Podcast Summary: The Everyday Millionaire and Mindset Matters Podcast

Episode: Mindset Matters - #213 - The Secret to Courageous Conversations in Life and Business
Host: Patrick Francey with Stephanie Hanlon Francey
Date: November 27, 2025

Episode Overview

In this engaging episode, hosts Patrick Francey and his wife, Olympic mental performance coach Stephanie Hanlon Francey, dive deeply into the art and necessity of courageous conversations—especially as they relate to conflict resolution in relationships, business, and everyday life. Drawing on personal experience and professional insight, the couple discusses frameworks, mindsets, and actionable tools to help listeners navigate conflict with respect, maturity, and effectiveness. Their playful and authentic dynamic adds warmth and realness to the advice, making this episode especially valuable for those seeking growth in both personal and professional realms.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Redefining Conflict and Its Role

• Not All Conflict is Bad: Stephanie emphasizes that conflict isn’t inherently negative; it can be a sign of people owning their boundaries and opinions.
  “Conflict isn't a bad thing. It's actually people owning their boundaries, owning their opinions and having the courage to say, okay, this is how I feel.” (01:55)
• Avoidance and Fear in Modern Times: The hosts discuss how, particularly post-2020, many individuals shy away from conflict due to societal pressures such as being doxxed, judged, or canceled.
  “People are avoiding conflict because they’re afraid to be doxxed, judged, canceled, et cetera.” (02:54)

2. Agreements and Rules for Productive Conflict

• Importance of Pre-Set Agreements: Patrick advocates for establishing clear agreements before conflict arises, both at home and in business.
  “The first part of having good conflict resolution… is to have agreements in advance. And I think that's the first and… most important part of this…” (06:17)
• Examples of Personal Rules:
  • No one leaves during conflict (05:25)
  • No name-calling or personal attacks (05:32)
  • No compromising, only alignment (13:19)
  • Emotional regulation and respect are essential

3. Entering the Conversation Where the Other Person Is

• Empathy in Practice: The hosts stress the misstep of entering conversations from your own perspective rather than seeking to understand where the other person is emotionally.
  “The number one oversight I've seen people make… is we enter the conversation where we're at, which may be in a totally different place than the person the other person is at.” (08:49)
• Practical Example: Stephanie recounts a recent personal conflict rooted in miscommunication upon her return from travel, where emotional state and timing colored the interaction.
  “If you would have started with ‘I really missed you,’ it maybe would have opened my heart a little bit rather than to get into defense mode.” (11:20)

4. Distinguishing Alignment from Agreement

• Choosing Alignment Over the Need to Be Right: The couple highlights a powerful insight—alignment does not require agreement, and compromise isn’t always productive.
  “We don't compromise because compromise means that we're giving something up. But when you align, you're not compromising.” (14:23)

5. Rules of Engagement for Teams and Relationships

• Creating Psychological Safety: Agreements extend beyond couples to teams, where psychological safety comes from knowing disagreements won’t become personal attacks.
  “You can't be talking about… a client initiative and then get into a disagreement and look across the table and go, ‘Well, you’re an idiot.’” (16:13)
• Constructive Conflict: Sometimes, healthy debate yields better outcomes and higher performance. The goal is not to avoid conflict but to navigate it respectfully.

6. Emotional Regulation and Co-regulation

• Personal Accountability: Stephanie praises Patrick’s ability to regulate emotions before tough conversations and notes how this skill can be learned and applied.
  “That is a tool that I really admire in you. And I've been working on myself and I teach it a lot… emotional regulation is really, really important…” (28:19)
• Co-regulation in Relationships: The hosts touch on the idea of co-regulation—managing emotions together to achieve a positive outcome.

7. The Value of Conflict in Growth and Excellence

• Conflict as a Catalyst for Growth: Both hosts agree that conflict, when handled properly, can elevate teams and individuals and is essential for high performance, not something to shy away from.

8. Practical Tools for Courageous Conversations

• Prefacing Difficult Topics: Patrick shares how framing a difficult conversation as uncomfortable for yourself as well helps de-escalate defensiveness in the other person.
  “I sat down and I said, ‘You know, I have to have a really uncomfortable conversation and I don't want to have it, but I don't know how to deal with it. And it involves you.’” (25:51)
• Slowing Down in the Moment: Both recommend taking a breath before reacting, understanding your own triggers, and resisting the urge to “push back with equal force.”
  “So when we look at how do we handle conflict, are we prepared to deal with it? Have we trained ourselves?” (23:37)

9. Creating a Culture of Healthy Conflict

• Importance in Leadership: Leaders should welcome disagreement and create an environment where feedback is encouraged and not taken personally.
• Impact on Families and Organizations: Avoidance of conflict can damage relationships and block opportunities for depth and growth.

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “If you're a hammer, everything looks like a nail.” (19:51)
• “You can not agree and still align to move forward…” (13:19)
• “We don't compromise because compromise means that we're giving something up. But when you align, you're not compromising.” (14:23) — Stephanie Hanlon Francey
• “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” (37:53) — Attributed to Stephen Covey and made the “golden rule” of conflict resolution by Patrick.
• “Conflict is a part of life. It's just going to happen… If you plan for it in advance, then you can start to through practice get better at it.” (31:07)
• “Sometimes, when you Go into those conversations and there's a little bit of conflict or spark or whatever. What's magic is on the other side of that. That's where growth is, that's where enrollment lives, that's where abundance lives…” (36:37) — Stephanie

Timestamps by Topic

• [01:00] – Introduction to conflict and courageous conversations
• [05:25] – Their rules for personal conflict resolution as a couple
• [08:49] – Miscommunications: entering where the other person is
• [11:20] – Personal example of recent conflict and emotional state
• [13:09] – Rules of engagement, agreements, and language for teams and relationships
• [14:23] – Aligning without compromising, importance of mature relationships
• [16:03] – Conflict resolution in high-performing teams
• [21:34] – The "toolkit" metaphor and self-awareness in conflict
• [22:46] – Conflict competency and emotional control
• [25:51] – Courageous conversations: personal story of confronting gossip
• [28:19] – Emotional regulation and co-regulation explained
• [31:07] – Observing yourself in everyday conflict
• [35:12] – Creating environments that welcome healthy conflict
• [37:53] – Covey’s “seek first to understand” and wrapping up

Final Takeaways

• Plan for Conflict: Set rules and expectations for how you'll handle disagreements before they arise.
• Enter Conversations Empathetically: Seek to understand before pushing your own viewpoint.
• Don’t Take it Personally: High-performing teams and relationships require separation of ideas from personal attacks.
• Alignment Trumps Agreement: It's OK to move forward without 100% agreement—alignment to a shared goal is more important.
• Emotional Regulation is a Superpower: Take responsibility for your response before entering difficult conversations.
• Conflict is Growth: Productive conflict, handled maturely, is a powerful engine for personal, relational, and organizational excellence.

Hosts’ Closing Thought:

“Conflict, courageous conversations, seek first to understand.” (39:35)