Podcast Summary: The Everyday Millionaire and Mindset Matters – Episode #209
Mindset Matters: The 7 Hidden Costs of Creating a Life by Design
Host: Patrick Francey
Guest: Stephanie Hanlon Francey (Olympic mental performance coach)
Date: October 30, 2025
Episode Overview
In this illuminating episode, Patrick Francey and his wife/co-host Stephanie Hanlon Francey deep-dive into the "7 Hidden Costs" encountered when creating a life by design and pursuing self-mastery. Grounding their discussion in real-life experience and practical examples, they argue that achieving true wealth, fulfillment, and personal transformation always carries a non-financial price. This episode challenges listeners to become conscious of the emotional, relational, and psychological "costs of entry" required to step into the best version of themselves.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. The Real Cost of Creating a Life by Design
- Success, transformation, and self-mastery are not free: each area of personal growth comes with a hidden price.
- These costs are not monetary, but emotional, psychological, and relational.
“Everything worth having in life has a cost of entry. And the cost of entry is not money. It’s understanding.”
— Patrick (03:58)
2. Cost #1: Uncertainty – The Price of Achievement
[04:08 – 06:08]
- Major achievements come with no guarantees; if you require certainty, you may settle for comfort over dreams.
- Growth is intrinsically uncomfortable.
- Uncertainty is not a sign you’re on the wrong path — it’s proof you’re growing.
“If you need certainty, you’ll trade dreams for comfort. Comfort and growth happen in the discomfort.”
— Patrick (04:23)
“People are looking for certainty before they take the step. But the truth is, you have to take the step in order to gain certainty.”
— Stephanie (05:05)
Notable Concept:
“Certitude” – adopting an attitude of certainty, even in the face of uncertainty.
3. Cost #2: Imposter Syndrome – The Price of Growth
[08:01 – 13:39]
- Self-doubt and feeling like a “fraud” are inherent to stepping into new roles or levels of achievement.
- Imposter syndrome is evidence you’re expanding, not that you’re faking it.
- Past experience isn’t always available to guide forward movement, especially when you’re breaking new ground.
“Feeling unqualified isn’t a sign you’re faking it... it’s just evidence you’re expanding.”
— Patrick (09:01)
“We only have the frame of reference to the past. In order to live your best life... if there’s no evidence in the past... how do you create your next steps?”
— Stephanie (10:36)
Memorable Personal Example:
Patrick helps a couple break a years-long communication deadlock in one conversation, leading to a brief debate between the hosts: is intuition and pattern recognition “faking it” or valuable expertise?
“You can’t say, ‘I’m leveraging my experience and then I’m faking it’ in the same sentence.”
— Stephanie (12:54)
4. Cost #3: Loneliness – The Price of Personal Transformation
[13:52 – 16:46]
- As you evolve, you can outgrow people, relationships, and familiar patterns.
- Some friendships last through every transformation, but others naturally fade away.
- It’s not about leaving people behind intentionally — growth simply takes you on different paths.
“The cost of personal transformation is loneliness. Especially for those new to the journey of self-mastery… some relationships no longer serve each other.”
— Patrick (16:04)
“They say it’s lonely at the top. I don’t think that’s the right analogy... but it’s been quite painful knowing there are people that don’t want to come on that journey.”
— Stephanie (15:03)
5. Cost #4: Embarrassment – The Price of Progress
[16:46 – 19:04]
- Progress requires the courage to risk looking foolish or making mistakes publicly.
- Embarrassment is a natural part of learning and stepping outside your comfort zone.
- If fear of embarrassment paralyzes you, progress stalls.
“If you’re not willing to look a little foolish, if you’re not willing to feel a little embarrassed, you’re going to be stuck.”
— Patrick (16:54)
“Who’s perfect? I’m certainly not.”
— Stephanie (18:48)
6. Cost #5: Courageous Conversations – The Price of Meaningful Relationships
[19:04 – 25:24]
- Deep, high-quality relationships demand uncomfortable, open, and honest conversations.
- Avoiding hard talks leads to misalignment and resentment.
- Straight talk and Brene Brown’s “the story I’m telling myself is...” are tools that create space for these discussions.
“The willingness to have courageous conversations is what leads to meaningful relationships.”
— Patrick (19:04)
“Sometimes it’s not about the conversation… what most people are afraid of is the reaction.”
— Stephanie (20:00)
Example:
Patrick recounts guiding a business owner through addressing a problematic partnership directly rather than avoiding conflict and risking the whole enterprise.
7. Cost #6: Criticism – The Price of Excellence
[25:25 – 29:09]
- Visible success attracts feedback, both positive and negative.
- Excellence often means standing apart (“tall poppy syndrome”), which invites judgment, envy, or misunderstanding from others.
- Feedback is useful; perfectionism, on the other hand, can be an excuse for not acting.
“The higher you climb, the more visible you become. If we look at criticism as failure, it’s going to shut us down.”
— Patrick (26:02)
“Haters gonna hate. And I gotta stay committed to excellence and to the work we’re doing.”
— Stephanie (28:28)
8. Cost #7: Boredom – The Price of Success
[29:09 – 31:34]
- Success is built on repetition: discipline, consistency, showing up daily — not glamorous Instagram moments.
- The grind, the daily “boredom,” is what separates those who master their craft from those who give up.
- Achieving a goal can also bring an unexpected kind of boredom — “now what?”
“The cost of success is boredom. It’s repetitive, it’s boring, it’s built on mundane consistency, discipline, good habits…”
— Patrick (29:42)
“So true… I achieved all this stuff, and now what?”
— Stephanie (31:11)
The 7 Costs Summarized & Integrated
[34:01 – 37:49]
Patrick recaps all seven costs:
- Uncertainty – Cost of achievement
- Imposter Syndrome – Cost of growth
- Loneliness – Cost of personal transformation
- Embarrassment – Cost of progress
- Courageous Conversations – Cost of meaningful relationships
- Criticism – Cost of excellence
- Boredom – Cost of success
“The cost isn’t just financial. There’s a cost of doing things emotionally, financially, spiritually, energetically… Indecision is still a decision. Inaction is still an action.”
— Stephanie (36:10)
“What is the price you’re currently paying or resisting paying? …If you’re not willing to pay that price, change the goal.”
— Patrick (31:34)
Patrick ties the seven costs to the "seven areas of life" (mental, physical, spiritual, familial, health, financial, relational), noting you can map these hidden costs across all domains of your life.
Actionable Takeaways for Listeners
- Self-inquiry: For any big goal, ask: "What is the true price I’ll have to pay emotionally, relationally, energetically?" and "Am I willing to pay it?"
- Reframe discomfort: See shame, loneliness, and boredom not as signs of failure, but as markers that you’re on the right path.
- Commit to courageous conversations: Don’t avoid necessary talks — see them as investments in deeper, more authentic relationships.
- Embrace the grind: Consistent daily effort, invisible to most, is the foundation of every dream realized.
- Criticism and embarrassment are unavoidable: They signal you’re standing out and taking risks — keep going.
Notable Quotes & Moments
- “If you need certainty, you’ll trade dreams for comfort.” — Patrick (04:23)
- “When you think about perfection… how do you benchmark perfect?” — Patrick (28:37)
- “Indecision is still a decision. Inaction is still an action.” — Stephanie (36:12)
- “Excellence begets excellence… those who are prepared to take the hits and to stand alone and to be vilified.” — Stephanie (27:16)
Final Thoughts
The episode is a powerful reminder that the emotional, psychological, and relational "costs of entry" are what truly shape success and fulfillment. Patrick and Stephanie urge listeners to honestly assess whether they’re resisting these necessary prices of achievement — and, if not, to adjust their goals or ambitions accordingly.
“What is the price that you’re willing to pay or not willing to pay?”
— Patrick (37:41)
For more wisdom on building a life, wealth, and mindset by design, subscribe to The Everyday Millionaire: Mindset Matters Podcast — and embrace the real costs of becoming your best self.