Podcast Summary

The Everyday Millionaire and Mindset Matters Podcast

Host: Patrick Francey
Guest: Stephanie Hanlon Francey (Olympic Mental Performance Coach)
Episode: Mindset Matters #219 – Throwback Thursday – The Hidden Cost of Gossip
Date: January 8, 2026

Episode Overview

In this Mindset Matters episode, Patrick Francey is joined by his wife and co-host Stephanie Hanlon Francey to explore the hidden costs of gossip—how it functions as an “energy leak,” damages trust, and erodes both personal and professional environments. Building on listener questions from a previous episode about energy leaks, the discussion aims to clarify what constitutes gossip, why it’s so insidious, how to identify and address it, and why choosing to avoid it can dramatically improve relationships and personal growth.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Defining Gossip (02:44–05:00)

• Listener Confusion: Many listeners wanted clarification: Is talking about someone always gossip?
• Stephanie’s Perspective: Sharing information about others—positive or negative—without their presence and from your own interpretation is gossip. Most of what we say about others is built on stories or perspectives, not truth.
• Patrick’s View: Gossip isn’t just negative comments; it’s any talk about others not present, often fueled by incomplete information and personal filters.

Notable Quote:

"If they're not there to speak their own truth or tell their own story, then technically it's gossip."
— Stephanie (04:02)

2. The Real-Life Impact of Gossip (05:44–09:29)

• Judgment and Emotional Release: Criticizing someone to “let off steam” or cope with being hurt is still gossip and can create toxic circles.
• A Personal Anecdote: Patrick shares a story about talking innocently about a friend’s wedding and realizing just how small and interconnected the world can be. Even if intent isn’t malicious, information spreads easily and can have unintended repercussions.
• Professional Confidentiality: The couple recounts an incident with a high-profile sports client where confidential information was shared. Patrick recognizes that at the time, gossip was a means to elevate himself by association, but this only undermined trust.

Notable Quote:

"My gossip elevated me in my world—look who I know. But it cost me trust and integrity, and that's a lesson I had to learn."
— Patrick (08:05)

3. Gossip, Trust, and Intimacy (09:29–11:07)

• Household Values: The Franceys have a strict no-gossip rule at home. It fosters deeper trust and intimacy.
• Value Systems: Stephanie notes that not everyone shares this boundary; some people gossip to appear closer to others or to gain social leverage, often by exposing others’ vulnerabilities.

Notable Quote:

"When I know you won't share my vulnerabilities, that's an intimacy that allows me to grow and take risks.”
— Stephanie (09:56)

4. Taking a Stand: The Hockey Party Story (12:43–14:56)

• Courage in Action: Stephanie describes a moment when, during an event, colleagues began trash-talking a team member in his absence. She refused to participate, declared her discomfort, and left.
• Risk and Principles: She acknowledges this may have put her job or relationships at risk, but she stood by her principles.
• Patrick’s Reflection: Initially embarrassed and worried about social fallout, he grew to appreciate the stand she took.

Notable Quote:

"Even if it was true, I didn't care—in that moment, there was no point. That was gossip, that was bullshit, and I wasn’t okay with it."
— Stephanie (14:39)

5. Why Do We Gossip? (15:23–17:49)

• Friendship Boundaries: Some think it’s acceptable to gossip about friends in their absence—Patrick strongly disagrees.
• Self-Reflection and Purpose: They encourage listeners to examine their own motives and participation in gossip. What does gossip achieve? Does it add value, or is it simply a distraction from one’s own issues?

Notable Quote:

"Are these conversations moving something forward, or are they just an energy leak and a distraction from your own work?"
— Stephanie (16:47)

6. Tools and Strategies for Avoiding Gossip (17:49–19:46)

• Elevate, Don’t Diminish: If you can’t say something that elevates the person, don’t say anything.
• Changing the Conversation: It’s easy to get pulled in by group consensus but consider whether your input is necessary. Shift focus to values instead of criticism.
• Simple Deflection: “I just don’t share those values. I don’t hang out with them. I take the high road.”

Notable Quote:

"If you are talking about somebody, it has to be in a way that elevates them—full stop."
— Patrick (17:57)

7. Lasting Lessons and Core Takeaways (19:46–24:19)

• Question Your Motives: Trash-talking doesn’t serve anyone and is often based on incomplete understanding.
• Never Assume: "You never ever ever ever ever (five times) know what's going on for another human being." (20:13)
• Habitual Correction: When you catch yourself or others gossiping, consciously redirect the conversation.

Notable Quote:

"Other people’s opinion of me is none of my business."
— Stephanie, quoting her mom (19:54)

8. Living and Creating in a Gossip-Free Environment (21:33–24:00)

• A Culture of Elevation: Their business and social circles are built around the goal of elevating others and focusing on creation, not comparison.
• Distraction vs. Creation: Gossip is seen as a distraction from making a genuine difference in their own and others’ lives.

Notable Quote:

"We don’t spend any time talking about other people’s business. To me, I close that energy leak."
— Stephanie (22:10)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• "If they're not there to speak their own truth or tell their own story, then technically it's gossip." — Stephanie (04:02)
• "My gossip elevated me in my world—look who I know. But it cost me trust and integrity, and that's a lesson I had to learn." — Patrick (08:05)
• "When I know you won't share my vulnerabilities, that's an intimacy that allows me to grow and take risks." — Stephanie (09:56)
• "Even if it was true, I didn't care—in that moment, there was no point. That was gossip, that was bullshit, and I wasn’t okay with it." — Stephanie (14:39)
• "Are these conversations moving something forward, or are they just an energy leak and a distraction from your own work?" — Stephanie (16:47)
• "If you are talking about somebody, it has to be in a way that elevates them—full stop." — Patrick (17:57)
• "Other people’s opinion of me is none of my business." — Stephanie (19:54, quoting her mother)
• "We don’t spend any time talking about other people’s business. To me, I close that energy leak." — Stephanie (22:10)

Action Steps and Listener Challenges

• Audit Your Conversations: Notice when gossip creeps in—among friends, family, or colleagues. Are you engaged in it? Why?
• Change the Topic: If gossip arises, shift the focus to something positive or simply withdraw.
• Celebrate Achievements: Only share news about others if it elevates or celebrates them.
• Personal Values: Establish and communicate clear boundaries with those around you.
• Ask Yourself: Are you elevating or minimizing someone with your words?

Recommended Resource

• Book of the Week: The Gap and the Gain by Dan Sullivan and Benjamin Hardy
  • Relevance: Addresses the importance of focusing on progress and positive growth, not on comparison or negativity.
  • "If you’re gossiping, you’re living in the gap."

Final Takeaway

Gossip is a hidden cost that drains your energy, erodes trust, and sabotages both relationships and personal growth. Bringing awareness to how, when, and why you talk about others—and choosing to take a stand against gossip—can profoundly shift your environment and propel you forward.

"Pay attention to who you're talking about, what you're saying, and whether it's elevating or minimizing. Ask yourself—do you really need to go there?"
— Patrick (23:39)