Colbert Curtain Call

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Five – “Colbert Curtain Call”
FOX News Podcasts | May 22, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Five brings together panelists Emily Compagno, Rosanna Scotto, Jessica Tarlov, Paul Morrow, Tyrus, and Greg Gutfeld to unpack the end of Stephen Colbert’s run as a late-night host, the Democrats’ 2024 “autopsy” report after election defeat, and the growing tension in New York City over socialist policies and departing wealth. The group delivers sharp, unsparing commentary with their signature wit, alternating between analysis, pointed jokes, and lively anecdotes—from political fallout to the lighter question of whether single men should hide their cats on dating apps.

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I. The End of Colbert’s Late-Night Reign

Ratings, Reactions, and Reasons for Cancellation

• Stephen Colbert’s final show is discussed as CBS ends the longstanding “Late Show,” citing its annual $40 million loss.
• Panelists debate whether it was “cancel culture,” political backlash, or simple business logic driving the termination.

Greg Gutfeld (01:11): “Our job over here was different. We were here to feel the news with you. And I sure have felt it.”
Tyrus (01:37): “You’re the first guy in America who’s lost his show because we got a president who can’t take a joke.”

• Hollywood’s reaction: Emily Compagno describes the final week as filled with “TDS all-stars” like Bruce Springsteen and Robert De Niro who ranted about Trump, while the liberal media “mourns their late-night murder” (02:01).
• Blame game: Colbert’s fans and the media blame Donald Trump and an allegedly authoritarian FCC, refusing to admit the show wasn’t connecting with viewers (03:07, 04:08).
• Profit over politics: Multiple panelists (Tyrus, Gutfeld, Compagno) argue the show’s financial failure is the real cause, not political persecution.

Notable Quotes & Moments

• Tyrus (03:07): “If Colbert tells a joke on CBS, does anyone hear it? No. The show was terrible and he had horrible ratings.”
• Greg Gutfeld (04:30): “At the end of the day, it’s a business...$40 million, man, you better be awfully funny if you’re going to justify $40 million.”
• Jessica Tarloff (09:11): “America changed the channel...sometimes people don’t want a political lecture before they go to sleep. They want to laugh.”

Timestamps

• [00:34–03:50] Colbert’s cancellation and panel reactions
• [06:04–10:32] Why blame Trump, or Colbert? Is blame misplaced? Final week antics and media narratives

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II. Democratic Party “Autopsy” & Post-Election Troubles

Flawed Analysis and Internal Discord

• Panelists mock the DNC’s expensive post-election “autopsy” report, criticizing its omissions (Gaza, Biden’s age/confusion), typos, and lack of meaningful insight.

Tyrus (21:08): “They spent $10 million on a 190 page. That’s $53,000 a page. $53,000 a page with typos and BS.”

• Rosanna Scotto (13:14): Finds it “unbelievable that Gaza would not be mentioned once in the autopsy report.”
• Paul Morrow (14:00): Says kitchen-table issues like the economy, border, and crime were ignored, quoting Rahm Emanuel as someone the Democrats refuse to listen to due to internal party dynamics.
• The panel suggests Democrats are more focused on internal squabbles and identity politics than listening to voters’ real concerns.

Notable Quotes

• Emily Compagno (16:09): “[Democrats] couldn’t even get the autopsy right, let alone failing at the entire campaign…They are squabbling over not only the messaging, but over the ideology of what it all meant.”
• Greg Gutfeld (23:20): “There’s undeniably that the Democratic Party right now is polling someplace around Fidel Castro. I mean, come on. Those numbers don’t lie.”

Timestamps

• [12:10–15:59] DNC autopsy, missed issues, Democratic Party’s direction
• [16:09–23:20] Panel critiques on Democratic voter disconnect, economics, and party integrity

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III. Capitalism vs. Socialism: New York's Wealth and Tax Woes

Jamie Dimon vs. Socialist Policies in NYC

• The discussion shifts to New York City mayoral politics and Jamie Dimon (JP Morgan CEO) cautioning the mayor Zoran Mamdani about his “tax the rich” ideology.
• Panelists note the risk of high earners and businesses leaving the city and the unintended consequences for city services and philanthropy.

Jessica Tarloff (27:51): “New York cannot replace taxpayers with tax burdens...the mayor thinks that rich people are not going to leave. They are.”

• Rosanna Scotto (26:03): Praises the balance between philanthropy and social services; says, “We need rich people who are philanthropic. That’s a Ken Griffin...that’s a Jamie Dimon.”
• Emily Compagno (29:19): Counters that the “coexistence” is an illusion, as working class and poor cannot even live in the city anymore.

Notable Quotes

• Tyrus (30:22): “I just see he’s the third stepbrother. He lives with his mom...he’s an epic failure. And it’s never been a better time to live in Florida America.”
• Greg Gutfeld (31:38): “Wall Street’s gone. You could live anywhere...that’s the great vulnerability for this county. Better wake up.”

Timestamps

• [24:08–27:51] Jamie Dimon vs. mayor, wealthy exit, NYC’s philanthropic ecosystem
• [29:19–31:38] Working class exodus, local governance failures, and national implications

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IV. Pop Culture, Relationships, and Fan Mail Rapid-Fire

Lighter Moments: Dating, Fame, and Fan Questions

• The panel riffs on a NY Times article claiming men with cats in dating profiles are seen as less masculine and less dateable (32:19).
• The “Fan Mail Friday Speed Round” (35:39+) brings playful answers about celebrity crushes, biggest risks, hangout spots, and Star Wars rivalries.
• Tyrus gives a tongue-in-cheek defense of “cat guys,” suggesting you “check yourself” before judging (34:11).

Tyrus (35:07): “If they have a cat, that means their house is usually cleaner because cats will leave if...the cats are very feminine. They like nice things. They want order...So don’t be so quick to hate on cats.”

Timestamps

• [32:19–35:07] The “cat guy” dating debate
• [35:39–37:34] Fan Mail Friday: lighthearted Q&A

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V. “One More Thing” – Community Tidbits and Closing Thoughts

Brief segments highlight:

• Emily Compagno: Honors Memorial Day and the “Flying for Freedom” event to commemorate fallen service members (37:49).
• Rosanna Scotto: Discusses goats as an eco-friendly wildfire brush management tool in Montana (38:44).
• Tyrus: Promotes his comedy tour.
• Greg Gutfeld: Shares a quirky story about Wienermobiles at the Indy 500.
• Jessica Tarloff: Recaps a viral graduation moment involving a service dog (40:03).

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Conclusion

Throughout the episode, the panel maintains a sharp, conversational style blending news commentary, humor, and cultural banter. Their discussion spans the symbolic end of Colbert as late-night legacy, Democratic missteps, and New York’s political crossroads, always circling back to the changing landscape of American culture and politics.

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Notable Quotes Index

| Time | Speaker | Quote | |---------|-----------------|----------------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:11 | Greg Gutfeld | “I promise to feel the news at you...we were here to feel the news with you.” | | 03:07 | Tyrus | “If Colbert tells a joke on CBS, does anyone hear it? No. The show was terrible...”| | 04:30 | Greg Gutfeld | “At the end of the day, it’s a business...$40 million, man...” | | 09:11 | Jessica Tarloff | “America changed the channel...They want to laugh.” | | 14:00 | Paul Morrow | “Rahm Emanuel came out, he went down the kitchen table. Issues that the Democrats...missed.” | | 16:09 | Emily Compagno | “They couldn’t even get the autopsy right, let alone failing at the entire campaign.” | | 21:08 | Tyrus | “That’s $53,000 a page with typos and BS...” | | 27:51 | Jessica Tarloff | “New York cannot replace taxpayers with tax burdens.” | | 30:22 | Tyrus | “He’s a failed rapper…he’s an epic failure…” | | 31:38 | Greg Gutfeld | “You don’t have to be here anymore. And that’s the great vulnerability…” | | 34:11 | Tyrus | “Cats choose you. So dogs don’t...If a guy’s taking a picture with a cat, there’s a good chance he’s probably a good dude…” |

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For listeners and newcomers alike, this episode delivers fast-paced, pointed commentary and humor on politics, media, and American culture.

Transcript

[Greg Gutfeld]

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[Emily Compagno]

Hello everyone. I'm Emily Compagno along with Rosanna Scotto, Jessica Tarloff, Paul Morrow and Tyrus. It's five o' clock in New York City and this is the five. It's curtains for Stephen Colbert, the longtime liberal late night host signing off for the final time last night after CBS pulled the plug on the Late Night Show's 30 year run which was losing $40 million a year.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Watch on night one of the Colbert Report. Back in the day I said anyone

[Jessica Tarloff]

can read the news to you.

[Greg Gutfeld]

I promise to feel the news at you. And I realized pretty soon in this job that our job over here was different. We were here to feel the news with you. And I don't know about you, but I sure have felt it.

[Emily Compagno]

And the show's final week was jam packed with TDS all stars like Bruce Springsteen and Robert De Niro who ranted about President Trump one last time before the lights went out.

[Tyrus]

You're the first guy in America who's lost his show because we got a president who can't take a joke.

[Greg Gutfeld]

What number were you thinking of? Okay, yeah, because I thought it would

[Tyrus]

would have been 2,000,000.5 or 2 and a half million.

[Greg Gutfeld]

That's the number of Epstein files Trump still hasn't released.

[Emily Compagno]

But even Colbert's woke Hollywood pals didn't take it as hard as his biggest fans, the liberal media who fawned over their late night murder.

[Greg Gutfeld]

It's a sad night to see Stevens sign off to see a president who can't take a joke go after anyone who can make for those who say, oh, he was too political, too partisan,

[Tyrus]

you know, always worry when they come for the comedians.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Breaks my heart. He's this is his last show. Part of the authoritarian ethos is that

[Tyrus]

God shall not be mocked.

[Greg Gutfeld]

And they often go after comedians. They have to go after people who mock them. And that is what Trump has done. The late show was about so much more than politics.

[Tyrus]

It made the world a little bit less bleak.

[Jessica Tarloff]

That's what we're losing in, in this country.

[Emily Compagno]

And the official Democrat X account is in mourning with one less place to push its liberal messaging.

[Rosanna Scotto]

Tyrus.

[Emily Compagno]

Nowhere in there was the self analysis of, well, maybe the jokes aren't funny. Maybe we're losing all these millions of dollars so the audience is speaking for us. Maybe it's a business decision.

[Tyrus]

Yeah. You know, if Colbert tells a joke on cbs, does anyone hear it? No. The show was terrible and he had horrible ratings. He lost $40 million a year and had the greatest firing ever. Fox, if you ever decided to fire me, fire me and say Tyrus. In one year, you're out of here. That is the great. He had so much time and then he gets severance after that. But they should have been. They can't celebrate anything. And the reason why the media was having such a meltdown is because no one else is going to have him on their show that much. No one is going to stay up late to see Stelter talk. Like his show was repugnant. He was repugnant. You go and the whole thing. The President can't take a joke. He just sat up there for an hour making fun of himself. He makes jokes of himself all the time. We make fun of him on a nightly basis on the Gutfeld show. People, it's not blame the people, blame the American people who didn't want to watch you anymore. It's the people's fault. So are you saying that people are in step with the President?

[Jessica Tarloff]

Yeah.

[Emily Compagno]

And so. All right, Paul, one of the criticism that they're loving. So now you can't make jokes. But the issue is, of course he can make jokes. It's not. If they weren't funny and they weren't selling and audiences weren't watching then really, instead of saying they're coming after the comedians, isn't it? That's the business decision of an entertainer who is failing to entertain.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Yeah. I mean, look, at the end of the day, it's a business. Right? And that's really what obtains here. He could be joking about Donald Trump from now until doomsday losing $40 million a year. That's almost Greg's salary. I mean, God help us. He's got something like 60 writers. Greg has what? Me, you and I'll help you and the Joes. Right? I mean, that's it. And yet Joe, that crew, Joe DeVito, Mackey, they, they blow that, that show away in terms of their numbers.

[Tyrus]

You got 100 writers.

[Greg Gutfeld]

It was just, it was just, it was numbers. That's really all it really was. But, you know, I got to tell you, in terms of blowing it, what a missed opportunity Colbert could have been. He's in that seat that could have made him sort of the Johnny Carson of his generation. And instead he took it into a place that nobody wants to hear before they're going to bed. Most of America is going to bed at that point, and they want to be put to bed in a way that there's some humor, okay, but the world's okay. America is okay. We're not the worst people in the world. And instead he turned it into a very poisoned and poisonous hour. It was an hour, right. The show. And you can see how much I watched it a little bit more. And so, you know, as a result, people just turned off to it and $40 million, man, you better be awfully funny if you're going to justify $40 million. Enough or nothing. It isn't Colbert. It's Colbert. All right.

[Jessica Tarloff]

Hello.

[Greg Gutfeld]

We're not in Paris. Get out. I mean, that's the original sin in this whole thing. But realistically, at the bottom line here, the end of the day, it is a business. He didn't deliver for that business, and that's all it is. And unfortunately, Springsteen and De Niro just can't face that.

[Emily Compagno]

Jessica, I might know the answer to this, but I'm going to ask the question anyway. Why is Colbert and his legion of fans, why are they continuing to blame POTUS for this instead of blaming Colbert for destroying a 30 year legacy?

[Greg Gutfeld]

Colbert,

[Rosanna Scotto]

the reason that they're blaming Donald Trump is because Donald Trump and his fcc. So Brendan Carr have been coming after networks where they don't like the coverage that they're getting. They did this with Jimmy Kimmel and there were Republicans who had to come out and defend Jimmy Kimmel. Like, it's not fun for Ted Cruz to have to dedicate time on his podcast to saying, guys, this isn't how the First Amendment works. And one day the shoe will be on the other foot, hoping very soon on that. And you don't want the left coming after the right in this way. CBS made a settlement of $16 million for quote, unquote, selectively editing, which was a normal protocol, and how they do their episodes over 60 minutes. So they kowtowed to the administration. And you know, when you kowtow to this administration that they just take more. Colbert being. Firing. Being fired comes as new leadership at CBS has caused a rupture in viewership. I mean, they are bleeding viewers. Now you have Letterman showing up he was there in the final weeks talking about the destruction of that network and what it has turned into and that it's a proxy for what the administration wants. Yes, there is a money element, absolutely. You can't lose $40 million. But when you look at someone like Anderson Cooper, who signed off for 60 minutes, he was there 20 years, tearful about it, that he was leaving this job, that you get the impression was, of all of his amazing jobs, maybe his most favorite, except for New Year's Eve, you know, that something is rotten within CBS and that journalists who work there feel that they, under the Ellisons and Bari Weiss, are doing favors for the administration. They are pushing people aside to make sure mergers can go through and that they can advance their point of view over the point of view of the talent that they have or the good work that was done. Like on that see Cott story, like, Bill Owens doesn't quit unless something is really bad with what's going on there. So Colbert's show getting canceled is contextualized amidst all of that. And that's why people are saying that this is related to Donald Trump.

[Emily Compagno]

Rosanna, do you think, however, that to kowtow it would be if, for example, they were making a profit? And to kowtow would mean, for example, if everyone was enjoying themselves and audiences were loving it. But the reality was that all of those shows were bleeding viewers, bleeding ratings, and everyone there was using it as a therapy session against the president, which audiences didn't respond to. So when we talk about the talent there, I think, frankly, Americans didn't see it as talent. They saw it as disrupting a lunch therapy group, and they were done with it. They were sick of it. So perhaps the new dawn that's occurring there is a welcome breath of fresh air for Americans that want to see the truth, not just tedious.

[Jessica Tarloff]

Yes, I have to say, America changed the channel, but, you know, the TV landscape has totally changed. It's splintered now. Let's face it, the ratings they were getting on the Tonight show or the Late show with Stephen Colbert ten years ago is different than it was last night. Now there are podcasts, everybody's streaming, and sometimes people don't want a political lecture before they go to sleep. They want to laugh. He didn't care. He wanted to alienate half the audience. It stopped being funny. And last night, of course, you know, listen, Paul McCartney was fabulous. It was symbolic that he turned off the lights when he basically, his career started on the Ed Sullivan Show. But having De Niro on, I love his Acting. But the guy is out of his mind. I was supposed to interview him recently for the Tribeca Film Festival, but every time I interview him, thinks I'm Judge Jeanine Pirro. And he goes on and on about Jeanine, I have to then tell him I'm not Jeanine. And then he goes on a rant about the Fox. She's.

[Tyrus]

Yeah, there's only one judge.

[Jessica Tarloff]

There's only one judge. She's got the legal document. Anyway.

[Emily Compagno]

There's only one Rosanna and he should know who he's talking to. So to your point.

[Tyrus]

Well, he doesn't read good either. Did you see how bad that was?

[Greg Gutfeld]

Brutal.

[Tyrus]

How did that.

[Jessica Tarloff]

But, you know, listen, nobody wants to leave their job in tv. It's a fabulous job. It's relevant, you have a great audience, a great platform. But sadly, you know, it's all about economics now. He's not making money.

[Greg Gutfeld]

They'll take care of them. You watch. They'll figure out.

[Tyrus]

I'm sure other networks are chomping at the bit.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Absolutely.

[Tyrus]

The Holly, grab him up.

[Greg Gutfeld]

He's going to get the softest landing of all time. You'll see that. He's going to get all.

[Tyrus]

Hope he takes his needle dancers with him.

[Emily Compagno]

Wait for the podcast announcement. Coming up next, President Trump rocks another rally as the Democrats call for heads to roll over that awful DNC autopsy seat.

[Tyrus]

In America.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Cities and towns flags will be placed on graves and cemeteries. Public officials will speak of the sacrifice and the valor of those who gave their lives willingly for their country because of what began here.

[Tyrus]

We have the privilege to call ourselves Americans.

[Greg Gutfeld]

A great general called them our secret weapons. Just the best darn kids in the world. This Memorial Day, Fox Nation is proud

[Tyrus]

to offer all active military veterans Gold star and surviving families their first year

[Greg Gutfeld]

of Fox Nation absolutely free.

[Jessica Tarloff]

President Trump hitting the midterms campaign trail in New York and knocking the Democrats who were still nursing their wounds from the 2024 election. Watch this.

[Greg Gutfeld]

They are Democrats. You know why? Because their policies are dumb. Their policies are very dumb. All of that policies. Did you see they did an autopsy on why they lost the election and they said you lost the election because of Trump. Primarily. But other than Trump, you lost the election because you had crappy candidates and you had bad policy and they didn't know how to speak properly and they weren't smart people. And various other reasons. They spent $10 million for the autopsy. It was called an autopsy. And they had typos. Jackson, they had typos in every other sentence. They had misspelled. Words. They had commas in the wrong location. They gave him $10 million for the autopsy. I could have given him the autopsy without any charge at all. I said you had one candidate named Sleepy Joe Biden.

[Jessica Tarloff]

And as President Trump mentioned, the Democrats are in full damage control over the DNC's release of the autopsy.

[Rosanna Scotto]

I think it's pretty unbelievable that that Gaza would not be mentioned once in the autopsy report.

[Tyrus]

Don't have to be a rocket scientist to know that Gaza was one of the big issues in the 2024 election.

[Greg Gutfeld]

You know, Jonathan, there's so much in this through innuendo, the issue of gender affirming, surgery in prison, which Kamala Harris supports and did all the way through this discussion of the whole autopsy. Why are you getting in your own

[Tyrus]

way with a report that don't amount

[Greg Gutfeld]

to a bucket of spit?

[Jessica Tarloff]

Very interesting, Paul. So Democrats, most of them, wanted to see, you know, their party in the middle, centrists, not go off to some progressive woke side.

[Greg Gutfeld]

I'm going to quote my favorite, my favorite commentator on these issues, which is a guy named Paul Moreau. It's not Moreau anymore. It's Moreau. Most of these voters that they're talking about Gaza couldn't find Gaza on a map of Gaza. All right? It's not an issue they want. You know who's actually on point with this whole thing is Rahm Emanuel, but they're not going to listen to him. But Rahm Emanuel, Emanuel came out, he went down the kitchen table. Issues that the Democrats in the last election completely missed. The economy, the border, which was just utterly shambolic. And you know, look, we can tell when we're being lied to. We can tell when somebody. No, no, the border security. Now all of a sudden my York is saying, well, the border wasn't really secure. Yeah, we knew that guy. All right, you have crime, which was through the roof. The blue cities were in all kinds of trouble. We're being told, no, no, everything's getting better. We're still getting told that in the blue cities. But they won't go back to before the criminal justice reforms and before George Floyd and compared to those numbers, because the numbers are a disaster. And then, of course, there was Afghanistan. We had lost complete, complete trust in our military. Whether you support the Iran war, you don't support, the reasonable minds can disagree on that. But what you want at the end of the day is a competent military that you know will protect you. Because a military can protect the homeland, means that the dollar remains the default currency for international Transactions, which is one of the pillars of American power and financial might. But if you a government whose military can't even pull out of Afghanistan, which is in the 12th century, without leaving behind billions in material, you lose that confidence. They won't listen to Rahm Emanuel. And you know why? I'm just going to say this man, it's going to be controversial because he's Jewish. And that's why he won't be, in my opinion, the nominee. Because that party, the Democratic Party, is the party of Mamdani now. And they have moved that base does not, I don't think, a guy like him, that's why they don't like Shapiro in Pennsylvania. It's the two most competent guys. They, they won't go there. And mark my words, you'll see.

[Jessica Tarloff]

Well, Emily, the other thing that was not mentioned in this autopsy was the state of Joe Biden, the president of the United States, who seemed confused.

[Emily Compagno]

They couldn't even get the autopsy right, let alone failing at the entire campaign. Yes. Look, I expect nothing less from the Democrats and nothing could be more illustrative right now than these two postures. So you have the president, you know, he's campaigning, he's in a swing state. He's talking about taxes and expanding the suburban map. He's talking about the cost of living. He's talking about the future. This is a forward way of speaking and it means that this is a party, meaning the Republicans that are prepared to govern. And then you contrast that with the posture of the Democrats which can't get even right, the autopsy meaning of the dead body of their campaign. They are squabbling over not only the messaging, but over the ideology of what it all meant. And they had to pay millions of dollars just to learn and reveal exactly nothing. Because they said still aren't listening to their constituents. We knew every step of the way exactly why they were failing. Because they weren't listening to rural American, to everyday ordinary Americans, to anyone that believes in a hard earned dollar and not wanting to fork over all your taxes to a bloated government that somehow prioritizes illegal immigrants over yourself and doesn't acknowledge safety issues in your own neighborhoods, let alone talking about foreign policies. And as people are emphasizing Gaza there like AOC and Rokhana. Yes. And what about the Gaza tumor that was here? The 18,000 terrorists flooding across our borders, the 300,000 kids that were missing? I mean, it is preposterous to me that the forest for the trees was lost on the Democrats and now they still can't see how to get themselves out of it. So I think at the end of the day, voters clearly know which ship has been sinking for quite some time and which will continue to have a forward thinking approach. And that's going to be the one with the North Star, is going to be the one that they're going to hit their tail too.

[Jessica Tarloff]

Yes. I mean, obviously being antitrust anti Trump is not enough. The Democratic Party has moved very left. Is there a way to bring it back into a more moderate Democratic party of our parents or is it, you know, it's out of the box and that's it.

[Rosanna Scotto]

It's a new kind of moderation. That's how you win in these swing in these swing districts where Democrats have a number of enormous pickup opportunities. And Even in the 2024 election, moderate candidates performed really well. Like we have Senator Ruben Gallego and Senator Alyssa Slotkin. They won even though Kamala Harris didn't end those states. So, yeah, it looks different certainly than your parents even than my parents. But it doesn't mean that there isn't room within the tent for the Abigail Spanbergers of the world and the Zoran Mamdanis to listen to the rhetoric around which party knows what's going on. Why are Republicans losing all of the elections in the Trump era? They're winning prime MAGA candidates are winning intra Republican primaries and Trump's out there gloating about that. Like what he pulled off in Thomas Massie's district. That's a Trump +35 district. Talking about huge wins in Virginia and in New Jersey. I think we flipped 30 legislative seats. The Democrats have now there's real talk of having Rob sand as the governor of Iowa. Greg Abbott behind closed doors is talking about how a Democrat could win statewide in Texas at this point.

[Greg Gutfeld]

And they say that it never.

[Rosanna Scotto]

Sure, maybe it doesn't. But I don't know why Greg Abbott then feels like he has to be talking about that possibility. Unless Donald Trump went out there and endorsed an unelectable person in Ken Paxton who is so morally bankrupt and gross impeached by his own party. I mean, listen to Brian Kilmeade talk about him. Donald Trump on the campaign trail. Yes, please, can I have some more today, you know, telling people you have more money in your pockets when nobody thinks that except the richest Americans at this point. You know the weird stuff again about the cognitive tests and how he's acing things that they give to people who've had traumatic brain injuries. One knows there's a B in the Word dumb. We all know there's a B in the word dumb. And he is cratering support with core constituencies in the Fox poll Amongst Republicans, non MAGA GOP white voters, white voters, rural Americans approval in the mid-30s. 71 disapprove of the economy. He's minus 52 on handling inflation. And guess what? There are no legislative accomplishments for the Republicans. Josh Hawley's admitted it. There's a big Politico piece about this. I love this from a GOP Senate aide. The so called victories. That's what I'm talking about. This, you know getting Thomas Massie out over the last couple of weeks are just a mirage. Their self owned gas is up 45% due to the President's decisions to go to war with Iran. And he's focused on the ballroom and his slush fund. They couldn't do the reconciliation bill because he's like oh, there are very fine people. Came in on January 6th and they deserve compensation. Peters can please make her the spokesperson.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Really about to jump at it.

[Tyrus]

There's another word with a B that I would like to add to that and it's in the front. Listen, the odds. I did the math talking about the Democratic party. They spent $10 million on a 190 page. That's $53,000 a page. $53,000 a page with typos and BS and they never. It's very simple. They could have done it. They could have just used F words to describe it. Failure, fraud, felonious stuff like fake. They tried to sell the American people a bill of goods that wasn't there. They tried to convince us we didn't know what a woman was. They tried to convince us that if your daughter wears her hat backwards and plays in the mud that she knows to go to sur million things. Also who was running the country because we had a president who didn't know what time of day it was at one point. Wandered off into the woods. Had to have a Easter bunny to get him through everything. Where was the real report? Should have named names. Who was running the country? Who was making these decisions? Because it certainly wasn't Biden. The same cast of characters are still pulling the strings for the Democratic Party. And I feel bad for Democrats, moderates who believed in what the institution was because it's been taken over by these socialists fraudulent people. We're seeing all the fraud in the country and where is it? It's always in Medicaid. It's always in places where people who. The homeless always people who need Help. Their saviors are the one who are fraud. $10 million for a report. What? That. How much? All these papers we just made. Look, my fan mail stuff. What's that, 600 grand? I mean, that's ridiculous. And you don't need a paper for that. The president, Right. The reason why you got your behinds kicked was because President Trump spoke plain talk to the American people. You want to be mad at somebody, be mad at the American people. It wasn't. Trump didn't vote for himself in a landslide victory. The American people did.

[Jessica Tarloff]

And remember Kamala? Kamala Lamala, she spent what, a billion dollars in just, you know, a few months?

[Greg Gutfeld]

And then she and Hef went to the salary at a celebrity's debt show.

[Jessica Tarloff]

Oprah got a few, but she said it wasn't for her.

[Rosanna Scotto]

Guys, we lost. Yeah, we've accepted it. Move on. We get it. That's the thing. We're litigating this. We're already mad enough that ourselves.

[Greg Gutfeld]

The only thing that's polling worse than the polls that you just c is the Democratic Party.

[Rosanna Scotto]

This brand's in trouble. Why are you losing then to such losers?

[Greg Gutfeld]

I don't know it, but we haven't had the American people. We haven't had no midterms yet. Wait, listen. You got to get to the midterms. You got to get to the national elections. But if you're going to talk numbers, there's undeniably that the Democratic Party right now is polling someplace around Fidel Castro. I mean, come on. Those numbers don't lie. There's about six men someplace. I don't know where they are. Someplace in New York and L. A that'll vote Democrat. The rest of the men in there, if you have a Y chromosome and you're voting for that party, check yourself. That's all I could say. Because they hate your guts. I'm sorry. Go ahead. All right.

[Jessica Tarloff]

Paul, can I say something? Coming up, it's capitalism versus socialism. Jamie Dimon is giving Mayor Mandani a reality check on what happens when you try to tax success out of existence when we come back, and he never gives an answer.

[Greg Gutfeld]

But the fool on the Hill sees the sun going down. So socialism just got a reality check from good old capitalism. Earlier this week, New York City Mayor Zohram Doni met with JP Morgan CEO Jamie Dimon as the socialist ceased to tamp down the backlash to his tax the rich proposals. And now Mr. Dimon is warning the rookie mayor that slogans may win cheers, but only results pay the bills. I don't care what he says, what does he do? I will judge that and so will what actually happens. Because you can have, you can talk about morality and ideology all you want,

[Tyrus]

but if things don't get better, you

[Greg Gutfeld]

didn't do a good job. I have seen mayors who make statements and they make it worse and worse and worse, you know, and they don't know. They can't get the details of what. Why is affordable housing not there anymore? And speaking of that socialist phony, Zoran is now seizing the means of his friend's YouTube TV account to watch the Knicks. I did watch game one.

[Tyrus]

I also have to give a shout out to my friend Nicholas Sharma because the only reason I could watch game

[Greg Gutfeld]

one was because he had YouTube TV

[Tyrus]

and he gave me his login. I have someone's YouTube TV too. So that's A lot of people ask, what's democratic socialism? Sharing YouTube TV with your boys.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Yeah, that YouTube appearance didn't go well if you actually have read up on it. But this is AG rated networks or at least PG something. So anyway, let me come to you. What do you think about the fact that he did what he did relative to Ken Griffin, a guy who's already demonstrated he'll leave a town because people forget as we talk about New York, New York, he fled Chicago. So what's next here?

[Rosanna Scotto]

Well, New York City is great because of the coexistence between the very, very rich and working class people. It's an incredibly special city for that. And a lot of it that I certainly bemoan is that like you can't go anywhere now without reservations. It used to, you go in and sit down at a bar and you would have a Ken Griffin sitting next to a cab driver and that would be what made the city special. And we need rich people who are philanthropic. And that's a Ken Griffin, that's a Steve Schwarzman, you know, that's a Jamie Dimon. And they have shown also an interest in being in liberal cities where the taxes are high, that they want to play ball with that and they think it's worth giving back because these cities are so special and you can have a Lincoln center and you can fund these world class hospitals. The whole world comes here to get treated and a lot of that is due to the money that's given by these guys. And so I think there should be a detente and they should just say we need each other. And Mamdani says, I want New York City to be better for the working poor and it needs to be better for the working poor, it's too hard out there. And he says, I want to do things. I want to fund, you know, universal childcare and I want universal 3k and 4k. And I don't think that's something Jamie Dimon would be against. And there feels like a very big opportunity. And behind closed doors, I've heard that things also go better than they do in these kinds of interviews. So, you know, behave like you do when you're actually talking to someone in the face versus when you're tweeting about it.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Well, I mean, look, that's a fair point. I mean, when Mamdani went down to D.C. got along with Trump and boy, if you.

[Rosanna Scotto]

Trump gave him money for his project.

[Greg Gutfeld]

That's right. On the other hand, let's quote Ronald Reagan, I think it was, who said that daytime, that's what you have with the turkey until Thanksgiving.

[Jessica Tarloff]

I'm just going to say that I think that the mayor of New York City is getting a little education. And I've heard from a lot of the business leaders, they're sitting down, they're putting pressure on him and letting him know they're not going to take it and be put in a dangerous situation. I've been told from my sources who work at Citadel that the mayor reached out to Ken Griffin, except the person who reached out didn't have the right person that they reached out to. And that person had left six years ago. I don't know what they did with the bounce back, but they have not reached each other. This is what we know. New York cannot replace taxpayers with tax burdens. And we know that it's happening. The mayor thinks that rich people are not going to leave. They are. We already know that the Citizens Budget Commission, which is a nonpartisan fiscal watch group, is saying that just in 2025, over 100,000 tax paying new York left very, very rich and middle class. We see it now with the schools, the city public schools. We used to say we had 1.1 million kids who went to New York City public schools. We're now down to 700,000 people are leaving.

[Greg Gutfeld]

That's right. And yet they don't fire the teachers. A lot of those classrooms now are half empty because that union is so, so strong. Emily, you're an A lister in this town. What should it take? Where's it going?

[Emily Compagno]

I think it's a fallacy to pretend that the coexistence of the rich and the working class here, of the lower class than that. I don't think that's true. I don't know any NYPD officer that has a commute less than like an hour and a half. I don't know any sanitation worker that lives in the city. And the ones that are here that don't make very much are living in abject squalor. So I think here we're watching Mamdani play with other people's money and the deficit is in the billions. So the philanthropy, I agree, for Lincoln center, sure. But he is relying on other people's hard earned income to fund how a city works. That is capitalism. Capitalism is what we need. It's just like we saw Seattle just take Starbucks and move them to Nashville. That is what is happening here. And the fact that they got a six year old contact information. The mayor of the most powerful city in the world, that you can't even reach someone. I mean, it is embarrassing here and it's untrue. It is not working here. It is being gutted. Midtown is dead. I don't wanna take more time.

[Tyrus]

No, go ahead. Cause when I look at this guy, I just see he's the third stepbrother. He lives with his mom, you know what I'm saying? He's a failed rapper, you know what I'm saying? He is. And to quote the stepdad, he is an epic failure. And it's never been a better time to live in Florida America. Like, he didn't understand what the job is. He thought the job was him being cute and pretty in a suit and making videos all the time and everyone's just going to give him money. And he would say ridiculous things like free stores, free buses, and none of it's working out. So now he's trying to behind the scenes going, hey, I'm Democratic Socialist, but I'm not that much of it. So if you could just cut me a check. He has failed. This is the New Yorker's fault that you should have voted. But then again, the Republicans, you got to own this too. You didn't put anybody forward.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Oh, it's the worst.

[Tyrus]

You put a guy with a beret on. We haven't seen a beret since Prince. Okay? And then the other. And then Cuomo. The list goes on like, no, you're not gonna let them know your grandmother or your daughter. So, I mean, like there was. This is what you get these. And we see it in Seattle, same thing. Businesses are leaving. People are leaving. Not because they want to. Look, I'm a Celtic fan. I don't care too much about New York, but. But I feel bad to see New York fans in my neighborhood in Florida go next.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Listen, the bottom line here, too, is that Wall street was always the engine that dug us out. Historically, throughout all of America's history, you had to be here because the money was here. It's not the case anymore, folks. Wall Street's gone. You could live anywhere. I know somebody runs a hedge fund, lives on the side of a mountain in Vermont. You don't have to be here anymore. And that's the great vulnerability for this county. Better wake up. All right, the fastest is up next.

[Rosanna Scotto]

Welcome back, fellas. Want better matches? Try ditching Mr. Whiskers. The new York Times column is calling on men to hide your cats. The paper points to a 2020 study suggesting that women were less likely to swipe right on men posing with felines. In their profile photo, men holding cats were viewed as less masculine, more neurotic, agreeable and open and less dateable. Agreeable and open. Seems good to me. So I haven't online dated in a long time, but I definitely would not have been into the cat guy. It's like a dog world.

[Jessica Tarloff]

Well, listen, I haven't dated in a long time either, Jessica, but I'm just going to say that this shock jock, Howard Stern, has, like, 47 cats. He's got a beautiful marriage. I think the bottom line of the lesson to be learned is women don't hate cat guys. They hate unemployed cat guys.

[Emily Compagno]

Yeah.

[Rosanna Scotto]

Oh, is that what it comes down to, Paul? I mean, you got a good job. The cat's fine.

[Greg Gutfeld]

We were talking about the former Republican candidate for mayor here in New York, Curtis Sleeboy. Right. He too many. Oh, yes. Lived in a studio apartment.

[Tyrus]

Can't have a cat and a beret.

[Greg Gutfeld]

He had, like, I don't know, 10 cats in a studio apartment. I mean, that's a lot. Women will put. Listen, let me get. Women will forgive a lot. And every man in their heart of hearts says to himself, at some point after he was married, I can't believe she fell for it. She actually. Men. I know I'm giving it up here, but men can't believe that you actually go for our act. The cat's not helping. On the other hand, what it also means is you avoid the cat ladies, and you don't want the cat lady in your life.

[Rosanna Scotto]

Emily. Pheromones are wild.

[Emily Compagno]

I just think that animal lovers are like, that's wonderful. So if you.

[Rosanna Scotto]

Yeah, that guy. I've seen your husband. He's not a cat guy.

[Emily Compagno]

No, he's not.

[Rosanna Scotto]

No.

[Emily Compagno]

But I'm saying I don't want to subscribe to the. Like, I don't want to damn men with cats because I think it's wonderful if a guy is an animal lover.

[Jessica Tarloff]

Sensitive.

[Tyrus]

It's not the cat. It's the pose and the guy. Like, if you take a jack dude taking a picture with a tiger, they're gon to be cool with that. Cats choose you. So dogs don't. Dogs are forced to love you. Cats choose you. So if you're taking it. If you're taking. If a guy's taking a picture with a cat, there's a good chance that he's probably a good dude and being judged the wrong way. If they have a cat, that means they're usually. House is usually cleaner because cats will leave if the cats are very feminine. They like nice things. They want order. So don't be so quick to hate on cats if it's about the picture. If you have a man bun and a Birkenstock and you're holding the cat, that should be the issue. Leave the cats alone, because it's not cats. It's like saying every dude with a dog is cool. His house could be a mess. There could be dog stuff everywhere. So if that's your criteria, if you're looking at someone like, oh, he's holding a cat, you should probably look in the mirror and check yourself.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Wow, you've thought about this.

[Tyrus]

Get off cats. I had to talk about America's newsroom, and I'm gonna talk about it tonight in Gutville.

[Greg Gutfeld]

You're gonna hold a cat, but it'd

[Rosanna Scotto]

be like, sorry for the day. Fan mail Friday is up next. A world.

[Tyrus]

All right, we're gonna galvanize this fan mail Friday. Speed round, going from the top. All right, we're not gonna tell you who it's from. If you could do a cameo on a show or movie, which one would you choose?

[Jessica Tarloff]

Love story. I love that whole thing.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Golden girls, Jesse show,

[Emily Compagno]

Lord of the rings. Don't get mad. Go, go.

[Tyrus]

Star Wars. All right, next. Would you rather lose your wallet or cell phone?

[Jessica Tarloff]

Wallet.

[Rosanna Scotto]

Yeah, wallet.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Any member of my family.

[Tyrus]

Cell phone. What was your high school hangout?

[Jessica Tarloff]

It was the diner on the corner on Joralemon street in Brooklyn.

[Rosanna Scotto]

The bagel place on 88th and lacks my lonely room.

[Emily Compagno]

The Pit, 711 and Grizzly Peak.

[Tyrus]

Principal's office. All right. Are you a risk taker? What risk have you taken that you are so glad you did?

[Jessica Tarloff]

Being on the five, it's not that bad.

[Rosanna Scotto]

Well, it is for me, but not for you. I Got it in a car accident. Like seeing a boy who I wasn't supposed to be like, oh, my God, my car into his car and it was like a whole thing.

[Tyrus]

Breaking your father's heart. Go, wow.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Walking away from being over educated to take a blue collar gig, which was nypd.

[Emily Compagno]

In high school, we used to jump from one roof to another across three. I know.

[Tyrus]

I can't believe I was in Germany and I drank a whole lot. Pint of Jagermeister without eating. When you were younger, who was your celebrity crush?

[Jessica Tarloff]

The Monkees. Anybody on The Monkees?

[Rosanna Scotto]

Dylan McKay, Dorothy Hamill.

[Emily Compagno]

Bon Jovi, Baryshnikov and David Copperfield.

[Tyrus]

Farrah Fawcett and Pam Grier. Bam. All right. Do you go camping in the summertime?

[Jessica Tarloff]

Are you kidding? I can't bring a plug. No.

[Rosanna Scotto]

No. And I should have said Lou perry and also R.I.P.

[Greg Gutfeld]

no. These days, east of 9th Avenue.

[Emily Compagno]

Yes, yes, yes, I did.

[Tyrus]

Yes, yes, yes, Pam.

[Emily Compagno]

Yes, yes, we did it.

[Tyrus]

Ain't none to it. One more thing is up next.

[Emily Compagno]

Before we get to one more thing, celebrate America 250 by picking up a copy of All American Patriotism by our colleague Rachel Campo. Stuffy. It is a great summer read. On sale now and all your favorite anchors are in it. And on Monday, don't miss our Memorial Day special filled with so much fun. We're answering your fan mail questions and looking back at some of our favorite hot topics. All right, I'm going to go first. I want to tell you guys about flying for freedom and incredible events happening at Memorial Day where at Bluemont Brewery and breweries across the Washington, D.C. and Virginia area, they're having paragliders. A hundred of them fall into the brewery, each carrying a photograph of the fallen. Someone who's made the ultimate sacrifice, like Stephen Ross, gold star dad picture there with his son Drew, who made the ultimate sacrifice. So go out to Bluemont. It's the home of George Washington's little brother John. And help celebrate those who are honoring those who made the ultimate sacrifice.

[Rosanna Scotto]

Jessica, love that. As wild season, wildfire season approaches, a local business in Montana is doing something fun, offering landowners another way to clear their grass and weeds from their property. Ohana goats are sending the animals out to reduce fire fuels by eating the weeds and cutting down the grass. The goats spend about three days per acre of land before moving on. I don't know if that is fast or slow.

[Tyrus]

No, it is really fast. Goats and chickens are really good at that.

[Rosanna Scotto]

There you go.

[Tyrus]

I endorse that. Awesome. All right. It's time for Planet Tyrus Comedy Tour, which you can get tickets on Linktree. And we are going to be everywhere. August 10th in Michigan. We're going to be in Omaha, Concordia, Kansas, Omaha, Nebraska, Augusta, Kansas, Graham, Texas, Grapevine, Texas, Humboldt, Texas, Texarkon, Texas. All things Texas all across the country. Get your tickets as soon as you can because they are almost gone.

[Emily Compagno]

Ice Paul.

[Greg Gutfeld]

All right, I got some. I don't really understand, but I'm going to read it anyway. Hot dog. 6 Oscar Mayer Wienermobiles took over the track at the Indy 500. I guess it is. And these are the six cars. Chili dog, shy dog. I guess that's Chicago. Seattle dog, corn dog, and slaw dog. And the big winner was New York dog.

[Tyrus]

Real sausage fest.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Nice. There's a joke in there somewhere, but I don't have it. Over to you.

[Jessica Tarloff]

All right, so a Texas Tech graduate is going viral because there was an unforgettable moment between the graduate and her service dog. McKayla Muse walked across the stage with her dog Sadie right by her side, both wearing matching graduation gowns. Sadie got her own diploma, a dog bone wrapped in a ribbon. And maybe the dog got the loudest applause because, unlike some graduates, she actually had a job lined up.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Just kidding.

[Rosanna Scotto]

That's what you did there.

[Emily Compagno]

Love it.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Listen to the 5ad free on Amazon Music with your prime membership or subscribe

[Tyrus]

wherever you get your podcasts.