The One Question to Ask About Any Relationship | Ep 991 - The Game with Alex Hormozi

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Transcript28 lines

[00:00]
A
First date, I was like, this is what I want to do. Would you like to come with me?
[00:05]
B
Yeah. But I think that that's not. It's because most people don't know their goals.
[00:09]
A
Yeah.
[00:09]
B
Yeah. You know what I mean?
[00:11]
A
Yeah.
[00:12]
B
And I think even now, like, we're able to articulate our goals so much better than we were in the beginning. We just knew we were, like, trying to fucking go places. You know what I mean? And, like, I'll do whatever it takes.
[00:21]
A
Yeah.
[00:21]
B
Hunger.
[00:22]
A
But it's been like. And if the goal shifted, it was more. Like, it got clearer, more than it changed.
[00:28]
B
Yeah.
[00:29]
A
It was blurry, but it was like, in the beginning, it was directional. It was like, I want to go this way, and we'll figure it out as we go. But if one day you were like, I don't want to build these things. I don't want to build hospitals and build cities and do this. You know, all this, like, see what two people can do in one lifetime. It would be very hard for me because it would be asking me to not be me. And I don't know if I would be able to do that.
[00:53]
B
I wouldn't expect you to.
[00:54]
A
No. And I think that. I'm saying, I think fundamentally, because we've both shared that goal the whole time. I've never felt like I've. I mean, we get probably, I'm sure, lots of flack from the Internet for this, but, like, I've never felt like I've had to make sacrifices for you.
[01:08]
B
Mm.
[01:09]
A
Like, I haven't had to compromise my goals, which is another way of saying I haven't had to compromise myself in order to be in our relationship.
[01:15]
B
Yeah. I think I was really nervous in the beginning, and then over time, you only continually reinforced to me that I could be myself because it was so many years of conditioning to hide what I really wanted. And I think that's actually, like, what you've taught me a lot is just, like, complete self acceptance. A lot of it has been, like, me just sharing things with you of, like, how I really feel, or, like, some may say, like, the dark side or, like, dark desires and the things that I want that feel in contrast with what maybe society projects on what I should want. And you've always just been, like, incredibly accepting every time. Even, like, when I was like, dude, I don't want to make dinner every night. I don't want to do all this stuff. And, like, I was really worried. I was like, oh, my gosh, like, this is. But I was like, it's not aligned with my goals. Like me cooking dinner every night to be a good wife. I value myself here. Leading people, making people's lives better. That lights me up. Making lasagna does not. And you were like, I don't even give a fuck.
[02:13]
A
Yeah. I said, if you want to make dinner, I will be happy that you made dinner. If you want to make money, I will be happy that you made money.
[02:22]
B
I think the question that people need to ask themselves is, does this person make it easier or harder to achieve my goals? And it doesn't mean that they're actively trying to sabotage you.
[02:31]
A
It doesn't mean they're a bad person.
[02:33]
B
No, it doesn't mean any of that. It's just, like, it's that simple of a question. Also, I think the proxy to that is, like, do I respect myself more or less being in a relationship with this person? That's something that I prompted to, you know, a friend of mine months ago when they were trying to navigate a really tough relationship, and I was like, do you? I watch you lose respect for yourself every day that you're in a relationship, because this person is actually. You're trying to go towards your goals, and they're actively dragging you away. It was somewhat active sabotage. And then it's like, not only are you not going towards your goals, but you're actually degrading your sense of self.
[03:14]
A
I think it's also the, like, what traits about this person do I admire? Number one? Because whatever they have is gonna rub off on me. And then if I see myself with a blend of my traits and theirs does that new person is that new person more or less likely to achieve my current goals. And so, like, I know that I need to be more patient. And so you having patience is like, yeah, if I had some of that rub off on me, that'd be a good thing. Hey, if I was a little more empathetic, that would probably rub off. That'd probably be a good thing. That'd probably increase the likelihood that I hit my goals. And I think a lot of people have really mid, like, significant others. Just really, like, blah, like, just a human. Great. Congrats. They're like, this person did not leave when I was there. It's like, well, that's cool.
[04:04]
B
It's actually interesting, like, because we even met somebody who said, like, I met this girl on a date, and she just never left. And that's why they were with them. They're like, yeah, she, like, brought her bags, and then we just, like, first date, kept dating. I was like, do you ever pause to think this is the right person for you?
[04:21]
A
Yeah. She just hung around again. It's like, does this, like. I love the sword of Gryffindor from Harry Potter. I say it again, but it had an enchantment on it, which was. It only drinks in that, which makes it stronger. And I think it's like, you're gonna. You are that metal, you are that sword, and you're gonna be putting yourself into a bath with this other person. But you may not only take in that which makes you stronger, you may just take in everything. And that may end up making you weaker. And when I say weaker, I mean less likely to achieve the things that you want or become the person that you want to become. And I think it's just. I think it's very hard for people because everyone is just so afraid of being alone. And I think maybe the first step is being okay with being alone. Being like, I. I would rather be with just me than be with someone who makes me less like me in order to be with them.
[05:10]
B
I mean, I remember, well, before we met, I'd been alone for, like, almost two years. I got out of a bad relationship, and I was like, what am I doing? I don't want to recreate that again, you know? And I think being alone was. It's just never. And even so, like, even now, if I'm like, I. Like. We both actually really, like alone time, which I think is really important in terms of, like, there's. We don't have, like, high requirements. You know what I mean? Everything's such a bonus. Which I think is actually what I really like is things that, when I was young, were told, like, you need. You have needs. You have emotional needs. You have these. I think it was all a fucking lie. And I think it's actually really unhealthy if you have to put, quote, needs upon a partner. And I think I've become such a better person and a better spouse for looking at things as, like, bonuses, like, if we get to spend an afternoon together on Sunday afternoon. Bonus. But if you tell me that you have to work or I tell you that I have to work, fine. I'm not gonna be upset about it. I'm gonna go do stuff for myself.
[06:14]
A
Right? A lot of people don't know how to be busy, basically. A lot of people have nothing going on in their lives. And so they require their spouse or significant other for attention, affection, and approval.
[06:26]
B
Dance monkey.
[06:27]
A
They need them. Yeah. They're like, hey, I'm bored. Entertain me. And some people literally say that which I find ridiculous. But I think a really good limits test is what does this person entering my life change about my behavior? And so thinking, okay, when I am on my own, I work out like this, I eat like this, I work like this, I go to sleep at this time. These are the social things that I find meaningful or interesting. Now when this person enters my life, how many of those things that when I had nothing interfering with me change in their expression? Do I work less? Do I work out less? Do I eat differently? Do I spend my time differently? Well, if that occurs, then all of those changes will certainly change the outputs of your life. And are those changes the outputs changes to the outputs what you want? And I think most people if they really looked at themselves in the mirror would be like, no.
[07:15]
B
Yeah.

Summary5 min read

The Game with Alex Hormozi: Episode 991

“The One Question to Ask About Any Relationship”

Date: August 7, 2026
Host: Alex Hormozi

Episode Overview

In this candid episode, Alex Hormozi and his wife (typically, that’s Leila Hormozi—referred to as "B") dig deep into the fundamental question that underpins any relationship: Does this person make it easier or harder to achieve my goals? The conversation explores the connections between self-acceptance, mutual ambition, non-compromise, and respecting individuality in healthy relationships. Alex and his wife use their partnership as an example of striving for high goals without sacrificing core identity, moving well beyond surface-level relationship advice.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Goals and Direction in Relationships

Timestamp: 00:00 – 00:28

Alex and B recall the foundations of their relationship, rooted in mutual goals and a shared direction, even before the goals were clearly defined.
The importance of being unafraid to articulate what you really want in life, and ensuring your partner supports that vision.

Quote [Alex, 00:13]:
“If the goal shifted, it was more... like, it got clearer, more than it changed. It was blurry, but it was like, in the beginning, it was directional.”
Compromise that would mean abandoning core goals is viewed as denying one’s identity.

Quote [Alex, 00:38]:
“If one day you were like, I don’t want to build these things... It would be very hard for me because it would be asking me to not be me. And I don’t know if I would be able to do that.”

2. Self-Acceptance & Not Compromising Identity

Timestamp: 00:53 – 02:13

B discusses being nervous early in the relationship due to past conditioning—but found that Alex continually reinforced her ability to be herself.
Self-acceptance and honest communication (“dark side,” nontraditional ambitions, defying societal pressures) are celebrated and accepted without judgment.
Clear division between roles and expectations—rejecting notions of traditionality solely for its own sake.

Quote [B, 01:27]: “Me cooking dinner every night to be a good wife... Making lasagna does not [light me up]. And you were like, I don’t even give a fuck.”

Quote [Alex, 02:13]: “If you want to make dinner, I will be happy that you made dinner. If you want to make money, I will be happy that you made money.”

3. The “One Question” for All Relationships

Timestamp: 02:21 – 03:13

Introduction of the central question: Does this person make it easier or harder to achieve my goals?
This does not mean blaming, demonizing, or assuming active sabotage—but recognizing the true impact of the relationship.

Quote [B, 02:21]:
“Does this person make it easier or harder to achieve my goals? Also, do I respect myself more or less being in a relationship with this person?”
Reflection on a friend’s relationship where staying degraded self-respect and hindered personal growth. Relationships can either contribute to your goals or actively erode your sense of self.

4. Mutual Growth and Admiration

Timestamp: 03:13 – 04:04

Alex reflects on the traits his partner brings—like patience and empathy—and how, in a healthy partnership, those positive traits are assimilated, helping both individuals grow.
Many relationships, he suggests, are rather “mid”—fulfilling basic companionship but not fostering real growth toward ambitious goals.

Quote [Alex, 03:13]:
“Whatever they have is gonna rub off on me. And then if I see myself with a blend of my traits and theirs... is that new person more or less likely to achieve my current goals?”

5. Settling in Relationships and Fear of Being Alone

Timestamp: 04:04 – 05:10

The hosts share stories of people who “just settled” because it was convenient, not because it was right.
Alex uses the “Sword of Gryffindor” metaphor—relationships can make you stronger or weaker, but unlike magic swords, people absorb both positive and negative influences from their partners.

Quote [Alex, 04:32]:
“You are that sword, and you’re going to be putting yourself into a bath with this other person. But you may not only take in that which makes you stronger... and that may end up making you weaker.”
The fear of being alone often leads people to choose relationships that require them to diminish themselves.

Quote [Alex, 04:55]:
“Maybe the first step is being okay with being alone. I would rather be with just me than be with someone who makes me less like me in order to be with them.”

6. Redefining Relationship “Needs”

Timestamp: 05:10 – 06:14

B challenges the societal messages around having “needs” that a partner must fulfill, describing such expectations as unhealthy or even “a fucking lie.”
The healthiest relationships are bonus-driven rather than need-driven: enjoying time together as a bonus, not a requirement for happiness or fulfillment.

Quote [B, 05:52]: “I think I’ve become such a better person and a better spouse for looking at things as, like, bonuses... But if you tell me that you have to work or I tell you that I have to work, fine. I’m not gonna be upset about it. I’m gonna go do stuff for myself.”

7. Lifestyle Audit: How a Partner Changes Your Life

Timestamp: 06:14 – End

Alex proposes a practical “limits test”: Examine how your day-to-day behavior differs when in a relationship versus when alone. Do important routines or habits change for the better—or the worse?
This audit helps determine if relationship changes are actually helping or hindering your ideal self.

Quote [Alex, 06:26]: “What does this person entering my life change about my behavior?... When this person enters my life, how many of those things that when I had nothing interfering with me change in their expression?”
If behaviors and outcomes are trending downward after introducing a partner, it’s likely not a beneficial relationship.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On core identity and goals:
“I haven’t had to compromise my goals, which is another way of saying I haven’t had to compromise myself in order to be in our relationship.” [Alex, 01:08]
Embracing personal ambition over traditional roles:
“Me cooking dinner every night...Making lasagna does not [light me up]. And you were like, I don’t even give a fuck.” [B, 01:48]
On self-respect as a non-negotiable:
“Do I respect myself more or less being in a relationship with this person?” [B, 02:32]
Gryffindor’s sword metaphor:
“You may not only take in that which makes you stronger... you may just take in everything. And that may end up making you weaker.” [Alex, 04:32]
On being busy and self-sufficient:
“A lot of people don’t know how to be busy, basically. A lot of people have nothing going on in their lives. And so they require their spouse...for attention, affection, and approval.” [Alex, 06:14]

Conclusion

This episode uncovers the tough but empowering truth: the right partner should amplify your goals and sense of self, not dilute them. Alex and his wife urge listeners to ask difficult questions about their relationships—focusing on growth, self-respect, and individuality—rather than passively clinging to “needs” or fears of loneliness. Their direct, no-nonsense approach offers both comfort and challenge to anyone reevaluating their relationships.

Loading summary

Transcript28 lines

[00:00]
A
First date, I was like, this is what I want to do. Would you like to come with me?
[00:05]
B
Yeah. But I think that that's not. It's because most people don't know their goals.
[00:09]
A
Yeah.
[00:09]
B
Yeah. You know what I mean?
[00:11]
A
Yeah.
[00:12]
B
And I think even now, like, we're able to articulate our goals so much better than we were in the beginning. We just knew we were, like, trying to fucking go places. You know what I mean? And, like, I'll do whatever it takes.
[00:21]
A
Yeah.
[00:21]
B
Hunger.
[00:22]
A
But it's been like. And if the goal shifted, it was more. Like, it got clearer, more than it changed.
[00:28]
B
Yeah.
[00:29]
A
It was blurry, but it was like, in the beginning, it was directional. It was like, I want to go this way, and we'll figure it out as we go. But if one day you were like, I don't want to build these things. I don't want to build hospitals and build cities and do this. You know, all this, like, see what two people can do in one lifetime. It would be very hard for me because it would be asking me to not be me. And I don't know if I would be able to do that.
[00:53]
B
I wouldn't expect you to.
[00:54]
A
No. And I think that. I'm saying, I think fundamentally, because we've both shared that goal the whole time. I've never felt like I've. I mean, we get probably, I'm sure, lots of flack from the Internet for this, but, like, I've never felt like I've had to make sacrifices for you.
[01:08]
B
Mm.
[01:09]
A
Like, I haven't had to compromise my goals, which is another way of saying I haven't had to compromise myself in order to be in our relationship.
[01:15]
B
Yeah. I think I was really nervous in the beginning, and then over time, you only continually reinforced to me that I could be myself because it was so many years of conditioning to hide what I really wanted. And I think that's actually, like, what you've taught me a lot is just, like, complete self acceptance. A lot of it has been, like, me just sharing things with you of, like, how I really feel, or, like, some may say, like, the dark side or, like, dark desires and the things that I want that feel in contrast with what maybe society projects on what I should want. And you've always just been, like, incredibly accepting every time. Even, like, when I was like, dude, I don't want to make dinner every night. I don't want to do all this stuff. And, like, I was really worried. I was like, oh, my gosh, like, this is. But I was like, it's not aligned with my goals. Like me cooking dinner every night to be a good wife. I value myself here. Leading people, making people's lives better. That lights me up. Making lasagna does not. And you were like, I don't even give a fuck.
[02:13]
A
Yeah. I said, if you want to make dinner, I will be happy that you made dinner. If you want to make money, I will be happy that you made money.
[02:22]
B
I think the question that people need to ask themselves is, does this person make it easier or harder to achieve my goals? And it doesn't mean that they're actively trying to sabotage you.
[02:31]
A
It doesn't mean they're a bad person.
[02:33]
B
No, it doesn't mean any of that. It's just, like, it's that simple of a question. Also, I think the proxy to that is, like, do I respect myself more or less being in a relationship with this person? That's something that I prompted to, you know, a friend of mine months ago when they were trying to navigate a really tough relationship, and I was like, do you? I watch you lose respect for yourself every day that you're in a relationship, because this person is actually. You're trying to go towards your goals, and they're actively dragging you away. It was somewhat active sabotage. And then it's like, not only are you not going towards your goals, but you're actually degrading your sense of self.
[03:14]
A
I think it's also the, like, what traits about this person do I admire? Number one? Because whatever they have is gonna rub off on me. And then if I see myself with a blend of my traits and theirs does that new person is that new person more or less likely to achieve my current goals. And so, like, I know that I need to be more patient. And so you having patience is like, yeah, if I had some of that rub off on me, that'd be a good thing. Hey, if I was a little more empathetic, that would probably rub off. That'd probably be a good thing. That'd probably increase the likelihood that I hit my goals. And I think a lot of people have really mid, like, significant others. Just really, like, blah, like, just a human. Great. Congrats. They're like, this person did not leave when I was there. It's like, well, that's cool.
[04:04]
B
It's actually interesting, like, because we even met somebody who said, like, I met this girl on a date, and she just never left. And that's why they were with them. They're like, yeah, she, like, brought her bags, and then we just, like, first date, kept dating. I was like, do you ever pause to think this is the right person for you?
[04:21]
A
Yeah. She just hung around again. It's like, does this, like. I love the sword of Gryffindor from Harry Potter. I say it again, but it had an enchantment on it, which was. It only drinks in that, which makes it stronger. And I think it's like, you're gonna. You are that metal, you are that sword, and you're gonna be putting yourself into a bath with this other person. But you may not only take in that which makes you stronger, you may just take in everything. And that may end up making you weaker. And when I say weaker, I mean less likely to achieve the things that you want or become the person that you want to become. And I think it's just. I think it's very hard for people because everyone is just so afraid of being alone. And I think maybe the first step is being okay with being alone. Being like, I. I would rather be with just me than be with someone who makes me less like me in order to be with them.
[05:10]
B
I mean, I remember, well, before we met, I'd been alone for, like, almost two years. I got out of a bad relationship, and I was like, what am I doing? I don't want to recreate that again, you know? And I think being alone was. It's just never. And even so, like, even now, if I'm like, I. Like. We both actually really, like alone time, which I think is really important in terms of, like, there's. We don't have, like, high requirements. You know what I mean? Everything's such a bonus. Which I think is actually what I really like is things that, when I was young, were told, like, you need. You have needs. You have emotional needs. You have these. I think it was all a fucking lie. And I think it's actually really unhealthy if you have to put, quote, needs upon a partner. And I think I've become such a better person and a better spouse for looking at things as, like, bonuses, like, if we get to spend an afternoon together on Sunday afternoon. Bonus. But if you tell me that you have to work or I tell you that I have to work, fine. I'm not gonna be upset about it. I'm gonna go do stuff for myself.
[06:14]
A
Right? A lot of people don't know how to be busy, basically. A lot of people have nothing going on in their lives. And so they require their spouse or significant other for attention, affection, and approval.
[06:26]
B
Dance monkey.
[06:27]
A
They need them. Yeah. They're like, hey, I'm bored. Entertain me. And some people literally say that which I find ridiculous. But I think a really good limits test is what does this person entering my life change about my behavior? And so thinking, okay, when I am on my own, I work out like this, I eat like this, I work like this, I go to sleep at this time. These are the social things that I find meaningful or interesting. Now when this person enters my life, how many of those things that when I had nothing interfering with me change in their expression? Do I work less? Do I work out less? Do I eat differently? Do I spend my time differently? Well, if that occurs, then all of those changes will certainly change the outputs of your life. And are those changes the outputs changes to the outputs what you want? And I think most people if they really looked at themselves in the mirror would be like, no.
[07:15]
B
Yeah.