Podcast Summary: The Five — December 25, 2025
Episode Overview
This special Christmas edition of The Five brings together hosts Dana Perino, Harold Ford Jr., Jessica Tarlov, Jesse Watters, and Greg Gutfeld for a festive show packed with laughter, camaraderie, and lighthearted debate. The crew shares a Secret Santa gift exchange, reveals their Naughty & Nice lists, plays a trivia challenge, and answers listener holiday questions. Spirited banter and personal stories abound, making for a warm, genuinely entertaining holiday episode.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Secret Santa Gift Exchange ([01:04]–[15:09])
- Gift-Giving Antics: The hosts exchange anonymous presents, trying to guess who bought each one. The segment is filled with playful ribbing and reveals their personalities.
- Jessica’s Gifts: Includes a spa day, limited-edition soap, and a brick from the border wall. Jessica jokes, “My favorite. So this spa air is by my house… It is amazing. It has all these thermal baths and it has a cold plunge and a hot plunge. Thank you so much.” ([04:25])
- Greg’s Loot: Receives comfy loungewear, a Criterion Collection subscription, a voice recording button, and a pooping elf toy. He’s delighted: “A subscription to the Criterion Collection… these are great for lounging around at Larry Kudlow’s place.” ([05:54])
- Dana’s Stack: Gets a book of John Updike's letters and a “Dog Mom” canvas bag. She notes, “I definitely needed a new bag this morning, too.” ([09:14])
- Harold’s Haul: Is gifted a “Harold Ford Jr. New York City Mayor” jersey, a custom journal, and an Avett Brothers/Mike Patton album. Describes the journal: “I’m going to use this for our... oh, this journal belongs to Harold Ford Jr., in case I forget my name...” ([10:31])
- Jesse’s Surprises: Receives devotionals, a golf club head cover, white jeans, and a Bill O’Reilly book. He jokes about sizing mishaps and pokes fun at the group dynamic. ([12:13])
- Quote Highlight: Greg Gutfeld on gifting misfires: “Women. Am I right?” ([38:11])
2. Naughty & Nice Lists ([15:41]–[21:18])
Each host reveals their year-end picks for public figures and events deserving of praise or rebuke.
- Dana's Picks:
- Naughty: "Phillies Karen" who kept a baseball from a child and never apologized.
- Nice: The Sierra Leone Mercy Ships volunteer nurses Dana met.
- Jessica’s Choices:
- Naughty: Bryan Kohberger, referencing the Idaho murder case and the compelling victim impact statements at sentencing.
- Nice: Philanthropist MacKenzie Scott, for giving away $7 billion in 2025.
- Greg’s List:
- Naughty: The Minnesota government, criticizing its handling of fraud and governance.
- Nice: Scott Adams (Dilbert creator), commending the outpouring of support during Adams' cancer diagnosis.
- Jesse’s Selection:
- Naughty: Gavin Newsom.
- Nice: Gayle King (for a pleasant, unexpected flight conversation).
- Harold’s List:
- Naughty: College Football Playoff Committee for its controversial selections.
- Nice: Dolly Parton, praised for her literacy advocacy in Tennessee.
3. Holiday Trivia Challenge ([22:42]–[27:54])
A lively, competitive trivia segment tests the panel's Christmas knowledge:
- Team Breakdown: “Short Kings” (Dana & Greg), “No Kings” (Harold & Jessica), hosted by Jesse (“the One True King”).
- Sample Questions & Highlights:
- Most-watched 2024 Christmas movie? (“Christmas Vacation” was the surprise answer; [23:43])
- KFC for Christmas is a Japanese tradition ([24:22])
- Santa's original attire was green ([25:18])
- “Eight Maids A-Milking” in "The Twelve Days of Christmas" breaks the ‘birds’ pattern ([25:51])
- Final Tally: The “Short Kings” win, with Greg nailing the Oregon Christmas tree production estimate: “I started with the population, and then who celebrates Christmas divided by the number of states, and I got 5 million.” ([27:49])
4. Festive Fastest Segment ([28:18]–[33:41])
Quick takes on funny new research and holiday customs:
- Irish Exit: Over half of Americans bail early from family gatherings. Dana confesses a successful stealth departure from a function: “We said hello, we said goodbye, and then we were out and nobody noticed.” ([29:05])
- Artificial Tree “Dangers”: Greg reads tongue-in-cheek survey results sponsored by the Pine Tree Board, mocking holiday poll biases. “Artificial Christmas trees cause cancer. That’s according to the Pine Tree Board.” ([29:35])
- When to Decorate for Christmas: Debate rages about how early is too early to decorate. Jesse admits to changing his mind: “Now I’ve changed my position. If you want to decorate and get ready for Christmas in July, go at it.” ([32:40])
- Marriage Compromises: Greg warns, “Any agreement before marriage is invalid because you’ll agree to anything... Think of the things I agreed to before marriage, like breaking up with my ex.” ([33:16])
5. Listener Holiday Q&A ([33:48]–[40:17])
Heartfelt and hilarious stories from the hosts in response to listener questions:
- Rejected Gifts: Dana laments a luxurious bag her sister never uses. Jesse recounts gifting a vacuum to his wife (“Didn’t go well for me. Later, not a fine evening.” [35:45]). Jessica laughs about buying her partner a suede bomber jacket that he hated. Greg tells of ordering 12 pairs of Amazon shoes — all returned.
- Favorite Childhood Gifts:
- Harold: Pittsburgh Steelers bike (“Never forget, I was 7 years old, and if anyone’s out there... I’d love a grown-up version of that bike.” [38:19])
- Jessica: “All the My Little Ponies” and Barbies were her favorites.
- Jesse: Received a bike, which was later stolen (“Not gonna say the race [of] person... it’s immaterial.” [38:57])
- Dana: A dual-cassette boombox, loved for making mixtapes.
- Greg: “The Book of Lists,” a massive compendium that fascinated him as a child.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
-
On Regifting:
Greg Gutfeld: “It’s gonna be really hard to re-gift this.” ([02:15]) -
On Sizing Gifts:
Jesse Watters: “You must think I’m fat... 34 is my waist. I’m not a 36.” ([13:41]) -
On Getting the Perfect Child’s Gift:
Harold Ford Jr.: “If anyone’s out there looking for a gift from me, I’d love a grown-up version of that [Steelers] bike.” ([38:31]) -
On Changing Christmas Traditions:
Jesse Watters: “If you want to decorate and get ready for Christmas in July, go at it… I won’t change my mind on the border, but that I’m open minded.” ([32:40]) -
On Disastrous Gift Giving:
Jesse Watters: “One Christmas, I... gave Emma, and I wrapped it, a vacuum cleaner... She didn’t take it well. And it was a bad Christmas.” ([35:22]) -
On Researching the Best Christmas Escape:
Dana Perino: “I did pull off an amazing Irish exit this holiday season that I am so proud of.” ([29:05]) -
On Misunderstood Generosity:
Greg Gutfeld: “Women. Am I right?” ([38:11])
Timestamps for Key Segments
- [01:04] Start of Secret Santa Gift Exchange
- [15:41] Naughty & Nice Lists
- [22:42] Christmas Trivia Challenge
- [28:18] “The Fastest” Festive Segment
- [33:48] Listener Holiday Q&A
- [38:19] Favorite Childhood Gifts
Tone & Takeaways
The episode is marked by the hosts’ sharp wit, candid stories, and affectionate holiday ribbing. They seamlessly mix good-natured teasing with some thoughtful moments and personal stories, keeping the holiday spirit bright. From botched gift attempts to surprising acts of generosity, The Five delivers a fun, relatable Christmas conversation.
Perfect For: Listeners seeking a playful, personality-driven take on the holidays, with plenty of warmth, laughter, and Fox News-style banter.
