The Five – "Mariachi Madness"

Date: August 20, 2025
Podcast: The Five (FOX News Podcasts)

Episode Overview

This lively episode of "The Five" dives into controversies around immigration enforcement, sanctuary cities, and the political spectacle surrounding Boston Mayor Michelle Wu’s "anti-ICE" rally thrown into sharp relief by a live mariachi band. The panel also explores ongoing Democratic Party struggles, culture war topics, and an offbeat story about "Wet Wipe Island" in London. With their trademark banter, the hosts blend hard-edged debate, sharp quips, and political analysis.

Key Topics & Insights

1. Mariachi Madness & Boston's Sanctuary Battle

(00:34–08:49)

• Jesse Watters opens with a fiery account of Mayor Wu hosting an anti-ICE rally in Boston, calling it “a fiesta for illegal felons,” and mocking the use of a mariachi band to “fire up the Wokesters.” (00:34)
• The panel addresses Boston’s clash with the Trump administration over sanctuary city policies, with Wu defying federal threats to pull funding.
• Discussion centers around serious crimes committed by some undocumented migrants and Boston’s history with immigration.
• Kellyanne Conway: “We have a diminishing number of people now who are actually siding with people like Mayor Wu... In March... the Trump administration goes in there and it’s effective. They arrest over 370 illegal migrants, 200-plus had serious criminal felonies...” (02:51)
• Panelists contrast “old school” immigration (requiring jobs/sponsors, low tolerance for criminals) with current policies, claiming Democratic leaders undermine enforcement and put communities at risk.
• Debate on painting the border wall black: Trump’s idea to deter illegal crossings, described by Dana Perino as making it “even harder for people to climb” and encouraging “abidance of federal law.” (02:21)

2. Immigration, Polls, and Policy Contradictions

(05:34–11:21)

• Jessica Tarlov rebuts, pointing out Trump’s immigration tactics aren’t as politically popular as claimed: “Only 38% support deporting all illegal immigrants... In the latest Gallup polling, 79% now have the highest view in recorded history saying immigration is a good thing for the country.” (05:34)
• She highlights that sweeping immigration raids are unpopular and accuses Republicans of exaggerating criminal immigrant numbers.
• Polling battles: Greg Gutfeld dismisses polling analytics in favor of the 2024 election results: “The only poll that matters happened in November 2024. Don’t listen to the Washington Post. They lied to you.” (08:51)
• Ongoing argument about conflating legal and illegal immigration and the complexities of “worse first” deportation policies.

3. Democratic Party Identity & Trump’s Showmanship

(13:09–19:24)

• Discussion shifts to Trump’s Rose Garden DJ session, used as a metaphor for his “swagger” and the Democrats’ alleged lack of fun or identity.
• Dana Perino: “A party with no clear identity. And it shows. The New York Times found Democrats have lost 2 million registered voters since 2020, while Republicans gained 2.4 million.” (14:16)
• Kellyanne Conway: “They have screwed it up on the issues over time. It's showing in the registration numbers… The modern Democratic Party is collapsing. It's hemorrhaging voters, but it's also broke. It's bereft of ideas. It's not fun.” (15:05)
• Greg Gutfeld: “You can't be fun when everything fun became evil… The Dems became the party of victims, and victims never succeed because they blame their failures on other people.” (18:50)
• Notable critique of Democratic leadership, with references to popular figures, identity politics, and calls for an “outsider.”

4. Cultural Commentary & Race Discussions

(24:26–31:51)

• Segment tackles recent comments by Joy Reid about white men and accusations of “race-baiting” from the left.
• Jesse Watters: “What happens when you get 86’d from the legacy media is that you have to survive in the wilderness without a platform. So she’s like a B2 bomber... drops race bomb after race bomb for clicks.” (25:47)
• Jessica Tarlov distances the Democratic Party from Reid’s remarks, suggesting Democrats will “change the way they speak to specific groups” and cut back on identity politics (27:03).
• Museums and history: Panel reacts to Trump’s proposed reforms to taxpayer-funded museums and the teaching of slavery in American schools.
• Greg Gutfeld lampoons self-contradiction in identity politics and claims “identity policies were always a sham…” (17:26)

5. Rhode Island Prosecutor Meltdown

(31:51–37:29)

• Viral arrest video: State prosecutor Devin Hogan Flanagan caught drunkenly arguing with Rhode Island police.
• Dana Perino: “Never try to tell people ‘do you not know who I am?’ because it’s always going to make it worse for you.” (33:49)
• Kellyanne Conway: “This is a culture that’s being developed now. Resist arrest, spit at police officers, be mean to them, don’t respect authority.” (34:23)
• Jesse Watters flips the script, criticizing the officers for “escalating the situation,” while Greg Gutfeld credits body cams for showing the reality police face.

6. Wet Wipe Island and Panel Banter

(38:05–41:05)

• London’s "Wet Wipe Island," a massive sewage clog in the Thames, becomes fodder for humor and jabs about flushing etiquette.
• Greg Gutfeld: “I once saw a turtle with a four-hour erection. So, Jessica, they’re calling it Wet Wipe Island. When Bill Clinton heard that, he actually booked a flight.” (40:26)
• Chat about dog ownership, shoes in the house, and generational etiquette.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Jesse Watters: “Mayor Wu can serenade illegals all she wants, but here’s the alleged child predators. Boston’s harboring bad hombres... ” (01:39)
• Kellyanne Conway: “I always say, shine a light on the left because when more people get to see how ridiculous their antics are, their foolishness...” (02:59)
• Greg Gutfeld: “You broke it. You don’t get to tell us how to fix it. That is our job.” (10:48)
• Dana Perino: “If there’s anything we’ve learned about the era of videos is never try to tell people, ‘Do you not know who I am?’ Because it’s always going to make it worse for you.” (33:49)
• Jessica Tarlov: “Part of [Democratic reckoning] is, we’re going to change the way that we speak to specific groups, and it’s going to be far less of an impact on the way that we message...” (27:03)
• Greg Gutfeld: “You can’t be fun when everything fun became evil. The Dems became the party of victims…” (18:50)
• Jesse Watters: “Every presidential candidate or president needs their home base, right? Trump had Trump Tower. ...You do that, you show the American people you know how to work, and then you show them you’re a man of leisure.” (20:17)

Timestamps for Major Segments

• Opening / Immigration & Boston Sanctuary Debate: 00:34–08:49
• Polling, Immigration Policy, & Enforcement: 08:49–13:09
• Trump “DJing,” Democratic Party Analysis & Identity: 13:09–19:24
• Party Image, “Fun Not Feelings,” and Masculinity: 19:24–24:06
• Joy Reid, Race, and the Politics of Victimhood: 24:26–31:51
• Rhode Island Prosecutor Arrest Video: 31:51–37:29
• Wet Wipe Island & Banter: 38:05–41:05

Tone & Style

The episode features sharp back-and-forth exchanges, pointed humor, and off-the-cuff jokes—consistent with The Five’s panel style. Host personalities are on full display: Jesse’s sarcasm, Greg’s dark wit, Dana’s analytical calm, Kellyanne’s partisan fire, and Jessica’s data-driven pushback. The mood oscillates between heated (immigration, race) and playfully absurd (British sewage, DJ Trump).

Summary Takeaway

"Mariachi Madness" offers a fast-paced, often combative look at current events through the distinct lens of The Five’s personalities. Immigration policies, sanctuary cities, and the “culture war” are central, but the episode is also threaded with recurring themes: partisan ridicule, worries about Democratic decline, and an insistence on authenticity and American tradition, all peppered with levity and unsparing one-liners.