Mindset Matters - Episode #220 Summary

Podcast: The Everyday Millionaire and Mindset Matters
Host: Patrick Francey
Date: January 15, 2026
Episode Title: Why Gratitude Is Not Always Enough and What Actually Sets You Free

Episode Overview

In this solo episode, Patrick Francey explores a subtle but powerful distinction between gratitude and appreciation and explains how this difference can unlock greater peace, acceptance, and momentum in life. Drawing from personal reflection and decades of professional experience, he examines why forcing gratitude for painful or costly past experiences can keep us stuck — and how shifting to appreciation is what truly allows us to move forward, integrating lessons without dragging old stories along.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Stage: The Power of Perspective

Timestamp: 00:14–02:00

• Patrick opens by acknowledging that many people get stuck in life — emotionally, relationally, or professionally — often not because they're lacking insight or intelligence, but because they're using the wrong lens or perspective.
• He highlights that past painful experiences often maintain their grip because people try to feel grateful for things that actually still hurt.

"It's not generally because they lack insight or certainly not because they're not smart enough. It's actually often because they're applying the wrong frame or they have the wrong perspective."
— Patrick Francey (00:50)

2. Goals, Vision, and Words of the Year

Timestamp: 02:01–04:45

• Patrick discusses New Year’s traditions like resolutions and “words of the year.”
• In his family, rather than setting typical resolutions, they anchor to a vision or select a word/statement to guide the year—for example, their 2024 phrase, “Clarity equals velocity.”
• This year, a new word surfaced unexpectedly during meditation: appreciation—not gratitude.

"Within our group of friends, many choose a word of the year and they shared it within the group. And I said mine was appreciation, but I don't quite know why or what it means yet."
— Patrick Francey (09:49)

3. Distinguishing Appreciation from Gratitude

Timestamp: 04:46–09:06

• Patrick reflects on past business partnerships, some of which ended painfully.
• He notes that even though he can appreciate what he learned and how he grew, he’s not necessarily grateful for those hardships.
• He makes the distinction:
  • Gratitude is linked to benefits or relief ("What did I gain?")
  • Appreciation is linked to impact and transformation ("How did this change me?")

"Gratitude is usually oriented to a benefit. Something happened for me. ... And appreciation is oriented to impact. Something happened to me."
— Patrick Francey (08:18)

"You can be grateful without being transformed, and you can be appreciative because you were transformed."
— Patrick Francey (08:59)

4. Why This Distinction Matters

Timestamp: 09:07–11:45

• People get stuck when they try to feel grateful for formative but costly (painful, financially, emotionally) experiences.
• Appreciation allows for integration: you accept the lesson, let go of resentment, and release the need to rewrite the past.
• Appreciation is about letting experiences be “complete,” freeing you from constantly negotiating with your own history.

"People get stuck when they try to force gratitude onto experiences that were formative but costly. And I mean costly emotionally, mentally, financially, relationally. But in that it was formative."
— Patrick Francey (09:23)

"You can let it go by appreciating what you took from it and be grateful it's over. You get to keep the lesson without carrying the resentment."
— Patrick Francey (10:13)

5. The Key Question for Listeners

Timestamp: 11:46–12:54

• Patrick offers a powerful closing invitation:
  • What are you still trying to be grateful for, that your life would move forward faster if you simply appreciated it and let it be complete?
• He reiterates a theme from past episodes: clarity comes from understanding what mattered, not from pretending things were better than they were.

"Clarity doesn't come from pretending things were better than they were. Clarity actually comes from understanding what mattered and allowing it to be complete. And that is the kind of clarity in my world that I see that creates velocity."
— Patrick Francey (12:38)

Notable Quotes

• “Gratitude says, this helped me. Appreciation says, this changed me.” (08:54)
• “You get to keep the lesson without carrying the weight of the story. And that's what appreciation gives you. Not nostalgia, warm fuzzies, not even reconciliation, but integration.” (11:18)
• “Stop negotiating with the past. You can let it go. You stop reopening doors you've already walked through.” (11:08)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:14–02:00: Introduction and setting the stage
• 02:01–04:45: New Year's reflections; the tradition of 'word of the year'
• 04:46–09:06: Story of past partnerships; defining appreciation vs. gratitude
• 09:07–11:45: Application of the distinction to moving forward in life
• 11:46–12:54: Powerful closing question and final insight

Tone and Style

Patrick’s style is thoughtful, reflective, and personal, with a touch of vulnerability. He is direct yet gentle, inviting the listener to reflect without judgment. The focus is on practical philosophy and emotional intelligence, aiming to equip listeners with tools for real personal progress.

Key Takeaways

• Forcing gratitude for difficult past experiences can keep you stuck.
• Appreciation acknowledges the impact and personal growth from events that weren’t “good” but were formative.
• Letting go comes not from rewriting history or pretending things were better, but from integrating what you learned and appreciating its role in shaping you.
• Shifting from gratitude (“what did I gain?”) to appreciation (“how did this change me?”) can finally set you free.

If you’re struggling to move on from something in your past, try replacing forced gratitude with genuine appreciation—and see how that shift unlocks clarity and momentum in your life.