Podcast Summary: The Everyday Millionaire and Mindset Matters Podcast

Episode: Mindset Matters #215 – Why You Get Triggered and How to Change the Story
Host: Patrick Francey
Guest: Stephanie Hanlon-Francey (Olympic mental performance coach)
Date: December 11, 2025

Overview

In this engaging and insightful episode, Patrick Francey and his wife, Stephanie Hanlon-Francey, take a deep dive into the theme of emotional triggers—why we get triggered, how our internal stories shape these reactions, and practical tools to change the narrative. Through candid personal anecdotes and a blend of humor and wisdom, they emphasize the importance of self-awareness and responsibility in managing emotional responses and maintaining healthy relationships.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Understanding Emotional Triggers

• Everyone Gets Triggered:

  • Patrick opens by normalizing the experience of being triggered, referencing circumstances that unsettle him, like bureaucracy.
  • "There are certain things that trigger us a lot. Like for me, one of my big triggers is bureaucracy. Drives me absolutely crazy." (01:18, Patrick)

• Trigger is About the Meaning, Not the Event:

  • The duo clarify that it’s not the event itself causing a reaction, but the story and meaning we attach to it.
  • "Guess what you're really being triggered by... what the moment means to you." (02:01, Patrick)

2. The Stories We Tell Ourselves

• Internal Narrative Drives the Trigger:

  • Emotional responses are fueled by the stories we create in our minds, influenced by hidden beliefs and personal identity.
  • "So when something fires you up... the challenge would be to don't default, to go after the person or the situation first. It would be slow down, pause, take a breath..." (02:37, Patrick)

• Rooted in Identity and Old Beliefs:

  • Triggers can stem from deeper beliefs like not being respected, not feeling enough, needing control, or fear of disappointment.
  • "If those beliefs are challenged, you may not identify them. But you have to ask yourself, what is the story I'm telling myself that triggers me?" (05:15, Patrick)

3. Taking Responsibility and Creating Pause

• Responsibility Over Reaction:

  • Both hosts stress the importance of pausing to ask: "What story am I telling myself?" and assume responsibility for the reaction.
  • "If we can identify it, you can collapse it. And that's the key around being triggered and understanding." (11:08, Patrick)

• Managing Expectations:

  • Adjusting one’s expectations—especially in situations known to be frustrating (like airline travel or customer service)—is a proactive step to managing triggers.
  • "The best way for me to not get triggered is... to allow myself, number one, the time I need, or going in with the expectation that... this isn't gonna go the way I want it to go." (09:11, Patrick)

4. Everyday Examples and Self-Awareness

• Stories from Daily Life:

  • Patrick shares a humorous, self-reflective story about being triggered while waiting for a shuttle, where he adopted the persona of "Prince Patrick."
  • "There is a part of me that has this degree of arrogance... that I deserve better than having to wait for a shuttle. But it triggered me." (19:15, Patrick)

• The Role of Relationships:

  • Stephanie highlights how being triggered in close relationships, although uncomfortable, can catalyze personal growth.
  • "You trigger me ongoing in the best possible way... it's forcing me to grow." (21:22, Stephanie)

5. Hidden Gifts and Practical Strategies

• Triggers as Growth Opportunities:

  • Rather than seeing triggers as purely negative, Stephanie reframes them as opportunities for evolution—and evidence of commitment to growth.
  • "I don't know if I could be this person that I am right now... had you not been yourself and triggered me and... made me look at myself. So it's not a bad thing." (22:05, Stephanie)

• Simple Tools Offered:

  • Pause and examine your story.
  • Reflect on underlying beliefs.
  • Adjust personal expectations in recurring situations.
  • Take proactive steps (e.g., physically removing yourself, reframing the moment).
  • When appropriate, channel feedback constructively (e.g., to management instead of unloading on frontline staff).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Taking a Pause:
  “If we can pause long enough, or at least in reflection after we've lost our shit, ask yourself, what story did I just tell myself?”
  (03:01, Patrick)

• On the Responsibility for Triggers:
  "If I'm triggered, that's my responsibility to calm my nervous system, calm my emotions, to go, you know what, this is not about you, it's about me." (17:30, Stephanie)

• On Growth in Relationships:
  "You trigger me ongoing in the best possible way. Best possible way. Because it's forcing me to grow." (21:22, Stephanie)

• On Self-Awareness:
  "I actually think that being triggered is beneath me... I'm very aware of how I'm occurring. And if I get triggered... losing your shit in public is... that is beneath me." (22:23, Patrick)

• On Experiencing the Story:
  “As soon as I got to it, I went, ah, okay. That's all it is. It's just a story you're telling yourself.”
  (20:48, Patrick)

Key Timestamps

• 00:59 – Opening banter: “Do I trigger you sometimes?”
• 01:18 – Patrick’s personal trigger: bureaucracy
• 02:01 – It’s about the story, not the event
• 04:09 – Hidden beliefs fueling triggers
• 09:11 – Managing triggers by managing expectations
• 11:08 – The power of self-awareness: “If you can identify it, you can collapse it.”
• 17:30 – Stephanie: “If I’m triggered, that’s my responsibility...”
• 19:15 – “Prince Patrick” story: self-reflection about arrogance and triggers
• 21:22 – Stephanie: Growth through being triggered
• 22:23 – Patrick: “Being triggered is beneath me...” and striving for self-mastery

Closing Thoughts

Patrick and Stephanie leave listeners with empowering reminders:

• The event isn’t the real trigger; the meaning and story you assign to it are.
• Taking personal responsibility—through pausing, self-reflection, and managing expectations—can transform your experience of being triggered.
• Triggers, especially in close relationships, can be uncomfortable yet are powerful catalysts for self-growth when navigated mindfully.

Tone: Candid, humorous, supportive, and practical—encouraging listeners to embrace self-awareness and personal growth through everyday challenges.

For more details or questions, listeners are invited to reach out to Patrick or revisit previous episodes on mindset and emotional mastery.