The Futur with Chris Do, Ep. 412
"Why Creatives Struggle With Feedback" with Jule Kim
Release: January 15, 2026
Overview
In this rich and candid conversation, Chris Do is joined by coach and educator Jule Kim to unpack the complicated relationship creatives have with feedback. They examine why feedback is often so painful, how generational and cultural influences shape our reactions, and most importantly, practical frameworks for both giving and receiving feedback nonviolently and productively.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
Feedback Aversion: Why Creatives Struggle
- Intellectual vs. Emotional Response
Many creators know intellectually they need feedback but emotionally find it deeply painful—often interpreting even constructive notes as personal attacks. - Chris’ “Roasting” Analogy (02:07):
"Sometimes I give people feedback and they're like, oh, Chris roasted me... there's no mean spiritedness to what it is that I say. Now I think the reason why people interpret it as roasting is because their level of friction, tension and hearing critical feedback is so fragile..." - Changing Sensitivities in Education (04:35):
Chris observes a shift in art and design education away from “tough love” toward coddling, noting its impact on grade inflation and real-world preparedness.
Establishing Expectations: The Feedback Environment
- Clear Classroom Contracts (06:42–09:56):
Chris shares his approach with design students:- Participating is a choice; show up if you’re invested.
- Effort is recognized, but honesty is non-negotiable: "I require honesty. If you lie to me, I have a problem. I don't have a problem if your work sucks." (12:00)
- Authenticity over Excuses:
Faking effort or making excuses undermines the learning environment, and Chris holds students accountable.
The Fine Line: Tough Feedback vs. Harmful Critique
- When Teachers “Hulk Out” (18:46):
Chris recounts losing his composure during a portfolio critique and the resulting guilt—even when his words were seen as long overdue truths by other students.- Notable: “I don't want to be the dream crusher. But I feel like something has to be said and I've elected myself to do it. I don't feel great about it afterwards though.” (21:36)
- Jule’s Personal Story:
Growing up with overly critical parents, Jule relates to the harm of feedback that attacks self-worth rather than focuses on improvement. (21:43) - Where Is the Line?
Feedback should never be given to vent personal frustrations or to assert superiority.
Rules for Giving Feedback
Chris distills his approach into four core rules (25:24–32:57):
- Is it Invited?
Unsolicited feedback is rarely welcome and usually signals a claimed position of superiority. - Do You Know What You’re Talking About?
Only give advice if you have relevant experience. - Understand What They Want:
Ask the recipient what type of feedback will help them most. - Use Nonviolent, Nonjudgmental Language:
Avoid value statements; offer specific, factual observations instead.
“You should try to the best of your ability to use non-violent, non-judging language ... we're so socialized to use violent language because that's how everybody speaks.” — Chris (32:57)
The Emotional Intelligence of Feedback
- The Spectrum of Feedback Reception:
People hear feedback through the lens of their own self-esteem and prior experiences—sometimes internalizing neutral comments as attacks. - Context Matters:
What’s appropriate in a gaming context (trash talk) isn’t at work. The intention and the relationship shape how feedback lands (39:39). - Jule’s Struggle as a Coach:
Balancing honesty and encouragement, Jule notes the challenge: “There’s that mounting fury, so I struggle... where is the line?” (23:30)
Nonviolent Communication & Listening
- What is Nonviolent Listening?
It’s the ability to hear feedback neutrally, separating fact from judgment or emotion. (57:37)- Jule: "Try and listen from a neutral point of view. And so what is neutral? It's what is factually true."
- Practical Examples:
Chris walks through interpreting hostile social media comments for the useful kernel—if any—hiding beneath personal attacks (70:09).
Choosing Growth Over Comfort
- The Growth Mindset (57:37, 62:19):
Wanting praise and avoiding feedback leads to stagnation. True creative growth requires seeking out honest, sometimes uncomfortable critique.- Chris: “Do you prize feeling comfortable more than you do genuine growth? ... The only way I know how to get better is to seek the opinion of someone better than you. And for them to tell you their truth.” (57:37)
- Jule: "You have to decide: do you actually want it? And if you really want it, then what is the work you need to put in?" (78:19)
- Feedback as Alchemy:
Chris likens feedback to the process of turning iron into steel—heat and force (i.e., tough critique and honesty) make us stronger (80:54).
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- On Teaching Approach:
“I'm not your nanny, your babysitter, or your parent. I do not care if you do the work... What I will do though, is I will pour into the people who really care and show up.” (07:42 — Chris) - On the Danger of Dishonesty:
“If you lie to me, I have a problem. I don't have a problem if your work sucks. I don't have a problem if you put in min effort. But I do have a problem when you want more than what you're giving.” (12:00 — Chris) - Children and Parental Sins:
“Most parents raise children to fix the sins of their past. ... Be the first, if necessary, in your family to break this generational curse of trying to relive your life through your children.” (26:30-27:40 — Chris) - Feedback vs. Meanness:
“For me, the idea of being mean is to do or say something with the intention to inflict pain. That is being mean. …Sometimes we can cause pain unintentionally, but it wasn’t in the spirit of meanness.” (45:13 — Jule) - On Social Media Critique:
“If the person is really mean spirited and wants to hurt me, the best vengeance that I can serve to them is actually to use their negative, toxic spewing of feedback and actually improve myself.” (68:59 — Chris) - Feedback is a Gift... But Not All Feedback:
“Feedback is a gift when it's delivered properly. Not all feedback is a gift, because some feedback is just an insult disguised as feedback.” (80:54 — Chris)
Timestamps for Important Segments
- 02:07 — Chris on “roasting” and modern sensitivity to criticism.
- 06:42–09:56 — Setting expectations for students and the importance of honest effort.
- 14:28–22:00 — The dangers of coddling vs. too-harsh critique; Chris shares a memorable critique moment (“I hulk out, man.”).
- 25:24–32:57 — The four rules for giving feedback effectively.
- 39:39–41:03 — Context and appropriateness in giving feedback.
- 41:03–46:53 — Emotional intelligence in feedback conversations; intention vs. impact.
- 57:37–62:10 — Neutrality in listening and receiving feedback; the growth mindset.
- 70:09–75:00 — Live example: breaking down a harsh Reddit critique via nonviolent listening.
- 80:54–83:11 — Iron sharpens iron: feedback as process, not punishment.
- 85:38–86:52 — Key takeaways and closing thoughts from Jule.
Practical Takeaways
For Giving Feedback:
- Only give feedback when invited and when you have relevant expertise.
- Consider what the recipient wants and use language free of judgment and value.
- Deliver with generosity—constructive, not destructive, intent.
For Receiving Feedback:
- Practice nonviolent (neutral) listening; parse facts from feelings.
- Seek feedback not just for affirmation, but for growth.
- Remember, pain from feedback is a signal of care and a chance to strengthen, not a verdict on your worth.
Final Thoughts
Both Chris and Jule emphasize that learning to give and receive feedback well is “how iron turns to steel”—it forges stronger, more resilient creative professionals and more authentic relationships. While the pain is real, so too is the potential for growth, clarity, and creative fulfillment.
“Do you prize feeling comfortable more than genuine growth? That is the core creative decision.”
— Chris Do (57:37)
Connect with Jule Kim:
Find her on LinkedIn: Jule Kim (spelled J-U-L-E K-I-M)
For more, visit: thefutur.com/podcast