Before Acting

• “Real courage often comes earlier. It’s the pause before the action. It’s the courage to stop and to ask ourselves harder questions.” – Patrick (06:19)
• Questions for self-check: “Is this who I want to be? Is this where I want to be? Is this the life I want to live?” (06:25)
• The first instinct is often ego-driven blame; growth comes from accepting and examining outcomes.

The Role of Ego in Reaction vs. Response

• Ego wants to be right, marshaling old history and future worries to justify itself (08:46).
• Defense mode is the default human response; pausing lets us let an idea truly “land” before defending ourselves.
• “Our ability to respond to a moment in time where we can just breathe, take a pause and go, you know, take a beat before you react...” – Stephanie (08:01)

Navigating a Divisive World

• The world is noisier, more polarized, and information-saturated (headlines, politics, economic uncertainty). (10:00)
• “If you’re easily offended, you are easily manipulated... reactivity is a loss of power.” – Patrick (11:47)
  • Reaction = “They did this to me, I had no choice.”
  • Response = “I noticed my anger, and I chose mindfully.”

Emotional Awareness and Mastery

• Stephanie reflects on recent realizations: sometimes the best response is no immediate response (13:16).
• Allowing time for full understanding gives room for new information to come in before acting.

Digital Echo Chambers and Belief Systems

• Algorithms obsessively feed individuals more of what they already believe, creating tight echo chambers (23:21).
• “As much as you live in that swim lane, you’re in that echo chamber of your own belief systems. It’s hard work getting outside of it.” – Patrick (23:55)
• Experiment: A friend of Stephanie’s maintains two very different Twitter identities to witness contrasting realities (24:01).

Challenging and Evolving Belief Systems

• Stephanie shares about a client who broke through by questioning and letting go of long-held beliefs (21:23).
• “Our belief systems—our B.S.—what if they’re all truly B.S.? ... If it’s not serving you, maybe it’s time to move on.” – Stephanie (21:23)
• Patrick identifies this process as exploring “meta values,” which will be the focus of a future episode (22:09).

Practical Application: Manage Your Triggers and Practice the Pause

• Notice your emotional triggers—both digital and interpersonal—and question why you are being pulled in (26:49).
• Illustration: A story about home renovation demonstrates how, with time, what was once urgent anger faded into irrelevance. (“Live with it for three weeks…” – Patrick’s renovation story, 27:46)
• Sometimes the greatest courage is staying silent, stepping back, or simply walking away until emotions have settled (18:48, 20:40).

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “Our responsibility, our response ability.”
  Patrick Francey (01:48)

• “It’s the pause before the action. It’s the courage to stop and to ask ourselves harder questions.”
  Patrick (06:19)

• “Our belief systems—our B.S.—what if they’re all truly B.S.? ... If it’s not serving you, maybe it’s time to move on.”
  Stephanie (21:23)

• “If you’re easily offended, you are easily manipulated.”
  Patrick (11:47)

• “Best version of yourself is also about your ability to deal and your response ability.”
  Patrick (17:12)

• “Take a pause... sometimes the best response is no response.”
  Stephanie (29:07)

Notable Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:02 – Viktor Frankl quote and archer metaphor
• 03:53 – Rethinking “being the best version of ourselves”
• 06:19 – The courage it takes to pause before reacting
• 08:46 – Ego’s role in reaction and defense mode
• 11:47 – Manipulation, offense, and personal power
• 13:16 – Allowing time for understanding and information
• 17:12 – Managing beliefs and authenticity in divided environments
• 21:23 – Challenging the validity and utility of belief systems (meta values)
• 23:21 – Algorithm-induced echo chambers and persona experiment
• 27:46 – Renovation story: “live with it for three weeks” as a metaphor for checking urgency of reactions

Takeaways and Closing Reflections

• Awareness is key: Become conscious of the space between stimulus and response.
• Choose with intention: Develop the courage to pause, breathe, and choose your response, not just react.
• Challenge your beliefs: Regularly assess your belief systems—are they serving your growth or holding you back?
• Mind your media diet: Break out of digital echo chambers by exposing yourself to varied viewpoints.
• Not everything needs a response: Sometimes the bravest thing is to hold silence and wait for clarity.
• Responsibility = response-ability: Ultimately, growth and freedom come from owning your choices and responses, not being a victim to events or emotions.

“Take a beat—notice what’s happening, breathe, and ask yourself: is this who I want to be right now?”
— Stephanie Hanlon, paraphrased (08:01, summarized throughout)