Mindset Matters - Episode #211 - Wired For Survival Not Happiness

Summary

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Podcast Summary: The Everyday Millionaire and Mindset Matters

Episode 211: "Wired For Survival Not Happiness"

Hosts: Patrick Francey & Stephanie Hanlon Francey

Date: November 13, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this engaging and insightful episode, Patrick Francey and his wife, Olympic mental performance coach Stephanie Hanlon Francey, explore the foundational concept that the human brain is not designed for happiness, but for survival. They discuss how ancient survival wiring drives much of our modern behavior, leading to anxiety, stress, and self-sabotage—especially when life is peaceful and calm. Through relatable stories, practical analogies, and seasoned coaching wisdom, the hosts unpack how becoming aware of these patterns enables us to consciously shift toward happiness, handle stress more effectively, and reframe our internal software for a more fulfilling life.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Human Brain: Survival Over Happiness

• Foundational Quote: "Our brain isn't wired for happiness, it's wired for survival." (A/Patrick, 01:22)
  • Inspired by a psychologist's reel, Patrick elaborates that our default as humans is fear, worry, and anxiety—remnants of ancient survival programming still active in today’s comparatively safe world.
• Modern Repercussions: This survival mode triggers us to constantly scan for threats, even emotional or social, leading to habitual anxiety and worry.

2. Sabotaging Our Own Peace

• Key Hook: The line "...this specific line explains so much about why we sabotage our peace, where we replay the past and resist change.” spurs the episode’s central theme. (A/Patrick, 01:20)
• Self-Sabotage Patterns: When things get calm, many people feel uneasy—peace feels unfamiliar so the brain seeks out ‘danger’ or invents drama.
  • "It's too quiet, something's wrong..." (A/Patrick, 06:38)
  • Stephanie relates the same dynamic personally: "I always thought that was you, but you were always kind of saying, I'm waiting for the ... you can't be this good...you can't be this kind..." (B/Stephanie, 08:38)

3. Historical Wiring & Everyday Triggers

• Ancient Stress in Modern Life: Stephanie draws parallels between fight/flight responses once used to evade predators, now triggered by social or professional stressors. (B/Stephanie, 03:44)
• Example: "Here we are sitting in a meeting and someone says something mean...and we go into fight, flight, flee, fawn—all of the whole amygdala fires..." (B/Stephanie, 03:44)
• Normalization of Stress: The brain is so used to alertness that when calm occurs, it often creates internal or external drama to return to ‘normal.’

4. Drama Addiction & Emotional Chemistry

• Addicted to Cortisol: Ongoing drama and stress release brain chemicals—primarily cortisol—which create a feedback loop. (A/Patrick, 12:38)
  • "Cortisol floods our body...which is the killer of serotonin, actually." (B/Stephanie, 12:50)
• Drama in Relationships: Patrick and Stephanie discuss ‘drama queens’ and people who appear addicted to chaos, noting it’s often unintentional and rooted in old wiring. (A/Patrick, 13:02)
• Empathy for Others: "I have all the compassion and empathy in the world for him...but it does get old." (A/Patrick, 14:40)

5. Certainty, Belief Systems, and Division

• Clinging to Belief for Safety: People often double down on beliefs, even if isolating or divisive, because certainty feels safer than uncertainty.
  • "The people in my world who can't consider the fact they might be wrong with a belief system continue to lock in more, which I think hardens not just the heart, but it hardens the mindset and it creates even more division." (B/Stephanie, 19:03)
• The Role of Self-Inquiry: Stephanie’s go-to: "What if I'm wrong?"—as a tool to soften hardwired certainty and open dialogue with self and others. (B/Stephanie, 11:15)

6. Practical Examples & Entrepreneurial Angles

• Entrepreneurs and the 'Quiet Week': Patrick describes how entrepreneurs may equate lack of crisis with looming threat, showing how ancient wiring applies to business.
  • "Or we have a slow week...oh, no, hold it. What's wrong? Did I miss doing something? Am I dropping the ball? Falling behind?" (A/Patrick, 16:39)

7. Stress: Not All Bad

• Healthy Versus Chronic Stress: The hosts distinguish productive stress (which fuels progress) from chronic stress (which becomes toxic).
  • "It's not the weight we carry, it's how we carry the weight." (A/Patrick, 10:59)
  • Stephanie reframes: "It's not the stress that breaks us down. It's the way we carry the stress." (B/Stephanie, 27:51)
• Good Stress Builds Strength: Drawing parallels to resistance training, strategic stress plus recovery yields growth.

8. Breaking the Cycle: Awareness & Action

• Step One is Awareness: Both emphasize that transformation begins by noticing our patterns, without self-judgment.
  • "We're not broken. We don't need to be fixed. Our brain is not broken. It is programmable." (A/Patrick, 35:35)
• Motivation Follows Action: Motivation isn’t a prerequisite—it is a byproduct of movement and small, intentional steps.
  • "Motivation is actually a byproduct of action, of movement... we're sitting around waiting for that, when all we have to do is take a step and start doing something, anything, the littlest thing." (A/Patrick, 28:59)
  • "One small step in the direction that you want to go..." (B/Stephanie, 30:46)

9. The Power (and Challenge) of Silence

• Sitting With Stillness: The hosts encourage listeners to deliberately practice periods of silence without distraction to break the addiction to stress and drama.
  • "Can you sit for 10 or 15 minutes in silence? ... So I think it's really important that silence becomes something that you look forward to and not that you avoid or resist 100%." (B/Stephanie, 35:24)
• The Real Discomfort: "Do you know where the discomfort is that people don't want to go? Quiet is the quiet." (A/Patrick, 34:30)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Survival Brain:
  "Our default is fear. It's worry, it's anxiety... that's how we're wired." (A/Patrick, 01:22)
• On Self-Sabotage:
  "When there is peace, it's not normal.... our brain just can't stand the quiet. It actually starts scanning for what's wrong." (A/Patrick, 06:38)
• On Stress and Drama:
  "Somebody floods our body with cortisol... which is the killer of serotonin, actually." (B/Stephanie, 12:50)
• On Normalizing Chaos:
  "We normalize the drama, the stress... that's normal. That's actually comfortable. That becomes a comfort zone that we live in." (A/Patrick, 34:00)
• On Reframing Belief:
  "What if I'm wrong? Because if I can soften into that, then I can neutralize whatever it is that I'm dealing with..." (B/Stephanie, 11:15)
• On Motivation:
  "Motivation is actually a byproduct of action, of movement... all we have to do is take a step and start doing something, anything." (A/Patrick, 28:54)
• On Silence as Growth:
  "Silence becomes something that you look forward to and not that you avoid or resist 100%." (B/Stephanie, 35:24)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00–04:57 — Introduction; The survival brain, psychological research triggers episode theme
• 04:58–08:38 — Stephanie on the universality of stress responses and training ourselves out of default wiring
• 08:39–11:15 — Personal stories: relationships, waiting for “the other shoe to drop”
• 12:38–16:06 — Drama addiction, cortisol, and the feedback loop of stress
• 19:03–21:03 — The dangers of entrenched belief systems and the value of “What if I’m wrong?”
• 21:28–23:17 — The challenge of just “sitting” in silence; the new trend of quiet rooms
• 23:26–27:51 — Productive stress, reframing stress as energy and growth
• 28:59–32:08 — Action before motivation; getting unstuck through movement, reconnecting with nature
• 34:00–35:24 — The discomfort of quiet, reframing silence as something sought after

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Final Takeaways

• You are not broken. The discomfort in peace is an artifact of ancient wiring—not a personal flaw. (A/Patrick, 35:35)
• Pause and Notice. Awareness of internal patterns is the critical first step to self-mastery.
• Seek Silence. Periods of uninterrupted quiet are essential for recalibrating the mind and breaking the addiction to stress.
• Motivation Follows Movement. Action, however small, creates the neurochemistry for motivation and happiness.
• Rewire Intentionally. The “software” of your mind can be updated through conscious awareness, intentional breaks, and habit change.

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Suggested Practice for Listeners

Stephanie encourages:
"When you sign off on this podcast... give yourself 10 or 15 minutes of silence. No phone, no music, no conversations. Can you sit for 10 or 15 minutes in silence?" (B/Stephanie, 35:00)

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This episode delivers a powerful reminder: you are designed to survive, but you can train to thrive. By becoming aware of your old operating system, embracing silence, and consciously taking small steps, you can shift from merely surviving to intentionally creating happiness.

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Transcript

[A]

Foreign. Welcome to this episode of the everyday Millionaire Mindset Matters podcast, where I'm joined by my wife, Olympic mental performance coach Stephanie Hanlon. Francie. In these episodes, Stephanie and I have a conversation about the different aspects of what we refer to as Mindset Matters because we believe that for those who are awake, we are living in and through the most impactful time in history. Your view of the world is the filter for how you will experience the evolution and changing dynamics of it. Our intention is to provide you with ideas, nutritious food for thought, and some tools that you can use to help you in being your greatest self and living your best life. Listen in. Enjoy. So a recent reel that I watched by a psychologist where she said that our brain isn't wired for happiness, it's wired for survival. And then she added this specific line explains so much about why we sabotage our peace, where we replay the past and resist change. Welcome to the everyday Millionaire Mindset Matters podcast. Stephanie.

[B]

Hey, Tom.

[A]

So that quote and then where she said, our brain isn't wired for happiness, it's wired for survival, that was kind of caught my attention. But when she added the one line that she says it explains how we sabotage or why we sabotage our peace, where we replay the past and resist our change, that actually then took me down a whole different rabbit hole of research. So what we have is that I want to start by saying, first off, we share this in our coaching programs, which is we're not broken. We don't need to be fixed. This confirms that it does. And it really means that our default is not happiness. Our. Our default is fear. It's worry, it's anxiety, survival, survival, survival. And it's anxiety. And that's how we're wired. That's how our software, our old software, which is now thousands of years old, are survival signals. And we look at them as character flaws or weaknesses. I shouldn't say we, but I think in general we look at them as weaknesses. When it's really our software, it's our operating system. And the point of all of this is to, as we go down this conversation is to say that we're wired that way. Because back when we kind of were cruising through the jungle or across the desert of the savannah or whatever that was, what were we doing we were worried about, or having to keep our eye open for danger, whatever that might be, you know, snakes, lions, whatever weather. It could be that simple. And. And now it's different. And because our brain is wired for that, it's wired for predicting and preparing for Possible danger, anxiety comes out of that because we live in that and we get stuck in this predictive loop and our mind is constantly scanning the future for whatever threats that don't even exist. So then we make up threats and we have all sorts of stories about that.

[B]

So, so bring that forward 6 million years and here we are sitting in a meeting and someone says something mean or someone looks us at the wrong way and we go into fight, flight, flee, fawn, all of the whole amygdala fires that we're in danger.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And we're not.

[A]

But, well, here. Okay, so let's. Yes, you're right. And I just want to add a little bit more context. So the problem that is part of the problem that we have is that we're wired for that in an old world, millions of years, tens of thousands of years, whatever, that's our, our operating system, our software. But there isn't any lines or snakes in most people's lives. But our brain still has, or it still behaves like there is. So we're constantly scanning for whatever those emotional or psychological triggers or danger that we might think that exist. So the point of it all, happiness, isn't instinct. We have to train ourselves to be happy. And that's really the shift that I want to unpack in this episode. So how's that for opening?

[B]

Can I talk now?

[A]

Yes, yes, go ahead.

[B]

Well, you know, I think about the, the training that I have over the years and you know, we're not psychologists like we said, but this is the research and the study that we've done, I've done for the last 30 some years when it comes to working with high performers is that we're all the same when it comes to our historical physiological, our brain stem, our amygdala, our stress responses. But the great thing about it is we can be trained out of it. And we just have to start with the awareness that that's what we're bumping up against and that we can be safe in a conversation and feel safe busting those old belief system, that hierarchy that, that old programming that we need to move out of, but we need to know that we can be safe doing that. And that to me, that's when I think about the work that, that I've done and that we've done over the years is like, how do we create that opportunity for people to go, oh, oh, I'm not being attacked. You know, I'm not, you know, I'm not being challenged on a day to day basis. Yes, one of my Favorite books and thing. One of the things that we learned over time is that there are snakes. There are snakes in suits, right? They're called narcissists and they're called psychopaths. They do exist. But it's up to us as humans if we're going to move through this journey we call life, is to go, okay, well, not everybody's out to get me. Not everybody's out to attack me. But that's our initial default, which is so interesting.

[A]

So she talked about, you know, we're not wired for happiness, we're wired for survival. And then she added that one sentence which said. She actually said the one sentence explains why we sabotage our peace. And then I went, well, what does that even mean? Like, that really is what hooked me and took me down a rabbit hole of going, okay, well, what do you mean by we sabotage peace? And then as I thought about it, researched a little bit more, it really hit home because we've seen this a lot over the year. We're probably guilty of it. I'm going to speak for myself. I think at some point in my life, I was guilty of it, which is this is that when there is peace, it's not normal. Like you're on high alert. There must be something wrong. There's something like it's too quiet, you know, even think about parents, right? Oh, the kids are too quiet. Something's wrong, right? It's high alert. So, but we, we. We compromise or we sacrifice our peace because we're used to. And what we've normalized is the firefighting that we do and the dramas that get created, and our brain just can't stand the quiet. It actually starts scanning for what's wrong. It starts replaying old discussions or old resentments, perhaps worrying about what might go wrong next week. You know, future thinking, telling ourselves a story. And the thing about it is that's actually our survival wiring and we're not comfortable with peace. And there's lots of examples of that, whether it's in business or in relationships. But ultimately, our nervous system has become accustomed to being on high alert for so long that when we're feeling calm or unsafe, we take a break. But if it's extended too long, we create tension.

[B]

Yeah, I remember you used to say something early on in our relationship is that this can't be true. You can't be real. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. And I never knew. I didn't know what that meant because I wanted a peaceful relationship. I wanted comfort, I wanted kindness. I wanted a space where I could feel like just to be comfortable and, and have that soft place to land. And I always thought that was you, but you were always kind of saying, I'm waiting for the. Another. Yeah, you can't be this good, you can't be this kind, you can't be this nice. And I started to question myself because, you know, early in the relationship we go, well, what do you mean waiting for the other shoe to drop? Am I supposed to be turned into some witch or some bitch or some person that was going to hurt you? Like that's what I thought.

[A]

35 years later, I'm still waiting for you to, for you. Some witch or some bitch or whatever. You just. Okay, okay, stop now. I don't expect you're going to turn into. I don't have that. I just go, I'm kidding.

[B]

Oh, I know. But back you did like, we don't step over this cowboy because we're talking about things that we have experienced in, in.

[A]

Oh yeah, 100% for sure. I was that guy. Like I'm, I was totally that guy. And, and so this is probably why it landed so, I don't know, impactful for me and I know all these things, but it really brought it to the surface and I went, oh, this is a great topic. You know, I don't think, I think this is what is happening a lot in our society today. When we look at the divisiveness, the pol. The polar polarization, if you will, we get. And we want to create a lot of tension. So let's go back to where that was. When, you know, things are quiet, we create tension. And we do that in different ways. Right. We may pick our, you know, we may scroll on our phone. We, we talked about doom scrolling right where you're looking and it's all seemingly bad news unless you're really intentional about it. We may pick the fight. We over analyze what's going on economically. That's what I'm guilty of. But I'm not creating that technique attention on purpose. But I do find that I, and I've shared this many times. I have to step away from it because it just brings me down and because I feel my stress go up and I go, no, that's not how. And you and I don't generally operate that way. We have stress in our lives for sure. This goes back to one of my favorite quotes, which is not the weight we carry, it's how we carry the weight. And that's how I. Part of that translation is how do we carry that stress? We all have stress. How do you carry it?

[B]

And there's also healthy stress. There's also the stress that keeps us on point, that keeps us competitive, that keeps us firing on all cylinders and allows us to move our lives forward. And I think, to your point, the last five years especially has shined a light on it, but I think it's been going on for a couple of decades where there's been an inordinate amount of external stress, whether it's media, whether it's social media, whether it's the divisiveness, you know, people trying to, you know, demand that they need to be certain about what it is that they believe and not looking at maybe the other side of stories, which softens that. And I think what. What I've realized over time is that my favorite line is, what if I'm wrong? I have a belief system, for example, or if I'm certain about something, but I always go, what if I'm wrong? Because if I can soften into that, then I can neutralize whatever it is that I'm dealing with with another human. Human being, with a client, with a friend, with a. A family member. And I think that's really important when it comes to the stress levels that we have and that historical kind of fight, flight, flee, fawn, those instinctual amygdala kind of reactions that we need to evolve. I think as humans, we need to evolve into conversations and surround ourselves with people that can challenge our BS belief systems.

[A]

So I think it's probably like, you know, some kind of drug addiction. So what drug flows through our body when we get stressed or when we're into drama? Cortisol.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Cortisol floods our body.

[B]

Yep. Yeah. Well, that's the byproduct of adrenaline. Right. Like that. That reaction is adrenaline, and then the byproduct of that is cortisol. Yeah. Which is the killer of serotonin, actually.

[A]

Yes. The happiness drug. So you see the loop that we get stuck in and we're wandering around, never happy, because we're in the loop. So we. Let's. Let's use some extreme examples. Right. Which is like, just to give a benchmark, we've all known somebody, hopefully nobody listening to this, is that person. But we refer to them as drama queens. Yeah. Right. And. And that is that this person is always got some drama going on in their life. And it's easy to see from the outside. You're going, settle down. Like it's, you know, it's not that big a Deal. Or what did you do to create this? Or this is the, you know, the fifth time I've talked to you and it's another drama, some shit happening in your life. And I've got a friend and you know, he's. Well, you know who it is. And I'm going to. Dude, like, there's always something blowing up in your life, whether it be a relationship and often it's relationship and not necessarily romantic relationships. It's relationships with people he does business with or that he's talking to and, and quite frankly, it's tiresome because he doesn't see it. He doesn't want to see it. And I think the part of that is, because when you look at his life, it's pretty simple. Like it's not complicated. I think that he goes back to the roots of his wiring and needing the drama and needing the drama and being addicted to the cortisol. That's what, that's my, you know, my coach psychology.

[B]

But yeah, I know, but it doesn't make you not care about him any less.

[A]

But no, no, no, of course I have all the compassion and empathy in the world for him.

[B]

But it does, it does get old. And I think that when we shine a light on that and we bring that to our awareness, that's sometimes when I find myself naturally leaving someone's life, right? And it's not a rejection, but, you know, it's not my place and I can't be in the space. But it's not my place to fix them, right?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Well, they're not broken, right? They are.

[B]

They also in this case, he doesn't know he's being like that. He thinks he's communicating. He thinks he's actually just having conversations.

[A]

This goes back to what the psychologist said. This is our wiring, this is our software. So when we talk about mine, Shui, clearing the clutter and reconfiguring your operating system, bringing it up to speed, first we have to be aware of what our operating system is, how we're wired, what is the software that we're operating on top of? What is our osi, our operating system of identity? What is it? Knowing that we've got millions or tens of thousands of years of history. So that's an extreme example, right? We've all, I think, are. Most have seen that. Now think about what we refer to as Karen's or chads. So think about those individuals, right? Their ideology, their idiocracy is so strong that it's always their certainty.

[B]

It's the certainty that is so aggressive.

[A]

Right? So that's to give the weird and wonderful and over the top examples, but let's come back into more real life. Think about. And this one, I know this one really well. You know, as an entrepreneur for over 40 years, business owner, multiple business owner teams, dramas, all the shit that comes on in the business, right. All of a sudden it gets quiet and it's like, things are pretty good and. Or we have a slow week.

[B]

But instead of, oh, as an entrepreneur, that's not awesome.

[A]

Just you relax and then you're going, oh, no, hold it. What's wrong? You know, maybe the week is slow and oh, gosh, the team's not selling. Our marketing sucks. You know, what's going on? Why is it so quiet? Did I miss doing something, saying something? I'm dropping the ball, falling behind whatever it is, Right?

[B]

Totally.

[A]

And that is in fact part of our wiring. And if we're not aware of it. So just observe it. And can we give ourselves the space, if you will, to just relax into it, observe it, observe how we're feeling about it, and then own it. And then hopefully we get that flood of serotonin that puts a smile on our face when we start to realize that this is awesome. This is actually, as an entrepreneur, maybe not a slow week, but it's part of entrepreneurism. But having a, having a quiet week with not a lot of fires to fight. Because keep in mind, we, we often, you know, we talk about management by fire. You know, what, what do they call it? The. The seagull managers.

[B]

Yeah, right.

[A]

They fly into the office, squawk and all over everybody, and then leave.

[B]

Fly away.

[A]

Yeah, seagull management. So think about the drama that goes into something like that. So can we just bring our observation to our wiring, have some idea what's creating it, which is our natural original software operating system, which is survival. So if we know that, then we can start to not future, think, not live into the future, telling ourselves stories about the lion in the grass or the bad news that lies ahead, or the crash that's coming, whatever, that shoe that's going to drop, the shoe that's going to drop, and that we don't always have to be in struggle. Now when we think about that, you know, our survival brain, our need to struggle, which is kind of comes from that. It's actually, you know, whatever, hundreds of thousands of years old, let's just call it that. So, you know, we used to scan for lions and now what are we doing? Scanning for social media comments on LinkedIn.

[B]

Or Facebook or judgment, somebody not liking us.

[A]

Yeah, right.

[B]

That's a, that is connected to that same belief system, that same physiological reaction. And until we understand that we are in control of that and we can have the emotional regulation and the emotional resilience to move through it, but we have to then be able to look at our belief systems and go, what if I'm wrong? Or wait a sec, I. This is so locked in that I'm looking for proof and evidence that this belief system is going to make me. Is going to be dangerous. It's going to make me scared. It's going to be, you know, all that stuff. And what I see on the other side is that the people that in my world that can't consider the fact that they might be wrong with a belief system continue to lock in more, which I think hardens not just the heart, but it hardens the mindset and it creates even more division. And if I could have a, you know, if I had a magic wand and we just recently went, it was Halloween last week or whatever, if I could have a magic wand, I would wish for people and my magic wand would say, drop your belief systems, your bs drop those decisions that you have so made a part of your personality that you have to defend it with your life. Because that is what connects to those, to that historical brain.

[A]

Right? Yeah. And I think so the belief systems show up that we hang on to. But the, I think, you know, part of what the message here in at least for this conversation is that understanding that we hang on to it because it's what's normal. And so it's normalized. Normalized. That's what I'm saying. It's normal for us. We've normal. And I say, you know, people normalize that cortisol. They normalize that doom and gloom, they normalize that drama and then they fight.

[B]

For it and they fight for it.

[A]

Because it's really uncomfortable, right? To not be in it, to be in the quiet. There was a. I didn't, I don't have the post in front of me, but it was the next post that somebody had said. So, you know, whatever they are Gen X or I don't know what's out there these days. But anyways, the point is, is that like the new thing for young people to do and they call it something, it's very simple, which is they sit.

[B]

They, oh, they go to the quiet room.

[A]

They go to their own room. They don't have anything there. No books, no phones, no outside, blah, blah, blah. And their goal, sit for 15 minutes.

[B]

And I call that meditation twice.

[A]

But even meditation is doing something. Okay, so there is a doing there while it is. There is a doing.

[B]

Depends on your evolution in the meditation. I mean, when I think about my mantra, I can get to the gap really fast, which means nothingness.

[A]

Okay, that only took you 30 years.

[B]

So just 25.

[A]

Calm down. Okay, let me finish my thought process here. You know that we used to do this exercise many years ago with people. You, as a matter of fact, used to give it to some of your clients, and they couldn't pull it off. It was the hardest thing. But that was before. I mean, you can't introduce somebody to meditation until they're ready for meditation. They're still experimenting with. Can I be by myself in my own head, in my own mind, and listen to the conversation I'm having with myself without some outside input? Something. Okay, so meditation is in fact, a doing of something. And I, and I, and I know where what you're saying, but I'm. I'm suggesting that can you go into a room and just sit there and be with your thoughts? Be with your thoughts. And that's a new thing yet for us. That's pretty normal now, right? So gone the other way. Now I think about when I was a very young man. There was always a drama in my life, and I'm talking about in that early 20s, 18 to 25.

[B]

Oh, that's your BS. Your before Stephanie.

[A]

That's right. That's my BS my before Stephanie.

[B]

There's BS all over the place. I love it.

[A]

Now, stress. Let's go back. Stress is a good thing, right? In. In many aspects of it. If you handle it, you know, it's designed to, whatever, create better focus, fuel performance. We can look at stress as energy. I think it can actually drive us forward. On the other side of that, stress means something, or it means something matters. Or at least we make it matter. So whatever it is, we make it matter, and that creates stress. The challenge is, are we living into chronic stress?

[B]

Yeah, that's the thing. Think about planning a wedding. There's stress, but it's supposed to be the happiest day of your life. But there's all this stress until we reframe what the stress is and how it's supposed to move us forward. We. We don't have a. A way to compartmentalize it in our brain.

[A]

Yes. So the key is, is that as you start to understand this, what are some tools. Now we go back to awareness first. Are you even Aware what's going on for you? Where are you in your evolution of development, of personal development and. Or self mastery, where you're looking at these nuances? Because actually, as you elevate the game that you play, it follows you along, and then you have to keep elevating it. It's. It's a kind of an always an awareness thing. Right. So if we can look at stress as a fuel and. Or can we be aware of it and saying, okay, no, this is. I. I know why I'm. I'm stressed. I'm aware that I'm stressed. I'm also aware that it's.

[B]

It's.

[A]

It's intentional as opposed to reactive. Does that make sense?

[B]

Totally.

[A]

That's one part of it.

[B]

I just think that how we process stress is really important to identify. And when I look at the stress that it takes to go to a world championship or, or plan for the Olympics or, you know, make sure that my food prep is there for you when I'm away for two weeks, there's stress at all of those levels, but it's how we perceive it. Like, I look at embracing it. I look at how do I process it, how do I pull the positive out of it? But right now, what I've noticed is even having conversations with certain people about, you know, how do they plan their day? It's stressful because they can't get their kids to the activity on time or they can't do da, da, da. So there's this external judgment that they place on themselves that doesn't need to be there. And I don't know why, if that is because there's not enough drama in their lives or there's not enough to get that charge in the body, which a lot of people are very addicted to. I don't. I don't know. I. I don't feel like they don't.

[A]

Want to fix it. They don't want to fix it.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know, they don't want to fix it. It's like the chronic. The person that's chronically late, they don't want to fix it. They'd rather have the fight, the resistance, the stress, whatever.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Around it. So, you know, there's. There's. And that's where the quote, you know, poor planning on your part does not create an emergency on my part because there's two different circumstances. There's those individuals that have poor planning, which creates stress, and then there's those individuals going, yeah, I'm not buying into that shit. You know, poor planning on Your part does not constitute an emergency on my part. That's where these things come from. Okay. So when we think about the other side of stress, and we just talked about there's healthy stress, so we think about resistance that stress creates. So we always, or have often used the analogy of working out with resistance. We get stronger when we're pushing up against something. We get stronger when we give ourselves time to recover. If we. Because, you know, you have tension, then you release it, and that creates strength over time, like working out. Chronic stress breaks you down. Chronic working out breaks you down. You risk injury. You don't give yourself time to recuperate and recover. So it's the same kind of scenario. So my point is, is that I'm not making stress. Wrong again. It's not the weight we carry that breaks us down. It's the way we carry the weight.

[B]

So. So reframe that. It's not the stress that breaks us down. It's the way we carry the stress. Yeah, good one.

[A]

Yes. Okay. So as I unpack all of this, and we realize that we're not wired for happiness, and this is something that you know and I know, and I want to lay it on the table. It's all part of it, though, which is where does motivation come into this? Around stress. And how does it fit in this thought process? And most individuals are looking for motivation outside of themselves. They're waiting to feel motivated or happiness outside of themselves or happiness outside of them. But when we think about both, even happiness, by the way, would fold into the same conversation. Motivation is actually a byproduct of. We'll call it of action, of movement. We're sitting around waiting to be.

[B]

That's the word, right? Mode of action. Motivation.

[A]

Yes. There you go. Well, it's not quite that, but I know what you're saying.

[B]

Yeah, it totally is.

[A]

Okay. So we're sitting around waiting for that, when all we have to do is take a step and start doing something, anything, the littlest thing. So when I'm locked down, writing, researching, doing all this shit that I do, it can. I can really get in it, get bummed out by it. And then I'm there and I'm going, ah, I don't. I can't keep doing this. But then I got to get motivated to break the. The mode I'm in, if you will. I'm lacking words. So I say, I should go for a walk. Let me take the dogs for a walk in the back 40. It's not like we have to go anywhere to Go for a walk. We literally have to walk out our door and we're into nature and we have two dogs to take us for a walk and two cats and two. Don't get me going. But the thing is that if I can force myself, and that's the word I'll use, force myself. I have to mentally force myself to get off my ass, go outside and get moving. All of a sudden I get some fresh air. You know, the dogs are all happy and smiling and let's go and they're, let's go for a run. And the next thing you know, I'm feeling pretty darn good and I'm outside and my whole energy has shifted and the. Whatever we'll call it, the neurochemistry of my brain, you know, the dopamine, the serotonin that all kicks in and all I did was go for a walk. And know sometimes that's just a really small win, but it makes a big difference. So ultimately, one small action and your body tells you that's awesome and right.

[B]

And that's the thing about motivation and taking action, is that one small step in the direction that you want to go. Like for us, for me to go outside and walk with the dogs. Sometimes my creativity levels, sometimes I'll get out to the island and if I don't have my phone or a notebook or something, and I'm like, I got all these ideas because I've taken myself out of the stressful environment or what I've perceived to be stressful. And all of a sudden I have all of this flow of creativity and ideas and energy and love and fun. And I think that's what we have really noticed, I've noticed in the last little while is that we get so caught up in trying to fix things or trying to solve problems, and then we feel important and then we forget that. You know what? Maybe we're not that important. Maybe I'm not that important. Maybe I just need to go walk the dogs and reconnect to myself and reconnect to nature and just soften into something that is possible and can create the new potentiality of what's next. Because I don't think we have all the answers. And right now I think we're being kind of, you know, force fed or there's that whole.

[A]

Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, cowgirl.

[B]

Oh, come on. That's the first time in five years you said that. Come on.

[A]

I think we do have the answers, and we've talked about them in silence. But we have to question, quiet our minds. We have to clear the clutter that is the mind Shui way, by the way. It doesn't come from thought. It comes from movement in alignment with our intention. If we go for a walk to get clear, that's the intention.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And that's where answers show up. So just a little, you know.

[B]

No, that's so true. Thank you for that. Because I know that in the morning, sometimes I will tell you that I don't get out of bed until I can actually finish my meditation and. And set an intention that I want to. How I want my life to feel that day.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because really, all we have is one day at a time, right?

[A]

Yep.

[B]

So today was really a big deal because I was super tired and I was up on Japan time and the dogs were three or four times up and Echo had to go outside. Like, it was a really, really tough night. And when I got up this morning, when I woke up this morning, I actually consciously said, how do I want. I. This was a tough night. How do I want. And you had Breakfast Club and all the things that we have to do. And I just said to myself, how do I enter the day mindless quiet and not be attached to all the things that happened in the middle of the night? And I gave myself permission, which is not an easy thing to do, and maybe that's helpful for some people, is to maybe to give yourself permission to have some quiet time and to shut the door and to not enter the world when you're not feeling at least somewhat grounded.

[A]

Somewhat grounded, 100%. So we'll end the episode on this final thought and then you can comment on it. We normalize the drama, the stress, whatever that is, that's normal. That's actually comfortable. That becomes a comfort zone that we live in. So think about this. We've normalized it. Therefore it's comfortable. Do you know where the discomfort is that people don't want to go? Quiet is the quiet.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, dog.

[A]

Right. We complain about the drama, we complain all the shit going on in our life, but that's actually how our operating system, our software is. Is running on. And we've normalized that. Many have normalized that. And the discomfort is actually in the silence. So I leave our listener with that thought.

[B]

That's beautiful. And. And what if. What if for a moment, when you sign off on this podcast and I always say to my clients, give yourself 10 or 15 minutes of silence. No phone, no music, no conversations. Can you sit for 10 or 15 minutes in silence? But I've never put it in the context like this before.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I think it's really important that silence becomes something that you look forward to and not that you avoid or resist 100%.

[A]

And, and I think that just to expand on that one further is that we go back to. We're not broken. We don't need to be fixed. Our brain is not broken. It is programmable. But first we have to acknowledge the software that's already running us, our operating system software, which we now have as our identity, and we have to rewire it.

[B]

And I think we need to do a whole podcast on identity.

[A]

Okay. Yeah, that's. Well, that's one that's really up for me right now. Anyways. I think we've throwing enough kind of mental clutter to get, you know, to get uncluttered and hopefully this has been helpful. Thank you.

[B]

Thanks, son. That was fun.

[A]

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for listening. If you found value in the podcast, please take the time to rate and review and share with others. Share with your friends as it is my goal to always improve and to provide the highest value for you. You, the listener. If you have any comments, suggestions or questions you'd like answered, please email [e-mail] that's C E-O R E I N Canada.com I look forward to hearing from you. And until next time. Patrick.

[B]

Oh.