Mindset Matters - Episode #220 - Why Gratitude Is Not Always Enough and What Actually Sets You Free - The Everyday Millionaire and Mindset Matters Podcast

Mindset Matters - Episode #220 Summary

Podcast: The Everyday Millionaire and Mindset Matters
Host: Patrick Francey
Date: January 15, 2026
Episode Title: Why Gratitude Is Not Always Enough and What Actually Sets You Free

Episode Overview

In this solo episode, Patrick Francey explores a subtle but powerful distinction between gratitude and appreciation and explains how this difference can unlock greater peace, acceptance, and momentum in life. Drawing from personal reflection and decades of professional experience, he examines why forcing gratitude for painful or costly past experiences can keep us stuck — and how shifting to appreciation is what truly allows us to move forward, integrating lessons without dragging old stories along.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Stage: The Power of Perspective

Timestamp: 00:14–02:00

Patrick opens by acknowledging that many people get stuck in life — emotionally, relationally, or professionally — often not because they're lacking insight or intelligence, but because they're using the wrong lens or perspective.
He highlights that past painful experiences often maintain their grip because people try to feel grateful for things that actually still hurt.

"It's not generally because they lack insight or certainly not because they're not smart enough. It's actually often because they're applying the wrong frame or they have the wrong perspective."
— Patrick Francey (00:50)

2. Goals, Vision, and Words of the Year

Timestamp: 02:01–04:45

Patrick discusses New Year’s traditions like resolutions and “words of the year.”
In his family, rather than setting typical resolutions, they anchor to a vision or select a word/statement to guide the year—for example, their 2024 phrase, “Clarity equals velocity.”
This year, a new word surfaced unexpectedly during meditation: appreciation—not gratitude.

"Within our group of friends, many choose a word of the year and they shared it within the group. And I said mine was appreciation, but I don't quite know why or what it means yet."
— Patrick Francey (09:49)

3. Distinguishing Appreciation from Gratitude

Timestamp: 04:46–09:06

Patrick reflects on past business partnerships, some of which ended painfully.
He notes that even though he can appreciate what he learned and how he grew, he’s not necessarily grateful for those hardships.
He makes the distinction:
- Gratitude is linked to benefits or relief ("What did I gain?")
- Appreciation is linked to impact and transformation ("How did this change me?")

"Gratitude is usually oriented to a benefit. Something happened for me. ... And appreciation is oriented to impact. Something happened to me."
— Patrick Francey (08:18)

"You can be grateful without being transformed, and you can be appreciative because you were transformed."
— Patrick Francey (08:59)

4. Why This Distinction Matters

Timestamp: 09:07–11:45

People get stuck when they try to feel grateful for formative but costly (painful, financially, emotionally) experiences.
Appreciation allows for integration: you accept the lesson, let go of resentment, and release the need to rewrite the past.
Appreciation is about letting experiences be “complete,” freeing you from constantly negotiating with your own history.

"People get stuck when they try to force gratitude onto experiences that were formative but costly. And I mean costly emotionally, mentally, financially, relationally. But in that it was formative."
— Patrick Francey (09:23)

"You can let it go by appreciating what you took from it and be grateful it's over. You get to keep the lesson without carrying the resentment."
— Patrick Francey (10:13)

5. The Key Question for Listeners

Timestamp: 11:46–12:54

Patrick offers a powerful closing invitation:
- What are you still trying to be grateful for, that your life would move forward faster if you simply appreciated it and let it be complete?
He reiterates a theme from past episodes: clarity comes from understanding what mattered, not from pretending things were better than they were.

"Clarity doesn't come from pretending things were better than they were. Clarity actually comes from understanding what mattered and allowing it to be complete. And that is the kind of clarity in my world that I see that creates velocity."
— Patrick Francey (12:38)

Notable Quotes

“Gratitude says, this helped me. Appreciation says, this changed me.” (08:54)
“You get to keep the lesson without carrying the weight of the story. And that's what appreciation gives you. Not nostalgia, warm fuzzies, not even reconciliation, but integration.” (11:18)
“Stop negotiating with the past. You can let it go. You stop reopening doors you've already walked through.” (11:08)

Timestamps for Key Segments

00:14–02:00: Introduction and setting the stage
02:01–04:45: New Year's reflections; the tradition of 'word of the year'
04:46–09:06: Story of past partnerships; defining appreciation vs. gratitude
09:07–11:45: Application of the distinction to moving forward in life
11:46–12:54: Powerful closing question and final insight

Tone and Style

Patrick’s style is thoughtful, reflective, and personal, with a touch of vulnerability. He is direct yet gentle, inviting the listener to reflect without judgment. The focus is on practical philosophy and emotional intelligence, aiming to equip listeners with tools for real personal progress.

Key Takeaways

Forcing gratitude for difficult past experiences can keep you stuck.
Appreciation acknowledges the impact and personal growth from events that weren’t “good” but were formative.
Letting go comes not from rewriting history or pretending things were better, but from integrating what you learned and appreciating its role in shaping you.
Shifting from gratitude (“what did I gain?”) to appreciation (“how did this change me?”) can finally set you free.

If you’re struggling to move on from something in your past, try replacing forced gratitude with genuine appreciation—and see how that shift unlocks clarity and momentum in your life.

Transcript

A (0:00)

Foreign.

B (0:04)

Welcome to this episode of the Everyday Millionaire Mindset Matters podcast, where I'm joined by my wife, Olympic mental performance coach Stephanie Hanlon.

A (0:13)

Francie.

B (0:14)

In these episodes, Stephanie and I have a conversation about the different aspects of what we refer to as Mindset Matters because we believe that for those who are awake, we are living in and through the most impactful time and in history.

A (0:28)

Your view of the world is the.

B (0:29)

Filter for how you will experience the evolution and changing dynamics of it. Our intention is to provide you with ideas, nutritious food for thought, and some tools that you can use to help you in being your greatest self and living your best life.

A (0:46)

Listen in.

B (0:47)

Enjoy.

A (0:50)

So we all get stuck. Many people get stuck emotionally, relationally, professionally, their career, their business. But it's not generally because they lack insight or certainly not because they're not smart enough. It's actually often because they're applying the wrong frame or they have the wrong perspective. And this is important to past experiences. That's right, past experiences. They're often working hard, trying to feel grateful for things that actually hurt and still hurt. Welcome to the Everyday Millionaire Mindset Matters podcast. I am alone. This is a solo podcast. Stephanie is traveling with her athletes as they prepare for the Olympics in February. So she was off to St. Louis to work with her US team, and then to London, I think, to work with Great Britain and another team or two there. Anyways, all to say is that we could not bring our schedules together, and so here I am. Now, the good news is, as much as I'm not a big fan of doing solo podcasts, I do have my notes and I have a thought process, something that showed up for me that I actually want to share with you. And I miss having the conversation with Stephanie and her insights to it, but I'll go it alone. And so let's carry on with the conversation. Now, reconciling relationships that are already complete is one of those examples of things that are complete but can feel incomplete, that can be hurt. You know, it's where we're trying to reconcile that relationship, but mentally or emotionally, it's not complete. And people try to make peace by softening the truth of what that experience was for them. And so all of that creates mental and emotional friction. So I want to share a story and a thought process that showed up for me as I kicked off 2026. So I'll share the thought process and kind of weave my way through this. Now. Every new year, a lot of people make New Year's resolutions. They set goals, they make commitments. They have a resolution that they're going to fulfill on. For me, it's never really been how I operate, you know, even today, Stephanie and I, as a couple, tend to talk more in terms of vision and outcomes and what do we want life to look and feel like? The other thing we do, like many, is we also choose a word of the year within our kind of cohort of friends. We share what word of the year that we're using, or sometimes it's a statement of the year. And if you've followed us and followed the show, you know that one of the words we chose back in 2024 was clarity equals velocity. And in that case, we didn't just choose it, we actually anchored to it. It became a tagline. It became a very strong touch point for us in our way of thinking and even how we make decisions. So this year, however, something different happened for me. A new word or a word showed up for me, and I'll share that word in a minute. But before I do, I want to ask you, what's your word of the year? Do you have a word of the year, something that you want to anchor to? Okay, give that some thought. Now, most of the time, we choose the word deliberately. You know, whatever that word might be. We think about it, what we want more of, perhaps what we want to correct, how we want to be better, what we want to anchor, Anchor ourselves to. And that's, you know, generally how it works for me. You know, even clarity equals velocity was something that showed up, but it was deliberate. It was a thought process that evolved. But this year was different. I wasn't planning for a word. I wasn't even searching for a word. I wasn't even actually asking the question. But I was sitting in just a short meditation, and a word showed up. Now, that word happened to be appreciation, which right away I went, oh, why appreciation? Not gratitude. I mean, gratitude didn't show up at all. It was very clear, the word appreciation. And the more I sat with it, the more I realized, I think, something that was important and that was going through and defining appreciation over gratitude. It wasn't pointing me into the future. It wasn't pointing me forward first. It was actually what showed up was I was looking backwards. And when I look backwards, what came into my focus were my past business partnerships. Definitely not the highlights, not the wins, but the relationships. And over the years, over 40 plus years of partnership, I've had several, and they've all lasted five, ten, even more years. And each one actually has marked a Very distinct phase of my growth as an entrepreneur, as a business owner, and certainly even as a man, as a person. And not all of them ended cleanly or without some kind of drama behind it. Now, as much as I fully own my responsibility in the breakdown of those relationships, I was often left with a feeling of being taken advantage of, of being misled or caught in. I got caught in my own cycle of blame and complain and all the mental gymnastics that go with it. I mean, they were complete, but they weren't complete, you know, over time. And I guess with a little bit of distance, what did become clear was, as I reflected, was each of those phases, each of those partnerships, each of those phases of growth played a really significant role in my life, in my own development. And I mean in a very meaningful, tangible kind of way. When I reflect back now, I feel a lot of appreciation for what those partners brought to the table. Like I say, it wasn't all great. It wasn't. But within that were some really powerful lessons. And I can really appreciate those lessons. I can appreciate them for the positive difference they made in my life, for the lessons that I carry forward and the skills I developed and used today. But I don't feel grateful. I do feel grateful for the ending of those partnerships, for the ability to move on, and certainly for what came next. And that's the distinction that landed for me. I don't see appreciation and gratitude as the same thing. Now, quite frankly, I'd never given it any thought before this, but when I gave it thought, that's what I got to. And it took me a while to. I struggled to even define the difference. I actually made comments because within our group of friends, many choose a word of the year and they shared it within the group. And I said mine was appreciation, but I don't quite know why or what it means yet. So I had to play with it. And what I really got to was that we can appreciate the role something played in our life, the relationship, or the event without letting it continue. And then you can be grateful it ended and still appreciate that it mattered. So, all to say, here's how I see it now. Gratitude is usually oriented to a benefit. Something happened for me. I am grateful for the opportunity. I'm grateful you showed up when I needed help. I'm really grateful this worked out. So gratitude is relational or relevant to gain, to support, to relief. And appreciation is oriented to impact. Something happened to me. I appreciate what this experience shaped in me. I appreciate what I learned even when I was uncomfortable. I appreciate what the role a person played in my own development. So appreciation is relational, and it's relational to growth, some would say to formation, and certainly to integration. You can be grateful without being transformed, and you can be appreciative because you were transformed. So all a little bit of a funny play on words, but ultimately, gratitude says, this helped me. Appreciation says this changed me. And that's why appreciation, I think, can exist without a bunch of warmth and nostalgia and warm fuzzies and. Or even wishing the event continued. You can appreciate a hard season. You can appreciate a difficult partner. You can appreciate an ending. But you're not required to be grateful for those things. People get stuck when they try to force gratitude onto experiences that were formative but costly. And I mean costly emotionally, mentally, financially, relationally. But in that it was formative. What did I learn from that experience? And appreciation allows you to stop arguing with the past stories, to stop trying to rewrite history and be okay with it. You can let it go by appreciating what you took from it and be grateful it's over. You get to keep the lesson without carrying the resentment. So as I wind this episode down, I think, here's why this matters. If you're stuck trying to feel grateful for something that hurt, perhaps if you're replaying relationships or partnerships or even phases in your life that are really complete, it may not be because you haven't healed. It may be because you're using the wrong lens. Gratitude asks, what did I receive? Appreciation asks us, how or what did this shape in me? And when you make that shift, something really important happens. You stop negotiating with the past. You can let it go. You stop reopening doors you've already walked through. You get to keep the lesson without carrying the weight of the story. And that's what appreciation gives you. Not nostalgia, warm fuzzies, not even reconciliation, but integration. So I'll leave you with this thought, this question. What are you still trying to be grateful for? That your life would move forward faster if you simply appreciate it and let it be complete. Because clarity doesn't come from pretending things were better than they were. Clarity actually comes from understanding what mattered and allowing it to be complete. And that is the kind of clarity in my world that I see that creates velocity. My solo podcast books. Let me know. I hope you enjoy.