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Welcome to this episode of the Everyday Millionaire Mindset Matters podcast where I'm joined by my wife, Olympic mental performance coach Stephanie Hanlon.

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In these episodes, Stephanie and I have a conversation about the different aspects of what we refer to as Mindset Matters because we believe that for those who are awake, we are living in and through the most impactful time in history. Your view of the world is the filter for how you will experience the evolution and changing dynamics of it. Our intention is to provide you with ideas, nutritious food for thought, and some tools that you can use to help you in being your greatest self and living your best life. Listen in. Enjoy.

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Welcome to the Everyday Millionaire Mindset Matters podcast. Creating and living a life by design. Now that's a phrase that we hear a lot in the space of personal and professional development. I've used it, Stephanie's used it. We hear it all the time. It's a kind of a great sound bite. It sounds kind of righteous, doesn't it? You know, it's grounded, it's principled. Some would even maybe refer to it as a noble idea. It certainly sounds intentional and. And I would suggest it's a very worthy ambition, but it's also one of the most misunderstood ideas in this space. And because we're thinking in terms of self mastery beyond personal and professional development, I wanted to dig a little bit deeper into the topic because most people don't actually even have a definition or perhaps even a vision of what a life by design is or what it is about for them. So here's some of the thing. It's not about an idealism. It's actually about responsibility. You see, when we look at it, a life by design doesn't come actually from motivation or affirmations or even inspirations. It certainly doesn't come from having a perfect plan. It comes from understanding and accepting the real costs that come with meaningful outcomes. It could be mental costs, emotional costs, relational costs. Very common. Sure, there's financial costs, but costs most people spend their lives trying to avoid. So in this episode, I want to make those costs very explicit, really clear, because I think that once you understand the price of entry, you will give yourself permission to stop fighting the process. And I'm going to ask you a question at the end of this particular podcast, some food for thought, once I give you these insights and then perhaps support you in starting to move forward with clarity. Now we know that anything worth having in life has a cost of entry. That's just life, whether it be an achievement, a relationship, Any transformation, and it's not always about money. And that isn't generally the cost. The cost is mindset. And most people don't fail because they lack ability. That's just the truth. They fail because they don't want to pay the price or they resent the price that they would have to pay. They want the outcome without the toll, without the cost. You've probably heard Stephanie and I've talked about many times, you know, over many years, we've watched athletes at the top of their game on the podium, and people admire that moment in time go, oh, gosh, I want, you know, I'd love that gold medal, but are you willing to pay the price that it takes to get to the top of the podium? What's your podium? And the reality of it is that life just doesn't work that way. You can't be at the top of the podium without paying the price. And we know that the world doesn't belong to people who avoid discomfort. It actually belongs to those who seek discomfort, who embrace discomfort, who lean into discomfort, and who understand that the discomfort is an integral part of the process. So the real question really isn't is this hard? The question is, are you willing or am I willing to pay what this costs? And so I'm going to give you what I defined as seven costs of. Of entry to having a meaningful life. And I have to say that at this phase of my life, at this age, I can really own these seven kind of costs. I know it, I've lived it, I still live it. So let me share them with you, and hopefully it lands really well. So cost number one is uncertainty. That really is the cost of achievement, because achievement never comes with guarantees, I don't think, ever. If you need certainty before you move, you'll actually trade your dreams for comfort. And I can own that one myself. Personally, I've seen many times in myself, in reflection, where the discomfort was just too much for me to bear. And part of my dreams went with staying comfortable. And that's kind of how it works every time. Certainty lives in the familiar. Growth lives somewhere else. Every meaningful step forward comes with incomplete information. You won't know if it will work. You won't know if you're ready or if you'll fail. We often don't know will this pay off? And that's not a flaw. That is, in fact, the system for growth. So most people wait for clarity before they act. High performers act and take steps until clarity shows up. Uncertainty isn't, in fact, danger. It's Proof, if anything, that you're early, that you're on the right path. Your success in life is proportional to how much uncertainty you can tolerate without panicking or retreating. And this is often. You know, the examples that I will often use that I think many relate to is that growth lives in the discomfort. And I go to working out. You don't get stronger by watching somebody else work out. You don't get stronger if somebody's trying to do your pushups for you. The reality is, is that the growth lives in the discomfort and to the level that you can tolerate it without panicking. Number two is imposter syndrome. And that is, in fact, the cost of growth. Feeling unqualified doesn't mean that you're faking it. It actually means that you're expanding. You're growing to something you've never or a place you've never been before. And every now, every new level kind of exposes the edges of your current identity and your current competence. And so that is going to feel uncomfortable. You're entering rooms, perhaps where your old confidence no longer really fits. You're hanging out with people that are much smarter than you. Perhaps you're in environments that you've not been in before. None of that means you don't belong. It just means that you've arrived to a place you've never been. You've arrived perhaps early. So imposter syndrome isn't asking, am I enough? It's asking, am I willing to become enough? Are you willing to learn publicly, to risk being wrong, to risk being judged? Or are you willing to fall and get back up? And if you've never felt this, you're just not growing, you're actually repeating. So think about this in terms of falling and getting back up. Are you willing to do that publicly? Think about the athletes and their journey to be the best. You know, how many balls did they miss? How many outcomes did they not get? It is really about the willingness to fail. Number three is loneliness, which is actually the cost of any transformation, any personal transformation, because it separates you from the familiar and there's just no way around it. You know, as you outgrow your old beliefs, your old bs, your belief systems, your old habits, the old environments that you are in, you know, we start to feel a distance. People who once understood you may not understand you anymore, which is really a tough one. That's a difficult one for many. Are you willing to be misunderstood? And that phase of what you're going through can really feel lonely. But that loneliness isn't A punishment. It is a part of the price you pay. Some would call it incubation. You know, the phrase that I would go to in this case is, you know, the cocoon is empty before the wings appear. And there is a gap between who you were and who you're becoming. And that's the transition. And most people will rush to fill the spirit, this, the space to fill that silence. And that can be the mistake, because as we go through that space, it's where we have the opportunity to really reset and own our identity. And so who you were has to loosen its grip before your becoming can emerge. So, in other words, let go of who you were so that you can lean into who you now are. And loneliness isn't actually a sign that you're off track. It's often the confirmation that you are, in fact, changing. And then we trust also that like attracts like. When you start to shift and go through that transition, people of like mind energetically can show up. Number four, embarrassment. That is, in fact, the cost of progress. If you're not willing to look a little foolish or a lot foolish, you'll never look brilliant. As they say, you know, every skill starts very awkwardly. Athletes miss. Actors need multiple takes. Business owners absorb losses. They go through team. The differences in how we interpret. Most people see embarrassment as a stop sign. I'm not willing to be embarrassed. High performers see it as tuition. High performers actually don't even care. Ultimately, embarrassment is the tax we pay for forward motion. And those who fear it stay stuck. Those who accept it move faster because they stop caring what others think. And progress ultimately favors what we would refer to as the bold, not the polished. You know, think about those polished rocks that you see. It comes to mind because my grandkids, you know, polish rocks. I didn't realize it, but it takes freaking weeks or whatever to, you know, take a crusty old rock and polish it up. You put it in the stand, it beats in the sand, and it, you know, goes around in the tumbler. The point is, is that it takes time for that polish to show up, and we have to go through the process. Point number five, courageous conversations is the cost of amazing relationships. Truth is uncomfortable for many, and we don't like to often hear the truth, especially when it's about us. But it's also the foundation of trust. You know, avoiding hard conversations might keep the peace temporarily. You don't have to deal with it, but over time, it kills connection. And there's a phrase that, you know, time heals all wounds, and that's true, time heals wounds, but there are scars, and sometimes those scars are very visible, they're very deep, they're very dramatic. So in as much as time may heal a wound, it doesn't heal the scar, and time doesn't heal relationships. Honesty and courageous conversations does. Meaningful relationships require being vulnerable, risking having the conversation, repairing it requires courage. And at the end of the day, small conversations that are avoided, small things that seem so small that you overstep them, become major breakdowns later. And so the relationships that you want are actually on the other side of those conversations that you're avoiding. I really want you to think about that and ask yourself, are the relationships that you want on the other side of the conversation that you're avoiding? And that, by the way, can be romantic relationships, not just business relationships, good friendships. Number six. Criticism is the cost of excellence. The higher you climb, the more visible you become. And visibility attracts criticism. There's an old metaphor that Bill Clinton shared in an interview. And you know, as a president, and you know, what's it like being the president? And he. He referred to the metaphor about a monkey climbing a tree and ultimately said, is. Bill Clinton can say, and I'm not going to try and duplicate his accent the way Bill Clinton speaks, but he basically said, you know, the monkey climbs that tree, and the higher that monkey goes, the more its ass is exposed. So some would call that altitude. But ultimately, when you get up there, you are exposed. And criticism isn't failure, however, it's feedback. The problem with criticism in the context of criticism is it most often comes from the cheap seats. It comes from those who wish that they were doing what you're doing, but don't have the courage to do it. The criticism from the chief seats contains some signals, but most of it is just no noise. So your job isn't to absorb all the criticism. It's to extract the truth from those you've surrounded yourself with and have invited them to give you that criticism. Because if you need universal approval, you're going to cap your potential right out of the gate. And at the end of the day, we know that mediocrity actually attracts very few critics for a reason. Whereas high performers drive criticism, they attract criticism because they're where the critics want to be. Number seven is boredom. And boredom can be the cost of success. It isn't necessarily glamorous. The results can be. But to be that is not glamorous. It is glamorous to see these young athletes on the podium getting their medals and all the attention and the applause and all the things that go with it. But getting there is anything but glamorous. And that is in life, is in business, as in sports, as in creating a life by design. The outcome can appear quite glamorous, but getting there is not. It's repetitive and its mastery is built on boring repetition, mundane habits, consistent execution, same standards, same disciplines, day after day. I go back to always my gym analogy. You know, it's in the grind, it's in the push ups every day, it's in the sit ups every day, it's in going to the gym and working out every day. And that's really creating a life by design is about that consistent, boring, mundane execution of those habits, same standards, same disciplines, day after day. And boredom is actually the gatekeeper to what you want to achieve. Or it can be the gatekeeper to what you want to achieve because it's not sexy. It filters really. It filters the dabblers from the devoted, it filters the I want to be seen from those who actually want to achieve the outcome. When others quit because it's no longer exciting, those who are connected to the outcome come, keep showing up. And that's the fundamental difference. It's not about the talent, it's about consistency when no one's watching. So those are my seven kind of points I would make to creating and living a life by design. I will close and give you something to reflect on, which is there is a cost of entry for everything meaningful in our lives. And that cost is not about the money, it's about us. It's who we need to become to achieve the goal. It is the mindset. Because the world belongs to those who see their reality clearly. None of it's easy, but it is worth it. People who build lives by design don't resent the price they paid. They pay it willingly. And they share in reflection. They share in hindsight what it took to get them where they are. And they don't look at the struggle they went through as the enemy. Maybe at the time, like many of us have, but in reflection we realize it's what we needed to go through to get to where we are. So if struggle isn't the enemy, avoidance of that struggle is. So here's the question to ask yourself. Which cost are you facing and resisting right now? And what would change if you saw that discomfort that you feel is not a problem, but is an investment required for your next level? I'll say that again. What would change if you saw that discomfort was not a problem, but it was the investment that you're required to make to go to your next level. Clarity equals velocity. You got this. Thanks for listening. Stephanie will be back on the next podcast, I'm sure. And thanks for listening, ladies and gentlemen.