← The Fr. Mike Schmitz Catholic Podcast
The Fr. Mike Schmitz Catholic Podcast
Why Did God Let Them Die?
00:08:18
Grief is natural, and sadness at the death of a loved one is to be expected. But what about people who feel anger in their bereavement? Especially anger at God? Fr. Mike shares a difficult truth for those who wish their loved ones were still with them instead of with Jesus in heaven. Join Fr. Mike in Newark, NJ on December 9, 2024 for an evening of Advent reflection and a question and answer session. Get tickets at https://www.njpac.org/event/father-mike/.
Loading summary
Transcript2 lines
- [00:00]
A
Hello everybody. My name is Father Mike Schmitz. I want to let you know about a one night only opportunity we have in Newark, New Jersey on Monday, December 9th. We're doing an Advent night of reflection and Q and A at the Newark Performing Arts center again, Monday, December 9th at 7:00. If you're interested in finding out more about this, go to ascensionpress.com fathermiketour basically a night of reflection, diving deeply into what it is that we're preparing for in the season of Advent. If you're interested at all, Monday, December 9th at 7:00, Newark Performing Arts center go to ascensionpress.com fathermiketour that's F R M I K E Tour. God bless.
- [00:35]
B
So this is kind of one of those topics that you never want to step the wrong way, you never want to say the wrong thing because this can be a really delicate thing to talk about. I think that is so good for us to meditate on death. In fact, my wordle word of the day, that's my word, that's my lead off word is death. Not only because it has the E and the A and the T H. It's really, really helpful but also because the first thing I want to think about every day is I want to think about my death. Memento mori. Right, that, that. Remember your death. Remember that. Here's the thing. Remember that this world is not your home. That we are passing, you know, strangers and sojourners. That this is not our homeland. This is where we are right now in order to be where we're meant to be. Ultimately that this world means something but it's not our, it's not our final destination. So I'm going to talk about death, specifically talking about how sometimes people struggle with death in a way that shakes their faith. I remember when I first got here on campus and first started working with adolescents and college students that I would hear this a lot. I would hear that here be someone and they'd want to talk about someone in their life had died. This might have been their first encounter with death of someone that they were close to, their first encounter with death that, that really, you know, touched broke their heart. I think sometimes when we encounter grief, someone might say, I want an answer. To me, an answer. But the reality is I don't think in those moments, A, there are too many answers and B, I don't know if that's really what we really want. I think we just want to be able to express our sadness, we want to express our grief. The fact that we're hurting, our loss. Just sometimes, like Job, just want someone to sit with me in my grief. But even if they say, give me an answer. Why is this happening? Maybe it's best not to try to give an answer because most likely not going to be enough. And secondly, our answer is probably going to be wrong. If we say the answer is, well, it was their time, or because God knows best, or because he needed another angel in heaven or whatever. Those are all dumb answers. They don't help and they're not true. Well, that was a little rant, wasn't it? I think sometimes what they need is they just need us to be there right in their grief. As I've walked with a lot of young people with their first encounter with grief, with loss, an anger towards God. Not just the sadness, the sadness of losing the person that's. That's completely normal, but the anger towards God. I mean, I remember even this here was a young person. They were in college, maybe their second or third year in college, and their grandmother had passed away. Their grandmother had died. And they wanted to meet a number of times because they were so racked by this. Now, of course, in grief, we just want to be present and all these things. But one of the things that was happening with them is that they were now mad at God. And they were saying, why did my grandma had to have to die? Because, I mean, she was maybe, I think like 89. She was 89. She had more years to go. She was so fit before this. You know, she was pretty healthy. She. Her mind was totally there and then went on to say, and she loved Jesus so much. And she went to daily mass and she prayed a rosary all the time. She prayed for all of us. Like, why does God have to take her? And I just. You can't say it in this moment, so I'm saying it now. This was years ago. You could never say it in the moment. So I'm saying it right now. You're mad at God for giving your grandma the one thing she wanted most. That how you described your grandma is someone who lived a long life, someone who prayed, someone to mass regularly every day, someone who loved Jesus. And now she has Jesus. And you're mad at God that she now has the thing she most wanted. You're mad at God that now she has him, that she spent years of her life loving Jesus and longing for Jesus. And now she has Jesus. And you're mad at Jesus for giving her what she wants. Now, keep in mind, we can be sad. You can Be sad that you don't have your grandmother anymore, or you don't have your spouse anymore, or you don't have your siblings or your friends or even, I know this happens, your children. That sadness is absolutely, completely understandable, and I'm not dismissing that at all. But to be mad at God that now the person you love has him. There's a scene in the book the Great Divorce by C.S. lewis where it's the plains between heaven and hell, right? And people get a choice. They get to either go back to hell or they can go follow the angel or the saint who's come to bring them to the Lord. They can go to heaven. And there's a scene where there's this mom, and she had lost her son, and she wanted him to come get her because she wanted him. And you can imagine the grief she had that marked her life. They talk about the grief that marked her life, but in the course of this discussion, she says she would rather have her son with her in hell than her son to be happy without her in heaven. And C.S. lewis in. In the book, he's the one witnessing all this. It's kind of a vision that he, you know, has in the. In the. In the novel. And he says, I don't think I could ever go back and tell people that I saw this vision and that that's wrong, that there's something deficient about or twisted about this particular mother's love for her child who passed away. And his guide looks at him and he says. He has a rather fierce look, apparently. And he says, oh, no, you couldn't. You're not a good enough man for that. So I think about that when I'm offering this message. I don't think that I'm a good enough person to be able to convey the truth of this to anyone who's listening. Because I realize this is the truth. The truth is that grief can be overwhelming. And a broken heart can become a poisoned heart. And sometimes sadness can turn to anger, and sometimes our loss can be. We look for someone to blame. But to realize this truth, the truth is I can miss them with all my heart and at the same time know. But they have Jesus now. They have more than I could ever give them now. And am I really resentful over the fact that right now, again, your loved one right now is happy in heaven without you? Would you rather them to be less happy, to be sorrowful, to be in pain and with you? Or do you love them enough to allow them to be happy without you in heaven. I'm not a good enough person to share this message, so I know it could be taken so wrong. I could be sounding like I'm saying it so wrong, and I don't mean to. But I think sometimes when we get angry at God over someone who's died in our lives, whether they're really old or really young or whatever the situation, the question we get to ask ourselves, maybe we have to ask ourselves, is what would I rather be true than to be happy with God and without me, and only temporarily, because hopefully one day you'll join them or with me on this valley of the shadow of death? What would I rather have? From all of us here at Ascension presents My name is Father Mike. God bless.