54 Minutes on How to Build Self Esteem and Confidence

Summary

The GaryVee Audio Experience

Episode: 54 Minutes on How to Build Self Esteem and Confidence

Date: June 5, 2026
Host: Gary Vaynerchuk Guest: Clarence (presumably Aubrey Marcus, based on contextual clues)

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Overview

This episode centers on the journeys of building self-esteem and confidence, dispelling common misconceptions about happiness, and contrasting real fulfillment against external validation. Gary and Clarence talk candidly about their personal experiences, the traps of chasing material success or social approval, and the liberating power of self-acceptance, accountability, and perspective. The episode balances practical advice with honest, vulnerable storytelling, addressing everything from entrepreneurship and social media pressures to parenting, ego, and the myth of “figuring it out.”

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Happiness and Perspective

• Happiness as an Internal State:
  Gary stresses that true happiness comes from appreciating what you have rather than seeking validation from external sources. He draws a stark line between happiness and material or public success.
  • "I am happy because I'd like someone to sell me on what to be upset about." — Gary (02:47)
• Entitlement vs. Gratitude:
  Gary credits his upbringing for fostering a lack of entitlement, emphasizing giving value with no expectation of return (03:37):
  • "I'm desperately trying to give more value to every person I ever crossed paths with and never ask for anything in return." (02:55)
• Abundance Mindset:
  Both speakers highlight the joy and power in giving without attachment to outcome (04:02).

2. Process over Outcome

• Enjoying the Process:
  Gary illustrates how the journey matters more than the end result, drawing metaphors from sports fandom and entrepreneurship:
  • "Being an entrepreneur is the win... Money is not the North Star. Happiness is." (04:27)
  • "I'm in it for the process. The joy of being a fan is being a fan, not the fucking win." — Clarence (07:50)
• Resilience Through Loss:
  Gary finds odd satisfaction in losing, as it’s part of the larger narrative of growth (05:21).

3. External Validation and Social Media

• The PR-Self & Fear of Judgment:
  Social media has intensified the pressure to present a curated, PR-friendly version of oneself. The hosts discuss how this damages self-esteem when one is addicted to likes, followers, or external approval (08:26–09:45).
• Accountability is Key:
  Gary firmly shifts responsibility back onto the individual, not the platforms:
  • "There is no Instagram. There's you. You don't like it, don't consume it. It's free." (11:47)
• Cycles of Judgment & Blame:
  They draw parallels between social media, material vanity, and tribal instincts, noting that parents often blame platforms instead of fostering accountability in their children (10:28–12:56).

4. On Not Being ‘Broken’

• Rejecting Fix-It Culture:
  Both dismantle the idea that people are broken and need fixing by some external solution—a message rampant in various industries. Instead, self-compassion and focusing on strengths are recommended (15:29):
  • "You're not broken. That's the secret. Nobody here is broken." — Clarence (15:29)
  • "We all suck shit at a ton of shit. We all are actually good at a couple of things. Spend all your fucking time trying to figure out what you're good at." — Gary (15:33)

5. Judgment, Ego, and Empathy

• Ego as Insecurity:
  Gary challenges the romanticization of ego, stating:
  • "Ego is insecurity with makeup on. Do not fucking confuse confidence with ego." — Gary (28:38)
• Handling Judgment:
  Gary openly discusses his own experience with online criticism and how real confidence means owning your process regardless of outside opinions (25:39):
  • "Most people are folding their chairs when they get judged like that. I'm not, because I know every one of those people who said that have never met me." (25:39)
• The Power of Not Judging Yourself:
  "My superpower is that I don't judge myself. I hold myself accountable... I just don't over judge it." — Gary (42:15)

6. Identity, Freedom, and Living Authentically

• Avoiding External Traps:
  The dangers of tying identity to status, material wealth, or parental expectations are dissected. Gary, in particular, decries the societal push to "figure it out" by a certain age (43:07–53:36):
  • "There is no fucking figuring it out. There is no out. It doesn't end." (43:07)
• Freedom as Success:
  Real success is defined as having the freedom to do what you want, not reaching traditional milestones (46:00):
  • "Being able to wake up and do whatever the fuck I want, whenever I want. The end." — Gary (46:00)
• Transparency and Vulnerability:
  Admitting shortcomings publicly is presented as a path to liberation and growth (46:47):
  • "Everybody's got some shit in their chicken head." — Gary (47:17)

7. On Sharing Struggles Publicly and the Myth of Finality

• Life Is Not a Final Score:
  Both reject treating any moment (good or bad) as the end of the story, defending process over performance:
  • "That's what happens when you sent that email. There were people that booed. And then there were real fans that cheered. And that's how I see it... It's a process." — Gary (50:58)
• Never Too Late:
  The “late bloomer” lie is debunked:
  • "You do know that you're going to live for another 40 years? Like, why are you wrapping shit up?" — Gary (52:25)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On Happiness & Self-Possession:
  "My perspective on life is very simple. Which is, it's such a blessing. It's so rare. I am happy because I'd like to understand. I'd like somebody to sell me on what to be upset about." (02:19)

• On Social Media and Expectation:
  "People are not posting because they're petrified for it not to hit the metric of their prior post." — Gary (08:53)
  "High school never really ends for 99% of people." — Gary (09:45)

• On Accountable Parenting:
  "The modern day parent is blaming the network, not the way they're parenting their child." — Gary (10:28)

• On Embracing the Suck:
  "Everybody sucks at a lot of things. Embrace the fact that you suck. Enjoy the suck." — Clarence (48:34)

• On Showing the ‘Real’ Self:
  "If you don't know me, you can't judge me. I'm in a very fucking place, a very interesting place on this." — Gary (26:32)

• On The Trap of ‘Figuring It Out’:
  "If this is the true moment in society where we eliminate figuring it out. There is no fucking figuring it out. There is no out, it doesn't end. The fuck are you talking about?" — Gary (43:07)

• On Judgment:
  "Judgment is on tilt. ... That's all we're doing now. People are just fucking hot taking each other 24/7, 365, casting judgment at scale." — Gary (27:15)

• On The Power of Self-Acceptance:
  "You don't judge yourself. That's your superpower." — Clarence (42:15)
  "Stop beating yourself up. Everybody else is doing it for you." — Gary (42:49)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Happiness vs. Success / Gratitude: 00:59 – 05:21
• Process Over Outcome / Sports & Entrepreneurial Analogies: 05:21 – 08:26
• The PR Self & Social Media Anxiety: 08:26 – 09:45
• Accountability vs. Blame Culture: 10:28 – 12:56
• You’re Not Broken, Focus on Strengths: 15:27 – 17:33
• Being True and The Competition of Authenticity: 17:58 – 18:33
• The Power of Perspective: 20:36 – 22:40
• On Judging the Rich and the Impact of Circumstances: 22:43 – 24:28
• Dealing With Judgment and Haters: 25:39 – 30:02
• Transparency, Parenting, and Pressure to Succeed: 32:26 – 33:41
• Redefining Success and Freedom: 46:00 – 46:36
• Sharing Vulnerability for Liberation: 46:47 – 48:34
• Lack of Privacy and The Coming Age of Radical Honesty: 48:41 – 50:38
• Life is a Process, Not a Single Score: 50:38 – 52:07
• Don’t Wrap It Up Too Early / It’s Never Too Late: 52:25 – 53:36

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Takeaways

• True self-esteem isn’t about accolades, money, or social validation but about what you believe internally.
• Seek happiness as the North Star, not “stuff.”
• Embrace process and growth; don’t mistake any win or loss as final.
• Let go of others’ approval and reframe judgment as their projection, not your reality.
• Accountability and a lack of entitlement are powerful inner compasses.
• Embrace all of yourself—especially what you suck at—and find power in vulnerability and sharing your truth.
• You never “figure it out.” Life is an infinite process.

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Rich with personal stories, raw admissions, and challenging conventional wisdom, this episode offers a no-BS blueprint for building confidence and self-esteem for anyone feeling stuck, judged, or unsure where their real value lies.

Transcript

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

Go pay attention to this. Go to a basketball game, Watch the home team go on a terrible run and pay attention to who boos and who cheers. Very interesting insight. And that's what happens when you sent that email. There were people that booed.

[Clarence]

Sure.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

And then there were real fans that cheered.

[Clarence]

Yeah.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

And that's how I see it. And so why is everything that's happening in your life the definitive end score? It's a process. This is the GaryVee audio experience.

[Clarence]

Gary, what's up my man?

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

Life is good, brother.

[Clarence]

It is good, isn't it?

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

Yeah.

[Clarence]

That's one of the fucking things that, you know, I've had the opportunity to get to know you not only in the professional context but also just as a homie. And people always ask me like, what's he like, what's he like? And I have to say, man, you're fucking happy. Like, there's no doubt about that. Yeah, you know, you were like one of the busiest and happiest people. Like if you would turn the dials of both of those things up. A lot of times those things don't coincide, but for you they do.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

And I think the thing that I'm conscious of is off the screen. I'm real happy too. Right. Like, you know, I think one thing that's really been interesting is as awareness around an individual grows, a level of responsibility comes along with it. I'm definitely in a point right now where I'm really am being thoughtful of. Like, look, there's a lot of eyes on me and a lot of people who are, who are not happy are putting their eyes on me and I'm helping them through that. And I need to be hyper sensitive in my own self of articulating things that I'm unhappy about. But what's been really interesting is I've been really on this kick for six or nine months. I'm struggling to be unhappy because I've come to realize it's unbelievable how simple my life is. If I genuinely wake up in the morning and eight to 10 people are actually still alive. I'm just struggling to be upset about stuff. I don't know what else to say. I struggle with. My perspective on life is very simple. Which is, it's such a blessing. It's so rare. You know, last time we were here I made a video with you guys and in there I talked about the 400 trillion to 1 and that micro piece of content which I've chopped up and used, it's one of my most successful pieces of content ever. Happened in this building a couple years ago, and I've always internalized it. I finally articulated it a couple years ago and I continue to internalize it, which is I am happy because I'd like to understand. I'd like somebody to sell me on what to be upset about.

[Clarence]

Well, it's a failure of perspective when you're upset.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

It's a failure of.

[Clarence]

It really is. And if you can keep perspective like you are in line, you are happy.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

I'll tell you what's really emerged. Entitlement. I was parented in a really. And my circumstances put me in a place where I just don't think anybody owes me anything. Not society, not the government, not people I do nice things for. That's a killer. Yeah. People struggle so much when they do something nice for somebody, they think that person owes them something. I'm desperately trying to give more value to every person I ever crossed paths with and never ask for anything in return. That is literally the framework of my life. My great hope is that I can bring more value to people than they bring to me. And I'm never in a dire situation where I ever have to ask for anything in return.

[Clarence]

Well, you keep yourself in that abundance state. Right. So you're not in need, you're not desperate. You don't have the expectation, oh, I'm giving this transactionally so that I receive this. And then when those expectations aren't met, then you have the hangover of that expectation, the sadness that comes from chasing that thrill of hoping to get something and then it failing instead. If you just give and have the act of giving be the gift itself, like, oh, I helped this person.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

And. And I'm in that in a lot of ways. That's how. That's right. And then it's the same reason I'm an entrepreneur. Being an entrepreneur is the win. And I believe we're living through a great era right now where people are looking for the money and the things you can buy with the money from entrepreneurship. And that is why I believe that in the next decade there will be an enormous conversation of people being unhappy entrepreneurs during this generation.

[Clarence]

Yeah.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

Because it is so in the air in your Instagram stream success and the perception of success. And I've really started to articulate something that feels really true to me, which is how do I, you know, I can only be responsible for myself. I hope it encourage others, but how do I start making happiness the true North Star? Not money. I don't know what to say.

[Clarence]

Like, not stuff like, well, anything that you place outside of yourself. For happiness is going to be a dead end street, right? Because that thing is something that you'll have to constantly chase. That'll be the rabbit that keeps you on the greyhound track, always running around. Oh, if it's money, well then you're going to need more money when you get money. And you're going to need more and more and more and you'll keep feeding this thing rather than recognizing that happiness lives within us as soon as we acknowledge it.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

And for everybody who's watching right now, do not confuse this for a lack of ambition. I'm ambitious as fuck. I just, you know, I just am really happy with the process. And I'm also super weirdly happy with losing.

[Clarence]

Cause that's the process.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

I lost to you in pool and in. What is that thing again?

[Clarence]

Sauce.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

Sauce. I beat you in free throws and darts. I'm sitting here and I only want to play sauce and pool. And I think there's something in that, right? The Rangers, New York Rangers and the Yankees have won world championships during my fandom. The Knicks and Jets have not. I do not watch the Rangers and Yankees anymore. I'm die hard on the other two. I'm in it for the process. Like, I watch. I watched. I was at the airport. I took a red. I told you off camera, I took a red eye, which I'm trying not to do for my own body and like rest and all that. But I did. And I was in San Francisco and the warriors game is on. And I actually just don't consume a lot of like, stuff in general. But like, I was watching this warriors game and I grew up in the kind of like tech boom of 2005 through 11. And I'd go to San Francisco a lot. And when I tell you not one fucking human in San Francisco knew who the warriors were in 2005-11. Not one. And I'm watching this game, it's the end of the game. And I'm watching these fans celebrate. And there was just this wild feeling going through my body of almost like a really funny mix of like. I don't know. I find it crazy when people become bandwagon fans and think that they're successful through their team's success.

[Clarence]

Yeah, they use the word we when they're talking about a pro team.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

Yeah. And I do that as well, you know, So I don't want to be a hypocrite, but I'm literally talking about you don't like the team or care about it, then they start winning Championships and you're going to games and then you're making fun of, like, hardcore Houston Rocket fans. And I watch this play out on social and, like, in culture, and I'm like, I don't know. I just. I think a bandwagon sports fan is one of the great tells of somebody who's insecure. And it's just something that has always run through my mind. Literally, when I think about the Bulls fans and the Cowboy fans of my high school years in New Jersey when they were good. Just a lot of those bandwagon fans in my school are not happy.

[Clarence]

Well, when they're. When you attach your identity to some other thing, and then that identity makes you good, whether or not that thing is successful or not. So if your identity is a sports fan of X team and you only feel good about yourself when X team is there because it's like you had some fucking insight that made you smarter or made you better or made you something that your ego can latch onto is like, I am superior to. To something else. And if you're in it for that, well, you might get a thrill every once in a while, but you're gonna have a lot of fucking heartbreak rather than being in it. As you were saying, being in it for just being a fan. Whether you're winning or losing, the joy of being a fan is being a fan, not the fucking win.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

It's crazy. While you were just talking, where my mind went, it went to people's social media profiles versus their actual truth. I am petrified that everybody is a PR version of themselves on social and that it's now a thing like a sports team.

[Clarence]

Yep.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

It was really interesting where my mind just went.

[Clarence]

I'm like, fuck those likes and those followers and that stuff. Like, you really meditate on that. I mean, the amount that you get out of that, the dopamine validation.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

People are not posting because they're petrified for it not to hit the metric of their prior post. Like, literally, humans are not sharing stuff with other humans, which is like the core thing of why this all worked. Because they're worried that this picture of this coconut shake is not gonna do as well as the picture of them hiking. And so they're literally not posting. I mean, to live a life predicated on your success and happiness is predicated on likes or followers in a social network is a very vulnerable state, but has always been our vulnerable state. Do not confuse this. This is not a social media problem. This is a human problem. It's the same reason that people buy Mercedes that they can't afford or buy homes that they can't afford, or wear sneakers that they can't afford or. I mean, high school never really ends for 99% of people.

[Clarence]

Well, that was that initial tribal impulse, that evolutionary biology that. That said, get along with the tribe, make sure the tribe likes you, you won't get exiled, and then the tribe will take care of you. But now there's no actual tribe that's hunting for food and foraging for berries. But we've universalized it to social media and the entirety of the world, so it can become this paralyzing thing that our brains, which we're used to. The Dunbar number, which was 150 people, the maximum amount of people that you could actually give a shit about in your tribe, really, is what the psychologists assume. But now it's like everybody, and that's kind of fucking overwhelming. And I don't think we've really adapted and I don't think people are really keen to how much of that social pressure actually affects us.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

And the modern day parent is blaming the network, not the way they're parenting their child.

[Clarence]

Right. With extraordinary forces.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

I want to stay on this. I apologize. This is a very big thing for me. There is no social network. It's a platform. Everything on Instagram was done by a human. People like Gary. I'm so crippled by this bullshit. And like, I'm like, delete Instagram. I'm really, really, really passionate about accountability. We need to put it in the right place. We don't need to look the other way. Where there's systematic issues, there are, but we have to put accountability on a pedestal. Back to lack of entitlement accountability. Much of a kissing cousin of lack of entitlement is such a driver for me. Every time something happens bad, I'm like, that's my fault. And that makes me happy, not sad. It makes me feel empowered. Hey, everybody. Hope you're enjoying the podcast right now. Make sure you follow the podcast. That's why I'm interrupting. Let's keep going on this show, but follow the podcast. It'll make my mom super happy. I just really, really, really want people to stop blaming Instagram. Yeah, there is no Instagram. There's you. You don't like it, don't consume it. It's free.

[Clarence]

Yeah, I mean, just the same as. Don't. Don't blame the wine. You're the one. You're the one who uncorks it. You're the one who drinks it. And I understand that there's pressures and I understand that there's addictive tendencies, and I understand the way that the brain works, and I understand it's not easy, and some people may have it rougher than other people, and all that's understood. But fundamentally, it's your hand, it's your bottle, it's your corkscrew. You know, you can make. You can make a different choice, and if you need help making that different choice, find. Go get help making that different choice. It's still, though, like, we. I agree with you with that accountability. Like, we have to remember that this isn't about nerfing the whole world and saying, oh, video games and Instagram, it's all bad and it's ruining the kids. Like, nah, these are extraordinary forces. So let's acknowledge those and let's just teach and coach and, like, help people out.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

Sugar is an extraordinary force.

[Clarence]

It is. It is.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

Right? Like. Like, I think. I think that's right, but I think. I think right now we're in a very convenient state, and everybody's throwing around judgment and blame like, it's free. And we need to. I feel a huge sense of responsibility to articulate accountability, lack of entitlement and positivity. Cause I believe in it.

[Clarence]

Yeah.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

And I underst, by the way, there's a. You know, it's funny, there's a very interesting thing going on here right now, which is there's an extraordinary amount of people that are content or happy. They just don't communicate. Right. Like, negativity by nature is louder. Has always been, your grandmother who's miserable was louder than your grandfather who's content. The problem is now words are being documented at scale. This has always been the way. There's nothing different right now. It's just that we can't look at our grandmother's tweets. Fuck if we could. I mean, my grandmother was one of the most super negative people I've ever come across in my life. In my life, just unbelievably negative. Everything was negative. Every good thing that happened was a conspiracy theory. And I used to be mad at her. And then I had to remind myself, as I got older and more thoughtful, I'm like, this is a woman who lived in the Soviet Union, who went through World War II, who saw some shit and who lost her husband and who had a. Because I knew my great grandmother, too, had a negative, negative mother. And you become more empathetic as you become more thoughtful. But it doesn't take away from the fact that my grandma would have been spitting fucking venom on instagram if that shit was around in 1957, you know? And so, like, I think we need to get into some real conversations. And right now, the conversations are lazy. Social media's bad. It's Apple's job to restrict it. And that's cool. I'm, like, fine with a level of, like, platform and government involvement. I'm fine with that. But, like, you'll always be disappointed if you think some big force is gonna save you. You'll always be disappointed. So just solve it for yourself.

[Clarence]

That's what we. But that's. People make money off that idea as well, which is one of the things that, in the health world is. Is really challenging to look at when people give some kind of diagnosis for every little thing and give some magical cure that's outside of someone's vinegar or celery vinegar.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

Like, I see all this shit, I'm like, what the.

[Clarence]

Well, in anything, it's like, this thing is out of your control. You can't fix it. Oh, you're having a little trouble focusing. Don't worry, we got you covered. Like, you're broken. You're broken. Like, all the messaging coming across is, you're broken. We can fix you. You're broken. We can fix the end.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

You know somebody. The end.

[Clarence]

Yeah.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

And I'm like, you're not broken.

[Clarence]

You're not broken. That's the secret. Nobody here is broken.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

Nope. We all suck shit at a ton of shit. We all are actually good at a couple of things. Spend all your fucking time trying to figure out what you're good at. And if, God forbid, one of those things is something you actually like too, you're off to the fucking races.

[Clarence]

Yeah.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

And in 2019, when you can make a podcast or an Instagram account or a Shopify store around Dragon Ball z and make 73,000 a year doing that. That's real. What I just said is real. That's fucking crazy. That if you go pot committed, you have a job that you don't like, paying college debt that you're pissed about, but instead of coming home and having a beer and watching Netflix and. And playing fucking Fortnite to escape. I get it. You want to escape. I get it. What I'm saying is just take a step back, listen to me for a second, come home and start building your Dragon Ball Z ebay account by buying shit on Craigslist and flipping it. Start a podcast and go. Dragon Ball Z Episode 1 Here we are. Da da, da. Start an Instagram account around Dragon Ball Z. Build, build, build, build, build. Build, build, build, build. If you fucking did that around somewhere 12 years ago, loved Black Panther. Somebody did. It was a rare comic book. It wasn't the biggest of the world, but somebody loved it. But they didn't think that they could build a business about Black Panther. What they didn't know was 10 years later, Black Panther was gonna be made a feature film that was gonna completely penetrate culture if she or he had a podcast and Instagram account. That really was the Nichiest of niche Black Panther fans, which made no fucking sense 10 years ago. But it had its 43,000 people that fucked with black. When that movie came out and had that huge marketing budget, that motherfucker would have gotten 50,000 bucks to market the fuck out of that movie on his Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, Twitter, podcast, blog. And that same person right now is still sitting in their cubicle making 79,000 a year, hating life. I'm fascinated by that.

[Clarence]

It's interesting, you know, like, it's almost like we all have the chance to drill our wells. And we drill our wells through our effort, through our sweat, through our focus, through our intensity. But the water table maybe at 300ft. So if we don't go deep enough, you know, if we're just kind of casually fucking with Black Panther instead of really going deep and continuing to dig, we won't ever hit the water of being lucrative or the water of success. We may pull up at 200ft, we may pull up at 250ft and not get any water.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

And so there's no confusion, somebody's gonna go 400ft. The great thing is that we could all do it. The bad thing is we can all do it. So now you're competing with the world. You know, there's a lot of people that started wine videos in 2008, after mine popped, every liquor store in America started their wine show. They just weren't good enough. Right. There's a lot of people trying to do Gary Vee videos on Instagram every day. A whole, whole, whole lot. A lot more of those than wine shows in 2008. But they're not good enough. Cause it's not true. Yeah, like, the only way to really win is to be true.

[Clarence]

You gotta be it, man. You gotta fuckin be it. You know, I had an interesting thing happen last night. So, you know, yesterday I was out shooting hoops so I could hopefully beat you today. Which failed. I lost.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

By the way, when we replay the tape, I genuinely think after you drilled that first one, the subtle, like, way I Passed it back, and then we

[Clarence]

talked, and then I laugh.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

I really believe in that shit.

[Clarence]

It worked.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

I believe the majority of victories that I've had in physical sports things have been completely mental victories, non physical ones.

[Clarence]

Well, this. All right, so Gary throws the ball with the wrong spin, so I have to go reach for it.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

But.

[Clarence]

But I definitely actually soccer kick it back to myself. And actually, what fucked with me, too, was, all right, I see Gary playing that trick. I know what it's supposed to do, but look at how smooth I was with that soccer kick. So I'm fucking patting myself in the back and I'm on my head because

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

the brain is the operating system. And what happened was I stopped the ebb and flow of what was naturally gonna happen. And then you are so in the brain, too, that you almost overcorrected.

[Clarence]

Yeah, totally.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

And away we go, and I pull off a stunning victory.

[Clarence]

Well, in my efforts to try and prevent that from happening, I'm out there shooting hoops in my backyard. And I've lived at this house for almost seven years. And in the front of the house, there's a drainage ditch. And the drainage ditch has some embankments, and it has some places where, like, the drain kind of has a tunnel. And I just would think, all right, this is the drainage ditch in front of my house. And never thought another thing about it. Well, yesterday, there's a kid on a BMX bike, and I'm out there shooting hoops, and he is just ripping through my drainage ditch, jumping over the things, hitting the embankment, riding it like a vert ramp, and. And then. And then going back and, like, peeling out. And I was like, whoa, I never saw the front of my yard as a BMX fucking terrain park. But he did, because that's what he does. Like, he was clearly like, he is that dude. He was the dude who could see that as a terrain park. And whoever you are right now, wherever you are, you're the dude that sees something that someone else doesn't see that the owner of the fucking house never saw once. I had no idea. I was like, that's just the annoying part that if I fall off the driveway, I'll get stuck. But I didn't see it as a BMX terrain park. But we all have that ability. We all have such a fan there.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

I'm such a fan of what you just said, honestly. You know, usually when I go on podcasts or things that nature, I'm, like, trying to answer the questions. I'm thinking, I've already done it once Here, I'm listening. So I'm thinking of new things to say that really stopped me dead in my tracks. And I'm gonna tell you why. I'm obsessed with perspective. Like, I genuinely believe you find what you're looking for. If you are looking for bad, right now, it's a piece of cake. If you're looking for good right now, it's a piece of cake. I'm just asking you, what the fuck are you looking for? Like, please. It's just a very simple question. And by the way, I hate, in a lot of ways, I hate the way I talk because it's super simple. And I'm sitting right now thinking about the kid who's listening to this. And she or he is in her room right now, earpods in listening to this. And they're miserable because their dad's an alcoholic or their mom's this or like real shit, you know, like tough stuff. And they're like, ugh. It's so like, fuck you. It's not that simple. Yet it is. Like, you know, one thing I don't do well is talk about my problems, which manifests in many ways. It manifests in being taken for granted in my real life and in my collective life, my outward life. Now I got fucking problems. I got lots of problems. Real ones. I grew up with lots of this stuff. Like, lots and lots and lots of stuff. I just am not capable of going into it. I don't get going. I can't get there. And so one of the things that I try to remind kids, I'm like, take me out of the equation. Don't even use me when I'm saying these things. If you know of one person that has ever gotten to a happy place that dealt with your circumstance, there is a blueprint. The end. There have been people. Night Train Lane, legendary football player, was thrown in a dumpster the second he was born. Went on to be one of the great football players of all time. Dated every actress in the game, was Red Fox's bodyguard, iconic gentleman, Dumpster. Like, there's all sorts of circumstances and

[Clarence]

we all have our fucking dumpsters. Everybody's got dumpsters.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

And you know who has dumpsters? I apologize. You know who has dumpsters? Kids that have too much. You want to talk about who I'm actually getting hit up by? It's not the kid in the hood that saw me with, you know, gunna. And they think I'm cool now. And they're like, how do I get out of the. It's kids that are Trust fund babies who are sick. Listen, and I know this. I never judge somebody that comes from a shitty circumstance. I'm a cheerleader. I'm an underdog guy, right? I cheer, that I see. I meet you and we're friends. And then like we're at a dinner party and my friend comes over and goes, you know who that is, right? Like, that's the grandson of fucking Howard Hughes. I immediately judge that person. Nothing that person ever achieves, I'll give credit to. That's me. That's actually how I see the world. I will not fully give credit to my own children because of that reason. I really. I'm being very transparent here. I would much rather, in a world of the Internet, where. Where the Internet doesn't care who you are. I would much rather in 2019, come from too little than come from too much. Not in 1984. Cause there was no Internet. And all those relationships and all that money really mattered. But I believe that we're living in a very funny time where clout, reputation, work ethic, a lot of different things are starting to be put on pedestals. Not just money and earning your keep and who you are and what you're giving to the world. And I think we're living in a very interesting.

[Clarence]

Well, I mean, whatever you have, it changes your start position. And that can be overwhelming, right? It's all about what you do with what you have from where you begin.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

And by the way, it's all perspective, right? For me, as somebody who takes so much pride in the process, I wouldn't have wanted to start on third and a half base. Somebody else listening right now is like, I'm pretty cool with it, pretty pumped. Pops made 50, you know, and that's fine.

[Clarence]

If you start on third and a half base, you better fucking hit it 500ft and keep counting.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

But here's where it's really fun. Here's where it gets super, like, interesting or not. And guess what? Who the fuck are all of us? You're on third and a half base and you end up on second and a half base. And what you're gonna. And this is actually the punchline I want. Like, actually, if somebody's listening right now. If you're somebody who's like 50, 60, 70, and you started in third and a half base and ended on second and a half base, but you're pumped as fuck and happy for real, please email me. I'm really like, I just wanna know that insight because I actually think it's the reverse of me. Excuse Me, I think it's similar to me, which is what actually happens when you can calibrate judgment. I believe one of the biggest reasons that I'm one of the forefront faces of all this is cause I can handle the judgment. Do you know how much hate I have? There's a video right now of a young woman doing a motivational speech. She crushed it. It's going a little viral on Twitter. I'm getting destroyed by the comments. They're like, yeah, fuck that Gary Vee guy. I know that's who you're freaking making fun of. That hurts. And most people are folding their chairs when they get judged like that. I'm not, because I know every one of those people who said that have never met me. I can handle judgment. If you don't know me. If Caleb and Nick Dio thought I was a dick face, then I would have a real problem.

[Clarence]

Well, then it's a truer reflection. But even still, it's not the truest. Like, we ourselves are the truest mirror of ourselves. If we actually are fair and we actually look without the biases that we all bring, then we're the only ones. I mean, Bode Miller was someone who taught me that, right? He was like, if someone pumps your tires, they don't know you. If they congratulate you on that. Like, he would get congratulated on finishing a race, and he didn't like the race. He couldn't take that. He's like, well, I didn't fucking ski at my best. And he would ski his best, sometimes crash or not finish well. And everybody like, oh, sorry, man. He'd be like, fuck you, man. Like, I fucking skied my best. You know what I mean, man?

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

Honestly, like, that just got me fired up about Bodhi. I'm the same way, man. Like, it's unbelievable how I just. I do not take the accolades and I do not take the hate. I'm just fucking in the middle. I'm in my own head.

[Clarence]

It's really a reflection of who's saying it. It's not even a reflection of you. It's their projection of you.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

You'll appreciate this. It doesn't even go that far, bro. Honestly, I've got EarPods in 24 7. Can't hear shit from my mom to a stranger. Just don't hear it. I don't know what else to tell you. I'm in a very fucking place, a very interesting place on this. You know what? It's driven by empathy. I know. They don't know me. They don't know me. They. They just can't fucking begin to know me. Like, I hate Scottie Pippen. I don't know Scottie Pippen. So I understand it. I fucking hate Scottie Pippen. I. I despise Tom Brady. And. And I actually know a lot of people that know him and sounds like he's a fairly solid dude. I still fucking hate him. And so, like, if I'm willing to do that, then everyone's willing to do

[Clarence]

that, and everyone gets permission to do that. That's it.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

And so, like, but. But I think judgment is on tilt. Judgment is, like, fucking. I'm telling you, man. Like, that's all we're doing now. People are just fucking hot. Taking each other 24, 7, 365, casting judgment at scale. Judgment is on tilt. Judgment is. Has momentum. Judgment is the. Is the. Is the undertone right now. And honestly, I want to push so against it or calibrate it.

[Clarence]

Yeah.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

You know, like, I'm just. I've lost so much momentum in judging somebody you can't imagine over the last five years. Everybody does it. It's a human trait. But, like, mine doesn't get going anymore. Like, I'm just like, I don't know anything about anybody.

[Clarence]

That's true.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

What the fuck?

[Clarence]

It's hard enough to know ourselves, let alone sucking somebody else. Like, to really have a clear view of us. Who was looking in the fucking mirror back at us, like, to really see that shit. I mean, that's hard enough work, let alone somebody else, another entire human being. And all of the pressures and all the urges and all the things and

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

the amount of hypocrisy people spit. Like, just like, oh, fuck that guy. Look what he just did. And, like, literally, they did that shit yesterday. Like, I just see it every day. It's crazy. Like, I'm just shocked by people's ability to be such insane hypocrites.

[Clarence]

Well, the ego needs to put them in a position where they feel superior. The ego only judges itself in relative position. So no matter what, if someone's uncomfortable with their relative position, they'll have to make a fucking adjustment.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

We have to fucking redefine ego, because for some reason, a lot of alphas like to think ego is decent. Let me just explain this very clear to everybody straight up. From one man's point of view, ego is insecurity with makeup on. So, like, we need to redefine ego, because when people hear ego, 40% of, like, yeah, but the fucking ego, like, they think there's a lot of good with that. Do not fucking confuse confidence with. With ego. Ego is fucking insecurity. It is not confidence. It's fucking insecurity.

[Clarence]

Yep. Yeah, always. Because it's always trying to put yourself in, as I said, not absolute position. Not where you absolutely know who you are and absolutely know what you're doing and you're not phased by other people. It's all relative. It's all based on some fucking delusional wizard of Oz, you know, Sorcerer game where you're trying to create some structure and some rule book for life itself in which this person is below you or. Or this person had this advantage or this person had this disadvantage. You know, playing up your disadvantages is also another game like, oh, well, I'm in the most disenfranchised group of the disenfranchised group of the disenfranchised group. So basically I can't lose. And you were in this. In this enabled group. I mean, that's something that I get all the time. My dad was a successful commodities trader. He went insane before on it was ever successful. And I never got a dime from him. But some people will go, look up my father. Oh, he was a commodity trader. Look at this fucking rich boy. Of course you created on it. And that's a way that they can put themselves above.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

I can do business for my parents. I fucking took 22 to 34, gave up my entire. This is insane to me in hindsight. Gave up my entire best dude years to spend every minute in a liquor store to build a business for my parents. Left at 34, had no money. So much so that VaynerMedia started in the conference room of Buddy Media. Cause I had no fucking money to even pay rent and all that, you know. And a small percentage of people, anytime I say anything's like, but daddy's liquor store or you know, and then it manifests. Or he was given $4 million. Like, I read this shit sometimes and I'm like. And honestly, I mean it. I'm like, fuck, man. I feel bad like for that person to like want to say that because it makes them feel better that they're not willing to put in the work or they're unhappy or whatever is going on for them. That makes me feel like sympathy. Honestly. This is what I'm trying to tell people. This is a good topic. There's a lot of you out there that are happy, that are successful. And one of the things that's happening is you're putting out stuff and you're being crippled a Little bit by the comments and you get angry. And we created this term trolls. I don't look at it as trolls. I really don't. A lot of my friends back in the day were like, why do you feed trolls? I'm like, because I respect other people's points of view and I wanna learn from conversation. Like, everybody now is just like trolls, trolls, trolls. And any negative thing you get, people dismiss as hate, haterade, trolls. I fucking read that shit. I read it because I would never want to become a caricature myself. I need to make, you know, I need to calibrate it. It definitely doesn't bring me down. I want to understand it. It allows me to adjust. And I have to adjust. We all have to adjust. I just think there's a lot of things going on in the system, but I really wanted to get people's minds more quiet because it is just one big game of are you valuing other people's opinions or are you valuing your own process? And just the validation from others is a no win game. And I don't know what happened. I mean, I know what happened. Parenting and circumstance and environment. In hindsight, my ability to navigate high school without peer pressure, which is what I did straight up. Like, it's been fun for my high school friends to be hitting me up on Facebook and stuff of that nature. You know, they're just like, yeah, you really did do that shit. Like, I just didn't give a fuck. I was selling baseball cards. And by sophomore year you said something in the gym, you're like, I was into magic.

[Clarence]

So into it.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

And then you're like, and then I gave it up. And literally where my brain was, I'm like, yeah. Cause you're a good looking dude and you got the high school. I'm not getting fucking bitches if I play magic.

[Clarence]

No, I. Gary, let me tell you how it actually went happen. I was playing. I had my little magic circle out in California. I used to play at this fucking Johnny's Pizza. And there was this one kid who would just always be, take my cards, whatever. I would battle him, I would sweat. And we'd listen to Rolling Stones and I'd usually lose, but nonetheless I was feverish about it. I was in it from the drop. And then when my parents were like, hey, we're moving to Texas, I was like, no, we can't. Nobody plays magic there in Texas. Like my circle, I was like eighth grade and it was like, I was wrecked.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

This nerd, Aubrey, this is my favorite.

[Clarence]

I was wrecked because they. Then there wasn't like Internet. There wasn't like an app that I could go. Like it was over. Find the Magic, the Gathering Circle near you. Some Tinder for Magic the Gathering player. No, there was nobody. And I got to college and lost

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

every friend I had. Like, we didn't have phones. Like, you didn't. Like, it was over. Like, these kids don't get it. Like it was over.

[Clarence]

Yeah.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

And that's. And that's when.

[Clarence]

And that's. So I didn't have. There's no players. No players.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

So what happened? And then you leaned into.

[Clarence]

Slowly. Yeah. Leaned into basketball, lean into girls also. Did, of course. Did, for sure. Come. But nonetheless, I probably would've stayed consistent.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

I didn't give up baseball cards for girls. Cause I was quiet. I was like this. And to that point. It's really funny though, I gotta be honest with you. There's something happening with me in the last three to four weeks where I'm starting to get ambitious. I am starting to see the fruits of my labor. I am starting to see young Alpha dudes start to throw around words like gratitude and empathy and kindness. And it's really starting to really make me feel good. And it's like really fucking with me. It really is exciting. And I do think, you know, much like, you know, there's a real interesting reason that I gravitate towards you. You have some strong points of view that are not fully accepted. You Ferris others. And I don't consume a lot of content, so I don't need. I'm gonna tread lightly here because since I don't really. It's very top right. But like, everything's cool in moderation as a simplification of meltdown. Like, I think you're talking about things that are gonna really show that you're historically correct. And I think you're gonna help people. You're giving people permission. And as somebody who was super affected also by his mother on the Nancy Reagan kick and has never fucking done a single drug in his life, never done anything, anything. I'm inspired by it. I mean it.

[Clarence]

Thank you, brother.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

I mean it. Cause I'm seeing you do shit again, you know. Cause I don't really consume. I'm very funny in my process. But I know you're up to something. That is a different thing. It's a different category of things. You know, one thing you've touched on in the past that has hit my radar. I think I'm talking about parenting and insecurity and truths that people are uncomfortable With. I think America's unbelievably uncomfortable with sex and, like, you know, like. And drugs. And I know that you're playing a little bit in that space, and. And I'm.

[Clarence]

It sounds really fun, but it's a little less. A little less fun.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

But, yeah, it is less fun. You're doing it from a far more thoughtful, really, really thoughtful, like, mental place, in my opinion.

[Clarence]

Yeah, from us. From a soulful place, you know? And what we're talking about is psychedelics and open relationship.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

And I think you're talking. And I think you're creating safeness. That's what I think you're doing, and that's what I'm trying to do. I think we have an entire generation of people that are trying to be successful, and I have enormous ambition to redefine it. I just really want people to be happy. It's so much more fun to be happy. It's so fun to be happy. It's super fun to be happy, bro. And I don't mean pretending to be happy, and I don't mean what everybody's doing, which is spending all their time to appear happy. And so I'm. Yeah, I'm really in it right now. I'm in a zone.

[Clarence]

And you know what? Like, the thing. The key. One of the keys that I find to happiness is when happiness lives in the moment, in the moment you're in. And really, happiness is acceptance of the moment you're in and, like, whatever process that might be and just recognizing that. And whenever you're doing something for some other reason and projecting, it's harder to be happy. There's a good example of this. This morning. This morning, I'm taking a fucking selfie in the sun. I don't do that often, but I was like, ah, nice sun. It's an important day. I'm gonna take a fucking selfie. And there is a butterfly that came. And I don't get a lot of butterflies in my backyard. This butterfly comes wafting by me, and I was like, ooh, sweet. I can get a selfie with the butterfly, right? And so I spend this time moving myself around, and there's this magical moment where there's this butterfly fluttering around me. The sun was just shining. I could have just breathed and enjoyed myself, but instead, I'm fucking chasing this butterf around with my fucking selfie camera. And then I wake up and go, that was really stupid.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

Or was it?

[Clarence]

No, I felt like it was. I could have enjoyed the butterfly.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

I'll be honest with you. What you just said is something I'm thinking a lot about which is we're not. That we're. And you didn't demonize it. But society is starting to demonize. Like live in the moment, right? There's this photo that went viral as fuck like four years ago with the Pope and. And everyone's taking a photo and there's that 88 year old lady and she's just looking at it and everyone's trying to make it to be this great thing. And I was like she didn't have a fucking phone. Why are we making letters if I send you a really nice three sentence text tomorrow of how much I enjoy today, which now I'm not gonna do cause I've said it out loud. But why does putting on a piece of paper and sending as a note. Because what? Because it made it seem like I put an extra two minutes into starting to do things where I think it's awesome that you chased around the butterfly. I think it's funny. I think it's funny and interesting and I don't know, I don't wanna fuckin stand there and just take in the butterfly. I think it's fun to chase it with the camera. That was just fun from a game standpoint. Butterflies fuckin move quick. That shit was hard. So I don't know again this goes to the currents that we live in society where right now everyone's just take it in. I don't know. I wish I had photos of me at baseball card shows. Do you know how fucking pissed I am? Let me say this right now. Do you know how sad I am that I don't have photos from 1989 to 1992 at the 87 different baseball card shows that I have? Cause I'd like to see them. I'd like to see them. So like cool. I'm glad that everybody's demonizing selfie sticks and all this shit. But I promise you in 39 years while you were making fun of those people, the they're gonna be thrilled to look at it and their kids are gonna be very thrilled to look at it. And I'm super sad cause I don't have jack shit of my childhood. Like my Throwback Thursday game is wack as fuck cause I got nothing cause us rushing, we didn't really take photos. And so like you know, like again there is a ying and a yang to everything and we should be the judge and jury of it. And back to your point, if it was cool for two minutes to chase it with a selfie Cool. And then if you're like, fuck it, I'm an idiot. Let me take this in. Cool. And that's you. And that's it. But everybody's taking everybody else's account. I'm watching people see one piece of content and be like, yeah, that's what I'm doing now. I'm gonna sell my phone and write letters. And they do it to me in the other way, right? They're like, gary's right. I'm doing this. No, I'm putting out my perspective. Filter that through you. Take the good that works for you from that. Leave the shit that you don't like. Most people aren't as competitive as I am. What's that fucking hockey thing called again? Sauce, dude. I'm, like, still kind of, like, in it. Like, I want to go back and play sauce again. Like, you know, like, not everybody's that. Like, that's why I love this. I love competing, and business for me is competing. And I wasn't built enough to be in the league. And by the way, all those years where I was sad that I wasn't an athlete, now I'm the happiest that I'm an entrepreneur, not an athlete. Now that I'm really in the game and the world, I feel bad for these athletes. You're super competitive. That is your high. That is what gets you excited. And. And when you're a rock star, you could, like, Mick Jagger is still doing it, but when you. Kobe's not playing what he was meant to do. He's a child still. And look where he's going, to the business world to get that fucking feeling. So I don't know. I don't know.

[Clarence]

I think. I think what you're saying is a really good point, though, because there's a way that you can put a hierarchy of value. Value in your life and valuable situations, right? And saying that if you're taking a selfie, that is of no value, because you should be taking the present moment, which is instead. It's still a judgment. It's still you putting a hierarchy together instead of just going out even further and bursting out of that and being like, there's no judgment for anyone as long as you're not hurting anybody.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

A secret thought in my mind that I'm desperately hopeful will happen. This is a very weird thing I'm about to say. I've never shared this. There's a very big part of me and a conversation I consistently have with myself that secretly, though, I won't force it. This is where I really know how to play with myself. I secretly hope I wake up one day and don't want to buy the jets anymore and don't want to work the way I want to work and want to do something else completely left field. And I can't wait to wake up, look in the camera and be like, I'm out and leave and not give a fuck what anybody says. Oh, he figured out that he couldn't do it, so he did this. Or see, see, you can't work like Gary Vee. He got burned out. Like, don't give a fuck if I genuinely, in my soul, feel it. I can't wait to go build fucking sandcastles in Peru for the rest of my life. And that's an empowering. You see where I'm going?

[Clarence]

So fucking empowering, man. Because we get trapped by the identity that we've formerly created.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

He pegged it for me in a podcast. On my podcast, he flipped it on me. He goes, you know what your superpower is? I'm like, what? He's like, you don't judge yourself. I'm like, fuck, you're right. And that's what that was. This is why I'm so hot on this judgment thing. The great blessing of my life is that I don't judge myself. I hold myself accountable. Like, it doesn't mean you go and be reckless. I'm not delusional when I fuck up and I suck. It's just that I just don't over judge it. Everyone's tearing themselves down. The fuck are you doing that for? Everybody else is doing it for you. Stop beating yourself up. Like, what?

[Clarence]

Yeah, it's like we have this idea of what we should be, what we're supposed to already be. Look, whoever the fuck you are right now, whoever you are today is tomorrow's idiot. Like, tomorrow you're gonna look back at yourself of yesterday, last week, last year and be like, oh, yeah, I was still just figuring it out. And you're always gonna be in that fucking position forever.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

And parents, if you're listening right now. Cause you know that to be true, stop being a dick. Cause you know that you're 57 and you don't have anything figured out. The fuck are you pressuring your 19 year old to figure it out? Can we just fucking eliminate that? Like, honestly, maybe we can do it right here. You'll get a lot of listens to this. If this is the true moment in society where we eliminate figuring it out. There is no fucking figuring it out. There is no out, it doesn't end. The fuck are you talking about? What? Getting a job in an accounting Firm when you're 23, you figured it the fuck out. Getting married at 29, you figured it out. What the fuck are we talking about here? There is no figuring it out.

[Clarence]

It's an endless infinite loop of figuring.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

And so if you're a 57 year old and forcing your 22 year old to figure it out because you want to look good to your friends, that your child figured it out, not you want your kid to.

[Clarence]

Ah, the secret. The ego gets activated again because you can shit on those other parents whose kids.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

You should know better. You love your child. You should tell them to never figure it the fuck out. Just live. And you know what? Can we take another turn?

[Clarence]

Yeah.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

Another big thing that is through. Cause it's funny where my body just went with that. Like, all this talk leads to me getting hot on people, not buying things. Like, I feel people are unbelievably good at trapping themselves in unhappiness because of things they buy based on a lot of things we just talked about. Like, I don't know, like, I don't want people to buy the kind of homes and cars they're buying. That puts them into a place where they have to then take a job or stay at a job they don't want to. I'm really hot on this right now. I really, really, really, really want people to stop buying homes or homes they can't afford. Like, one of the funniest moves, because I've said it once, and I got inundated and I did it. And I see everybody doing it, almost everybody on their first home. Buy something that completely stretches the living shit out of them, like, to the bear. And then meanwhile, there's like usually five rooms in that thing that they don't even use. Like, I wish that there could be a new rule. Somebody a little bit more in the trenches in home buying. Can somebody create a rule that, like, leave 35%, like, whatever it is, like go 35% down so you're not so stretched. Because what happens is the next day everyone celebrates you, you have a new home, you're all set. You're now fucking golden, handcuffed like a motherfucker. Like, nothing can happen to you financially, or you can't make your mortgage payments and live the same lifestyle that you like.

[Clarence]

And. And if you tried to make a switch and go to your passion, go to something that you really wanted to do. Build fucking sandcastles in Peru, Guess what? Well, that means that you have to get rid of your house really quick or change this. All this momentum, all of this debt, all of this accumulation, all this depreciation is actually gonna restrict your freedom. And freedom, it has to be one of the highest things that we can put. Number one, number one, right?

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

I think purebred entrepreneurs love freedom. Number I love freedom. Number one. When people say to me, what does success look like? And I get asked a lot. I always say the same thing pretty consistently for a long time. Being able to wake up and do whatever the fuck I want, whenever I want. The end. That, to me, is number. Freedom is number 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Maybe this is the first time I've ever made this connection. Maybe it's because I was born in not a very free place that subconsciously wired some way into me that. I mean, freedom, bro. By the way, that's why candor and transparency are at my core. That's freedom, too.

[Clarence]

That is 100% freedom.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

I film everything.

[Clarence]

Imagine if you were trying to hold some shit secret. Like, I just published a newsletter, and it was called Five Uncomfortable Truths. And it was the middle of the night, and I was like, you know what? There's some shit that people don't know about me.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

Boom.

[Clarence]

And then so I just fucking put that out. Here we go. Ha. Isn't that nice? And everybody feel free to tell the truth. It's okay. And if you don't like me because of my truths. Oh, yeah. One of my truths is, is that I've been addicted to sleeping medication for the last year, and I run a human optimization company. That's tough. It's tough to admit that, you know, but it's the dude.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

You know how many people you just helped with that dude? That's incredible, dude. I'm really proud of you, bro.

[Clarence]

Well, thanks, bro.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

It takes an enormous amount of strength

[Clarence]

to do something like that, but it's so liberating. That's the thing.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

It's Eminem's last scene in the movie, bro. This has been figured out a long time ago. It was called eight Mile, the Movie. Go watch it. It's a rap battle that is life itself. You're up against it. First move, shit on yourself in perpetuity that nothing else is left to anybody else. You've now won. Because when he makes that transition to. But there's something I know about you, Clarence. That's how I live life. When people judge me, I'm like, what's going on in your life? The reason I don't judge Anybody is. I don't want people to do that to me. That's the real game. That's the 1% game. When people spit hate, I'm like, but what's going on in your life? What are you up to? And the reason I called my brand Empathy and the reason some of my friends have helped me through this feedback, why I realize a lot of times it's actually sympathy, not empathy. And I'm trying to learn all these things. My mom has a Russian saying, and basically it translates to, everybody's got some shit in their chicken head. Russia was fucked up. But I believe in that. And I think the fact that you can do that, what you understand is a lot of things, but one of them is, you got. I said it earlier. Everybody sucks at a lot of things.

[Clarence]

No doubt, man.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

Who's this fucking perfect person?

[Clarence]

And it's just about embracing that. Embrace the fact that you suck. And it's. Enjoy the suck.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

Let me tell you something that I think you and I represent. And we're not all the way there yet, but I have a real interesting observation. I believe that everybody thinks things are super fucked up. And I think this is the beginning of an incredible century of human behavior. I believe what we're living through right now, that when we look back at this video and we're like, fuck, we were so young. Fuck, we looked at good. And we're gonna watch this exact video in 60 years and we're gonna be like, fuck, this was right. I'm so positive about what I'm about to say. This level of lack of privacy. Some people like you and I are starting to understand it so well that we're leaning in. In the other direction. There's always a reaction and a counter reaction. I believe that everybody's about to figure out that there's nowhere to hide, which is gonna lead for everybody being more transparent, which is gonna lead to people realizing they can't hide, which is gonna eliminate so much of the hypocrisy. And once everybody understands that the skeletons in her closet are actually gonna be exposed anyway, we're gonna start transforming into a lot of the radical. What people think when you say your stuff like open relationships. I laugh. I'm like, that's gonna be the norm in a hundred years. Cause the shadows were what enabled.

[Clarence]

Yeah. The ability to hold privacy, to keep secrecy, to not get caught. That allows these games, these games 100%, these games to exist.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

The reason I think my voice can be unique at times is because positivity often becomes delusional.

[Clarence]

Well, it becomes. You become the one who is positive. And when you become the one who is positive, when you have those negative thoughts bubbling up from the shadows, you better stuff those motherfuckers away in a drawer somewhere, because you're the one who's positive all the time. Like, share your whole fucking journey. And if you're mostly positive, fucking great. And if you're mostly negative, don't blame it on other people. Just say, hey, I'm in a fucking tough spot, world. But I'm figuring it out. And I appreciate all of you positive motherfuckers, too.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

That's another thing. Everybody thinks everything that we share is the final score. When you're sharing that, you're struggling at night. I view that as the other team just went on an 110 run.

[Clarence]

Yep.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

But it's still a second quarter.

[Clarence]

Yep.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

And I know you called a timeout and the home crowd booed you, but the true fans didn't.

[Clarence]

Yeah.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

Go pay attention. This is such a good analogy. Go pay attention to this. Go watch a. Go to a basketball game. Watch the home team go on a terrible run and pay attention to who boos and who cheers. Very interesting insight. And that's what happens when you sent that email. There were people that booed.

[Clarence]

Sure.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

And then there were real fans that cheered.

[Clarence]

Yeah.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

And that's how I see it. And so why is everything that's happening in your life the definitive end score? It's a process. Some chapters are good. If I was like, I would have wished I could have watched my content from when I was in school. Those were dark times for me. I hated school, bro. I hated the. Out of school. Like, the anxiety I had every fucking two months that I had to be punished because my mom would ground me back to. This is where she did it. Great. I think one of the reasons I'm happy is my mom made me accountable for the ramifications. Even if it wasn't like. Like, I was. I was in school. Like, even though she knew that wasn't gonna dictate my life, she punished me and I fucked with me. Who likes being punished? Like, getting Nintendo taken away for two weeks. Fucking blows when you're 14.

[Clarence]

Wow.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

Yeah, man.

[Clarence]

I would have fucked with me bad, dude.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

Especially when you're just getting your TECMO game going, you know, I was just getting good at Tecmo bowl. And then three weeks off the grid and I come back and everyone's fucking schooling me Bo Jackson style. I'm like, fuck, Mom. See, you know, like, so I don't know, I, I think that's right. I think people lack perspective.

[Clarence]

That's it.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

You know, one of the things that absolutely I've been sharing that has really been valuable is when I meet 57 year old homies and I keep reminding them, like, you do know that you're going to live for another 40 years and like, why are you wrapping shit up? Oh, because your grandfather did. And that's what you saw.

[Clarence]

Conditioning.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

Correct. News alert. It's not 19 fucking 73 anymore.

[Clarence]

Yep.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

Right? Like I'm sitting here, I'm 43, and I'm like, fuck, man. Yes, I know. And everybody loves you. Could get hit by a bus. I'm like, cool. And then I won't care. But if not, like, if I'm going for another 55, if I'm going for another 65. With modern medicine, like late second quarter.

[Clarence]

Just getting started.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

Handle.

[Clarence]

Just getting started.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

Right? But it's real.

[Clarence]

It is.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

It's real. And like, I really want that. Like, people, you know, many people think they're, they're, they're fucked up if they don't have shit figured out at 30. Like, really fucked up.

[Clarence]

Too late. It's too late. I ruined it. I went left when I should have gone right and here I am and it's all fucked.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

I should have taken that job. My friend from Michigan State took that job and he's got a nice house in the suburbs. I fucked up. I thought I was going to be a rock star. I'm like, dude, you haven't even started. You haven't even started.

[Clarence]

Yes, sir.

[Gary Vaynerchuk]

You know everybody. If you enjoyed this podcast, please go back and look at the prior episodes. They're loaded. I appreciate your attention and thanks for being part of this journey. See you later.