The Five New Year’s Special

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Five New Year’s Special

Date: January 1, 2026
Podcast: The Five (FOX News Podcasts)
Episode Theme: A heated and humorous roundtable discussing the biggest political, cultural, and media stories of 2025, complete with predictions, viral moments, and classic banter among the five panelists as they kick off 2026.

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1. Overview

The Five New Year’s Special brings together Dana Perino, Kayleigh McEnany, Jessica Tarlov, Jesse Waters, Greg Gutfeld, and Juan Williams for a lively review of 2025’s major events, a look at the state of American politics and culture, and their annual set of irreverent predictions for the year ahead. The episode mixes serious analysis with playful humor, signature panel chemistry, and memorable anecdotes, making for an engaging start to 2026.

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2. Key Discussion Points and Insights

A. 2025: Year in Review

• Major News Stories:
  • California Wildfires & Political Critique
    • Jesse Waters recounts the LA wildfires and criticizes local officials:
      “After a laundry list of blunders from LA Mayor Karen Bass skipping town... to greasy Gavin Newsom faking a phone call with Biden...” [00:40]
  • Trump’s Inauguration and Policy Shifts
    • Dana Perino: “45 is now 47. Donald Trump getting sworn into office as president of the United States, completing a political comeback unparalleled in history.” [01:01]
    • Gutfeld and Waters praise Trump’s focus on “common sense” and Main Street over Wall Street.
    • Juan Williams suggests economic stresses among working Americans drove Trump’s win. [01:31]
  • International Affairs:
    • Jessica Tarlov is skeptical about Trump’s approach to the Ukraine peace deal:
      “This quote unquote peace deal... means that Zelensky essentially cedes his country to Russia.” [01:42]
    • Gutfeld frames negotiations as natural “walkouts and blowups.” [01:49]
    • Jesse Waters and Williams highlight U.S.–Iran policy changes and military assertiveness without American casualties:
      “This is a best case scenario.” [04:32]; Williams: “The President... orchestrating from all press reports an unbelievable deception within deception was nothing short of astonishing.” [04:53]
  • Historic Firsts:
    • Waters reports on the first American Pope:
      “Robert Francis Prevost, First American in history to be The Pope... Pope Leo XIV.” [02:45]
• Media and Political Satire:
  • Gutfeld skewers media framing, saying, “Media is trying to make Jimmy Kimmel into their Charlie Kirk... getting fired is not the same as getting fired upon.” [07:23]
  • Perino lampoons political theatre and campaign failures:
    “She ran a terrible campaign. She was an uninspiring candidate. She lost big time. I’ve never seen this system work so well.” [05:36]
  • Whimsical moments center on campaign gaffes, media blunders, and personal jabs among the hosts.

B. Table Banter and Memorable Hot Takes

• Humor and Outtakes:
  • Gutfeld makes playful remarks about relationships and parenting:
    “Sydney Sweeney is a reminder that women are always going to be women and men are always going to be men who like women.” [05:20]
    • Debate over groceries, romance novels, and even Doritos in chimichangas brings the signature Five banter to life. [12:38]
  • Memorable One-Liners:
    • Waters on stress: “Real stress is like when they draft you and send you to a jungle in Nam...” [25:08]
    • Perino: “If only there was a book that told you how to behave in the office. And there is.” [30:49]
    • Gutfeld on landlines: “As a serial killer on the loose, I love a good landline because they’re easy to snip.” [26:48]

C. Generational Divide and Social Trends

• Gen Z and Adult Homework:
  • Williams cues up a segment on adult homework: “Adults are assigning themselves homework for fun. Is this how you have fun, DP?” [23:46]
  • Waters: “You know what I do for fun, Harold? I drink like everybody else.” [24:20]
• Pacifier and Coping Trends:
  • Gutfeld: “If you need a pacifier because you’re being inconvenienced... I hope you choke on it.” [24:50]
  • Perino laments forthcoming Gen Z caretakers: “At some point they’re going to be in charge of our wheelchairs and they’re not going to know what to do... Society is just feeding into it.” [25:35]
• Analog Nostalgia:
  • Williams: “Parents are officially bringing back the landline. I’m one of them. Yep—the curly cord and all.” [26:11]
  • Gutfeld: “These little throwbacks are status signals to handicap. Like, look at me handicap myself. Makes me seem enlightened and precious.” [27:12]

D. Pop Culture & Viral Videos

• Favorite Viral Moments:
  • Jessica Tarlov recounts a viral sports blunder: “Savannah Banana star Robert Anthony Cruz face planting on live CNN... a busted lip and several stitches—but he laughed it off.” [36:46]
  • Light rail driver asleep at the controls—a segment that mixes humor and genuine concern. [37:44]
  • Food influencer close call: as two bloggers narrowly escape injury in a restaurant crash, Gutfeld quips, “It would have been a more interesting story. They plowed into the restaurant... You said, I’ll bet you 100 bucks the driver was a woman. I’m glad I didn’t take that bet—because in fact, she was a woman.” [38:59]
• Classic Five Banter on Movies and Relationships:
  • “You cannot watch a movie with a woman. You can’t.” –Gutfeld [27:39]
  • “It’s not that it’s too loud. It’s that everybody else with all of their noises... I’ve never been back.” –Perino [28:27]

E. Workplace Culture & Etiquette

• Oversharing and TMI:
  • Williams: “Are we dropping way too much information? TMI at work. Business insiders now calling to make coworkers mysterious again.” [30:26]
• Phones, Meetings, and CEO Perspective:
  • Gutfeld: “If you have an iPad in front of me and it looks like you’re reading your email... I tell you to close the damn thing.” [32:57]
  • Kayleigh McEnany and Perino advise discretion, especially with Gen X bosses, and recall examples of distracting or unprofessional behaviors becoming normalized. [34:02]
• Gen Z Job Habits:
  • Williams: “Gen Z is faking it till they make it... nearly half... admit to lying on their job applications.” [34:57]
  • Gutfeld: “Want to get far enough in a career where you can put your resume on a cocktail napkin. The shorter the better, you know, boom, boom, boom. People respect that.” [35:19]

F. 2026 Predictions from the Panel

[19:08-22:43]

• Greg Gutfeld:
  • The media will brand someone from Trump’s White House a racist and Nazi (“The exact date, January 30, 2026... February 4, 2026.”)
  • Police/ICE action will incite national protest (“second week of August”)
  • Seth Meyers will retire, and nobody will notice.
• Jesse Waters:
  • A “Five” panelist will leave, maybe for medical reasons; someone will have a baby—suggesting either himself or Greg.
    “You or Greg were gonna have another baby next year.”
• Dana Perino:
  • Chuck Schumer won’t run; AOC won’t seek his seat but has higher ambitions.
  • Senator Cornyn will win his primary.
  • Hakeem Jeffries will not be Speaker if Democrats retake the House.
• Jessica Tarlov:
  • Taylor Swift to marry and become a mother next year.
  • Democrats retake Congress, Jokic breaks triple-double record.
• Kayleigh McEnany:
  • Republicans will outperform in midterms.
  • A Democrat (possibly Newsom) will announce for president as a Trump “playbook” move.
  • Kamala Harris will publish a campaign book.

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3. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• “45 is now 47. Donald Trump getting sworn into office as president...” —Dana Perino [01:01]
• “This was a man who’s met his destiny. He said he was saved by God in order to make America great again...” —Jesse Waters [01:11]
• “This quote unquote peace deal... means that Zelensky essentially cedes his country to Russia.” —Jessica Tarlov [01:42]
• “Common sense.” —Greg Gutfeld on Trump’s inaugural speech [01:19]
• “The President... orchestrating... an unbelievable deception within deception was nothing short of astonishing.” —Juan Williams [04:53]
• “You cannot watch a movie with a woman. You can’t.” —Greg Gutfeld [27:39]

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4. Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:40: Major news of 2025—wildfires, Trump’s inauguration, and first American pope
• 04:32–05:36: Middle East, Iran, and international military action recap
• 08:56–10:42: Domestic politics, Zoran Mamdani’s mayoralty, and state of the economy
• 12:09–16:09: Banter, personal anecdotes, and favorite show moments
• 19:08–23:08: Panel’s 2026 predictions
• 23:46–27:32: Generational trends: adult homework, pacifiers, landlines, nostalgia
• 30:18–35:19: Workplace etiquette, oversharing, early rising, and Gen Z job tactics
• 36:36–39:58: Viral videos: sports injuries, train driver sleeping, influencer mishaps

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5. Episode Tone and Dynamics

The Five’s New Year’s Special delivers its trademark blend of political analysis, mockery, generational friction, and panel camaraderie. The tone is brash, witty, and skeptical of media and political narratives, with regular interruptions for good-natured ribbing, pop culture references, and unexpected humor.

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6. Conclusion

If you missed this New Year’s roundtable, you missed a rapid-fire tour of the nation’s most talked-about issues, one-liners skewering Gen Z, warnings for the future of American politics, and behind-the-scenes laughs. The Five’s crew remains both deeply opinionated and willing to poke fun at themselves, their rivals, and the news cycle—ensuring there’s never a dull moment at their table.

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For further listening, check out the episode in full for panel laughs, viral video commentary, and signature fireworks among the Five.

Transcript

[Dana Perino]

Hello, everyone. I'm dana perino along with kayleigh mcenany, jessica tarlov, jesse waters and greg gutfeld. It's five o' clock in new york city and this is the five. And happy New Year, everyone. We're very excited to kick off 2026 with you. Now get ready. We have a very fun, packed show for you. We have predictions for the year ahead and a look back at the best moments on the five. Let's start with the biggest stories that happened in 2025.

[Jesse Waters]

Five devastating wildfires ravaged Los Angeles for a fourth day. Officials somehow finding new ways to make the situation worse. After a laundry list of blunders from LA Mayor Karen Bass skipping town to Africa despite knowing her town would burn. To greasy Gavin Newsom faking a phone call with Biden when confronted over why fire hydrants were running out of water.

[Dana Perino]

45 is now 47. Donald Trump getting sworn into office as president of the United States, completing a political comeback unparalleled in history.

[Jesse Waters]

This was a man who's met his destiny. He said he was saved by God in order to make America great again and usher in a new golden age.

[Greg Gutfeld]

It felt bigger than a typical inauguration. And Trump took it out, took it away from the left versus right. Dichotomy me by using two words that everyone needed to hear, common sense.

[Juan Williams]

The two economies we have where people who are doing really well have done much better and people who are not doing as well are still living. Check to check or month by month. That's the group that elected President Trump president.

[Jessica Tarlov]

This quote unquote peace deal that he's offering means that Zelensky essentially cedes his country to Russia.

[Greg Gutfeld]

This is a negotiation process. Anybody who's been in a negotiation knows there's always a walkout or a blow up.

[Dana Perino]

Shocking new footage of an arson attack on a Tesla service center in Las Vegas. A fleet of electric cars engulfed in flames.

[Jesse Waters]

This is also a part of the bigger economic policy of Donald Trump, which is tax and regulation cuts, cheaper energy, border security and making things in America. So this is focused on Main Street. Wall Street's going to do fine. Herald this is a Main street focused concept.

[Dana Perino]

You'd like to believe that this was a lapse in, but they did think it through. They think this is the right thing to do. I feel like if this was an episode of Veep, you might believe it more, but unfortunately it is the reality.

[Jesse Waters]

The world has a new pope, an American Pope. First time ever.

[Dana Perino]

America first.

[Jesse Waters]

America first. Robert Francis Prevost, First American in history to be The Pope and his name is going to be Pope Leo xiv. She broke the law on camera with a few forearm shivers. This linebacker really put her weight into it. Jessica, there's nowhere to run and there's nowhere to hide. You're having margaritas with ms.13 and you're trying to bust out illegal alien rapists from prison and you think the public backs you.

[Juan Williams]

There are many around this table who were saying this, saying these things for a while. It does, does strike me as a bit incredulous, if not insulting, to hear people whom are covering this now to say that they had these kind of opinions but weren't saying this during the campaign. They have every right to say that, but they should not be so sanctimonious about it.

[Greg Gutfeld]

I mean, a guy is waving the flag of the country he doesn't want to go back to. It's like a PETA activist wearing a fur coat. It doesn't make sense. And yet we are supposed to nod along.

[Dana Perino]

I think the media was really disappointed that the military parade was a military parade. They wanted something different. They wanted North Korea.

[Juan Williams]

I think the fact that the no Kings rally can coexist with a rally commemorating the bravery and history of the United States army is nothing more than a testament to the greatness of our freedom.

[Jessica Tarlov]

I am in such awe of the IDF and Mossad. And that's where I want to begin. And this was so precise that you can look at the buildings that they went into and you see a little hole. Then it went straight into the nuclear scientist's bedroom, took him. Then you see a little hole and it went into the room where they had managed to get all of the IRGC commanders at a thousand miles away, 1,000 miles away.

[Jesse Waters]

There's no American casualties, there's no escalation at this point. And there's no mission creep at this point, which is great. And now you have an Iranian regime which is the lead sponsor of terror without their nuclear scientists, their generals, their air defenses, or much of a nuclear program left. This is a best case scenario.

[Juan Williams]

This notion that our military somehow or another had been weakened over the last six months or three years, a lot of that was refuted. What the military did in terms of demonstrating their capabilities, the choreography of what they did, the planning, and obviously the President himself, orchestrating from all press reports an unbelievable deception within deception was nothing short of astonishing.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Sydney Sweeney is a reminder that women are always going to be women and men are always going to be men who like women. And the people who preach differently, celebrities and elites they can do so because they have the status and the fame to weather whatever outcome there is for their dumb choices.

[Dana Perino]

I mean, what more is there to say? I honestly don't know how it could get any worse. So many people gave so much money to her. And Those hundred days, 107 days, and they lost it all. And she's out there saying, oh, the system's broken. The system's broken. Look, she ran a terrible campaign. She was an uninspiring candidate. She lost big time. I've never seen this system work so well.

[Jessica Tarlov]

You have these dueling images and Donald Trump standing there, strong. He's bigger than him. Those. Those kinds of things matter. But Putin is still smiling. He's a KGB agent. He always has something up his sleeve. I'm not saying it's plutonium, but, I mean, this is a guy that doesn't care who he kills or what he does. So I am optimistic, but obviously, you know, skeptical.

[Dana Perino]

The shooting is a watershed moment for our country, and I believe, and I think my colleagues here will agree, the nation needs a circuit breaker. This is unacceptable.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Charlie was such a force of nature. He was brilliant and he was funny, but what scared people was his persuasiveness. The only way to take him down, because he could persuade you so strongly, was to kill him.

[Jesse Waters]

This is a man who touched an entire generation of Americans and electrified them and made them patriots. And this is not a controversial person. This is not a polarizing guy, a divisive person, a firebrand that he's being described as in the media.

[Juan Williams]

Charlie and I didn't agree on a lot of politics, a lot of the paths to solve political problems, but I viewed his thoughts and ideas as ways to try to help make my thoughts and ideas better. Politics at its best is that the.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Media is trying to make Jimmy Kimmel into their Charlie Kirk. But as if, like, getting fired is the same as getting fired upon. That's what disgusts me, is how they're trying. They're in a. This is a blatant effort to get the stink off them. It's not like they weren't trolling the Republicans for the last 10 years by calling us Hitler a Nazi. They can't take a sombrero. Lighten up, champ.

[Dana Perino]

When the Democrats want to play chicken with President Trump, I mean, come on, who they think is going to win? He. He doesn't mind doing irreversible cuts. Part of this is actually it's bad for both sides. I think it's bad for the country. We should be able to do this in a reasonable way.

[Jesse Waters]

Great day for everybody. But a huge indictment of American foreign policy over the last 30 years. Donald Trump bombed the Iranians instead of giving them cash. He turned Israel loose in the region. Instead of trying to contain Israel, he sold the Arab leaders technology instead of just weaponry.

[Greg Gutfeld]

And.

[Jesse Waters]

And all of the talk about human rights abuses really rubbed these Arab leaders the wrong way, and he focused on controlling the human rights abuses of the terrorists. Imagine that.

[Dana Perino]

The bottom line is like Zoram Hamdani, he showed the path forward in this moment, in this way of communicating and with this economy. And the economy will be the albatross of the Republicans if they don't figure out a way to talk about it in a way that can assure people that they have a plan to get them out of it.

[Jesse Waters]

This guy's fun and he's positive and he's like, this is the American dream. We're going to do this, we're going to do that. And it looks like, okay, whatever. I didn't learn about communism in college. I learned about Southeast Asian feminist literature instead. So you vote for this guy and he's making promises. Are these promises going to happen? No.

[Jessica Tarlov]

Mamdani, or the New York City mayor in general, doesn't have nearly as much power as he says that he does. And that Kathy Hochul hasn't budged an inch on what she thinks should be appropriate taxes or what she is going to help him push through.

[Jesse Waters]

Imagine in the civil rights era, people put on lime green leotards and started hula hooping for black people. It discredits the entire anti ICE agenda when you do stuff like this and the ICE agenda is rolling strong.

[Dana Perino]

This deal only goes until the end of January. And if the Democrats feel like it was worth it, you think they wouldn't do it to the American people again. And if you look at those clips about how they say it was worth it, think about if you were one of those people who missed a wedding because your flight was canceled or you didn't get home in time for Little League, or you had to pay out of pocket for a hotel room because your flight was canceled again and you can't get home. I mean, that's. The Democrats are saying that you are expendable, that it was okay, it was worth it. Because now we're going to talk about subsidies for Obamacare.

[Greg Gutfeld]

I think Zoran is kind of in the fog of war right now, and the only ally he has is Trump. So Trump knows that, and Trump bails him out in that fascist thing, which was really, really nice. He said, you know, you were thinking, okay, is this Godzilla versus Mothra? No, it's really Batman and Robin. And we know who Batman is and we know who Robin is. And when he says, don't worry about it, that was his way of saying.

[Jesse Waters]

I bailed you out.

[Dana Perino]

All in one year. Coming up on our New year special, the biggest laughs we've had in 2025.

[Greg Gutfeld]

It's just one kiss, one look, one touch. That noise dies down and life slows up.

[Jesse Waters]

The Fox Nation holiday sale is happening now. Merry Christmas to one and all. Sign up today and you'll get all of Fox Nation's unmissable content for only 2.99amonth.

[Dana Perino]

Now it is time for you to return home.

[Jesse Waters]

The holy man is back. That Jesus has to be stuck.

[Greg Gutfeld]

And coming soon. New Exclus David, step forward to show.

[Rich Edson]

God is with us.

[Jesse Waters]

This offer won't last long.

[Juan Williams]

Each warrior has something to prove and.

[Rich Edson]

Everything to fight for.

[Jesse Waters]

This is your last chance to get Fox nation for only $2.99 a month.

[Kayleigh McEnany]

This is Ainsley Earhart. Thank you for joining me for the 52 episode podcast series the Life of.

[Jesse Waters]

Jesus, A listening experience that will provide.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Hope, comfort and understanding of the greatest story ever told. Listen and follow [e-mail] or wherever you listen to podcasts.

[Juan Williams]

Welcome back.

[Greg Gutfeld]

You never know what's going to happen here live on the five. So let's take a look back at some of our best moments in 2025. And the producers were so nice to include Jesse. Oh, am I on? Thanks, guys.

[Dana Perino]

Hello, everyone. I'm Dana Perverley. Who am I?

[Jessica Tarlov]

Welcome back, Leonardo.

[Jesse Waters]

Well, really stressed.

[Greg Gutfeld]

You meet a hip female surfer at Huntington Beach.

[Juan Williams]

This is the table I elect to be around.

[Jesse Waters]

3, 2, 1.

[Dana Perino]

It was a joint thought that we had on Perino on politics today. With a what?

[Greg Gutfeld]

Nothing.

[Dana Perino]

A joint. No Perino on politics.

[Jesse Waters]

You put Doritos in the chimichangas, man. You want me to do it, don't you? You want me to. You've always.

[Kayleigh McEnany]

Well, I prepared.

[Jesse Waters]

I'd rather you have put it on. Could you?

[Jessica Tarlov]

Well, I'm leading the block, so I can't. God, everything feels lighter, huh?

[Kayleigh McEnany]

This looks sort of like you need.

[Dana Perino]

A bigger piece of tape.

[Greg Gutfeld]

I just wrote it down. You wrote down something I said Exactly. I wrote down in your face. A new study claims that men spend more time reading romance novels than women. Which reminds me that Jesse once penned a sizzling love story called Get Em Together. And yours truly Was the hunky heartthrob on the COVID of Late Night Love.

[Jesse Waters]

All right, love, but it's over now.

[Juan Williams]

Funny how time flies when you're passing.

[Jesse Waters]

From Never Sing Again. I love you, but I don't believe you.

[Juan Williams]

I'm not for sanctuary.

[Greg Gutfeld]

I love you, but I don't believe you. God, I had a dollar for everybody.

[Juan Williams]

You sound like my wife.

[Rich Edson]

Yes.

[Dana Perino]

Versus Young Dynamic is playing out at the DNC with the party's chairman, Ken Martin forced a rebuke by Craig. Anyway, there's some dark bags. Watch this.

[Jesse Waters]

I don't get manicures.

[Jessica Tarlov]

I don't think that's the American. I see your nails every day.

[Jesse Waters]

I cut them very well. I mean, is that bad? You want me to come in here with fangs?

[Greg Gutfeld]

You do that cuticle work. What?

[Jessica Tarlov]

You do that cuticle work yourself.

[Jesse Waters]

Cuticle work. I have beautiful cuticles. And all I just use is one of these little scissors. I'm very dexterous.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Everything. You can no longer regret anything before the baby. Because if things didn't go this way, she never would have been. It doesn't matter, because if I. If I was just. If I was just a little bit nicer, my baby wouldn't be around. But then I discovered that you stole from the homeless.

[Jesse Waters]

Care to defend yourself?

[Greg Gutfeld]

Yes. Would you like to stick to the.

[Dana Perino]

I don't even know if I should try.

[Jesse Waters]

You didn't go for it.

[Dana Perino]

Okay. When I worked on Capitol Hill, if I went on a business trip for the church group, I would take the extra toiletries and we would give them to the homeless.

[Greg Gutfeld]

This is so cool.

[Dana Perino]

I didn't take them from the homeless.

[Kayleigh McEnany]

Why am I explaining?

[Jesse Waters]

No, it was a free bust, and his bus is a little bigger than my bus, and that's okay. It's not really the size of the bust. It's what you do with it. So we're just going to keep this here for the rest of the show and admire it because it's really, really well done.

[Dana Perino]

You should give that as one of the prizes, like he does that squirrel.

[Jesse Waters]

I can't give this away. Don't tell me to hurry up. You're always taking forever with your stupid. Animals are great, which is gross.

[Juan Williams]

The dislike of Trump and the distrust of.

[Kayleigh McEnany]

Wait, are we still on air?

[Greg Gutfeld]

Greg's Itchy Warty Pig News, starring Brett Hume. Check out this woody pig laying in the sun while enjoying getting the belly scratches with my good friend Juan Williams over there. And delightful Molly Hemingway, as my good friend Molly Hemingway would say. Yep, that looks like a Panda. When Molly Hemingway was on the show, she often said, where can I see an elephant? She would often go to the zoo just to check out the lemurs, which are notoriously sneaky, much like Molly Hemingway.

[Jesse Waters]

They're not supposed to let their emotions get the best of them. That's what happens.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Women.

[Jesse Waters]

Women.

[Rich Edson]

That's you.

[Jesse Waters]

That's what women do. Cory Booker should not be acting like that.

[Greg Gutfeld]

He talks too. Like, I've said this before, like, he just took a hot bite of pizza. So his mouth is always like, I.

[Jesse Waters]

Have my mouth, it's just burning.

[Greg Gutfeld]

I want to talk about Trump, but.

[Jesse Waters]

My mouth is on fire and I'm.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Just tired of it. Don't come near me. Like, I just don't think Jesse Waters is very talented. Full stop. Then it's like, oh, okay. You can't argue with that. No, no, I said full stop.

[Dana Perino]

Jessica. How do you see it? Full stop.

[Jessica Tarlov]

Full stop. I see it differently.

[Dana Perino]

Full stop.

[Jesse Waters]

Yeah.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Full stop. Are you.

[Dana Perino]

Are you soft? I'm ready to talk.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Okay. I thought there was something up there that you were supposed to.

[Dana Perino]

I mean, I'm ready to just get going.

[Greg Gutfeld]

All right, all right, all right. You know, and my next question is, when the hell are you doing my show? I've left you. I left voicemail messages. I've. I've sent carrier pigeons. I get no response. Well, I'll be happy to do your show.

[Jesse Waters]

This is where you hold my hand.

[Dana Perino]

I am really hesitant about this one, but let's go.

[Jesse Waters]

And do you really want the government to raise your child? The government just lost 300,000 children. You want a government run daycare after they just lost 300,000 children? And talk about the quality of the people they're going to be working at. The government run daycare. This is not the best and brightest.

[Greg Gutfeld]

And Harold, we know you're destined to run for president and win, so I already had your portrait done. Let's see, do we have it here?

[Jesse Waters]

Wow.

[Juan Williams]

There it is.

[Greg Gutfeld]

That's your. Harold's official portrait has been released. And I actually have a. I have a copy of it here, which I would like you to sign. It's such mundane commentary. Oh, we agree. You're so enlightened. Oh, I agree with their. Okay, shut up. Coming up, our predictions for the year ahead.

[Rich Edson]

Richard, I'm Rich Edson in Washington, and here are your New Year's Day headlines. At least six people are dead following anti government demonstrations in Iran. They are the first fatalities during several days of protests over the country's struggling economy. The demonstrations are the largest since 2022. New York City Mayor Zoran Mamdani has taken the oath of office. The new mayor held a public ceremony this afternoon on the steps of City Hall. Mamdani is promising major changes for New York, including free childcare and bus service and city run grocery stores. The Trump administration is facing a new legal complaint from a group of government employees over the elimination of coverage for gender affirming care in federal health insurance programs. Last summer, the government announced it would no longer cover what it called chemical and surgical modifications of an individual's sexual traits through medical interventions. We'll see you on Special Report at 6:00pm Eastern. Now back to the Five.

[Jesse Waters]

This is what you came for.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Lightning strikes every time she moves.

[Jessica Tarlov]

Welcome Back to the 5. It's time now to make our annual predictions for the new year. Greg, you're up first.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Thank you, Jessica.

[Jessica Tarlov]

Welcome, Greg.

[Greg Gutfeld]

All right, first prediction. Someone in the media will call someone in the Trump White House racist. The exact date, January 30, 2026. Then someone in the media will call someone in the Trump White House a Nazi. The exact date, February 4, 2026. Mark my words. Someone in the media will lose their job in March and blame racism and our homophobia. They will then get a podcast. No one will watch it. Seth Meyers will retire in June. No one will notice. There will be a giant bombshell report released into the media mid January. It will be exposed as a hoax and it will happen again every two months. Finally, there will be a police or an ice action that will create rage and hyperbole in the media. It will be amplified nationally, creating protests, then riots. This will in the second week of August.

[Dana Perino]

Wow.

[Kayleigh McEnany]

Pretty good.

[Jessica Tarlov]

Definitely the first one. A high likelihood of all of those coming true. Jesse, what you got?

[Jesse Waters]

Someone is going to leave the Five. Maybe for a medical reason.

[Dana Perino]

Oh, no.

[Greg Gutfeld]

What?

[Jesse Waters]

Maybe someone goes on to greener pastures.

[Dana Perino]

What are greener pastures?

[Jesse Waters]

It's a prediction, dana.

[Juan Williams]

Terrible.

[Kayleigh McEnany]

Happy 2026.

[Jesse Waters]

Okay, that will happen.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Jesse's leaving. Where are you going?

[Jesse Waters]

To prediction. Someone will have a baby on the.

[Jessica Tarlov]

Five, so I wanted to.

[Jesse Waters]

Are you pregnant again?

[Jessica Tarlov]

I look great. I'm so thin right now. No, but I wanted to predict that either you or Greg were gonna have another baby next year.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Well, like usual, men cannot have children.

[Jessica Tarlov]

Your vessels were going to do it.

[Greg Gutfeld]

That's disgusting.

[Jesse Waters]

Greg does have a baby. I will deliver it.

[Jessica Tarlov]

Don't let him catch it.

[Jesse Waters]

Doesn't have to be a natural birth. It could surrogate. But someone will have a baby. My last prediction. Zoran will come on the five.

[Jessica Tarlov]

That's definitely not happening.

[Jesse Waters]

He already met one fascist. Why not meet four more?

[Jessica Tarlov]

Oh, I'm exempt.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Got it.

[Jessica Tarlov]

Okay, Dana.

[Dana Perino]

All right, I went all political. Here we go. I think Senator Chuck Schumer decides not to run again for reelection. He's up next year, and I do not believe that AOC will run for his seat. She has plans for higher office. Number two, I think Senator John Cornyn in Texas will defy the odds and win his primary. And number three, Hakeem Jeffries will not be the speaker if the Democrats win the midterms next year.

[Jesse Waters]

What?

[Jessica Tarlov]

Wow.

[Greg Gutfeld]

What?

[Jessica Tarlov]

Here you go. That's a big one. Okay. Me, number one. Well, you already heard that. I wanted to do the baby one, but I don't think it'd be appropriate. But Jess here did it, so I was going to do that, but I have. Taylor Swift gets married and has a baby next year all in the same calendar year. Might be a pregnant bride. Possible, but definitely having the baby.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Shotgun wedding.

[Jessica Tarlov]

And why not? I did it. Everything worked out fine. All right, number two, Democrats take back the House and the Senate. Interesting twist there on the Speaker. Number three, Nikola Jokic sets a new triple double season record.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Who's that?

[Jesse Waters]

Basketball.

[Jessica Tarlov]

Basketball player.

[Dana Perino]

I didn't know who it was.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Anyway, all people stuff.

[Jessica Tarlov]

Yes, that's why we know, Kaylee.

[Kayleigh McEnany]

I went all political, too. I'm still stuck on Jesse's murder plot for his first prediction. Who are you going to take out, Jesse?

[Jesse Waters]

I'm not taking anybody out. If anybody, it's Greg.

[Kayleigh McEnany]

Okay.

[Jessica Tarlov]

His note does say, we hope it's Greg. Hope it's great.

[Jesse Waters]

I mean, Greg takes other people out, but that's besides the point.

[Kayleigh McEnany]

Number one, you are going to have a very unhappy November because I think Republicans will outperform in the midterms. Jessica, apologies. So, number two, I went all political, too, unfortunately, in an attempt to mimic Donald Trump's playbook to the White House, someone who's a Democrat will declare their candidacy for the president after the midterms, but before the end of the year. I'm banking on Gavin Newsom. Number three, Kamala is going to publish a book, the Significance of the Passage of Time, ahead of her 2027 announcement. And that's it.

[Jesse Waters]

Another book tour.

[Jessica Tarlov]

I love it. All right, up next, is Jesse a big baby? Definitely. We'll get to the bottom of why he put a binky in his mouth.

[Greg Gutfeld]

All red lamps.

[Jesse Waters]

Welcome back. We may be starting a new year, but the old days are having a comeback. Check out this nostalgic trend of 2025.

[Juan Williams]

Welcome back. Adults are assigning themselves homework for fun. Is this how you have fun, DP?

[Dana Perino]

Oh, yeah. It never ends. Homework is great.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Mr. Goodfell, this isn't a real story. I call BS on it. Whenever they do these little weird little trendy stories, they've like found one person and they just. They just throw a dart at the board. Adults. Oh, homework. And they put the story together. Adult homework. That's how they make these stories.

[Juan Williams]

As someone who did so much homework in middle and high school, Jesse, do you find yourself enjoying adult homework as much as you did?

[Jesse Waters]

You know what I do for fun, Harold? I drink like everybody else.

[Juan Williams]

Well, one more thing.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Cheers to that.

[Juan Williams]

Thousands of stressed out young adults in China now spreading to the US are apparently relying on pacifiers to soothe themselves from the stresses of life. TikTok is blowing up with clips of folks and their binkies during burnout situations. Greg, you have thoughts on this? You have a bunch of these around your house. Not for you.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Yeah, this is the best news to come out of China. We may have a chance. There are young people are sucking on pacifiers. We might if you need a pacifier because you're being inconvenienced. Oh, I've got a final the next day. I don't want you around me. I hope you choke on it.

[Kayleigh McEnany]

Dang.

[Jesse Waters]

Real stress is like when they draft you and they send you to a jungle in Nam.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Yes.

[Jesse Waters]

To kill VC with a new gun you've never shot.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Yes.

[Jesse Waters]

And then some guy hands you some dope and the next thing you're hooked on the juice and you're going to Cambodia trying to score your own stash. They send you back and then they spit on your face. Maybe if.

[Juan Williams]

No surprise, better.

[Greg Gutfeld]

I feel better.

[Kayleigh McEnany]

If all their young people, 20 somethings are doing this. It's not a sexy look.

[Greg Gutfeld]

I mean, but Kennedy, I think Kennedy pulled it off. It did look sexy.

[Dana Perino]

As Gen Xers, we are all screwed because at some point they're going to be in charge of our wheelchairs and they're not going to know what to do and grandma is going to code and they're going to curl up on the retirement community floor and just let us die because they don't have any coping skills and society is just feeding into it. And bosses are so terrified of gen zers. They're like, you can wear whatever you want to work.

[Kayleigh McEnany]

You can work from home. You can work three days a week.

[Dana Perino]

I'll buy your pacifiers. Just please don't quit. So now this is what society is doing.

[Jesse Waters]

Please don't let me die on the retirement floor.

[Juan Williams]

Please. Parents are officially bringing back the landline. I'm one of them. Yep. The curly cord and all to help distract kids away from screens and social media.

[Jesse Waters]

I like the landline. I got one of those thick neck devices that goes on the other end of it so you don't have to, like, crank your neck too far away. You can just leave your head on straight. And I talk to my parents all day long on my landline. And then when I get called waiting, someone calls. And then I put the phone down and I have the nice little dial up thing like that. You know, Harold, you have to make precautions when the power goes down. How am I going to order takeout?

[Greg Gutfeld]

You know, as a serial killer on the loose, I. I love a good landline because they're easy to snip. You come into the house late at night, you see where the landline is. I just come along like this. I just follow it, and then I get there and I snip it up. Here's the deal. These little throwbacks are. They're status signals to handicap. Like, look at me handicap myself. Makes me seem enlightened and precious. Like I chop my own wood. I make my own ice cream.

[Juan Williams]

My kids do it. I make them write the numbers down that they're going to call. I mean, it's a whole exercise and not just using these phones. Anything gets them off of this.

[Jesse Waters]

My daughter tried to take a picture with the landline. I was like, it's not an iPhone.

[Juan Williams]

Bless her heart. One more thing is up next.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Listen, nobody's going to the movies anymore.

[Jesse Waters]

Instead, folks are catching the latest blockbuster from their custom home theaters. Funny we use the term blockbuster there, Greg.

[Greg Gutfeld]

I miss a good blockbuster.

[Dana Perino]

I know.

[Greg Gutfeld]

You know, walking around with strangers staring at a wall of blue. 16. 16 editions of Twister, but nothing by John Waters. It's disgusting. But then I'm thinking when I'm home and I'm trying and I go, it's great to be home. I'm watching a movie. I never finish it because I'm married. You cannot watch a movie with a woman. You can't.

[Dana Perino]

I'm sorry.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Yes, you should be sorry. You cannot. It's like they're always stopping. They will pick up the phone. If it rings, they will go like, oh. They'll suddenly start a conversation in the.

[Dana Perino]

Middle of the movie.

[Greg Gutfeld]

It's always going to the bathroom.

[Rich Edson]

We have questions.

[Kayleigh McEnany]

We want to know what happens next. Here's the thing.

[Jesse Waters]

Rewind it.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Let's rewind it. Can we rewind it?

[Juan Williams]

No.

[Dana Perino]

Or is it more Dana?

[Kayleigh McEnany]

No, No.

[Dana Perino]

I would say I haven't been to a movie theater since I think 2003.

[Greg Gutfeld]

What?

[Dana Perino]

Yeah, but for me, you know what it is? It's been.

[Greg Gutfeld]

It's 22 years.

[Dana Perino]

I know. I haven't been to a movie theater since 2003. Because I'm a woman. No, Because I can't stand the noises.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Yes.

[Dana Perino]

It's not that it's too loud. It's that everybody else with all of their noises and the bag and the thing and then talking on their speakerphone and eating with their mouth open. I can't. So I've never been back.

[Juan Williams]

Gen Z is grabbing so called analog bags filled with retro items like paper crosswords and Walkmans. And it's all to stop doom scrolling.

[Jesse Waters]

So you gotta treat people in that generation like children. Like, my mom came over this weekend with my dad to play with the kids. They brought over a broomstick, two pumpkins, and a book about witches. And for an hour the kids were totally engaged. And then they watch TV for four hours.

[Dana Perino]

It's fine. Gen Z wants more of this. It's one of the reasons that shows like Grey's Anatomy are very popular with Gen Z because they love looking at what it was like before they had these horrible things in their hands.

[Juan Williams]

Mr. Exclamation point. You seem to have a strong opinion about.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Once again, I read this wrong. Analog. I thought it was anal OG and so I had some tips and I can't use any of them.

[Dana Perino]

You were the og? Yeah.

[Juan Williams]

Yeah.

[Greg Gutfeld]

So I'll just have to pass. Sorry, guys. Nice.

[Jesse Waters]

We're time for One More Thing.

[Juan Williams]

One More Thing is up next.

[Jesse Waters]

Coming up, texting and meetings and over sharing in the office, we dive into workplace etiquette next.

[Kayleigh McEnany]

Happy New Year, everyone. As we all ease back into work after the holidays, let's look back at our top office debates from 2025.

[Juan Williams]

Are we dropping way too much information? TMI at work. Business insiders now calling to make co workers mysterious again. Brother Jesse, that means we don't want to hear you crying by the copier machine again.

[Jesse Waters]

You guys are talking about Greg. Greg talks about his warts. He talks about what he eats and what happens after he eats.

[Dana Perino]

Well, I was reading this and there was this young lady in here that she had to be told that she can't take her bra off at the office. What? Yeah, she was told it wasn't appropriate to take her bra off at the office. And I thought, if only there was a book that told you how to behave in the office. And there is. They have to get it together. And I wish someone had told me. I mean, you need to be told.

[Jessica Tarlov]

It's not just CEOs getting out of bed at 4am More regular Joes like Jesse are up before the sun rises. And to adjust, many implement practices like cold punches, sauna sessions, and intermittent fasting into their routine.

[Greg Gutfeld]

I don't like people who brag about how little sleep they get. It's kind of like this status marker. Shut up. You get up at 4, you fall asleep at 3.

[Juan Williams]

3.

[Greg Gutfeld]

It's what you do in the daytime that matters, you loser.

[Jessica Tarlov]

Dana, you are an early rise.

[Juan Williams]

Yes, I am.

[Dana Perino]

And I do like to get up early. And even if I wasn't getting up in the 4 o' clock hour, I would probably just naturally wake up in the five o' clock hour. But I think that's prioritizing sleep and making it something that you care about and that you focus on. It's a hard thing to do, especially in the summer months when it's light outside. But if you are disciplined, then you get more freedom. But you have to have the sleep in order to do that. So I have to go to bed at 9, 9:30 so that I can have enough sleep to do the rest.

[Jesse Waters]

Now I'm doing 6:30am and I did a plunge and I did a sauna today, and I feel fantastic. Do I look fantastic?

[Greg Gutfeld]

You should be funny at work. Experts who study humor in the workplace, Dana, say it might backfire.

[Jesse Waters]

It's like you're okay because you're like a comedian, whatever. And so you're like constantly like, being funny and you're like the jokey guy, you know, you're like the clown, and like, you get away with it. I'm not a comedian, but sometimes I say funny stuff and sometimes it's not funny. And that's where the problem is.

[Juan Williams]

America's CEOs are furious about employees texting during meetings, exploring new tactics from hiding Wi Fi passwords to even levying fines. JPMorgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon is not a fan. Watch this.

[Greg Gutfeld]

If you have an iPad in front of me and it looks like you're reading your email or getting notifications, I tell you to close the damn thing.

[Rich Edson]

It's disrespectful.

[Juan Williams]

I happen to agree with Mr. Dimon on this. Wholeheartedly. I was guilty of this when I was younger in my career, but this is so such a Bad thing. Kayla, what are your thoughts?

[Kayleigh McEnany]

Look, if you're in a meeting with the CEO, a manager, obviously you don't do this. However, I will say, in this day and age, meetings and meetings and meetings and meetings happen over and over and over, and you just like death by a thousand paper cuts, as they say. Like just you meet for the sake of meeting. So when do you actually get stuff done? So a lot of young people I hear complain, we meet and meet and we just never can get things done. So if you're working, that's one thing. If you're googling your happy hour hotspot.

[Juan Williams]

That'S another prime time. How do you deal with.

[Jesse Waters]

We're monitoring the situation, Harold. I mean, we are in the news business. If someone upstairs on the second floor is talking to me, I got to find out what's going on in Venezuela. We could have just smoked another coke boat. I don't have time to listen to all these meetings and rap, rap, rap.

[Juan Williams]

Come on.

[Jesse Waters]

Smoking coke boats, that takes priority.

[Dana Perino]

BP meetings are too long. Ronsvald used to have standing only meetings so that nobody would get comfortable. So maybe try that. But also, if you're in front of your boss, especially if they're Gen X, put your phone down. If you want a promotion you don't want to get, you don't want to be irritable towards your employers, put the phone down.

[Juan Williams]

Greg, you've managed more people than those around the table at your various jobs. How did you deal with it?

[Greg Gutfeld]

So true. Well, let me tell you something. The CEOs are in a great spot. They're usually older. They got maids, they got housekeepers, they got assistants. They don't even have to look at their phone. Somebody's looking at their phone. But you. Let's say you have a single mother who's working hard, that's at your. In your meeting. And her son has the sniffles, and she needs to get him an Uber to get to the doctor's office. That CEO is going to tell her. Her that. She can't. She can.

[Juan Williams]

Gen Z is faking it till they make it. According to a new survey, nearly half of the younger generation admits to lying on their job applications. So what kind of fibs are we talking about? Oh, just the classics. Like pumping up their work experience, embellishing those job responsibilities, upgrading their job title, even lying about their height. In your face, Greg.

[Greg Gutfeld]

I only lied about driving a stick. By the way, I love Gen Z. They're like the. They're going to save this world because they're they are so not woke. So I want to tell them to do to avoid this one thing. Action verbs. How many times did you use formulated, identified, organized, implemented, oversaw, executed, achieved, spearheaded? Just say what you did. Also, every resume I looked at, the candidate always led the project. Do you ever notice that no one ever like participated? They always led the project. I don't believe that you want to get far enough in a career where you can put your resume on a cocktail napkin. The shorter the better, you know, boom, boom, boom. People respect that.

[Kayleigh McEnany]

Still more to come on our New Year's special. Up next, the most viral videos of.

[Greg Gutfeld]

2025 wish someone oh me, living this life of being lonely, trying to get away from the old me. Every night.

[Dana Perino]

Welcome back and happy New Year. The best moments of the five would not be complete without a few viral videos. Take a look at our favorite ones that broke the Internet and our brains.

[Jessica Tarlov]

Watch the Savannah Banana star Robert Anthony Cruz face planting on live cnn trying a black clip. He ended up with a bloody chin, a busted lip and several stitches. But he laughed it off. Just a little bruised and a lot embarrassed.

[Kayleigh McEnany]

I was walking into a party in college and there was a step over which I didn't see and I walked into an incredibly crowded room and I completely face planted and then it went into a wardrobe malfunction that was absolutely horrifying and I've never lived it down like that. Brings me back to that. And also I thought this was absolutely hysterical until I just learned that he was injured. And now I feel bad because you don't see the blood initially. So I just thought it was like, oh my gosh, that's fine. You know, blood is falling.

[Jessica Tarlov]

It's always hilarious.

[Kayleigh McEnany]

And now I feel terrible and I.

[Jessica Tarlov]

Wish him the best. Greg, do you feel terrible?

[Greg Gutfeld]

No, not at all. Because that's the risk you take when you're doing a one man theatrical performance. He was trying to encapsulate the collapse of cnn. Recreating any person who tries to debate Scott Jennings. They always fall flat on their face.

[Juan Williams]

San Francisco riders screaming as a light rail hits a 50 mile per hour turn with the driver asleep. Watch this.

[Greg Gutfeld]

I'm sorry.

[Kayleigh McEnany]

Relax, relax, relax.

[Dana Perino]

We didn't crash. Relax. Really hard to relax when you've got whiplash and a concussion. I'm sure she'd be a great air traffic controller if Pete Buttigieg's president.

[Juan Williams]

Jesse, your thoughts about this?

[Jesse Waters]

You think I'm going to say something about dei, don't you? You think, you think I'm going to do It. But I'm not.

[Juan Williams]

You just play. You know what? Just play one.

[Jesse Waters]

We need smelling salts. Okay. It's like the poor man's cocaine. This is 8:30 in the morning. She's had a long night. She probably had a few pops. Coffee's not enough smelling salt. We used to do it in football practice in high school all the time.

[Dana Perino]

I would never do that gesture again if I were you. Look, it takes a long time to put the eyelashes like that on to. No wonder she was tired.

[Juan Williams]

Mr. Gutfeld, you're California. What are your thoughts on this?

[Greg Gutfeld]

Well, I think they did an investigation. They found out why she was asleep. She was watching Jesse's show on her. On her phone.

[Jesse Waters]

No, she definitely was not.

[Greg Gutfeld]

They sat for a bite and an SUV or sub gave them a fright.

[Juan Williams]

Boom.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Oh my God.

[Jesse Waters]

Yeah.

[Greg Gutfeld]

The two influencers died instantly after an suv. I'm kidding. They're alive. But it would have been a more interesting story. They plowed into the restaurant they were in. Dina, before the show, in the green room, you said, I'll bet you 100 bucks the driver was a woman. I'm glad I didn't take that bet because in fact, she was a woman. She thought the car was in park. Isn't that so adorable?

[Dana Perino]

Probably a ding dong too. A sexist would say yes, and they did.

[Jesse Waters]

No.

[Kayleigh McEnany]

This is definitely real and totally horrifying. I'm really grateful we're putting it in slow mo because I immediately was like, I need to say. Because those are the things where you then see, did he protect her? You know, you see people like. And then it shows their true colors.

[Jesse Waters]

Whether they grabbed her. You know what, right there, they're together.

[Kayleigh McEnany]

They're a couple.

[Greg Gutfeld]

Oh, they are. Will this curb the rise of annoying food influencers? I hate them.

[Juan Williams]

At some point you could see on their faces, they're. They're thinking, have I told the Lord I love him today? Because they don't know what they're going to be happening. There's no doubt about. Look, that was real. That was real. Thank God nobody was hurt.

[Greg Gutfeld]

You're an expert on this, Jesse. Should they leave a tip?

[Dana Perino]

And that's it for us. Everyone have a great night and a happy new year.

[Greg Gutfeld]

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