Podcast Summary: The Five — December 25, 2025

Episode Overview

This special Christmas edition of The Five brings together hosts Dana Perino, Harold Ford Jr., Jessica Tarlov, Jesse Watters, and Greg Gutfeld for a festive show packed with laughter, camaraderie, and lighthearted debate. The crew shares a Secret Santa gift exchange, reveals their Naughty & Nice lists, plays a trivia challenge, and answers listener holiday questions. Spirited banter and personal stories abound, making for a warm, genuinely entertaining holiday episode.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Secret Santa Gift Exchange ([01:04]–[15:09])

• Gift-Giving Antics: The hosts exchange anonymous presents, trying to guess who bought each one. The segment is filled with playful ribbing and reveals their personalities.
  • Jessica’s Gifts: Includes a spa day, limited-edition soap, and a brick from the border wall. Jessica jokes, “My favorite. So this spa air is by my house… It is amazing. It has all these thermal baths and it has a cold plunge and a hot plunge. Thank you so much.” ([04:25])
  • Greg’s Loot: Receives comfy loungewear, a Criterion Collection subscription, a voice recording button, and a pooping elf toy. He’s delighted: “A subscription to the Criterion Collection… these are great for lounging around at Larry Kudlow’s place.” ([05:54])
  • Dana’s Stack: Gets a book of John Updike's letters and a “Dog Mom” canvas bag. She notes, “I definitely needed a new bag this morning, too.” ([09:14])
  • Harold’s Haul: Is gifted a “Harold Ford Jr. New York City Mayor” jersey, a custom journal, and an Avett Brothers/Mike Patton album. Describes the journal: “I’m going to use this for our... oh, this journal belongs to Harold Ford Jr., in case I forget my name...” ([10:31])
  • Jesse’s Surprises: Receives devotionals, a golf club head cover, white jeans, and a Bill O’Reilly book. He jokes about sizing mishaps and pokes fun at the group dynamic. ([12:13])
• Quote Highlight: Greg Gutfeld on gifting misfires: “Women. Am I right?” ([38:11])

2. Naughty & Nice Lists ([15:41]–[21:18])

Each host reveals their year-end picks for public figures and events deserving of praise or rebuke.

• Dana's Picks:
  • Naughty: "Phillies Karen" who kept a baseball from a child and never apologized.
  • Nice: The Sierra Leone Mercy Ships volunteer nurses Dana met.
• Jessica’s Choices:
  • Naughty: Bryan Kohberger, referencing the Idaho murder case and the compelling victim impact statements at sentencing.
  • Nice: Philanthropist MacKenzie Scott, for giving away $7 billion in 2025.
• Greg’s List:
  • Naughty: The Minnesota government, criticizing its handling of fraud and governance.
  • Nice: Scott Adams (Dilbert creator), commending the outpouring of support during Adams' cancer diagnosis.
• Jesse’s Selection:
  • Naughty: Gavin Newsom.
  • Nice: Gayle King (for a pleasant, unexpected flight conversation).
• Harold’s List:
  • Naughty: College Football Playoff Committee for its controversial selections.
  • Nice: Dolly Parton, praised for her literacy advocacy in Tennessee.

3. Holiday Trivia Challenge ([22:42]–[27:54])

A lively, competitive trivia segment tests the panel's Christmas knowledge:

• Team Breakdown: “Short Kings” (Dana & Greg), “No Kings” (Harold & Jessica), hosted by Jesse (“the One True King”).
• Sample Questions & Highlights:
  • Most-watched 2024 Christmas movie? (“Christmas Vacation” was the surprise answer; [23:43])
  • KFC for Christmas is a Japanese tradition ([24:22])
  • Santa's original attire was green ([25:18])
  • “Eight Maids A-Milking” in "The Twelve Days of Christmas" breaks the ‘birds’ pattern ([25:51])
• Final Tally: The “Short Kings” win, with Greg nailing the Oregon Christmas tree production estimate: “I started with the population, and then who celebrates Christmas divided by the number of states, and I got 5 million.” ([27:49])

4. Festive Fastest Segment ([28:18]–[33:41])

Quick takes on funny new research and holiday customs:

• Irish Exit: Over half of Americans bail early from family gatherings. Dana confesses a successful stealth departure from a function: “We said hello, we said goodbye, and then we were out and nobody noticed.” ([29:05])
• Artificial Tree “Dangers”: Greg reads tongue-in-cheek survey results sponsored by the Pine Tree Board, mocking holiday poll biases. “Artificial Christmas trees cause cancer. That’s according to the Pine Tree Board.” ([29:35])
• When to Decorate for Christmas: Debate rages about how early is too early to decorate. Jesse admits to changing his mind: “Now I’ve changed my position. If you want to decorate and get ready for Christmas in July, go at it.” ([32:40])
• Marriage Compromises: Greg warns, “Any agreement before marriage is invalid because you’ll agree to anything... Think of the things I agreed to before marriage, like breaking up with my ex.” ([33:16])

5. Listener Holiday Q&A ([33:48]–[40:17])

Heartfelt and hilarious stories from the hosts in response to listener questions:

• Rejected Gifts: Dana laments a luxurious bag her sister never uses. Jesse recounts gifting a vacuum to his wife (“Didn’t go well for me. Later, not a fine evening.” [35:45]). Jessica laughs about buying her partner a suede bomber jacket that he hated. Greg tells of ordering 12 pairs of Amazon shoes — all returned.
• Favorite Childhood Gifts:
  • Harold: Pittsburgh Steelers bike (“Never forget, I was 7 years old, and if anyone’s out there... I’d love a grown-up version of that bike.” [38:19])
  • Jessica: “All the My Little Ponies” and Barbies were her favorites.
  • Jesse: Received a bike, which was later stolen (“Not gonna say the race [of] person... it’s immaterial.” [38:57])
  • Dana: A dual-cassette boombox, loved for making mixtapes.
  • Greg: “The Book of Lists,” a massive compendium that fascinated him as a child.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Regifting:
  Greg Gutfeld: “It’s gonna be really hard to re-gift this.” ([02:15])

• On Sizing Gifts:
  Jesse Watters: “You must think I’m fat... 34 is my waist. I’m not a 36.” ([13:41])

• On Getting the Perfect Child’s Gift:
  Harold Ford Jr.: “If anyone’s out there looking for a gift from me, I’d love a grown-up version of that [Steelers] bike.” ([38:31])

• On Changing Christmas Traditions:
  Jesse Watters: “If you want to decorate and get ready for Christmas in July, go at it… I won’t change my mind on the border, but that I’m open minded.” ([32:40])

• On Disastrous Gift Giving:
  Jesse Watters: “One Christmas, I... gave Emma, and I wrapped it, a vacuum cleaner... She didn’t take it well. And it was a bad Christmas.” ([35:22])

• On Researching the Best Christmas Escape:
  Dana Perino: “I did pull off an amazing Irish exit this holiday season that I am so proud of.” ([29:05])

• On Misunderstood Generosity:
  Greg Gutfeld: “Women. Am I right?” ([38:11])

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:04] Start of Secret Santa Gift Exchange
• [15:41] Naughty & Nice Lists
• [22:42] Christmas Trivia Challenge
• [28:18] “The Fastest” Festive Segment
• [33:48] Listener Holiday Q&A
• [38:19] Favorite Childhood Gifts

Tone & Takeaways

The episode is marked by the hosts’ sharp wit, candid stories, and affectionate holiday ribbing. They seamlessly mix good-natured teasing with some thoughtful moments and personal stories, keeping the holiday spirit bright. From botched gift attempts to surprising acts of generosity, The Five delivers a fun, relatable Christmas conversation.

Perfect For: Listeners seeking a playful, personality-driven take on the holidays, with plenty of warmth, laughter, and Fox News-style banter.