How I Handle Haters - The Fr. Mike Schmitz Catholic Podcast

How I Handle Haters

Thu May 08 2025

Do you struggle to handle criticism well? Do you get defensive even when you know there’s room to grow? Fr. Mike Schmitz discusses how to handle criticism, exploring three primary approaches: denial, acceptance, and gratitude. He emphasizes the importance of discerning what part of the criticism is true, acknowledging those truths, and discarding the falsehoods to avoid unnecessary self-condemnation. Tickets are on sale now for Fr. Mike Schmitz's Parables Tour at https://www.AscensionPress.com/FrMikeTour! May 19 - Washington, D.C. May 20 - Philadelphia, PA May 21 - Cincinnati, OH [SOLD OUT] May 22 - Nashville, TN

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Fr. Mike Schmitz Catholic Podcast
Episode Title: How I Handle Haters
Host: Father Mike Schmitz
Release Date: May 8, 2025

Introduction

In the episode titled "How I Handle Haters," Father Mike Schmitz delves into the challenging topic of dealing with criticism and negative feedback. Through personal anecdotes and spiritual insights, he offers a Christian perspective on navigating hurtful comments and accusations.

Understanding the Nature of Criticism

Father Mike begins by addressing the universal experience of facing criticism, especially when it targets one's weaknesses or flaws.

"How do we, as Christians, how are we called to handle criticism, especially when it actually hurts?" [00:29]

He emphasizes the importance of discerning the truth behind the criticism. Not all negative feedback is entirely false or entirely true; often, it contains a mix of both.

"A lot of times what happens is if someone says something..., there's part of it that is true." [01:15]

Assessing the Truthfulness of Criticism

The first step, according to Father Mike, is to evaluate the validity of the criticism.

"Is this true? That's too broad of a question. I have to narrow it to ask the question, what part of this is true?" [02:10]

He uses the analogy of a pin to describe entirely false criticisms—painful momentarily but quickly fading. In contrast, criticisms containing partial truths act like a hook with a barb, leaving a lingering impact.

"A lot of times with criticism, there's a little bit of truth there. And that little bit of truth is like the barb at the end of a hook." [03:05]

Embracing the Truth and Letting Go of the False

Father Mike shares a personal example where someone accused him of selfishness for not meeting with them. He dissected the criticism to identify the truthful aspect: his inability to meet was not out of selfishness but circumstance.

"So what I need to do is ask that question, is this true? And not just is this all true, but what part of this is true?" [04:20]

He encourages listeners to acknowledge and embrace the truthful components of criticism while discarding the false parts to avoid unnecessary self-condemnation.

"The part that's true, we embrace and do something about. The part that's false we dismiss." [10:45]

Personal Reflection and Spiritual Insight

Father Mike reflects on the duality of human nature—acknowledging imperfections while recognizing the need for divine mercy.

"Just because I'm not guilty of the thing they're criticizing or the thing they're accusing doesn't mean I'm innocent... I need mercy." [08:30]

This introspection leads him to the importance of relying on Jesus for forgiveness and growth.

Approaches to Handling Criticism

He outlines three primary responses to criticism:

Denial: Rejecting the false parts of the criticism.
Acceptance: Embracing and addressing the truthful aspects.
Gratitude: Being thankful for the opportunity to grow, regardless of the criticism's validity.

"We can deny, and we do need to deny the part that's false. We can accept the part that's true. We can also be grateful." [12:15]

Gratitude as a Powerful Response

Father Mike highlights the transformative power of gratitude, whether the criticism is accurate or not.

"There's something so powerful about being able to simply be grateful for criticism." [13:00]

Gratitude helps in maintaining peace of mind and recognizing that God's opinion holds more weight than that of others.

"It's painful, but I'm grateful for it because it helps me know that it's God's opinion of me that matters more than anyone's." [14:25]

Conclusion

Wrapping up the discussion, Father Mike reinforces the importance of analyzing criticism through the lens of truth and gratitude. By doing so, individuals can grow in humility and deepen their relationship with God.

"God, thank you for helping me grow in humility, and thank you for helping me grow by calling me to repentance and to deeper union with you." [16:50]

He concludes with an uplifting reminder of the joy of being alive and the blessing of waking up each day.

"You got to wake up today. Like, that's really great news. You got to wake up today. I got to wake up today. That's pretty cool." [17:30]

Key Takeaways

Discernment is Crucial: Not all criticism is wholly accurate or unfair. Learning to identify the truthful components can lead to personal growth.
Embrace the Truth, Release the False: Accept meaningful feedback while letting go of unfounded accusations to maintain emotional and spiritual well-being.
Cultivate Gratitude: Viewing criticism as an opportunity for humility and improvement aligns with Christian teachings and fosters resilience.
Seek Divine Guidance: Relying on faith and God's perspective provides strength and clarity in handling negative feedback.

This episode offers valuable insights for anyone grappling with criticism, providing a framework rooted in faith for turning challenges into opportunities for growth.

Transcript

Father Mike Schmitz (0:00)

What a great day to be alive. Holy smokes. How do you handle being criticized? Hi, my name's Father Mike Schmitz, and this is Ascension Presents. How do you handle being criticized about your weaknesses? Or how do you handle being criticized about your flaws or things you've. Just things people don't like about you? Like, how do you handle criticism? How do we, as Christians, how are we called to handle criticism, especially when it actually hurts? The first thing I have to do is I have to ask the question, is this true? A lot of times what happens is if someone says something, something critical, or someone says something, just like a lie, even, there's part of it that is true. So if the question is, is this true? That's too broad of a question. I have to narrow it to ask the question, what part of this is true? Because I maybe used this example before, but I think sometimes if someone says a lie or a criticism, if it wasn't true at all, it'd be like kind of like a pin. Like, a pin just goes in and comes right back out. It might hurt for a second, but as soon as it's pulled out, it's like, okay, fine, whatever. It's. It's. It's done. That wasn't true. And so it's like a pin. It can hurt for a second, but it doesn't last. A lot of times with criticism, there's a little bit of truth there. And that little bit of truth is like the barb at the end of a hook, right? So like a pin just goes in, comes right back out. That's. It might have hurt for a second, done. But if there's a little bit of truth there, that's the barb that gets that hook stuck in me. And that's why criticism can hurt so much, because maybe all of it isn't true. But if there's just enough truth that I begin to believe the whole thing, I believe the whole hook because of the little barb, then I've fallen into this trap. I've fallen into the trap of believing the lie. I fall into the trap of believing the false part because of the true part. So what's an example? Someone might say, father, I think that the other day when you didn't meet with me, you're being really, really selfish. I can say, okay, wow, wait, is that true? Because that hurts. If someone says, I wanted to meet with you and I couldn't, like, actually, that gives me truly some pain. So I have to ask the question, okay, what part of that is true? So what part? The part of it's true is this is I wasn't able to meet with that person. And there are times when I'm selfish. I mean, that is the truth. Because I'm human, I'm broken. There are times when I'm selfish and I wasn't able to meet. Now was I not able to meet with that person because I'm selfish? And the answer is no. The answer actually is if I could, if there was even any possible way I would have met with that person. But now I'm believing this whole, like, accusation. I'm believing this whole criticism. I'm even believing the false part because the little part of it that's true is there and is true. So what I need to do is ask that question, is this true? And not just is this all true, but what part of this is true? If I'm gonna walk in the light of the truth, I have to acknowledge every part of that's true. So if someone has a criticism and that part of that criticism, or even all of the criticism is true, if it hurts, that's not a problem. It should, right? If the reality is I didn't meet because I'm selfish, because I'm like, no, I'd rather not meet with this person, I don't like them, or I just wanna have my own time where I'm just kinda sitting there, if that's true, I need to stand in the light of that truth and I need to be willing to face that truth, because I cannot afford. We can't afford to deceive ourselves as Christians. Why? You know, even Jesus says this. He, Jesus says, there's nothing that's hidden that will not be revealed, right? There's nothing whispered that will not be shouted from the rooftops. And so if it's true, then I need to acknowledge that it's true. But here's the important part. I only acknowledge the truth. I have to be willing to discard the part that's not true, or else I'll live under this lens of self condemnation constantly, where I'm constantly feeling badly about something that I've never done. I'm constantly feeling badly and accusing myself when it's not even true. What we need to do is be able to differentiate between the part of the accusation or the criticism that's true and the part that's false. The part that's true, we embrace and do something about. The part that's false we dismiss. We have to learn how to do that. There was someone who was making criticism of me of something that wasn't true at all. And I had this, like, real desire to defend myself. It wasn't true at all. I'm like, whoa, gosh, I can't believe this person's saying this, all these kind of things. And then I was in prayer and I was kind of overwhelmed. I was really convicted by this. I was like, okay, so I'm not guilty of the thing they're saying I'm guilty of, right? That's just not true. But just because I'm not guilty of the thing they're criticizing or the thing they're accusing doesn't mean I'm innocent, Right? Just because I didn't do the thing they said, it doesn't mean that I'm perfect. It doesn't mean that I'm innocent, doesn't mean I'm not guilty of other things. And there's something about that that's also freeing to be able to say, okay, that's not true. So, I mean, I'm not going to waste my heart, my mind, my emotions. Like, I'm not going to waste my time on this. But I'm also not going to give myself a pass and say, I'm perfect because I'm not guilty of this. I'm perfect. I'm not. I'm not guilty of this. But I'm also not innocent, which is one of the reasons why I need, just like you, we all need Jesus. Because, yes, I haven't committed every single sin in the book, but I have fallen and I have failed and I have sinned. So I'm not innocent, and I need mercy. That part is true. I think a lot of times we have three kind of approaches to criticism. One is denial. The second is acceptance. And the third is being grateful. We can deny, and we do need to deny the part that's false. We can accept the part that's true. We can also be grateful. There's something so powerful about being able to simply be grateful for criticism. Say, okay, Lord. Whether this criticism is accurate or this criticism is inaccurate, I'm grateful for it. Because if it's inaccurate, you're teaching me humility. If it's not true, you're teaching me how to, like, say, okay, that's what someone thinks, but it's not true. And there's a learning thing that happens in my heart when I realize someone out there believes something negatively about me that isn't true, okay? And just. I'm gonna let it go. I'm gonna be okay with this. I'm gonna be at peace with this, there's something that helps. Gosh, it's painful, but I'm grateful for it because it helps me know that it's God's opinion of me that matters more than anyone's. And if it is true, I'm grateful because that means someone was willing to tell me the truth. I mean, think about if it is true, that means someone was willing to. To tell me. Here's an area where you can grow. I think sometimes we walk through life when we're a little bit blind to ourselves. We're blind to our wounds and weaknesses and our fallings and failings and all these things. But if someone's willing to say this is true, okay, if it is, I'm grateful because if that's an area where I need to change, I need to grow, I need to repent. Praise God. Grateful. So criticism. And it can hurt. We have to ask what part is true, what part is not true? And for both parts, we get to say, God, thank you. Thank you for helping me grow in humility, and thank you for helping me grow by calling me to repentance and to deeper union with you. Anyways, from all this here at Ascension presents, My name is Father Mike. God bless. You got to wake up today. Like, that's really great news. You got to wake up today. I got to wake up today. That's pretty cool.