The Everyday Style School: Episode Summary
Title: Playing Big with Tara Moore
Host: Jennifer Mackey Mary
Guest: Tara Moore
Release Date: November 7, 2024
Introduction and Background
In this inspiring episode of The Everyday Style School, host Jennifer Mackey Mary welcomes Tara Moore, the acclaimed author of Playing Big. Jennifer shares her personal journey with Tara’s book, highlighting its profound impact during a challenging period in her career. She emphasizes the parallel between playing small in professional settings and in personal lives, setting the stage for a deep conversation on overcoming self-doubt.
“Changing your playing small ways is an ongoing journey, not a linear task.” — Jennifer Mackey Mary [00:01]
The Concept of Playing Big vs. Playing Small
Tara Moore introduces the core concept of her work: the distinction between playing small and playing big. Playing small involves self-limiting behaviors fueled by doubt and fear, while playing big is about staying loyal to one’s dreams despite those fears.
“Playing big is being more loyal to your dreams than to your fears.” — Jennifer Mackey Mary [64:24]
She elaborates that playing big isn't about conforming to societal definitions of success but about pursuing what genuinely resonates with one’s inner self.
The Inner Critic vs. Inner Mentor
A significant portion of the discussion centers on the interplay between the inner critic and the inner mentor. Tara explains that the inner critic is a pervasive, verbal voice rooted in fear and survival instincts, often overriding our ability to act confidently.
“The inner critic is like an intruder, saying, ‘Why you’re not prepared enough,’ which hinders your ability to share your unique point of view.” — Jennifer Mackey Mary [10:20]
Conversely, the inner mentor is envisioned as a wise, calm elder within us that offers guidance and support. Tara introduces a guided visualization exercise from her book to help women connect with their inner mentor.
“The inner mentor is like the wise, calm elder within us. She doesn't intrude; she waits to be invited into the conversation.” — Jennifer Mackey Mary [13:29]
Overcoming Self-Doubt
Tara and Jennifer delve into strategies for managing and overcoming self-doubt. They discuss practical methods such as recognizing inner critic thoughts, pausing to acknowledge them, and consulting the inner mentor for a more balanced perspective.
“What are the muscles and the skills that we can use in the moment to choose a different path?” — Jennifer Mackey Mary [07:32]
Tara shares her own experience of initiating contact with Jennifer, highlighting the importance of taking action despite self-imposed limitations.
“I thought, wait a minute, what if I just hadn’t spoken up? What if I just hadn’t had that moment where I just shot my shot?” — Tara Moore [05:51]
Impact on Personal Relationships and Parenting
The conversation transitions to how playing big or small influences relationships and parenting. Tara discusses the challenges of nurturing daughters in an environment where inner critics are prevalent, emphasizing the importance of modeling confidence and encouraging open conversations about self-doubt.
“Have you ever seen mom go, ‘I was just feeling so nervous about that, and I was feeling like I couldn’t do it’?” — Jennifer Mackey Mary [31:18]
They explore how dismissing the inner critic with simple reassurances isn’t effective and advocate for a more nuanced approach that educates and normalizes the experience of self-doubt.
Intersection with Style and Clothing
Given the podcast’s focus on style, Tara and Jennifer explore how clothing choices can reflect and influence the journey of playing big. They discuss how fashion can serve as a form of armor, boosting confidence and expression.
“What my hope would have been is that that is fading as women age and they're sort of coming into their own. It's just as strong, if not stronger.” — Jennifer Mackey Mary [60:33]
Jennifer shares insights on how her own wardrobe choices align with her inner mentor, promoting authentic self-expression over conforming to external expectations.
Practical Steps to Play Bigger
Towards the end of the episode, Tara provides actionable steps for listeners to start playing bigger in their lives. These include:
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Language Adjustment: Eliminate diminishing phrases in speech and writing to project confidence.
“We tend to use these diminishing speech habits, like saying, ‘I just have a thought,’ or ‘I just have a question.’” — Jennifer Mackey Mary [41:14]
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Connecting with the Inner Mentor: Engage in activities that reflect the inner mentor’s preferences, such as adopting her routines or style choices.
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Reframing Self-Assessment: Shift focus from constant self-evaluation to living based on experiences and values.
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Utilizing Clothing as Expression: Use wardrobe choices to embody the desired self, acting as a tangible representation of playing big.
“The most practical solution is that yes, we do need to show that we're warm and likable as women, but in positive ways, not self-diminishing ways.” — Jennifer Mackey Mary [44:09]
Key Takeaways
- Playing Big: Prioritizing dreams over fears leads to genuine personal and professional growth.
- Inner Voices: Balancing the inner critic with the inner mentor fosters a healthier self-perception and decision-making process.
- Style as Expression: Clothing can be a powerful tool for building confidence and expressing one’s true self.
- Practical Changes: Simple adjustments in language and wardrobe can significantly impact how women present themselves and pursue their goals.
“Playing big is being more loyal to your dreams than to your fears.” — Jennifer Mackey Mary [64:24]
Conclusion
The episode concludes with Jennifer encouraging listeners to take actionable steps towards playing bigger, whether through wardrobe choices or personal interactions. She highlights the importance of small changes accumulating into significant shifts in confidence and self-expression.
“Every single week, tens of thousands of women listen to this show. Can you imagine what would happen if we all played a little bit bigger?” — Jennifer Mackey Mary [67:43]
Listeners are invited to connect with Tara Moore and explore her resources, emphasizing the collective impact of empowered women supporting each other to live authentically and boldly.
Notable Quotes with Timestamps:
- “Changing your playing small ways is an ongoing journey, not a linear task.” — Jennifer Mackey Mary [00:01]
- “Playing big is being more loyal to your dreams than to your fears.” — Jennifer Mackey Mary [64:24]
- “The inner critic is like an intruder, saying, ‘Why you’re not prepared enough,’ which hinders your ability to share your unique point of view.” — Jennifer Mackey Mary [10:20]
- “We tend to use these diminishing speech habits, like saying, ‘I just have a thought,’ or ‘I just have a question.’” — Jennifer Mackey Mary [41:14]
This episode of The Everyday Style School masterfully intertwines the themes of personal empowerment with practical style advice, offering listeners both inspiration and tangible steps to embrace their true selves and play bigger in all facets of life.