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[00:00]
A
This is the GaryVee audio experience. This morning we had one of the most iconic moments in tea with GaryVee history that I genuinely believe will help tens of thousands of people over the next decade as this gets populated. Sit down, get some popcorn. Really pay attention.
[00:20]
B
Oh, shit, man. I'm fucking nervous, man.
[00:22]
A
Don't worry, bro. We're friends.
[00:23]
B
Like, shaking and everything. I've been watching you for, like, three years, dude. My wife is watching. My mom is probably watching too. So what's up, guys?
[00:31]
A
Awesome. Damn.
[00:32]
B
Holy shit.
[00:32]
A
Don't worry, bro.
[00:33]
B
Trying to be a man. Trying to be a man here, you
[00:34]
A
know, bro, it doesn't take a man. A man owns his emotions. I'm a man out here talking about compassion, sympathy, kindness, and love. So I'm proud of you for talking about your nerves. I just want you to hear this clear. You can't imagine how nice that makes me feel. I'm super flattered.
[00:51]
B
Awesome. I'm so glad, man.
[00:53]
A
It's humbling.
[00:54]
B
You really do change people's lives, dude. Like, I'm sure, you know, but, like, it's, like, to a whole different level. So. I'm 22. I'm married. I've been married for, like, three years. I just had a baby, like, you know, in January. So I'm pretty fulfilled in that sense. You know what I'm saying? But one thing I've always loved to do since I've been, like, 13 is, like, make YouTube videos. Just because, like, I have had rough patches of my life. When I was younger, watching people on YouTube, like, you know, entertaining people. Like, that's always been like, I'm like, wow. Like, you know, it's always made me feel good. Like, I want to do that for people, too. And, like, my thing is, like, I love cars. Like, I like racing. I like, you know, building race cars and shit. Like, I have a YouTube channel that I. It's been up for, like, four years, but I've been so inconsistent, you know? Like, I upload and then I delete it because I think the videos aren't good enough. You know, just, like, really negative. And then that's when I started watching you. I was in tech school. I feel like I went to tech school, and I did all that just to prove myself and, you know, just kind of be like, you know, I'm not as bad as people think, you know, Especially when your family says you're bad, it's, like, kind of rough to
[01:54]
A
deal with that, you know, it's extremely difficult. So it's really tough.
[01:57]
B
Yeah.
[01:58]
A
Go ahead.
[01:58]
B
So I was like, you know what? I'm gonna do this. I graduated with a 4.0, which I know in tech schools, like, now it's only a year and a half, so it's not like too big of a deal. But I tried my best, bro.
[02:08]
A
Don't undermine your success.
[02:10]
B
Yeah, I know. Just some people, like, I'm sure, like, oh, that's not that hard.
[02:13]
A
But the biggest. The biggest issue out of your mouth is the word some people.
[02:18]
B
Yeah.
[02:19]
A
Bro, you have to stop giving a fuck about these people in the comments and the ones that are watching.
[02:24]
B
Yeah, that's true.
[02:25]
A
I always listen very carefully. And just like you hedging the 4.0 based on some people is the biggest thing we need to work on, on the next 91 years of your life. That's where you're at. We gotta fix that. And when I say fix that, that feels too heavy. You need to get into a better relationship with that.
[02:45]
B
Right?
[02:45]
A
Everyone's always gonna have an opinion.
[02:47]
B
Yeah, no, I mean, that's. That's 100% true. Everyone always has something to say. Just to kind of lead up to, you know, what I think about myself, like, in the sense of. So, like, I'm a very negative person. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm a negative Nancy kind of guy. Like, literally, I wake up in the morning.
[03:02]
A
You're cynical. Like, you wake up and you're cynical.
[03:04]
B
Yes. Like, I wake up and I'm like, what can go wrong today? You know? Because, like, I've tried so hard.
[03:09]
A
Ready for this. You're not a negative person. You're a scared person.
[03:13]
B
Yeah, I could. Yeah, I could definitely.
[03:15]
A
Alexis, that. That's a big difference, bro. For all the people out there that are watching, that are fear, that are scared and fear based and vulnerable. You're not negative. Don't demonize yourself. You're actually vulnerable. You're not negative, bro.
[03:31]
B
I didn't think about it like that. Actually. I never thought about it.
[03:33]
A
That's why we're fucking doing tea with Gary.
[03:35]
B
Yes. Yes. That's why I'm glad to be on here, because I needed a huge.
[03:38]
A
Let me tell. And let me tell you why this is important, Alexis. All of a sudden, when you wake up tomorrow and you realize you're not a negative, when somebody thinks they're a negative person, that's devastating. Yeah, you're like, I'm bad. No, no, you're not bad. You're hurt.
[03:54]
B
Yeah, yeah. Maybe it was something that happened to me, you know, when I was younger or something. You know, it just kind of like sets that, you know, where it's like, what's going to happen today? You know, like, it's such a bad. But like, I feel like that affects me with everything I do because like, when I'm making YouTube videos or like when I'm doing stuff like that, I'm kind of like, you know, like, oh, this is gonna be trash. Like, this isn't good enough. Like, you know, and just like, I don't know. I put myself down a lot and I'm just like, my original question actually is nothing with what I'm talking about,
[04:20]
A
you know, bro, this is the real shit. And like, we're here. I'm with you right now. I like this talk right now. I really, really, really like this talk right now. I think you helping over the next 10 years. Cause a lot of people watch this video. Not when we record it. You're about to help a lot of people. I can see in the comments. You literally just helped a lot of people just in that one moment. So let's keep going.
[04:38]
C
This episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales using automation, analytics and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more@accenture.com Spotify. When you need to build up your team to handle the growing chaos at work, use Indeed sponsored jobs. It gives your job post the boost it needs to be seen and helps reach people with the right skills, certifications and more. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who Check all your boxes. Listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit@ Indeed.com podcast. That's Indeed.com podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need a hiring hero? This is a job for Indeed. Sponsored jobs.
[05:38]
A
I'm telling you that your self esteem is vulnerable because to your point, you said it earlier, when your family tells you you're not good, you believe that shit?
[05:47]
B
Yeah, yeah, 100%.
[05:48]
A
We need to get out of that. Does your family still say that?
[05:52]
B
So like, as soon as I started watching your videos and I know you say not to do this as much, but like, I feel like, you know, I just tried to cut out negative people out of my life and just isolate myself. Like, I do this a lot. I've actually never had Any long term friends. Like, I've never had a friend that I can be like, oh, I've been best friends with this guy for a long time. I think my best friend right now, I would guess is like, I've known him for like a year, you know what I'm saying? Because, like, as soon as, like, someone does something, like, makes me feel negative, I just kind of like isolate myself and I push everyone away, you know what I'm saying? Like, of course.
[06:22]
A
Because you're. Because you're emotionally soft.
[06:25]
B
Yeah, Yeah, I can see that.
[06:27]
A
And your Mendoza line for cutting someone off is super low. Like, for me, my Mendoza line super high. Like, you have to really, really, really go somewhere. And I've had a lot of things done to me. I had a friend in college who stole my Sega Genesis and I still was friends with him after I found out.
[06:45]
B
Holy shit.
[06:46]
A
Because I. Because I knew he was in a bad spot to do that to me. I was in a rugged college. But other people I know cut people off because they said something.
[06:55]
B
Right?
[06:56]
A
The reason you don't have long term friendships is because of your own lack of self esteem and your inability to rise above when somebody goes low.
[07:06]
B
That was gonna be my thing. Like I said, I've been watching you for a long time and I know, like, you know, you've actually. I was worse than that, to be honest. Like, watching you has made me better. Like, you know, more confident in myself and more like, you know, I can deal with that kind of stuff more. But I feel like it takes a long time too, because even in three years of watching you, like, I'm still not where I want to be, if that makes any sense. Like, I'm, you know, not like, mentally where I want to be and just stop being so negative. And I wish. And every time something good happens in my life, I'm always like, okay, what's gonna happen now? Like, ask. You can ask my wife. Like, I don't get excited when good things happen because I automatically think something that's gonna happen right after.
[07:41]
A
Bro. I live with this. My father's got a lot of these similar traits, bro.
[07:46]
B
Holy shit.
[07:47]
A
So I understand you.
[07:50]
B
Is there any way, like, I can, you know, like, get better at that, you know? Like, of course.
[07:55]
A
You just said you got better the last three years.
[07:56]
B
Yeah, Yeah. I feel like I have, like, I feel like I've gotten better at, like, stop fearing about what other people think about me. That's like a big thing for me. Like, I've gotten way better at that.
[08:05]
A
You Know, you see how you've got some. Some muscle.
[08:09]
B
Yeah.
[08:10]
A
How'd you do that?
[08:12]
B
Oh, yeah, I worked out. Play football in high school. Yeah.
[08:16]
A
That's how you do this. Yeah. Listening to positivity, owning your shortcomings. Accept that. You know, the reason I'm talking with such candor here, you know, I'm sure some people are watching, like, damn, Gary's, like, exposing his shit. I'm not doing that.
[08:32]
B
I mean, I like it. I love it. It's awesome.
[08:34]
A
Because it's empowering. When you own your shortcomings, if you can't own your fucking shortcomings, well, then you can't talk about your strengths. What I think is keeping me here with you is my deep belief that you're on your way. Because it's about awareness. Fact that you have the strength to come on here with all these people watching and talk to me like, this actually makes me believe that you're well on your way. Because I know a lot of people who don't.
[09:00]
B
Yeah, I'm just, like, trying to, like, you know, like, it's such a bad thing in my life that, like, it's like a mental block for everything I do that it's like, man, I need to stop doing this.
[09:09]
A
You need to realize that you're not bad. You grew up being told you were bad and you believed it. You need to realize you're not bad. You're scared.
[09:18]
B
Right.
[09:19]
A
The second you go from, I'm a bad guy, I'm a tough guy, I'm a negative guy, to I'm a soft guy, I'm a vulnerable guy, I'm emotionally, like, not where I need to be guy, all of a sudden, the way you even look at yourself changes, and then you could start focusing on building those muscles on that.
[09:39]
B
Yeah.
[09:39]
A
Do you get this feeling that you cut people off because you don't feel like you get into this place where you feel like they're pulling one off on you and you don't like that feeling?
[09:48]
B
Yes. Like, I always think somebody has an angle. Every time someone's nice to me, I'm like, okay, what's your angle, dude? Like, what do you want from me? You know what I'm saying?
[09:54]
A
Did you feel that way about me the first time you saw the content? Potentially. Like, what's gonna be the other shoe? Like, is he gonna try to sell me a course or what's the fucking punchline?
[10:02]
B
Surprisingly, I feel like I didn't just because, like, you know, like, you were so honest that I feel like you wouldn't be the type to do that. You know what I'm saying? Like, you, you were just being like straight up, like authentic and honest.
[10:12]
A
And maybe that's cause I was remote and through a screen instead of real life, you know, here's where I'm trying to get you to go. You need to get into a totally different place with your self esteem. You need to love yourself. That's why the biggest moment of this talk was you're not negative, you're just vulnerable. That was the biggest moment. Because when you wake up and you're like, I'm scared today and I need to get less scared today, that is huge. Huge compared to waking up and saying I'm negative. I'm a bad guy. That's a game changer, Alexis. That's a game changer.
[10:48]
B
Yeah, it's like hard though. Like, I tried to. I really, really. Like, there's a lot of times where I'm like, okay, like, just stop thinking like that, you know, like, you got this.
[10:56]
A
No, you have to understand, it's ingrained in you. So what you need to do is practice. What do I mean by that? The next. This one friend you've got right now for a year, the first time he does something that doesn't pop off properly, you have to fucking. You have to like email me or DM me or watch this video game. You have to forgive him.
[11:16]
B
Right? Yeah, that's. Yeah, that holds grudges, bro.
[11:22]
A
Grudges are garbage. Yeah, grudges are fucking garbage. Grudges are the execution of a weak man.
[11:30]
B
Yeah, no, I agree 100%. It makes you just, you know, makes your life quality go down when you hold grudges.
[11:37]
A
Is your wife positive?
[11:38]
B
Yes. She's like the complete opposite of me.
[11:40]
A
Yeah.
[11:41]
B
Like, I feel like I try to cliche, like I'm that bad.
[11:44]
A
Of course you do.
[11:44]
B
I try to bring her.
[11:45]
A
You're not that bad. You're not that bad, bro. I'm telling you right now, if we change the terminology in your life, shit will get good. You're not that bad. You're that weak, you're that scared, you're that soft.
[11:57]
B
I totally agree with you. Honestly, like, it's big.
[12:00]
A
I want to change your vernacular. Because if you do, you'll be a different man. Yeah, it's that when you're most scared, you try to bring her down to your level.
[12:09]
B
Yeah, it's. That's exactly what I do. That's why when you say, you talk about, like haters, you know, like trying to bring other people down do you
[12:14]
A
find that, do you find, do you find yourself like being jealous if like another guy looks at her? Like, are you trying to like cage her?
[12:22]
B
No, not like that. Actually. Like, I'm not like bad like that, but I'm bad in the sense of like when she's like trying to be happy for me for something I accomplished or positive or she's like, don't do
[12:31]
A
that, don't do that because I'm gonna, something's gonna happen and then I'm gonna let you down and that's gonna make
[12:36]
B
you feel like that's my fear to like let my son down, let her down. Like I'm always like, bro, listen to me.
[12:42]
A
The only thing that you can do to let them down is by continuing down the path of thinking that you're bad.
[12:49]
B
Right? Yeah, no, I, yeah, I can't. I don't want him to grow up like that, you know, like being like me. Like I don't want.
[12:55]
A
But let me tell you, because I've watched this, I've watched this transpire because I'm. Because I'm old for 44, I got some real fucking emotional wisdom. What's going to end up happening is if your child or children end up having similar DNA to you, you're going to feel so bad that you're going to actually resent them and have like a worse relate. Like you'll have a good relationship with the children that take your wife's DNA and you'll have a bad relationship with the that take your DNA because it's going to be painful to you because you're like, fuck, I passed that on to her or him, so I'm out. No, I agree with you. Can't do that. Yeah, bro, I'm really proud of you. To be at this place at this young of an age, to be self aware enough to know what's brewing and to have the courage to come on here and talk to me about this shit, that's game changing. When I tell you you're close because the only thing that holds people back is hiding shit.
[13:51]
C
Right?
[13:51]
B
Right.
[13:52]
A
And right now you just told tens of thousands of people about your shit.
[13:55]
B
Yeah, yeah, it's just like that bad, dude. Like, I'm like, I have to tell someone that actually, like, you know, cuz I got tell other people. Like my wife, I want to say other people, I mean like my wife, she's just like. I feel like maybe hearing it from her is not as good because I'm like, of course you're just gonna try to like, you know, bring me up and make me feel better because I'm your husband, you know, so of course, like, I feel like her answer is not as genuine. Maybe, but it probably doesn't carry automatically think that.
[14:18]
A
Yeah, listen, you default into the angle, the conspiracy. You must love conspiracy fucking documentaries. Like, that's like, you know, like, like that's where you're at.
[14:27]
B
Yeah.
[14:27]
A
And what's so interesting in the theme of this show is now you know why you're the one that looks at other things and tries to tear people down.
[14:34]
B
Yeah, yeah. I, it's all the same game.
[14:37]
A
I really believe as we go through this period of time in American history specifically, and really in the world where hate and negativity have definitely risen 100, I believe that we're going to get into mental health issues and get into, you know, parenting structures. And like, what I'm really worried about is that a lot of people that are, that think they're kind and good people are actually shaming people instead, instead of trying to help.
[15:03]
B
Right, Yeah, I agree with that. I, I, of course you do.
[15:06]
A
They're on the receiving end of that.
[15:08]
B
Yes. Yeah, I think I gotta, like, work on it more, like on a daily basis and just exercise it more. I don't know. I didn't think about it. Like, I'm scared of stuff, you know, I just thought about it, like, I'm just negative, you know, and like, I just don't like people that much, you know, and this and that.
[15:23]
A
No, no, you don't like yourself.
[15:25]
B
Yeah, yeah, no, that's probably. I don't like, I really don't like how I am. Like, I hate that mindset that I have.
[15:31]
A
That's right. But the good news is you can fix it. I didn't like that I didn't have, you know, muscles and, you know, like, and I was not healthy for my heart. And like, I was gonna, like. And I changed. And when I tell you working out and eating right did not come natural to me at all. So I changed. I figured it out. I got a babysitter, a trainer, and I figured out the system. You just have to figure out your system. Maybe you have to listen to positivity on podcast 24 hours a day.
[15:57]
B
That's what dude, I. Every single day. Like, and other people too.
[16:01]
A
And I appreciate it. But, like, you know, like, bro, you have to watch this video like, every day.
[16:05]
B
Yeah, no, I probably will. Dude, this is like the biggest moment ever. I told my wife this is like top five, like, best things, like, in
[16:11]
A
my Life, bro, you are just perfectly cliche. In so many reactions, I see so many young people who have this framework get married early as soon as they find somebody super positive.
[16:21]
B
Yeah. Yeah. It's like, I didn't even realize it. Yeah, that's right.
[16:25]
A
First for her.
[16:26]
B
Yeah. I tell her all the time, I'm like, fuck. Like, I wish I could be like you. Like, I wish I could just think everything's gonna be fine. And, like, you know, like, I always tell her that because it's just such a good. You know, like.
[16:38]
A
And instead of. Instead of making it selfish and say, I wish I could be like you, maybe what you can do is make it a compl. You're making it about yourself when you say that to her.
[16:46]
B
Oh, shit.
[16:47]
A
What? You might want to change that to. And this is where semantics of words matter. Maybe you say to her. What's her name?
[16:53]
B
Noemi.
[16:54]
A
Noemi. I admire your optimism and positivity. Now all of a sudden, you're giving her a compliment. Because when you say to her, I wish that I could be like you, she's not taking that as a compliment. She sees that as you being selfish about what you wish. You're about you in that sentence.
[17:12]
B
Yeah, that's true. Yeah. I'm saying I wish I was, you know? Yeah.
[17:16]
A
And what you're doing is you're subconsciously, again, saying, hey, like, feel bad for me.
[17:23]
B
Right.
[17:24]
A
Instead of propping her up, you're asking her for another hand. There's a subconscious guilt of, like, you got lucky with DNA. I didn't. And what's gonna happen with her is she's gonna build resentment for you over time.
[17:38]
B
Right?
[17:38]
A
Bro, I really, really believe in you.
[17:41]
B
Thank you, man. I appreciate it. Like, you know, I don't normally talk about this with anyone, you know, normally, like, I try, like I said, like, only with her. But I was like, man, Gary's like, the perfect person to just put this on, you know, and just see, like, what. You know, what his response would be.
[17:55]
A
I swear to God on everything in my body, I genuinely think you can win this game.
[18:01]
B
Thank you, man. I really, like. It's life changing to hear that from you. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's.
[18:07]
A
Bro, please realize that you were wound. You're hurt. You're not bad. You're good with an injury, right?
[18:15]
B
Yeah, I just didn't realize that. I didn't think about it. I didn't. I didn't. You know, I guess. I guess because I'm young, too, so it kind of, like you don't think about that stuff. And now I'm like, damn, that's probably what it is. Maybe something happened to me, you know, like, it just kind of like, started.
[18:30]
A
And by the way, don't. And I don't think it's usually it's more of a systematic, you know, culture. Like, it's very likely that one of your parents is exactly the same way. And instead of resenting your parent, you can feel bad for them, too.
[18:45]
C
This episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more@accenture.com Spotify when you need to build up your team to handle the growing chaos at work, use Indeed Sponsored jobs. It gives your job post the boost it needs to be seen and helps reach people with the right skills, certifications and more. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who Check all your boxes. Listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit@ Indeed.com podcast. That's Indeed.com podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need a hiring hero? This is a job for Indeed Sponsored Jobs.
[19:45]
B
Right.
[19:46]
A
You can have compassion for them instead of now going into a place of like, you know what, you mom Gary. He's right. I'm you. No, no, you can go into a place of compassion because it's likely that her mom did that or your dad's dad did that or. You understand.
[20:01]
B
Yeah. Yeah.
[20:02]
A
You need to realize that you're strong enough to change it for everyone. Digging in and drawing a line and making it a fight is going to do nothing.
[20:11]
B
Yeah. And you think, like, also, like what you surround yourself with also kind of affects you too.
[20:16]
A
Kind of like 100%.
[20:17]
B
Right.
[20:17]
A
It's why I fucking work so hard to put out so much free content. I'm trying to be a positive force for people that aren't fortunate enough to have something. And I have a unique communication style and a. And a human element that clicks for some people that. Because. Because I think they can taste the lack of interest of anything other than the exit, you know, like, I'm not looking for anything.
[20:39]
B
I agree 100%. That's why I said when I first started watching your videos, I didn't think, like, you had an angle. Actually, like, I Was like, holy shit, this guy's like. And it's. I think it's because you called people on their bullshit, you know? And, like, that's funny.
[20:49]
A
You know, it's funny. I hear that a lot from. From people, and they like that. You know what's funny? I think even the tone of this conversation. I just want to help.
[20:59]
B
Right? Like I said, even in three years, I feel like I have gotten better. You know, maybe I've gotten worse, actually, that I isolate people like myself from people more. But I have gotten better in the sense of, like, you know, now, like, with YouTube and, like, other stuff like that, I'm more confident that I will be able to make that work, you know? Like, that's like my thing that I'm
[21:17]
A
like, you need to realize that those people aren't bad or have an angle. It's that you're scared because you're not emotionally strong to be let down.
[21:27]
B
Yeah.
[21:28]
A
You're cutting them out to protect yourself. The way to really win, quote, unquote, is for you to get comfortable with being let down and realizing that's not a reflection of you.
[21:42]
B
Right? No, I agree with that. That's. That's awesome. That's, like, what I needed to hear.
[21:48]
A
I'm glad I could deliver it, bro.
[21:50]
B
Thank you so much, man. I really, really appreciate it, dude.
[21:53]
A
Lex, listen to me. Over next year, a million people are gonna watch this video. Just remember, that means that cutting people out or trolling someone or waking up, like, you're not gonna be able to live anymore tricking people. You're not tricking anyone anymore.
[22:09]
B
Right?
[22:10]
A
Use that as a positive.
[22:11]
B
Yeah. I need to change. I need to do something. Like, I can't keep being like this. This is.
[22:16]
A
I'm telling you right now, what most excites me is. I know you can.
[22:20]
B
Thank you so much.
[22:21]
A
If you knew the power and strength it took for you to be honest on this video now, living life and being okay with Ricky, if he, like, steals your money or, like, says something bad about your wife and you being a bigger person. Like, you can't imagine now trying to forgive one of your parents or an uncle or something, you know, I don't want to dive too deep. It might be something even more extreme than just a negative atmosphere. It might be some real deep shit. Forgiveness is the fucking key to a whole new life.
[22:51]
B
Yeah, no, I. I haven't practiced that yet in my life. If, you know, like, I haven't really. I'm not a forgivable person, so maybe I should.
[22:59]
A
That comes that comes out of your own insecurity.
[23:03]
B
Yeah.
[23:04]
A
Forgiveness and being the bigger person and kindness is the fucking ultimate strength.
[23:10]
B
Yeah, no, that's. Yeah, I need to. I need to do it. I need to start doing it. I really do.
[23:16]
A
I believe you. I really think you can. I really think you can. That's why I'm five minutes late for a huge client meeting.
[23:21]
B
Oh, my God, dude, I'm so sorry.
[23:22]
A
No, no, no, no, no. What I want you to hear is that the reason I'm this late is because I feel this moment so much. And. And I'm also super aware of how raw and real we went and how many hundreds of people right now watching are living your exact life. And this. This thing I genuinely believe is the seed of so much of the things that are anxious in our society, and I desperately, desperately want to be one of the forces to fucking help cut this thing out of our bodies.
[23:58]
B
Yeah, no, I mean, we need it. You know, like, the people that are like me, like, you know, it's like.
[24:02]
A
Alexis, you have an Instagram? Yes, because I want this community dm you encourage you, and I want you to make some positive friends. What's your. What's your Instagram?
[24:12]
B
It's Alexis Cisnero. Yeah, right there. Somebody found Or Dustin found it, I guess. That's awesome. Holy shit.
[24:19]
A
All right, you're at. You're at 567, 568 now.
[24:24]
B
Thank you so much.
[24:25]
A
You like cars?
[24:25]
B
I love cars. That's been my passion since I was, like, six years old.
[24:29]
A
All right, 568. Vaynernation. This would mean the world to me. I want to see this number completely fucking explode. And I want every one of you to DM this man. Something positive. I want. Please.
[24:40]
B
Thank you so much. I appreciate that so much. Gary, man, thank you so much.
[24:43]
A
Lexus, listen to me, please. Do me one honor. Please listen to this whole entire thing. I think it was, like, 30 minutes. Yeah. Often. Often.
[24:53]
B
Okay. Thank you so much, man.
[24:56]
A
Like, literally work out every morning and listen to this or while you're brushing your teeth. Every morning. Every morning. I'm telling you, man.
[25:04]
B
Yeah. Thank you so much, dude. I will listen to it. I mean, trust me, this is, like, a huge deal to me. Like. Like I said, top five, like, life moments.
[25:12]
A
It's a huge. It's a huge deal for me, too.
[25:15]
B
Thank you so much. Holy shit. Like, I didn't. I honestly wasn't even gonna talk to you about this. Like, I was, like, I had a whole different question, but then I Was like talking to you and I'm like, damn. Like, he's actually like, as real as it gets, man. You know? So I was like, you know, I'm just gonna lay it all out, you
[25:29]
A
know, Alexis, you helped more people today than most people ever get to help in their entire life. You're a good kid. You're not negative. You're not bad. You're mislabeled, bro.
[25:41]
B
Gonna make me cry, dude. Like, holy shit.
[25:43]
A
This is like, bro, you're mislabeled. You're mislabeling yourself to yourself.
[25:49]
B
Yeah.
[25:49]
A
You're a wonderful fucking human who has an injury, has a vulnerability, and has to completely address that and change the way you talk and think and practice that. You want. You want a real prescription? Go reach out to everybody in your phone. Go to your phone right now and look at from A to Z and text people and say you're sorry and I love you.
[26:12]
B
Damn. Yeah.
[26:13]
A
That takes real strength.
[26:15]
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's some people that I'm like, dude, I would never even want to see this guy's name again, you know? Like, I don't know why. Like, it's because.
[26:23]
A
Because you're insecure.
[26:24]
B
Yeah.
[26:25]
A
And when you do that, if you get the courage to do it, when they reply, fuck you understand?
[26:31]
B
Yeah.
[26:33]
A
Compassion comes from enormous strength.
[26:39]
B
Thank you so much, man. Like, like I said, this is. This moment right here, I think is definitely 100% life changing for me. This is definitely like. Like I said, I've been doing better in these last three years, but I feel like this, like that boost that I need, 100%. Thank you so much.
[26:55]
A
I love you a lot. Good luck.
[26:57]
B
Thank you so much, man. I love you too.
[26:58]
A
Sorry for what?
[26:59]
B
Sorry for you being late. 1,900. I didn't notice the time.
[27:02]
A
This is the best nine minutes late in my entire life. I'm so humbled to have this moment with you. What we just did here will forever bring value to human beings. I believe it in the depths of my being.
[27:14]
B
Thank you. Dude, that's like. That means the world to me, man. Honestly, it really means the world to me, dude. This is what I needed. Thank you so much, Gary.
[27:21]
A
You're welcome, brother.
[27:22]
B
Have a great day, man. Thank you too.
[27:24]
A
Bye. Bye. Dustin. That really matters, that last one, man.
[27:29]
B
Yeah.
[27:30]
A
Like, that's the whole game. That right there is the whole game.
[27:33]
B
I see in the world I feel very similar. Like, there's a lot of people in my world that I've kind of dropped and I've wanted to reach Out. I'm just afraid that they're going to
[27:42]
A
be like, fuck you.
[27:44]
B
Fuck you, or like, whatever, loser or something like that. I just don't know how to handle that.
[27:50]
A
Don't do things for other people's reactions. Do them for you and for the karma. And even if they tell you fuck you, they'll always know where you stood, because right now they think you stand with fuck you. And you might be doing a blessing for them because that may inspire them to do it for somebody else. Even if they don't reply to you. Yeah, there's nothing more noble than I'm sorry. And if you can do it in audio or video, where they can not lose the tone of the written word, it's even more powerful, man dust. You can do it, bro. You're here with me now. Like, come on. You can do that. You should.
[28:40]
B
Yeah, you're right.
[28:42]
A
It's good. Putting out more good is good. You know, it's what we need, man. This is. It's time. We've gone too long with not making this the way we go. You're gonna feel lighter.
[29:02]
B
I mean, I did start, like, I had someone sent me something to, like, make fun of someone, and I was like. I DM'd them, like, hey, someone sent this to me to, like, make fun of you. And I was like, no, I'm not doing that. Like, I actually respect what you just put out, so I just want to say that and any bad taste you have about me from the past, I just want to apologize for that, too. He didn't reply, but at least I just tried.
[29:26]
A
No, no, not tried. Executed. You're not doing it for him to reply. You brought value to him, and you brought value to yourself. You won with that. I'm so proud of you, man. That's humongous. Thank you. Write down the list from AA to ZZ in your. In your address book. Write down the list. A lot of people listen. That means you were hurting.
[29:52]
B
Yeah.
[29:54]
A
I know you well enough to understand it. Do it. It's so nice to do. It's so good. You're a different man now. Yeah. Everybody, if you enjoyed this podcast, please go back and look at the prior episodes. They're loaded. I appreciate your attention, and thanks for being part of this journey. See you later.

Summary5 min read

Podcast Summary: 31 Minutes to Silence Your Negative Thoughts Forever | Tea With GaryVee Special

Podcast: The GaryVee Audio Experience
Host: Gary Vaynerchuk
Date: August 3, 2026
Episode Theme: Confronting and overcoming negative self-talk, the deep roots of self-esteem issues, and how to transform your mental framework for lasting change.

Episode Overview

In this deeply personal and transformative Tea With GaryVee session, Gary Vaynerchuk sits down with Alexis, a young husband and father struggling with persistent negative thoughts, self-doubt, and relationship challenges. The conversation candidly explores the sources of negative self-perception, how fear and vulnerability are often mislabeled as "negativity", and the concrete steps anyone can take to rebuild self-esteem and foster healthier relationships—with both oneself and others. Gary leans into raw honesty, powerful reframing, and practical encouragement, making this episode a profoundly relatable and uplifting guide for anyone battling similar demons.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Origin of Negative Thinking and Self-Labeling

Alexis's Background: Married young, new father, lifelong car enthusiast and aspiring YouTuber, plagued by inconsistency and harsh self-judgment ([00:53], [02:07]).
Family's Impact: Felt compelled to "prove himself" after being labeled "bad" by family ([01:53], [05:37]).
Negative Self-Dialogue: Alexis wakes up daily expecting things to go wrong, convinced he's fundamentally "negative" ([03:01]).
Gary's Reframe: "You're not a negative person. You're a scared person... You're actually vulnerable. You're not negative, bro." ([03:09]-[03:33])

2. The Trap of External Validation

Living for Others' Opinions: Alexis admits the phrase "some people" often haunts his self-appraisal ([02:12]-[02:25]).
Gary’s Guidance: Stop caring about what others think. Dwelling on outside opinion sabotages progress and self-worth ([02:18], [07:40]).

3. The Cycle of Isolation and Emotional Protection

Cutting People Off: Alexis reveals a pattern of isolating himself anytime negativity is sensed, leading to a lack of long-term friendships ([05:52]).
Gary's Observation: "The reason you don't have long term friendships is because of your own lack of self-esteem and your inability to rise above when somebody goes low." ([06:55])
Low Threshold for Grudges: Gary describes this as a product of emotional vulnerability ([06:24]-[06:55], [11:21]).

4. The Power of Awareness and Ownership

Accepting Shortcomings: Gary stresses the importance of owning and speaking openly about one's issues, not hiding them ([08:33]).
Quote: "When you own your shortcomings, if you can't own your fucking shortcomings, well, then you can't talk about your strengths." ([08:33])
Courage to Speak Out: Alexis's willingness to be vulnerable live is praised as true strength and a positive example for others ([09:00], [13:50]).

5. The Shift from Self-Loathing to Self-Compassion

Changing Internal Language: Gary emphasizes the transformative effect of changing self-talk ("You're not negative, you're vulnerable.") ([10:11])
Practical Rewire: Encourage the daily practice of forgiving others to build emotional resilience ([10:55]-[11:45]).

6. Relationship Dynamics—Lifting Others Up Instead of Dragging Down

Projecting Negativity: Alexis admits to sometimes dampening his wife's positivity to match his own low mood ([11:44]).
Gary's Advice: "Don’t do that… if we change the terminology in your life, shit will get good." ([11:45])
Reframing Compliments: Instead of saying "I wish I could be like you," Gary suggests, "Noemi, I admire your optimism and positivity." ([16:52]-[17:11])

7. Forgiveness, Growth, and Breaking the Cycle

Self-Resentment and Parent-Child Relationships: Gary warns against passing on self-loathing to one's children and the pain it could cause ([12:41]-[13:50]).
Compassion for Parents: Redirect resentment for parents who passed on negativity into compassion—they too may have suffered ([18:30]-[20:01]).
Forgiveness as Strength: "Forgiveness and being the bigger person and kindness is the fucking ultimate strength." ([23:03])

8. Building a Support Network & Daily Positive Practice

Surroundings Matter: Actively seek positive inputs—podcasts, friends, social—because environment shapes mindset ([20:10], [20:17]).
Action Step: Gary urges Alexis to text people from his contact list to say "I’m sorry and I love you" ([26:12]).
Joining Community: Gary directs listeners to connect with Alexis on Instagram to encourage positivity and support ([24:02]).

Notable Quotes & Moments

On Self-Perception:

"You're not negative, bro. That's a big difference... You're actually vulnerable."
— Gary, [03:14]
On Caring About Opinions:

"The biggest issue out of your mouth is the word 'some people.'"
— Gary, [02:12]
On Friendships:

"The reason you don't have long term friendships is because of your own lack of self esteem and your inability to rise above when somebody goes low."
— Gary, [06:55]
On Practicing Forgiveness:

"Grudges are fucking garbage. Grudges are the execution of a weak man."
— Gary, [11:21]
On Complimenting Others:

"Noemi, I admire your optimism and positivity. Now all of a sudden, you're giving her a compliment."
— Gary, [16:52]-[17:11]
On Taking Action:

"Go reach out to everybody in your phone... and text people and say you're sorry and I love you. That takes real strength."
— Gary, [26:12]-[26:14]
On Forgiveness:

"Forgiveness is the fucking key to a whole new life."
— Gary, [22:46]
On Vulnerability as Strength:

"When I tell you you're close, because the only thing that holds people back is hiding shit."
— Gary, [13:45]

Timestamps for Key Segments

[00:53-06:24] – Alexis details his upbringing, struggles with negativity, and the impact of family.
[06:24-08:33] – Gary analyzes the link between self-esteem, friendship, and vulnerability; emphasizes the need to stop cutting people off.
[08:33-10:47] – Deep dive into reframing negative self-talk and building awareness.
[10:47-13:50] – Discussion on relationships, projecting negativity, and cycles that impact family dynamics.
[17:11-18:30] – Gary coaches Alexis on how to properly compliment his wife and the risk of building resentment.
[20:10-21:47] – Shaping your environment and breaking habits of mistrust.
[22:46-23:09] – Spotlight on forgiveness as the pathway to lasting change.
[24:02-24:43] – Community support and action: Alexis shares Instagram, Gary mobilizes audience.
[26:12-28:42] – Gary's prescription: forgive, apologize, and reach out to people you've cut off.

Actionable Takeaways

Reframe your internal narrative: Replace "I'm negative" with "I'm vulnerable or scared."
Recognize when you are projecting and work to lift others up instead.
Regularly practice forgiveness: Start small, forgive friends for minor faults, and gradually extend this to bigger hurts.
Surround yourself with positive influences and use empowering media as daily reinforcement.
Engage with a supportive community—don't be afraid to reach out for encouragement.
Compliment others genuinely and avoid making your pain the centerpiece of every interaction.
Challenge yourself to reconnect, apologize, and make amends, not for a reaction but for your own growth and healing.

Closing Notes

This episode stands out as a powerful, practical, and emotionally raw guide to breaking free from destructive thought patterns and building a healthier self-concept. Gary's tough-love wisdom and Alexis's courageous vulnerability make this essential listening for anyone seeking to silence inner negativity and rewire their outlook for the better.

Connect with Alexis:
Instagram: @alexiscisnero ([24:11])

Recommended by Gary:
"Listen to this episode regularly—make it part of your daily routine." ([24:53], [25:04])

Loading summary

Transcript217 lines

[00:00]
A
This is the GaryVee audio experience. This morning we had one of the most iconic moments in tea with GaryVee history that I genuinely believe will help tens of thousands of people over the next decade as this gets populated. Sit down, get some popcorn. Really pay attention.
[00:20]
B
Oh, shit, man. I'm fucking nervous, man.
[00:22]
A
Don't worry, bro. We're friends.
[00:23]
B
Like, shaking and everything. I've been watching you for, like, three years, dude. My wife is watching. My mom is probably watching too. So what's up, guys?
[00:31]
A
Awesome. Damn.
[00:32]
B
Holy shit.
[00:32]
A
Don't worry, bro.
[00:33]
B
Trying to be a man. Trying to be a man here, you
[00:34]
A
know, bro, it doesn't take a man. A man owns his emotions. I'm a man out here talking about compassion, sympathy, kindness, and love. So I'm proud of you for talking about your nerves. I just want you to hear this clear. You can't imagine how nice that makes me feel. I'm super flattered.
[00:51]
B
Awesome. I'm so glad, man.
[00:53]
A
It's humbling.
[00:54]
B
You really do change people's lives, dude. Like, I'm sure, you know, but, like, it's, like, to a whole different level. So. I'm 22. I'm married. I've been married for, like, three years. I just had a baby, like, you know, in January. So I'm pretty fulfilled in that sense. You know what I'm saying? But one thing I've always loved to do since I've been, like, 13 is, like, make YouTube videos. Just because, like, I have had rough patches of my life. When I was younger, watching people on YouTube, like, you know, entertaining people. Like, that's always been like, I'm like, wow. Like, you know, it's always made me feel good. Like, I want to do that for people, too. And, like, my thing is, like, I love cars. Like, I like racing. I like, you know, building race cars and shit. Like, I have a YouTube channel that I. It's been up for, like, four years, but I've been so inconsistent, you know? Like, I upload and then I delete it because I think the videos aren't good enough. You know, just, like, really negative. And then that's when I started watching you. I was in tech school. I feel like I went to tech school, and I did all that just to prove myself and, you know, just kind of be like, you know, I'm not as bad as people think, you know, Especially when your family says you're bad, it's, like, kind of rough to
[01:54]
A
deal with that, you know, it's extremely difficult. So it's really tough.
[01:57]
B
Yeah.
[01:58]
A
Go ahead.
[01:58]
B
So I was like, you know what? I'm gonna do this. I graduated with a 4.0, which I know in tech schools, like, now it's only a year and a half, so it's not like too big of a deal. But I tried my best, bro.
[02:08]
A
Don't undermine your success.
[02:10]
B
Yeah, I know. Just some people, like, I'm sure, like, oh, that's not that hard.
[02:13]
A
But the biggest. The biggest issue out of your mouth is the word some people.
[02:18]
B
Yeah.
[02:19]
A
Bro, you have to stop giving a fuck about these people in the comments and the ones that are watching.
[02:24]
B
Yeah, that's true.
[02:25]
A
I always listen very carefully. And just like you hedging the 4.0 based on some people is the biggest thing we need to work on, on the next 91 years of your life. That's where you're at. We gotta fix that. And when I say fix that, that feels too heavy. You need to get into a better relationship with that.
[02:45]
B
Right?
[02:45]
A
Everyone's always gonna have an opinion.
[02:47]
B
Yeah, no, I mean, that's. That's 100% true. Everyone always has something to say. Just to kind of lead up to, you know, what I think about myself, like, in the sense of. So, like, I'm a very negative person. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm a negative Nancy kind of guy. Like, literally, I wake up in the morning.
[03:02]
A
You're cynical. Like, you wake up and you're cynical.
[03:04]
B
Yes. Like, I wake up and I'm like, what can go wrong today? You know? Because, like, I've tried so hard.
[03:09]
A
Ready for this. You're not a negative person. You're a scared person.
[03:13]
B
Yeah, I could. Yeah, I could definitely.
[03:15]
A
Alexis, that. That's a big difference, bro. For all the people out there that are watching, that are fear, that are scared and fear based and vulnerable. You're not negative. Don't demonize yourself. You're actually vulnerable. You're not negative, bro.
[03:31]
B
I didn't think about it like that. Actually. I never thought about it.
[03:33]
A
That's why we're fucking doing tea with Gary.
[03:35]
B
Yes. Yes. That's why I'm glad to be on here, because I needed a huge.
[03:38]
A
Let me tell. And let me tell you why this is important, Alexis. All of a sudden, when you wake up tomorrow and you realize you're not a negative, when somebody thinks they're a negative person, that's devastating. Yeah, you're like, I'm bad. No, no, you're not bad. You're hurt.
[03:54]
B
Yeah, yeah. Maybe it was something that happened to me, you know, when I was younger or something. You know, it just kind of like sets that, you know, where it's like, what's going to happen today? You know, like, it's such a bad. But like, I feel like that affects me with everything I do because like, when I'm making YouTube videos or like when I'm doing stuff like that, I'm kind of like, you know, like, oh, this is gonna be trash. Like, this isn't good enough. Like, you know, and just like, I don't know. I put myself down a lot and I'm just like, my original question actually is nothing with what I'm talking about,
[04:20]
A
you know, bro, this is the real shit. And like, we're here. I'm with you right now. I like this talk right now. I really, really, really like this talk right now. I think you helping over the next 10 years. Cause a lot of people watch this video. Not when we record it. You're about to help a lot of people. I can see in the comments. You literally just helped a lot of people just in that one moment. So let's keep going.
[04:38]
C
This episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales using automation, analytics and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more@accenture.com Spotify. When you need to build up your team to handle the growing chaos at work, use Indeed sponsored jobs. It gives your job post the boost it needs to be seen and helps reach people with the right skills, certifications and more. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who Check all your boxes. Listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit@ Indeed.com podcast. That's Indeed.com podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need a hiring hero? This is a job for Indeed. Sponsored jobs.
[05:38]
A
I'm telling you that your self esteem is vulnerable because to your point, you said it earlier, when your family tells you you're not good, you believe that shit?
[05:47]
B
Yeah, yeah, 100%.
[05:48]
A
We need to get out of that. Does your family still say that?
[05:52]
B
So like, as soon as I started watching your videos and I know you say not to do this as much, but like, I feel like, you know, I just tried to cut out negative people out of my life and just isolate myself. Like, I do this a lot. I've actually never had Any long term friends. Like, I've never had a friend that I can be like, oh, I've been best friends with this guy for a long time. I think my best friend right now, I would guess is like, I've known him for like a year, you know what I'm saying? Because, like, as soon as, like, someone does something, like, makes me feel negative, I just kind of like isolate myself and I push everyone away, you know what I'm saying? Like, of course.
[06:22]
A
Because you're. Because you're emotionally soft.
[06:25]
B
Yeah, Yeah, I can see that.
[06:27]
A
And your Mendoza line for cutting someone off is super low. Like, for me, my Mendoza line super high. Like, you have to really, really, really go somewhere. And I've had a lot of things done to me. I had a friend in college who stole my Sega Genesis and I still was friends with him after I found out.
[06:45]
B
Holy shit.
[06:46]
A
Because I. Because I knew he was in a bad spot to do that to me. I was in a rugged college. But other people I know cut people off because they said something.
[06:55]
B
Right?
[06:56]
A
The reason you don't have long term friendships is because of your own lack of self esteem and your inability to rise above when somebody goes low.
[07:06]
B
That was gonna be my thing. Like I said, I've been watching you for a long time and I know, like, you know, you've actually. I was worse than that, to be honest. Like, watching you has made me better. Like, you know, more confident in myself and more like, you know, I can deal with that kind of stuff more. But I feel like it takes a long time too, because even in three years of watching you, like, I'm still not where I want to be, if that makes any sense. Like, I'm, you know, not like, mentally where I want to be and just stop being so negative. And I wish. And every time something good happens in my life, I'm always like, okay, what's gonna happen now? Like, ask. You can ask my wife. Like, I don't get excited when good things happen because I automatically think something that's gonna happen right after.
[07:41]
A
Bro. I live with this. My father's got a lot of these similar traits, bro.
[07:46]
B
Holy shit.
[07:47]
A
So I understand you.
[07:50]
B
Is there any way, like, I can, you know, like, get better at that, you know? Like, of course.
[07:55]
A
You just said you got better the last three years.
[07:56]
B
Yeah, Yeah. I feel like I have, like, I feel like I've gotten better at, like, stop fearing about what other people think about me. That's like a big thing for me. Like, I've gotten way better at that.
[08:05]
A
You Know, you see how you've got some. Some muscle.
[08:09]
B
Yeah.
[08:10]
A
How'd you do that?
[08:12]
B
Oh, yeah, I worked out. Play football in high school. Yeah.
[08:16]
A
That's how you do this. Yeah. Listening to positivity, owning your shortcomings. Accept that. You know, the reason I'm talking with such candor here, you know, I'm sure some people are watching, like, damn, Gary's, like, exposing his shit. I'm not doing that.
[08:32]
B
I mean, I like it. I love it. It's awesome.
[08:34]
A
Because it's empowering. When you own your shortcomings, if you can't own your fucking shortcomings, well, then you can't talk about your strengths. What I think is keeping me here with you is my deep belief that you're on your way. Because it's about awareness. Fact that you have the strength to come on here with all these people watching and talk to me like, this actually makes me believe that you're well on your way. Because I know a lot of people who don't.
[09:00]
B
Yeah, I'm just, like, trying to, like, you know, like, it's such a bad thing in my life that, like, it's like a mental block for everything I do that it's like, man, I need to stop doing this.
[09:09]
A
You need to realize that you're not bad. You grew up being told you were bad and you believed it. You need to realize you're not bad. You're scared.
[09:18]
B
Right.
[09:19]
A
The second you go from, I'm a bad guy, I'm a tough guy, I'm a negative guy, to I'm a soft guy, I'm a vulnerable guy, I'm emotionally, like, not where I need to be guy, all of a sudden, the way you even look at yourself changes, and then you could start focusing on building those muscles on that.
[09:39]
B
Yeah.
[09:39]
A
Do you get this feeling that you cut people off because you don't feel like you get into this place where you feel like they're pulling one off on you and you don't like that feeling?
[09:48]
B
Yes. Like, I always think somebody has an angle. Every time someone's nice to me, I'm like, okay, what's your angle, dude? Like, what do you want from me? You know what I'm saying?
[09:54]
A
Did you feel that way about me the first time you saw the content? Potentially. Like, what's gonna be the other shoe? Like, is he gonna try to sell me a course or what's the fucking punchline?
[10:02]
B
Surprisingly, I feel like I didn't just because, like, you know, like, you were so honest that I feel like you wouldn't be the type to do that. You know what I'm saying? Like, you, you were just being like straight up, like authentic and honest.
[10:12]
A
And maybe that's cause I was remote and through a screen instead of real life, you know, here's where I'm trying to get you to go. You need to get into a totally different place with your self esteem. You need to love yourself. That's why the biggest moment of this talk was you're not negative, you're just vulnerable. That was the biggest moment. Because when you wake up and you're like, I'm scared today and I need to get less scared today, that is huge. Huge compared to waking up and saying I'm negative. I'm a bad guy. That's a game changer, Alexis. That's a game changer.
[10:48]
B
Yeah, it's like hard though. Like, I tried to. I really, really. Like, there's a lot of times where I'm like, okay, like, just stop thinking like that, you know, like, you got this.
[10:56]
A
No, you have to understand, it's ingrained in you. So what you need to do is practice. What do I mean by that? The next. This one friend you've got right now for a year, the first time he does something that doesn't pop off properly, you have to fucking. You have to like email me or DM me or watch this video game. You have to forgive him.
[11:16]
B
Right? Yeah, that's. Yeah, that holds grudges, bro.
[11:22]
A
Grudges are garbage. Yeah, grudges are fucking garbage. Grudges are the execution of a weak man.
[11:30]
B
Yeah, no, I agree 100%. It makes you just, you know, makes your life quality go down when you hold grudges.
[11:37]
A
Is your wife positive?
[11:38]
B
Yes. She's like the complete opposite of me.
[11:40]
A
Yeah.
[11:41]
B
Like, I feel like I try to cliche, like I'm that bad.
[11:44]
A
Of course you do.
[11:44]
B
I try to bring her.
[11:45]
A
You're not that bad. You're not that bad, bro. I'm telling you right now, if we change the terminology in your life, shit will get good. You're not that bad. You're that weak, you're that scared, you're that soft.
[11:57]
B
I totally agree with you. Honestly, like, it's big.
[12:00]
A
I want to change your vernacular. Because if you do, you'll be a different man. Yeah, it's that when you're most scared, you try to bring her down to your level.
[12:09]
B
Yeah, it's. That's exactly what I do. That's why when you say, you talk about, like haters, you know, like trying to bring other people down do you
[12:14]
A
find that, do you find, do you find yourself like being jealous if like another guy looks at her? Like, are you trying to like cage her?
[12:22]
B
No, not like that. Actually. Like, I'm not like bad like that, but I'm bad in the sense of like when she's like trying to be happy for me for something I accomplished or positive or she's like, don't do
[12:31]
A
that, don't do that because I'm gonna, something's gonna happen and then I'm gonna let you down and that's gonna make
[12:36]
B
you feel like that's my fear to like let my son down, let her down. Like I'm always like, bro, listen to me.
[12:42]
A
The only thing that you can do to let them down is by continuing down the path of thinking that you're bad.
[12:49]
B
Right? Yeah, no, I, yeah, I can't. I don't want him to grow up like that, you know, like being like me. Like I don't want.
[12:55]
A
But let me tell you, because I've watched this, I've watched this transpire because I'm. Because I'm old for 44, I got some real fucking emotional wisdom. What's going to end up happening is if your child or children end up having similar DNA to you, you're going to feel so bad that you're going to actually resent them and have like a worse relate. Like you'll have a good relationship with the children that take your wife's DNA and you'll have a bad relationship with the that take your DNA because it's going to be painful to you because you're like, fuck, I passed that on to her or him, so I'm out. No, I agree with you. Can't do that. Yeah, bro, I'm really proud of you. To be at this place at this young of an age, to be self aware enough to know what's brewing and to have the courage to come on here and talk to me about this shit, that's game changing. When I tell you you're close because the only thing that holds people back is hiding shit.
[13:51]
C
Right?
[13:51]
B
Right.
[13:52]
A
And right now you just told tens of thousands of people about your shit.
[13:55]
B
Yeah, yeah, it's just like that bad, dude. Like, I'm like, I have to tell someone that actually, like, you know, cuz I got tell other people. Like my wife, I want to say other people, I mean like my wife, she's just like. I feel like maybe hearing it from her is not as good because I'm like, of course you're just gonna try to like, you know, bring me up and make me feel better because I'm your husband, you know, so of course, like, I feel like her answer is not as genuine. Maybe, but it probably doesn't carry automatically think that.
[14:18]
A
Yeah, listen, you default into the angle, the conspiracy. You must love conspiracy fucking documentaries. Like, that's like, you know, like, like that's where you're at.
[14:27]
B
Yeah.
[14:27]
A
And what's so interesting in the theme of this show is now you know why you're the one that looks at other things and tries to tear people down.
[14:34]
B
Yeah, yeah. I, it's all the same game.
[14:37]
A
I really believe as we go through this period of time in American history specifically, and really in the world where hate and negativity have definitely risen 100, I believe that we're going to get into mental health issues and get into, you know, parenting structures. And like, what I'm really worried about is that a lot of people that are, that think they're kind and good people are actually shaming people instead, instead of trying to help.
[15:03]
B
Right, Yeah, I agree with that. I, I, of course you do.
[15:06]
A
They're on the receiving end of that.
[15:08]
B
Yes. Yeah, I think I gotta, like, work on it more, like on a daily basis and just exercise it more. I don't know. I didn't think about it. Like, I'm scared of stuff, you know, I just thought about it, like, I'm just negative, you know, and like, I just don't like people that much, you know, and this and that.
[15:23]
A
No, no, you don't like yourself.
[15:25]
B
Yeah, yeah, no, that's probably. I don't like, I really don't like how I am. Like, I hate that mindset that I have.
[15:31]
A
That's right. But the good news is you can fix it. I didn't like that I didn't have, you know, muscles and, you know, like, and I was not healthy for my heart. And like, I was gonna, like. And I changed. And when I tell you working out and eating right did not come natural to me at all. So I changed. I figured it out. I got a babysitter, a trainer, and I figured out the system. You just have to figure out your system. Maybe you have to listen to positivity on podcast 24 hours a day.
[15:57]
B
That's what dude, I. Every single day. Like, and other people too.
[16:01]
A
And I appreciate it. But, like, you know, like, bro, you have to watch this video like, every day.
[16:05]
B
Yeah, no, I probably will. Dude, this is like the biggest moment ever. I told my wife this is like top five, like, best things, like, in
[16:11]
A
my Life, bro, you are just perfectly cliche. In so many reactions, I see so many young people who have this framework get married early as soon as they find somebody super positive.
[16:21]
B
Yeah. Yeah. It's like, I didn't even realize it. Yeah, that's right.
[16:25]
A
First for her.
[16:26]
B
Yeah. I tell her all the time, I'm like, fuck. Like, I wish I could be like you. Like, I wish I could just think everything's gonna be fine. And, like, you know, like, I always tell her that because it's just such a good. You know, like.
[16:38]
A
And instead of. Instead of making it selfish and say, I wish I could be like you, maybe what you can do is make it a compl. You're making it about yourself when you say that to her.
[16:46]
B
Oh, shit.
[16:47]
A
What? You might want to change that to. And this is where semantics of words matter. Maybe you say to her. What's her name?
[16:53]
B
Noemi.
[16:54]
A
Noemi. I admire your optimism and positivity. Now all of a sudden, you're giving her a compliment. Because when you say to her, I wish that I could be like you, she's not taking that as a compliment. She sees that as you being selfish about what you wish. You're about you in that sentence.
[17:12]
B
Yeah, that's true. Yeah. I'm saying I wish I was, you know? Yeah.
[17:16]
A
And what you're doing is you're subconsciously, again, saying, hey, like, feel bad for me.
[17:23]
B
Right.
[17:24]
A
Instead of propping her up, you're asking her for another hand. There's a subconscious guilt of, like, you got lucky with DNA. I didn't. And what's gonna happen with her is she's gonna build resentment for you over time.
[17:38]
B
Right?
[17:38]
A
Bro, I really, really believe in you.
[17:41]
B
Thank you, man. I appreciate it. Like, you know, I don't normally talk about this with anyone, you know, normally, like, I try, like I said, like, only with her. But I was like, man, Gary's like, the perfect person to just put this on, you know, and just see, like, what. You know, what his response would be.
[17:55]
A
I swear to God on everything in my body, I genuinely think you can win this game.
[18:01]
B
Thank you, man. I really, like. It's life changing to hear that from you. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's.
[18:07]
A
Bro, please realize that you were wound. You're hurt. You're not bad. You're good with an injury, right?
[18:15]
B
Yeah, I just didn't realize that. I didn't think about it. I didn't. I didn't. You know, I guess. I guess because I'm young, too, so it kind of, like you don't think about that stuff. And now I'm like, damn, that's probably what it is. Maybe something happened to me, you know, like, it just kind of like, started.
[18:30]
A
And by the way, don't. And I don't think it's usually it's more of a systematic, you know, culture. Like, it's very likely that one of your parents is exactly the same way. And instead of resenting your parent, you can feel bad for them, too.
[18:45]
C
This episode is brought to you by Accenture. When your advertising operations fall out of sync, everything else follows. Spotify and Accenture are working together to reinvent the rhythm of ad sales using automation, analytics, and smarter workflows to simplify campaign delivery and access better data across the business. The result? Less time spent on operations, more time connecting brands with the moments and fandoms that matter most. Learn more@accenture.com Spotify when you need to build up your team to handle the growing chaos at work, use Indeed Sponsored jobs. It gives your job post the boost it needs to be seen and helps reach people with the right skills, certifications and more. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who Check all your boxes. Listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit@ Indeed.com podcast. That's Indeed.com podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need a hiring hero? This is a job for Indeed Sponsored Jobs.
[19:45]
B
Right.
[19:46]
A
You can have compassion for them instead of now going into a place of like, you know what, you mom Gary. He's right. I'm you. No, no, you can go into a place of compassion because it's likely that her mom did that or your dad's dad did that or. You understand.
[20:01]
B
Yeah. Yeah.
[20:02]
A
You need to realize that you're strong enough to change it for everyone. Digging in and drawing a line and making it a fight is going to do nothing.
[20:11]
B
Yeah. And you think, like, also, like what you surround yourself with also kind of affects you too.
[20:16]
A
Kind of like 100%.
[20:17]
B
Right.
[20:17]
A
It's why I fucking work so hard to put out so much free content. I'm trying to be a positive force for people that aren't fortunate enough to have something. And I have a unique communication style and a. And a human element that clicks for some people that. Because. Because I think they can taste the lack of interest of anything other than the exit, you know, like, I'm not looking for anything.
[20:39]
B
I agree 100%. That's why I said when I first started watching your videos, I didn't think, like, you had an angle. Actually, like, I Was like, holy shit, this guy's like. And it's. I think it's because you called people on their bullshit, you know? And, like, that's funny.
[20:49]
A
You know, it's funny. I hear that a lot from. From people, and they like that. You know what's funny? I think even the tone of this conversation. I just want to help.
[20:59]
B
Right? Like I said, even in three years, I feel like I have gotten better. You know, maybe I've gotten worse, actually, that I isolate people like myself from people more. But I have gotten better in the sense of, like, you know, now, like, with YouTube and, like, other stuff like that, I'm more confident that I will be able to make that work, you know? Like, that's like my thing that I'm
[21:17]
A
like, you need to realize that those people aren't bad or have an angle. It's that you're scared because you're not emotionally strong to be let down.
[21:27]
B
Yeah.
[21:28]
A
You're cutting them out to protect yourself. The way to really win, quote, unquote, is for you to get comfortable with being let down and realizing that's not a reflection of you.
[21:42]
B
Right? No, I agree with that. That's. That's awesome. That's, like, what I needed to hear.
[21:48]
A
I'm glad I could deliver it, bro.
[21:50]
B
Thank you so much, man. I really, really appreciate it, dude.
[21:53]
A
Lex, listen to me. Over next year, a million people are gonna watch this video. Just remember, that means that cutting people out or trolling someone or waking up, like, you're not gonna be able to live anymore tricking people. You're not tricking anyone anymore.
[22:09]
B
Right?
[22:10]
A
Use that as a positive.
[22:11]
B
Yeah. I need to change. I need to do something. Like, I can't keep being like this. This is.
[22:16]
A
I'm telling you right now, what most excites me is. I know you can.
[22:20]
B
Thank you so much.
[22:21]
A
If you knew the power and strength it took for you to be honest on this video now, living life and being okay with Ricky, if he, like, steals your money or, like, says something bad about your wife and you being a bigger person. Like, you can't imagine now trying to forgive one of your parents or an uncle or something, you know, I don't want to dive too deep. It might be something even more extreme than just a negative atmosphere. It might be some real deep shit. Forgiveness is the fucking key to a whole new life.
[22:51]
B
Yeah, no, I. I haven't practiced that yet in my life. If, you know, like, I haven't really. I'm not a forgivable person, so maybe I should.
[22:59]
A
That comes that comes out of your own insecurity.
[23:03]
B
Yeah.
[23:04]
A
Forgiveness and being the bigger person and kindness is the fucking ultimate strength.
[23:10]
B
Yeah, no, that's. Yeah, I need to. I need to do it. I need to start doing it. I really do.
[23:16]
A
I believe you. I really think you can. I really think you can. That's why I'm five minutes late for a huge client meeting.
[23:21]
B
Oh, my God, dude, I'm so sorry.
[23:22]
A
No, no, no, no, no. What I want you to hear is that the reason I'm this late is because I feel this moment so much. And. And I'm also super aware of how raw and real we went and how many hundreds of people right now watching are living your exact life. And this. This thing I genuinely believe is the seed of so much of the things that are anxious in our society, and I desperately, desperately want to be one of the forces to fucking help cut this thing out of our bodies.
[23:58]
B
Yeah, no, I mean, we need it. You know, like, the people that are like me, like, you know, it's like.
[24:02]
A
Alexis, you have an Instagram? Yes, because I want this community dm you encourage you, and I want you to make some positive friends. What's your. What's your Instagram?
[24:12]
B
It's Alexis Cisnero. Yeah, right there. Somebody found Or Dustin found it, I guess. That's awesome. Holy shit.
[24:19]
A
All right, you're at. You're at 567, 568 now.
[24:24]
B
Thank you so much.
[24:25]
A
You like cars?
[24:25]
B
I love cars. That's been my passion since I was, like, six years old.
[24:29]
A
All right, 568. Vaynernation. This would mean the world to me. I want to see this number completely fucking explode. And I want every one of you to DM this man. Something positive. I want. Please.
[24:40]
B
Thank you so much. I appreciate that so much. Gary, man, thank you so much.
[24:43]
A
Lexus, listen to me, please. Do me one honor. Please listen to this whole entire thing. I think it was, like, 30 minutes. Yeah. Often. Often.
[24:53]
B
Okay. Thank you so much, man.
[24:56]
A
Like, literally work out every morning and listen to this or while you're brushing your teeth. Every morning. Every morning. I'm telling you, man.
[25:04]
B
Yeah. Thank you so much, dude. I will listen to it. I mean, trust me, this is, like, a huge deal to me. Like. Like I said, top five, like, life moments.
[25:12]
A
It's a huge. It's a huge deal for me, too.
[25:15]
B
Thank you so much. Holy shit. Like, I didn't. I honestly wasn't even gonna talk to you about this. Like, I was, like, I had a whole different question, but then I Was like talking to you and I'm like, damn. Like, he's actually like, as real as it gets, man. You know? So I was like, you know, I'm just gonna lay it all out, you
[25:29]
A
know, Alexis, you helped more people today than most people ever get to help in their entire life. You're a good kid. You're not negative. You're not bad. You're mislabeled, bro.
[25:41]
B
Gonna make me cry, dude. Like, holy shit.
[25:43]
A
This is like, bro, you're mislabeled. You're mislabeling yourself to yourself.
[25:49]
B
Yeah.
[25:49]
A
You're a wonderful fucking human who has an injury, has a vulnerability, and has to completely address that and change the way you talk and think and practice that. You want. You want a real prescription? Go reach out to everybody in your phone. Go to your phone right now and look at from A to Z and text people and say you're sorry and I love you.
[26:12]
B
Damn. Yeah.
[26:13]
A
That takes real strength.
[26:15]
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's some people that I'm like, dude, I would never even want to see this guy's name again, you know? Like, I don't know why. Like, it's because.
[26:23]
A
Because you're insecure.
[26:24]
B
Yeah.
[26:25]
A
And when you do that, if you get the courage to do it, when they reply, fuck you understand?
[26:31]
B
Yeah.
[26:33]
A
Compassion comes from enormous strength.
[26:39]
B
Thank you so much, man. Like, like I said, this is. This moment right here, I think is definitely 100% life changing for me. This is definitely like. Like I said, I've been doing better in these last three years, but I feel like this, like that boost that I need, 100%. Thank you so much.
[26:55]
A
I love you a lot. Good luck.
[26:57]
B
Thank you so much, man. I love you too.
[26:58]
A
Sorry for what?
[26:59]
B
Sorry for you being late. 1,900. I didn't notice the time.
[27:02]
A
This is the best nine minutes late in my entire life. I'm so humbled to have this moment with you. What we just did here will forever bring value to human beings. I believe it in the depths of my being.
[27:14]
B
Thank you. Dude, that's like. That means the world to me, man. Honestly, it really means the world to me, dude. This is what I needed. Thank you so much, Gary.
[27:21]
A
You're welcome, brother.
[27:22]
B
Have a great day, man. Thank you too.
[27:24]
A
Bye. Bye. Dustin. That really matters, that last one, man.
[27:29]
B
Yeah.
[27:30]
A
Like, that's the whole game. That right there is the whole game.
[27:33]
B
I see in the world I feel very similar. Like, there's a lot of people in my world that I've kind of dropped and I've wanted to reach Out. I'm just afraid that they're going to
[27:42]
A
be like, fuck you.
[27:44]
B
Fuck you, or like, whatever, loser or something like that. I just don't know how to handle that.
[27:50]
A
Don't do things for other people's reactions. Do them for you and for the karma. And even if they tell you fuck you, they'll always know where you stood, because right now they think you stand with fuck you. And you might be doing a blessing for them because that may inspire them to do it for somebody else. Even if they don't reply to you. Yeah, there's nothing more noble than I'm sorry. And if you can do it in audio or video, where they can not lose the tone of the written word, it's even more powerful, man dust. You can do it, bro. You're here with me now. Like, come on. You can do that. You should.
[28:40]
B
Yeah, you're right.
[28:42]
A
It's good. Putting out more good is good. You know, it's what we need, man. This is. It's time. We've gone too long with not making this the way we go. You're gonna feel lighter.
[29:02]
B
I mean, I did start, like, I had someone sent me something to, like, make fun of someone, and I was like. I DM'd them, like, hey, someone sent this to me to, like, make fun of you. And I was like, no, I'm not doing that. Like, I actually respect what you just put out, so I just want to say that and any bad taste you have about me from the past, I just want to apologize for that, too. He didn't reply, but at least I just tried.
[29:26]
A
No, no, not tried. Executed. You're not doing it for him to reply. You brought value to him, and you brought value to yourself. You won with that. I'm so proud of you, man. That's humongous. Thank you. Write down the list from AA to ZZ in your. In your address book. Write down the list. A lot of people listen. That means you were hurting.
[29:52]
B
Yeah.
[29:54]
A
I know you well enough to understand it. Do it. It's so nice to do. It's so good. You're a different man now. Yeah. Everybody, if you enjoyed this podcast, please go back and look at the prior episodes. They're loaded. I appreciate your attention, and thanks for being part of this journey. See you later.