Hoagie Hurler Faces Felony - The Five

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Five – "Hoagie Hurler Faces Felony"

Episode Information:

Title: Hoagie Hurler Faces Felony
Host/Author: FOX News Podcasts
Release Date: August 14, 2025

Introduction to the Episode

Greg Gutfeld opens the episode with his characteristic blend of humor and current events, introducing the panel of guests: Kellyanne Conway, Jessica Tarloff, Charlie Hurt, and Dana Perino. The main topic centers around a peculiar incident where a man was charged with felony assault for throwing a hoagie at a federal agent in Washington, D.C.

Main Discussion: Crime and Political Narratives

The Hoagie Incident and Support for Law Enforcement

00:48 - 02:44
- Greg Gutfeld introduces the main story: a man charged with felony assault for throwing a hoagie at a federal agent. He emphasizes strong support for the police, stating, "Assault on a police officer. Officer. And we're gonna back the police to the hilt."
- Dana Perino adds gravity to the situation, noting, "Well, he doesn't think it's funny today because we charged him with a felony" (02:39).
- The panel discusses the broader issue of violent crime, with Greg criticizing Democratic narratives that deny rising crime rates. He remarks, "Why is he doing that thing again on the toilet? It makes no sense," pointing to perceived inconsistencies in Democratic leadership’s stance on crime (01:34).

Trump’s Stance on Crime and Democratic Responsibility

02:44 - 05:33
- Donald Trump is featured discussing the Democratic Party's handling of crime, asserting, "They're never going to win another election. And instead of calling me a dictator they like to say Trump's a dictator" (02:44).
- Jessica Tarloff emphasizes the neglect of serious issues by Democrats, stating, "Look at Gavin Newsom. The kids there are about to go back to school. They have to step over other human beings, human feces and the like, just to get to school." (03:24)
- Dana Perino brings up the issue of underreporting violent crimes due to police directives, reinforcing the argument that Democratic narratives on crime are misleading (03:24).

Critique of Democratic Leadership and Policies

05:17 - 12:00
- The discussion shifts to the perceived failure of Democratic policies in improving safety and public services. Dana Perino criticizes the Democratic approach, highlighting increased homelessness and drug addiction during Biden’s presidency: "We did see the difference when Biden was president. You did see more homeless, you did see more drug addicted people" (03:24).
- Greg Gutfeld sarcastically suggests that the hoagie-throwing incident mirrors the Democratic Party's broader issues, calling the perpetrator "the poster boy for your party."
- Kellyanne Conway and Charlie Hurt further delve into the inefficacies of Democratic leadership, questioning their ability to handle rising crime and public safety concerns.

Donald Trump’s Perspective on Democratic Insanity

12:00 - 26:44
- Donald Trump voices his criticisms directly, stating, "They are led by insane people" and labeling some Democratic figures as "communist" and "crazy" (25:01).
- Charlie Hurt echoes these sentiments, comparing Trump’s authenticity to Democratic attempts to mimic his style without success: "He is the original" (16:59).
- Jessica Tarloff discusses the Democratic Party’s internal struggles and low approval ratings, attributing it to inconsistent leadership and failure to address core issues like crime and economic policies.
- Dana Perino and the panel criticize Democratic strategies, suggesting that their focus is more on maintaining power rather than solving tangible issues affecting Americans’ daily lives.

Polls and Public Opinion on Crime

19:05 - 24:36
- The conversation includes an analysis of polling data showing high concerns about crime among residents, particularly in Washington, D.C. Jessica Tarloff questions the Democrats' disconnect with their constituents: "We have a little board there, starting with Hurricane Kristina and the newsroom launch. The Haiti earthquake election coverage, of course." (41:29)
- Kellyanne Conway counters by arguing that polls are often misrepresented and that Democratic strategies are misaligned with actual public needs and safety concerns.

Secondary Topics: Redistricting and Democratic Strategy

California’s Redistricting Push

14:00 - 21:13
- Dana Perino discusses California Governor Gavin Newsom’s redistricting efforts, which aim to alter electoral maps in a way that could benefit Democrats. She criticizes the move as a power grab, linking it to broader national strategies to maintain Democratic dominance.
- Charlie Hurt and Jessica Tarloff highlight the lack of substantive policies from Democrats, arguing that redistricting is a tactic to stay in power without addressing real issues like housing and immigration.
21:35 - 30:03
- Greg Gutfeld and Kellyanne Conway argue that Democrats are more focused on power retention than on solving societal problems. They contend that issues such as inflation and cost of living should take precedence over political maneuvers like redistricting.
- Dana Perino and the panel assert that Democratic leadership lacks the capability to implement effective policies, relying instead on superficial strategies to maintain their hold on power.

Audience Engagement: Parenting and Personal Responsibility

Parental Responsibility in Youth Behavior

33:01 - 38:34
- The panel shifts to discuss differing parenting styles in New Jersey suburbs versus college campuses. Jessica Tarloff contrasts strict ordinances holding parents accountable for their children's behavior with parents who equip their college-bound children with condoms and Narcan.
- Kellyanne Conway supports parental responsibility, suggesting that parents should be held accountable for their children's actions, while also acknowledging the complexity of enforcing such measures.
- Greg Gutfeld controversially advocates for treating juvenile offenders as adults, emphasizing severe punishments for serious crimes committed by minors.

Trust and Privacy in Relationships

38:34 - 40:42
- The discussion briefly touches on the acceptability of snooping on a partner’s phone. Panelists express skepticism about the necessity and implications of such behavior, hinting at broader issues of trust and privacy in relationships.
- Greg Gutfeld humorously relates this to extreme scenarios, reinforcing the idea that trust is paramount and that snooping is often a red flag for underlying relationship problems.

Closing Remarks and Future Topics

40:43 - 43:15
- The episode wraps up with lighter banter about animals and upcoming conversations, including a humorous mention of Hillary Clinton and fictional scenarios involving Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin.
- Greg Gutfeld teases future segments, maintaining the show's signature blend of serious analysis and satire.

Notable Quotes

Greg Gutfeld (01:28): "Assault on a police officer. Officer. And we're gonna back the police to the hilt."
Dana Perino (02:39): "Well, he doesn't think it's funny today because we charged him with a felony."
Donald Trump (02:44): "They are led by insane people."
Jessica Tarloff (03:24): "Look at Gavin Newsom. The kids there are about to go back to school. They have to step over other human beings, human feces and the like, just to get to school."
Greg Gutfeld (24:26): "If you want to find some sort of cohesion with people outside of your bubble is to just be yourself, not to try to be somebody else."

Conclusion

In this episode of The Five, the panel delves deep into issues surrounding crime, political narratives, and the effectiveness of Democratic policies. With a mix of sharp critiques and political commentary, the hosts express concerns over rising crime rates, the Democratic Party's strategies, and the broader implications for American governance and public safety. The discussion also touches on personal responsibility in parenting and the importance of trust in relationships, offering listeners a comprehensive look at the intersecting issues of politics and society.

Note: This summary excludes advertisements, intros, outros, and non-content sections to focus solely on the substantive discussions of the episode.

Transcript

Greg Gutfeld (0:00)

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Greg Gutfeld (0:48)

You're America. Hi, I'm Greg Gutfeld along with Kellyanne Conway. Jessica Tarloff, Charlie Hurt and she survived another beach season without being snatched by a seagull. Dana Perino the Five the left has found their new hero. A man is facing a felony assault charge after hurling his hoagie at a federal agent in D.C. watch. He thought it was funny.

Dana Perino (1:24)

Well, he doesn't think it's funny today because we charged him with a felony.

Greg Gutfeld (1:28)

Assault on a police officer. Officer. And we're gonna back the police to the hilt.

Jessica Tarloff (1:33)

So there.

Greg Gutfeld (1:34)

Stick your Subway sandwich somewhere else. Oh yeah. Should classify that weapon as a club. Turns out the sandwich slinger was a DOJ trial attorney and now his career is toast after Pam Bondi canned him. Mean with 100 arrests already on the books. And yet the Dems continue to deny reality. Chuck Schumer has the luxury of a full time security detail, but he says crime's no biggie because he goes on walks. I walk around all the time. I wake up early in the morning sometimes and take a nice walk as the sun is rising around some of the capitol and the other monuments and things. And I feel perfectly safe. They're full of it. Why is he doing that thing again on the toilet? It makes no sense. The thrill of his leg. Guy thinks Dems are falling for a trap. You can't keep saying violent crime is down but the murder rate's up. To the average person, the murder up is about life and death. You don't brag about a rising murder rate. And the Democrats are. I agree with you, Maka. They're falling into the trap of defending what's indefensible.