The Five: "The Reviews Are In"

Date: March 25, 2026
Podcast: FOX News Podcasts
Episode Theme:
The Five hosts engage in spirited debate and analysis around current headlines — from ICE agents handling airport security during a government shutdown, to President Trump’s strategy on Iran, Democratic messaging woes, and the state of late-night comedy. The tone is fast-paced, conversational, and often pointed, with each panelist staking out their ideological ground.

1. ICE Agents at Airports & Government Shutdown Fallout

Main Segment: 01:04 – 09:47

Key Discussion Points:

• ICE at Airports Amid Shutdown:
  ICE agents are deployed to airports as TSA agents struggle due to Democratic shutdowns. Travelers appreciate their presence and help.
• Political Blame:
  The panel points fingers at Democratic leaders, notably Chuck Schumer, for ongoing government shutdowns affecting DHS personnel and travelers.
• PR Turn for ICE:
  ICE, typically controversial, is seeing a rare PR boost as their involvement calms chaos at airports.

Memorable Quotes:

• “ICE is having the best PR run of its possible entire existence right now.” – Dana Perino (03:22)
• “So you’re telling me our employed TSA agents have to call nonprofits for help making their rent?” – Emily Campagno (06:35)
• “ICE is actually doing more for the people, the American people, than Cory Booker, Krasner, and Schumer combined.” – Greg Gutfeld (09:47)

Timestamps & Notable Segments:

• [01:04] Jesse Watters opens, describing ICE as a “welcome sight” at airports.
• [02:18] Greg and Jesse share criticism toward Democratic leaders and the operational chaos.
• [03:12] Dana: Raises how this has “blown up in the Democrats’ faces” as Trump appears conciliatory on some points.
• [05:27] Jesse jokes: “ICE should start handing out neck pillows.”
• [06:35] Emily highlights real-world TSA struggles during the shutdown.

2. Trump’s Iran Standoff: “Unleashing Hell” or Brokering Peace?

Main Segment: 13:10 – 21:13

Key Discussion Points:

• Trump’s Approach:
  Trump proposes a 15-point deal to Iran while building up military presence. Iran asks for war reparations and control over the Strait of Hormuz.
• Debate on Strategy and Outcomes:
  Panelists debate the "madman theory," military successes, and the unclear diplomatic landscape.
• Approval & Public Sentiment:
  Low public approval and transparency concerns noted, even among some Republicans.

Memorable Quotes:

• “President Trump is not bluff and he is prepared to unleash hell.” – Emily Campagno (14:22)
• “War used to be popular.” – Jessica Tarlov (23:10)
• “It's war porn.” – Jesse Watters on Trump’s alleged daily war footage habit (16:32)

Timestamps & Notable Segments:

• [14:20] Dana and Emily on the harsh warnings to Iran, with references to previous Iranian military losses.
• [16:34] Jesse and Greg riff on Trump’s penchant for “war porn” highlight reels.
• [18:00] Jesse outlines historical comparisons: “We actually had more people died in training exercises last year in the army than have died in combat here.”
• [23:00] Jessica criticizes the White House’s lack of transparency and notes declining public support.

3. Democratic Messaging & Media Strategies

Main Segment: 24:14 – 33:07

Key Discussion Points:

• Jen Psaki’s Critique:
  Former Biden Press Secretary Jen Psaki calls for more press engagement by future Democratic leaders—prompting panel snark.
• Candidate Weaknesses:
  Democrats' potential challengers described as uninspiring or “hologram” candidates; Newsom, Harris, and Shapiro picked apart.
• Party Dynamics:
  Jessica Tarlov defends Democratic accomplishments and candidates, noting anti-Semitism issues on both sides and highlighting California’s economic status.

Memorable Quotes:

• “If they're saying that they need to be more accessible to the public, then that means they also have to be more transparent, more honest and real… If you wanna keep talking about that and be more accessible about that, sure.” – Greg Gutfeld (25:51)
• “The next Democrat president needs to talk. He also needs to be able to walk. The next Democrat president needs to be president. Biden wasn't president. He was a puppet.” – Jesse Watters (29:33)
• “You also have to figure out this problem on the right of who comes next, who can carry on the MAGA mantle, who can fill those shoes...” – Jessica Tarlov (32:33)

Timestamps & Notable Segments:

• [24:33] Jen Psaki’s remarks spark mockery about Democratic and Biden press access.
• [27:13] Dana and Greg probe the realities behind Biden’s restricted availability during COVID and campaign.
• [30:44] Emily punctuates the debate with a “Sound of Music” reference about confidence.

4. Vince Vaughn, Late Night Comedy & Cancel Culture

Main Segment: 34:07 – 38:53

Key Discussion Points:

• Vince Vaughn Speaks Out:
  Vaughn laments the politicization and blandness of late-night shows, calling for authenticity and humor over ideology.
• Media Lockout:
  Greg shares the inside scoop on how stars avoid certain shows due to industry gatekeepers (publicists).
• Comedy Environments:
  Emily and Jessica discuss how standup comedians, despite “cancellation” threats, still push boundaries and succeed.

Memorable Quotes:

• “He can complain about this, but… if you ever went on Gutfeld, they would tell you that you would be banished.” – Greg Gutfeld (34:37)
• “I think Vince Vaughn, I mean, he's a movie star, but a funny one. I don't know if he was ever a like proper comedian, but… it is a major point of frustration… where you are supposed to be able to say anything.” – Jessica Tarlov (35:52)

Timestamps & Notable Segments:

• [34:17] Dana: Vince Vaughn “ripping those comics for pushing the same political agenda.”
• [36:39] Dana and Greg on the role of publicists as gatekeepers in entertainment.
• [38:15] Emily connects the dots between late-night’s decline and the rise of standup comedy.

5. Offbeat & Lighthearted Segments

Main Segment: 40:13 – 43:44

Key Discussion Points:

• United Airlines’ ‘Relax Row’:
  Panelists riff on the economics and possible behaviors enabled by lie-flat economy seats.
• “One More Thing” Round:
  • Dana: Madrid mayor’s pigeon poop incident ([42:28])
  • Jesse: Tonight’s show guests ([42:48])
  • Greg: Upcoming tour dates ([42:58])
  • Jessica: Cat expo in Romania ([43:22])
  • Emily: Dog that rescued koalas ([43:37])

Notable Exchanges & Moments

• Sharp Satirical Banter:
  The hosts repeatedly needle each other across ideological lines, as in Jessica defending blue-state economic performance, or Greg repeatedly mocking progressive leaders.

• Breaking Fourth Wall:
  Frequent allusions to being on TV, past controversies, and mock self-promotion (“I’ll be over there smoking…” – Greg Gutfeld, 13:10; talk of tour dates at [42:58]).

• Comedic Beats:
  Greg, Jesse, Emily, and Dana riff on everything from airline sex to Gavin Newsom’s podcast appearances and the hypocrisy of media gatekeeping.

Summary Takeaway

This episode of The Five weaves together the week’s hot political stories with signature Fox flair — strong criticism of Democratic leadership, defense and even celebration of controversial agencies like ICE, and competitive one-upmanship on the success of alternative voices in comedy and media. The Iran conflict is painted as both military success and a moment of fraught diplomacy, and each host’s personality comes through in the fast-paced, punchy exchanges.
The show closes with lighter fare, from airplane ergonomics to viral pet stories, with anticipation for a live Trump interview in the following episode.

For listeners seeking:

• Fox-style analysis of current events and political dynamics
• Pointed humor and insider media takes
• An ensemble dynamic where debate is often as entertaining as it is newsworthy

Highly quotable, with plenty of in-episode cross-talk and memorable zingers.
Listen for:

• ICE’s PR glow-up ([03:22]),
• Trump’s war highlight reels ([16:34]),
• Comedic takes on the state of late night ([34:37]),
• And jabs at both party’s leadership hopefuls ([25:51], [29:33], [32:33]).