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What if the same habits you do every day at work, at home, or in your relationships could also make your style better? Chances are you're already doing at least some of what we're talking about today without even thinking about it. But when you apply these four habits to shopping or getting dressed, they can have big results. I'm a fan of working smarter, not harder. So today we're talking about how to intentionally use the things you're already doing to improve your style. Let's get started. Welcome to the Everyday Style School, the show that teaches you everything your mom never did about getting dressed. I'm your host, Jennifer McUmary. After 25 years of dressing women with real bodies, real budgets, and real lives, I know great style isn't about following one size fits all advice. It's about learning what works for you. Hello, gorgeous. Another spring season episode, another conversation about habits. But this time we are not talking about the habit of dressing well, which hopefully you've been practicing all season long. And we're not talking about things like planning your outfits for the week or adding an accessory or turning around all your hangers so you know what you wore that year. Those are style related habits. And yes, good style habits are important. But outside of our closets, there are so many things we do on autopilot that can be used to make style easier and better if we use them intentionally. I'm realizing that I made a bold claim in the opening that you're probably doing most of these things already and if you are, great, that is wonderful. But some of these life habits may not be things that you're practicing regularly. And if that's the case, well, you can just consider today a free side of life coaching with your style advice. You're welcome. Let's just get to it, shall we? Here we go. The first non style habit that will improve your style is loving solutions more than you love problems. I know that sounds a little bit crazy, like who loves problems, right? But as a lifelong advice giver, I can tell you a lot of people do. A lot of people love their problems and seek to protect them at all costs. I want to explain what I mean. Over the years, I have given a ton of advice and help people work through all kinds of problems. Like style problems. Yes, obviously. But I've been in group programs for my business and I've talked about relationships or parenting with family and friends, whatever. You know, just doing what you do in life. Here's what I've noticed. There are two scenarios when someone has a challenge. One is that someone really wants a solution, and they are willing to listen and to try things to solve the problem. Not necessarily take advice blindly without thinking it through, but there's an openness, and you can really tell they. They want to get past the problem. Right. The other scenario, though, is people who present their problems as though they want to fix them, but they really don't. It becomes clear very quickly that they're not ready to let go of it or try anything new to solve it. Every single suggestion is met with resistance. And I call these people yabbits, and I can't wait to see what our auto transcription service does with the word yabbit. But here's how this goes. Let's say a friend says to me, you know, I really need to exercise more, but I just don't know how to fit it into my day. I might say, well, could you go to the gym in the morning? And she'd say, well, yeah, but I. I go to bed late and it's tough to get up earlier. And I'd say, okay, girl, I get it. But what about going to bed 30 minutes earlier? Yeah, but that's my only time to decompress by myself. Well, okay, well, what about lunchtime? You work from home, so, you know, you could just take a little break. Yeah, but I get dressed in the morning, and I don't want to change at lunch. Okay, well, could you wear, like, a nice athleisure outfit a couple of days a week so that you don't have to change? Yeah, but I don't want to buy more clothes just so I can work out. You see where I'm going with this, right? No matter what solution they are offered, it's probably going to be met with yubit, which to me is a sign that someone really isn't ready to let go of the problem. And at that point, I just stopped trying to help because it's just wasting my breath and my energy. And then both of us are going to be frustrated, and there's no point in that, right? And this is not to say that you have to love or follow every solution someone proposes, because let's just be honest, some advice just sucks. I remember years ago, in the early weeks of COVID I was in a group program for women business owners, and we were having a really good discussion about changing our models and our products to meet our customers where they were at. Which that's a great conversation to be having at that moment. But one of the women in the group said to me, I have a great idea for you. You know what you should do? You should design dog collars and leashes because everyone is walking their dogs a lot more now. I could have yabited that idea for days because it wasn't good advice. I don't design or manufacture anything and I, I don't work with animals. But all I said was, oh, wow, yeah, that's a really interesting idea. Thanks. And we moved on. Point being, just because you get advice doesn't mean you have to take it. But when you are shutting down every good, practical, realistic solution from someone you consider to be a fairly wise or a fairly smart person, it's a good sign that something else is going on and you may not be ready to let go of the problem. And it's usually one of two things happening. First, you're looking for one perfect solution, and. And you don't want to change anything you're currently doing to get that solution. You will only trade your problem for a solution that is easy, comfortable, and solves everything perfectly. The problem is that solution usually doesn't exist. If it did, you'd already be doing it. You're a smart person. I hear a lot from women who have tricky feet, as I like to call them, and their problem is that they can't find cute shoes. I struggle with the same thing, so I get it. But often they don't want to try different brands. They don't want to order a bunch online and send back most of them. They don't want to pull out the standard insoles and add their own. They don't want to spend more money. You name it. There's a yeah, but answer for every single suggestion. What they really want is cute shoes that look like everyone else's, that work for their specific brand of tricky feet, or without any customization, or without ordering 20 pairs from Zappos to find two that work. Oh, and they don't want to pay a lot for those magical shoes either. Again, I get that desire. That would be lovely. But that solution simply doesn't exist. And often, when we're faced with the lack of one singular perfect solution, we convince ourselves that the problem isn't solvable, when really it's just not perfectly, easily solvable in a way that requires no effort or change. And that is not the same thing. It is solvable, just not as easily as you'd like it to be. The other reason for yabbing goes deeper and it's that your problem is protecting you from something. It's keeping you safe. And I will use myself as an example Here. Many, many, many years ago, when I started this business, I got invited to do a speaking engagement that was way outside of my comfort zone. And I was super excited to do it, but I literally had nothing to wear. Because if you remember, I started this when my baby was a year old, which means that my body and my wardrobe were in that postpartum flux. And I was just not feeling great about myself. So I went to Nordstrom for help. And the woman looking back brought me some wonderful things. But I yabited on that woman so hard. A pretty sweater. Yeah, but that's too fitted. A dress. Yeah, but that print's a little busy. A pretty blouse. Yeah, but that neckline isn't right. I was unwilling to even try anything on because deep down, I was uncomfortable being seen. I didn't want anything that showed my shape or drew attention to me. I was perfectly capable of helping others one on one. But I was so uncomfortable being on display like that. If that sweet woman who, by the way, if you're listening, 14 years later, I am so, so, so, so sorry. If she had brought me an oversized trash bag that covered me from neck to toe, I probably would have been like, yes. That is amazing. That's exactly what I was looking for. That's what I wanted. I wanted to hide. And solving the problem made me feel too vulnerable. So I found fault with all of the solutions. The first step to loving solutions more than you love the problem, whether it's for your style or just your life in general, is to train yourself to be aware of when you're yabbing. Just listen for it. I caught myself doing it a couple of weeks ago. I don't even remember what it was about, and it just happens. But when you catch yourself doing it, ask yourself, what would the perfect solution be? Or what am I looking for in this moment? You might realize that you're looking for that one and done solution that doesn't actually exist. Or you might realize that there is no solution that will solve the problem because the problem goes deeper than any proposed solution could actually do. Right? Right. Then I want you to ask yourself this question. And this is my favorite question in the entire world. It solves pretty much everything. You ready? What are you willing to do? That's it. What are you willing to do? If you're not willing to try 20 pairs of shoes from Zappos or spend $200 on the perfect pair of shoes, Fine, great. You don't have to. But what are you willing to do? Because the truth is, any problem can only be solved to the degree of what you're willing to do. If you're not willing to spend extra money on the right shoes or extra time looking for brands that work, or extra energy ordering and returning, then the problem probably won't be solved. Going back to my Nordstrom fitting room, I probably would have been willing to put on something less body conscious or less bold. Something that felt closer to what I was comfortable in. And if I had had those words that day, I probably would have had a better result. But I didn't. I just got defensive and convinced myself that my choices were either feel self conscious and exposed on stage or have nothing to wear. But there is always something you can do if you're willing to be open and get to what the real problem is. When people are giving you advice or solutions, they're not all going to be perfect for you. But instead of focusing on why they can't work, look for what you can take from each one. Even the ridiculous suggestion of me designing dog collars had some merit. She was right. People were walking their dogs a whole lot more. So I did some social posts and a couple of emails about cute sneakers and good dog walking outfits that people loved and it was perfect for what they needed right then. And in that fitting room 14 years ago, instead of shutting down blouses completely, I could have said, you know what, I feel really good in blouses but I like a higher neckline. That is loving a solution more than loving a problem and it is the only way to truly make progress. The second non style habit that will actually improve your style is be curious. If you notice the first step to solving the yabot cycle is was to simply notice yourself doing it right. But the next steps were all about asking yourself questions. What would the perfect solution be? What am I looking for right now and what am I willing to do? Those are all part of being curious. I think curiosity is one of the most important life skills or life habits, whatever you want to call it, that there is. Curiosity is linked to increased intelligence and success, improved relationships and emotional intelligence, higher creativity and resilience. I could go on and on and on about the benefits of curiosity, but what I really want to talk about is what happens when we stop being curious. Studies show that natural raw curiosity starts to really decline in our mid-20s. And unless you cultivate the habit of being curious for life, here's what can happen. Your thinking hardens and becomes less flexible, you become more defensive, you lose creative energy, problems feel bigger and heavier and you stop evolving. And hopefully with that list, you can see the connection between the importance of curiosity and your style. Because when your thinking is less flexible, instead of saying, huh, that's interesting, when you see a new trend, you automatically go, g, that's stupid. Who would wear that? Instead of saying, oh, you know, this rise isn't great for me. You get defensive and say, I, I have a weird body. Nothing works for me. The problems that we talked about in habit number one, those feel unsolvable, and you stop trying new things, and eventually you find yourself in a style rut with a dated wardrobe that is a result of not being curious anymore. Curiosity is so important when it comes to style, and one of the best ways to use it is when you try something that doesn't work. Most women try on something in a store or put an outfit together at home, and if it doesn't look quite right, they go, nope, not for me. And that's the end of it. Curiosity, though, would say, why doesn't this work? What don't I like about it? What would need to change to make this successful? In that first scenario, you gain nothing. You have no more information to help you make the next decision or try on that next piece or make that next outfit. It's all just trial and error and starting from scratch. But when you get curious and you say, okay, what? What don't I like about this? Okay, I don't like the way my legs look in this dress or I feel boxy in this outfit, even if you don't know how to solve it, you're bringing awareness to what the issue is. And I think a lot of women don't ask the questions because they don't have the solution. But if you find yourself saying I feel boxy in this outfit over and over and over, you discover a pattern. It's a problem, and you can solve that. Now, I know how you can solve it. But you can also just Google how not to look boxy in clothes. There you go. Solutions are so much easier when you know what the problem is. But if you never get curious about it, you just assume it's you. It works the other way, too. When you find a piece you love or an outfit that makes you feel like a million bucks, ask yourself, what? Why? What is working well? What is different about this particular piece or this outfit than other similar things that don't make me feel this good? Last season, I did an episode on Personal Style Fundamentals, and one of them is knowing your must haves. Right? But you can't know those things unless you get curious about why you love the things you love. I mean, I guess that your must haves can simply be the swatches on a color card or or the necklines you're supposed to wear for your body shape. But those are really poor substitutes for knowing what you love. You not everyone with the same coloring or the same body shape. You when you know why you like what you like, you can recreate it. And when you know why you don't like what you don't like, you can avoid it. But you only discover those things when you get curious. The third non style habit you can use to improve your style is consume information intentionally. Do you ever think about how much information or how much content we consume every single day? It's crazy, right? It is wild. It's coming at us all the time. You are doing it right now. I put gas in my car the other day and the pump wouldn't start until a commercial on the screen was done playing like we cannot avoid content and information coming at us all the time. We consume so much information that most of it just goes in one ear and out the other. And it's not because we're dumb or we're lazy. It's just because we are overwhelmed with the sheer volume of all the things we're supposed to be taking in. And passively consuming information is fine for some things. I don't remember what the gas pump commercial was for. It doesn't matter. I listen to music mindlessly while I'm working and some podcasts I listen to just in the background, right? I scroll Instagram Reels or TikTok just for entertainment. I'm not trying to get something out of them, so it's not really a big deal. But the problem happens when we consume all information that way when that happens, we miss a lot of stuff. And unfortunately, I think skimming the surface has become our default setting most of the time unless we are aware of it and we actively do something different. There is a meme that cracks me up every time I see it. Maybe you've seen this one and it's basically a Facebook post from a woman selling pies and she says something like I have apple, cherry and blueberry. They're $10 each and I accept cash and Venmo. You can pick them up on Thursday after 5pm and then below it it shows the comments and the comments are like, what kind of pies do you have? How much are your pies? Do you accept credit cards? Do you deliver? What day are they available? And if you have ever been In a position where you've had to communicate anything to anyone. You know why this is so funny to me? It's like the information is all right there. Pie lady did a really great job of communicating, but our skimming brains just gloss over all of it. And I find myself being guilty of this too. And I'm trying so hard to slow down. And before I just like hit reply to ask a question, I reread a post or I reread the email to see if the answer is actually right there. And you know what? Most of the time it is. It's my fault. I did it. But that is the difference between mindlessly consuming information and consuming it intentionally. When you consume with intention, you. You are way more likely to get what you need out of it. And there are a few ways to apply this habit to your style. So let's talk about them. The first one is to consume information through the lens of what you're trying to get out of it. Like the pie lady, right? Another example is this is something I talk about all the time. Read online clothing reviews like a detective, looking for clues that help you to know if something is right for you. If I look at a pair of pants and it has nothing but five star reviews, I might go, wow, great, that's perfect. Pant. That's a winner. Sign me up. But then if I read the reviews and they say things like these are the first pants that don't give me the gap in the back, or these pants are great for my curvy hips, those are not five star pants for me. I need the reviews to say, these pants gave me the biggest gap in the back ever. I know that's a good pair of pants for me. If you tend to run hot, do the reviews of a sweater all say, this sweater kept me so cozy even during the coldest winter days? If they do, it's not for you. Another way is to seek out information that will help you instead of just consuming whatever you're offered. Let's take scrolling social media. You probably follow some style influencers, right? But have you actively sought out influencers who who are your age or have your shape, or have your lifestyle, or have your ideal style? That woman who travels all the time and goes to fancy restaurants every single week, she might have some really great outfits and you might be really inspired by it. But if your life doesn't look anything like hers, does it really help you? Every now and then I will have people say something to me like, oh, everyone's wearing such and such and it's not in the capsule guide. And I'll be like, well, really, I'm. I'm not seeing that. So I'll ask them, like, who are you following? Where are you seeing this? And it'll always be like, oh, my college daughter and her friends. Well, yeah, so that's not a trend that I missed. It's just a trend that doesn't apply to my women. I'm looking for things. I'm actively seeking out things that apply to the women that I serve, which is how we can help women look current without feeling like they're trying too hard instead of just looking at everything as though it's all the same. I'm actively specifically looking for information. The last way to use this habit is to train yourself to look for nuggets of wisdom. And this one really applies to long form content like a podcast or a YouTube video or even a course. Getting information from the Internet can feel a bit like drinking water from a fire hydrant. You're thirsty and you just want a little drink, but you end up being waterboarded instead. It's just coming at you and it's overwhelming and it can actually leave you feeling worse off than you were before. So something that I do when I go to a conference or I listen to a podcast, whatever, is I train myself to listen for nuggets of wisdom. And what I mean by that is when I listen to a podcast about business or finance or mindset, whatever, I don't expect myself to retain all of it. I just tell myself to find three nuggets of wisdom or three takeaways that I will actually do. What this does is, first, it reduces the overwhelm. It lets you off the hook. And you don't feel like you have to do everything that that expert says. Nope, just find three little nuggets that can help you. That seems a whole lot more doable. Right. The other thing it does is that it sharpens your listening. When you go into something intending to consume all of it equally, your mind tends to drift off and all of a sudden you don't remember any of it. But when you say, I'm just looking for three nuggets of wisdom, you sharpen your listening and you end up getting way more than three nuggets because you were tuned in. Think about how many podcasts, how many YouTube videos, if you're a Style Circle member, how many classes you could consume in a week or even a day. It's completely overwhelming. And you'd end up with so many more ideas than you could ever realistically do. It all just becomes like, oh, nice thoughts that don't go anywhere. And when that happens, you feel defeated and you feel like nothing works. I'm learning all this stuff, but I'm not. Nothing's changing. But when you set a goal to find three, or heck, even find one thing you could and will actually do, you're gonna make progress. Maybe you've noticed that when I give you homework, I tell you to pick one or two things that is intentional idea, overwhelm and big plans. Those don't do anything for you if you don't do them. Small actions that makes a big difference in this day and age, though. You have to filter the tsunami of information that's coming at you all the time to choose the actions and ideas that will help you the most. All right. Our last non style habit that will actually improve your style is giving compliments. I love giving compliments. I really do. I think as humans, this is one of the kindest gifts we can give to people and it's completely free. So I try to be generous with compliments and you never ever know how much your words might mean to someone. I was in Target when my youngest was a toddler and I was getting her an icy in the little snack bar, mainly because I'm a lazy bedmother who just wanted to buy cleaning supplies in peace, so don't judge me. But there was a woman sitting in there with a red suit on, complete with like a big, dramatic church hat. I don't know how else to describe it. Church hat and heels. She absolutely stood out on a weekday morning in my suburban Target. But I walked over and I said, oh, my gosh, you look fabulous. Red is definitely your color. And this woman started to cry and she told me there is no way I could have known how much she needed that. Then she told me that she had lost almost everything in a house fire and she was so tired of wearing clothes that other people had given her, she just wanted to have her things back. So she went and bought one outfit that made her happy and this was it. And I think, I think a couple of things, but first of all, I think that's a real testament to. To the power of clothing, right? And what they mean to us and what they can do for us, which is really what I love about clothes. But it is also a testament to the power of kind words. You never know who needs to hear something nice. So give nice words to everyone. Now maybe you're like, well, cool story, Jen, but how does that help me improve my style? Great question. Let me tell you. When you make a habit of complimenting people, when what you're also doing is training your eyes to notice things, one of the best ways to improve your style, and I say this all the time, is to people watch. But when you are on a mission to give compliments, you dial it in even more and actively, intentionally look for things. And that's where you start to find all kinds of real life inspo. But to make giving compliments super effective as a style boosting strategy, your compliment needs two things. First of all, it has to be genuine. Let's be honest, that target woman's outfit was not my style. I am not dressy and dramatic or over the top. So I didn't say to her, oh my gosh, I love your outfit. Where did you get it? That would have not been sincere. But you don't need to want someone's style to recognize that they look fabulous. And, and red absolutely was stunning on her. So that's what I told her. Sometimes you're going to see things you like and that's great, but you're also going to start to recognize good style that isn't yours. And that's important too. One of the things I love to hear our members say is that now they can recognize pieces or outfits they love but that aren't their style. That's actually really insightful because it means that that your own sense of style is getting clearer. So when you're giving compliments, remember that you don't have to love something or want to wear it to recognize what's working. That's the part that makes giving compliments go from being just a nice thing to do to a nice thing that helps you too. Insincere compliments, they don't teach you anything. Oh, you look pretty. What does that mean? Means nothing. So be sincere. The second requirement for a good compliment is that it needs to be specific. Red is stunning on you, is a much better compliment than you look nice. And bonus, it trains you to notice colors on people, which sharpens your color skills. See how that works? I love how you mixed patterns in your outfit is better than I like your outfit. And it gives you ideas on how to mix patterns. Specific compliments mean that you are really looking and really noticing things. And that's how you learn. I like your top doesn't require anything on your part. That neckline looks great on you. It really highlights your shoulders, requires you to see what necklines do, which is a very good thing to know now one thing worth mentioning, and I know you are all wonderful, kind, loving people, so I don't have to say it, but I'm going to anyway, is that we do not do insults disguised as compliments. Right? Because we're not jerks. Good. I'm glad we're on the same page saying something like, wow, that dress looks great on you. The print really minimizes your tummy. That might be genuine and specific, but it's actually not very kind and it's not going to make someone's day. So don't do that. You can just say, wow, that dress looks amazing on you. I love the print. Even if you notice the tummy minimizing effects, just keep that part to yourself. I think about giving compliments this way. You know how elementary school teachers will say to the kids, turn your listening ears on. And all the kids make the little turn their ear motions on, right? Giving compliments is like turning your seeing eyes on. And once you turn your seeing eyes on, you're going to notice all kinds of things and find style lessons and inspiration in places that you never thought of, like the grocery store or out on a walk. There is so much to be learned from the people around you. You just have to notice it and you get to make people happy in the meantime, which sounds like a win win to me. Before we get to the homework, let's quickly recap. Here's what I want you to take away from this episode. Improving your style doesn't have to mean learning new things and creating new habits all the time. There are lots of habits that you are hopefully already doing that can be applied to your style as well, as long as you do it intentionally. These include, number one, love solutions more than you love problems. Or as I like to say, stop being a yabbit. Number two, be curious. Channel your inner four year old and ask why. Number three, consume information intentionally. The information age is great, but unless you're intentional, you can end up overwhelmed and no better off. Finally, number four, Give compliments Specific, genuine compliments. Not only will you make the world a better place, you'll hone your style skills in the process for the homework. Normally I tell you to pick what you want to do, but this time I'm going to let you pick one and I'm going to pick the other. The one I want you to do is give genuine, specific style related compliments. Challenge yourself to give at least one a day. See how many people you can make smile this week. The other one totally up to you. Do whatever you think will help you most. If you feel like you are struggling with style and and you have some specific challenges, practice not being a yabbit. Go ask someone for advice and just take it in. You don't have to follow all the advice, just practice not yabbating. If you feel like every outfit or every purchase is a shot in the dark and you're like less successful than you'd like to be, practice the habit of curiosity every single day. When you get dressed, ask yourself what's working? What's not working? What would make this outfit better? Finally, if you find yourself consuming a ton of information but you don't feel like it's really doing anything for you, practice intentionality. Look for influencers who are your age or your shape. Read reviews before you buy things and find the nuggets when you're watching or listening to things. Over time, you're going to find that these simple habits add up to a big effect on your style. That is it for this episode of the Everyday Style School. Thank you for spending time with me today. If you are ready for easier, better style, come take my free workshop Style Made simple, where you'll discover why style has felt so hard and how to make it easier for life. And you can sign up@freestyleclass.com or you can go to the link in the show notes. I will see you next time. And until then, stay stylish.