Que Sera, Sera

Wed Apr 22 2026

This week on #TheFriendZone, we discuss Caterpillar on Netflix. Caterpillar is a documentary that follows David, a 50 yr old man from Miami, on a journey to India for a non-FDA-approved surgery to permanently change his eye color. Directed by Liza Mandelup, the documentary explores themes of colorism, transphobia, self-image, insecurity and the desperate need to be seen.

Transcript

A (0:00)

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B (0:16)

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C (0:48)

Every time I'm in the zone.

B (0:50)

My name is Dustin.

C (0:51)

I'm Francesca, also known as. Hey friend.

B (0:54)

Hey.

A (0:54)

My name is Asante.

B (0:57)

This is the friend zone. Let's start the show.

C (1:02)

I'd say I'm Sur, but I know who you are.

B (1:06)

So this week we back and I really did not want to talk about this person no more. I didn't. I don't want to see this person. I don't want to see any of their accessories. I don't want to hear what the cadence with which they speak, which irritates the fuck out of me. I don't want to see their dense glasses frames leaning down on the bridge of their nose when they speak. I'm sick of this motherfucker. I am sick of them. But yet again, they're on a podcast Mike talking. And it's funny that when I identify the person, this will make sense. But it's funny that someone from their genre has found their way into the podcast space as a guest and is now getting traction and clicks with the sensational things that they say. Uh oh, you would. Out of all the people that do what you do, you would be the one that's over here on the podcast talking. I'm talking about none other than Kim Boogie down Ankle Barrel. That's right.

C (2:10)

When you said accessories, for some reason you already knew.

A (2:15)

You already knew.

B (2:16)

Summary

The Friend Zone – “Que Sera, Sera” (April 22, 2026)

Hosts: Dustin Ross, Hey Fran Hey, and Assanté

Episode Overview

In this week’s episode, the trio dives into the layered complexities of self-perception, body modification, and the psychological aftermath of trauma, using the Netflix documentary Caterpillar as a springboard. Alongside their trademark humor, the hosts navigate generational issues, family dynamics, colorism, LGBTQ+ identity, and the lure of cosmetic surgery. The show also features lively discussions about birthdays, black-owned businesses, Coachella highlights, and new music and TV recs, as well as engaging community feedback.

Main Discussion: Caterpillar Documentary

[57:25–147:59]

Summary & Structure

Topic Introduction
- Fran was captivated by Caterpillar, a doc about an experimental eye color change surgery, expecting it to be a typical Netflix “trainwreck” but finding it unexpectedly moving and complex.
- The production, directed by Liza Mandelup, follows a gay black/biracial man, David, from Miami, and several others from around the globe as they seek unregulated surgery to change their eye color in India.

Key Topics & Insights

David’s Journey and Family Dynamics

Background: 50-year-old David struggles with depression and deep insecurities rooted in childhood colorism, abuse, lack of family acceptance, and being marginalized for his sexuality.
Mother’s Role: Tense, emotionally withholding; conversations highlight generational trauma and cycles of dysfunction. Carmen (his mom) shares her own hardships but fails to offer David the validation he craves.
- “She’s just not a nourishing parent.” – Fran [70:52]
Vulnerability on Screen: The trio notes the courage it takes for David to reveal harsh living conditions and emotional pain. Each host expresses empathy for both David and the brokenness visible in his mom.

The Allure and Danger of Body Modification

Obsession with Appearance: David is consumed by the fantasy of transformation and online testimonials pushing “Bright Ocular,” an unregulated eye color implant procedure.
Medical Tourism & Exploitation: The surgery is offered via impersonal emails and conducted in conditions compared to a “braider’s suite” with questionable hygiene and no FDA oversight. Predatory practices and indifference from staff are highlighted.
- “You finna let the boogeyman cut your eye in half? That don’t even make sense.” – Dustin [84:15]
Intersectionality of Trauma: All surgery participants (mostly POC) have stories rooted in trauma, colorism, self-hatred, or intense social/familial pressure.
Cultural Commentary: Fran and Dustin criticize how these unregulated surgeries prey on insecurities, with social media echo chambers amplifying feelings of inadequacy.

The Aftermath and Inner Work

Removal and Reflection: David removes the implants after complications, realizing external change can’t fix internal wounds.
- “That happiness he felt with the eyes was a decision.” – Fran [105:56]
Community Responsibility: David now cautions others online about the dangers.
Host Reflections: The team connects this story to broader issues of colorism, parental validation, and the importance—but often vagueness—of “doing the inner work.”
- “People say ‘do the work’ but rarely explain what it means. What does that actually look like?” – Fran [148:49]

Noteworthy Quotes & Moments

“In a world that often feels unpredictable, altering one’s appearance can serve as a way to reclaim ownership of the self. Cosmetic procedures may represent control. The sense of mastery is fleeting if it’s pain, not purpose, that drives it.” – Fran (paraphrasing from mentalhealth.com) [106:58]
“I just felt a sense of survival. Ain’t nobody telling me I’m good enough right now. I believe I am.” – Dustin [125:41]
Group critiques highlights, e.g., influence of colonized beauty standards (“Everything was blue, blue, blue…” – Fran [137:10]) and Instagram-perpetuated insecurities in kids (“Why are little girls putting acids on their face at 10?” – Fran [132:22])
Discussions about finding strength (or the lack thereof) to break the cycle of family patterns.

Community Corner: Listener Feedback

[28:11–56:14]

Patreon / Spotify Comments: The hosts read and discuss listener messages about driving anxieties, car trade-ins, success and shifting priorities, private school applications, and the joy of mutual support among listeners—especially women sharing financial tips.
- “Women in the comments, messaging me…just being like, listen, this is what you gotta do. I love that.” – Fran [30:42]
Shoutouts: Victoria, Deneen Taylor, Christina White, Diamond, and more for personal testimonies and community engagement.
Shared Experiences: Listeners open up about wellness journeys, navigating organized religion, and how childhood trauma can inform adult choices.
- “We have to choose life and choose to live it in a capacity to which we are our best selves.” – Lexi Bowers [41:20]

Black Business Highlight: Erin’s Cup & Cookies (Chicago, IL)

[22:28–27:57]

Entrepreneur Spotlight: 17-year-old Erin, founder of Erin’s Cup & Cookies, launches a coffee shop before old enough to work legally—offers mentorship, community hub, and creative cookies like “Velvety As…” and specialty chai teas.
Impact: The business inspires local youth and demonstrates generational potential in entrepreneurship.
- “From lemonade stands to coffee shops. Erin, I see you, girl!” – Asanté [26:05]

Music and Pop Culture Roundup

Coachella & Carol G Talk

[176:59–197:15]

Highlights: Carol G’s headlining set, pop crossovers, Coachella moments. Fran raises concerns about cultural appropriation in reggaeton, pointing out how white and non-Afro-Latinx artists dominate even regional music forms:
- “It’s musical blackface, and I have a hard time with it… Look who gets amplified: Rosalia from Spain, Carol G from Medellín. That’s my issue.” – Fran [194:53]

New/Notable Music Picks

[201:57–218:41]

Fran’s Picks: Isaiah Rashad ("Same"), Kelela ("Idea 1"), RJ the Weirdo (“At Least She’s Beautiful”).
Dustin’s Picks: The Guess Who ("These Eyes"—a nod to the doc’s eye theme), Maya P ft. Ilwalki (“Reaper”), Ball Greezy x Ice Billion Berg (“Since You’ve Been Away”).
Assanté’s Picks: Black ft. 2 Chainz (“Sunday Again”), Naomi Scott (“Demon”), Justin Bieber x Travis Scott (“No Sense”), and others across R&B/hip-hop/alt-pop.

TV Recommendations

[221:28–231:43]

“Real Housewives of Atlanta”—shoutouts to K. Michelle and Pinky Cole; “Bell Collective Birmingham”; “Task” on HBO (new FBI drama with Mark Ruffalo); mention of “Love After Lockup” and other unscripted hits.
Listener Segment: Cross, Burbs, and other Patreon binge recaps.

Wellness Segment: Shoes for the Active Life

[156:14–172:25]

Fran’s Top Finds: Keen Women’s Targhee 4 hiking boots—lightweight, supportive, “comfort right out the box,” and waterproof. Nike Vomero 5 for walking/gym.
Mental Wellness: The joy of nature walks/hiking, designing a good life, celebration of self-kindness and being present in nature.
- “There’s something about being out there that makes God feel so real…it just opens you up.” – Fran [172:25]

Other Highlights & Notable Quotes

Dustin’s Opening Rant: About Kimberell and the performative nature of public apologies from problematic public figures, linking to LGBTQ+ topics and Black church culture.
- “That was for Patreon…because who in the hell wants a Kimberell?” – Dustin [10:25]
Birthday Shoutouts: Celebrating Fran and other April babies with loving and heartfelt wishes from the co-hosts. [14:14–16:58]
Humor & Chemistry: The episode features classic Friend Zone banter, including detailed, hilarious dissection of reality TV and pop culture, and irreverent, sometimes biting analogies (“Why does your eye color sound like a vape? I want that Ice Frost 33.” – Dustin [137:57])
Community Engagement: The show continually references audience comments, emphasizing the podcast’s role as a safe space for vulnerable sharing and collective healing.

Key Timestamps

[57:25] Main Discussion starts (Caterpillar documentary)
[70:48] Family Dynamics & Generational Trauma
[84:15] Medical Tourism & Risk
[97:06] Aftermath & Recovery
[105:56] “Happiness is a decision” realization
[136:49] Influencer Marketing and Exploitation
[137:10] Colorism in Eye Color Choices
[148:49] The Need for Real “Inner Work” Explanations
[176:59] Coachella Recap & Carol G Discourse
[156:14] Wellness Segment - Best Hiking Boots

Episode Tone and Language

Conversational, candid, and often comedic—shifting seamlessly from serious vulnerability to outrageous, irreverent humor.
Hosts maintain warmth and empathy, especially when addressing trauma, insecurity, and self-love.
Critical and analytical when required, especially concerning issues of race, identity, and appropriation in entertainment and music.

Closing Thought

“You have to be proud. Your life could have gone so many different directions…and there’s something about being in nature, about finding peace, that makes everything else make sense for a while.” – Fran [172:13]

Next Steps

The hosts invite listeners to share their own experiences of transformation, inner work, and responses to trauma, promising a future episode exploring “what inner work actually means.” They remind everyone to stay engaged with Patreon for extra content and community.