Mindset Matters - Episode #229 - Why Your Beliefs About Yourself Matter More Than You Think

Summary

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Mindset Matters – Episode #229

Why Your Beliefs About Yourself Matter More Than You Think

Podcast: The Everyday Millionaire and Mindset Matters
Host: Patrick Francey (with guest/co-host Stephanie Hanlon, Olympic Mental Performance Coach)
Date: March 19, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Patrick Francey and Stephanie Hanlon dive deep into the power of personal beliefs and how those beliefs shape identity and outcomes in life. They explore why outdated beliefs can become heavy burdens, how beliefs formed in childhood or through experience can persist long past their usefulness, and the importance of questioning and updating self-beliefs to achieve personal growth and success. With stories, practical exercises, and candid conversation, they encourage listeners to identify, challenge, and reframe limiting beliefs.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Beliefs as Tools, Not Burdens

[01:25] Parable of the Raft

• Patrick opens with a story about a man who builds a raft to cross a river, then carries it on his back long after it's useful—symbolizing how people hang on to beliefs that no longer serve them.

  • Quote: “Beliefs are supposed to be tools that help us navigate a moment in time … Yet the moment we begin carrying those beliefs everywhere … they stop helping us and start slowing us down.” – Patrick [02:42]

• The need to evaluate if an old belief is still necessary, or if it’s just weighing us down.

2. Beliefs, Identity, and Attachment

[04:04] Stephanie’s insight:

• People fear letting go of 'rafts' (beliefs) because of "what-if” scenarios—old beliefs feel safe and represent identity, even if they're outmoded.

  • Shoes Analogy: Stephanie compares her own attachment to old shoes to holding onto old beliefs, highlighting the comfort of familiarity.

• Quote: “It’s the what-if-ness and attachment to what worked and what served me … almost hoping there’s another river, but we’re never sure.” – Stephanie [04:09]

3. Storytelling, Identity, and Ideology

[07:36] How beliefs become identity:

• When beliefs about politics, culture, or the self become fused with identity, any challenge to the belief is felt as a challenge to the person.

• Stephanie distinguishes between ideology and identity, warning against conflating the two.

  • Quote: “When your ideology becomes your identity and somebody challenges that, then they’re actually challenging your ego … people are defending their ideologies because they’ve conflated them into their identities.” – Stephanie [07:36]

• Patrick: Strong leaders can say “I used to believe…” and are willing to question their own views. [06:49]

4. The Role of Self-Talk and Backstory

[14:55] Self-defining statements:

• The hosts discuss how people define themselves unconsciously with labels:

  • “I’m the kind of person who…” (e.g., struggles with money, can’t speak publicly, etc.)
  • Quote: “They’re not just observations … they’re actually identity statements. And that becomes … instructions to your brain.” – Patrick [15:48]

• The brain filters experiences to support these self-labels, reinforcing the belief (reticular activating system).

[16:19] Origins of beliefs:

• These beliefs and labels often come from:

  • Parental commentary (“If you didn’t have bad luck, you wouldn’t have any luck at all”)
  • Past failures or experiences
  • Social conditioning

• Question to listeners: “Can you finish the sentence for yourself: ‘I am the kind of person who…’? … Where did that belief come from?” – Patrick [16:33–17:48]

5. Transforming Limiting Beliefs

[24:54] Reframing beliefs:

• The power of adding the word “yet” to limiting beliefs (e.g., “I’m not good with money—yet”), opening up the possibility of growth.

  • Quote: “That magic three-lettered word—yet. It’s a powerful word.” – Patrick [24:55]

• Shift the self-talk to align with who you want to become, not who you have been.

• Awareness, questioning, and language as keys for change.

6. External Reinforcement and Memory Traps

• Stephanie notes the challenge of others being unable to accept changes in us; we remain “frozen” in their memory as who we once were.

  • “I have an aunt like that — who I am in her memory is … I will never be successful … she needs me to be that in her memory instead of me being able to evolve.” – Stephanie [21:15]

• Patrick counters: Ultimately, your own belief is what matters, not people's outdated perceptions.

7. Performance, Reflection, and Letting Go of the Past

[28:07] Discussion on retrospection vs. moving forward:

• Patrick recalls a successful CEO who claims he never looks back or reflects, only moves forward toward his goals.

  • Stephanie agrees this insight “clunks” for her, noting that being present enables better performance (e.g., Olympic athletes recalling every mistake vs. staying in the present moment).

• Stephanie warns about the difference between healthy reflection (to learn) and rumination (getting stuck in the past).

• Patrick: For high achievers, old “stories” don’t matter—they focus on action and what’s next. [34:11 onward]

8. Ultimate Mindset: Self-Belief & Independence from Opinion

[34:11] The “I Don’t Care” Factor:

• The most accomplished people don’t care about others’ opinions—they act from their own self-belief.

  • Example: Dana White’s unwavering self-confidence throughout his public life.
  • Quote: “There is no question that the most accomplished … have one fundamental … They do not give a shit what anybody else thinks.” – Patrick [34:11–34:56]

• Stephanie recounts teaching athletes “NGAS” (“nobody gives a shit”)—reminding them to focus on their own performance, not others’ expectations.

  • Quote: “Nobody gives a shit until you do. And when you care so much about what it is that you’re doing, you just don’t give a shit about what other people are doing or what they think about you. The freedom in that … is ginormous.” – Stephanie [36:14]

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Actionable Takeaways & Exercises

• Question Your Self-Beliefs:
  • “What belief about yourself have you been living inside for so long that you’ve stopped questioning whether it’s even true?” [37:06]
• Use the Power of ‘Yet’:
  • Add “yet” to limiting beliefs you catch yourself saying.
• Reframe Identity Statements:
  • Flip statements like “I am not good with money” to “I am learning to be better with money.”
• External Opinions Are Not Defining:
  • Remember: What others think or remember about you is none of your business.
• Reflection vs. Rumination:
  • Reflect just enough to extract lessons, then move forward—don’t get stuck analyzing or reliving the past.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [02:42] Patrick: “Beliefs are supposed to be tools that help us navigate a moment in time … Yet the moment we begin carrying those beliefs everywhere … they stop helping us and start slowing us down.”
• [07:36] Stephanie: “When your ideology becomes your identity and somebody challenges that, then they’re actually challenging your ego … people are defending their ideologies because they’ve conflated them into their identities.”
• [15:48] Patrick: “They’re not just observations … they’re actually identity statements. And that becomes … instructions to your brain.”
• [24:55] Patrick: “That magic three-lettered word—yet. It’s a powerful word.”
• [34:11] Patrick: “There is no question that the most accomplished … have one fundamental … They do not give a shit what anybody else thinks.”
• [36:14] Stephanie: “Nobody gives a shit until you do. And when you care so much about what it is that you’re doing, you just don’t give a shit about what other people are doing or what they think about you. The freedom in that … is ginormous.”
• [37:06] Patrick: “What belief about yourself have you been living inside for so long that you’ve stopped questioning whether it’s even true?”

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Key Timestamps

• 01:25 – The Raft Parable: Beliefs as tools vs. burdens
• 04:09 – Attaching to beliefs and “what-if-ness”
• 07:36 – Ideology becoming fused with identity
• 14:55 – “I’m the kind of person who…”: identity statements
• 24:54 – The power of “yet” for belief transformation
• 28:07 – Reflection vs. future-focus on achievement
• 34:11 – High performers and the power of not caring about public opinion
• 37:06 – The episode’s closing question for listeners

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Tone and Style

The episode is open, conversational, and occasionally humorous, with both Patrick and Stephanie swapping stories and insights as peers and partners. The tone remains practical and encouraging, challenging listeners to be honest with themselves while providing gentle guidance for personal growth.

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For Reflection

Take a moment to ask yourself:
What belief are you holding about yourself that might no longer be true? What could life look like if you set down that "raft"?

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Transcript

[Patrick Bet-David]

Foreign.

[Podcast Host]

Welcome to this episode of the Everyday Millionaire Mindset Matters podcast, where I'm joined by my wife, Olympic mental performance coach Stephanie Hanlon.

[Patrick Bet-David]

Francie.

[Podcast Host]

In these episodes, Stephanie and I have a conversation about the different aspects of what we refer to as Mindset Matters because we believe that for those who are awake, we are living in and through the most impactful time in history. Your view of the world is the filter for how you will experience the evolution and changing dynamics of it. Our intention is to provide you with ideas, nutritious food for thought, and some tools that you can use to help you in being your greatest self and living your best life. Listen in, enjoy.

[Patrick Bet-David]

Hey there, and welcome to the Everyday Millionaire Mindset Matters. Stephanie Kai Hunter. Okay, so we're going to unpack beliefs. Now, We've done a couple podcasts on hidden beliefs, but this is a little bit different than that. I mean, they can be hidden, and it is about beliefs, but it really is going a little bit deeper. I'm going to start with a little parable, like I like to do.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

Oh, surprise.

[Patrick Bet-David]

Oh, surprise. Just gives.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

I love when you do this. I love these.

[Patrick Bet-David]

Okay.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

We never know where you're going.

[Patrick Bet-David]

Me neither. Okay. This is titled the Raft. It's a parable about beliefs. Okay. So man was traveling through the wilderness and came to a wide river. The current was very strong, and there was a. And there was no bridge and no ferry. So to get across, he gathered a bunch of branches and he met a bunch of vines, and he built a small raft. Wasn't fancy, wasn't elegant, but it worked. And he crossed the river relatively dry, but more importantly, safely. Now, imagine what happens next. Instead of leaving the raft on the shark, he lifts it onto his back and he continues walking through the forest carrying this raft. So many miles later, someone stops him and asks him why he's carrying the raft. And the man replies, well, the raft saved my life, and I could never leave it behind. Now, the truth is obvious to anybody that is watching the man that the raft was useful for crossing the river, but it was never meant to be carried forever. And of course, this is how beliefs often function in our lives. They're supposed to be tools that help us navigate a moment in time. Perhaps they could provide a strategy, an idea or a framework that helps us cross a particular challenge. Yet the moment we begin carrying those beliefs everywhere, even when the landscape changes, they stop helping us and start slowing us down. So the big problem here, Stephanie, is when people continue carrying beliefs and it becomes who they are, it becomes their Beliefs around politics, economics, cultural beliefs, and it then becomes intertwined with their identity. And when someone questions the idea, it feels actually like they're questioning the person instead of examining the belief.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

Right.

[Patrick Bet-David]

And then people defend it and depending. And of course, you get into politics and it can get really loud, you know, get really confrontational, and do we really stop? So the idea around this is then looking at how much of our identity is attached to old beliefs or not opening up to the possibilities of putting the raft down and saying, do I really need to carry this with me? Is it really serving me? I don't have any more rivers to cross. I don't have those same challenges. So we hang on to that belief until it becomes. And then at risk of it becoming our identity, and we don't stop to consider that belief. So I just leave that out there for you. Do you want to kind of comment on that right away?

[Stephanie Hanlon]

Well, think about it. You know, what if there's another river? I might need that wrap. It's kind of like my 17,000 pairs of shoes, right? What if I get invited to another gala? What if I do a business meeting one day or if I decide to go back to the gym and work out? What if I need, like, it's the what if ness and the attachment to what worked and what served me and, and that historical identity and memory about how it did serve me. And I think about the guy walking through, you know, the. Whether it's the jungle or the forest, with this big raft on his back, almost hoping there's another river, but we're never sure. So what's interesting about that is to put down that particular raft, walk free for a while. And I bet if you need a raft because there's another river, another raft is going to show up or a better raft. And that's what I haven't learned about my shoes.

[Patrick Bet-David]

Well, I don't. I don't know that shoes are belief. I mean, that's, that's.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

They kind of are. They're attached to my identity and who I used to be. I'm totally, I'm. I'm just being totally transparent right now.

[Patrick Bet-David]

Okay, well, you're purging, right?

[Stephanie Hanlon]

I'm purging clothes and shoes. So I'm right in it.

[Patrick Bet-David]

So you're kind of, in a way, you are, in fact letting go of some old beliefs. You're trying on something new. So your shoe hoarderness belief that you might need them one day. That's right. That's very good.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

I've been invited to do something.

[Patrick Bet-David]

Okay, so the key here is to be able to look at your beliefs and say, what? What do I believe? And does it still serve me? How is it showing up in my life now? We've shared a story before, and this is something interesting that, you know, a staff member that I was working with many years ago and was coaching a little bit and kind of trying to figure out what the challenges were. And in that conversation, she had made the statement that her dad used to tell her when she was young, growing up, you know, if you didn't have any luck, if you didn't have bad luck, you wouldn't have any luck at all. So her whole narrative was around, if I, you know, I'm destined to have, you know, bad luck or bad things or not, so great things happen to me. That's a belief system. It's a story that we're telling ourselves that runs us. It's part of our operating system. You know, and they. And then we carry these kind of ideas, these judgments, and how the world works for us. And so how do we shift that? How do we look and see the patterns that we might have? Consider political beliefs, or again, economic or cultural beliefs, even think about cultural beliefs that really don't necessarily fit whatever environment you're in, yet you're hung up on that particular cultural belief because it is part of your identity. And so what happens in those cases, I think, is that when somebody challenges that belief, if you are not kind of evolved enough to say, oh, that's interesting. I'd never considered looking at it that way. You know, great leaders will often say, I used to believe, I used to think right. And I think strong. We'll call them thinkers or those who are kind of more evolved in their thought processes. You know, they're willing to look at that belief, realize that they're carrying it, and then more or as importantly, look and say, is that really. Have I made this part of my identity? Am I trapped in this belief system when it isn't even relevant anymore? You know, it's time to move on.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

Yeah, but then you have to be able to be say, well, what if I'm wrong? What if I need to move on? And in my experience, it's when an ideology, an ideology or an ideology, as Jordan Peter says, becomes your identity. And when somebody challenges your ideology and they're not just challenging your thought process or something that they, you know, maybe that's a critical thinking opportunity or a way to challenge or have a courageous conversation, but when your ideology becomes your identity, and somebody challenges that, then they're actually challenging your ego, they're challenging your identity. And I think that's what I'm seeing now is that people are defending their ideologies because they've conflated them into their identities. And that is so funny. That's what we were talking about the last couple of weeks in my Resilience speaking tour is the difference between identity and ideology. And those two have to be separated because if we're going to supplant our ideology and, and lead with it, then we have to defend it to the death. Because if we don't, you know, our egos, their job is to stay alive and to keep us safe, so they don't want to die.

[Patrick Bet-David]

You know, it's interesting is that it seems that the ideologies, the, you know, that has created a big part of the polarization, you know, the political ideologies that many of our politicians, you know, gaslight or spout off or stand in and, you know, we, you know, which, you know, they're. I don't know what their belief system is, but, you know, that their virtue signaling, you know, think about the belief systems that even run our world and the divisiveness that it creates because so many have attached their identity to it. You know, I certainly, when I look at my political beliefs, for example, I don't know that it's, I guess it's become a little bit of my identity. I mean, I can get pretty fired up about politics, but I also look at both sides of the equation. It's not like I'm buying into what any given political leader is saying. And then I look at the different parties and the different leaders and certainly I have a view of each of those. And you know, then there is the party, what we'll call it, their, their way of thinking. They're what they believe. You know, you look at an NDP as a very socialist liberal. We're supposed to be kind of social. Middle conservatives would have been, but we've lost all kind of, I don't know, I've lost a spectrum about what is middle, what is far left, what is far right. Everything has seemingly moved so far left. But again, that's a belief. But if you talk to somebody who's very, very liberal, they don't see it that way. You talk to somebody who's really woke, they don't see it that way. So I guess the question is, how do we evolve? How do we stop long enough to just ask ourselves the question? And that's one that was on the political side of it. But there's. There's the individual things, you know, that we have running, that we're operating on top to. So I got a bit of an exercise, but I want you to comment on all that first.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

Well, I think there's a place where we have to be willing to look at where we might be wrong. And I remember when we started this podcast six years ago almost now.

[Patrick Bet-David]

No, no, no, no. It hasn't been a long 20, 26, dude. Oh, my gosh.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

We're pushing 300 episodes. I know, it's crazy, right? Where is it?

[Patrick Bet-David]

Well, it's 300 episodes, so.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

Ish.

[Patrick Bet-David]

That's six years.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

Okay, okay. All right. Stop doing math in your head. I think the willingness, and this is what was so funny when we first started this podcast, was I wanted to be able to have a conversation, a discussion, maybe have a little bit of discernment and disagreement. And my theme back then was, well, what if I'm wrong? What if I'm wrong and I'm okay to be wrong? And I think when coming forward through all of this where you're. We were told to fight right or left or vax or non vax or you were forced into a little box. My theme of my life has always been, you know, they say, think outside the box. You see what box, what if there's no boxes? And that is really messed with people's heads because it doesn't give them an idea of where I stand. Because our ideologies give other people comfort or they give them a way to judge us, that we are other. And when you are other, you can then be minimized, you can be criticized, you can be labeled. And I think that's the other thing around ideology is that we get labeled or people label what they think they experienced. And what I've discovered over the years is that, you know, in my world and in the performance coaching world or. Or executive coaching, there's slices of time where we experience another person. So in some persons, in some people's experience, I'm amazing. You know, know, Stephanie's great. She's intuitive and spiritual and connected and others. She's a wing nut. She's a this, She's a conservative. She's a, you know, she's evil. Or like, we have just snippets and moments in time where we are somebody else in hundreds of people's memory. So what has to happen is we need to go internal and go, oh, oh, well, maybe that is that person's experience of me in that moment. And maybe I was a little bit more expressive about my conservative values, or maybe I was a little bit more expressive when I was on a spiritual path, when people thought I was a wingnet, you know, so in some ways I'm still the person in high school that had, you know, the sausage roll hairdo and the giant boobs and, you know, like. And had all these bizarre opinions. So I'm still.

[Patrick Bet-David]

You still have these all bizarre opinions.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

But ultimately, think about it. If we then run into somebody from high school or university or somebody we worked with 40 years ago, we are still that in their memory. It doesn't matter if we've grown and changed and we've dropped our egos and learned things and said, you know, I'm no longer this extremist on this. But they don't have that. So what's happened, I think, is the narrowing of perspective in the last five or six or 10 years where people need to put other people in boxes so that they feel secure.

[Patrick Bet-David]

So as much as we talk about, you know, okay, so we. We talked about politics and who we were and how people saw us as, you know, growing up, I mean, that's, you know, I'm. When we look at identity, I guess what I'm trying to get to and whatever I'm trying to say here is that this is. We have these belief systems and this is one was about political and cultural. But what about the belief systems we have about ourselves? A little bit deeper than that. Okay, so there's some food for thought that I wanted to put on the table here. As we work through this whole beliefs thing, right? And understanding, we have to ask ourselves the questions and maybe we don't. And I want to get to something. Don't let me forget about something else. Okay, hang on, I'll get to it.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

I'm going to help you with that.

[Patrick Bet-David]

I know. So we have these stories we tell ourselves, right? Belief systems, you know, so if you were to just kind of finish the sentence, you know, that along the line of I'm the kind of person who. Okay, I'm the kind of person who struggles. I don't know, I'm the kind of person who struggles with money. I'm the kind of person who can't speak in public. I'm the kind of person who always ends up doing everything myself. This weekend showed up that there was a couple people when I was at the event in Calgary working with some people in the audience. It was about trust. And one person literally said, I'm the kind of Person who just doesn't trust people easily, so he's labeled.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

Or she'd labeled herself. Themselves. The kind of person who.

[Patrick Bet-David]

Yes. So, you know, those simple statements, they seem pretty simple. We've all probably had them. You know, it was back in the day when I said, this is just the way I am. Right. We have these belief systems, but they're not just observations of ourselves. They're actually identity statements, the way I look at it. And that becomes, I think, you know, when you look into the psychology of it and when you research this particular topic, it actually, when you say that, those are instructions to your brain. Right. I don't.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

So your reticular activating system then filters everything out.

[Patrick Bet-David]

That's not that, because it will go to. Your mind, will now go to work proving that that sentence is true, defending it.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

Yep.

[Patrick Bet-David]

So do you have that. Can you finish that sentence for yourself? And I'm not saying you, Stephanie, but for our listener, you know, that one person that occasionally listens to the show. I am the kind of person, you know, I am the person who. And, you know, when you start to ask yourself that question and realize that these are, again, not observations or identity statements, we have to really be aware, be conscious of these kind of identity statements that we make. So the key here is that if you have that kind of a statement somewhere, it's just the way I am. You know, where did that come from? Where did that belief come from? Was it something you experienced? Was it something you failed at? So if you fail at something, you're going to have a story of, I'll never get good at that. I will never be able to do that. Was it something that a parent said? That's a big one. We've all, you know, had that. Where back to that young lady that said, you know, her dad said multiple times, it was the way he kind of framed things for her because she would. Something wouldn't go quite right. And maybe she made lots of mistakes, I don't know. But her dad felt compelled to let her know that if it wasn't for bad luck, you wouldn't have any at all.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

Yeah. Where did that come from in his life? Right. Like I think about, you know, shifting or changing that what it took for me to step outside of any type of that. Those limits and those belief systems and go, I'm the kind of person who lights up a room when I walk in. I'm the kind of person that grounds others and their purpose. I'm the kind of person. So it can be on the Other side too. Right. Like, but we have to consciously, consciously change those. Those thoughts and those belief systems, those patterns of behavior and habits. Is that I'm the kind of person who doesn't have to be, you know, is struggles with money or, you know.

[Patrick Bet-David]

No, no, but it could be. But it go back though. It could be. It could be the opposite that. Yeah, I'm the. I. It can be the polar opposite where you actually place yourself on a pedestal.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

Oh, right.

[Patrick Bet-David]

You could go to the other street. Yeah, right. So we have to think about that. It's somebody who thinks they're a great singer when they're really bad. I guess, like, it's something along that line. Yes. Like you. But, you know, I also think about also is that, you know, the number of guests I've had on the podcast, and I can't even count the number of times somebody will have a story about a teacher who told them they'll never amount to anything. They'll never accomplish this. They'll never be that. And they grow up with that. But they realize they unpack that belief and they go, fuck you, teacher. And they just, of course, they go on to do great things and then want to just push back to the teacher and go, okay, teacher. So there you go.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

Look at me now, dude.

[Patrick Bet-David]

Look at me now.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

Yeah.

[Patrick Bet-David]

So where do we get these beliefs from? And do we stop to even question those beliefs or do we fight for those beliefs? So maybe our significant other mentions something to us or a good friend says something or that maybe you have a good friend or a significant other and it's a sticky spot. It's a spot where I'm not even going to say anything to them because it's just going to cause a fight. Right. Because you're so stuck in that belief. And we all have probably had friends like that. I can't think of anybody right now that comes to the top of my mind. But how many times over your kind of. In your world of people that you've had is that you. There's certain things you don't say because, you know, their belief system is so strong, even though you don't agree with it yet, it's just not worth the argument.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

Well, which is really sad because when I think about it, I've been in situations where, let's say we've been having dinner with another couple or some people, and, you know, one of the people will be chatting about something and then the partner or the. The significant other interrupts and goes, yeah, yeah, you're not like that. This is what you're like or this is how you would respond, right? And I'd be like, wait, wait, what? You know, so we also, even in intimate relationships have experiences with our partners. Even if we're trying to grow or change or stretch out of a, a limiting belief or a habit that we know is limiting. And then we have somebody close to us to. No, no, you're not like that. This is what you're really like. And that's what I was saying about who we are in other people's memories. I've run into people from my past recently who have a really hard time with the fact that I'm a five time Olympic coach because back in the day when they knew me was a bit of a shit show and I couldn't get to class on time and you know, I was always getting speeding tickets and you know, so whatever I, who I was in their memory can't comprehend that I've grown and evolved and developed myself and my systems to the point where I could be a five time Olympic coach. It's really hard for people to believe because who I am in their memory, and I have an aunt like that, who I am in her memory is like, I will never be somebody special. I'll never be successful because who I was, she's known me the longest, for example, so I need to be that in her memory instead of me being able to evolve and relate and be a grownup and an adult and an equal or whatever or beyond. Because that, I think what happens is that if we change, then we are challenging the other person's either ability to change or, or their willingness to look at their own life differently.

[Patrick Bet-David]

Okay, well, okay, so that's interesting. You've kind of taken this down a rabbit hole because now. Yeah, we'll quit it. This is. Because this isn't about other people and their belief of you or anybody. That's it. I, I get where it can come to that, but what I want to, I want to stay more focused on our own belief systems, our own belief statements that we don't even know.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

Right, but where do you think they get reinforced, cowboy, is by other people referring to who they need us to be in their memory.

[Patrick Bet-David]

I don't know if I agree with that, but you're wrong. Yeah, that's my belief system. Right here is my belief. You're wrong. I'm right.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

Okay, go.

[Patrick Bet-David]

Okay. All I'm saying is you're going down a bit of a rabbit hole, I think. I don't disagree with that. But in the Context of this particular conversation. I'm talking about our own beliefs about ourselves that we then generate and it becomes our identity. You know, you don't hang out with those people enough anymore for them to have any other vision of you, any other identity of you. They haven't been hanging around with you to see how you speak these days and to hear your stories and what you've got going on. They're into an old story because they haven't been listening or they haven't been having conversation with you about what you've got going on. So that kind of fixes that part of the issue right there. I'm talking about the belief systems we have about ourselves. I'm not good with money. I'm a loser. I never win. I can never.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

I don't have any of those belief systems. That's you.

[Patrick Bet-David]

Okay, will you settle down?

[Stephanie Hanlon]

I think I'm amazing.

[Patrick Bet-David]

I am trying to. Okay, so there you go. There's a belief right there. I'm trying to do this as an illustration on a podcast, sweetheart. I don't walk around thinking I'm not good with money or I'm a loser. I, I don't think that way. And I have made those statements over the years, but I've also put in those corrections because I understand that's a belief system and there is something around that. So let's kind of wind this whole conversation down a little bit, get focused. And that is that when we talk about that belief. So, for example, use the one, I'm not good with money. We'll just use that one, I'm not good with money. We could flip that and say, is that, number one, where'd the belief come from? Always good. Number two is how can you restate it? And what we've learned and what is really powerful is that magic three lettered word, I'm not good with money. Go ahead.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

Yet.

[Patrick Bet-David]

Yet. It's a powerful word. So you can have a belief and you can actually say, I'm not good with. I'm not a good leader.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

Yet.

[Patrick Bet-David]

Yet. Right.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

If you want to be a good leader.

[Patrick Bet-David]

Yes, yes. If you want to be a good leader.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

Or you could just label yourself as not a good leader or not good with money and then build your identity around that. And then you'll never be good with money and you'll never be a good leader.

[Patrick Bet-David]

So maybe you don't want to do that. Maybe that's not a thing for you. Right?

[Stephanie Hanlon]

But don't let it be an excuse to not let your goals come to Fruition. That's what I bump up against with my clients, especially, you know, with the athletes and some of the executives I work with, is that they do have a very strong belief in their identity that got them here. And what got me here, you know, now I want to go to the next level. I want to be an Olympic gold medalist. Well, what got you to national championship or what's got you to the C suite isn't going to get you to, you know, owning the business. Like, there are some things that we have to unpack and break down around identity and chisel away. You had the. That example a couple podcasts ago about, about David, about Michelangelo. David was already in there. Right. And Michelangelo believed that he just had to chip away what wasn't David. Right. And that was the belief system. What I see sometimes is people are so in love with the story or the identity or the victim ness that even though they say they want something and they say they want to be bigger, better, bolder, they can't let go of that identity that keeps.

[Patrick Bet-David]

It's interesting, isn't it? Right. So the same individuals who are at a, an event wanting to be millionaires, but have a story and a belief system that says, I'm not good with money. Yeah, Right.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

Yeah.

[Patrick Bet-David]

There's a place where if you hang on to that belief, it's a way for you to hide behind the fact that you don't achieve it. So when you don't achieve it because you're either lazy or you're not really, it's not really your goal. Like, I can say, I'm not good at tennis, and I will never say I'm not good at tennis yet because I don't have a goal of wanting to be good at tennis. As an example. Right. So we have these beliefs. The point of it is that first off is we have these beliefs and we become aware of those beliefs now, and then we shift it. We ask, where does that belief come from? Is it really true? Who says it's true? And then how do we shift it so that we're aware of the language we're using so that we're not telling us or, you know, we're not telling ourselves as the example we're using I'm not good with money yet, which would imply that you want to one day be good at with money. I'm not a good speaker yet, which says, one day I'm going to be a good speaker. I want to be a good speaker. Now can I throw a. Just. We're going to Finish the podcast up here. But I listened to. In doing a bunch of research, I came across and I don't remember who it was. It was somebody, some big name, as in, like, I don't know, former CEO of Google or something like some. It was a big deal.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

Okay.

[Patrick Bet-David]

And he's being interviewed and his comment was. I don't do any. If this is the right word, retrospect, interesting. I don't give a shit. It doesn't matter. I don't think about my past. I don't think about why I'm the way I am. I just keep moving forward, doing what I need to do to get to and achieve the goals that I want to achieve. Zero.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

That's me.

[Patrick Bet-David]

Zero retrospection. What's your thoughts?

[Stephanie Hanlon]

I totally get it. Oh, my gosh. That just went clunk a little bit more because that really.

[Patrick Bet-David]

Is there a light bulb going on or.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the light. That's a massive light bulb moment for me.

[Patrick Bet-David]

Clunk or bing? You know, bing is me like, ah, bing, you know, not clunk.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

Yeah.

[Patrick Bet-David]

Kind of.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

Because it went down and like in my gut and up in my brain at the same time. It's like, oh, wow. You know, it's funny. I'll work with an athlete, a goaltender, for example. The ones that I have the hardest time shifting into the, into the power of now or moving them forward into whatever's next for them is they can remember every single goal they let in, every single play. They know what players were on the ice. And I'm like, how do you even remember? I can't remember what happened yesterday.

[Patrick Bet-David]

A hundred percent. I sat with. Go ahead.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

No, no.

[Patrick Bet-David]

Well, no, I, I along that line. Anyways, it doesn't really matter. Just a random story about two friends of mine who are great golfers, and I've gone for beers with them where they will play 18 holes without scorecards, and they'll remember each other's shots. Yeah. And they'll say, you know. You know I shot a four. No, you never remember. You came out of the bunker and da, da, da, da, da. And they get into this little debate. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, you're right. I'm going. You just remembered 36 holes of golf and how you got there. Like, it's. To me, it was like, wow. I have no. I don't know how they did that. I don't know if that's part of this conversation or not. The point is this individual. And then they named somebody else who had shared. I think it was on I don't know. A great podcast. But anyways, he shared with. Oh, he said, isn't that interesting you think that way. So does blah blah blah, another big name. The point is, is that when you think about the podcast, mindset matters and the work that we do, why do we bother? We should just tell everybody the same thing. You know, retrospection doesn't matter. Just move forward. What happened Yesterday, what happened five minutes ago, what happened 60 seconds ago matters not. We talk a lot about reflection, thinking about what you're thinking about. So I listened to and I went, wow, that's different.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

That's not rumination. I think people get caught up in rumination, and that's whole commitment to, oh, my gosh. And figuring it out and look underneath it and be the victim to the. That's not what I'm saying. Like, when we go to reflection or past or awareness, we go, okay, what can I bring forward to the moment so I can take the next smallest step in the direction of where I want to go? We're not, like, I'm not, you know, ruminating rumination. Like, that's ridiculous. And not the goalies, like, or. Or the athletes that can tell every single. Remember every single program and everything moment and what happened in this competition. There's a place where when you're fully, truly in the moment, it's impossible to remember.

[Patrick Bet-David]

Yeah.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

Those things. But it's when you're. When you're in the observer mode and you're in judgment and you're comparing yourself to what's going on that you then lock in, which I find exhausting and overwhelming. For me, it's easier to be in the moment and decide and move on and decide and move on, and then go back and pull the experience or pull the lesson forward without the rumination or without being able to. To. Because living in the past, I find is bucking, exhausting.

[Patrick Bet-David]

Yeah. Yeah. I've got nothing around that shit anymore. I don't. Yeah. That one is, for me, is so done. No past. So it's interesting though, right? Is that it landed as kind of cool. And then. And then I realize, even as I'm talking about it right now, what shows up for me around that is that is his belief system. Yes. He has a strong belief. I don't need to. It doesn't matter what happened in the past. It doesn't define what I'm doing next. And that was what was kind of some of the takeaways I get from it. So anyways, I just share that with you because that in itself is a very strong belief. It is his identity. And you have to give credit when you think about what this particular individual. I wish I remembered who it was, but I just know that he is very accomplished. He's very. Had a lot of things in his life. He's probably 60ish and, you know, built big businesses and all the stuff that he's done. Right. Has an amazing life and has done some really cool things. But the point is, all I'm worried about is what I'm doing next. Yeah. And I went, wow, what an interesting thought process. Which comes.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

How narrow the thought process is. Because when you think about we going from the macro about everything filtering in and other people's judgments and the politics and all this stuff, like, think about that. We started with that conversation, like, how cool is it to go to a micro stage where you can focus on your next right action, step in the direction of your own goal, regardless of the noise and the, and the feedback and the input and the judgment and the historical bullshit that's going on in your head like, oh my gosh, there's enough going on in the world right now to. To judge ourselves for the mistakes that we made in the past or the perceived mistakes or whatever. So I do get it. And I am a little bit like that because I would. I. There's things that, I mean, I have a great memory, as you know, but I don't live in the past. And I think that's one of the paradoxes that I've really been able to. I call it the champions paradox, where, where you can actually hold two or three different things at the same time to be true. And one of the things that I believe is that I can pull forward, live in the moment, and then commit to my next right. Step in the direction of where I want to go. And when you do that, I mean, it brings me back to clarity equals velocity, you know.

[Patrick Bet-David]

You know, it's interesting to watch some of the more public figures that are very successful and I, and I. My observation of almost, you know, going on 10 years of the podcast the Everyday Millionaire and speaking with so many very, very accomplished individuals and then observing that is that there is no question that the most accomplished, I mean, the uber accomplished that we know and that I've interviewed all the rest of it, they have one fundamental. And they do not give a shit what anybody else thinks. They just don't care. And so as much as we refine and we work on ourselves and we try and be better leaders and we try and do they come out of the chute going, they don't care and they are who they are.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

Step over that. It's not that they don't, they don't give it. They just don't give a shit what other people think.

[Patrick Bet-David]

They don't care what other people think. Right.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

They just care about what they're doing

[Patrick Bet-David]

and they don't care about what people think of them because the people who align with them will line up with them. And I'm thinking about Dana White as an example. And they were showing a video of Dana White when he was much younger and doing what he was doing. And, and I think it was Patrick bet David actually showed it. And they go, do you think, you know, they. So they showed a clip of Dana being Dana in kind of currently, and he's big and boisterous and kind of very assertive, if you will. And then they show apart when he was much younger. He's the same guy just at a different level, you know what I'm saying? So in other words, it's just always who he is. He came out of the chute that way. I'm just using him as an example because he's a. He's a very public figure and so many would have probably run across him at some point. But that's the key about all of that is they don't care. And it's an interesting thing. So whatever their belief is, their belief is I don't give a shit what anybody else thinks. That's it.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

But they. What's cool about that is they must have a really deep sense of self belief and what it is that they're doing.

[Patrick Bet-David]

Huge. Has to be. Has to be, has to be.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

I do with the athletes. I do an exercise called ngas. Go ahead, nga. Nobody gives a, ah. Think about being in a performance sport. Everybody's there having their own experience and yet the athletes are out there thinking that they're going to actually do something that people are going to give a about. And then when I flip it and I go, nobody gives a until you do. And when you care so much about what it is that you're doing, you just don't give a. About what other people are doing or what they think about you. The freedom in that and the performance and the ability to step into the what's next is ginormous.

[Patrick Bet-David]

So there's a belief that what people think of me matters. Well, it does.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

Well, what people think about me is really none of my business. That's what my mom, My mom always said that.

[Patrick Bet-David]

So the question that we leave everybody with today is what belief about yourself have you been living inside for so long that you've stopped questioning whether it's even true?

[Stephanie Hanlon]

That's genius. And think about all the new information and the feedback and the data that we're getting, yet we still decide that there's something that we believe about ourselves that's so true that maybe isn't even true anymore.

[Patrick Bet-David]

And that's it. Thanks for listening. We'll be back.

[Stephanie Hanlon]

That was fun.

[Podcast Host]

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[Patrick Bet-David]

Share with your friends as it is

[Podcast Host]

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[Patrick Bet-David]

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[Podcast Host]

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[Patrick Bet-David]

Patrick, go.